C.A. Pinkham

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C.A. Pinkham is a former server who somehow fell ass-backwards into this whole getting paid to make words good thing. He will blog for and about food.

Stories of Righteous Restaurant Revenge

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got everyone's favorite contentious topic: the just revenge of restaurant employees against the deserving. As always,...

Eat Brussels Sprouts, Bacon And Bleu Cheese Salad Like An Adult, Stupid

You have been told by popular media to hate brussels sprouts. You have been lied to. Come to the glorious, cabbage-y light. "BUT I DON'T LIKE BRUSSELS SPROUTS! THEY TASTE LIKE FARTS AND SADNESS!" No, friend, no. Trust in the...

We Are Accidentally Creating Our Own Untreatable Plagues, Whoopsie

Ebola sure was scary in 2014, wasn't it? It wasn't nearly as bad as that outbreak of Haha-We're-So-Hosed Disease, though. Oh, you're not familiar that one? YOU WILL BE. A new review commissioned by UK Prime Minister and occasional porcine...

All The Hanukkah Crap To Not Buy This War On Christmas Season

On the first night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me: nothing on this list, or we would've immediately broken up. What? You're surprised I'm a member of the tribe? Don't be stupid; look at my name, of course...

Dumb Restaurant Customers Are Inexhaustible Resource Of Dumb

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got some of the dumbest restaurant customers known to humanity. As always, these are real emails...

Make BBQ Shrimp and Grits, Because F*ck It, No One Lives Forever

Shrimp and Grits are a classic Southern staple. BBQ is a classic Southern flavor. When you combine the two, your taste buds will forcibly eject themselves from your mouth just to high-five each other. (I promise it's not as...

Precious White People Losing Their Damn Minds Over GMO Salmon

SOMEONE SAID "GMO," GET THE CAGE-FREE ORGANIC PITCHFORKS! For those who missed it, earlier this month, the FDA approved the sale of GMO salmon for the first time, after a company called AquaBounty came up with a way to allow...

How We Got Even Dumber Watching TV ‘News’ On San Bernardino

Jesus, but this story was an effing mess. Watching the major networks (primarily Fox, MSNBC, and CNN, although at one point we flipped to CBSNews for about 20 minutes because we needed a power nap), yr Wonkette was subjected to so...
But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into spaaaaace.

Wisconsin To 15,000 Poors: Let Them Eat Bootstraps

Oh, Wisconsin. Remember when you were simply a reliable purveyor of fine, plentiful cheeses, copious amounts of beer, and more sausage than Eggplant Fridays? Ah, the (fried curd) salad days. Nowadays, thanks to Gov. Scott Walker Derpsocket up there, Wisconsin...

Stories Of The World’s Most Awful Restaurant Customers

Hello, and welcome to the first-ever Wonkette edition of Off the Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. For our inaugural post, we've got tales of some of the worst restaurant...