C.A. Pinkham

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C.A. Pinkham is a former server who somehow fell ass-backwards into this whole getting paid to make words good thing. He will blog for and about food.

Servers Tell Boss To Take Her Crap Anti-Minimum-Wage Op-Ed And Shove It

Oh hey, it's a Maine story (about the minimum wage, no less) that doesn't directly involve Gov. Paul LePage! Five servers at a restaurant in Portland called Five Fifty-Five have quit in one hell of a mic drop, giving their notice...

What Disgusting ‘Food’ Stuffs Are Sports Stadiums Shoving Into Your Faces Today?

Major League Baseball released its list of stadium foods last Thursday, and we have only one question: who the hell let Guy Fieri design every ballpark food in America? In their quest to push the boundaries of stadium food science,...

George W. Bush Is Great Tipper, Terrible President, Did Not Actually Do 9/11

When a famous person comes into your restaurant and turns out to be a great customer, there are many things you should do as a server. Treat them like you would anyone else, give them good service, don't bring...

Stories Of Staggeringly Dumb Restaurant Customers, Part 2

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got a special bonus week of more Dumb Customer stories, because WOW do I have a...

Starbucks Bravely Kind Of Sort Of Speaks Out Against Trump A Little Bit

Guess which corporation is throwing its hat into the 2016 political thunderdome?! OHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHH, it's Starbucks, geared up and ready to take a stand ... for vague, pleading platitudes that don't involve calling anyone out by name, if you don't...

California Dude Whips Out Snake In Restaurant. No, Like An Actual Non-Penis Snake

We talk a lot about Florida Man in this here news business, but our old friend California Man is also pretty impressive when it comes to crazy. So what's the latest in California Man's world? Oh, y'know. Just vengefully...

Texas Muslin Ain’t Want None A-Them Fake Hindu Gods Muckin’ Up His Dairy Queen

A Dairy Queen owner in Texas has come under public fire for posting really bigoted signs about someone else's religion. OH BOY, it's Texas, must mean another Christian shitting on Muslims, we're so tired of -- wait, the asshat...

Stories Of Staggeringly Dumb Restaurant Customers

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got week one of two of an old favorite: customers who were dumb it makes our...

Evil Carl’s Jr. CEO Can Hardly Wait To Replace Workers With Robots

Are you ready to meet the most dickheaded CEO in the fast food game today? Well, tough noogies, you're going to anyway, because this a-hole deserves to be recognized. One of the arguments opponents of a minimum wage hike LOOOOOOOOVE...

Wingnuts Will Never Forgive Michelle Obama For Outlawing Bacon Sundaes In Schools

Michelle Obama, Queen First Lady of our hearts, has long cared deeply about America's obesity crisis, particularly among kids. How have right-wingers been dicks to her about it over the years? Let us count the ways. First, some quick backstory....

Donald Trump’s Crimes Against Food Cannot Go Unanswered

Donald Trump is a horrific amalgamation of spray-tan contents, bile, and discarded golden retriever hair -- on this, we can all agree. He's advocated for war crimes, spoken out against the First Amendment, and committed atrocities against decency almost...

Tennessee State Reps Will Stiff You On Tips And Be Asshats About It

We're used to crappy tipping stories (obviously, considering we publish Off The Menu every week) and subsequent online tip-shaming fiascos. This, however, is the first time we can remember where politicians -- people who theoretically know their every public...

Tales Of Restaurant Injuries And Explosions

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. We've got an unusual topic for regular readers: stories of injuries suffered in the line of duty. Also, at...

Joe’s Crab Shack Very Sorry For Serving Crab Nachos With Side Of Lynchings

Hey, you know what really gets customers in the mood for colorful crab mimosas? Classic, old-timey depictions of festive lynchings! SOUND BUSINESS MODEL, JOE'S CRAB SHACK. Joe's Crab Shack, aka "That Place That Probably Isn't As Gross As Red Lobster,...

Dear Univision: Show Us On The Doll Where Hillary And Bernie Hurt You

Last night, the showdown was ON. Two candidates took the stage, coiffed for battle, ready to face down and parry the ludicrous personal attacks and brutal hypocrisies of their worst enemies: the debate moderators. Wait, What Now? Yes, Wednesday's Democratic debate was notable...
Soon, she will be feeding the tree of liberty.

Idaho Defends Crucial Parental Right To Let Own Kids Die For Funsies

Oh, Idaho. Poor, sad, desperately WTF Idaho, the Florida of the part of the country you always forget exists. What the H-E-double hockey sticks are you up to now? Oh, just protecting the right of parents to let their children die,...