Beth Ethier

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Beth lives in Washington, DC and is having a great day, thanks for asking.

Let’s Go Spit All Over Minneapolis, Because It’s Legal Now!

A dozen members of the Minneapolis city council voted Friday to repeal century-old laws against lurking and spitting, leaving the city's population dangerously vulnerable to train-jumpers and tuberculosis carriers. Critics of the laws cited a damning ACLU report that showed they were disproportionately...

Lighthearted Reality Show Sends Czech Family To Nazi Summer Camp

American reality television is having a rough summer reputation-wise, what with the failed Bachelor pairings and the creepy wifely subservience and the repellent allegations of sexual abuse of children. Maybe our camera crews should try for a wholesome reboot and set up shop...
The most important sacrament is refusing to bake cakes for gays. Religion fact.

America’s Gay-Hating Cake Bakers Would Like To Be Pen Pals With Cake Bigots In Northern Ireland

The owners of Ashers Bakery in Northern Ireland, victims of the growing international menace of gay cake-eaters, might be feeling a little discouraged this week after nearly a year of legal wrangling ended with a Belfast court fining them for the "gay cake...

Kansas GOP Spends Four Days Failing Extra Hard, Takes Well-Earned Four Day Weekend

As the people of Kansas head into the long weekend, they should take a moment to give thanks that their elected representatives are so dedicated to serving their needs. The state's fiscal year is winding down and legislators are...

The Submissive Wives Of TLC Would Be More Than Happy To Make You A Sammich

"If you are a strong woman, you can submit to your man." This potent message of female empowerment comes to us from Tara Furman, one of the stars of an exciting new TLC special rolling out this Sunday night. The network responsible for such radical re-interpretations...

RINO Jeb Bush Thinks Poverty Might Be Part Of Baltimore’s Problem, As If

As this emotionally fraught week draws to a close in Baltimore, we must come together as a nation, as Americans, to honor the true victims of the unrest that has rattled the city. Along with the National Guardsmen who could have gotten tennis...

Jailed Virginia Lawmaker Joe Morrissey Wins Special Election … From Jail!

Joe Morrissey, everyone's favorite minor-corrupting member of the Virginia House of Delegates, went on trial for his political life on Tuesday, only weeks after taking a plea to avoid an actual trial for child pornography and resigning from office....

NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It

Thanks to the NYPD's recent unofficial work stoppage, it's a great time to be a public urinator in New York. Loiterers are going shockingly unticketed and jaywalkers are free to ply their trade with impunity. There is, however, one...
Gather round, kids, and listen good

Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?

Mitt Romney has been keeping busy since our wayward nation made the biggest mistake of her life by walking away from the blissful comfort of his mechanical, Downy-scented embrace two years ago. Mitt is the forgiving type and has remained in the background...
Definitely winning

GOP Senate Says Obama Must Make Sweet Love To America’s Oil Lobbyists, Or Else

Republicans formally took control of the United States Senate on Tuesday, free at last to indulge in their love of sweet, sweet, crude and its associated lobbyists -- a love that has been forbidden by their overly-strict totalitarian dad, Barack...

Great And Powerful John Boehner Rises From Ashes Of Tea Party Tantrum

America's sweetheart, John Boehner, vanquished his enemies on Tuesday afternoon, retaining his cartoonishly oversized gavel and kicking off another two years of publicly losing control of his caucus. In addition to avoiding Steve Scalise whenever there's a camera around, Boehner will...

Boston Cop Calls Guy ‘N-Word,’ Beats Uber Driver, Steals His Car. Because ‘Boston’

Early Sunday morning, a Boston police officer used an everyday occurrence, an Uber ride home in the wee hours, to help his department advance its community relations with a groundbreaking new strategy: meet with members of racial minorities, then insult and beat them. Allegedly. According...

Meet Your New Michele Bachmann, Same As Your Old Michele Bachmann

While Yr Wonkette joins the rest of the nation in mourning the loss of Rep. Michele Bachmann's unique brand of political wisdom, we look forward to the arrival of her Republican successor in the House of Representatives, former talk...

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of...

Luxury London Apartment Ad Wants To Stab You, Play Around With Your Blood

Yr Wonkette  has been considering a move into high-end real estate as a way of diversifying our portfolio, which is currently a little heavy on dick joke manufacturing and political scandal futures. From the looks of this long-form commercial,...

Oklahoma Legislator Wants Hoodies To Be Illegal When Cops Feel Like It, Punk

Oklahoma state Sen. Don Barrington has decided to use the power of his office to take a bold stand against depraved criminals menacing the public. He's apparently taken inspiration from noted crime experts like Geraldo Rivera and  an Oklahoma City...