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New York Attorney Aaron Schlossberg became very, very famous yesterday after video footage of him berating two women for speaking in Spanish, to each other and not to him, surfaced on the internet. He was deeply upset about this and threatened to call ICE, as this is AMERICA and it is illegal to speak any language other than English here. Except that it is not.

As it turns out, this is not the first time Schlossberg’s rage has been documented on film, for all the world to see. Around this same time last year, he joined a bunch of other Trump supporters in screaming hysterically like weirdos about how Jewish people who supported the Free Palestine movement were not even real Jewish people. Except that they are!

After the video went viral, the internet did its thing — identified him, left bad reviews on the Yelp page for his law firm, and learned a lot of things about him through his social media and websites. Like how he literally brags about speaking multiple languages on his website and his LinkedIn page.

Mr. Schlossberg is a published author and a seasoned presenter. He is fluent in Spanish, conversational in French and has basic knowledge of Mandarin Chinese and Hebrew. Mr. Schlossberg is a member of the New York State Bar Association and is admitted to the following courts: New York State, Eastern and Southern Districts of New York, United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit.

Yes, he is fluent in Spanish. One wonders how he managed to do that without ever speaking Spanish on American soil!

Another development that will shock literally no one is that he donated $500 to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

CURIOUSLY, when I looked at his page yesterday, there were pictures and profiles of both him and his partner, a pretty blonde lady.

When I went to look just now? Poof! Blonde lady was outta there. (Edit: Accidentally used the same pic twice before, this is the one I meant to use! — RP)

I also accidentally stumbled upon some Aaron Schlossberg clip art for everyone to enjoy. Do with that what you will.

One of the most glorious finds, though, was this trade off of LinkedIn testimonials… with his mom.

Since his meteoric rise to infamy, New York reporters have been trying to get a statement from him about the incident, to not much avail. For some reason, despite having been so eager to hysterically air his grievances against an employee communicating with a Spanish-speaking customer in Spanish instead of punching her in the face as we guess is proper, he was not very eager to defend his viewpoint today. Instead, he hid under an umbrella, running away from New York Post reporters who just wanted to know how he decided it was a good idea to be a terrible racist.

The best part is where he called someone (maybe ICE?) to complain about how the reporters were grabbing him, which we can clearly see from the video they are not.

“Please send help,” Schlossberg was then heard saying into his cellphone. “They’re claiming things that aren’t true … grabbing me, not letting me walk.”

“They won’t let me move. They’re surrounding me,” Schlossberg said on the call before hopping into a yellow cab on West 60th Street near Tenth Avenue.

Oh, the poor baby.

Schlossberg was also confronted by another reporter, this time from PIX11, in a Queens court.

Again, he was silent. But other lawyers were not!

Despite his reluctance to talk to the press at this juncture, I am still taking bets on when he appears on Fox & Friends and they try to turn him into a martyr.

[New York Post]

Fuck that guy. Also please give us money.

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