Talk about a lost fucking cause. The Lost Cause is an institutionalized sentiment that paints the efforts of the Confederacy to secede as some kind of heroic bullshit. Why do losers re-enact Civil War battles? Wouldn’t exist in a somewhat healed and responsible country, because no one would want to fight on the side of the Confederacy. But that shit stays glorified in memories and movies because Heritage, right? You don’t see the Germans celebrating Nazism and treating the rise of Hitler as some golden era long gone by, do ya? So what the fuck is wrong with the US?
Today, some states are observing Confederate Memorial Day, also known as Confederate Heroes Day. State offices and schools are closed in Mississippi and Alabama to commemorate that some white people can still be proud about their family fighting to keep slaves. I can’t for the life of me think of any other reason. Because there is no other reason. The Civil War was fought so the South could keep slaves, full stop. Alabama and the rest made it VERY CLEAR, no matter what those nice white ladies in the 1970s claimed when they decided to rehab their “heritage not hate.” Maybe the South still hasn’t gotten over the “you ain’t the boss of me” phase that started when the got their asses handed to them back in 1865. Alabama really takes this shit seriously and has no intentions of slowing down, since they just put up another We Love and Miss Free Labor statue in 2017. That’s not really the name but I don’t care what it is. I really don’t.
Just who are the Confederates that warranted statues be made in their honor? Well in Mobile, Alabama, for example, a really famous southern guy named Raphael Semmes has a striking monument, hand on his unapologetic hip.
Yup, that’s just about how he should look. Super comfortable with the notion and absolutely sure that the world was his. Evidently dude was a renowned and decorated “commercial raider” for the Confederate Navy. “Commercial raider”? Translated, that means my nkka was just a mother fucking pirate! Southerners certainly have mastered the turn of phrase, no? Statue justified, pop a bottle! Semmes was so celebrated that he got a job teaching philosophy of all things (I’m white, therefore I am) at LSU after losing the war. Again, old boy absolutely deserves a statue of Entitlement.
As the self righteous South does when it comes to protecting their secession past, the governor of Alabama recently signed legislation to protect all Confederate statues more than 40 years old from removal. She wasn’t about to have a North Carolina situation on her hands where statues were being unceremoniously removed. What would they celebrate today if that happened? What would the resurgent KKK have to rally around? Lord knows there is nothing worse that an uppity white supremacist. They deserve their statues and holidays just like every other rejuvenated murderous racist. And think of all the poor tiki torch makers, willya? Yes, today is a great day for the kids to be out of school enjoying a spring day courtesy of the Confederacy that wishes some of them would still answer to pickaninny. Luckily Tennessee doesn’t celebrate until June 3, otherwise the children might have run into that balls out murderer white supremacist Waffle House shooter. Wonder when his statue goes up…
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