Look at Wonkette toddler right there! Doesn’t she look SPRING-Y? That is because it is spring now, by which we mean yes we know spring officially began last month, but at least where we are, it is FINALLY WARM! Therefore we are going day-drinking and leaving you alone here, BRB. But not before we count down our top ten stories of the week!
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Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:
Did we mention we love you?
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. It Was Sean Hannity, In Michael Cohen’s Office, With A Boner (ALLEGEDLY). And we are STILL LAUGHING.
2. HEY MICHAEL COHEN, SHOW US THAT FUCKIN’ PASSPORT AGAIN! What’s that you were saying about PRAGUE?
3. World’s Stupidest Chuck Todd Beginning To Doubt Fox News’s Commitment To Sparkle Motion. Todd is the president of the League of Unnecessary Journalists, and also a client.
4. Michael Cohen Real Fucked. Well, he is!
5. Memphis Tells Tennessee Lege To Fuck Off In Most DELIGHTFUL Way. Oh man, we love our hometown.
6. Uh Oh, Donald Trump, Michael Cohen Gonna FUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU! Well, he is!
7. The Week In Garbage Men: Misogynists Dream Of Electric(al) Women, MGTOW Poetry And More! Your weekly and very popular Garbage Men column from Robyn!
8. Pizzagate Crazy Roseanne Fave Says Hillary Clinton Carved A Witch Face On A Lady’s Vagina. AND SO MUCH MORE! This lady is seriously disturbed.
9. A Unified Theory Of WHAT THE FUCK Michael Cohen And Sean Hannity! It Might Even Be Right! Got a better theory? COME AT US BRO.
10. Barbara Bush Dies At 92. We’re Sure It’s Working Out Very Well For Her. A fair-minded look at the recently departed former first lady!
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
OK bye! Going day-drinking like we said!
Yours in baby Jesus,
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