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Maybe she’ll primary Trump in 2020. Don’t laugh, could happen.

A strange thing is happening with Russian sanctions, because there is always a strange thing happening with Russian sanctions in Trump’s America. This weekend, UN Ambassador Nikki Haley, who doesn’t shy away from yelling at Russia, announced we would be hitting the rogue trash nation with a new round of sanctions in response to Syria’s latest reported use of chemical weapons against its own people. (The Syrian regime, of course, is backed by the Kremlin.)

“GRRR, ARGH,” said Haley on CBS News, and the sanctions appeared! OK, maybe she did not say “GRRR, ARGH” verbatim, and actually the sanctions have not appeared yet:

Haley said Sunday on CBS: “You will see that Russian sanctions will be coming down. Secretary Mnuchin will be announcing those on Monday, if he hasn’t already. And they will go directly to any sort of companies that were dealing with equipment related to Assad and chemical weapons used. And so I think everyone is going to feel it at this point. I think everyone knows that we sent a strong message, and our hope is that they listen to it.”

But guess who didn’t like it, because he doesn’t like doing things that upset his mother nation Russia? That’s right, it was Donald Trump! Russia’s whining probably gave him a nudge too. WaPo reports that Dmitry Peskov, the Sarah Huckabee Sanders of Russia, bellyached about “international law” and Russian “elected” officials yapped their shitmouths all weekend about hitting America “in the gut” economically. No idea whether Vladimir Putin Snapchatted Trump on Myspace to say “pee tape! starring you!”

Now the White House is doing that little dance it does, where it gives 12 different excuses in 12 hours over why Nikki Haley is wrong and is a total fuckup and don’t worry, Mister Putin, we are not going to put sanctions on your beautiful face! WHY WOULD WE EVER DO THAT?

Sometime after Haley’s comments on CBS, the Trump administration notified the Russian Embassy in Washington that the sanctions were not in fact coming, a Russian Foreign Ministry official said Monday.

The Trump team decided to publicly characterize Haley’s announcement as a misstatement. White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement Monday: “We are considering additional sanctions on Russia and a decision will be made in the near future.”

Privately, another White House official said Haley got ahead of herself and made “an error that needs to be mopped up.”

Oh, for God’s sake. Yeah, we’re sure that’s what happened, and it had nothing to do with Russia’s counter-threats or Trump’s fear of Putin. Also, strangely, Russia is backing off now that Trump is throwing Haley under the bus, and taking a more wait-and-see approach to see if its installed American president follows through on Mean Lady Haley’s mean talk.

WaPo reports that some administration officials are like “Actually, Nikki Haley does not misspeak, it is kind of not Her Thing,” and she notably hasn’t jumped in to say, “Oh my bad, I must have been talking in my sleep again!”

Just the other day, the Washington Post reported that Trump has been really upset, in his heart, about all these new Russian sanctions, especially the really wussy ones we levied as part of the international response to Russia’s poisoning of Sergei Skripal in the United Kingdom. If you’ll remember, we expelled a total of 60 diplomats (spies), and Wonkette called it the literal least the administration could do, because it was. Expelling diplomats actually is kind of counterproductive, because Russia always goes tit-for-tat, expelling our people, which ultimately disadvantages us in the spy game. It’s truly a “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you” situation, which, coincidentally, is what Trump and Putin say when they’re about to start phone sexing! (Allegedly.)

WaPo takes us back to the middle of March, when Trump learned about US plans to do about the same number of spy expulsions as Europe. Trump was reportedly insistent that “we’re not taking the lead,” but said, “we’ll match their numbers.” Well! The next day he LOST HIS SHIT because we kicked out 60, and France and Germany only did four each! How is that even fair??? Why does Trump have to give up 60 OF HIS BESTEST RUSSIAN SPY FRIENDS if France and Germany only have to give up four of Trump’s BESTEST RUSSIAN SPY FRIENDS?

America, this is your president:

The president, who seemed to believe that other individual countries would largely equal the United States, was furious that his administration was being portrayed in the media as taking by far the toughest stance on Russia.

His briefers tried to reassure him that the sum total of European expulsions was roughly the same as the U.S. number.

“I don’t care about the total!” the administration official recalled Trump screaming. The official, like others, spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss internal deliberations.

Growing angrier, Trump insisted that his aides had misled him about the magnitude of the expulsions. “There were curse words,” the official said, “a lot of curse words.”

Idiot. Fucking compromised useless piece of shit IDIOT.

Know how Sarah Huckabee Sanders always says Trump is being tougher on Russia than anybody? She says that because it’s a lie, and she likes lying.

Read that WaPo report, as it includes all kinds of new tidbits about times Trump has been in super gay love with Russia, and the tension that causes within his own administration. For example, guess who didn’t believe the intelligence that Russia had poisoned that spy?

Mm hmm.

We are well and thoroughly fucked until we get this man out of the Oval. It is as simple as that.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a fairly regular Wonkette reader and have had a nagging little voice for some time saying “you should throw Wonkette a buck every month”? We would surely appreciate it!

[Washington Postibid.]

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