Hi, everyone! How we doin’? Are we holdin’ up? Good. Because shit is crazy and we don’t know when it’s going to be over, but all we know is that at some point it will be over, and hopefully lotsa the motherfuckers currently running this country will be in prison at that point. Otherwise, all we can do is take care of ourselves (IMPORTANT!) and keep fighting and also probably we should eat a lot of pie, because it is always time for pie. OK! Top ten countdown in a second!
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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Mazel Tov Tammy Duck … OH SHIT THE FBI JUST RAIDED MICHAEL COHEN’S HOTEL AND OFFICE! We take ONE DAY OFF and this shit happens.
2. Which GOP Congressman Cussed Trump To Erick Erickson At The Safeway? A WONKVESTIGATION! Our pick, Peter King, denies it. (It is also Samantha Bee’s pick, because great minds, etc.) We say PFFFFFFFT.
4. A Very Sober And Serious Lawsplainer Of Michael Cohen’s WORLD OF SHIT. What had happened was!
5. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW 30-YEAR-OLD BABY, DONALD TRUMP! Mazel tov, allegedly!
6. Oh, Shit! He’s Really Going To Do It! Everybody PANIC! He might have done it by the time you read this!
7. Robert Mueller Would Like To Inform The Following People They Are WELL AND TRULY FUCKED. There are almost too many people who are well and truly fucked to count!
8. Trump’s West Virginia Speech: A Dementiasplainer. Some CRAZY BATSHIT right here.
9. The Week In Garbage Men: Tony Robbins, Ted Nugent And Your New Roommate Walk Into A Bar. Y’all sure do like this weekly column from Robyn!
10. Have You Met Our New Writers, A Nice Lady And Wonderbitch? Well HAVE YOU?
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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