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Doctor Feelgood

The doctor is in, America, and he has a very important announcement! BuzzFeed reports that Dr. Jerome Adams, the surgeon general of the United States, is putting out a national advisory to make the prescription drug naloxone more widely available, and for America to get educated about it, because it is a crucial tool in reversing opioid overdoses. As BuzzFeed explains, some states still have limits on the drug, but Dr. Adams says it’s “life-saving” and that access needs to be increased in order to combat the epidemic Donald Trump says he’s really concerned about, when he’s not busy shit-tweeting at Amazon or watching “Fox & Friends.” (At the very least, Trump would like to murder people who sell opioids!)

BuzzFeed kind of buried the lede, though. See if you can see what they missed:

Should that tweet not say “Extremely hot US Surgeon General Jerome Adams will issue a nationwide advisory for more people to get access to overdose-reversing drug naloxone”? We are just making editorial suggestions, because BuzzFeed is our pal.

Now look. You may ask, “isn’t Dr. Adams a Trump appointee?” And it’s true, he most certainly is. But’s possible he’s one of the better Trump appointees, as if such a thing even exists, but that’s the justification we’re going to go with for why we’re about to objectify him. (Not that we even attempted any such justifications a few weeks ago when we wrote about Hot Johnny, Trump’s recently fired “body man.”)

Remember a few years back when there was a gigantic HIV outbreak in tiny Scott County, Indiana? That outbreak was largely caused by Mike Pence’s crusade against Planned Parenthood when he was governor, which led to the closing of the Planned Parenthood clinic in the county, which did not even perform abortions, but sure did do HIV prevention, education, and treatment! Now, Mike Pence hates needle exchange programs, which help prevent precisely the kinds of outbreaks like the one experienced in Scott County. It was Dr. Jerome Adams, who was then Indiana’s public health commissioner, who stuck his foot up Pence’s ass and made him do a temporary rule change and allow needle exchange there, and Adams is widely credited with spearheading the response to that HIV outbreak, which Pence created because he is a bigot who thinks HIV/AIDS money should instead to to “pray away the gay” camps.

So again, it’s possible Trump accidentally nominated a decent person to do something, which means he must have been distracted by a laser pointer or a bucket full o’ Big Macs that day.

We plugged “surgeon general instagram sexxx” into our Google to see if Adams has a sexxxy Instagram, like all previous surgeon generals obviously did, but it seems he’s just using the regular old official surgeon general Instagram account. Doesn’t mean there’s not this video of Dr. Adams doing push-ups:

Or this picture of him getting this flu shot:

Elizabeth Warren seems to like him:

Embed from Getty Images

See what we mean about MAYBE Trump accidentally appointed a decent person? Unless Elizabeth Warren is just like “Oh well, he may be a Trump Slut, but I DO HAVE EYES, OK?”

Oh look, Melania looks happy for the first time ever:

Embed from Getty Images

Unfortunately for Dr. Adams, so does Mike Pence:

Look at Pence playing grab-ass with the hot doctor’s bicep! Mother would NOT approve.

One more, because JESUS:

Embed from Getty Images

Of course, Trump will probably fire Adams and replace him with a “doctor” he saw on Fox News, because UH OH, Adams tweeted something nice about Bill Clinton last night:

Well, this has been a very good shallow post about an important subject, let’s do another one some time very soon!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a fairly regular Wonkette reader and have had a nagging little voice for some time saying “you should throw Wonkette a buck every month”? That is called your conscience. Listen to it! It feels good!

[BuzzFeed]

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