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Brooks Was Here
Brooks Was Here

Hola Wonketutians! Your humble Shypixel is back from his great Southwestern Get The Fuck Out Of The Cold Tour, and is safely ensconced at home, where it is currently -10°F, so that whole thing didn’t really work out, huh? What has been going on, did I miss anything? Oh, what’s that you say? Another 17 children sacrificed upon the altar of Background Checks Are Tyranny? Well fuck. I wish the Shypixel had a solution for us all, to find a way to end this senseless slaughter. I don’t. You know who else doesn’t have a solution? David Brooks. Oh, he thinks he does, but he also thinks poors are frightened of sandwich shops, so he’s clearly wrong about a lot of things. (All of the things?) Enlighten us, Grey Lady:

Don’t go read the article. I didn’t. I’ll be damned if the Shypixel is wasting one of his ten free articles a month to read David Brooks trying to make sense out of his latest bowel emissions. But let us dissect, examine, and mock the NYT’s summary of his article.

If you want to stop school shootings …

OK, clearly this tweet is not aimed at Republicans.

… it’s not enough just to vent and march.

While technically correct (the very best kind of correct), let us not forget that venting and marching are often the only political tools left to those of us who actually want to stop school shootings.

It’s necessary to let people from Red America lead the way …

BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! Let Red States lead the way? Yeah, let the rich, old, white men have a turn, for once! In case Brooksy hasn’t noticed, the Red half of this country has been making three-fifths of the decisions since day one. Their oversized representation across all levels of the federal government is precisely what has brought us to our current position, of children being fucking shredded by high power weaponry with a disturbing regularity. If we decide to reform as a theocracy, or if we want to reinstate slavery, we’ll let the Red States lead the way. If we want to live in a country where our kids don’t need Kevlar backpacks, it’s time to let somebody else have a turn. No, David Brooks, just no.

… and to show respect to gun owners at all points …

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGRZKXTT…

I just died. Of irony.

Respect First, Then Gun Control, a column by David Brooks!

Don’t click it.

Remember, the Shypixel loves you all, and wants you to be happy. Also, he feeds solely upon your donations!

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