My dear ones! We have met your wonderful comrades in Long Beach, CA; Reno, Nevada; and Bend, Oregon, and all of them were just as lovely (and handsome!) as we could have wished. Now, Portland and Spokane, we have chosen the venues in which you let us buy you beer and pizza, because both of those places are on our way home!

Portland, you are Thurs., Feb. 15, 6:30-8:30 at the Lucky Labrador Beer Hall — this is the QUIMBY location, in Northwest! 1945 NW Quimby St, Portland, OR 97209.

Spokane! You are Fri., Feb. 16, 6-8 p.m. at South Perry Pizza, 1011 S. Perry St., Spokane!

Will we ever make it to the South or East Coast? Every time we think about you darlings in Texas, we remember your hurricane season is now 11 months out of every year. And the East Coast, well, you’re cold right now. But we’ll get back to you again eventually, we swear!

UPDATE! Just by accident, we seem to have found the best pizza restaurant in all of Portland: Last year, the outnumbered staff 86ed a group of Nazis despite slurs and deathly bagpipes. Yes, bagpipes. Fucking nazis.

Just remember: money talks.

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