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Happy Valentines Day Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today, but first, some Nice Time!

Buzzfeed is going all out to prove the pee hooker tape is real, hiring a crew of lawyers, globe trotting investigators, and super nerds to really dig deep into THE DOSSIER.

Glenn Greenwald has now become just another conspiracy-peddling talking head for Fox News blowhards and the tin-foil hat crowd. Good riddance.

The New York Times quit-fired its brand new op-ed writer Quinn Norton after a bunch of people dug up her old racist and Nazi-sympathizing tweets, but they’re still letting Bari Weiss scribble nonsense about her vaginal guilt.

Steve Mnuchin’s D-list trophy wife is trying to apologize (again) for flaunting her wealth in front of all the filthy poors.

When he isn’t playing shitty Christian rock, Jay Sekulow is trying to become the next Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh by using his radio show to rail against LIBERAL conspiracies like Trump-Russia, and fluoride.

Science nerds are wondering why there’s no money in Trump’s budget to combat global health crises. Maybe they should just bring some sick and dying children to the White House to start sneezing and rubbing snot all over the furniture?

States will be forced to choose between fixing roads, schools, waters systems, or Internet tubes for poors as Trump’s budget also has no dedicated funding for infrastructure projects like rural broadband.

Last year the White House personnel security office sent out an email to inform people of a new ban on interim security clearances in the executive office. That means the White House officials knew there was a problem with people like Rob Porter for a LONG time.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders pooted her best Sergeant Schultz impression, feigning ignorance about Rob Porter’s lack of a proper security clearance.

The heads of the national intelligence agencies told Congress a bunch of inconvenient truths, like the extent of ongoing Russian fuckery, the dangers of climate change, and the power vacuum created by Trump’s retrenchment strategy.

Despite all the evidence to the contrary, Trump still doesn’t believe that Russian fuckery in the 2016 election grabbed his little hands and pulled him over the top.

Late last night Michael Cohen admitted that he gave Stormy Daniels $130,000 because reasons. Period.  He just gave her a bunch of money for “a private transaction” that had nothing to do with Donald Trump’s ALLEGED philandering Forbes fantasy.

ANOTHER federal court ruled that the Trump administration can’t kill DACA just because Trump hates brown people, forcing Uncle Sam to keep pushing the paperwork of Dreamers.

The DACA debate in the Senate is already foundering on the floor as Republicans immediately tried to poison the water with about a dozen non-starter amendments like national language, longer detention times, and dumping on sanctuary cities.

Progressives and Dreamers have been making life hell for Chuck Schumer as they continue to bitch and moan about “rights” and “legal status” like a bunch of first-class citizens.

A young father of three called the cops to report a possible B&E but the cops decided to bring him to ICE officials instead of investigating who was creeping in windows at 5:30 a.m.

An ICE attorney in Seattle has been charged with stealing the identities of immigrants to open up credit cards.

The loneliness in being North Dakota’s only Rep. has finally caught up to Tea Party whack-job Kevin Cramer as Cramer plans to run for Democratic Sen. Heidi Heitkamp’s seat.

New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand has decided not to take any more cash from PACs run by for-profit businesses in an effort to root out corporate mega-donors steal Bernie’s supporters.

On the other hand, Montana’s super-rich and slaphappy Congress creep Greg Gianforte announced that he’s taking corporate PAC money from private prisons, coal companies and the Koch brothers, despite a pledge not to take corporate cash.

Arizona Republican Senate candidate “Chemtrail Kelli” Ward took a tip from Devin Nunes and started bragging about an endorsement from a very curious blog that can’t stop gushing about how she’s awesome.

Some congressional hopefuls are airing ads that talk about their sexual harassment stories to try and cut into the old boys club.

With the #MeToo movement cranking up the heat, Democrats are asking Bill Clinton to sit down and shut up so that he doesn’t distract anybody ahead of 2018 and 2020.

Florida Democrat Margaret Good crushed her Republican and Libertarian opponent in a local state House race, making her the 36th Democrat this cycle to flip a red seat.

Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf is rejecting the new gerrymandered congressional map submitted by the Republican legislature, noting many cities “are irrationally connected to rural areas.”

Vice is being sued by a former employee who says that the edgy media company pays women “far less than male employees for the same or substantially similar work.”

North Korea won’t pay its $2.6 million Olympic bill, and is making South Korea and the IOC pick up the tab.

Israeli police have recommended that PM Benjamin Netanyahu be indicted on corruption charges after finding evidence of bribes and fraud in a wide-ranging corruption case.

Iraq has a booming market for “beautiful phone numbers” where people will spend tons of money for a SIM card that has a special sequence of numbers, like lot of 7’s or 0’s. It’s a status symbol, like a fancy car, a gold dildo, or a trucker hat.

Officials in Iceland are warning that computers digging for Bitcoin may trigger energy shortages due to their constant churning for magic Internet money.

Salon is apparently so desperate that they are quietly using their readers’ computers to mine Bitcoin, a dastardly deed known as “cryptojacking.”

Bristol Palin’s husband has filed for divorce. That is sad, Happy Valentine’s Day!

In a desperate attempt to impress his special lady friend, a North Carolina man dressed up as a three-star Army general, rented a helicopter and then landed on the campus of her fancy tech company — and he would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for a meddling security guard!

And here’s your morning Nice Time!

We’re 100% ad-free and reader supported, and we’ll never “borrow” your computer to mine Bitcoin. 

Follow Dominic on Twitter where he drinks detergent juice boxes!

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  • Nounverb911
  • lroom
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Very Stable Bozi

    Rachel’s show last night made this one seem appropriate for today.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a4737177c7508341d0e5d9a87c9f016e394c5c7e3baa56574be82492fb3b4fe6.jpg

  • armed_bears

    Well, give Trey Gowdy this much: Now that he is leaving, he has rediscovered his balls:

    BREAKING NEWS: Gowdy: Oversight panel launched Porter investigation ‘last night’

    The House Oversight Committee is investigating the Trump administration’s employment of Rob Porter, the former White House staff secretary accused of domestic abuse, committee chairman Trey Gowdy said Wednesday.

    Edit to add Linky: http://thehill.com/homenews/house/373778-gowdy-questions-how-white-house-could-employ-porter

    • OutOfOrbit

      did no one warn him about burning his bridges?

    • BadKitty904

      Too little, too late. I’ll give Gowdy credit when he repays the tens of millions of taxpayers’ dollars he wasted on “investigations” he’s admitted were purely politically motivated bullshit.

      • sarafina

        ^^ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • SterWonk

        And the 100s of thousands of people who get deported, the millions of people who lose their health care, and the $1.5T corporate tax cut, and the dirty air and water, and the loss of global leadership, and …

        All of which are a direct result of his actions. So no, no credit for him yet.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      He has redeemed his manhood from the blind trust.

  • NATOist

    In 2005 when Facebook was but a glorified Rolodex, my professor advised us to be mindful of what we put on there. Someone Quinn Norton’s age shouldn’t be shocked that gratuitous n-word usage will get you fired.

    • Ruhe

      Part of what’s interesting about this is that she doesn’t seem to be shocked.

      • NATOist

        Probably because she’s a white nationalist. If you proudly associate with Nazis whist sporting a Wehrmacht haircut and gratuitously use the n-word, you’re a Nazi yourself.

        • Ruhe

          I’m just not sure it’s that straight forward. Certainly if some evangelical republican were to pour over the comments I’ve left in the past on a certain dick-joke-strewn mommy blog they might feel they could claim I was anti-american, possibly a dirty communist. And yet…

  • Nounverb911
    • NATOist

      The right wing would be right that she was, in fact, a lesbian and Bill was a beard.

    • We’d call Ben. Ben Ghazi.
      Ace Detective.

      • Very Stable Bozi

        Regnad Kcin.

        • ViveLaResistance!

          Nice old-school reference!

    • Hesavebread!

      It would be just another storm in a D-cup.

    • AJ Milne

      Stormy/Hillz slash trending net wide?

    • puredog

      Hilz/Stormy/Bill threesomes? Canoodling on the forest paths of Chappaqua?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Hiking the Appalachian Trail?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        What about HUMA, huh!!!?!?!?!?!?

    • ArgieBargie

      Hot.

    • coozledad

      We’d be learning the subtle distinctions between Trey Gowdy’s flop sweat and his cum sweat.

  • beatbort

    If Poot Lips is Sergeant Schultz, who is Colonel Hogan? Are there White House staffers trying to tunnel their way out of that POW camp?

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Over a third of them have already escaped.

    • WIDTAP

      That would make Hope Hicks the Fraulein Helga of the Trump Administration

    • ImGoingBacon

      I think the easier question is, who is Col. Klink? The easy answer? John Kelly

    • Pilotshark

      Steve Miller as Major Wolfgang Hochstetter.

      to bad bannon is gone he could have made a good General Albert Burkhalter

    • ViveLaResistance!

      Kelly is the Nazi general who is plotting to kill Hair Fuhrer. Miller strikes me as Carter, the bumbling one who blows everything up. Macron is of course LeBeau in Trump’s mind – that’s why Twitler keeps expecting a soufle from him. Mooch auditioned for the role of Newkirk, but couldn’t speak Cockney.

      (Note – I watched waayyy too much of these bumbling, laff-riot Nazis as a yoot.)

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Note to Jay Sekulow: You’re not making Christianity better, you’re just making rock&roll worse.

    –Hank Hill

  • Skeptical_thinker
  • Msgr_MΩment

    This morning teaching in actual Valentine Hall (named after Joe & Grace V.), introducing a new physical attraction, namely magnetism.
    /The kids were digging on the irony.
    /Or else smiling politely.
    /Same difference at this point.

    • BadKitty904

      Discuss “attraction”. Use both sides of the paper.

  • spangled

    From that Glenn Greenwald article – “There once was a time when right-wing conspiracy theorists flourished, argues Glenn Greenwald. “But those people have been largely scorned and relegated to obscurity. The new conspiracy theorists — the ones who casually suggest that when a plane crashes, it is really a secret attempt by Putin and Trump to silence one of the passengers (who wasn’t even a passenger) — are found not on far-right websites, but on MSNBC and at Harvard Law School.”

    oh. my. god. no prominent right wing conspiracy theorists? is he insane or just the stupidest motherfucker in the universe?

    • Nounverb911
      • spangled

        sure! and let’s not forget that the fucking republican PRESIDENT was chief birther, and still thinks obama is wiretapping him…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And he FAILED the audition. NEEEEEXTTT!!!

    • Asterix

      Yes

    • OneYieldRegular

      “But those people have been largely scorned and relegated to obscurity.”

      Dude, one of those people is the fucking President.

    • No, he’s a fucking idiot

    • OutOfOrbit

      that’s where the money is: dipping one’s pen in the poison ink-well of RWNJ grog where all yuh gotta do is make shit up — easy peasy

    • ViveLaResistance!

      AOT, K

  • Nounverb911
  • BadKitty904

    ’Twas on the morn of Valentine,
    When birds begin to prate…

    HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, WONKETTEERS!!1!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fec5deca62c49e43e09da7d8a945224888746f410033310858a18e291a0a5b97.png

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Pro-tip: Glenn Greenwald has always been a conspiracy-peddling talking dickhead. The only new twist is his gig with Fox. He finally found his natural niche.

    • I wonder what took him so long?

      • beatbort

        Does Fox News realize how much he hates America? Seriously….

        • vivian

          Why do you think they hired him?

        • Hemp Dogbane

          That’s why he’ll fit in.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Liberals finally wised up to him, but he really wants to be loved.

        • DrBigHead

          At times we are willing to accept conspiracy-peddling talking dickheads if they are our conspiracy-peddling talking dickheads.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yep. Remember when Assange was a hero of the left?

  • renegade500

    Valentine’s Day, bah humbug. I look forward to buying all the leftover candy at half off tomorrow. (I also look forward to seeing Black Panther tomorrow, but that’s a different conversation.)

    Mostly I just love Liam Neeson.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9NzhjcPsQQ

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Asterix

    Happy Valentine’s Day.

    Even though I think this is the stupiest of the made-up holidays.

    Enjoy.

  • William
  • Ruhe

    On the Quinn Norton thing…maybe take a closer look. I wonder if this isn’t a case of puritanical wordspotting rather than one of actually exposing a crypto-fascist. Just suggesting a deeper dive.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I don’t know. All I know is that from having grown up watching Barnaby Jones, Cannon and The Streets of San Francisco, I’m now going to have the words “A Quinn Norton Production” running through my head all day.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger

    Andrea Mitchell: “I’ve seen bizarre moments, and embarrassing moments, at these White House press conferences and briefings. Sean Spicer had some really strange moments, of course. But yesterday’s performance by Sarah Sanders was the strangest and, in many ways, the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever seen there.”

  • Nounverb911
  • OrG

    Netanyahu is a criminal? Weird.

    • grindstone

      I know I’m shocked.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Right? Next we’ll hear Trump sold us out to the Russians or some shit.

        • C.W. St. John Nobbs

          Unpossible!

        • grindstone

          Come now. Let’s not lose our heads here.

        • Historicat

          I wonder what Netanyahu knows about Donnie. He doesn’t strike me as the ‘goes down quietly” type.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Yeah…Bibi ain’t gonna take one for the team.

  • BadKitty904

    Late last night Michael Cohen admitted that he gave Stormy Daniels $130,000 because reasons. Period. He just gave her a bunch of money for “a private transaction” that had nothing to do with Donald Trump’s ALLEGED philandering Forbes fantasy.

    Perhaps they both collect Hummel figurines and Cohen was purchasing a rare Apple Tree Boy from Stormy…

    • Asterix

      I think Cohen actually made the whole Stormi Daniels story worse for trumpy.

      YAY!

      • BadKitty904

        Good.

      • cmd resistor

        Sounds like he was trying to “fix” that little problem caused by the Common Cause complaint to the F.E.C
        He’s a SMRT guy.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Yeah, isn’t it funny that the choices were initially 1) admit the Stormy payoff came from 130K funneled through the LLC, or 2) deny the payoff and then have to explain just WHAT that 130K was for? Cohen picks option 3) I paid Stormy myself, so now can we please pay no attention to that OTHER 130K?

          I think we should pay attention to that other 130K.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        NONE of Donald’s crack legal team seems to have the sense that the good lord gave a goose.

  • James Baskin

    I did not know that there was such a thing as a gold dildo.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger
  • therblig
  • Spurning Beer

    For SarHuck, it’s not Valentine’s Day. It’s Ass Wednesday.

    She’s giving up King Cake for Lent this year.

    • That reminds me that I have to not tell people, “Hey, you have a smudge on your forehead.”

    • bupkus231

      Every day is Ass Wednesday.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • NastyBossetti

      BRB. Printing this and hanging it in all the elevators at my office.

      • Alease

        Goℴgle is giving every one $97 per/hr to complete few services from a laptop .. Work Some just few time & stay more time together with your own loved ones . Any one can also apply this special offer!!last Saturday I got a gorgeous McLaren F1 just after making $10,000 this past six weeks .no doubt it is the coolest job however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t read this.!oe541j:➩➩➩ http://GoogleNextFreelanceInternetJobs/getcash/97$/per-hr ♥o♥g♥♥z♥f♥♥♥n♥♥♥h♥y♥♥n♥u♥r♥♥v♥g♥♥n♥♥e♥i♥l♥g♥♥b♥♥♥y♥u♥c♥♥♥a♥♥♥x♥♥q♥f:::!ie492i:ykwxvr

    • Parakeetist

      Rofl

    • James Baskin

      They have elevators in Finland?

      • NastyBossetti

        No, because Finland doesn’t exist.

  • Nasty Woman Persisted
  • BadKitty904

    Ima post this one last time, then shut up about it…until the next time.

    Russian Threat to Elections to Persist Through 2018, Spy Bosses Warn Congress
    https://www.npr.org/2018/02/13/584672450/intelligence-leaders-testify-about-global-threats-in-senate-hearing

    Russian influence operations in the United States will continue through this year’s midterm elections and beyond, the nation’s top spies warned Congress on Tuesday.

    Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats told the Senate intelligence committee that Moscow viewed its attack on the 2016 election as decidedly worthwhile given the chaos it has sown compared to its relatively low cost.

    Per AP – https://www.apnews.com/1f3793974259448db019ce550198ccaa/Federal-vote-protection-efforts-lag-ahead-of-first-primaries

    Federal efforts to help states button down elections systems have crawled, hamstrung in part by wariness of federal meddling. Just 14 states and three local election agencies have so far asked for detailed vulnerability assessments offered by the Department of Homeland Security — and only five of the two-week examinations are complete.

    • BadKitty904

      Experts: What States Can Do to Secure Their Elections
      https://www.apnews.com/aa9ad45f0f0647bbb494e1e657ae6ade/Experts:-What-states-can-do-to-secure-their-elections

      Newly released “playbooks” from a bipartisan team at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government aims to help state and local elections officials protect against hacking and disinformation.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Oh, well. It’s from that librul hellhole Harvard so I’m sure that TPTB down here will have nothing to do with it.

      • Historicat

        If we really want states to secure their elections, we need to spread the rumor that the Democrats are getting help from the Chinese in 2018 and 2020.

        • BadKitty904

          It would certainly serve to make Russian corruption even more overt.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Coats continued, “We’re hoping though, that once Russia gets the Republicans successfully through the mid-terms, we be able to turn our attention to this pesky foreign meddling.”

  • WIDTAP
  • Bill D. Burger
    • torturedsoul

      But I have lots of thorazine in case it tweaks me a bit

  • Very Stable Bozi
  • Nounverb911

    In todays episode of there’s a tweet for everything.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/596338364187602944

    • sarafina

      Seriously? Has anyone told The Dotard Lyin’ Ryan’s plans?

  • AJ Milne

    Honestly, America, ever since we got to where the representative of the Brylcreem Brigade uttered the phrase ‘Moral Mulligan’, I’ve been waiting for Graham Chapman to storm on set to say: ‘Stop this sketch. It’s getting silly.’

  • The downside to coworker bringing food to share is that every obnoxious coworker is now in one place.

    I don’t have enough coffee for this shit!

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

      But now that you know where they all are for a while, you can avoid that place.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Chemtrail Kelli is a licensed physician in Arizona. Chew on that for a sec.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Sarah Huckabeast said, “I couldn’t do my job without my Christian faith and my church family to lean on.”

    SHE LITERALLY LIES FOR A FUCKING LIVING!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DV84skyWkAExRT-.jpg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Her brother said the same thing about murdering a stray dog.

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

      That’s gotta be ‘shopped.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Yup, and I don’t really approve. Her regular face is enough of a statement.

    • Where you think she learned it from?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Vile creature, just like her sire. She and Ivanka should share notes!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I remember that scene from the Austin Powers movie.

  • Blackest Noobs
    • Blackest Noobs

      “Palin fashioned herself as a voice of conservative Christian values. On her website, she describes herself as “Pro Life, Pro God, and Pro Guns.”

      she forgot Pro-Dumbass

    • Bill D. Burger

      Dakota Meyers: “It’s harder pulling out of a Palin than pulling out of Iraq.”
      prolly’!

      Happy Valentine’s Day ___ The Palin Way!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/818028b2b6688a7e57977b958547422016899c6ffad33d10e465ad5eaf62e5e2.jpg

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “plus, you wonder why the hell you ever went in.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sarah who? Huckabee Sanders?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I hear there will be a custody fight…

      A good ol’fascist hillbilly rumble over who gets the pickup truck.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Greenwald is OFFICIALLY an FSB stooge. End of discussion.

  • gnomemansanisland

    Roses are red
    Stormy blew Trump
    We’re all fucked
    Fuck that guy

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Yeats couldna said it better.

      • gnomemansanisland

        I coulda worked the second coming in there.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I coulda been a contender…

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

      This makes me like poetry better.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Meter is off a bit, but fuck the rhyme.

  • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

    That cat video made me feel like I need some different medication.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I’m torn between believing that Cohen is obviously lying about paying Stormy Daniels hush money from his personal account while at the same time believing he’s probably enough of a sycophant to do something exactly like that. So, both?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The thing is, no one pays out 130k on behalf of someone else without expecting reimbursement. The question THEN becomes how did Donald’s orcs manage to get the RNC to cough up the dough so that if Donald reimbursed Cohen, he got reimbursed by the idiots making contributions.

    • Arolpin

      It’s only 260 billable hours (assuming $500/hour billing rate). I’m sure that the Cohen just thought that since he loves Dotard soooo much, that he figured he would just donate all that money because Dotard had been so good to him. Of course as a true sycophant, he doesn’t want the praise, hell, he didn’t even tell the Dotard about it, just knowing he helped Dotard was all the thanks he wanted. (Gah! I can’t even write lies this bald-faced as snark without gagging.)

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Because when I extort money, I go to their lawyer first.

    • Chad

      I have my doubts about the charitability of a corporate lawyer.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Dear Mr. Cohen,
      Can we see your check register please?

  • Walter Wellstone

    Happy Valentimes, Wonkers!!1!!1! I value your company, your wit, your smarts and your sharp sense of humor as much as I value your warmth and your depth.

  • ArgieBargie

    “shitty Christian rock”

    There is no other kind, Dominic.

    • gnomemansanisland

      St. Peter libelz!1!!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    As for the jackholes of Salon…well, their descent into irrelevance is now complete.

  • Rick Hill

    “….Trump’s budget also has no dedicated funding for infrastructure projects like rural broadband.”

    Just let them know that they won’t be able to stream their pron without decent inrawbebing capabliities. They can understand that kind of language, give them a referrence for just how fcked trump is doing them.

    • sarafina

      Or libraries, I read.

    • Walter Wellstone

      I say it all goes down on Friday.

    • Parakeetist

      A: no he could not

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s going to take a bus ride with all the other Bozos.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Uh, Clem?

    • Shrieking Harpy

      He who gets slapped?

    • xintheline

      The Trump KKKlown KKKar rolls on . . .

  • Blackest Noobs

    O/T:

    so i have a new job, before having new job i took time off from shitty job, which worked out pretty nice, until my new job, i only have to work 7 MOAR days at old shitty job.

    like yesterday i was gonna just yell at the stupid young lady who is my counterpart at my job, but said fuck it, the boss lady will eventually figure it out and sooner once im gone.
    cuz im closing in on the last day at this shithole.

    i hear Africa is nice.

    • DrBigHead

      As much as you would like to light the place up, it is always best to take the high road when leaving a job.

      And Africa is a big, diverse place. I am sure everyone could find a part of it that suits their fancy. I have personally only experienced the far north. enjoyed it very much

      • Blackest Noobs

        oooh the Africa comment was dig at President Pee_Pee Pants.

        • janecita

          But Africa really is nice. I liked Morocco,Tunisia, and Egypt.

          • Blackest Noobs

            i wouldn’t diss it…i’ve known real shitholes, Africa isn’t it.

        • DrBigHead

          MY apologies. Just coming off two full days of meetings and am still muddle headed. My snark meter is not up to par.

    • janecita

      Congratulations!!!

  • Parakeetist

    OT: another Valentine’s Day in which I do not have me A Man, ’cause I got The Cooties.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    My Valentine’s song. Yes I’m alone:

    https://youtu.be/DIDEeaow-qc

  • Nounverb911

    “Also, I might have to sit next to some common person.”

    https://twitter.com/ddale8/status/963775578175393793

    • Bobathonic

      Precious snowflake. I have never had a flight that wasn’t not the best.

      • Marion in Savannah

        “Flying American is like crossing the Andes in a prison bus.” Hunter S. Thompson

        • ImGoingBacon

          I absolutely hate all aspects of American Airlines.

    • NastyBossetti

      “instances… of interaction that’s not been the best.”
      Welcome to literally everyone’s life.

      • cmd resistor

        Said everyone who ever sat next to him.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        We’ve all met Ken Bone. Suck it up.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Pruitt: “Bbbbuttt….I learned everything I know about travel while in government service from Tom Price.”

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Said every person who sat within earshot of a screaming toddler or a seat mate who wouldn’t STFU so you read/sleep.

    • Nounverb911

      Bill Gates, before MS security made him buy a jet, would fly coach and put a blanket over his head so no one would see him.

      Really.

      • ImGoingBacon

        Why did he fly coach? Granted, first class might make him stand out more, but still, comfort reasons alone would be enough incentive for me.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      God I fucking hate that guy.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Because some citizen called him a grifting dickhead to his face? Buck up, matey.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Someone needs the special care of a first class tumbrel ride, stat.

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

      No matter where you’re seated, though, morning flights still smell like farts.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      The EPA administrator is someone I would easily recognize when travelling. You, for sure.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I have a picture of all the non-cabinet appointments hanging in my cubicle.

        They are all cute animals… right?

    • ((( Augustus )))

      Which instances, specifically?

      What events transpired during those instances?

      Can anyone else corroborate your description of these events?

      What portions of these events are relevant to “security concerns?”

    • You know, people who aren’t giant dicks typcially have uneventful social interactions in public places.

  • VirginiaHighFiber
    • Juan de Fuca

      I might borrow from the list and make up one today that says “Don’t let me spend Valentine’s Day drunk and naked on the floor screaming Adele songs at our rabbit.”

    • NastyBossetti

      I sent the one that says “You make me as happy as Donald Trump makes Melania” to MrBossetti. I think he’s filing for divorce as we speak.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Buzzfeed is going all out to prove the pee hooker tape is real, hiring a crew of lawyers, globe trotting investigators, and super nerds to really dig deep into THE DOSSIER.

    And then they discovered the horrifying truth:
    Who the pee hookers actually are!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0601af0c8955b30c05a7f2aebda4db412264a5f3fc05b58037c35b41214e137c.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Can’t…unsee…

    • MynameisBlarney

      OH JFC!!!!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Rubber d*cky, you’re so fine…

  • Parakeetist
  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Relativicus

    Every so often I’ll see an article noting that little is being done to prevent similar activity by the Russians, or anyone else, in 2018. I’ve yet to see one that also mentions Trump still refuses to believe that Russia did anything at all to our elections.

    How you gonna do something in order to prevent something from happening when the head of the country will not acknowledge there’s anything to prevent?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    In a kinder world, I would be inclined to have a degree of sympathy for Barstool, raised by that hideous and controlling mother in a deeply dysfunctional home. But she seems like a chip off the old block. Too bad it’s not a kinder world.

  • Blackest Noobs

    im not stylish but jesus. SHS wears some of the most uninspired clothing.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      The shower curtain collection from Big Lots!

    • “Unpresidented” Linda

      I pointed out a few weeks ago that she does like hot pink.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Hey now, don’t hate.
      It is inspired.
      By late 70’s upholstery patterns.

      • Blackest Noobs

        in the mirror universe where terrible clothes is a good thing.

  • Very Stable Bozi
  • MynameisBlarney
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Ramen!

  • cmd resistor

    My favorite class in law school was “How to Set up an LLC for Purposes of Making Gratuitous Shady Payoffs on Behalf of Clients.”

    • Ghenghis McCann

      So you studied at Trump University, did you?

      • cmd resistor

        You can learn stuff there you can’t get anywhere else.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Maybe they should just bring some sick and dying children to the White House to start sneezing and rubbing snot all over the furniture?

    Eeeeew. I mean, you have no idea what’s been done on the furniture over the last year.

    • DesertedPictures

      Not all that much, I presume. Trump is hardly there.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        He makes the most of the time that he is there.

        • DesertedPictures

          I should have said. He is probably hardly hardly there.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You know Stephen Miller has jizzed on everything in that room. The instant Marine Force One lifts off.

    • “Unpresidented” Linda

      Fart blossoms and cheeto stains?

  • Blackest Noobs

    haven’t heard forced lyrics like this since the last time i heard a Billy Joel song.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUC_Gjw1Cz4

    • Blackest Noobs

      probably couldve used Amy Grant’s help on the lyrics, at least she could kinda sorta write a decent christiany rock song.

      oooh and the posuer fakers Stryper…or however you spelled their name…

      • Blackest Noobs
        • Ghenghis McCann

          ‘The Best of Stryker’? Presumably brought to us by the same people who gave us ‘The Wit and Wisdom of Ronald Reagan.’ (It was a completely blank record.)

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Great! a throwback Steelers jersey tribute band!

      • Bobathonic

        What about Faith +1?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Jesus, was this produced by Milli Vanilli? Fuckin’ cheesiest studio sound imaginable. And wanky vocalist with shitty lyrics. I’d rather hear Tom Waits read a newspaper.

      • Blackest Noobs

        that can be arranged, Waits reading the paper.

      • therblig

        ms. blig would buy a ticket to hear tom waits read a menu.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Me too…if she needs an escort.

        • Somsai Resist

          Tom waits VDay gift would be 2 packs of cigs .

    • You expect me to subject my precious earballs to that video?

      • Blackest Noobs

        yes. do it for the team.

      • Earballs. Earballs? Earballs.

  • Nounverb911
    • I feel like this is racist, and since it’s Kansas, I’m SURE this is racist.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Only hoomans can shit all over the state.

    • therblig

      but he has a brown back

    • The Wanderer

      He certainly couldn’t do a worse job than Brownback.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        …even if s/he clawed all the furniture and pissed on the rug.

        • bupkus231

          I think Brownback probably did that, too – when he saw how failed his “policies” were….

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Valentine’s Day. A day that I am forever single for.

    Anywho, I actually treat Valentine’s Day as the day shout out to my mom. I usually miss Mother’s Day and sometimes her birthday, but I never forget Valentine’s Day for Mom.

    Why? For practically all of my adult life, she’s been the only one I am guaranteed to hear from on Valentine’s Day. Not even the shitty boyfriends or would-be suitors even bother, so fuck ’em. But Mom does. I sent her flowers last year, this year was a nice crystal thinga-ma-doo-hicky praising mother-daughter love for each other.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, Wonkers! Even if you’re single. You probably have a friend or family member or fur-baby who really is your special someone!

    • Juan de Fuca

      I’ve always gave my wife and daughter flowers on Valentine’s Day and this is the first year that Miss De Fuca is living on her own up in the big city. You motivated me to have some flowers delivered to her at school today.

      Happy Valentine’s Day, YoBunny!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        AWWWW, that’s great!!! Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours, de Fuca!

        Show the love!

    • janecita

      Moms are the best Valentines:-)

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Always!

    • Forever Single Wonkers of the World Unite!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I gave Molly a smooch on the snout and a special treat. I asked her how Valentine’s Day was going for her. “Ruff!”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Aw, sweet. I envy you still having your Mom around.
      /hugs

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • MynameisBlarney

    Toon Roundup

    “All Roads Lead To Impeachment”

    https://upload.democraticunderground.com/100210227884

  • “Unpresidented” Linda
  • janecita

    I’m sorry, but the Dreamers need to understand that the Democrats are in the minority party. Go scream at Republicans!

    • Well, Schumer. They weren’t too far off.

      • janecita

        That’s sad but true. I’m not a fan.

        • Oh, me either, and the man was my congressman for a while. I’m firmly convinced that he encouraged Bernie because his real constituents at the hedge funds wanted a Republican.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    My husband of more than 35 years announced out of the clear blue he was leaving two days before V-Day. I chose that day for my divorce to become final so that I wouldn’t have to have TWO shit days added to my year. So can we keep the hearts and flowers to a minimum today? Not everyone sees V-Day as a positive thing. Share your love with your loved ones, and don’t impose it on us randoms on the intertubes.

    This has been a public service announcement.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Damn. So sorry to hear. What a shitty thing to happen.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      You do know it is Eastern Orthodox Groundhog Day?

      Celebrate the important holidays.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I hear Pinsk Feodor see shadow, is six months Winter.

      • little miss high and mighty

        in 48 more hours it’s Year of the Dog, too also

    • renegade500

      I’m not a fan because I’m single, and single people are often made to feel like shit if we don’t have the flowers and dinners and candy and diamonds (or if not single, but just not loaded and can’t afford all that crap). I do look forward to buying half off candy tomorrow.

      And damn, sorry about that shitty ass thing your husband did. That stinks.

      • The Only Cosmic Owl

        Nevr sure when V day went from a bit of chocolate to diamonds, really.

        • renegade500

          I suppose about the time the diamond folks realized they could continue the retail killing post-Christmas. All these holidays are so cynical and just meant to make money for someone else.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          When the DeBeers company thought of it?

      • From Russia with Love
        • renegade500

          Haha! I also rather like this one:

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pHNkOQCIzk

        • Somsai Resist

          Yeah J Geils. LS should always be followed by First I Look at the Purse.

          • From Russia with Love

            Another great tune, indeed!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Knowing these capitalist mofos, they’ll probably disappear all the Valentine’s Candy and replace it with those fucking Peeps by tomorrow morning. The fuckers…

        • renegade500

          Yeah, got to get in to the HEB early tomorrow on the VD candy because with today being the first day of Lent, they’ve only got 40 fucking days to sell peeps!

    • The Only Cosmic Owl

      I stopped caring about V day ever since my son died on 2/12 years ago.

    • janecita

      I’m married and I still think it’s a stupid fake ass holiday. We don’t celebrate it at my house.

      Ps. Your ex husband is a terrible human being.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Yep, we refer to it as amateur day.

    • Shibusa
      • House0fTheBlueLights

        I’m going white Russians all night, in honor of our new Soviet overlords, actually. (And also because I have leftover Kahlua from one recipe and cream from another, and there is of course, always vodka)

    • Yabut. Oh. Never mind.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        No, you nailed it. I have a magnet on my fridge that my daughter got me. Says “remember that person that you couldn’t live without and yet here you are all livin’ and shit”

        (My daughter is awesome and has her dad’s number)

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Sorry that happened. I lost by best friend, by which I mean, she died in my arms on my 18th birthday, I got depressed on my birthday for many years. I understand.

  • Crystalclear12

    So happy to have Wonkette for Valentine’s Day!
    I may be drunk but I’m not alone!

    • What’s wrong with drinking alone?

      • Crystalclear12

        Eventually you need help opening the bottles.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          And holding your hair away from the toilet.

    • Very Stable Bozi
    • tehbaddr

      Let’s be alone together only through the interwebs? That way nobody gets hurt.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      You have us! Happy Valentines Day.

  • If the NYT can’t even suss out the Nazi-lovin’ past of a potential hire, how the hell can they root out important news stories? I’m so fucking done with them. Meanwhile, the WaPo hired Megan McArdle, perhaps the most incompetent pundit to ever strew pixels on a screen.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i think “Nazi-lovin'” was a good note at the NYT

  • The Only Cosmic Owl

    Sarah needs a John Bannergram, stat!

    • The Wanderer

      Eet is zo Klandinto!

  • “Unpresidented” Linda

    Maybe Bristol can start dating Rob Porter.

  • janecita

    Dear Lord, please let Buzzfeed find the hooker tape. If they do, I promise that I won’t make fun of their dumb quizzes ever again.
    Amen

    • Snarfyguy

      Does Buzzfeed really have the resources to fund/do actual investigative journalism at that level? Seriously, I don’t know!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hey, the National Enquirer broke the John Edwards scandal….

        • OutOfOrbit

          yeah but him a (D)

        • The Enquirer is a wholly owned subsidiary of the GOP, so they had motive.

      • renegade500

        I have a friend doing a PhD in Journalism, and his dissertation topic is going to be on how Buzzfeed actually is a pretty serious news organization, but one without a lot of public trust. And yet, as he says, they are actually legit.

        • Snarfyguy

          Interesting. I see now they’ve retained investigators in connection with their legal defense, rather than that their own journalists are undertaking an investigation.

        • janecita

          They have bull shit articles, but they also have some seriously good journalists.

          • renegade500

            I haven’t yet found a news source that at some time or other doesn’t have bull shit articles. (Obviously, some more than others.)

        • SweetDeeKat

          Their long reads are pretty good.

      • janecita

        They actually do real good investigative stories.

        https://www.buzzfeed.com/amphtml/melissasegura/almodovar-release

        • Snarfyguy

          I was just asking because Buzzfeed’s not really on my radar, thanks.

          • janecita

            You should read the article. Our justice system is terribly flawed.

          • Snarfyguy

            Well yeah. I’ll check it out, thank you.

      • “Buzzfeed Ben” used to be a very, very wired journalist in New York, until he sold Charlie Rangel to Politico for a national job (and a chance to let his inner very-well-hidden conservative take a run under the sprinkler naked).

        Turns out he wasn’t as good at being Maggie Haberman as Maggie Haberman is, so he’s back to being a crusading centrist who’s supposed to drag the listicle farm into legitimacy. He has something to prove here.

        • The Only Cosmic Owl

          You know, I always tried to get under the sprinkler as a kid, and ended up with grass stains on my butt.

          In retrospect, I know realize I misinterpreted the phrase.

    • therblig
    • fawkedifiknow

      I believed Chris Steele from the get-go about everything in the “Dodgy Dossier,” including the peeing hooker episode. Why would a universally respected sleuth put such a bizarre detail in his report if it wasn’t almost certainly true in his eyes. He does this stuff for a living. Putting a major falsehood in a report to his employers would more likely ruin his (Steele’s) livelihood than just leaving it out. He was under no compulsion to add that to the other bombshell information. He is experienced enough to know that, to the contrary, putting something salacious, but untrue, would do more damage to his credibility than he could ever hope to benefit from it. So, it’s highly, highly likely it’s true.

      That doesn’t mean, however, that it can ever be proven. Putin is no babe in the woods when it comes to shutting people up, if they have evidence he is involved in something nefarious. I hope to hell I’m wrong.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      I don’t see why this FTI company even needs Buzzfeed’s money. Surely if they set up a Kickstarter for this, they’d get eleventy gazillion dollars.

  • The Wanderer

    It doesn’t surprise me that Netanyahu’s mixed up in financial shenanigans. Like many people who admire Trump, he wants a slice of the pie.

    • Oh, he was way before Trump. Remember, Adelson actually bought national media in Israel so he could prop Netanyahu up.

    • Netanyahu has always been a ganef.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Translate Please, my best guess is dick dripping with gonorrhea.

  • Progressives and Dreamers have been making life hell for Chuck Schumer as they continue to bitch and moan about “rights” and “legal status” like a bunch of first-class citizens.

    Good. Looking forward to when they notice the Bernie-shaped lump in his pocket not making any noise.

  • Very Stable Bozi
  • From Russia with Love

    “Late last night Michael Cohen admitted that he gave Stormy Daniels $130,000 because reasons. Period. He just gave her a bunch of money for “a private transaction” that had nothing to do with Donald Trump’s ALLEGED philandering Forbes fantasy.”

    Maybe Cohen boned her too, and $130,000 is her going rate. Just like in town.

  • Sean Jungian

    That POS Cramer had previously decided NOT to run against Heitkampf, now he’s flip-flopped? He is absolutely the worst. Heidi isn’t a great Democrat but she’s as good as we could manage here in red state country.

  • ziggywiggy

    If you want to read comments from a bunch of trolls bitching that Sen. Gillibrand murdered Al Franken go to her FB page. That’s all they got to attack her, the fact that she is not a hypocrite.

    • John Thorstensen

      I’ll pass, thanks.

    • Marceline

      I didn’t like the way things with Franken went down either but what’s done is done. Those folks need to pull themselves together.

  • The Wanderer

    Trump probably thinks his wall will keep out the next global pandemic.

  • It’s a strange world where one can both be “D-list” and “trophy wife” at the same time.

    • There are plenty of D-list men whose parents were wealthy. Not a lot of George Clooneys out there…

    • Ghenghis McCann

      I thought most trophy wives had to be at least ‘Double D’.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And twenty years old.

    • Hesavebread!

      Participation trophy.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Snowflakes…

  • onedollarjuana

    “Despite all the evidence to the contrary, Trump still doesn’t believe that Russian fuckery in the 2016 election grabbed his little hands and pulled him over the top.”

    Not just fuckery, I’m convinced the Russkies changed vote tallies in close states with machine voting. There is increasing tantalizing evidence of this. What happens if proven?

    • Old town Urbandale

      You can bet it won’t be “do over!” More likely, “Well, we’ll postpone the elections until we come up with a fool-proof system that can’t be hacked and an electorate that can’t be misled by foreign powers.” In other words, we’ll just stop having elections.

      • bupkus231

        You may be more accurate than we’d all like to believe. After all, we’ve seen how the GOP deplorables are all about projection – and there were all these hysterical claims that Obama was gonna postpone ( if not cancel outright ) the 2016 election…

        They just may have been projecting what Rump and the GOP Congress has been planning to do….

        Remember, it’s not paranoia if the fuckers really ARE out to get us….

      • Lefty Wright

        That’s what NC is doing with judicial elections. They have been messing around with redoing judicial districts since last summer and still do not have anything decided. So they are canceling judicial primaries. The problem is that appeals court and state supreme court seats are statewide elections, but they cancelled them also. Giving a strong advantage to any incumbent, who this year happen to be mostly Republicans. Generally, an incumbent has no competition from their own party in these elections, but the opposing party may have several, in addition to the fact that you can switch parties up to 25 days before the election, so Republicans can switch and load up the Democratic ticket even more. The net effect, of course, is to fragment the opposition vote. A federal court ruled the appeals and supreme court primaries should be held, but the Appeals Court stayed the decision.

    • I’m not convinced of your thesis.

      However, what convinces me is the micro-targeting social media technology apparently used in blue precincts in WI, PA, and MI.

      Either way, yours or mine, the result was and is the same.

    • as i’ve said eleventy million times here: it is the ONLY assurance about our election that hasn’t been debunked.

      As you say, it’s just a matter of time. I heard someone on NPR this AM talking about how close the Russians got. He then reassuringly said ‘no evidence of actual vote tampering’.

      Yet.

      • We have to stop treating this as “meddling” or “interfering” and call it what it is.

        An attack.

        This is what war looks like in the 21st century, people.

  • williams517

    Hey, everyone. I’ll be spending Valentine’s Day at work, getting yelled at by people because their credit card got declined.

  • little miss high and mighty

    Dom, whoever slugged your photo headline has breeched journalistic ethics and besmirched a great individual. A 5-time father and war hero.Born c.24, sept, 1889, died 4,Appril, 1971. His name and title were Unteroffizier Hans Schutz. He overcame a brutal childhood at the hands of his mother to conscription to duty during ww1, there saving the life of one General Oberst Luther Kammler, with whom he remained in contact through ww2. He proved a loyal helpmate. Beloved amoung American as well as German youth.

    • The Only Cosmic Owl

      Banner Grams for all!

      He was also Jewish, BTW.

  • Nounverb911
    • BMW

      whut ?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Why??? …. Just… WHY????

        • Hesavebread!

          Fuck, I hate that she’s from Edinburgh. She’s not representative of us, well she is of a certain type of Scot, but not most of us.

          • That’s why she’s here. In this trumpian hellscape.

    • TundraGrifter

      Carroll Baker certainly has aged well! Wow!

  • Uncle Zor

    Here’s a fun thread about Cohen’s likely story that he personally paid the hush-money to Stormy Daniels out of his own pocket just because, and that it definitely wasn’t funneled through a Delaware LLC to try to hide the paper trail:
    https://twitter.com/aliasvaughn/status/963604818488160256

    • Snarfyguy

      I’m not following: what does paying money out of the Trump camp (whether it’s DJT himself or via his attorney) have to do with illegal campaign contributions, which involve money going into the Trump camp?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • TundraGrifter

    Jay Sucknewlow: “You can’t make this stuff up!”

    Agreed. I can’t. But he sure can. You betcha!

  • Marceline

    “New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand has decided not to take any more cash from PACs run by for-profit businesses in an effort to steal Bernie’s supporters.”

    I’ve just given up on Gillibrand. She keeps chasing far lefties and it isn’t going to work.

    • I think that spin is a little off. I think she’s trying to inoculate herself from Bernie’s supporters, since his corporate cash is coming in dark.

  • Ronnie McDonald

    It’s “I know nothing!” as well. Which, when it comes to so so so many jackasses in ths administration is an understatement.

    So who’s Colonel Klink? Guess it would be Kelly. But Sander’s ain’t the only Schultz in this administration, or on Capitol Hill in general, there’s also Ryan, McConnell, Nunes etc. Cripes, things are so stinky it’s even too much for hyper partisan hack Trey Gowdy!

  • TundraGrifter

    Michael Cohen’s $130,000 to Stormy didn’t have to be reimbursed to be a campaign contribution. Did she get a 1099 from him for the payment?

  • The Very Stable Librarian

    Good on Margaret for flipping the GOP the bird. #BlueWave2018

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Uncle Zor

      Yep. POTUS is too much of a chickenshit to just come right out and fire his babysitter without first running a bitchy little smear campaign against him first.

  • IMPOed
  • Do you suppose that Mnuchin’s wife realizes that they posed her like John Edwards’ mistress?

    • Uncle Zor

      Pose me like one of your French girls, specifically the one who said that thing about eating cake.

      • (that was Kirsten Dunst, shhh)

  • Uncle Zor
  • tehbaddr

    Heading to the store later for V-day dinner fixins, Rib Steaks Asparagus and New Potatoes to over roast.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Over roast?” If you like you steaks well done, don’t forget the ketchup.

  • Blockhead Squared

    As to the Schultz reference for Sanders, there’s someone, actually there are many, who, aside for turning a blind eye are closer to him in terms of political beliefs, this man for instance: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ecf429f9a065a875c2d61f22975e53a476a8d3e4a28b987ef9a09f9f132cf2d7.jpg

  • Snowbound Ron

    North Korea won’t pay its $2.6 million Olympic bill, and is making South Korea and the IOC pick up the tab.

    See, Donnie? You and Rocket Man aren’t so different after all!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Maybe they should just bring some sick and dying children to the White House to start sneezing and rubbing snot all over the furniture?

    Better yet, let’s have sick children make his burgers at McDonald’s. It’s not like they get paid sick days.

  • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

    Late last night Michael Cohen admitted that he gave Stormy Daniels $130,000 because reasons. Period. He just gave her a bunch of money for “a private transaction” that had nothing to do with Donald Trump’s ALLEGED philandering Forbes fantasy.

    …so…

    If you pay for someone else to have sex with another person, is that *still* called, “prostitution” i.e. a chargeable offense?

    • Bitter Scribe

      I think it’s called “pandering.”

      • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

        I knew the Wonkette Legal Eagles would have the answer. Thanks!

    • TundraGrifter

      It’s an illegal, unreported campaign contribution. And, I continue to wonder if Stormy was sent a 1099 for the payment.

      If this was just a normal business transaction, why did Mr. Cohen set up a network of shell corporations for a single transaction and go to such lengths to hide it? That alone set him back a few thousand dollars.

      • Follow the paper trail. How did Daniels report it on her income tax?

    • Yellerduck

      I think what Cohen is saying, once you get through the noise, is that the sex never happened, he just paid her to not say anything about the sex that didn’t happen preemptively, just in case she was thinking about it. He probably actually paid off all of the other porn stars in the U.S. and Canada to keep them from talking about sex that never happened, but is too humble to say so.

      • Occupied Shithole of Kavefish

        I guess paying people to not say things about stuff that didn’t happen is one of those weird things rich people have to do to get rid of all that cash they’ve got lying around.

  • HazooToo

    I really hope Wolf does provide his own map. And I hope it’s fucking fabulous.

  • ViveLaResistance!

    I gotta say, everyone is just killing it today! My upfist is begging for mercy.

  • Zyxomma

    Happy Valentine’s Day, Ash Wednesday, and Eve of Lupercalia, Wonketteers.

    • guppy06

      Gregorian new moon this Friday!

      • 新年快乐!
        Xīnnián kuàilè!

  • Alease

    Goℴgle is giving every one $97 per/hr to complete few services from a laptop .. Work Some just few time & stay more time together with your own loved ones . Any one can also apply this special offer!!last Saturday I got a gorgeous McLaren F1 just after making $10,000 this past six weeks .no doubt it is the coolest job however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t read this.!oe541j:➩➩➩ http://GoogleNextFreelanceInternetJobs/getcash/97$/per-hr ♥o♥g♥♥z♥f♥♥♥n♥♥♥h♥y♥♥n♥u♥r♥♥v♥g♥♥n♥♥e♥i♥l♥g♥♥b♥♥♥y♥u♥c♥♥♥a♥♥♥x♥♥q♥f:::!ie492i:ykwxv

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