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As we prepare to spend your money beering and pizzaing your comrades in Portland, Oregon, TOMORROW, and Spokane ON FRIDAY we offer you this guest post from a Wonkette expatriate showing you how easy it is to send Wonkette more of it! Or you can just click the clicky to send us your devilish tithes!

OK, having exhausted all lazy options, I have dutifully made an expedition to the thriving metropolis that is the City of Hamilton (or as we refer to it … “town”), braved the teller line and purchased a draft in the amount of US$200 payable to Wonkette. Why $200 instead of $100? Read on, it ain’t likely to happen again any time soon. So, the check is in the mail. (I’ve always wanted to use that phrase and have never before had occasion to do so. Even better, hewing to tradition, it is a lie, because I haven’t actually mailed the damn thing yet but it’s almost in the mail.)

The mission was not without incident.

Having been afforded the opportunity for lengthy reflection on the similarities in pace between teller line progression and glacial regression, I arrived at the wicket and stated my purpose. “Wonkette? What’s that?!” exclaimed the young lady. “A website” I replied. Her face continued to look askance, so I fixed a stern expression and added, “Are you a good Christian?” She assured me she was. “You should look at it daily for guidance.” I do NOT know why I do these things, I am 62 years old and know better. I passed her the completed form.

“We can’t accept a PO Box address [ahem: Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860], we need a street address. Anti-money laundering rules.”

“They don’t publish their street address, probably security concerns, they live in Montana. Lotta militia types out that way, they don’t all take kindly to the principles set out in the Beatitudes.” I reply, winging it wildly and trying to sound authoritative.

“That’s ok, it will be on their web site somewhere, I’ll just look it up.”

Oh shit. Moments later, at volume, with feeling: “Nasty vile little snark mob! What the hell is this??! This ain’t no church site!”

Everybody stares. I am now officially a Suspicious Person. The Obvious Busybody three back in the teller queue already has her cell phone out poised to dial 911.

I won’t bore you with what followed but suffice to say it took over an hour, involving, at various times, ALL of the tellers on duty, two supervisors and one banking officer, and the teller is quite convinced that I am a devil worshipper. That my phone went off half way through probably didn’t help — my ringtone is Calm Like A Bomb (it was amusing in client meetings, maybe I should change it now that I am retired). On the bright side, she wasn’t, and I got a the “senior’s discount” on the draft (only $20 instead of $75!) because, even though she was holding my driver’s license, she couldn’t work out if I was 65 or not (I saw her trying, bless) so she gave it to me, based, I am sure, on my head of grey hair and a burning desire to conclude this transaction with Beelzebub.

Anyway, I probably can’t visit that branch again any time soon. Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the Satanic Temple as another example of an organization that doesn’t publish street addresses.

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  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • ((( Augustus )))

      Why hide it if they’ve done nothing wrong?

      • sarafina

        You sound like a law-and-order-Republican there. Kudos!!!

        • data_ninja

          They do love that phrase, until they actually have to think about it or are confronted with it.

          • HooverVilles

            Exactly! I’ve heard that phrase in one form or another many times when the GOTPers want one of their onerous “law and order” bills passed.

    • Tiffany de Houston

      Surprise, surprise.

    • arglebargle

      ANIMATRONIC ANCHOR BABY!!1!

    • DrBigHead

      They should NOT let this slide. They should ask them every fucking day until they get an answer.

      • Shibusa

        How often did we have to hear about Barack Obama’s Aunt Zeituni Onyango, living in Boston illegally? (She died a few years ago and the Infowarriors are still blathering about her.)

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Weren’t they um living in another country, so their status would be “foreigner”?

      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/e/e4/Foreigner_-_4.jpg/220px-Foreigner_-_4.jpg

      • Msgr_MΩment

        You’re cold as ice.

        • Petunia Cat

          Cold as ICE. 😵

      • Julaine

        No, they may or may not be considered “foreigners” but they do live in Washington, DC. The WH refuses to say if they are living with the First Family in the WH but they do attend most events that Melania is seen at, such as the Thanksgiving turkey pardoning. Before the election they were long time residents at Trump Tower and were often seen at Mar a Lago whenever Melania and/or Barron is there.

        I would love to see their Visa applications.

    • The Wanderer

      They had to bring boxes of home soil with them.

      • Lefty Wright

        Did they have a medical screening? How do we know they are not vampires!!!??!!

        • The Wanderer

          Get the mirrors and holy water in, stat!

      • I’m telling you. intercontinental travel is a bitch when you’re undead.

    • Spurning Beer

      THE WHITE HOUSE IS A SANCTUARY CITY!!!!!!1!!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Pay WH staffers in canned hobo beans. Start with Donnie.

    • goonemeritus

      So will we being making citizen arrests, ICE can’t be everywhere, sometimes we need to be the solution

    • SDGeoff3

      For the same reason they refuse to produce Donald’s taxes.

    • CripesAmighty

      IlleAGALS!11!

    • OneYieldRegular

      Knowing Trump, he probably brought them in through Trump, Inc. as Foreign Guest Workers.

    • rielly

      And I thought this was gonna be about the Palin incubator.

      /s :-)

  • Ling Ling
    • The Wanderer

      Dagnabbit, you beat me to it.

  • OTB

    I love Carlton Mellick, brilliant writer.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    HA! Now I’m glad I kick a few bucks to Wonkette each month.

    • The Wanderer

      Buttsechs forever!

    • Eileen Besse

      Me, too!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I’m on the (very) modest monthly paypal donation plan. BUT…

      I don’t see how mailing discretely concealed cash money bills, to a certain Polson PO Box would attract any attention. My aunt Sharon used to send me a card with crisp $5 bill every Xmas, and she managed to get away with it.

  • C.W. St. John Nobbs

    That was wonderful. A tip of the fundy-knicker-twisting cap to you.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/g9582DNuQppxC/200.gif

  • Rick Hill
    • Unstable Genius Roni Raven

      Needs moar KFC and taco bowls.

      • OutOfOrbit

        aka “taco bowels”

      • CripesAmighty

        No BK crown.

    • aureolaborealis

      Needz moar toilet.

    • Daniel

      Have you found the hidden sperm in it yet?

      Is that what Special Sauce is?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    But otherwise things are going well in the 1950s?

  • little miss high and mighty

    You could have legnthened the post, Jr. Seems like you were just warming up.
    200 YeYayhoos?
    Olds gets all the fun contacts!

  • The Wanderer

    Is this the open thread yet?

    • OutOfOrbit

      do not think so

    • BadKitty904

      No. I hope they’re busy writing something on the Parkland horror.

      • The Wanderer

        (nods) At some point, I’ll be posting a link to a romantic story I wrote back in 2010.

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        Whether or not, I would like to relate my story again. Aside from just the guns and the NRA, there remain serious safety issues in schools across the country. Bottom line, we do not care enough about our children to create not just a safe school building but a safe society.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Gun culture is an epidemic that needs to change too. We need to address toxic masculinity whether the MRAs like it or not.

          • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

            With the emphasis on cult.

        • clairence

          With a kid in middle school, it freaks me out sometimes thinking about how many school shootings there are in this country. (the other times, I’m thinking about other stuff). And on days like today it’s hard to stop watching the live feeds.

          All this focus on ‘tha terrists!’ is just a distraction from yer crazee nabir and their kids.

        • OneYieldRegular

          THIS up there.

      • stubbornirishlass

        Phil Mudd completely broke down on Blitzer’s show today. It was heartbreaking.

        • BadKitty904

          He should’ve and it is. The entire nation should do the same.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Moments later, at volume, with feeling: “Nasty vile little snark mob! What the hell is this??! This ain’t no church site!”

    OMG, your teller was KIM DAVIS? *faints dead away*

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

      No, the teller couldn’t have been Kim Davis. She actually DID her job.

    • The Wanderer

      Good thing she didn’t get to the (gasp!) dick jokes.

    • OneYieldRegular

      If I ever meet Kim Davis, I know what I’ll teller.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Had to share this. Dutch Operator in Norway.
    https://twitter.com/korpsmariniers/status/962647456700911617

    • The Wanderer

      Beautiful.

    • janecita

      That’s a gorgeous picture.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        I know right? Human power humbled by nature’s beauty.

      • OutOfOrbit

        w/ night-vision & assault rifle?

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          These guys creep around places we wouldn’t want to go in broad daylight.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            In Norway?

        • janecita

          The soldier is secondary to the beauty of the Aurora Borealis.

    • Spurning Beer

      I believe it’s spelled “Normay.”

    • TJ Barke

      Jotun getting rowdy?

    • Fire and Fury Demme

      Beautiful!

      Please to explain the Dutch “thing” with speed skating.
      Do you all speed skate at birth?
      I love your “chocolate for breakfast” and “best English in Europe” ways, but I don’t get the speed skating thing.

      • janecita

        “They all speed skate to work, that’s what the canals are for.”
        Katie Couric

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          She apologized! :D

          • Marion in Savannah

            Doesn’t make her less of a moran.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            I can relate. I thought Canadians all carpooled on Zambonis. /s

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Skating is a typical dutch tradition. We move on skates once we are born but due to climate change our winters arent that cold anymore so we skate a lot less. Still as soon as there is ice we skate.
        we were ready during WW2 for ice
        https://i.pinimg.com/originals/77/55/0b/77550b923235d883fd8f7a0041ce78f5.jpg
        and we still enjoy it when we can like in 2012
        https://twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/ice-skating-amsterdam-frozen-canals-netherlands-holland-3.jpg?w=800&h=604
        But normally this how we go to work.
        https://www.wegenwiki.nl/images/thumb/KP_Oudenrijn.jpg/400px-KP_Oudenrijn.jpg

        • Fire and Fury Demme

          When I was a kid in Denmark, I used to ice skate on the pond in back of our school. I got used to the relatively rough ice one finds in nature.
          They must get the talented ones used to what look like razor blades on glass/ice!
          I was there in the 70s, in Feb. and it was cold and windy!
          What a shame that things are warming up!

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            We invented the “klapschaats” to make us faster.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI1wcAxUyTE
            plus check this:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7p7zpH0aG9c

          • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

            My favorite time in Denmark was the winter of 95 and jogging in a snowstorm under the wind turbines in Jutland. Well, that and then a Tuborg.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            There’s a small lake halfway up in the mountains above my town where my mother used to skate every winter, in the 1940s. I skated there about every other winter in the 1970s. And my kids have skated not at all.

            Most winters nowadays, you could go canoeing, though.

        • everstar

          I seem to recall reading a fairy tale or story about Dutch silver skates.

        • Dg Hacket

          Thats the nicest and cleanest highway interchange that i have ever seen.

      • goonemeritus

        I assume no one gave them hockey sticks for Christmas.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          That is actually one of the biggest mysteries. We rule speed skating and field hockey but for some reason we don’t do Ice Hockey.

          • goonemeritus

            I can speak from experience that you do bicycle racing. I hated those orange hats back in the day

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Many speed skaters are also cyclists.

    • C.W. St. John Nobbs

      I like the aurora borealis, but where is the switchboard?

    • John Iwaniszek

      very cool

    • OneYieldRegular

      Just curious – has the Netherlands ever considered a vowel/consonant exchange with the Balkan states?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        I have no idea what you mean TBH.

    • Cogswell that ends well

      Yeah, what he said.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Wait…have the Dutch invaded Norway, now?

  • memzilla Ω

    I look at donating munniez to Teh Wonket as an investment in my mental health.

  • The checks in the mail, jeez!

    It’s not, but I am the poorest I’ve been in a while. Thanks a lot ex husband and attorneys, gah!

    I’ll hit ya’ll up with that sweet sweet welfare mom income tax when I gets it.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Have we found the portal to sane universe yet?

  • RickyG

    This is the best thing all day!

  • John Iwaniszek

    The Credit Union has never given me that kind of trouble.

  • Nockular cavity

    Oh, but I can give you the address to the Satanic Temple. Their address is bap;it;hg’;aeq5;/byqil5gh;h/
    tabn
    a,k./a./..n……….

    • Crystalclear12

      Great, now I have to get out the decoder ring.

      • Marion in Savannah

        The only thing that ever turns up is “Drink more Ovaltine.”

        • Crystalclear12

          Hmmm. . .Republican souls cheap, 3 for the pri. .
          Yep, another advert.

          • The Wanderer

            Republican souls, 7s/6d a dozen. Inquire KRemlin2-3334, ask for “Vladdie Boy.”

        • everstar

          Son of a bitch!

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • The Wanderer

      Oooh. Summer reading list, ahoy.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Skeleton in the center: “Oh, yeah…that’s infected.”

  • Gosala

    So, let me get this straight. You’re gathering monies from all over the world and funneling it to a few elites in Portland to pay for their demon infested drunken pizza orgies (what’s in the basement…huh?).

    SOCIALISTICISMISTS!!!!!

    (Great story, bye the way)

  • BadKitty904

    Not to disrespect Jr.’s writing, but there’s no Open Thread yet and I don’t want to stay online.

    Ugh, I hate crying. It’s so unattractive. I’m a grown-ass man and should be able to control my emotions.

    Anyways, let me stop being such an embarrassing downer – you guys carry on.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I’ve already shed tears. When my wife comes home from teaching school I might lose it.

      Again.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      There is nothing unmanly about crying, and nothing that restricts it to a specific age range. If anything, if men were more open to not stifling their emotions, we wouldn’t have this toxic macho culture that breeds violence as an alternative to healthy expression of pent-up frustration.

      If you need to cry, cry. It’s not unattractive and it doesn’t make you any “less” of a man. Gender roles are bullshit and toxic masculinity is literally killing us all.

      A real man reaches for the Kleenex after a tragedy.

      http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/02/03/23/3CCED9E400000578-4185706-Canada_s_Prime_Minister_Justin_Trudeau_above_wipes_a_tear_during-a-16_1486163324854.jpg

      A barely human being throws paper towels at the victims.

      https://cdn.cnn.com/cnnnext/dam/assets/171003141618-02-trump-paper-towels-puerto-rico-10-03-2017.jpg

    • Fire and Fury Demme

      Shaun White cried like a baby and said “I fuckin’ did it!” to his dad when he won the gold yesterday!
      Just made me love him more!

      • Arolpin

        I thought I was the only one who caught that “I fuckin’ did it!” I’ve been a Shaun White fan since he was about 15, so of course I was watching, and I even told the Arol-twins that they should take a homework break and watch his final run. I never saw him cry before, even when had the scary collision with Tony Hawk in the halfpipe when he was a teenager. It was actually sweet how emotional he, and his entire family, was. And he didn’t appear embarrassed in the interviews afterwards.

    • NastyBossetti

      Crying is controlling your emotions, by expressing them.

    • everstar

      Controlling your emotions doesn’t mean repressing them!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jzrSqgVL_A

    • Meccalopolis

      Sometimes you just gotta let it out

  • La forza del resistino

    Next time purchasing a draft at the bank say you’re Bill Gates and you’ll get a free toaster for the inconvenience of the wait.

  • Cogswell that ends well

    Abandon hope all ye who enter here and beware those who would type in tongues.

    • The Wanderer

      Argle-bargle morble whoosh?

    • clairence

      that would take forever!
      (oh, you said in tongues)

  • h4rr4r

    $20 to send a check? A book of checks costs less.
    If you don’t have an account, a money order would be cheaper too.

  • Woulda been easier to open a checking account, write the check, and close the account. Plus, free toaster! (40 years ago.)

  • Petunia Cat

    But, but Wonkette jr, PayPal! That works from The Canada. If that is where you are. If your Hamilton is mine it’s nice and melty out right now. 😊

    • PubOption

      Where the Street Railway operates with buses?

      • Petunia Cat

        Yes! 🐴

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Sir, we salute you.

  • Crystalclear12
    • Msgr_MΩment

      “We know that in other places they use money laundering as a way of entangling people, as a way of compromising people,” he added. “To me that is far more potentially compromising than any salacious video would be.”

      So, at some point Trump will dump the tape on the press to distract them from other SQUIRREL!

    • TJ Barke

      So nothing that anyone paying attention doesn’t already know.

    • Paperless Tiger

      The evidence, it’s abundant.

  • RickyG

    OT but, some Florida students are posting Twitter videos from the school. They are chilling. More gruesome? All the media ghouls and goblins popping up to get permission to show them on TV news. I just can’t even

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Ratings. That’s all they care about. Ratings. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

      • RickyG

        All while dutifully playing their part in the endless cycle of horror.

      • WIDTAP

        “If it bleeds, it leads.”

        • WIDTAP

          We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blond
          Who comes on at five
          She can tell you ’bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye
          It’s interesting when people die
          Give us dirty laundry

          – Don Henley

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            GMTA.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Got the bubble-headed bleach blonde, comes on at 5.
          She can tell you ’bout the plane crash, with a gleam in her eye.
          It’s interesting when people die!
          Give us dirty laundry!

          Don Henley got it right way back in 1982.

    • therblig

      was listening to npr on the way home. interviewer was talking to mother of twins, describing their texts from separate locations in the school – that they loved her. one was at home, but mom was still worried about the other. suddenly, she said she had another call and it was probably her daughter. i almost broke down crying in the car.

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    This upstanding lady is calling out the bullshit of elected officials who send “thoughts and prayers” after the latest shooting but have all taken blood money from NRA.

    https://twitter.com/molly_knight/status/963896626237513728

    Give ’em hell, Molly. Republican Mammonism is a death cult of blood sacrifice.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Christ, save me from that deranged bitch.

  • Bananas Foster

    I took the job I spontaneously applied for and it turned out to be a significant pay bump.

    My contribution will be bumped accordingly.

    I haven’t been around because I’m still weak from the fucking Zombie Flu.

    Yes, that’s what I’m calling it.

    • Cogswell that ends well

      Captain Trips?

      • Eileen Besse

        Hahahahahah!!!1

      • GaseousAnomaly

        Pfft…back when Stephen King thought there might be something more virulent than Trump.

    • JustDon’tSayCAPSLOCK!!!

      Hey, cool! I remember when you weren’t sure if you should even look into it when they called. Mo’ money is mo’ better.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Congrats! I hope you love it! Also too, I guess you’re picking up the tab tonight…
      *opens menu to lobster*

      • Karen

        Goℴgle is giving every one $97 per/hr to complete few services from a laptop .. Work Some just few time & stay more time together with your own loved ones . Any one can also apply this special offer!!last Saturday I got a gorgeous McLaren F1 just after making $10,000 this past six weeks .no doubt it is the coolest job however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t read this.!qe662s:=>>=>> http://GoogleFashionSuperjobsWorkingAtHome/get/97$/hourly ♥♥y♥♥k♥a♥♥♥g♥♥♥n♥r♥♥w♥♥♥x♥♥♥g♥♥s♥♥♥w♥♥e♥♥z♥♥t♥♥♥t♥♥♥n♥♥♥o♥♥♥x♥♥n♥l♥♥♥q♥♥q♥♥k♥♥k♥♥p:::::!ke681d:wtouv

        • Bright Bart

          …”but i drove my mcfalan too fast and crashed and popped my fake boobs. so sad!”

    • Hiss

      Hurray!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Hope you’re really on the mend. That shit has been cutting a wide swath through Savannah, and it’s a bitch. Oh, and YAY on the job!

    • Come on. That’s great!

  • Cletus Safari
  • Blanche de Shambles

    I call fake.

    Who in Hamilton (or the greater Hamilton area, so like…Grimsby) has $200?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Jr. got it from Michael Cohen. He’s giving money away.

      • WIDTAP

        Since Cohen is paying everyone “even if the story is false” maybe we can just say that Trump buttfucked Wonkette and get Cohen to cut a check.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Damn. Do we all need to be tested now?

    • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

      Breitbart is red,
      Blue states are cucks.
      Everyone knows
      It was Sorosbux(TM)!!

    • Something tells me… not THAT Hamilton. Cuz I don’t believe they give a shit if you’re a christian in THAT Hamilton.

    • Vienna Woods

      Now, now. There are some very nice houses perched up on the escarpment.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    When I heard about Columbine, I was in the drive-through of a McDonald’s after a day of teaching at the University of Northern Colorado and looked forward to the drive back to Aurora. I was listening to AM radio KOA 850’s drive time newscast.

    It could be age, but now I find it difficult to recall when I first heard about a school shooting. Even Newtown.

    • mancityRed6

      the only one I can think of is UT Austin.

      • DrBigHead

        Same here. That is the first mass shooting in any location that I can recall.

    • janecita

      I remember Columbine, but I especially remember Sandy Hook. My daughter was the same age as most of the kids.

  • Dartemus

    Couldn’t we just send the money directly to Comet Ping Pong and skip the middleman?

  • WIDTAP

    OT: Trump “totally opposed to domestic violence” as if anyone would support it.

    Hey dufus, how about condone by ignoring it vs refusing to tolerate it in the people you hire for positions requiring security clearance (or any position for that matter).

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/14/us/politics/john-kelly-rob-porter-security-clearances.html

    • bupkus231

      “…as if anyone would support it.”

      He wanted to make sure that anyone who criticized his statement could be smeared with that very charge, that they supported domestic violence.

      This is bog-standard “conservative” tactics ( For example, anyone who opposes some anti-abortion measure is therefore pro-abortion. ). Fuck him.

      • To be fair to the soul-sucking morans, authoritarians typically can only categorize entities, thoughts, and values into pairs of opposites, rather than somewhere on a spectrum – let alone multi-dimensional webs.

        Hence if you don’t love money above all else, then you’re a lazy bum who wants to live on other people’s handouts your whole life. Et cetera.

        Binary thinking, with bright, clear borders between the opposites. While the fallacy is called “false dichotomy” in an argument, these folks often have no clue what you’re talking about when you try to explain it after accusing them of using one.

        (“You can’t be a patriot if you don’t think the US is number one in everything!”)

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He has quite a lot of fans who support domestic violence. So I see this as a risky move for him.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He’s lucky it’s impossible to rape one’s wife.*

      *It’s not.

  • Nounverb911

    Dues dutifully paid.

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

    Wait… You still didn’t explain why $200 instead of $100.

    Or maybe you did and I’m just that drunk.

    • mackafritz

      Maybe he didn’t want to go through that again.

  • Nounverb911
  • HazooToo

    Good job, Dude! You even made it home alive, and didn’t get no holy water thrown on you!

  • Rick Hill

    So, trump is giving full throated support for user fees for highways, bridges, etc and a 25 cents a gallon tax. What a guy….

    • Paperless Tiger

      Can’t a guy commit political suicide in here?

    • Cogswell that ends well

      Just another step towards, “your papers please.”

    • mackafritz

      So you can give back that huge tax break in gas tax.

    • CripesAmighty

      Paying for Lear jets–25 cents a gallon at a time. And when the Billies have a heart attack when they fill up the hickup truck, Trump’ll grunt, ‘Obama’, and they’ll eat it right up.

      • bupkus231

        As it is, Lear jets only pay about 3 cents more in federal taxes per gallon than that hickup trick owner does – and as far as I can tell, Rump’s “endorsement” of an increase in the federal gasoline tax does NOT include “general aviation” jet fuel….

        • CripesAmighty

          Yeah, but those hickup fill ups are paying for the new Lears bought with those sweet, sweet tax cuts.

    • A Groucho Marxist

      The cool thing about a gas tax is that it really sticks it to the working poor and affects the wealthy not at all.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That better not eat into my $1.50 a month!

      • bupkus231

        Oh no, it won’t. Paying for gas comes from a completely different pocket than the one your tax reduction will go into…

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      That’s what the Brietbarters were squawking about plus he apparently wants gun control…

      I don’t want to know. ..

  • Anna Rompage

    A couple years ago I was doing work in the burbs of Portland (OR), and went to a local sandwich shop for lunch.

    I placed my order, and was waiting next to the counter for them to assemble my sandwich and send me on my way. I’m just sitting there when heard the two late teenage girls who were assembling sandwiches talking about how so & so from school is a Hindu or something, and doesn’t celebrate Christmas.. Isn’t that funny, and weird, and strange and just down right wrong says one to the other? I mean who doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Everyone in the world celebrates Christmas, am I right, or am I right?

    Okay, I’m paraphrasing a little bit, but you get the idea. These two poor white girls who have probably only been to Portland once or twice, and likely have never left the state, much less the country, were totally dishing shit about how this person they go to school with doesn’t celebrate Christmas.

    Needless to say, I couldn’t resist the opportunity, and as one of the girls called my number and gave me my sandwich, I took it upon myself to be a good steward of the world, and informed them that 60+% of the world doesn’t celebrate Christmas, and that the majority of the world’s populations were not Christians…

    It never once occurred to these kids that there’s a whole wide world out there, with different languages (besides mexican), religious beliefs (beside Protestant & baptist), food traditions (and NO! Taco Bell is not Mexican food), and cultures….

    • TJ Barke

      FFS, I’m from bumfuck nowhere OR, and I knew better before I even made it to my teens. Then again, my parents never really tried to indoctrinate me into anything.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      There’s a thing called the Internet, supposedly it gives you access to the whole world outside of their Wonder Bread community. There’s also a thing called “books” that apparently they never heard of either.

      I’ve never ventured more than 10 miles outside my hometown, never driven a car on my own, taken a plane or train ride, or visited a capital city or major metropolitan area (not even Boston itself). But even I knew that not everyone celebrates Christmas.

      The Taco Bell one was news to me until a short while ago, though. Mostly because I’ve never eaten there and have no desire to either.

  • Suspect white, still alive and probably a lone wolf with mental health issues. IOW: another one in the never ending stream of isolated incidents of which we never can get enough information and therefore are no reason to prematurely start talking about gun control.

    ‘Murica!

    • gallbladder

      Madness.

    • The Wanderer

      Local news was interviewing a few students. They’re saying that they knew he’d be the likeliest one to start shit.

      • That tidbit alone sounds like Columbine.

        • The Wanderer

          Yeah. The kids know who the oddballs might be.

          • La forza del resistino

            who sits where and with whom or nobody in the cafeteria .

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            I sat on the floor in the cafeteria. I never shot anyone.

            The press needs to stop making the oddballs feel even odder and more ashamed of being outcasts than they already are.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            People just need to treat others with compassion. I know this is simplistic, but it works. If it cuts the shooting rates in half that will be good.

          • h4rr4r

            Oddball libels!

            I was an oddball, still am and so far have shot zero people.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            It usually is a guy who feels cheated and unloved. Basically all they need to know is that people do care about them. Then they don’t shoot people.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Only one mass shooting is known to not have multiple warning signs ignored.

    • OutOfOrbit

      USA! NRA!
      NRA! USA!
      USA! NRA!
      NRA! USA!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Probably also had some of that “economic anxiety” too.

      • I’m already hearing “grudge” and “emotional problems” floating around. I’m sure his social media feeds are full of ponies and puppies also, too.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Boomtown Rats

        (Tell me why) I don’t like Wednesdays…

    • bupkus231

      The shooter is a former student at that high school ( in a town that was once hailed as one of the “safest places” in ‘Murica, according to my central FL TV station coverage ). No word whether he’s a former student because of graduation, because of “disciplinary action”, or because of dropping out.

      • PubOption

        CBS News claimed that he had been expelled.

    • IdiotsforPalin

      To weird…..yesterday I had Active Shooter Training……….

    • La forza del resistino

      Bulletproof whiteboards on classroom walls. No wonder only the truly motivated enter teaching today.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        If teachers have to buy their own kevlar, is that tax deductible?

        • La forza del resistino

          Ha. keep the expense under a buck fiddy and kiss your Costco card goodbye.

          • bupkus231

            Kevlar ain’t cheap….

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Michael Cohen is feeling generous.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          No

    • bupkus231

      Didn’t catch the suspect’s full name just now ( TV on in other room ), but his last name was Cruz.

      Suspect is no longer white, but one of those MS-13 gangbangers here illegally.

      • worse. it makes him potentially Canadian.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Then again, Al-berta is kind of one of those crazy terrorist organizations. Like Al-abama…

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        That what Brietbarters are saying.

      • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

        Nicolas Cruz (piece of shit)… Sheriff said he was expelled from the school.

      • Mike Steele

        Actually, former NYPD Bratton suggested he was ‘right-leaning’, as per his social media. Resembles a generic Momma’s cellar dweller, so he’ll probably use the Hot Pockets defense.

    • BearLeft

      Apparently they’ve apprehended a former student. Expect Preznit Oompa Loompa to take to the airwaves to denounce white people from America and how they should all go back to where they came fro … WAIT, WHAT?! Um, thoughts and prayers, thoughts and prayers, motherfuckers.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I want to take a moment to educate everyone about the newest gang thats i believe is the biggest threat to america, maybe the world. Ty, Mr Reuben Boiling for educating us all. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f3f9ac2575d5d41c45a7bfebd8e5d7007d26ace2894326f660e5dab060208167.jpg

    • bupkus231

      Haven’t seen any of the Rump admin’s “Immigration Crime Stories Round Ups”, but I suspect that Mr. Bolling’s “liberties” with this format ain’t all that far off the lies and distortions that are included in the Rump admin’s versions. Just look at what happened with their “VOICE” office – exposing supposedly anonymous tipsters, encouraging fictitious “reports”.

      These fascist muthafuckas can’t do anything right. Deport ICE!

    • Cletus Safari

      No mention of the biggest crime of the gang (*cough*TREASON*cough)?

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I assume its on the back

  • Lance Thrustwell

    So a big give gets you a guest post?

    Noted, with interest.

    P.S. That was really funny.

    • h4rr4r

      See the Berners were right, bunch of sellouts around here.

      If you think the above was said seriously, seek medical attention. When they test you, remember it’s lion, rhino, camel.

    • Marceline

      I’m already pulling together my whore diamonds and hobo beans in order to get my own post.

  • La forza del resistino

    Wonkette Jr? We can rule out Donnie Jr cuz big words were used. Do you have Donna Rose in some kinda of early childhood Suzuki program for mommybloggers?

  • Courser_Resistance

    Oh my, that is wonderful! Thank you so much for sharing!

  • BearLeft

    Hear, hear!

  • Congrats fellow Canuckistanian Wonkette reader!

  • Me not sure

    The early numbers on the shooting appear to have been very low. 17 confirmed dead.
    18 in hospitals.

    • h4rr4r

      That’s low now?

      • Ωbjectifier

        Early reports were low.

      • Me not sure

        Early numbers were 1 dead, 15 wounded. There could be more.

      • janecita

        Early reports said 2 fatalities.

      • Me not sure

        Since Vegas…apparently.

    • comforting to know that nothing will be done about the roots of the problem.

      • h4rr4r

        The gun is fine.

  • janecita

    BBC is reporting 12 casualties in FL.

    • Parakeetist

      Just saw 17 said by the sheriff, on MSNBC. Thanks.

      • janecita

        BBC just updated it also.

  • La forza del resistino

    17 dead in FL shooting. North Korea rethinks ICBM program, saying, they’ll just murder themselves over time.

    • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch

      I want to upfist this for bitter truth, but it hurts my heart to do so.

      • La forza del resistino

        I wanna delete. No time for jokes.

        • I think it will be OK. It is honest emotion.

          • La forza del resistino

            Thanks. But me drawing int’l relations metaphors into the hurt feels icky.

          • Understood.

        • h4rr4r

          Gallows humor is valuable.

        • sometimes the best way to describe and deal with an ugly truth is by the way of a joke.

      • My tears aren’t bitterness, I was just chopping metaphorical onions.

  • Anna Rompage

    So Schiff dropped the biggest hint bomb ever today.

    Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) said the evidence is involves the crimes of collusion, obstruction of justice, and money laundering

    “There is certainly an abundance of non-public information that we’ve gathered in the investigation,” Rep. Schiff continued. “And I think some of that non-public evidence is evidence on the issue of collusion and some … on the issue of obstruction.It is a tried and true maxim. As a former prosecutor, you follow the money,”

    “We have not been able to adequately follow the money. And I think the allegations on money laundering are credible enough that we ought to, in the exercise of due diligence, see if this was one of the other vectors of the Russian active measures campaign,”

    “We know that in other places they use money laundering as a way of entangling people, as a way of compromising people. To me that is far more potentially compromising than any salacious video would be.”

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    I hope the media doesn’t go on and on again with the usual “mental illness, mental illness” narrative. There’s mentally ill people in other countries, but because they don’t have the laissez-faire gun “rights” that we do, this sort of thing doesn’t happen like it does here. So can we please stop lumping all depression sufferers in with mass shooters, and perpetuate the stigma that makes people like me want to go into Groundhog hiding once more, always out of shame? Anyone? Anyone? CNN?

    • h4rr4r

      His name is Cruz. Not mental illness, ill eagle MS-13 member.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Have they interviewed his psychiatrist, Dr. Seuss? Sounds like he was really upset about having to try Green Eggs and Ham.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Fuck the media and their bloodlust. Mental illness is no more shameful than diabetes or a broken leg. Our massacres are symptoms of a cultural fetish, not a disease. We need to cure our lack of empathy on all fronts.

    • I wish I could replay them my memories from the night of the Vegas shooting when I woke up to the sound of a motorcade of ambulances, police and fire vehicles speeding up and down Flamingo and Maryland. and then I turned on the TV to see what’s up…

    • Thiazin Red

      Literally the only time conservatives talk about mental illness is as an excuse for not having sensible gun control.

    • harryr

      FUCK “mental illness”! I have been mentally ill for 40+ years and have never even considered doing something like this.The overwhlelming majority of mentally people are like me, far more of a danger to themselves than other people.

    • La forza del resistino

      If I can’t buy a Xanax w/o a psych eval, make ammo purchasers jump thru the same hoops and obtain a script. 30 day amount only.

  • Looks like Tom Tomorrow called it: “The occasional horrific civilian massacre is just the price the rest of us have to pay. Over and over again, apparently.”

    https://twitter.com/DPJHodges/status/611943312401002496

  • The Wanderer

    NBC’s confirmed: Seventeen dead.

    Cursed be the hand that let this blood from hence! Cursed forever be the heart that had the heart to do it!

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Cursed be the moneylenders, for they are the children of Mammon.

      And fuck you too, “Moses.” You’ve got a lot of blood on your cold, dead hands.

      https://www.thetrace.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/AP_536502584886-1-1920×1000-c-top.jpg

      • ((( Augustus )))

        what about my freedom to have a child in public school not be murdered?

        • PubOption

          Even Dolt 45 claims that children should feel safe in school.

    • aktlib101

      Lots of TAPs and more TAPs (thoughts and prayers) from the NRA-payed RTurdicans. Otherwise, it’s again “too soon”, you know, to talk about shit.

      • The Wanderer

        Fuck them. All I have are curses.

      • harryr

        We are not getting long enough between them for it to become time.

    • Resistor Radio

      This is so awful

    • bupkus231

      Hey – Combining this with the Pulse shootings death count. Floriduh’s taken the lead back from Las Vegas ( 49 + 17 > 51 ).

      Yeah, too soon – but true.

  • Me not sure

    We have averaged 1 school shooting every three days this year. This American Carnage appears to have survived Trump’s first year very nicely.

  • Anna Rompage
  • Parakeetist

    Did they post that Onion thing again, “The only nation where this regularly happens”?

    Edit: Just checked, doesn’t look like it’s up yet. Bet it soon will be.

    • Bobathonic

      Weird that it’s down.

  • La forza del resistino

    Fuck you Wayne LaPierre and any machinist that goes to work tomorrow to turn out some more high capacity magazines.

    • h4rr4r

      They are stamped out not machined. The dies are made by a tool and die maker.

      Not important just interesting in a “How it’s Made” type way.

      • La forza del resistino

        well, then the tool and die guy too.

    • Cletus Safari

      Hey, LaPierre! Bon appetit!

      https://i.imgur.com/dUe8SfU.jpg

  • Cletus Safari

    I think we need a cuteness break.

    Notice this sort of thing never happens in Konata & Kagami’s homeland?

    https://i.imgur.com/PXIZEXU.jpg

  • burn it all down. later Wonkers. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuO3wwLuF0w

  • janecita
    • h4rr4r

      It is possible.
      It would be for the same reasons he was elected. Voter apathy and a demand for perfect candidates.

      • TootsStansbury

        And Russia fucking up the works, gleefully abetted by by a fair amount of our fellow citizens.

    • wait! what?

      He didn’t say which Trump. I don’t think I want 8 years of queen Ivanka…

      • janecita

        Eric.

    • Cogswell that ends well

      I’m pretty sure the first thing I would do would be to game the markets to such an extent so as to cause a complete and total financial meltdown that would shake capitalism to its very roots and hopefully leave all of the billionaire oligarchs running for their lives.

      On another note, anyone can beat a lie detector if they are fully convinced that what they believe, no matter how outrageous it is, to be true.

    • Do they say how many times?

      (Too afraid to read)

    • Ellie

      Singing….It must be true; I read it in the Daily Mail.

  • The Wanderer

    Okay, I don’t care if this isn’t the Open Thread. I’ll post it again if they set one up.

    Ahem.

    Moonlight & Mayhem, Parts One and Two https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/adff9c0e63a29caa4ef17074fe85d704c402dad311da81c45dc4f2307a0cddfc.gif

    • janecita

      Thank you, I’m going to shower, get in my pjs and read it. Did you also do those awesome illustrations?

      • The Wanderer

        No, sadly. I hire artists to draw my characters.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          You furries fascinate me. Keep your freak on.

          • The Wanderer

            Thank you! I got into the fandom in the late 90s.

  • msanthropesmr

    So can we finally stop the idolization of this asshole , Glenn Greenwald, Snowden and Manning? I’ve hated these fucks since the beginning, now I feel more justified than ever

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/leaked-2015-wikileaks-chat-messages-show-julian-assanges-preference-gop-sympathy-toward-russia/

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      I like when Assclown complains about his stuff being leaked. But yeah they are all only out for themselves with help from Putin.

    • TJ Barke

      Look at how much he values liberty!

      • msanthropesmr

        What a fuckface Assmange is. I always have thought his leaks we’re driven from self-aggrandization.

        • TJ Barke

          From him, for sure.

      • Ellie

        He needs to be thrown in an oubliette.

    • Resistor Radio

      Ah, the Susan Sarandon take, a GOP win would be better because it will energize the left. Fuckers.

      Edit: and it’s cool for Russia to repress it’s people because US Foreign Policy is aggressive, with too many gays

  • La forza del resistino

    Dylan penned ‘Masters of War’ 50 years ago. He never thought his lyrics would apply to a high school in FL. I live a mile from Columbine and I can’t even recollect how many other states since then.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Is there a state left untouched?

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        Since 2013: ND, WY, VT, NH, CT, RI, AK, HI

        Late edit, these are the only states to not have had a school shooting.

        https://everytownresearch.org/school-shootings/

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          We’ve had two in Minnesota. One Rez one Rural White.

        • RMKH

          You can add Oregon if community colleges count

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            And churches and malls will round out most states.

    • Beelzebubba

      Republicans offer up a travel ban. No, that’s not it . . . a Wall, that’ll fix it! Wait, no, that’s not it . . . deportations! Nope, not that either.
      Oh right: Thoughts and Prayers. That’s the ticket.

      • data_ninja

        Thoughts and prayers look good on their budget when they don’t want to solve a problem that they want to ignore. Everything else needs money thrown at it, no matter the cost.

  • Ms. MLG on Maui
    • Resistor Radio

      Thank you MsMLG

      • Ms. MLG on Maui

        Happy Valentine’s day!

        • Resistor Radio

          Same to you! :)

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Happy Valentine’s Day!

        • Resistor Radio

          Aw hi Kiri, Happy Valentines Day! :)

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            I’ve missed you this past week or so. I was worried that I had offended you.

          • Resistor Radio

            Not a bit! *hugs*
            I haven’t been around much this week. Hope you are having a happy valentines day!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            *relieved*

            I am now!

    • janecita

      Thank you, how did you know that hibiscus are my favorite flowers?

    • gorgeous! too bad the Medinilla in the second picture is a little bit past its prime.

  • Rick Hill

    Thing about this? They don’t say a thing about men doing animal stuffs.
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/a9pYQnm_460s.jpg

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Boys will be boys.

    • redarmyzombie

      Well, what would you expect from a book written by a bunch of bronze-age shepherds?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I appreciate you did not call them “sheep Fuckers”.

        Apparently” Fuck” must always be capitalist on my phone.

        • The Wanderer

          I like the expression “sheep-squeezers,” myself.

      • TootsStansbury

        But you fuck just one sheep…

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I agree, the animal must work for it. Our womenfolk don’t give it out for free.

    • The Wanderer

      “Leda and the Swan, white courtesy phone . . . “

    • therblig
      • I believe we live in very different parts of the internets

      • The Wanderer

        Ah, a dog and pony show. My Dad told me about a place in Ciudad Juarez called The Cave, where one could watch such a performance.

      • coincidentally, I just watched Clerks 2 the other day.

    • is that the part where the ass sees the angel?

    • Beelzebubba

      Nice try, Donnie . .. but I don’t think Melania will buy it.

    • La forza del resistino

      A moment of silence for Mr Sanders, who she’ll be coming home tonight to for a taste of candy.

  • wait! what?

    Broward County Public Schools Superintendent Robert Runcie said it was a dark day in the county’s history.
    “It’s a horrific situation. It’s just a horrible day for us,” he said. “…This is a day we prayed would never happen in our county.”

    Apparently, thoughts and prayers before a school shooting don’t work to well.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Well you are now an “all American” county.

    • something something mysterious ways

    • Um, you live in Florida, home of “stand your ground” and “open carry for virtually everyone.” Why would anyone think they’re immune? Except… white. Yeah.

    • La forza del resistino

      I’m not sure Melania can even blink once let alone three times to call in the Seal team 6 rescue guys.

  • janecita

    Fucking killer didn’t even have the decency to kill himself!

    • data_ninja

      Good. We don’t need those kinds of martyrs. We need these people to be locked up, and put away for a very, very, very long time, so the wanna be copy cats understand that there is no ‘glory’ in this heinous kind of shit.

      But what we really need is to be proactive to prevent this shit from happening in the first place. That’s just preaching to the choir here though.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Brietbarters were calling it a Trump false flag

    • TootsStansbury

      Well, they covered all the bases there, didn’t they? If they were normal human beings they’d be horrified by the carnage not pointing their stupid fingers. But they aren’t normal, they’re monsters. The U.S. Government is in the hands of the worst humanity has to offer.

    • Zippy W Pinhead
      • figures. that emoticon in this context says it all.

      • ((( Augustus )))

        he is fucking sick, really really sick

  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    I’ve got my Satanic Temple tee shirt on today, at work. No one probably recognizes what it is, since it looks like some generic death metal band shirt maybe. And, anyone who does recognize it probably doesn’t mind. But, every time someone walks up to my desk, I half expect it to be someone from HR to ask me not to wear it.

  • La forza del resistino

    If I can’t even buy a Xanax w/o a psych eval, to protect myself from abuse, make ammo purchasers jump thru the same hoops and obtain a script. 30 day amount only.

    • TootsStansbury

      Mr. S. and i were just joking this morning about buying and donating cars being such a bureaucratic pain in the ass but guns and ammo? No fucking problem!

      GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT GODDAMMIT

    • or go the Chris Rock route and charge a grand per bullet.

      • Mike Steele

        Have always thought that more practical than farcical. Would have kept this freakshow from having what the sheriff described as ‘countless magazines’.

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • MANGO CRIMES
      • what’s even sadder is that nothing will be done as the result of this except that gun and ammo sales are going to be even more through the roof than usual.

    • Ellie

      Where is Dana Louse to explain that this would have been better if all the teachers, staff, and kiddies had whatever machine guns are called these days?

      • UnsaltedSinner

        Luckily, the Washington Post just hired Megan McArdle, so she can write another column about how schoolkids should be taught to throw themselves at the shooter.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          NYT- we just hired Quinn and Weiss!

          WaPo- hold my beer

    • Unstable Genius Roni Raven

      American exceptionalism!

      • thixotropic jerk

        Amurikkkin explosionalizm!!!111!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      USA USA USA!!!! WE’RE NUMBER 1!!!!!

      Is that more of that winning Trump was talking about?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Shithole countries.

    • Waiting for The Onion to update their “No Way to Prevent This….” article….

      http://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-r-1819580358

    • h4rr4r

      We’re number one! We’re number one!

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
  • therblig

    is there a grace period between valentine’s day and ash wednesday when you don’t have to give up chocolate for lent until tomorrow?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/088d71facf2931867f6db10a58274840b9d28249a191fdc755eea8689fc56c20.jpg

    • Rick Hill

      I was just wondering if eating a half a pound of cherry cordials in two days was too much…

    • data_ninja

      I know I’m going to hell for enjoying this too much. Thank you for the much needed humor.

  • Rick Hill

    A conservative in a galaxy far far away
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/azXA0Xb_460s.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
    • JD Mulvey

      Geez, what do you people want from the guy? Didn’t he come out against wife-beating?? Y’all are never satisfied.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It almost goes without saying…

    • He tweeted his tots and pears! Isn’t that enough?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Picabo
  • RobKanC

    Another mass shooting. Don’t you feel sorry for that gun.. Loony Dems will call for his control.. I feel sorry for the gun.. Thanks god we have the NRA that stands up for his rights. Supreme court should give it the right to vote.. Guns are people too..

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Agreed. Fuck you Scalia for saying we can ban guns in schools.*

      *Heller opinion. Yes he said it.

      • JD Mulvey

        Nino clearly doesn’t understand the Constitution the way Cletus down at the shooting range does.

      • “like most rights, the Second Amendment right is not unlimited. It is not a right to keep and carry any weapon whatsoever in any manner whatsoever and for whatever purpose.”

        Justice Antonin Scalia, writing for the majority, District of Columbia v. Heller, 2008

  • Rick Hill
    • MANGO CRIMES

      Knight is an anti-vaxxer, just FYI.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Republicans: “How to stop the school shooting? Easy. Eliminate public education___we’re doing our part. …… Betsy tellem’ how….”

    Trump: “We love the poorly educated.”

    ‘Back to School’ (2018)
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DWB65qXU0AA234H.jpg

  • tegrat

    Hilarious! He shoulda asked Cohen how it’s done.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MANGO CRIMES
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bub, Secret Society zombie

    Supper’s almost ready. Big pot of jambalaya on the stove, cornbread in the oven. Then I’m gonna get drunk.

    • janecita

      I’m on my way, I’ll bring wine.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Will be bringing homemade banana pudding for dessert

  • La forza del resistino
    • Cogswell that ends well

      What I see on this asshole’s forehead is a failed attempt at a swastika tattoo, but that’s just me.

    • janecita

      This is why I’m an atheist, if God was real this jerk would have spontaneously combusted when they put the ashes on his evil forehead.

    • Friday’s_cat

      Proof the Magic Sky Daddy is a lie. Else those ashes would have burned painfully into his frontal lobes by now.

    • IMPOed

      Oh, I thought that was the mark of the beast.. my apologies to beasts.

    • I’m sure he’ll be fasting too.

    • Mike Steele

      …and Jeebus wept…

    • Bemused

      Did they use pastels? Magic marker? I’ve never gotten an ash mark that dark.

    • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

      Did someone get into the wrong line?

      Ass Wednesday is supposed to be a brown butthole print.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Friday’s_cat

    Take to your social media account, ask your republican Senators and Representatives by name why they are for school blood baths. Ask how many NRA Rubles they took in campaign cash.

  • HogeyeGrex
    • MANGO CRIMES

      Every time I hear that in Lenny Bruce’s “you think I’m telling a joke” voice.

    • data_ninja

      They just update the location and victim count. Seriously.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • Bill D. Burger
  • GreenGoldSharpie

    “The tree of liberty must be refreshed with the blood of high schoolers… now and then… apparently… I don’t know why.”

    Bad attempt. Fuck this shit, fuck this sick ass country.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Is this the open thread?
    IS THIS THE OPEN THREAD???????????????????

    • IMPOed

      Aren’t they all?

    • Mike Steele

      Just write, already, before you stroke out:)

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Obligatory Jim Jefferies video. Crazy that the person who makes the most sense is a comedian from Australian.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rR9IaXH1M0

  • Blanche de Shambles
    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
      • SpideySenser

        Upfists for any and all things TOS!

    • MANGO CRIMES

      there’s no part of the new Star Trek I don’t love, and Tilly – who when she was first introduced, I instantly assumed would be the one I disliked the most – is easily the best character the franchise has ever created.

      … if only because of the serious side-eye she gets whenever she start channeling her mirror version. “I’d cut out your tongue and use it to lick my boots” is the greatest single line ever uttered by a Starfleet officer and I will fight you if you disagree (unless you can convincingly justify your position and then we’re friends)

      • OutOfOrbit

        Where does one find this new Trek?

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      The newest thing from the GOP is anyone getting a divorce gets a gun once they file.

      • OutOfOrbit

        The wimmins too?!

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Everyone gets a gun.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Ooooooo!

  • C.W. St. John Nobbs

    For me, personally, I’ll give the orange ass molting his fucking wall if he will do actual, real gun reform. It won’t happen, Sandy Hook was when we surrendered our soul and humanity (as a nation), but jesus. STOP. THIS. SHIT. MOTHERFUCKING. NOW!!!

    • DensityDestiny

      I agree. I lost all hope for gun control when we did nothing following Sandy Hook.

    • mailman27

      We definitely turned a corner at Sandy Hook, and we wound up in a dark place. To this day, I cannot come up with an apology for the dereliction of our lawmakers in the wake of that awful day. We blew it, and the whole world saw. USA. USA.

  • Very Stable Bozi
  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Watched a PBS/Frontline doc last night about Trump’s phony fucking war against MS-13, which mostly consists of rounding up and arresting undocumented Central American kids on Long Island with no credible charges or due process, throwing them into the hidden federal gulag prison system, and eating the key. He’s got goober-America all triggered about this non-issue, but constant mass murders committed by white people? Thoughts, prayers, and more fucking guns. Fuck these assholes.

    • C.W. St. John Nobbs

      But they are brown, and speak spanish, so MS-13!!!!11!!!! The others are just misunderstood people, unless they are black.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Black man selling loose cigarettes=dangerous thug justifying lethal force.

        Mass-murderer in Las Vegas? Misunderstood white man with emotional problems we should feel sorry for.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      MS-13 is basically a non-entity and to the extent they exist at all, it’s Saint Ronnie’s fault.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        What does count as MS-13 is pretty nasty, but only a national problem because of their presence in white, right wing Long Island. They almost exclusively kill fellow undocumented Central American teens who won’t join their gang. You’d think Trump would invite them to the White House to give them medals for this.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Amazing what happens when you fuck up their country, wholesale loot and pillage it, destabilize it, then when the refugees escape that hell and come here, force them into the shadows where they have to learn to fend for themselves to survive. once they learn all about L.A. street gangs and how good they can be for not only survival but for getting rich and seizing power, you deport them all back to their country or origin which is still a hellhole thanks to US policy, only now they are trained savage gang members ready to prey upon the locals.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            OR, they are totally innocent, like most of the kids in PBS doc who got locked up for wearing the wrong color shirt or some shit, then deported back to Honduras or El Sal, where they are murdered by gang members there for not actually being a gang member. Trumpian justice at its finest.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            or had to join the gang to avoid being killed

    • yyyaz

      Saw that. Couple it with “Do Not Resist,” which PBS aired on Monday on POV, for a real sad.
      http://www.pbs.org/video/pov-do-not-resist-trailer/
      http://www.donotresistfilm.com/

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Shit, I missed POV on Monday…one of my favorite shows. Thanks.

        Funny…I fucking hate NPR, but I can’t get enough of some of these shows on PBS.

  • IMPOed
  • gallbladder

    Has that fucking slimy urchin Loesch piped-up about today’s little “celebration” of 2A rights?

    • Christopher Story

      Don’t you know other people’s dead children are the price she’s willing to pay to protect her right to own her guns?

    • Parakeetist

      Yep

  • wait! what?

    If this has anything to do with Valentine’s day I wonder which NRA purchased congressman will suggest banning the holiday to protect guns…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Valentine’s Day will forever be known as a Day of Death.

  • MANGO CRIMES
  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • IMPOed

    Isn’t Flowduh a campus carry state?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Will the shooter claim the “stand your ground” defense? Worked for George Zimmerman!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Won’t work, he probably shot some white kids

  • Christopher Story
    • A Groucho Marxist

      Reading those anti-Jones tweets actually made me feel a little less stressed. Thanks for that.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Trump was probably high-fiving Kelly and his other asslickers in the White House when he heard about today’s carnage. Spotlight off him and the morons who make up his crime syndicate for 24 hours, plus he gets to act all Jesus-y with his phony compassion. Seventeen dead kids? Win/win.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I am unfamiliar with the terms “draft” and “check” and what they have to do with the money that resides on the hunk of plastic in my pocket.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Don’t worry about it. Money does not actually exist. All money is just an IOU from one person or organization to another person or organization.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Since you are a doggo, would that be nature’s pocket?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well, that didn’t take long and surprise:
    The shooter’s name, Nicholas Cruz, is all it took for the Rightie sites (You know who they are.) to begin: “He was an illegal. He supported Hillary Clinton. He was MS-13….blah, blah, blah…..”
    All that is a bunch of lies, of course, but it’s predictable and yet still somewhat amazing how quickly the true Rightie WooWoos and conspiracy theorists and Russian bots turned up wholesale to spread that shit across the web. And just wait til the pros on FUX News and places like Infowars get on it.
    Just my little cross sampling has left me in need of a hot shower to help, figuratively, to remove the soul-sucking stench of that mindset.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      InfoWars already went there. Look down thread

    • Dg Hacket

      Probly related to ted

  • IMPOed
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Suse

    Jesus Fucking Christ!11!!! How many more have to die before the fucking legislators tell the fucking NRA to fuck off???

    • TJ Barke

      We’re all slaves to the will of capital.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Sadly, many many more…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Won’t happen until the NRA runs out of money

      • Suse

        This is just insane.

    • IMPOed

      “It’s Too Soon.”

    • Ellie

      All of us.

    • aktlib101

      AOT,K

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Jeffocaster in the West

    Nicholas Cruz, ya say. Cruz, ya say. Cruz…..

  • William
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      We need to ban armed toddlers until we can find out what the hell’s going on.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It takes a good armed toddler with a gun….

    • OrG

      I might argue that the far right-wing terrorist total being low…..but,yeah.

  • Jonny On Maui

    There have been at least six school shootings in 2018.

    From an article I was reading. Couldn’t finish. I do believe it’s about time that we deem anyone or any organization that promotes the unfettered possession of firearms a terrorist or terrorist organization.

    Yes. The NRA is a terrorist organization.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Impatient

    How will we do something about these shootings?

    Talking head: ” This will be a long question.”

    What the fuck is a “long question?”

    Let’s be honest. Our words are absolutely meaningless. Preznit Shitgibbon has taught us this, finally. (Thanks, tRump?) Our actions show that teens’ lives don’t matter. Church congregations don’t matter. First graders don’t matter. Teachers don’t matter.

    Honestly, this guy used less ammo, less guns, less planning … Compared to our Law Vegas shooting star, our Florida shooter should get high point totals in both technical and style measures. Great kill ratio! Let’s just be honest, and give this shithead a National Shithole Award! Murica! YEAH!

    • aktlib101

      There are good people on both side of this debate, I bet the shooter was a good guy deep inside, somewhere…right?

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I’ll say this again. Bullets are NOT guaranteed by the 2nd Amendment. BAN FUCKING AMMUNITION. Bear all the arms ya want. No bullets y’all!

    • mackafritz

      You can keep and bear arms they had in 1790.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
  • data_ninja

    I will not be surprised if the gun was purchased legally. I will not be surprised if there are special laws to allow any gun modifications, should they exist. I will not be surprised if the kill count grows. I will not be surprised is the shooter is tagged with “lone wolf, mental illness, violent history”, whether or not they apply. I will not be surprised if something other than access to guns is to blame. I will not be surprised if the news media forgets about this in 3 days. I will not be surprised if something like this happens tomorrow.

    I’m pretty sure I’ve become desensitized to this kind of thing, unfortunately. I wish I could say I was surprised about that.

    • Jonny On Maui

      When you lose the ability to feel shock all your dreams become nightmares.

  • DensityDestiny

    Jesus P. Even on MSNBC, the coverage is all about blame everything but the guns.

    • mackafritz

      The guns did exactly what they are designed to do. It’s not their fault.

  • goonemeritus

    I anticipate the multiple utterances of “My hopes and prayers are with the victims and their families”.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Air is already thick with em’ and they’re doing all the good they always do ___ which is to say, not a fucking bit of good.

  • Bill D. Burger

    The usual political belching is continuing nonstop (thoughts & prayers _ we must take action _ how many more? _ this will continue _…..blah, blah, blah….) and in 2 days it will be put aside and we will move along to the next Trump scandal or twittershitstorm.

    SSDD ___

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DWCH_eHVAAE3YgV.jpg

    • mackafritz

      In 2 days we will have another mass shooting.

    • mailman27

      Those people are in no danger of injury due to shame. How can they look themselves in the mirror? Good God.

  • Michael R

    Trump July 21, 2016 , I assume he will recognize that he has failed miserably and resign from the office he should never have been allowed to occupy .

    ” Painting a grim picture of America, Donald Trump promised to protect the country and restore “law and order” by putting “America First” in his address Thursday evening formally accepting the GOP nomination for president.

    “Americans watching this address tonight have seen the recent images of violence in our streets and the chaos in our communities,” Trump said. “Many have witnessed this violence personally, some have even been its victims. I have a message for all of you: the crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon — and I mean very soon — come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored.”

    He put the responsibility for recent unrest — both domestically after the shooting of police and internationally with the growing threat of terrorism — squarely on the shoulders of President Obama and presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

    “This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and weakness,” Trump thundered. “But Hillary Clinton’s legacy does not have to be America’s legacy. The problems we face now – poverty and violence at home, war and destruction abroad – will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them. A change in leadership is required to change these outcomes.” “

    • TJ Barke

      Fucking bullshit.

    • Mike Steele

      Right you are, Donald, and that change is a-comin’…sadly too late for some…

  • IMPOed
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • thixotropic jerk

      But knives and rocks and cars and bears! Most are suicides! I got rights! My rights trump yours! And other assorted ammosexshual bullshitz.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • UnsaltedSinner

      This particular hostage seems to be suffering from the Stockholm syndrome.

    • TootsStansbury

      What’s your favorite color?
      Blue-no-yello *blam!*

      I can dream.

    • not quite accurate. replace the gun with donations.

      • Cat Cafe

        Or replace the NRA with Putin and his dirty money

        • I’m not sure there’s much of a difference.

          • Cat Cafe

            Ayup. Or should I say, “Da.”

  • Suse

    Apprently this shooter was known as a creep, a nut, a not nice person. He was kicked out of school previously (don’t know why). Nobody reported him for fitting the typical profile, allegedly.

    • Cat Cafe

      And certainly, no laws made sure he didn’t have easy, ready access to military slaughtering machines.

  • Bill D. Burger

    NRA’s largest contributions in 2017:

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DWCUeO2V4AEbIpp.jpg

    • Jonny On Maui

      Unindited co-conspritors…

  • William
  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    hola wonkerinos!

    • Suse

      Hi, DST! Join us in our outrage at yet another gun massacre.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        juuuuuust noticed.

        Work is a pleasant, insulating bubble. (work in CRIMINAL LAW no less, yeesh).

    • Parakeetist

      I HAS A BIG SAD

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Christopher Story

      Being a son of Missouri, I can say “Fuck Roy Blunt,” with all the rusty votes.

    • Mike Steele

      Bulk of it laundered rubles, many people are saying…part of Putin’s master plan, no doubt, which is why you’ll get only T, P and crickets from WH.

      • Cat Cafe

        Also, I believe, why the NRA and its tentacles are SO FUCKING INTRACTABLE. I truly believe most Americans WANT FUCKING GUN CONTROL. But Russia funds the NRA endlessly, funds the corrupt politicians, and also pays endless putrid trolls with multiple accounts to infest and pollute the discourse all over social media. Also Congress is so terrified of Russia, the NRA, and just plain gunmen, that they literally push our schoolchildren and preschool teachers out onto the front lines, allowing them to be slaughtered JUST SO THEY CAN KEEP THEIR POWER. How is this not treason??? WHAT CAN WE DO????

    • TJ Barke

      There’s also reason to suspect that part of those donations are laundered Russian money.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    well fuck – just say this news…goddamit.

  • Resistor Radio

    OT: anyone watching the skating tonight?

    • data_ninja

      I’m watching american society just barely skate by. Does that count?

      • Resistor Radio

        That’s what I was watching this afternoon but I can’t stomach any more tonight. Just overwhelmed with anger and disgust. So, I’m going to watch athletes instead.

        • data_ninja

          At least they’re trying to accomplish something positive.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          I’m watching video of Spring Training workouts. Guys getting back into game shape.

    • Snork Maiden

      Watching the women’s giant slalom and trying to tamp down the anxiety and anger

  • IMPOed
    • Bill D. Burger

      It’s heartening to see that Ivanka’s doing something.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    So a couple o years ago I had a high school student with a cell phone with an app that displayed a gun and the camera would flash each time he touched the screen. One day he went around the classroom shooting classmates in the head.
    It took many weeks to get him removed from school. Because our building contained more than one school he was transferred to the other school so he remained in the building.

    Please believe me, it’s a wonder what happened today is not even more common. I am still so angry.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Undiagnosed and untreated mental illness paired with unfettered access to incredibly lethal weapons.

      Yeah. This is supposed to be normal. It’s not.

      • Parakeetist

        In other countries, they have these things called “hospitals,” where they put their sick people.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • “I am certainly not an advocate for frequent and untried changes in laws and constitutions. I think moderate imperfections had better be borne with; because, when once known, we accomodate ourselves to them and find practical means of correcting their ill effects. But I know also that laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths disclosed and manners and opinions change with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also and keep pace with the times.” –Thomas Jefferson to Samuel Kercheval, 1816. ME 15:40

    • Shawn Charniga

      My folks are from Ohio so I grew up around guns.

      Years ago I walked away from gun culture, but when I was younger I was goddamn Picasso with a longarm.

      I could get 200 rounds a minute out of that rifle without trying.

      The awful thing about the .223 Remington projectile is that it travels at ridiculous speed and is designed to tumble and fracture when it hits flesh, creating a massive wound cavity and internal injuries to vital organs.

      That is exactly what got Armalite the contract with DoD in the ‘60s. You can put a lot of lead downrange in a hurry, and you only have to hit your target once to make them dead.

      It is not a sporting rifle. It is not a toy. It is not a platform to be tricked out and personalized at no small expense. It is not a statement of freedom.

      It was designed and built specifically to blow holes in people and make them die. And there are tens of thousands of them floating around America.

  • mancityRed6

    valentine’s day grab bag…some cat luchador socks, a pair of Pink Floyd themed boxer briefs, a pair of thongs that I…we won’t get into that, and some Reese’s hearts candy.
    I will only share with you the photo of the socks.
    don’t ask for anything else.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/67610f3234dd5219db4b65c9562b16f6a4f2ac7a6355b24be852a6dc4e324116.jpg

    • thixotropic jerk

      You can’t mention thong without at least one teeny tiny pic???? MONSTER!!!!

      • mancityRed6

        you don’t really want to know
        you really don’t
        I lost at scrabble and this was…I’ve said too much

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          You’re right. I don’t.

          • mancityRed6

            believe you and me. the chafing

          • mancityRed6

            I’m blaming my cold on that old drunk who got in my face Fri nite and tried to tell me the band (tight, but still a jam band. think Fugazi meets Phish) was better than Black Sabbath.
            I did not do anything rash or foolish.
            and no it wasn’t me from an earlier timeline

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            A monster guitar player friend of mind fronts a cowpunk/metal band. He wrote a song with the line “I want to hear some more Ozzie, and a little less Fugazi”. I thought that was fucking genius.

          • mancityRed6

            an old hardcore band had a song called “too many chiefs and not enough braves”

    • NorthernSaber

      The first four words of that are 100% more interesting than anything in my Valentine’s Day. I did ski off 10k of frustration, so there’s that… Subway was pretty tasty afterward… I think there’s ice cream around here somewhere…

      • mancityRed6

        the bag was given to me Sunday when I left. she tried to steer me to the socks when I told her how I wasn’t feeling well on Mon,
        that’s when I took the pic.

        • NorthernSaber

          You’re still having a way more interesting day… Good on you!

    • Jonny On Maui

      I’m gonna hold out for the Pink Floyd shorts…

  • Bill D. Burger
    • aktlib101

      Let me shorten that for you:
      Dear Republican Party: fuck you, motherfuckers. For all that you already did and all that you will do in the future.

  • Mike Steele

    LEO/commentator made a good point earlier: Since POTUS/Congress/States will do their usual nothing, the absolutely, positively LEAST thing they should each do is make a PSA telling parents to LOCK UP THEIR GODDAMNED WEAPONRY!

    • Christopher Story

      GUN CONTROL!!1! COMMIE!!! WHY DO YOU HSTE FREEDOM!?1

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i think we DO. I know in austin years back a department was giving away FREE trigger locks.

      • Mike Steele

        Well, it appears as if at least a couple dozen households did not, this year alone. Unless your name is Bundy – and you actually HAVE ‘a well-
        regulated militia’ – the Constitution affords you no right to anything, except bare arms.

        • PubOption

          If his militia was well-regulated, what does a poorly-regulated militia look like?

          • Mike Steele

            One that does not consistently prevail in court, as have the Bundys, sorry to say.

          • PubOption

            I hadn’t considered that.

    • IMPOed

      Shit, they probably bought him the fucking thing!
      See: Sandy Hook shooter.

  • Zonath

    At this point, I would vote for just about any candidate who would pledge to work towards a full repeal of the Second Amendment. Just too bad that hypothetical candidate probably wouldn’t have a fart’s chance in a windstorm of actually getting elected.

    • aktlib101

      Except, if there are campaign finance laws that ban donations from ANYONE. Fixed amount of public money for every candidate. That’s it.
      Likely never gonna happen because…campaign contributions

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MamaBrown

    I adore you without reservation and want to be your best friend.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    ironically – or perhaps predictably – our class discussion this week was on two new gun bills in Texas. one Democratic bill would allow public universities to opt out of campus carry – which they can’t do now, only private universities.

    The other Rebuplican bill wants to make it so open carry requires no permit, no fee, no training course. According to the prompt, the $140 license is “burdensome.” Remember, this is the same goddamn state that said it’s not burdensome for a woman seeking an abortion to have to travel 300 miles, each way, TWICE, to exercise her constiutional right.

    • mackafritz

      So people have the money to buy guns, but can’t pay for licence or training?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        don’t forget the ammo!
        (and yes, I made the same point!)

    • thank Dog, closing DMVs to disenfranchise voters isn’t burdensome.

    • NorthernSaber

      But didn’t Tejas legalize swords, because Alamo or something?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        yeah, I remember that.
        Speaking of which, where the hell is panika these days?

    • rosenbomb

      We have campus carry here in good ol’ Idaho. One of my instructors said every single college and university in the state lobbied against it. But it passed anyway, because why listen to the people impacted by your policies, amirite?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        oy vey – I had an instructor and classmate they had on occasion tell me they carried BEFORE it passed.

        And i”ve said before, when it was announced I thought of the UT Campus – where the first major, modern mass shooting in America occurred. It’s like a damn CoD multiplayer map.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, OR, has campus carry.

  • NorthernSaber

    You know, teaching teenagers these days is not the easiest gig in the world, America. Maybe you could make it a bit easier by making it a TEENSY bit harder for homicidal loons to get their hands on a fucking arsenal?
    Just a thought…

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Commie… my god I wanna get drunk so bad…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Can’t do that. The merchants of death have money to make.

      • NorthernSaber

        If it came to it I would take a bullet for my students. I’d certainly kill someone for them if needed. I cannot for the life of me imagine what my fellow educators at that school are going through tonight. Fuck the NRA.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • aktlib101

      “working” = doing nothing
      FIFY

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        “we” = “everybody but me.” -Honest DJT

    • IMPOed
    • TootsStansbury

      Working closely. Your ass is in bed watching teevee you fucking worse than useless waste of oxygen.

    • aktlib101

      Fuck off. And go count the bodies.

      • Windyish

        Not just count but actually look at them and then comfort their parents

    • ((( Augustus )))

      working closely to do what, asshole?

      it already happened

  • has Tweety talked about the hunters in the heartland yet?

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    If only every kid and teacher in the school had been packing!….we’d probably have a death toll in the hundreds.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      If this happened we would have countless re-enactments of the Pulp Fiction “Big Kahuna” scene

      http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/954/666/639.jpg

    • TootsStansbury

      My stupid, hare-brained, newly “libertarian” daughter thinks this. She’s a teacher. Married to yet another fucking moron.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah, because thousands of terrified armed teenagers in a chaotic mass shooting situation would work out so well. Jesus. I’m all for marriage, but I hope your daughter wakes up, dumps this asshole, and recovers her bearings in life.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Hell, a bunch of “patriotic” adult white males who all think they’re “the good guy” would create carnage on a pretty good sized scale.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Hopefully, she’ll grow out of it.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Right. Ask her if it really came down to it, could she really point a gun at a kid in her class, pull the trigger, and kill them? Because that’s what she’s asking for – teachers to be willing to kill their own students. To treat them as a threat. As an enemy. As a thing to be destroyed.

        That sort of mentality is not going to get her far in the profession.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    per CNN (apologies if this has been posted)

    Parkland(FL), with a population of 31,000 people in 2016, was named Florida’s safest city last year, according to an analysis by the Washington-based National Council for Home Safety and Security, a home security industry trade association.”

    Musta been all the guns, right NRA?

  • IMPOed
    • HooverVilles

      Ceiling Cat Purrrrrs!
      This is one of my favorites. Thanks for bringing it back to the front of my memory.

  • My mother just messaged me with: your sister got married today. It was on the news.

    Is it wrong to wonder if someone got hurt?

    • Parakeetist

      Mazel tov

      • Eh it’s her 5th marriage I think? She’s literally a mexican Barstool Palin

        • Parakeetist

          Oh sorry

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Dayum. I had an aunt like that. She didn’t even know how many times she had been married.

          • She also loves to talk about abstinence to her oldest daughter; has had multiple abortions but thinks they should be outlawed; and loves Trump.

            So we don’t talk.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            My Trump-supporting Jesus freak nephew, who is also a rage-aholic (not sure why), texted me out of the blue to complain about his sister letting their parents, my brother and his wife, pay her student loans (they’re paying his and his brother’s, too). I called him out for being a rage monkey. He raged and raged at me and then called and texted everyone in the family but nobody would sign on to punish his sister for being gay married (the actual cause of his rage). His sister has now announced that her wife is pregnant (sperm bank). I don’t know how long we can keep it from my nephew and I don’t know how far into space his head is going to shoot when he finds out.

        • SkinlessGenderlessMan

          Kinda like my Catholic friends in college? “Contraception is a sin, so I won’t use it!”

  • Shawn Charniga

    This is what a mass shooting with an AR-15 fucking looks like.

    October 1 in the Year of Our Lord 2017. Las Vegas, Nevada. 58 dead.

    LOOK AT THEM.

    Pissed off yet?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/27e6e8c049d0be2ac2e65f4ee1ebaf574b094e423431f5a97622e72f0c802f75.jpg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Too soon. We’re still on the “thoughts and prayers” step of the grieving process for that one.

      • HooverVilles

        Whoa! You beat me to this by mere seconds. I was about to say almost exactly that.
        Therefore I will say I second this!
        Needs many upfists.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “False flag opertaion by the Deep State cabal run by the Clinton controlled FBI right out of Hillary’s pizza parlor in her basement in Chappaqua.”

      It’s on the Rightie innerwebs, and they wouldn’t lie.

      • HooverVilles

        And we all know the Rightie innerwebs never lie. Nope. Never.

  • yyyaz

    CNN just aired some video taken inside one of the classrooms. Screams and high-velocity rounds being fired. Students hiding their heads on the floor. Should be played on the floor of the goddamned Senate on a Jumbotron with the volume at 140db every fucking day until they can’t stand it.

    • Blackest Noobs

      still wouldn’t change anything, you would need to shoot up Congress, and, nope, nah, still wouldnt change anything.

      we are this fucking dumb.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I’d like to say something about that guy who shot Steve Scalise having the right idea, but I know Dok won’t approve, so I’ll keep it to myself, with votes.

        • Blackest Noobs

          but even after it really fucked up Steve, and did indeed, it didn’t change his mind about guns one bit.

          but that could be due to that pretty much everyone in the Republican Party and some, but not like almost 100% as with the Repubs, Democrats are in the pocket of the NRA.

          • Blackest Noobs

            you need to kill the NRA to change things.

          • tomamitai

            Hell, I don’t think it changed his mind about Gay rights, even though I hear that one of the officers who saved him was Gay.

          • Blackest Noobs

            yeah, he’s an asshole.

      • SpideySenser

        we are this fucking d̶u̶m̶b̶ numb.
        FTFY.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I would like all the victims who were paralyzed in all the mass shootings to show up one day to Congress.

      • Blackest Noobs

        they would just have the Capital Police escort them out screaming and kicking….remember all the sick people in wheelchairs when they were deciding to fuck the ACA….didn’t sway any of them.

    • NorthernSaber

      I would pay cash fucking money to help make that happen.

  • weejee

    Al Capone only got 7, and that was bidness.

    • PubOption

      And now his ghost is bitching about trademark infringement.

  • Parakeetist

    “Wouldn’t it be great if everybody had a gun?”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCtD3OJ-_Es

  • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch
    • OutOfOrbit

      I like your socks

      • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch

        Red toes for Valentines Day 😉

    • HooverVilles

      NIIIIICE!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      AHA!!!! I always suspected you were a cat!

      • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch

        And here I was trying to be so clever keeping my hair balls out of the comment section.

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Looks like a pretty bad case of catleg.

    • I’m afraid to tell you that you may have the Tribbles.

    • SpideySenser

      If you do, they will be a nasty mob to deal with.

  • IMPOed
    • SpideySenser

      First thing that comes to my mind after any horror domestic or international that we are, collectively, part of.

  • Bill D. Burger

    This brilliant sculptural example of channel anamorphosis speaks eloquently to the horror of NRA America:

    https://www.thetrace.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/PaliGuns.gif

    • HooverVilles

      This is the NRA’s America.
      But it’s always too soon to talk about guns and when we do what is needed is thoughts and prayers and MOAR guns.
      GOTP platform: A chicken concealed gun in every pot on every person .

      SAD!

  • aktlib101

    Until an AR-15 shooter does his/her shooting inside the Senate or the House, nothing will happen, schools don’t matter. Money talks.

    • since Scalise, I’m not even sure about that.

      • Resistor Radio

        THIS – their NRA money and fear of being primaried will keep them in line, every time.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          What with their hinky Russia connections, hopefully by the time this is all over we’ll have taken down the NRA also too.
          Hey, a girl can dream.

      • mancityRed6

        Obama and his time machine win every time.
        don’t let that get your guard down

        • he’s getting all your guns. any day now. and then, it’s off to the FEMA coffins in the FEMA camps at Wally World.

          • mancityRed6

            yay!

    • georgiaburning

      Until a mass shooting happens at a Repub donors meeting

      • I’m sure they ban guns there just like they do at NRA conventions.

        • HooverVilles

          Yeah. Funny that.
          Sigh!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        This will foment change, just as Black Panthers did in Sacramento in 1967. Amazing how that works.

    • mancityRed6

      but they can afford the security and the mechanisms that detect guns.
      what do you call ’em? metal detectors?
      yeah

  • William
    • mackafritz

      Pure evil both of them.

    • aktlib101

      Dumb and Evil

    • HooverVilles

      Exactly!

    • mancityRed6

      so much [redacted] needs to happen there

    • SpideySenser

      JFC I hate those guys. With votes.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Now there’s that look of true love and Valentine’s Day romance.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Isn’t it amazing how ineffective Thoughts and Prayers are when compared to guns and bullets? One set lets the ‘feeler’ free. The other set kills.

    • mackafritz

      Thoughts and prayers are a shield against having to do anything.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Home school kids are taught that thoughts and prayers will protect them from bullets.

      • mancityRed6

        it’s the duck and cover of our age

    • it’s a great euphemism for apathy, though.

    • mancityRed6
      • HooverVilles

        Ah, the necessary tots and pears.

      • anon_the_great

        Food does help

        • mancityRed6

          yeah, but I’m sick and food does not sound good. I’m doing shots of target brand NyQuil.

          • Jonny On Maui

            I thought that was a mixer…

          • mancityRed6

            not enough whiskey

    • Rick Hill

      Thoughts and prayers give so much solace to lawmakers trying to pacify idjit supporters and still give cover for the NRA.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Today is a very sad day, but at least we can rejoice in the fact that Congress will continue to protect our 2nd Amendment rights (of course, we will rejoice only after solemnly giving our thoughts and prayers). It’s like Thomas Jefferson once said, “Sometimes the tree of Liberty has to be watered by the blood of 17 children, or 20 children, or 58 people in Las Vegas, or 49 people in a nightclub.”

    Wow! That’s one thirsty tree! You would think that between all of the watering and all of the fertilizer that Congress has thrown on that thing over the past couple of centuries, we’d have a whole forest of liberty by now.

    Maybe we should consider replanting that spindly little bush in a brighter, sunnier location.

    • The Wanderer

      We’ve added enough manure to it.

      • yyyaz

        Manure adders apparently don’t know plants also need sunshine and air.

        • PubOption

          As was supposedly said about Gen. Haig (The Butcher of the Somme) “If one relative of each of the British soldiers he caused to be killed were to take a shit on his doorstep, the house would collapse from the weight.”, also true of Wayne LaPierre and American civilians.

    • HazooToo

      Maybe they should fucking try WATER, for a change.

  • HazooToo

    Hiding media tonight. It’s bad enough in just words. I don’t want to actually see the blood that I can do absolutely nothing to stop.

    • Resistor Radio

      I saw one of the cell phone videos from inside the classroom and that was it for me. I’m done for the night. All I wanna think about is voting these NRA-owned fuckers out of office in November, and making sure we get people to the polls.

      • HazooToo

        I’m not going to be watching any. I’ll vote, but we had a Dem in office with a Dem congress before, and it didn’t stop anything. I’ll vote Dem for the rest of my life, but it won’t matter unless they actually DO SOMETHING.

        • I turned off the TV when they did that. this is bullshit of the highest order.

          • HazooToo

            How can they put that on TV? If it must be seen, it should at least be something you have to make a conscious choice to watch.

          • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

            Gun porn. That’s all it is.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    by chance, I’m reading in my textbook about the current Texas Constitution. Our “Bill of Rights” guarantees “the right to bear arms “in the lawful defense of himself or the State; but the Legislature shall have the power, by law, to regulate the wearing of arms, with a view to prevent crime” ”

    This is all just insanity.

    • Mike Steele

      Was actually referencing US Constitution, but presume SCOTUS would uphold states’ rights over feds if it kept the guns safe.

    • RobKanC

      You sire, are wrong. Tx constitution says give every white man a gun.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        just quoting from the book!

        • RobKanC

          Just being sarcastic.. I know, wrong night but I am fed up with the constant shootings so trying to make myself feel a bit less sad by being snarky.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i know – but I didn’t want to put a smiley emoticon either.

            Sigh.

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      To be fair, the NRA didn’t pay Donald; they just laundered it for Vladimir.

  • anon_the_great

    There is a very simple, technical response to mass shootings. Outlaw semi-automatic firearms. If you can’t kill a deer or varmints with a bolt action rifle the problem is not with your gun.

    Then hang the NRA

  • Rick Hill
  • Friday’s_cat

    Sane Americans need protected from NRA types. Tax Guns and ammo to cover the costs of hardening public venues including schools from gun violence.

    • anon_the_great

      That’s why I own firearms.

      • Friday’s_cat

        So some loon is popping off rounds how do the LEO’s know it isn’t you?
        Gun coward.

        • anon_the_great

          Uh, I’m not taking my guns out in public. Strictly for home defense and recreation at the firing range.

          • Friday’s_cat

            I outgrew my gun fetish after High School but what ever.

          • Jonny On Maui

            You do realize that a gun for home defense is more likely to kill you than defend you…

  • Suse

    Having a double rye and watching a cooking show. I can’t take anymore of the talking heads, nor talking about today here. See you later.

    • HooverVilles

      Good decision!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Why are you drinking bread? And is it a marble rye. I love marble rye.

    • bupkus231

      Usually, by this time of the evening, I’m done with my drinks – but I’m not often on Wonkette at this time, either ( The perils of caring for an elderly aunt – I’ve adopted many of her habits as well – at least I stay awake through Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune )

      However, tonight, I came back to Wonkette once my aunt retired – and after just a few minutes, I’m pouring myself another Jim Beam and 7Up ( please don’t judge my choice in poisons… ).

  • Nasty Woman Persisted
  • why are they showing the videos of the shooting? MSM doing snuff now? and here I am thinking that was the domain of Twatter and Faceplace.

  • Tiffany de Houston

    I would bet $20 that Trump is already thinking he can head down to Florida for Friday to offer his thoughts and prayers and then, hey, why not play a few rounds of golf while he’s so close to Mar a Lardo?! Stupid fucker.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    When we had a rash of plane crashes in the 50s and 60s, no one threw up their hands and said “Well, planes are just gonna crash sometimes. Nothing we can do about it.” No, we created an entire regulatory arm. passed stricter standards for how planes, airlines, air traffic control, mechanics and aircraft manufacturers were going to do their jobs. We enforced rules that required redundant systems, recordings of what happens on planes, and even what pilots can and can’t say and when. Now we have one of the safest aviation systems in the world.
    Cars, trains, lawnmowers, spray paint…we have passed laws and regulations on all of these things to make them safer.
    But guns and only guns are treated as forces of nature that cannot be controlled in any way, shape or form. It just happens, and we are expected to move on.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      well said and absolutely right.

    • seat belts, air bags, smoking bans, no fucking toys in chocolate eggs…

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        sadly, the gunhumpers would say none of those are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution – which is when one points out that speech is regulated, as is religion (“free exercise’ does not count molesting kids, for example), etc etc etc.

        • Ling Ling

          The constitution has been amended many times. And I’m still waiting for that “well regulated militia”. Aren’t you a law student? Apologies if I am confused about your studies.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’m a paralegal student – and yes, Heller was bullshit, according to criminal law prof who’s a public defender.

            I’ve never read it – but sounds like Scalia and friends DEFINITELy pulled some jiggery pokery there.

          • bupkus231

            The real jiggery pokery was how the right wing gun nuts immediately imposed their interpretation on the entire country – and no one has been allowed to challenge Heller.

            I know the SCOTUS is considered the last word – but hell, hundreds of laws upheld by SCOTUS have been challenged further – but nothing of any consequence has been presented to court ( let alone admitted for hearing ) since Heller in 2008 ( or at least none that I have heard of, not that I’m all that avid a courtwatcher ).

          • Doug Langley

            And some applesauce.

          • shivaskeeper

            The National Guard and Reserves are the well regulated militia.

          • PubOption

            ‘Militia’ is used several times in the constitution. Only in the case of the second amendment has it been taken to mean ‘one or more drunken yahoos or mentally-ill people’.

          • shivaskeeper

            Which is not what the Founders intended.

        • Jonny On Maui

          Show me in the constitution where it says everyone should have a firearm.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            it’s not me, it’s the gunhumpers’ nutzoid interpretation.

          • Jonny On Maui

            And we let crazies do the interpretation because?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            we can’t avoid it? (And technically, that’s the way SCOTUS interpreted it).

            I don’t AGREE, notice I said, “the gunhumpers would say…”

          • tomamitai

            Turning and turning in the widening gyre
            The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
            Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
            Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
            The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
            The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
            The best lack all conviction, while the worst
            Are full of passionate intensity.

            .

        • is that the point where they usually bring up the 9th amendment?

          • tomamitai

            No, no,no! They rarely bring up the ninth, because that one could be used to argue that there’s a right to an abortion or to engage in Gay sex, and they don’t want THAT to happen! They bring up the tenth, which they claim limits the federal government to the powers explicitly granted to it by the Constitution, and everything else is up to the states.

          • oh, I’ve had plenty of libertarian and other assorted wingnut types on Twitter bring up the ninth in this context and my response was pretty much the same as yours.

      • Parakeetist

        Fun fact: you can now get Kinder eggs in the gas stations in Tampa. Because fuck the law!

    • HooverVilles

      Exactly!

    • SpideySenser

      AND they need to be included in your homeowner’s insurance, or have a stand alone policy. It really is annoying to me that this measure of back up to weapon owners is not a legality. The costs to lives, hospitals and funeral homes is not covered by insurance covering violence by these alleged “patriots”.

    • anon_the_great

      If planes were useful for keeping slaves and other undesirables in line our Founding Fathers would have make them a constitutional right.

      Deal is the 2nd Amendment needs to be repealed.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The role of the firearm in keeping the slaves under control (along with the love of the county sheriff as the highest level of law enforcement) has a lot to do with our toxic gun culture.

    • PubOption

      Regarding trains, one UK railway company introduced a primitive form of Positive Train Control in 1906. The USA is hardly at the forefront.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Hey, what’s all this crazy talk? You know It’s “thoughts and prayers” time.

  • Cogswell that ends well
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      if guns were some important, the founders would have put them before life and liberty…(they’re mentionined an amendment after all).

      • Doug Langley

        Hi Tacos! How was work?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          oh busy – but i’m getting the hang of the new stuff (even if it does leave me with a headache)

          How about you?

          • Doug Langley

            Sweating bullets about the paycheck. It comes tomorrow and even though I’m sure it’ll cover the rent and some expenses I’m still biting my nails. Class is going okay, trying to figure out what on earth the person who set it up was thinking about the lab projects.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Maybe they were.

      • Cogswell that ends well

        Oddly, that’s exactly what I was thinking when I posted this tweet.

    • mackafritz

      The founders did not have AR-15s. A mass shooting would have been impossible back then.

      • HazooToo

        That’s where they fucked up so bad. The shit they were using back then wasn’t new, but it sure as hell was better than anything they had before. And yet it didn’t occur to ANY OF THEM that maybe future arms would be more accurate and deadly? And that maybe people would have them who shouldn’t? Or that maybe “well regulated militia” was kind of THE MOST VAGUE AND FRUSTRATING PHRASE EVER?!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          It’s pretty obvious that the “right to keep and bear arms” is a COLLECTIVE right, not an individual one, but that didn’t stop “strict constructionist” Fat Tony Scalia from interpreting it as an individual right.

          • HazooToo

            Fuck Scalia. And fuck the founding fathers. I don’t give one goddamn what they intended. They didn’t know jack shit about the future!

          • Cogswell that ends well

            That piece of shit’s corpse in likely in pristine condition because the worms won’t even eat him.

          • tomamitai

            They didn’t know jack shit about the future!

            They knew they didn’t know, which is why they made the Constitution amendable. Hell, Jefferson said that all laws, including the Constitution, should expire after “one generation”, which he figured to be about nineteen years.

          • HazooToo

            Bet those “strict constructionists” never mention that.

          • mackafritz

            “The right of the people” sounds collective to me.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Note, too, “the security of a free state”. That is, to defend the government itself.

          • bupkus231

            Hell, even Fat Tony admitted that the Second Amendment allowed localities “reasonable gun control” measures.

            Of course, when every proposal is met by the unreasoning hordes of NRA gulls, there ain’t no hope for reason.

        • UnsaltedSinner

          “A well-regulated militia” isn’t that vague, really. It clearly allows for plenty of regulations, and you can even interpret it to mean that gun ownership should be limited to people who are members of some form of official military unit. It sure as hell doesn’t mean that the founders endorsed a free-for-all. Individuals running around with AR-15s do not constitute a “well-regulated militia”.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            One of the things implied by “a well-regulated militia” is mandatory drills and NCOs in your face inspecting your firearm.

          • HazooToo

            Tell that to the Supreme Court.

          • UnsaltedSinner

            The problem isn’t the words in the amendment, but the sort of people who have been appointed to that court. A law in itself can’t protect you from hack judges or crazy politicians.

        • shivaskeeper

          I don;t think they could have foreseen this. Just like they wouldn;t have been able to foresee supersonic flight, space stations, 200 MPH cars, electricity, let alone the internet and computing.

          FFS, look at tech articles from the 60’s where they talk about home mainframe computers and how viable they would or would not be. Those were written by tech people who were supposed to be looking at the future.

          As for the well regulated militia, it has been divorced from the actual amendment. The founders were dead against a standing Army, so they needed to be able to levy troops as needed. For instance, during the Whiskey Rebellion. The thought was if troops were going to be pulled as needed, they would need at least some sort of training. The well regulated militia is now the military Guard and Reserve units. The SCOTUS are the ones who broke the Amendment into something the Founders never intended.

          • HazooToo

            Okay you and Unsalted have a point. I’m just furious and feeling pretty goddamn helpless about it.

          • shivaskeeper

            I get it. For all their faults, the founders had some pretty progressive ideas for the time. They built in fail safes and the ability to change things to be in line with the times. They were pretty far thinking overall.

            It’s asshats like dead Scalia, who claim to be “originalists” that pervert the good that is there. The founders would probably roll over in their graves at the concept of originalism. They designed the system to be able to change after all.

          • PubOption

            Some gun nuts, in a completely off-the-wall reading of the second amendment, claimed that it allowed the people to regulate (keep in line) the militia (army).

          • shivaskeeper

            That is the current insanity. It’s been that for a while. They don;t see the well regulated militia as what it was supposed to be: citizens who could be called upon the defend the government. They are usually the same people who deliberately misread the 1st Amendment, and for the same reason: they think it gives them license to do whatever they want.

    • Christopher Story

      21st century human sacrifice and blood rituals

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ben Franklin was. He’s why, when electrons travel clockwise in a circuit we call it counter-clockwise circuit flow. Bastard.

    • but they were OUR psychopaths.

    • tomamitai

      The 2nd amendment was proposed and passed to allow slave states to maintain their own militias to suppress slave rebellions. Does that count as “psychopathic”?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Blame Scalia and the right for rewriting the 2nd with Heller.

  • Rick Hill

    Ammosexual-“Makes sense to me.”
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aQ3xYnq_460s.jpg

  • capnkrunch

    Oh hey. Look who’s on On The Media today (actually a rebroadcast from 2016 but whatever). It’s our very own killermartinis! Cool!

  • IMPOed

    Can’t wait for Dumbfuck’s, “fine people on both sides” speech……… FUCK!!!

  • The Wanderer

    Just reposting this here, for those who didn’t catch it earlier. It’s from 2010, and I post it here for a bit of relief from the hurricane of shit on the news.

    Moonlight & Mayhem, Parts One and Two

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
  • OutOfOrbit

    Bi–weekly school shootings: the new norm

  • Sakonyachen

    As I matured, I stopped doing things like this. Now that my stepdaughter is a tween and we are getting closer to retirement or geezer camps(I’m only 45, I’m expecting the latter when I am past my use by date), I’m starting to find this sort of trouble making awfully tempting again. It’s not like it matters. Either we will fix the system, or I will be a ward of the state. I’m not going to be rich no matter how “respectable” I am.

    • yyyaz

      Should we be worried?

      • Sakonyachen

        Yes.

  • TJ Barke

    On a slightly brighter note, Oregon may be voting to establish healthcare as a right in the state constitution.

    • Ling Ling

      I bet the comments on O-Live are incandescent.

      • TJ Barke

        I heard that 101 passed with like 60%, so I imagine this has a pretty good chance.

    • HazooToo

      That is really good, I hope it does pass.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd99bf68e3f04299e99eef5d59ae71d72024fedfb70140b906258e900c5e9c2b.jpg I’ll share this again…and again, and again. To adopt Molly from my local Airedale Rescue, I had to fill out a four page form, had to provide character references, had to show that I was familiar with some of the unique characteristics and needs of this breed of dog, had to have a home inspection visit to make sure my place was safe and up to snuff, and had to go through a two-week trial period to make sure I was fit for her to be entrusted into my care. Yeah, I could’ve screeched about “my rights”. They would’ve said “fine, guess who’s NOT getting an Airedale?”. Fuck gun nuts and their rights. Fuck Disneyland. Fuck everything.

    • she is adorable.

    • NorthernSaber

      Pick up your ax. Plug it in to something that will make it loud and angry. Find out if the neighbors like it.

      There you go…

    • shivaskeeper

      Yeah, but dogs are a responsibility. Apparently there are no responsibilities to be had with easy access to guns.

    • Tiffany de Houston

      She has such a sweet face and such loving & understanding eyes.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        She loves me. This is evidence of her capacity for tolerance and understanding.

    • memzilla Ω

      Who’s a good dog, Molly? Who’s a good dog? Is it you? Is it you?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Woof woof!

        • memzilla Ω

          Extra ear skritches and Beggin’ Strips!

    • anon_the_great

      Oh for fuck’s sake. It’s a dog. And you can get an Airedale from others. Rescue people can be nuts…

      PS She’s a cutie. I bet she is the 2nd best dog in the world, mine being the 1st, of course.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        The woman who runs the rescue has devoted her life to saving these dogs, often from horrendous circumstances. She really works hard to make sure they end up in a good home. Nobody puts a gun to your head, figuratively or otherwise. if you don’t want to go through the process, you can get a different dog somewhere else.

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      My Mom tried to adopt from a Boston Terrier rescue, and it got so crazy, she gave up. You want how many years of my tax returns? A gun would absolutely have been easier to obtain.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Kind of my point. If it’s important enough to you, you are willing to go through whatever process is required. A fewer stupid/impulsive/drunk rednecks would have guns if they had to work a little harder to get them.

        • Ms. MLG on Maui

          Why would I relate a personal anecdote directly supporting the point of your post if I didn’t understand the point of your post?

    • SkinlessGenderlessMan

      We don’t do “rescues”, we go to the pound. “Animal Control”, the will-kill shelter. Then we pass over the kittens, ’cause everyone wants kittens. We got the kittyboys at a little over a year of age, and couldn’t be happier with their entirely predictable personalities; fat boy is as mellow as a throw pillow, and his pound-brother bites me as a hobby. Just like they were the day we met them….

      Both photos are from 2 Nov, 2014, the day they came home.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ba55c7d63c993a79077b4bc3fba66cf3b8ad5bae5191521f6320530cbadc2c87.jpg https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a7c441a457ec21be27f6edd730c3d01fa45dd8929ac4b5784a9a88cc2da22f5.jpg

  • Kateaux

    At least seventeen dead, they say (NYT & ABC, to name two of “them”). Seventeen. Jesus, Joseph, and Mary.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Jesus, Joseph, and Mary could not be reached for comment.

      • data_ninja

        That’s because all those republicans are flooding the prayerwaves.

  • Rick Hill

    So, what security measures will be required, as the republican response? Maybe if we know what friend of trump owns a company that provides some type of body armor, metal detectors, body scanners…we can get a good idea of what to expect.

    • CripesAmighty

      Find somebody to blame and deport.

      • the NRA?

      • Rick Hill

        This is what I’m thinking will happen, he’ll use it to bolster his argument for whatever he can tie it in with. Mayber infrastructure…

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        Let’s start with that fucking useless bag of protoplasm that heads up hijacked the NRA. The blame is there; deport to low orbit, maybe with no suit….

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)
      • dafuq? totally normal. nothing to see here. move along.

      • HazooToo

        Comes in colors, that’s nice. Anything that covers the chest and head?

        • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

          Yes, I think I’ve seen some sort of roll-out covers that are kind of like those mats you use under your sleeping bags when camping.

          • HazooToo

            Well, that might be slightly better than useless. I think I’m going to move out of the country at the first available opportunity.

      • Doug Langley

        Just what the kids need. A backpack that weights 80 pounds.

  • Christopher Story
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
      • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

        Kitty didgeridoo!

      • Christopher Story

        That actually made me chuckle, thank you.

    • OutOfOrbit

      A sobering revelation

    • yyyaz

      Looks a lot like my kitteh from long ago: Boswell Boxhead.

    • Kafka Kitteh.

    • HazooToo

      I get all my worst news from my favorite box.

      • Christopher Story

        I think I’m making that my new go-to exasperation catch phrase…
        “It’s all boxes, man!”

    • anon_the_great

      Well, it is a cat’s life after all…

  • Friday’s_cat

    Use your Social Media account to call out your republican Senators and Representatives by name. Ask them why they value NRA Rubles over dead school students. Enough of us doing it will give them pause.

    • shivaskeeper

      No. It won’t. The NRA pays them too much. They are also incapable of any sort of shame. If Sandy Hook didn’t give them pause, this won’t either.

      They need to be voted out and whoever is put in their pace needs to be held accountable.

      Also the entire culture in the country will need to be changed. That is going to take at least a generation or two. It’s going to be a long fight.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        Sigh…

        • shivaskeeper

          Anything more than “Thoughts and Prayers” and shrugging their shoulders because “what can you do, really?” will get them primaried form the right and stop the paychecks.

      • Cat Cafe

        Also, perhaps, Russia threatens them too much. I think they’re terrified cowards using schoolchildren as human shields, almost literally. We need to fund the concentrated forces working against them, also, like Moms Demand…. do you have other suggestions to add, Shivaskeeper? I’m heartsick.

        • shivaskeeper

          Funny you should ask. Yes I have other ideas.

          Starting at the local level: Local pols need to push law enforcement to stop treating fuck ups with firearms as “accidents”. There are no accidents. There is only negligence. You did not accidentally shot your kid, your neighbor, or yourself on accident. You were negligent. You did not accidentally blow a hole in someone’s house or car. It was negligence. Gun owners need to held accountable for that. They need to be charged with any and every applicable felony or misdemeanor every single time. As it is there is no real accountability so there is no need to treat weapons as the dangerous tools they are. Why should anyone take them seriously if they can not be held accountable as long as the say, “Oops”? If your job requires a firearm, and you fuck up, you lose the firearm. If that loses you the job, too fucking bad. That needs to be done Every. Single. Time.

          Criminal and medical databases need to be standardized and linked to the background check system which also needs to be ungraded and fixed.

          I would push for mandatory yearly qualifications and tests of practical knowledge of each gun owned. That would have to be done at an approved range, with approved and qualified test administrators. You want to own it? Show me you can at least load and unload it without fucking up. Show me you can hit something more than the ground because of gravity and friction. Testing would be appropriate to each class of firearm.

          As for the culture? It’s partially toxic masculinity, but the national myths need to be reevaluated and the truth needs to be taught early. The whole 3% bullshit. The myths of the Wild West. The wartime myths. All of it. It has to be done in schools from the earliest. If we wait to long it’s a lost cause. Show a gun humper the rules the Earps drew up for firearms inside Tombstone and they won’t believe it because the myth has been told to them longer and louder.

          Politicians who don’t at least try to change things within reason for this country need to be voted out and replaced.

          • Cat Cafe

            Yes. Yes. A thousand, million, gazillion times yes. ALL OF THIS.
            But Shivas, where the fuck do we start? How do we really contribute to MAKING THIS FUCKING HAPPEN? I donate to Moms for Gun Sense and Everytown. I urge others to do the same and tweet the donation pages. I donate to and support groups supporting all the Dems running for state and federal legislatures. I vote for, support, and write notes of support to existing pro-gun-safety politicians and those running for legislative or DA seats. I tweet, making all these points, and more, (as well as taking down the “so do we make cars illegal” fucking bullshit); I retweet all the brave warriors on the front lines, thank and retweet the politicians who speak out bravely. But what else, do you think is an effective way to contribute and make a difference?

          • shivaskeeper

            I think it has to start at the lowest local levels and go up from there. School boards, local police and sheriffs, local prosecutors and politicians.

            Change this big cannot start at the top. It has worked in other places like Australia, but we are not Australia. Other than that, all I know it’s going to be a long, hard fight.

      • bupkus231

        “They need to be voted out and whoever is put in their place needs to be held accountable.”

        I know what the “Non-Commenting Rules for Radicals” say – but voting the fuckers out is just not satisfying anymore. Accountability is great, but before we can count on their replacements believing in accountability, we’ve got to make sure that the accountability that the current bunch of fuckheads get held to us something more than a lobbyist’s salary or gravy train media pundit.

        Someone has to put the fear of God – no, the fear of the people – into our potential politicians.

        • shivaskeeper

          See, Scalise, Steve. Even getting shot because of the fuckery he pushes he hasn’t changed his mind on anything.

          • bupkus231

            Don’t get me started on Scalise. That shit he spewed at the last “National Prayer Breakfast” was just so much fucking hypocritical and phony religious squat.

            The man was a not-so-closeted bigot before the GOP put him in a semi-leadership position. Now he’s just a deranged cross between Elmer Gantry and the Captain from “Cool Hand Luke”…

            Fucking Louisiana politicians should just sink in the bayou mud.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I would if I had a social media account. I’m too afraid to sign up because of lunatics who do things like dox your family and mail you envelopes full of OxiClean.

      I’m seconding Shivaskeeper’s comment below also too. Tweeting isn’t going to change anything any more than non-commenting at Wonkette. Their paymasters are their real constituents.

      And yes, that goes for NRA Bernie too.

  • Christopher Story

    I posted this this morning, but I need an extra dose of emergency cuteness and this one gets me… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ea746c3c6b9fd63d5741c839da038542b3318f8c472ffcd0eec233beb2651533.png

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

      I would definitely get a rescue pitty!

      • Kooolest G

        here they won’t let you get rescue pit bulls from the pound because they couldn’t afford the liability. too bad gun stores don’t work like that

        • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

          What, the City won’t allow it?

          • Kooolest G

            I guess, when I went to get my dog, they said that the pit bulls were not available for adoption because there were too many lawsuits. (and there were a lot of them) it actually kinda makes sense, around here a lot of people train these dogs to fight and purposefully make them as mean as possible. you never know if the pit bull you’re getting has been trained like that and then dumped at the pound if it’s not mean enough to win a dogfight, but still mean enough to eat your toddler

          • Parakeetist

            I live near Tampa. A while ago, I was looking at apartments, and most of them don’t allow “aggressive breeds,” which includes pit bulls and Dobermans. A few buildings do. I’d like to adopt a pitter as well.

          • Lots of cities ban pitbull, period. I think Denver and Miami are a couple of them. You can’t live in their city with a pit, it will be confiscated.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Drublic Jr. has one. Sweetest dog ever.

    • Resistor Radio

      awwwwwww, thassa cute pupper!

    • janecita

      He looks so scary:-) I just want to smooch him!

      • Christopher Story

        Those widdle teefers!

    • NastyBossetti

      This is my monster pitty, viciously snuggling under my leg right now:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c957dd917ba8b8e6e112e550a857a5444994278370f11ce8ec313112f731c6f3.jpg

      • Christopher Story

        It’s such bum rap. Of all the dog attacks I’ve experienced in my personal life (within my circle of influence), not one was ever a pit. Hell, one was some wire haired toy poodle looking mutt.

    • Parakeetist

      Plz nom me thx

    • Cat Cafe

      Ooh! I have such a good pittie story! We went over to see a possible new contractor at this house (we need to redo our bathroom, and he is a neighbor, had come to our house, was very nice and wanted us to see the tile work he’d done in his own house).
      Well. We get there, knock, and hear his voice: “Um, are you okay with dogs?” I mean, ARE WE OKAY WITH DOGS. So we say yes and out bounds a rambunctious, sweet pittie named Papa. Papa was rescued by his wife from the STREET after he was hit by a CAR and she NURSED HIM BACK TO HEALTH we are definitely hiring this contractor.
      Anyway, Papa eagerly greeted us, then discovered two decorative squashes sitting out by the front door. He leapt on one really large one, batted it around like a big ball, then opened his enormous jaw and grabbed it and raced excitedly back into the house with it.
      Where he continued eagerly batting it around, carrying it to one of his beds, racing back and forth with it, disappearing with it, then returning, then settling on one of their nice carpets and gnawing on it, making a terrible mess, while the contractor beamed fondly, totally Not Caring about the carpets, again, we are definitely hiring this contractor.
      Then, the contractor wanted us to see the upstairs master bathroom. We had to go through the master bedroom, where he stopped before opening the door and said they had a feral kitty, who they had taken in when she was pregnant, and taken care of the kittens, and got them ready for adoption and then adopted them out, but they were still trying to soothe and tame the Mama a little more, so she lived in their bedroom YES we are definitely hiring this contractor!!
      BUT. He turns to the pittie, who had followed us upstairs: “Papa, you know you don’t go into the bedroom where Miss Kitty is.” So Papa immediately and obediently went into his kennel cage on the upstairs landing, where it turned out he had secretly brought his big squash ahead of time and hidden it under his blanket!! We are still laughing! Also, WE ARE DEFINITELY HIRING THIS CONTRACTOR. (Who did beautiful work by the way, although it almost didn’t matter.)

      • Christopher Story

        The pit I knew well was a breeding dog called “Baby Girl.” Quiet, obedient, charming. A little on the dense side, but she was mamma to my dog for a couple of summers. It was so fun watching them play.

        One of the cuter things she would do: Draco loves chasing sticks and having tug of wars with them. So Baby Girl would go get a stick and run around the yard with Draco chasing her before finally letting him tug the stick out of her mouth.

        To this day, if we drive by my old place with Draco, he still wants to get out and go sniff for her. Or bawl at the windows for her to come out.

        • Cat Cafe

          Aww, that’s so adorable. Also I love that you called your doggie “Draco.”

    • Eeeeeep! Love!

    • tehbaddr

      Note the size of the head and all them teeth, obscured by the tongue! Make no mistake, that little thing is a MONSTER! It will deliver wet sloppy doggy kiss till you can’t take it anymore!

  • Kooolest G

    the weird thing is, the gun humpers always use the argument that the right to bear arms is to save us from tyranny (or tranny if you prefer) but I don’t see all those countries that do restrict guns flirting with an authoritarian wannabe dictator like we are, so can I get a refund on that? maybe just a partial refund, like 10 of those kids life back instead of all 17?

    • Cat Cafe

      When they talk about tyranny, they mean “a government that won’t let US be white supremacists and have a military arsenal.” The original meaning of the 2nd Amendment had zero meaning as “protecting us from tyranny FROM THE UNITED STATES.” It really specifically designated that people could bear arms against TYRANNY FROM OUTSIDE. George Washington made that clear when he instantly put down the Whiskey Rebellion. I truly believe the NRA is being deep-pocket=funded in dirty money from the Russians. There’s increasing evidence of it, and no one could wish our self-destruction more fervently than Putin. Russia/the NRA has bought and terrified our corrupt politicians, who now literally push schoolchildren out to face the gunmen. It’s a catastrophe.

      • Kooolest G

        when you think about it, it’s remarkably cost effective, saddam hussein spent a fortune and only killed a few thousand americans, the NRA is responsible for that many deaths every month or so

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        The minute it was announced money was funneled through the NRA to dotard, it all made sense. They are owned by Putin.

        • Cat Cafe

          That’s why it’s so intractable. I couldn’t figure it out, but it totally makes sense.

    • CripesAmighty

      The only tyranny they’re concerned with are civilized people with the temerity to ask them to stop behaving like pigs.

  • CripesAmighty

    Ok, fuck this shit. Pairs free skate…

    • Thiazin Red

      Canadian guy on now is pretty good looking.

      • CripesAmighty

        Kinda off. A little messy.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      I’m watching women’s 1000m speed skate.

    • tehbaddr

      International sports thing? Maybe your channel will show more than the top three finishers and all the athletes from your country.

  • Christopher Story
    • yyyaz

      Yo! Yo, kittehs!

    • Bub, Secret Society zombie

      I want them all…

  • tehbaddr

    “Are you a good Christian?” Umm, I follow the one that brings enlightenment, you know the morning star…

  • Michael R
    • C.W. St. John Nobbs

      Thnaks for the happy doggo. I needed it. Is that the French Broad River?

  • akryan

    so, time for some more “thoughts and prayers”. 17 dead in a school shooting in FL.

  • Cletus Safari

    I expect that I will not live to see the day when this song loses its relevance.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI8TFb5Gqoo

    • Me not sure

      I hope this means that I don’t have to wish an early death upon you.

      • Cletus Safari

        I complete my 55th solar orbit in May. I expect I will die of old age before a sufficiently large percentage of the population of this country wises up.

        • Me not sure

          I just sped by my 70th. Live long and well.

        • bupkus231

          The country will collapse into itself long before a significant percentage of the American population wises up.

          • Cletus Safari

            May the Ascended Madoka forbid that.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          We are the same age.

    • commatoes
  • Cletus Safari
    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Someone needs to update that song to “I Don’t Like Days that End in Y.”

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I sent you a cookie earlier with your boyfriend on it. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a5f6578c6c4f5324e761db62db73fea93411ebf83c1322c5fa2710b3df16f89a.jpg , here in case you didn’t see

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          YUMMY!!!!!!!!!

          Good thing that’s a picture, because that’s so beautiful that I wouldn’t want to eat it!

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Tastes of shortbread and unicorn breath.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Happy Valentines Day. Our friend comes in from Toronto tomorrow for a visit. I had a small grocery list for him including Ice Wine and Maple Cookies.

    • Ling Ling

      That song never gets old.

    • Resistor Radio

      Tell me why!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Next time try “mommy blog and recipe sharing site.”

  • Resistor Radio

    Uhhhh….WTF are the czech skaters wearing?

    • Thiazin Red

      Its not pleasant.

      • Resistor Radio

        Right? Her skirt hurts my eyes.

        • Thiazin Red

          Its so much worse in close up.

          • Resistor Radio

            I found the music really off-putting at the start as well. Also, these kids need to get off my lawn.

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
    • bupkus231

      I’d like that poster to explicitly call out “NRA members” and/or “NRA supporters”.

      It ain’t just the faceless bureaucrats behind La Pierre who are the problem – the ones giving the NRA money are the ones who carry the most blood on their hands….

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    I agree with this sorry not sorry.

    https://twitter.com/TheDweck/status/963932265179881473

  • Bill D. Burger

    Know what would cheer everybody up, lift everyone’s spirits ___ a big military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue to showcase our nation’s killing capacity.

    Duh…winning!

    http://gifon007.eu/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Military-Parade-Moscow-Paris-London-2016-Gif.gif

    • Resistor Radio

      Will they have enough brown shirts to wear in time for the parade?

      • data_ninja

        I thought White Polo with the khaki pants was the new Brown Shirt?

        • OrG

          And tiki-torches. Don’t forget the tiki-torches!

    • IMPOed

      AMERIKKKA, Where we kill’em abroad AND AT HOME!!

    • Cletus Safari

      When the troops pass Cheeto Benito’s reviewing stand, they should “honor” him with THIS maneuver:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ol5Dfs7jqFI

    • OrG

      Needs moar goose-step.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    Gov Batboy about to give presser.

    Speaking of which will Donald ever give another press conference?

    • I’m just hoping that the shooting won’t be interfering with his golfing.

      • bupkus231

        Governor Bat Boy don’t golf – he has to hang upside down in his cave during daylight hours

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Except for the one time he came out and went to Starbucks.
          One of the real people that were affected by his failure to accept the ACA Medicare expension funds yelled at him.

        • I was talking about the Yam. TBH, IDGAF about Bat Boy.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Good to hear the press asking the uncomfortable (“inappropriate”) questions.

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    I never really thought much about guns growing up. Plinked some cans with a bb gun and then a .22 and fired a shot gun at the family farm. Didn’t really understand until I joined the army the difference between an m4 and those old rifles.

    There’s no reason a civilian needs a weapon that can provide suppressive fire. A bolt action rifle lets you hunt. Shotgun is better for home defense. And a pistol is a maybe detterent or you can wear it and feel manly. An untrained civilian with an AR is only playing at tacticool.

    I disagreed with Heller from the outset. An individual right to a firearm was just not a part of constitutional jurisprudence until very recently. But, if it’s the law, then we need test cases and gun control laws to form the basis for those tests. Slate had a good article on a potential proposed law requiring a permit for possessing more then 2 guns and/ or any weapon outside a bolt action rifle, shot gun, or pistol. Seems reasonable to me

    • Ling Ling

      I agree, and I live rural. My home defense is friendly dogs and one loud burro. I have firearms, not used in years. I don’t really see a need for handguns or repeating firearms of any kind. Australia has it right. We are late for reform. The 2A says “well regulated militia” – lets define it.

      • Vienna Woods

        We’re in the country in Ontario and we have guns . Never needed them.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Just ban ’em all. Defund the war economy.

    • CripesAmighty

      It’s the illusion of power for powerless dullards who know that in the real world, they’re consigned by their own irrelevance to the bottom of the barrel.

    • been saying the same for years for the exact same reason. I grew up in the hills and shot everything from a German WWII pistol to a shotgun and military service really put things into perspective.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    That sure is a lot of time wasted on useless prayers.

    https://twitter.com/MarkHarrisNYC/status/963952637107494912

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      School district supe just said T&P AGAIN.

    • bupkus231

      Marco Rubio is both useless and a waste.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      “plenty of time for policy debate later” he says

      in 2012

      • cmd resistor

        Pretty much what he said today. Oh and we need the facts before talking politics bcs we don’t know what happened.

    • OrG

      Hey,give ‘im a break. He changed a few words around.

  • IMPOed

    Governor Skeletor to speak soon…

    • bupkus231

      Thanks for the warning. If there’s one thing I don;t need tonight, it’s that asshole spreading his sanctimonious manure around. What’s the over-under for how soon he utters the phrase “thoughts & prayers”? Oh never mind – he already did that this afternoon. So, tonight’s talk is nothing more than a campaign appearance , huh?

    • Parakeetist

      Right now, covered on the Rachel Maddow Show, MSNBC

      • IMPOed

        Now the Attorney Grifter….

    • C.W. St. John Nobbs

      Fuck him. Every time I think of that sadistic medicare scamming motherfucker, I relish my move from the ‘duh even more. MA has problems, but not like that fucked up place.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Maura Healey angered the gun nuts by stepping up the assault weapons ban here. She’s a fucking badass. RWNJs hate her not only for telling off the gun nuts, but because she’s one of those Lisboan people, you know, the yuri girls from Portugal…

        http://www.mass.gov/ago/public-safety/awbe.html

    • Kateaux

      Skeletor libelz.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Dutch win the women’s 1000m speed skate. Japan silver and bronze. US 4th.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Do we get at least a t-shirt?

  • Thiazin Red

    The skating commentary was pretty harsh there. Shes Juliet, hes not romeo hes just that guy.

    • Resistor Radio

      Canada guy kinda looks like Justin

      • Thiazin Red

        Kind of. I demand sparklier men’s costumes. Not Czech team sparkly, but more than his.

        • Resistor Radio

          I LOVED our favorite glamazon bitch’s costume the other day. That was so fabulous.

          • Thiazin Red

            Also I want butts. We’ve gotten a good look at every woman’s/girl’s butt. I demand man butts.

          • Resistor Radio

            OMG right? Like when did the panty portion get so cheeky? Not all of it is wedgie, some of it is cut that way :)

          • Thiazin Red

            I swear one of the individual women had panties made of illusion netting.

          • Resistor Radio

            Yes, I could see her mirena
            :P

          • Tokays_don’t_blink

            You want ratings? ‘Cause that’s how you get ratings!

        • Resistor Radio

          ooooooo – I like these Italian costumes

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Canada girl look like Sophie?

        BTW, leave it to the wingnuts to ruin a perfectly good Valentine’s tweet from Trudeau’s account. Now they’re trying to foment a rumor that the marriage is over because they haven’t seen Sophie in public a lot (but if they did, they’d be telling her to shut up and go away), so they’ve decided that it must be because she “caught Justin in bed with a bunch of black guys.”

        SMH, burn it the fuck down… They’re convinced of this crap that they invented out of whole cloth, but the pee tape is BS?

  • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch

    This is quite a story of Rinced Pubes’ time in the WH. Starts by explaining how unprepared the whole group was for leadership, and certainly it was readily obvious that RP was well out of his depth. No surprise, Trump is impossible to control, is an asshole to everybody. Apparently Sessions actually turned in his letter of resignation and was all set to go, but Preebs convinced him to stay. Also, he says the place runs way more nutty and dysfunctional than it appears from the outside, but he concludes that he still loves that crazy little scamp that is Trump. Cocksucker forever.
    https://twitter.com/FranceWorldProb/status/963915148883841026?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E3

  • C.W. St. John Nobbs

    I have a tattoo that I got after Columbine of a kid holding a smoking pistol in one hand and a teddy bear in the other thinking that a) I would never forget the school shootings at the time (Columbine, Eugene, OR, Jonesboro, AR), and b) that this would signal the end of the loosey goosey gun laws. Now I look at it as a symbol of my naivete and it breaks my heart. Liberty, motherfuckers. GET SOME!!11!!!

    These kinds of days, I feel like I should apologize to my kiddos.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Our job is to make life more comfortable for parents who want their kids to be able to walk the streets safely. Or the senior citizen waiting for a bus. Or the young child walking home from school….This American carnage stops right here and stops right now,” Trump said shortly after being sworn into office in Washington.” Donald Trump (1/20/2017)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8af65ae526a398cb84e9482b1bcc907dc049dfc86eac2b2a5a2610b697b027ec.gif

    ___AND___

    https://www.viralviralvideos.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/08/GIF-fuck-you-Jack-Nicholson-Screw-you-Middle-Finger-Pointing-Finger-GIF.gif

    • OrG

      He was lying. **gasp**

      • Bill D. Burger
      • Rick Hill

        Naw…he just meant the danger from the illegals and the blehs.

        • tomamitai

          Well, I heard the Florida school shooter’s name was Cruz. Ain’t that one of them furrin names? I think there was a guy with that name from Canada who tried to get hisself elected Prednisent!

  • Parakeetist

    Here’s Governor Asshole (Rick Scott) talking on the MSNBC box about how “this state does not tolerate violence.” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    • CripesAmighty

      Yeah. Maybe you could help some of the families with some of that 200 million you defrauded from Medicare.

      Yeah, that’s what we thought.

    • Ling Ling

      Really? Still have those “stand your ground” laws?

      • Parakeetist

        Yeah ’cause we suck

    • miss_grundy

      Yeah, because there was never a shoot-out over a parking space at Dadeland Mall on Kendall Drive in Miami.

  • data_ninja

    I’m not sure if anyone has thought of this yet, buy maybe for Lent America should give up guns? You know, just to see how well it works?

    • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch

      Jesus would approve. Well, not Republican Jesus, but the guy of historical record.

      • data_ninja

        How could the religious right even argue against it? Sacrifice for self improvement is the totes christian thing to do, I think. Been a while since catholic school.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          There’s also that thing that Jesus literally said in Matthew 26:

          50 And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus and took him.

          51 And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest’s, and smote off his ear.

          52 Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.

          • data_ninja

            Johnny Cash and Shel Silverstein did it better /s :
            “Well, I hit him hard right between the eyes
            And he went down, but to my surprise
            He come up with a knife and cut off a piece of my ear
            But I busted a chair right across his teeth
            And we crashed through the wall and into the street
            Kicking and a’ gouging in the mud and the blood and the beer”
            –Boy named Sue

        • Martini A 🍸 , glamazon bitch
    • Biff52
      • data_ninja

        You gave up that other one too a while back, yes?

      • Ling Ling

        I have one of those somewhere around here. Probably needs a good cleaning.

    • Resistor Radio

      “I don’t trust Papists” – Fundigelical Ammosexuals, probably

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        They trust rapists, though. They voted for one.

    • wait! you have it all backwards. Those People have to give up guns. WE are already good Christians.

      • data_ninja

        You might as well ask the evangelist preacher to give up his secretary for lent. It’s gonna have the same results.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          If Donnie gave up lying, he’d have to take a vow of silence.

        • mysterious ways are mysterious, I suppose.

  • CindyinEncinitas
  • Stable Uniomist Raan

    “What are you doing? I don’t have time for ribs!”
    “You don’t have time for the best barbeque ribs in the state?”
    “Whoa, whoa, are we talkin’ ‘que right now? Are we talkin’ ‘que? ‘Cause I got news for you, I only know two things: perpetual virginity and ribs, and the best ribs in the state are at Way Crazy’s in Langley Falls.”
    “Please! My mother’s a Baptist minister, and she wouldn’t scrub her ass with Way Crazy’s.”
    “Yo mama sounds like a messed up bitch.”

  • williams517

    Off topic: Just heard a Canadian say the phrase “eh?” for the very first time. Only previously heard the phrase said in movies or tv shows. It was a wonderful experience. It was like seeing an animal in the wild for the first time.

    • Marlin Perkins, “I stayed back in the brush while Williams517 approached the Canuck and her hungry cubs.”

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      from my experiences in Canada, it get more common the further west you go there

      • Arolpin

        Where did Bob & Doug McKinsey live? That would probably be the center of “eh?”

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          McKenzie*. Just the “Great White North.”

          And if I lived up there I’d rather have either of them in office than Bob Rob & Doug Ford. AKA “Brock Lesnar’s idiot twin brothers on crack”.

        • Vienna Woods

          At least one of them is from Hamilton, in keeping with the above article.

      • Vienna Woods

        Oh heck, we use it all the time in Ontario

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    TMI, but relevant to guns… in 2012, I underwent an operation to alleviate painful and excessive “time of the month” issues that also had the benefit (in my view) of making me biologically incapable of bearing children. Because I was relatively young (28), had no children of my own, and hadn’t even… gone all the way, doctors were reluctant to do it “in case I change my mind.”

    I went all over the place being hit with what we who call ourselves “child-free” refer to as “bingoes,” or what-if scenarios that the physician comes up with in order to justify not granting the patient bodily autonomy due to the supposed “regret” that they believe comes about when faced with the prospect of never having children. The notion that there is anyone who doesn’t want children and is willing to permanently “fix” themselves in order to do so, is unfortunately unfathomable to most gynecological surgeons. (Now that I think about it, I probably should have seen a veterinarian who specializes in primates.)

    The fact that I already suffer from mental illness, that my mood swings were being exacerbated exponentially by the “time of the month,” and that I specifically said I have no business anyway bearing children lest they inherit my same disease, only turned it into a catch-22, where you’re not “sane” enough to say yes to an operation even though the operation might help your “insanity” — and I had to get “approval” from not one, but two qualified mental health practitioners, who gave me the OK.

    Long story short, I finally convinced a surgeon to do the operation, and even though my life still sucks and the underlying mental illness per se will never go away, the fact that I have been period-free and pain-free for six years now — and will be child-free the rest of my life — makes it considerably better. (I even said that I wanted to make sure I was able to get it done before the presidential election in case Romney got in.) But, what I’m getting at here is, it took me all these consults, and waiting, and frustration, and a sign-off sheet from two shrinks, in order to get a medical procedure that would improve my life.

    Why the hell is it 100x easier to buy a fucking gun that kills people, than it is to have my Fallopian tubes removed so that I could actually live?

    • because mental health issues and being a woman are weaknesses and carrying penis extensions that can kill a whole crowd in seconds is strength.

      also, war is peace and ignorance is strength.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        It really was my first taste in how a logical argument really has no bearing on irrational biases that people refuse to let go of.

        Although from what I’ve heard, some child-free men have a difficult time getting vasectomies, because you’re “not a real man” if you don’t want to spawn your seed as many places as you can.

        It’s easier to get a doctor to agree to a boob job.

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Ugh, sorry you had to go through all that nonsense. Have an internet CF high-five!

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Thanks. I had no idea that even doctors carried those same prejudices about mental illness. It was a frustrating but educational experience. Unfortunately, I doubt the attitudes have changed much.

    • OutOfOrbit

      3 consonants: N R A

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Sesame Street Capitol Hill is brought to you by the letters NRA!”

    • Lord Jim

      Because your surgery deprives some man of the freedom to impregnate you. :/

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        But of course. The staggering bit, however, is that there were female surgeons who said no.

    • HooverVilles

      Because the patriarchs know what’s best for the wimmins.
      Gag!
      And what Lord Jim said.

    • goonemeritus

      It’s probably to do with marketing., There are no glossy magazines where I shop having to do with Fallopian tubes
      . Assault weapons on the other hand have a whole shelf.

  • CripesAmighty

    North Koreans are up. They killed the other day.

    • Resistor Radio

      I thought they were awesome…hope tonight goes well too. I’m really rooting for them.

  • Very Stable Bozi
  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
  • IMPOed

    Now the Sheruff is giving the old “If you want to kill someone, you will find a way”, Fucker!!

    • when are we going to ban spoons and butter knifes?

      • data_ninja

        “But why a spoon, cousin?”

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Ban U-Haul! The founder of that company was another serial killer born on a Leap Day!

        • wasn’t that the story where some of his one million children started tattling on him?

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            No idea. I just know I share a birthday with the U-Haul guy, Richard Ramirez and Aileen Wuornos. Also too, that Spanish underwear model asshole who’s always complaining that conservatives get reverse-McCarthy’d out of Hollywood. At least there’s Dinah Shore.

          • on the upside, you’re only 1/4th the age of everyone else.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Is it true that Jesus cleansed all the leapers?

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            Only after “Spring” Break…

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Yeah, and an AR-15 sure makes it a lot easier and quicker to kill a lot of someones.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      But if you want to kill 17 people, you probably need something like an AR-15.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Sure- if you want to, let’s say, club to death 17 people, you’ll find a way.

      Perhaps over the course of several weeks, sneaking up behind them, hoping to avoid a rotator cuff injury…

      • IMPOed

        He was using the “Big Truck” defense… SMFH!

    • miss_grundy

      In other words “We can’t do anything to stop shootings in the future”. Which is pure bullshit. If the federal government is willing to do anything about it then the state government should. Perhaps gun laws should be attacked the way drunk driving was attacked. It will take years to change the culture but, perhaps, it might be the only way to bring about gun laws that are sensible and still make people responsible for their actions.

      • IMPOed

        Well, drunk driving laws still suck, so I won’t expect much, but better than nothing I suppose.

        • miss_grundy

          But legislation has to start somewhere. It is inconceivable that children, tweens and teens have died at the hands of shooters and people in this country just shake it off.

          • IMPOed

            After Sandy Hook Massacre, 90+% of this country wanted something, Anything, done and lawmakers did NOTHING, we have voted in every election that achieved Nothing, what do you recommend?

          • miss_grundy

            I recommend the same strategy that was used by Mothers Against Drunk Driving and similar groups that pushed to change the laws against driving under the influence. It may take years or nearly decades to fight consistently against the NRA’s interpretation of the Second Amendment but we need to change the culture of this country. Before the 1970s, the NRA was just an association for people who were gun enthusiasts. But they chose to change that by developing the current political viewpoint. In the same way they have a lobbying group in D.C. the opposing view of sane gun laws need to develop a strong lobbying group that shows the same muscle. If we don’t it doesn’t matter how much teachers and children are taught to develop strategies not to get shot in schools, or movie theatres not allowing customers to show up in costumes. We can’t allow senators to pass concealed carry gun laws so that everyone walks around like they live in the Wild West, while they get to work in a gun-free zone. That happens because the NRA showers them with money. Perhaps it is time for the opposition to do the same, since money influences the laws that are passed in this country.

  • Me not sure

    Wife and I are having Valentine’s dinner seafood and a Rosè at a local little neighborhood joint. God, I love this woman. I sincerely hope all of you have the best St.Valentine’s Day ever. Get what you need, love what you’ve got and fuck the rest.
    I hope that I’m clear on that. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c2a25bb2dac10e7479523d8d8f378d6871eb3bcca257a494fdaad4176d707228.jpg

    • Parakeetist

      I don’t has a manfolk in my life
      I sad

      • Me not sure

        Life can make sudden and sharp turns. Be ready.

      • Stinky_Hole

        Nobody to tell you how you should be doing something? Nobody to >insert-some-stupid-shit-here<?
        It's all about perspective.
        Is Disqus goobered, or is it just me?

    • Doug Langley

      It’s my brother’s birthday. I sent him a very nice card.

      • Me not sure

        My daughter-in-law told me today that my son has every card that he’s ever gotten from his mother and me in a box at his house. I see cards as very precious now.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    American politicians are probably the best investment in the world today. Spend millions, earn billions.

    https://twitter.com/mcnees/status/963917671271190528

  • memzilla Ω
    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      “These candy hearts are chalky and unpleasant!”–Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.

      • no.one.2.know
        • Stinky_Hole

          Aren’t they made of earwig honey and asbestos?

          • TimResistit

            They are made of cadaver teeth and scorching hatred.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Missing the tertiary syphilis chancres.

  • CripesAmighty

    Nice program by Canadian pair. Now in lead. NK up next.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Hey look, it’s Wonket’s favorite dumbfuck Senate candidate being a dumbfuck!

    https://twitter.com/SenatorBrittain/status/963903494875852800?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    • Stable Uniomist Raan

      Is his source his own asshole?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Of course

      • Parakeetist

        Yes, the Department of His Butt wins again

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Does this numbnut know that criminals aren’t eligible for DACA? Fail.

    • Cletus Safari
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Only the fring-y right, which has no actual sources, is saying that.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        there’s claims that he was antifa (not true) and claims of photos of him in a MAGA hat (unproven)

    • shivaskeeper

      Even if true, so what? Non sequitur argument is non sequitur. He is also not paying attention to the other parts of the wingnutosphere. The kid was a Muslim too. Also not true, by the way.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        but, but, Messican name! he MUST be an illegal! Nevermind that he spells his first name with Nikolas

        • shivaskeeper

          Also, too ignore that fact that everyone I heard today being interviewed who knew him said he was a psycho.

    • schmannity

      Trump said Americans are dreamers. Is that what he meant, because nothing is more American in the world than getting your hands on lots of weapons and shooting lots of people.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      I suspect your source is an anus, Craig.

    • Resistor Radio

      the replies are pretty much full of “go fuck yourself Craig”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        those are the best part

  • janecita

    Is it against the rules to wish that Alex Jones chokes on those greasy ribs he loves so much?

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/internet-rains-hell-piece-sht-alex-jones-tweeting-photos-anti-snowflake-gun-deadly-school-shooting/

    • Parakeetist

      Poetic justice, no. Rules, I sry, dunno.

    • CripesAmighty

      I don’t know which is more contemptible–Jones and that toxic slop he shovels out; or the legions of morons that lap it up.

      • Parakeetist

        Yes

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        AOT,K

      • shivaskeeper

        Six of one, really.

      • Red Richmond

        Sadly one of those morons was my terminal-cancer and dementia stricken father-in-law, who spent himself and my mother-in-law deeply into payday loan hell because he was conned into thinking they would help him live longer (this was before the cancer diagnosis but well into when he started experiencing dementia spells). He finally stopped buying the shit when MiL locked him out of their checking account and credit cards, because he couldn’t remember the simple fact that they were broke, or else he’d panic and buy them during a dementia spell.

        So, while the “moron Alex Jones slop buyer” brush is pretty fair to paint broadly with, there’s a few nuances it misses. Alex Jones himself can absolutely get fucked in every orifice by a million fiery demon cocks, forever. No votes necessary.

    • schmannity

      Take my supplements and you’ll look 20-30 years older seems like bad marketing

      • Parakeetist

        Zing
        No way dude is only 42. He looks 62 if he’s a day.

    • JohnBull

      Give it 10 years. Nature will take care of him for us.

  • Thiazin Red

    The north korean skaters are adorable.

    • CripesAmighty

      Really sharp, clean skate. Eat that Orange Doltard.

  • yyyaz

    Two boards, two poles, one mountain, 80mph. BBL.

  • Ling Ling

    Is it still true that Trumpolini still silent on Florida school tragedy?

    • Biff52

      He twattered his thoughts and prayers.

    • Cletus Safari

      Oh, piss on him.

      • OrG

        That’s what Natasha said.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      He’s trying to find a way to:

      a) make it about himself
      b) blame Obama/Hillary
      c) blame some other scapegoat (immigrants, Muslims, Democrats, CNN…)
      d) make a buck off it
      e) AOT,K

      • Ling Ling

        Surprised Trumpolini not make big promises that he then ignore. Like all the others.

    • shivaskeeper

      Prayers and condolences. He didn’t bother with the thoughts this time.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        He’s ready to drop the pretense, I guess.

      • cmd resistor

        Yeah and he talked to Rick Scott. Big whoop.

    • miss_grundy

      I think so. At least he hasn’t said a peep yet while I was watching Rachel Maddow. If the shooting wasn’t committed by a blah or brown person I guess he doesn’t have anything to say.

  • Cletus Safari

    Good night, Wonketarians.

    Happy Valentine’s Day, if that’s still possible.

    https://i.imgur.com/0yy7v7j.jpg

    • no.one.2.know

      VD apology letters are now in stock. Nite cletus

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      LOL. Night :)

    • Lord Jim

      LOL, g’nite!

  • schmannity

    Silly goose. Satan banks at Wells Fargo since they opened some Unholy Ghost accounts for him and thousands of other unwitting customers.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Idiot pokes the wrong person. Gets dunked on.

    https://twitter.com/chaddiedabaddie/status/963922899982782465

    • Resistor Radio

      What a complete and total asshole.
      Basically “PAY ATTENTION TO ME! WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!” And not even in a pandery thoughts and prayers kinda way, just being a dick.

      • Lord Jim

        You’re a pretty sorry pile of jackal shit when you are so desperate for attention you fell compelled to troll shooting victims.

    • miss_grundy

      I hope this asshat gets a lot of hate tweets because he deserves it.

      • shivaskeeper

        The first reply I saw was basically, “Your generation is the ones who allow this to happen so STFU”.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Who is Mark Dice and why do people care about what they “think”?

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        A losing bet in craps?

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        He must be important. He has videos on YouTube. Not just anyone can be one YouTube. There is probably at least one person out of 7 billion who can’t be.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          I am not on youtube but I dont want to.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Fuck that guy.

  • IMPOed

    Why can’t these fuckers go to the Senate/ House/ White House to do this shit?

    • Parakeetist

      rules?

    • OrG

      Gun Free Zone
      Just like NRA conventions,by the way.

  • The salt from the tears stings and burns. It hurts. The snot in my nose makes it hard to breathe.

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    With Valentine’s day, I’m basically an Olympic skater shooting for bronze. I’m not trying to max points; I just don’t want to fall.

    Had flowers delivered to spouse at work. Her Secretary liked them and she loved the pitcher vase in her color. Had a card and chocolate strawberries waiting at home, along with mini cakes for the kids. Had a nice dinner together at a local gastro-pub

    After a debacle last year (never ordering flowers online ever again, being caught late in a trial), I’m good with today.

    Hope all others had a nice (if you do it) Valentine’s day!

    • Resistor Radio

      you did good!

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        As always, the key is lowered expectations

    • Parakeetist

      squee

    • shivaskeeper

      I got lucky this year. Mrs Keeper got notice on Monday afternoon that she was scheduled for a class in Ft McCoy WI, flying out Tuesday afternoon returning on Friday.

      Now I have to come up with something for the weekend.

      • Jacob DiCiaula

        Haha, good luck. I’d offer advice, but it would likely be awful, so hope she travels safe and is happy

  • Ninja0980

    A special fuck you goes out tonight to Marion Hammer, the first female President of the NRA and current President of the United Sportsman of Florida.
    You want to know the person most responsible in Florida for weakening the gun laws and fighting against any restrictions on them and purging any one who dares to suggest gun control?
    There is your answer.
    I hope the next time that bitch talks about her grandchildren someone reminds her of how there are grandparents who will never be able to see theirs again.

    • miss_grundy

      It is people like this Whore of Babylon who should have intimate knowledge of the sorrow and horror that parents in South Florida are facing today because they will never see their child alive again. She and the rest of the NRA and every gun group out there should face the fires of hell, or at least a Polonium-210 cocktail, without benefit of votes.

    • shivaskeeper

      As long as it’s not her grandkids what does she care? In fact if the paycheck was large enough, I’m sure she would write off her own grandkids too.

  • Picabo
    • shivaskeeper

      I hear he is getting noticed more and more today.

      • OrG

        Hey,you gonna be at the shindig tomorrow?

        • shivaskeeper

          I am. I just posted here and in the actual thread that I am willing to pick up people as I go south.

          • OrG

            It’s a bus ride for me. Looking forward to seeing you.

          • shivaskeeper

            You are the third one besides me I know for sure is going. Anna Rompage and WITP said they would be there. I think Kiri is as well, but I’m not sure.

            I didn’t think I would be picking up Portlandians. But it may be able to get other Washingtonians if they don’t have to drive.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Not sure where you are, but spouse and I fell in love with the Pacific Northwest. I was stationed in Alaska, she was in the Midwest, and we’d meet in Seattle and rent a car/ go by ferry. Loved it

          • shivaskeeper

            South of JBLM. Outside one of the small towns in Thurston Co.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Loved the JBLM area. Enjoy the pizza and have a good local craft beer at the meet

          • shivaskeeper

            I’m driving. Plus I don’t drink any more. So it works out for being a DD.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I called him to wish him a happy birthday and his voice mail was full.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He looks pretty good for two hundred years old…

    • IMPOed

      LMAO!!

    • OK, OK, what’s with the life jacket?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        In case she wipes out into a pond?

        • I should have known. There was certainly a pond in the parking lot where my dad got out in disgust, and I taught myself how to drive a stick.

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
    • and some of the asinine comments repeat themselves just like the posting of the story.

  • Stable Uniomist Raan

    “What bums me out is that you traded St. James for Marven Gardens. Look, Steve has the whole corner now. If I roll a four through a seven, I have to give that asshole all my money.” – Stan Smith

    • no.one.2.know
    • tehbaddr

      Has any Monopoly Game ended well, board game or real life capitalism shenanigans?

      • Stable Uniomist Raan

        The Wii Monopoly episode of Game Grumps ended pretty amicably.

  • Morrigan in Oregon

    Oregon’s State Day!

  • shivaskeeper

    Also posted in the Wonk meet up thread,

    I will be heading south to go to the Portland one tomorrow. If anyone
    wants a ride from around Exit 88 in WA, or further south let me know.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If you see WITP, tell her I said hey. She seems to be scarce here of late.

      • shivaskeeper

        Will do. I am supposed to give her a hug for Jen as well. As for being scarce, I’m pretty sure she’s taking a break from this endless shitshow for a while.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Hi! Just dropping by, but it’s always lovely to see you. I’m not trying to be enigmatic, I just really need to not-obsess about the hellscape my country has become. Give Molly a belly rub and an extra treat for me.

    • Lord Jim

      I don’t suppose you can swing by Kentucky on the way? 😆

      • IMPOed

        Wyoming…

      • shivaskeeper

        If you had given a few days notice and payed for the fuel…

        • Lord Jim

          I believe you. I’m jes pullin yer leg. 😁

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Safe travels, wish I could be there

      • shivaskeeper

        The travel should be good until I get to Portland. The roads there are a hellscape of passive/aggressive, straight up aggressive, clueless, and just plain silly drivers.

        • So, Montreal, but with Passive agression. Montreal, everyone thinks it’s Death Race 2000: On Ice!

          • shivaskeeper

            Add ice to Portland and it gets… bad.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Look at that kid! 75 points on the hoof!

        • Anna in PDX

          …hey!

          • shivaskeeper

            That’s not exactly a denial.

          • TJ Barke

            Only place on the west coast I’ve been to that’s worse is Tacoma.

          • shivaskeeper

            Which I also avoid whenever possible.

          • TJ Barke

            You know it’s true!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Yep. Especially at 6ish pm.

          • shivaskeeper

            Imma get there a bit before that. I may walk around a bit or just hang out.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            The Fremont Bridge usually starts to suck at about 3, and stays awful until whenever. God, I’m glad I don’t have a highway commute any more.

          • shivaskeeper

            I figured bugeting an hour to get through the last few miles from the WA/OR border to the place. Think I need to leave more time?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Have you considered taking the St. John’s bridge? Granted, it’s a longer route, but it does avoid the unholy shitshow that is I5/405. Of course, since you will be going over the Fremont to industrial NW and sort of against traffic, it might not be that awful. It’s hard to say. An hour should be okay.

        • Amy!

          Really?

          I drove once in Portland (2002), and was seriously astonished by the generosity and patience of the drivers. Compared to my home state (TN) or current state (NC), the grounded sanity and politeness of the drivers was very nearly unsettling. Our drivers mostly think they’re running moonshine (or else they’ve been drinking it all day before climbing into the vickle).

          Mind, I won’t even rent a vehicle in CA any more, because those roads feel like SJG’s Car Wars come to life.

          • shivaskeeper

            Portland now is different. Especially at rush hours. The roads are not designed to handle the volume of traffic and the frustration is visible.

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Harsh, but the jerk-off criticizing kids deserved it.

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, so many of them did call 911 that operators had to tell them to stop.

    • Lord Jim

      Well, MD, you just attention-whored a bunch of murdered kids. I hope the whole human race shuns you.

      I feel much more anger than that, but I just came from Ash Wedneday service and I’m trying to give up homicidal rage for Lent.

      • redarmyzombie

        Bad call Jim, shoulda given up lutefisk like me.

        • Lord Jim

          Yep.

    • redarmyzombie

      I’m just gonna say it; he doesn’t give a fuck about kids lives being saved, he’s just upset they took the video because it shows these weapons being used exactly how they were meant to.

  • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

    Due to various things, I went for some escapist TV tonight and poked around Netflix until I found “Bright” with Will Smith. I thought “ok, I like Will Smith and this looks kind of sci-fi-ish” so I gave it a whirl.

    16 seconds into the pre-credits and I get some weird fukkin production info so I back right out and go look them up and come up with a whole slew of reasons not to watch it. As if this wasn’t enough. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2592b72d92fa64d90a0679cc9120743d9eeaeda9eccada2580d2c30dd6fdcd04.png

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      A buddy cop movie with Will Smith and an Orc?

      Ok then…

      • Anna in PDX

        I liked it.

        • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

          What did you like?

          • redarmyzombie

            Well, I myself liked that using a modern fantasy setting it broached subjects of racial discrimination as well as police violence and corruption quite well, IMO…

          • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

            Ok cool. That’ll do me just fine. I’ll try to get over the “trigger warning” crap.

          • redarmyzombie

            Yeah, that had me worried too, but I think it’s quite worth it.

          • Anna in PDX

            I dunno, I thought ugh the pic was kinda cool. I am easily amused.

          • Anna in PDX

            I mean, orc not ugh, weird autocorrect

        • divegrl

          So did I…

  • Parakeetist
    • I just liked that the winner was named Flynn…

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Priorities.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-olympics-tweets_us_5a82813be4b01467fcf0c628

    As of early Tuesday, Team USA has won three gold, one silver and two bronze medals at the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. And it has received zero tweets from President Donald Trump in support of those victories.

    While not every world leader jumps on social media to congratulate athletes, several have. Canada’s Justin Trudeau, for example, has sent off several such tweets, in both English and French.

    Trump, for his part, has been as active on Twitter as ever. Since the Games began last week, he’s complained about the “fake news media,” claimed (incorrectly) that he was “vindicated” in the Russia investigation, railed against Democrats and stuck up for alleged abusers. He also plugged his tax cuts, promoted Republican candidates and teased an upcoming appearance at a conservative conference.

    • CripesAmighty

      Maybe add flying folding chairs to curling; that might peak his interest.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Canada’s Justin Trudeau, for example, has sent off several such tweets, in both English and French.

      And gets rewarded for it by Trump-cultist assholes who shitpost about Muslims, his vacation, “peoplekind,” his kids’ paternity status, his brothers having Russian nicknames, Pierre using the 1976 Montréal Olympics as a cover to sell off Canada to “Jewish banks,” and projectionist TLM hatecrush fantasies about Justin and gay figure skaters. Also too, lame jokes asking why he doesn’t tweet in Arabic, complete with a riff on the phrase “mother tongue.”

      Technology brought us to the moon… and then crash-landed with a spectacular fail called “The Internet.” Thanks, Al Gore.

  • Picabo
    • IMPOed

      EEEP!!

    • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

      What do I get if I bring my husband and his boyfriend?

      • Stinky_Hole

        A fabulous night out!

        • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

          Probably not on my case.

      • OutOfOrbit

        You will get pity

        • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

          Lulz. Not in my case. I’ll be having a good time.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Ooooooo…kay

          • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

            Baconz has announced here several times that he’s bi. And I’m totally fine with it.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Oh boy

          • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

            We’re good.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        A show on basic cable?

      • DirtyHippyLiberal

        Seems to me you should get free. Bonus comp deserts if they both wear their collars. Or you wear one. Or a combination. Whatever…I just feel like if collars are involved with multiple partners, comps are deserved.

        I might be a bit drunk. *waves*

        • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

          Whoah, steady on! No collars!

          • DirtyHippyLiberal

            Fair. It is a significant commitment.

            *still drunk. Sober me will be embarrassed*

          • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

            Don’t be. I’ve done WAY worse.

        • Waves back.

    • tehbaddr

      What about two girlfriends who don’t know?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        My brother called them the wife, mistress and the girlfriend. The wife and mistress were cool with each other, but the girlfriend, set them both off.

    • redarmyzombie

      Oooho, I should tell my polyamorous friends about this…

  • Ninja0980

    https://twitter.com/teamtrace/status/722036898903027712
    The &(*(# in question I mentioned below.
    Behind that nice grandmotherly look is a monster who will be on the airwaves down in Florida soon enough talking about how we need to arm teachers and have guns in every school and in her nice friendly way, warn Scott, Bondi or any other Republican thinking of running for any kind of office that if they even mention the word gun control, they can kiss their political aspirations goodbye.
    It is an utter joke one person like this can have that much power.

    • IMPOed

      It was a woman who started the prohibition in 1933.

      • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

        That’s when it ended.

        • IMPOed

          Edited to correct, Thank you.

          • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

            There were a lot of women involved in the decades-long temperance movement, mainly because they were tired of being abused by drunk husbands.

          • Ellie

            And not being able to feed their children, because daddy drank the money.

          • Shanzgood (14 Days!)

            That falls under “abuse” in my book.

  • tehbaddr

    I’m listening to all the bleeps and blips put just right in their proper place!

  • tomamitai

    I don’t know if anybody else brought this up, but why not get a money order from the Post Office? The fee on a $200 MO is only $1.20. https://www.usps.com/shop/money-orders.htm

    • Left Coast Tom

      The author is a Canuckistani (Hamilton, Ontario…not the California Ontario)

      • Ah.

      • tomamitai

        Their damned coins seem to make it down here with no problem, I’m always getting them as change!

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        There’s an Ontario, California? Unless it’s one of the last bastions of CA wingnuts like Dana Russiabacker, I think I want to go to there.

        https://media.giphy.com/media/ZthA8Oc1iW0jS/giphy.gif

  • Me not sure

    I remember when the shhoting deaths of four students at a college in Ohio could spark enough outrage to turn public opinion against a war.
    https://youtu.be/MN_9VqfVQ9c

    • Resistor Radio

      Nikki Haley – “back before music was political. I miss those days.”

    • “Eve of Destruction” (song), a 1965 protest song by Barry McGuire

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntLsElbW9Xo

      • Ellie

        I’ve been playing that song since November 2016,

      • Courser_Resistance

        One of the very first songs I learned to play on the guitar in the 70’s. In fact, my best friends and I *only* knew protest songs. Her dad was a Lt. Col. in the Army. But he on the medical side of things, so he didn’t really care. Besides, he took us skiing all the time.

  • oh, and Lawrence O’Donnell is in on the gun porn, huh? nice. *click*

    • IMPOed

      X2..

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • There’s a student carrying a Valentine’s Heart balloon, as she (presumably, couldn’t tell) played follow the leader out of the school.

  • Impatient

    Policy — two words — Ban semi-automatics.

    Heller decision allows this. Popular opinion supports it. Too sick this issue to bother reading, making nice words, etc.

    Do something real. No pretending we can anticipate the problem cases. Do. Fucking. Something. Useful.

  • James

    Well, Lucian Wintrich (appropriate he works for SMOTI) put out some teen’s photo that had nothing to do with the Republican child-sacrifice today in Florida and blamed it on “a Democrat.”

    Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs called him out on it, but of course this will now become part of the Wingnut Canon that this was caused by the “violent left ™”

    http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/47943_In_a_Rush_to_Blame_the_Left_White_House_Press_Corps-Accredited_Gateway_Pundit_Doxes_Wrong_Person_in_High_School_Shooting/comments/

    • TJ Barke

      Lucian Wintrich is shit garbage.

      • James

        He’s also a White House Correspondent, and Mr. Trump tweets out the stuff they put out over at SMOTI’s blog.

        • TJ Barke

          The entire white house is shit garbage currently.

    • They do this every shooting. Every shooting, despite how most of them are actually quite conservative, are somehow liberals

  • Bub, Secret Society zombie

    “for there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men ”
    ― Herman Melville, Moby Dick

    • Stinky_Hole

      It’ll piss off liberals. That’s the only reason they object to gun restrictions. They don’t care who dies.
      I am just about to the point of saying that in public.

  • As you can tell, I stopped updating this. If anyone else wants to, it’s fine with me. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3415717d88ac18f3e85d47a24956c17d815e536ada1eed48b23dc2482133fa2a.png

  • “Put her phone on vibrator and keep her head down.”

  • Courser_Resistance

    Gov. Rick Scott has called the shooting ‘evil’.

    Your addition of the ‘spooky’ aspect to this tragedy is not helpful. Fuckwad

    • The NRA funded elected politicians will pay for the funerals.

      • James

        Nope. Conservatism believes in human sacrifice. If Ronald Reagan getting shot didn’t wake them up, if Steve Scalise getting shot didn’t wake them up, the only thing I can figure is conservatism is a religion of human sacrifice.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Well, Trump did say that he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and his fans wouldn’t abandon him.

          Apparently, neither would the GOP’s NRA paymasters.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I’m convinced it’s become a death cult. Definitely not what I grew up with. Then again, I was Lutheran, not extreme in anything.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
      • shivaskeeper

        Not can’t. Won’t. There is a difference.

      • in this case also we’re not willing to do anything because the NRA is our sugar daddy.

  • OutOfOrbit

    They’re dancing in the WH…a perfect 100% leak-proof distraction from their criming and treason

    • I leaked a proof of a piss-hooker.

      But the parent on the TV is talking about Dr. Suess and votes.

      • OutOfOrbit

        don’t’cha just hate it when that happens?

    • shivaskeeper

      Except this will be out of the news in a few days. They will be a few special reports a they glean some more info about the shooter. The country is too used to these shooting now. They don;t hold interest unless they break records.

      • Sounds like the Olympics.

        • shivaskeeper

          Not really. The Olympics get hyped because they happen every few years. Some of it is because the sports are obscure, like curling. Plus there is the dick measuring of the medal count.

          We are too familiar with mass shootings as a nation. Familiarity breeds contempt.

          The ritualistic forms of response have been long established here from the thoughts and prayers, declarations of how this was “evil”, the various CT’s, lobbyists threatening politicians, and politicians claiming it’s too soon while shrugging their collective shoulders. Even those can be gone through basically on autopilot at this point.

      • OutOfOrbit

        aye-yup, i know’t

    • Ninja0980

      Only problem for them is these things are so common this will be off the news before the week is over and then back to Rob Porter and others without security clearances.

      • OutOfOrbit

        ain’t that the truth

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    It’s really not a good sign that I’m glad he’s not gonna open his big yap.

    https://twitter.com/maggieNYT/status/963973822721544192

    • BMW

      Given how likely he is to do the opposite of what he is told, can someone tell him to definitely serve out his full term?

    • AJ Milne

      I find it hard to believe he won’t…

      … the universe has rarely recently been so merciful.

      • Resistor Radio

        I guess it all depends on what fox and friends has to say about it tomorrow morning.

    • just give it a minute.

    • CripesAmighty

      “May he grace us with his absence.”

    • Sure, Mags.
      Sure.

  • Picabo
  • Bub, Secret Society zombie
  • tehbaddr

    LORAX 2020: He won’t sell off the precious National Wildlife Preserves !!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVpWQcLZzIY

    Hey, where the hell is Panika?

  • CripesAmighty

    French team is up. They’re awesome.

    Shit. She blew the landing on the throw.

    • BloviateMe

      Usually I like the French blowing things, but not that.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’m really into the pants lady-outfits. Which is odd since I’m not wearing any.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Leslie bought another big black box that makes great loud sounds.

    I had her play this through it:

    https://youtu.be/g5PJAip-z3U

  • ((( Augustus )))

    So, so, so, so tired of all this senseless violence and cruelty… it’s hard to take any more

    • Parakeetist

      Sigh. True.

  • also, my apologies to Wonkette jr. that your piece got completely drowned out by the events of the day.

  • Me not sure

    I doubt that Mister Second Amendment has ever fired a gun in his life. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/40270adf05e21f3e70d5d05708171794f8078fd83e4ac6227fd619fa9c6baaad.jpg

    • BloviateMe

      It’s funny, considering how much he loves firing things, that he’s likely never fired a gun.

    • From my Army Basic Combat Training (1986):

      “This is my weapon, this my gun. One is for killing, one is for fun.”

      • Me not sure

        So you’re a lady killer?

      • Chanted while running around the company to insure that everyone understood that. (1979)

    • redarmyzombie

      JESUS CHRIST, SECRET SERVICE, GET THAT AWAY FROM HIM BEFORE HE SHOOTS HIMSELF WITH I-actually, nevermind…

      • no.one.2.know

        his hands are too small to squeeze the trigger

      • Amy!

        Yeah! He could put someone’s eye out with that thing! Air guns are not toys, boys!

      • Me not sure

        “Here, hold my hand grenade.”

      • I had a BB gun just like that when I was young!

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      You’ll shoot your plugs out!

  • BloviateMe
  • Bub, Secret Society zombie

    Saw David Trump at McNally Robinson booksellers in Winnipeg today. He signed my copy of “Trumpocracy.” Good talk, but I think we’re fucked no matter what. There are those who think the glass is half empty, there are those who think the glass is half full. I don’t think there’s a glass at all. Fuck this shit.

    • BloviateMe

      That’s the spirit.

      • Phried Ω

        Make mine rum.

    • Lord Jim

      David Frum?

      • John Frum. His much-less-opinionated brother (just making stuff up).

    • vivian

      I think it’s a half glass of water… from Flint, MI.

  • folderol

    What kind of subversive web site is this? I had no idea!

    • Parakeetist

      Thank you, we try.

    • James

      There’s no gambling here!

      • Me not sure

        But lots of grumbling.

      • vivian

        I thought we were gambling with the future of the Republic. Silly me.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Your winnings, sir.

    • Michael R

      Insects on a bough,
      floating downriver,
      still singing

      • Me not sure

        I would respond in kind, but I’m on haiku hiatus.

        • vivian

          Lent.

          • Me not sure

            Well played.

    • BloviateMe

      Dunno, I just come here to wax my scrotum.

    • WannabeTraveler

      You are not even allowed to wear pants here.

      • Nor are we allowed to comment.