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NO, I DON’T CARE THAT IT’S NOT CENTERED!

Time for our weekly dip into the Derp Locker to see what sorts of smartdroppings our dissatisfied customers have left for us. Spoiler warnings: There WILL be capslock ahead. Aye, and randomly used/ignored apostrophes, too. Read on at your own risk.

Our story about Nancy Pelosi’s marathon House speech in support of the Dreamers brought a couple of the usual deplorables out to play, like “The Truth,” who has an awfully original username. In response to someone saying Pelosi was a badass, “The Truth” had a witty riposte: “People fell asleep during her 8 your [sic] speech. I’d say dumbass.” Isn’t that S-M-R-T? Then our visitor offered this concise summary of how policy is developed in this country:

Liberal policies don’t work. Hence why every time they talk, it’s a distraction. With the Colts player getting killed by two timer deportee, that will not help the dreamer cause. Trump says, “Yeah shut it down if we’re not going to protect the borders.”

The real pity? That’s simultaneously moronic and a completely accurate description of rightwing logic: Someone murdered an American, so let’s punish a bunch of people who were brought here as children and who would not have been granted DACA status if they had any criminal record. That’ll learn ’em!

“The Truth” also seems to be a little confused about how words work in general. For instance, in reply to a couple of Wonkers discussing the limited options available for Pelosi, as Minority Leader, the poor dope appears to have decided that was about racial minorities, not the minority party in the House:

Minority has to stay poor for Democrats to keep their argument going. Hence why they didn’t agree to the deal they said they wanted when Trump presented it to them. It’s just all talk. Never take action.

Ah, yes, the old Dem Plantation, keeping minority poor, especially through a policy that is only secondarily about economics. We would go on more about how giving Dreamers legal status makes good economic sense for them, their families, and for the US America and such as, but there’s more distilled dumbth to get to. (Stupid Democrats, not taking that wonderful Trump deal that would help Dreamers at the cost of shutting out tens of millions of people from ever entering the US.)

The same story brought some interesting thoughts on immigration policy from “Janna W.,” who knows an American when she sees one, and it is not YOU:

Like I really want to hear this old hag blab about how bad these illegals have it and how much her and the scumbag Liberal Commies refuse to work with our President. Last time I checked, our US Constitution talks about protecting Naturalized Citizens. What part of that does the the Liberal left not understand? Maybe there needs to be term limits on anyone who chooses to serve as part of our government. Maybe we need more than idiots like Pelosi, Schumer, and Reed. It’s obvious they all are wealthy and hate America, the Republic.

She has simply HAD IT with all these wealthy communists! Also, we get the impression that “Janna” thinks “naturalized citizen” means “someone who was born here.” For one thing, there’s that line about the Constitution, even if “Janna” is wrong about who it applies to. As Jana might know if she ever got information anywhere but Trump speeches, most constitutional protections apply to everyone in the US regardless of citizenship, which is why we can’t just deport noncitizens without at least a pretense of due process. (Now we’ll sit back and wait for a new Deleted Commenter to show up and say “NO THE CONSTITUTION DOES NOT LET FOREIGNS VOTE,” and then get into a 50-comment argument about what “most” means).

The other reason we think “Janna” is a tad confused about “naturalized citizens” comes in her only other comment here, in reply to some snotty Wonker who pointed out that neither “liberal” nor “commie” needs to be capitalized:

I’m referring to what they really are. Political parties continue to exist in this country. Frankly I don’t care much for any of them, yet I refuse to vote for a moron like Pelosi. She and her croonies hate Americans. I’m a naturalized citizen. Are you?

Again, it’s possible “Janna” could be a naturalized citizen, but if she were, why would she ask if another poster were, too? My guess is that she vaguely remembers hearing that Barack Obama wasn’t a “natural born citizen” and got confused. Also, you should all know that “Deleted Comments: Nancy Pelosi And Her Croonies hate Americans” was my other potential headline for today’s feature. “Croonies” sound like they’d be cute little singing critters, maybe.

Also too, would you kids stop accusing everyone who spouts rightwing nonsense of being Russian? It’s lazy. Strange capitalization and missing apostrophes are hallmarks of good old patriotic American shitferbrainses. When they omit articles and get verbs all weird, then fine, begin to enjoying your castigation of moose and troll. As for “Janna,” her abominable writing sounds like bad writing with all-American roots to me, based on all the bad writing by first-year college students I’ve seen. A glance at her comment history shows her griping three years ago about how Catholics aren’t Biblical because they pray all wrong — that’s an American fundagelical obsession there).

We also had a very strange person calling himself “Bob Stone” show up in a thread from last May to mercilessly troll us stupid liberals, apparently because he googled “Devin Nunes” or something:

Get Devin Nunez picture on a coffee mug. He’s an American hero……!

Apparently he looked at the date eventually, because then he showed up in a more timely thread on Nunez and his wet fart memo’s takedown of the entire Deep state, where “Bob” got on with his serious taunting. See if you can guess what word he thought would be an insult!

  • Y’all feel like fools Wonkers?
  • Wonkers… Better block me cuz you are fools.. EXPOSED…!
  • Hillary & Obama for Gitmo…!
  • Good riddance WONKERS…
  • Run get a Mod Wonkers.. EXPOSED…!
  • Wonkers, enjoy Gitmo….!
    DELETE
  • Wonkers deleting my posts – HaHa…. Do you feel like fools Wonkers….?
    DELETE – lol..
  • Memo proof positive surrounding Obama corruption.
  • Goodnight friends my trolling is over. Go back to sleep now..

Gosh, if you somehow weathered that onslaught of completely devastating trolling without being TRIGGERED to RUN AND CRY to your SAFE SPACE, you must be made of stern stuff indeed. He really got us good. His comment history is mildly amusing, including this observation from nine months ago at the Daily Caller, on a story about all the leaks from Trump’s White House staff:

I’d be willing to bet Obama has the entire WH bugged.

Obviously, none of Trump’s people would ever leak stuff. Has to be an elaborate — and undetectable— bugging scheme by the previous president. EXPOSED! DELETE.

Our pre-State of the Union post, which announced we’d be largely ignoring the Teleprompter Mess, brought a huge number of comments from one “Bob Barnes,” who is a totally different Bob (or at least a totally different email and IP address) from “Bob Stone.” We’re inclined to think he’s actually a different Bob, too, since he wrote more than “U triggered, WONKERS?” Almost nothing memorable from this Bob, except perhaps his very clever opening gambit, in which he proved that Bill Clinton was a serial rapist, because something something something he read in a rightwing dismissal of rape culture, which isn’t real at all:

Does no one here believe bill is a rapist? Guy penetrated a 23 yo intern with a cigasr when he was the 49 yo POTUS. Isnt that rape? I mean, what with the MASSIVE power differential and all?

When someone pointed out that the relationship between Monica Lewinsky and Clinton was, however skeevy, consensual, Bob was READY:

  • Really? It is when 1 party is underage, intoxicated and the aggressor has power over the other party. Why are you so hostile?
  • Many rape victims claim it was consensual, therefore your conclusion is not valid.

Yup, one of those throw-shit-at-the-wall trolls who saw something at Return of Kings and thought it was brilliant. Poor dipshit couldn’t even be arsed to get the standard MRA line about consensual sex in the right order (or he’s a genius performance artist, reversing it like that).

Did we mention “Bob” insisted he doesn’t like Trump at all, he thinks Trump is evil, but Bill and Hillary are MORE evil. No doubt he used to be a liberal Democrat (and maybe a Navy SEAL) until he saw Democrats saying such terrible things about Trump.

Because “Bob” had never heard the Howard Stern interview where Trump said he liked to walk into pageant dressing rooms and ogle naked contestants, it never happened, and Trump definitely never barged in on any teen pageant contestants either. When people linked to the interview and to stories about the teen girls who said Trump had come into their dressing rooms, “Bob” proclaimed victory, because in the Stern interview, Trump only bragged about violating adult women’s privacy, not teenagers’, so YOU ARE THE ACTUAL LIAR FOR SAYING HE ADMITTED TO WALKING IN ON TEENS AND YOU MADE IT ALL UP. As we all agree, walking in on adult nekkid ladies is just fine, because he owned them we guess.

“Bob” also got surprisingly vehement in yelling at a Wonker (HAW HAW) who suggested he he’d been “hiding under a rock,” because god, what sort of moron would ever use that phrase? It’s just so lame. The escalation is…peculiar:

  • You simply dont have the wit or intellect to taunt me. “hiding under a rock” is your idea of a witty insult. Its the best youve got. You are simple. HEY GUYS! GUYS!
  • HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TAUNT ME, YOU SIMPLE FUCK? HIDING UNDER A ROCK! YOURE A COMEDIAN, ARENT YOU? I DEFY YOU AND YOUR SIMPLE MIND TO ATTEMPT TO TAUNT ME. ILL SHRED YOU TO PIECES, YOU SIMPLE FUCK. HIDING UNDER A ROCK AND THEN YOU TALK OF YOURSELF AS IF YOU HAVE GREAT WIT. MORON. GUYS! HEY GUYS!
  • HEY GUYS! What, are you hiding under a rock or something? OH SNAP1 HEY GUYS! DID YOU CATCH THAT WITTY TAUNT! HIDING UNDER A ROCK! GUYS? GUYS? I NEED SUPPORT TO ARGUE WITH A STRANGER! GUYS?

Plus seven or eight more iterations on that theme. Wow, that guy really hates rocks!

“Bob” also apparently had never heard the term “moving the goalposts”:

lol, look at those libs speak in sports euphemisms since they have no facts.

Metaphors, lackwit. Jesus.

When he typed “to” instead of “too” and someone pointed out the misspelling, he insisted his spelling was just fine:

“yes, see your spelling error” Moron, we punctuate questions with a question mark. Wow, correcting grammar and spelling isnt just fun, its proof Im right!

And it’s true, he really did follow a question with a question mark in the sentence where he misspelled “too.”

Inevitably, someone called attention to his ranting capslock, and that made “Bob” angry. We wouldn’t like “Bob” when he’s angry. Or at any other time.

  • GOOD DOG. YOU KEEP YOUR BITCH MOUTH SHUT AROUND YOUR SUPERIORS
  • hahahahahahahah! CAP LOCKS! YOU LIB MORONS ARE HILARIOUS!
  • I DONT USE CAP LOCKS, I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH.

We’ll confess, that last one made us laugh. But we wouldn’t want to encourage him. One laugh out of 50+ troll comments is not a good ratio.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to send us money. From under your “rock” you MORAN!!!

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  • ManchuCandidate

    Need better Trolls

    • natoslug

      The current crop is taking a troll on my sanity.

      • The Wanderer

        You need to stop at the troll booth.

        • natoslug

          I’m taking an arts and crafts break, doing a little troll painting.

          • Doug Langley

            You guys are on a troll.

          • natoslug

            I have to stop now, before I go down the same path I usually do with grout puns.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I suggest a big glass of cold milk and troll house cookies warm from the oven.

  • msanthropesmr

    A sports euphemism is dropping kids off at the pool , which is what these commentators did.

    • The Wanderer

      Making a motion in the case of State v Brown.
      Coaching the Browns to the Super Bowl.

    • Bad Tom

      Water pool, or pool hall?

  • msanthropesmr

    Looks like we bowled a googly on these trolls. Ami doing the sports euphemism right?

  • Jamoche
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I would have guessed that croonies would be the audience that the critters are singing to…

    • Marion in Savannah

      Wouldn’t that be “croonees,” as the other critters are the crooners? I thought croonies was some sort of crunchy snack with nuts in it.

  • Bobathonic

    #NotallBobs

  • janecita

    Our trolls are so fucking boring, yawn.

  • FlemmishSpy

    I’d comment if I could get out from under this rock.

    • msanthropesmr
    • The Wanderer

      Oh, for schist sake . . .

      • FlemmishSpy

        Don’t take me for granite!

        • The Wanderer

          Be gneiss, now.

        • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

          I will see you in the quartz if you persist with these puns.

          • Doug Langley

            Hey, it’s not as if he’s trying to gypsum one out of their money.

          • Querolous

            I think you will loess.

    • Shibusa

      Then you can start with a clean slate.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      My sediment exactly.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      It’s not gneiss to start a pun thread so early in the day.

    • major_asshole

      Not all deleted commenters can be this f*cking igneous, can they?

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    It’s a long way to the top
    If you wanna rock n’ troll

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I wanna rock and troll all night and party every day

      • msanthropesmr

        I always get confused if I’m supposed to rock and roll at night or during the day.

        • AJ Milne

          That’s why we have smartphones with calendar apps.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Drink all day and rock all night
          Law come to get you if you don’t walk right

      • david spikes

        And then you’ll get a Croonie.

  • Cogswell that ends well

    I always capitalize Liberal but never capitalize republican, conservative or any of their names out of principle.

    • Daniel

      They have no principles, so it’s fitting. They’re also steadily pissing away their political capital too.

      • wavicles

        points to you

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      My capitalization is somewhat random. (Is that even possible?) There are words I prefer not to capitalize, pertaining to idiocy many of them. I don’t like to capitalize adjectives like “american,” which comes from German, for all their capitalizing all nouns. Sometimes, I don’t like to capitalize nouns at all, that’s from the bauhaus. Which is why you don’t want people to go to college and learn german and Architecture. I am, however, kinda pissy about binomial classification. It’s T. rex not T. Rex. Unless you’re Marc Bolan, of course.

      • Cogswell that ends well

        aT leAst yoUr ranDoM caPitaliZatIoN isN’t liKe tHis aNd DoeSn’T lOOk LikE A rAnsOm noTe.

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          No, that’s so exhausting to do. Although, this morning I began wondering about just using the shift key ON ONe sIde, aNd HOw tHat wOULd LOOK.

  • codeslinger

    ya think maybe if we start paying the trolls, their trolling would improve somewhat?

    • natoslug

      Unless we pay them in rocks, probably not.

      • codeslinger

        beats paying them attention…

        or any other currency, for that matter!

        • natoslug

          With rocks is the preferred way for beating them.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Not votes? Now I haz a bigly confooze.

          • natoslug

            Rock the vote. And the casbah.

      • wavicles

        ROCKS! THERE YOU GO AGAIN!

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          We will, we will rock you!

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      What! Pass on our SorosBucks!

    • Cogswell that ends well

      no

    • Nope, that’s their “A” game you’re seeing already.

  • Doug Langley

    I remember my college physics class where the prof described a “bob” as a “small, dense weight”.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Hey, DL, are you our fine hard-working friend with the unfortunate struggles with the $$? If so, do you have a GoFundMe thingy?

      That option B is to tell me to mind my own damn business goes without saying!

      • Doug Langley

        1) Yes, and 2) yes. If you are interested, it is:

        http://www.gofundme.com/dougs-expenses

        • sarafina

          $2,388 of $600 goal

          You seem to be doing well.

          • Doug Langley

            That particular gofundme was set up last year, that’s the total since then. But very appreciative of the help during that time and now, it’s been the difference between survival and homelessness.

  • Cock Blockula
  • SadDemInTex

    Dok, I really enjoyed this essay on this very cold, sleeting Texas morning. Thanks for being such a wonderful, thoughtful, and humane writer.

    • weejee

      Welcome to our world.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Meh, no desire to handle “The Truth”.

  • chascates

    At least the internet gives these pathetic snowflakes a way to think their pointless lives have meaning.

    • codeslinger

      unfortunately!

      • wavicles

        Anyway, it keeps’em off the streets.

        • weejee

          Safe, in their parent’s basement.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Coated in Doritos dust. You know, that stuff that we ladeez object to so much, apparently.

        • So does sunlight.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Gives them a chance to angrily rant at strangers about nothing, so there is that…

    • Daniel

      Hey! Some of us pathetic snowflakes really need that delusion maintained!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Bob was actually bragging about not being smart enough to use the caps lock key and doing it the hard way?

    OK then…

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Exhibit A, as to why Trump is the so-called POTUS.

      • weejee

        DOTUS, please

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        But you’ve got to admire someone who doesn’t resort to using sissy libtard contrivances like the caps lock key. Old Bob is the John Henry of comment thread trolls- does it the old fashioned way, with one pinkie firmly planted on the shift key for the duration…

        • Nockular cavity

          …I’d rather die with my shift key in my hand, lawd, lawd.

        • weejee
    • weejee

      Is Bob saying he doesn’t need any keyboard Viagra?

  • Parakeetist

    Suddenly being single, at least for the time being, sounds like an interesting prospect.

    Well, it doesn’t, but that’s what I tell myself.

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      Turn that frown upside down! Which is what I’d say if I were a happiness troll.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      During a couple decades of serial monogamy (between my first nightmare marriage and my current marvelous one), I’d tell myself, “whelp, I reckon no relationship is better than a bad one.” Sigh.

    • calliecallie

      Being single has some merits also too. You always get to listen to the music you like. You always get to watch the teevee show you like. You can stay up late or sleep in and no one will give you grief. You can read a book all day and do nothing if you want to. I liked being single. But its also important to have friends.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        You can put leftovers in your fridge and they’ll be there when you look for them for lunch. You can leave your toilet seat in your preferred position. If you want to eat a steak for dinner and nothing else, nobody will say anything.

      • willi0000000

        you never have to put on pants or close the bathroom door.

  • Daniel

    Are croonies not Canadian currency from the forties?

  • weejee

    As a hat tip to “The Truth,” here is tRump’s official White House portrait being hung while he isn’t.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/99511c8bdc5f33cb9e4f551ef30ad79590dc9da790c2700609b43c8911978534.jpg

    Hat tip to MPS for stolen joke & artist Skiiny-D

    • Brian Fowler

      That’s because he keeps asking for more rope and you keep giving it to him…

    • rg9rts

      when he is hung I hope its by his heels

      • Lord High theCryptofishist

        with votes. And just exactly high enough that the ends of his hair trail in the dirt.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          So, eight or nine feet up, then?

    • Daniel

      “Melania, you have to get on the TV and tel them I’m already very well hung, believe me. National security!”

  • The Wanderer

    “Cronies” were the fandom for My Little Crab: Pinching is Magic; the concept and fandom never really took off.

    • Daniel

      “Look, we can’t go with My Little Louse, Gary, you need to come up with something better. You’ve got till five!”

      • The Wanderer

        LOL

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Little Louse on the Prairie

        Laura Ingalls Wilder’s forgotten first draft…

        • Doug Langley

          “Little Louse . . . Little Souse . . . Little Mouse . . . hang on, it’ll come to me . . .”

          • Bad Tom

            “Little Blouse… Little Grouse… A Little Soused… Still working on it.”

          • Daniel

            Little Klaus On The Prarie.

          • Lord High theCryptofishist

            Needz moar Ks.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Probably fairly true, too. Imagine living in a wilderness without bug spray.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “Spoiler warnings: There WILL be capslock ahead. Aye, and randomly used/ignored apostrophes, too.”

    for all the grammar nerds around here, it’s more like trigger warning.

    • weejee

      Would you prefer we math nerds to chime-in more?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Math nerds don’t count- it just doesn’t add up…

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          I was told there would be no math nerds.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        no.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          kidding – but it needed to be its own comment.

          i *DO* like it when you and the comp sci nerds speak up when a) wannabe smarty pants trolls proclaiming immigrants suck cause math visit and the compsci folks for our inevitable computer malfunctions.

          • Doug Langley

            Uh, thanks, I think.

  • La forza del resistino

    “Rarely is the question asked: Is our trolls learning?”

    • Bad Tom

      Rare as the question is, the answer is always “No.”

  • memzilla Ω

    These Dollar General trolls just aren’t as good as the ones we used to get from Sears.

    • msanthropesmr

      Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?

    • gene108

      I am old enough to remember, when Sears brand stuff was better quality than the rest of the market.

  • Nockular cavity

    HE HATES THESE ROCKS!!!
    [/The Jerk]

  • gene108

    I want to create a No-Safe Space zone for conservatives. The attraction would be real, genuine abject terror and emotional and bodily harm from the get go.

    I am thinking something like you walk-in and people start beating you with baseball bats, you then stumble into a rusty bear trap, which is hooked to an electrical outlet, so you receive periodic jolts of electricity, as you try to escape. Maybe some trap doors later on to a pit of doom later on.

    Just want to drive home to these nitwits that we all enjoy being in Safe Spaces, where we are not constantly under attack and have emotional support.

    • Bad Tom

      It’s all in the branding. Call it: “Liberal Beatdown”.
      The best part: Charge them admission.

    • Daniel

      All of these things are made of votes, I assume.

      Also, too, they live in a state of emotional insecurity and- dare I say it- fear from which they seek protection all the fucking time. It’s Fox News M.O, it’s the Republican Party platform, it’s “I alone can fix it”, it’s “American carnage”. They vote for safe spaces, filled with snow-white cowards like themselves all of whom believe they’re special simply by virtue of their birthplace, where they’d be protected from the one thing that threatens them more than anything else: change.

      • Bad Tom

        You can beat them with holographic bats. They would still pee in their shorts.

        • Daniel

          Just be black at them.

          • Bad Tom

            Mexican also too works.

            Very sneaky script: Have them say, “Hi! Can I help you?”

          • Marion in Savannah

            And now too apparently so does being yellow. (Well, yellow like Kim Jong Un, not yellow like your typical Republican.)

      • gene108

        Yup. I remember conservatives in rural OK or NE shitting themselves after 9/11 about terrorists attacking them or the U.S. in general, while people in D.C. and NYC were calmly getting along with their lives.

        It was a very stark contrast, on who had real courage and who were a lot of bluster.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Yeah. For over a week after 9/11 down here in Savannah the hospital were I worked was surrounded by police and in order to get in you either had to prove you had an appointment or show your employee ID. (Well, not the emergency room…) It was nucking futz.

        • Funny, those are the same exact people who sniff and sneer at New York Values.

          • willi0000000

            yeah, but everybody does that.

      • david spikes

        And they are most afraid of things which will almost certainly never happen to them.
        See: rich people who are terrified the poors are coming to get their stuff.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Or people who live in majority-white places who are afraid of people of color. Because their only frame of reference is from the teevee machine. “There’s 85 white people here for every 15 black people – they’re gonna kick our asses!!” Just . . . so much stupid.

  • Daniel

    Rock loser.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Last time I checked, our US Constitution talks about protecting Naturalized Citizens.

    Last time I checked (one minute ago), our US Constitution does not say anything like that.

    • janecita

      I guess in her copy of the constitution US born Americans aren’t worth of protection. The idiot doesn’t realize that a naturalized American is a person born in a foreign country.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And never can be, by “blood and soil” standards. You know, like most of aforementioned idiots’ ancestors, most likely.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      When a troll says s/he has any idea of anything that’s in the Constitution you can safely bet that the last s/he heard of it was in high school, and bears no resemblance to actual reality.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      That reminds of a spectacular argument with conservative fiancé in Bush years- I argued that Gitmo was unconstitutional because the protections accorded under the Bill of Rights were supposed to be afforded to anyone “under the jurisdiction of the US”. If you were being jailed in a military prison you were under US jurisdiction.
      My then 10 year old in the back seat “Why can’t you guys fight about normal things?”

      • janecita

        Did you guys get married?

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          We’ve had worlds longest engagement for many reasons. It’s ok.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Sometimes it’s better to not be married. Mr. MinS and I did the wedding thing, which didn’t really work. Then we did the divorce thing, and that was worse. So now we just live together. And it’s been 40 years.

  • tehbaddr

    Best Results are obtained By InTermittEntly hitting THe ShiFT KEY !!!1111!1!1111!!!!

    • OutOfOrbit

      Bootiful!

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I didn’t know that croonies like Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby hated America.

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      Sinatra hanged out with the Reaguns! That should have given you a clue!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He also hung out with JFK. He was equal opportunity unamerican!

        • Marion in Savannah

          To say nothing of a very interesting collection of mobsters.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          He also refused to play segregated venues starting in the early 60’s.

  • Bad Tom

    I’d be willing to bet Obama has the entire WH bugged.

    OK. I’ll take the under. But I’m gonna need to see the cash in escrow before we shake, ‘k?

    • Nounverb911

      Actually, the Russians switched them when they met with trump that time.

      • Bad Tom

        Maybe some kinda code sharing thing, like the airlines?

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Croonies =singing porgs?

  • Rick Hill

    Once again, when you hear just how conservatives(by which, we of course, do not mean those people are conservative) have changed the narrative on their side so they belive things like the Dems are keeping the black folks down…blah blah blah…
    I am reminded of the Floyd song, Pigs(three different ones) where the Whitehouse reference was to a woman who made her talking points sound smert enough to convince people she was correct. Here’s a little more about her:

    Whitehouse proved an inventive foe for “alternative lifestyles” of every stripe, famously prosecuting the homosexual newspaper Gay News under the Blasphemy Act of 1697. The NVLA charged the paper with blasphemous libel after it published the poem “The Love That Dares Speak Its Name”, which glorified a Roman centurion’s ardor for a crucified Jesus Christ; Whitehouse argued that the poem was tantamount to buggering the almighty. When the verdict fell 10-2 in the NVLA’s favor, Whitehouse eloquently stated: “I’m rejoicing because I saw the possibility of Our Lord being vilified. Now it’s been shown that it won’t be.”

    Whitehouse had an incredibly thin skin with regard to any reference to sex, violence, profanity, blasphemy, and so on; as such, she made herself an easy target of ridicule for her opponents. In 1989, BBC debuted The Mary Whitehouse Experience, a sketch comedy show which smirked at every aspect of Whitehouse’s supercilious morality. Whitehouse sued unsuccessfully to get her name dropped from the title. Pink Floyd devoted a verse to her in the song “Pigs (Three Different Ones)”, from the album Animals (1977):

    Hey you, Whitehouse / Ha ha, charade you are

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “most constitutional protections apply to everyone in the US regardless of citizenship, which is why we can’t just deport noncitizens without at least a pretense of due process. (Now we’ll sit back and wait for a new Deleted Commenter to show up and say “NO THE CONSTITUTION DOES NOT LET FOREIGNS VOTE,” and then get into a 50-comment argument about what “most” means).”

    As I’ve mentioned, we were taught people on legal permanent resident status can’t vote or collect public benefits (until they’ve WORKED, not lived, WORKED here ten years), but they SURE AS SHIT have the right to bear arms.

    Ayup.

    • Doug Langley

      So, bullets instead of ballots?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos



        pretty much.

  • I was right. Nothing this sunday surpasses the derp I was given by Fox.
    *cuddles nym* my precious.
    Though I am sorta twitching to become a Holds the Shift Key Jen

  • TundraGrifter

    Interestingly, since who votes is up to the states, there have been many times in American history when “foreigners” (non-citizens) legally voted in elections. Yes – I know – there I go again with fancy pantz librul “facts.”

    • See also: Irish coming right off the boat into NY.

    • gene108

      Ah-ha!!!! You admit MILLIONS of ILLEGAL ALIENs VoTeD in Califoonia to give Hitlery her bogus “pupular vote” WIN!!!

      Suck it LIBTARD!!!!!!

      • Marion in Savannah

        You’re unnervingly good at that…

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “EXPOSED! DELETE.”

    Dammit, another Wonkette commenter meme to remember. Pretty soon our conversations will no longer be comprehensible to outsiders…like the kids with the texting and the emo-jays and the dick pics…

    • Daniel

      I have spoken to people, many ones, who say this also too.

      • We really need that glossary of terms.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          DOMINIC!

          (any mention of the style guide is always supposed to be followed by “- DOMINIC!” See, it’s started already).

          • *squint* Y U so mean to Dom? He’s a nice boy

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol – it wasn’t me – there was a post by Rebecca i think ragging on dom a bit about getting the style guide together.

          • Doug Langley

            Isn’t that the character in The Fountainhead?

      • Daniel

        I know it hasn’t caught on but I do still love that Alex Jones-ism.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      It’s what drove me first off Metafilter, and then off Reddit. I just couldn’t follow conversations anymore.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Sometimes AMA’s are interesting, although it doesn’t really mean that.

      • Lord High theCryptofishist

        Seriously, you’ve got to have some moderation, otherwise it’s just nasty, brutish, and way, way, way, way, way, way too long.

    • Doug Langley

      Not sure I can follow it myself.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      “EXPOSED! DELETE.”

      for some reason I hear that in a Dalek voice

      • Nockular cavity

        I’m seeing it on Dr. Bronner’s soap bottle.

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          I might see it there, too, if the letters weren’t so small.

      • “DELETE” was the alternate-universe Cybermen catchphrase, I believe.

    • Peter Witting

      T.

  • WilbyToad

    A thread from last May! I knew Bob was special.

  • HazooToo

    Yay, he made it! I have to admit, I was hoping Bob Barnes would make it into DSFB this week. He worked SO HARD at it, if anyone deserves such an honor, it’s him.

    • Wish I was there. I am thinking of all sorts of things that woulda likely elicited a derpfilled response and it is making me sad I cannot use them

      • HazooToo

        The best response was NO response at all! All I had to do was call him boring and walk away, and he followed me around to scream at me. It was hilarious!

  • Shibusa

    Dok deserves hazard pay having to wade through all these toxic postings every week.
    Also, pretty sure “Janna W” is a dude. Or an incredibly scary woman.

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      Possibly named Wanna J.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Wanna J. Putin.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Or Wanna BJ.

  • folderol

    If CAPSLOCK is good enuf for e.e. cummings, it’s good enough for me.

    • TundraGrifter

      Don’t forget the hero of the Reagan Administration, e. bob wallach.

    • The Wanderer

      what no love for archy

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I DONT USE CAP LOCKS, I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH.

    I DON”T USE CAP LOCKS

  • mackafritz

    Is Bob Barnes a failed geologist?

    • Daniel

      I think he lives in a Wile E Coyote cartoon.

    • Johnatx

      Nah, I am a geologist. We never use all caps

  • Fartknocker

    We all hold the Shift key.

    • weejee

      But some trolls need keyboard Imodium.™

    • david spikes

      Ask not what the shift key caN DO FOR YOu. . . . . . .

  • gallbladder

    “…randomly used/ignored apostrophes…”

    I’m gonna need a drink for this.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    The Constitution is too long for Liddle’ Babby Donnie to read. His supporters know this.

  • TJ Barke

    So much derp, so little time.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    What are we supposed to be called ? I use Wonketeers, but I don’t know where I got that from. (Probably from Rocketeer… I never read the comic but played Rocket Ranger on PC…)

    • The Wanderer

      I suppose you can call us anything you wish – but never call us “Late for Dinner.”

      • gallbladder

        At least not without the offer of those cakes we like.

        • RickyG

          I’d like a cedar cake with extra vegan clams, please.
          But HOLD THE SHIFT KEY, BITCH. Thanks!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Or “Wearers of pants”. Or “consumers of canned clams”.

      • Lord Jim

        “Just get the cold chicken and pickles.”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I like it because it reminds me of Mouseketeers. Yes, I’m a boomer.

    • Daniel

      They Who Wonk.

    • Change it up from time to time! Wonks, Wonketeers, the Wonkettariat, Wonkers, Wonketers or my personal favorite Wonky Wonknutters are all fair game, I should think

      • Lord High theCryptofishist

        After all we are lovers of words, and indulge in all sorts of wordplay.

        • david spikes

          Hey liberal scum-Trump, in a moment of almost Joycean ecstasy-used the word thereupon. suck it libtards!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          • Daniel

            STUPI LIBERAL MOUNTAIN FLOWERSAND ALL MY COMMENTS ARE PERFUME AND your AND YOU’RE TEARS ARE GOING LIKE MAD LIBERAL MOUNTAIN FLIWERS MAGA I SAID MAGA I WIL MAGA!!!!

          • Lord Jim

            Nice.

          • Lord High theCryptofishist

            Doesn’t he need # in front of MAGA, or is this one of those tweetless trolls that think “hashtag” refers to a children’s game featuring running and fried potatoes?

      • SisterArtemis

        Let’s not forget “Wonkadoodles”

    • BradtheBot

      Anypony works sometimes.

    • Obviously, we’re communists, and we all own the means of blog production.

  • Johnatx

    Damn. Freezing rain again in Austin. Hope it warms up before I drive to Houston.

    • Nounverb911

      “So much for global warming.”
      –DJT

  • Miles Monroe

    The Truth’s tossed salads of random trigger phrases seem more than a little bot-ish … ?

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      Russian bottish. As in Pravda.

      • Miles Monroe

        Russki bots are more clipped, concise, usually a single point.

        Truth’s are more like a kid got a hold of a piece of software, and is having fun with it.

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          Where does Beauty come into it?

          • Hiss

            Or Truth?

  • Ryan Denniston
    • TJ Barke

      There’s nothing they won’t try to loot.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Isn’t the International Space Station a joint venture with other countries? And wouldn’t the decision to turn it into a commercial venture need to be jointly decided?

  • greyXstar

    If “I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH” doesn’t become the new running gag around here, I will be extremely disappointed in all of you.

    • Holds the shift key greyxstar has a fun ring to it, just sayin

      • greyXstar

        It does, that’s pretty sweet!

    • TJ Barke

      No I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH, No I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH, you’re the I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH!

      • altleftjohn

        No SHIFT KEY BITCH! YOU’RE THE SHIFT KEY BITCH!!!

        • SisterArtemis

          SHIFT KEY BITCH is my new techno band, featuring a bank of IBM Selectrics in the percussion section.

          • Marion in Savannah

            They’re not really loud enough for percussion. For that you need some real old-timey Royals with the lily pad keys. Now THOSE could make some noise!

          • SisterArtemis

            why not both? (and you can mike and amplify anything…)

          • Querolous

            Best of two worlds. Just amplify one of these. https://datamancer.com/product-category/?catid=/keyboards/

          • willi0000000

            just what everybody needs a $750 keyboard.

            [ and it’s ugly ]

          • SHIFT KEY BITCH

            COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENTZ !!1!

          • SisterArtemis

            look, just because we wouldn’t let you sing lead that one tome….

      • greyXstar

        WRONG

        • Opalescent Riddles

          That means I’m smart.

          • greyXstar

            I know more than the SHIFT KEY BITCH. Buh-leeeeve me.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            I think you know the answer to that. You don’t know? We’ll see how it goes. We’ll issue a report in 2 to 3 weeks.

    • Cogswell that ends well

      And then the murders began.

    • Lord Jim

      Make it so!

    • Peter Witting

      “I HOLD THE SHIFY KEY BITCH”

      Isn’t that the line that Travis Bickle practiced over and over?

    • OneYieldRegular

      THE SHIFT KEY BITCH, she was a friend of mine.
      She drank whiskey, Wonkette drank the wine.

      • greyXstar

        That’s why the lady is a SHIFT KEY BITCH.

    • arglebargle

      I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got a brand new SHIFT KEY BITCH!

    • SHIFT KEY BITCH

      I dunno, doesn’t seem like it will catch on …

  • proudgrampa

    “Croonies”

    I’ll show you a croonie:

    https://youtu.be/hlSbSKNk9f0

    • Nounverb911

      77 WABC played that damn song 4 times an hour when it came out, drove everyone nuts….

      • proudgrampa

        “It has a beat. And you can dance to it!”

    • little miss high and mighty

      Thanks! we were waiting for croonie gifs.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    dok – youse got a typo…sorry, it’s a compulsion:

    “who suggested he he’d been”

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I used to feel sorry for myself when DSFB columns rolled around because I was never here for the trolls. I thought, damn, I’d like to watch my fellow Wonkers disembowel some idiot (with votes) and watch the troll wriggle on the hook! But I must admit that these trolls we’ve been getting lately seem unworthy of the effort. And, as it happens, I HAVE been here once or twice and quickly lost interest in the trolling.
    Not that I’m complaining. One of the best things about Wonkette IMO is that it’s a safe space where we triggered libtards can . . . can . . . can do whatever it is they think triggered libtards do in their safe spaces, I guess.

    • Mostly argue with each other about what kind of bike is best

    • Daniel

      Crochet.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, except when someone mentions canned clams. Then the safe space is blasted to atoms.

      • Johnatx

        Has Lori ever mentioned canned clams?

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          Oddly enough, yes. Something about a specially built De Laurian made out of clan cans, IIRC.

      • SisterArtemis

        MMMOOOONNNNSSSTTTEEERRRRRR!

        (ok, that reads like “moonster” but I’m going with it)

        • You only like moonster because you are Artemis

          • Miles Monroe

            A Møønster once bit my sister …

          • Marion in Savannah

            Was the bite nasti?

          • Miles Monroe

            They Kan be …

          • SisterArtemis

            See? you get me!

          • AuntyMaude

            Moonster is a good cheese, but only in moderation.

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          Ah, the little croonies under the moonster.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      Mike Minden from the other night was slightly entertaining, but the non-commenters just eviscerated him.

      • He’s been round before, and always I am not a Trump fan buuuuutttttt
        He is fun to mess with and back into the “U Just hate Trump!!!” corner XD

      • Daniel

        My pedantry gets activated by people making broad sweeping statements and preemptively claiming they’ll be yelled at for doing so. If you know this, try to be less stupidly vague.

      • Johnatx

        He was kind of a one trick pony.

      • HazooToo

        I get the impression he’s not so much a troll as a commenter with trollish tendencies. That’s how his comment history reads, anyway. Thinks he’s smarter than he is, or at least that his asshole is special and different from everyone else’s.

        • No, is troll. Is troll pretending to be thoughtful liberal but when backed into a corner lets his freak flag fly.

          • HazooToo

            I will defer to your judgement, as usual.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            yup – when his first two replies to our replies were, “Why do you think it’s okay that Islam kills gays and women…” I knew what he was.

          • Lord Jim

            I found it interesting that:
            1) He was the one who brought religion up. The article made no mention of the religion of the three dead folks.
            2) He also missed the part of the article which referred to an account claiming the “suicides” were coverups of accidental homicides which utterly nullified the core of his ridiculous argument.

      • Marion in Savannah

        And didn’t he just have a FABULOUS collection of strawmen to move his goalposts around?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I like it that they are deleted quickly. You are right- they usually aren’t entertaining, they are spittle flecked angry these days.
      I see all the time in WaPo where one troll can monopolize the discussion, and derail the conversation into an exchange of insults- which is what they want.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        It’s like the way FB prioritizes the comment that gets the most response, so you’ll see a post about someone missing President Obama and the top response will be some asshole saying something nasty. He’s got 2000 responses, most of them “frowny” faces, but because he’s got them all, he’s at the top. Makes me grrrrrrrr

      • Marion in Savannah

        That’s what I don’t get about the WaPo — they claim that their comments are moderated, but I’ve never seen any sign of it. Maybe they lost their Banhammer Of Loving Correction?

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          Should we sent Scalzi there with a replacement?

          • SisterArtemis

            Scalzi…. in the Comment section…. with the BanHammer!

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          I think they have some electronic program that blocks out all the words they don’t consider appropriate, but they don’t do much of anything else.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Well, it obviously needs tweaking.

    • SisterArtemis

      it’s a safe space where we triggered libtards can . . . can . . . can do whatever it is they think triggered libtards do in their safe spaces, I guess.

      talk about our cats and sucky roommates/co-workers/children, plus share dinner pictures. And OH YEAH have great exchanges about politics and society. I like our safe space!

      • one-armed dwarf

        I do too. I don’t (non)comment often (by the way, what is it with the non-comment thing?), but I do spend some quality time with you folks. Very happy I just recently found you, thanks to someone posting a link on DKos. Cheers.

        • SisterArtemis

          older wonketeers can probably give more details, but long ago, a banhammered one, or maybe it was just someone who was called on their shit, complained that Wonkette didn’t allow comments. And thus, a running joke was borned.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          The old commenting system didn’t allow comments to be instantly posted. There was a delay, and many people reposted their comments when they didn’t see it, thinking they hadn’t posted. People explained to these folks that they didn’t see their comment because comments weren’t allowed, and it all went downhill from there.

          • one-armed dwarf

            Ah. Thank you for clearing that one up.

    • Lord Jim

      Point at them and laugh.

    • greyXstar

      We are but humble pirates.

  • OrG

    Dear George Snufelufegus,
    Stop having kris kristie on your show.
    Thnx
    OrG

    • gene108

      Christie’s a guy, who should crawl under a rock and stay there. Everyone in the state he governed grew to hate him after 8 years.

      • Nockular cavity

        We’re gonna need a bigger rock.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Too bad these folks can’t grow to hate someone with an R after their name in four years.

  • Shrieking Harpy

    I should’ve worn my spittle goggles.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Janna” is a dumb broad from Perm, I think.

  • Ronnie McDonald

    I’ve got problems with to and too as well. Not when I think about it, but, for some reason I make the mistake from time to time in a post. Could be a post of five words, could be a subtantive one. But no matter, there’s always some wiseacre who comes out with “learn how to spell,” and, “libtard” pops up regulary too.

    Now, granted I’ve for my own pet peeves, the biggest being the use of LOL. Which, as far as I can see, is a dependable sign that the substance of the accompanying post won’t amount to much of anything. It usually precedes or follows an insult.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Also a bunch of smiley or frowney face emojis.

    • lol, I hate acronyms also, too! :D

      • Daniel

        ISWYDT.

        • *hangs head in shame* I cannot help it. There is a perversity in me that makes me instantly want to do what people tell me not to.
          I’d blame my repressive Catholic upbringing but….I was one of the younger ones, so ‘rents were not too repressive with me

      • Johnatx

        Spell it out or GTFO!

      • Ronnie McDonald

        ROFLMAO….I had to google that one the first time I came across it.

        • IIRC, I never use ASSH when a RWW will do.

          • Ronnie McDonald

            Back in a minute, got some googling to do….

            Your post reminds me of that awful game show of yesteryear Bumper Stumpers.

          • AuntyMaude

            Hold the phone. I need to google Bumper Stumpers.

          • Ronnie McDonald

            Pot….college….and Bumper Stumpers! Brings back lots of very fuzzy memories.

          • AuntyMaude

            Sounds fun

    • HazooToo

      My usual problem is “its” and “it’s”. Tiny problem, easily goes unnoticed, which can be a little embarrassing sometimes.

      • Mine is spelling. I generally ignore it since if the red underline don’t correct me, someone else surely will!

        • HazooToo

          If I don’t know how to spell it, Google probably does!

        • Ronnie McDonald

          That Grammarly app is nasty. Constantly telling you to hyphenate when it’s not necessary. After awhile you start to question your own judgement. Which is probably the point. Now that’s what I call Deep State.

          • AuntyMaude

            Grammar Nazi!

          • Ronnie McDonald

            Watch out, it’ll fry your nerves. Make you think you’ve got early onset Alzheimer’s or even worse.

      • Ronnie McDonald

        Yep, those slips are especially so when you’ve jumped at troll bait and get into a brouhaha with one of ’em.

        • HazooToo

          Only the smart ones, though. Most of the time, they’re too dumb to notice.

          • AuntyMaude

            or too graciou…oh wait I forgot whom I was talking about.

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      I hate when someone makes a joke (and almost invariably a unfunny and painful joke,) and then types LOL. Seriously, you might as well upfist your own posts.

      • Two guys walk into a bar. You’d think the second one woulda ducked. Lol!

        • Daniel

          I am offended you find their pain funny.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Ha, ha! DGDJ triggered the liberal snowflake!

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        It’s like clapping for yourself, the way Lord Dampnut does.

  • Johnatx

    So, is it a bitch who uses the shift key. Or, is it a key bitch who is being asked to shift?

    • Parakeetist

      Yes

    • AuntyMaude

      I read it as shift-key bitch. Shift-key being the adverb describing the verb bitch. This is opposed to the lower-case bitch (which is much less effective in showing anger).

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Bob’s Loud Howard impression needs work.

  • Lefty Wright

    Reading comments on a few sites that have about a third by right wingers, I notice that they never back up claims with any facts. Concerning the recent Nunes memo, all they keep saying is “Obama and Clinton will be locked up soon because of that memo”. Which makes me doubt they ever actually read it. It’s like saying today, yeah, it’s going to rain on July 4th, it says it right there in the almanac so I know it’s irrefutably true. The fact that the Nunes memo is a fabricated, cherry picked, hyper partisan piece of tripe would never enter their pea brains, and they think it would never enter anyone else’s. After reading about a dozen comments with similar conclusions, but nothing resembling facts or evidence, I had to switch back to Wonkette to restore my sanity.

    • Daniel

      The fact that the memo gives no actual indication of them having committed any offence for which they could be locked up is also a problem.

      • It is funny how they are all crowing about this memo, but Comey’s was bad double plus not good.
        I like to ask em “So, memos are proof?”
        YEAH IS PROOF!!!!
        Oh good, then you agree with Comey that Trump was obstructing justice!!!!
        sets em off like roman rockets ^.^

      • Lord Jim

        You mean the memo that blatantly undermines its own claims about dishonesty in the FISA warrant application process?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      They don’t have much more to cling to these days. Just their bibbles, guns, and the Nunes memo.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Superstitious magical thinking.
      Democracy cannot withstand ignorance.
      We better start educating everyone we can lay hands on.

      • Lord Jim

        It doesn’t even rise to the level of magical thinking. It’s pure tribalism. Soon, they’ll abandon all pretense of reason (pretty close now) and rely on simple name-calling (again, pretty close now).

      • willi0000000

        the folks who are supposed to be guarding the intellectual treasure of this country aren’t exactly helping . . . see: Alan D. Sokal A Physicist Experiments With Cultural Studies.

        [ and that was back in 1996! ]

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Hence why they didn’t agree to the deal they said they wanted when Trump presented it to them.

    Dafuq is this wingnut referring to? Because if it’s the one that required funding the wall, that wasn’t a clean vote FFS…

    …oh, why do I look for logic from these people?

    • Here is the fun part- we would not be dealing with this if Trump did not rescind Obama’s EO!

      • willi0000000

        but he had to . . . that ni{{{CLANG!}}}er made him do it.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    speaking of trolls – a line from my text for next time a troll claims Republicans will bring back “traditional life and values”:

    “[In Texas,] the number of people making a living from agriculture has dropped significantly over the last 50 years as agribusiness has pushed out the family farm and ranch.”

    Also, we should really be rethinking farm subsidies.

    • No doubt. The thing with farm subsidies is, however, they convinced the few still trying to eek a living at it that without the subsidies, our entire food production would implode.
      Never mind that people will still need to eat and will pay for food.

      • John Thorstensen

        As I understood it, the problem is that if farmers were not paid to leave land fallow, American agriculture would overproduce vastly and prices would collapse.

        • That makes sense XD
          We will pay you not to work so our big business does not lose profit margins! Never mind starving people the world over!

          • willi0000000

            all hunger is artificially created . . . there is enough food produced on Earth to feed every human being and their livestock.

    • Nounverb911

      Let me know when the Iowa Caucus is the last one held each election year.

    • mackafritz

      Who’s traditions? Who’s values?

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Especially since if you looked at the demographics these days, I’m pretty sure you’d find that most Texans are city dwellers or live in the burbs.

        • mackafritz

          Or their last name might not sound ‘merican.

          • Jamoche

            Which generally meant that their families had been there longer than any of the white folks.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            THIS

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            One of my co-worker’s family came to Texas in the 1790s. Part of her family still lives on land granted by the Spanish King.
            She always says “We didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us.”

          • NATOist

            Most of the Nigerian bobsled team is from Houston.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            I wouldn’t doubt that. Houston has a huge Nigerian population. I think Hakeem Olijiwan was one of the pioneers, but the “Erl & Gas Bidnez” has caused a huge migration. That and the big HBCU in Houston.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          And we have been districted into a Red state. Every big city in Texas is Blue. Houston, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Fort Worth, El Paso, and probably some places I missed.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            You can only do that for so long. People get fed up after a while.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      When you think about it, this is forced collectivization, American style.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        to be fair – i think, based on the book – that other than the earliest days, we never really were much of individualistic farmers. Tenancy and sharecropping was big way back.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      It’s interesting that we subsidize small farms to protect them from Agribusiness, but don’t subsidize small retailers when Wal*Mart moves in. In fact we usually subsidize the Wal*Mart.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’m a naturalized citizen. Are you?

    Born and raised, thanks for asking. And I can think of several immigrants I’d rather call my neighbors that haters like you!

  • Rick Hill

    “Worms, Roxanne! I’m afraid of worms!”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I understood that reference!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • C4TWOMAN

      Reminds me of ‘Wonderfalls’ when Jaye’s Protestant parents warned her about Catholics because they “worship statues”. Funny as hell.

  • Blender_415

    Confession: I have to use caps lock b/c my little sister slammed my LH pinkie in a car door when I was twelve, and it won’t bend far enough to hold the shift key down (especially on tablets) when I’m trying to express myself in a completely incoherent manner on the Intertubez (I have to use my ring finger, which moves my hand away from the other keys). Cherish your ability to use the shift key with your pinky; you only appreciate it after it’s gone.

    What were we snarking on?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Get Devin Nunez picture on a coffee mug.

    You want a photo? Glad to oblige!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a31c6c8e963f6678a1dcdd3e0d9733d940a82d4700f729af3e9920b220ef9764.jpg

  • Master Contrail Program

    Time Life Music is proud to present: The Croonies – I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH.

    AMERICAN standards available only on LP, 8-track or cassette.

    • ManchuCandidate
      • Master Contrail Program

        Umm, why are there five of them?

        • ManchuCandidate

          Don’t you dare use your maths around here!!

        • eggs ackly-wright

          The girl doesn’t count.

          • Nockular cavity

            Or the bass player.

          • Notreelyhelping

            Maybe the lady and the bass player only count as half-persons.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Being the bass player in a gospel group wouldn’t be that bad. For once, you wouldn’t be the only one not getting laid.

          • Lord High theCryptofishist

            Yes, well, that’s a typical lady brain for you.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Only four have a “Y” chromosome.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Because only the men count?

      • Agreed and upvoted.

        This has to be as OT a semantic quibble as possible: By definition, Long Playing records run at 33 1/3 RPM. That’s why they play longer than the same diameter 78 RPM record. Ack! I’ll let myself out…

      • John Orendorff

        Lots of polyesters died for their sins.

      • Dg Hacket

        Did they lose count somehow? Someone was an extra?

  • A Farewell To Kings
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV-5iNu6Sd8

    Lyrics: N. Peart

    When they turn the pages of history
    When these days have passed long ago
    Will they read of us with sadness
    For the seeds that we let grow?
    We turned our gaze
    From the castles in the distance
    Eyes cast down
    On the path of least resistance

  • calliecallie

    Croonies…are those the ones you’re not supposed to get wet? Or feed after mindnight?
    No, wait, that’s Kremlins.

    • AuntyMaude

      Is that a Russian gremlin?

    • Marion in Savannah

      Okay, I larfed!

  • kareemachan

    Dang, the things I miss…..

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I’d be willing to bet Obama has the entire WH bugged.

    Release the tapes!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c7ab356cb376ab7dc924f556b3c3d87ab7d1059b9b33b98be15960da105559c9.jpg

    • SeekingIndictmentBarbie

      What do they imagine Obama is doing with the info he is getting from his WH “bugging”?

      • Hiss

        Laughing his ass off. Then thanking God on his knees.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The quality of trolls nowadays makes me long for the intelligent banter of turgid love handles guy.

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      TLM! If you say his name three times ….

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That’s why I intentionally changed “muscle” to “handles”.

  • JD Mulvey

    Bob2 apparently has not yet realized that holding down the shift key makes RWNJ troll-fapping much more awkward to perform.

    • SeekingIndictmentBarbie

      Bob2 is also demonstrating that he is too stupid to make his CAP writing easier by using the CAPS LOCK key.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Liberal policies don’t work. Hence why every time they talk, it’s a distraction. With the Colts player getting killed by two timer deportee, that will not help the dreamer cause. Trump says, “Yeah shut it down if we’re not going to protect the borders.”

    A few days after the Super Bowl, a group of us were talking about the game and RWNJ guy ruins the entire light-hearted and fun discussion by saying “And how about that illegal who killed the Colts player? And the Democrats want to keep letting these people in!”

    Since I’m the peaceful type and am prone to hold my tongue, I say – “How come you didn’t say shit when that white nationalist broke into that families house in Missouri, slit the throats of the husband and wife and returned the next day to kill the 18 month old baby he left behind?”

    Him: “When did that happen?”
    Me: “Last week.”
    Me: “And how about the fact that native born Americans commit far more crime than immigrants, in fact there have been studies showing that it’s not even close.”
    Him: “Studies by who? Liberal Democrats?!?”
    Me: “The Cato Institute, for starters.”
    Him: “Who’s that?”

    TL;DR: These people are dipshits.

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      The Cato Institute If it’s not faux or hannity, it fake.

      • “M”

        I don’t understand why there isn’t more progressive pushback on that. “Fake News” has actually been a term of art for awhile, and there’s almost no pushback on letting IQ45 — and his fascist supporters — and other wanna-be authoritarians in other parts of the world — adopt it.

    • HazooToo

      Maybe they wouldn’t think Dems are elitist so much if they would use the goddamn internet under their fingertips to fucking educate themselves ffs. You can LEARN STUFF here, I swear, it’s not just for Fox News and porn!

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      So, does “two timer deportee” refer to someone who has a partner in each country?

      Edited to correct typo.

    • SHIFT KEY BITCH

      Prolly think the Cato Institute is a martial arts studio.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Yes, if fox (ain’t it awful) news doesn’t cover it it never happened.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Next time, tell them its Green Hornet’s sidekick.

    • Ill-Advised

      I am in awe of your self-control. Anymore, I just start swearing. Because…I can’t even.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Many rape victims claim it was consensual, therefore your conclusion is not valid.

    I’m familiar with the concept of a contradiction in terms, but Jesus fucking Christ…

  • FDRliberal

    “I DONT USE CAP LOCKS, I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH.
    We’ll confess, that last one made us laugh.

    “I DONT USE CAP LOCKS, I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH.” could be the new “”I Am Aware Of All Internet Traditions”.

    Of course “Bob” forgot to use an apostrophe, as per his Trump University training.

    • He forgotted the comma also, too.

    • gallbladder

      That degree is paying for itself.

      • Lord High theCryptofishist

        Especially if he got a refund. Or settlement cash–what you get when Soros isn’t supporting your alternate lifestyle.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I edit the registry on my PCs to disable the capslock key on my keyboards.

    Nonetheless, one of my cats knows how to use my keyboard to mysteriously set capslock mode whereupon I have to fucking reboot so that I can use the PC after that happens. This happens about once a week.

    As for TFA, CFR;TMD — couldn’t finish reading; too much derp.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Do not mess with your feline master.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TAUNT ME, YOU SIMPLE FUCK? HIDING UNDER A ROCK! YOURE A COMEDIAN, ARENT YOU? I DEFY YOU AND YOUR SIMPLE MIND TO ATTEMPT TO TAUNT ME. ILL SHRED YOU TO PIECES, YOU SIMPLE FUCK.

    Yeah…we didn’t get under this troll’s skin at all

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/28db1bd6f1a0c5eceabb630652b3bfae1498facabbad738f74657f79a7d1cb23.jpg

    • Nockular cavity

      “Now leave before I taunt you a second time!”

    • wait! what?

      Simple fucks are underrated. As long as my partner gets off, I’ll keep it as simple as possible…

    • altleftjohn
      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Cornholio!

    • Lord Jim

      Triggered, LOL.

    • Hiss

      Ha! I will taunt you!

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    Excellent point about not accusing asshole trolls of being Russians.

    For one thing, since there is literally no way to tell the difference between a Russian troll, a Koch troll, a Dartmouth boy getting stoned and pretending to be a Russian troll, or an ordinary, common-and-garden variety Republican voter, why bother? They’re all working for the same horrid future, except maybe the Dartmouth boy, who probably won’t even remember doing it when he wakes up (and since he’s got an enormous trust fund from his Gran anyhow, he doesn’t much care what fresh hells the future brings to the rest of us).

    For another thing, sure, the Russians have been fucking with us. They’ve been doing it for years, just as we’ve been fucking with them. The French have been fucking with us too: so have the Brits, the Lithuanians, the Chinese, and everybody else with the means to do it.

    It’s what nations do. It’s called “statecraft.” Nations fuck with other nations in order to enhance their own wealth or power or influence. Duh.

    The difference here, in this country, is that the Republican Party seems to have decided across the board to work with the Russians: to open doors that might have remained closed: to refuse to participate in an honorable, bipartisan defense against Russian fuckery (in response to a request from President Obama that Republicans and Democrats issue a joint statement warning of Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, Mitch McConnell threatened to destroy President Obama).

    Which means, this is not about the Russians at all: this is, as everything is right now, about the Republicans.

    • While I agree with your major points, this one:
      “For one thing, since there is literally no way to tell the difference between a Russian troll, a Koch troll, a Dartmouth boy getting stoned and pretending to be a Russian troll” I must needs take exception with.

      If they post long enough and you draw them into a discussion, even if it is to post random screeds, a non-native speaker almost always outs themselves with syntax. That is, they tend to have better English than a native speaker on the initial post (generally, a copy pasted effort), but get them riled up enough and suddenly pleased are me to teach liberals that which they should know.

      Not that it matters, but it can be entertaining to figure out precisely which class of troll with which you are dealing ^.^

      • kareemachan

        This.

      • mackafritz

        Is there some Turing test for trolls?

        • turnip test?

        • She just described it.

          • Just my own personal thing XD It is like the ones that go “Lifelong Liberal and Obama was the WORST” can almost always be forced to out themselves in short order to be ratfucking libertarians . You can tell those because they almost always go straight to “UR just a cult cause U won’t allow criticism of Ur leader”

      • wait! what?

        In short, with a little effort; yes, yes there is…

      • NATOist

        ^ this. The way the articles are dropped in Janna’s posting, I can almost hear the Russian accent.

    • Daniel

      “Have you ever deleted an American troll by mistake?”

      This is the future Philip K Dick wanted.
      Or took drugs to stop thinking about.

    • spangled

      Yeah well said. The foreign interference is bad, republicans allowing and potentially encouraging the foreign interference (to win elections) is a death knell for our democracy.

  • Spider Robinson quote for today, “If one commits gluttony is a glutton, and one who commits a felony is a felon, then god is an iron.”

    • kareemachan

      I heart Spider.

      • Querolous

        I don’t drink but I would love to spend an evening at Callahan’s.

    • wait! what?

      As in a 9 iron of the tee of a par 5. There’s heavy shrubbery there, too. Watch out for God’s irontree…

  • C4TWOMAN

    I wasn’t around to call the trolls Russians,
    *straightens halo*,
    but I’m happy to buy the “snotty Wonker” a beer.
    😸

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I DONT USE CAP LOCKS, I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH.

    So you exert unnecessary effort when typing, rather that take advantage of a mechanism that would leave all your fingers free to type. Were we supposed to be impressed or something?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/827914e09a8de1023d5433780788b4e4fe0953fa5b8748d0002d3865610d2d83.jpg

    • ManchuCandidate
      • commatoes

        I remember the Nazi dancing girls almost got this video banned.

        Nazis bad…

        Those were good times.

    • wait! what?

      I think a hot pocket nugget got stuck in his keyboard, to be honest..

      • RickyG

        Cheeto dust :(

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Chester Cheeto Libelz!

          • RickyG

            I shoulda gone with “Doritos for Boys” :(

        • commatoes

          Hardened Doritos Salso con Queso?

    • yyyaz

      We’re already there.

    • Bright Bart

      To be fair, he did not say with which portions of his anatomy he was holding the shift key with. All fingers may indeed be free.

    • Rooster Cogburn105
    • commatoes

      That poor shift key.

    • I’m surprised none of these geniuses has thought of an all-caps conservakeyboard.

    • He only types with two fingers anyway, so it doesn’t slow him down much.

  • armed_bears
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Fun fact. I’ve been studying up on chickens because we’re getting some in the spring (if it stops raining long enough to build the coop, though we really needed rain, so to my community I say, “you’re welcome, I thought up a building project in order to break the damn drought for youse guys.”)

      Where was I? Oh, right, chickens. They say that the strict pecking order of a flock ‘o chickens is what makes them so easy to keep — they regulate and manage their society themselves and therefore don’t need the chicken version of a “shepherd” to run the show for them. I just thought that was interesting.

      • eyelashviper

        aLL bIRDS do thiS, eVen kILL siCk freendZ.
        (working on my Russian troll badge, ya?)

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Lobsters do this too, therefore white guys are superior!

        -Jordan “Kermit & Pepe’s Hatefuck Child” Peterson

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Oh have fun, if you work with them when they are hatchlings they can be very affectionate. I used to feed mine day old bread as a treat and they would fly up to my arm and demand it directly. Here is a pic of the chick set up that we found worked the best for us. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/65d01676d2d81dfd0645a51b2f111326679010ad395048e3689845351212722e.jpg

        • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

          Thanks! I can’t wait.

          Kiddy pool, eh? Clever.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Easy to clean too, I had to use bird netting with the turkey poults they flew out almost from day one. Are you getting egg birds or meat birds? Or heritage breeds?

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Egg birds. I’ve selected a cornucopia of fun breeds like Spotted Sussex, Barnevelder, Buckeye, Dominique, Welsummer and Cuckoo Marnas … because who wouldn’t want a Cuckoo Marans! I’m getting more than I need so they don’t need to be great layers, just so-so layers will do fine.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            They are the best in that you just enjoy them and they reward you with eggs. Leghorns are the best for production but they are flighty birds, not as personable. The Isa browns were good for production and more personable. People liked the brown eggs better. We found feeding them a higher percentage protein food helped them to produce richer eggs with better shells than our other friends who did not. I loved my Silkies. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d44bc2dabc02c6d323073f1044dfed272deff2cfa421aee36d12adc28e9b81bf.jpg

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I would love to see pics! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Cuckoo Maran.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista
          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Thanks they look a bit like the Barred Rock birds that I had.

    • eyelashviper

      White guy on bottom, figures, also TOO!!!

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Don’t judge the Pack Power Pyramid!

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        You have it wrong. The best place to be is on the bed.

  • Anarchy Unicorn

    “Croonies” – Young Frank, Dean, and Sammy sing songs and solve mysteries. Coming soon to Nickelodeon!

    • RickyG

      Worst Goonies musical, ever!

      • therblig

        not with Buddy Hackett as Sloth it’s not.

        • RickyG

          Now you’re cooking with gas!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Needz moar Bing Crosbie

      • Lord High theCryptofishist

        And underage drinking.

      • eggs ackly-wright

        He was not nice to Inger Stevens. Bada Bing.

      • SisterArtemis

        give me delicious Danny Kaye anytime. But I do like early jazzie Bing, from the really early years, late 20s and early 30s, before he got really famous.

    • therblig

      don’t forget young joey bishop and angie dickinson – they’re the Diversity Pack!

  • Querolous

    the real name of “The Truth” is правда.

  • WilbyToad

    YOU GUYS GO AHEAD, I’LL HOLD THE SHIFT KEY

    WE HOLD THESE SHIFT KEYS TO BE SELF EVIDENT

    I AWARD YOU THE SHIFT KEY TO THE CITY

    SONGS IN THE SHIFT KEY OF LIFE

    (I used caps lock for those.)

    • Villago Delenda Est

      MAN THIS IS SLOW WITHOUT CAPS LOCK…OH WAIT…THIS IS EASY WITH JUST MY LEFT PINKY!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I DONT USE CAP LOCKS, I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH.

    YOU’RE TIRING YOURSELF FOR NOTHING, DUMBASS !!!

    See ? I’ve just used cap locks and I didn’t even have to turn it off to use apostrophes and commas.

    • Daniel

      Not using the lock and just using shift will make his finger go num.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Then it’ll match his branes.

    • Jamoche

      Eh, I remember when holding down a shift key took actual effort. I haven’t used capslock since those days; that little light is not something I notice when touch-typing.

  • OutOfOrbit

    I never pay apostro fees. I am special & ride free

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      Donnie? Is that you?

      • OutOfOrbit

        shush!

  • gallbladder

    I DONT NOW ABOUT THE REST OF YOU, BUT I THINK THAT CAPS LOCK AND LACK OF APOSTROPHY’S GET A BAD RAP.

    • OutOfOrbit

      STOP SHOUTING! WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        WHAT?

    • RickyG

      I’m a keyboard Warrior and I’m here to say
      I’m superior to you in every way I don’t use the key
      you listen to me
      then one day maybe you’ll see
      = Bad rap

      • gallbladder

        REALLY BA–…I’m sorry, really bad’.

  • FDRliberal

    “lol, look at those libs speak in sports euphemisms since they have no facts.”

    Apparently “Bob” thinks Breitbart, Redstate and National Review are “lib’ publications.

    • National Review: “DACA Fix vs. DREAM Act: Moving the Goalposts”
    • National Review: “Democrats Move the Russia Goalposts”
    • Redstate: “Moving The Goalposts Will Scuttle Conservative Immigration Reform”
    • Breitbart: “Woodward Right About Obama Moving Sequester Goal Posts”

  • OneYieldRegular

    You know who else came to this continent illegally and murdered a whole shit-load of people?

    • Christians?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      MS-13 that got started in LA?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      earthquakes?

    • Daniel

      Viruses of various kinds?

      • SisterArtemis

        ding ding ding!!!

    • Perkniticky

      SMALL POX!

    • arglebargle

      Glock?

    • Red Richmond

      El Chupacabra?

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Siberians? If you consider megafauna to be people, that is. Which I do.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    “Catholics aren’t Biblical because they pray all wrong.”

    Well that’s one I haven’t heard before. I know that many fundamentalists believe that Catholics worship Mary and the saints, but of course they don’t do that at all, they just believe that Mary and the Saints are, like, not so busy as god is, and have more time to listen and put in a good word for them. You could even call Mary and the saints “God Lobbyists.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One of my favorite tells on these clowns is when they complaint about discrimination against “Christians and Catholics”. Like Catholics are like Jews or Muslims as far as they’re concerned.

      • Perkniticky

        I know Catholics who say “Christians and Protestants”. So… both sides?

        • There ain’t a worse feud than one within the same family

          • Perkniticky

            I figure they got there first, they can claim the title if they like. I was raised Protestant, but no skin off my nose.

          • Eh? Firsts is a long claim to make. Generally speaking, however, while individual Catholics may spout the No True Christian line, the church itself tends to teach Christian=Christian (though we are the best, of course) while many a Baptist pulpit will preach how Catholic=heathen, for example.
            To me, they are all bonkers and missing the point the guy they claim to follow actually made

          • Lord Jim

            Imma say the Greek Orthodox Church is gonna want to say something about that “first” claim…

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I was thinking about the Coptics right before I read your reply.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          This is true. I know several people like that, but they are all over 70 years old and went to Catholic School in the 50’s where they were taught that. My 90-yr-old Aunt believes some pretty archaic things, but we don’t argue with her about it because she’s 90 and she certainly isn’t going to change her mind now. I don’t know anyone my age (60) or younger who says that, because we all grew up post-Vatican II.

          • Canned Covfefe

            My oldest sister never forgave “The Church” for Vatican II and she was an atheist. But then she taught Latin.

      • Jamoche

        Growing up in Texas, if you were denominational you used it: Catholic, Methodist, whatever. If you just used “Christian” by itself it meant Bible-thumpingBelieving Fundie – these were the ones who knew Catholics were going to hell and were pretty suspicious of the others.

        This resulted in a very confusing conversation with a British Catholic friend in California, when I was ranting about a friend who turned out to be “Christian” (fundie – of the “of course Pagans are Satanists, since they aren’t Christian” sort, something that had never come up until I moved to CA) and he couldn’t figure out why I suddenly seemed to think “Christian” (any and all of the people who claim it) was a bad thing.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        They actually do group Catholics with Jews and Muslims. I found several articles saying so.

      • DrBigHead

        They are.

    • Jamoche

      Oh, the line between “worship Mary and the saints” and “aren’t Christian at all” is very thin. Many fundevangelicals are convinced Catholics are going to hell. Then there’s Jack Chick: https://aaronkcollett.wordpress.com/2016/01/24/chick-tract-the-death-cookie/

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        When it comes to Catholicism, there’s ALWAYS Jack Chick.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Didnt they use that line when JFK was running for president?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Yup, along with “He’ll take orders from the Pope!”

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I believe they did, but what I remember most was that they said he would take orders from the Pope and not respect the Constitution and US laws if they conflicted with Papal doctrine.

        • Jamoche

          Because that sort of thing happened all the time in European history.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yeah, like that time Henry VIII asked the Pope for a divorce so he could dump his old wife and marry a new, young one, and the Pope said “No” and Henry said “I’m OK with that.” NOT!

        • Villago Delenda Est

          And now we’ve got Donald who doesn’t respect the Constitution and US Law if they conflict with his personal financial interest.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Or his personal prejudices.

        • PubOption

          And now they hate Roe v Wade, which conflicts with Catholic doctrine.

      • Resistor Radio

        And why didn’t Kirsten Gillibrand speak out about it then, huh???!!!

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          She needs to borrow Bamz time machine. What a troublemaker. :)

    • SeekingIndictmentBarbie

      It’s one of the many stupid things taught by the religion of my childhood that led to my scoffing at it, since it was ridiculously easy to learn the truth.

    • DrBigHead

      I have had more than one evangelical ask me if I was Christian or Catholic.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Fun anecdote — not sure how true it is, but it says a lot:

        An aid worker was traveling through Northern Ireland in the 1980s when he was stopped at a checkpoint. The armed guard motioned for him to roll down his window and show identification. After examining the man’s paperwork, the guard stared daggers at him and made a dreaded inquiry about his religious affiliation:

        “Tell me, then: Are ye Catholic, or are ye Protestant?”

        The aid worker started to tremble and sweat. He wasn’t sure which answer was safe to give, because he wasn’t sure if he was in a Catholic-majority area or a Protestant one. A “wrong” answer could cost him his life. Seeing the guard clutching the gun tucked into his belt, the man decided on a whim that he should just be honest.

        “Uh — I’m — I’m, uh… (gulp) I’m Jewish.”

        Wouldn’t you know, the guard gave him back his paperwork and signaled to let him go.

        For the first time ever in his life, let alone that of his father and grandfather (a Holocaust survivor), it was the “right” answer… that didn’t get him beat to a pulp.

        • Hiss

          I visited Belfast during the Troubles (researching a book). One thing I remember was that there were no public toilets downtown, because toilet bombs, I guess. It limited one’s tea drinking.

    • “God Lobbyists.” Bad 80s punk band.

    • Ellie

      That’s because you didn’t grow up in a Catholic v Protestant neighborhood where each knew the other was praying all wrong and were headed straight for hell.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁
        • Ellie

          One of my favorite scenes.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I actually grew up in a town with a tiny minority of Catholics, of which my family was one, and a huge majority of Protestants, and absolutely every Catholic family sent their children to the Catholic School except for me and one other girl. We two went to the public school – the same public school in fact, which oddly enough was right across the street from the Catholic school. This happened because both our mothers had discovered that the nuns at the Catholic School were abusive, and they discovered this just in time to not send us there. The subject of religion never came up once with any teachers or students at any time from K-12, probably because we just weren’t interested, but I did have one confrontation on the subject with the principal when I was about 9, which I won. But that was the 60’s in a Midwestern college town … my cousins in NYC had very different experiences.

    • Lord Jim

      Fundiegelicals are tediously arrogant. And about as self-aware as a ball-peen hammer. And not a lot smarter.

      • NellCote71

        Ball-peen hammers at least have a purpose.

  • Widdle Kim

    If you’re trying to quit smoking avoid all comment threads.

    • Ya gotta never read the comments unless you are feeling zen. Or nearly dead and have no fucks to give

    • anon_the_great

      Smokin wha?

      • Widdle Kim

        Most anything….when you’re going through that crabby phase.

    • WilbyToad

      Which is why comments and pants aren’t allowed here. A person should be unfettered in making important life decisions.

      Pass the bong.

    • Funny, I was trying to smoke more…

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        But are you enjoying it less?

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        They didn’t clarify if they meant tobacco.

        Also upfist for the user name!

    • NellCote71

      But does not reply to drinking, right?

      • Widdle Kim

        Depends if you’re a real lush. If you are when you stop you’re going to get the shakes. Which will lead to random pressing of the shift key, which, it would seem, can lead to some pretty nasty online smackdowns.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          On my computer it turns on Stickey Keys.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            On mine sticky keys are always enabled. I have to stop eating lunch at my desk.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    CAPS LOCK Bob sounds exactly like my psycho alcoholic drug-addict cousin Eric, the one who tried to kill his mother so he could inherit her house. He writes just like him. It’s scary to think there are two people out there who write like that. I’m guessing there are thousands of them, what a scary thought. We don’t need a Zombie Apocalypse, we already have one in the form of all the brain dead CAPS LOCK morons already walking around.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
    • gallbladder

      I really do hate him with the passions.

      • bupkus231

        The thing is, he and the rest of the mouth-breathing right think this is a “valid” question, when it’s more in the mode of the “Do you walk to work or carry your lunch?”

        Somehow, a non-sequitur is all they can come up with.

        • precisely. You cannot argue when the premise stated is “What is worse, a hand shake with a plague victim or purple?”
          there is no there, there

          • puredog

            Well, I think purple’s great, so I got that one right, I think.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        He isn’t worth hatred. Contempt at best.

        • TJ Barke

          It all sort of blurs together.

      • TJ Barke

        He’s such a mendacious fucking prick. Every single fuckng argument he makes, every single one, is made in bad faith.

    • Look at me! I am still relevant!!!!

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        He still does the rubber chicken circuit. He got invited to the Lincoln Day Dinner that the Washoe County Republicans hold here in Reno (Douglas County, Nevada had to settle for Joe Arpaio for theirs).

      • OrG

        Um….still?

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      Well, for one, only one of them is taxpayer funded state-sponsored propaganda. But you do you, D’Felon.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Someone did say that, only for a RWNJ to respond “that doesn’t answer the question, because I pay for stuff I don’t want argle bargle”.

        • Because that makes sense.

        • Martini A, very stable genius

          I like how fiscal responsibility goes right out the window for fascist fun-time.

          • NellCote71

            Debt ceiling requests to reclaim its time, Mr. Chairman.

    • SisterArtemis

      Gee Dinesh, could it be that Teh Gays organize ourselves, and Trump is asking for someone else to parade to stroke his ego?

    • Parakeetist

      Does he even know that there are gay people in the military?

    • Daniel

      Why is the right in favour of bombing children but not educating them?

      • Ellie

        To be fair, they’re also in favor of starving them and letting them die of preventable disease.

    • DrBigHead

      Maybe because we are not a third world dictatorship (allegedly)?

    • anon_the_great

      Cos Pride is fun you fuckin dipshit

      • eggs ackly-wright

        And doesn’t cost millions of dollars.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Except for maybe all the costumes.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Which aren’t paid for by taxpayers.
            Though I myself wouldn’t object if they were.

    • OrG

      Another idiot I probably would be blissfully ignorant of if not for Wonkette.
      Thanks?

      • Ellie

        He thinks anti-colonialism is bad, which always makes me wonder why he isn’t campaigning to dissolve the US government and go home to Mother England. Land of Hope and Glory…

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          So he hates Gandhi?

          • Ellie

            One assumes so.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            Some “patriot” he is…

        • Querolous

          First we need to graduate.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      This guy is of course speaking out of the sort of ignorance a never served person is steeped in.

    • Lord Jim

      The military is not in support of a military parade. Ergo the military is a bunch of lefty loonies who are out to Code Red you. Suck it D’Floozy.

    • Red Richmond

      The same reason we support you being in jail dinesh, it’s just the natural order- gay folks get pride parades, military folks get holidays where we honor their sacrifices, and you get jail time for being a rancid fraudulent piece of shit.

    • Daniel

      D’Souza: the left is Nazis!
      Also D’Souza: why does the left hate massive military parades?!

      • TJ Barke

        That’s weird, cuz I’m pretty sure all the nazis are pro trump…

    • eyelashviper

      Cause even those stilleto heels don’t put holes in the road, like tanks…DUH!!

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        You said it better : )

    • Nounverb911

      Denise, you want a parade, you pay for it…. CRICKETS…. that’s what I thought, SO STFU.

    • TundraGrifter

      Well, one reason might be that folks in the various Gay Parades get to choose whether or not they participate. Members of the US Military would be ordered to parade – when almost all of them would much rather be doing something else. Almost anything else.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        “Are you sure the paint on the hull doesn’t need to be scraped off and redone, sir?”

    • NellCote71

      Cuter outfits?

      • Canned Covfefe

        I don’t know. Remember the Village People?

    • therblig

      shit shitheads say.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Because Gay Parades are fabulous, and don’t cost millions and don’t crush our streets.

  • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

    OT: I’m late to the show with this, but Planet Earth 2 is great! I’m watching with my daughter (she’s sickly today) and we’re having a terrific time.

    Except, you guys, I did not know this but ROME IS COATED IN STARLING POOP.

    • wha?

    • gallbladder

      Agent Starling poop?

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Jodie Foster libelz.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        That wasn’t poop on her sleeve from Midge

    • Daniel

      Cloaca maxima.

    • Shanzgood (17 Days!)
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I’m Ugly Americaning this, and I don’t care. Rome is not clean. It reminded me of NYC in the 1970’s. It’s a wonder, everyone should see it, but you aren’t in Kansas.

      • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

        I’m in Kansas!

        • Daniel

          I advise you to wear shiny red shoes then. You may need to click them together later.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            To return or to leave?

        • Resistor Radio

          Is someone talking shit about Kansas? Do I need to step up and knock some heads? (Why yes, I have had a couple beers, why do you ask?

          • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

            Nah, it’s all good, thanks!

          • Resistor Radio

            Lol, just checking in. I have a t-shirt from my KU days that reads “Kansan by birth, Jayhawk by the grace of god”

      • Notreelyhelping

        Rome and New York have a lot in common: nothing should work, but it still does.

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        True. I went to Rome in 2007 and found it full of dog scat because they do not clean up after their dogs. I wrapped all my shoes in plastic grocery bags before packing, for disinfecting when I got home.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Clarice?

    • therblig

      even the vatican?

      holy shit!

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        ISWYDT

      • eggs ackly-wright

        New Poop.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Fun fact – some idiots in the 1890’s brought European Starlings over to the U.S. and released them into the wild in the belief that European flora and fauna should be spread to the Americas. Hence why we have European Starlings, house sparrows, and brook trout.

      • Daniel

        But no coconuts.

        • Canned Covfefe

          Sads.

        • Toomush Stability

          However, rhubarb!…

          • Canned Covfefe

            Happies.

      • SHIFT KEY BITCH

        Brown trout (Salmo trutta) is the introduced one, although its anadromous cousin, the Atlantic salmon, Salmo salar, is indigenous to both sides of the Atlantic.

        “Brookies”, Salvelinus fontinalis, are native to the eastern US and Canadania.

        /salmonid nerd

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          This is what happens when I use a bird site to read about fish.

          • SHIFT KEY BITCH

            True story: We always used to razz dad “aboot” his Canadianisms, like spelling “color” with a “u” …

            One time there was a bird we hadn’t seen in the tree outside, which father proclaimed to be a “char”, like the ones he’d seen growing up in Saskatchewan; we never let him hear the end of it after we looked it up and discovered a char is a kind of Arctic trout.

      • DAT

        Dandelions. Those Europeans, in the 1600s, brought dandelions over to cultivate in their gardens for food and medicine.

        • Canned Covfefe

          They are tasty AND happy-making.
          Edit: ok the tasty thing involves bacon and sugar.

          • DAT

            What’s tasty? Europeans marinated in dandelion wine?

      • yyyaz

        Russian thistle too, aka tumbleweed.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        How did Kilgore Trout get here?

    • Toomush Stability

      I know that about Rome, but I wrote good poems there, anyway…

    • PubOption

      Have you seen the bobbit worm episode yet? Some people in the UK said that it was the scariest thing that they had seen on TV, in some time.

      • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

        No, I’ve only seen about 4-5 eps.

    • spangled

      Omg the baby lizards being chased by the snakes? Most thrilling horror movie of the year.

      • Canned Covfefe

        Aaaaacccckkkk!

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      I just watched that yesterday. Seems like it might be a hassle to be out and about when the million or so starlings are returning for the evening and shatting on everything!

  • anon_the_great

    Bob 1 is a joker, a smoker, a late night toker

    Bob 2 is a terrifying tweeker

    And now you know the difference.

  • Lord High theCryptofishist

    I don’t know where I put my glasses last night, so I’ve been squinting at the screen to read this.

    • WilbyToad

      Ctrl +++++

    • doktorzoom

      THANK CROM FOR CAPSLOCK AND BOLD, HUH?

      • Martini A, very stable genius

        Did you hold the Bold key down to type that?

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Where’s the damn Any key?!?

      • Resistor Radio

        Caps lock is for cucks, bro

        • tehbaddr

          Really so beta!

        • SHIFT KEY BITCH

          YOU SAID IT COMRADE

    • eyelashviper

      I keep a very large magnifying thingie nearby, very Sherlock Holmesy.

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        Gave a magnifying glass to my dad on Father’s Day. He loved it.

    • tehbaddr

      You can embiggen it, if you can see enough to find the settings menu.

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        Is it wrong that I embiggen and also too wear glasses?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not to worry, you’ll find your glasses in the last place you look.

    • tehbaddr

      That’s why I always keep a monocle handy, well that and just pure style!
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f99bfb88b9accd038678ea49f38bf05775084dd9f8494773eb5595f89b1b6fb3.jpg

  • Resistor Radio

    I’m sorry to encourage them, but “keep your bitch mouth shut” also gave me a giggle. Oh the SFB, a Sunday tradition.

  • tehbaddr

    “Croonies”, I think I got that one time from banging this Punk Rock singer Riot Grrl!

  • Ellie

    Oh, this is what I get for taking a nap…I miss tons of good stuff. I am thinking of changing my nym to I HOLD THE SHIFT KEY BITCH, but then I’d have to explain to everyone why I did it. Perhaps I’ll just change to Ellie: Not a naturalized citizen.

    • Toomush Stability

      I know. Here I was happily mudding the addition ceiling, listening to my Pandora Lightning Hopkins station, and look at what I missed!…

      • Canned Covfefe

        I bow in your general direction! I’m slow but a decent mudder on walls and corners but ceilings hard. Unless I’m patching plaster and then I shine but I’m still slow.

    • I hold the shift key Ellie would work :D

    • SHIFT KEY BITCH

      Seems like a plan …

  • BloviateMe

    Second Bob absolutely brightened my day, I giggled a lot.

    Can we keep him? I’ll clean up after him and take him for walks and stuff.

    • eyelashviper

      OK, but if he begins shrill yapping, it’s over.

      • BloviateMe

        If he does, I’ll tell him to KEEP HIS BITCH MOUTH SHUT.

        • eyelashviper

          aND brake that there CAPS lock keymajibber.

          • NellCote71

            Duh. He doesn’t cap lock, remember. So I guess we have to break his fingers.

            Yes, sigh, with votes.

          • AuntyMaude

            just the pinkies

          • Celtic_Gnome

            When writing fiction, the first thing I do is enter each character’s first and last names without capitalization and then with capitalization in QuickCorrect so I don’t have to mess with the damned shift key all the time.

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      Ooh, sorry. I’ve already taken him to that “farm” in “the county” to frolic in the fields with the other retired SFB’s.

      • BloviateMe

        Dang it!

        Well, at least he gets to yell about stuff with a pack of his own kind.

        Bitch.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I hope you had him neutered first.

  • IMPOed
    • gallbladder

      Fuck. That.

      • YaJagoff

        FUCK THEM!

    • eyelashviper

      They ALREADY own the schools, all that charter shit, home skoolin’ and funding universities to control the curriculum.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      They will be dead soon, and their worthless spawn only care about partying and making ugly shirts. Their fortune will be dissipated in another generation. The damage they do, however, will last much longer. We need to bring back the 90% tax bracket so fuckers like these find other hobbies and keep lower profiles.

      • AuntyMaude

        Yes, thank you. That 90% tax bracket was the bomb dig making the playing field much less tilted than it is today. In fact without it, the field is tilted at a 90 degree angle.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          They got around it and nobody actually paid it- but it encouraged the bastards to keep a lower profile.

    • OrG

      These motherfuckers right here actually DO what wingnuts THINK George Soros does.

      • SHIFT KEY BITCH

        Classic fascist projection.

    • TootsStansbury

      These guys are unelected so do we have to do the with votes thing?

      • IMPOed

        Last chance, November 6th…

        • TootsStansbury

          For the Kochs I was thinking the tumbrel, without any votes.

          • IMPOed

            Oh, Yes, THIS!! Oops, Cap Locks, my bad!!

  • Nounverb911

    OT

    Poor, poor Fox snowflakes upset their pals Nazi rally was protested by protesters at U Dub’s Red Square…

    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/962757933426708482

    • Boy, nazis keep crying about demanding a safe space for themselves. Weird

      • gallbladder

        Hitler would be appalled.

      • TJ Barke

        We can’t let these motherfuckers paradox of tolerance us all into FEMA camps.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        They could have one if Reagan didn’t shut down all the mental institutions. I guess they’ll just have to settle for prison.

    • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

      I think they’re a bunch of shits for holding this rally during Black History Month, for which some events were cancelled due to safety concerns for the POC attending them.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        A reminder: A grand total of 0 Republicans attended President Obama’s commemoration of the 50th Anniversary of the March on Washington in 2013.

        ZERO.

        That should tell you all you need to know about the “moral compass” of the GOP.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          That it is non-existent?

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            Bingo.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      The write up from The Stranger is pretty good.

    • TJ Barke

      Republican Patriots’ Prayer Rally is a lot of words to say Nazi rally.

  • TundraGrifter

    Sounds to me like Bob Barnes wants to get his rock off.

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    Deport all Trump supporters to Siberia and DDoS Russia’s internet into oblivion.

    That’ll learn them. Problem solved.

    • gallbladder

      Also too, I hear they don’t allow caps lock over there.

      • Gosala

        They do have com locks though.

        Alright, alright, I’m leaving — sheesh!

        • gallbladder

          Tough crowd today.

          • CripesAmighty

            Try the veal.

        • CripesAmighty

          ‘In Putin Russia, caps lock YOU!’ (up).

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            Ctrl Alt Right Delete.

            Shift Ctrl Left.

          • Gosala

            Ooooh…. that’s a goodie!

        • stablegeniusahughes798

          Bazinga!

      • SHIFT KEY BITCH

        NO PROBLEMA

  • Toomush Stability

    I’m starting to hear a lot of “I hate Trump, but Hillary I couldn’t stand, so evil!” talk. I suspect it comes from the folks who threw their vote away, or pushed the trump button at the last minute….

    • NellCote71

      Or they were secret Trump supporters all along but didn’t vocally support him because of the impropriety? Naaahh. I joke.

    • Just like with W.
      In five years it will be I never voted for Trump, ever!

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        65,000,000 voted for him, but in 10 years you’ll be damned if you can find any of ’em.

        • Cletus Safari
        • DrBigHead

          His approval rating is going up, though. I suspect the majority of the people who voted for him have no regrets. Even if their lives are going down the shitter because of his policies.

          • OutOfOrbit

            They been told bad is never tRumpsterfire’s fault

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            They don’t care. We’re talking about a suicide cult here. If they die of dysentery because Trump reverted the whole country to a LARP of Oregon Trail, that’s good, because Jesus is calling them home. If libs die, it’s because they’re going to hell. 62 million people are holding the country hostage in a murder-suicide situation and there really is no way out of it.

          • DrBigHead

            The right has done an astonishingly good job of defining the “other” that is the target of their hatred, and don’t for one minute believe that many of them are not motivated largely by hate. Gotta be someone. Right now it is libs.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            “Libs” being a catch-all dogwhistle term for not just Democratic Party politicians but their historically and presently marginalized and disadvantaged constituents. And not just American “libs” either but everywhere else in the world. None of them, including Junior, can vote in Canada. But they hate Trudeau because he’s a “lib” — and then cue the pitchfork mob calling him antigay slurs and wailing about Muslims. Same with Macron, same with Merkel. They’ve been tacking parentheses on her name for years just because she was from the former East Germany.

            Obama was right, but Obama wasn’t white. He kicked a hornet’s nest with his “god, guns and gays” statement but he hit the nail on the head. After him it was on to go “Pillory Hillary” again. And they say “identity politics” isn’t a thing? I guess not when you blanket-condemn everyone who isn’t an ultra-conservative WASP heterosexual “red-blooded American” male, it is…

            Was Martin Niemöller “guilty” of “identity politics” too?

            First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
            Because I was not a Socialist.

            Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
            Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

            Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
            Because I was not a Jew.

            Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

          • Rooster Cogburn105
          • Approval rating went up on one set of polls. The over all trend remains rather flat.

          • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

            All that’s going up, according to the polls that even show him going up, is his approval among Republicans. He is not gaining among Democrats and independents.

          • LadyLaz

            Moonnezzz!

    • Ninja0980

      Both parties are the same fools or ashamed Trump voters, both of whom can go to hell.

    • spangled

      It’s so fucking weird. You don’t have to love her or anything, but what has she done that was even a tenth as evil as his everyday?

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        She had a vagina. That is just the worst!

        • YaJagoff

          But I like vaginas!

          • Canned Covfefe

            One of the many reasons you have joined in, I’m sure.

          • YaJagoff

            Yes, one of many.

      • Toledo Window Box

        Every day, all day, the TV was telling America “Hillary BAD!”

        • OutOfOrbit

          You got it

        • Canned Covfefe

          Well first of all she chose to work while also first lady of Arkansas. It’s been all down hill from their.

      • Toomush Stability

        I know. And if you ask them, they won’t tell you, even if you give them hopeful clues….

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        She wore pants?

        • Bad Tom

          Pant suits. Infinitely worse. For some reason.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        She was a victim of a decades long smear campaign by a wealthy jerk named Richard Mellon Scaife. who, not coincidentally, was a Koch buddy. https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2008/02/scaife200802

        • CripesAmighty

          Not to mention all the ‘Arkansas Project’ hicks, hacks and ratfuckers (Lucianne and Jonah Goldberg, et al.) who were absolutely livid at the uppity boy whut done got all that edumacation and think he’s so SMRT and better than us an marryin’ that Yankee lady, an…

          • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

            Also too, the Sulzbergers had a real scunner against Bill and Hillary, and lent the New York Times to bizarre reporting like Jeff Gerth’s Whitewater coverage (most of which has had to be, as they say in Congress, “revised and extended,” since it was largely bullshit, just like their Clinton Foundation reporting in 2016).

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I will look that up, thanks.

    • BigCSouthside

      Hillary Clinton has had an enitire hostile party backed by a 24 hr propaganda machine after her for 30 years and she’s never so much as been indicted. So evil

      • just_jim

        Yeah. She’s either unusally honest for a politician, or the smartest supervillian ever. Either way I’d rather have her working for us.

    • Ellie

      I don’t listen at all. I don’t love Hillary Clinton. I didn’t when she was “First Lady,” I didn’t when she carpetbagged her way into the NY Senate race, or any other time. I don’t have to LIKE her to vote for her, or to recognize that she’s a thousand percent better than her opponent (in the case of Rick Lazio – she was one million times better than Cadet Bone Spurs). So all those people who voted for Cadet BS because they didn’t “like” Hillary can kiss my big blue butt.

      • TJ Barke

        Indeed.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        So help us flip the House.

    • eyelashviper

      Hillary was smart and ambitious, and never hid it, which put her on the hate list of many. When she was in the WH, she was involved, used her brain, and dared to say what she thought, a real crime to the right wing cry babies.
      I never actually liked her, as she came across as thorny and self righteous at times, but I admired her, and saw how tough she was, and that she never gave up.
      To this day, the Purity Ponies continue to whine that she would have been WORSE than the Shitgibbon, all war-mongery and stuff like that.

      • Ask them how, exactly.
        How would she have been worse, and they have to show their work and give actual examples

        • Toomush Stability

          That’s the thing. They won’t say why, just growl and make noises…

        • eyelashviper

          Dontcha know, she killed 89 people so far, had baby slaves in pizza ovens, and sent emails.

        • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

          ^^THIS

      • CripesAmighty

        THIS! On a personal level, I found her grating, (as early as the early 90s when she spoke at on of our events), but I’m not hiring somebody cuz I like em, and I always thought she brought the goods. Sold from day one.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        A lot of people didn’t like Hillary personally, but I always told them “She doesn’t want to be invited to dinner at your house or marry your son, she wants to govern the country. Can she maybe do that even though she will never be your best friend?”

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Its the ones that dont want to admit they voted for Trump and want to blame Hillary instead.

      https://twitter.com/smartflexin/status/944719448241528833

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Look. Hillary is not (and was not) the problem.
      Hillary got the most votes.
      I still think she would have won had Comey not done his press conference just before the election.
      All the Russia stuff may or may not have swung the election. We don’t know.

      Now, we have work to do between now and November to flip the House. When you hear people get mealy-mouthed (as my Grandmere would say), remind them about the change they can help in November.

  • ken_kukec

    Dang, Dok, remind me never to cross you in print.

    • Recommended: Never cross Dok in cursive, either

      • DrBigHead

        That’s only for us olds. They don’t even teach cursive anymore.

        • Toomush Stability

          I’m old and don’t even know how to make my computer do cursive…

        • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

          True story. My mom bought a digital pen that could not decipher her handwriting, because too much cursive. But she could not write block letters fast enough. So back to the store it went.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Cursive, or cursing, or both?

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Dok is a Doctor of Rhetoric. He can remove your will to live with is scalpel sharp penstrokes or keystrokes faster than a Doctor of Medicine and a mole.
      Thank the Hairy Thunderer, or Cosmic Muffin that he uses his powers for good.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        I bet Dok and Robyn (the whole crew really) could boil Jordan McLobsterdick in a pot of boiling votes debate points. Not that it would convert his cult or anything, but at least might get the wafflers to see that he’s a silver-tongued manipulator and not the persecuted genius he pretends to be.

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        Pen Be Mightier Than Sword? Discuss.

  • btwbfdimho

    Colts player killed by illegal ==> shut the border
    Heather Heyer killed by white supremacists in Charlottesville ==> he didn’t even mention her name during the SOTUS.

    • Nounverb911

      12+ School shooting so far this year…. Bupkis
      58 Dead from LV shooter… Bupkis.
      and list goes on

      • gallbladder

        Fucking hell, baked fresh daily.

        • tehbaddr

          Always fresh started rising ready to go!

    • TJ Barke

      White-Right terrorism is fine.

      • harryr

        No such thing as “White-Right terrorism”

        • TJ Barke

          Not officially, no.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      If Ill Eagle kills a black NFL player, who is also A Thug, does the crime cancel out? Asking for a friend.

  • TootsStansbury

    “The Truth” should change its username to “Hence Why”.

    • Toomush Stability

      or ” A Guess From My Asshole”…

    • just_jim

      ‘The Truth’ is just proving an internet rule that if your user name denotes some quality, your posting will prove that you are lacking that quality.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Stories in the evening news I’ve teared up about :
    – Plane crash in Russia
    – Arrest of British ISIL fighters (and reactions of victims’ relatives)
    – French mum who killed her daughter sentenced to 20 years in prison
    – French skier tearfully saying “I’m so tired” to journalists after winning Olympic Gold
    – Various people saying “It was hell” “It was an ordeal” in a report about why French schoolchildren are bad at maths.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Take the time.
      Lent starts Wednesday. A good time to reorganize and rededicate.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        If Lent starts Wednesday then it must be Mardi Gras time in New Orleans. I heard a good joke about New Orleans when I lived there.
        Question: Why is New Orleans sinking?
        Answer: It’s the weight of all the beads people catch and then store in their attics.
        Could be partly true.

        • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

          It could happen.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Funny! I’d never heard it.. As kids we would sort and bundle used beads to be sold to Krewes the next year. Carnival started Jan. 6 (as always), Mardi Gras is Tuesday.

  • Parakeetist

    Go to the Kitten Academy live stream. They’re all lying in a pile, asleep, now. Sigh. It is so squee, you will drift off into space.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9VO7X_q9nw

    • Suse

      Pummy just returned. Sigh…

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      “MAWM IT NOT BAF TIME!”

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I’m watching them sleep in a pile. One of them has the hiccups.

    • LadyLaz

      We love de kittehs!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Well rats, I had scrolled way down without pausing the video stream, and then I heard kitten squeaks and had to scroll back up and see what they were doing because who can resist kitten squeaks?

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      I showed the live stream to my niece (age 9) so she could add it to her rotation.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Thanks Dok.
    No real comment today.
    Montery Pop is on TCM. Just watched Hugh Masakela and Janus.
    Waiting for Jimi.

    • eyelashviper

      Simply the best.
      I just love Ravi Shanker at the end.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Live stream or TV?

  • CripesAmighty

    Catholics pray wrong. Well, duh. Ever’body knows this the right way: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9b58afe36e205566965491bdaceeff4af3ccc7817b62b682223ca6b54e0ddf61.gif

    • Toomush Stability

      Behold the Power of my Sports Jacket!…

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        Or Blazer? [From argument during the week when helping @TX pick out work clothes]

    • BigCSouthside

      God we are stupid apes

      • TJ Barke

        Waddya mean “we”?

    • Daniel

      Well I’m sorry but I don’t pray that way.

      • CripesAmighty

        Heathen!

        • Daniel

          I’m very sceptical of people like this preacher who claim their own sanctity. I see halo and wave goodbye.

      • I would run from him.

        • yyyaz

          Touch me, baby.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Mad Coat Skills, much respect. Probably needs to go to a good dry cleaners afterwards

  • Master Contrail Program

    Bob’s enmity with those under rocks began with a simple misunderstanding. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55bf441c42c18ca56496fbda082baf20933a84616f1872dead622f10310db04c.gif

  • tehbaddr

    These Bob 1 and Bob 2 fellows are like Bob 1 and Bob 2 from Devo! Except they are from the SMRT patrol, not The Smart Patrol !!!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Or the Bob’s from office space.

      • tehbaddr

        Hmmm didn’t catch that. “What exactly would you say it is you do here?”.

    • Suse
      • Bobathonic

        My role models!

  • WilbyToad

    N.Y. Teamsters form ‘sanctuary union’ to fight ICE agents

    On Aug. 24, Teamster Eber Garcia Vasquez, 54, a married father of three U.S.-born children, was detained by immigration agents when he showed up for a routine annual appointment.

    Shipped first to a Bergen County jail in New Jersey, then to Louisiana, Garcia was whisked back to his home country of Guatemala roughly 10 days later — despite a clean criminal record and two pending green card applications for him, one from his U.S. citizen wife and another from his son.

    Furious Teamsters picketed outside 26 Federal Plaza in lower Manhattan, demanding Garcia be returned home. “We were all appalled at what happened to Eber,” Teamsters Joint Council 16 President George Miranda told the Daily News at a sanctuary training meeting last week.

    “Eber is part of our family — we in the Teamsters rely on each other to get through the tough times,” he said.

    by GINGER ADAMS OTIS / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
    http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/n-y-teamsters-form-sanctuary-union-fight-ice-agents-article-1.3813201

    • Fucking sick. Both wife and son citizens…what the fuck?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        He’s brown, that’s all they care about.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Another reason Republicans hate unions…

    • gallbladder

      Go ahead, Drumpf, piss off the Teamsters. Let’s see how far you get with all that MAGA bullshit then.

      • NellCote71

        Ticking off the CIA, the FBI AND the Teamsters? The year of living dangerously.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Say, where is Jimmy Hoffa?

    • NATOist

      My Teamster relatives are the biggest Trump cultists I know.

      • Wait until he kills all the unions.
        Then ask them how that works for em

        • NATOist

          HITLERY KILLINTON!!!!!!!111

        • OutOfOrbit

          They’ll be told to blame someone else

        • Daniel

          You mean “wait for Obama to kill all the unions”.

          • Canned Covfefe

            Does that time machine ever g get a rest?

    • Canned Covfefe

      Yay! As a secondary benifit i see this side a way to help improve how unions are viewed. At least for those in the middle and on the left.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      You do NOT piss off the Teamsters.

  • guppy06

    (Now we’ll sit back and wait for a new Deleted Commenter to show up and
    say “NO THE CONSTITUTION DOES NOT LET FOREIGNS VOTE,”

    Uh, actually yeah it does. 99% of who can and cannot vote is left as a state matter. If a state decides to let ill eagles vote (for members of the most populous chamber of its state legislature), that’s that.

    • Jack Has a Memo!!!!

      Interesting! Thank you! :)

    • eyelashviper

      Did not know that. I am gonna start a petition to give alligators the vote here in Floriduh. They would do a far better job of governing than Gopers. (Free fish and raw chicken!)

  • CriticalDragon1177

    “Hillary & Obama for Gitmo…”
    So take it that Bob Stone doesn’t believe in due process?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Oddviously

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Only when it comes to Trump and then its “bitches be lying”

    • Cletus Safari

      He’s probably one of those people who is absolutely convinced that THERE IS TOO SOLID EVIDENCE, DAMMIT, that they are crooks and it’s all being covered up by Demoncraps and RINOs, all paid off by Soros.

      (Those of you playing Wingnut Bingo at home should be able to cover a few more squares from that comment. You’re welcome.) ^_^

    • gallbladder

      I hear that Roland Freisler was his great uncle.

      • CriticalDragon1177

        Sorry I don’t even know who you’re talking about.

        • gallbladder

          Apologies. He was a Nazi jurist.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Never heard of him. I think its safe for me to assume he was a bad guy. Are we talking Nazi Germany or was he someone who was later found out to be a Nazi long after the war was over?

          • gallbladder

            Indeed, he was most definitely a bad guy and the personification of “kangaroo court.”

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Did you ever hear of Judge Jeffries, AKA “The Hanging Judge”, who sentenced hundreds of rebels to die in England in 1685 after the Monmouth Rebellion? Freisler was worse than Jeffries.

          • Johnatx

            Third Reich. Kangaroo court. No chance for any meaningful defense. Pure show trials. 8th Air Force bombing raid of Berlin in 1945 hit the building in which “trials” were held and killed him – and not with votes

          • Captain Kraut

            A rare example of precise targeting.

            Freisler was disturbingly passionate in his rants/verdicts and filled with an unholy certainty. It really is a remarkably apt comparison for many of your current idiots.

        • Daniel

          Hitler’s hanging judge.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Well, it makes sense that I’ve never heard of him than, since I’m no expert on the WW2 era.

          • Canned Covfefe

            You know who else…. Oh forget it.

    • Jamoche

      “The cops wouldn’t have arrested them if they weren’t guilty.”

      • Notreelyhelping

        “As all the cops are criminals
        And all the sinners saints”
        —Revelations

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Ah, yes, Judge Roy Bean’s Commentaries on the Common Law.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Wait, was Bob Stone the one coming about the under the rock thing?
      I might be willing to be under the Rock.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        You can fucking well get in line, then.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      Only for sex offenders.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Eh, I just blocked Troll Stone from his first comment and continued reading the rest. He was a pretty lame troll. I really have no tolerance for stoopid these days.

  • Jack Has a Memo!!!!

    “NO THE CONSTITUTION DOES NOT LET FOREIGNS VOTE, do you LIBS think I’ve been hiding under A ROCK!”

    I had to. So sorry.

    I actually meant to type “too” there. It just didn’t come out that way.

    • gallbladder

      Someone had to.

      • Cletus Safari

        He got a rock!

        Hey, that’s it! Bob is really Charlie Brown, grown up!

        • gallbladder

          One can only imagine the temperament of Lucy van Pelt by comparison.

          • Cletus Safari

            She dyed her hair after she grew up, and is now known as Ann Coulter.

        • BJW

          Charlie Brown libelz!!!111!!!

      • Jack Has a Memo!!!!

        ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • CriticalDragon1177

      When have any of us “libs” claimed that the constitution lets foreigners vote?

      • Jack Has a Memo!!!!

        Umm. never? It’s in the article here?

      • Captain Kraut

        Well, couldn’t you make an exception just once?

        I’m not a Mexican, so it would be a tad unusual, and admittedly you might have to wait half a year for a new government with my German voting and all that, but it would be so satisfying to finally do something to help correct this whole mess.

  • Jenny

    Shift key all day, every day, baby.

  • Mark Schmidt

    So…Jana /Janna listens only to Trump, and Trump listens only to Fox…and I guess one of the bobs has yet to discover the Capslock feature…and they all are superior to us libtard commies, and thus speak and write in poetics, eschewing grammar and spelling for art’s sake…I guess these people must hold jobs of some sort to afford their laptops, and feel threatened by them job stealing immigrants…Whatever…I would not have your job – wading through their bullshit – for a lot more money than you obviously derive from this site..Will kick in a few bucks out of sympathy.

  • Jack Has a Memo!!!!

    HEY! HEY GUYS! HEY GUYS! HEY YOU GUUYYZZZZ!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_iGaQglnKg

    • gallbladder

      I loved that show as a kid.

      • Jack Has a Memo!!!!

        Me too. That’s the first thing that “HEY GUYS!” guy made me think of.

        I laughed more than usual at this weeks derp. I appreciated it.

      • Ellie

        I loved it as a Mom.

    • Cletus Safari

      Morgan Freeman made such a cool Dracula.

    • Cletus Safari

      Rita Moreno was da shizzit.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Those orange outfits are bringing back the childhood trauma of hand-me-downs.

  • Treg Brown
    • Daniel

      Tin Man and Scarecrow libel!

    • gallbladder

      “7” was not her lucky number.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      On medicare on Social Security as well. You know, those morally repugnant products of the evil nanny-state.

  • nightmoth

    “scumbag Liberal Commies”
    At last!! The Commie slur! I was wondering if the RWNJs would ever use it again, since they are trumpeting the virtues of a scumbag conservative commie-loving traitor.

    • eyelashviper

      When “commie” disappears from insults, we will know that the last old fukwit has passed on into the void.

    • Jay Hansen

      Call me a commie all you want, but DON’T call me a Democrat or a liberal.

      • nightmoth

        Call me anything you want. Just don’t call me late to dinner. LOLOLOL!!!!
        I’ll be here all week, folks. Don’t forget to tip your bartender.

        • Jay Hansen

          Happy hour first, THEN dinner.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Well, golly gee, a white, hetero cis guy is telling minorities what’s really going on with their lives.

    I’m sure that will attract them to his cause.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Some good news on the labor front. Once again proof that an educated working class is harder to oppress.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/09/us/oxford-comma-maine.html

    • eyelashviper

      So, punctuation matters after all?
      How bout CAPS?

      • commatoes

        #allcapsmatter?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    “Holds the shift key…what are you, a hunt ‘n pecker?”

    “NOPE, I’M HUNTIN LIBS AND COMMIES !!!

    • Canned Covfefe

      Shhh, no, I’m huntiin wabbits.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
    • Thiazin Red

      I’m fairly sure Yeoh must have made a deal with Satan, or has a horrible cursed painting in her attic.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      FINISH HIM

  • Nounverb911
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      not one with a roundtrip flight though

  • janecita
  • NATOist
    • gallbladder

      Pulled after complaints. This is where we are today.

      • IMPOed

        Just who the Fuck thought Thought that was a good idea?

        • NATOist

          Some teacher who read The Bell Curve once and thinks they’re a genius.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          That was my thought. Some adult must have reviewed this pile o’poo. This could have been a teachable moment to explain to the student that
          1. Not science
          2. Debunked years ago
          3. What the everloving fuck is this kid reading or hearing or watching?

          • NATOist

            You can find The Bell Curve in any library, and enough half assed regurgitation of it on YouTube.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Oh FFS how was this even “science”? An “internet IQ test”?

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Donnie 2 scoops got the highest score in history, believe me!

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I predict a lucrative future for these kids in the “human biodiversity” YouTube wingnut welfare sphere along with Jordan Peterson, Stefan Molyneux, and Grandpa Bellend himself, Charles Murray. Scientific racism is teh cool new meme.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        New and exciting scientific and logical fallacies to play to insecure white people’s confirmation bias!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The comment section of that article is all the proof you need that there are PLENTY of low IQ white people out there…

    • JohnBull

      I won’t read the comments, but I’m guessing around 75% are asking why we need public schools at all. Why should our kids be better educated than us?

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Man, the stuff I deal with for criticizing Jeanne Ives on Twitter and seeking an apology for how she represented trans people. Hehe.

  • Suse

    This is good news for Hair Furor!

    Japanese scientists may have discovered a cure for baldness—and it lies within a chemical used to make McDonald’s fries.

    A stem cell research team from Yokohama National University used a “simple” method to regrow hair on mice by using dimethylpolysiloxane, the silicone added to McDonald’s fries to stop cooking oil from frothing.

    Preliminary tests indicated that the groundbreaking method was likely to be just as successful when transferred to human skin cells.

    • nightmoth

      Maybe I’ll start rubbing McDonald’s fries on my husband’s head.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Be good if tRump dunked his head into a McDonald’s French fry fryer

    • Master Contrail Program

      So long time McFry cooks end up having forearms like Robin Williams?

    • TootsStansbury

      Gee, your pate smells delicious. Terrific, not delicious, jeeze I are a idiot.

  • tehbaddr

    Also a Croonie too! In addition to Old Blue Eyes posted by Proudgrampa below, though more modern.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OFpfTd0EIs

    • proudgrampa

      proudgrampa approves.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    “Bob” sounds like one of those guys that still refuses to drive an automatic transmission.
    One thing you can say for him: He ain’t shiftless…

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I also imagine him with a car ash tray full of cigar butts.

      • gallbladder

        AM radio and fan with windows rolled up mid-summer.

      • SDGeoff3

        I picture a butt full of cigars.

    • Canned Covfefe

      Hey! I love my standard.. except when I broke my left foot. Then I loved my friends who loaned me a Prius.

    • Justin Thyme

      ya mean LIBERAL automatic transmission.

    • Hiss

      Hey, I prefer standard transmissions. It has nothing to do with one’s politics. I also drive a pickup truck, also too.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        May not specifically have a political connection, but the ones I’v heard say it were all redneck types, even the ones who were “city folk”. Their point is they don’t want the transmission “doin’ the drivin’ for me”, and that’s a quote. I perfer a stick, too, though I’ve had an auto for 10 years now. There are situations–most common in winter in snow country–where a stick will get you home, but a Slip-n-Slide Powerglide will strand your ass.
        Oh, and trucks, yeah. Haven’t owned a car since the early ’70s. Can’t haul shit in a Toyota…

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Holding down the shift key while typing his comments is about all the multi-tasking the guy can manage.

  • wait! what?

    KaC admits that Donald is very disturbed.

    • gallbladder

      When you’ve lost Cheney and Conway…

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Is KaC leaving the White House soon?

      • wait! what?

        She’ll go wherever opiods take here.

        • miss_grundy

          She’ll go wherever they throw more money for her to let idiocy come out of her pie-hole. FIFY.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            So she has a job with Fox?

          • miss_grundy

            Hey, why not? She seems to be a fixture on that channel.

          • Leftflank

            You really had to mention KAC’s piehole.

    • BadKitty904

      Good.

    • miss_grundy

      When did she find out?

  • geoffalnutt

    “I am sick and tired of being told that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told they’re sick and tired. I’m certainly NOT and I’m sick and tired of being told that I am!” Monty Python

  • nightmoth

    That Bob guy got really mad that we found his hiding place.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      He thinks his anger makes him stronger.

      • The Very Stable Librarian

        True that. I have a friend who says her in-laws and family are the same way. Not speaking to someone in the same house for 4 months is also acceptable behavior.

    • TootsStansbury

      I think i pissed that Bob off, he all capsed at me.

      • nightmoth

        Ewwww! Did you get it all washed off?

        • HogeyeGrex

          I’ve heard tomato juice is good for that.

    • BloviateMe

      The Bobs startle easily, but they’ll soon be back, and in greater numbers.

  • Ellie
    • HazooToo

      Omfg, possibly it has something to do with the fact that he violated her fucking baby?! Jesus fucking christ

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Pennsyltucky.

    • LadyLaz

      I don’t think I want to read this story do I?

      • Ellie

        Probably not.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Ew. May their plantar warts have plantar warts, may their gonads shrink and wrinkle, may they be a hissing and a byword for the rest of their days.

  • Stable Uniomist Raan

    “Nancy Pelosi and her Hate America Croonies” would be a good name for a Doo-Wop revival band.

    • BadKitty904
    • Phried Ω

      If only Corey Feldman could sing better.

    • NATOist

      Trey and the Missing Emails – Gowdy’s new alt-folk band that tours college town throughout the Southeast.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      It sounds like a Sonic Youth song.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ggALqsy1mw

    • commatoes

      I love how these self proclaimed “freedom loving free thinkers” have drank the Koolaid and accuse anyone not in lockstep of being treasonous or hating America.

  • Holly

    Says “Scumbag Liberal Commie” like it’s a bad thing (?)

    • gallbladder

      I’m betting they also wear pants. Daily.

      • Holly

        It’s so sad. They don’t know how much fun this is sans pants.

      • SDGeoff3

        They seem the type.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      Covering all bases, some of us will be insulted by the “Liberal” others by the “Commie” and a small number by the “Scumbag”. Not understanding that together it’s a badge of honour.

    • JohnBull

      I’m fine with that. No matter how much he teaches his kids the world is flat, we teachers set ’em straight! Which is why they like us better than they like their parents.

      • Holly

        And I love you for it. I give you upfists/upvotes/upeverythings forever.

  • Michael R
    • Stable Uniomist Raan

      Upside down sky penis, no less.

      • Justin Thyme

        stiff breeze

        • IMPOed

          ‘OOooooooo

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          a happy Zephyrus

          • BloviateMe

            “If you dare breathe one balmy zephyrus more, I’ll fan your cheeks for you.”

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Eh- some point up, some point down, some tack a bit to port…

      • tehbaddr

        Ummm, mebbe you need to see more peni?

        • Stable Uniomist Raan

          ‘Cause the balls are up by Montana.

    • eyelashviper

      No dicks over Florida?
      We sure have plenty on the ground.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I am waiting for the Dickhead Rapture. It will be interesting to see how this affects the population in Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Utah and Texas, not to mention New Jersey.

        • eyelashviper

          My neighborhood will be much improved.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      It looks like it’s having a sword fight with Lake Michigan and winning.

    • Toomush Stability

      How high can you fly?…

    • Holly

      Nice curvature.

    • Leftflank

      The A hole is either Utah or Nevada, maybe both?

  • eyelashviper
    • gallbladder

      I think that number’s a bit low (note the proper use of apostrophe.)

      • BJW

        bUt yOu foRgoT cApitaliZAtion!!11!!

      • Holly

        I give you a gold star for the proper use of apostrophe gallbladder. I give you TWO gold star’s for recognizing that number is “a bit low” – BY A WHOLE FUCKING LOT IT’S A BIT LOW (CAPS LOCK IS FUCKING ON) I felt the need to scream – you’ll excuse me.

    • BadKitty904
    • The Very Stable Librarian

      If these morons can’t give others the shaft one way they’ll do it another. :P

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Well that’s a Who’s Who of misogyny.

      • SDGeoff3

        Nice.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Motherfuckers!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      That list includes McConnell and Rubio and Grassley and Cornyn, of course. And do you know why 22 Republican men voted against the act? Because they objected to provisions covering Native American, undocumented and LGBT victims of domestic violence. I really don’t understand how any sane person can take that position.

      • eyelashviper

        “sane”….

        • SDGeoff3

          Mmm-hmm. Sane

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Aqua Buddha probably objected to it because he doesn’t like big gummint telling sovereign citizens what they can and cannot do.

        The logic of gummint-haters going into politics never ceases to amaze me.

      • Sakonyachen

        Well of course not. You’re sane(allegedly).

    • Toomush Stability

      I love how their stock photos have such revelatory attributes in this context…

      • eyelashviper

        Genuine enthusiasm, zeal even.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I hear there is a White Supremacist Misogynist Racist Homophobic Rapture scheduled for November 6, 2018. How many of these dickheads will disappear? I am counting the days.

      • eyelashviper

        Will it involve wood chippers, also too???

        • Angela Ruzzo

          That can be arranged. Reserve yours now as they will be in short supply.

          • kareemachan

            [makes note to oneself….]

      • commatoes

        AOT, K?

    • Peter Witting

      Gosh, it’s almost as if they all have something in common….I can’t quite put my finger on the similarity though….

    • TootsStansbury

      Who is the black dude and what on earth us wrong with him?

      • CripesAmighty

        Tim Scott, (R-sellout).

      • kareemachan

        Hanger-on dude, I guess.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I can’t find a list of who they all are, and I can’t find a site that lists them. Help?!?!

    • CripesAmighty

      #its time.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Zodiac, Turtle, Lindsay Graham Cracker, the Covfeferate Elf, Marco Roboto, and Aqua Buddha. I don’t know the others but obviously they’re assholes who probably have something to hide too. Why am I not fucking surprised. Oh, but when Ayn Rand Paul gets domestic-assaulted by his neighbor who was fed up with him being a petulant little shit, he wants sympathy. Fuck off, asshole.

    • commatoes

      I see the simultaneously nutty and milquetoast Ron Johnson in there. Can that guy be anymore heinous?

    • Jon Sussex

      This appears to refer to the vote on S 47, the Violence Against Women Reauthorization Act of 2013 that took place on February 12, 2103.

  • Me not sure

    The guy that writes “hence why” needs to alter it to “hence why therefore” to drive his point home with more drivenness.

    • commatoes

      Get thee to a RennFaire!!!

      • Me not sure

        “A plague upon thee!”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I’m going to throw “hence why” into my future non-comments, in hopes that it will become the next “also too” or “Molotov!”

      Why? Hence, that’s why.

      • Me not sure

        That’s an excellent idea. Hence why I agree with you.

  • Thiazin Red

    I’m confused by the ad with Danny Trejo as the barista for the a la carte tv company. The woman playing the customer sounds like shes about to burst into tears. Is that supposed to be appealing? Its been on every single break while I’m watching Planet Earth.

    • HazooToo

      Can you find it on youtube? That sounds really bizarre.

      • thewalkindude
        • HazooToo

          Okay! That WAS really bizarre!

          • kareemachan

            But funny. The ‘two half-shots’ cracked me up.

          • commatoes

            It reminds me a bit of the Oh Henry commercials with the tagline “You’re not you when you’re hungry.”

    • Phried Ω

      I think the hook is Danny Trejo playing a sympathetic hipster-like barista. Casting against type. The waitress isn’t the central theme.

      • Phried Ω

        S’cuse me, not waitress but customer.

      • Juan de Fuca

        The part where he says to the girl “Do you want it in the shape of a broken heart?” cracked me up the first time I saw the commercial.

      • commatoes

        Machete as a barista is about as against type as you can get.

    • Leftflank

      Broken heart

  • LadyLaz

    I got a swipe in on Danna before she was banned. Made me happy.

    • Holly

      You are my new hero!

    • kareemachan

      I ALWAYS MISS THESE – WAAAAH!

  • Cletus Safari

    Since someone earlier in this thread referred to this classic comical-music track:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bsm55SN1PHs

  • chascates
    • eyelashviper

      Life is scarey enough these days, so I stay far from IF, Breitfart, Fox, etc.

      • Phried Ω

        I never much understood masochism as a life-choice.

    • gallbladder

      There are forces in the world who want control of your mind.

      This has to be the most inadvertently astute thing I have ever read on the part of an InfoWars sycophant.

    • Marion in Savannah

      [backs VEEEERY slowly away from the keyboard and heads back to the kitchen]

      • Suse

        I’m going back to bed and hide under the covers!

      • Holly

        Are you going to bake us some chocolate chip cookies? We are in dire need of chocolate chip cookies right about now.

        • Suse

          This ^^^

        • Marion in Savannah

          Did you even need to ask? Here are some chocolate chip cookies, made with 60% Ghirardelli chips, not that Nestle stuff. And also too some spice cookies (they seem to be everybody’s favorites). That comment really cried out for cookies!

          • Holly

            You are simply the very best.

          • Marion in Savannah

            [blush]

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Yes. I am one of those forces.

    • BloviateMe

      “Babies are food for BAAL.”

      I have to admit, I didn’t know we were still doing that. I’ve been slacking.

    • TootsStansbury

      Before the internet, these people were limited by whoever they could buttonhole for a minute.

      • chascates

        And they are so absolutely convinced their madness is real.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        This is true. I asked my dad once what these kinds of people did in his day, and he said they hung out at the pool hall and the Mason’s lodge and the VFW post and spouted their bullshit there, and everyone else ignored them.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Ooh! The Masons’ lodge?!?!? TEH LOOMANATTI IZ IN UR HOMETOWN!!! HAVING SEKRIT WEDDINGS AND RETIREMENT FUNCTIONS!!!!

      • CripesAmighty

        But there was always a stool at the *far* end of the bar for them.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Or they’d stand on a street corner and bellow, and the sane people would cross the street.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Thanks, Gore.

    • CripesAmighty

      Just. So. Dumb.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        “They cannot buy him”

        HAHAHAHAHAHA….

        • commatoes

          To be fair, he is already bought. So it would be more like a transfer of ownership.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I probably should stop by there more often, as it might make me feel somewhat better about being mentally ill myself — at least I’m not that crazy by comparison.

      Or, maybe not. I have zero faith in humanity as it is, and I’d probably suicide after reading half a thread.

      • chascates

        But you’re probably like me. My depression, ADHD, and OCD is something I recognize and can attempt to deal with. They think they’re the sane ones!

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Yeah, that’s the troubling part. Too many legitimate crazies convinced that everyone else is in the wrong. Not to mention there’s probably a ton of anti-vaxers and medical “skeptics” on that board convinced that mental health disorders don’t really exist.

          • chascates

            Or that SSRIs or other meds are responsible for mass killings. 40 mg of Paxil a day removed my desire to kill dozens of people.

            Just down to thinking of 1 or 2 nowadays.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Argh… I got a good hour and a half of infoWars/AlexJones/Xtian Extremist bullshit from a woman I (previously) admired and respected. It took me almost the entire 40 minute drive home to recalibrate and realized that I’m NOT the crazy one. So very freaked out. Not gonna touch that shit with a 10 ft pole.

    • Sakonyachen

      What the everloving Frack is wrong with people?

      • chascates

        I’m thinking it’s mainly white resentment fueled by talk radio, Fox News, and nutjob preachers and politicians.

        This is the best thing on our present predicament I have found:
        https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/insider-explains-rural-christian-white-america-dark-terrifying-underbelly/

        An insider explains how rural Christian white America has a dark and terrifying underbelly

        • willi0000000

          i’ve seen that (as an outsider) . . . had a long fruitless conversation with some folks in Gardiner MT about how few guns Obama had seized since being elected (it was in his second term by then) . . . their take was that, obviously, that was just being lulled into a false sense of security and they weren’t falling for it one bit.

          • chascates

            I’ve heard people say Obama would have rounded up all the guns except for the Sacred NRA. With Obama gone gun manufacturers are having a hard time selling their wares.

          • willi0000000

            so now’s the time for all us liberals to stock up while prices are depressed?

        • Sakonyachen

          This is the exact reason I see so many people clinging to religion. “As long as I have my book, it’s never my fault”. They run with it like it makes sense and get triggered when anyone dares to question it. Then they whine about entitled snowflakes. When the rest of society shuts them out they’ll swear it’s because we hate god and the rapture is coming. It’s amazing what some people will do to themselves just to be right.

  • commatoes

    This is further evidence that people that use Commie as an insult do not know what they are talking about.

    RWNJ think that being called a commie/marxist is a rhetorical coup de grace.

    https://youtu.be/h6nguDZBUgo

    • Toomush Stability

      Fuck yes!…

    • willi0000000

      that grin he gets when he knows he’s got you by the short hairs is magnificent.

      • commatoes

        The “Are you joking?” at the sheer dumb of the question.

  • Michael R

    A federal appeals court just issued a ruling that will unseal records
    dating back 20-years about Donald Trump’s former senior advisor
    and original Russian connection, the mobster Felix Sater

    http://washingtonpress.com/2018/02/10/federal-court-just-unsealed-trumps-20-year-old-dirty-secrets/

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9d0ea76363fa80518b7276059fa3333735b44d9531a38ff0ebe1b178f02130e5.gif

    • tehbaddr

      If true, this is indeed something! Though I’ll always have a space in my heart for grinder girl!

    • gallbladder

      I miss Letterman.

      • tehbaddr

        He was incredibly flippant, something Colbert as good as he is, lacks.

      • Toomush Stability

        So far, IMHO, he’s two for two in his Netflix interviews…

        • gallbladder

          The one with Obama was superb.

          • IMPOed

            Albeit, too short.. ;>)

    • eyelashviper

      Sater will prolly squeal like the piglet he is, with apologizes to piglets everywhere.

      • Toomush Stability

        I think of Sater as saying things like “Yeah, that’s it. That’s the ticket!”…

        • eyelashviper

          and “Yeah, Donny did it!”

  • tehbaddr

    Say! Where has Panika been? I never received my Soros bucks! I still might continue in my assignment, but better see some input from her as well!

    NEW IMPROVED LORAX: 2020 !!!11!!1111!!!!!1!!!!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6zT3kVtpHc

    • gallbladder

      Indeed: The LORAX 2020 campaign is languishing.

      • tehbaddr

        The lack of leadership at the top of it all has me concerned!

  • BloviateMe

    I do love it when they try to use hifalutin’ big werdz and fuck it up.

    Sports euphemisms, indeed.

    • BadKitty904

      Their cromulence, indeed, is impressive.

    • gallbladder

      Sorry, we didn’t get that. Could you rephrase that with all caps?

    • Juan de Fuca

      My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable.

      http://i.imgur.com/lnMwF1x.gif

      Sorry, Mike. *ducks*

      • Leftflank

        Tyson goes down!
        Tyson goes down!

        • Toomush Stability

          That is fun to say…

          • Leftflank

            Just as fun to watch. Buster Douglas lit him up then went the way of the DoDo himself.

      • willi0000000

        those last four hits were technically unnecessary but tyson was just too stupid to fall down.

        [ but they were a joy to watch ]

    • commatoes

      I try to be judiciously facetious when using sport euphemisms.

      But that’s just me.

      Dick and fart jokes OTOH…

  • The liberal commies were defeated when Trotsky was killed, weren’t they?

    • eyelashviper

      I thought it was Ronnie with his Raygun….history books lied to me!

      • Ronnie helped clear out the conservative commie bureaucracy that stood in the way of the increased power and wealth of the oligarchs. The liberals were long gone.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I thought it happened when Che was killed.

  • wait! what?

    Israel confirms thatt Iran is piloting a copy of a US stealth drone that it brought down in 2012. But nobody wants to talk about the alleged “UFO connection:”

    https://www.wired.com/2012/01/iran-ufo-drone/

    I would have thought mentioning it would increase this news story’s cycle-life by a factor of 3.

  • Herewegoagain

    Donny’s budget…debt to rise.. bye – bye – fiscal conservatives………as for Donny and draining the swamp ..?

    • Republicans in reality have not lived up to the mantra of fiscal responsibility for a long time. During the presidency of George W. Bush, the last Republican administration prior to Donald Trump, US public debt more than doubled.

    • The fact that a deeply dysfunctional Congress actually got its act together and performed one of its core duties — passing a budget — should not be noteworthy.

    • In reality even if a key rationale for the deal is to not further alienate already deeply frustrated voters in a year where midterm elections are looming.

    • In December, 78 percent of Americans told Gallup pollsters that they disapprove of the way Congress is doing its job. So lawmakers’…. self-interest to keep their seats when they face the US electorate clearly played a role in making this budget deal a reality…….

    As for Don – the Con … he is a huckster by trade, a phony con man looking to make an easy buck. He has a history of cheating and lying, and 70-year old men don’t change, except for the worse. He’s also an insecure narcissist, constantly preening for the camera and begging for attention. His decision making process will always be shaky – the guy is incredibly ignorant – but his personality disorders cloud his “judgement” even more.

    • Blackest Noobs

      i have one exception to your statement/post. they didn’t really pass a budget. well kinda. more like just a two year extension. then back to square one again.

      • bupkus231

        Not even that. They passed another three-week extension. The “deal” they’re talking about has not been passed, yet.

  • There should be a semicolon after “locks” and a comma after “key”.

  • Minority has to stay poor for Democrats to keep their argument going.

    I would like to be proven wrong. I would like to see poverty ended and everyone getting a shot at a great education and great jobs.

    Trickle-down economics has had 40 years to prove me wrong. It hasn’t. I won’t. It never will.

    • Phried Ω

      It didn’t work well in the Gilded Age either.

      • commatoes

        French Revolution?
        Communist Revolution?

  • wait! what?

    If Javier Bardem is the other dad then we can have a ” No Country for old Shield Agents” TV series.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e93d9a053bb53a5f1ed0839d4d2c3d0d7f7e4a4c9a1d02c3c36d158970be6e7a.jpg

    • Courser_Resistance

      OMG, this totally works for me! I so miss Coulson. Never watched the TV series. It skewed too young for me. Too many angsty teenagers

      • wait! what?

        Bill Paxton had a few evil cameos. But then they killed him off.

        • Timothy Watson

          He was having so much fun being a hammy villain too!

          I just got caught up with Agents of SHIELD last month. Fuck, that last third of the third season was fucking dark.

      • georgiaburning

        Angsty teenagers? That was how Stan Lee built his brand.

  • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

    I USED TO BE A LIEBRUL DEMOCRAT UNTIL OBUMMER STOLE MY GUNZ AND THE CANTALOPES CROSSED TEH BORDER AND VOTED FER THE GHEYS!1!!1!!

    MAGMA BITCHEZ!1!!!!

    • Toomush Stability

      You’re cheating with those caps locks, aren’t you….

      • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

        I DON’T HOLD THE CAPZ KEY. NEW STRIK EVRY TIME BICTH !11!11!1

        • Toomush Stability

          All righty then….

          • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

            I went full RWNJ on another site a few years ago, and friends of mine reported that my account had been hacked.

            Never go full MAGMA!1!!

      • gallbladder

        No apostrophe’s either.

        • Me_And_My_Arrow

          its just not rite!

      • Courser_Resistance

        Meh, my hands are fucked up. I need all the help I can get. CAPSLOCK IT IS, BITCHEZZZZZ

  • Most Stable Land Shark

    OxyContin maker stops promoting opioids, cuts sales staff

    “We have restructured and significantly reduced our commercial operation and will no longer be promoting opioids to prescribers,” the Stamford, Connecticut-based company said in a statement.

    Opioids were involved in more than 42,000 overdose deaths in 2016, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

    • commatoes

      That is what I hate most about US vs. Can healthcare. US Pharma has fucking sales staff.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Remember the CBC production of Breaking Bad?

        Me neither.

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Make Bizarro World great again. There are cocksucking toadies, and there are toady cocksuckers, but this guy…
    https://twitter.com/JacobAWohl/status/962754616025800704?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E3

  • Michael R
    • gallbladder

      Next thing you’ll tell us is that comments aren’t allowed.

      • Cletus Safari

        And that pants are.

        • Jennaratrix

          That pants are MANDATORY.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    OT: My sick cat hasn’t eaten any food for 3 days and is now vomiting yellow liquid. Her bladder stone surgery isn’t scheduled until Feb. 22 because the vet’s surgery schedule is full. I am worried … I think I should call the vet and ask for an earlier date, and if they can’t deal with that I should find another vet who can. Any advice?

    • Toomush Stability

      Do it.

    • Me_And_My_Arrow

      I think your idea is sound and you should follow through on it posthaste!

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      Poor kitty. Yes, she needs medical attention post haste.

    • Definitely.

    • Michael R

      I found a great vet in Richmond VA , accidentally because they had a couple PM hours , and they charged 1/3 what my vet charges , so always ask around

      Here’s ZB resting after getting pumped full of fluids , she looks like a ridiculous camel but she slept soundly for the first time in a couple of days

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8a43f144cc26f6e3df1177843a026a867daf871899e3a00d06ce106f5bfd0a82.jpg

    • BloviateMe

      Not that it influences anything, but how old is the kitty?

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Somewhere between 10 and 12, we’re not exactly sure. I think closer to 12.

    • Holly

      Don’t wait. Find another vet to perform the surgery.

    • Justin Thyme

      Find an emergency vet/clinic now!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        There is only one emergency vet clinic anywhere nearby, and it is at the university vet school, where I have had bad experiences. I think she will be OK until tomorrow, she is not showing any outward signs of distress. It is me who is distressed!

        • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

          If she’s vomited yellow bile she’s going to need to be hydrated.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Yes, I’m worried about that. I am going to try to tempt her with some soft food, which might help.

          • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

            Yes – get some liquid into her any way you can.

        • Toomush Stability

          The yellow bile sounds like distress.

        • Marion in Savannah

          I had a cat who was showing no outward signs of distress at all. And then I found her dead by the water dish. This isn’t anything to be ignored.

        • Jennaratrix

          Sweetie, three days with no food and vomiting isn’t good. I’m sorry you’ve had bad experiences at the school, but if that’s the only one nearby, you might have to suck it up and go. Or find one that isn’t as close but where you can go today.

          • Marion in Savannah

            ^^^THIS^^^

        • Toomush Stability

          Are you still here on the net? We all think you should be on the phone…

          • Jennaratrix

            YUP.

    • Jennaratrix

      Emergency vet, now.

      • Marion in Savannah

        STAT!

    • commatoes

      ASAP.

    • HazooToo

      If you need a 16th opinion, call your vet, explain what you just told us. They will probably tell you to go to an emergency vet now.

      • Jennaratrix

        ^^THIS^^

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I called her vet clinic, their recording says to go to the university vet school emergency clinic on weekends, so I called them and they said bring her in NOW. I am off in 5 minutes.

      • Toomush Stability

        Good Angela…

      • Marion in Savannah

        All good thoughts for you and kitty. Please keep us posted.

      • Jennaratrix

        Okay good. Please keep us posted, thinking good thoughts for you and kitty.

      • HazooToo

        Good luck, we’ll be thinking of you both!

    • tehbaddr

      Emergency animal hospital, I see them all over the place, your experience might differ.

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    I hate Trump. And this is yet another reason why

    Report: Trump administration considers privatizing the International Space Station

    I hate Trump. Did I mention that I hate Trump?

    • gallbladder

      I am under the distinct impression that you hate Trump.

      • wait! what?

        Lincoln had his death mask and Donald’s direct impression will be his ass cheeks in pudding…

        • gallbladder

          I can’t stop laughing…or is that crying?

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        I do give off subtle hints, don’t I?

    • CripesAmighty

      He’ll sell the White House to Steve Wynn in a kickback scheme if he can get away with it.

      • TootsStansbury

        Who’s going to say he can’t? He’s getting away with all of the other crimes.

    • Phried Ω

      Aside from the fact that it isn’t his to privatize and they only way there is by Soyuz, it’s a swell idea, Ridiculous but it accomplished the daily task of getting his name mentioned.

      • gallbladder

        And Putin grinned.

      • CripesAmighty

        He’ll just sell the US interest to Vlad for a buck (and a kickback).

        • gallbladder

          …and a couple of pee hookers.

          • Phried Ω

            Pee hooking is dangerous in micro-gravity. The electrics aren’t insulted against liquids.

    • YaJagoff

      You (nor I) will never run out of reasons to hate this bag of dicks. Everyday as long as this prick draws air will bring a new reason to hate him.

      • commatoes

        The bag of dicks is chagrined at being associated with Dolt 45.

        • LosFelizGuy

          Right? I feel like calling him a bag o’dicks is a compliment. I haz confused. Is this what cognitive dissonance feels like?

          • YaJagoff

            Didn’t mean to sow confusion. I’ll edit it to say diseased bag of dicks. Better?

          • Phried Ω

            Leave your pig out of this.

          • YaJagoff

            Took me minute then I giggled.

          • commatoes

            He aspires to bag of dickness.

    • commatoes

      Ditto.

    • wait! what?

      To be honest; its from the 90s and Elon can’t even park a Tesla there…

    • tehbaddr

      You hate Trump? Why whatever for reasons, also, too!

  • Most Stable Land Shark

    Because of course it did.
    The Equifax breach may have exposed more personal information of customers than previously thought.

    Additional information, including tax IDs and driver’s license details, may have been accessed in a hack that affected 145.5 million customers, according to confidential documents Equifax provided to the Senate Banking Committee seen by CNN.

    Bur the US doesn’t NEED the CFPB.

    • gallbladder

      Cut their funding! Oh, wait…

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      ‘Course we don’t need it. It was Elizabeth Pocahontas’ project, to stop Donald Stuyvesant from grabbing Manhattan by the covfefe for $20 and a bag of chips.

      Regulations get in the way of capitalism, don’t you get that? Capitalism is manifest destiny!!!!11!

      • Toomush Stability

        I’m beginning to believe it’s Manifest Dustiny…

  • Notreelyhelping

    Repeat after me. The rain in Spain….

    THE RAIN IN SPAIN!!!11!!

    Lies mainly on the plain.

    LIES LIES LIES CLINTON HITLERY OBAMA KENYA ARRRRRRGH ON THE PLANE THE PLANE!!!!!

    *sigh*

    • wait! what?

      If it really rained in Spaiin, it’d be on the plains already…

    • gallbladder

      We’re worried about you. What’ll it be?

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DB7m8mpUQAA97tR.jpg

      • Stable Uniomist Raan

        No beer and no TV make Homer something something.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Hillarys On A Mitherfuckin Plabe

    • Blanche de Shambles

      To be fair, the rain in Spain tends to occur in the more mountainous regions. The central plain is actually quite arid.

      Also, Hartford, Hereford, and Hampshire were all struck by a hurricane just last fall.

    • CripesAmighty

      Give it up, Henry Higgins (image of Audrey Hepburn going full, frothing Alex Jones batshit, here)

  • Jennaratrix

    Oh, you hold the shift key down instead of using caps lock, that’s totally different then. And better, obviously.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Not if you’re the shift key.

      • That uppity key was always trying to be upper cas(t)e, about time somebody put it back in its place.

      • commatoes

        Are suggesting that the commenter was being “shifty”?

        I think you are being too kind.

    • Toomush Stability

      No caps lock! No caps lock! You’re the caps lock!….

    • Jennaratrix

      I really, really, really hope that this is a new Wonkette meme like no comments allowed and pants optional and get a brain moran and AOT, K.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        You forgot “canned clams”! You monster!

        • Marion in Savannah

          And those cakes we like and cedar cheese.

        • Jennaratrix

          Dammit. And allergic to rd and/or crunchy.

    • JustDon’tSayCAPSLOCK!!!

      And inspiration for a nym change.

  • Michael R
    • HazooToo

      They seem nice.

      • YaJagoff

        Bless their hearts.

    • gallbladder

      Free speech, anyone?

      • OrG

        Hey,free speech costs money.

        • gallbladder

          Evidently.

    • ziggywiggy

      Fucking cowards don’t like the truth shining a bright light on their bullshit.

    • Parakeetist

      Fucking assholes.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    OT- putting Kahlua in the last cup from my morning pot of coffee at 3 p.m. totally doesn’t count as day drinking, right?

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      My father (RIP) would say “The Sun is over the yard arm someplace.”

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Anything put in coffee or tea is medicinal.

    • gallbladder

      It’s Sunday: All drinking is in bounds.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        That was on the gay agenda a couple of years back, wasn’t it?

    • LosFelizGuy

      Whats wrong with day drinking? Less accidents cuz the sun is out.

      • Toomush Stability

        Michael Hurley had a song I can’t find on the net. It went:

        Drinkin’ in the mornin’
        Momma don’t you scold
        That’s the best time for drinkin’
        It’s when it takes ahold….

    • BadKitty904

      If it’s coffee you brewed this AM, I’d say the Kahlua counts as self-defense.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Call it brunch then its all good.

    • Jennaratrix

      Sun’s over the yardarm somewhere.

      • Toomush Stability

        Skol!…

      • commatoes

        건배

    • JustDon’tSayCAPSLOCK!!!

      NO BUT PUTTING – oops, sorry, didn’t mean to show off my shift key skillz so much – Kahlua in your bourbon does. Still a good idea, though.

    • commatoes

      Caffeine exclusion on the Kahlua applies.

  • BMW
    • gallbladder

      Skill personified.

  • notaten

    I was going to buy tickets for Pelosis’ Croonies and the SHIFT KEY BITCHEZ World Tour, but they were sold out. I’ll have to catch the HBO special I guess.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Um, this does not seem like the proper attitude for someone in law enforcement…

    Shortly after Tennessee law enforcement shot and killed a man during a two-county vehicle chase in April, White County Sheriff Oddie Shoupe seemed fired up as he recalled his conversations with dispatchers.

    “They said, ‘We’re ramming (the suspect),’ ” Shoupe told a deputy in body-camera footage obtained by CNN this week. “I said, ‘Don’t ram him. Shoot him.’ “F*** that s***. You’re gonna tear my cars up.”

    Shoupe later says of the chase, “I love this s***. God, I tell you what, I thrive on it.”

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/962793432874979329

    • Toomush Stability

      I hope God chases him down…

      • gallbladder

        I hear that God loves that shit.

      • LosFelizGuy

        He deserves the White Bear treatment

    • Suse

      He doesn’t look like a white cracker racist cop or anything.

    • BadKitty904

      It’s not a TV show, you fuckwitted hayseed.

    • OrG

      I hate cops.

    • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

      Yeah – this is one of those stories that manages to be shocking even during the current outrage tsunami.

    • Marion in Savannah

      As if it weren’t good enough that this was in, wait for it, White County, but the goddamn sheriff’s first name is “Oddie.” Well yes, yes he is an Oddie.

      • Phried Ω

        Sheriff Oddie Shoupe! Kind of says it all, doesn’t?

        • gallbladder

          And then some.

        • commatoes

          Is that kinda like lawyers named Lawrence/Larry and dentists named Dennis?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      “White County, Tennessee”

      Isn’t that just called “Tennessee”?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Holly

      He’s going to LOVE answering for his shit speech. He’s also going to LOVE being sued in criminal and civil court.

    • commatoes

      Saw this on TYT. The personality types that should never be allowed in law enforcement.

  • Holly

    I’m sitting here on this Sunday afternoon sipping a glass of Prosecco, the man I love is over there watching the Winter Olympics, and the old kitty is purring on the couch next to me -.all is right in my world.

    • gallbladder

      Zen.

    • Suse

      Sounds lovely…

      • Paul

        ‘Tis.

    • kareemachan

      [needz to go out and buy some prosecco….]

    • JustDon’tSayCAPSLOCK!!!

      Gonna do the same as soon as the dogs get walked and bathed. Wifey prolly won’t change outta her PJs, and I approve. we’ve been a little under the weather, and the dogs clearly have cabin fever.

    • Paul

      And the stove is warm with the firewood YOU brought in. What a woman, folks. What a woman.

  • MANGO CRIMES

    I hope they are teaming up to fight crime:

    https://twitter.com/WAFB/status/961210414691504129

    • gallbladder

      What kind’a dog and pony show is this?

      • The cutest kind!

      • MANGO CRIMES

        THE BEST KIND

      • calliecallie

        You win the internet today.

        • gallbladder

          I’d like to thank the Academy and Plato.

      • JustDon’tSayCAPSLOCK!!!

        Is it a ruff one? Neigh!

    • How did it get up there?! Short lil stumpy corgi legs…

      • MANGO CRIMES

        Related: How is it staying on so well?

        • Low center of gravity?

          • MANGO CRIMES

            … maybe? But doggo’s not even crouching down – if anything, he or she sits up as the pony trots off.

          • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

            I grew up with a Corgi: those suckers are dense and yes – low center of gravity.

      • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

        Yeah – I’ve watched this numerous times, and it looks legit enough but that pony has to lie down or something to make this joyride possible.

        • MANGO CRIMES

          I’m assuming it climbed on by walking off a fence or a stall wall or something.

          I’m also assuming that these two are best pals and do this every night.

          • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

            Perhaps a hillock or some such.

        • gallbladder

          Could be that the owners of the dog placed it upon the pony, Occam and all.

          • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

            That was my assumption, but they deny any mammal manipulation.

          • gallbladder

            Hmmm, well, I’m stumped.

          • Parakeetist

            Hmmm.

          • gallbladder

            Or, that the owners of the pony placed it under the dog…I haz a confused.

          • Parakeetist

            Let’s call the police

          • gallbladder
    • Parakeetist

      “Baby monkey, baby monkey, backwards on a pig, baby monkey”

    • calliecallie

      The Corgi Who Wished He Was a Cowboy.
      Someone should write this children’s book. Answer the questions of how he got up there, whether they are riding off to fight crime, etc. Every Corgi owner in America would buy a copy for their children or grandchildren.

    • Phried Ω

      Hi HO Silver, AWAY!!1!

  • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

    My daughter just made me watch my first episode of Black Mirror. It was S3E1 and holy shit, y’all.

    • That was about my thought. S4E1 is crazier

    • Marion in Savannah

      Sounds like something I’ll have to check out. But I’m one of those types who starts with S1E1.

      • It’s an anthology, so totally not necessary

      • Tony Prost

        Every episode in the first season is about sexual humiliation. Kind of turned me off on the series.

      • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

        I watched the first season and a bit of the second: some episodes are very, very smart (and existentially horrific).

        In the current era, however, I personally don’t need any reminders (no matter how artful) that humans are diving headlong into the abyss.

      • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

        I would rather have started at the beginning as well but it was my daughter’s choice. She kind of communicates emotionally this way sometimes so I just go with it. I’ll watch the rest on my own.

    • BadKitty904

      Oddly enough (or not), that series is very popular in China.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        …where it’s listed as a documentary.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      I really want to get into this series, but my friends are divided between “it’s great” and “oh it’s way too dark”.

      • Parakeetist

        I love detective shows, dark as they can sometimes be, but I can’t watch most of those loopy paranormal shows. The X Files is the notable exception.

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      I like it. I recommend that you watch them all. Some are funny, some are very dark, but I’ve enjoyed all the episodes.

      • OutOfOrbit

        You may be a lunatic

        • Martini A, very stable genius

          Also possibly accurate.

    • Tony Prost

      I watched the first season, and every episode was about sexual humiliation. Does it get any better?

      • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

        I don’t know, ivebonly seen the one. I don’t think that was the ultimate message, though.

        • Justin Thyme

          gotta ask. why the countdown?

          • Shanzgood (17 Days!)

            Baconz is coming for another visit!

    • Rasilom

      Me has been binging Black List. I LOVE Spader in this show.

    • commatoes

      The first episode of the Brit run, The National Anthem, almost threw me off the show completely. The episode that made me thankful for continuing to watch was San Junipero.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    “Hold my shift key.”

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    That racist prick that Robyn wrote about a few weeks ago has been booted off of Twitter. This might be the first time that somebody I flagged as violating their community rules has actually been yanked.
    https://twitter.com/mattmfm/status/962793109166968839?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E3

    • Parakeetist

      Paul Nehlen is such an asshole.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      One down…. (sigh) 350 million to go?

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    That this is still a necessity in 2018 America is sickening. I think it’s a bad idea for them to make it publicly available on social media, though. Very bad idea, for the same reasons why it’s a necessity.

    From the Green Book to Facebook, black people still need to rely on whisper networks and special travel guides to outwit racists in rural America

    Publish a new green book or have an opt-in listserv. Having it be accessible via Facebook will make it available to the same POS racists they are trying to evade.

    • TootsStansbury

      This is fucking heartbreaking and infuriating.

    • spangled

      My friend and I (she’s black, I’m not) were driving to Louisiana a few years ago and stopped for gas in rural Mississippi.

      She refused to get out of the car and pump while I got snacks. I thought she was just being an asshole and was mad at her. Later she told me it was because there were a bunch of rednecks hanging around that she was freaked out by.

      • commatoes

        Funny thing happened to two female friends when driving down to NOLA. Similar rural gas station, a pickup truck full of rednecks saw the Ontario license plates and decided to catcall my two friends then lay a track of rubber on their way out. A slightly older man filling all of the same visual redneck qualities, apologised to my friends for the behavior of “ignorant rednecks”.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        I’m white and I wouldn’t even go there. Seen My Cousin Vinny enough times to stay the hell away from America’s finest no-go zones in the KKKristian KKKaliphate of Redneckkkistan.

    • CripesAmighty

      Not even remotely surprising. The United Shithole of America deserves everything coming to it.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      I get to drive generally anywhere. People I work with have to plan where they can stop. I don’t think that’s fair.

  • Anna Rompage

    The beginnings of the Tasso ham have begun, for the Portland drinky thing. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5870a28ec1d2edcd13f71dd108ac10ef8190f60a5219eb1ae55b8cf16f498e8d.jpg

    The pork shoulder has been rubbed down with dry cure, and a spice mix of marjoram, thyme, allspice, black pepper, and cayenne pepper…

    This will cure in the fridge until wed, then get a light smoke of oak & mesquite at 275-300 degrees, until the internal temp hits 160.

    • gallbladder

      When do we eat?

      • Anna Rompage

        Thursday, probably around 4:30-5:00

        • gallbladder

          We’ll wait…and bring those cakes that you like.

          • Marion in Savannah

            And also too some cedar cheese.

          • gallbladder

            Yaaaaaasss!

    • HazooToo

      Adopt me.

    • SisterArtemis

      Oh, I hope I get to come! Looking chance, as I’m supposed to be getting out of my house by the 18th or so, but you have added incentive!

      • Anna Rompage

        It would be really great to see you!

    • memzilla Ω

      Extra credit for naming the movie:
      This little piggy went to market
      As meek and as mild as a lamb
      He smiled in his tracks
      When they slipped him the ax
      He knew he’d turn out to be Wham.

      • Very Stable Bozi

        Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House

        • memzilla Ω

          If you ain’t eatin’ Wham
          You ain’t eatin’ ham!

    • commatoes

      I cannot apply a dry rub when company is over. Evidently my little mewling noises make people uncomfortable.

  • Marion in Savannah

    OH, FFS… OH DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS ON A LUGE, FFS… Not that I’m the least particle upset, mind you, but the current lead article in the New York Fucking Times has this for a headline on the web front page: “Pelosi Wants to Win House, but Can She Corral the Democrats?” Honest to gawd… The “teaser” reads thusly:

    At 77, Representative Nancy Pelosi remains a dominant figure in the Democratic Party, its highest-ranking woman in the capital and the only woman to rise to House speaker.

    But she is increasingly a polarizing figure, and how she bridges her party’s factions on immigration may help determine whether she can lead Democrats to a majority.

    I’m so very, very, VERY fucking over this shit.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/11/us/politics/nancy-pelosi-democrats-immigration.html

    • phoenix00

      Wait, the Demos have “factions on immigration”?? Are you sure NYT isn’t projecting the Repub’s own fault lines on the Demos?

      • Marion in Savannah

        It’s what they’ve been doing for quite some time now. And this wasn’t even written by ERMAGHERD Mergie Herberman. It’s making me nuts. And the comments are simply demoralizing. I won’t be the least bit surprised if we don’t fuck 2018 up royally.

    • gallbladder

      I always had babby jeebus down for more of a goalie type…who knew?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Oh, he’s an active dude. Sometimes he shows up on a pogo stick, and sometimes even on toast points. He gets around.

    • BadKitty904

      I have never met a Dem who finds Pelosi a “polarizing figure”. She’s one of the few effective figure we have in Congress.

      Who is paying/blackmailing NYT management?

      • gallbladder

        Kushy?

        • BadKitty904

          I’m thinking more likely Vlad & Co.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        I admit to being a bit ignant about the alleged intraparty catfight going on. But I don’t find Pelosi “polarizing” either. This seems to me a sexist dogwhistle like “nasty woman” or “persistent” or “unlikeable” which as we all know is shorthand for “competent woman told to STFU and let the menz take over”.

        • Marion in Savannah

          With a good sized overlay of ageism.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            Oh, yeah. The Bolshie Sanders cult is already telling her to “move, bitch, get out the way” and make room for some “woke” 19-year-old who can do shit better becuz memes amirite?!?

          • Marion in Savannah

            Well, she’s old and decrepit, right? Just because she held the floor of the House for 8 hours in stiletto heels without a bathroom break don’t mean shit.

        • BadKitty904
      • gene108

        VV Putin, is my bet.

    • Holly

      “At 77” What the holy fuck is that supposed to mean. Her age makes her what? Less or more? More or less? The NYT is highly suspect in my book and has been for quite some time now.

    • Ellie

      I’m tired of reading comments at the NYT by alleged Democrats that just want to keep yelling about illegal aliens and how that’s all Pelosi cares about. I’m glad comments aren’t allowed here.

  • Suse

    As much as I’d love to hang out with you all, I am really cold and am going to get into my nice warm bed and read my potboiler novel. Have fun and stay snarky!

    • BadKitty904

      Bundle up, Ma!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Which potboiler? I’m in need of something that won’t make me rage!

      • BadKitty904

        Anything by P. G. Wodehouse is good for what ails you. Just sayin’…

      • TundraGrifter

        Have you read “The One Man” by Andrew Gross? We read it and neither one of us could put it down once we started. Then we went to a (former) concentration camp in Poland and that experience brought the novel home.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Well, I’m in need of things that won’t make me rage, so if it’s concentration camps that’s kinda out for me.

          • TundraGrifter

            Understood. I also enjoyed “Capital; A Novel” by John Lancaster. It’s about people living in London and it’s quite entertaining. “The Circle” by Dave Eggers is also quite good. “The Sister Brothers” is a very different Western.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • gallbladder

      Maybe frescos by Michelangelo would have helped?

    • commatoes

      It’s like reading the watching Downton Abbey and complaining that it was just too damn British. And all that tea!!!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Bill the Bard, what a cuck!

  • memzilla Ω

    So, my productive Sunday afternoon is day drinking while I watch my refrigerator thaw out. Still more productive than Rethuglicans in Congress.

    • NastyBossetti

      Mine is napping on and off, recovering from my mom’s 70th birthday party last night. I’m feeling pretty good, so it has been a very productive day so far.