SHARE

Kevin Swanson, the evangelical pastor best known for helping to craft Uganda’s policy of putting people to death for being gay, had some things to say about Larry Nassar on his show this week.

According to Swanson, those gymnast girls were not molested by Larry Nassar because he is a monster, but because gymnastics “encourages immodesty” and Nassar is just a red-blooded American male who could not help himself.

Via RightWingWatch:

“There is an infatuation with the body,” he said, “and, of course, the sexual aspects of the body as well. Some sports encourage immodesty, revealing large portions of the body and this happens in some sports. These are the risky sports. Here they are, what are the risky sports? Gymnastics. Gymnastics and swimming. These are the sports in which there is an added risk.”

“Why are all of the gymnasts [at] more of a risk than other sports?” Swanson asked. “Do you really want your daughters involved in a sport that involves a fair amount of immodesty in which red-blooded American male coaches are interacting with these girls? Or, worse yet, where the infatuation of the body eventually effects the lesbian coaches?”

Sports are a “risk” because they are a thing that children and teenagers do. Just like how being an altar boy or girl is a thing that children and teenagers do. If you happen to be the kind of person that wants to molest children or teenagers, you’re going to go to where they are doing stuff. If you are not the kind of person who wants to molest children or teenagers, you can be around all the gymnasts or altar boys you want and — regardless of how “red-blooded” you are — not molest them.

Larry Nassar was a doctor. Doctors see naked adults, teenagers and children all the time. The vast, vast, vast majority of them do not rape or molest anyone in the course of their duties. He was not overcome with lust after seeing a balance beam routine, he was a fucking predator.

Also this week, the moment we have all long been waiting for finally happened — Steve Bannon weighed in on #MeToo in an interview with Bloomberg News. And you know what? He wasn’t entirely wrong!

The Time’s Up movement against sexual abuse and harassment now has Bannon’s full attention, too. “The top seven stories today are all guys getting blown up,” he says. “And these are not small guys.” He’s a connoisseur of anger, and in women’s anger about sexual harassment he senses a prelude to their anger about a lot more. “I think it’s going to unfold like the Tea Party, only bigger,” he says. “It’s not Me Too. It’s not just sexual harassment. It’s an anti-patriarchy movement. Time’s up on 10,000 years of recorded history. This is coming. This is real.”

One of Bannon’s acolytes finally locates CNN. “It’s been a rocky year for a lot of the members of the cabinet,” Wolf Blitzer is saying.

“There we go,” Bannon says. “Hate TV.”

Now Melania Trump enters the House chamber, and finds her seat. “She’s wearing suffragette white,” Bannon says. “Suck on that.”

“Time’s up on 10,000 years of recorded history?” — you bet your ass it is. Now, surely Bannon sees this as a threat. Surely he doesn’t see this as a good thing. But I, for one, welcome the overthrow of the patriarchy, gleefully and with open arms. And yeah, they should be afraid.

Anyway, this is now your open thread! Jump in, and also drop some change in our tip jar if you can!

[RightWingWatch | Bloomberg News]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • MANGO CRIMES
    • janecita

      But she is stealing the show. She is pretty, polite and an oddity.

  • (((Aron)))

    Kevin Swanson is a disgusting man.

    • Parakeetist

      AMIN

    • ArgieBargie

      He’s not even a man.

    • msanthropesmr

      I’m not sure he’s human. As a species, I know I don’t claim him.

      • (((Aron)))

        He isn’t a man. He isn’t even Devo.

    • arglebargle

      His pre-made frozen dinners suck, also too.

      • (((Aron)))

        HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

      • major_asshole

        Banquet XXL FTFW!

  • ArgieBargie

    I’d like to take this opportunity to say the term “Red-Blooded American” needs to go die in a fire.

    • Parakeetist

      Avec les votes

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Beats “blue blooded American”

      • handyhippie65

        it’s only blue on the inside.

  • Blackest Noobs

    “According to Swanson, those gymnast girls were not molested by Larry Nassar because he is a monster, but because gymnastics “encourages immodesty” and Nassar is just a red-blooded American male who could not help himself.”

    Isn’t that also Scott Baio’s “excuse” ?

  • msanthropesmr

    Listen, Swanson, just because you get the naughty no no tingles when you look at little girls in tight outfits, that doesn’t mean there is a problem with the little girls. Most of us find thinking about little girls that way as repulsive.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      The old joke about the guy who comes home from work and tells his wife that everything smells like shit, and she tells him to wash his upper lip.

    • Sashineb

      That crackpot preacher is the same one that said he had a gay son who married another guy, he (the preacher) would cover himself in cow manure and sit outside the church and wail. Here ya go, in his own words:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pLobWHDdVw

      • Pisto75666

        Jesus, he looks like a foot. If he’s not careful he’ll find himself with a new boyfriend talking like that (who knows, someone might like their partner covered in cow manure. It takes all kinds.)

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        This guy is not OK. The fact that, of all the people watching, not one tried to get him any help says a lot about them.

        • Sashineb

          Ted Cruz was at one of his conferences one time. I doubt he would try to help him since he hates gays too.

    • “M”

      Uganda needs a slap for paying him. Can you slap a country?

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    I know I’m a weirdo, but when I watch gumnastics, I marvel at the athletic ability rather than objectify the participants’ sexually. How weird, right?

    • therblig

      i marvel at all the gum stuck underneath the balance beam.

      (yes, i’m a jerk)

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Only if you’re the guy who put it there.

    • proudgrampa

      Well, that’s just weird.

  • TJ Barke

    Party of personal responsibility, everybody.

  • James Baskin

    I’m pretty sure my blood is as red as anyone’s. So why haven’t I gone all grabby and rapey?

    • janecita

      Fake red blood!

      • James Baskin

        nuht uh.

  • SadDemInTex

    Kevin Swanson should ***comment deleted because heinous thoughts put into words***

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      Is a rusty garden weasel involved?

      • Parakeetist

        Hopefully.

  • Robyn Ryan
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Red-Blooded American” seems to mean rapist also too.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Ever notice that it’s never “red-blooded American female”?

        • Eileen Besse

          YES. Thank you, APB.

        • folderol

          Wait a sec. I thought every red-blooded female desired me.

  • goCatgo

    If after 10,000 yrs of civilization, we cannot protect our little girls, and boys, we prolly don’t deserve another 10,000.

  • Opalescent Riddles

    Some sports encourage immodesty, revealing large portions of the body and this happens in some sports. These are the risky sports. Here they are, what are the risky sports? Gymnastics. Gymnastics and swimming. These are the sports in which there is an added risk.

    Some phrasings employ redundancy, repeating large portions of the sentence and this happens in some phrasings. These are the redundant phrasings. Here they are, what are the redundant phrasings? This one. This one and others like this one. These are the phrasings in which there is an added redundancy.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      4.bp.blogspot.com/-zXlbVfsvw4o/ViQegWIHHzI/AAAAAAAAMYU/QaaIzQPcYe8/s1600/Slide1.jpg

      • The Wanderer

        I have a form I have to fill out every night. I call it what Keith Laumer called it in the Retief stories:
        The Report of Redundant Reports.

        • Jamoche

          Retief FTW!

      • Jay Hansen

        Dude, you know it, dude.

    • arglebargle

      And in conclusion, let me finish by ending…

      • FlownΩver

        And what was that other word for “synonym”?

    • Me not sure

      Uh excuse me… say again?

      • He already did, the first time.

    • yyyaz

      You failed to address the extraneous superfluities flitting about and nesting gratuitously hither and yon inexplicably.

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      He missed ice dancing/skating and all track and field events…those are also some pretty skimpy uniforms. Also, volleyball, and tennis. So, fencing is the one safe sport; the uniform covers the entire body, is not form-fitting, and has no difference between men and women that one can see. The breast plates are under the jacket. Skiing outfits are basically insulated body paint also.

  • Parakeetist

    O hai Kevin Swanson is A Asshole

    Everything else I want to say will get me banhammered.

    • proudgrampa

      I feel you, Parakeetist.

      • Parakeetist

        Thank u

        • Eileen Besse

          Mee two….

  • proudgrampa

    “She was asking for it because she showed her ankles!!!” said Swanson’s great great grandfather.

    What a putz.

  • yyyaz

    Just for the record, 10,000 years ago we were barely emerging from caves because of a little thing called an Ice Age. It took us more than 5,000 years after that to develop cuneiform. So unless you count cave painting as “recorded history” (it isn’t), Burn it Down Bannon is off wildly in his polemics. As usual. /pedantry

    • Eileen Besse

      Yeah–as usual. What a maroon he is.

  • Scooby

    Scathing denunciation of coaches.

  • janecita

    It’s always the victim’s fault with these assholes! A little girl in a leotard isn’t sexy, and you have to be a sick bastard to believe that she is.

    • Folks can’t help what they feel. But anyone who finds them sexy and acts on it – even to say something that makes them uncomfortable – is a sick bastard.

      I find young women in leotards sexy. I find young women in cargo pants and a tee shirt building a garage sexy. I don’t harass them, grab them, threaten them, or think that I can’t control myself. I can answer questions about the local bus, or sit at a table with them at Starbucks, or teach them, or show off my garden, without any of them showing signs of discomfort.

      I was raised by biblical literalists and they “taught”:
      1. Morality is obedience to a king who never shows himself.
      2. We can’t control ourselves; if we weren’t afraid of eternal torture we would be more depraved than we can imagine.
      3. If you sin – and you will, you can’t help it – then apologizing to Jeyazus will make it OK. No, you don’t have to make things right or even apologize to the victim you have wronged.

      This combination of ideas does not make for good neighbors or moral people (by any adult standards, anyway). Morality is how you treat other people. Allegedly their founder tried to teach people that, but for religious authoritarians it seems to be a difficult concept.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It is a little disconcerting to think that there are actually people out there that I might interact with every day that are prevented from turning into mass murderers only by the threat that they will be punished in the next life.

        Am I to presume that there are a great number of these people who are only one crisis of faith from taking out everyone and everything around them?

  • TJ Barke

    Kevin Swanson should go and [Redacted, redacted hard]

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Hire a rent boy and pay the guy extra to top?

    • IMPOed

      He should sick a FLAMING CHOLLA FUCKING CACTUS UP HIS FUCKING ASS, I hope that wasn’t too harsh… ;>)

      • FlownΩver

        Not worth ruining said flora.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Man, these guys sure don’t like the feeeeemales existing outside of being their sexual playthings.

  • WilbyToad

    And I post the Bannon story on the Rohrabacher thread. That’l teach me to be patient.
    (Now will I learn…)

  • Most Stable Land Shark

    I believe the correct response to Mr Swanson involves steel-toed Tony Lama votes and his truck nutz. That is all.

  • Scooby
  • Egret1

    Even if it was true, I don’t know why women and girls are the ones who need be controlled. Apparently, they are not the ones causing all the problems.

    Aren’t the ones who cause all the problems and control themselves the ones who need to have restrictions on their freedom?

    • HazooToo

      Just say no to red-blood! It clearly has a damaging effect on self-control and sanity!

  • alpacapunchbowl

    So the little girls should’ve been doing their uneven bars routines in, what, burqas?
    Oooookay buddy. Way to out yourself as a creepy perv!

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      And the girls even get raped wearing burqas, and then get stoned to death for “adultery.” BECAUSE THEY ARE MARRIED OFF AS CHILDREN.

      Before Mike Minden comes here with his Islamophobic claptrap, I’d just like to point out that, um, buddy, this is a thing that happens in the good old “Christian” U.S. of A. also too. With “parental consent,” of course.

      wtkr.com/2018/01/29/she-was-raped-pregnant-and-married-by-11-now-she-fights-to-end-child-marriage-in-the-us/

      That’s why Obama was careful to say “radical extremism.” It’s Trump who narrows it to Muslims, because he and ‘Murica refuse to pull the bug out of their own ass before flicking the speck from someone else’s eye. Or something like that.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        That doesn’t fit the fundygelicals’ worldview.

      • Eileen Besse

        YES!!!!! Thank you.

  • HazooToo

    It’s not so much that this is “undoing” 10,000 years of recorded history. It is actually more that we are demanding that the next 10,000 years of recorded history NOT revolve around toxic ideals of manhood. This is only a problem if you are invested heavily in being a toxic man, and have no intention to change.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      See also Jordan Peterson and his cult of incels and “classical liberals” who spout off frozen peaches bullshit about why big gummint shouldn’t upend the status quo. I’m on a livid Jordan Peterson tear this week, because I see more and more hacks in the MSM fawning over him, and he’s a danger to my beloved Canada because he briefly considered running for the Ontario PC race after Patriarchy Brown got turfed due to being a garbage male. He’s got enough of an ego, though, that if he doesn’t do it this time around, with the party in disarray and having nothing to hang their hopes on but Rob Ford’s idiot brother and Moneybags Mulroney’s Levant-loving daughter, he may very well be up for the task next time around. His Reddit fanboys despise Trudeau (no surprise there), and want him to go all the way to the top job to kick the “SJWs” in the teeth once and for all.

      Feminist blogger known as Echidne of the Snakes has a good takedown of Peterson’s bullshit here, and so does Viewpoint Magazine about his “cultural Marxism” conspiracy theory having roots in anti-Semitism. He claims that frozen peaches “Trump” basic decency and that any attempt to impose restrictions in the interest of shaping a Just Society is totalitarian political correctness. That the patriarchy will use their privilege and “freedom” to stomp all over everyone else doesn’t matter to Peterson, because that’s just our lobster hierarchies being normal and natural, and snapping at the “weak” with their claws.

      • HazooToo

        ‘Normal’ and ‘Status Quo’ are not synonyms for ‘Moral’ or ‘Just’. Someone needs to tell this dickbag that. Preferably after handing him his ass, and shoving him out the door.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          He’s riding the wave of a bizarre Streisand effect right now. The more people do that, the more popular he becomes as a “martyr for the cause.” He’s a Randroid with a bastardized interpretation of Joseph Campbell who comes across as “sensible” because he’s a calm and cool sociopath who lays out his bullshit using big words and references to the classics. He brings up Solzhenitsyn a lot, who turned out to be such a raging anti-Semite toward the end of his life that his final book, Two Hundred Years Together, was never translated into English due to it being basically a screed blaming the Jews for communism. Not to be outdone, the obsessives at 4chan recruited Russian users (hm…) to translate it themselves, then issued praise all around for circulating “forbidden truths” via digital “samizdat.” Peterson’s favorite book is The Gulag Archipelago, which he assigns as a mandatory text in all his classes because that’s where he’s convinced “thought policing” by “cultural Marxist liberals” will lead to. And of course he considers Trudeau his arch nemesis. Now the Reddit cult is all chanting GO JORDAN GO after the idiotic nonscandal that was Personkindgate, which even Trudeau said was a joke that unfortunately got misinterpreted and was blown way out of proportion.

          Peterson is only a celebrity because of the preexisting Trudeau hatred among conservatives, the wingnut welfare machine spreading like wildfire on social media, and his own willful misrepresentation of the letter and spirit of Bill C-16, which added gender identity and expression to Canadian anti-discrimination law. It’s not illegal to accidentally misgender a person. It is, however, subject to penalties of harassment if you willfully and repeatedly refuse to address a trans or nonbinary person by their chosen name and/or pronoun. Peterson objects to this on grounds of “government compelled speech.” Then he needs to GTFO of Canada and go to the US where the Americans are very proud to be an asshole society that denies trans/NB people’s humanity on grounds of frozen peaches, treats language as a fixed scientific reality set in stone by white Englishmen, and completely ignores the actual scientific reality that gender and even biological sex are not as cut and dry as the simple-minded would like them to be.

          But because he’s the “stupid person’s smart man” masquerading as an arbiter of absolute truth, he’s a threat to a society where a minority of decent people are trying to overcome the masses of stupid people — and unfortunately, there’s quite a few of them even in Canada, who don’t want to advance the cause of personkind, but entrench its problematic constructs for those who are already “privileged” in the lobster hierarchy.

          • HazooToo

            I come out of this feeling absolutely sure we DO NOT want to take him off your hands, with the usual shame at seeing Canada doing better at supporting it’s minorities in real ways, and wishing once again that we could just give these terrible people an empty island where they can be horrible to their hearts’ content. I wouldn’t even mind paying to construct everything they would need for a thriving society beforehand, because I’m confident that their own attitudes and idiocy would turn it into a hellhole before one year.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            I hope Elon Musk advances his spaceship project soon enough so that they can all be sent to an asteroid to build their “great white male lobster civilization” from scratch. Can’t spell asteroids without steroids.

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      I, for one, cannot wait for our new matriarchy. Men have pretty much fucked it up since the beginning of recorded history.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      As proponents of matriarchy have helpfully mentioned, the problem with a historically male dominated society is that now men own this shit.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Proponents of matriarchy get demonized as Marxists by assholes like Peterson who I mentioned below. The problem is, they rely on red-baiting scaremongering about “Marxism = USSR” rather than actually engaging with the texts. Just because it was Engels who published one of the first feminist anthropology texts as a critique of “male-dominated” capitalism not being necessarily “natural” (compared to his bizarre hypothesis about crustaceans that probably even Darwin would call bullshit) doesn’t mean that Engels’ arguments are necessarily wrong.

        • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

          Whatever ignorant asshats are ignorant details at 11

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    You really gotta wonder about this hatred of LGBT folks while evangelicalism is filled to the brim with dudes touching and lusting after little girls.

    • TJ Barke

      Probably not just little girls…

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Probably not, but we already know they repress their love for the wang.

        • Until they go traveling and hire ‘luggage lifters’ from Rentboy.com.

          • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

            RIP rentboy.

  • Opalescent Riddles

    I guaran-fucking-tee that the costumes that gymnasts or swimmers wear has FUCKALL to do with whether a coach wants to get pervy with the athletes in their trust. This is about pervy guys (and maybe a few non-guys) and power, not about “red-blooded American” ANYTHING. Least of all about clothing — the kids could be wearing burqas.

  • arglebargle

    Women wearing modest clothing never get raped. It’s a science fact.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Rape never happened in Afghanistan when the Taliban ran things, dangit!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Just ask the Amish.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      Older ladies never get raped. Pass it on.

  • HogeyeGrex

    Seriously, Bannon? “Hate TV?” As a purveyor of filth of the nastiest stripe you have zero standing to say boo about anything. Particularly something so obvious and anodyne as that Blitzer comment.

    Fuck that guy. I hope he dies in prison.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Kevin Swanson is a rapist. pass it on.

  • Nassar molested girls as young as six. Today, I had a conversation with the mother of one of my students, a sweet, precious, funny five year old, about the need to instill a healthy skepticism about authority figures. Mom was a gymnast in her school days, and was appalled by the crime wave affecting the elite tiers of the sport.

    I can’t help but think that this student is only s year younger than some of Nassar’s victims, and it boils my blood. This girl is a sweet kid, an affectionate kid- she’s a hand holder, holds the other kids’ hands, grabbed another coach’s hand while he was instructing other kids. I would be devastated if anything occurred to rob this child of her joyfulness.

  • The Wanderer

    Hmm.
    Is Swanson advocating a type of Christian burqa? Could he be wanting us to withdraw from the Olympics, or merely prevent anyone under eighteen from competing? Could it be that he, Bannon, and their ilk are just a bunch of skeevy bastards who should be the next passengers on Musk’s Tesla?

    • SDGeoff3

      No; he just needs some attention, and he has his eyes fixed on what members of the Trump administration have gotten away with. He’s projecting his own tawdry perverted desires.

  • janecita

    Male athletes also dress “immodest.” Is it OK to rape male gymnasts and male swimmers because they are half naked?

    • I think Swanson has other plans for them, because they make him think impure thoughts, out of line with Leviticus.

  • Shanzgood (18 Days!)
  • Me not sure

    Gymnastics and swimming?… I thought that was what porn was for. Who knew?

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    She’s really stunning and they are a beautiful pair. Still, though, I know the only reason he didn’t ask me is because I’m already married. Sorry Idris.
    https://twitter.com/TheVoiceNews/status/962353657235824640?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E3

    • janecita

      He asked me but I said no:-( I was really immature at the time.

      • proudgrampa

        She asked me, but I was too old and turned her down. I hope she finds happiness.

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      Sorry ladies … but she is a stunner.

      • janecita

        She is gorgeous, they look good together.

      • Sorry dudes… but she is a stunner.

    • goCatgo

      He is an excellent actor, so much so I don’t like it when he plays a bad guy. Thankfully it’s rare.

    • proudgrampa

      Damn, that is a beautiful couple!

      They are gonna make some beautiful babies!

      • stablegeniusahughes798

        Or they won’t. Or they will and the babies won’t be beautiful, just ordinary.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        No shit.

  • Daniel

    I sometimes wonder if Bannon can hear himself.

    • Jay Hansen

      Hearing can be impaired by having one’s head up one’s ass, or so I’ve been told.

  • CATMAN

    Hey, Kevin, isn’t it kinda strange that perverts choose an occupation that allows them access to the objects of their desire and not the actions of said objects that abet the perversion?

  • arglebargle
  • Fartknocker

    Is this the same Steve Bannon that was charged with Domestic Violence? Why yes it is. What a condescending prick.
    http://www.documentcloud.org/documents/3035264-Steve-Bannon-Police-Report.html

    • Me not sure

      “Physician, heal thyself.”

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Even if he was racist you’d think an elf who lives in a tree and makes cookies would be on board with pot.

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        Beauregard was okay with the Klan until he found out that they smoked reefer. Then he was a’gin ’em.

    • “I wish I was a pixie
      Away! Away”
      In Pixieland, I’d take my stand
      And live and die a pixie …”

      • SDGeoff3

        LOL! Very good!

    • goCatgo

      Dude, I am SO SORRY ! I did not know that was your girl ! I thought she was kidding ’bout an elf called Dopey ! Besides, she left me when the weed ran out.
      Hopped on an 18 wheeler goin’ down to Flooreeda.

  • open thread garbage men would be the idiots at a major defence contractor who broke 8 of my lasers they are using for development…so I am home on a Saturday cutting titanium tubes for test fixture to find the failure mode and be able to blame it on them. How y’all doin?https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a245782238614f7112b50ef3910f0fd67896a289149e086470ea05aa4b1f5960.png

    • janecita

      Dude, that sucks! How long is it going to take you to do all that? It sounds like a lot of work.

      • An hour or 3 bowls of fine Oregon bud…which ever takes longest…

        • SDGeoff3

          Go for the bowls.

          • proudgrampa

            Heck, I would.

    • Years ago I knew some guys who worked at an MOD research site in Berkshire

      They used ruby lasers and the damn things broke so regularly they would make jewelery out of them

    • proudgrampa

      Yeah, yeah, yeah.

      Blame it on the contractors!!!

      ;-)

    • therblig

      yippee-Ti-yay!

    • Jonny On Maui

      How the fuck do you break 8 lasers? Practice?

      • TootsStansbury

        Let Marines play with them.

  • I love the way that according to the Fundies women are subject to men but it’s men who cannot control themselves

    • RMKH

      Item #3429 in the Fundamentalist lack of consistency notebook

    • yyyaz

      If they can control all the wimmenz, self-control becomes a non-issue.

    • puredog

      “Love” may not be la verbe juste ici.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Teen Gymnasts Too Sexy For Red-Blooded Men To Resist

    “And did you see the liver in the freezer giving me the eye?”

    • proudgrampa

      Portnoy’s Complaint reference!

      YAY!

  • IMPOed
    • SDGeoff3

      I like that one.

      • proudgrampa

        Me, too.

    • handyhippie65

      where’s the POW! ?

      • IMPOed

        IK,R?

  • Jay Hansen

    Not much red blood available to fuel the good reverend’s brain. Wonder where it all went.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      iswydt

  • Am I wrong for hoping that Mike Pence gets involved in a torrid affair with Kim Jong Un’s sister and defects to North Korea?

    • janecita

      Oh God, that would actually be awesome!

      • puredog

        I don’t want Dence on my team. Sorry.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Fake news. He’s probably crushing on Li’l Rocket Man but won’t dare tell the boss about the size of Kim’s button.

    • IMPOed

      She wouldn’t touch him, he’s too fucking crazy!!

      • janecita

        And she knows crazy!

        • IMPOed

          YES!

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Since seeing the article about how Mueller is leaving Pence alone, I’ve started hoping that the FBI secretly turned Pence long ago and he has been acting as an informant the whole time.

    • DrBigHead

      How about with Kim Jong Un himself? That would be even more amusing.

    • Great, now I have North Side Story running through my head:

      Kim Yo-Jong
      I just met a girl named Kim Yo -Jong!
      And now the USA, just seems so dull and gray. TO MEEEE!

      Kim Yo-Jong, say it soft and it sounds Byronic, say it loud and it sounds atomic!

      • therblig

        i like to be in north ko-rea
        i’ll be vp in north ko-rea
        it’s making sense in north ko-rea
        if you’re mike pence in north ko-rea

    • Jonny On Maui

      Where she’s a dom and mikey can finally let his submissive side bloom. Pictures included of course…

  • memzilla Ω

    Jeezum crow, a serial sex abuser and conman is in the White House and I’m agreeing with stuff that Steven Bannon and Bill Kristol are saying? I’m not liking this pointy-bearded Spock timeline AT ALL.

    C’mon CERN, get that Large Hadron Collider working on tachyons!

    • Eileen Besse

      EXCELLENT To Kill a Mockingbird ref here. Brava!

      • Me not sure

        Also too, extra credit for CERN Large Hadron Collider reference.🅰+

    • BJW

      Wait a minute…it was the three tachyon streams intersecting in 3 time periods in the same exact spot in the Devron system that caused the anti-time eruption. So only one tachyon stream allowed!

  • Hesavebread!

    Preach sister.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Shorteyessayswhat?

    • yyyaz

      And $22M is just the estimate …

    • Old town Urbandale

      Maybe those tanks can be used to deliver some Meals on Wheels when the parade’s over.

      • handyhippie65

        or run over an orange shitgibbon, whichever is more convenient.

      • “M”

        Not if Cheap Bigot Garbage Human Mitch Mulvaney gets wind of it.

    • handyhippie65

      oooOOOooo, that’s gonna leave a mark!

    • “M”

      Gauntlet. Thrown. *fistbumps you, like we used to do when we had a real POTUS*

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Dinner tonight is gonna be mushroom risotto, grilled ribeyes and steamed broccoli. I make killer risotto, and my recipe ain’t hacked or nothing.

    • Me not sure

      Shuh up! I is hungry nowz.

    • Rasilom

      What time should we come over? I’ll bring the wine!

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Anytime in the super-mystical Blue Ridge Mountain Time Zone.

    • IMPOed

      Where is it?

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        In the kitchen?

        • IMPOed

          Recipe! You can’t tease us like that and not share!!

          • SDGeoff3

            Yeah! It’s been a while.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Oh, sorry. “Pressure Perfect” by Lorna Sass. The secret is cooking it in a fancy ass little pressure cooker. Best brand is Kuhn-Rikon, an excellent example of fine Swiss engineering.

            Fucking foolproof.

          • Most Stable Land Shark

            Then even I could use it?

    • SDGeoff3

      That recipe took some time. I have a few too.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        In the pressure cooker it’s 4 minutes under pressure, then another 3 to 5 minutes of simmering after a quick, cold-water release of pressure.

        • SDGeoff3

          I’m not brave enough to use a pressure cooker, and I admire people who are! Your menu sounds wonderful. Hope you’re enjoying with company.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      I have a nice Cote d’ Rhone that would go well.

  • FDRliberal
    • HazooToo

      I tried, I honestly tried, but I can’t unpack all the ways that tweet is pure straight nonsense.

      • Daniel

        It’s a joke.

        • HazooToo

          Thank God! The internet is not the easiest place to detect those!

    • yyyaz

      Ramen1!1

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      Those nasty liberals and their big words.

    • yyyaz

      It’s caused by a genetic defect of the amygdala. IOW, no cure yet.

  • And yet another Garbage man associated with Trump
    https://twitter.com/TheBaxterBean/status/962027218674348032

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      Is there such a thing as “misdemeanor trafficking of a minor” or is the felony on there to … ?

  • Zannah Merrill

    Two things:

    1. Larry Nassar molested six-year-olds, not usually the “red-blooded man” target of lust. Kevin Swanson reflexively defends straight Christian-adjacent white men regardless, without knowing or caring about the facts.

    2. Decent doctors wind up evaluating patients’ health first and placing everything else way, way down. They’ll note class status and lifestyle, and other stuff that will help them treat the patient, definitely, but all that social chatter that lives in our heads gets submerged to clinical care.

    Like that picture of the “vagina” in the tree. For the public, we just go, “Ha! Tree vagina!” But for tree doctors and botanists, they look at it and part of their brain might go, “Ha! Tree vagina!” But the dominant part is humming along identifying what’s caused it, how to care for it, etc. So even if Nassar were a doctor to the Sexy Pageant- which he wasn’t- most doctors would have been able to keep even their thoughts in line as they’re actually doing work.

    • Kevin Swanson probably defends Gay Christian adjacent white men as well – as long as they go to a conversion therapy centre for a couple of days

      • Zannah Merrill

        With caveats- if they’re older, wealthy and conservative. Young poor dudes of unproven political standing(money being speech) are probably not worth defending in his eyes.

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          Oh, he might be all over defending Brock Turner.

          • Zannah Merrill

            You’re damn right. I am mistaken!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Kevin Swanson is just not right, on multiple levels.

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      His brain is mush like a swanson’s frozen dinner.

      Sorry, riffing a bit there.

  • janecita

    Am I the only one that thinks that Gal Gadot and Morena Baccarin look alike?

    • FDRliberal

      Am I the only one who doesn’t know who Gal Gadot and Morena Baccarin are?

    • Shanzgood (18 Days!)

      Eh, not a lot but I can see why you’d say that.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      They are both brunette. With olive skin. That’s what they have in common.

    • therblig

      been rewatching firefly for the past 10 days, but haven’t seen wonder woman yet.

      apparently user, pneumonic on imbd thinks that and more, though

      http://www.imdb.com/list/ls063635301/

      • janecita

        I’m glad that I’m not the only one. I actually get the two of them mixed up all the time.

    • Blackest Noobs

      yes. but that’s ok, i say that about white guys, normal ones, not hollywood ones.

  • Destroy 10,000 years of recorded history

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bivsP_h6l0s

  • Marion in Savannah
    • FDRliberal

      This repellent right-wing clown, “Pastor” Swanson, who whines that women show too much skin in gymnastics, thus bating ‘red-blooded’ American men, will also be the first to tell you that all Muslims are terrorists who oppress women and gays.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Of course he will. That’s the way they roll.

  • La forza del resistino

    ‘ …sports encourage immodesty, revealing large portions of the body’. Woe to the woman who shows up at Kevin’s church with a hijab scarf.

    • Marion in Savannah

      The Quran requires that men dress modestly too. So I guess basketball players and male swimmers and divers will have to change their dress codes, no?

      • TootsStansbury

        We can’t even mention the wrestlers.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Men touching other men? SINNERS!!!

        • Shanzgood (18 Days!)

          I used to “know” a wrestler sometimes…

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        What gets me is that these guys are the first to say that Islam is oppressive because it makes women wear burqas. How about the third option, um, letting the woman have a choice? Honestly, I wish we were more accepting of Muslims here, because I would like to see a secular acceptance of the head scarf and face covering in its various forms. Maybe someone has a deformity that they wish to hide, but makeup doesn’t conceal it enough. Maybe they’re in witness protection. Or maybe, like me, they’re just really, really shy and/or insecure about their appearance, and don’t want anyone to know what they look like. And that’s those women’s decision, and my decision to reveal or not.

        Who the fuck is Kevin Swanson or the outdated “liberationists” in France and Québec to tell me or anyone else I can’t wear a burkini if I want to? Key word being choice. The women in Iran are ripping off their head scarves because it’s the patriarchy telling them they have to wear it. In the ’70s, they wore them in protest against the shah, who told them they can’t. None of them listens to Justin Trudeau or Emmanuel Macron, who both said very simply, “stop telling women what they can and can’t wear.” Kevin Swanson and Mayim Bialik should get together with Marine Le Pen and go bowling. Québec actually made it illegal for a married woman to take her husband’s name even if she wants to. Sophie Grégoire wasn’t having that shit, and professionally goes by the hyphenated Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau. Because at the end of the day, it’s not about protecting women from “the patriarchy.” It’s just another flavor of the patriarchy telling women what they’re not allowed or have to do.

        • Marion in Savannah

          I posted this link in a previous thread when we had that dude with the bees in his bonnet over FANATICAL ISLAMIC SUICIDERS. Not that he would look at it, of course, but it made me feel better. Title and subtitle are

          Mainstream Media Islamophobia and Women’s Rights in Muslim Countries
          A Critical Response to the Islamophobic Accusation made by Western Mainstream Media that Islam is Anti-women

          I haven’t quite finished reading it all yet (it’s looong) but I’m finding it most clarifying about some things I didn’t understand.

          https://www.globalresearch.ca/mainstream-media-islamophobia-and-womens-rights-in-muslim-countries/5438965

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            in order to fight oppression, it is incumbent to first empower oneself with knowledge. Therefore, our advocacy for women’s emancipation and gender equity should be global, all-inclusive and educative, since it is not Muslim women alone but women in general who are enslaved by sexist prejudices, patriarchal oppressions, and chauvinist discriminations.

            It is already a cliché to say that knowledge is power, but I feel that we need to be reminded of this fact, time and again.

            Fucking yeah. It’s not “Islam” or “Christianity” per se that’s the problem. It’s PATRIARCHY. A fact that wife-beating, drunk paranoiacs like Sloppy Scumbag Steve Bannon or privileged pseudo-intellectual evo-psycho bros (h/t Nancy McClernan) like Jordan “Jock Lobster” Peterson refuse to understand.

            They really do just need to shut the fuck up.

        • Most Stable Land Shark

          Here in the big city, head scarves are pretty common. There’s still some Muslim hating, but nothing like what it must be like in the hinterlands.

          • La forza del resistino

            Used to live down the road from Kevin’s church. Sunday would see the world’s largest collection of brown and beige mini-vans in the parking lot.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            The fucking Internet is fanning the flames of this. Misogynistic hatred and also Islamophobia and other forms of bigotry. The FB/Twitter form of “dealing with abuse” is like fighting the Fort Mac wildfires by dousing them with kerosene. Zuck and Dorsey are two more examples of the techbro patriarchy who need to fall. James Damore, meanwhile, can go live on an island with Professor Lobster McLobsterdick and be his hierarchy-loving rent boy.

          • Marion in Savannah

            They’re fairly common here in Savannah too. And I have yet to hear of any Muslim woman wearing a head scarf who’s been bothered by anyone. And we’re In Teh Bibble Belt.

      • Doug Langley

        Fun fact: Mark Spitz would have got another gold but was disqualified cuz his swimsuit had a hole in the elbow.

  • TootsStansbury

    Skeevy fundy drools over little girls in leotards and swimsuits. He needs to be evaluated, he sounds predatory.

    • Arrest for child porn/molestation in 3…2….

    • Christopher Story

      Preditors of a feather lust together

    • OrdinaryJoe

      ^^ Exactly. He is talking about adolescent girls. CHILDREN, you perverted beyebull thumping fuck head.

    • Begin Anew Day

      This kind of thing naturally follows from his history of preying upon his church going flocks fear of hell fire. He’s been fleecing them so long with that old con that he has become bored with it and now turns his attention to new areas of weakness.

      Predators gotta prey!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    OK. So based on that story we know that Pastor Statutoryrape should never ever be alone with young girls and we would all be better off if he was sent straight to an MDSO holding facility.

  • mackafritz

    What is sad is that there are actually people who listen and agree with him. In a perfect world he would be some sad clown screeching on a street corner.

    • yyyaz

      In most sane parts of the globe, he already is.

      • Lord High theCryptofishist

        He’s busy then. There’s a lot of streetcorners out there.

  • Lord High theCryptofishist

    Does anyone know why being molested by a lesbian is worse than being molested by a man? Rape’s rape, right?

    • Daniel

      Because lesbianism doesn’t really exist. It’s like unicorns or climate change or Europe.

      • Wonky “TurnipShepherd” McGoo

        wouldn’t that make it better

      • Marion in Savannah

        Or if you’re a pervy enough Republican you probably think it’s HAWT.

    • I suspect his thinking is that “molestation by a man is at least natural, while molestation by another female is also perverse”.

      It’s all about rules, projection, and punishing the females. It is, for people like him, never about hurting other people and the degree of harm done. And it is never, ever, about him.

  • FDRliberal

    I’ve often asked this question below. Supremacists from Heinrich Himmler and Josef Goebbels, to Chuck C. Johnson and Sebastian Gorka, usually don’t look like members of a “master race”, but more like serial killers, or who guys drive white vans slowly near playgrounds.

    https://twitter.com/TeaPainUSA/status/962176649579163648

    • mackafritz

      How about deleting this executive, Fox?

    • goCatgo

      At least Hollywood knows what a Master Race looks like.

    • Just to really throw them, point out that the first Britons were black.

      • Daniel

        What’s a Briton?

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          A Cheddar Man! Not to be confused with Mozzarella Mussolini.

          • Daniel

            The answer I was looking for is “We are all Britons, and I am your king.”

          • wavicles

            Give it time, man. You took all the fun out, repressing it.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Oh but if I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because
            some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

          • Cletus Safari
          • redarmyzombie

            At this point, it’s a better basis for government that the Electoral College…

          • redarmyzombie

            OOH! OOH! MUENSTER MUSSOLINI! WE CAN ADD THAT ONE TO THE LIST!!!

    • Cletus Safari
      • Daniel

        Heavy doses of uranium will make sure everything is nice and pure and clean and sterile.

        • Marion in Savannah

          To say nothing of marrying your first cousin unto the tenth generation.

      • Cletus Safari

        Come to think of it, doesn’t this guy somewhat resemble “Reverend” Swanson?

    • Cletus Safari
  • NotALiar

    “Or, worse yet, where the infatuation of the body eventually effects the lesbian coaches”

    I’m just gonna let this simmer in the crock-pot for a bit. Let the old school wingnut flavor marinate in the derp.

    • Granny Sprinkles

      Mmmm, derpsauce.

  • TootsStansbury

    Hey “Bam Bam” we making you nervous? MUWAHAHAHAHA*reverb*

  • Ms. MLG on Maui

    Best to follow the Bible’s advice on this one, Kevin.

    And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

  • aktlib101
  • Granny Sprinkles

    In the course of her nursing career, Granny saw thousands of nekkid people. Also in the course of her nursing career, Granny sexually assaulted zero people. Just sayin’.

    • Parakeetist

      Yay

    • RMKH

      She wasn’t a red blooded amerikan male

      • Granny Sprinkles

        Well you’ve got me there, but I’ve never been renowned for my sexual purity either.

        • Mr Canoehead, Porg Griller

          Storytime?

      • Self control is for wimps!

    • pd1648

      My mother found my teen-aged brothers’ stash of Playboy’s and Penthouses. No one knew how they got there, of course.

      While my brother’s friends were over, talking about girls. My mother brought out a Penthouse, open at the centerfold.

      She told the boys that she’d been a nurse for thirty-five years and had never seen a body like that. My brother was mortified. Mama just wanted him to know what to expect from a non-airbrushed woman.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Bigger than Tea Party? Well that’s encouraging.

    • wavicles

      Suck on that!

      • TootsStansbury

        Well, he should know about sucking on that.

    • Granny Sprinkles

      Here’s to hoping our signs are better.

  • goCatgo

    OT. So i watched a little of CNBC this week. I guess I was bored. Anyway, Brilliant Analysis was done and told to us by the “experts” saying things like ” throwing the baby out with the bath, the tail is wagging the dog, a needed correction to matrix fundamentals, wait to back up the truck,” and, my favorite ” overleveraged positions of the inverse volatility indexes,” apparently of which there are many. Whoodahthunkit ?

    • Me not sure

      Cliched
      Nattering
      Business
      Channel

  • Blackest Noobs

    isn’t this the same shitbag who said he would roll around in shit if his son was gay?
    Come on Swanson kid being gay.

    • Lara

      In all seriousness, can you imagine growing up with a shitstain like this for a parent? I hope any kids he has get away soon enough that they aren’t scared forever.

  • Me not sure

    If Trump hasn’t already trademarked it for the White House staff, the name of my new country band is going to be Hope Hicks And The Hopeless Yokels.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Hope’s Hickies.

    • therblig

      she’s no So What

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xz71pov1odc

      Keely Smith, parodied here as “Squealy Smith” died in December 2017, and did scratch her nose, but according to an interterview on Fresh Air, it was because it itched.

  • La forza del resistino
  • Manhattan123

    Holy shit, Pennywise in “It” doesn’t look as scary as that fucking pastor.

    • Parakeetist

      And he ate someone’s arm.

    • RMKH

      He’s supposed to look like that, to put the fear of god in you.

  • Blackest Noobs

    the Trump Administration is bringing their criminals, their rapists, i assume, some are good people, but we have yet to see that.

    • Husband Of Mrs God

      Bring me your criminals, your rapists, your greedy oligarchs yearning to dodge sanctions…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    According to Swanson, those gymnast girls were not molested by Larry Nassar because he is a monster, but because gymnastics “encourages immodesty” and Nassar is just a red-blooded American male who could not help himself.

    BRB, throwing up now.

    • Marion in Savannah

      IK,R? I’m about to have to start getting dinner ready.

    • eyelashviper

      It’s the Burka Brigade, not just in Islamic zones.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        For all the bitching and moaning they do about Birmingham, England… Al-abama is just as much of a theocratic no-go zone that I wouldn’t want to find myself in either.

        • Daniel

          And Birmingham is not actually full of no-go zones under Sharia law.
          Nor is Manchester, nor London.
          They are lying.

  • Parakeetist

    Has anyone checked this A Asshole’s computer?

    • I’m sure it was just a virus that downloaded the thousands of child porn pictures.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    Prior to 10,000 years of recorded history those who gave birth to the tribe, ruled it. Cf Venus of Willendorf.

  • Husband Of Mrs God

    What about red-blooded Eastern European males? (hope it’s not true)

    • Toledo Window Box

      For one thing, they are very gassy. This is actually true, a gastroenterologist told me so.

  • JParkerSD46

    Fucking assholes. Dipshit Swanson is so sexually repressed he can’t even watch a sporting event without getting all tingly-parts? I’m sure he’ll be glued to his tv during the Olympics, with his bottle of lube and lots of napkins. My guess, though, is that Swanson is much more interested in the male competitors. And Bannon, please just go fuck yourself, or blow yourself, whatever, then please drop dead, you sick bastard. My apologies in advance if I have sinned against the Great Banhammer, but I really, really, really hate these dickwhistles.

    • eyelashviper

      I know, just imagine what a crowded beach would do to him.
      He’s a very sick fuk, and should be kept away from women and children.

      • redarmyzombie

        Or anyone.

        • eyelashviper

          Kittehs and puppies, also too, and baby goats.

          • Rasilom

            I would be willing to let him have a go with a rabbid badger.

          • eyelashviper

            Tasmanian devils also too, very hungry, pissed off ones.

  • Blackest Noobs

    are we heading toward a Guinness World Record for most resignations in a U.S. President’s administration? three this week alone, maybe more???

    • The heck with a record for resignations. I want to see the record for “most criminal convictions” along with “first president impeached.”

      • OutOfOrbit

        Yeah, but not a single one so far

      • OrG

        Third. Jackson and Clinton were impeached but not removed by the Senate.

      • gene108

        Two presidents have been impeached. A. Johnson and Clinton. No president has been removed from office, via trial in the Senate.

      • Toledo Window Box

        First REMOVED.

    • redarmyzombie

      Oh, god, another?!

      • Blackest Noobs

        three this week. two wife/gf beaters and one who saw the writing on the wall ( R. Brand @ Justice Dept, she was #3)

    • Toledo Window Box

      We may also see the most criminal convictions as well, although Reagan’s administration set the bar REALLY high for that.

    • bupkus231

      I wanna see Cabinet level resignations, goddammit! Fuck these lower-level flunkies. We haven’t had a good Cabinet-level resignation since Price.
      I wanna see Kelly, Carson, Perry, Mattis – Mnuchin, Pruitt, DeVos, Ross – Sessions, Zinke, Perdue, and Azar – ALLL these motha fuckas!!!!

  • eyelashviper

    This from a thread at RS.
    A national tragedy that this is so true…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b299857e81aa2d233d404aa2c894851028d20e3df7143693600823ba16efadbd.jpg

    • Daniel

      “What about Uranium One?!?!?!?!?”

      • eyelashviper

        and, gasp, pant suits…the horror, how will we cope?

        • Lord High theCryptofishist

          And “grammar, what’s that?”

          • eyelashviper

            Readin’ is for cucks and losers, dontcha know?

          • “M”

            that RUSHERRRR thing

        • pd1648

          Nixon didn’t like Helen Thomas’s pantsuits, either. Damn, I miss that woman.

    • wait! what?

      Everyone knows Donald uses tampons to stop fast food anal leakage.

      Sorry, that’s out of Kotex…

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        And up his nose.

    • Lara

      Or “everyone deserves forgiveness”.

    • goCatgo

      It’s just a mulligan. A really, huge, ginormous, flesh eating, slimey, orange mulligan.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        Really, he’s just new to this presidenting thing. He can learn not to do all that stuff. The MSM and deep state librul conspiracy won’t even give him a chance.

    • bupkus231

      How did memes go all truthful all of a sudden?

      • “M”

        One faux-lected wanna-be authoritarian can do that.

    • Peter Witting

      #FakeNews

    • Bright Bart
      • Paul

        James Michael Curley of Boston ran for office from jail, where he was doing time for corruption while Mayor. Everything old is new again.

        • pd1648

          Sounds like Louisiana, whose state motto has long been “We have the best politicians money can buy.”

          They loved Edwin Edwards truly and unconditionally.

    • King Beauregard

      They would even find a way to verbally misspell “You’re”.

      https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/109/255673705_3da087c065.jpg

  • wait! what?

    There is an infatuation with the body,” he said, “and, of course, the sexual aspects of the body as well. Some sports encourage immodesty, revealing large portions of the body and this happens in some sports. These are the risky sports. Here they are, what are the risky sports? Gymnastics. Gymnastics and swimming. These are the sports in which there is an added risk.”

    Damn. Christianity isn’t really good for anything, is it?

    • Rasilom

      I hear you can use it as a floor wax or desert topping…

      • msanthropesmr

        It makes a fucking lousy floor wax and dessert topping. I don’t know about a desert topping – I think Moses wandered around in one of those for awhile.

      • goCatgo

        Won’t stop leaks, unclog drains, kill fleas, or prevent the flu. It will keep away cockroaches, but only on Sundays.

    • msanthropesmr

      Making women feel bad about themselves, and making men feel better about themselves, I’d say.

      • OrG

        It’s not working for me.

        • msanthropesmr

          You gotta really believe and think that you’re forgiven.

        • wait! what?

          Have you tried turning it off and back on again?

    • Christopher Story

      This isn’t Christianity. This is the wolf in sheep’s clothing. Using the appearance of Christianity to prey on the vulnerable and unaware.

      • Toledo Window Box

        Like the modern Republican party, and governance.

      • goCatgo

        They say it is. I will take them at their word until I see the Four Horsemen riding down my street.

      • SayItWithWookies

        No, I’m afraid this is Christianity. And where are the moderate Christians we hear so much about, who are never heard when their religion promulgates such horrific attitudes? You would think if they don’t condemn this, they’d be responsible for the rest of the world looking at them as child molesters. I mean, would you want your daughter near one?

        • goCatgo

          They all talk the talk. None walk the walk.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            Blame Augustine the Hippo. He’s also at fault for the religious (and, subsequently, legal and psychiatric) prohibition against suicide. Like, I’m not looking to “martyr” myself, asshole. I’m trying to permanently cure a debilitating disease…

          • Most Stable Land Shark

            There are a few who walk the walk. James Earl Carter is one, as is Rev. Dr. Barber. Not nearly well known enough, and not nearly enough of them.

            https://thinkprogress.org/an-open-letter-to-clergy-who-prayed-with-trump-7876ee87dbc2/

          • Jim Wallis also, too.

        • Lord Jim

          Careful – down that road lies the condemnation of all Muslims for terrorist acts.

          • False dichotomy. The Middle East terrorists who say they are Muslim are Muslim – they’re just not very nice ones. My preacher grandpa was a grade A jerk and a sincere Christian, but yes, there is also Jimmy Carter. Kind of makes one think that it’s not the religion who makes the person, but the person who makes the religion, so to speak.

          • Lord Jim

            Not a dichotomy – an analogy.

    • RickyG
  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • IMPOed

      OMG, scare the crap out of me!!!

  • Christopher Story

    This guy can hear the skeletons rattling in his own closet.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The fucking monster set up a system that enabled him to abuse hundreds of women for years, and this fucking pastor tries to pretend it’s like Johnny from the sticks comes to the big city and gets rolled by some sophisticated Jezebel? The fucker sees the same evidence that we all do — heard the victims’ statements at the sentencing hearing, heard Nassar’s whining and self-excusing and pathologically uncompassionate letter to the judge — and this is what he comes up with? What church is he a minister for, and why do they put up with this sociopath being in a position of influence?

    • Hemp Dogbane

      The sort of church whose members would elect Steve King to Congress.

    • Ellie

      That would be par for Swanson.

  • 42nd Parllel

    Unfun fact: recorded history extends to about 5000 years ago. Before that, no one knew how to write.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      And even then, half the shit was made up. Often by the victors.

      • handyhippie65

        half? you’re generous.

    • therblig

      mooch clued us all in on bannon’s “oral tradition”

    • eyelashviper

      Runes, it’s what’s fer communication, along with cool stick figures.

    • H0mer0

      I was wondering about that but I’m no historian

    • Daniel

      Or they did but had nothing to say.

    • goCatgo
      • goCatgo

        Bannon are not gud drunk. Or sober.

      • Daniel

        This song is considered romantic rather than a scathing indictment of the US education system.

        • yyyaz

          I thought it stupid when I first heard it at age 10.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Once a species starts writing things down, it gains the ability to pass knowledge between generations, and it gets much, much smarter very quickly.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    10,000 years of recorded history. Bannon marks every 3333 years with another shirt.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Well, you know those lizard people, they don’t understand hygiene.

  • Daniel

    “Time’s up on 10,000 years of recorded history. This is coming. This is real.”

    “Steve, we’re out of cereal. Is toast alright?”
    “We’re not just out of cereal, we’re out two hundred years of recorded history. This is coming. This is real.”

    “Steve, what time is it?”
    “The end of 2,000, 000 years of recorded history.”
    “I mean because I have to get to work…”
    “This is coming.”
    “Is it 8 yet?”
    And this is real.

    • Stable Uniomist Raan

      “Steve, just tell me what your fucking watch says.”

      • Daniel

        “It is literally the end of time.”
        “No, where’s the big hand?”
        “On the six.”
        “And the litt…the other hand?” Where it always is, sticking directly up to the two.”
        “Do you have your non-character watch at all?”
        “No, Adolf is my favourite, you can’t make me change!”
        “Just look at the damn time!”
        “IT IS THE DAMN TIME! IT IS THE END OF HISTORY!”
        “Why now?”
        “Women drivers!”

        • Stable Uniomist Raan

          “Steve I want a divorce.”

          • Daniel

            “This is the divorce of time! Everything that happens to me is world shakingly important!”
            “How much gin have you had today?”
            “Enough to drown a million race traitors!”

          • AJ Milne

            Awesomest. Non-comment. Subthread. Ever.

      • handyhippie65

        i dunno, micky’s hands are on the 6 and the 7.

  • Doug Langley

    Hi everyone! Just got in. Guess where I’ve been? Well, got up early, drove 30 miles, taught class, got back in car, drove out and THUMPA THUMPA THUMPA.

    This is not a sound you want to hear on your car.

    Reader’s Digest Condensed version: flat tire – helpful security guard – spare tire (thou shalt not drive over 50 UNDER ANY CONDITION) – search for nearby tire store not booked solid on Saturday – Discount Tires to the rescue – problem fixed for about $100. Which wipes out about half of my bank account.

    So that ate up most of the day for me. How’s everyone?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Flat tires SUCK! If you can keep an inflated full-size used tire in your trunk, do it. You’ll save money.

      • Doug Langley

        I did. That’s how I got to the tire place in the first place. Oh, it wasn’t inflated, so security guy took tire, we drove to gas station, inflated, drove back, and he replaced it.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Ah. Yep, they do go flat over time. Get one a them tire inflators you plug into your car. I have one. They’re actually pretty reasonably priced.

          • Doug Langley

            Security guy thought he had a compressor in the equipment shack, but couldn’t find it. Good news: he did have a heavy duty jack, much better than the puny one that comes with the car.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            I always envy those big-ass jacks. Make it so easy.

          • Doug Langley

            My jack is weird. You can’t just put the stick in it, twirl, and lift. Gotta put it in and out. Would take half an hour just to lift. The jack he got was pump, pump, pump, boom you’re done.

          • CptnEng2311

            Half an hour later… aaaand the Wonketariat whiffs what has to be the bigliest dick-joke setup in a decade. Sad.

            Gotta up our game. Can’t let the orange chaos dent the real purpose of this wonderful place.

          • Daniel

            I’m rather pleased the bait was left.

          • CptnEng2311

            Too easy huh? OK, I can see that point of view.

        • Shanzgood (18 Days!)

          That was nice of him.

          • Doug Langley

            Very. As painful as today was, I must admit it was about as convenient as an emergency could get. Right there on the campus next to the security dept and a guard with nothing else to do. And I wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere.

      • Doug Langley

        Another problem: a full sized tire won’t fit in the trunk, only a skinny tire will, Which has to be replaced ASAP.

        • handyhippie65

          ehh, as long as it is not a drive wheel, you can run them longer. i had an old buick lesabre that had a bent rear suspension arm. and it wore out tires pretty quick. it would have cost me $300 to fix, and since it was a $500 beater, i just bought space saver spares at the junkyard for $10 each and used them on the back. i drove it for two years till the tranny died. never had an issue.

    • handyhippie65

      better than yours. been plowing snow so i can get the new truck i got into my garage to pull the motor and tranny for parts for another one of my trucks.

      • Doug Langley

        Oooh. New truck.

        • handyhippie65

          new to me anyway. it’s a 91′ dodge i got for parts for a 94′ mitsubishi. my flywheel is shot, and i bought the entire truck for less than the cost of a new flywheel. now all i have to do is all of the work.

          • Ergo, the handyhippie.

            Good on ya, mate.

          • handyhippie65

            been fixing things all of my life. mostly for other people for pay.

    • Ellie

      My days are all pretty much the same, but OTOH, I didn’t have to deal with THUMPA THUMPA. It’s a dreaded and dreadful sound…although not as bad as when your muffler falls out.

      • goCatgo

        For that muffler problem, keep a coat hanger and a pair of pliers in the glove box. Works also when you lock yourself out.

        • bupkus231

          Yeah – but if the pliers and coat hanger are in the glove box, how do you get to them if you lock yourself out? You’re fine if someone else locks themselves out of their car, but….

    • goCatgo

      I have gone thru all the tire people at least twice and have settled on Discount.

      • Doug Langley

        It went well. Very friendly, they squeezed me in a crowded Saturday, and I could afford the price.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Swanson just wants women to wear head-to-toe modest clothing at all times, and to segregate athletics. That’s all!

    Wait, that reminds me of a different religious tradition. Which one is that again…?

    • Ellie

      Hmm…he doesn’t want women to have an education, they shouldn’t work outside of their homes, and he thinks women who take bc pills have teeny tiny fetuses embedded in their uteri.

      • Well, he clearly has no education, why should they?

    • Classical Greeks? Women weren’t allowed in the audience at the Olympic games, but… they could compete in one event. The competitors in the chariot races weren’t the drivers, nor, as my sweetie would say, the horses, but rather the owners of the teams and drivers. Sometimes they won, but they had to hear it second-hand.

  • Lord Jim

    Guys, GUYS! Swanson is just saying that if would have the good sense to hire more GREEN-blooded American male coaches, we wouldn’t be having these problems. Y’all need to quit with the PC shit already, geez, always flying off the handle at every innocent remark an upstanding, homophobic preecher makes.

    • Christopher Story

      Weren’t Vulcans green blooded?

    • mackafritz

      Vulcans can control their emotions.

      • Doug Langley

        More to the point, they only go into heat every seven years.

        • Daniel

          Then they have to fight their best friends with impractical weapons and that music.

          • Doug Langley

            It does make one wonder how the race procreates.

          • Daniel

            Especially as they lend their name to a type of rubber.

          • Doug Langley

            Which explains how they bounce back so well.

    • handyhippie65

      we can’t have the blue bloods doing it. they’re even worse.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Bridget Moynihan libelz?

        • Magnificent Mopery.

          You leave Bridget Moynihan alone!

  • wait! what?

    Hey, remember that one time Madonna broke mother Pence out of a nursing home?

    https://youtu.be/qYwgG2oyUbA

  • Poly_Ester

    Bannon didn’t mention the 3rd Turning? It seems to me establishing a matriarchy could (just perhaps) be important to how humanity is organized.

    • Christopher Story

      Sinead O’Connor said something about going from patriarchy to fraternity. Because simply reversing the gender rolls and who’s in power doesn’t change the underlying schisms in such an I’m balanced dichotomy. But rather, we need to evolve to a true brotherhood where everyone is of equal status.

      As Mandela said, “Revolution without reconciliation is meaningless. Otherwise you’re just changing who’s in power without changing how they’re in power.”

      • Daniel

        “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.”

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        See also American “victory” after WW2.

        Meet the new Nazis, same as the old Nazis.

  • ziggywiggy

    I think someone should check Swanson’s basement. Does he have a dog named Precious?

  • eyelashviper

    How about a special kind of chastity belt for guys like Swanson, something with sharp needles awaiting an a boner caused by the sight of impure sports.

    • handyhippie65

      they have them. it’s called a chastity cage.

      • Parakeetist

        Prison cell

        • handyhippie65

          you can still get a boner in prison. not the case if you’re wearing one of those cages.

    • Ellie

      That would be fine with me, I’m afraid. I’ll repent tomorrow. Kevin Swanson hates women, and I’m sure that includes young girls, because they too, are female. I wouldn’t have him around any female person I loved, or even ones I didn’t love, if I had a choice. This is just the latest in a long line of hate-filled venomous spewing from this particular viper.

  • handyhippie65

    i was raised by my mother after my parents divorced. strong women don’t scare me. i thought of my lady as a pit bull. you didn’t want to get on her bad side. i’ve seen her say things to on duty police i would never, for fear of being beaten to death. but i do find it amazing that it is a morally reprehensible failing to use intoxicants, but it is something beyond their control if they molest children.

  • Very Stable Bozi

    Anybody tweeted this page to 2 Scoops Twitler page yet? I am sure he will agree with Swanson.

  • memzilla Ω

    “…where the infatuation of the body eventually effects the lesbian coaches?”

    Ya know, I’m a straight old white guy, but I would actually LEAP at the chance to go up to Port Authority and trust my ass to a bus with “Lesbian Coaches” written on the side.

    • Daniel

      I assume all lesbian coaches come with u haul trailers attached.

    • Me not sure

      They make great bus drivers.

    • ziggywiggy
      • Daniel

        It’s the rug that really ties the room together.

        • Nockular cavity

          Well, you gotta have something to munch on. HEYYYY…

          • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

            You can show yourself out. But I’ll order the veal.

          • Paul

            Tip the waitress too.

          • Very Stable Bozi

            She’s no fun, she fell right over.

    • therblig

      the best is when you pay for lesbian coach and get upgraded to lesbian first class.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Seriously, the guy murdered his brother with a chemical agent yet they leave the VP this close to any family member of the Un dynasty?
    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/962192478974763008

    • Rasilom

      What will mother say about this!

    • therblig

      it was probably paul ryan’s idea

    • mackafritz

      He always has the same expression on his face. Is he made of wax?

      • IMPOed

        Shit, he’s made of shit!

    • aktlib101

      Does Pence have a seKrit attraction towards strong North Korean women?

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi
    • Daniel

      His mouth is like a slice in a lump of putty.

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      It’s Pence. He’s disposable…

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        First time I would agree with this admin.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      So long as they didn’t share a hot dog, it was ok.

      • JohnBull
        • Doug Langley

          “This is delicious! What is it?”
          “Until yesterday, Mr Pence, it was Fido.”

          • Daniel

            They get very touchy about that. The government occasionally attempts to stamp it out, and in Seoul in particular it’s regarded as an embarrassment.

          • therblig

            “Can I get the recipe for my friends, the Huckabees?”

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        I doubt mother would agree to a hotdog exchange.

        • Daniel

          I think she’d be very enthusiastic about it.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I now see them scissoring while Mikey watches with his hotdog getting all worked up.

    • Daniel

      Is it weird that the sister of the murderous dictator is the one who looks least like a Disney villain in this picture?

      • JohnBull

        No, it’s no longer weird. And that’s what’s weird.

    • Nockular cavity

      Is Pence still sealed in his box there? He’s more valuable that way.

      • Daniel

        He doesn’t need to breathe. Breathing is how the devil gets in to pollute all the godly carbon dioxide in your body with his poisons.

    • IMPOed

      Yeah, she fucked up…

    • SayItWithWookies

      That’s not really Mike Pence — it’s his body double, a slice of bologna with Miracle Whip on Wonder Bread. The resemblance is uncanny.

    • Very Stable Bozi

      “Polonium, my old friend…”

  • H0mer0

    H0mer0’s SO was undressing and took a moment to notice he was wearing his coat with no pants and quipped “here’s a look you don’t see every day” and H0mer0 responded that she actually sees that every day at work.

    • SayItWithWookies

      You work at the city library?

      • AJ Milne

        Congress.

  • Ellie

    Melania Bone Spurs was wearing “suffragette white?” Because she has so much in common with Alice Paul?! I’d type more, but my eyes just rolled out of my head and I have to pick them up.

    • therblig

      “I wear the suffragette for the wham bam thank you ma’am that donnie like so much” – Melon

      • Daniel

        Don’t lean on me man.

        • Husband Of Mrs God

          Sulfur jets!

          • yyyaz

            Does that make La Brea sulfur-jet city?

          • Daniel

            Well, I certainly can’t afford the ticket there.

    • wait! what?
      • Ellie

        Actually….I’m very old fashioned, and do not wear white after Labor Day. LOL But I don’t care if she or anyone else does.

        • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

          I wear white jeans year round, because it is not the color of the fabric, but the weight of the fabric that should change from season to season.

          • Ellie

            I think mostly, we should dress to please ourselves outside of a work situation with dress code.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      I think she was taunting Dick L’Orange by wearing a white pantsuit like a common Hillary.

      • Ellie

        Much more likely than the suffragette thing.

  • AJ Milne

    ‘10,000 years of recorded history…’

    (Blinks…)

    Well, me I think it’s very inclusive of Mr. Bannon to include cave paintings, or whatever the hell it is he has in mind.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      In Australia, they’re closer to 40,000 years old. 20K at Lascaux.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Believe it or not, it’s at least 65,000 years now, and could be older.

        The findings on about 11,000 artefacts from Kakadu national park, published on Thursday in the journal Nature, prove Indigenous people have been in Australia for far longer than the much-contested estimates of between 47,000 and 60,000 years, the researchers said. Some of the artefacts were potentially as old as 80,000 years.

        It’s amazing how early humans got to Australia — it really boggles the mind.

        • Daniel

          Remember that Pangaea was a thing. All the continents were connected. They could easily have taken a bus.

      • Magnificent Mopery.

        Upwards of 40K in France

    • OrdinaryJoe

      You know Bannon. He exaggerates everything. I’m sure he was just rounding up.

      • Daniel

        This is why he’s so vehemently opposed to Vatican LX.

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          I used to have a Vatican LX until the it threw a rod.

          • Daniel

            Took me a moment to get that was a car joke and not a fishing joke.

    • SayItWithWookies

      The Flintstones counts, right?

    • Nockular cavity

      He could have gone back to 1 million BC. Aren’t there pictures from back then of Raquel Welch fighting dinosaurs?

  • Western Aristocrat

    Wyoming’s Secretary of State resigned yesterday after 2 accusations of sexual misconduct, one from the daughter of a former Governor of Wyoming.

    http://trib.com/news/state-and-regional/govt-and-politics/wyoming-secretary-of-state-ed-murray-resigns-move-caps-dramatic/article_bedfdade-a590-5442-ada2-57879cdea5ba.html

  • CatDog

    Ah yes, fundamentalists, such firm believers in personal responsibility.

    • Daniel

      They are! They can tell you exactly which person is responsible for anything wrong that they do.

      • Magnificent Mopery.

        Well played on the volley.

    • Jonny On Maui

      For everyone else…

      • Covfefe

        Isn’t that the essence of southern society?

  • wait! what?

    First off, majestic AF.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ad8dd6151f5879a09c28f47fa30bca82c1e38d8b6997a81e4d6b2def6a4b1088.jpg

    Secondly, she is what would have happened if Lord of the Rings happened in North Korea and Galadriel had kept “The One Ring”…

    • janecita

      She could stare Pence down like the little cowardly bitch that he is.

    • gene108

      The Kim’s all studied abroad, I think in Switzerland. They know how fucked up their country is, and they are keeping it that way for their own personal benefit.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Doctors see naked adults, teenagers and
    children all the time. The vast, vast, vast majority of them do not rape
    or molest anyone in the course of their duties.

    When I had my recent prostate check, my doctor (who I had known since I was 17) and I could not look each other in the eye.

    But seriously, Kevin Swanson seems like he would be someone that society in general shouldn’t let anywhere near around anyone’s kids.

    • Daniel

      “My doctor…and I could not look each other in the eye”

      I’m not old enough to have had one yet, but I always assumed they didn’t do it face to face? Do you pay more for that?

      • SayItWithWookies

        Seventy-five bucks, just like in town.

      • Jonny On Maui

        If, during the procedure, you feel a hand on each shoulder…

        • Daniel

          That’s the times when Jesus is carrying you.

        • Dg Hacket

          “You’re going to feel some pressure, and then a little prick”

    • bupkus231

      I shake my urologist’s hand BEFORE the exam, not after….

      • Daniel

        I find my urologist has a cruel sense of humour. He’s always taking the piss.

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    Just so you know, Kevin Swanson wasn’t the only fundagelical asshole responsible for the Kill the Gays laws in Uganda. There’s a fundagelical Masshole named Scott Lively (yes, that’s really his name) who was also involved in this, and who plans on running for governor against Charlie Baker in the GOP primary, because Provincetown still exists and Charlie is too purple.

    http://www.masslive.com/politics/index.ssf/2017/12/anti-lgbt_springfield_pastor_s.html

    https://i.imgflip.com/24c8xm.jpg

    • yyyaz

      Has anyone checked his basement, crawl spaces, rented lockers and freezers yet? Yeep.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        He damn well better not be running anything from the basement of a Papa Gino’s…

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I said the same thing up thread.

    • Ellie

      Scott Lively is another viper with blood on his hands.

      • Daniel

        So a pre-lapsarian viper then.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Never heard of this guy before. But milquetoast Charlie Baker keeps getting voted most-liked governor in the country. We’ve finally got some quality Dems that will be running next time around, but if this anti-LGBTQ fundie thinks he’s got a shot in hell against Charlie in a primary here in MA, he must be smoking crack.

  • Weird…..
    Why is it that these wingnuts never seem to grasp that “red blooded american males” ought to have, you know, personal restraint and not fuck children or anyone else against their will?
    Are they saying red blooded american men are animals incapable of self control?

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      My very sweet but very dumb grandpuppies know not to eat food sitting in front of them without permission.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Your grandpuppies were taught manners and self control when they were babbies. I doubt these Republican “men” were. (Scare quotes to set them apart from decent men, who actually are in the majority.)

        • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

          My rescue pup is the same way. Not only will she not eat her food, she won’t start unless I am eating also too. On the other hand, she begs for my food too, but politely.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Apparently that’s exactly what their “thinking” is. Weak. Sad. Effing pathetic.

    • Resistor Radio

      They’re saying a lot about their own desires when they trot this stuff out.

      • Marion in Savannah

        They’re actually telling you EVERYTHING about their desires. They just hope you can’t see that.

        • “M”

          We can see it. *runs to the bathroom, is sick again*

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Well it’s like they are using a megaphone.

    • bupkus231

      Self-control is unAmerican, donchaknow…

      That goes for mens, wimmins, and chilluns ….

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I’ve never had to restrain myself, ever. Could be my green blood.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Yeah well, Vulcan…

      • Swampgas_Man

        You’re an Eagles fan?

    • toughsister

      Being a member of Benjamin Franklin’s “natural aristocracy”, I am a blue-blooded American.

    • Ellie

      Yes, that’s why it’s hard to walk down the street without tripping over the men having their way with whoever comes along.

    • gene108

      Red blooded (white) American men should have their way with anyone or anything in society. Denying them is the worst form of oppression.

    • shivaskeeper

      Yes. Yes they are. As an example, this is why Pence is not allowed to be in a room alone with another woman. It’s not because he’s dead sexy and irresistible. It is assumed he will not be able to control himself. Since none of them can control themselves none of us can either

      • Covfefe

        I write it off as pious posturing.

        • shivaskeeper

          You can if you want. It is too a small degree. But they really do think men are absolute monsters with no self control. The only reason men are not rampaging around raping and killing all the time is because of the fear of god. That’s it.

          Because that is our nature, it’s up to the women ti make it easier for us to not rape and kill them all the time. Modest dress, no contact more than maybe a side hug in controlled circumstances, and not doing any of the things that will inflame men’s baser passions.

          They are 100% in line with ultra conservative Islam and hardcore orthodox Judaism when it comes to this. Every time a man stumbles on the path, a woman is at fault. Every time a man rapes or molests, a woman led him on. Every time a man losses self control, a woman is behind it. Every. Single. Time.

    • Peter Witting

      It’s almost as if they are, say….savages?!

  • Jeff Ackerman

    Anyone that needs religion to keep their “moral compass” pointed in the right direction cant be much of a christian.

    • toughsister

      Anyone who “needs” (any) religion to keep theor “moral compass” pointed in the right direction can’t be much of a human being.

    • Ellie

      In this Christian’s opinion, if you need the threat of hell to keep you from hurting other people, you are already on your way.

      • Marion in Savannah

        ^^^THIS!^^^

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    Damn. Someone gave me a play money quarter in change. There’s some farcical queen on one side and a pair of ice skaters on the reverse. What can I do with it, drive north a thousand miles and buy a crueler or a slice of back bacon with it and drive home?

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, in NYC most merchants just ignored them and treated them as Amurkun. I doubt that would fly down here, however.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      A crueler cruller? If you mean going to Canada to get one, the crullers will probably be very polite.

      • AJ Milne

        Yes, they all get along together surprisingly well…

        The primary crullers mix especially brilliantly.

    • Very Stable Bozi

      Put it in the middle of a roll of quarters and take it to the bank. Problem solved (until it comes back to you).

  • schmannity

    Maybe it’s just me, but every gymnastics space I have ever been in smells like dirty feet. Maybe the Vicar of Vagina finds feet phereromes a red blooded turn on

    • Daniel

      That’s rather unfair to the actual Vicar of Vagina, more properly Vagina-on-the-Wimple, just north of Lincoln.

      • Me not sure

        I was in Vagina once. …Nice place.

        • yyyaz

          Nothing could be finer
          In the mooooorrrrororning.

          • Me not sure

            If I had Aladdin’s lamp for only a day…

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      The smell of the carpet in my old karate dojo could knock over the unsuspecting.

      • Daniel

        Well that’s hardly surprising given the number of classes is was in.

  • toughsister

    I wonder why Kevin Swanson hasn’t volunteered to castrate himself in public, preferably while being broadcast on Fox TV.

    • Ellie

      He only has 5 children; I suppose he’s hoping for more.

  • Tony Prost

    Any time one of these guys is defending these men, it means they are either doing the same thing themselves or they secretly think about doing it, so they understand. Anyone who doesn’t have those feelings is incapable of defending them.

    • Ellie

      There’s no doubt in my mind about Swanson.

    • shivaskeeper

      Of course they are either doing it or thinking about it. The only thing holding them in check is fear. Fear of getting caught or fear of god. But it is always fear.

      Since this is what and who they are, they just project it on the rest of us to justify what goes on in their own heads. They are not the ones who are fucked up if they can even pretend to think they rest of us are just like them.

  • Begin Anew Day

    From Bible Study:

    Now there were 15,000 people there that day to hear Jesus teach. Some were cured of their illness and some were raised from the dead.(Wicked pharisees say those people had just been napping)

    Jesus was tired and told his disciples to send the multitude on their way home. But the disciples were lazy and didn’t want to do that. Maybe Jesus could just miracle the people home? What could it hurt?

    Now Jesus waxed wroth and said ” Woe to you, o weak in faith! Don’t I have better things to do with my Daddy’s power than just indulge your lack of initiative?” The sky darkened, the wind howled, the earth trembled and cats and dogs did lie down together! But then Jesus saw the terror upon the faces of his followers and He did have pity upon them. The sky cleared, the wind died down, the earth shook no more. (But Jesus let the dogs and cats be as they were for their antics did amuse Him.)

    “Master! How shall we ever feed all these people? It is late in the day and there are no towns nearby to buy food and drink! Look Master! All we have are five loaves of bread and seven fishes! We cannot feed so many with so little.”

    Now Jesus had just about had it up to HERE with his disciples poor organizational skill and constant whining! “Did you not see me once help a little old lady cross the road safely? Did you not see me when I splinted the broken leg of the man in the street? Have you forgotten how I consoled the poor teenager whose friend had turned out to be all stuck up and no true friend? You have seen all these things and still your faith falters when you are put to the test! BEHOLD! LOOK YOU TO THE EDGE OF THE MULTITUDE!”

    Now the disciples turned to look and saw at the edges of the crowd were now 1000 Taco Trucks! People were lining up to buy tasty tacos, burritos and nachos! At this, Simon Peter fell at Jesus feet and said ” Truly you are the son of God!” Jesus smiled and helped Simon Peter to stand up. He said “Naw Pete! I just told the taco truck owners to show up late in the afternoon. I’m getting 15% kicked back. With idiots like you for disciples I gotta do something to make a little money around here! Now let’s go get something to eat”

  • I give Swanson credit for sneaking in a little gay-bashing into his disgusting screed (note that male inclinations toward girls are “red-blooded All-American” impulses, but lesbians are just predetory)

    • Ellie

      Oh, he NEVER passes up an opportunity for gay bashing. And when it comes to homosexuality and Africa, he has blood on his hands.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Racism, misogyny and homophobia. The American Trifecta!

  • aktlib101

    This. A great read to refresh our memory:
    “Here are 50 reasons why you despised George W. Bush’s presidency”
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/50-reasons-despised-george-w-bushs-presidency/
    Brief excerpt:

    “1. He stole the presidency in 2000.
    2. Bush’s lies started in that race.
    7. He embraced global isolationism.
    11. Squandered global goodwill after 9/11.
    14. He flat-out lied about Iraq’s weapons.
    18. He launched a war on CIA whistleblowers.
    26. Meanwhile, war profiteering surged.
    29. Bush violated U.S. Constitution as well.
    30. Iraq war created federal debt crisis. The total costs of the Iraq and Afghan wars will reach between $4 trillion and $6 trillion, when the long-term medical costs are added in for wounded veterans
    32. Then Bush decided to cut income taxes.
    36.. Said evolution was a theory—like intelligent design.
    41. And millions more fell below the poverty line.
    43. Millions more lacked access to healthcare.
    45. Yet pandered to religious right.
    47. But took the most vacation time. Reporters analyzing Bush’s record found that he took off 1,020 days in two four-year terms—more than one out of every three days.
    49. He’s escaped accountability for his actions.
    50. He may have stolen the 2004 election as well.”

    • Stable Uniomist Raan

      As to point 47, his photo-op ranch had so much brush on it.

    • AJ Milne

      Not sure if it was supposed to be covered in 29:

      … but what happened to habeas corpus at Guantanamo, really seems to me that shoulda bothered people more than it did.

      … also ‘extraordinary rendition’ and ‘ehanced interrogation’.

      • MilwaukeeKent

        “29. Bush violated U.S. Constitution as well. The Bush White House ignored basic civil liberties, most notably by launching a massive domestic spying program where millions of Americans’ online activities were monitored with the help of big telecom companies. The government had no search warrant or court authority for its electronic dragnet”

        Plus the two items you mentioned. Yeah, Shrub was an outrage all around, still I didn’t grind my teeth at night worried that W would end the world if someone made a joke about his hair.

    • yyyaz

      51. His malapropisms.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Nah, those were about the only good thing. Plenty of fodder for two volumes of the Bushisms collection. I made an art project in high school that was “Bush’s Baloney in a Can,” a riff on Bush Beans. On the front of the can label was Bush with a speech balloon saying, “I know how hard it is to put food on your family.”

        15 years later, I discovered a website that’s no fan of canned baloney or canned clams. Serendipity!

        • Lord Jim

          I remember someone arguing that Boosh Boosh only tripped over his own tongue when trying to talk populist jive, because he had no actual connection to common people’s interests and so gave no attention to the canned bullshit delivery. On the other hand, when he was holding forth on his favorite neoliberal hits, he as quite clear and articulate and never gaffed.

  • Manders

    I dunno. Bannon is a chaos muppet in the extreme. He might think MeeToo is good, just not for the reasons most of us do.

    • Daniel

      Fraggle Sot.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Fraggle Jock.

  • Rick Hill

    Some days, it’s just like that….
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/a9pYRXo_460s.jpg

    • Forgive my naïveté, but is that boomerang memory or a memory boomerang?

  • Holly

    I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again because I believe it with all the estrogen that’s left in this old girl – WOMEN ARE DONE WITH THE BULLSHIT AND FUCKERY. WE’RE GONNA TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! #TIME’S UP

  • Unfortunately, poor Maher only won the “Miss Congeniality” (and evening gown, strangely enough) portion of the Garbage Man contest this week.

    https://www.thedailybeast.com/bill-maher-warns-metoo-movement-creating-police-state-for-sex

    1) How does Maher NOT have an “incident”? The man is pretty much sexual harrassment on legs.

    2)SONEONE didn’t read my latest blog post (guess I have to Kardashian shameless self-promote it once again): http://twoplustwoequals7.blogspot.com/2018/02/fun-with-font-metoo-edition.html

    • janecita

      Fuck Bill Maher! I hate that condescending asshole with a passion. I just read your post Kim, stop whining:-)

      • Daniel

        He’s too smug to be funny.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      No problem with shameless self-promotion as long as it’s done tastefully and not to overkill. As for Maher, yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s got “incidents” in his background too. Just look at how he treats women on his show. Especially women who disagree with him — in particular about his hypocrisy and hatred towards Muslims. Chrystia Freeland got an up-close look at the antithesis of a feminist foreign policy from Billy Boy when she tried to get him to be polite.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeaVBNHf–c

      • janecita

        Oh my God, the man adores Netanyahu! He was practically creaming his pants the last time Israel bombed the Palestinians. He is a fucking hateful asshole.

        • Ellie

          I would like him to fly on a plane next to a person with raging flu. I’m sure he would be fine, because germs on planes don’t exist, and furthermore, germs and viruses don’t cause illness.

          • janecita

            He is already great friends with a walking germ, he loves Ann Coulter.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            FWB. Used to be with DINO Arianna Huffington also too.

          • janecita

            Another one I can’t stand!

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          And he does it under the guise of “anti-religion” in general. Sam Harris is another atheist douchebro who’s Maher’s BFF. They’re basically of the opinion that 2 billion people should be nuked from orbit in order to “preserve Western civilization.” They’ve looked into the abyss and become what they claim to hate. It’s not just “Judeo-Christian” RWNJs who want a holy war. It’s self-proclaimed “secularists” who are as hateful as the “Judeo-Christians” they claim to not be able to stand either. Like the Islamophobes in France and Quebec. I posted below that in the interest of “feminism” they’re just advancing another variant of the same old patriarchy. Trudeau and Macron have it right, but are branded as traitors for simply saying, “it’s not up to men to tell women what to do, period.” That goes for the ayatollah and the anti-clerical “liberationists” fighting stupid culture wars against the burkini.

          • janecita

            I agree, Sam Harris is just as bad. People like the two of them give atheists a bad name.

    • Daniel

      I love how people complaining about the fragility of Millenials never seem to notice they are whining about having their feelings hurt by said Millenials telling them they’re wrong.

  • janecita
    • Ellie

      Cowardly, certainly. I don’t know about mad. Perhaps he’s just an evil human being.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Targeting homeless people? I saw that and could read no further. Just too inhumane.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    Who cares if there has been 10000 years patriarchy. Its called evolution. I have a hard time thinking that equality is anything but good for, say, the economy. It injects millions of new resources to exploit to drive growth. Its more brains and muscle in the system. It can only make things better. To me its not just about fairness and balance. Its about brains and muscle. More people with different ideas. It can only be good. Its like social mathematics. 1 + 1 = fuck you, she’s the boss now.

  • Ninja0980

    Not a surprise at all.
    Show me someone who’s anti-LGBT and I”ll show you someone who has a problem with any woman who won’t stay home and be a brood mare as Gawd intended.

    • JerryRich

      When the liberal-owned New York radio station WMCA went to a talk format, they hired the odious Bob Grant (who is dead, dead, dead, thank goodness) as the token conservative host. He routinely referred to (black) welfare mothers as “brood sows”.

      • bupkus231

        I read some pf his Wiki bio after your mention – so glad I missed his reign on NYC AM radio ( I grew up listening to WABC when it was a Top 40 station ).

        But, I couldn’t help figuring that Rump must have been influenced by this asshole in the 70s and 80s. So much of the spew that the WIki piece talked about seems to have formed much of Rump’s worldview ( even tho’ he would have been in his 30s qand 40s at the time ).

        Is it that far from Bob Grant to Rump’s shit over the “Central Park 5”.

        Burn in Hell, Bob Grant – and make sure to stick Rump with your pitchfork when he gets there.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And say hi to Ailes and dead Brietbart and Scalia for us.

  • aktlib101

    Religious right, they are losing it:
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/conservatives-spreading-bizarre-story-melania-trump-fighting-voodoo-demons-white-house/

    “Conservative and Christian broadcasters are pushing a dubious claim that First Lady Melania Trump refused to move into the White House until demonic spirits were removed from the building.”

    ““When the president allowed 40 pastors to come in to the White House and anoint him with oil and lay their hands and pray on him—seven times he’s done this—that is unheard of,” Begley said on his “Coming Apocalypse” program, according to Right Wing Watch.”

    Did IQ45 really do this? 7 times?

    ““At least he is humble enough and recognizing that he needs God enough that he keeps bringing them in for the prayer. And I’ve got to say this, it might have started with the first lady.”

    “The first lady, in that five hours when the Obamas and the Trumps went down to the Capitol and Trump was being sworn in as the 45th president of the United States,” Begley claimed, “Melania Trump said to her husband, ‘I’m not going to go into that White House unless it has been completely exorcised.’”

    “He said the story shows that “Donald Trump and Melania Trump understand that this is more than a political battle, more than an earthly battle, but a spiritual battle.”

    Spiritual battle? Bwahaha…Drumpf and Melanoma are con artists who are playing with the religious nuts’ deep insecurities

    • VirGinYa

      The only people who showed kindness to Melania the day of the inauguration were the Obamas.
      Damn, I miss that classy family.

    • Ellie

      Begley is one of the looniest loons pretending to be a preacher, but he has back up now from Bryan (Dirty Yellow Coward) Fischer, and the king of pond scum, Alex Jones.

      • Ellie

        Oh, and yes, I’m absolutely sure that the idiocy coming from Begley didn’t happen and I do NOT like it when I feel I have to defend Cadet and Mrs. Bone Spurs.

    • gene108

      The religious nutjobs aren’t being played. They are con men and see a kindred spirit in Trump, who has happily advanced their agenda.

    • Me not sure

      Exorcisms. …That explains why the staff keep leaving.

      • aktlib101

        Also explains the Xmas decorations

    • Treg Brown

      “Melania Trump said to her husband, ‘I’m not going to go into that White House unless it has been completely exorcised.’”

      “Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot” – Batman

    • thewalkindude
    • shivaskeeper

      Bullshit. Bullshit from start to finish. Wild, unprovable claims? Check. Over the top narrative? Check. Claims of religious persecution and spiritual battles? Check. Demons and evil spirits? Check. Grand claims of being on the inside of everything that is happening? Check.

      Bog standard religious right bullshit.

    • Fire and Fury Demme

      I never realized that Melania was that stupid.
      Is she really that ignorant, backwards, and superstitious?

      • Lord Jim

        Imma say this guy is lying like a rug.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        She grew up under communist rule,so I suspect she understands how the game is played.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist
  • Anna Rompage

    Funny, my sister had a bunch of friends growing up that were in gymnastics, and I never tried molesting them…

    I also grew up in a SoCal beach town, never living more than a mile from the ocean. I’ve been to the beach uncountable times with women friends who wore a lots less that gymnasts do, and I never tried to sexually assault them either…

    It’s almost like these guys who blame women don’t have respect for women and only see them as objects instead of human beings

    • Lord Jim

      Huh…

    • shivaskeeper

      I have molested a gymnast. Mrs Keeper was a gymnast way back in the day and still did floor routines when we met. So technically…

      On the flip side, I have been molested by that same gymnast.

      • John Thorstensen

        Consent makes it OK, and hopefully then some.

        • Cletus Safari

          If it’s consensual, it’s not molestation.

    • Peter Witting

      I guess that jut shows us how “red-blooded” you *really* are.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      OK, I love that.

    • They don’t have DVRs in Panem? Wow. It’s even more of a dystopia than I thought it was.

  • AJ Milne

    Guys, I’m starting to think there may be too many craft beers in the world…

    … still, I _said_ I was gonna try ’em all, and my word is my bond.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      In search of a broccoli infused one. Brooklyn brewery had one, but not seen it for sale…..

      • Swampgas_Man

        In Lancaster PA, brewing and crafting is something of a growth industry. My liver can’t take it.

        • shivaskeeper

          Come to the Seattle-Portland corridor.

          • goCatgo

            There’s a corridor ? Damn, I drove up the 5 ! Next time I’ll know !

          • shivaskeeper

            Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha.

        • Jeffocaster in the West

          It is just about everywhere, a growth industry, with BBQ and hand made jewelry. ….

      • Me not sure

        Now you’ve just ruined it for me.

        • AJ Milne

          I’m trying to work out in my head if that would actually be good…

          … but yeah, having a hard time imagining that. There are contexts in which brocolli works. There’s a dish I do with a sharp cheddar and parmesan-based white sauce makes brocolli a good thing… Beer… it’s hard to figure, honestly.

          • Me not sure

            And don’t even start me on an asparagus infused brew.

          • John Thorstensen

            It makes you pee a lot and it smells weird?

          • bupkus231

            They ALLLL make this oldz pee a lot.

            Maybe because this oldz tends to drink a lotta them when he does?

            Smell? What’s that?

          • deep fried cheesey broccoli as an accompaniment to beer is quite good.
            But I fear it is the deep fried part that really works it

      • Ellie

        No. Just No.

    • Me not sure

      It truly is all about pacing oneself.

    • gene108

      I miss beer

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁
    • Holly

      And I believe you’ll be the epitome of an exemplary craft beer drinker. Cheers!

  • Blackest Noobs

    Jesus wouldn’t be this much of a dick, just saying.

    • Jesus explicitly asked his followers not to be this much of a dick

      • Marion in Savannah

        And, funny thing this, he expected them to listen. Even now.

        • I dunno about that. Seems to me he knew full well he was dropping pearls of wisdom along the path to knowledge and the chuckleheads were kicking them out of the way.
          How many times was he all “dude, you just will never get it”

          • Marion in Savannah

            But he kept on hoping. Hell — even the thief on the cross next to him got it.

      • AJ Milne

        … and then Jesus spake unto them, saying: ‘Ten? That’s a lot. Who can remember ten? Man, there’s six things on my dry-cleaning list, I always forget one…

        ‘You don’t need ten. Actually, there are only two commandments you must follow. Verily, I say unto you, the greatest commandment is: don’t be a dick.’

        ‘… okay, so actually it’s just the one.’

        • snork. I like it

        • Smoke O’Hontas

          This is why I don’t feel bad about coveting my neighbor’s, even though it’s cute…
          Damn, I wish I had an ass like my neighbor’s.

        • Most Stable Land Shark

          George Carlin at his best.

    • shivaskeeper

      You are confusing Jesus and Republican Turbo Jesus. One told his followers to try to not be a dick and the other rides a velociraptor and carries a tricked out AR.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance
    • Marion in Savannah

      Okay, I howled. But, as a YOOGE fan of curling I’ll screech LIBELZ.

      • Rick Hill

        What? There are fans of curling?

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          It’s very relaxing to watch.

          • Left Coast Tom

            I feel baseball is like watching grass grow.

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            That’s one of the reasons I like baseball so much.

          • goCatgo

            And hot dogs. Ice cream in a mini hat. Beer. Nachos. Cotton candy. Free beach towel. Watching Top Gun clips on the big screen. Fireworks for home runs. Booing blind umps. 7th inning stretch. Other stuff.

          • Lord Jim

            YASS! I can actually tell what’s going on. Foo’ baw is all “Hut hut HIKE *CRUNCH!*” What happened, what happened?!

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            “Oh, that guy threw in a flag again. Something happened. Now they’ve moved a bit. Must be time for an ad break.”

            Baseball is a far superior sport.

          • goCatgo

            I used to know what a penalty was. Also a catch. A tackle. A touchdown. Now I have no idea until i go the bathroom and wait for “New York” to tell us what happened.

          • Fire and Fury Demme

            I think it helps to follow certain players.
            They used to be on the same team forever, but now…

          • How can it be exciting to watch a thing where the main action is screaming hurry at your teammate?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I didn’t say “exciting”, now did I?

          • sorry meant relaxing XD How can it be….
            aw skip it, all fucked up now /sulks in a corner

        • Niblick

          Curling’s da bomb!

        • MilwaukeeKent

          There are probably curling groupies, some of whom like to be spanked with a broom, just guessing here…

      • Left Coast Tom

        The team could use the end result of Rand Paul’s “curling” to sweep the ice.

    • Holly

      That’s priceless! AND fabulous. Permperfection!

  • Shawn Charniga

    I got some #TimesUp for ya.

    Play it LOUD.

    Listen to the lyrics. The song is 27 years old.

    Ain’t shit changed.

    Now GET ANGRY.

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’ma be Thread Mommy again and warn about playing music TOO loud. It’s the fastest and easiest way to lose your hearing. (Worked for a doc who did cochlear implants for 20+ years.)

      • Rick Hill

        You’re Not my real mom….well, unless maybe you got some of those fresh baked cookies…and some milk. Then we cool.

        • You so picky.
          She can be my real mom if she has a nice beachhouse in hawaii

        • Marion in Savannah

          Well, I am rather well known down here for my cookies, and I always have milk in the house. We cool?

          • Rick Hill

            *fist bump*

      • OutOfOrbit

        SAY WHAT?!

        • Marion in Savannah

          Zackly.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        “REEEEEEE he gave deaf people lobotomies and was a Nazi eugenicist!”

        -Annoying “deaf culture” activists who put persecution complexes above science

      • Begin Anew Day

        What!?

        Speak up! I can’t hear you!

  • Blackest Noobs

    Maame Biney is my NEW FAVORITE ATHLETE!!!!

    I LOVE HER!!! she represents the best of us, her dad too, and the host family that has made her Olympics dream come true!!!

    GO! MAAME! GO!

    • Marion in Savannah

      IK,R?!!! She’s simply fucking superb.

      • Blackest Noobs

        she is exactly WHO i want to represent my country!!!!

        • Marion in Savannah

          Did you see the sign her father was holding the other day? “Kick some hiney, Biney?” It apparently was made by their host family.

    • Just saw a thing on her on the TV, but I knewed before because #virginialikestoboastalotsohasbeentalkingaboutherforayearnow

  • WannabeTraveler

    Online Dating update:(I know, like anyone cares.lol ) I meet the first person from my new online dating profile. Had coffee, went for a walk, and he played some of his music for me off his phone, he is much better singer/songwriter than I expected. Very nice guy, definitely in the friend category. Onward……….

    • yay! So glad it went well ^.^

    • Marion in Savannah

      Good for you. But just be careful and cautious, please?

      • WannabeTraveler

        I’m not trusting by nature, and was offended by the first person I gave my cell number. He thought sexting was appropriate with someone he had never meet. Fortunately he didn’t send any pics. lol

        • Was his name Wanthony Aiener?

          • paxpax

            I spit out my coffee (u funny)

        • Marion in Savannah

          Oh, ICK!

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          The ever-popular dick-pic. Why they think we want one without asking first I’ll never know.

          • WannabeTraveler

            I’m glad it was only words,,,I put em on block. lol

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Smart lady. Good for you.

      • Rick Hill

        Mom!

        • WannabeTraveler

          I know I’m almost 50. lol

          • Rick Hill

            Whoop. Marion, not you. You can be Mom too, I guess. You can never have too many of those…

          • Rick Hill

            (Though I do have a few years on you…)

          • Marion in Savannah

            You sure? 72 last month.

          • Rick Hill

            Wannabe, not you, Mom

          • Marion in Savannah

            Well, I’m old enough to be your mom, so bear with me!

          • WannabeTraveler

            Can never have too many moms.

    • gallbladder

      Molotov!

    • redarmyzombie

      Friend category is definitely good!

      • WannabeTraveler

        He’s really sweet, but I’m not sure how much we have in common. It was just really nice to get the first meeting out of the way, last time I meet anyone off the internet was in 2000 via ICQ. lol

        • Lord Jim

          ICQ? THAT…was a while ago…

          • WannabeTraveler

            When did ICQ die? :-)

          • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

            Some people still use it. Secure chat rooms.

          • Lord Jim

            Fur real? Wow.

            Edit: just found. God dang. Downloaded…

          • WannabeTraveler

            I had no idea it was still around. When I first found it, it was so novel and new that I would chat with my tenant in the basement on ICQ instead sticking my head down the stairs. SAD.

  • gallbladder

    Kevin Swanson, the evangelical pastor best known for helping to craft Uganda’s policy of putting people to death for being gay…

    Just so happens I have a ticket to The Hague with that motherfucker’s name on it…

    • Ellie

      Oh, I would so much like to see him and Lively there.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I know of some sharks who would like to make him their chum.

      • gallbladder

        What you did there…we all saw it.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Can’t happen because ‘Murica sez hooman rights iz conflicts with FREEDUM.

      • gallbladder

        And JEEBUS!

  • Me The People
  • Rick Hill

    I’ve had this in my music library for years and always thought it was M J, though I don’t think I have anything by him. Just looked at who it was and now, I’m chagrined as I realize it’s some Dutch band
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_THQa3tnrTI&list=RD_THQa3tnrTI

  • janecita
  • chronozoan

    Kevin Swanson is always ranting about how he’s prepared to be put in prison and we all know what happens to guys in there. It’s almost like he’s begging law enforcement to jail him. He’ll march into that sweaty man dungeon his head held high. A bible in one hand and a long blonde wig in the other.

    • shivaskeeper

      It’s got nothing to do with that. That is bog standard Christian Persecution Complex. It’s in the Boble that they will be persecuted and hated for following Christ, so they pretend they are.

      • Lord Jim

        Makes them feel important.

      • Cletus Safari

        “Come down off the cross; we need the wood.”

      • Me The People

        And if you are in dispute with them, you are ‘striving against the lord’.

        • shivaskeeper

          Shit. If you are not part of their particular sect you are not even human. You are a demon, Nazi, baby killing monster. Of course you are striving against the lord. You are a demon to them. A literal inhuman monster with no redeeming features and no hope for redemption at all.

      • bupkus231

        This. It’s Swanson’ “martyr” wish – even tho’ I am so sure that, should it ever come down to his principles or death, Swanson would so wuss out.

        Talk is cheap – the type of Xtianist shit he spouts is worthless.

        • shivaskeeper

          Of course he would wuss out. He knows he’s playing a LARP. He knows it. Unfortunately most of his followers don’t know it.

    • Me The People

      And a couple of wetsuits.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Kevin, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        It’s safe to assume that he like gladiator movies.

  • How to know your son may be a bit of a nerd:
    He turns on the table top show, which shows Wil Wheaton and friends playing….table top RPG.
    On the TV.
    Not sure if I dun somethin right, or if I just lucked out.

    • HazooToo

      You dun it right.

    • John Thorstensen

      Rocket Propelled Grenade? That could be dangerous.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Sounds like you have a 2063 right there: “Kid Zoom” syndrome. Lucky ducky.

      And yes, Wheaton would get the 2063 reference, maybe yours as well.

    • Ellie

      I’ve watched that show a couple of times, just because I’m fascinated at how much information the players have to remember to get on with the game. I’m impressed. I couldn’t do that if someone paid me.

      • I started D&D with the lads last summer as our game night, cause I thought more reading/more imagination etc was better than another round of life or monopoly.
        It’s friggin insane how much you gotta remember. I can’t do it without the book right there in front of me XD

        • wait! what?

          Just don’t let the go all “Gamma World” on you…

          • do not even know what that is XD Still a newb, very much so.
            Did make a few quickie dungeons after we did the basic starter thingy, outta mah head, then had them do a couple 5 roomers to see if they had the knack. They did pretty good, was quite pleased :)

  • Michael R
    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      That’s how Swansons reproduce.

    • gallbladder

      Works to this day.

    • wait! what?

      …the “Scanners” remake looks pretty good…

  • Wookie Monster

    As red-blooded American male, I am really insulted by Swanson’s insinuation that I’m incapable of controlling myself at the mere sight of a bare ankle.

    Go smear Coe manure on yourself, Kevin.

    • AJ Milne

      Ankles, huh?

      (Shivers deliciously.)

      • wait! what?

        Is that where the tan line is? Masturbating for a friend…

        • AJ Milne

          … also, don’t get me started on how I react to a glimpse of stocking…

          (… it really gets awkward around Christmas.)

          • Ellie

            Now I have a Cole Porter earworm.

          • Daniel

            What olden days’ designated shocking is looked on as ripe for mocking now when mores show anything goes.

            With consent.

      • RMKH

        Pretty little Sally
        Goes walking down the alley
        Displays her pretty ankles for all of the men
        They could see her garters
        But not for free and gratis
        And inch or two and then she knew
        When to say when
        (From Oliver!)

        • Daniel

          Oompapa oompapa, that’s how it goes
          Oompapa oompapa everyone knows
          That’s what you get when you guzzle down those
          Wonka sweets Oompaloompapa.

          • RMKH

            Wow, fusion cooking!

    • Rick Hill

      I was more amused that he thinks he,hisself, is any kind of assample of a red blooded male.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I kinda wonder if those ankle-phobics secretly had a foot fetish.

      Me, I like men with socks appeal.

      http://www.chatelaine.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/Justin_Trudeau_socks_2018_chatelaine.jpg

      • IMPOed

        Wow. I Like those!!

      • gallbladder

        Our man is hip.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Magically Hip.

  • Rick Hill

    Another rough Saturday’s over, the project’s finished(well, except for the all important part of getting some Ameros). So now it’s time to drink all the things!!

    Or, at least, a couple of them…

    • You should drink 3 of the things so the first 2 won’t get lonely

      • Rick Hill

        That’s as good a reason as any

    • WannabeTraveler

      Whatcha serving?

      • Rick Hill

        Well…..I wanna go easy tonight so proly some tequila, rattlesnake blood, old panther sweat and peyote chaser.

        Or just some hard seltzer on account of how I want to watch my calories….

  • Gosala

    From the face-whatsit thingy of the Lee County (Florida man) Democratic Club

    It is getting as tiring as “we will hold them in our thoughts and prayers” as the response to mass shootings. Donald Trump’s standard response to accusations of sexual harassment in all forms is – “Well, he denies it and you have to remember that.”
    He has used it over and over and at the same time denying the truthfulness of his accusers.
    The truth is that less than 6% of accusations are proven false. Almost 95% are correct. That is an unbelievable accuracy rate.

    • Lord Jim

      THANK YOU!

      • Gosala

        You’re welcome.

        • Lord Jim

          Why are we even still having this conversation? Oh, right. Deplorables.

          SMH

    • Wookie Monster

      In Trump’s world, innocent until proven guilty only applies to rich white people. Black teens who are exonerated by DNA are still guilty.

  • OTB

    Steve “meth mouth” Bannon is angry about a lot of things.

    • Walter Wellstone

      He can go fuck himself.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I hear he does ; )

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    Recovered from my cracked tooth extraction with no swelling or bruising, while realizing that in the past people died from infections suffered from the same procedure, sans anesthetics.

    So. Let’s dance!

    https://youtu.be/AjPau5QYtYs

  • Rick Hill
    • Walter Wellstone

      I wish Elon would point that out to him.

      • Ellie

        I wish he’d put up billboards.

        • Peter Witting

          Billboards won’t work, because Trump won’t read….gotta dumb it down a little more.

          • Ellie

            Put his name on it in big GOLD letters, and use pictures?

      • Anna in PDX

        He did. He responded on Twitter “I’m South African, dumbass.”

    • gallbladder

      Not only that, but Musk advocates science, not the ill-filled pockets of cunty fundamentalist X-tian evangelicals like Drumpf.

      • Lord Jim
        • IMPOed

          Here, hold my beer…….

        • Magic Juan

          Famous last words of rednecks, hey y’all watch this.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        One way or another, a Canadian science nerd born in 1971 will save us all.

      • TJ Barke

        I think he’s a randroid, tho.

        • Sakonyachen

          Still better than a Trumpanzee. Which illustrates how far we have fallen.

    • TJ Barke

      It’s okay tho cuz he’s white.

      • Wookie Monster

        But he’s not Norwegian.

        • yyyaz

          It’s the very manly surname that makes the RWNJs and incels swell with pride.

          • Smoke O’Hontas
          • Ruth

            Gℴℴgle paying now $97 per/hr to do easy tasks on the internet .. Labor Some few time and stay more time with your relatives … Any one can apply this online offer!!!last Thursday I bought a latest McLaren F3 just after earnin $7934 past five weeks .it’s actually my favourite-job but you may not forgive yourself if you don’t test this.!iw542f:> http://GoogleDealsLegitimateFreelanceDailyJobs/getpay/97$/h ♥♥♥z♥♥b♥♥♥i♥o♥x♥♥♥h♥d♥♥t♥♥t♥♥s♥♥♥k♥♥♥x♥♥♥l♥♥b♥♥♥t♥♥m♥♥♥f♥m♥l♥f♥♥s♥♥♥a♥♥h♥♥♥y♥x::!gw363b:doh

          • Magic Juan

            Hey Jessica, smell my skunk hole!

          • Magic Juan

            At least it doesn’t smell like shit, skunk yes, but shit, no! The skunk stench cover the shit smell!

          • Barbara

            Goℴgle pays to people of all ages 97 dollars per-hour to complete few task off a home computer .. Labor for only few hours & fun greater time with your own friends . Any person can catch this specific job!!last weekend I purchased a new McLaren F2 after just getting $15422 this-past/five weeks .it’s certainly the best work however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t look it.!zx531j:=>=>> http://GoogleCubeBestFreelanceInternetJobs/make/97$/h ♥♥j♥♥♥l♥♥♥x♥u♥♥m♥♥♥e♥♥♥c♥♥♥l♥♥♥a♥♥♥z♥i♥♥♥u♥g♥o♥♥p♥♥g♥g♥♥♥o♥♥♥d♥♥♥k♥♥v♥♥♥a♥♥♥c♥♥♥v♥c::!ne682y:dy

          • Linda

            Google pays me 99 US dollars per hour to complete some internet services on the internet .. Labor Some few hours & live happy greater time with your circle of relatives … Any person can also apply this best career!!!this Thursday I bought a gorgeous Car just after earnin $7919 this last five weeks .it’s certainly the extraordinary approach but you can now not forgive yourself if you don’t look this.!wg623n:➽➽➽ http://GoogleAllMakeMoneyOnTheInternet/getpay/$99/perhour ♥♥y♥♥t♥♥♥u♥c♥♥j♥♥♥w♥♥♥f♥d♥♥t♥♥♥q♥♥a♥p♥♥t♥♥z♥♥m♥r♥♥♥r♥♥t♥♥♥v♥♥s♥f♥♥♥r♥d♥r♥♥♥z:::::!sh293i:wkyuk

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        And he didn’t come to the US OF A via chain migration. He got here on bootstraps alone, as is tradition right?

      • Magic Juan

        Yeah, I’m guessing the white SA’s are ok in Donald’s tiny mind.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Ahem. And he went to university in Canada.

    • Doug Langley

      I have a suggestion on what he can shoot into space next.

  • Juan de Fuca

    *Gets home, reads Robyn’s post about Kevin Swanson, shakes heads and checks other news for something more uplifting, happens across an article about Disney social clubs, clicks on link*

    They stroll through Disneyland in packs of 20 or more, motley crews that resemble a cross between the Hells Angels motorcycle gang and a grown-up Mickey Mouse Club with their Disney-themed tattoos and their matching denim vests strewn with trading pins and logos. Disneyland social clubs, by most accounts, are harmless alliances of friends and family who meet up at the park to share a nerdy obsession for all things Disney. With club names such as Tigger Army and Neverland Mermaids, how threatening can they be?

    […] But a lawsuit filed in Orange County Superior Court has revealed a dark undercurrent to the pastime. The head of one club has accused another of using gangster-like tactics to try to collect “protection” money for a charity fundraiser at the park. The lawsuit reads like mob movie set in a theme park. The plot revolves around the Main Street Fire Station 55 Social Club, whose leaders claim they have been bullied and terrorized by the head of the White Rabbits Social Club.

    JFC, between Trump supporters, people who follow Kevin Swanson and the White Rabbits Social Club, I’m done with people.

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/companies/theyre-disneyland-superfans-why-a-lawsuit-is-alleging-gangster-like-tactics-against-one-social-club/ar-BBIVr0Y?li=AA4Zjn&ocid=spartanntp

  • Walter Wellstone

    Kevin Swanson needs to come out of the closet before pictures of him being the bottom that he is surface all over the place. It’s just a matter of time.

  • Smoke O’Hontas

    I find it…interesting, that swimming and gymnastics show an “immodest amount of skin,” but he didn’t mention wrestling.

  • janecita
    • Ellie

      He is so damned crooked, I don’t know how he walks upright.

      • gallbladder

        I hear that pretzels envy him.

      • janecita

        The whole family is crooked.

    • gallbladder

      Art of The Steal.

    • Lord Jim

      Smells like money laundering…

      • janecita

        Exactly! There is no way in hell that he could have really sold that property for such a big profit in the middle of a recession.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          They’re not even bothering to hide it anymore because they know there’s nothing that can be done. A shit ton of Rooskies were a delegation at the National Prayer Breakfast. Had Obama brought a single imam, there would have been a massive freakout.

        • AuntyMaude

          Now hold on, we don’t know how many gold toilets dt installed as part of the reno. Those things aren’t free ya know.

    • CripesAmighty

      Well, look who just caught up. Rachel was all over this story months ago–and crickets.

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        IKR. This is not new news.

      • AuntyMaude

        Yeah and there’s a great Dutch documentary on this that brings how many threads to all the ass fuck grifter oligarchs all over the world together? ALL OF THEM, KATIE!

        • yyyaz

          I have little patience for those who have been unable to connect these dots.

          • AuntyMaude

            Right?

        • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

          The Dutch docs are killing it. A bunch of ones about their Resistance during WWII, not that it has been over 70 years and stuff is being released.

    • AuntyMaude

      Oh no that ain’t no thang. Just a little cashola gettin’ cleansed by dt for another oligarch from Russia. That’s legal isn’t it?

  • Rick Hill

    This is that part of the day when, what I should be doing, is uploading some photos, write some copy and do some tagging, metadatas, comments on the work we did. Maybe boost it so it gets in front of some eyeballs…
    but instead I’ll probably just let my brain jello out a bit and,since I thought about doing all those things, I’ll just feel like I got something accomplished, insead.

    • Lord Jim

      Come on in, slip out of your skin. Stir around in your bones.

      • Rick Hill

        yeah but that always takes so much time putting everything back together the next day. And I just KNOW I put some things back in the wrong places, the last few times….

        • RMKH

          Don’t forget to put your pants on when you leave this space

      • gallbladder

        “Stir around in your bones.”

        I like that!

      • Begin Anew Day

        now I want BBQ!

      • Doug Langley

        Slitheen libelz!!11!!

  • Stable Uniomist Raan
  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    What a long day…but I got everything done! And thanks to a nice hefty Costco rewards certificate my grocery bill will be lower for a few weeks.

  • Christopher Story

    This has been a very blah day today. That is all. Ooh, I’ve been playing Borderlands 2. I got it for the boys but they lost interest pretty quickly. Having to do all the side missions to progress with the story. Anyway, I’ve been getting my $10 worth out of it, with the weather like it is, that’s for sure. So, I have that going for me.

  • Rick Hill

    So, I have to mention to those Wonks who’ve heard me whine about my problems finding anyone able to help out in the shop. The girl I have working now has been here just over a month and is applying herself more as we go along. She still needs to learn how to use her hands but I think I have a keeper.

    • Doug Langley

      Yay!!

    • Claire Christiansen

      Unless your “girl” is under 18, she is not a girl but a woman.

      • SpideySenser

        IK,R? Just had this conversation tonight. Neighbor kept calling a 30 YOW with 3 kids “a young girl”. Kept reminding “her” that 30 year old women in an apparently good marriage with children is most def NOT a young girl. This person is a full grown woman. These are the same people who call 8 year old boys “young men” and 8 year old girls “little girls”. And they refuse to “get it”.

  • Walter Wellstone

    I was told by my boss this week that I need to reduce my division’s total headcount by 15%. That’s 193 people I need to get off my payroll. They don’t necessarily have to leave the company but they need not be in my books by July 1. I asked my direct reports to take their picks. I spent the day today going over the first 50 personnel records. I looked at the profile of their health benefits. I saw over 15 of them have up to 3 (some 4) dependents on their health insurance. Those are staying unless their first-line managers tell me they hide under their desks to take naps like George Costanza. I’m torn about what criteria I should use to select the 193 that need to go. Off to have a few drinks with friends. I don’t want to think about this shit tonight.

    • Michael R

      Are you allowed to ask them who they voted for ?

      • Walter Wellstone

        I am not but I’m sure there’s a way to find out. Ha! Good one.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Well there you go prob solved

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      This ^^^ is why I have avoided (successfully) being a people manager for 30 years. I couldn’t do that.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      RIF’s suck.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Oh, and before I forget, the company got a $2.3 billion windfall from the GOP Tax Scam. Trickle fucking down, am I right?

      • willi0000000

        so . . . urine luck?

      • gallbladder

        Indeed: Trickle fucking down moral dilemmas. Thank Christ the 0.01% are spared.

      • AuntyMaude

        So why are they being laid off?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        But that money is for stock buybacks and M&As, not for the peons…

      • SpideySenser

        U R right!

    • wait! what?

      It is no fun. I walked out over 70 people in my dept when I was at Motorola. Then my day came. No biggie. One tiny detail. I was their Federal Compliance Officer, so they lost out on govt contracts until they got another certified. I did get a nice call telling me I could have my job back at %70 pay. I told them I would get back to them. That was back in 2003. I wonder if they’re still waiting for my call…

      • SpideySenser

        No shit! I was at Motorola in 2001 when they were walking out people and the local police were on site, just in case. Full disclosure, I was not a Motorola employee, I was a corp travel agent with AMEX, but it was a freaky time. And for whatever it’s worth, we were let go shortly after and my professional life and security never fully recovered. Thanks fucking “W”.

      • rg9rts

        That happened to a friend at IBM…two weeks later they hired him as a independent consultant at twice the salary

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        Me too at Nextel. They tried to hire me back as a contractor and I told them that they would not like my rate.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      be strong Walter – that’s a bastard of a thing.
      Manly internet hugz dude.

      • Johnatx

        Hey. Is Dan Patrick running campaign ads out in your neck of the woods? He is absolutely saturating the 4-7 pm time slot on television here in Austin. Can’t watch the local news without seeing that reprehensible piece of shit

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          i don’t actually watch broadcast tv – mom’s got sattelite…but there WAS a story last wing about him crowing about some such thing. I forget…

          • Johnatx

            Evidently, he dumped nearly 2 million dollars into TV ads through end of January

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Dayum, Walter. I thought getting rid of twenty was bad.

      Many feels your way.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I hate firing people when it’s not for cause

    • rg9rts

      The Economy is GREAT….isn’t it?

      • yyyaz

        It’s always great for unbridled capitalists whose raison d’etre is MOAR FUCKING MONEY, SUCK IT PLEBES!11!!!!

        • rg9rts

          They only lost 2,000 points this week

    • Johnatx

      That sucks. One of the reasons why I stayed on the technical ladder at work. Least the company gave us the choice to stay technical and still get promoted and get more Ameros.

    • pd1648

      Why can’t every manager be like you? If they have to go, at least your kindness and empathy will make the news a little easier to hear.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      You may want to ask for volunteers. You may be surprised by how many will choose to leave on their own.

    • Peter Witting

      Boot all the old single women, you know, in their 50’s with no husband or kids…it’s not like anyone would care.

      /snark

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    OT: I am presently ignoring my family because they were having a casual “living room discussion” about why lesbian women and transgender people “creep them out.” My mother says lesbians look like they want to beat you up. My father cracked a joke about whether “Bruce” Jenner has “gone Full Monty.” My brother says Ellen doesn’t creep him out, to which my father replied, “no, she’s normal, not one of the granola types with hairy armpits.” Brother then said that “f*gg*t” figure skaters bother him. Then Jeopardy was on, and they started making cracks about French Canadians and Alex Trebek.

    And it’s a wonder why I want nothing to do with people.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Has bro ever dated a woman with pits?

      Heading to my bunk.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        I can’t stand Roseanne, but I can totally relate to the character of Jackie. Everyone else in the household is a fucking idjit, and you live in the middle of nowhere where everyone else in town is too.

    • HazooToo

      Oh, fuck them. Maybe the reason Mom thinks lesbians look like they want to beat her up is because she says stupid shit like that! Anyway, is it possible to tell them to shut the fuck up?

    • rg9rts

      THAT is why I am the black sheep of the family…I NEVER HAVE TO SEE ANY OF THEM

    • SpideySenser

      So why do they even care what “these people” are doing?

    • Ellie

      One of the few benefits of being old, but still relatively independent, is that I don’t have to have conversations with anyone like that any more. Your circumstances will change, and you will be able to limit social conversations to people who don’t drove you up the wall. Really. One day.

    • Cletus Safari

      Not all straight guys find lesbians creepy.

      You know our sacred dream won’t fail
      The sanctuary tender and so frail
      The sacrament of love
      The sacrament of warmth is true
      The sacrament is you

      https://i.imgur.com/Be9WN8i.jpg

    • Jeff Ackerman
    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      My mom showed me a picture of Patty Lupone from The Grammys and commented that she looks like my bro’s trans GF. Over vica versi. I didn’t laugh.

    • therblig

      last summer, when i fainted at the pride parade on my way to see blig jr in his play, we caught a ride back with my mom (who went to the show) and my brother and his daughter (who were in the city).

      all the way back to jc, there were plenty of gay jokes.

      when blig jr and i got out, he said something like, “how did you stand growing up with those fucking people?”

      we should have taken the train.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I wish we could do an extraction like in the Matrix.

  • UpstateNYObserver

    See, we have crazy assed Talibanis right here. They call themselves “Christians”, but even Christ himself would drop kick these fucks into the deepest pit of hell.

    • rg9rts

      the AOG bunch are frightening

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Goddamn, f these people. How are you supposed to enjoy date night when these are the headlines?

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    Why when I was a kid, space was still b&w but so freaking cool.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c63fa592097636e6faba7e487bb9b79137d56f97eae5d953d22880e9d935c166.jpg

    As future history would unfold here now is a moving image 290,000 miles beyond Earth moving at 25,000 mph that looks much the same. B&W, scratchy, elusive, scary, thrilling. The modern image is eerily familiar to The Outer Limits or Twilight Zone and lights up probably most of my kid nerd neural synapses that are still intact.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0e9c0c380154402d702c16c51359e19c5c683772eda16e69c568c4b6ce0e3e67.gif

    • Rick Hill

      It’s still b&w…NASA just added color because it’s fake news!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I blame Ted Turner

    • rg9rts

      Buster Crabbe’s birthday last week

      • Ellie

        Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers and Captain Gallant of the Foreign Legion.

        • rg9rts

          The only actor to play Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers ,Captain Gallant AND Tarzan

          • Ellie

            He did, but I always preferred Weissmuller. I loved Flash Gordon, and Ming the Merciless.

          • SpideySenser

            Weissmuller…totally swoonworthy.

          • MilwaukeeKent

            And those stories of him wandering the halls of the show-biz nursing home, bellowing out the Tarzan Yell…

          • SpideySenser

            Yah, sad ending to his story. I remember seeing black and white pics of his swimming pool, it was really something to behold. Just now tried to google image it, the one I remember didn’t pop up. I think it was in a Life Mag spread.

          • rg9rts

            He was a 2 time olympic medalist too

    • yyyaz

      I once dated — pretty seriously — a physics grad whose job was to impose 256 shades of gray on NASA’s interplanetary mission photos.

    • Doug Langley

      Weird coincidence, I was on You Tube today and ran across this:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBYyUmu4dVo

  • Stable Uniomist Raan

    Civ V update: Persia, Spain, and the Inca are the only cultures left on the planet to remain unchanged by Iroquois culture.

  • Rick Hill

    Hot, Bob! I posted this below, but listening to it…it needs to go to the top of the list.
    ..The darkness never goes from some men’s eyes….
    Commissars and pinstripe bosses roll the dice
    Anyway they fall, guess who gets to pay the price?
    Money green, or proletarian gray
    Selling guns instead of food today
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lq_QyAOa97o

    • Rick Hill

      Heartless powers try to tell us what to think
      If the spirit’s sleeping then the flesh is ink

      • Rick Hill

        And the whole world full of petty wars
        Singing I got mine and you got yours
        While the current fashions set the pace
        Lose your step, fall out of grace
        The radical, he rant and rage

        • Rick Hill

          Picture a bright blue ball just spinning, spinning free
          It’s dizzying, the possibilities

          • Rick Hill

            So the kids, they dance, they shake their bones
            ‘Cause it’s all too clear we’re on our own
            Singing ashes, ashes, all fall down
            Ashes, ashes, all fall down

          • RMKH

            I can hear Bobby without calling up the utube

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I actually saw one of the first live performances of Throwin’ Stones in late 82

          • RMKH

            Very nice. I’ve been going since 76 so I probably did also too. Going this summer? I had a ticket last year, or maybe it was the year before (for The Gorge) but woke up at my campsite in the North Cascades day of the show, looked at the mountains and the trees and the beautiful stream and decided to bag driving across the Eastern Washington wasteland and hung out with my favorite crick instead.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            IIRC- they broke it out east coast in Sept 82- I caught the one in Santa Fe a month later. I’m going to Chula Vista- slow season at work and it’s close. Also going to catch Phil on St Paddy’s day.

          • RMKH

            Right on. I’ll be at Autzen. Unless I go camping first…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      lots of goofy Bobby chords

      • eggs ackly-wright

        He was playing jazz, but somehow it worked.

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      And the rich man in his summer home,
      Singing “Just leave well enough alone”
      But his pants are down, his cover’s blown

  • rg9rts

    OMFG THAT came out of left field…thats right blame the victims… as Swanson turns his back and chokes his chicken

  • WilbyToad

    Jeff Beck ~ Led Boots
    https://youtu.be/sbMSe0mcsYY

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Adventures in cooking. I made brownies today, new recipe, and I did not “nail it.” The edges got pretty dry and crispy, so I took the own out of the oven about 5 minutes earlier than indicated. Then after what I thought was a long enough cooling period, I turned the own out onto a wire rack to finish cooling. That’s when all hell broke out. Ok, not exactly a crisis, but the gooey not-quite-fully-cooked center oozed through the rack onto the counter. So basically, I have an outer frame of viable brownies that I can cut up for tomorrow’s hiking trip, and a big, warmish, gloopy mess on the counter. I’m using a spatula to scrape that part up and eat it. I’ll probably have a stomach ache later, but I’ll regret nothing.

    • World’s worst cook here, sympathizing.

    • rg9rts

      Today is National brownie and cream cheese day

    • HazooToo

      Idk, that sounds like you accidentally succeeded at having a pretty awesome night!

    • Marion in Savannah
    • Michael R

      I found cooking in glass or metal was difficult ,
      but more even in a rectangular ceramic thingy .

      • rg9rts

        corning ware….has a tendency to get hot spots.. the best pots are Magnalite by Wagner Ware …mine are 70 years old and still going strong

        • Canned Covfefe

          Old Corning Ware not so much in term of problems but the change the recipe, so to speak, a bunch of years ago and there’s been periodic problems like shattering ever since. Corning says that’s nonsense.

          Also, turn temp down 25 degrees for glass and dark pans. Used to be standard instructions. I find it can help and doesn’t hurt.

    • Duke

      I made brownies yesterday. Got the Ghirardelli mix at Aldis. Delicioso!

      Be right back… :)

    • Doug Langley

      Don’t apologize. You just cooked up a chocoholic’s idea of Heaven.

    • wait! what?

      Here’s the inexspensive wine to pair w/that hot mess.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/10cefaaf6a9b5c5d7b933826786f414529b79748d95bd1df65985b6f33277f61.jpg
      I pair it w/ m&ms served in SpongeBob Square Pants Dixie cups…

      • rg9rts

        Ripple or Boone’s Farm with the old standby Thunderbird

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Two buck Chuck!

        • Ms.Moon

          I found out that in New York it is prohibited to buy “bum wine.” So no Ripple for me. There is a reasonably priced kosher wine that usually appears in the wine stores close to Passover that will get you DRUNK I buy it for emergencies.

          • rg9rts

            good for cleaning tools too

          • rg9rts

            Mansichivets … ??

    • Canned Covfefe

      I don’t see the problem here.

      • SisterArtemis

        The problem is she should have had some ice cream to glop it on top of

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Oh this is interesting.

    https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/10/politics/donald-trump-democrats-fbi-intelligence/index.html

    The immediate result of President Donald Trump’s decision to block the release of a Democratic memo on the Russia investigation is to expose him to charges of hypocrisy.

    But the deeper question — one that has huge implications for the fate of special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation — is whether Trump is using his power to thwart any attempt by Congress to hold him accountable.

    Trump on Friday declined to release the Democratic rebuttal of a Republican memo he inaccurately claimed “totally vindicates” him in the Russia probe, warning that the new document compromised intelligence sources and methods. The move intensified extreme partisanship surrounding the Russia investigation that is sparking suggestions that Trump is coordinating with Republicans to discredit Mueller’s work.

    • Cletus Safari

      Hell, just release the memo and Trump and his Rethugs can suck it.

    • HazooToo

      That’s not a deeper question, it’s a fucking FACT.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        It is but will Mueller use that as another thing in his investigation?

        • HazooToo

          If questioning him about why he did that will open him up to bigger questions, then probably.

    • TJ Barke

      is whether Trump is using his power to thwart any attempt by Congress to hold him accountable.

      Gee, ya think?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        I mean its not like he has to do much, the GOP is sucking up to him all the time.

      • miss_grundy

        Couldn’t that also be considered “obstruction of justice” by trying to shut down the facts of the investigation?????

        • TJ Barke

          Sure, if you cared about stuff like rule of law, and justice.

    • Holly

      hyp·o·crite
      ˈhipəˌkrit
      noun
      a person who indulges in hypocrisy.
      synonyms; pretender, dissembler, deceiver, liar, pietist, sanctimonious person, phony, fraud, sham, fake –

    • miss_grundy

      Can’t one of the Dems on the committee give a copy of the redacted memo to a friendly reporter and have it leaked? Or find a way to leak it the way Dianne Feinstein did while she was attending a committee meeting? Just don’t let Dotard get away with his garbage.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        They could read it on the house floor.

  • Particularly gross when you remember that religious conservatism is all about projection.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      When they tell you who they are believe them.

  • Ray in VT

    Wow. I thought that this guy was a P.O.S. before….

  • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

    OT: Better living through chemistry! Let’s hear it for the free market! We don’t need any of those commie socialist food-safety regulations! They get in the way of MAGA!

    9 ingredients people use in America that are BANNED in other countries

    It’s a clickbait slideshow list, so if you don’t want to read the whole thing I’ll do the honors of putting them down here. Although, the article goes into further detail about what foods they’re in and the reasons why they’re banned.

    1) Coloring agents Blue 1, Blue 2, Yellow 5 and Yellow 6 — banned in E.U.
    2) Olestra (Olean) — banned in Canada and U.K.
    3) Potassium bromate (brominated flour) — banned in numerous countries
    4) Azodicarbonamide (ADC) — banned in E.U., Australia, and Singapore
    5) Brominated vegetable oil (BVO) — banned in E.U. and Japan
    6) Butylated hydroxyanisole (BHA) and butylated hydroxytoluene (BHT) — banned in several countries
    7) Synthetic hormones (rBGH and rBST) — banned in E.U. and Canada; currently at the center of a bitter trade dispute over U.S. dairy imports in Canada
    8) Arsenic (yes, arsenic is legal here) — heavily regulated around the world; high levels are linked to overuse of carcinogenic pesticides in U.S. crops
    9) Diphenylamine (DPA) — banned in E.U.; mostly found in apples and used for “cosmetic packaging” purposes; apple imports from the U.S. are banned in Europe as a result

    So much winning!

    • Jeff Ackerman

      My stomach hurts where are the tums?

      • Holly

        In the medicine chest behind the Prilosec.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        When my brother was in college, one of his friends thought it would be really cool to try the Coke and Mentos Challenge. That is, eat a roll of Mentos chased with Coke to see if it really does asplode in your stomach.

        He ended up in the hospital for a whole week.

        But by all means, let’s hand the reins of power over to the next generation of risk-taking idiots, because women are hysterical and don’t think rationally.

        • Jeff Ackerman

          I used to drag my knuckles when I walked, ate too much red meat, and had too high of a testoserone level. You outgrow it in time. Well, most people do….

      • Calcium Carbonate, AKA chalk.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And very bad for you if you have Kidney issues.

    • Doug Langley

      Thank you. You just destroyed my appetite for the rest of the evening.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Just have some Diet Coke and Tic-Tacs, Brownie.

        • Doug Langley

          Yes, we all need our minimum daily requirement of petroleum.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Damn. I don’t even know what most of those things are, and I read ingredient lists. But, also too, I don’t get “packaged” food much at all any more. And I tend to get King Arthur flour, so not bromated.

    • SisterArtemis

      I’m curious. Is there some smarty-pants science type who can tell me what “brominated” and “butylated” mean?

    • The link is to MSN, a site I never visit, and subsequently contradict myself. The actual source seems to be Reader’s Digest so I upvote.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      I was told that Yellow #5, brominated vegetable oil, and arsenic are part of a balanced breakfast.

  • Holly

    As soon as a man shrieks “red blooded American men/man” they are immediately suspect, and it’s more than probable they are as guilty of the same crime as those they are defending. Cast aspersion on a child gymnast? Dude you’re a perv of the worst order.

    • SisterArtemis

      “red blooded”… makes me think, at least in this context, they are maybe just a wee tad focused on the throbbing red small-brain just below their bellies.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Are you thinking of TLM? Seems to be an obsession with him, doncha know.

        • SisterArtemis

          TLM did cross my mind… sadly…

      • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

        ” ‘E was thinkin’ with his John Thomas, ‘e was!’

  • WilbyToad

    Shooglenifty ~ Venus In Tweeds
    https://youtu.be/56kaSlac-mE

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    It’s an anti-patriarchy movement.

    You are correct about that, you creepy disgusting asshole.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    Just announced: Starting next week, the Denver Center for the Performing Arts is adding security to the Buell Theatre entrances. The changes coming to the Buell Theater sound a little more like going to the airport instead of a night at the show to Devan Kingsford, a poet who sits outside the performing arts complex often.

    “I balk at the idea of the DCPA becoming the TSA,” he said. “I don’t know a lot of people trying to fit their pistols in at the ballet either.”

    Fucking fuck. It’s not like Loki (below) is going to take over and there is a message at then end of this short video that suggests what we have most to fear are not madmen with weapons. It’s worth a look.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3CZExnn8MI

    http://www.9news.com/article/news/local/security-changes-coming-to-the-buell-theatre-february-13/73-516931895

  • Sakonyachen

    Gymnastics huh? Where girls have strong quads triceps and lats, almost like…Oh I don’t know? LITTLE BOYS?!?! No wonder Pastor Apologist thinks it’s understandable.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      BURN

  • Sheepshagger

    So lobsters don’t rape their gymnast spawn?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Upvote for Jordan “The B. Stands for Bullshit” Peterson reference.

      • Sheepshagger

        Uh….OK! I was riffing on haemocyanin but sure.

  • janecita

    Oscar de la Renta said, “Walk like you have three men walking behind you.” When I first read the quote I thought that he had meant walk faster, and hold your keys in your hand. It turns out that he meant, “Walk taller and be glamorous and confident.” Some men are so fucking clueless!

    • Ellie

      LOL! I would definitely have thought the same thing you did! But then, I’ve been walking through the world for a long time.

      • janecita

        Nothing makes me walk faster than a couple of dudes following me in a dark parking garage. Screw glamour!

    • Sheepshagger

      Oscar may have been a bit Wilde.

    • HazooToo

      Guys are shocked when they find out how much women do to stay safe.

      • Frequently. It does not stop. My first girlfriend described so much. That was mid-80s. And yet still I learn.

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      It means RUN.

  • WilbyToad

    Dick Dale ~ The Pit
    https://youtu.be/iOiCO0Vn1D4

  • I want to be Louise Belcher when i grow up.

  • WilbyToad

    Kaki King ~ The Surface Changes
    https://youtu.be/ziPD16xCBBg

  • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

    Two days with the niece (9) and nephew (14) and I am exhausted. Watching the Olympics coverage, drinking a bottle of wine and running the first of three loads of laundry.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      eeeewwweeee…children. Yuck. Send ’em back….

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        They had the day off yesterday. My mom had them Thursday night and dropped them off at my place yesterday afternoon. I haven’t had kids around for over a decade, since mine are grown and launched. My dog is also recovering. She’s in her dog bed, crashed out after dinner.

    • wait! what?

      What annoying music are they vexing you with?

      • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

        No annoying music, just fights over the devices. Whining to get out of chores. It was a rainy day or I’d have kicked them outside.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I’m also on the first, just about ready for the dryer. And wine.

  • Jeffocaster in the West

    I bet this fuckface got a couple young girls hidden in his basement, “keeping them from the unChristian ways of the world”

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Another one, they should check his hard drive and basement/crawl space.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Oh BARF.

    I don’t see how anyone could possibly let their daughter get within 100 miles of this guy.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      He exudes slime……….

      • That’s not slime.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Slime libels!!1!!1

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Or son.

    • AuntyMaude

      or listen to him on the radio

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    learn logic on youtube (from what appear to be your brainy uncle and his “roommate”.)
    https://youtu.be/46VnIOMb0MQ

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Hey Space Tacos, how is work going?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i officially start monday…i took friday off to wrap up the pending motion I had to write and get ahead on school work…which is what I’m *trying* to do now.

        How about youse?

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Work is going good so far tonight. Hoping it stays like that so I can talk to someone more tonight.

          Are you trying to avoid your lit homework?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol – no, but a good guess! I’m ahead on that, for once, thanks to marathon yesterday. I’ve learned I need to read the piece and ponder on it for a few days…so I have time on the next one.

            I have a logic quiz to get done (which is what I’m trying to get caffeinated enough to do now) and some government stuff to putz with.

            Also, gotta cite check this motion I wrote. (I’m now regretting putting so many cites in it).
            : D

          • Doug Langley

            Good luck on the job and the homework!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks buddy!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            gah, I just noticed, you’re working a saturday night? Hope they’re coughing up the moola for that!

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Yeah I work Thursday -Sunday (well technically Monday morning) from 3:30pm-2am . Pay for weekends is great and I get 3 days off a week.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            nice! I never minded working weekends back in the day – i didn’t do shit anyway and it meant I got Tuesdays off, and Tuesdays happened to be $1 shiner bock night at a nearby bar.

            Win-win man.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Yeah, I just found out there is a movie theater near where I am moving that plays classic movies every Wednesday. I like weekend shift too, its either really busy or really slow but its only 4 days and its extra pay. So yeah win win all around.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            amen brother, you can’t ask for much more these days.

    • wait! what?

      use strict;
      use warnings;

      my ($name, $number) = @ARGV;

      if (not defined $name) {
      die “Need namen”;
      }

      if (defined $number) {
      print “Save ‘$name’ and ‘$number’n”;
      # save name/number in database
      exit;
      }

      print “Fetch ‘$name’n”;
      # look up the name in the database and print it out

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        and you people think law is incomprehensible!
        ; p

    • AuntyMaude

      Nice classroom

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        we’re watching a whole series of these throughout the semester, I think. So far, they’ve all been in really nice natural spots like that around Seattle.

    • AuntyMaude

      Sue and Ann could also be Bob’s cousins and not be each other’s cousins. Because Sue might be from Bob’s maternal side and Ann might be from Bob’s paternal side or vice versa. I rest my case.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        this was my thought! But the book, which I think that guy wrote, goes with the sister argument. I’m glad somebody else thought the same thing.

  • Cletus Safari
  • Michael R

    I heard a noise in the garage … can you go see what it is ?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lt8aKNfa4c

  • Thiazin Red

    It does bother me that the outfits in women/girls’ sports are sexualized. Male gymnasts/runners/volleyball players/figure skaters all get shorts or pants while women have to compete with their asses hanging out.

    • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

      This was why I hated gym in junior high. Girls had a what was basically a short-shorts romper and the guys got shorts and a t-shirt. High school we got a shirt and shorts, but ours were shorter than the guys. So pissed when my sister came through two years later and they got to wear a standard issue t-shirt with whatever gym shorts they wanted. I might have actually *enjoyed* gym if I hadn’t been worried about my ass hanging out, or how fucking fat and gross my legs looked in short-shorts.

    • *Shrug* She can wear whatever she wants.

      [edited]

      • Thiazin Red

        But they can’t. The women and girls aren’t the ones making the requirements that they don’t get lower half garments.

        • That’s the right comeback, and not the point I making. I grant yours.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Homonyms, how do they work?

    • janecita

      I don’t know how those women can play with those uncomfortable bikinis up their asses.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Women’s beach volleyball is a particular culprit in this. They don’t even try to deny that they are partly selling women’s bodies.

    • Cletus Safari

      I admit that I enjoyed seeing my female peers in leotards, cheerleader outfits, and the like when I was in high school–but TR has a point.

      I was kind of a late bloomer; it was the second semester of 10th grade before I realized that girls were not just classmates who used a different set of restrooms, for some reason obscure to me.

  • Michael R

    Almost on topic

    California pastor begs for prayers after allegedly breaking
    into hotel and raping underage girl from China

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/02/california-pastor-begs-prayers-allegedly-breaking-hotel-raping-underage-girl-china/

  • jaspersdad
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      funny as hell – worth the click folks.

      • I’ve been watching the Mash Report on Youtube, it’s hilarious

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          it’s been awhile gurl – how are ya?

          • OK. Been a LONG couple of weeks at work (91.75 hrs)

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oye – see i was gonna say I’ve been busy and you go and say that.

            ; p

          • We keep hiring unreliable people, and we have to cover stuff as supervisors. It’s such fun

          • Lord Jim

            What bidness u in? (Sorry fer interruptin)

          • I work in an office that does data management and scheduling for home healthcare providers

          • Lord Jim

            Are there req’s for certification or licensing in that line? What I’m getting at is that I wouldn’t have thought qualified people would be so unreliable…

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            I wouldn’t have thought qualified people would be so unreliable…

            bwahahahah – sorry, i work for lawyers who appear in front of judges.
            (wipes away tear of laughter)

          • The field staff have professional qualifications, the office team, no at all

          • How’s your English class going?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oh fine I suppose, thanks for asking! I’m trying to get ahead. No news from the prof (although she gave me extra points for how good my first journal entry was.). No news being good news and all.

            My next journal entry is on the parable of the good samaritan – so I’m letting that stew.

            And thank you for the excuse to post this from the curriculum. i though ti was EXCELLENT:
            https://youtu.be/D9Ihs241zeg

          • Lord Jim

            Anent “Samaritan”: He that eats the bread of the Samaritan is like one who eats the flesh of the swine.” – Mishnah Shaviith 8.10 Bearing in mind that the Mishnah was redacted ca. 200’s CE, it is unquestionably based on traditions reaching back to the Exilic period, and in any case, the enmity between Samaritans and Jews is certainly attested outside the Mishnah. Samaritans, BTW, are the descendants of the Israelites who remained during the Exile and married from among the influx of foreigners imported at the same time as many Israelites were deported. Jews certainly despised them for being “half-breeds”, their recognition only of the Pentateuch (like the Sadducees), and their refusal to recognize the legitimacy of the Jerusalem Temple.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            we were given an article to read that gets into some of the details on this front, but I can’t keep it straight (and I took a history of the jewish people class 20 years ago, couldn’t keep it straight then).

            That’ll be the thrust of my journal entry – to *truly* understand the parable on multiple levels, you’d have to know the ins and outs of ancient Israelite politics and domestic relations…but it’s still a good parable.

          • Lord Jim

            On one level, it’s a crisis of identity. Most stories offer us characters whom we do and don’t identify with. The context as given is that the lawyer is asking how one is justified and when Jesus responds with the Double Love Commandment, the lawyer wants Jesus to basically tell him that he is one of the justified. When the parable unfolds, he cannot identify with the traveler, who is assaulted and near death. The priest and Levite look like candidates for heroes, but they do not have mercy. All that remains is the compassionate Samaritan, and what Jew would want to identify with him? In a sense, he DOES become the traveller when Jesus’ parable waylays him and leaves him helpless. When, at the end, Jesus asks who has been a neighbor to the traveler, the lawyer cannot even SAY “the Samaritan”, but indirects to “the one who showed him mercy.”

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            this EERILY similar to what was in the companion essay we had to read – again, not knowing hte history between the jews and the samaritans hampers the full understanding of the story.

            Now, like you, the essayist mentioned that the jew couldn’t even say the word samaritan – i actually looked back and it and I don’t read that way at all. But the point is arguable.
            Also, the essayist mentions a refugee from somewhere who identified with the injured Jew…wondering who will help him. And that’s an interesting thought.

          • Also, i need someone to clean my apt…i could, i just don’t want to

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            at some point in life – your time becomes more valuable than what it costs to pay someone to clean it.

            at least thats’ what I was told once, and since it gets me off the hook of something i hate, I roll with it.

          • My mom keeps offering, as like my birthday present, to pay for a cleaner twice a month for me. But i want people arojnd my place even less, so i will get off my ass and clean

          • Stinky_Hole

            Yeah, no, and then you’ll be on an episode of “Hoarders”.

          • Phried Ω

            You describe me and car repair and yard maintenance.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            also yes. I’m getting a cheapie stereo installed tomorrow – installation will cost more than the stereo, but for this reason.

          • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

            That there is what the Catstros refer to as a “call the man” situation. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/779d1246b5b2319f4004ba103165daec3c2608f78512e478f9327b69a1e4a7cc.jpg

          • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

            Our lawn service is 100% worth it. I’m super-duper allergic to grass (when I had my skin-reaction test the nurse rounded up all the doctors and nurses in the office to come look at my back because it was so gruesome), so I can’t do it, and Mr. Cats hates it and doesn’t really have the time. Also, depending on the time of year, I can have an allergic reaction when he comes inside after mowing the grass. So, we spend a little money and pay some very nice men to mow our lawn once a week at a time when I’m out of the house.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            and you contribute to the economy! Our lawn service guy is a really wonderful dude.

      • jaspersdad

        They also did this takedown of the Trump Piers Morgan interview.

        https://youtu.be/Ooz58aJRWIE

    • IdiotsforPalin
      • Cletus Safari

        Maybe Lysistrata had the right idea?

        Women to Republicans:

        “Go fuck yourselves. We damn well won’t.”

        • Cletus Safari

          I don’t know which I enjoy more: being a race traitor or a gender traitor. ;)

          • Lord Jim

            Why choose? ParrrrrrrTAY!

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Why not both?

    • Jamoche

      John Oliver was wrong on Colbert – there are some kinds of British comedy that would work just as well with a strong Queens accent.

    • Stinky_Hole

      Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m jst a fool fr youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Wretched song.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • AuntyMaude

      Nice job

    • First actual LOL tonight.

    • therblig

      about 7 years ago, i suffered my first cycling collarbone break when some idiot in liberty state park swooped his stunt kite in front of me on one of the paved paths. i hit my front brake too hard and endo’d (hey, i can fly!!) into a discernible crunch.

      now, i give them plenty of leeway.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Ooo, sorry to hear that.

        • therblig

          it’s ok. five years later i broke the other one so my shirts fit me normally again.

      • SisterArtemis

        Sounds like feral kite to me – half wild, half domesticated…

        • therblig

          i think it was domesticated – no tail

  • AuntyMaude

    Here’s a thought: maybe do extensive research on people who are allowed to interact with children. Maybe make sure there are always two adults in the room with children. This is such b.s.

    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      I joined my county’s CERT team and I had to pass a background check because of children and old people.

      • AuntyMaude

        At the Unitarian church that I used to attend, it’s mandatory that there are two adults in every classroom. It’s a safe child policy.

        • It does not matter. Predators who go into occupations that place them with minors will find a way. And it only takes a few moments.
          Sure, go grab your purse, we’re fine!
          That is all it takes.
          Would help stem some of it tho

          • Ellie

            I’m very much afraid that you are correct.

          • Lord Jim

            They can’t leave until another adult takes their place. Methodist Church has these policies too.

        • Ellie

          I’ve gone through a couple of training sessions because I taught Sunday School. The only real problem was when we did a sleepover. We had the two adults, but then one of the kids got sick and the only parent at home was without a car. We had to scramble to find two adults to take the kid home – not his fault. It was our last sleepover.

      • Jamoche

        I sing in a college choir and we had to have checks because some of those college kids might be 17.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    …says the man who diddles little boys.

    • janecita

      It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Thiazin Red

      There is like a zero percent chance that he won’t be caught with a male prostitute at some point.

      • Iam Reading

        I feel like it is way, way darker than that.

  • janecita
    • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

      Stolen

    • Progress!

      /snark

  • Iam Reading

    Okay, I was a competition swimmer for years and years. The girls always swam before the boys. Which means they were up at the starting block bent over with butts and vaginas covered only by lycra staring the boys straight in the face before the starting gun went off. Even when I was 13 14 15 16 17 18 and 19 I did not have the types of thoughts that this Evangelical Pastor is having even with nearly naked female athletes bent over right in front of my face. What the actual fuck? These people are gross.

  • Gosala

    First they came for the immigrants.
    Then they came for people with disabilities

    https://qz.com/994853/republicans-in-congress-think-the-americans-with-disabilities-act-is-too-easy-to-game-so-they-want-to-make-it-harder-to-enforce/

    “The cornerstone of current enforcement options is that the violation can often be resolved swiftly,” Robyn Powell, an attorney and disability law and policy consultant who disabled herself, writes for Rewire. With the passage of HR 620, individuals with disabilities will be forced to wait 180 days, and likely longer, to seek vindication of their federally-protected civil rights.

    ¿To be continued?

  • guppy06

    Or, worse yet, where the infatuation of the body eventually effects the lesbian coaches?

    Wait, are we sure it’s “effects” and not “affects?” Kids in leotards turns women gay?

  • handyhippie65

    au gratin taters with ham fer dinner. i don’t cook many things, but the ones i do are not bad. wish i had enough to share, but at least i can be an inspiration.

    • TJ Barke

      Mmm, love potatoes au gratin.

      • HooverVilles

        SECOND!

        • IMPOed

          THIRD!!

          • I prefer scalloped.
            And no, I do not know the difference either.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Isnt the difference about 50 cents in the grocery store most of the time? Other then the price they look and taste the same.

          • IMPOed

            Scalloped has no cheese.

          • AuntyMaude

            yeah just milk

          • Ω cynmac asks for your excuse?

            Both cream sauce, au gratin have cheese in sauce.

          • Darn I am doing it wrong. I put cheese in mine XD

      • handyhippie65

        me too. i had a ham slice in the fridge, and a block of cheese that needed to go soon. so, taters with cheese and ham it is.

        • Ellie

          Excellent decision.

          • handyhippie65

            i rarely throw away food. i always find something to make with it.

    • IMPOed

      Oooo, that sounds good, bison taco burgers, taco filling in a bun.. ;>)

      • handyhippie65

        sounds yummy. i’d ask to trade a plate, but the mail lady would be pissed.

        • IMPOed

          They can get testy at times. ;>)

      • handyhippie65

        hey, i never had bison before. what’s the taste? beef or venison?

        • AuntyMaude

          I’m guessing chicken

          • handyhippie65

            hehehehe! yea, prolly. but i like chicken too.

          • Dudleydidwrong

            Just don’t kiss or hug your (live) chicken. There Sam Onella lurks.

          • handyhippie65

            i have six, i just gather the eggs. at least for a couple of years till they stop laying. then into the freezer they go.

        • Bitter Scribe

          I’d say beef, but I’m maybe not the best person to ask because I’ve never tasted venison. I refuse to eat cute animals.

          • handyhippie65

            you’ve never seen a jersey cow. cute little brown things with long eyelashes, that make awesome rich milk. i grew up on a pig farm. piglets are some of the cutest little thing world, even pooh liked them, but i surely do love bacon. i’ve been hunting since i was 7, and got my first deer at 10. it’s a little gamey-er than beef, but much leaner. it makes awesome jerky.

          • Lord Jim

            I’ve had venison. Not my thing.

          • therblig

            i once was almost hit with a cast iron skillet when ms. blig was cooking some venison her sister sent home. she offered me a piece and i pretty much spit it out. yes, i could have been more gracious about it, but it was a visceral reaction.

          • therblig
          • Lord Jim

            Wait, I thought axolotl tanks were where Facedancers were grown…oh, nevermind…

        • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

          More beef than venison

        • IMPOed

          Well, for one thing there is little or no fat, not at all like venison, I would say between beef and pork, if you over cook it, it gets dried out, like over cooked pork, I love it, healthier than beef too.

          • handyhippie65

            i’ll have to look for it. not too much of it here in indiana though.

          • IMPOed

            Might be able to find it online, it’s expensive though.

  • Picabo
    • That hooker better not have offered booze or coffee!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Vile slut gave him a COKE!!! BURN HER!!1!!

        • Cletus Safari

          Not only that, but she turned me into a newt!

          (I got better, but still…)

    • TJ Barke
    • Family values! Wait. Whut?

    • shivaskeeper

      Bitch set him up. He’s asked for and been forgiven already in any case. Since his god has forgiven him we all have to as well.

      Also, too I am wearing my shocked face right now.

      • therblig

        and his wife has accepted her responsibility for this happening.

        • AuntyMaude

          as well she should

        • dshwa

          The church elders told her she was to blame.

        • shivaskeeper

          That is usually only implied.

    • dshwa

      It’s almost like there’s a pattern between obsessing about other people’s morality and being badly behaved yourself…

      • Lord Jim

        I think you’re onto something here…

    • Cletus Safari

      A Talibangelical politician violated his own faith’s code of sexual ethics?

      https://i.imgur.com/zd9GIev.jpg

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      They always do.

  • dshwa

    Jesus Christ on a Segue, go read a psych textbook Kevin. Molestation is about power not sex.

    • shivaskeeper

      Sex is power in his denomination. They are one and the same thing.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      At the Angela Davis speech, she was talking about rape and sexual violence as a form of power – so I guess I’d argue it’s power through sex(ual violence), but yeah…

      also, totally stealing that J.C. on a Segue bit, you have been put on notice. ; p

      • Jesus Christ, Super Star
        Ridin’ on his Seque to the bar
        Cops were there, but he don’t care
        He’s got bullet proof underwear

        • OK. What?

          • I was adapting our old childhood song. You know the musical?
            We used to go Jesus Christ Superstar, ridin down the street on his yamaha(r)
            I do not know why, it just was.
            There was also Joy to the world the school burned down
            And a few others even worse.

          • Artist, you.

          • Not I! Just repeating what I heard in childhood.

          • Ellie

            Having a senior moment here, but there was a woman science fiction/fantasy writer, that collected kids rhymes and songs. It was very interesting and fun, because she did some of her research on the AOL message boards. But the Stupid Senior Moment prevents me from remembering her name.

          • Ellie

            Ack! Remembered. Jo Sherman, and the book is, of course, Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts: The Subversive Folklore of Childhood.

          • lol love it, danke XD

          • Dudleydidwrong

            Sounds like a winner! I just ordered a copy.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Worst. Andrew Lloyd Webber. Musical. Ever.

          • Stinky_Hole

            High School. Football game. Half-time show.
            And the band director had us march across the field in an ‘oblique’ formation.

          • dshwa

            Starlight Express libel.

  • Suffragette White.

    • Ling Ling

      Good name for an album, but I haven’t a clue what the take away message is. I didn’t know suffragette wore white (Wikipedia say green, white and violet). Statistically speaking, I would have to agree w/Bannon at least once. This time I hope he right.

      • That was why I had to say something. Like the stopped clock, we agree once a generation.

    • Phried Ω

      Asian funeral white.

      • Heh, I took a friend of mine in HS to my cousin’s wedding because she was a refugee and wanted to really experience all of American culture an whatever.
        The thing she could not get over was the white dress. Why is she wearing white? That is so unlucky! Doesn’t she know how unlucky that is????

        • Gosala

          Given that half of all marriages fail, she may be on to something.

          • Is it really half?
            Hrm.
            Wonder what I am doing right. Gotta be the 69. Saves marriages.

            Now I want that billboard.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Mother’s in for a long night if Pence decides to go watch women’s figure skating. She best lock him up in Hannibal Lecter restraints.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Has she been watching him in his seat the whole time?

    • lol silly, Mike is waiting for the man’s figure skating

      • AuntyMaude

        yes his marriage will be safer if he watches the men and so will the male skaters as long as they avoid the q-tip

        • The idea that his wife dictates anything to the christofascist is hilarious. She has no say in anything, and I will put money on that as a fact.

          • AuntyMaude

            I think it would be great to be a fly on the wall around these people in private. Unfortunately flies don’t have ears. And I’m not a fly.

          • You could be! We could call up Jeff Goldblum and….
            hm. Actually that did not turn out well….

      • therblig

        it puts the bible in its pants
        to watch the manly skaters dance

      • IdiotsforPalin

        Mike wants to bang Kim’s sister…….

  • Maybe

    People like Swanson usually claim that men are the stronger sex, not just physically but mentally, morally and emotionally.

    Then they claim that these same superior beings are unable to control themselves when exposed to a few inches of female skin.

    You’re trying to have it both ways, Swanson. And you are trying to defend sexual predation and child molesting, in this case by a doctor.

    • Gosala

      You have to pity the Christianists: beset by temptation, entombed in weak flesh, always uttering Augustine’s prayer, “Lord make me good, but not yet.”

      • Maybe

        I associate this “Christian” blame of women with the overall right-wing culture which believes that men are always the victims.

        Even when they have most of the power.

        It’s as though they enjoy feeling like victims. Maybe because it allows them not to take responsibility for the bad things they do.

  • Jamoche
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      I really want to adopt Wash, he is so cute and has a unique coloring.

    • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

      We have friends who had a grey kitty like that. You could only see his stripes if the light was juuuuuuust right.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      So cute! Want to have him on my lap sitting by the fire :)

    • SisterArtemis

      I have had two black cats, who in the right light (usually full sun at some particular angle) were black-and-dark-brown tabbies. It was quite striking. But most of the time, they just looked solid black. This one, for instance, had an almost reddish-brown highlight on some of the stripes.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45d66966b6912c039148d95afadc504d0c5d758a1c290607602a83d3789375f0.jpg

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    I am glad no one was seriously injured.

    https://www.cnn.com/2018/02/10/us/justin-trudeau-canada-prime-minister-incident/index.html

    A California Highway Patrol officer was injured when his motorcycle was involved in a crash while escorting the motorcade of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, authorities said.

    The officer’s motorcycle collided with a vehicle Friday in Simi Valley, according to spokesman Steve Swindle of the Ventura County Fire Department.

    Trudeau was not injured, a Canadian government source told CNN.

    The officer and a person aboard the vehicle were taken to the hospital with injuries that are not life-threatening.

    “The … officer was thrown off the motorcycle. The vehicle involved in the crash was not part of the motorcade,” Simi Valley Police Sgt. Chris Johnson said.

    The crash happened as the motorcade was leaving the Ronald Reagan Library, where Trudeau delivered a speech on the friendship and partnership between the United States and Canada.

    Trudeau is on a three-day trip to the US to discuss economic and political ties between the two countries.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    heh, this sample question from the companion website to my logic textbook gives me an idea about arguing with Trumpkins:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/89a53bc28215467d1777c969ec6f99e2b9afcb9d96ef3df9964ee05e02eb218b.png

    • Amy!

      Well, I also play quidditch, so you can guess which answer I choose.

    • It’s a, right?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        unless the Trumpkin is wearing a MAGA hat…
        : p

    • Stable Uniomist Raan

      Reminds me of the G.O.A.T from the start of Fallout 3.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        heh, I used some attribute bonus and never took it!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      A and B right? That is how the preznit does it.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        jp – get out of my brain dude! (Scroll down)

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Lol I didnt even see your answer or Trump comment when I replied. But I do keep seeing reports about how Trump is a horrible role model for kids.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            not exactly new news, is it?

    • shivaskeeper

      A. The answer is A. But do not fuck around with a broom, They are far to fragile to handle the skull of a numbskull. Use a bat or a Clue x 4. It’s the only way, really.

    • Lord Jim

      Lesse…”D” is invalid and lost on Trumpanzees anyway. “C” is valid but lost on Trumpanzees anyway. “B” is just gonna make it seem like there’s some back-and-forth in the offing. “A” is quick and more liable to procure the desired cessation of derp.

      I’m going with “A”.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        process of elimination – a wise man! (Gosala’s comment not withstanding).

      • shivaskeeper

        And that is an answer provided with logic. Well done.

    • Gosala

      Multiple choice questions are the graveyard of learning

      The answer is clearly
      E. Squirrel!

      • This is a true thing. Never met a multiple choice I could not skate on.
        Even managed to beat the SATs with that. Never prepped even once, scored a perfect on geometry and all verbal portions.
        The rest of the math where you had to actually figure shit out was a bit trickier, however XD

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          LSAT was a bastard – two answers were veeeeeery close to being right. the smart folks knew which one was actually right (or more right).

          But TBH, it’s shared responsibility on the teachers and students. Profs don’t wanna grade 25 essay or short answer questions, students don’t want to take those kinds of tests cause, “too hard!” (or they do very poorly on them.
          (Hey, I didn’t say blame was EQUALLY shared).

          • I preferred essay tests myself. The trick is not so much to consume the information as it was to understand how your prof prefers you to write. At least, in my experience.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            the bar is pretty low at my community college – for the most part, at least in the law classes, if you made a decent argument and/or demonstrated you learned something, you’d get some points.

            one the one hand, I liked them cause I could do some dancing around something I didn’t know – on the other, if I missed the point of the question and/or forgot something the instrructor felt was mandatory, I was fucked

            WHew. I’m looking forward to graduating in 3 months.

    • MC Planck

      That would be helpful, if our opponents were presenting arguments. They aren’t even pretending to do that anymore.

    • I highly enjoy A

  • Out of control.

    Flight line, coming down.

    Cranberries, promises.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUFPooqKllA

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    The attachment of ‘red blooded’ to ‘American Male’… I guess I bleed blue, having no desire to molest teenagers

    • shivaskeeper

      Red-Blooded implies they are also full of passion and super patriotic. Of course they have no self control what with all that passion.

      I have seen enough of my blood over the years to know it’s red, but like you, I have never felt the desire to molest.

    • Blue bloods do their molesting in prep school.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Damn even Alito thinks Gorsuch is a moran. This is an interesting article even if I dont understand all the legal things in it.

    reason.com/blog/2018/02/01/neil-gorsuch-and-samuel-alito-butt-heads

    • dshwa

      I’ll give Alito this, he hates anyone he thinks is a idiot no matter what ideology they are. (Of course, his thinking is frequently sloppy but details)

    • Tetman Callis

      I don’t know why Gorsuch would want to reach so far on this issue. There is already well established law regarding what’s known as “search incident to arrest.” Possession is good title in some specific instances under the Uniform Commercial Code, but it’s immaterial to 4th Amendment protections, unless it’s the last straw at which to be grasped. Without getting myself enmired in what appears to be the tar pit the defendant-appellant’s counsel suckered Gorsuch into, it looks like both the attorney and the justice were outsmarting themselves.

  • janecita
    • Bitter Scribe

      With the possible exception of Al Gore, the best president we’ll never have.

      • William Jennings Bryan LIBULZ

        • Bitter Scribe

          Oh barf. William Jennings “I believe in the Rock of Ages, not the age of rocks” Byran? That guy?

          • Well, he was a bit smarter when running at the time XD
            I was just more touching on the “let us not treat workers like slaves for a change thing”

          • Bitter Scribe

            Sure, except that he never accomplished anything and had a way of fucking up everything he ever touched. He was a running joke as Secretary of State.

          • I just like the workers bit, Scribe. And contemplate sometimes what if the US Government did NOT take the side of the robber barons and made it not ok to kill your workers dead?
            Consider where we would be now.

          • Bitter Scribe

            I guess, but to me the real heroes in that struggle were guys like Eugene Debs and Samuel Gompers, who actually put their asses on the line and got things done. Bryan gave a good speech in 1896 and coasted on it the rest of his life.

          • Did not know Eugene and Sam ever ran for presidenting?
            Damn. Need to brush up.

          • Bitter Scribe

            No, AFAIK they didn’t. I just mentioned them as examples of people who did good things for the working class.

          • Dudleydidwrong

            Certainly Debs and Gompers were world-class heroes who did not run for president but probably should have (doubtful that they would have won in the day’s climate but it would have been interesting.)

            I have a soft spot in my head for Bryan who had workers and farmers at heart despite his ill-conceived battle over evolution. Read “Bryan, Bryan, Bryan, Bryan,” the poem by Vachel Lindsay, to get an interesting picture of the mixed-up times.

          • Eugene Debs actually ran five times for president, once from prison. I’m not terribly fond of third-party candidacies though, but Debs certainly put his wellbeing on the line for his beliefs so I’m not about to criticise too harshly.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Rock of ages is pretty cool.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVNJX3n5jz4

        • dshwa

          Didn’t he go full fundie though?

      • therblig

        i always thought paul tsongas would have been pretty good.

    • Gosala

      The subjugation of women is very old, possibly older than the species. If it falls, so will almost every other subjugation.

  • therblig
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Condolences, Ms. B.

      • therblig

        i went in and told her that a wonketeer had sent their condolences, thinking she’d get a chuckle out of it.

        her reply was “you mean about idris elba?”

        now, i’m really depressed.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          I’ll give Benny Cumberbatch a call on her behalf, if you think that will help….

  • janecita

    This is a great article, it’s a little long but very informative.

    https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2013/may/29/nine-lessons-suffragettes-feminists

    • Ellie

      This is a good thing to remember today:

      “Accept that those haters will include other women
      In a male-dominated society, women are often brought up to identify with men, to see men’s views and rights as paramount, and so it’s not surprising that many women oppose their own liberation. In the suffrage era the most prominent was Queen Victoria, who once wrote a letter stating she was “anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad wicked folly of ‘Woman’s Rights’, with all its attendant horrors, on which [my] poor sex is bent”.

      There were a number of thriving anti-suffrage groups, including the National League for Opposing Women’s Suffrage, run by one Mrs Frederic Harrison, who stated: “Women have to destroy a women’s movement.” It rarely feels right to celebrate female failure, but in Harrison’s case let’s make an exception.”

  • shivaskeeper

    Articles like this and the non comments that follow make me think about my job. I take pictures of houses for insurance companies. Unless there are interior pictures requested, when I have to make an appointment which only applies to two companies I work for, the other seven or so don’t even give me a phone number to call ahead. I basically get a name, an address, and a certain number of days to get the pictures and submit a quick report. My territory is over four counties and I take the overflow from a fifth. I work in town and so far out in the boonies that I have had to take miles and miles of single lane forest service road to find an address.

    Essentially I walk up to a stranger’s house, knock on the door, ask a few questions is someone answers and consents to the pictures being taken, or just take the pictures if no one answers and there are no locked gates.

    About 70% of the time if the door is answered it’s a woman doing the answering. My ID is a name badge from my parent company and I carry a measuring wheel and a ring binder.

    What can I do to put people, especially women at their ease when I am there on the front step? I already make sure I don’t block a car in when I park, so it doesn’t look like I am trapping someone in.

    In three and a half years I have had one dog turned loose on me, which was a fail, because the dog was super friendly when he should have been killing me, and one gun pointed at me. Both were because the homeowner thought I might have had something to do with their ex or soon to be ex.

    • Ling Ling

      I guess you bring dog treats. My dogs would give you access to anything for a belly rub and a pig ear.

      • shivaskeeper

        I don’t actually worry about dogs. Dogs are rarely more aggressive than territorial barking with me. In fact more than once I have had the homeowner ask how I got past the dogs to knock on the door.

        This is more about what I can do, in our current world to be more aware of what I’m doing.

    • Speak against violence and vote accordingly. Until we get the culture to change, this will continue to be a thing.

      • shivaskeeper

        I do, and I do.

        • I know :hugs: and I am not being pessimistic. But there is legit nothing you can do, yourself, to put women at their ease.
          It is society that must change, for that to happen

    • SisterArtemis

      I don’t think I can answer broadly, but I can tell you what makes ME more comfortable, as a woman who often has lived by myself, and sometimes out of town. And I do think you’re going to run into issues no matter how you approach a property.

      But here’s what works for me: you mentioned not blocking a car in, and that’s smart. Also, a man who stands back from the door, not blocking the view behind him helps me have a better sense of what is going on. I’ve noticed some men immediately take one step back when I open the door, and that helps too. Someone who is arms length from me, at least, feels somehow safer. I guess it’s not that they couldn’t threaten me quite quickly, but a little distance both mentally feel better, and gives me that microsecond extra time to react, assess, and so on.

      And body language, of course. Someone who looks directly at me, has their arms at a comfortable relaxed, position. Someone with the tools of their trade in their hand, as you mentioned you do.

      Like I said, some people are still going to be very suspicious. But all of the things I mentioned help me assess the situation as professional as opposed to confrontational.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Taking a step back is a good idea. When I doorknock for my congressman I make sure to do that, plus have a clipboard in my hands with a big campaign sticker on the back facing the door.

        • Definitely a clipboard. I used to investigate insurance claims, and worked the 2010 Census as a canvasser. Step down from the stoop, have clipboard and pen ready.

      • Every time I have a woman into my place the first time, regardless of context, I make absolutely sure she has a direct line to the unlocked door, past me.

        Also, a woman told me to never take my belt off in front of her. I never have since taken off my belt in front of a woman.

        What helps, is verbal communication. Honest explanation. She always understands, not because of the words, but because she can read my face. I show all my cards up front.

      • shivaskeeper

        Good. I always step back from the door already. I never considered the view behind me though. I do it because doors open out as well as in and I don;t want to be in the way of the door, plus it’s common courtesy to not crowd the door.

        I try to be as relaxed as I can be and as non aggressive looking as possible, but my size kind of negates that.

        You would be surprised at how many people aren’t suspicious at all. They invite me in, which is a huge no-no for me, offer coffee and all that sort of thing.

        • That would be me. My landlord sends over a contractor now and again to do a thing and I am all….do you want a drink or something? And if it is raining I am always, I can loan you an umbrella? Come in and get dry!

          • shivaskeeper

            That weirds me right the fuck out. I am a stranger. You do not invite strangers in. The only exception I make is some of the companies send me to the same address every year. The homeowners recognize me when I show up now. I still won’t go inside, but I’ll have a cup of coffee on the step.

    • HazooToo

      I really think you should start asking for phone numbers from your boss/boss’ company. Just a text before you arrive, to let someone know to expect you, would help. There was a tow service advertising that they were beginning to send texts of the details of your driver to you, along with a photo, so you could be sure who it was that was coming to meet you by the side of the road, possibly in the dark with no one else around. Just knowing to expect someone helps.

      • shivaskeeper

        I have no control over it. It’s up the insurance companies to provide the basic info. Some do, most don’t. Some give me the agent’s number which is generally less than useless to me. Homeowners are pretty understanding about it.

        The odd thing, is if can’t get the pictures because of a locked gate and submit an incomplete report, I’ll get it back in my queue in a few days with a phone number to set an appointment to arrange for the gate to be unlocked.

        • HazooToo

          That is odd. You’d think they would provide you the all tools to do your job in the first place. Everyone else has given you really good advice though, and beyond trying to get your company to specifically ask the insurance companies for numbers, there’s really not much else you can do that won’t make you look like a weirdo and defeat the purpose.

          • shivaskeeper

            It’s the cut rate companies that don’t give phone numbers. I get the name, address, policy number, what the policy is worth, and a few other things, but no phone number. It’s odd. Generally speaking, if you live 25 minutes outside of a town that is a wide spot in the road, you generally don;t want to be bothered by strangers. It is what it is though.

    • TJ Barke

      You ever make it down to Curry?

      • shivaskeeper

        Pierce, Mason, Gray’s Harbor, a bit of Thurston, and the overflow from Pacific counties in WA. I got asked to do two outside Astoria, OR a few years ago.

        Curry county is well outside my territory.

  • Picabo

    PSA announcement. Do not kiss your chickens. This is not from The Onion.

    “Backyard chickens are increasing in popularity but owners are loving their poultry a little too much, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says. For the past few years, the CDC has warned Americans to stop kissing and cuddling their chickens due to salmonella infection risk. Atlas Obscura explains why:

    Last year, 23 percent of the people who reported contracting salmonella from homegrown fowl had recently kissed their chickens (seven percent) or snuggled them (16 percent).

    Those stats come from Dr. Megin Nichols, who investigates salmonella and E. coli outbreaks at the CDC. Chicken petting and snuggling, it turns out, are high-risk behaviors. While salmonella tends to be associated with industrial food systems, even backyard chicken coops have the potential to be contaminated, Nichols explains.”
    https://www.dailykos.com/

    • shivaskeeper

      People can be idiots. That is all.

      • That’s from M*A*S*H, the movie. “That is all.”

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s an Army expression.

          • I suppose. In six years of service I never heard it.

            But I love concluding my comments with it. Because, the movie (set in the Korean War, but attacking the Vietnam War).

            That is all.

          • shivaskeeper

            Generally used only in briefings. And then only when a short statement is made and nothing follows.

            I know MASH well. The movie and the show.

    • therblig

      beaks or cheeks?

    • Brother has backyard chickens.
      He lives in a densely populated suburb on Philly.
      I just sorta eye him weird. Jay, you spend how much on feed and get how many eggs? Ah. Ok then!

      • redarmyzombie

        I’m not sure which one it was, but one of my neighbors had chickens for literally a day, and the next they were gone…

    • TJ Barke

      We’ll build up immunity. Maybe.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      This brings to mind the movie Chickens and Sympathy in which Deborah Kerr memorably delivered the line, “Years from now, when you talk about this, and you will, beak kind.”

      It didn’t win an Oscar but it did get a Pulletzer Prize.

  • Jamoche

    Looks like the floof kitties are getting ready to go to their new home: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9VO7X_q9nw

    • Suse

      Their new people couldn’t pick them up today due to bad weather. They are a handful!

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m gonna miss watching Torr and Kelvin chase each other around…they are so sweet!

    • data_ninja

      Oh my, orange kitty seems to have found the one camera. This feels like a season finale.

  • Better not lose this.

    Now Melania Trump enters the House chamber, and finds her seat. “She’s wearing suffragette white,” Bannon says. “Suck on that.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKXwmqp6O7M

    • …why would people want to suck on that anyway? How is Melly in white any sort of thing to suck on?

      • Ellie

        I don’t know. I also don’t know why I’d want to pay attention to Bannon, except as one would pay attention to a poisonous snake.

        This is the suffragette song that sticks in my mind.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gvu3krcs8ec

      • I don’t consider it a crime to take a metaphor too literally. But only in daylight. I note it is Winter.

      • Resistor Radio

        Yeah, I didn’t really get that part.

    • Rick Hill

      Without listening, what’s the last word on that song?

  • Most Stable Land Shark

    For Hope Hicks …

    Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan
    Don’t need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me
    Hop on the bus, Gus, don’t need to discuss much
    Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free

    https://youtu.be/ABXtWqmArUU

  • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

    I’m off to detangle my hair (this is not a euphemism). Wish me luck, I’m going to need it.

    • janecita

      Have your scissors handy:-) Good luck!

      • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

        It wasn’t that bad! I hadn’t washed since Tuesday night and by today it was more hairspray than hair, so pleasantly surprised.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    “How come whenever we go into these situations, we never find anything cute? It’s always big and mean with lots of teeth.”
    “I agree. We’re definitely falling into a rut.”

  • Suse

    Good evening! Have a bunny to get this dickwad, who seems nice, out of your brain. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b5fdab959d06f632b33009426187ba38e191c3634899d36ac083400906e95f41.jpg

    • Gosala

      There’s a bunny that lives somewhere on my property or near it. I see her (him?) from time to time munching weeds.

      It makes me happy.

      • therblig

        we had one in our adjoining backyards from right after easter (when the assholes who bought it for their kid tossed it out), until christmas eve, when the temperature dropped seriously and i went out back and scooped her up. she pretty much ate all the foliage in 4 yards, so we started leaving rabbit chow in ours. carrots (as blig jr named her) lived with us for another 9 years.

        • Suse

          You’re good people for rescuing her! People who get bunnies and chicks for their kids for Easter are so fucking clueless.

          • therblig

            of the 8 dogs, 8 cats, 1 rabbit, and 1 snake we’ve had together, 3 of the dogs were adopted and the snake was purchased. all the rest were rescues. one of the great things about living with another animal lover is that you don’t have to take time to make a call when you see a critter that needs help. more like “honey, WE’RE home!”

          • Dept. of Space Tacos
          • therblig

            looks pretty funny. and every time ms. blig gets an animal of her own (face it, they critters play favorites just like we do), i joke about how i’ve moved down another level.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, it’s not bad – but might raise some uncomfortable truths.

            ; p

        • Gosala

          You are what people should be

      • Bitter Scribe

        The house I grew up in, where my sister still lives, is close to a forest preserve that has lots of wildlife. Those bunnies are tough motherfuckers. I tried to shoo one away that was munching on our bushes–the little shit wasn’t any bigger than my fist–and he just disdainfully glanced at me over his shoulder: “What the fuck are you looking at?”

        • rofl, when we first moved in here 10 years ago, I notice a cute bunneh! Awwww so cute!
          Then he hopped away, like yeah whatvs. Dude had the biggest cahones I’d ever seen on an animal, short of a horse or something.
          Ate my choleas :k Fucking bunny

          • Suse

            choleas =coleus?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      “ohai!” – dat bunny

      cute stuff.
      : D

    • IMPOed

      Thank you, that helps a little bit.. ;>)

  • No, not really jamming it down; it’s just a metaphor.

    “But for now Love, let’s be real.”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QgqkY4YJQ8

  • Picabo
    • Rick Hill

      Atchually, I heard one person who was familiar with it mention it was more likely that people were seeing free condoms with the olympic symbol on them and they were grabbing handfuls as souvenirs. Not saying there isn’t a whole lot of holes being filled but not a non stop orgy.

      • Stinky_Hole

        Like books of matches in the old days.

    • TJ Barke

      Sigh… it always seems like everyone’s getting some but me…

      • :snuggle: Just gotta become a gold medal winner in the downhill, TJ. Can’t be that hard!

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Fox says you just have to be a mediocre white guy.

          • TJ Barke

            But I am!

      • Parakeetist

        Me too

      • redarmyzombie

        Same.

    • therblig

      no dental dams?

    • MilwaukeeKent

      That pic reminds me of a joke: Guy goes to the doctor and tells him, “Doctor, I have 5 penises.”. The doctor is stunned and replies, “Five penises? How do your pants fit?” “Like a glove, doc, like a glove.”

      • leemoder

        Guy goes to a doctor and says:”Doc, I’ve got this weird growth on my forehead.
        Doc says: “I don’t know how to tell you this, but you have a penis growing out of your forehead.:
        The guy says: “So for the rest of my life I’m going to have to see this penis growing out of my forehead?”
        Doc says: “Don’t worry about that. The balls will cover your eyes.”

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald defends the many spousal abuse innuendos in the WH by saying none of the accusers actually went thru a window.

  • Cletus Safari
    • Suse

      They can be in Dotard’s parade?

  • Ninja0980

    https://twitter.com/Konstantinos305/status/961026007233830912
    Tsk tsk, looks like the family values folks in Australia are just as big of hypocrites as the ones here.

    • Cletus Safari