Good morning and good weekend, Wonkers! It is time for the top ten post, where we count down the top ten posts of the week, ask you for money to keep this place going, and show you Wonkette toddler pictures. So we will do all those things RIGHT NOW!
REMINDER: Reno! We are coming to see you Sunday afternoon! We are buying you spicy meatballs or something! You will be there!
So anyway … let’s ask you for money! You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our modest but livable salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it’s 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
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Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:
Did we mention we love you?
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. That’s It? Really? Really, Devin Nunes? For Real? Y’all, we kinda died of NON-ORGASMS when that stupid memo came out.
2. Finally! A Dorito For Me, A Woman. Seriously, thank God.
3. David Brooks’s Abortion Column Should Have Been Aborted. But alas, ’twas not.
4. Oh Nothing, Just The DOJ *ADMITTING* Hillary Clinton ‘Uranium One’ Scandal Is COOKED-UP BULLSHIT FROM A LIAR WHO LIES. There really is no rock bottom when it comes to made-up GOP conspiracy theories.
5. Here Are The Top Bullshits In Devin Nunes’s Memo SO FAR. Our first follow-up piece on THE MEMO, where we found more bullshits!
6. Dude Who Killed Bin Laden Tells Cadet Bone Spurs To Shove Dumb Military Parade Up His Ass. YA BURNT, Donald Trump!
7. Badass Gay Figure Skater ‘Bout To Land Perfect Triple Axel UP MIKE PENCE’S ASS. YA BURNT, Mike Pence!
8. Deleted Emails: Guess We’re All Mormons Now. It’s true, we are.
9. Russia Did It, Y’all. And Nobody Fucking Cares. At least not anybody currently in power to do anything about how Russians DEFINITELY PENETRATED VOTING SYSTEMS.
10. Washington Post Preemptively Kneecaps Devin Nunes’s Next Memo In The Dick. Sorry Devin! Just kidding, NOT SORRY, you idiot!
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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You are very good, here are more pictures of the toddler on her WORLD TOUR:
Yours in baby Jesus,
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