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An actual Nazi, one Arthur Jones from the Chicago suburb of Lyons, Illinois, is the only person to file for the Republican congressional nomination in the heavily Democratic 3rd District, a seat currently held by conservative Democrat Dan Lipinski. Happily, there’s virtually no chance Jones will win, since, as we say, extremely safe Democratic district. But there aren’t even any non-Nazi Republicans running against the 70-year-old former leader of the American Nazi Party. Ever since it was confirmed in 2016 that our planet actually is in the crapsack alternate universe that spacefaring adventurers will find themselves desperate to escape before the end credits, we’re no longer entirely surprised by developments like this.

Jones is one of those perennial crank candidates that crop up everywhere; he’s previously run seven times for the Republican nomination in that district, but this year is the first time he’s been unopposed. He told the Chicago Sun-Times he’s as surprised as anyone else.

“And given the fact that I’ve got no opposition in the primary, OK, I win that one (the primary) by default all right,” Jones said during an interview in a coffee shop in Lyons.

Jones says he currently heads up a group with the highly original name the “America First Committee,” whose membership is open to anyone as long as they’re a “white American citizen of European, non-Jewish descent.” If they’d let him run on long enough we’re sure he’d have mentioned that he’s got a great idea for a new group called the Kool Klux Klan.

Lonnie Nasatir, of the Anti-Defamation League’s Chicago-Upper Midwest Region, says Jones has a long list of impressive achievements, like protesting the opening of the Illinois Holocaust Museum and Education Center and promulgating fallacious conspiracy theories about the Nazi genocide. Jones’s campaign website features a cheery section with the heading “The ‘Holocaust Racket.’” Says Nasatir,

He has spoken publicly at numerous neo-Nazi rallies and events, expressing xenophobic policies based in racial and religious hatred. He is, by every definition, an anti-Semite and unrepentant bigot.

Jones was in danger of winning the nomination in 2016 as well, but Illinois Republicans managed to challenge enough of his nominating petitions that he was knocked off the ballot. This time around, the state Rs didn’t bother running an actual candidate to oppose Jones, but they did at least issue a very firm condemnation of the old Nazi, saying he in no way represents their party. Yr Wonkette understands that a party can’t actually forbid some loony from running under whatever party label they want — Lyndon LaRouche has always run with a “D” after his name — but we’d like to think that if a Nazi were running as a Democrat, even in the reddest district, we’d be damn sure to find a sacrificial Democrat for the primary. It’s an idea.

Once he has the Republican nomination, Jones is almost certain to lose to either Rep. Lipinski or to Lipinski’s main challenger, Marie Newman, who’s actually running as a Democrat. We’d drop the “almost,” but what with this being the universe where our Spock will have a beard, there’s still an outside chance of Russian hacking, time-traveling interlopers, or a mutant alien virus that leaves all Democratic voters in the district too obsessed with infighting to see that their only hope is to come together to defeat a common foe, like in “Day of the Dove,” where the humans and the Klingons laugh the deadly gaseous low-fi alien away. Why won’t we ever learn? Must the crimes of TOS Season 3 haunt us forever?

From his campaign headquarters in the crushed remnants of a Ford Pinto buried 10 feet below a Chicago street, Jones explained he will have to pursue his lonely campaign without help from state or national Republicans, especially not that sell-out Donald Trump. Jones said he now regrets having voted for Trump, who has “surrounded himself with hordes of Jews” like Jared Kushner and that cute Jewess Kushner married.

In other illinois campaign mayhem, state Rep. Jeanne Ives, that nice lady who’s running against Gov. Bruce Rauner from the right and thinks crime is caused by fatherless children except if the children are white, has a new campaign ad that makes clear she’s no Nazi, because would you just look at this very humorous thing, in which the most despicable people in the world “thank” Bruce Rauner for enabling their many crimes:

You’ve got a MAN with a hairy face, dressed like a LADY and saying, in a deep mannish voice, “Thank you for signing legislation that lets me use the girls’ bathroom.” Haw Haw! And then a young wastrel millennial gal in a pussy hat says, “Thank you for making all Illinois families pay for my abortions,” and a guy who’s dressed in what a Republican reading Breitbart figures must be an antifa super-soldier uniform says, “Thank you for opposing law enforcement and making Illinois a sanctuary state for illegal immigrant criminals.” He’s carrying a neatly printed sign that says “MAKE ILLINOIS A SANCTUARY STATE,” because as everyone knows, those dangerous Anarchists are all about going to Kinko’s. We’ll assume Ives’s campaign made the advocate for dangerous illegal immigrants a red-haired white guy because either 1) they thought showing a Latino actor raping a white gal was too racist even for them, or B) they wrote it that way and couldn’t find any Latino actors who’d take the job. There’s also a black lady, although the worst thing the ad does with her is depicting her as a member of a teacher’s union.

So anyway, it’s nice of Jeanette Ives to make that ad to tell us she’s not a Nazi, just an ordinary rightwing Republican. You can tell, because there’s not one single swastika in the ad.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to pay for all our many abortions and our neatly pressed Antifa costume.

[Chicago Sun-Times / WaPo]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Rubber biscuit, please.

  • Nounverb911
  • Ducksworthy

    At last. Somebody who really tells it like it is. I’ve been missing the antics of George Lincoln Rockwell.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Well, that’s one way to keep the moniker “the Party of Lincoln.”

  • LiberalANDProud

    Oh and I’m sure that the GOP did Nazi this coming.

  • memzilla Ω

    I want four fried chickens and a coke. And some dry white toast, please.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Get the lighter fixed.

      • LiberalANDProud

        “There’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark out, and we’re wearing sunglasses.”

        • ViveLaResistance!

          Hit it.

  • PubOption
  • BadKitty904

    As Ducksworthy points out below, it’s a refreshing change to hear a GOP candidate voice the Republican Party’s actual agenda, rather than the usual collection of dog whistles and inferences…

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    I get the sense this is going to happen more and more. The GOP has fully and openly morphed into the party of crazy bigoted assholes, and that’s who’s now going to be left to run for public office.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      America.exe has stopped working. Abort, retry, fail, or AOT,K?

      • RickyG

        Control ALT-RIGHT Delete

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Shift Ctrl Left

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            I wish I could give you many up-fists for this!

      • ViveLaResistance!

        Fail. A big, nasty, smelly, carrot-topped, poop-encrusted virus has infected the system. The only way to kill it is with a massive infusion of non-compromised votes.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Political consultants on the right are calling for Republicans to boycott the Republican Party as the only way to save it from Trumpism and remain viable down the road.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Goose stepping is a real thing these days in America. And there are some fine goose steppers. On both sides.

    • Blanche de Shambles
      • therblig
        • therblig

          not geese, but what fucking stamina!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kotWv4MCxNI

          • Courser_Resistance

            While riding my mountain bike in the hinterlands of Utah, a Pronghorn ran alongside me, pacing me, for about a 1/4 mile. It was cool though, not bad.

          • Werewolf

            I got paced by a red-tailed hawk one time in Florida. Very cool also.

          • therblig

            sounds cool.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Canada Geese really give no fucks. I live a couple blocks from one of the big city parks and every day there are traffic jams because a group of geese decide to cross the road. They do NOT hurry, they take their good goddamn time and just when you think they’ve all passed, some straggler brings up the rear.

          They’re not that intimidated by cars. Try to drive through em sometime. I’ve never known anyone to just plow through them. Even the most road-ragey folks will stop and maybe scream at the geese. Which is truly hilarious to watch because they never get out of their cars. They just scream out the window or honk their horns. Urban Geese give no fucks.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁
        • stablegeniusahughes798

          Fun Fact: Canada Geese do not poop while flying. Canada had better enlist some sea-gulls.

      • Sakonyachen

        Apparently not ALL Canadians are polite.

    • therblig

      ya gotta step on a goose if you wanna get down

      • yyyaz

        Get down, get down.
        — Parka Mfrs. Assoc.

    • Opiwan

      Well, the Ministry of Silly Walks was apparently never formally disbanded, see…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    It’s almost like the repuke party is full of reprehensible loons or something.

  • I just can’t figure out why the Republican party would attract Nazis and racist xenophobic, homophobic bigots… nope, no idea at all…

  • Blanche de Shambles

    If we are trapped in an alternate universe, can we at least have John Candy back?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oOv3cuP8M4

  • Jgb979

    Yeah I can’t actually criticize him for saying the quiet parts out loud

    https://artsy-media-uploads.s3.amazonaws.com/qBPUwEs3P7CiBI2S9Css4Q%2Fe4cbfcad97764eea84ba685be9fda62d.jpg

    Dr Seuss had it right generations ago

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Well, Nazis did want to kill him. The modern-day incarnation, besides the usual race-obsessed nationalists, is Dominionists, who are just Nazis for Jesus.

      Which means it’s only a matter of time before Zodiac completely disavow any association with that crypto-globalist (((Sam I Am))).

  • TJ Barke

    But but but, democrats are the real nazis… National socialism! Strom Thurmond!

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Somehow or another they figure, socialism is a dirty Marxist jooo plot, and yet Nazis are “socialists.”

      OK, Google. Show me wingnut logic.

    • BearGHAZI

      Robert Byrd was a Democrat. How come no one ever mentions THAT, huh?

      • TJ Barke

        Besides wingnuts EVERY SINGLE TIME you bring up republican racism?

  • canes_pugnaces

    So let’s get this straight; the party of Reagan (cough) is now openly Nazi, pro-Russia, anti-democratic, anti-science and has never met a pussy that ain’t worth grabbing.

    Now that’s progress.

    • BadKitty904

      That’s what they’ve always been. They’ve just stopped lying about it…quite so much.

      • canes_pugnaces

        Pretty sure Reagan wasn’t a big Russian fan, but you’re right, who the fuck knows.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Nah, Reagan just wasn’t a fan of commies. He’d love Russia now just like the rest of his party, for having a come to Jesus moment.

          Heck, he praised the mujihadeen as people of proud faith. It’s all about god-bothering for St. Ronnie.

          • Shawn Charniga

            Which is hilarious, given Nancy’s…ahem…proclivities as a young woman. (Notice I didn’t say “lady.”)

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            me: “The reason we have a pro wrestler and reality TV star as president is because in 1980, America elected a B-movie cowboy who had a monkey for a sidekick.”

            mom: “That’s not a nice thing to say about Nancy.”

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Hunter S.Thompson referred to her as anorexic dwarf who succeeded far beyond her abilities.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Actually that made me like her a little bit, everyone should be good at something.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Jones says he currently heads up a group with the highly original name the “America First Committee,” whose membership is open to anyone as long as they’re a “white American citizen of European, non-Jewish descent.”

    I’d say “there’s a ‘I don’t want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member’,” but I’m pretty sure being 25% Syrian would exclude me from this lovely group. Thanks for the heritage, Gramps!

    • BadKitty904

      I thought the Jedis just destroyed the First Committee. Or was that the First Order?

      • canes_pugnaces

        Hey I can join… cool. And invite my friends to the first meeting??

      • Opiwan

        The Supreme Leader is dead… long live the Supreme Leader

    • Happy to say that leaves me out, too! My mother’s side of the family is descended from a Jewish family that came over during the Revolutionary War–the guy was hired by the British to fight in the Battle of Trenton, but he got here and liked it, and sent for his family.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        the guy was hired by the British to fight in the Battle of Trenton, but he got here and liked it, and sent for his family.

        Fucking chain migrators! Kinda like that nice Drumpf fellow a while back. (Or, for that matter, my own family, that started emigrating from Italy about 100 years ago, and dribbed and drabbed their way across the Atlantic whenever they could afford it….)

      • LesBontemps

        Hessian (?) swine!

        • EXACTLY! I’m proud of my Hessian ancestor who walked away from the Battle of Trenton!

          • LesBontemps

            Probably more like crawled away. As a child of New Jersey, we were taught that Washington “won” because the Hessians were all too drunk/hungover to fight, the “Battle of Trenton” being a sneak attack on Christmas.

          • Also as a child of New Jersey, the family legend is that he and his brother avoided the Battle of Trenton entirely.

    • Ray in VT

      I wonder if they go with the one drop rule or the paper bag test?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Leaves me out too. I guess you could say Portugal wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition. My ancestors got sent to the Azores, which is a bunch of volcanic islands in a very big ocean. Many, many people are not aware of this.

    • Cat Cafe

      Fact is there are actually very, very, very few American citizens who would fit in that category, probably including Jones. Let’s get Jennifer Mendelsohn do some #ResistanceGeneology ……

    • Courser_Resistance

      Me neither. One of my Great-Grandmas was Santee Native American.

  • SayItWithWookies

    You’d think with all these Nazis, our train system would be in better shape.

    • IMPOed

      And the gas chambers too, WHERE ARE THE CHAMBERS!!

      • Rags

        Walmart basements

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        The Nazis were too short-sighted. Nowadays we put them into private prisons to do hard labor for pennies a day. Voilà, instant slave class!

    • Cat Cafe

      And our highway system. Although some of the train rides would only be one-way.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Well, that was Italian Fascists. Nazi trains were notoriously overloaded and behind schedule.

      • Mr Canoehead, Porg Griller

        The Italian Fascists didn’t actually make the trains run on time. But no one was suicidal enough to say so.

    • Vel Venturi

      I guess we at least get the snazzy uniforms this time.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    You’ve got a MAN with a hairy face, dressed like a LADY and saying, in a deep mannish voice, “Thank you for signing legislation that lets me use the girls’ bathroom.” Haw Haw! And then a young wastrel millennial gal in a pussy hat says, “Thank you for making all Illinois families pay for my abortions,” and a guy who’s dressed in what a Republican reading Breitbart figures must be an antifa super-soldier uniform says, “Thank you for opposing law enforcement and making Illinois a sanctuary state for illegal immigrant criminals.” He’s carrying a neatly printed sign that says “MAKE ILLINOIS A SANCTUARY STATE,” because as everyone knows, those dangerous Anarchists are all about going to Kinko’s.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cb047929df4afe2a86b1a54cd29cad93af3e4a2db5c43b12a55982b845443074.png

  • MynameisBlarney

    OT, but couldn’t help but think of this…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_KXgFpguE0

  • Wuulf

    And Hillary was vilified for merely calling some Trump supporters deplorables.

    • BadKitty904

      “Shrieking Nazi assholes” doesn’t sound quite as educated-y.

      • Shrieking Nazi Assholes is the name of my post-punk band.

        • BadKitty904

          Be sure to check if the GOP’s already trademarked it…

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          “Nazi Punks Fuck Off”
          Dead Kennedys

      • Jonny On Maui

        Yeah, but it’s righter…

    • BearGHAZI

      It was the ‘basket’ part that was problematic. Most of them live in trailers, thankyouverymuch

  • Joshua Norton

    The new reality is wingnuts are proud of things they should actually be in jail for.

    • BadKitty904

      Let’s help fix that.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      They are in civilized countries. Not here, because monsters want to keep their frozen peaches and canned clams.

  • azeyote

    he could use “Springtime for Hitler and Germany” to show his cuddly side –

  • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

    Speaking of ST TOS: we are so Patterns of Force right now (minus the good intentions, the snappy uniforms, and any kind of organizational skills).

    Also, too: the Dummkopf Reich is a thing that is actually coalescing right now. That is both terrifying and cosmically pathetic.

    • BadKitty904

      A Triumph of the Shrill.

    • Opiwan

      Well, Dump already wears a Tribble on his head, so you know…

      • (((Secret Agent Sedagive)))

        Adorable fluff ball libelz!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Wait a minute. Tribbles hate Klingons but don’t have a problem with racists?

        What’s the world coming to?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Ein Volk! Ein Reich! Ein Covfefe!

  • Cogswell that ends well

    I’m very curious as to how many votes this NAZI will get.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      14.88 percent of the vote?

      • LesBontemps

        There what you did I see.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Once he has the Republican nomination, Jones is almost certain to lose to either Rep. Lipinski or to Lipinski’s main challenger, Marie Newman, who’s actually running as a Democrat.

    I hope it’s Newman, because Lipinski is one of those “Democratic” politicians that isn’t all that great for the party. Yes, having to sell an anti-choice, anti-gay marriage, anti-$15 minimum wage candidate against an actual dyed-in-the-wool fascist isn’t that hard. But boy, holding your nose for that long is tough.

    • Ninja0980

      Yup.
      Lipinski is almost as much of an asshole as the Nazi is.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        That’s impressive, actually.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    If you ask what’s going on in my state, I urge you to look up north to Michigan and Wisconsin for examples.

    As usual, Chicago is saving us.

    • Ninja0980

      Same here in NY.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      We try.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        I live in Springfield, so we offer a bit too. Even if we are chopped up to be in a handful of rural districts.

        Rep, Jimenez is a pretty good rep for a Republican, though.

        (Yes, I said it)

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Have Trump, Gorka, and Bannon announced their campaign wisits yet?

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Trump isn’t welcome in Actual Illinois Nazi’s club because Jared is a dirty jooo.

  • elviouslyqueer
    • BadKitty904

      My FAVE!

  • Sakonyachen

    “or a mutant alien virus that leaves all Democratic voters in the district too obsessed with infighting to see that their only hope is to come together to defeat a common foe”

    Bernie Sanders?

    • BadKitty904

      Beat me to it.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Let’s hope there’s a vaccine…

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        …against Jill Stein and her chemtrail wifi?

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    In other illinois campaign mayhem, state Rep. Jeanne Ives, that nice lady who’s running against Gov. Bruce Rauner from the right

    I swear, in 10 years anyone from the GOP who takes the position of “not eating kittens” will be denounced as a RINO

    • BadKitty904
    • OrG

      I’m hoping in 10 years there will be no gop.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        I’m hoping it doesn’t take that long.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          Careful what you wish for. All else fails, they’re really trying to hurry up the apocalypse. They want Jesus to come home so all those rich guys can squish through the eye of the needle and everyone else die in a war with Rocket Man and the “Persians.”

      • They really need to split into two parties, since they clearly cannot govern as one party… The right wing evil party and the right wing even eviler party.

  • Ninja0980

    At the end of the day, this asshole has no chance of winning.
    I’d worry more about the assholes in other areas who do.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      “Hold my beer.”

      -Alabama, when Doug Jones is up for re-election

  • ken_kukec

    Well, then, I guess the GOP is really up shit creek.

    • BadKitty904

      They’ve worked mighty hard, for many years, to get there.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I’ve been picking at Ives and her supporters for a few days. Took today off because a bad thing happened to a friend, but….

    They’re fucking wacky. Completely partisan, completely welded to the idea that they should be jackoffs to anyone who disagrees with them, and just generally unpleasant people.

    • Ninja0980

      You should have seen her during the battle for marriage equality in Illinois.
      She was one of the worst, especially during the final vote.*
      *Scary as it is, there were folks on the losing side that were worse, including a couple of Democrats.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        I missed that in my dysphoria.

        It doesn’t surprise me. It scares me that I’m rooting for Rauner against this woman, too.

        • Ninja0980

          My grandparents wouldn’t even recognize their party today.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            My grandparents either. They liked Ike.

    • shivaskeeper

      Is your friend OK?

    • i had a long convo today in the uptown library with one of my regs about ‘miss’ ives. we all agreed about the crazy and we all KNOW the crazy.

  • WiscoJoe

    Godwin’s Law has become obsolete. Thanks, Trump!

    • BadKitty904

      Repealed by the Republican Congress.

    • “M”

      That’s literal. Michael Godwin himself repealed it on IQ45’s inauguration.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Hey, The Cool Clucks Clan is already the name of my all-poultry heavy-metal band. We originally wanted “The Peckers”, but it was taken.

    • James Baskin

      Mmmmmmmmmmm poultry is delicious.

    • Chicken Butt Records is a thing.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I always liked Stiff Records back in the 80’s. Their motto was, “If it ain’t Stiff, it ain’t worth a fuck.”

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      I call them the Kluless Klutz Klan.

  • Jonny On Maui

    So what do you do when a turdling infests your frontal lobes and refuses to leave? Just rolls around like a pebble in a can… Me? I free them.

    Go now! Infect some other neurons!

    https://youtu.be/6JGp7Meg42U

    • Opiwan

      STOP SAYING THAT!

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Inconceivable!

        • elviouslyqueer

          Have fun storming the castle!

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            As you wish.

        • Opiwan

          Anybody want a peanut?

          GAAAHHHH!

  • BadKitty904

    I’m guessing Artie doesn’t really know what “hordes” means?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      It means chicks who fuck for money, doesn’t it? Spent some time with them in ‘Nam….didn’t see Cadet Bone Spurs there, tho.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        I thought it meant obsessive-compulsives who keep piles of magazines in their bunkers.

  • Scooby

    He going to make a Messerschmidt of his district.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      That Fokker.

      • James Baskin

        Volkswagon.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          Mummenschanz!

          • Blanche de Shambles

            Gesundheit.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        I KNOW NUSZING!

    • Don’t worry, he’s just another sour kraut.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      SCHULTZ!

  • “…not a Nazi, just an ordinary rightwing Republican.” Can you really even tell the difference anymore?

    • Crystalclear12

      The economic anxiety around the eyes.

    • kaydenpat

      Rep Steve King says naw.

    • Vel Venturi

      They’re just Nazi-adjacent.

  • The real threat here are the “actors” who agreed to participate in the Rep. Jeanne Ives ad.

    That’s harmful to watch.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I think the “Antifa” guy is actually James O’Keefe.

    • I don’t really begrudge actors who show up in political ads, that’s their job, and it’s not easy to turn down money in a field where if you aren’t constantly hustling for work, you don’t eat.

      • Something tells me the actors weren’t told how their portrayals would be used.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Well, it’d be nice if we had tax-funded arts programs like you guys do, but Canada is a soyboy cuckistan with, like, ballet and stuff. Here it’s all about bootstraps and jackboots becuz freedumz.

        • I know my share of actors up here, and most of them take any job they can get still… One of the guys I know that you might actually recognize was in a commercial for Drum Stick ice cream that I’m sure he regrets now :P

          Also, too, I’ve been a musician for like 25 years, and the government doesn’t subsidize me at all :P

    • shivaskeeper

      Actors have to eat. They need to work and get paid to do that. I can’t begrudge that.

      This is also assuming these are actors and not just GOPer staffers.

      • Their only possible excuse is that either they are GOP staffers or that they weren’t told what their work would be used for.

        Working to produce propaganda is not an option.

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s nice to say it’s not an option. But bills need to be paid and people need to eat. Standing on principle is great if you can afford to do it.

          • It’s even greater when you can’t afford to do it. It’s not, and should never be, a financial decision.

          • shivaskeeper

            It usually is though.

          • Sadly, for some.

          • shivaskeeper

            Like I said, it’s great to stand on principle, but if your kids are hungry, principle takes a back seat. Also, you can only stand on your own principle. No one else gets to cone in tell you that you should stand on their principles.

            These could also be paid actors who completely buy into to line they are selling, so they could very well be standing on principle with no protest needed.

      • hmmm. speaking as a union actor: begrudge them.

        this shit doesn’t pay real folk and pays way too much for the non union types.

        • shivaskeeper

          I’ll bow to your experience here.

  • jowgajen
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      “I was here first!” “No me!” “ME!”

  • La forza del resistino

    He figures he is so white that no one can accuse him of being a Manchurian candidate.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Since we are in the awful universe can we getz a Hitler that’s a cat?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • miss_grundy

      Please don’t keep us waiting too long.

      • Courser_Resistance

        I’m dying here. Some days it feels like literal death. So far this week is ‘one of those days’. I’m just kinda paralyzed.

        • Dotty

          Google paying to new employee 99 US dollars hourly to complete some internet services on the computer .. Do job for few peroid of time in a day & fun greater time together with your friends … Any one can have this online job!!!last Thursday I got a great new Chrysler after I been earning $7017 this five weeks .it sounds nicest-job however you may not forgive yourself if you do not go to this.!aw84u:➣➣➣ http://GooglePartyEasyMoney/getpay/99$/eachhour ♥f♥♥h♥♥♥c♥i♥x♥♥a♥♥♥i♥d♥l♥♥♥k♥♥♥t♥♥♥a♥♥t♥♥♥j♥♥♥k♥♥m♥g♥♥♥i♥♥♥g♥♥♥b♥♥y♥♥♥i♥♥k♥♥♥p♥♥♥w:::::!yw502v:lhuhu

    • handyhippie65

      a great american hero.

    • Naytch

      “… what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.”

  • Lyons is adjacent to the Brookfield Zoo. they should put that critter on display there.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Seriously, you’d think after going to war to destroy the fuckin nazis it would be illegal for them to run for public office in this country.

    • but freedumb?

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        I really hope the ACLU learned their lesson from defending these fuckers’ “rights” to march through Skokie. Bring Section 86a to our shores, ASAP.

        • exactly. mind you, the German highest court determines who’s on that list.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            Yeah, I really think the 1A has outlived its usefulness and become warped beyond recognition. Money is not speech and hatred deserves no oxygen. The 2A did a long time ago. The 21A should be expanded to include more than alcohol, though. But the GOP is only focused on getting rid of the 13-15A, 19A and 26A. Can’t have any of them uppity blahs, wimmenz and snowflake millennials upsetting the natural hierarchy.

          • oh, most certainly. a lot of it needs reworked. it’s weird how WWII worked in Germany’s favor in a sense when it comes to these matters.

            but a constitutional convention right now would be like nuking the whole site from orbit.

          • “M”

            F*cking Citizens United. But to hear some of these “libertarian leaners” yap-yap-yap on about the “absolute” 1st Amendment you’d think they’d never heard of “contravening compelling state interest” nor or European laws under the Berne Convention IP applications that outlaw hate speech.

            This stuff isn’t hard. People just have to want to do it and not cling like toddlers to “butbutbut I can say whatever I WANT”. Because that doesn’t always work if most of your citizens in power are completely immature.

        • shivaskeeper

          No. If you wouldn’t trust the current Admin to decide what groups get to be protected or not, then this is a bad idea.

          Shun the Nazis. Charge them when they break the law. Make their lives utter misery for crawling out from under their rocks. But do not let the government decide it unless laws are broken.

          • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

            If we’d had a Section 86a years ago, this current Admin wouldn’t even exist. Trump would have gone to jail for that racist op-ed about the Central Park Five.

            The system stinks; it’s ossified, warped, and defective by design, and it needs to be gutted and started over. Without the RWNJs at the negotiating table.

            Either someone stages an intervention, or the U.S. dies of its own self-inflicted cancer of allowing hate to thrive in the name of “freedom.”

          • shivaskeeper

            Nope. If you don’t tristtje Trumpers to decide who is protected you don’t trust the Government to do it. Would you have trusted Reagan? Nixon?

            It sounds good, but there is no real gray area here. Either you trust the Party in power to decide this or not. Not just your party, but either party.

      • handyhippie65

        ya got the dumb part right.

    • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

      Nope, because Germany was the bad guys and America was the heroes who didn’t have to fix themselves because they never did anything wrong.

      (Tuskegee Airmen come home to lynchings)

      Pay no attention to those criticisms from the Iron Curtain!

      • Courser_Resistance

        In 2002 I had the privilege of driving some of the Tuskegee Airmen from the Denver Airport to their downtown hotel. I was so humbled. Now THAT’s a group of true Patriots.

        • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

          If there are any still alive, I don’t even want to think of how Dumkopfvefe von Twitler would “honor” them like he did the Windtalkers. He’d probably ask if any of them were born in Kenya.

          • “M”

            They are alive. There was a ceremony to honor five of them at a July 4 ceremony in Washington, DC. But that was before Drumpf put his orange feet up in the White House.

        • “M”

          THEY NEVER LOST A PLANE

  • Joshua Norton

    Fun Fact: Godwin’s Law doesn’t apply when you’re talking about actual Nazis.

    • Daniel

      Nazis do tend to think of themselves as above Godwin’s Law. It’s one of the things that makes them so dangerous.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Speaking of crank candidates, I wonder what Art Robinson is up to these days…

  • OutOfOrbit

    If all the WWII warriors were not dead or in their 90s, this guy would not be running…or walking or crawling or (prolly said too many already)

  • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

    Jones says he currently heads up a group with the highly original name the “America First Committee,” whose membership is open to anyone as long as they’re a “white American citizen of European, non-Jewish descent.

    “Who first?” – Native Americans

    • handyhippie65

      my cherokee great granny would agree with that.

  • Crystalclear12

    Thanks for the break, Illinois!
    -Missouri

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Yeah, no.

      Learn to drive, Missouri!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Well, you know what they say: “Missouri loves company!”

  • Wonky “TurnipShepherd” McGoo

    ouch

    • hudson

      art only it is. there are grid roads dissecting the urban area criss-cross, but ya electoral map is all fancy.

      • but map fucking is just so much more fun.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I prefer people fucking. When you’re done with maps, you have to fold them back up.

  • FeloniousMonk

    The straw man fallacy never gets old. And the smug delivery, ho ho! Nailed it!

  • BadKitty904

    Background on Jones’ campaign:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsQM9HKtvA4

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I said, you wouldn’t have much fun in Stalingrad, would you?

  • Crystalclear12

    Another reminder of the fields of shit we are going to have to march thru to get to the voting booths in November.

  • keinsignal

    Came for the politics, stayed for the eight million Star Trek references.

    • Lord High theCryptofishist

      I’m only up to 2, 3 million tops.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Give it time.

  • Bitter Scribe

    It’s instructive that in challenging Rauner, Ives doesn’t criticize him for having accomplished nothing due to doing nothing except attack, slander and demonize everyone who disagrees with him. No, she criticizes him for not attacking, slandering and demonizing enough.

    • shivaskeeper

      That’s what a primary from the right means now. Fuck doubling down, quadruple down on what is not working already.

      • 🍁 Secret Society Girl Guide 🍁

        Primary from the left, however, is just throwing a tantrum at this point. We don’t have a multiparty democracy and we certainly don’t have a sane progressive wing. We’ve just got non-compromising wannabe revolutionaries in a cult of personality who will be doing write-ins for Bernie 20 years after he’s gone to the big International in the sky.

        • shivaskeeper

          It’s a possibility. It’s a pitfall of any sort of democracy.

        • handyhippie65

          only because the DNC actively opposes any progressive candidate who might threaten those sweet, sweet corporate donor dollars. i don’t really give two shits about bernie, but what he said, i support wholeheartedly. and i will vote for anyone who stands for them, and will not for those who oppose them. the third way democrats are simply republican lite. the democrats used to support progressive policies. now they actively oppose them. none of them are truly for medicare for all, very few support a $15 minimum wage, and sadly, more and more are not even pro-choice. it’s getting to the point where our choices are the right, and the fascists. there is no progressive left anymore.

  • Lurkylu,of theChicagoLurkylus

    Chicago burbs. You got some work to do. Lipinski is a goner, as is Peter Roskam, i suspect. Both are super-besties with Paul Ryan.

  • WotsAllThisThen
    • jesus christ. i am drinking.

  • PlutoAnimus

    Well, this is going to be easy.

    Find out how many Republicans live in his district. Divide this number by how many people in his district vote for him.

    Now you have a good rough estimate of the fraction of deplorable scumbags in the Republican Party nationwide.

    Gentlemen, start your slide rules!

    • Nockular cavity

      AOT,K?

  • Lord High theCryptofishist

    Dammit! I want total hams in my attack ads!

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    Actually, I can understand why the local GOP is not running a candidate – the race is a loser for them anyway – why waste the resources when they can just eschew this asshole and have a rare election season break?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Or…if by some horrid chance it wins… it’ll play to their tea party base…

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Nazis are the new Republicans.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        And some, I suppose, are good people-DJT

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Very fine people

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Uh, because they have now openly aligned themselves with a Nazi?

      Oh, wait, Trump. Never mind.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Please tell me again how abortion being legal becomes taxpayers paying for all abortions?

    • JMP

      Also, please tel me how taxpayers paying for all abortions – which should be the case for all non-vanity medical procedures – is a problem?

      • Parakeetist

        Because lady sex.

        • PersianOregano

          I thought lady sex did NOT result in pregancy?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Better question

    • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

      Hillary and Soros shoot chemtrails out of their fingers that pick up fetal cells and deposit them on our money. Right below the Illuminati eye on the pyramid, natch.

      • Petunia Cat

        😂😂😂🤣

  • Brian Fowler

    “Happily, there’s virtually no chance Jones will win, since, as we say, extremely safe Democratic district.”

    Doc, don’t say that!

    Remember when “Prednisent trump” was just a punchline on the Simpsons? Does ANYONE else remember the expression “famous last words” AT ALL?

    The fact that this nazi’s running unopposed is worrying me…

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      He’s part of their outreach program to “economically anxious” tighty-whities

      NYT interview of Jones in 3..2..1…

  • brucej

    There’s also a black lady, although the worst thing the ad does with her is depicting her as a member of a teacher’s union.

    You misunderstand, to these people a black lady teacher’s union member is: Gay Muslin Antifa Hairy trans guy times ELEVENTEEEN!!!!! AIEEE!

  • C4TWOMAN

    Time for a Black Alert and jump back to our universe. How’s our spore supply doing?

  • Mike Minden

    Funny. Just a few days ago there was a story in the news about a gay man who was blocked from running as a Repugnanat. Seems they can do it when they actually want to.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Do you expect hem to get off the couch for EVERY single problem in their party! Sheesh

  • osceola

    Kinko’s is still around? I haven’t seen one in at least 15 years.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      They re-branded as Fed-Ex Stores

    • handyhippie65

      he’s on the youtube. wait, you didn’t mean kinko the clown? yea, them other ones are long gone.

  • Cletus Safari
    • handyhippie65

      i have a tattoo of a sword through a skull on the forearm of my sword hand. and yes, i have read manuals on medieval sword use, have practiced them. and i have some modern reproductions, and one i forged myself. the good thing about a sword, it never runs out of ammo.

      • Cletus Safari

        Oooookayyyy, that makes me rather glad I don’t live near HH65…

      • Petunia Cat

        Then it’s yr job to deal with this Nazi. 😊🗡

        • handyhippie65

          it would be both my pleasure, and honor to do so. but since i’m old and worn out, prolly beyond my ability now. i’m still a good shot though.

      • Zippy49

        I used to make knives, grinding them from bar. Here’s one.

        Have a replica Irish ring pommel broadsword, and a couple of Samurai swords including one that is probably a war souvenir.

        You have to be a really strong person to wield any of them. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ea71134f5774de2619a8d6518581b121f51338d144667892127c6c15b39aed88.jpg

        • handyhippie65

          you do awesome work. i don’t have the grip i had when i started practicing 30 years ago. prolly get it knocked out of my hand now. i haven’t sparred in 18 years. i have a couple of bud k blades, they were the first ones i bought, that are absolute crap. i have a generic broadsword i got at a gun show that is a little better. the one i made is out of a piece of bar from an old piece of farm equipment i beat out on my anvil back in the 90’s. the fuller was the hardest part. it ain’t as pretty as yours. but is has good balance. i’ve been thinking of reforging it, adding some more carbon, and folding it like a samurai sword. it’s soft enough it bends now, but is hard enough to hold an edge for a while. but with a lifetime of swinging a 22 oz. hammer as a carpenter, my shoulder doesn’t agree. conan was always one of my heroes, and i got into swords after i got out of the army in the late 80’s. if they are properly balanced, they are a lot easier to wield, but you are right, you have to be strong to do it well. the blade i made is just under 2 1/2 lbs. that was about right back then. it’s kinda heavy now. getting old sucks.

    • John Thorstensen

      As a system of government, aquatic tarts dispensing cutlery has never looked more appealing.

    • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

      Perhaps our present.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Remembered something from Physics re: chaos being the most favored state of all matter in the Universe

  • Cletus Safari
    • kaydenpat

      Spock is hot!! That is all.

      • Cletus Safari

        If I were yaoi, I would agree.

  • kaydenpat

    Nazis running for political offices. Nazis in the White House. What’s the difference?

    • Cletus Safari

      Purity Ponies to the left of me, Nazis to the right–here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        And I’m wond’ring what it is I should do..

        • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

          ABANDON PANTS! (‘Tis Wonket, after all).

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    The parliamentary system has many flaws, but at least parties can say “No, you can’t join our party, fuck off!” or “Get out! No you can’t have your dues back.” Useful at times.

    • Meccalopolis

      That and their members are are disciplined

      • stablegeniusahughes798

        I wish we had “Question Time” here. I know Sarah Showercurtain-Model gives “The Liar’s Club Press Conference,” but it’s nothing like Question Time.

        • Daniel

          I’d love someone to make Trump watch PMQs.

  • John Thorstensen

    the “America First Committee,” whose
    membership is open to anyone as long as they’re a “white American
    citizen of European, non-Jewish descent.”

    Hey! I “qualify”!

    Never has Groucho’s dictum that he’d never accept membership in a club that would take him as a member been more appropriate.

    • Hesavebread!

      Thorstensen sounds ok, but just to check the spics, Micks and Dagos aren’t white, right?
      The America First Committee, probably.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        ehh, they’ll give the Micks a pass, Viking bloodlines and all that

  • Toledo Window Box

    Good candidates on BOTH sides.

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    My late husband was from Chicago; his elderly Jewish parents still live there. I will be visiting them in March, and on their behalf, I would like to find Arthur Jones & smack him one. Yeah, yeah, with votes.
    My MIL always says of Holocaust deniers, “We *wish* the Holocaust was just a hoax.” My late husband used to say, “Fuck those guys.”

  • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

    The whole district should pull a Skokie during his events – just shut everything down. The hell with just driving to the next town for gas; he’s going to run out and have to walk across COUNTIES.

  • DT

    Well, I mean, if we’re gonna have Nazis, might as well get some pop cultural memeography out of it, right?

    Maaaannn, I LOVE to hate Illinois Nazis.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Stay classy, Marquette Park!

  • The Very Stable Librarian

    Ms. Ives says she isn’t a Nazi, but she’s cosplaying one fairly well.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Looks like we got another Nazi scalp to collect.

    With votes. Literally.

    • we gonna be doing one THANG and one THANG only:

      killin NATZIS.

      sound good?!?!

      • Donna Mueller

        bring out the guy with the baseball bat……..he gets it!!!

      • Mr. White

        “He wants to die for his country. OBLIGE HIM!”

  • don’t give a shit.

    biking tomorrow for obamacare.

  • Wookie Monster

    I knew I grew this goatee for a reason.

  • motmelere

    I’m mildly surprised that there is not one Republican in the district who’s willing to run with a single plank of, “I’ve no intention to try to win the general election, but fuck that guy!”

    • Stulexington

      My platform is fuck that Nazi guy over there. Can I have some contributions please?

      • motmelere

        I’ll give up a buck if you prove to me that a “I’m a Republican, fuck this Nazi” campaign is really a thing.

  • rg9rts

    even Hitler was a flop when he started…

    • Hesavebread!

      All he wanted was a little peace . . .

  • Post Trump…who did not see this coming?

  • Dotty

    Google paying to new employee 99 US dollars hourly to complete some internet services on the computer .. Do job for few peroid of time in a day & fun greater time together with your friends … Any one can have this online job!!!last Thursday I got a great new Chrysler after I been earning $7017 this five weeks .it sounds nicest-job however you may not forgive yourself if you do not go to this.!aw84u:➣➣➣ http://GooglePartyEasyMoney/getpay/99$/eachhour ♥f♥♥h♥♥♥c♥i♥x♥♥a♥♥♥i♥d♥l♥♥♥k♥♥♥t♥♥♥a♥♥t♥♥♥j♥♥♥k♥♥m♥g♥♥♥i♥♥♥g♥♥♥b♥♥y♥♥♥i♥♥k♥♥♥p♥♥♥w:::::!yw502v:lhuh

  • Mr. White

    I live in Chicago and that Ives ad makes my skin crawl. It’s on constantly and my stomach churns every single time. She also has another spot where she talks about “Holding Rauner ACCOUNTABLE for his BETRAYAL!” Perfect language for the Kooky Kristian Konservatives. I doubt her message resonates with anyone except for the far southern parts of the state.

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