We know Trump’s most special-est boy Devin Nunes hasn’t read any of the underlying intelligence cited in his infamous lie memo full of lies. He’s admitted that. But we’re starting to think he hasn’t even taken the time to attempt to sound out the big words in the four-page memo his dumbass staffers fingerpainted into existence, because he doesn’t seem to know what it says.
First of all, Nunes went on Fox News last week to say literal actual Russian intelligence recruit Carter Page, whose FISA warrants are the main subject of THE MEMO, isn’t the type of guy the FBI should be spying on, we guess because Vladimir Putin thinks spying on his assets is rude. Then Monday on “Fox & Friends,” Nunes moved the goalposts on one of the main lies in the memo, that the FBI allegedly didn’t bother to tell the FISA court that the DODGY DOSSIER, which was one small part of the FISA warrant request on Page, had been paid for by Trump’s political opponents. When it was revealed that actually the warrant request did say the Steele intel was funded by political opponents, Nunes conceded on “Fox & Friends” that OK sure fine, it was there, but IT WAS IN A FOOTNOTE, therefore it doesn’t count. Who even reads footnotes anyway? Not FISA court judges, that’s for sure! The font is simply too small!
(Trey Gowdy tried to thread that needle more carefully on Sunday, saying OK maybe the FISA request mentioned political opponents, but because it didn’t specifically say “Hillary Clinton” or “DNC,” it doesn’t count. Because apparently the FISA court is too dumb to figure out who Trump’s political opponents might have been during the later stages of the 2016 campaign.)
Of course, as we’ve said ONE MILLION TIMES, it doesn’t matter who paid for it. The only thing that matters is if it’s TRUE, and from what we can tell, the DODGY DOSSIER is more true than any Republican can bear to admit.
Nunes added more bullshit to his “footnotes is hard” argument:
“A footnote saying something may be political is a far cry from letting the American people know that the Democrats and the Hillary campaign paid for dirt that the FBI then used to get a warrant on an American citizen to spy on another campaign,” Nunes said …
That’s not what happened, Baby Devin! And it’s not what the memo fucking says! There is no allegation in the memo that the FBI used political oppo research to get a warrant to spy on the Trump campaign itself. The FBI sought (and was granted!) a warrant on Carter Page, according to the memo, in October of 2016, which is a whole month after Page left the campaign.
Has Devin Nunes read his own memo? Can Devin Nunes read? Unclear.
Let’s look at this Devin Nunes appearance on the “Hannity” program and see what we think!
HANNITY: … [Christopher] Steele gathered much of his information from Russian government sources inside of Russia. […] Hillary Clinton paid for Russian propaganda, turned out to be lies, not verified, then used for a FISA warrant. And I’m like not only was it paid for to manipulate and lie to the American people and but then to spy on an opposition party candidate. Sir, are there crimes committed here?
NUNES: Well, you can’t really make this up!
AND YET YOU ARE! Jesus! And again, the damn memo doesn’t say any of that!
The actual facts:
Perkins Coie, a law firm connected to the DNC and the Hillary Clinton campaign, took over the contract started by the conservative Washington Free Beacon with a private intel firm called Fusion GPS, which, continuing its look into the very fucked up connections between Trump and Russia, hired a former MI6 spy (from ENGLAND! which is our ALLY!), who happens to be a Russia expert, to look deeper. None of his work has been disproven. And it only ended up in a FISA warrant because Chris Steele apparently loves America more than Sean Hannity or Devin Nunes does, and was so alarmed by what he found that he shared his intel with the FBI.
So no, you lying goddamned fuckweasels, no crimes have been committed here.
Here’s now Devin Nunes retells that story, by adding lies, damned lies and insinuations to it:
So you have a campaign who hired a law firm, who hired Fusion GPS, who hired a foreign agent, who went and got information from the Russians on another campaign!
LOL Chris Steele is a “foreign agent” now? And why did all those Russians have intel on Trump conspiracies with Russia? Is Devin Nunes stupid, evil, or compromised by the Russians just like his dad Donald Trump? All signs point to “ALL OF THEM, KATIE!”
Nunes later was appalled to tell Fox News viewers this:
I think the conflict that you’re describing, which no one on the Left seems to care about, or the mainstream media, is that political dirt was used by the FBI, and they knew it was political dirt, to open a counterintelligence investigation into the other campaign! I just can’t believe that people on the other side aren’t furious about this!
DevindevindevindevindevindevindevindevindevindevindevinDEVIN! Goddammit, DEVIN!
YOUR OWN FUCKING MEMO admits that the counterintelligence investigation into the Trump campaign started when an Australian diplomat came to the FBI to say, “Oh by the way, a Trump campaign staffer named George Papadopoulos rubbed his drunk body on me at a bar and bragged about how Russia was digging up dirt on Hillary Clinton for the Trump campaign.” It was in the New York Times, and then it was in YOUR OWN FUCKING MEMO.
And again, who fucking cares if oppo research does become part of an investigation, IF SAID OPPO RESEARCH IS FUCKING TRUE?
Of course, none of this is the point, as far as Trump and Nunes and Hannity are concerned. The point is to confuse people, in order to serve the larger purpose of making sure Donald Trump’s crimes are never exposed.
In this final soliloquy from Sean Hannity, in which he just stitches together meaningless yet dishonest sentence fragments (all while wearing his WHOA IF TRUE! face), people who are smarter than an average Fox News viewer can see their strategy laid bare:
HANNITY: How is it possible that this is happening in the United States of America, that is all of this combined, that you have Russian information from apparently a KNOWN LIAR who has Russian paid sources, that, then it’s paid for by one campaign, and that’s bad enough, that takes it up to another notch! So you have Russian lies, propaganda, paid for by one candidate, then that paid propaganda is used to go before a FISA court, and the top people at the FBI and DOJ don’t inform the court about the underlying dossier being bought and paid for by that other candidate, for the very person they’re trying to get a FISA warrant on!
NUNES: It’s what happens in banana republics! It’s very scary!
Oh, EAT MY DICK.
Nunes concludes by encouraging Americans to go read THE MEMO. To which we reply, YOU FIRST, DEVIN! It’s right here!
Nunes also previewed his next jaw-dropping memo for Hannity, which apparently involves a new conspiracy theory what says actually Chris Steele, the Russianist former MI6 spy, copied his spy homework off Sidney Blumenthal and other Hillary people (keep the words “Cody Shearer memo” in your head, we’ll explore this later), because that is obviously what one of the most respected spies in the entire western world does when he’s hired to do some spying, he copies his spy homework off Sidney Blumenthal and some dude named “Cody.”
We are sorry, America, but Devin Nunes would like to waste some more of your time.
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