Oh hi, it is time for your Saturday top ten post! Usually we have Wonkette Toddler pictures in this post, but Wonkette Toddler is golfing with the king of France or something, like she does, so this week we have pictures of OUR VERY GOOD DOG. You see, we live down South, where it does not snow or ice that often, but this past week we have been snowed the fuck in and it has been awful and and we literally died, but it’s OK, we got better. (Because the temp went back above freezing.) So we took A LOT OF PICTURES of the dog this week. For instance, the picture above! And maybe some more at the bottom of this post, IF YOU ARE GOOD.
OK we will count down the top ten posts of the week in a minute, but first, let’s ask you for money. You like that idea? YEAH YOU DO. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it’s 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able — DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD IT — then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
For instance, you could BUY ALL THE HATS! One says “IMPEACH!” (See below.) The others say “HELL. NO.” AND “LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE 2020.” Click here for more info!
There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store! You should buy them!
Look, it’s the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:
Did we mention we love you?
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. White House Doc Says President Beef Poots Only Weighs 239 Pounds, So That’s Some Bullshit. We award ourselves first prize for coining “beef poots.”
2. This Is How Joy Reid Tells An Idiot To Shut The Fuck Up. It was SO GREAT.
3. DONALD TRUMP WALL STREET JOURNAL RUSSIA TREASON NO DEMENTIA NO DEMENTIA YOU ARE THE DEMENTIA. One of TWO posts in the top ten about that interview!
4. Sniveling Piss Wipe Tom Cotton Gonna Call The Cops On Your Nana For SAYING WORDS TO HIM. We award ourselves first prize AGAIN for “sniveling piss wipe.”
5. If You Liked Grand Wizard Trump’s ‘Shitholes’ Routine, You’ll Looove This! It’s almost like the president is racist or something.
6. Roseanne Conner Does Not Deserve What Roseanne Barr Is About To Do To Her. For the second week in a row, we ask, can’t we just have a Darlene show?
7. Seven Things To Think About That Are NOT Trump Comparing Porn Star He Banged To His Daughter Ivanka. Do not think about that!
8. Donald Trump Finally Right: The World Is Laughing At Us And Our Shithole President. They really are, and it’s sad.
9. Trump Disproves Dementia Concerns By Shouting ‘WALL’ At WSJ Reporter For Three Straight Hours. The other WSJ interview post we were alluding to!
10. Here’s What The Fuck Is Going On With Steve Bannon And Robert Mueller. We figured it out! Just kidding, Rachel Maddow figured it out.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:
You are very good, so here are two more pictures of VERY GOOD DOG:
Yours in baby Jesus,
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.