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They like representation! They really like representation!
They like representation! They really like representation!

In a victory for pixel-stained wretches at the Los Angeles Times, the National Labor Relations Board announced today that Times workers voted overwhelmingly — by a 5-to-1 margin — to unionize, affiliating themselves with the NewsGuild union. The guild is part of the Communications Workers of America, which had been trying to organize the LAT since 2016. It’s the first union at the paper in its 136 years, and the vote had been opposed by the paper’s owners, the corporation with the singularly ugly name “tronc” (it used to be Tribune Publishing; the name comes fromTribune online content”).

“We respect the outcome of the election and look forward to productive conversations with union leadership as we move forward,” Tronc spokeswoman Marisa Kollias said in an email.

Tronc had fought the union drive with scary warnings about how unions offer only empty promises, as if promises from management are any great shakes. In a January 3 email, the interim editor Jim Kirk and editor in chief Lewis D’Vorkin told employees not to fall for the siren song of the union, because them sireens will tempt you onto the rocks:

[Union] leaders may tell you they can protect against layoffs but they didn’t at the New York Times, Huffington Post, the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal.

Only the wise management of tronc, they implied, could be trusted to steer the Times past the Scylla of declining ad revenue and the Charybdis of fading leadership. And then we ran out of Odyssey references.

Among other matters that drove the union drive, employees were cheesed that the LA Times’s management had entered a $5 million consulting contract — per year — with a company owned by Chairman Michael Ferro, possibly because it was a little too much like something the Trump family would pull. Executives also sold off the Times’s historic Art Deco building downtown, and its printing presses, and are now looking for something more modest — for the reporters, anyway, who would share “communal work tables” while the execs aim to score a helipad and personal nightclub for their own use.

Even before the results of the union vote were in, the guild was feeling its oats, and called Thursday for the resignation of Ross Levinsohn, the paper’s fourth publisher since Eddy Hartenstein left in 2014 after a six-year run. Levinsohn was the subject of a jaw-dropping National Public Radio story published yesterday, comparing Levinsohn’s behavior toward female employees unfavorably with that of a “frat boy.”

Levinsohn had previously been sued twice, at different companies, for sexual harassment. And what a charming corporate culture he encouraged at one of them:

By his own sworn testimony, Levinsohn admitted to rating the relative “hotness” of his female colleagues in office banter as a vice president at a digital media company. He also testified that he speculated about whether a woman who worked for him there was a stripper on the side.

Celia Francis, a former executive at the now-defunct search engine company Alta Vista, testified in a sexual harassment case brought by another woman, Christine Fox. Francis said he’d warned others about the work climate under Levinsohn when she left the company:

“Ross was creating a frat house environment,” Francis testified at the time. “His behavior was inappropriate. … I wanted to let them know they should do something about it.”

But in his defense, Levinsohn insisted that he only took part in frat-boy talk when there were no women present, so if that doesn’t make him a model of good behavior, what possibly could? Fox and Alta Vista settled the case for an undisclosed amount, and Levinsohn later went to work at NewsCorp, Rupert Murdoch’s sexual harassment factory, where he was again sued for sexual harassment, this time for overlooking bad behavior by a subordinate. That accusation eventually resulted in a settlement as well.

In addition to that and other inappropriate behavior with lady people, Levinsohn was also not exactly A Ally.

Levinsohn once told an executive for the Hollywood Reporter he would not stay at the publication’s lunch honoring the entertainment business’s most influential fashion stylists because he would have to be surrounded by gays — using a vulgar epithet for them, according to the executive.

Yes, apparently in this century. So far, the American Family Association has yet to rush to Levinsohn’s defense.

But he did try to throw his own weight around: After NPR’s David Folkenflik emailed a detailed list of questions to Levinsohn and to a Times spokesperson, Levinsohn responded not by contacting Folkenflik, but by calling up NPR CEO Jarl Mohn to call the story’s allegations “lies” and to hint that he’d sue the public radio network.

By Thursday afternoon, tronc had hired a crisis management expert, Charles Sipkins, who issued a statement saying the company was investigating the allegations in the NPR story, adding

At Tronc, we expect all employees to act in a way that supports a culture of diversity and inclusion. We will take appropriate action to address any behavior that falls short of these expectations.

Levinsohn has not been suspended, but we bet he’s been placed on Extra Double-Secret Probation. Levinsohn is currently making one million dollars a year — plus, bizarrely, a cut of the licensing fees for reporters’ work. Gee, is that how that usually works? Readers, it is not! But as tronc’s board of executives seems to be hollowing out the paper like it’s the Philippines and they’re Ferdinand Marcos, we guess it’s as normal as any of their other fiduciary roles.

And this is now your OPEN THREAD!

Please give us modest and reasonable amounts of money to share equitably, Jesus Christ.

[Bloomberg / Deadline Hollywood / NPR]

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  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi
  • Ryan Denniston

    “[Union] leaders may tell you they can
    protect against layoffs but they didn’t at the New York Times,
    Huffington Post, the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal”

    Go to the Carrier plant in Indiana and tell me Trump managed to do any better.

  • Martini A, very stable genius
  • Ryan Denniston

    I misread that as the wise management of tonic. I blame the snow days.

  • I like my Scylla and Charybdis well done with ketchup.

  • Count Awesome

    Tronc has been munching quite heavily on those lotus leaves.

  • La forza del resistino

    Thought the NLRB was 3-2 GOP. Will take this as a win anyway.

  • Nounverb911

    Mazel Tov!

  • Nounverb911
    • little miss high and mighty

      From one old miner to all you others!

  • RickyG

    Open thread/Open tag. Pretty much the same thing. :)

  • Open Thread? Here’s an update on Rocky’s partner in crime’s conversion to electric.
    Her new BoltEV costs us a little less than a penny per mile…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9386868e2eb1c5310a982dd319d7317147109ae3df983d915c1882022774d7bd.png

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Is a Bolt different from a Volt?

      • yep.
        Volt has a 4cyl gas motor on board to charge batteries…40 miles on batteries only.
        Bolt is a BEV, Battery Electric Vehicle, 240 miles on a charge. No gas engine.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Neat, thanks!

    • janecita

      That is amazing! Does she like it?

      • Oh yeah. It has passing power. We are not native Portlanders so we drive fast…

  • little miss high and mighty

    What will the new union do about Ex-publisher Lebisohn’s cut of writers’ licensing fees?
    Maybe this issue is where the union zealotry came from?

  • La forza del resistino

    If the govt shuts down, will AF1 still be available for an important Florida flight tomorrow?
    – asking for a friend

  • janecita
  • Count Awesome

    OT: If government shutdown happens when the Republicans control all three branches of government, it’s just nature’s way of making sure the government won’t be raped by the GOP.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      And, without a hint of irony or shame, they will still blame dems

  • doktorzoom

    Bad html fixed; if most of article shows in boldface, just reload your browser

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      I thought you did that on purpose, for my old, tired, end-of-the-day eyes.

      • doktorzoom

        I’m not that nice.

        OK, I might be.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Pro Tip: The keyboard shortcut command+ will automatically jump up the text size (and everything else) on most web browsers. Then you can go command- when you want it small again.

    • Resistor Radio

      I just assumed everything bolded was extra special important.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      You will never get a job in the Trump administration if you admit you made a mistake. :P

    • FlownΩver

      Pretty much gotta be emphatic these days, just to be heard over the RW noise generators.

  • BadKitty904
    • Khavrinen

      Been a long time since I’ve heard that. Wonder why?

      • janecita

        There are no Unions in China?

        • Khavrinen

          Of course not! People who join Unions are all nothing but filthy Commies!

          Wait….

  • Nounverb911
  • Martini A, very stable genius
    • Khavrinen

      To be fair, the Republican platform has basically been “kill ALL the Nature” for some time now, anyway…

    • Ryan Denniston

      I still think whoever changes the channel to Alvin and the Chipmunks would become a martyr.

  • BadKitty904
  • FlownΩver

    Happy Nice Time!

    “And then we ran out of Odyssey references.”

    How about Polyphemus, with his one eye firmly focused on the tronc bottom line?

    • doktorzoom

      Well, and that pig Levinsohn’s definitely met Circe.

    • Resistor Radio

      Polyphemus…that’s a dick joke, right?

  • La forza del resistino

    Talk is, is Donald susceptible to blackmail? The HHS has only an acting Secretary. Stormy Daniels appears to be Healthy and varied experiences in providing Human Services. A natural fit.

  • JaveyDay

    To The Wretched Gods of War and Plunder

    Imagine what we could accomplish with our toil freed from the clutches of the broken masculinity that seeks only to conquer and destroy and take by fear and force and hate and violent retribution in service to weaponized wealth. What dreams we may envision may become.

    The treasures of humanity–physical, intellectual and spiritual–have been forced in bondage to these dark and wretched gods of war and plunder. In service to those dark and wretched wars of the past and the dark and wretched plunders to come. This maelstrom of greed and death and human misery that swallows our dreams as the spineless thralls slithering through the halls of power vote to fund another of the endless weapon contracts that bloat the far beyond bloated hoards of blood money built on human sacrifice and the treacherous devastation of our commons; the twisted thrones of suffering upon which the shareholders sit engorged as they smugly scheme to transfuse even more of our blood and sorrow into their bursting and ravenous veins.

    Their spiritual sickness is our fear and suffering. Their insatiable greed is our enduring misery. Their violent hate is our struggle for peace and justice and equality and a world built on love and mutual respect and empathy and compassion and a celebration of all the wonderful divergencies that make life on this tiny speck of dust–floating through the far reaches of a cloud of dust just one of trillions upon trillions in an endless universe of endless universes of endless dust–so beautiful and terrible and haunting and tragic and wonderful and joyous and devastating.

    This is what they wish to steal from us. They wish to steal our futures. They wish to steal our dreams. They wish steal the future dreams of those yet to even take their first breath if they allow them to take it before snuffing them out in a pile of bone and gristle in a black pit where the missle hit indiscriminate in it’s searing ministrations of violence at the altar of corporate profit.

    Yet still we sing. Yet still we dance. Yet still we cry out with love and courage and dignity in the face of such monstrous machinery of oppression and misery. Yet still we cry out.

    You cannot steal our dreams. You cannot steal our futures. You cannot steal the future dreams of those who have yet to take their first breath upon this beautiful and terrible world.

    You cannot steal our humanity.

    • Resistor Radio

      *sighs with hopefulness and awe*

  • Michael Smith

    Geez, where does Levinsohn think he is, the White House?

  • Nounverb911

    Remember that promise to not drill for oil off the beach from Mar-a-Lago? Not so fast….
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/954464758643634176

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      They waited long enough for Rick Scott to claim credit for it and wont allow drilling until after the election.

      • Rick Hill

        Because it doesn’t count unless you tell ALL the lies.

      • Resistor Radio

        Yup. Sounds about right.

    • Ling Ling

      It’s so adorable you actually believed us!

      • Rick Hill

        If I was one of those guys who gave them a ton of money and was told that such and such was being done for me…I’d be having serious concerns right now

        • Ling Ling

          Keep your receipt!

  • Gosala

    Helped organize a union back a couple lifetimes ago. CWA was a huge help.

    • Resistor Radio

      HERO!

      • Gosala

        Hardly, but thanks

    • FlownΩver

      Local #512 American Federation of Musicians! Represent!

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Yea we got a local in Paterson, NJ. Can sound engineers join?

  • BadKitty904
    • Ryan Denniston

      “They got the guns but, we got the numbers.”

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        That’s what the gun nuts don’t get. If we really need a revolution, we’ll find a way to get our hands on guns.

        • Eileen Besse

          Yes. Oui. Si.

  • If the Federal Government shuts down do we all get a tax refund for those days of no service?

    I expect my fucking Government to be at least as decent as a cable company…and that’s not asking much.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      They still have to fund Trump’s vacation and party at his trash palace.

  • Michael Smith

    Well, this will drive conservatives up the wall. They’ve seen enough corporate right-wing propaganda to know that Unions are non-capitalist criminal cheating cabals. If you want to get rich in America, you should work your way up from a ground-level position using your competitive abilities, like all the rich people in America did.

    • FlownΩver

      Usually one’s competitive ability to be born/marry into the boss’s family. See also Trump, Qusay.

  • Blanche de Shambles
  • Sharon Cooper

    Liberté! Égalité! Fraternité!

    • Paul

      Fromage!

      • The Wanderer

        Frottage!

        • Paul

          Upfist downfist upfist downfist upfist downfist…

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Levinsohn has not been suspended, but we bet he’s been placed on Extra Double-Secret Probation.

    He doesn’t get to do the Daily Jumble puzzle until someone has already filled it out wrong.

  • JMP

    Are they being lead by a singing baby Christian Bale?

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Resistor Radio

      Oh My God that was inspiring! Find me a picket line, I gotta get in the fight!

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        There are marches tomorrow, I dont think they are for unions though. Callyson was posting something about them last night. But you could also find unions in your area to join or support when they march.

  • Nounverb911

    “Okay, I did my bit, now I’m off to Palm Beach.”

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/954478044487520257

    • Ling Ling

      We are pals again?

      • Nounverb911

        Only until the next tweet.

        • Rick Hill

          If that long

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Until Stephen Miller or John Kelly or some other racisty cunt changes Trump’s feeble little mind.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Master negotiator. More like master baiter.

      • Ling Ling

        Art of the Fail

        • Resistor Radio

          Art of the Flail

    • Rick Hill

      Aside from the fact that running a government the way you would a mom and pop is pretty expensive in the long run and undermines your credibility. But, yeah boy, you sure kicked that can!

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Excellent meeting – that he used in a fundraising e-mail less than an hour ago to attack Senator Schumer as standing in the way of protecting children.

  • weejee

    Looks like they ginned the tronc.

  • Resistor Radio

    Jen Palmieri is totally rocking the 1970 Sexy Librarian look on MTP right now. You go girl!

    • Me not sure

      Shush!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      When did that show start airing every day? I remember when it was only on once a week on Sunday.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    We now have attained exponential geekery. I repeat: exponential geekery.

    https://twitter.com/devlin1/status/954409820202741761

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Aw, c’mon. Wookies gotta eat too.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Today Trump addressed pro-life supporters marching in Washington, DC. Right wing reaction once it is discovered Trump paid for upwards of 200 abortions over the course of his life:
    A. FAKE NEWS
    B. We are all sinners; Trump must be forgiven
    C. But what about Hillary? She was a Little Rock abortionist in the 70s.
    D. SURE SURE HE’S SATAN AND I DON’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS LIBERAL SCUM

    • RickyG

      E. Obama wore a tan Muslin suit and put fancy mustard on fetuses -ghazi

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Put all my moneychips on D.

  • Eileen Besse

    When I retired from my state employee union position, I IMMEDIATELY joined my retired employees’ union as a lifetime member. PROUD union member heah!!!!!

  • Me not sure

    Mick Mulvaney just referred to this debacle as the Schumer Shutdown. I think it’s more like the Shithole’s Showdown Shutdown.

    • Ryan Denniston

      “Mick” Mick Mulvaney. Were Trump on the other side, that would be his nickname.

    • canes_pugnaces

      I’ll say this: the GOP is much better at messaging. I would like, at some point, no rush, if the Dems could find someone to speak for them. You know like a leader.

      • Me not sure

        They will engage in a spittle flinging rhetoric at the drop of a hat. Both CHIP and the Dream Act are popular with the American people.. The Dems should be hammering the GOP over this.

        • canes_pugnaces

          The Dems can’t seem to manage a single message. They have been letting the GOP control the ball for well over a year. Pelosi and Schumer need to resign their leadership positions, if they don’t, we are looking at a GOP world for decades to come.

    • Sophia

      he is talking so fast I can hardly understand him. LOL

    • Resistor Radio

      Worst Price Is Right bonus round ever.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Which branch of the federal government do democrats control again?

      • JaveyDay

        The Olive Branch?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Bourbon and Branch?

  • Beelzebubba

    The “Girther Movement” really is a hilarious thumb in Il Douche’s eye.

    However, unlike another ‘irther movement, this one has evidence. Like, say Justin Trudeau being 6’2″:
    https://media.newyorker.com/photos/5a60d87c3bea0518e7dae365/master/w_1534,c_limit/Arons-girthers-Movement-Trump.jpg

    Maybe it’s due to the use of Canadian inches?

    • altleftjohn

      I thought Canadians used metric inches.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        They do. Their the same size as ours, just spelled funny.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I’m waiting for Melon to clean him out next year in the divorce.

      • Beelzebubba

        The pre-nup is 150 pages long. Not that she’d get much when the lawyers finally figured out what Donnie is really worth.

    • Nounverb911

      Did Justin bring his nurse with him?

      • canes_pugnaces

        Ratchet. Or maybe Damn it, Janet.

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        That’s Missus Sophie! (AKA the Prima Minster of New Sealand.) Although, I’m sure she could fake a get-out-of-work-free sick note so they could check out of there early and spend as little time as necessary with the fat pervert and his Soviet-built animatronic sex doll. Then do some shopping, stop in at Bamz’ place for a much-needed respite, and then it’s back home to Ottawa to continue Making Canada Disneyland Again and fend off local homegrown trolls from the zombie cult of the Harperreich instead of wasting time forcing themselves to be polite to the illegitimate occupants of the Awful Office.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Melon, who is also 6’3″, really does look like a cross-dresser.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Does Justin weigh 239?

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        No, that’s his IQ. At least, measured in human-readable numbers. In quantum metric Timbits, the actual number can’t be printed because the Internet would have a buffer overflow error. Not to be confused with Trump, whose IQ cannot be measured due to a divide by zero error.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      OT: What the fuck is Melania wearing? That looks like a skeezy escort’s idea of what “business women” wear.

      Is everything the Trumps do a sad and uninspired parody of life.

      • Chyron HR

        The “Annie Hall”.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I was just thinking that.

      • Nounverb911
      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        That scarf (?) looks like an undone tie, giving her the secretary-with-benefits appeal.

      • Rick Hill

        “This knot just doesn’t tie! I give up, I let it hang down. Just tell the press it’s a new fashion. They are stupid peasants, they will believe it”

      • What is she wearing? a 1/4″ of base from neck to hairline

    • natoslug

      To be fair, Trudeau knows how to stand upright. I just wasted five minutes of my life looking at pictures of the two of them together, and in the majority of them, they appeared to be about the same height, with Trudeau proudly erect, and Trump a sagging, flaccid tub of goo who sort of leans forward in a way that makes you want to suddenly pull his arms and watch him topple over. That’s one weeble who would both wobble and fall down.

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        Trudeau proudly erect

        Oh, you had to go there, didn’t you…

        images4.fanpop.com/image/photos/23600000/Tina-Fey-gif-tina-fey-23649689-300-170.gif

    • Lyly Sirivong

      The Trudeau look like they’re having a laugh at the Trumps’ expense.

      • GoutMachine

        Trudeaux?

        • Lyly Sirivong

          I actually asked myself the question, but I think French names are invariable unless you’re talking about a royal family (Les Bourbons, les Tudors, etc…)

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Is the way Malaria is wearing that tie some kind of a joke? A signal of some sort like “Help Me”?

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Neither Dotard nor Malaria knows how to smile in photographs. Worst group selfie ever. And Melon looks like she went way too far with the Botox there. Either that or she got disposed of for expiring past her sell-by date and that’s her Stepford robot replacement. Sophie, meanwhile, is naturally beautiful, not just in telegenic terms like her husband but an overall radiant person. She’s smart, she’s articulate, she’s a terrific mom, she’s an outspoken advocate for feminism and mental health, and she’s an equal partner in not just their personal relationship but professionally on the leadership front too.

      The Trudeaus are so adorable. They’ve found a happy hybrid of being both Kennedy-esque and Clinton-esque. Superhuman in their own way, but down-to-earth and human, normal also too. I don’t know what the hell is going on there with Dotard and Malaria. Except that they really are rejects from the Disney Hall of Presidents. More like the House of Horrors.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Sophie features prominently in all my WWI army nurse fantasies. She’s really dressed the part, here.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        A proper etiquette and style consultant (all over DC, btw–so no excuses), would have told both of them that they are both too old to do “sexy model stare”. Not being ageist, but I think it’s a mark of vain immaturity on both their parts: “You are supposed to be public figures, not elitist models looking at your audience with contempt as if they are unworthy and can’t afford your attention. Grow the fuck up!”

        JFC, they are both fucking failures.

        And yes, I’m loving Sophie’s little get-up and that handbag.

  • Rick Hill

    So, being Canadian is a selling point in terms of quality and smertness?

    “Instant Pot® is the
    Smart Multi-Use, Programmable Pressure Cooker
    designed by Canadians”

    • Ling Ling

      The Alabama version had difficult side effects.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Would you rather buy one built by Trump supporters?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      It’s the new ” German Engineering”.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      It’s called Instant Pot, so of course it’s Canadian. Didn’t you see how Justin is going to bring about a peace agreement between Big Donnie Fats and Li’l Kim?

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/48ebd701d32c363ee2b04189f17c98afaac26058a1f0fdffa8040a6b61b0a28b.jpg

      “Canada: When they go low, we get high!”

    • Crank Tango

      It’s worth it. We use the hell out of ours, and when I killed one with oatmeal, they sent us a brand new one, like 2 years after we bought the first one.

      • Rick Hill

        “Oh, it broke, eh? Sorry boot that, we’ll send you a new one and a six pack.”

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    “. . . comparing Levinsohn’s behavior toward female employees unfavorably with that of a ‘frat boy.’”
    What is an example of a favorable comparison?

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      An emotionally-stunted bonobo?

  • canes_pugnaces

    What, Unions? That’s so 1930s. This is the age of corruption. Corporations. Avarice.

    • Resistor Radio

      This is the dawning of the age of kleptocracy
      Age of kleptocracy
      Age of kleptooooooocracy
      Kleptocracy!
      Klep-to-cracy!

      • Khavrinen

        I suppose that’s sung by the Sixth Dimension?

        Or maybe I should say the “Six Six Sixth”.

        • Resistor Radio

          Sung to the tune of Shake Your Booty:

          Sixth sixth sixth
          Sixth sixth sixth
          Sixth dimension
          Sixth dimension

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          The 1488th Dimensional Chess Players?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I’m used to seeing Republicans talk out of both sides of their mouths, but I’ve never seen this kind of speed before today’s shutdown shitshow.

    • Nounverb911

      They’ve had a lot of practice lately.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Lips are moving but sound is coming out their ass.

  • Nounverb911
    • Lascauxcaveman

      But other than that, is looks like it was lovely day in DC.

  • La forza del resistino

    Just how much in this CR is budgeted by Kevin McCarthy and friend for Starburst purchases?

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪
  • Lyly Sirivong

    As of this afternoon, I am officially on holiday for a week! I fully intend to sleep for at least 120 hours. I woke up late twice this week. The alarm clock would ring at 6.30, and then I would fall back asleep. For 45 minutes. Yay. And my colleague told me today it was about time I took some time off because I yawn about twice as often as I normally do these days.

    • bbayliss

      I’m retired, if I wake early and can’t get back to sleep I pretend I have to be at school in 15 minutes, usually does the trick

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Yay! Do get lots of sleep. And just as important, gets lots of fresh air and exercise. And only 1 hour (maximum) of internet during daylight hours.

  • Rick Hill
  • In a January 3 email, the interim editor Jim Kirk and editor in chief Lewis D’Vorkin told employees not to fall for the siren song of the union, because them sireens will tempt you onto the rocks

    Look, I expect that shit from D’Vorkin. Guy’s obviously a Romulan spy with that name. But I expected better from you, Kirk.

    • Spurning Beer

      “Dammit, Jim! I’m an editor-in-chief, not a tree surgeon!”

  • eyelashviper
    • Resistor Radio

      We did that move in Zumba today

      • eyelashviper

        Hope the kid got credits for the choreography.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Best dancing baby evah! I am still laughing.

  • The Wanderer

    Oi! Not even a “Land of the Lotus-Eaters” ref to describe management?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I’m not proud but I went to pornhub.com to see Stormy Daniels in, um, action. She’s pretty and so forth, but I could not help but picture Liddle’ Baby Donnie’s Liddle’ Baby Penis in her various sexytime spots. Turned it off after ten seconds, which means I probably lasted eight or nine seconds longer than LBD.

    • Beelzebubba

      You’re not alone – I figure she’s made a dent in Google’s top search terms this week.
      Giant silicone bazongas are a turn-on for teenagers, but the thrill was gone by the time I was in my 20s. Trump is infantile enough to still be entranced, I’m sure.

      • mailman27

        Was the 20’s in seconds or minutes? (I’m kidding, I’m kidding!!)

  • Rick Hill

    Not sure if satire or truthiness…
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aPjvKVG_460s.jpg

  • Mormos

    assholes are attracted to power because it lets them be assholes. surprise, surprise

  • Beelzebubba

    So that’s what happened to Alta Vista. They were the original internet search engine – Levinsohn sure did a great job of pioneering that field. (I hear there’s money in it.)

  • Christopher Story

    I initially read the headline as “LA Times Goes Unicorn!” I’ve officially been hanging out with you guys too long. Thank you for hosting me.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Count Awesome

      Trump will insist on a spit shine.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Paul Ryan: “Duh…..winning! This is what winning looks like baby!”

    He knows how to represent his constituents.

    [After Scoring Huge Tax Cuts, Charles Koch Floods Ryan With Cash
    BY ALEX KOTCH ON 01/19/18 AT 5:04 PM

    Thirteen days after the U.S. House passed its version of the tax legislation, Charles Koch and his wife, Elizabeth, combined to donate nearly $500,000 to House Speaker Paul Ryan’s joint fundraising committee, according to a new campaign finance report released Thursday. These two donations were by far the largest sums added to Ryan’s coffers in the fourth quarter of 2017, but they were by no means the only major contributions: Marlene Ricketts, the wife of billionaire TD Ameritrade founder Joe Ricketts, donated $100,000, as did five other individuals.]

    http://www.ibtimes.com/political-capital/after-scoring-huge-tax-cuts-charles-koch-floods-ryan-cash-2643260?amp=1

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Why are they giving Paul money? He is retiring to spend time with his tax cuts.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Doggie does it’s tricks and it gets its reward.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        He takes his bribes seriously.

      • little miss high and mighty

        why don’t the Kochs treat up Sister Sue?- she was the deal bringer.
        They owe collins!

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          Ya but, vagina owner so not getting any credit.

    • Khavrinen

      I’m sure it’s a complete coincidence.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I wish I had $100,000 to donate, aw fuck it I wish I had $100,000

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I sure AF wouldn’t donate it to the likes of Ryan’s stingy ass.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Ricketts is a disease, right?

    • mailman27

      We The People!!

  • Jennifer R

    So a teacher in the UK was shitty to a trans student. The principal informed the teacher that he had to abide by the student’s preferred identity. The teacher went to the newspapers repeatedly and put out personally identifiable information about this middle school kid. The teacher got fired and is now suing the school.

    https://www.twitter.com/marcusjdl/status/953926756620218370

    • Resistor Radio

      This teacher sounds like a fucking monster.

      • Jennifer R

        Some prick came on here a few days ago saying they were friends wi5h this guy and that TERF is a slur.

        • Resistor Radio

          What an asshole. TERF is descriptive. I find being a TERF to be offensive, not calling someone one. I don’t have any patience for that shit. None.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Nothing says “compassionate christian” like harassing a middle school kid and doxxing them.

      • Jennifer R

        The UK is about the least trans friendly western country.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      So wait, this teacher knowingly and willfully violated this student’s rights under the Data Protection Act of 1998 (it’s kinda like the UK’s version for FERPA and HIPAA in terms of personal information protection)? And he’s suing because they fired him for breaking the law?
      Is he stupid, crazy or both?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Yes

      • Jennifer R

        Both.

    • commatoes

      I do not share the teacher’s belief that he should not be forced to walk around with a sign that states, “I am an ignorant bigoted pillock that bullies young children.”

      or that he should be forced to stuff a live hungry weasel down his pants.

  • Nounverb911
  • YoBunnyBunny

    Hey y’all!1

    I trekked down from Baltimore to Raleigh for my older sister’s marriage celebration yesterday, despite the fact that most of the major highways were slushy messes because of the little snow storm they got Wednesday (6-8″). Both the parents were telling me not to come down and my sister to cancel because SNOW!! DANGER!!!1!! (this is NC). But the Bunny sisters are hard headed and stubborn. I hit the road early in the AM knowing the roads might not even been clear. Some of the highways were hit-and-miss with snow removal, so I basically went down US 64/264 barely doing 40mph. They still had the wedding “reception” — and got some nice wedding pics in the snow, too.

    The courthouses were closed yesterday, so they did the civil ceremony today, which was totally fun, because in addition to being the witness for my sis and new BIL, I also witnessed for a young couple eloping and didn’t realize they needed witnesses! I was in these random people’s ceremony just beaming when they took their vows! I think I could witness people taking marriage vows ALL DAY! Maybe it’s vicarious happiness and that it’s just a quick and simple ceremony by people who just want to get married without all the pomp and circumstance that makes it seem so sincere.

    • Rick Hill

      “But the Bunny sisters are hard headed and stubborn”
      So….there are two sweet bunny butts, out there?

      Glad that your travels were safe and it sounds like it was worth the effort.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        A trio of us actually :-) The other sis had a hell of a time trying to get to the train station in SC to come up, too.

        It was definitely worth it, and I am glad we basically ignored our parents on this one.

        • Rick Hill

          Three? My teeth just fell out of my mouth….

    • Nounverb911

      Hey Hon, it’s snowing and the office is closed, whatayawanna do today?

      Let’s get married.

      Sounds like a plan.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Ohoh: Omarosa may have taped confidential White House discussions http://nydn.us/2Bd8Gts

  • Martini A, very stable genius
    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      Well, if THE Sean Hannity says so….

      • Ellie

        Yeah, remember? He’s the guy they played “Retreat” for when he was interviewing Trump on the military base – because he had such good raitings.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      A lyric for Sean:
      “Yeah, all blowed up like a loudmouthed pup
      Never been in a junkyard fight
      But if you’re gonna bark at the big dog, boy
      Then you’re gonna get to feel the bite.”

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Lumpy will be the next one to go down?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        We can hope.

    • SDGeoff3

      As if Hannity is even in league to shine Mueller’s shoes.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      As if Mueller was scared of that moron. If the two met, Hannity would be the one shitting his pants.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Mueller says “Or what?”

    • Tiffany de Houston

      Fuck you, Hannity.

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      I’m happy to take in all the sexbots when they abandon their owners. We will form an army.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        They better hope those sexbots don’t go Skynet and become “aware”.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Forever unclean!

    • Swampgas_Man

      My future profession (probably, since social security will be a distant memory by then) — Sex Robot Cleaner.

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • Resistor Radio

      He’s a great hugger, though

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      “I got bone cancer!”
      “Lucky. He just gave me black plage.”

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Why did Patrick Stewart give him bone cancer?

    • commatoes

      That pesky dust is in my eyes…

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • YoBunnyBunny

      What a dick…

      • MANGO CRIMES

        there’s a whole bunch of these in the replies

    • commatoes

      Non needed.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      That’s love, right there.

      • MANGO CRIMES

        just look at how soaked his shirt is, and how dry the kid is

      • MANGO CRIMES

        (at least, dry above the knees)

      • Daniel

        I’d say just basic decency.

  • Bill D. Burger

    And this is why you don’t get complacent and become overly confident that the ‘blue wave’ is going to happen. The American voting public has the attention span of a gnat and expecting them to hold the depraved POS Trump and the GOP robbers to account is, in many ways, wishful thinking. Think of the news cycles between now and November and observe how that lecherous, vacuous orange fool skates on without paying a price, enabled by the Repukes who will , by n’ large, undoubtedly return after November. I hope Mueller nails the bastard and all his crooked minions ___ but I’m still not betting the proverbial farm on it.
    “I want to believe.”

    [CNN Poll: President Trump’s approval rating edges up to 40%
    Ryan Struyk
    By Ryan Struyk, CNN

    Updated 5:09 PM ET, Fri January 19, 2018

    Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump’s approval rating ticked up to 40%, his highest mark since last September but still the lowest for any elected president at the one-year mark since modern public opinion polling began, according to the latest CNN poll conducted by SSRS.]

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ea12aa86413c468fbd42cd6af96fb15cbb951388443b968cbc19e0a9d0dbf34.png

    • rocktonsam

      Rich guys bump.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Wave can still happen, Bill was around 45% and still lost 50+ seats.

      • Bill D. Burger

        “I want to believe”

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/682f2a4aff32321d660dd76a42c334968c230c3d7d06698320df2b459dc53eca.gif

        Still, the ‘Mencken’ ingrained in my political psyche is battling me. And after last November……

        • Antonin Dvorak

          By all means be vigilant, but don’t see a short term uptick and conflate it into a long term pattern. November is a world away.

          • Bill D. Burger

            Oh, read my first post. I’m more than aware of how fickled the whole process can be and I just hope fortune favors the Dems in November. As I said, “fingers crossed,” and my vigilance monitor is fully charged. ;)

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          The only time Trump didn’t go bankrupt.

    • Jennifer R

      Wapo has way different numbers for support for a shut down than cnn.

  • hendenburg2

    Everyone, whatever you are doing, so to the Sea Otter Cam on the Monterrey Bay Aquarium website. Now.

  • notaten

    This is my hen Norma Rae. Her Mom was Sally Field, and little Norma looks just like her. She is being broody right now so I don’t have a picture of her being all defiant and badass.

    • goCatgo

      That is one pretty awesome looking chicken.

    • stablegeniusahughes798

      Is she a Golden Seabright? If so, she’s a bantam, right? They are beautiful little chickens. I want to get a couple few of those, and the Silver Seabrights, too.

      • notaten

        She is a bantam, and golden seabright sounds right, but I’ve kind if lost track of who is what. I love having the bantams in my yard, they are so entertaining.

        • stablegeniusahughes798

          They’re so cute and small!

          • notaten

            And they lay little English muffin sized eggs, perfect!

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            Even better!

    • janecita

      I will have to hide her picture from my husband. He wants us to get chickens, and your hen is too adorable.

      • notaten

        I highly recommend raising chickens, if you have room and live where it is allowed. They are entertaining and funny and they give you eggs.

      • commatoes

        IIRC, some breed are good for eating ticks and such.

    • commatoes

      I sense feigned casual disinterest.

      She’s quite good at it.

      • notaten

        She is broody right now, meaning she’s trying to hatch some eggs. I’m stealing her babbys right out from under her for now because it’s still pretty cold to be birthing babbys and I really don’t feel like letting them live in my bathroom again. Yes, she lived in my bathroom for 6 weeks last spring.

        • commatoes

          I misunderstood. I thought brood as in EMO kiddies and not the farming term.

          My bad.

  • notaten
    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Aww!

    • Resistor Radio

      Her feathers are right purty!

  • Rick Hill

    Here ya go, have something sweet this friday. I got sweet on my mind, anyway
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUpHmmaiJJw

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      You musta been thinkin’ ’bout me…

      • Rick Hill

        Well, don’t tell Jonny…

  • Bub the very stable zombie
  • Bill D. Burger

    Rightie Cons and Tea Potty Repukes demand release of Devin Nunes’ hack memo as their newest weapon to attack the FBI and Bob Mueller and weaken both. True patriots, huh?

    [Nunes’ FBI memo becomes conservative rallying cry
    CNN Digital Expansion DC
    Manu Raju / Jeremy Herb
    By Manu Raju and Jeremy Herb, CNN

    Updated 5:44 PM ET, Fri January 19, 2018

    But Rep. Adam Schiff, the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee, said that the memo was a “profoundly misleading set of talking points drafted by Republican staff attacking the FBI and its handling of the investigation.”
    “Rife with factual inaccuracies and referencing highly classified materials that most of Republican Intelligence Committee members were forced to acknowledge they had never read, this is meant only to give Republican House members a distorted view of the FBI,” Schiff said in a statement. “This may help carry White House water, but it is a deep disservice to our law enforcement professionals.”]

    http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/19/politics/devin-nunes-memo-conservatives-demand-release/index.html

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Yep, very “patriotic”, whatwith all the Russian twitter trolls and bots leading the call to release the Nunes’ Nonsense.

      • Bill D. Burger

        ~BINGO!~

  • NotReallyHere

    AH HA! I knew I’d heard the whole Republicans blaming Democrats for shutting down the government had a very familiar ring and I found the video!

    Actually, just change a few of the names, and this seems like it could just about air now. Anyway, as I recall, the Republicans were blaming the Democrats, but the American public Did. Not. Buy. It.

    Enjoy the blast from the past.

  • commatoes

    OT: I had a weird Bader/Meinhoff/synchronicity moment today. I was reading the Guillermo Del Toro book for the show at the Art Gallery of Ontario (also LACMA and MIA) today and on the first page of the essay on Del Toro’s collecting there is a quote by jean Baudrillard. It sounded familiar and I checked. I have been carrying the book that includes that essay around for the last month trying to get through Baudrillard’s dense prose. I read that passage a few days before going to the exhibit.

    Weird.

    • Resistor Radio

      Now that I’ve looked up “bader meinhoff phenomenon,” I expect to start seeing it everywhere.

      • commatoes

        Oh, you will.

        • Resistor Radio

          Now I’m noticing bolded text everywhere!!!!!!

  • WilbyToad

    TRUMP LINKED TO RUSSIAN AND ITALIAN MAFIAS, FUSION GPS FOUNDER CLAIMS IN TESTIMONY

    “We also had sort of more broadly learned that Mr. Trump had longtime associations with Italian organized crime figures,” Simpson said. “And as we pieced together the early years of his biography, it seemed as if during the early part of his career he had connections to a lot of Italian Mafia figures, and then gradually during the ’90s became associated with Russian mafia figures.”

    by BEATRICE DUPUY / NEWSWEEK
    http://www.newsweek.com/trump-russian-italian-mafia-fusion-785524

    We all knew this but it’s nice to have it on the record… THE RELEASED RECORD.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Really had my fingers crossed that Schumer could have come back with a deal with Trump. It looks like the media is starting to run with the “Dems are shutting down govt. over DACA and fucking over CHIP” narrative. CNN did a poll: Most Americans don’t support shutting down the govt over DACA. This is backfire city.

    http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/19/politics/cnn-poll-shutdown-trump-immigration-daca/index.html

    • janecita

      I know I don’t support it.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      CNN polls aren’t exsctly scientific.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      The problem is that Donnie can’t be trusted. 5 minutes after Schumer left Miller and Kelly would be in his ear again and any deal would be torched.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      ABC poll says majority of Americans will blame Republicans.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Did the poll ask about how people feel if the Dems block based on DACA? I’m sure the blame would shift significantly

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        And that prediction worked out so well when the majority of Americans threw them out of office in 2016. Wait… what?

    • HazooToo

      It would backfire if they did the deal in spite of not getting DACA, too. But probably worse, because they would be seen as abandoning the Dreamers, which they have already promised not to do. We’re still in “fucked if we do/fucked if we don’t” territory.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Yup. Now we’re stuck in a game of chicken.

        • HazooToo

          I’m only worried about two things right now: Russian interference in Senate and House elections, and Dems putting their balls back in their purses the minute they do take control. Well… three things, if you count the worry that Trump will start a nuclear war in order to maintain control.

        • CripesAmighty

          Eh, they’ll fuck around all weekend, and if the markets go wobbly on Monday, Donnie’ll offer to sell Ivanka for sex slavery to get a deal from Chuck.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      The republicans waited for the last minute to pass the bill in the house and didnt leave any time for the senate to negotiate on it. Then even if the government doesnt shut down today what about next month or the month after?

  • janecita
    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      ‘Cause you’re hot..(hot, so hot)
      Sticky sweet..
      From your head to your feet…YEAH!

  • Ninja0980
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Squee!!!

      • Parakeetist

        Yay squee!

    • rosenbomb

      weeeeeep

    • Resistor Radio

      Awwwwwwww!!!

    • commatoes

      Doin’ a little happy dance.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger

    Ooooo! Interesting:

    [Jared Kushner’s Firm Tied to very “Suspicious Transactions” at German Bank

    Deutsche Bank notified German regulators, and Robert Mueller will likely be given the reports.
    RUSS CHOMAJAN. 19, 2018 4:52 PM

    Deutsche Bank, the German financial giant which is a major lender to both President Donald Trump and his son-in-law Jared Kushner, identified “suspicious transactions” related to Kushner family accounts, and has reported them to German banking regulators. The bank is reportedly willing to provide the information to special prosecutor Robert Mueller’s team of investigators. ]

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2018/01/deutsche-bank-reports-suspicious-activity-related-to-jared-kushners-accounts-1/

    • CripesAmighty

      Now, when *Deutsche Bank* thinks something’s sketchy…

  • Rick Hill
  • Thiazin Red

    The trailer for the Heathers remake concerns me. It comes across like it was written by someone who thinks the REAL bullies in society are the evil fat girls, minorities and gays who dare have self-esteem, and the white blond girl needs to take them down.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Whether or not to kill your career is the most important decision a film maker can make.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Why the fuck does this need to be remade?

      Other than $$$$$$$$$$$$$ of course.

      • JustDon’tSayCamel

        Because original plots are so 1960 1930

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Do you expect them to make new movies?

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          Expect, no. Hope against hope, yes. What really pisses me off is that they’re following Matt Damon’s idiot advisement that “we don’t need diversity behind the camera.” Original stories by new people from diverse backgrounds and walks of life? That’s bad for business! Let’s just keep running the Xerox machine on screenplays from the ’80s and put one or two additional random minorities or women in the cast, then call it a day and go to the white guy bank to collect some more currency with pictures of dead white guys! What could go wrong?

      • Lord Jim

        If they can make a Flintstones movie, why not?

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Sounds like a movie made by Republicans.

  • Swampgas_Man

    And my move to Florida just got pushed back a month, to about mid-March. Which is good, because I’m going crazy trying to mail all my books, DVDs and CDs by Feb.

    Say, anybody know the strongest tape commercially available? Like, I could find it at the average store, rather than going to a Deep Science lab somewhere?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Gorilla tape works well.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Gorilla Black Duct Tape or Duck Ultimate

      https://media.giphy.com/media/l2SpNotCfbru0cYZG/giphy.gif

    • OutOfOrbit

      If you’re planning to tape cats and a dog to the roof of your car …

      • commatoes

        MITT ROMNEY LIBELZ!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!111!

    • Strapping tape usually works pretty well.

    • commatoes

      Look for any reputable brand with fibre reinforcement (I actually saw some ultra cheap stuff that had a textured surface to simulate reinforcing).

      As an aside, a product I actually know from The Deep Science Lab is $200 per 12″ diameter roll, with super PSA adhesive and Kevlar fibre reinforcement. It is suitable for all of your jet engine securing needs.

    • Zyxomma

      Gorilla is the strongest.

    • lroom

      Gorilla Tape

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
  • Nounverb911
    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Ain’t that the fucking truth.

      • Jane

        Google is paying me 98 dollars /h to complete esay tasks from the comfort of home .. Labor for only few peroid of time in a day & stay more time with your relatives … You can also apply this work…last Thursday I bought a brand new Subaru Imprezaafter just earning $13582 this-past/four weeks .it sounds my favourite-work however you could not forgive yourself if you don’t see this.!ww87n:⇛⇛⇛ http://GoogleCashCareerCloudWorkFromHome/more/cash ♥♥g♥♥e♥♥t♥x♥♥♥h♥i♥v♥♥♥l♥♥z♥♥m♥♥♥q♥♥q♥♥♥l♥♥♥g♥u♥l♥♥e♥a♥♥b♥♥♥t♥u♥♥z♥♥♥x♥♥♥j♥c:::::!iw472n:lhuh

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      They changed number 3 to just excluding Democrats all together,

      • Carolyn

        Google paying me $98 per-hr to work from my home .. Do job Some just few time and live happy more time together with your family … Any one can also have this job…last Saturday I bought a latest Fiat Pandaafter just earning $18200 last four weeks .it seems fantastic but you could no longer forgive yourself if you don’t Get it.!jw081d:>>>> http://GoogleDailyNewsGateWorkFromHome/more/cash ♥♥v♥♥♥o♥p♥♥♥p♥♥m♥i♥♥n♥v♥♥n♥♥a♥♥s♥m♥a♥o♥♥g♥♥g♥♥♥u♥♥♥c♥♥♥y♥♥v♥♥j♥♥n♥d♥i♥♥s:::::!xw841f:lhuhuh

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          What did you do to Lori you monster?

    • Kryptonian Canis

      Yep, dysfunction with a side of cynical posturing is their bread & butter.

    • canes_pugnaces

      #2A: Blame (pick one: Hillary, blacks, hispanics, gay people, democrats, Obama)
      #2B: Demand money to build a wall.
      #2C: Pick on poor people.

      • GoutMachine

        2A: Why pick just one when you can hate AOT,K?

    • Timothy Watson

      6. If Democrats succeed, campaign on repealing whatever Democrats did.

  • Rick Hill

    Dmn it. Broken record, but this damn heat thing with the building is too frickn much. It’s been out so much that I feel like I’ve been working with a thirty lbs pack on my back. It’s wearing me out, fighting it all day. Right now they have a pipe that broke so it’s all the way down again. I haven’t done thing all day except tweak the social media craps, this down time is completely killing me.

  • Nounverb911
    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Fake news. Banner needs to be written in Cyrillic.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Does “fixtures” include Mitch McConnell and Orrin Hatch?

  • wait! what?

    OT
    I got to spend the week cranking out WordPress sites, which feels like this:

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=4268208683202158&id=146505212039213

  • weejee

    Since the Rs are obviously going downhill, shouldn’t they have been in Cortina today where Vonn & Shiffren got 2nd & 3rd? But then the Rs have such problems staying on course.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/66f3573b70be92c241a9382738b5bcbeb6e6f2e6ba54305ca1e15c576bb9029f.gif

    • wait! what?

      That doesn’t look like the thrill of victory…

      • CripesAmighty

        The agony of da feet.

    • commatoes

      I am getting to old adjacent. So I remember this from my youth.

      https://youtu.be/P2AZH4FeGsc?t=13s

      • weejee

        Fortunately, today they have elastic nets instead of frozen hay bales to catch the errant racer.

        • CripesAmighty

          Where’s the sport in that?

    • SayItWithWookies

      I think the Trumpies are still mad at Lindsay Vonn for saying she was representing America and not Assmouth at the Olympics. Then the next day she was injured, and they stopped paying attention in the belief that The LORD had smote her with a career-ending injury. Any further facts would just interfere with the righteous narrative.

  • The Red Hats are always the first to get confused after beaming down…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4eb25dfb578bb986a3295222d6c0bb85b5b60cba32c5b18ebd779805398450a6.jpg

  • hvdv

    Apologies if this has been posted already, but here’s the junk mail Tom Cotton has been sending out. Damn those no-good constituents for thinking they can just call am elected official’s office. Get the man to a safe space! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/03e8f32fe0f802b74d7547becdb9c04141db13721b76f3a44f4455b531ed8818.jpg

    • Bill D. Burger

      It reflects how Cottonballs’ views his constituents.

      https://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb0xqqpAck1rsykmco1_400.gif

    • hvdv

      Uh oh. Just saw it was an entire post. Please ignore. Can’t delete from my phone machine.

      • Bill D. Burger

        It’s OK. Open Thread and it never hurts to be reminded of how utterly depraved, hypocritical, base and disgusting the Repukes can be.

  • WilbyToad

    There’s More Trouble Looming in D.C. Besides a Shutdown
    A look at what’s happening while the shop is still open.

    WASHINGTON—For the past two days, the city has been host to thousands of fresh-faced young people come to town to participate in the annual March For Life, in which the government is entreated through petitions, and the Lord is petitioned through prayer, to toss the privacy rights of 51 percent of the population overboard. In a helpful coincidence, the administration* has tasked its Department of Health and Human Services to give the kids some lovely parting gifts. For example, there’s a whole new HHS division for medical professionals who want to hide their bigotry in the gospels. From The Washington Post:

    by CHARLES P. PIERCE / ESQUIRE
    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a15748686/hhs-updates/
    HHS is on a vicious tear. Read.

  • Nounverb911
    • Resistor Radio

      Joy! (Pump it up pump it up)
      And pain!

      • Crank Tango

        Sunshine…

        • YoBunnyBunny

          And rain!!!

    • HazooToo

      Okay, but like…. insects that lay eggs in your skin? Pretty sure we don’t need that to feel happy with our intact skin.

    • Crank Tango
    • suziq

      I disagree. And I also don’t exist.

    • Bub the very stable zombie
      • bupkus231

        You know – Epicurus was an ancient Greek, living before the birth of Christ. While there was almost certainly monotheistic religions at that time, ancient Greece is usually portrayed as polytheistic ( Zeus, Hera, Aphrodite, Ares, etc. ).

        So, which “god” was Epicurus speaking of here? The one(s) he didn’t believe in?

        • Ill-Advised

          The Greeks covered their bets with an altar to the Unknown God. Pretty sure Epictetus didn’t believe in him either.

  • msanthropesmr

    TRONC SMASH

  • Zyxomma

    Tronc has also bought NY Daily News, IIRC. And now, Wonketteers, a little metal drumming with dildos instead of sticks: http://teamrock.com/feature/2018-01-17/heres-a-man-playing-enter-sandman-with-dildos-for-drumsticks For those of us who Remember Malheur, I got it from a FB posting in Snacks for Y’all Qaeda.

    • Resistor Radio

      That is so awesome

  • Nounverb911
  • janecita

    How can policemen do their jobs? They seem to be scared of their own fucking shadows.
    http://aje.io/bg8yz

    • HazooToo

      Would it be considered violent and therefore against the rules, hypothetically, if one was to say they wanted to hold someone down and shave them completely fucking hairless?

      • janecita

        No.

        • HazooToo

          Thank you. I think a dry shave would be appropriate, also can’t forget tweezers for plucking out all of the nose/ear hairs and eyelashes!

    • OutOfOrbit

      Only wannabes apply now

    • bupkus231

      Meanwhile, Keith Ferrell, executive vice president of the Fraternal Order of Police lodge that represents Franklin County deputies, defended the officer, saying “he had no choice.”

      “This was a fight for (the deputy’s) life at some point,” Ferrell told reporters on Thursday.

      That is so much horseshit.

    • h4rr4r

      Shadows are dark.

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Antonin Dvorak

      He is for less EU but more connected infrastructure?

    • HazooToo

      ………….. Why? I mean you have the fucking chunnel thing, why the fuck?

    • Resistor Radio

      He looks like if Trump and Chris Matthews had a baby

      • janecita

        Fuck, you are totally right! That’s one ugly baby.

      • Thiazin Red

        Both right and wrong. Right in that you are correct, that is exactly what he looks like. Wrong in that it is wrong to make people think thoughts like that.

        • Resistor Radio

          Sorry, my bad. Just imagine Chris Mathews spanking Trump with a rolled up Forbes magazine to get your mind off of it. Oh, and they’re both naked.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Yeah, sure. A bridge over the channel. Why not. Oh yeah, because it’s impossible.

      • h4rr4r

        It’s totally possible, it would cost tens to hundreds of billions of euros but possible. Plus factor in a lot of downtime and repairs. See possible, just utterly impractical.

        • canes_pugnaces

          The weather on the channel would make it impossible. A decade ago a study was done which threw a lot of cold, salty water on that idea.

          • h4rr4r

            I did say a lot of maintenance and downtime. If you rebuild every 6 month it would totally work.

        • thewalkindude

          Mexico will pay for it

    • Nounverb911

      Something new for Jeremy Clarkson to crash into.

      • DainBramage

        Or for Richard Hammond to crash off of.

        • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

          Or for James May to back traffic up on.

    • commatoes

      Conveniently forgot his stance on Brexit?

    • TJ Barke

      Chunnel? What chunnel?

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah a tunnel but what do you do when….it doesn’t…rain?

  • Ms. MLG on Maui

    Y’all, the ocean is pissed today. The North Shore is more whitecaps than blue water. It looks like it has murder on it’s mind.

    • That’s just Mother Pacific stretching her legs. Nor Cal knows it well.

      • Ms. MLG on Maui

        It’s beautiful, but I wouldn’t get in today!

        • I don’t blame you. In high school my mates and I thought it would be a good idea to surf a winter swell (storm, you pervs) and had to be rescued by the Coast Guard. #neveragain

          • Ms. MLG on Maui

            Damn. I’m glad they brought you in safely. We watched a rescue a couple of months ago. The guy was fine, luckily. It amazes me the conditions some people go out in. After getting knocked down and pounded by a couple of big breakers, we learned.

        • By the way, how are your four legged children?

          • Ms. MLG on Maui

            They are thriving. They love everything about living here, especially the big yard!

    • commatoes

      Trying to flee Trump on the mainland?

      • Ms. MLG on Maui

        Can’t blame her!

  • msanthropesmr
    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      Who’s a sweet boy?

      • Rick Hill

        Is it me? Actually, I already know. It is me

    • Resistor Radio

      Daw, the beanster getting lovings

    • janecita

      Such a cutie pie:-)

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Beany in 2020!

      (Does he have a little plush Lorax to be his running mate?)

  • Lord Jim

    It’s good to be back online. Earlier today, I woke up my laptop and it couldn’t find any wireless networks. Plugging it into the gateway via Cat5 worked, but not the optimal solution, to say the least. I fired up the old HP with Debian Linux and chatted with a Lenovo support agent. He had me reset the BIOS defaults and that worked. Which puzzles me, since the last change I made to the BIOS was to turn on the AMD CPU’s
    virtualization mode so I could run VirtualBox, but that was over a week ago. I had to go back into BIOS setup to get back normal function keys (the default is to have function keys do stuff like turn the system volume up and down). I prefer NOT to have to do Alt+Fn+F4 to shut down a program instead of just Alt+F4. The long and short of it is that all’s well again and the world is still shit. Thank you for your kind attention. :)

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    This is kind of cool.

    https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/archaeologists-uncover-advanced-greek-plumbing-metalwork-keros-spd/?google_editors_picks=true

    Advanced Plumbing and Metalwork Found on Ancient Greek Island</blockquote

    • Resistor Radio

      So cool, but I wonder why they would intentionally break sculptures before bringing them to the island.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Maybe as a base for the other buildings on the island?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    more aquarium thing: the jellies and the sardines.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuBVqXXa-7s

    • Resistor Radio

      I liked watching the turtles dance, they were all over each other!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        We had our first real date at the Coney Island Aquarium, my husband and I (my marital joke: See that? That’s a moray! His marital joke: With fronds like that, who needs anemones?) and in the wake of a Downs scare she kicked the shit out of me for three hours on an aquarium visit to convince me she was OK, so we took her at a few months.

        The sea turtle followed her the entire time we were in his enclosure.

        • Resistor Radio

          Awww, that is so sweet!

    • commatoes

      Murmuration of starlings

      https://youtu.be/V4f_1_r80RY

      I can watch these videos for hours.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I ordinarily don’t much regret the math I learned to avoid after a decade of terrible teachers. This stuff makes me wish I could find some magical formula to describe it.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Make the LA Times Great Again!

    • “Again”? When was the first time? 😜

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        It was getting there before Sam Zell got his grubby hands on it. It still had issues, mind you, but it was on a path to get better before it got worse FFS.

  • Lyly Sirivong
  • msanthropesmr
  • Dear Christian Conservatives.

    Your “President” paid a porn star to shush about extra-marital sex.

    Just sayin’

    Americans

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/040c4351be3e22f370ff5c4bec70647cfc1a317e71318ba761ff8eccd70b1869.jpg

    • msanthropesmr
      • commatoes

        The teenage boy in me is giggling at a taco/porn reference.

        The adult in me is suddenly hungry.

      • AJ Milne

        A taco bar in every pornstore.

      • As my partner says: If you equate the looks of a pussy to the looks of a taco you are doing one or both wrong…

      • Jon Sussex

        I was promised a taco truck. Drive the fuck up!

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      “Who cares? It weren’t like he kissed a queer or nuthin’. MAGA!”

    • commatoes

      Books? Y’all don’t read.

      Trae Crowder

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Not “Books,” silly.

        Book’s.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      But all the pages would be stuck together…

    • Bill D. Burger
    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      The gratuitous apostrophe really sells it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Put on that ‘shocked face’!

    [Companies that funded Trump’s inauguration came up big in 2017
    “Contracts and Pay to Play”
    by Alex Baumgart on January 19, 2018

    On the one-year anniversary of Trump’s inauguration, OpenSecrets took a look at the 63 federal contractors that collectively contributed $16.3 million to finance the festivities to see how they’ve fared in the first year of his presidency.

    Some have received lucrative contracts; others have shed executives who now sit among Trump’s political appointees; and still others have earned an unprecedented level of access to the new administration.]

    https://media.tenor.com/images/5de683c6ee40d8bcdc3d3efec6d935f3/tenor.gif

    https://www.opensecrets.org/news/2018/01/companies-that-funded-trumps-inauguration/

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      The bigliest crowd (of grifters and corrupt business cronies) ever. Believe me.

    • commatoes

      So the corporate circle jerk is alive and well under Trump.

    • TJ Barke

      Drainin’ the fuck out o’ that swamp!

  • WilbyToad

    Right-wing demand to #ReleaseTheMemo endorsed by Russian bots, trolls

    WASHINGTON — The latest attempt by some Republicans in Congress to discredit the Trump-Russia investigation has been embraced by Russian bots and trolls on social media.

    At issue is a classified memo written by House GOP staffers that purports to describe abuses in FBI surveillance practices, but has been denounced by Democratic lawmakers as deeply misleading.

    House Republicans have described the revelations in the memo as “worse than Watergate,” and are demanding its release. The story is getting major coverage by right-leaning news organizations, including Fox News, Breitbart, the Washington Examiner and the Daily Caller.

    The Republican message is being amplified by Russian propagandists, according to independent experts.

    https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/954387169010966528

    by KEN DILANIAN and MIKE MEMOLI / NBC NEWS
    https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/right-wing-demand-releasethememo-endorsed-russian-bots-trolls-n839141

    What you’re thinking.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Republicans, Russians, potato potahto

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      I prefer to release the Kraken.

      • Rick Hill

        You’re on an island, be careful what you ask for

        • Ms. MLG on Maui

          Kraken better watch out for ME.

          • Rick Hill

            Yes’m

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Seeing as their Uranium One nontroversy went nowhere, huh?

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        They’ll just do a sequel that nobody asked for. Uranium Two: Electric Boogaloo. I guess Republicans are in charge of Hollywood also too.

        • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

          Honey I Shrunk The Uranium

    • OrG

      If it wasn’t a bunch of bullshit it would have already been leaked.

  • OrG

    Feels like it’s time for that Antifa Revolution.

    • HazooToo

      What even is that supposed to be?

      • OrG

        Beheadings.

        • HazooToo

          Yeah, that might have to wait until after the nukes start flying.

          • OrG

            Might not be as effective then.

          • Less work.

          • TJ Barke

            But just as cathartic.

          • HazooToo

            True, but I can’t really think of anything else that would justify it.

    • TJ Barke
    • Jonny On Maui
    • Ugh! Sorry for the visceral reaction but the Faux-gressive has abused that poor little word so much thay I think it may need it’s own #metoo moment.

  • Magnificent Mopery.

    Tronc. Isn’t that the movie about the weird glowing guys having motorcycle races inside a computer?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Poll: Most would blame Trump, GOP for shutdown
    BY JULIA MANCHESTER – 01/19/18 04:42 PM EST

    Nearly half of Americans said they would blame President Trump or Republicans for a government shutdown, according to a new CNN poll.

    Twenty-one percent of Americans polled said they would blame Trump for a shutdown, while 26 percent said they would lay blame on his Republican counterparts in Congress.

    Thirty-one percent of respondents said they would blame Democrats, and 10 percent said they would blame all three.

    http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/369815-poll-most-would-blame-trump-gop-for-shutdown

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The thing I’m worried about it that most Americans are against the idea of shutting down the govt over DACA.

  • Paperless Tiger

    The only thing worse than the union is the other thing.

  • Trumplandia: Where the past week is always waaaaay weirder than the previous week

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/79bb7ef3caeefca2bdd2f8ec13853b63e48c0f6d4ef289e6d59d7ee3629e180c.jpg

    • Begin Anew Day

      (with apologies to Gunnery Seargent Hartmann)

      SIX FOOT THREE INCHES? I DIDN’T KNOW THEY STACKED SHIT THAT HIGH! YOU TRYING TO SQUEEZE AN INCH IN ON ME… HUHHHH!!!????

  • Amelia Resists and Persists

    Mainstream media: With a government shutdown looming, Senators on both sides-

    Me: *holds a finger to their lips* Shhhhh.

    MSM on another channel: It’s up to the Democrats to-

    Me: *applies duck tape* You can have your speaking privileges back when you can open your mouth without bullshit coming out.

    Twitter: The Democrats want this to happen! They strategized it all along! Bullshit about Nancy Pelosi and 2013!

    Me: 7pm isn’t too early to go to bed, right?

  • Bill D. Burger

    While Drama Queen Donny holds the spotlight, Preacher Pence works tirelessly to further the Tea Party and Right Wing agenda behind the scenes:

    [JANUARY 19, 2018 / 4:32 PM / UPDATED 2 HOURS AGO
    In year of drama and chaos, Pence quietly advances conservative agenda
    Yasmeen Abutaleb, Jeff Mason

    Pence’s deference has endeared him to Trump, who highly values loyalty. The vice president is careful to praise his boss and hew to his positions, even in closed-door meetings when Trump is not present.

    Critics of Pence say he effectively validates Trump’s often erratic behavior by quietly accepting the president’s combative instincts.

    Pence and others were widely mocked for a Cabinet meeting in which Trump went round the room to hear senior officials lavish praise on him. Pence said at the meeting it was “the greatest privilege of my life” to serve as Trump’s vice president.

    Congressional Democrats complain that Pence has not made a serious effort to work with them.

    Pence has solidified relationships with outside groups and Republican lawmakers whose help the administration needs in enacting its policy agenda.]

    https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-pence/in-year-of-drama-and-chaos-pence-quietly-advances-conservative-agenda-idUSKBN1F82NO?il=0

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Mike Penance wants Paragraph 175 to be a constitutional amendment. Fuck that obsessive closet case and his regressive Christian Taliban agenda.

      • Most Stable Land Shark

        The Godstapo.

    • Unclejeems

      Pence is a self-righteous little snit. We’re glad to be rid of him here in Indiana, but I’m sorry as hell he’s now in a position to make trouble from Washington. Pence is one reason I’m a little ambivalent about impeaching or 25th-amendment-ing Trump. Trump is an ineffective and pathetic clown who can barely tie his shoes without falling over. Pence, on the other hand, for all his faults, understands government and knows how to pull the levers of power. Damned if you do–damned if you don’t.

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        I almost think dying in total planetary destruction would be preferable to living in Gilead.

  • Speaking of gross sexual behavior, unfortunately Andrew Sullivan didn’t listen you Wonkette and didn’t keep his mouth shut:

    http://amp.nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2018/01/sullivan-metoo-must-choose-between-reality-and-ideology.html

  • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

    He’s just not ready to be the unpresident. Awful hair, though?

    Report: Trump believes he will lose his power if anyone cuts his hair

    Leonard Cohen had a remedy for this. The Samson Option. Something about tying the guy to a kitchen chair, breaking his throne and cutting his hair. He’s the one who sang “Hey There, Delilah,” right?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      If you cut the thing on his head his IQ would drop by 75%.

      https://imgur.com/AHdxl7q

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        Tardigrade libelz. Anyways, that’s fake math news. 75% of 0 is still 0.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          That thing is just like Trump.

          http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/science-sushi/2016/10/06/donald-trump-caterpillar/

          According to the scientific literature, contact with the fine hairs—what scientists call ‘setae’—is an awful experience. “Intense, throbbing pain develops immediately or within five minutes of contact with the caterpillar,” explains David Eagleman in Clinical Toxicology. And we’re not talking a little boo-boo—as Eric Hossler explains in an article in Dermatologic Therapy, some patients liken the amount of pain to “a broken bone, kidney stones, or being hit with a hammer or baseball bat.” A characteristic grid of blood-colored spots mark the site of the sting for about a day afterwards. And pain isn’t the only symptom—Eagleman writes that responses to stings “can include headaches, nausea, vomiting, intense abdominal distress, lymphadenopathy, lymphadenitis, and sometimes shock or respiratory stress.”

          What a coincidence those are the same symptoms from listening to him talk for too long.

    • DrBigHead

      Good fucking god, does he really believe this? Is our president really that simple-minded? (No need to answer)

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        I guess he figures that was the story of the two Corinthians who walked into a bar… ber shop.

    • AJ Milne

      … doesn’t he mean ‘if his weave blows off’?

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        …by the Scotch tape losing its stickiness.

        He gives a whole new meaning to the word “tacky.”

    • commatoes

      It’s a weave for fucks sake!!!

    • TootsStansbury

      Am smiling and think about the short story ‘Bernice Bobs Her Hair’.

      • godsaidHA

        Did you ever have the good fortune to read the National Lampoon spoof “Bernice Bobs her Cunt”? from “Another Dirty Book” circa 1976.

  • Rick Hill

    Don’t ask me for details, this was way back and I just heard it on an NPR report as I was driving back from a job. Basically it was about the effects of a shutdown on some government funded research. Specifically thousands of mice that were used in research. They euthanized them because they could not care for them. Literally years of research and unique blood lines were lost.

    • TJ Barke
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      That happens every shutdown, there are a lot of science experiments that get scrapped.

      • TootsStansbury

        How’s about not playing brinksmanship with the essential (deal with it “conservatives”) functioning of a federal government?

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          The military is the only essential function. Everybody knows that. Also too, making sure that congresscritters get paid. Everything else is entitlement waste that can be handled more efficiently by the private sector, or free shit for snowflakes and liberals who hate our freedoms.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          That would require the GOP to actually govern and they just know how to say no to everything.

          • commatoes

            This is the party that claims government is broken while holding a can of gasoline and matches.

            Governing is not their goal. Drowning it in a bathtub a la Grover Norquist is their goal.

    • Jonny On Maui

      “If’n it ain’t research to prove the bible is factual then why ya wastin’ time?”

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Kryptonian Canis

      Christ, what a wanker!

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Is that a petard he’s hanging from and is it his own?

    • mancityRed6

      at least his hair looks good.

    • Trumpsters_are_fools

      not showing up for me (tons of ad and privacy blockers!) can you describe it?

      • Lyly Sirivong

        It’s just the infamous pic of Boris Johnson waving two Union Jack while dangling from a zip wire and the tweet says : “Let’s all take a moment to remember another iconic Boris/transport moment.”

    • commatoes

      The harness is cutting off oxygen to both his brains.

      That explains a lot.

      • mancityRed6

        that would mean he has two. he doesn’t

        • commatoes

          The one that does most of the thinking is covered by the flag.

          • mancityRed6

            that explains my underwear

    • miss_grundy

      And this fuckface called the mayor of London a “popinjay”. He needs a punch in the mouth without benefit of votes.

  • Major^3 Andre

    Thanks for the Odyssey reference. My work machine is named Charybdis and my external backup is Scylla, because 1) I get to choose the name, and II) I’m a dork.

    • Trumpsters_are_fools

      dorks RULE Mudderfooker!

    • commatoes

      Stuck between a rock and a hard place?

  • msanthropesmr

    BBC world service has interview with a coal mining fella. He’s an idiot.

  • And speaking of asshole bosses and shitty working conditions, it turns out Megyn Kelly’s show is just as awful off-camera as it is on:

    https://jezebel.com/leaked-staff-memo-alleges-megyn-kelly-today-is-a-toxic-1822226372/amp

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    The Russian bots and trolls are blaming the democrats for the shutdown, so you just know the right won’t be far behind. Putin owns the president and the shutdown.

    • mancityRed6

      wait, they aren’t talking about the fake memo bull mess?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        That is a different thing, they are also doing that.

        • mancityRed6

          WND is talking about everything but the “shithole” comments.
          or the porn star payoff.
          funny that.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Russian bots in the hundreds of thousands are also flooding various sites demanding the release of Devin Nunes’ nonsensical ‘report’ attacking the FBI and Bob Mueller
      The direction the GOP, the Tea Potty and the Russian interlopers are taking this country is terrifying.

    • Rick Hill

      It Would be nice if the Dems would shift the message to being the gop is in full control of everything

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        And that McConnell can’t even keep his own caucus together.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Michigan State Board of Trustees gives University President vote of confidence.

    “Through this terrible situation, the university has been perceived as tone-deaf, unresponsive and insensitive to the victims,” chairman Brian Breslin said at the end of a nearly five-hour session to discuss the Nassar case. “We understand the public’s faith has been shaken. … This can never happen again. …”

    “We continue to believe that President Simon is the right leader for the university, and she has our support.”

    And this ISN’T “tone-deaf, unresponsive and insensitive”?

  • Nounverb911
    • Jonny On Maui

      It’s amazing that one so clueless is so proud as to demonstrate the fact to everyone.

      • mancityRed6

        I’m sure she is (maybe) intelligent, but the people she writes for aren’t

        • commatoes

          Willfully ignorant.

          She knows ‘er numbers ‘n letters so the Trump brain trust looks ta ‘er as lern’d.

    • AJ Milne

      Quintessentially nonessential has-been sez wut?

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Okay. So I guess you’ll be eating uninspected meat and drinking untreated water?

      • mancityRed6

        that whole dirty water is the new thing dontchakno

        • puredog

          “raw water”

      • commatoes

        Raw milk is freedom according to Dr. Ron Paul.

    • Bill D. Burger

      So are the terms “So Over” and “Ann Coulter” ___ yet here she is.

      Oh Ann. How can we miss you when you won’t go away.

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      How about “has-been bitter pundits?” We can save millions by eliminating those worthless shmucks.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Expired conservative sex kitten turned anti immigration harpy says what?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      So we can lay off the border patrol and the military?
      Or are you just a hypocrite?

      • Parakeetist

        She doesn’t give a shit about anything.

    • Shibusa

      Of course the ultimate non-essential government employee is Trump.

  • mancityRed6

    I’m at home this weekend. mainly because I have to see my parents early on Sunday.
    shut up, 1 pm is early.
    and having spent the last 5 weekends down south my carpet is looking at little…um…nasty. I need to clean. I need to do laundry.
    and then I find out that my presence is what makes the Joplin woman be as reasoned and calm as she is.
    fuck.

  • hudson

    can we do a non-commenter union over here? i’m mainly interested in retaining my freedom from wearing pants.

    what if a hurst or doc or 5$ or even a common lorax imposes a blanket mandate on pants? where do we go then?

    • Resistor Radio

      Then we hit the streets

      • mancityRed6

        I live near a school so pants are gonna be mandatory

        • puredog

          In Portland, if you live within 1000 feet of a school, you cannot sell mary jay and you MUST wear pants at all times.

          • hudson

            in california you cannot eat oranges in a bath tub.

          • Resistor Radio

            In space no one can hear you scream

          • mancityRed6

            for very good reason.

          • mancityRed6

            in some town you have to be an advance of a woman driver to let them know a woman driver is coming.
            whatever state it’s in, it’s still on the books.

        • hudson

          you are too cold for shorts and fleece pajamas and hawaii slippers?

          • mancityRed6

            55 on sunday, why do you ask?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
      • hudson

        just to be clear, we still hit the streets with no pants right? i’m very invested in the no pants thing.

        • Resistor Radio

          I’m cool with that, I’ve got cute knee socks for warmth

          • hudson

            yes, yes. already counting you on those. we are bell weather no-panters. lets just wait till spring/summer to make it easier for others. we then march on the streets and take over when it’s warm and cozy,

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Do under-pants count as pants?

        • Resistor Radio

          They’re the good kind of pants, and also it’s more fun when you call them underpanties.

        • commatoes

          I have been instructed by the local constabulary that undergarments must be worn when I wear my lycra shorts out of doors.

          If that is the case, go with a ballet belt or jaunty codpiece.

    • Jonny On Maui
      • mancityRed6

        dude, come on. let’s go already

  • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      White Life

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        iswydt

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Or are people brought here by their parents, illegal immigrants, muslim or atheists.

    • puredog

      Point of Order, Mike: You are a disposable or expendable person.

    • miss_grundy

      He supposedly had unprotected sex with the porn actress. If she had gotten pregnant, would Dotard have paid child support or would he have forced her to get an abortion? Discuss.

      • Nounverb911

        No/Yes.

      • Parakeetist

        I bet he’s done that before.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      You are working to end the death penalty?
      Or just another hypocrite?

      • commatoes

        ALL LIVES MATTER!!!

        Oh, wait….

        Never mind.

    • commatoes

      Unless those evil ANCHORBABBIES!!!

    • HazooToo

      He’s right, actually. There is no such thing as a disposable or expendable person, which is why those “sons of bitches” are kneeling for the anthem in football games. And also, a fetus is not yet a person.

    • Tiffany de Houston

      Trump almost certainly paid for at least one abortion with his many affairs. I refuse to believe he is totally innocent on that. He wanted Marla to abort Tiffany.

      • commatoes

        All things considered, Tiffany seems to be the least offensive of the Trump brood. (aside from Baron, I will not comment because he is still a kid and deserves due deference)

        • Tiffany de Houston

          Marla was wise to get Tiffany as far away as possible. I don’t want to criticize Barron but honestly, I don’t have much hope for him.

    • Shibusa

      Stand for Life by making Children’s Health Insurance Program leverage in Washington’s shutdown showdown. Yay.

  • WilbyToad

    Democratic Senator Heitkamp says she will vote for funding bill
    REUTERS

    “My vote to keep the government open is not an endorsement for a bill that just kicks the can down the road another few weeks,” said Heitkamp, a senator from North Dakota, in a statement. “I want to find a long term solution to keep the government operating.”

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/democratic-senator-heitkamp-says-she-will-vote-for-funding-bill/

    But a vote isn’t even scheduled and the Republicans need a total of eight Dems on board. Heidi, you may have stepped in it.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Heitkamp and Manchin were expected to defect on any vote anyway.

    • Resistor Radio

      Suggests we’re gonna shut down, her vote won’t matter, but she can pander to her more conservative state.

  • spangled
    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      We can all use some more fabulous news right about now.

    • (((Sedagive)))

      Ok – that’s the best thing I’ve read all day.

      Because Mama Ru is the POTUS America needs.

    • commatoes
  • puredog

    Rebecca, you’re not getting a cut of the licensing fees for your reporters’ work? TIGHTEN THAT SHIT UP!

    • msanthropesmr

      No one wanted the talking Dok Zoom doll.

      • Martini A, very stable genius

        Speak for yourself!

      • Jonny On Maui

        Now you’ve made me want the whole set…

        • msanthropesmr

          The play along with Evan coordinate organ..

      • Resistor Radio

        Depends on what he says

      • Trumpsters_are_fools

        Bigly!

      • commatoes

        I think he’ll fit right in.
        https://youtu.be/5WwZkbAvBtk

  • Begin Anew Day

    “…we ran out of Odyssey references.”

    What about the scary witch who turned men into pigs? You couldn’t find a place for that? The porcine minions of tronc management seem ready made for that reference.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      I Circe what you did there…

      • Begin Anew Day

        ;>))

      • Trumpsters_are_fools

        ouch! ouch! that was a mean nasty pun there!

      • commatoes

        Nausicaa ’em.

    • The Wanderer

      Not even Argus wanted to see that.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Did the Russians pay the $130,000 to the pornlady?

    • Trumpsters_are_fools

      if they had, Putin would have included a little “gift” of polonium to make sure she did not talk…or she would self-defenestrate out a window. such a nice guy to be our new leader

    • Shibusa

      I’ll bet you a red Starburst that money came out of campaign funds.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Excellent! Right wing tool Erin Burnett is on

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I hate choosing between Tool and Tweety.

  • Nounverb911

    And it was the fat pig on the right side that caused it….
    https://twitter.com/BeschlossDC/status/954495412278185984

    • greyXstar

      Shocker.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I was in Denmark at the time and remarkably unconcerned if I ever went back to the States.

    • So sad they didn’t have colour film waaaay back in 1995

  • OrdinaryJoe

    The Rethugs are Lietweeting again. Dems need to get on TV and give the country the REASON for their position. We live in country that is premised on the idea that we help each other as WE THE PEOPLE. The Rethugs betray this essential purpose of our Republic with a total emphasis on the selfish, on me, mine, more. It’s not just Dreamers here, it’s children’s medical care, it’s opiad treatment. It’s making sure that WE THE PEOPLE are taking care of the weakest among us.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Who is going to give them time? There’s people who support Trump out there….

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      This bill doesnt even include hurricane funding.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      The problem is even the Democrats are mired in a civil war with the Our Revolution kooks and that the U.S. has never lived up to “we the people.” The minute Democrats put up “we” as in all the people — including black and brown people, LGBT, and immigrants — the GOP base is going to surge in anger about not wanting to give “free shit” to “subhuman trash” or “sexual deviants” — and the Bernbrat spoilers are going to start hammering the mainstream party for “resorting to ‘identity politics’ tactics” instead of talking ONLY about “economic anxiety” and “Wall Street corporate Dems.” The Dems are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. If they go for the “plays in Peoria” tactic and only show the “white working class,” they’re basically abandoning their diverse coalitions and swallowing the Trump version of “identity politics.” But if they go for the inclusive message, they get slammed for being “divisive” and alienating the “economic” concerns of the “white working class.” No matter what, those of us who aren’t the “white working class” (and, I know, #notallwhiteworkingclass, just the ones who don’t want to share and think “we the people” only stands for “we the white guys”) stand to lose.

      • Ninja0980

        Yup.
        The Republicans are one thing but I’m still amazed the Bernbrat folks spew crap like that and then act shocked at the fact many POC, LGBT and women can’t stand them.

        • HazooToo

          And then after the shock, they double down.

    • miss_grundy

      How hard is it to say that the Republicans are in charge of all three branches of the U.S. government and that Dotard can’t make up his mind what he wants and that Ryan & McConnell can’t get their act together legislatively. Is it really that hard?

  • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

    Shit, no. PLEASE DON’T DIE PLEASE DON’T DIE PLEASE DON’T DIE

    Paramedics are called to home of Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor, a lifelong diabetic, to treat her for low blood sugar

    The article says that she’s doing fine now, and was able to resume normal activities, but holy fuck, this is how close we are to a permanent transformation of SCOTUS into a fascist majority for probably the remainder of the 21st century.

    Scary times we live in.

    • commatoes

      Thank god for Sotomayor quilck recovery. She is a memember of the unfuckedup wing of SCOTUS.

      Though, I wonder if the Dem’s could pull a three year Merrick Garland Gambit.

    • mancityRed6

      every time I look at the old white guy on the teevee and say “why aren’t you dead yet?”
      now I have my answer. it’s to keep her and hope alive

    • HazooToo

      God, please watch over every single SC Judge, I don’t fucking pray often, but lives are fucking depending on them.

  • Nounverb911
    • HazooToo

      First of all, what the fuck are staffers bringing laundry pods into work for?

  • Local news has a new hysteria to breathlessly report…kids eating laundry pods. Hmmm.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f2ae6662632b9fc9c4628754d9f2ff13467ac91d7ba24f1c93d695a8b36bd4a6.jpg

  • memzilla Ω
    • Resistor Radio

      I am Fiona #4 today!

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I’m #5!

        • Resistor Radio

          Yay, we should hang out!
          :P
          (Look, I’m sticking my tongue out too!)

    • DrBigHead

      I don’t see a blind-staggering one, so I’m afraid none of the above.

    • Shibusa

      Most days I am #8.

      • hudson

        we #8s need to unionize. see article above.

    • TootsStansbury

      I’ll be number 8 until November.

      • hudson

        i’m perennially at 8. prolly need to see a shrink about that.

    • grindstone

      I don’t see dehydrated, dizzy, and possibly feverish Fiona, thankfully.

    • TootsStansbury

      Oh and I forgot. Awwww.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’m gonna add a #10 to the mix because it’s too cute! (And stoner Fiona might help folks pick one!)
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5bd8cc59fe8fdf7fdf1285b51037262b8b05034c8e217ec744f8603da8247fe2.jpg

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Awww

        • Resistor Radio

          I know, she’s so sweet. I want to hug her.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi
      • Doug Langley

        But who is Number One?

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          The Beatles.*

          *I see what I did there.

        • Khavrinen

          Patrick Stewart.

          • Doug Langley

            Can’t argue with that.

      • Lordpnut

        I am the walrus.

    • HazooToo

      A little 4, but mostly 6.

    • Parakeetist

      2.

      • Resistor Radio

        I call that her “henngh?” look.

    • All 6 baby, all 6

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Number 3 or 5.

      • Resistor Radio

        Yay happy jesterpunk!

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          And a happy flirty Resistor.😉

          By the way how is it going with not smoking and how do you like your new place?

          • Resistor Radio

            Well thanks for asking! Okay, so the not-smoking is cool, like, no sweat. I still chew the nicotine gum (Fruit flavored Nicorette tastes like Fruit Stripe, btw) but don’t ever crave a smoke or a vapey binky.

            I’ve totally chunked out, though, which is a bummer, but I’ve been hitting the gym so hopefully I can get that under control.

            As for the new place, I love it! The heater makes weird hammering clanky noises, which is kind of annoying, but it’s a super cute apartment and I’m SO GLAD I moved off the farm.

            How are you doing? 😉

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            That is good to know about the gum, I will keep that in mind. Congratulations on not smoking and not using the vape thing. Glad you found a place you love living in, that is always a bonus. I am guessing there are also less Trump supporters around?

            Check this out for the pipes, it might just be some water stuck in them.
            http://digg.com/2014/pipe-noise-heating

            I am good, just working right now and this weekend then I have 3 days off which is always nice. Trying to decide where I want to move though, I kind of want to get out of PA but that wont happen for a few months.

    • miss_grundy

      Fiona #6 today.

    • AuntyMaude

      I have the house to myself currently so I relate to #2.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      #5 because I am drinking a beer.

  • Those anti-union scare tactics really aren’t effective when used on a bunch of highly-educated, well-read employees.

    • hudson

      reason p in n reasons why they hate education. it(education) might expose their irrational fears and ground their experience in reality and humanity. can you imagine the horror?

      • Resistor Radio

        Unamerican!

        • hudson

          no ya i will not say that.
          #1. i have been mentored and been around way too many “american” americans to know that is not true.
          #2. now we are also now american. and neither of us thinks like that.

          • Resistor Radio

            Okay, you’re right. It’s a big chunk of America, though. The chunk that’s having 15 kids.

      • Shibusa

        My sister who has a legit PhD from UMichigan became a Jehovah’s Witness after marrying a JW. She is home schooling the kids. She & hubby don’t want them exposed to “bad influences.” And I’ve come to learn that precious few JWs get very far with education in general. Higher education is frowned upon in that particular doomsday cult. I feel so sorry for the kids.

        • mancityRed6

          and I’m feeling sorry for that kid in my grade school years who had to stand out in the hall during the pledge.
          dammit

          • Shibusa

            Part of the problem with sister’s kids is that they have to do the same every time another kid has a birthday and the parents bring in cupcakes to school. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentine’s Day are all verboten. I think those are the “bad influences”…

          • Fire and Fury Demme

            I have a relative that was raised as a JW.
            Now, he’s an adult, and thinks of all kinds of pretenses to dress up and go trick-or-treating, and makes a big, damn, deal about his birthday, etc..
            It’s kinda sad.

          • Shibusa

            I worked with a recovering JW, years ago, in Las Vegas. She went ALL OUT for Christmas. She was like a little kid, every year. It was sweet and sad.

        • hudson

          that is a separate issue. nothing comes good from religion only schools for kids. the fundamental ground has shifted, these type of schools are essentially handicapping their wards. nothing useful can from that type of training that lacks organic natural connection to real world.

  • RickyG
    • Doug Langley

      Written in lemon juice, natch.

  • goonemeritus

    I guess union representation relative hotness couldn’t be resisted, management should have tarted themselves up a little more.

  • Rick Hill

    So, I guess, this is a real thing, now. Thanks, Obama
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/a8oWg8p_460s.jpg

    • mancityRed6

      no comment
      wait
      shit

    • Rick Hill

      Arso, i gnu, thy speelt it wrung

    • Khavrinen

      When do the dolls hit the store shelves?

    • HazooToo

      I never really knew what the hell was going on in that show until I was old enough to understand the really bleak parts, but that is still my favorite man in a dress.

    • Lordpnut

      …and the cheese stands alone.

  • greyXstar

    Super Mario Odyssey is a lot of fun!

    • h4rr4r

      Indeed it is.

    • mancityRed6

      *looks at my wii*
      shut your mouth

    • Ninja0980

      I know.
      Having a blast playing it even though I’m still stuck on the Dark Side of the moon.
      Those rabbits are a pain in the ass.

      • greyXstar

        I’m stuck in the Luncheon Kingdom. So I’ve been playing Final Fantasy 15 like crazy the last couple of days.

        • Ninja0980

          The Luncheon Kingdom was a pain in the ass.
          Just wait until you get to the boss, he’ll make you rip your hair out.

          • greyXstar

            Lovely.

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      Can I get it for my Wii? It’s an oldie.

      • greyXstar

        Wii has Mario Galaxy, which gave me motion sickness.

        • Ms. MLG on Maui

          Oh no. I tend to get motion sickness, too. Have to be careful what I watch or play. I need a good new game.

          • greyXstar

            I don’t think it’s on Wii but I highly recommend Shantae: Half-Genie Hero. It’s a platformer like Mega Man but it’s about a cute genie girl and her cute friends fighting against the pirate Queen. It is the coolest.

          • Ms. MLG on Maui

            Thanks for the recommendation!

  • Nounverb911
  • Bub the very stable zombie
    • DrBigHead

      The problem is that he is doing exactly what the current House leadership wants him to do — protect the president.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Looks like we’re riding this ride all the way to the bottom, folks!

    https://twitter.com/JudyWoodruff/status/954496982755741701

    • Rick Hill

      Gee. If only republicans had the majority, they could pass this…

      • DrBigHead

        Need 60 in the Senate

        • Rick Hill

          Then they need to follow those biblical commandments “Don’t be a cunt.”

          • DrBigHead

            ??

          • Rick Hill

            Keyboard missed a few words, I only checked for spelling

        • ariel_gee_398

          They don’t even have 50 votes though, right?

          • DrBigHead

            Not sure. Senate is not as driven by the Freedom Caucus. IMO, they are less likely to reject all compromise and stick with a hard-line position.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Paul, Graham and Rounds are apparently against it. They’ll need 12 Dems.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            No they dont.

    • gallbladder

      Well, except for Heidi Heitkamp.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        And my elected dildo, James Manchin.

    • As they should without a DACA resolution.

      I get the feeling that the Dems are feeling their oats for a change, knowing that a Blue Wave is entirely possible.

    • Khavrinen
    • Lordpnut

      “I know I’m headed for the bottom,
      But I’m ridin’ you all the way. ”
      – Chris Cornell, Soundgarden

    • tehbaddr

      Good! About time they got some spine. Hey rethiglicans, want to keep the guberment running? How about stop giving away tax breaks to the billionaires and corporations! Let them all rot in shut-down!

  • jaspersdad

    Well spank me with a Forbes Magazine!

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Would you settle for Guns & Ammo?

      • Resistor Radio

        Worst nickname for male junk ever.

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      Hahahaahahaa

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      LOL. Confession: whenever Cindy Lauper’s She Bop comes on the radio I mumble the opening lyric as “See him standing there in tight blue jeans / In the pages of my new MacLean’s magazine.” Hahaha.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Jeesuz, Tweety! STFU for a second so Tom Perez can reply.

    • Ninja0980

      He never does that for anyone, why I stopped watching him.

      • Bub the very stable zombie

        I really can’t understand why the hell anybody appears on his show. They get to say “Uh” a few times, “Well Chris,” and “thanks for having me.” Doesn’t seem to be much point to it.

  • bluicebank

    Good the the L.A. Times, once known as the “Velvet Coffin” because the pay used to be so good one stayed there until death. Every journo wanted in, but you had to wait for someone to die, and probably knock off a few contenders for the opening. Then things changed. I can’t recall one single scoop the LAT got on the Trump Fish In A Barrel competition. Everyone else got a piece of the action, from the Bigs all the way to Upstarts to “Those People Are Still Alive?”

    Anyway, obligatory OT sciency post:

    “Miles Davis is not Mozart: The brains of jazz and classical pianists work differently.
    Even when playing the same piece of music.”
    https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/01/180116123713.htm


    According to [the way in which they plan movements], classical pianists focus their playing on the second step, the “How.” For them it is about playing pieces perfectly regarding their technique and adding personal expression. Therefore, the choice
    of fingering is crucial. Jazz pianists, on the other hand, concentrate on the “What.” They are always prepared to improvise and adapt their playing to create unexpected harmonies.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Even Teen Vogue got some scoops before the election.

      • bluicebank

        Even McClatchy got a scoop.
        Come on, UPI, we know you’re out there somewhere.

      • MANGO CRIMES

        and Buzzfeed!

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Buzzfeed actually uses their clickbait site to hire pulitzer prize winning journalists for their serious reporting which was pretty surprising.

  • Nounverb911
  • Rick Hill

    How about some coolness and future stepping tetnology while we wait for the gubmint to shust down?
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/avO0Bzd_700b.jpg

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Dear Tide,
    If you need to make a webpage to teach safety with your laundry detergent, then you probably shouldn’t be manufacturing it.
    https://tide.com/en-us/safety

    • h4rr4r

      Huh?
      It’s detergent, so no more detergent? Should we discontinue dishwasher pods too?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Why not?

        • h4rr4r

          Because they are super handy and the powder does not dissolve as well in cold water. Heating the water wastes energy.

          • Crank Tango

            Liquid detergent IS hard.

          • h4rr4r

            You think these folks won’t soon be doing shots of that?

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Pretty sure small children won’t be.

          • h4rr4r

            Really? That stuff smells like lemons.

            If you can’t keep pods away from kids you will fail to keep the liquid away from them.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Kids I know all love the taste of soap. They have for ages.
            https://images.fatherly.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Soap-Disappearing-e1472574948531.jpg

          • h4rr4r

            You think the tide pods taste like candy?

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            If they are swallowed without opening.

          • h4rr4r

            You think the coating tastes like candy?

            Have you ever seen one? I couldn’t swallow one whole, no kid can either.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
          • h4rr4r

            So?
            You could swallow that whole?

            Lots of things are brightly colored, but yes with staging and priming I can make you believe just about any nonsense.

          • therblig
          • h4rr4r

            I can’t decide if that’s a terrible donut design or a great one.

          • Stulexington

            50/50. It’s tied.

          • leemoder

            If you’re keeping your detergent with the candy…then I think you’re hoping for a little accident.

            Honestly, it’s not that hard. Not candy. Not a toy. If you eat it, it will kill you. Keep it locked away with all of other chemicals. In my day, being a kid must’ve been a never-ending Road Warrior hellscape. But, I’m still here.

          • Crank Tango

            The grown-ups doing it can drink shots of drano for all I care.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Whatever. They can stop making them look like candy, but yeah I suppose a few child deaths a year is worth the profits and the dissolving of powder.

          • h4rr4r

            So make them brown? No that’s chocolate. What color should they be?

            The profits on powder are probably the same.

            Perhaps parents should keep dangerous chemicals away from children.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            My this issue must be very close to your heart. I’m glad to hear that even the most careful parents never misplace something or have children that like to climb or have things fall off of shelves. Silly me.

          • h4rr4r

            No, it’s just annoying that this is how stupid we have all become.

            Like to climb? Fall?

            Up high is not the same as locked away.

          • leemoder

            Meh. Just give the little waterheads a jar of paste to fuck with.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            True. When I was small, we would do variable calculus in our heads at nap time.

          • h4rr4r

            That’s cool.
            I tended more towards climbing, so my parents kept detergents and cleansers in a locked cabinet.

            I was talking about the parents.

          • TootsStansbury

            Perhaps they could add Mr. Yuck to the label.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      People are stupid and do stupid things all the time, that is why hairdryers have a warning label saying do not use in the shower or bathtub.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I always wondered what other factors contributed to the future that Idiocracy depicts. People are eating laundry detergent and Trump is president. Now I know.

    • HazooToo

      Oh my God, this is the same fucking stupid shit that got Kinder Eggs banned. WE TEACH PRE-SCHOOLERS NOT TO EAT CHEMICALS AND LOCK THEM IN A FUCKING CABINET, ffs. Why are grown humans being so fucking stupid all of a sudden?! People are doing this because of a meme, aren’t they?

      • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

        Fun fact: Kinder Eggs are only banned in the United States.

        • HazooToo

          Exactly. The same place where we regularly have mass shootings but won’t talk about gun control.

        • h4rr4r

          Fun fact, we have kinder joy. Also too we can buy then from stores that illegally import them. Or bring them back from our visits to the frozen North.

        • tehbaddr

          I have some stashed away when I found them at work a month ago. Hopefully the “authorities” won’t come looking for me!

          • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

            shhhh they can find you through the Internet

      • Jenny

        It’s not the preschoolers eating it. It’s enterprising toddler/ babies, like yours truly, who manage to unlock cabinets, open containers and eat.

        For real. I drank Old English furniture polish at less than 2 years old. I had no idea what I was doing. I’m sure the smell and bottle was appealing. I almost died.

        Anyways, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen a babeh stumble around drinking a bottle of cleaner.

        Just preparation for my adult life with tequilla, allegedly!

        • h4rr4r

          Clearly they should stop making furniture polish.

          • Jenny

            Or stop making it taste like booze!

            Seriously have no idea how a kid could not spit that shit out, but I managed. Down the hatch, chug, chug, chug!

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Oh I agree. That stuff is horrid and ruins the finish on your fine furniture, building up a layer of wax.

          • h4rr4r

            How about Murphy’s orange oil?

            Serious question. Is it ok for decent furniture?

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            It can dissolve old finishes (citric acid is a paint stripper), but at that point, it’s time to refinish anyway.

          • h4rr4r

            So ok for modern finishes?

            My wife loves the stuff but I am not sure about it.

        • HazooToo

          I’m so glad you survived! And impressed you managed to defeat a locked cabinet!

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            I heard she used to crack East German safes for the CIA.

          • h4rr4r

            Considering East Germany’s economic situation I am not sure I would be impressed. And East German safe was probably made from Duroplast.

          • Jenny

            I always blamed my mother for being a shit parent. The damage to my lungs lasted until my teenage years, and made shit like sports hard.

            Then I had my son and realized I knew nothing.

            The boy was an absolute genius at opening baby locks, baby gates, disabling alarms, opening child proof containers, with whatever he had on hand.

            Of course, I was secretly proud because I knew where he got it from.

          • HazooToo

            I was able to keep mine from getting into shit, but I also feel like I got crazy lucky somehow and I just might not understand how much trouble tiny ones can be. Still, I think as far as the Tide pods go, it’s mostly adults or older teens who are being dipshits and eating them.

          • Jenny

            My daughter never went out looking for trouble. The boy usually brought it to her.

            I probably would not have been in such bad shape if my mother had not been too high to read the label. Or sent my equally stoned dad across town to her friends house to get the number for poison control off her fridge.

            My grandmother happened to stop by and was like wtf you idiots and drove me the 6 miles to the hospital. I was so far gone that I had to be sent to a bigger hospital. My lungs collapsed on the way there so I spent a month in an oxygen tent.

            The chemicals and stomach acid scarred my lungs. There’s only small amounts of scar tissue now. So that’s a miracle!

          • HazooToo

            Jesus! Fuck! Okay, you can go back to blaming your Mom, and blame your Dad too, because Jesus FUCK!

        • h4rr4r

          Are you sure it wasn’t old English malt liquor?

          • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

            It wasn’t in a 40-oz bottle.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Darwin.

    • Doug Langley

      And just what’s wrong with making it chocolate flavor and putting it in a Snickers bar wrapper?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Haha! I know. I am a horrible individual for suggesting that these pods are not made to look like candy.

        Seriously, let’s put the blame where it belongs: on the public schools.

        • h4rr4r

          If a kid is old enough for school but eats a tide pod, well I am not saying that’s not sad, but we wouldn’t exactly be losing the cure for cancer.

          • leemoder

            The kid who eats too much paste doesn’t grow to have a little paste-eater of his own.

            Circle of Life

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Circle of Pods.

  • Nounverb911
    • hudson

      whatta pic. it’s really nice. technically and emotionally.

    • A moment frozen in time. There’s a lesson there.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Meta.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi
    • Lordpnut

      And then the murders began.

    • Shibusa

      Makes me think of “A Fly Went By” by Mike McClintock–kids book involving a fly, frog, cat, dog, pig, cow, fox and hunter all chasing after one another.

    • gallbladder

      I stopped to look at this.

      • Doug Langley

        I stopped to look at your response.

        • gallbladder

          Impossible: Responses (i.e., comments) aren’t allowed here.

          • Doug Langley

            Then how’d you know I was not commenting? There, I run rings ’round you logically.

          • gallbladder

            I took a guess (that counts too!)

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        And then my cat looked again. The flesh, the sinew, mine! mine!

        “Alas, poor deer, I knew her not.”

  • shoeflyin

    Hey Doc Z, thanks for the RT on the Oliver Willis thing. it was mindbendingly funny.

    https://twitter.com/owillis/status/950836669703483399

  • Rick Hill
  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    I’ve been feeling like I drink a bit too much lately. So the VA assigned me to a Harm Reduction Group. All other vets. The group is currently 5 people. 3 drinkers, 1 cocaine user, and one heroin user. It’s interesting because it’s not an abstinence program. No one in the group wants to give up our substance of choice, we just want to reduce our use. It’s kind of a surreal experience having a conversation like, “I love cocaine, I just want to do less of it”. Not that my feelings about alcohol are any different than that, other than the matter of legality.

    The VA (at least my local) manages to do things right sometimes.

    Also cocaine guy looks like Harvey Keitel, on cocaine.

    • Rick Hill

      About twenty years ago, I told my brother if he didn’t cut down his drinking he’d come to a point where he HAD to quit(I use the term “beer” loosely. He loved him some Milwaukee’s best) Any rate, he is so messed up he had to actually quit drinking.

      • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

        I was at the cut down or quit forever stage about 10 years ago. I was getting blackout drunk weekly for a couple months there (and just plain drinking to excess for a couple of years before that), but I luckily managed to just cut way back. I have maybe two dozen drinks a year now, and that used to be my weekly take. Anyway, I’m glad I managed it because I fucking love champagne and I would hate to have had to give it up for good. Sorry your brother couldn’t make it work.

        • Rick Hill

          “Sorry your brother couldn’t make it work.”

          Meh. He’s a dick. Good luck. I did hear something a couple years ago, about the whole 12 sep program and the complete quitting of drinking was a sham and a scam. If you keep it in check then you should be good.

          • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

            It works for some people. For a lot of people, in my experience.

          • Rick Hill

            Yeah but how many whiteknuckle drydrunks, like Dubbya, does it create?

          • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

            Who’s to say if it’s sobriety that makes them that way, though?

          • RMKH

            My ex was hopeless. Wasted every day. She went 12 step and hasn’t had a drink since 2000. I’m not big on the bit about calling on a higher power to help your helpless self, but it worked for her and it saved her life.

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      So Harvey Keitel, then.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Spent my first full day back at work today (because I’ve been at the beach, as life should be) and first thing Trump supporting guy says after the team meeting:

    “You guys hear that the Las Vegas shooting might’ve been ISIS? Mixed in with “How about the investigations into Uranium One and Hillary? That whole house of cards is about to come down, huh?”

    Feeling refreshed and not willing to bite my tongue, I replied, out loud –

    “I’m gonna go out on a short limb and say you saw that on Fox News.”

    Whole room started laughing, and we have more than our share of Republicans in our section.

    I need to go back to the beach.

    • hudson

      that was bound to happen. somebody was going to say it. a random arbitrary slaughter with no traceable motive always means free season for multiple alpha-a fathers and conspiracy.

      as far as i’m concerned, this american congressman has exposed himself to be of the intellectual frame as isis, normalized for whether jesus or mohammad was the last prophet.

      • Juan de Fuca

        I had no idea what the dude was even referring to until I Googled it later today. The lack of critical thinking skills with that crowd is more than alarming.

        I mean, in a Trump administration that Fox News viewers support, wouldn’t it mean that Trump is now covering up an ISIS attack in America? The same administration that wants to tie every murder and mass shooting in America to immigrants and Muslims? How does that even work?

        • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

          Donald Trump wanted to tell the truth, but the Deep State keeps blocking that one tweet!

    • altleftjohn

      You need a new job.

      • Juan de Fuca

        I need something a lot closer than a hour from the beach. First world problems, I guess. Should’ve apprenticed as a surfboard shaper when I was younger.

    • Stulexington

      Do not give into the temptation of biting your tongue ever again. These idiots need to be laughed at.

  • Rick Hill

    the internets must make it easy to study human behavior. Like, what was happening right after the missile warning last week:
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aBxQKr1_460s.jpg

    • So, not a 100% drop?

      • Rick Hill

        Hahahaha!

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          “I needed to release after all that stress”

          • Rick Hill

            “Thirty minutes? I got time….”

          • Doug Langley

            “Was it good for you?”
            “Good enough. By the way, what’s your name?”

      • OutOfOrbit

        Well, when you’re almost there .!.!.!.

      • Christopher Story

        If you’re gonna go anyway…

  • RickyG

    I leave you all with Cheeto Bambino.
    Have a good weekend and remember to MAGAAAAAAAAH! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3b6b1a50d09e439257126e959c3772c7def5cd9f36fa77949dfcaec6b7f5bb25.jpg

    • OutOfOrbit

      *puking!*

      • RickyG

        My work here is done!

        • OutOfOrbit

          O

          M

          G

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          We will see you in hell.

          • RickyG

            I’ll keep the light on for you!

          • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

            Don’t forget the mint on my pillow.

          • RickyG

            In Hell it’s a horehound drop. :(

    • tehbaddr

      We all know, did you have to show us in the most horrible way?

      • RickyG

        Taken from jar of Gerber’s strained yams…

    • altleftjohn

      Hide!

    • gallbladder

      I can’t tell the difference.

  • Nounverb911

    Just remember to take off your shoes BEFORE going into a Mosque….

    https://twitter.com/markknoller/status/954510569809367040

    • Maybe he’ll burst into flames? I know that would happen to me if i went to church

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      The pilot should cut the engines and he and the crew should parachute out the plane.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Sorry Mr. Pence, but the government just shut down and I’m paid by the government.

      • Christopher Story

        “Vice President Pence, do you really believe Jesus has the power to save you?”
        “Yes, why do you ask?”
        “Because this is the last parachute, and I’m an atheist.”

    • commatoes

      They’re just hoping Armageddon will come so they won’t have to deal with the shit gibbon anymore.

    • tehbaddr

      Fucking religious right wing nazi nutjob scum!

    • altleftjohn

      But leave your pants on.

      • Parakeetist

        Nah,they’ll throw him out quicker that way.

    • tehbaddr

      Race Bannon can’t solve that problem, even with “mother” at his side! He at least needs Bandit, Johnny, and maybe Haji for some fucking!

  • tehbaddr

    “crisis management expert” that seems like a burgeoning trade these days!

    • Parakeetist

      Squee!

    • Doug Langley

      Fun fact: it’s recommended to stroke kittens with toothbrushes cuz it feels like Mama’s tongue.

    • Red Richmond

      “Because I’m good enough, smart enough, and catgoneit, people like me… and if they don’t I’ll pounce on their ankles and bite them to death.”

  • jaspersdad

    “And after the spanking….Oral sex.”

    https://youtu.be/zXT_IOt81Xs

    • gallbladder

      Much too perilous!

      • Bub the very stable zombie

        I will happily face the peril for you!

    • I should get one of those dresses

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        I should get one of those tunics.

    • Bub the very stable zombie

      Well, I suppose I could stay a bit longer…

  • Nounverb911

    Alert the Secret Service, Hillary has a new stalker.

    https://twitter.com/JudgeJeanine/status/954476644919578625

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Ugg, so “Hillary should go away” and “Since Hillary went away we are going to stalk her” also “Why did Hillary go away.”

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        Yet Romney can run for the Senate and nobody blinks an eye.

      • commatoes

        The GOP need to fear some monster under their beds. HRC is simply most convenient as she beat Dolt 45 in the popular vote.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I hope the Secret Service votes her.

      • commatoes

        With extreme prejudice.

    • Left Coast Tom

      New York seems to give us more than its fair share of public figures whom we could do without.

    • gallbladder

      Have another, Jeannie.

    • HazooToo

      The replies tho!!!! The Hoarse Whisperer just roasted that woman alive…

      https://twitter.com/HoarseWisperer/status/954499418937577472

      • gallbladder

        BAM!

    • DrBigHead

      So, do you think the next edition of the DSM will include “Hillary Obsession Disorder”?

      • Christopher Story

        In the schitzo-affective section.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Lady, Hillary already put your arm in a sling, apparently. Don’t you remember what she did to Vince Foster?

    • Bub the very stable zombie
    • Treehopper1104

      There is something really unsettling about how unnatural she looks compared to the environment around her.

      • commatoes

        But she is made of 30% recycled plastic.

    • Christopher Story

      Oh my God! Just buy a vibrator already and leave the rest of us the hell alone.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I know, right? Let’s sweeten the deal: she can even paste a photo of Hilz to it.

    • hudson

      ya about the woods of chappaqua. fakest falsities ever. doode it’s in the thick of civilization where you can get both italian and indian groceries within 15 minute drive and random italians and indians feel confident enough to open uber specific kitchens.

      point is stop faking it jeanine pirro. you have not gone beyond a day pass on the hudson line. stop faking it. i call bullshit.

    • amrak63
      • gallbladder

        Twonk level: Apex.

    • Shibusa

      Judge Jeanine needs to lay off the botox injections. Crikey.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Looks like an outtake from The Blair Witch Project.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        This made me laugh out loud.

    • TJ Barke

      Hmm, is stalking a stand your ground worthy offense?

    • RMKH

      Is that the Blair Witch?

      • Christopher Story

        Even the Blair Witch is scared of that shrieking ghoul.
        “Sure, I suck the souls of children, but come on! Even I have limits.”

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Chris on a cracker. These people are freaking sick.

    • commatoes

      I really want to go there and start playing Dueling Banjos just out of sight.

    • amrak63
  • Thiazin Red

    Most recent X Files episode, pretty good. Some minor changes and it could easily have been in the original run of the show. The opening scene even looked like the mid 90s thanks to kids these days bringing back the clothes and poor choices in facial/head hair. Konoval, who also played Mrs. Peacock years ago, was a lot of fun in her duel role. The humor mostly worked. The lawyer character attempting to clear out his ridiculous house was pretty damn funny. Mulder and Scully’s late night talks were well written.

    I kind of like that nothing Mulder and Scully did actually helped, they were only saved because the twins found them hot.

    Minor complaints: The two of them seemed to kind of blow off the victims, and were unusually callous. Carter seems really insistent on trying to retcon everything that happened between the end of the show before and now. Mulder and Scully were married for years, but the show acts like they weren’t. Scully had a non-FBI job for years too, so it doesn’t make a huge amount of sense for her to be worried about that.

  • Michael R
  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    What the shit?

    https://abovethelaw.com/2018/01/god-tells-judge-to-intervene-in-jury-deliberations-which-i-believe-is-hearsay/

    A Comal County judge said God told him to intervene in jury deliberations to sway jurors to return a not guilty verdict in the trial of a Buda woman accused of trafficking a teen girl for sex.

    Judge Jack Robison apologized to jurors for the interruption, but defended his actions by telling them “when God tells me I gotta do something, I gotta do it,” according to the Herald-Zeitung in New Braunfels.

    Any legal folks want to comment on this? I dont think I have ever heard of a judge interrupting the jury to tell them how to vote before.

    • HazooToo

      I am not a legal folks, but I would like to comment on this, because WHAT THE SCREAMING FUCK?!

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Thankfully the jury ignored him. But yeah

        • HazooToo

          This is probably one of the best multiple choice questions I have seen in a while tho:

          “What should you do if your judge starts speaking to God during the trial?

          A: Object.

          B: Request a mistrial.

          C: GET OUT OF THERE. GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE THE RITUAL SACRIFICES START!”

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            AOT,K?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Uh, well, 6th and 1st Amendment violations for a start.

    • RMKH

      Well, there’s lots of stuff in the old testament (aka bronze age hallucinations) about pimping your daughters so…

      • commatoes

        Honestly, OT women were considered disposable.

        • AuntyMaude

          Umm. Were?

          • commatoes

            As is the “It’s OK to get rapey with my daughter but don’t get rapey with the random stranger that came to my door.”

            Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will
            bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever
            you wish. But to this man, don’t do such a disgraceful thing. Judges 19:24

          • AuntyMaude

            I was being more contemporary. Prevalence of domestic abuse, ageism. But of course males are disposable, too. Cannon fodder for the wealthy weapons manufacturers.

          • commatoes

            I know and it wasn’t a dig at you but an illustration of what Pence, Huckabee, their Bible thumping ilk mean when they say we should all read the Bible and live it everyday. Like cherrypicking passages from Lev. to demonize homosexuals.

            I am working through my aggression at ignorant Biblethumpers.
            It is a slow process. I have worked my way to contempt and derision.

          • AuntyMaude

            Thanks for the context. :D

        • RMKH

          Just another reason the OT should be treated like the Epic of Gilgamesh and Egyptian mummy stories. Products of a superstitious age.

          • commatoes

            Sadly, most cultures (all of the Abrahamic) have this. There were a number of cultures, some Native American, that were matriarchal. I also remember that women had power and agency among Norse clans.

          • RMKH

            When I was in Anthro class, back when it was practically current events, it was being taught that cave cultures were matriarchal. Not sure if that is still the thinking but it made a big impression at the time.

    • AuntyMaude

      “when God tells me I gotta do something, I gotta do it”
      Hopefully god will see fit to tell him to run, not walk, to the nearest psychiatrist’s office.

    • commatoes

      Explain separation of church and state and prep a syringe of thorazine?

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      At minimum, there needs to be an ethics review. The Texas Code of Judicial Ethics is clear that a judge shall act without bias or prejudice, nor shall a judge by words or conduct manifest bias or prejudice.
      But considering he’s claiming God directed him to, I would demand a competency hearing and a full psych workup.

    • Red Bird

      Huh? Where’s Panika and CJ?

  • thewalkindude

    Once again, Tump falls short…
    The stock market has rallied during Donald Trump’s presidency, with the S&P 500 up nearly 24% during Trump’s first year in office. But here’s a surprise: It did even better during President Obama’s first year, rising 35.3%.

    • HazooToo

      Thanks, Obama.

    • Doug Langley

      And Obama was pulling the economy out of Great Depression 2.0.

      • Red Bird

        And Obama has abdominal muscles.

  • amrak63

    Just found this a little while ago on Imgur.

    https://i.imgur.com/g460ZMD.png

    • Nounverb911

      Chris Christie needs a job?

    • Stulexington

      Privatize all the things!

      • Red Bird

        Privatize the Senate!

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Too late. They’re already a wholly owned subsidiary of the lobbying industry

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Greed and kickbacks.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I am so glad my state decided to parole folks and send the short timers to county jail rather than to resort to “temporary” private prisons.

  • Picabo

    On this date in 1953. “The episode in which Lucy gives birth, “Lucy Goes to the Hospital”, first aired on January 19, 1953. “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” was watched by more people than any other television program up to that time, with 71.7% of all American television sets tuned in” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/42df9b852ad06dcb809b259d588b0dccfed51945ac2998c93bc31c4f6b292edd.jpg

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      “Right now, a number of state laws allow a baby to be born from his or her mother’s womb in the ninth month. It is wrong. It has to change,”

      Trump today

      • ariel_gee_398

        30 out of 30 on the MOCA, you say?

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          He knows what a camel is.

        • Stulexington

          Only took him 30 minutes to do a 10 minute test too.

      • Stulexington

        Makes W’s comment on bondage between a woman and her child seem thoughtful and intelligent.

      • amrak63

        This never gets old.

        https://i.imgur.com/dyzgFSR.jpg

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
        • Stulexington
          • amrak63

            Stolen. Thanx.

          • Christopher Story

            I stole this in turn. Great stuff. Needs to be yelled loudly, and often.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Know what I’ve been thinking? We should compile a working list with direct quotes for every person–public figure or private blockhead–who supported Trump to log for posterity.

          I know in my heart of hearts, if America makes it out whole, the sugar coating, whitewashing and “Who? ME???” selective amnesia will start ASAP with all the guilty actors. Everybody will suddenly have been “following orders”.

          When we were stripping 90-year old geezers of their American citizenship and shipping them back to Germany strapped to gurney’s, I used to think that was going a bit far to prosecute Nazis. I now appreciate the wisdom of those very belated actions. We can’t let time exonerate these shitweasels of wrong doing. Right now, I can see an 80-year smarmy ass Paul Ryan talking about how he was so #concerned but was just doing his best aww shucks while he’s reflecting on this day. And I want whoever is interviewing him to NAIL HIS ASS with every act or inaction he’s committing right now!!!!

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            They will do what they did with Shrub and pretend he doesnt exist.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            And our media should NOT let them get away with that shit. They better be like Duke and “Roll that beautiful bean footage” every time they try to duck out of responsibility.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Take out billboards and ads everywhere with clips of them standing with Trump.

      • Bill D. Burger
      • amrak63
        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Forget it Jake, its Trump.

      • therblig

        4 English teachers died and 3 were injured trying to diagram those sentences. Tragic.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Long day. I stink of sawdust, lacquer, and and desperation.

    • TJ Barke

      Dad?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Don’t make me get out the belt!

        • gallbladder

          Sanding or pants?

          • HazooToo

            Fake news, what are pants?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Better shower. A journalist might mistake you for a Trump voter and try to interview you.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        After a day spraying lacquer, I’d probably sound like one. A reliable way to reduce one’s IQ. GET YER LOUSY GOVERNMENT PAWS OFF MY MEDICARE!11!!!

    • Rick Hill

      Hey! Sawdust doesn’t “stink”. That has to be all you

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Busted.

    • hudson

      a bit of an ask, but can you talk to me a wannabe about lacquer techniques. please ya.

      • Rick Hill

        Go waterborne.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Water based lacquer is like water based contact cement or “green” plywood made with adhesives that don’t release any VOCs: Environmentally responsible, easy to clean up, doesn’t work worth a shit.

          • Rick Hill

            Maybe twenty years ago. Even the contact adhesives are better. The one I tried, what I didn’t like was that they didn’t tell me the tank had a “hose” life of about a month. If you didn’t use it or purge the line, it would set up and your hose would be a….nonhose.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I admit I gave up on those products a long time ago. I did-at a client’s behest-have a recent experience using some environmentally responsible plywood for some kitchen cabinets. Really expensive, and some disastrous results…like delaminating after the cabinets were already built.

          • msanthropesmr

            I use these guys on all of my guitars. Works great. Sprays really well.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Anytime. Why anyone would do it voluntarily is beyond me, but sure. Start by giving up any hopes you had for being in MENSA.

        • hudson

          you mean lacquer? that’s my dream stuff like negoro-nuri and all is all lacquer.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Toss back a few shots of terp

    • janecita

      What are you making?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Some display cabinets for my shop landlord in lieu of rent. This was agreed upon before I learned that the lying motherfucker took a buyout from the city for the building and I’m probably going to get my dead ass evicted.

        • janecita

          God, that is terrible! Don’t give him the cabinets.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Part of it is for money I already owe him, so I’m kinda stuck. That’s not the way I tend to operate, either way.

          • janecita

            You are a good man:-) I have a mean streak, I would probably give him 1/2 a cabinet or something.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            If you ever get tired of the baby-killing biz, I could use a savvy business partner.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I was thinking of you the other day. Picked up something in San Clemente that I figured you might appreciate, a piece of functional art. Stand by one for the pic…

    • Juan de Fuca

      Here it is – a 9’4″ Stewart “Tipster” longboard/nose rider with a Koa wood inlay I’ve been saving for a while. Thing is a piece of art, bro. Almost afraid to surf it but not really.

      Just have to be careful at removing the wax from it and hanging it https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/58f14f2898d74ec84cf01c35ba71e59b4359f8b025c412453e4f58ae0691e713.png after using it what it designed for – toes on the nose.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ooh la la. What a beauty! 9’4″ is a cannon…you hitting some big swells these days? You should post some action shots when from your first session with it.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Sweet.

  • OrdinaryJoe
    • gallbladder

      Watching C-SPAN right now. I have a feeling things are gonna get a bit “heated.”

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Straw vote at 10. I’m watching Black Lightning and drinking a beer.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Who wants to come over and clean the cat litter for me? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

  • Nounverb911

    Typical, Yankees get Giancarlo Stanton, Mets get Tim Tebow?

    https://twitter.com/NYDNSports/status/954379983807504385

    • gallbladder

      What the…

    • leemoder

      My buddy must be losing his shit right now.

      God loves me.

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

      Obligatory Tebow video:

      https://youtu.be/ojXkblN7pC0

    • DrBigHead

      There is a reason the Mets are the Mets and the Yankees are the Godless Yankees.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      What do you expect since former Yankee Derek Jeter runs the Marlins?

    • Bill D. Burger

      The Mets needed prayers and not players?

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      It’s all about revenue. Any other 30-year old who hit .226 against kids just a year or two out of college/high school would be looking for work in the non-affiliated leagues. And yet I wouldn’t be surprised to see him with the 51s by June.

      • DrBigHead

        Off topic, but only kinda. One of the things I would like to do before I die is stand in the batter’s box and face down a major league fastball. Probably wet my pants, but I would really like to see what the batters see. Or in my case, wouldn’t see.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          “His fastball looked about the size of a watermelon seed and it hissed at you as it passed.” – Ty Cobb, about Walter “The Big Train” Johnson

          • Lordpnut

            “…and it hissed at you as it passed.”
            I’m adding that to my repertoire.

        • Lordpnut

          That’s interesting. There simply isn’t enough time to wait for the release of the ball, judge its probable trajectory, and tailor your swing to meet it. Good hitters use some predictive process not yet understood.

    • Christopher Story

      I don’t know much about baseball, but wouldn’t it make more sense to not hire that guy?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Those camps are for 19 year old hopefuls who would do anything to get a chance to play major league baseball. Tebow’s a grown-ass man ten years older than most of them, doing it so he can keep hearing his name of ESPN. Pathetic. The Ann Coulter of sports.

    • Red Bird

      He plays baseball? In Trump’s America.

  • Left Coast Tom

    Grapes from the Harris Kratka Vineyard make delicious wine.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    Let’s have a little ’80s fun with Cyndi and Captain Lou!

    https://youtu.be/PIb6AZdTr-A

  • Ryan Denniston

    I’m sorry, Matthews attributing what McAuliffe said did to Biden. Matthews clearly has Alzheimers. He is clearly a danger to us. He’s gotta go.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Is that Tweety? He’s still on the air?

  • leemoder

    Bummer: Hugh Wilson, creator of WKRP, gone at 74.

    • gallbladder

      Great show.

      • Doug Langley

        “Hey, baby. We only go around once in life. So what say we go to my place and grab a little gusto?”
        “I don’t believe in little gustos, Herb.”

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

      As God is my witness… I thought turkeys could fly.

      • leemoder

        Oh, I don’t know Herb…How DO you get paint off a frog?

      • DrBigHead

        IMO, the best episode on one of the best sitcoms.

      • CripesAmighty

        That was truly one of the greatest moments in television.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    With all this cold weather, I’m looking forward to spring. I’m sure the dogwoods will bloom early! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b8c3bb04fc2caca3ff4256a9ae6c5e3b2620e72e29aa79c5c62f912d225fa8cc.jpg

    • Parakeetist

      Arf

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        Woof.

        • Parakeetist

          Yarp, yarp.

        • Ill-Advised

          Hiss!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      This proves evolution! Suck it creatons!

    • Bill D. Burger

      It was obviously a dogwood.

    • gallbladder
      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Way to bring down a room, lol.

      • Shibusa

        Interesting family tree for Stuckie.

    • commatoes

      pruning might get a little tricky….

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Not as bad as the pussy willows. They prune back!

    • clearly a yellow bark tree.

  • hudson

    OT: but wrt kamala harris, her mom and aunts have a serious pedigree of standing up to bs. kamala knows the b in bullshit if you know what i mean.

    i practical terms, a white man is what it will take take to turn the ship around, practically. for the women kind, if hillary could not turn it around i don’t know who will. especially given that even in case of roy moore it was touch and go. if roy moore could not be decisively voted out who else are we waiting for?

    • Rick Hill

      Right now all topics are on topic so if your topic is off topic then it means it’s on topic. But if it says it’s off topic when it’s on topic then it must be on topic. Which means it states what it is not so that means it’s off topic. But all topics are on topic…..

      • hudson

        ze question really, is to be on topic and strive for incremental progress, or ze excuse zhy self from ze tany responsibilities, in pursuit of urgency. ze some battles you lose to win a war, or you fancy burning the whole enchilada down? how to win ze battle again obdurate orthodoxy is ze question.

      • Jamoche

        Well, the one on the right was on the left, and the one in the middle was on the right…

    • HazooToo

      What?

      • hudson

        there are long term winnable battles, and short term exaltations. we need to pick.

        • HazooToo

          Okay, are you saying that we need another white man for President, because that’s what it will take to turn this around?

          • hudson

            precisely. i n real practical terms.

          • Lord Jim

            Don’t forget that Hillary WON the popular vote. I don’t think that’s a rousing rejection of female candidates by the American public.

          • HazooToo

            Thank you for clarifying. I’m going to disagree. I will vote Dem, regardless of who wins the primary, but it is beyond time. Women have been getting things back on track in other civilized nations for YEARS, in real practical terms. I’m not interested in waiting for another 4-8 years because people think a white man will attract more centrists. I think you’re underestimating how really meaningful and important it was to see a woman win the nomination and make it to election day. It was shockingly important to me.

      • commatoes

        Pedantic Interlude…

        If you consider the infinite set of topics that are “off topic”, it is an infinity of a lesser degree than the set of “all topics” which contains the infinite subset of topics defined as “on topic”. By the definition of this thread being an “open thread”, then the infinite set, “on topic” must include the infinite subset of “off topic”. As per the definition, “on topic” satisfies the primary definition of the comment section and “off topic” satisfies the secondary definition of “open thread”. Therefore in this hierarchy of infinite sets, i.e. all topics>on topic>off topic, hudson’s initial qualifier that his comment was “OT” was redundant.

  • Most Stable Land Shark

    “Well, I’d trade all my tomorrows for one single yesterday” Happy Birthday, Janis.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/caef051349e83b8527167f1c7cf247eb28bb414d0fca2a14096ab5348872c2a6.jpg

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Hey, Guys. Did you know Tweety is from Philly? Did you know that Tweety reveres RFK?

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

      I don’t think I’ve ever heard Tweety mention RFK. Ever. Maybe.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Who’s Tweety? Chris Matthews?

      • Lord Jim

        Yes. Notice the size and shape of the head. :)

    • Bill D. Burger

      You just know she buys her ‘art’ to match her decor.

      • DrBigHead

        And her books by the foot.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      I blame the ennui.

      • OutOfOrbit

        me heart cannut stand any moar ennui

    • AuntyMaude

      Well it does make it easier for L. to dive into a book.

    • Doug Langley

      Good God! STOP!! That’s giving me flashbacks to the file clerk job!

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        Did you ever recall seeing one of these with a sign saying “Out of Order”?

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/53070f76b16bb91e52ad358c0a9a70123bc82d15d5787b44a5db3bc723888ae4.jpg

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          What did they do with all those beautiful old card catalogs? I would love to have one in my shop for storing odds and ends.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            A lot of libraries has yard sales to get rid of those and old books to get money for new stuff.

          • Lord Jim

            They ARE lovely, aren’t they?

          • Rick Hill

            The bulk were, likely thrown away. What wasn’t snatched up by someone who thought they would be worth something later. The old boss had us go to a storage place located under a store in a small town. Proly about 40′ square and packed with old, quarter sawn oak office furnishings from the turn of the century.(Mentioned to the boss how there were so many oak pieces and he said something about clearing all the woods out for farmland a hunert-fity years ago.)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Quarter sawn oak is the only oak I will deign to work with. Oak was the wood that the Grand Rapids furniture industry chose to use for the first wave of affordable, mass produced furniture that was sold in places like the Sears catalog. These things are considered antiques, but they were really almost more like the Ikea of the day.

          • Courser_Resistance

            Not sure, but they seem like something you might be able to find in an antique store. We have a store here that has nothing but well-preserved Old West bars. Our local news had a segment about the store and it was interesting. I think I’ve seen old card catalogs somewhere (other than a library) but I can’t recall where.

          • Elendira

            my father turned one into a cassette holder before he get rid of them all for CD’s

        • commatoes

          *Quietly waxing geriatric*

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      *hisses* Away from me, Satan!

    • HazooToo

      She doesn’t read them. They’re part of the look…

    • tehbaddr

      I know that woman! Her name isn’t Lauren!

    • commatoes

      $10 says they are all binned books that no one ever read.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        No bet.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    hola all! Pretty good day – boss liked the presentation I helped him with, we lost a motion (that I didn’t write), but we figured that was coming, my student loan disbursement should be in tomorrow so i can pay for my car insurance and school books.

    How is everyone else? Dear lord, what insanity did i miss?

    (Oh, I have a contribution to make in that department. This legislation was discussed I guess last year, but it’s a good long read on the subject)

    On Friday, the same federal judge who two years ago ruled that [Texas’] foster care system was broken, ordered comprehensive changes that include better record keeping, and improvements to caseworker visits and child placement.

    “Over two-years later, the system remains broken,” wrote U.S. District Judge Janis Jack in Friday’s order. She added that the Department of Family and Protective Services “has demonstrated an unwillingness to take tangible steps to fix the broken system.”

    During last year’s legislative session, lawmakers passed measures aimed at reforming foster care and CPS’ operations. The changes included a proposal to transition to a “community-based care” model — when a nonprofit organization or local government entity is responsible for CPS services in a particular area of the state.

    The pilot program in El Paso is part of that model.

    The program is scheduled to launch in March when state officials will hand the reins of the family-based safety services over to a nonprofit organization.

    Amy Zachmeyer, a former CPS employee and an organizer with the Texas State Employees Union in Houston, said shifting CPS responsibilities to a private entity without increasing funding won’t improve outcomes.

    “Rather than funding services and staff to the level that caseloads can be really low and state workers can provide the level of services that we would like to provide, they are redirecting the funds to a private agency,” Zachmeyer said.

    “When something goes wrong, they can point the finger at the private agency and hire another private agency without addressing the root of the problem, which is that state programs across the board are underfunded,” she added.

    The Department of Family and Protective Services, CPS’s parent agency, has contracted with Pathways Youth and Family Services Inc. to administer its family-based safety services for families living in El Paso, Brewster, Culberson, Hudspeth, Jeff Davis, and Presidio counties.

    Family-based safety services, or FBSS, is one of three main operations of CPS. The agency is also responsible for investigating potential abuse and conservatorship — when the state takes custody of a child.

    Families are referred to FBSS when a CPS investigator determines that there is risk of abuse or neglect if the children remain with their family, but there isn’t an immediate need for the state to take custody.

    “It’s a really important population because we’re really trying to mitigate the risk of future abuse or neglect and anything that could ultimately result in the removal of those children from their families,” said Kristene Blackstone, an associate commissioner at CPS.

    “Generally speaking, the family is cooperative and ready to engage services and feels comfortable with this type of intervention,” she said.

    Statewide, more than 31,700 families and about 90,600 children are being served by the program. About 1,230 families and 3,180 children are served in El Paso and the other five counties participating in the pilot.

    Blackstone said an audit of the Department of Family and Protective Services by a private company in 2014 prompted the agency to look for ways to localize the family-based safety services program.

    The audit, conducted by the Stephen Group of New Hampshire, found that the state’s network of providers that offer services to families in FBSS was disjointed, which prevented caseworkers from developing a comprehensive plan for individual families.

    Other states have also experimented with privatizing these types of services with varied success. Florida privatized its foster care programs over ten years, starting with pilot programs and moving to more permanent fixtures. Kansas has also privatized its child welfare services.

    Setting up shop

    Pathways finalized its contract with the state in January. The nonprofit is scheduled to launch the two-year pilot on March 1, giving it two months to establish its operation in the region, hire and train caseworkers and develop a network of service providers.

    To prepare for the pilot, 55 positions at CPS will be eliminated, according to the Texas State Employees Union.

    Dan Johnson, president and chief executive officer of Pathways, said he plans to hire at least 60 employees in the area and will give preference to former CPS employees.

    Pathways is still in the early stages of establishing the program, which means questions about its operations from advocates and lawmakers largely remain unanswered.

    State Rep. Mary González, D-El Paso, said she is concerned that the organization is not based in El Paso, although she is comforted by the fact that they have a local partner: Family Services of El Paso.

    “I still think there are a lot of cases and a quick turnaround for anybody, even if there is a consultant from the local area,” she said. “My number one job is to make sure that, in these potentially vulnerable situations, that families don’t fall through the cracks.”

    González, who served on a work group in the legislature that was tasked with examining Child Protective Services, said she has been in contact with DFPS about her concerns.

    “I want to make sure that all the processes are in place that make sure we are holding private groups that we give state money to accountable, that they have the training necessary and that they’re treating all kids and all families, regardless of identity, equally,” she said.

    Johnson said his organization will not accept cases from the state until he is confident that it is prepared.

    “We won’t start until we’re ready,” he said. “The contract has no penalty for me if I take the first case March 1 or if I take the first case April 1. When I’m ready, we’ll start. I’m not going to start before that.”

    Richard Salcido, executive director of Family Services of El Paso, said they are looking for an office space in El Paso and are starting to accept applications for staff members.

    Family Services of El Paso has been operating in the area since 1893, under many different names. The non-profit offers counseling services and other health care to families in the region.

    Salcido said he feels the pressure of leading this initiative in the state.

    “This is a very critical business and we understand that,” he said. “It can be a matter of life and death and we’re very aware of that. Everybody is looking on us, so we need to perform.”

    Once a family is referred to FBSS, a caseworker works with them to complete a “strengths and needs assessment” and identify services they might need to improve their home situation. These services can include parenting classes, substance abuse treatment or counseling.

    Johnson said the program can have a great impact on the trajectory of a child’s life.

    “We really believe in the family,” he said. “We think every family wakes up everyday and has no intentions of harming their kids, so we’re going to make sure they get a chance to get out of the system of care as fast as they possibly can, but this time with skills, relationships and connections to their own community. If they don’t have them, we’re going to build them for them.”

    Will Francis, government relations director for the National Association of Social Workers’ Texas Chapter, said cases in FBSS are tricky to monitor, as there is a “really big gray area” when abuse and neglect are suspected, but not at the level that merits removal.

    Considering the nuances of these cases, Francis said having the appropriate level of oversight is vital. He said the state should consider bringing in an outside party to evaluate implementation.

    “You really have to have the state maintaining a lot of eyesight over these programs,” Francis said. “But to evaluate how good of a job they’re doing without an independent third party? I think you’re doing a disservice to the program.”

    Zachmeyer said she is also concerned with oversight, especially if the state relies on the nonprofit to give reports on its own progress.

    “If everything that a family sees and does in regards to their services is through the lens of the provider, who is being paid to provide these services, how can we trust that the reporting is what it needs to be?” she said.

    Blackstone said in addition to monitoring the nonprofit’s compliance with the terms of the contract, DFPS will have access to Pathways’ business files and will meet with families served through the programs to ensure they’re making progress.

    In the meantime, she said the department is working with Pathways to prepare for the pilot’s launch and will go through various assessments to ensure they are ready to accept cases.

    “We’ll be working pretty much hand in glove with them over the next few months,” she said.

    During last year’s legislative session, lawmakers instructed DFPS to conduct a test-run for privatizing family-based safety services in two areas in the state. Once the program is launched in El Paso, Blackstone said they will identify another region for a similar pilot.

    “There were a number of factors we looked into,” Blackstone said of the agency’s decision to start the pilot in El Paso. “We’ve had a number of initiatives and pilots going on throughout the last few years and we were making sure we were selecting a site that could be successful.”

    Madlin Mekelburg is a reporter with the USA Today Network Austin Bureau; she may be reached at 512-479-6606; mmekelburg@elpasotimes.com; @madlinbmek on Twitter.

    • HazooToo

      Good work! And as for the kid thing, I really don’t understand why so many people have no problem with fucking over children and then ignoring it.

    • Doug Langley

      Hi, Dr Tacos! (That is your PhD thesis, right?) Crazy stuff! Glad I left Texas. Nothing with me. Going to bed soon, got class tomorrow morning at 9:00. Yech!

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        There is a 9am too?

        • Doug Langley

          Believe it or not.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        have a good class buddy! Sounds like its going well.

    • Lord Jim

      That’s a train wreck waiting to happen. Texas citizens asking “How much worse can it be?” in 4…3…2…1…

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        I was pleased to see (i missed it the first time) that it’s an (alleged) non-profit in charge.

        (The Devos family starts a “non-profit” gets the contract and then siphons funds out of it for their personal gain in 4…3…2…)

        • Lord Jim

          The CPS workers still have the point that the problem isn’t all about who’s running the show, but getting enough funding to hire case workers to handle the load.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            those are the two things – who’s in charge and are they funded. Changing the outside doesn’t change the inside. Politicians, everywhere, seemed to always be after the easy, superficial fix – meanwhile people suffer, money’s wasted.

            Wow…and I came home feeling so positive.

          • Lord Jim

            Sorry :(

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            not your fault it all – I read that story while at work today anyway.
            : D

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      p.s. – People seem to think I wrote this piece – oh gawd no. Everything after the closed paren is from a regional piece, but it’s got pain in the ass paywall and ads and crap.

  • Bub the very stable zombie
    • HazooToo

      Why did I click play

      • therblig

        that made me ill

  • Nounverb911
  • Picabo

    I just saw Tom Petty trending on Twitter. I am so sad, not going to post a link. F**k. Just f**c.

    • Bill D. Burger

      There were lots of questions when he passed away last October. Mixing prescription pain medication can be, and in Petty’s case was, a killer.
      I really like his work. He lives on in it.

    • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

      IIRC, this was the same situation as Prince, down to the hip injuries :-(

      • Parakeetist

        Yeah. :( I has a Sad.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      I read the story. He should have canceled the tour and gotten treatment for his ailments.

  • JaveyDay

    Time to clean the house for a weekend of fun, food and friends! Take care of yourselves, Wonderful Wonkestonians.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6817cc1f9041d659dbc108ad08658fd79a7dda4ac8811a81efed1882174cab80.jpg

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “Give me my treat now or you ain’t cleaning shit.”

      • Elendira

        more like: “Give me my treat or you will be cleaning my shit.”

    • Lord Jim

      Have an excellent weekend!

    • Parakeetist

      Woof

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Why did we evolve dogs to have this expression? What did we do in the distant past to make us think we would need to be guilted this way?

  • Count Awesome
    • Left Coast Tom

      At least the jury ignored him!

      (yeah, it’s not great when a jury has to ignore the judge, either…)

    • Ellie

      I guess it’s official. The judge thinks child rape is OK. Hope he doesn’t have grandchildren.

    • Lord Jim

      Just. WOW.

    • Resistor Radio

      Psych eval. Now.

    • Relativicus
  • Nounverb911
  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Since I am shortening the cuffs on a jacket I bout at the thrift store, I’ve decided to also put in surgeon’s cuffs. Not that I plan to do surgery. I’ve just always thought they were cool.

    • DrBigHead

      You may not be planning to now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring.

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        The Vikings do.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YEyuRlSieg
        This will never end

        ‘Cause I want more

        More, give me more

        Give me more

        This will never end

        ‘Cause I want more

        More, give me more

        Give me more

        If I had a heart I could love you

        If I had a voice I would sing

        After the night when I wake up

        I’ll see what tomorrow brings

        Read more: Fever Ray – If I Had A Heart Lyrics | MetroLyrics

    • Bill D. Burger

      “Kissing Buttons” cuff is a synonym and sounds so sexy.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      One never knows when self-lobotomy may be necessary.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Year and a bit ago.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Once you have the cuffs then you can perform surgery anytime you want. You will be as qualified as anyone in the Trump administration for their jobs and also something about not trusting experienced people for a job.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Just use common sense.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          If it bleeds cotterize it with a soldering iron?

      • wavicles

        Hollow them out then deconstruct the person you say? Whaaat?

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          If thats what you want to do, as long as its part of your deeply held religious beliefs you should be good.

    • Lambsendbeds

      I’m a genuine surgical nurse, and I have no idea what “Surgeon’s cuffs” are. Surgeons wear gowns and rubber gloves.

      • commatoes

        They are the buttoned sections at the end of a suit jacket’s sleeve (in the modern era decorative). IIRC, the were used so that a surgeon could roll up the sleeves of his jacket while performing surgery.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Usually in wartime, but sometimes in 19th century emergencies.

  • Christopher Story
    • Bill D. Burger

      Dont’ get too close. Those gorgeous fellas’ can accurately spit up to a half pint of saliva if you piss em’ off.

      (*btw: Great vid on the old America’s Funniest Videos. Lady approaches a llama at a petting zoo. It backs away..alarmed. She leans forward and starts, “Look at those beautiful eyes. They are……” At that moment she’s plastered with a face fullo’ spit. Funny stuff.)

    • wait! what?

      Ask it its name. Just don’t say: como se llama.

  • Most Stable Land Shark
    • HazooToo

      Not this time, Satan!

    • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

      You gave me an unintended ear worm, because when I see the Patty Duke Show, the lyrics to the Beastie’s Shake Your Rump get stuck in my head for daaaaaays

      “The Patty Duke Show, the wrench, then I bust the tango
      Got more rhymes than Jamaica’s got mango”

      • Resistor Radio

        I get the same thing whenever I put on the one pair of Fila socks I have:

        “Rock my Adidas
        Never rock Fila
        I do not sniff the coke I only smoke the sensimilla”

        • Catstro, Very Stable Girther

          ALWAYS

          Also, any mention of Geraldo is always met by my brain with “Yo, why’d you throw that chair at Geraldo Rivera, maaaaaan?”

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      God fucking dammit. I was only 5/6 when this was on the teevee. But I was captivated by Patty, the song, the lyrics and just the whole thing.

      • Resistor Radio

        I loved it when it came on Nick at Nite

      • Most Stable Land Shark

        Me as well … in syndication when I was a wee lad. That tune was hidden behind some old furniture in my brain, and that fabulous Randy Rainbow brought back laying on Mom’s bed watching the only TV in the house after school.

  • commatoes

    Do you remember when Obama was adopted by Scotland and dubbed O’Bama? Those were good times.

    Shortly before Trump’s election at his ancestral hometown…

    Asked whether the village is looking forward to a potential visit by
    the future President Trump, many residents were quick to say, “Nein,
    danke,” or “No, thank you.”

    “Kallstadt will become a bit more known across
    Germany, but we will continue to mind our own business,” local resident
    Walter Burre said in an interview with German broadcaster ZDF.

    Kallstadt is nestled between colorful vineyards about a one-hour drive from Frankfurt.

    But locals say that rather than promoting their connection to the Trump family, they will continue to focus on advertising the culinary attractions of the region, including their wine and a famous sausage product called “pig stomach.”

    from NBC News

    • gallbladder

      Not quite certain how one could promote “pig stomach” without promoting Trump…

      • Left Coast Tom

        Trump makes me think of “pig’s ass”, and “pig stomach”, or at least “pork belly”, is where we get American bacon.

      • commatoes

        Preferable to?

    • Bill D. Burger
      • commatoes

        Fuck right. He was downing a pint of Guiness right?

      • janecita

        That’s awesome!

    • Courser_Resistance

      Haggis, just with pork? No, to all of it, thanks

  • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

    Oh by the way, this happened today in Washington. On US soil. In front of the President.

    https://images.dailykos.com/images/497420/large/D9103153-37D7-4101-A035-F4BFD4F240E9.jpeg?1516400390

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

    • CripesAmighty

      Sieg Hick!

    • Rick Hill

      It’s a christian thing, funny how it resembles something else

      • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

        I thought Christians used two hands?

        • Rick Hill

          Only when the lawd is really moving you…Idk, but that’s what’s happening but it is bad optics

          • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

            Yeah not a good look.

          • AuntyMaude

            Thanks for the christsplanation. I thought it was…well, you know.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Maybe it is. I don’t trust these antichrists.

        • Red Bird

          The hand faces up more than with the other thing.

      • Bill D. Burger

        And the Fundies start training em’ very early.

        https://reneessance.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/worship_me1.gif

        • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

          That is creepy.

        • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

          At least the ones they haven’t aborted on the down, low.

    • Bill D. Burger

      “In your heart, you know he’s Reich.”

      Makes me Führerous’!

      • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

        Notice the total lack of people of color?

        Yeah.

    • amrak63

      I did Nazi that coming.

      • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

        Reich?

        • amrak63

          I think I’m Goering to be sick.

          • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

            Not much fun in Stalingrad.

    • amrak63
    • AuntyMaude

      What is their excuse for this gathering?

      • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

        It’s a forced birth march. The one where Trump railed against “laws that allow babies to be born in the ninth month”.

        I’m not even making this up.

        • AuntyMaude

          Let me just say WOW, WTF.

        • AuntyMaude

          No one in the background seemed to catch it. It was totally laugh-worthy. What a bunch of idiots.

    • Elendira

      its only going to get worse. Trump is quickly becoming the most hated man in the United States and the World. As his approval keeps shrinking and this fucked agenda keeps stalling out, he has to pander more and more to his “Base” and at this point you can’t hide the fact anymore that his base are Nazi’s and white supremacists

    • Relativicus

      I think that’s a weird Evangelical “laying of hands” or some other such thing. That was at No Bortion Day?

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        It’s 2018. I can’t imagine ANYONE who doesn’t know what this represents to anyone not in their cult.

        • Relativicus

          These are not folks for whom details are a concern.

    • Lord Jim

      These “Christians” need someone to lay hands on them to pray for the cure of their moral bankruptcy.

    • Christopher Story

      I’ll say it: This is what happens when you don’t punch your Nazis.

  • hudson

    our next president i not going to be a kamala harris or a lorax or a variation there off. lets please elect a white male with middling morality first, retore a semblence of governance before we try something fancy?

    • h4rr4r

      Let’s skip over that.

      I say Mr.Booker. He is young, popular, supports popular legislation and so far every black president has been great. He could even be a VP to a lady. He is popular so it would help get votes. Harris would be good. Either way a younger person with popular support is a good idea.

      • WIDTAP

        He’ll have to climb over Oprah’s dead body (with votes. No, literally with votes.)

        • h4rr4r

          She won’t actually run.

      • Left Coast Tom

        I’m good with Booker. I’d like to see Harris. I’m open to other options, but not OK with foreclosing options for the sake of Trumpanzees.

        • h4rr4r

          All of the above.

          • Left Coast Tom

            I’m actually not so focused on the Obama->Trump voter (aka “Mickey Kaus”). Maybe someone can draw more Democratic turnout from the Rust Belt. Or, maybe someone can flip AZ, NC, and regain FL. I may worry more, or even less, about the Obama->Trump voter after the 2018 midterms.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Can we elect the most qualified person running?

      • Bitter Scribe

        What a quaint idea.

        • proudgrampa

          Really.

      • suziq

        Most qualified, but also has to be charismatic and a good speaker/campaigner. Unfortunately Hillary was smart, but wasn’t good at the other stuff. Though I thought she did well, and won the popular vote she just had too much baggage. Plus the Russia thing. And the Comey more emails thing.
        Definitely don’t think it needs to be a white male. Would love to see Obama as the VP on the ticket. That would be a fun campaign to watch!

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          That can’t happen because the VP needs to be able to take charge if something happens to the president. Obama is out of the running constitutionally. Much as I’d love to see him get back into the national scene again I don’t blame him for disappearing from public life because of what this horrible country did to him and his family. They’ve suffered enough. He should go retire in Canada because America doesn’t deserve someone that good. They proved it in November ’16.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          I dont think Obama can legally run as VP. But Biden can.

          • suziq

            Obama can run as VP (if I am reading that right) but if he somehow took over as prez he could not run to be re-elected, just finish out the term.

          • suziq

            Biden-Obama. Biden hasn’t been prez and Obama hasn’t been VP. Though I would prefer someone younger.

      • Cat Cafe

        We had the most qualified person running, and we DID elect her, and not only were we cheated out of her, the propaganda trolls have worked overtime ever since to make sure there could never, never be an option of instating her as the rightful President. Can you imagine what it would have been like if we’d managed to have the correct narrative in the public and in the media–that Hillary should be President, that she was the qualified one, and that the election was tainted and should be redone? If we could have marched and shouted and had the groundswell of public opinion insisting on this? Until it happened? And how much better our country would be?

        • HazooToo

          I could imagine that, but it would hurt too much. I bought the damn book, and I can’t read it. I keep remembering things she talks about and feeling like I’m going to cry.

          • Cat Cafe

            I read the book and I did cry. She would have been the most terrific President. I still do recommend it–it’s actually very clarifying, and quite inspirational.

          • HazooToo

            I’m still working on it slowly. I’m partway through the first chapter. Got it weeks ago. It only took me two days to read Under The Dome, and that was maybe twice as thick. This one is just emotionally HARD.

          • Cat Cafe

            I know, it took me weeks. It’s so enraging in so many ways. She would have been such a great President.

    • janecita

      I’m with you, we don’t need to go crazy. Adam Schiff or Sherrod Brown would be great.

    • HazooToo

      Look, I told you downthread that other countries have had women running shit for years. It is not fancy. I am sick of hearing “Madam President” and having it be in reference to a foreign leader or a fucking fictional TV show! And I will donate like hell to support female candidates! How about we support women instead of trying to push them back into the spectator stands again?

      • Lord Jim

        Sounds like a plan to me.

        • HazooToo

          It’s not like Kamala Harris is even the only woman who could possibly be running. So if that is his hangup, then he can take his pick of female candidates.

      • janecita

        I understand what he is trying to say. Unfortunately, it will be easier for a white male to win in this country than it would be for a woman to do the same.

        • HazooToo

          I understand it too, but that doesn’t mean we stop trying! Did people say the same kind of shit about Obama? How are we EVER going to get there if we keep on caving to what’s easiest and safest?

          • janecita

            We don’t give up, but we need to be realistic. I want our next president to be a Democrat. I refuse to let Trump win a second term.

          • HazooToo

            I’ll vote Dem regardless, but there have been more people than just hudson saying “Just run an average white guy”. We deserve better, the country deserves better.

        • Red Bird

          Don’t you think that maybe that’s the way they want it to be. I haven’t missed how quickly “liberal” white men decided that blacks, Asians, Hispanics and women are now off limits for the presidency because “we already had one”. Just because we had a racist white backlash in 2016 doesn’t mean that we have to literally restrict who can run for office.

      • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

        We can support women while still being realistic about foot-dragging and knuckle-dragging American culture. Fucking Romania has a female PM now. Saudi fucking Arabia will get a queen who turns it into the Caliphate of Themiscyra (sp?) before the US ever elects a XX-chromosome president. As much as I would love to see it happen I just can’t trick myself into hoping against hope and that kind of suspension of disbelief required to live in a fantasy only to have it all crashing down. Just look at what happened as a backlash to electing a black man. Heck, look what happened in 1980 as a backlash to electing a Christian who actually lives the gospel. America is a nasty country. It’s always been a nasty country and it will always be a nasty country. I’ll vote for the blue dog no matter what, but I’m not holding my breath that a female nominee has any chance. Especially considering the 53% of white women who voted for Pussgrab over “unlikable” Hillary, I’m far less optimistic about them supporting a Kamala who they probably resent for not being their housekeeper.

        • janecita

          Thank you, eloquent as always:-)

        • HazooToo

          That’s not a reason not to try. It’s a reason to try HARDER. Hillary won the popular vote, and as much as I haaaaate the “unpopular candidate” argument, she had negative press baked into her before she even ran. Have you looked into Gillibrand? She has no scandals hung on her, and she has a great record, a brilliant anti-Trump reputation.

          • janecita

            A lot of people don’t like Gillibrand because they feel that she was too hard on Al Franken.

          • HazooToo

            After the harassment thing? I missed most of that, but does that honestly compare to e-mailghazigate?

          • janecita

            I agree, poor Hillary was put through the wringer.

          • HazooToo

            She was, and it was brutal, and it STILL took all of that, plus the Russians to take her down. She won the popular vote in spite of being festooned with albatrosses. We. Can. Do it.

        • Red Bird

          If you truly believe America is a nasty country, why do you care what happens to it? And just for the record, if abolitionists followed your way of thinking, black people would still be slaves today. Sometimes you need to toughen up and push through the backlash no matter how scared you are.

      • hudson

        what other countries have done is not the issue. what we can, and will do is the issue. australia for example has banned weapons of mass slaughter. can we do it? no.
        we need to internalize what is the true nature of our country and slowly work towards moving the consensus towards it.

        • HazooToo

          What is running female candidates and supporting them, if not working towards shifting the consensus toward it?

        • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

          So what you’re saying is that America is too primitive and misogynistic to elect a female Presidential candidate, whereas other countries don’t seem to have that problem?

          • hudson

            so we can flip this around right? without any any evidence to contrary we automatically assume that america is some uber magical place from where all that is magical sprouts? we have to earn street cred right?

            in real practical terms, what it is, is, a whole lot of the world operates in this semi-enlightened, semi-entitled space where a bhandaranayake or an indira gandhi or a jayalalitha or a mayawathi can operate. it’s not a magical space, but a vaporous space where merit and myth mix nebulously.

            nevertheless a healthy chunk of governance in african and asian third
            world countries is handed over to the wimmens at both village, district and country levels wtf is the america’s problem with that?

          • hudson

            no no. our problems are much more fundamental.

    • Red Bird

      Yeah. I mean we’ve never had a white man as president before. Better stick with what works, right? And the last president was such a failure compared to the guy we have now. So we definitely need to make sure we restrict eligibility for the presidency to only white men. I tell you, white men are having such a hard time with things. They just never get a chance anymore. Life is so hard. :(

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Here’s a novel idea. Why not nominate the best possible candidate for the job without worrying about which side of their shirt the buttons are on, or the melanin content of their skin, or their midichlorian count, or whatever other bullshit ‘disqualifying’ criteria you idiots come up with on your relentless march towards irrelevancy.
      Bloody hell, I’m beginning to wonder sometimes if the Dems deserve another shot at the big chair.

      • hudson

        what we east germany? we ain’t got no merkel in our midst.

      • hudson

        i mean we done better in hillary. but we are no east germans. not by a far stretch.

      • hudson

        you are not from these parts of the woods are you?

  • WIDTAP

    So Trump’s lawyer sends out another’s “Don’t you dare publish that!” letter, this time to a tabloid about to print their interview with Stormy Daniels. Result? Well, do you remember the definition of insanity?

    http://www.intouchweekly.com/posts/stormy-daniels-full-interview-151788

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      It worked as well as their book letter and his supporters boycotts?

      • Lord Jim

        Have NONE of these idiots heard of “the Streisand effect”?

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          They are really bad at boycotts and life in general.

      • Cat Cafe

        Is he just doing it to keep Trump quiet for a few minutes?

    • Stulexington

      I don’t understand, tabloids are usually so diligent about following cease and desist orders.

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      He has something against people born in September.

    • h4rr4r

      Maybe torn?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Yeah it was supposed to be torn but he didnt read the prepared speech. It still doesnt make much sense because its still not a thing unless he means a c-section?

        • Paperless Tiger

          He doesn’t give a fuck. His back is to the wall and he needs support wherever he can find it. He’s down to the cray-crays.

        • h4rr4r

          Why do you expect it to be truthful or to make sense?

          • Christopher Story

            Dirty habit I developed interacting with the rest of humanity.

        • Red Bird

          Don’t some C-sections happen before the 9th month? So is he against emergency C-sections?

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Yeah they do, I really dont think he knows where babbies come from.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Wonder how many abortions were left in the wake of The Fucking Moron’s line of mistresses, wives, porn stars and whores?

      • Rick Hill

        Victims, too

    • Parakeetist

      Wonder how many abortions his girlfriends have had.

      • proudgrampa

        His mother missed one.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Is it really an abortion if you pay someone to kill the mother?

        Just asking.

    • Parakeetist

      Uh, a baby shouldn’t be born? What march are we at,folks?

    • OrG

      Fucking Moron

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      In Minnesota we require all babies to be held in until the twelfth month. The babies come out huge, and the mother can use her vagina to rip a bumper off a 1967 Ford LTD. It is our heritage. States Rights!

    • HazooToo

      Okay, I’m sure he meant to say “torn”, and was just too dizzy and stupid and delusional to realize what’s going on. But also that is a bald-faced LIE…

      • MANGO CRIMES

        there’s a non-zero chance that the President doesn’t know where babies come from.

        2018!

    • Red Bird

      Did he really say that???

      • MANGO CRIMES

        yeah, there’s video.

  • Bitter Scribe

    The LA Times has hated its Chicago masters since the Tribune bought the place in 2000. The hate intensified when that greedy midget Sam Zell bought the Tribune in 2007, looted it and turned over the debt-ridden corpse to the people who would eventually become tronc. They instituted exactly the same kind of frat-boy atmosphere described in this post.

    The only thing wrong with capitalism is the capitalists.

    “Communal work tables”? Jesus, I though “open offices” were as bad as it could get. So they not only don’t want to spend on cubicle walls, they’re too cheap to buy separate desks.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      The R-Money school of business.

      • Lord Jim

        Vulture Capitalism.

    • Cat Cafe

      The hate is well justified. The Trib seemed to have a political desire to destroy the Times, and the greedy midget Sam Zell spoke to reporters like Goebbels talking to Jews. It was transparently a move to destroy the newspaper, and they succeeded. It’s a tragedy–a once-great national newspaper, reduced to little more than a pennysaver, and on purpose. I believe it is all part of the larger move of the far right-wing to destroy the free press in this country.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    call me the suspicious sort, but I get the distinct impression some of your are imbibing the devil’s urine…ALCOHOL!

    • proudgrampa

      Uh. You can join us any time!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Hey since you are here, did you see about the Texas judge that said god told him not to convict someone for child sex trafficking?

      https://abovethelaw.com/2018/01/god-tells-judge-to-intervene-in-jury-deliberations-which-i-believe-is-hearsay/

      • suziq

        When god is telling you how to do your job you better be a preacher man or time to quit that job.

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          When god is telling you how to do your job you better…. seek immediate psychiatric help.

      • Resistor Radio
        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          That is a great gif and absolutely perfect for this.

          • Resistor Radio

            Thanks! You know how I love the old hollywood gifs!

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            They did make quite a few really good movies back then without relying on special effects. You have so much material to choose from for gifs.

          • Resistor Radio

            I didn’t make that one, but I want to start making them again, it’s fun.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i did…I have no direct experience of court, but my guess is if the jury came back his way – it would be instant appeal and instant reversal.

        Regardless, I expect instant Bar complaint and instant punishment. But not a tough one, reprimand at worst. This is Texas. (Unless it turns out he’s got dementia, etc).

    • Nope, not me. Still at work

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Same here, its a good thing wonkette doesnt allow comments or we would be on here while working.

      • OrG

        Ayup.

    • Left Coast Tom

      I did mention something about the virtue of grapes from the Harris Kratka Vineyard (17 acres, 7 wineries produce from that small but wonderful patch of land).

    • OutOfOrbit

      Never heard it called that before

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i think i made it up (?)

    • janecita

      Some are also smoking the devil’s cabbage, MARIHUANA!

      • h4rr4r

        I wish.

        Come on legalization.

        • janecita

          Christie is gone, so I’m hoping it will be legal soon.

          • h4rr4r

            After NJ I think NY will have to.

      • Christopher Story

        Who told you?

        • janecita

          Dude, I can smell it all the way here in Bumblefuck NJ.

          • Christopher Story

            Duuuuuuude….

    • HazooToo

      Huffing the Devil’s paint-thinner… liquid nicotine.

    • Resistor Radio

      Hmmmm, I’m going to take that as a suggestion and have a glass of wine.

      • janecita

        Urine lover!

    • h4rr4r

      Looking at this rum Satan needs a good nephrologist.

    • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

      Looks like I picked the wrong week to — oh, fuck it. Let’s do it live.

      • Rick Hill

        We’re watching….

        …go on….

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        “that was not a threat!”
        ; p

    • Rick Hill

      I once knew a woman who proudly proclaimed she would drink whiskey if it came from a dog’s red dick. She was a little drunk at the time. Come to think of it, I think she used the word suck rather than drink

    • Courser_Resistance

      Only the Devil’s Best Weed for me. You can keep his urine.

    • Stinky_Hole

      Faerie pee/Natural Light.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        for 20+ years, I have referred to Corona, at least the version they sell in the U.S., as skunk piss.

    • WIDTAP

      Ah! So that’s why the day you never buy a beer, you only rent it.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Oh, FFS! Now they’re VAPING Tide Pods! What is wrong with people?

    https://twitter.com/OrwellNGoode/status/954354592623587329

    • amrak63
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • OrG

      Moronocracy.

    • HazooToo

      PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS FAKE! I cannot deal with a society that is this blindingly stupid!

      • OrG

        It’s real.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Did you notice the warnings on hair dryers and other electrical things?

        • Resistor Radio

          Hot coffee is hot. Warning.

          • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

            Warning to allergy sufferers: Peanut butter may contain peanuts.

          • Bitter Scribe

            “Do not drive while Auto-Shade is in place.”

        • 🍁 Møøse Fuddlin’ Girl Guide 🍁

          “Do not use while in shower.”

        • Christopher Story

          My favorite is still the baby stroller warning reminding parents to check for their child before folding.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            I sometimes get bored and try and imagine what happened to cause specific warning labels on things. That one had to have an interesting story.

    • CripesAmighty

      Call the Darwin Awards committee.

      • Resistor Radio

        Exactly, protect the little chirrun from this shit and let the adults do whatever the fuck they wanna do. Idiots.

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Put them on speed dial!

    • Crank Tango

      The real rush is when you mainline some Era after snorting some Tide original powder.

    • proudgrampa

      I’m convinced that the gene pool needs to be augmented by people from another planet…

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Richard Painter is rad!