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‘I just thank God I don’t have to eat fish on Friday, know what I mean?’ ‘FUCK YOU, DONALD!’

The White House issued this very faith-based tweet Wednesday to remind everyone that Tuesday was “National Religious Freedom Day,” so you should go out and do something religious, in freedom, like refuse to bake a cake for homosexuals or tell a slut who wants to fill a prescription for birth control to drive across the county to another pharmacy. Can’t you just feel the hypocrisy quiet sanctimony radiating off your screen?

We’re not entirely sure why the White House wanted to remind anyone of the Trump’s visit to the Vatican, which didn’t go so great in the first place.

We suppose it was the only set of pics White House Staffers had handy to accompany their dumb puff piece promoting — a day after the event — Trump’s proclamation recognizing the whole Religious Freedom thing. The Trumps did attend Christmas Eve services in Florida — Melania said it was a “tradition” for them — but Donald Trump isn’t big on God stuff otherwise, except for how the Bible is his favorite unread book and so he’s very big with the Evangelicals.

In the proclamation Trump surely had entirely nothing to do with writing, the President declared it’s just haaaaaard to even be a Christian in today’s America:

Unfortunately, not all have recognized the importance of religious freedom, whether by threatening tax consequences for particular forms of religious speech, or forcing people to comply with laws that violate their core religious beliefs without sufficient justification. These incursions, little by little, can destroy the fundamental freedom underlying our democracy. Therefore, soon after taking office, I addressed these issues in an Executive Order that helps ensure Americans are able to follow their consciences without undue Government interference and the Department of Justice has issued guidance to Federal agencies regarding their compliance with laws that protect religious freedom. No American — whether a nun, nurse, baker, or business owner — should be forced to choose between the tenets of faith or adherence to the law.

In keeping with that sense of religious grievance over having to provide health insurance for harlots and being prevented from casting out sodomites, the Health and Human Services Department is starting a new “conscience and religious freedom division” to help protect the inalienable rights of pharmacists who don’t want to fill prescriptions for dirty, dirty hoors. (The unboring Wonkette version of this story is here.) HHS already has an Office for Civil Rights to protect the rights of patients and providers, but that was clearly insufficient since it didn’t specify religious rights for the Religious Right. And what religious freedoms will the new outfit protect?

“We think the Trump administration should set an example in enforcing the multiple conscience laws that have been passed since the 1970s to prevent the government from punishing people who have objections to participating in abortions,” said David Christensen, vice president of government affairs at the Family Research Council.

For some reason, a bunch of crazy liberals seem to think this new division will be aimed more at denying medical treatment to women and homosexxers and trans folks than at actually protecting religious freedom. But if the devout don’t have the freedom to make sinners suffer, then can they be said to be free? Truly, if medical personnel are forced to give healthcare to icky people who God wants to punish, Ghost Thomas Jefferson and Baby Jesus will be very sad indeed.

Now say your prayers here in the comments, for this, your OPEN THREAD!

Yr Wonkette is supported by readers like you! Please click here to support our freedom to worship at the temple of Jim Bacchus, God of Cheap Booze.

[The Whitest House on Twitter / WaPo]

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  • House0fTheBlueLights

    For pity’s sake, someone make a comment.

    • bbayliss

      OK

    • Jonny On Maui

      But they’re not allowed!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Hey! You didn’t get nuked!

        • Jonny On Maui

          Yet. He’s still in office…

  • bbayliss
    • Nasty Woman Persisted

      Lie!!!!!!! They must have removed it.

  • bongo fury

    Comment number 4, reporting for duty.

    • Ninja0980

      I’m number 4, you were third.

      • Daniel

        Who is number one?

        • Professor Fate

          You are number six.

          • Raan
          • Daniel

            I actually was, which made this so much more satisfying.

            Be seeing you.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            with eggroll…

          • SterWonk
        • vukojebina_MΩment

          Trump is number two.

      • bongo fury

        In that case…you’re fired.

  • LiberalANDProud

    OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!! Is she doing this to try and make herself look more ridiculous and out of touch or to just make the left look more ridiculous and out of touch!?!?!

    What ignoramus of a consultant thought THIS was a good idea!?!?!

    Pelosi goes where no political leader has gone before: ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race’

    https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/pelosi-goes-where-no-political-leader-has-gone-rupaul-s-n838856

    • Nasty Woman Persisted

      We habe an Appentice for Preznit. RuPaul judge is okay by me.

      • LiberalANDProud

        Which proves the point of my comment.

        Are they simply trying to divert attention away from the fact that Trump and GOP Congress are completely out of touch, by being MORE out of touch.

        This is pandering at best and absolute recipe for ridicule at worst.

        • Manders

          Who is it pandering to?

        • vukojebina_MΩment

          SQUIRREL much?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Why do you so slavishly accept wingnut framing?

      • LiberalANDProud

        You watch how it plays out.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Answer the question.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        OOOH, call on me. I have a guess.

    • Anna Rompage

      It beats having to hold a press conference to tell people the many, numerous ways the GOP is fucking us over…

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
      • LiberalANDProud

        Yeah, OK. They’re trying to make Pelosi out to be hip grandma like Betty White and it is going to be an epic crash and burn.

        • Manders

          Who is “they”?

          • LiberalANDProud

            The genius DNC consultants that came up with this fucking gem of an idea.

          • Manders

            And you know that is how this went down because?

          • LiberalANDProud

            Don’t patronize me or are you really that clueless an idiot.

            Politicians, CEOs, athletes EVERY person that is in the public eye has publicist a consultant a media guru…and that is no different for political party leaderships.

          • Manders

            Hey! Stop being a dick.

            You clearly don’t know how this came about, and you’re waving your hands around about this, like the right doesn’t hate her already. This will not change their opinion of her one iota. Drag Race is a beloved long-running show, not some flash-in-the-pan fad For the Kids.

          • LiberalANDProud

            And you guys really are ridiculous. You all act like you know how the world works, when you don’t have a clue.

          • Manders

            And I still have no idea what your fucking point is, except to be an enormous gaping asshole.

            A whole bunch of politicians showed up on Parks and Rec. You know who cared? NOBODY.

            The Right already hates Pelosi; consequently, a bunch of progressives have their panties in a bunch about her, too. Showing up on Drag Race will not hurt or harm this. Explain without being a knob why exactly you think this is a problem, or fuck off.

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Honestly, in what freaking universe would anyone change their opinion on anything from a Dem party leader showing up on a drag-themed TV show.

          • MynameisBlarney

            You’re like the 3rd person on this site in as many weeks that suddenly started posting shit so unlike the manner in which they usually post shit.

            Fuckin weird.

          • Wackyland Radio Resistor

            I noticed that too. Also agree, fuckin weird.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Glad it ain’t just me, lol

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Should we all change our passwords?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Prolly wouldn’t hurt.

          • vukojebina_MΩment

            But I could REMEMBER 01234!

          • Manders

            Aaaand suddenly things got quiet.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *cues X-Files intro theme music*

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Uh huh. Leaving aside the fact that we know she has a publicist, that doesn’t automatically mean that this is their work.

            And it’s a stretch to call people clueless and stupid for not diving in on your interpretation that is shared by no one else. Rethink.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Pretty sophisticated for someone who hasn’t mastered idiomatic english.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Or, and just hear me out on this, or maybe the producers of that show came up with the idea.
            .

          • Manders

            Seriously. She’s represented San Francisco a loooong time. Maybe she’s going on the show because the drag community likes and appreciates her.

          • LiberalANDProud

            And she doesn’t make that decision in a vacuum. Or are you suggesting that her handlers let her run amuck like Trump.

            Please, everything is controlled in political public appearances.

            You guys can be so clueless or tied to your tribalism that you check your common sense at the door.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yeah…ok.
            You’re having a “The Sky is FALLING!” moment over nothing.
            NOTHING.

          • Carpe Vagenda
          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
          • MynameisBlarney

            I think you’re making a mountain of a molehill, but ok.

          • Amy!

            So, she’s not embarrassed to be associated with gay people or drag performers.

            This is an obvious target for mockery … why?

          • LiberalANDProud

            READ. I said…this is going to come across as either patronizing or looking ridiculous.

            As I said, they are trying to make Pelosi look like hip grandma Betty White.

          • Manders

            RuPaul doesn’t seem to think so.

          • Amy!

            I think you’re expressing yourself like a raving homophobe, and it’s seriously annoying.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Supposed that happens.
            So fucking what?

          • vukojebina_MΩment

            I would vote for hip granny Betty White. Just sayin’.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and you know that DNC consultants are involved with this how?

          • MynameisBlarney

            You know.
            *wiggles eyebrows*

            “Them”.

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            You know the….

            *whispers*

            neoliberals

            I was never here! *exits stage left*

          • Manders

            Also, people love Betty White! She is beloved!

          • vukojebina_MΩment

            It’s #3 on the ghey agenda.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’m sorry, not following your reasoning here.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        I think it goes like this “Pelosi is bad, argle bargle”.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Rhymes with horse shoe.

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            It seems more like horseshit.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Uh…
            Norse shoe?

          • Wackyland Radio Resistor

            Hoarse Boo

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Nah. Horse shoe. It’s a trick question.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            Force blue?

          • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

            Cork screw!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      I donut see how that is a bad thing? Its one episode.

    • Manders

      Maybe . . . maybe she just likes the show? It’s a fun show? And it’s showing her support for a community currently being maligned and endangered by the right?

    • theblackdog

      *shrug* Why not? I’d love to see if she can throw shade plus she grew up in Baltimore which was home to Divine.

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        But what if the producers force her to bake a cake?

        • theblackdog

          Is Pelosi terrible at that or something?

          Also she’s Italian, make her bake Cannoli :-P

    • Carpe Vagenda

      That’s an extremely proportional and reasoned response, which absolutely leads me to believe that you are in fact both liberal *and* proud, and also too a strategic genius and generally smrt. Well played, sir, madam or unit.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Let’s see,

        irrational anger at Nancy Pelosi √

        blames the whole thing on DNC consultants √

        discounts the feelings and opinions of a minority group, in this case the LGBTQ community √

        I’m going with Bro™

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Repeating the lame Betty White crack in case anyone missed it: cut and paste bro.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            the same crowd that doesn’t see anything wrong with Jill Stein dining with Putin and accuses anyone who disagrees of being fear mongering conspiracy theorists.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Who, you’ll be amused to hear, did not communicate in any way with russians during her russian visit because none of them speak english.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            saw that- yup, sure Jill none of those Russkies can speak English

            ROFL

    • ariel_gee_398

      Politician to appear on Emmy-winning reality tv program popular with her constituents. Quelle horreur.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Fwiw, my mom is a person of Christian faith. She fought hard to have the UCC recognize gay marriage. I respect that. This was decades ago.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Isnt that one of the few churches that actually recognizes gay marriages? Your mom sounds awesome.

      • theblackdog

        Yup, them, the MCC, the UUs, and the Episcopals are the denominations I’m aware of.

      • Bebecca

        I’m an atheist but (most?) Episcopal, Presbyterian and United Church of Christ denominations do as well. they have restored my faith in religion although not enough to join one.

        • Roadstergal

          I grew up Quaker – gay-friendly and pacifist. And anti-unquestioning-obedience-to-authority.

          • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

            That last one is the biggy…

    • Jonny On Maui

      Your mom sounds like someone who uses their faith as a shield rather than a club…

    • Gosala

      True religion, builds up personality. False religion tears it down.

      Your mom is a treasure

      • WomanInThePersistence

        She is.

      • SterWonk

        I thought True Religion made ridiculously over-priced jeans?

  • memzilla Ω

    Hmmm. What if someone exercising their “right of conscience” to not perform an abortion sparks an ACLU lawsuit against the facility that employs them, on the basis of having an unqualified employee on staff?

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    My religion says I cannot support a racist shithead. Does that mean I can not pay taxes now?

  • “No American should have to choose between faith and the law.”

    Good news, American Catholics! Donald Trump just said it’s okay for you for secretly baptize and then kidnap little Jewish children!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Huitzilopochtli will be pleased. I had been avoiding human sacrifices because of the murder statute.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      The Administration has further decided that pagan rituals, especially those involving the removal of human organs, may be subjected to additional tariffs. Yeah, they’re call it an excise tax.

  • Jonny On Maui

    forcing people to comply with laws that violate their core religious beliefs without sufficient justification

    So the ‘Deal with Reality’ justification isn’t the one? How about ‘Your superstitious beliefs don’t count in a fact based reality’?

    Maybe just ‘grow up’…

  • mrFawkes

    “No American should have to choose between faith and the law or more importantly, between his daughter or Stormy Daniels.”
    —Donald J. Trump

  • So Sharia law is cool with Donald then

  • msanthropesmr

    Ain’t no heaven ain’t no hell. But with these chucklefucks and the way they live I wish there were some form of cosmic retribution. (Autocomplete suggested cosmic Brownies and Cosmic bowling)

  • BadKitty904
  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Will this wind up like Louisiana’s religious freedumb law? They where all for it until they learned that other religions could use the law too.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/13/louisiana_n_1593995.html

    Sectarian feuds reignited in Louisiana last week when lawmakers debated whether to provide federal funding for Muslim and Christian schools under a new education bill, according to Think Progress.

    Under the bill, called the Minimim Foundations Program and passed into law last week by the Louisiana legislature, students at failing public high schools can use government-paid vouchers to enroll in alternate schools — including those that are private or religiously affiliated. The program represents a bold endeavor by the state to privatize public education.

    Stakes escalated last week when, to the frustration of some lawmakers, the Islamic School of Greater New Orleans applied for federal funds under the voucher program. Republican state Rep. Kenneth Havard objected to the Islamic School’s request for 38 government-paid student vouchers, saying he opposed any bill that “will fund Islamic teaching,” the Associated Press reports.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Whadda you mean there are other religions?

      • Roadstergal

        They’re all just Mistaken Christians. They’ll see the light.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Or we’ll fuckin kill ’em!

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Or when Ronnie Raygun tried to get a school prayer constitutional amendment passed. It died when a congress critter ask: “Who is going to write the prayer “?

    • SterWonk

      The want Christian Sharia, not Sharia Sharia.

  • OrG

    Rastas rejoice. Pass the couchie on the left hand side.

  • memzilla Ω

    I’m gonna exercise my religious freedom as a devout Pastafarian and make some spaghetti.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4f71d053d71a0921367554ee77452ae5ee0424424604d77b22cea8bdf57801d7.jpg

    • mrFawkes

      Ramen!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      “…and dolla dolla bills, y’all!”

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Trump probably made a deal with God to swap their places.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp43OdtAAkM

      • SterWonk

        I only know this song from Bones, but it’s one that has always stuck in my head.

  • Spurning Beer

    It seems to me there’s going to be a wrinkle with this initiative when the Rastafarians and Satanists step forward.

  • msanthropesmr

    I’m a Sammy Hagarist. I’m guessing that not driving 55 is Aok?

  • Professor Fate

    But as your Jesus said render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar and that includes baking the cake.

  • BadKitty904

    The Trumps did attend Christmas Eve services in Florida — Malaria said it was a “tradition” for them…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7d1b6b8c15f0792344e983c121425d396ba0a6619e6a39a1cd17f17188cf79fc.gif

  • bbayliss
    • weighmaster

      I just get “Not found”

      • bbayliss

        Keep trying

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      While the question “Why has he left the ethics committee” remains highly relevant, an equally important question given your quote is, “How the fuck did he ever get on it?”

  • Rob

    Not applicable for Rastafarians wanting to smoke weed, Native Americans wanting to use Peyote, or basically any non-white or non-christian

    • msanthropesmr

      Hey man, got any peyote?

      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        *Looks from side to side*
        Are you cool, man?

      • HarryButtle

        Oh, my White Brother…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      The 6 people who run the media need not apply

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Fuck it, time to demand that anyone who wants the “special magical civil rights” that xtians seem to think they have demonstrate a willingness to be eaten by lions.

  • vukojebina_MΩment

    God: Multiply and be fruitful*, Donald.

    *Not at all close to His actual words.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Ling Ling

      …and your little dog, too!

    • SpideySenser

      Totally stealing that for when my SIL visits and god bothers the shit out of me. Is it OK to say grace and grab hands at the table of an atheist? NO.IT.IS.NOT.

  • msanthropesmr

    I follow the teachings of KISS. I’m going to rock and roll all night and party every day

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    https://i.imgur.com/wr2yCy3.jpg

    Just to be clear the states that ban atheists from serving still have those laws on the books but they are not CURRENTLY enforced.

    • yyyaz

      States don’t have to enforce laws against rational thinking, voters do it for them.

    • bupkus231

      You know, from my time in Maryland ( 20+ years ), one thing I learned about the Maryland Constitution is that nothing is ever removed from it – it’s currently some 47,000 words ( while the US Constitution is only 8700 words long ).

      I’m sure that if one wanted to, one could find just about anything one wants in that mess. Doesn’t mean that it has been ignored or overridden by later additions.

      Hell, early voting in Maryland failed on it’s first attempt because some judge ruled ( and the state Court of Appeals upheld ) that the MD Constitution only allowed ONE DAY for voting. Took a constitutional amendment to change that. But, no one wants to waste time/political capital amending religion out of it – especially since if it was ever tested in court, it would be thrown out. So, it’s just ignored, like other archaic laws.

      So, “outrage” over the fact that it’s still in the MD Constitution is as manufactured as anything from Fox News….

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Ninja0980

    I said it last night and I’ll say it again here.
    If my husband gets hurt and is refused treatment because of some EMT, nurse etc., “religious beliefs” about same sex couples being against God and he dies, their God won’t protect them from me beating the living shit out of them.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Mr. Blobfish

    MSNBC had a group of pro-Trump evangelicals. They’re fine with the racism and other unChristlike stuff as long as the abortion is made illeagle.

    • Jack’s Stable Shithole

      I saw that too. Immoral as all get out. They also said the ONLY thing that would turn them away from him is if he, like, broke the law.

      Sure. Uhuh. What law would that be?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        raising taxes

        • Roadstergal

          …on the rich.

      • bupkus231

        Ohm’s Law?

    • Roadstergal

      Racism for modern-day US Evangelicals is a feature, not a bug. Laignappe on the anti-choice.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Jack’s Stable Shithole

    Donnie just wants to get special treatment for being the founding member of the Church of Puss-Grabbers and Grifters.

    Were I a religious fellow, I’d think maybe Donnie’s the Antichrist and Evangelicals are his devoted cenobites. Good thing I know religion is bullshit, or I’d be worried.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Gosala

      “The world is not white. It has never been white. It can never be white, for whiteness is merely a metaphor for power. ” James Baldwin.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    It’s been awhile…

    Because
    I‘ve
    Got that
    Old
    Time
    Religion
    Y‘all

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    For Fox and the so called Religious Right. This is what a good christian looks like. He refused to condemn anyone no matter how much religious groups tried to pressure him and actually lived up to his faith.

    http://assets1.ignimgs.com/2017/05/15/mrrogers-1494824703156_1280w.jpg

    This is a lying, cheating asshole who wouldnt hesitate to discriminate against anyone he could if he could make money from it.

    https://media4.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2017_32/2097071/trump_mad_0d61c278f7c78f32989996b5440ebc8a.nbcnews-ux-2880-1000.jpg

    Do you understand the difference? Also Fuck you Fox News, Mr Rogers is not an evil man, go fuck yourself.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • BadKitty904
    • SayItWithWookies

      Too bad for the Christian right — they prayed and prayed for an Evangelical president and all they got was Jimmy Carter. Fortunately Assmouth came along to help get their agenda passed. Is there a term for that thing, where you agree with someone who’s personally diametrically opposed to your alleged views to get yourself a small, temporary advantage? There ought to be.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Asshole?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Lets see wing nuts heads explode since he is writing a new book about religious faith.

      https://www.wthr.com/article/former-president-carter-writing-book-about-religious-faith

  • SayItWithWookies

    Fantastic — my defense is ready in the event my humanism compels me to moon his motorcade.

  • Ilgattomorte

    That’s the problem with being an Atheist. People see that you have no religion and you can’t cash in on all of that sweet, sweet religious freedom. That’s why I’m proposing we start the “Agnostic Church of the Perpetual, Hey … I Don’t Know… What do you Think”.

    The way I see it, the doctrine would be fairly minimal. We would all just show up on Sunday. The Pastor would take the podium and ask, “Well, anybody out there see him?”. If the answer is no, then we all have cookies and coffee, then go home.

    But then, we get to have a religion. We can get all of those really great tax breaks, we can politicize from the pulpit. and, best of all, we get to not bake crap for people we don’t like. And no one can stop us.

    I think I really like this idea!

    • Roadstergal

      Peace be upon it, I will tithe.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or not- I haven’t decided yet

    • HogeyeGrex

      The way I see it, the doctrine would be fairly minimal. We would all
      just show up on Sunday. The Pastor would take the podium and ask, “Well,
      anybody out there see him?”. If the answer is no, then we all have
      cookies and coffee, then go home.

      So… 1970s Unitarianism? I’m in.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Um, you LEFT OUT THE BLOOD OF CHRIST, MY KIDS ARE ANNOYING, which is my favorite beverage after coffee.

    • mrFawkes

      And tetherball. Can we play tetherball?

    • grindstone

      Love it! Except for the whole showing up on Sunday part.

      • Cock Blockula

        We could Skype or WebEx. llgatomorte could display a PowerPoint sermon for us every week.

        Uh, no, on second thought, that would be too much like my current job…

    • Cock Blockula

      I’m in!

  • BadKitty904
  • WomanInThePersistence

    Is there some sort of fight going on below?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Yeah someone is mad because Pelosi exists or something.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I like Sen. Pelosi.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          So do I, but it seems like the right and far left hate her for being good at her job.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Yeah. Because being competent and female seems to unite them somehow.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I don’t think it’s about her. I think it’s a tantrum.

          • SDGeoff3

            Seemed like a Bad Day for someone.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Kryptonian Canis

      And Trump knows camels. Nobody knows camels better than Trump! He knows what they can and can’t pass through. Best brain! Fantastic genes! Wall! Wall! Wall!

  • Wackyland Radio Resistor
    • Kryptonian Canis

      It gets even weirder when they start outfitting Alexa units with motion detectors and webcams.

  • BadKitty904
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    No American should have to chose between faith and the law? That’s a relief! My faith compels me to steal expensive equipment from my company and give it away to medical groups who help the poor. So… we’re good here, yes?

    • clairence

      Sounds interesting. Once you have the basic tenets down in writing, let’s start working on real estate transactions for the churches.

  • Jack’s Stable Shithole

    I still maintain that the republicans have no real intention of making abortion illegal. They know it’s what brings the rubes to the polls. If they give them that carrot, they’ll stop chasing the stick. It’s a bait and switch, idiots think they’ll get to overturn Roe V. Wade and republicans get to pass tax cuts for themselves and line their pockets.

    Get someone who believes an invisible man in the sky tells them what to do, and you’ve got an easy mark.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Yup. It’s the biggest stick they have to hit Democrats with.

      • Jack’s Stable Shithole

        Unfortunately. I have to give them credit for stumbling onto the one issue that drives these single issue rednecks to the polls. As it stands, they chip away at reproductive rights, knowing full well that when Democrats take back control, they’ll reverse it. It’s the same strategy they apply to fucking the economy. They cut taxes for the rich with the promise of it trickling down to the rubes, then the Democrats have to spent the next eight years cleaning up after them.They admit this is their ploy.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    At least the person who is in charge of the HHS website has a sense of humor.

    https://twitter.com/edroso/status/954066452608438275

  • clairence

    I swear in that first photo, Trump is forcing Melania to hold his hand.
    “You will hold my hand for this photo and you will LIKE it!”

  • mrFawkes

    I don’t give a rat’s ass if trump had sex with one porn actress or 25 porn actresses. That is an issue between consenting adults.
    And his wife.
    And his child.
    And his children from two other wives.
    And his lawyer who paid her $150,000.
    And the Trump Foundattion who paid for it.
    And the 83% of “family values” Evangelicals who voted for him.
    And Fox News who decided to sit on the story 16 months ago.

  • The Wanderer

    My religion tonight, no matter what the fucking Trump fucking Evangelifuckholes have to say:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MnF6tonFY4

  • Mr. White

    So tired of his dog whistle bullshit to feed his base.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      His gullible, gullible base. Trump only kept one book in his nightstand as an adult, and it wasn’t the Bible.

      (Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t The Art of the Deal either.)

  • arglebargle
  • The Fusion GPS testimony has been released – and it seems juicy.
    The Daily Caller take and
    Seth Abramson on Twitter
    https://twitter.com/SethAbramson/status/954106105734496257

  • BadKitty904
  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    It’s really getting to the point where every service industry is gonna have to make employees sign a “religious/moral issues” thing during the interview. Just state what your employee will be doing, and if they have any problem with that.

    Then when they start their shit later on, fire them for lying during the hiring process. Bada boom, no more issues with religious twatwaffles who want to use the power of their position to lord their moral superiority over others, and no legal redress for them.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Unless they got religion and saw the light of Jeebus some time during the course of their employment.

      • Raan

        They’d still be in violation of the terms of their employment contract.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          That would be an interesting contract to enforce, but since our government and corporate overlords have determined that employer contracts can be subject exclusively to arbitration the employer will win anyway.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I guess I’d add in a provision that said that were the employee’s opinions on the matter to change, they should inform their supervisor immediately, or otherwise they’d be in violation of the original contract.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Maybe someone will refuse to serve Trump a bacon cheeseburger and we’ll be able to move on.

      • Raan

        No one’s going to do that. His supporters just let him do whatever, and our side is just waitin’ for the cholesterol to kick in.

    • Shan

      That and businesses should be required to advertise exactly who will be discriminated against.

  • Shan

    This is how much hair I just got lopped off. Almost 18″ according to my hairdresser.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/76d1d83d51ab5e47a8e9945e7d6bdd693e9f2e74a356d1946476929bd13f2f93.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      Lawd hammercy, woman.

      • Shan

        Is that a good lawdamercy or a bad one?!

        • BadKitty904

          “Good,” as in I think your new do is very sporty! But also “concerned,” as in that’s a lot of hair to lose at the height of winter.

    • OutOfOrbit

      why?

      • Shan

        Fed up with dealing with long hair. It’s just a hassle and makes a mess everywhere, takes forever to wash and dry.

        • OutOfOrbit

          thought mebbee you fell asleep while chewing gum

          • Shan

            Nope, I don’t chew gum.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Pretty color.

      • Shan

        Thanks!

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      Wow! Welcome to the shorthair club!

      • Shan

        I love it!!!

        • SDGeoff3

          You should!! Nice!

        • Very cute. I shave my head in the Spring as temps warm up and let it grow all year through the Winter for warmth. Been doing it for 20 plus years. It helps that I don’t look into mirrors.

          • Shan

            I used to work with a guy who did that AND with his beard.

          • I shave my beard twice a month like clockwork.

          • Shan

            Me, too.

          • I used to know a fellow back in Santa Cruz who kept 1/2 his face and head cleanshaven and bald, the other 1/2 long beard and long hair.

            He could only live in Santa Cruz because he was considered fashion forward and would actually be hired for money to do jobs of some sort.

    • arglebargle

      ohhhhh…. don’t throw away that beautiful hair.

      http://www.locksoflove.org/

      • Shan

        It was in bad shape.

        • arglebargle

          Well okay then. I finally understand women getting their hair cut and will never say how much prettier someone looks with long hair. I’ve been growing mine out for over two years and it’s a pain in the ass to take care off. And hairs everywhere. Not sure how much longer I’m gonna make it. The wife likes it though.

          • Shan

            I also had an extended bout of “hair fall” due to bad diet and stress and depression so I wanted a fresh start with it now that it seems to have stabilized.

          • arglebargle

            Depressions sucks. I tried weaning myself off my anti-anxiety meds and quickly realized that was not a good idea. glad you’re feeling better.

        • RickyG

          I like your ‘do!

          • Shan

            Thanks! I’m quite happy with it!

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        Also, too. Wombat nesting material. Will nobody think of the wombats?

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Exactly!

    • Crank Tango

      Super cute!

    • Roadstergal

      Woohoo! The shorthair club is awesome! We’re ready really fast and we don’t have to drain-snake! :D

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Wow! An actual sack of hair.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Smarter than Tom Cotton, no doubt.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Well, obviously.

      • Shan

        I encountered one once. My daughter’s cosplay wig in a grocery sack. Freaked me right out.

    • QUICK! SOMEBODY NEEDS TO GET SHAN OUT OF THAT TRASHCAN!

      • coozledad

        For a second I thought it was a coffee filter.

        • me too for a second.

        • MynameisBlarney

          That is the weirdest looking coffee though.

          • hudson

            no we are doing a hair filtered covfefe.

        • hudson

          covfefe filters.

    • Roadstergal

      Make sure they close the lid tightly, so any stray Trumps looking for raw material don’t get at it. They just ruin it and make a mess.

    • Beautiful Soup

      That trashcan looks like a crime scene! But your new hair looks very nice.

      • Shan

        Thank you! My daughter just got home and is not impressed. She said I look like a lesbian. Which is funny because I’m not, and she IS!

        • Arolpin

          Well, then she would know. Have you looked at a Suburu recently?

          • Shan

            I used to when I was married to my XH.

            Well, that explains a lot.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
    • shastakoala

      Wow! I went in a couple days ago to get my hair cut short but my hair dresser talked me out of it. So I got more highlights and had it trimmed up to my waist.

      • Shan

        Mine was almost to my waist a few months ago. I had a bunch cut off last time in anticipation of doing this “big chop” today. I just couldn’t deal with it any more.

        • shastakoala

          I have days like that. Especially in the hot summer.

          • Shan

            I find it more difficult in the winter.

      • WIDTAP

        Don’t it make your brown eyes blue?

        • shastakoala

          Not even close to Crystal Gayle’s long hair and I’m blue eyed. But love that song.

          • Shan

            She had such a lovely voice.

      • Shan

        I thought mine would, too, but she way way into it!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Must be nice having hair.

      • Shan

        Nice and expensive.

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          Drying hair is going to take 5 seconds!

          • Shan

            Yessss!

    • divegrl

      Locks of love?

    • Shibusa

      Sporty and chic.

    • PubOption

      So that would be 36 real inches.

      • Shan

        No, we were measuring hair, not peens.

        • PubOption

          Peen inches are the other way round, claim 9, actual is 4.5

          • Shan

            I always forget.

    • hudson

      with or without hair you were always going to kick the impudent right in the balls were’nt you?

      • Shan

        I should hope so! Thanks for the encouragement!

        • hudson

          no. not empty praise. you are very centered.

    • proudgrampa

      WHAT HAVE YOU DONE????

      WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?????????

      Sorry, I just like long hair…

      • Shan

        GROW YOUR OWN AND DEAL
        WITH IT

        • proudgrampa

          B-b-but I don’t HAVE any hair!

          ps. I actually do love the new do!

          Love, proudgrampa

    • BradtheBot

      A little slow to join the commentariat. Hopefully you donated the 18” to a worthy charity (Locks of Love?).

      What does 🥓 think about your new look?

  • Jack’s Stable Shithole

    So, it’s been unusually cold for the Gulf Coast and as some of you know, I am still recovering from carpal tunnel surgery. That means my hands are screaming right now. The joints feel like broken glass is rushing through my fingers.

    Yes, I’m in a crappy fucking mood.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      *hugs* and im sorry that you feel so crappy.

      • Jack’s Stable Shithole

        Par for the course with me.

        Appreciate it just the same, though.

        I’m also having a lot of minor panic episodes (?), not attacks, just smaller events. My hypochondria is rearing its ugly head with all this flu talk lately. My immune system is already kinda shot, so if I get this flu, I’ll be down for about a month.

    • Nothing like keyboard time to recover from carpal tunnel syndrome surgery.

      Oh, wait….

    • OutOfOrbit

      well you’ve come to the right place

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Sorry, man. My wife has rheumatoid arthritis and the cold is also killing her hands right now.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’ve been watching far too much South Park for my own wellbeing. I almost woke up my wife laughing at this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDlR_ccnZww

    • Arolpin

      One of the points of contention in my marriage is that my wife doesn’t like South Park. Oh, she’ll laugh if she walks in while I’m watching it, and she did go to BLU with me when it first was released, but she doesn’t ‘like’ it.
      I figure in another 3 years the Arol-twins will be old enough to watch it and then I won’t have to sit in a dark living room, laughing by myself.
      It might be time to start rewatching the entire series because I’ve got a couple months before baseball returns, and I probably haven’t seen some of the episodes in a decade or so.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        One of the joys of unemployment is I get to DVR it and watch all night. I’ve literally watched over 100 episodes so far this year.

  • ContextIsKey

    We would all be better off if we took religious inspiration from the Brotherhood of Love. http://www.bbc.com/culture/story/20170112-the-lsd-cult-that-terrified-america

  • Wackyland Radio Resistor
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Awwww, how cute.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I was nearly 43 years old before I learned (a couple days ago) that wombats poop cubes.

      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        What? WHAT??!!1!1!1!

      • TundraGrifter

        I read awhile ago about a species of baby bird that poops in little sacks that the mother bird can easily pick and drop some distance from the nest so predators won’t know there’s a nest up in that particular tree from all the baby bird poop on the ground.

        • BadKitty904

          Swallows do something similar. Birds are some freek-ass varmints…

        • Covfefe

          Dogs just eat the shit.

          • Shan

            Or roll in it.

          • Spurning Beer

            Conservatives throw it at poor people.

      • TundraGrifter

        That’s nothing! All the folks in the Trump White House today are shitting bricks.

        • Roadstergal

          I am calling the Internet won for the day.

      • MynameisBlarney

        And do they say OUCH! every time?

    • Kryptonian Canis

      Yes, please!

    • BadKitty904

      They live in burrows, in the wild, so perhaps he was clearing all this “laundry” stuff out of his new burrow.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Damnit. Now I have to inspect the drier for wombats?!!?

  • Ms. MLG on Maui

    If Trump is a good Christian, I’m the ghost of Biggie Smalls, and I love it when you call me Big Poppa.

    • Crank Tango

      Throw your hands in the air if you’s a true player….

  • TundraGrifter

    That photos of the two ladies in black, Mr. Trump and the Pope looks like the worst remake of The Adams Family ever.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      The point of the adams family was that they were totally harmless rich weirdos, unlike this guy

  • BadKitty904
  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I’m just looking forward to some trans woman bleeding out on the pavement while EMTs look on and laugh.

    (again).

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      :(

    • OutOfOrbit

      Banhammer’em w/o votes

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I know you’re being snarky. But no. Just no.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        It happened before. *shrug*

        You think these immoral fucks care?

        • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

          That poor Pakistani woman in Ireland

    • arglebargle

      But what if they have cooties?

    • Shan

      Catholic hospitals already let pregnant people go septic when they’re having a miscarriage. As long as the “baby” has a heartbeat, they won’t perform an abortion.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        It’s gross. It’s taken a lot, but I’m really beginning to hate people of faith in general.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          There are many different kind of faiths. I’m an atheist, but I generally don’t assume all people of faith are terrible. Anymore than I assume all people of non-faith are.

          • Lordpnut

            I agree, but I think most people of “faith” aren’t. For most it’s just an identity template to reinforce their tribalism.

      • PubOption

        I remember the case of the unfortunate dentist in Ireland.

        • Shan

          She died, but such things happen in the USA as well. I don’t know if any cases as awful as Savita Halappanavar’s but I have read about far too many who were refused, even sent home to spend days in agony until the fetus – which had no chance of living – died a “natural” death. It’s a legalized form of torture. If you want to research, Rewire is a good source.

  • Kryptonian Canis

    So … what if my deeply-held religious belief is to honor the old Roman gods? Can I throw some Christians into a lion pit? WHY IS MY RELIGIOUS FREEDOM BEING REPRESSED?

  • Unstable Genius Roni Raven

    PSA. Transcript of Fusion GPS’s Glenn Simpson’s testimony to House Intel Committee has been released.

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      Who released it?

      • Unstable Genius Roni Raven

        The committee, I believe.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Is that different from the last transcript that DiFi gave us?

  • Wackyland Radio Resistor
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      They are so cute.

      • BadKitty904

        Just don’t get in their way. They’ll knock you over.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Are they vicious or more like big dogs that dont know their own strength and accidentally knock someone over when they see them?

          • MynameisBlarney

            While I’d like to think they’re like big clumsy dogs, they can be mean as fuck sometimes, IIRC.

          • BadKitty904

            Like all burrowing mammals, they have fairly massive claws for digging and I’ve read they can deliver a pretty mean bite. However, you basically have to stick your hand in their mouths for them to do so.

          • BadKitty904

            The latter. From what I’ve read, they trot along and, since they can’t see you ’til they’re inches away, can crash into a human, bowling them over.

        • BadKitty904

          (Not out of meanness, mind you. It’s just that the adults are very strong and very nearsighted.)

    • Red Bird

      So is he rubbing his butt on the tree???

      • WIDTAP

        Who said is was a “he”?

        • Spurning Beer

          Well, they said “wombat,” not “dickbat.”

      • BadKitty904

        He (or she) is scratching his (or her) butt. Bears do the same thing against trees.

        • Red Bird

          Did not know that. Thanks.

          • BadKitty904

            May also be a territorial-marking behavior, using scent glands. Or both. But my bet is on an itchy wombat butt.

          • Red Bird

            Isn’t that how we all mark our “territory”?

          • BadKitty904

            Not having scent glands in/near my anus, I rely on a deed or a wedding ring.

          • Red Bird

            Well aren’t we faaaaaaaancy!

          • BadKitty904

            Hey, not all of us can be wombats.

          • Daniel

            It’s how my grandfather’s house was knocked down.

        • weighmaster

          Loggers also, too. Well, their backs anyway.

          • BadKitty904

            But, like lumberjacks, they’re OK.

      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        What else are trees for?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        It’s creepy, but at the same time I can’t stop watching it!

    • bupkus231

      What’s cute about having an itchy ass?

      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        There’s nothing funny about ass lice

  • HogeyeGrex

    So, are they suggesting that the fundie LDSers get all the wives now?

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      Slippery slope!

      • Spurning Beer

        Ewww!

  • coozledad

    President spanky boy is fucked up. I’m willing to bet this kink is pretty common among Republicans:
    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2018/01/stormy-daniels-once-claimed-she-spanked-donald-trump-with-a-forbes-magazine/

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It’s not like he’d actually read Forbes- even with his picture on the cover

      • Daniel

        It’s not like he’d actually read.

  • shastakoala
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Their argument for a lack of religious freedom would carry a lot more weight if they weren’t everyfuckingwhere shouting their superiority.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      It would also carry more weight if they where actually oppressed.

      • Red Richmond

        Or if they meant freedom for people with religious beliefs besides their own myopic, shitheel greed- and hate-spewing beliefs.

  • Scooby

    Hey, I’ll join a religion where I get to bang porn stars. Even supporting players would be fine.

  • Jack’s Stable Shithole

    Any religion that makes cruelty sacrament is no religion humanity needs any part of.

    • Lordpnut

      Is that you, Mr. Durden?

  • BadKitty904
  • WIDTAP

    Poor Chris Christie – force to go through Newark airport security just like any other schlub:

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-01-18/mortal-again-christie-blocked-at-vip-entrance-to-newark-airport

  • Sakonyachen

    “No American should have to choose between faith and the law.”

    K.

    But hey, good news. If you’re a Christian, the Bible tells you to follow man’s law. That you will not be punished for following the law, but the lawmakers will be punished. So there is your faith right there. “Follow the fucking law, let God sort ‘em out!”

    Also too, this what separation of church and state means.

    Why are there so many people in “The Greatest Country In The World” that are dumb enough to vote for a guy who has never read the Bible or the constitution but claims to be a Christian and a patriot? Could it be we are spelling “dumbest” g-r-e-a-t-e-s-t?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      If it’s any consolation, in my experience the vast majority of “Christians” (and especially the loud ones) have never actually read the Bible cover-to-cover. Too busy, you see.

      They’ve mostly had the Bible *told* to them by others.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        My wife asked me why Catholics don’t emphasize bible study like some Protestant faiths. The best answer I could come up with was “Catholics view the bible as largely allegorical, so they don’t have to spend time learning how to explain the parts that contradict the other parts.”

        • Red Bird

          Yeah. Catholics take the Bible seriously not literally. Where have I heard that before?

        • Spurning Beer

          Laypeople were forbidden to read the Bible until the Reformation. Translating from the “original” Latin into local languages was not permitted, either.

      • Lordpnut

        I reiterate: Ecclesiastes. Says all that needs sayin’.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Is this that Render Unto Caesar thing again? Because I’m more of a Luke Christian. I don’t care for Matthew.

      • Sakonyachen

        It’s my sincerely held religious belief that I only have to follow the parts of the Bible that work for me, and you only have to follow the parts that work for me.

      • Lordpnut

        I’m partial to Herrod Antipas in JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR.
        linky anybody?

    • Red Bird

      Because he is a rich white man.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      It’s some bullshit Mike Pence branded theocracy right there. Their religious freedoms end where my nose and civil rights begin.

  • Ryan Denniston

    General Kelly will be You’re Fired within a couple of months. Just as soon a Trump can find a lackey to fire him.

  • Meccalopolis

    Bless their hearts

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    So from Blarney’s comment way down below about people suddenly posting weird things completely different then their normal postings. Everyone should check their email and passwords for their accounts and change the password if you can. We either have people who where hiding being assholes or someone stealing their passwords or both.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Are you sure the name isn’t just familiar? Because this one has spent most of its short existence in the comments at Crooks and Liars posting video.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Maybe, I didnt look into their history just going by Blarney’s comment.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          they’ve been around- just usually not so unhinged and foaming at the mouth

    • Jack’s Stable Shithole

      Thanks for the heads up. I log in through Facepalm and keep that password changed once every few weeks. I’m about due for a new one anyway.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      For some reason, Disqus has been logging me out and rejecting my password a few times a day lately, so if I start posting any conservative screeds, please disregard.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    So the WH is in favor of Sharia Law- good to know

  • Daniel

    The Republican Party has a platform that can’t prevail in democratic competition. This is one of the big themes of this book, and why I think this situation is so dangerous.When highly committed parties strongly believe [in] things that they cannot achieve democratically, they don’t give up on their beliefs — they give up on democracy.

    David Frum, reiterating in Vox something he mentions in an Atlantic article about his new book. I’ve not read the book, but I have read both articles, and something bothers me in his claim:

    Frum is writing in clear and precise terms that the Trumpian right is being asked to choose between their beliefs and democracy.
    He is trying to make the point that they will not change their beliefs, but I think something massive is obscured by the clarity and measured tone of his contention. He is drawing a distinction he doesn’t, in the articles, investigate further, perhaps because as a conservative he finds it too painful to admit to as clearly as he describes the tension. That doesn’t and shouldn’t hide the point, though.

    This conservative writing about other conservatives does not see democracy as one of those conservatives’ beliefs.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Anyone who wants to mention conservatives’ predisposition towards authoritarianism, please do so now.

      • Boscoe

        Exactly. They all abandoned democracy ages ago. “The ends justify the means” is as basic a symptom of conservative brain disorder as compartmentalized thinking, black and white thinking and believing making rich people richer helps everyone else.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Saaaaay….
        Did you know that conservatives have a predisposition towards authoritarianism?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          No! You don’t say!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Ayup.
            *sniff*

            It’s true alright.

        • Gosala

          And surprise and fear. Fear and surprise, and a fanatical devotion to the dollar.

      • Daniel

        I have problems with both articles, honestly- he defines Trump as populist and continues the tired narrative of him winning by having appealed to the ordinary American (as opposed to what he calls “an elite”), while ignoring that Trump was less popular than Clinton by a measure that shows that exclusively. He also throws out accusations of tribalism against the left, which is fair, while apparently ignoring the much more vicious tribalism of conservatives, even though that is ostensibly what his whole piece is about.
        However, I accept he is a conservative and it probably is awkward for him to finally see exposed what the GOP’s opponents have been saying for years: that this is a party that lusts for power and pelf above all else.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          he did run as a certain type of populist- a lowest common denominator populist. He appealed to Murica’s dark side- turns out that dark side is more popular than we thought and happens to be distributed across the country in an electorally advantageous way

    • bupkus231

      It isn’t, and has never been…

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    I want to see a battle royale where all of the religions and their splinter groups get into a ring and fight it out to the last man standing. Many go in, one comes out.

    • Boscoe

      …and then we launch the winner into the sun. WINNING!

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        OH, yeah! I can get behind that.

    • bupkus231

      Yeah, but what if the one that emerges represents Scientology?

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        Perhaps they can be ridiculed out of existence.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • OutOfOrbit

      FAKE!!!

      /S

    • Red Bird

      But they had slaves so you can’t talk about them /s

    • Khavrinen

      “They really do get in the way of the Christian Agenda, don’t they?”

      Not if you completely ignore them! It’s just that easy!

  • bbayliss
  • Ninja0980

    https://twitter.com/IEquality/status/954111293329412096
    But remember, Trump was going to be the best ally to LGBT folks ever!

    • Khavrinen

      Nearly one third? That’s about 60% lower than I would have expected.

  • Khavrinen

    “pharmacists who don’t want to fill prescriptions for dirty, dirty hoors”

    OT: Saw a bit of graffiti today that said “fuck u hor”, and ( since I happened to have a red Sharpie in my pocket ) I couldn’t resist drawing in a little spellcheck squiggle under the last word.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’d have written ‘Romani ite domum’

      • Lordpnut

        A hundred times by sunrise, or…

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Brilliant!

    • BearGHAZI

      I sometimes go to Breitbart just for the spellcheck opportunities.

    • C4TWOMAN

      It could be really bad French and they meant to say “Fuck a l’heure”, you know on the hour.

  • Red Bird

    LOL…a so called Catholic woman married a twice divorced man with grown children. Of course she’s devout.

    • weighmaster

      After being married to my dad for more than 10 years, my stepmother decided she wanted to be married “in the church”, had her first marriage annulled by the church after having been divorced for many years, and in spite of having 4 grown children from that marriage. Apparently it was expensive, but Catholic priests can be persuaded of nearly anything if the price is right.

      • Red Bird

        I know. But I’m guessing your step mother doesn’t preach about a lack of religious freedom.

        • weighmaster

          And you would be wrong, they are trumpers. :(

          • Red Bird

            That’s awkward. I’m sure she’s a fan of tolerance when it comes to Church dogma towards divorce. ;)

  • Victoria Ricola

    I’m reading the latest Fusion GPS testimony and can report that Trey Gowdy is as big of a dickhead behind closed doors as he is in public hearings.

    • RMKH

      Imagine our surprise

      • C4TWOMAN

        Shocked I am. Shocked.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Guys, it’s just a wedding cake!

    Oh, wait…. Oh! Oh….

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • Bitter Scribe

    Why is it that their idea of Christianity always seems to involve fucking over someone else?

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Jesus said “Fuck the poor. And when they turn the other cheek, fuck them again.”

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I thought that was Aziz Ansari. (ducks)

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I thought he said “fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke’

          oh wait, that was Bob Dobbs

      • WIDTAP

        That’s a misquote. The actual quote is:
        “Fuck the poor. And when they turn the other cheek, take their purse.”
        This is the Prosperity Gospel, after all.

        • Lordpnut

          “Put money in thy purse.”
          – Iago

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Because the three “major” religions are all based on the same Bronze Age tribal bullshit doctrine?

      • Gosala

        which three are those? Buddhism, Confucianism, Animism?

        • Lordpnut

          Shinto

      • shivaskeeper

        Only two of them count in ‘Murica.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Because it’s all they have in their fool, loser lives. It ain’t a job, it ain’t health, and their kids probably fucking hate their bitter, old, fat asses.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I actually love and respect my mother. Her UCC self.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          Oh, a good friend of mine is an outright fundamentalist, but she’s also a complete human being free of being a miserable fuck.

          That’s what these people lack. They’re nothing, so they stick themselves into something crazy.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Are you okay? You seem seriously upset.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Just extremely annoyed by this.

            I’m sick of always possibly being a target.

            I also need a nap. :-)

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Would an internet hug help? Because I’m sending one your way.

          • shivaskeeper

            Id we ever cross paths, feel free to hide behind me for a bit so you can catch your breath.

        • shivaskeeper

          Your mother is not one of these Christians. This the almost exclusively the White Evangelical branch of the SBC.

    • shivaskeeper

      Punching down. It’s what Republican Turbo Jesus would do.

    • Lordpnut

      Forgive them…they don’t know what they’re doing.

  • Mike Minden

    You will notice that not one supporter of this initiative has the stones to come out and admit that this is for the protection of christians only. That is a pretty strong tell that they know what they are doing is contrary to the constitution.

  • Paperless Tiger

    … the multiple conscience laws …

    One for each personality, I presume.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Remind me again how the aims of these fundygelicals are not at all the same as Daesh imposing their interpretation of Sharia law on areas they control?
    Anybody…?
    Is this thing on?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Oh that is easy, they are white conservatives.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Ah yes, the old distinction without a difference. Now I remember.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      It’s the same as how women covering their heads with nun hats are saints while women covering their heads with a hijab are terrorists.

      http://takimag.com/images/uploads/Zaher.jpg

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        Reminds me of an old joke we told in catholic grade school…

        Q: What kind of meat do priests eat?
        A: Nun.

      • alpacapunchbowl
      • alpacapunchbowl

        Oh, and fun fact: nun hats are called wimples.
        It’s fun to say, go ahead and try it!

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          I didn’t know that!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Catholic schoolgirl here.
            (And yes, we do rule.)

          • Lordpnut

            Has anyone seen Rt Hon Blamethrower? His band has released a statement on the issue.

        • Lordpnut

          Made my day.

        • aureolaborealis

          Go ahead and say it once or twice, but just don’t get into the habit.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            It is a powerful gateway drug to dimple simple and pimple.

          • aureolaborealis

            Another fun fact: nun clothes are called habits.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I had no idea…
            I’m not into puns. Sorry.

      • Mike Minden

        In fairness, being a nun is voluntary and they can quit if they want. Women in Islamic countries generally don’t get to decide for themselves.

      • shivaskeeper

        Reasons.

    • shivaskeeper

      They call their little, petty god a different regional name. That’s about it.

  • mrFawkes

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f0b514f6bddf5b82b8e1e20a90f77aa3269889025f6d99fe12afad31cf83d566.jpg
    Stormy: Who’s (while spanking trump) the 17,468 richest man in world you bad man.
    Trump: I’m richer, I’m the richest swat me harder.
    Stormy: Who’s the 12,381st richest man in the world (swatting away) you sad little bankrupt orange knobgoblin.
    Trump: I’m the richest, harder, I’m the Richiest Rich of the Rich, HARDER.
    Stormy: Who’s the 5,273rd richest man in the world who’s flaccid little thing can’t get a loan from any bank in the country…swat, smack, swat
    Trump: I’m the bigly rich one who can’t. HARDER. Is Vladimir still our safe word? HARDER
    Stormy: Yes, and what pathetic doughy orange wet spot owes him 1.5 billion? swat slam smack swat swat smack
    Trump: VLADIMIR VLADIMIR VLADIMIR

  • Red Bird

    I think everyone will be happy to hear that I plan to pick up a bottle of my favorite Pinot Grigio tonight. Dinner suggestions?

    • Nounverb911

      A second bottle?

      • RMKH

        Beat me to it

      • Red Bird

        0_o

    • Earl Of Sammich

      Beef stir fry with a splash of that PG.

      • Red Bird

        Ooooooo….I have one of those pre-cut stir fry vegetables packets. So maybe.

        • Earl Of Sammich

          Do you like mushrooms? If so throw some of those in too. Always good with wine

    • hendenburg2

      Pinot Grigio?

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Its cold outside so I have broccoli and cheese soup cooking in the crock pot for dinner tonight. One little tip, the recipe says take out the vegetables half way though cream them. Its so much easier to put them in the blender before cooking it.

    http://www.missbutterbean.com/copy-cat-panera-bread-crock-pot-broccoli-cheddar-soup/

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Two words: immersion blender
      One of the great inventions.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I love local politics. The police chief here resigned without warning Tuesday morning, citing his inability to work with the City Manager who has been on the job less than a month. Two weeks ago, the new City Council members staged a coup, and replaced the mayor. No reason was given. Also two weeks ago, the Airport Commission ousted their chairman. They seem to have done so illegally, so about 20 lawyers (including me) and, I’m gonna guess 60 other people, showed up at Tuesday’s Airport Commission meeting. The Public was incensed and made angry speeches, the ex-chairman vowed to seek justice, and one member — representing the Public at Large — resigned in protest.

    This is the kind of stuff that happens when baseball is still a month away.

    • BadKitty904

      “Cabin fever”…

    • Nounverb911

      Just keep reminding them that the ‘Evil Empire’ in the Bronx is getting eviler by the day…

    • weejee

      …happens when baseball is still a month away

      Put ‘Gar in the Hall.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b65a77bb4766f839f26b71115223e7577b0198ef93606084a59d0be65b9cfa6b.jpg

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I was a huge fan, and he is one of the greatest hitters I ever saw, but DH is not a position. Anyone who is only good at one aspect of the game had better be transcendent if they want to make my imaginary HOF ballot. Sadly, he wasn’t.

    • aktlib101

      Oh, do you live in Russia? North Korea? Are lawyers still necessary there?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Lawyers weren’t there of necessity; we were there for entertainment. Bureaucrats publicly yelling at each other about rules is our Super Bowl.

    • Lordpnut

      Good times…

  • Nounverb911

    Better cut down on the three martini lunches Bill

    https://twitter.com/BillKristol/status/954093567894532105

    • BadKitty904

      BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

    • bupkus231

      If he does, I suspect he will receive fewer votes than either Jill Stein or Gary Johnson.

      • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

        Your lips to Glob’s ears…

    • weejee

      Maybe Kristol had three bongs at breakfast?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Has anyone done a cognitive check on this man?

      • Red Richmond

        Do you even camel, bill?

      • shivaskeeper

        30/30 on the simple test. He’s now officially more than cognitive.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Let’s hope he does. The Democrat would win.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He won’t actually run as an independent- they’ll fight it out over who owns the GOP in the primaries. Unless he loses, they’ll all fall in line and support him as the GOP candidate again. If he DOES lose, he might run third party and split the GOP, but none of those other cowards have the balls to do that.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He’s already going to be running as a de facto independent against the anti Trump GOP. It’s just the upcoming battle in the GOP civil war. It should have happened last time, but the GOP are all cowards who chickened out and bowed down to kiss his ring. By 2020, the political winds will have changed enough that they’re not so afraid of him (though he’ll probably win the battle)

    • shivaskeeper

      He’ll turn on them only so far as he doesn’t ever take any responsibility. He’s already blaming the Dems and has been for a while.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        He’ll blame Dems and try to keep ownership of the GOP. As such, he won’t blame the party, just accuse anyone who opposes him of being RINOs

        • shivaskeeper

          Yeah. But he won’t turn on the party as whole.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Nope- he’ll claim it’s his

          • shivaskeeper

            Unless the optics are really bad. In that case, under the bus they go.

    • CripesAmighty

      What?!? Good to have the old Bill back.

    • Doug Langley

      Hate to break it to you, Bill, but Trump has already registered for 2020, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Independent.

    • Bobathonic

      That is so ADORABLE!

    • Meccalopolis

      Wishful thinking department, please hold

  • greyXstar

    I’m certainly not one to kink shame, I’m just wondering what the “alpha” douchebro Nazi frog brigade is gonna think about their super macho fearless leader being into femdom.

    • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

      It’s pretty common among misogynists, actually. The whole “naughty taboo” angle, “oh, I’m BELOW a woman (whom I’ve paid and who is dressed to please me), how PERVERSE and UNNATURAL.” Dominatrix clients are by and large not woke bros, they’re rapey CEO garbage.

      • greyXstar

        Well, that’s gross.

  • weejee

    This former member of Frankie’s Flock and the Calvinists, parents were mixed marriage, would like to have freedom from religion thank you ever so much.

    • Bobathonic

      Can’t have freedom of religion without freedom from religion.

      • Lordpnut

        That idea is central in the writings of the founding fathers. It is expressed clearly and often.
        While the right points to passing references to “our Creator” and suchlike to argue that this is a “Christian nation”, the first amendment is explicit: “Congress shall make no law…”

  • C4TWOMAN

    Watching An Klondike. It’s like Deadwood, except in Alaska in (mostly) Irish Gaelic. Like most Western’s there’s a barroom brawl , except this one, when the nerdy brother slams a chair over the back of his brother’s brawler, not only does the chair NOT break(because things were pretty sturdy back then), but the brawler, after the fight, demands, “Who the hell hits a man in the back with a chair?”

    Best. Western. Ever.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Klondike

  • Shan

    Hahaha! My daughter just got home and she’s not impressed with my new short hair. She says I look like a Lesbian. Which is hilarious because I’m not…but she IS! Our hairdresser is laughing her gay butt off right now, too.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Looks good. Rock it, girl!

      • Shan

        Oh, I intend to!

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Looks stylish to me.

          • Shan

            I feel fancy.

    • shivaskeeper

      If thaat’s the new hair in your avatar, it looks fine to me.

      • Shan

        Thanks!

        • shivaskeeper

          Before you thank me, you need to remember I have no sense of style, so I may not be the best judge.

          • Shan

            I don’t, either, which is why I pay my hairdresser so much and let my daughter decorate the house.

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      I love it! But since I saw this meme today, I’m posting it.
      http://www.lotl.com/Photo%204(17).jpg

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        I hear they are very stylish in Lesbia.

    • georgiaburning

      It’s a good look. But did you do anything else to play to the stereotype? Flannel shirt, Subaru, spending an afternoon at Whole Foods?

      • Shan

        No, but I was curiosity tempted to rent a U-haul.

    • Meccalopolis

      Makes you look younger

      • Shan

        Nice, thanks!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I dig it. Very Kira Nerys in season 7 of DS9.

      • Shan

        I was going for Jeri Hogarth.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Oh, yeah- I can totally see that, too!

  • Nounverb911
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Says the guy who believes our laws should be dictated by an invisible sky wizard and a 2000 year-old Jewish carpenter.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Scouting out child brides for your Duggar family buds, Mikey “Canadian Igloo” Hucksterbee?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Fuck you, Huckster. When pressed Dr Jackson agreed with Dr Gupta’s diagnosis

    • aktlib101

      Oh, Mikey, did you ask one of the local doctors what they think about the mental status of your deranged spawn, currently masquerading as the Dolt’s spokesperson?

    • Tony Prost

      is that you how get off, you pervert? foot massage?

    • shivaskeeper

      Huckafuck is at it again. If there was Christian persecution in this country he would be one of the first to be shut the fuck down. Since he’s not shut down, there is no fucking persecution. Q.E.D..

    • Mike Minden

      Where are all the poisonous snakes when you need them?

      • shivaskeeper

        A Terciopelo would do the job. And because I’m pedantic, it’s venomous, not poisonous. ,

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Here is Doctor Mike Huckabee’s diagnosis of candidate Hillary Clinton back in 2016:

      You would think that when any 68-year-old woman – let alone one who’s a major presidential candidate and who’d recently suffered a concussion — practically collapsed on the street, she’d be taken straight to a hospital. But no, she was reportedly taken to her daughter Chelsea’s condo….

      Fuckin’ hypocrite.

      • shivaskeeper

        No… say it isn’t so. There is no way a good Christian grifter like him could be a hypocrite.

      • Tiffany de Houston

        Hucksterbee is a real commodian.

    • Meccalopolis

      Did she pee on you?

  • Michael Smith

    You know what else “little by little, can destroy the fundamental freedom underlying our democracy”??

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      The clap?

      • Red Richmond

        The clapper?

    • Bobathonic

      Bald faced lies?

    • Crank Tango

      Hitler?

    • Meccalopolis
    • Doug Langley

      The Chinese water torture?

  • aktlib101

    Since churches of all religions are such beacons of democracy, I propose we replace all senators and representatives with priests/pastors. That should make the democratic process so much smoother. I hear it worked wonders for Europe (Spain) c/a 1200-1800 AD. Oh, IQ45 can become MAGApope Supreme of these United States. Take that Pope Francis !

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • BearGHAZI

      An issue of Forbes magazine being gradually macerated due to repeated contact with Trump’s doughy swampass is nightmare fuel I could have done without

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Eh, better than reading it.

        • BearGHAZI

          HA!

  • SayItWithOtters

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2018/01/stormy-daniels-once-claimed-she-spanked-donald-trump-with-a-forbes-magazine/

    Not MERELY any old issue of Forbes. The issue of Forbes WITH DOTARD AND IVANKA ON THE COVER.

    It always, always comes back to the disgusting daughter issues.

    • Shibusa

      So President Bone Spurs likes to be spanked? By ladies? Good to know.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      I can’t help but believe that he sexually assaulted her as a child and she now suffers from a form of Stockholm Syndrome.

    • Doug Langley

      For the love of humanity, don’t tell what they did with the Wall Street Journal.

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        Well it is designed for lining cages with…

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Kateaux

      Squee! Especially the mother-daughter calicos…

  • janetintexas

    This is very peculiar coming from an alleged businessman — this is all very bad for business. When I’m interviewing people for a job I can’t ask them about their religion, so I’m supposed to wait until there is a customer *incident* before I find out I have hired someone who won’t do their job? And afterward I can’t do anything about this terrible employee because “religious persecution?”

  • La forza del resistino

    In the Sistine pic, do ya think he looks around and says What a dump.

    • mackafritz, v.s.g.

      Not enough gold.

      • La forza del resistino

        He has a penchant for knocking down buildings built before 1970, excepting that Mar-a-Lago lacey palace.

    • OrG

      Shithole.

      • La forza del resistino

        Tom Cotton hears shithouse.

  • Mavenmaven

    “Conscience Division” being the updated contemporary name for The Inquisition.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Detective Torquemada, Conscience Division. *flashes badge*

    • OutOfOrbit

      where is teh thought police? i called’em a hour ago

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Hey Torquemada, what do ya say?
      I just got back from the auto-da-fe!
      Auto-da-fe? What’s an auto-da-fe?
      It’s what you oughtn’t do, but you do anyway!

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    This looks like a job for the church of Satan!

    • shivaskeeper

      Any religion other than White Evangelical really. This is aimed at their convenience only. The first time it’s used against them, there will be wailing, gnashing of teeth, and cries of how unfair it is.

      • SayItWithOtters

        “What do you meeeeeeeeeeeeeeean the Adventists can refuse to serve me pot roast in my nursing home?!?!?!?”

  • MANGO CRIMES
    • alpacapunchbowl

      That makes them both sound a lot cooler than they were in reality.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    LOCK HIM UP!!! LOCK HIM UP!!!

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/trumps-payoff-to-stormy-daniels-probably-violated-several-election-laws-attorney-says/

    A payment made by President Donald Trump late in the campaign to porn actress Stormy Daniels may have violated federal election law.

    Trump sent his longtime attorney Michael Cohen to pay the actress $130,000 in hush money shortly before the Nov. 8, 2016, election, according to the Wall Street Journal — which attorney J. Whitfield Larrabee said appears to be a violation of the Federal Election Campaign Act (FECA).

    The Republican presidential candidate was still trying to contain the damage from the “Access Hollywood” tape when Fox News and other outlets began looking into reports that Trump and Daniels had an affair.

    • Doug Langley

      Wouldn’t you know it. Nailed by a Fecal matter.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Beat me to it!

    • TJ Barke

      But don’t you know that IOKIYAR?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      “Larrabee… said he intends to request a U.S. Justice Department investigation and to file a complaint with the Federal Election Commission by the end of the month.”

      Oh, well, no doubt the DOJ will get right on that.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Well I hope the purity ponies are happy, the CFPB is basically dead now. They dont even have to repeal the law they can just kill it by not funding it.

    http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-cfpb-mulvaney-funding-20180118-story.html

    In his first quarterly funding request as acting director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, Mick Mulvaney is asking for nothing.

    “This letter is to inform you that for the Second Quarter of Fiscal Year 2018, the Bureau is requesting $0,” he wrote Wednesday to Janet L. Yellen, chairwoman of the Federal Reserve, which provides the watchdog agency’s funding.

    Mulvaney said that the bureau had enough money on hand to cover its anticipated $145 million in expenses for the quarter, which began Jan. 1, and that he plans to slash the bureau’s reserve fund.

    Mulvaney, who also serves as White House budget director, is an outspoken critic of the bureau who was made acting director in November — a controversial move by President Trump that is being challenged in court. In a 2014 interview, Mulvaney called the bureau a ​​​​​“joke … in a sad, sick kind of way” and said that he “would like to get rid of it.”

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Also, we cant have anything that actually helps people.

      The request for no funding came as Mulvaney announced the first step toward an overhaul of the agency: a review of its entire operation. And on Tuesday, the bureau said it would consider revising or repealing regulations that were designed to protect consumers against harmful payday lenders.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Welcome back hidden 4000% APR interest.

        • DrBigHead

          The only money you will be able to borrow will be from payday lenders. I’ll bet Debbie Wasserman-Schultz is ecstatic.

    • ariel_gee_398

      I really hope he [redacted redacted] with a [redacted] of [redacted].

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Susan Sarandon giggles with joy everyday, crying out mirthfully, “at least it wasn’t Hillary”.

    • shivaskeeper

      That was the plan. It seems to be working.

    • Crank Tango

      Both sides do it.

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      What’s really important is that Nancy Pelosi is killing puppies by going on Drag Race. (/s)

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Something something identity politics or something.

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    I feel like some idiot out there https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/31a6303e196706f94ddf983ce62681ef7996ab5ab6aba48364fe6a02eaa5d7b7.jpg made the same mistake asking for the next president

    • Justin Thyme

      guess spell-check didn’t work.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Stormy Daniels is a much better porn star name than mine. Because Becky Euclid is not sexy.

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      there is however a geometric flair to it……….

    • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

      Sez you

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Becky Riemann, OTOH…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      (shifts in chair, moving laptop) It sounds plenty sexy to me.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      First pet, first street name, right? Here’s my porn name.

      Lulu Reservoir.

      BRB. Dying of embarrassment.

      • shastakoala

        I’d be Dinny Kootenai. Half Cocker Spaniel, Half American Indian.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Tiger Illinois here. It’s just sad…

      • DrBigHead

        Mine would be “7th Street Flipper”

      • OrG

        Ace North 15th?

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        ummm… ummm… ____ Aspen Street?

      • SDGeoff3

        Mikey Ardmore.

      • Kateaux

        In that case, I would be
        Frisker Fourth Avenue?
        Eh, “Frisker” has some potential, I guess.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Perky Valley. (sorry, I’m very proud of this, so I posted it twice)

      • thewalkindude

        Bet none of you can beat “Wrongway Railroad”…

        • mohave rocky

          Longfellow Hardy

          • thewalkindude

            You win

      • counterlife

        Snoopy Coronado.
        That’s odd, but it could work.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Silvertip Water. I don’t think…

    • Doug Langley

      “Conic sections . . .”
      “Yes. Yes.”
      “Perfect numbers. Primes.”
      “Oh. Oh.”
      “Spherical astronomy! Dodecahedron construction!”
      “YES! OH GOD! YES!!”

      • Most Stable Land Shark

        Have you considered a side hustle in writing adult movie scripts? You have the knack …

        • Doug Langley

          Does it pay more than adjunct college prof? What am I saying. EVERYTHING pays better than adjunct college prof.

          • Most Stable Land Shark

            Side job … come up with a good pseudonym to use for your scripts … hmmm … let’s see …

            Well, my first thought was Donnie Dumbass, but that’s already taken.

    • shivaskeeper

      Sexy schoolteacher sound to it. Math and physics pornz.

      • mohave rocky

        Just watch out for Margot Robbie’s sexy librarian.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Add a pair of smart girl glasses and work on your naughty librarian look. You’ll totally rock it.

      • DrBigHead

        Make sure you have a plaid skirt.

        • Most Stable Land Shark

          and knee socks … or so a friend told me.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Mine is Perky Valley. It’s so good I almost have to go into the biz.

      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        Wait, what formula are you using?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          First pet, first street. I totally win this game.

    • tehbaddr

      Better than Puppy Sycamore!

  • Nounverb911
    • Jeffocaster in the West

      good, GOOD!!!!!

    • Me not sure

      Boll weevil?

      • Justin Thyme

        you win!

  • wavicles

    Isn’t it *thine* open thread?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Believe it or not, I think it would have been “yours open thread.” Assuming Dok is addressing a group of us. Or yourn? I dunno.

  • CW

    Get your fresh HIC Fusion GPS transcripts right here:
    https://intelligence.house.gov/news/documentsingle.aspx?DocumentID=850

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Science is evidence-based.
    Religion is faith-based.
    Therefore, everything that Trumpettiers say is religious.
    QED.

  • TJ Barke

    My faith says fascists must be voted on sight…

    • Paperless Tiger

      I believe!

    • Doug Langley

      Preach it, brother!

    • SDGeoff3

      Testify!!

  • Courser_Resistance

    Thanks Doc! Ugly, but not too squicky. Much appreciated!

  • Nounverb911
  • Martini A, very stable genius
  • DrBigHead

    Many others have said it but it bears repeating. As long as you are anti abortion and gay rights and are pro gun, nothing else matters.

    • shivaskeeper

      The big four: Anti-abortion, anti-LGBT, anti-evolution, and Biblical inerrancy. Hold on to all four of those and you remain in good standing in the denomination. Deviate slightly from one and you still remain in good standing, but get labeled “controversial”. Deviate from any two and you get shunned.

  • memzilla Ω

    Meanwhile, in Dr. Nassar, the Serial Child Sex Abuser news:

    A judge tore into serial sexual abuser Larry Nassar for a letter he wrote ahead of his sentencing, claiming he wasn’t sure whether he could “mentally” handle four days of victim-impact statements in a Michigan courtroom.

    “I’m very concerned about my ability to be able to face witnesses the next four days mentally,” he wrote. “[Judge] Aquilina said if I pass out she’ll have the EMTs revive me and then prop me up in the witness box.” [Ed. Note: 10/10 would pay money to see]

    “You spent thousands of hours perpetrating sexual assault on minors,” Ingham County Circuit Judge Rosemarie Aquilina told the disgraced doctor, adding that he should be able to handle several days-worth of statements from his victims.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I just found out 10 minutes ago that there was an attempted double homicide 3 blocks from my house on New Year’s Eve. 20-yr-old grandson and his 19-yr-old friend planned to murder the 20-yr-old’s grandparents, who have lived in this subdivision for 30 years (very nice couple), by beating and strangling them, and did their level best to do it, but failed when one of the grandparents defended themselves with a can of wasp spray. Grandparents told all to the police who tracked the perps down by details given on the idiot grandson’s Facebook page. Apparently they planed it meticulously, even down to how and where to dispose of the bodies. There is no word on why they wanted to kill the old folks. Both are in jail. This was NOT reported on the local TV news or I would have heard about it sooner.

    • shivaskeeper

      Well, they’ll be prison for a good long while.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Our state prisons are at 105% occupancy, so they’ll have to let someone out to make room for them.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Hopefully, all the marijuana possessors

        • shivaskeeper

          Hopefully it’s someone who shouldn’t have been in there in the first place. Low level marijuana offender or something.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I just researched more and they have both been charged with:
        2 counts of Conspiracy to Commit Murder in the 1st degree
        3 counts of Domestic Assault in the 2nd degree (why 3? Don’t know)
        2 counts of Armed Criminal Action
        Initially they had a $50,000 Cash-Only bond each, but that was changed to “No Bond”
        They are both in the county jail, preliminary hearing is on 2/15.

    • James

      I found out at our last village board meeting that a fellow who was found dead in October in his house died of a meth overdose. The coroner found a plastic bag in his stomach with meth in it.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Coroner … now there’s a job I wouldn’t want to have. That jobs takes a special kind of person.

        • James

          My wife wants to be a funeral director. She says that is a lifelong ambition. I couldn’t do it, but perhaps that fits with her jobs of software engineer and library director.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I think I could handle the corpse side of it, but dealing with all the grieving relatives and the religious hallucinations is something I could not do.

          • Courser_Resistance

            I was just mentioning below that my best friend in grade school’s dad was the town mortician/funeral director. Wonderful man. His wife did hair and makeup. I sang in a children’s choir a little later and a lot of old folks wanted us to sing at their funeral. I sang at a LOT of funerals and always saw Tom there, who’d always have a big smile for me.

            I think it’s a calling of sorts and I wish your wife the best in fulfilling her dream.

          • Doug Langley

            There was a Columbo episode where Patrick McGoohan played a funeral director who murdered a reporter who was about to expose his past, and then cremated the body, leaving no evidence for Columbo. It was called “Ashes to Ashes”.

          • shastakoala

            A very grave endeavor.

          • mohave rocky

            Funeral homes traditionally have the lowest failure rate of any small business.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            The real problem with being a funeral director is the hours. Every funeral home I am familiar with is open 7 days a week. One of my cousins is a funeral director in a small town, and he is always busy, he says planning family vacations is a challenge.

        • Courser_Resistance

          One of Denver’s Asst Coroners lives just downstairs from me. Can’t say as I’d want the job, but I find it fascinating. In grade school, my best friend’s dad was the town mortician. Really sweet man. Um… I spent a lot of time around dead people as a kid.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I know a surprising number of people who refuse to live next door or across the street from a cemetery, they think it’s “creepy.” I think it’s ideal … dead people make for very quiet neighbors.

          • shastakoala

            I lived next to a cemetery for 11 years. I took daily walks there until killer geese invaded and ran me out. I miss it.

          • Ms. MLG on Maui

            My Mom lived next to a coffin factory once. It was loud!

          • Courser_Resistance

            Exactly! I can’t imagine anything more peaceful!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I love cemeteries. Very peaceful and often quite beautiful.

          • Arolpin

            A good mortician/funeral home director is something you never think you need until you do. One of my wife’s friends is married to a mortician, and he has made several terrible situations bearable. It helps that he works for a local funeral home rather than a chain, but having someone who can come in and just take care of everything, and not screw the family financially, is one of the greatest mitzvahs in the world.

          • Courser_Resistance

            My friend’s dad handled everything for both my grandparents. We lost both of them (plus one more, yes ) within 18 months and he kept checking in with us for months after the services.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          In Idaho, you just have to be a citizen over the age of 21. The only real functions of the job are to sign the death certificate, order an exam in the cases of homicide and, if necessary, arrest the sheriff.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            In Louisiana, the coroner is practically the king of his/her own empire, can often set their own salary, and is immune from prosecution for many of the things they might do wrong. If you go to the Coroner and swear on oath that your next door neighbor is a danger to himself or others, they can have the neighbor hauled off for “psychiatric evaluation” and lock them up for 2 weeks and not tell their family where they are. They are supposed to investigate the original report, but they never do.
            http://www.fox8live.com/story/21018138/lee-zurik-investigation-good-living-for-st-tammanys-coroner
            https://www.justice.gov/usao-edla/pr/former-st-tammany-coroner-peter-galvan-sentenced-conspiracy-steal-funds-coroners-office

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            What the rest of us learn in law school: Louisiana is the exception.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Vive le Code Napoléon!

          • Wackyland Radio Resistor

            Wait, someone can arrest the county sheriff? But he’s the only constitutionally recognized law officer in the land!!1!!1!1

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I don’t know about all states, but in Missouri the Coroner can definitely arrest the sheriff, and the Coroner then assumes all the duties of the Sheriff temporarily.

          • Arolpin

            My grandfather was the Lincoln County Coroner for probably 40 years. He was an MD though, so he was qualified. I’m not sure if he even wanted to be Coroner, but as the only MD in the county he was kind of expected to do so.
            It was an elected position, but I don’t think he ever had an opponent.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I got to know the former Idaho County Coroner pretty well during a murder trial. She was a high-school drop-out who waited tables at a cafe and was a volunteer EMT. She held the office for 20 years.

    • Suse

      Dear God – WTF? I’m glad they didn’t succeed.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Me too. Old people are tougher and harder to kill than many people think. If the doctors and hospitals don’t kill them before they are 75, they can survive almost anything. The grandfather is tough as nails – still keeps his yard and flower beds meticulous, although he did buy a riding mower a few years ago, and he always shows up at HOA Meetings, which is more than I can say for most of my neighbors. I am really curious to find out why the grandson wanted to kill him. A 56-yr-old cousin of mine recently tried to kill his 91-yr-old mother so he could inherit her house, but I would be surprised to hear that this couple were leaving the house to a 20-yr-old grandson.

        • jowgajen

          Well they definitely aren’t now! Also, wasp spray! Wow. That’s a tough grandpa.

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      That is terrible! Poor dears, I’m glad they fought them off but it’s terrible!

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I just researched more and they have both been charged with:
        2 counts of Conspiracy to Commit Murder in the 1st degree
        3 counts of Domestic Assault in the 2nd degree (why 3? Don’t know)
        2 counts of Armed Criminal Action
        Initially they had a $50,000 Cash-Only bond each, but that was changed to “No Bond”
        They are both in the county jail, preliminary hearing is on 2/15.
        The prosecutor is an Assistant Attorney General from St. Louis.

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      How awful.

      As for the wasp spray, that is a good self defense item to have around the house. It sprays a much greater distance than pepper spray, and there’s a lot more of it. A police officer told a friend of mine, who was being stalked, to always keep wasp spray around.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You are right. It also sprays with considerable pressure.

    • tehbaddr

      Kids these days!

  • Flashman

    Well, good to hear that I won’t have to pay any portion of my taxes that go to support war. I will get these guys right on that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

    – God

    And on that note, I’m off to drop off some water that one of my groups will have available for a donation at the Los Angeles Women’s March. My “IMPEACH” hat is clean and ready for a long and productive day!

  • Me not sure

    in the choice between faith and the law, Trump seems to have chosen …
    C. None of the above.

    • BadKitty904

      D. Whatever garners him the most attention.

      • James

        E. Whatever gets him the most money.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Congress use to worry about the budget deficit, but with Trump they’re more worried about the attention deficit.

        • BadKitty904

          That’s back when we had a functioning Congress and an actual President.

      • shivaskeeper

        That’s the right choice.

        • BadKitty904

          Also the most pathetic one.

          • shivaskeeper

            It was about Trump.

    • Crank Tango

      D. Flaw

  • Angela Ruzzo

    This “religious freedom” crap is such bullshit I don’t even have words. Maybe later I will have words, but right now I want to puke.

    • Paperless Tiger

      I think crap and bullshit are the words.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    So, in good news, and horrible news for the menfolk, it looks like we’re a go for an orchiectomy this summer. :-)

    • Shan

      Well, they’re not ALL having tne procedure, so they shouldn’t worry.

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Not all of them.

        *smirk*

        • Shan

          I’m glad you’re moving forward with what you need to do!

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Me too. Mostly for health reasons, but I want ’em gone too.

          • Shan

            *looks around with shifty eyes, whispers* They cause all kinds of trouble.

          • DrBigHead

            Tell me about it :)

      • Roadstergal

        You cut off your hair, he started getting ideas…

    • shivaskeeper

      I thought you got that last summer?

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Nope, insurance fell through. >.<

        • shivaskeeper

          Shitty. Well, I hope they get gone this summer then.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Good luck!

    • Notreelyhelping

      You’re having your orchids removed? Or you having trouble with orcas?

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Something like that. ;-)

  • memzilla Ω

    Nancy Pelosi to appear on RuPaul’s Drag Race as a judge

    “Pelosi tweeted Thursday she had a ‘fabulous time’ taping the show and wished ‘good luck to all the queens.'”

    • Courser_Resistance

      Nancy is one of a kind! Bless her!

    • Roadstergal

      Go Nancy! Go Nancy!

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      I have to have my friend DVR that for me!

  • Blanche de Shambles

    FREEDOM OF RELIGION!

    Whoops- not so fast there, all you Muhammadans and Christ-Killers…

    …and you Hindoos, and whatever you guys with the funny orange robes are…

    …and the ones with the weird turbans…no, I mean the other ones…

  • Mike Minden

    http://firstunitedchurchofcthulhu.blogspot.com/p/certificate-of-ordination.html

    For those of you who just enjoy screwing with peoples’ minds!

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Personally, I prefer the First Church of Mammon.

    • SDGeoff3

      Well that’s interesting.

  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    Unfortunately when Donald was told that to be Christian is to emulate Christ he stopped listening after the bit where he was told Christ liked hanging out with prostitutes.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    😂🤣😂

    Meet Chris Christie, former New Jersey governor and current nobody at Newark Liberty International Airport.

    The two-term Republican, who left office on Jan. 16, was blocked from a VIP entrance he had used for eight years, and directed to stand in Transportation Security Administration screening lines at Terminal B like anyone else, according to a person familiar with the incident.

    The order came from police for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which operates the airport, according to the person, who wasn’t authorized to speak publicly about security matters. The Port Authority also operates the George Washington Bridge, the target of a plot by Christie aides and allies to tie up traffic for political punishment in 2013.

    • Marion in Savannah

      YESSSS!!!

    • shivaskeeper

      Mess with the bull and you get the horns. Too bad.

    • Suse

      Is delicious, yes?

    • Nounverb911

      Needs more “Would you mind stepping into that little room over there for a few questions, Chris”.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      ‘Time for Some Traffic Problems in Fort Lee,’ as one says…

      • Carpe Vagenda

        We’ll settle this in Weehawken, fucker, as more than one American politician has regretted saying over the years.

    • SDGeoff3

      I want to be there when he tries to cross the GW Bridge.

  • Suse

    Has that horrid troll from last night -“mike” – shown up today? He was mean and nasty to me! All I did was tell him to fuck off and he went medieval on my ass. Jeeze.

    • SDGeoff3

      Have not smelled him. It didn’t take long to block that one. Yes, he was very nasty, and I hope you’re ok after that crap.

      • Suse

        I’m fine. I’m just not used to being called a vicious cunt 10 times in a single post. ;-)

        • Bobathonic

          That dude needs more work.

          • SDGeoff3

            Like plastic surgery gone bad?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          So, no issues there.

          Do you suppose they ever ask themselves why mom is still letting them live in the basement if she’s totally evil?

          • Suse

            I think mom is buried in the basement.

        • Wackyland Radio Resistor

          Woah! What a creep

          • Suse

            It was a bit of an over-reaction, I thought. I also brought up his all caps typing and misspellings. He screamed (all caps) that I was a nasty cunt because he’s nearly blind and dyslexic and I shouldn’t make fun of that.

          • Arolpin

            I would have replied that that’s too bad, but it’s not an excuse for being too stupid and ignorant to buy text to speech software. I might have even not immediately blocked him just to see him sputter.

          • Travalanche

            He was kind of a one-trick pony, wasn’t he? Couldn’t even diversify his insults

        • Ms. MLG on Maui

          Better a vicious cunt than a Nazi, I always say.

          • Suse

            So very true.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      I think he may be gone for good, he went off on someone else and started sounding like a Nazi.

    • shivaskeeper

      I think most of us told him to fuck off. I’ve not seen him today though.

      This is my strategy for not letting shit like that get to me: I have to respect someone, to no hold them in utter contempt, for their words about me to have any sort of effect on me. Something like Mike gets nothing but contempt, therefore it’s words mean nothing to me.

      That may or may not work for you.

      • SDGeoff3

        I just block them.

  • alpacapunchbowl
  • Nounverb911
    • suziq

      aaawwwwww

    • Suse

      Barron who?

    • OrG

      Who’s this kid who’s always around.

      • Nounverb911

        What kid?

      • Mike Minden

        Dunno – but green card bride #2 claims he is the reason she got fat, so screw him!

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Egg?

        • Wackyland Radio Resistor

          Her?

        • SpideySenser

          AnnLIBELZ!!!@11!!

          • Blanche de Shambles

            Who?

          • SpideySenser

            Ann Romney was on-so-affectionately referred to as “Egg” way back in 2012.

    • Suse

      He will grow up to despise (secretly) and worship (publicly) the old man.

      • DrBigHead

        Just like the rest of his spawn.

        • Suse

          Or perhaps Barron will say, “fuck you and your money” and write a juicy best-selling expose and make zillions.

          • SpideySenser

            We can only hope. Doubt if I’d read it though.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m just saying – so far, I haven’t read that Trump asked the nice lady who barebacks with nice men and ladies who bareback for a test before they barebacked, so god help that kid.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      When the old man is not around, Barron and Malaria call Drumpf “Grandpa”.

      • Cat Cafe

        They call him “the idiot who thinks he’s your father, shhhh”

    • Tiffany de Houston

      I bet on any given day Trump barely speaks to or sees Barron. He seems like he’s almost unaware that Barron even exists.

    • Roadstergal

      If we’re having a world leader wet T-shirt contest, I know who the winner is…

    • SpideySenser

      Speaks volumes. Poor kid.

    • SpideySenser

      UGH! more concerned with that fucking wild ferret on his head than his kid.

  • Marion in Savannah

    So Trump is a Christian? Well, then I guess it’s a good thing that as a cradle Episcopalian who has no idea how to be a “Christian” like Trump that Mr. MinS got me a small stuffed Cthulhu for my birfday. So I now know at least what “god” Trump worships. And I hope he eats him soon, but only after he’s rendered him even more insane than he already is.

    • alpacapunchbowl
    • shivaskeeper

      Cthulhu 2028.

      • Bobathonic

        Somehow Lorax/Cthulhu 2020 doesn’t feel right.

        • shivaskeeper

          Lorax is 2020 thru 2028. The stars aren’t right for Cthulhu until 2028. That’s when the Old Ones get their shot.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Okay, then. I’ll be long dead.

          • shivaskeeper

            Probably better that them being eaten after being driven insane by the cosmic horror that will engulf us all.

          • Arolpin

            Cthulhu has better hurry up, because we’re getting pretty good at dealing with the cosmic horror of this maladministration.

    • Ellie

      I’m an (not cradle) Episcopalian who got my Atheist daughter a Cthulhu coloring book for her birthday. tRump worships tRump – allegedly.

  • Nounverb911
  • geoffalnutt

    Silly. The reason Donald grabs them by the pussy is because that’s where Jesus lives!

  • Nounverb911
    • TootsStansbury

      Thats really, nicely done.

  • OrG

    Have I told you guys how much I hate these fascists? Because I REALLY HATE THEM.

  • Mavenmaven

    Church of Trump. Henry VIII formed it to marry his girlfriend, Trump will form it to marry his daughter.

  • James

    Wall Street Journal digs in:

    WSJ reports Trump's lawyer created a Delaware LLC to pay adult film star $130,000 in hush money a month before the 2016 election. https://t.co/YcQWgiqqAJ— Josh Dawsey (@jdawsey1) January 18, 2018

    • OrG

      I’m no big city lawyer, but that sounds illegal to me.

      • h4rr4r

        I am no lawyer at all, but what is illegal about it?

        Seriously wondering.
        Can’t you create an llc for anything?

        • DrBigHead

          That was my thought. Main reason for an LLC (as I understand it) is to insulate the parent company from liability. Seems to be SOP in the development world.

        • shivaskeeper

          Where did the money come from? If it was campaign funds, it’s illegal.

          • h4rr4r

            Sure, but then it’s misuse of funds or something not creating an llc that’s illegal.

          • shivaskeeper

            No one cares about the LLC. The concern is where the money came from. Campaign or Foundations funds would be a crime.

            It’s not setting up the LLC to hide what the payment was for, it’s where the money got to the LLC from. That’s what will get looked at a potential crime.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            The point of the LLC in the story is that is was a pretext and used to cover up the illegal payment.

    • shivaskeeper

      Called it yesterday. Shell company.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      And the list of state AGs investigating the moron just got longer.

    • Mike Minden

      Which still leaves the question of where the money came from.

      • Nounverb911

        Koch’s?

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          That’s a pretty dickish non comment.

          • DrBigHead

            They write themselves

      • SDGeoff3

        Inauguration fundraising’s my guess.

        • James

          His alleged foundation.

          • Mike Minden

            Just a coincidence she was paid in rubles.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            In Russia you pay for your own bribe.

          • shivaskeeper

            Campaign funds would be illegal. Using non profit charity funds would be illegal as well.

            The noose may be getting a bit tighter today.

          • SDGeoff3

            Exactly.

    • Arolpin

      Did you notice that they used a pseudonym for Stormy Daniels, and it was Peggy Peterson. Do you think she pegged piggy Don? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • miss_grundy

      But did he use campaign funds? Because that can lead to a whole lot of trouble.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “You’re [sic] obsessive drive to prove a false narrative, one that has been rebuked by all parties, must come to an end,” Mr. Cohen said in another email last week.

      Cooley’s finest.

    • OutOfOrbit

      A shell’co. for everything

    • therblig
  • Bill D. Burger

    Well, va va va voom!

    [Stormy Daniels Once Claimed She Spanked Donald Trump With a Forbes Magazine
    At his request.
    DAN FRIEDMANJAN. 18, 2018 4:07 PM

    “Yep,” the other consultant replied. “She says one time he made her sit with him for three hours watching ‘shark week.’ Another time he had her spank him with a Forbes magazine.” ]

    HAHAHAHAHAHHA ~deep breath~ AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…
    shark week! lmao

    http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2018/01/stormy-daniels-once-claimed-she-spanked-donald-trump-with-a-forbes-magazine/

    • TJ Barke

      WTF…

      • Bill D. Burger

        That twisted Orange Motherfucker is making Silvio Berlusconi look like a choir boy in comparison.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Where I am today.

      “His mouth started to speak, but his brain decided it hadn’t got anything to say yet and shut it again. His brain then started to contend with the problem of what his eyes told it they were looking at, but in doing so relinquished control of the mouth which promptly fell open again. Once more gathering up the jaw, his brain lost control of his left hand which then wandered around in an aimless fashion. For a second or so the brain tried to catch the left hand without letting go of the mouth and simultaneously tried to think about what was buried in the ice, which is probably why the legs went and Arthur dropped restfully to the ground.”

      ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

      • SDGeoff3

        Describing the State of the Union address?

      • on a glacier in Norway?

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          Slartibartfast has all the best glaciers.

          • the squiggliest of them all, except they’re too baroque for Earth 2.0.

          • Blanche de Shambles

            Well how else are you going to make all the lovely crinkly bits?

    • Suse

      This is great stuff. I hope it’s all true. But it won’t matter in the long run, because Dump is so innovative and refreshingly something something argle-bargle…

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        We need video and or audio. I settle for a picture but then I’d have to vomit.

    • SDGeoff3

      Was she also reading the daily Dow report?

    • Mike Minden

      As Robin Williams said, Gawd gave you a brain and a penis – and only enough blood to operate one at a time.

      • Bill D. Burger

        By the time the ‘Pee Tapes’ come out, they will seem tame and old news.
        The Dotard is undoubtedly one perverse and sick MoFo.

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          Maybe a pee-soaked copy of Forbes?

    • that sounds like the massage parlor scene in one of the Cheech and Chong movies.

      or, of course, Tampopo…

    • Very Stable Royal Ugly Dude

      I like shark week as much as anyone, but you couldn’t pay me enough to watch it for three hours.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I enjoy Shark Week as well, but not as foreplay.

    • OutOfOrbit

      me NEVER did a kinky thing

      *Checks curtains closing gaps*

  • so, everything goes as long as it’s within the framework of religion?

    cool. I’ll start the bank robbers and mass murderers religion then because I shouldn’t have to choose between the law and religion, amirite?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Why rob banks when all you have to do to get a new Gulfstream is say God told you tell your flock to pony up?

      • h4rr4r

        You need the Gulfstream to get closer to God!

      • I have no use for a Gulfstream but I’d sure love a newfangled motorbike.

  • Gzuss

    “No American Should Have to Choose Between Faith and the Law”

    Jah Rastafari!

    • TootsStansbury

      Hah, owe you a coke.

    • “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.”

  • TootsStansbury

    “No American should have to choose between faith and the law”. And here i thought i was going to get a good night’s sleep.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Isnt there something in the bible about a punishment for adultery?

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        If you’re going to commit adultery, you should get stoned.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Jefferson Sessions said getting stoned is bad and you should be put in private prison. So that works for Trump.

          • An Outhouse for the résistance

            Jefferson Airplane disagrees.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      “To make an individual’s obligation to obey such a law contingent upon the law’s coincidence with his religious beliefs, except where the State’s interest is ‘compelling’–permitting him, by virtue of his beliefs, ‘to become a law unto himself,’–contradicts both constitutional tradition and common sense.”

      • TootsStansbury

        Like doing your job.

  • Jenny
  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    Take it away, Brother Maynard!

    https://youtu.be/ashgP4YMdJw

  • Gzuss
    • SDGeoff3

      Perfect!

    • Bill D. Burger

      The Pope: “I can tell you that it was MORE than a fart. Holy Mother of God, I’ll never forget that smell…..it was covfefe.”

    • Mike Minden

      Who’s the only one smiling?

    • Fire and Fury Demme

      They’re creepy, and they’re kooky….

      • Wookie Monster

        R2L: Wednesday, Morticia, Thing, and Uncle Fester.

    • the pope needs an “I’m with white trash” sign.

    • TootsStansbury

      That ain’t just white smoke, Pouty Popey.

  • James

    Supreme Court blocks redrawing of North Carolina’s gerrymandered district maps:
    http://thehill.com/regulation/court-battles/369656-supreme-court-halts-redrawing-of-north-carolina-congressional-maps

    NCs GOP asked for the lower court order to be blocked.

    The court issued a stay order in the case, which would have required the state to redraw its congressional district maps by the end of the month. The order to redraw the maps will be stayed only until a filing and disposition of an appeal before the Supreme Court.

    • James

      Fixed fatfingered formatting command,

    • Fuck.

    • TootsStansbury

      Goddamnit.

  • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Pivot!

    • Suse

      Is Cillizard talking about a new speech? Doesn’t he say the same thing about every Dump speech?

    • shivaskeeper

      STFU Chris. You fail once again.

    • Fire and Fury Demme

      I don’t have any idea why, but my chrome book is not showing any of your posts.
      (I do use ad-blocker, but not for Wonkette.)
      Maybe you or another good Wonker understands this.

      • Nounverb911

        Computers, can live with them, can’t live without them. I can’t see tweets on Firefox…

        • Vienna Woods

          Computers make great doorstops, I used to say in my teaching days. The new ones aren’t even much good for that.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Too small, too light.

      • Suse

        I have a chromebook and I can see them. Perhaps you accidentally blocked NV911?

        • Wackyland Radio Resistor

          That would suck, Nounverb brings the good shit

          • Nounverb911

            Thanks

    • Bananas Foster

      Awww. Did Donny manage to keep his teeth in his mouth?

      How cute.

      • Roadstergal

        The new bar for ‘presidential’ is keeping your teeth in your mouth and your dick out of your fly zip for the duration of a speech.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          The second part’s easy for him, his dick can’t reach far enough to get stuck in his fly zip.

    • TootsStansbury

      Linus was cute when he was waiting for the great pumpkin. You’re just pathetic, Chris Cillizza.

    • Cat Cafe
    • Lord Jim

      It’s a crying damn shame we have such good and smart folks here at Wonkette struggling to make it and Chris CillyAzz has permanent, lucrative employment.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • These assholes believe that filling a prescription for birth control is ‘participating in abortions’.

    • shivaskeeper

      SCOTUS backed that up in the Hobby Lobby case too. Unfortunately.

      • DrBigHead

        And thanks in part to the purity ponies, we missed an opportunity to replace Scalia with a human being.

        • shivaskeeper

          Elections have consequences for the rest of us. As long as they are unsullied by compromise, they are fine with it.

    • Mike Minden

      Hey, both deprive the motherland of future soldiers and corporate wage slaves.`That’s the real issue.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      This seems to be a lesson that is increasingly lost on younger women. At the traditional X-mas debate, my newly expert-on-everything-college-freshman niece had no idea what Griswold v. Connecticut was.

  • Bananas Foster

    Trump appointee Carl Higbie resigns as public
    face of agency that runs AmeriCorps after KFile review of racist,
    sexist, anti-Muslim and anti-LGBT comments on the radio

    http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/18/politics/kfile-carl-higbie-on-the-radio/index.html

    ALL the fucking best people.

    Who are willing to work for a racist, sexist, xenophobic puppy-kicking asshole.

    (My theory on why his White House doesn’t have a pet? The shelters rejected them as adopters.)

    • Suse

      They HATE animals, except to hunt them down and shoot them, then pose with the poor dead critters and pretend they are alpha males.

      • Bananas Foster

        I know my cattery manager would laugh in his face and then ask if anyone had a phone handy and laugh in it again for a photo.

        • Cat Cafe

          I love you for being a cattery volunteer. My two miscreants, and their forebears all came from shelter catteries. Moustache there yelled at me from his cage and then purred like a Harley-Davidson to make sure I took him and his brother.

          • Bananas Foster

            *purr*

            *headbutt*

          • Cat Cafe

            *sniff sniff*
            *power flop*

          • alpacapunchbowl

            My little black rescue kitty claimed me as her own by punching me in the face through her cage when I leaned in to say hello.

          • Cat Cafe

            What a good, good girl.

    • Wookie Monster
      • Bananas Foster

        They can smell assholes.

        • h4rr4r

          Get a bidet.

          • Bananas Foster

            I shower.

            Je me douche.

        • Harbinger08

          Who can’t?

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      And I believe that this translates directly into the culture that is breeding this welfare and the high percentage of people on welfare in the black race. It’s a lax of morality.”

      A lax?

      Eat 50 pounds of prunes and call me in the morning.

      • Pisto75666

        “I told this story the other day on my show. Somebody who lives in my condo association that has five kids, and it’s her and her husband with the five kids and the mother, the grandmother of the kids, and they don’t have jobs, they’re there all the time — I bet you can guess what color they are — and they have no job,” he said”

        My guess? My guess is they’re probably white and the ones that can vote Republican but you know, YMMV.

        • Bananas Foster

          Condo associations are soooooo common in subsidized housing these days!

        • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

          I’m going to guess they’re somewhere between pink and brown.

    • Very Stable Royal Ugly Dude
      • alpacapunchbowl

        The other guy though? The little guy? He was kinda funny lookin’.

    • Cat Cafe

      My theory is that no dog or cat would go anywhere near the Orange Shithole

    • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

      I like how every Tom, Dick, and Carl down the feed store gets their own hate-spewing radio program now. It really adds something to the media landscape. I’m not at all bitter that if I tried to do that, I’d be drowning in death threats and never be able to rent an apartment again.

      • Bananas Foster

        Can we give ALL the racist, sexist, xenophobic assholes sound-proof closets and toy microphones?

        It might help.

  • Marsupial99

    I don’t know… we’ve got a family just north of here in Perris (CA) that nearly religious freedom’d their 13 kids to death. Not so sure they thought this position out.

    • shivaskeeper

      Sure they did. It is only supposed to apply to a very narrow sect of Christian.

      • h4rr4r

        Vanilla ISIS

        • SpideySenser

          ChrISIS.

      • unfortunately, I’m not so sure about the “very narrow”. Dominionism has gained quite a bit of steam.

        • shivaskeeper

          The Dominionists are a smaller subset of the White Evangelicals, who are a smaller subset of the Southern Baptists, who are a subset of all Baptists, who are a subset of Protestantism.

          For numbers comparison, there are twice as many Catholics in the country as there are all Baptists combined. The White Evangelical branch tends to have a lot of money, so they have the loudest voice, but there aren’t that many of them.

          • Paperless Tiger

            That’s technically correct, but there is a broader sense of the term that refers to the whole movement to push religion into the government and secular institutions in general.

          • shivaskeeper

            Right. It will fail. It is doomed to fail. 40K plus sects of Christianity in this country alone. Every single one of the swears they and they alone have the ultimate truth. They cannot work together after a certain point.

            They fall to infighting as soon as any particular sect looks like it might be the one to get ahead. For an example see various attempts to make the Bible the official state book. Three different states have tried multiple times. They fail as soon as they try to get one version or the other as the official book.

          • oh, I wholeheartedly agree. what I meant to say is the idea of Dominionism has gained some steam throughout the whole evangelical movement and even among some of the crazier Catholics.

          • shivaskeeper

            Dominionism seems to be slowly replacing the various Rapture cults.

          • and with it all the last vestiges of pretense that it all is about anything else but authoritarianism and power.

    • Very Stable Royal Ugly Dude

      I just heard from Sacramento that they need to reevaluate the way they monitor home-schooling. Ya think?

      • I can already hear the howler monkeys screech and rend their OMGFREEDUMB!!!11!1-garments.

      • h4rr4r

        Yeah, to start with require the teacher to be a teacher. If you want to homeschool you should have to provide the school as much as the home.

      • Crank Tango

        Why, were there problems with truancy?
        /s

        • alpacapunchbowl

          That’s why the kids were chained to the bed, dontchaknow.

      • Marsupial99

        You know… WifeOfMarsupial and I actually homeschooled our daughter for a few years, but we did it because we were in a neighborhood where there were a ton of Christian kids running around dragging others into “bible study” for their indoctrination — at school! We gave her a heavy science-based education, filled out our state forms, kept records… I was sure that the truant officers were going to bang on the door one day and demand to see our attendance records (yes, for 1 student!). Never happened. No one cared. Something needs to change.

      • Bobathonic

        Like by actually monitoring them?

    • OutOfOrbit

      hoping they get some serious burntime inside

    • Ms. MLG on Maui

      I read that headline. Said they were charged with torture. Couldn’t bring myself to read the article.

  • Nounverb911

    GOOD NEWS!
    Now reimburse them for their legal fees.

    https://twitter.com/JuddLegum/status/954138473753169926

    • and all the shit they’ve been put through in clear violation of their first amendment rights.

      • OutOfOrbit

        we owe’em hope they sue & win

    • Jenny

      Oh no have to follow the law!!!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Looking at that Sistine Chapel photo I proudly recall being alone in that room, purposely lagging behind at the end of the day so that even the guard went out in front of me and had to come back in to hurry me along. Trump might as well be standing in a concrete bunker in that photo.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Mrs Itt and I were there in the dead of winter and were in the same situation. Best time to see museums and all manner of indoor masterpieces.

    • DrBigHead

      He would be thinking how much better it would look covered in cheap gold paint

      • OneYieldRegular

        “Mel, see if this guy’s available to do our bathroom, ‘kay?”

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Who knew the Sistine Chapel was so popular?

  • msanthropesmr

    You guys, Scaramucchi is on BBCs Hardtalk with Stephen Sackur. Should be interesting.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • tehbaddr

    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/trumpope-tweets.jpg

    Looks like some kind of deranged episode of “Another Period”!

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    “Do you guys see this thing?”

    https://imgur.com/ERz5IFk

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      It’s like Donald with Twitter.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        The cat is smarter and cuter then Twitler.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I was going to say…

        • Bobathonic

          And has bigger paws.

  • Suse

    See you guys later. I’m freezing and am going to get in bed for a bit.

    • Lord Jim

      Rest easy. Hope you are well.

    • efoveks

      If you think it might be the flu, remember: a little honey, a little lemon, and a whole lot of bourbon will make you feel better. And warmer! ;)

      • John Robinson

        The honey and lemon are optional.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I’m partial to a nice big mug of milky Irish tea.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • C4TWOMAN

      Wow, ebaums is still around?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        I guess, I was looking for cute animal gifs and found that.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Back in the day there’s was much online drama and rivalry, that was mostly all in good fun. Until ED and 4chan were completely over run by alt-right/mra zombies….

        • Bobathonic

          What is it? Babby squirrel?

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            I think so.

          • Bobathonic

            I think I may have fumble fingered a down vote. That’s corrected now.

          • efoveks

            Just when you think it’s safe… the post shifts juuuuuust enough to put the down arrow under the curser. It’s like disqus just has to fuck with us.

          • Bobathonic

            Worse, I’m on my thinksitssosmartphone, so the cursor is my big honking thumb!

          • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

            Pretty sure it’s a gerbil. Cute but bite-y ‘lil things. Also escape-y, my brother was late for school many times because he had to recapture ours.

  • efoveks

    No pharmacist has the right to decide whether a prescription is ethical since the pharmacist has no authority to diagnose or question the diagnosis of a physician on behalf of a patient. At that point, said pharmacist is practicing medicine and working outside his license.

    • shivaskeeper

      In an ideal and fair world, yes. But we already made accommodations for this sort of bullshit. Of course they are not happy with the accommodations made for them and want more.

      As soon as the first one was made it was a foregone conclusion they would want more. Of course it’s only supposed to apply to their denomination and only as long as the political power makes them the majority in the various legislatures. Their base are the ones who turn out for every election and will vote every single time.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        There was a pharmacist who sued Walgreens for violating his Religious Freedom because they wouldn’t let him wear a necktie with a Christian phrase on it. Walgreens pointed out the dress code permitted religious items only if said items were necessary to their faith. He tried to argue with a straight face that the necktie was a necessary item.

        • shivaskeeper

          That’s one of the predictable side effects of giving them any sort of leeway. The “necessary” parts are never enough. Never. But it still only applies to them. A Muslim who needs to stop and pray will be fired or not accommodated unless they are forced to accommodate.

  • Vienna Woods

    I have a friend whose doctor won’t give him a prescription for boner pills because he’s not married. He’s looking for a new doctor.
    Apparently he tells women who want the pill to go to the walk-in clinic to get a prescription there. What I want to know is how the fuck this guy gets to practise medicine?

    • Well that asshole needs to go back to doctor school. How does OHIP put up with that shit?

      • Vienna Woods

        No clue.

    • efoveks

      Make a complaint to the AMA. Also, if this doctor is associated with a professional group or hospital, complaints about his behavior might prompt his peers to exert some pressure. Make a complaint on Yelp or at the doctor rating sites. Anything that might hit this person in the pocket or professional rep. Anyway, just a suggestion.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Also file a complaint with the licensing board for that state.

      • Vienna Woods

        Ontario, so not sure about the rules here. But he’s going to find someone to complain to.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      There are about a dozen medical reasons why a woman would need a prescription for oral contraceptives OTHER than as birth control. If this doctor is refusing to provide essential medical care, then someone needs to report him to the state and national medical associations.

      • Vienna Woods

        Oh, indeed. My friend was going to complain to someone, but not sure why all those women haven’t done something about it yet.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Because the first thing the medical associations do, and the media if they are involved, is investigate the personal lives of the women, and if they aren’t pure as the driven snow, they are not believed.

  • pgjack

    No one should have to decide between faith and the law??? I believe Trump took an oath to put the US Constitution about all else and I believe every Representative and Senator took a similar oath. Sorry Donny and all you American Taliban true Christian believers but the law is the law and there is no choice. If your religion tells you you can Snort a line of coke and drive around town at 80 mph you are still going to get busted for driving under the influence and speeding. Religion is bunk.

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi
    • efoveks

      It’s one thing to follow your conscience and live your beliefs. It is another (and not at all Christian) to insist that others follow your conscience and live your beliefs. It really does earn these idiots the title of God botherers as I am fairly certain it bothers God that they abuse other people in His name.

      • Bobathonic

        God is what you make it. So their God is cool with that.

  • Lord Jim

    Hey, fellow “Christians”, let’s have a word. This poor kid was tortured and murdered for being not-hetero, and you want me to sympathize with your right to disenfrachise and shut out kids like him?

    FUCK.YOU.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Funny how they only want the parts where they get to be assholes and none of the good parts.

      • amrak63

        IIRC, Jesus had a few things to say about such people, none of them complimentary.

        • Bobathonic

          They have their reward.

    • shivaskeeper

      This is a feature for them, not a bug.

      • efoveks

        Reason for being kind of feature, too.

    • efoveks

      As a non fundie Episcopalian, I completely agree with you.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Miles Monroe

      BABOU, SERPENTINE !!!

    • tehbaddr

      Cute, but it will be a blood thirsty killing machine shortly!

  • JoeChristmas

    No American should have to choose between your postpartum 3rd wife and a porn star.

  • Nounverb911
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      They want a wholly Republican plan passed with Democratic cover that also divides the Democratic Party’s core constituencies. Because that’s literally the best plan they could come up with after a year in charge.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    No American — whether a nun, nurse, baker, or business owner — should be forced to choose between the tenets of faith or adherence to the law.

    Ok quick everyone join the first church of cannabis then tell Sessions to eat a bag of salted rat dicks.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Church_of_Cannabis

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Some Republicans are saying the looming shutdown is Durbin’s fault for pointing out Trump is a racist. Trump is saying the looming shutdown is Democrats fault because of how great the tax cuts are. Pick a bullshit reason and stick with it, dicks.

  • James

    I don’t recall “faith” being any part of my military or political affirmations, other than “faithfully support and defend the Constitution”

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This takes me back to Initiative 957, when a pro-marriage-equality group in Washington “tried” to restrict marriage to people “who are capable of having children with one another.”

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Does that mean that anyone who cant have kids for any reason cant be married?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        That was the idea.

        • Bobathonic

          So a vasectomy is a divorce. Genius.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            The Supreme Court only had itself to blame.

      • shivaskeeper

        Yes. No old post menopausal women. No one who had a vasectomy or got their tubes tied. No one who couldn;t have kids for any reason.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    The way things have been going at the Grey Lady. they’ll probably boot Paul Krugman for him:

    https://twitter.com/KailiJoy/status/954091508017303553

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Agreed. Is he slamming Hillary today?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        No, he’s back to “Trump is pivoting! Yes he is!”

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          good grief

      • shivaskeeper

        Not today. Today was, “Trump gave his most Presidential speech yet”.

    • Lord Jim

      I remember when she contributed to our Great Wonkette Soviet! Good to know she’s still kickin’ ass and takin’ names.

    • shivaskeeper

      It would be interesting to see the print edition try to run a column of commentary that was all emojis.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • MANGO CRIMES
    • MANGO CRIMES
      • MANGO CRIMES

        (if I had these words seared into my unwilling brain, then all you fuckers have to as well)

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          Dude, see you in hell.

          • MANGO CRIMES

            I regret nothing

          • La forza del resistino

            I had to stop at image of Orrin Hatch melting into a puddle of white goo.

      • SENATOR GRASSLEY: Ms. Daniels. Can you tell me why he wanted to see a goat?

        STORMY: That’s goatse.

  • La forza del resistino
    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      His tie is pink. Her pants are pink. And his tie goes into his hands.

      What a coincidence.

  • Nounverb911

    I seriously doubt that trump will mention her though….
    https://twitter.com/SabrinaSiddiqui/status/954025056740499456

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Gee, I wonder why their staff just held a unionization vote?

    https://twitter.com/TwitterMoments/status/954123985393827841

  • Klapaucius

    “be forced to choose between the tenets of faith or adherence to the law”

    Someone might have already mentioned this, but can I smoke weed and eat shrooms now? After all, both of them are an integral part of my religious rituals.

    • OutOfOrbit

      technicality yes
      reality no

      • Klapaucius

        Presumably someone will get around to testing the implications of the law in court?

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi
      • hudson

        he’s a jesuit no? so much respect. plus seems to be very very level headed.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Yes you can.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Employment_Division_v._Smith

      Employment Division, Department of Human Resources of Oregon v. Smith, 494 U.S. 872 (1990), is a United States Supreme Court case that held that the state could deny unemployment benefits to a person fired for violating a state prohibition on the use of peyote, even though the use of the drug was part of a religious ritual. Although states have the power to accommodate otherwise illegal acts performed in pursuit of religious beliefs, they are not required to do so.

    • hudson

      true fact. ganja is a portal to all inward looking realization and much more. in anycase way more beneficial than all the other mumbo-jumbo in the name of religion.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Coincidentally, I just formed ‘The Church of the Magic Mushroom.’

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    So new Trump & Porn Star story involves him being spanked with a copy of Forbes Magazine.
    Not that that is a bad thing, but Forbes?
    Does Steve Forbes still run that joint?

  • Nounverb911

    Trey Gowdy announced earlier today that he has found damning evidence of Hillary’s involvement in ‘Uranium One’.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d527b09cd96fa8f2ee39b598b5d9692ed0a34b6f9ee6a7bd9e244ea108dcbe0d.jpg

    • Paperless Tiger

      If Gowdy found it, it must have been stuffed down Trump’s pants.

      • OutOfOrbit

        tucked between his cheeks

  • MamaBrown

    I love and adore that picture of the famiglia Trump at the Vatican. They look like the cast of a bad Italian movie. Ivanka is the pure virginal daughter, promised to the church from childhood, (but she gets knocked up by the local bad boy). Melania is the lustful young widow. Donnie is the cousin who lives in the attic most of the time but they let him out for special occasions.

    • OutOfOrbit

      wife in weeds daughter in shame Pope in distress & tRump’s WHOOPEE!

    • Raan

      Francis is the priest who’s about to go wild with the jawbone of an ass.

  • Someone should post today’s Tom Toles cartoon. I’m dyslexic with my phone.

  • FlemmishSpy

    I guess Stormy does whatever it takes to please her clients:

    Report: Porn Actress Claimed Trump Had Her Spank Him With Forbes Mag

    https://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/stephanie-clifford-trump-spanked-forbes-mother-jones

    • Raan

      Well, it’s the closest he’ll come to the Forbes 500.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      “She says one time he made her sit with him for three hours watching ‘shark week.’”
      That monster!

    • President in Exile Firefly

      He just wanted to come into money.

      I’ll show myself out now.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Update on the two young men who attempted to murder two of my neighbors just 3 blocks from me on New Year’s Eve, which I only found out about today.

    The 20-yr-old grandson, according to report, is not and never has been “right in the head.” In Nov. 2016 he broke up with his girlfriend, who then began to date another boy in their high school, and he charged into the high school with a gun threatening to kill both of them. He was arrested for Trespassing, Resisting Arrest and 3rd Degree Assault, and sentence was suspended on all three charges and he was given probation. His parents refused to have anything to do with him, so the grandparents took him into their home, where they have sheltered, clothed and fed him for the past year. Somehow he got ahold of another gun, and plotted with a friend to kill his grandparents, steal whatever money was in the house and a few antique trinkets and the grandparent’s new car and flee the state. He held the gun to grandpa’s head and attempted to strangle him. Grandma jumped on his back, and he backhanded her so hard she flew across the living room and crashed into a china cabinet. She then grabbed a can of some household product and sprayed him in his eyes, at which point he dropped the gun, and his friend got scared and ran off. Grandma held the grandson at gunpoint while she called the police. Grandparents did not recognize the friend, but when they checked the grandson’s computer later, they found a detailed write-up of the whole plan, including the friend’s name. Friend was arrested yesterday in another city while attempting to flee the state.

    Way to go grandma! And this is what happens when you give armed criminals a suspended sentence and probation, which is what they nearly always do where I live because the prisons are full to overflowing. Something is definitely wrong with this young man, but of course there is no treatment for him anywhere.

    • Sheepshagger

      Grandma power!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      ye gods.

    • OutOfOrbit

      white boy i bet

      • Zombishroom

        I was gonna say the same thing. There’s plenty of room in the prisons for the blahs.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Oh, yes. If he’d been black, you can bet there would have been no suspended sentence or probation.

        • OutOfOrbit

          or arrest (pew pew pew x 3)

          • Angela Ruzzo

            So far, our local cops are not trigger happy. So far.

    • tehbaddr

      Go Grandma, badass!

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      There should have been court ordered treatment. That is frequently a term of Probation.

      I’m glad the grandparents are alive. I’m sad you just now found out about this threat in your neighborhood. I hope the grandparents stand strong and force him to go to trial. Families do funny things sometimes.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        The court record says he was ordered to get “counseling” but I don’t know what that means in practical terms. There is a small mental health center in town, but I have heard many stories about how useless they are.

        I don’t follow local news. Maybe I should, but normally nothing happens in this little town that is even remotely interesting to me. It has been so cold that none of the neighbors have been socializing for the past 3 weeks, or I would have heard about it sooner.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Mostly, I’m glad you are safe, and have more info about your neighborhood.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Scary.

    • tehbaddr
    • Ellie

      How awful for those grandparents who were probably trying their best to help him.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    hola homies!

    • efoveks

      Hola! Finally a la casa?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        si!

    • hudson

      ola! whatsup?

    • data_ninja

      Dwayne O’s Nachos!

      Whoever that is, his nachos are getting cold.

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      But something something identity politics or something also Pelosi is bad. But really that sounds great.

    • Raan

      There was a guy yelling about this downthread and generally being a dick when everyone didn’t rush to agree with him.

      EDIT: He was against it.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Wait, what? Yelling against RuPaul and Nancy, or against the idea that this is must-see TV?

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Yelling that Nancy shouldn’t be on the show.

          • Resistance Fighter Callyson

            Oh, fuck that noise. I’d go yell back at him if I weren’t trying to get caught up on the news (getting harder and harder to do so every day!)

    • She better not fuck it up

  • Michael R

    Here are the five biggest bombshells from the Fusion GPS founder’s House intel testimony

    1. The Kremlin used the release of the “Trump-Russia” dossier to justify a massive purge.
    2. Vladimir Putin was “very interested” in the Jewish diaspora.
    3. A supposed “Russian gangster” ran a “high-stakes gambling ring” out of Trump Tower.
    4. Jared and Ivanka’s marriage was a business decision.
    5. Fusion GPS was looking into Kushner’s use a controversial visa program that allowed foreign investors to “buy” their way into the U.S.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/here-are-the-five-biggest-bombshells-from-the-fusion-gps-founders-house-intel-testimony/

    • bbayliss

      #4 made me laugh, it’s like a royal arranged marriage.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    speaking of christian-based policy – Texas’ Assbag General Strikes again:

    AG Paxton Leads 22-State Coalition in Filing Brief with U.S. Supreme Court to Protect the Unborn and Uphold Free Speech Rights

    Tuesday, January 16, 2018 – Austin

    Leading a 22-state coalition, Attorney General Ken Paxton today filed a friend-of-the-court brief in the U.S. Supreme Court challenging a California law requiring pro-life crisis pregnancy centers to post signs about taxpayer-funded abortions. The Reproductive FACT Act forces pregnancy centers to convey a message that directly contradicts their deeply held religious beliefs and mission, which is to provide care for expectant mothers.

    “Forcing pro-life organizations to promote a state-sponsored advertisement for the abortion industry is not the tool of a free government,” Attorney General Paxton said. “California’s unlawful Reproductive FACT Act tramples on the constitutionally protected rights of free speech and free religious expression. The Supreme Court should rule against the law to prevent other states from passing similar legislation intended to turn pro-life pregnancy centers into referral agencies for abortions.”

    In the brief, Attorney General Paxton and the multi-state coalition ask the Supreme Court to overturn a ruling by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals that upheld the California law.

    “States have a host of alternative means available to disseminate the information that the California law requires certain licensed medical facilities to provide, as well as the regulatory authority to address any actual instances of misrepresentation,” Attorney General Paxton wrote. “California’s law does not relate to informed consent for abortion because it applies to medical facilities where abortions are not performed. It also does not further the State’s interest in protecting unborn life; rather, giving information as to where one might obtain a subsidized abortion has the opposite effect.”

    A city of Baltimore law similar to California’s was struck down this month by the 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. Attorney General Paxton joined a 10-state coalition in a friend-of-the-court brief supporting the Greater Baltimore Center for Pregnancy Concerns in its challenge of the ordinance.

    “A speech edict aimed directly at those pregnancy clinics that do not provide or refer for abortions is neither viewpoint nor content neutral,” Judge J. Harvie Wilkinson III wrote in the ruling. “We do not begrudge the city its viewpoint. But neither may the city disfavor those who disagree.”

    Texas is joined in the U.S. Supreme Court brief with Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, West Virginia and Wisconsin, along with Kentucky Governor Matthew Bevin and Maine Governor Paul LePage.

    View the U.S. Supreme Court amicus brief here: http://bit.ly/2DDB5vD

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      p.s. Some brave soul at Wonkette watch this, cause I GUARANTEE you some part of it is awful:

      AG Paxton Unveils New Training Video to Mobilize Texans in the Fight Against Human Trafficking

      On the video page:
      https://www.texasattorneygeneral.gov/human-trafficking

      Human trafficking is a media buzz word that often conjures images of brothels in Thailand or confusion with the ongoing immigration debate. This innovative digital training tool cuts through the confusion, arms the viewer with an understanding of what human trafficking is and is not, and helps them recognize that this is a Texas problem with Texas buyers, sellers, and victims. It refocuses our attention on adults and children who are regularly exploited but are unlikely to self-identify as victims or seek help. This video walks the audience through actual cases prosecuted in the state of Texas, identifies the tools of traffickers and how they are typically utilized to obtain and maintain victims, and equips viewers with red flags and a reporting protocol. Most of all, it challenges Texans to change the culture in which we live from one that identifies with and honors perpetrators to one that provides safety, security, and genuine reintegration for the survivors of trafficking.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i fucking knew it, i knew it. I just went randomly to a point in teh video – some person was reciting the staggering numbers of labor and sexual trafficking victims.

        Cut to the AG (at about 16:42): “Minor and youth sex trafficking costs the state of approximately $6.6 billion over victims’ lifetimes.”

        what?! WHAT? You’re making a case that sexual slavery and regular slavery is EXPENSIVE TO THE FUCKING STATE.

        god.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      But I thought he was big on having signs up with proper wording and size? Oh wait my bad that is only for guns and where they can carry them.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Officially bitching about the laws of California seems like a good use of Texas (and Idaho) taxpayer money. I think I’ll talk to the Idaho AG about those fucking Oregon speed limits the next time I see him.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i swear, if you went back and looked – he’s filed something somewhere supporting some nutty Trump/DOJ screw up at least once a week.

        Browse:
        https://texasattorneygeneral.gov/oagnews/news_archive.php

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          I’ve noticed. Amicus briefing is often little more than a vanity project, but he’s turned it into a cottage industry.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i’m convinced its just noise-making to get himself reelected. He’s taken credit for some “interesting” work that’s being in done in Houston, but often includes his office by statutory requirement or option.

      • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

        Imagine for one hot second if California did this to Texas. You would hear the right wing screams on Pluto.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Glad to know everything is so hunky-dory with Texas and those other states that they can afford to fret themselves over a California law.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        there may be like a dozen of these within the last year – with the number of states in the “coalition” varying, depending on the topic.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Paxton can get bent and keep his slimy ass out of our business.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        the man’s an ass – scroll down to the human trafficking mess.

  • La forza del resistino

    “Several outlets report Kelly told a group of Democratic lawmakers that some of President Donald Trump’s campaign promises on immigration were “uninformed.”
    Looking for a change of scenery are you, General?
    I hear the VFW hall in DC pays their bartenders well.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Kelly later denied he ever said that. Which means he did say it.

      • La forza del resistino

        Oh. Well. Kelly still has the sad sack face of a VFW bartender straight out of Central Casting.

      • redtail

        First say outlandish things, and then deny it and attack your accuser and then lie. That I believe is the recipe of a conservative.

        • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

          DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

          Classic abuse tactic.

          • redtail

            That is why I have been feeling abused.

      • Raan

        Aaand audio file in 3, 2…

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “But Lincoln hanged the Dakotas, not Calhoun!” — Some Asshole; You Know It’s Coming.

      • Bitter Scribe

        More’s the pity.

  • nightmoth

    Okay, i finally succeeded somewhat in posting my rock picture, and it’s what I Ithink of Rump, so it’s still timely. The end.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1ed2de17046ec158bc6159055bc8c5f353e216a28a66d4a1b4f6c1d58f115f59.jpg

  • TootsStansbury

    OT but President Junkfood talks about running over to the next building. Huh? Marine One is a helicopter, not a building. And run? I live close enough, if your fat ass “ran” or even waddled at a rapid pace, I would have noticed. My covfefe would have shown the vibrations.

    I hate to fat shame. I am a fat middle ager. But fuck it, act like an asshole, get shamed.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Got something fun for us, WaPo?

    In the past week, hundreds of one-star reviews have flooded the Yelp page for the Trump International Hotel in Washington, describing the establishment as a “shithole.” Similar negative reviews with the expletive have popped up on the Yelp pages for Trump hotels in New York, Las Vegas, Waikiki, Chicago and at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach, Fla.

    The average Yelp ratings for some of these hotels have, in turn, taken a hit. Last week, the average Yelp rating for the Trump International Hotel in Washington was four out of five stars. That score, as of Thursday morning, is down to only two stars.

    “Total Shithole!” a reviewer identified as Delton M., from Los Angeles, wrote about the Washington hotel. “TV only played Russia Today & Fox ‘News’. The staff only spoke to white people.”

    “The tower is constructed brick by brick by sweaty, burdensome immigrants from s hole countries,” a reviewer wrote about the New York hotel.

    “Wow, this resort is a complete sh‑‑thole,” one person wrote about Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Club. “The management seems to despise anyone who isn’t white. They were particularly nice to the Norwegians and Russians. But any time a person of color entered the building, the staff told them to ‘go back to your sh‑‑hole country’!”

    tl;dr: HA!

  • President in Exile Firefly

    No American should have to choose between faith and banging a porn star.
    FIFY

  • 3FingerPete

    I think Trump is advocating for the right to stone heretics.

    • Nounverb911

      Something, something, glass houses, something.

    • Bobathonic

      Heretics *should* be stoned. With sacramental weed.

      • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

        “Stoned Heretic” is the name of my new band.

  • Nounverb911

    So did everyone have a happy #WinnieThePoohDay today? Hope no one got their head caught in a honeypot.

    https://twitter.com/V_and_A/status/953915043111989248

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    So is there any chance that this whole Stormy Daniels business gets rolled into the Mueller Investigation? Just typing outloud.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    I had a big tumbler of blood to celebrate “National Religious Freedom Day,”

    • Left Coast Tom

      I’m settling for a sacramental bottle of Matrix 2013 Tripi Vineyard Zinfandel.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    There are stories of demonstrations from the Civil Rights era in the 60s of white cops feeling so shamed in the face of the quiet moral courage they were witnessing and trying to suppress that they broke down in tears. I think about this now…the ICE agents who deported Jorge Garcia on MLK day, the D.C. cops who drag disabled protesters in wheelchairs from the Senate gallery. I’d like to look them in the eye and ask…do you feel good about yourself at night? Is being one of Trump’s de facto Brownshirts what you signed up for? Fuck me.

    • hudson

      it prolly made them feel empowered and manly and self righteous.

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Just following orders, donchaknow.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      A detective that I have a lot of respect for recently retired. I had a drink with him, and he told me that one of the reasons he was retiring was that there were too many “kids” with badges who are never told that their job is to protect and serve. “There are only a few guys left who don’t think we are at war with [he made air quotes here] ‘civilians’.” I begged him to run for sheriff.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That’s disturbing. Sounds like a good man and a good cop. Hope he takes your advice. Clarence Dupnik, who was the Pima Co. sheriff here for about a thousand years, was that kind of old-school decent cop.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          They’re out there, but I’m afraid their numbers are dwindling.

          • Arolpin

            My father-in-law was a good cop, but he ended up taking a promotion to set up a juvenile detention facility because he felt he could do more good (and not have to work nights). He’s as sickened by the us vs. them mindset if too many cops as I am. One of his other sons-in-law is a cop, and the way he reflexively backs the cops, even when there is video evidence astounds me, ESPECIALLY since he brother was shot and killed by a cop. Law enforcement is becoming a death cult, and I don’t see how we stop it without a complete cultural shift over a generation.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I deal with them every day and some of them scare the hell out of me . . . and I regularly sit in tiny locked, windowless rooms with rapists and murderers.

          • Smoke O’Hontas

            FWIW (and I in no way compare my level of involvement with yours) we deal with our local PD regularly because we are in a somewhat active neighborhood, (two shootings within a block this summer) and I have seen some amazing people actually protecting and serving, first hand. I only bring this up because it’s positive,and we need to know we’re not all at the mercy of Jugheads packing heat, but because I have been unfailingly surprised by the professionalism, and the use of judgment and empathy I have witnessed by my local PD. That said, the chief has a degree in English and I’m white as fuck, so your experiences may vary.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            There are good cops. You are lucky to have some.

  • Nounverb911
    • TJ Barke

      Bullet sort of dodged, kinda.

    • WeaselPoo

      Twits no longer display on my android/chrome browser. Anyone know why? Do I enable java script?

      • Gosala

        I have similar problem since the latest update. There may be better solutions, but what I do is press the button labeled view long enough for the pop up menu too appear and then choose “open in new tab”

        • WeaselPoo

          Ill try that thanks

    • La forza del resistino

      Paul Ryan’s staff on the phone ordering fresh underwear to be sent over.

    • shivaskeeper

      The House version is what the House wanted. Right now it fails in the Senate.

    • Delu

      Oh?

      What’s in the deal?

  • bbayliss

    I’m a little more through the transcript, much of the same info but I thought this was interesting;

    MR. SIMPSON: Yes. Well, numerous things in the dossier have been
    verified. You know, I don’t have access to the intelligence or law enforcement
    information that I see made reference to, but, you know, things like, you know, the
    Russian Government has been investigating Hillary Clinton and has a lot of
    information about her and is — and the Trump people are interested in getting that
    information. I mean, that turned out to be true.
    It was also true, you know — I mean, if you just think back to the chronology
    of this, when the original memos came in saying that the Kremlin was mounting a
    specific operation to get Donald Trump elected President, that was not what the
    Intelligence Community was saying.
    The Intelligence Community was saying they are just seeking to disrupt our
    election and our political process, and that this is sort of kind of just a generally
    nihilistic, you know, trouble-making operation. And, you know, Chris [Steele] turned out to
    be right, it was specifically designed to elect Donald Trump President.

    • TundraGrifter

      Carter Page, the former Donald Trump campaign adviser and purveyor of “awesomely stupid” interviews, testified for nearly seven hours before the House Intelligence Committee last week. As part of a deal with lawmakers, the committee on Monday night released the 243-page transcript of Page’s meandering and contradictory testimony, which suggests that senior members of the Trump campaign were aware of his contacts with high-level Russians during last year’s presidential election, and aligns with portions of the infamous Trump-Russia dossier compiled by ex-British spook Christopher Steele.

      https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2017/11/carter-page-hearing-donald-trump-russia

      • bbayliss

        The FBI has been on to him for a long time.

  • redtail

    Just make having an abortion and smoking grass a religion, and if you want the orange skittle to join include having sex with your daughter. Glad I got that out before he changes the libel laws.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Well, let’s not limit it to just smoking grass. All natural highs will be on the table; mushrooms, peyote buttons, coca leaves, etc, etc, etc.

      Might as well go for the gold.

      • redtail

        And sex with Jeff banana puddin Sessions cause if that ain’t illegal it damn well should be!

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      You can do them boh at the same time down at my local abortionplex! And they’ll do your taxes while you check out the Katy Perry concert!

  • The Wanderer

    Latest stories (not connected to each other):

    Listen to the Flowers

    Companion

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      The Companion isn’t a linky! :(

      • The Wanderer

        Try it now. :-)

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      Oh poor Caleb! Ouch! Are all the Docs called Clawhammer because of how they often have to remove said objects and the pain associated with the removal site?

      • The Wanderer

        Not at all. The original town doctor was actually surnamed Clawhammer; the townsfolk decided to keep naming whatever doctor replaced him Clawhammer to avoid having to learn and recall the new doctor’s name.

        • Resistor Radio

          Makes sense, people get set in their ways. But so young!

  • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

    Wait, so nobody has to choose between faith and the law? So does that mean the Bible supersedes the Constitution now?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Only for approved white people.

      • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

        Right. Christian Sharia Law here we come!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Except the gun part. They can shoot someone if they are scared, or if the person has skittles.

    • TJ Barke

      I’m sure that would please lots of vangies.

    • Gosala

      Necranomicon

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Pretty much. Although they haven’t specified which version is controlling, so there’s a fair amount of wiggle room if you feel genocidy or whatever. Now you can go all biblical and actually let the courts figure it out.

  • Nounverb911

    This should go over well with the rest of the world…

    https://twitter.com/WSJ/status/954150432506564608

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Tell me it’s the Dome of the Rock.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Gotta hasten along Armageddon to keep the fundies happy.

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        At this point, Armageddon a little too fond of contemplating the End Times. It’s gonna be so quiet…

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Magog have mercy on your soul.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk
    • Magyar Has Had It Up To Here

      I wonder if it’s an abandoned Howard Johnsons

      • Nounverb911

        Fried erasers clams libelz.

    • TJ Barke

      Shrub must be so glad that he’ll no longer be the worst president in American history…

    • hudson

      and also it was an critical topical issue that had to be addressed right now. without this embassy the earth would have collapsed.

      • Paperless Tiger

        The fundie base would collapse.

    • Master Contrail Program

      A McDonalds?

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        So long as it’s not an Arby’s.

        • Master Contrail Program

          I dunno, seems perfect for a city with so many old beefs.

    • shivaskeeper

      I doubt this will happen. Unless the structure is very modern it will fail at being able to be secured. That was the same reason we moved the London Embassy to a new building.

      This is just more fundy red meat.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      I bet it’s gonna be a giant manger.

    • Delu

      My money’s on them doing it on the Dome of the Rock or something.

    • Relativicus

      Bibi done got Trumped!

      https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-israel-exclusive/exclusive-trump-denies-u-s-embassy-to-be-moved-to-jerusalem-within-a-year-idUSKBN1F62UH

      It’s okay, Bibi, we know he said it. He does it to everyone.

      Hold on. Bibi, bubbi, boobie… you didn’t think you were special, did you? Aw, Sweetie, he probably thinks you’re his accountant.

  • Jamoche

    I feel a religious obligation to tell Donnie to fuck off.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Michael R
    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      “Senate vote coming.”

      US citizens advised to wear protection.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Ugh. Worse than a Gallagher show and nearly as right wing nutjobby.

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        Someone please shoop the Hawaii alert!
        CITIZENS ADVISED TO SEEK SHELTER (or refugee status in Canada)!

  • Bananas Foster

    Trump administration tries to explain resignation of National Parks Advisors by slandering them (allegedly!) with sexual harassment claims… with no backup.

    (Where does Trumps stand on libel and slander laws again? Oh, right.)

    (Oh right, as in he’s right of Goebbels.)

    (Except when it comes to everyone who isn’t him.)

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/national-park-service-advisory-board-sexual-harassment_us_5a60c491e4b062a7df0bae23?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

  • Smoke O’Hontas

    This aggression will not stand, Man.
    ~Thomas Jefferson, probably~
    Note: he included three accomplishments to be inscribed on his gravestone, one of which was authoring the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom (read it!), and none of which was Predisent of the US of A for a while.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0a7e06e96fff8970fa00e765ce3a095d3d3443b4fc5afceab3c57ab65ce278cf.jpg

  • efoveks

    I’m off to the monthly meeting of my quilt guild. Time to go stab things a bunch of times, and not with votes!

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      Ouch … I read the as your “guilt guild” …

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        Church

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Don’t go turnin’ Amish on us.

  • Mavenmaven

    “No one should have to choose between faith and the law. Be like Trump, f*** ’em all.”

  • redtail

    Evangelicals, the SCOTUS blocking the NC illegal gerrymandering, voter suppression in the “one voting booth per hundred miles in the south”regulation and the honorable Citizen United is the warlocks brew for republican success. If your not going to cheat to win, then why cheat at all?

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      I cheat for the simple pleasure of cheating. Mostly at solitaire because I’m bored, but I’m no fool.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        When you cheat at solitaire, you cheat BABY JESUS!!!!!

  • chascates

    CR passes in the House.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Meh, that’ll ensure they’ve got something to do next week when this one runs out. Super good governing! Best goberning if you listen to the NPR and NYT coverage of all the forgotten drumpf supporters.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Cletus Safaris for everyone!

  • hudson

    i would like this theory to be tested. want to know what would happen if a middle eastern christian with an arabic name, gets excited about the marvel of aerodynamics, exults allahu akbar in a loaded plane.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I don’t fly often, but when taking off, I still feel the urge to yell “yeeeeehaawww” and wonder if the captain might be not-so-jaded enough to feel that urge sometimes as well. Probably not if he/she is Muslim.

  • TundraGrifter

    Would the Regressives agree that a conscientious objector with deeply held religious views opposing war shouldn’t have to pay the portion of his or her Federal income tax that funds the US Military?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Also, too, we should probably give Texas back to Mexico and expunge Muhammad Ali’s criminal record.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Nope, that would be somewhere with kneeling during the anthem.

  • Gosala

    “No one should have to choose between faith and the law. ”

    Why not?

    • hudson

      precisely. law, even if archaic, is the code of the contemporaries.

    • JustDon’tSayCamel

      Right? Practicing certain ancient religions could involve human sacrifice. Just for example.

  • Nounverb911
    • SayItWithWookies

      Wow — from splooted onto the ground to walking in 24 minutes.

  • WIDTAP

    Speaking of only letting in the morally upright, non-criminal persons from non-shithole countries, who let Sebastian Gorka in?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2018/01/18/former-trump-aide-sebastian-gorka-listed-as-wanted-on-hungarian-police-website/?utm_term=.bcf3d52c3bf7

  • bbayliss

    The “licensing deals” aren’t your ordinary licensing agreements :
    Steele:
    – and If you’re a
    real estate developer and you can’t get bank loans, you know, you’ve got a
    problem.
    And all these guys, they used leverage like, you know — so there’s
    alternative systems of financing, and sometimes it’s — well, there’s a variety of
    alternative systems of financing. But in any case, you need alternative financing.
    One of the things that we now know about how the condo projects were
    financed is that you have to — you can get credit if you can show that you’ve sold a
    certain number of units.
    So it turns out that, you know, one of the most important things to look at
    is — this is especially true of the early overseas developments, like Toronto and
    Panama — you can get credit if you can show that you sold a certain percentage of
    your units.
    And so the real trick is to get people who say they’ve bought those units,
    and that’s where the Russians are to be found, is in some of those pre-sales, is
    what they’re called. And that’s how, for instance, in Panama they got the credit
    of- they got a – Bear Steams to issue a bond by telling Bear Stearns that they’d
    sold a bunch of units to a bunch of Russian gangsters.

    And, of course, they didn’t put that in the underwriting information, they just
    said, we’ve sold a bunch of units and here’s who bought them, and that’s how they
    got the credit. So that’s sort of an example of the alternative financing.
    Now, the other way that he got financing was by not being an equity partner
    in the project, finding an equity partner and offering, you know, licensing or
    marketing arrangement where, you know, he was the, you know, the brand.
    But, you know, what I began to conclude was that the Trump brand is a
    mixed brand and that, you know, he may have had other ways of lining up buyer
    interests showing that he had buyer interest to his equity partners and telling them
    we’ve got lots of Russians who are going to buy these properties, and that’s why
    we should do this project.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      ehhh, kind of? I worked in Florida real estate, pre and post 2008.

      So if I have a company without any goddamn money, I take a loan to get some land – a regular mortgage. Then I go through permitting and zoning before/after/while trying to get construction financing.

      My construction financing may be based on the contracts signed so far, the presales. It’s a deal for the developer cause they can show banks their project has committed buyers (there’s penalties for cancelling the contract). They’re also gaining revenue (you pay a % at contract signing, and then other payments as the project progresses and hits milestones). It’s a deal for the buyer cause the developer is going to try to give you a great price on a condo you won’t really own for 2-3 years to get the above. For awhile there, with hot projects, you would see a presale contract somebody signed 3 years ago turn into a recorded deed for a unit, then see a deed where the presale buyer transferred it to a new buyer – ON THE SAME DAY. They had the resale buyer all lined up and got a nice profit.

      Where it falls apart is if everything doesn’t go as planned. On the buyer side, there was a trend pre-2008 where people would “buy the paper.” So I would put down the deposit mentioned above and get my contract – NEVER intending to follow it through. If I can’t find someone to buy my paper, suddenly I’m contractually bound to make the next deposit payment…and it’s all downhill from there.

      Also sometimes, companies can’t get the right zoning or permits or design they wanted or for whatever other reason suddenly they have contracts for only 20% of the units. Now the thing is stalled.

      (TBH, I never worked on that side of it, but I’ve seen the paperwork and moved in real estate circles).

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    Chris Hayes shows mad nad, eviscerating Paul Ryan over CHIP.

    • tehbaddr

      Good! It’s about time somebody served up that smarmy fucker!

  • La forza del resistino

    Congress tells Donald CHIP money is needed and wonders what’s the problem. His casinos always had ATMs located near the cashier’s window.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Trump sure is getting religious since the porn star thing came out.

    • Bananas Foster

      I get religious during orgasms.

      Not after them.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    I am going to start a new religion, who wants to join? Its the Church of George Carlin, with only 1 rule.

    “Thou shall keep thy religion to thy self.”

    Anyone caught violating that rule to force their religious beliefs on someone else especially when it comes to medical care has to give planned parenthood $1 million for each violation. That fine is not tax deductible either.

    • altleftjohn

      “You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he’s a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.”

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        This one mentions Roy Moore though.

        Two is all you need, folks. Moses could have carried them down the hill in his pocket. And if we had a list like that, I wouldn’t mind that brilliant judge in Alabama displaying it prominently in his courthouse lobby. As long he in­cluded one additional commandment:

        •THOU SHALT KEEP THY RELIGION TO THYSELF!!!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE8ooMBIyC8

    • Bananas Foster

      I’m an atheist.

      But, I’ve been all over the world and find religion interesting.

      I’m find with a NO PROSELYTIZING rule.

  • James

    Hoarse Whisperer has his analysis of the House Intel Committee report on Fusion GPS’s testimony.

    Boom goes the dynamite (thirty-six tweets well worth the read):

    Okay, politikids. Grab thyselves a beverage and settle in.I just careened through 180-pages of House Intel Committee testimony by Fusion GPS and it was just chockablock with tasty bits.Let's hit the buffet.1/— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) January 19, 2018

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
      • James

        Well, facts are alternative to conservatives now.

      • Gowdy is trying to finally get to the bottom of whether “facts” are good or bad.

        • altleftjohn

          Facts are stupid things. – RWR

      • Delu

        It’s a fair question.

        Facts today are looked at as largely subjective in America.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        “Some would argue [that good and bad] are inherently subjective”

        Say what? It is an article of faith among “conservatives” that “good and bad” and “right and wrong” can be objectively determined. Pretty damned cynical there, Mr. Gowdy!

        • Lord Jim

          So now that it’s becoming clearer that conservatism doesn’t actually adhere to absolute moral standards, fuck moral absolutism.

          • Saxo the Grammarian

            Whaddyamean “now”???

    • Amy!

      The concluding tweet in that thread is … kind of a truly depressing summary of DJT and the sheer pettiness of his treason.

      Trump is all about the money; Russians could give him money when no one else would, so the threat of stopping means that they own him (paraphrasing).

      Nothing heroic (or evil-villainous). It’s just that this fucking petty grifter ended up as 45th resident of the White House.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      My takeaway is that if Adam Schiff is not already everyone’s boyfriend, he should be.

  • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

    Dear God, please rapture away all these bigoted fucksticks now so the rest of us can enjoy being ruled by Satan and do whatever the fuck we like with our own bodies till such time as we die our natural deaths, kthxbai Amen.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • That sounds about right.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        But no collusion correct?

        • vukojebina_MΩment

          Of course not. They had collusion insurance.

    • memzilla Ω

      MAY have???

  • Apple Scruff

    Listening to this GOP congressman and his condescending, passive aggressive tone with Chris Hayes and it’s like, are they all taking lessons from Sarah Huckabee Pootlips?

    • tehbaddr

      They are well practiced in doublespeak, every bill they’ve passed in the last 9 years has had a double speak name!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        “Clean Air Act”

        • tehbaddr

          “Citizens United”!

        • tehbaddr

          At the State level “Right to Work State”!

      • Apple Scruff

        It’s the double speak but also the incredulousness — “How DARE you even suggest that!” Ugh, I wanted to deck him.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      It’s like they chose the most caffeinated motor mouth to go on Chris Hayes. I wanted to punch this guy last week, and I haven’t changed my mind.

  • Nounverb911

    Today in Dusseldorf.

    https://youtu.be/w4EQuM_t8Fo?t=450

    IF YOU DON’T LIKE FLYING, DON’T WATCH THIS

    • Bananas Foster

      I’m betting none of them crashed, right?

      • Nounverb911

        No one hurt.
        Lot’s of people changing their shorts though.

        • Bananas Foster

          Sounds like a win to me!

    • hudson

      the second one was perfect no? some skill.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Huge mass, also, too.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Sometime in the 2000s I had a Firenze -> CDG -> SFO flight. I checked in at the Firenze airport – it was extremely windy. I saw an Alitalia plane’s wings violently dip then correct just as it was landing – ground crews seemed startled so I know it wasn’t just my reaction. Shortly after, Air France announced that the incoming plane for my flight was diverting to Pisa.

      So, they loaded us onto a bus with our luggage and drove to Pisa.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      There would be much poop in my pants.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I have no problem flying other than the fact that the seats are not designed with us tall people in mind. Landing always freaks me out though, every time.

      • Lord Jim

        NOTHING in the world is designed for people over 5’10” except for full-sized pickup trucks and SUV’s.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          5’11 here. You’re not lying.

    • TootsStansbury

      Skill.

    • memzilla Ω

      I asked a pilot in the Newark Hilton elevator about how his landing was in that day’s 45 mph gusting crosswinds at EWR.

      Without missing a beat, he said: “Sporty.”

      Now that’s the pilot I want to fly with.

      • willi0000000

        either him or Sully . . . who would probably just say “not bad”

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • msanthropesmr

      Wrong – you’ve never been cornered by a neckbeard insisting that Linux will change your life?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        I cant resist just because you said that.

        https://img.pr0gramm.com/2015/10/12/2db61f24d8a2576f.jpg

        • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

          So I hope you are all satisfied that this GNU/Linux debate has been finally laid to rest.

          • willi0000000

            i just wish that the side that’s wrong would just shut up and go away!

        • Lord Jim

          He’s actually right. I get it. The Linux Millennials don’t want to recognize their debt to Stallman because they don’t want to
          deal with his philosophical motivations – the very notion of free software. I also get the fact that people want a computer that works, and are not purists. There’s a real dilemma here and I’m all for discussing it, and Stallman is a hardliner. I just get tired of Stallman being written off as a freetard hippie when he has contributed so much.

          Sorry.

      • James

        Objection: My wife is not a neckbeard. She also put the public library on a Linux system when the village didn’t want to pay for a Microsoft upgrade.

        • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

          Fair enough. But are there others aside from her who can keep it functioning?

          • MANGO CRIMES

            literally anyone with an IT degree

          • James

            Yes, the current librarian, and the state library commissioner.

            In point of fact, when my wife first made an update for our library at the state Website, the state library commissioner flagged it and wouldn’t permit it, because it came from a computer using Linux (her own at home).

      • Arolpin

        I got to experience the Linux vs. FreeBSD wars, and after FreeBSD emerged victorious, it morphed into a FreeBSD vs NetBSD war, that was short-lived, because the FreeBSD evangelist happened to have written the networking code that allowed multiple IP addresses on a single interface, AND re-wrote the networking part of Apache to support it. He told the NetBSD folks to write their own code (his code was open source, it compiled fine on NetBSD, they just realized they were completely outmatched, plus he was ex-Russian military, and they were ex-computer repair shop.)
        I did get to run FreeBSD on my laptop in ‘96 though.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Well I guess it depends who you hang out with, I have told people to avoid windows in conversations multiple times.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I rather like windows. They let in light and stuff.

        • DrBigHead

          But some of the “and stuff” is kinda unpleasant, though — bugs, burglars, etc.

          • James

            Plus the privacy issues with Windows 10. It is worthwhile to search for privacy for Windows 10 in a search engine to find how to shut off Window’s promiscuous behaviour. (Much of it is not easy to find.)

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi
      • Delu

        Fixed it but good.

      • Lord Jim

        While Win10 performance leaves a bit to be desired, I like its interface, particularly with the addition of multiple virtual workspaces (which I realize is quite belated). I like my autohiding taskbar with notification area better than a dock. I like the Start Screen, which is just the return of Program Manager with vast improvements (like Live Tiles). With a few keyboard shortcuts and a decent trackpad, I have an interface that works well for me. I REALLY like the fact that I can a find a Windows machine that performs acceptably at a price I can afford. Apple takes more of the Tiffany’s philosophy of pricing for prestige. But I don’t take issue with what other people like in a computer system, If it works for you, it’s good.

    • LOL.

      After a brief stay in the hospital a couple of years back they wanted me to fill out some sort of “customer” satisfaction survey. I told them in no uncertain terms that I don’t fucking recommend that people spend time in any hospital… DUH!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Makes me nostalgic for the flame wars on Usenet between adherents of Windows/Apple OS/Linux. Which were religious in nature, so this fits right in with the post!

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        Just dont bring up emacs/ vi. That one was a lot worse.

        • James

          And the flame wars between we Commodore users and PC users (we lost)

          • data_ninja

            Ah, the good ol’ C64. Them’s were the days!

          • Hey, it took the better part of a decade for Apple and Microsoft to get comparable video performance to the Amiga!

        • Saxo the Grammarian

          ED! is the standard text editor!

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            Nano or GTFO.

          • MANGO CRIMES

            Yeah there’s really no excuse for a non-old using anything but nano at this point.

          • Lord Jim

            Pico your fights carefully.

      • Kiri the Unicorn
    • msanthropesmr

      OS/2 or GTFO

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Wow, that takes me back to 1994.

        Shall we recall the ethernet vs token ring debates?

        • data_ninja

          Depends how you frame it.

        • Arolpin

          FDDI or GTFO! (It’s like token ring but faster! And more expensive! And we’ll tear out all the gear and replace it with ATM gear! And we’ll realize ATM sucks and replace all that gear next year!)

          • data_ninja

            Ha, fooled you! The building I’m in switched from token ring to Ethernet years ago, and the token ring cables are STILL up, and never got torn down!

        • Doug Langley

          Ah, yes . . . the days when one could get a Mac Quadra for a measley $9000. And 3D software was only $6000. Only if you didn’t have the big bucks for a $90,000 SGI workstation.

        • msanthropesmr

          Token ring – definitely

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        I loved OS/2 as a kid.

    • hudson

      lol. hahahahahahaha. hilarious.

    • data_ninja

      *ahem* Some of us do, but I totally get that we’re not the norm.

    • Doug Langley
    • CP/M or GTFO.

  • rocktonsam

    Fuck you Donald.

  • bbayliss

    Simpson on Bannon, Cambridge Analytica, and Brexit
    (Cambridge Analytica sells snake oil, But the Mercers are important.)

    “I don’t think, that Cambridge [Analytica] is the nucleus. I think that it’s there’s some Bannon
    connections. I know there’s – and there’s some other Bannon Stone associates, a
    guy named Theodore Roosevelt Malloch, who was – is an American who was
    living over there and associating with UKIP and, I believe, is a significant figure in
    this.
    So I don’t – l had had some run into Cambridge and Analytica previously,
    and I would – there was a lot of skepticism about whether they really were capable
    about doing anything or whether they were just selling snake oil, and that was
    certainly my view when I first heard about them years earlier. So I don’t view them
    as nucleus. The Mercers, I think are significant.”

    • Paperless Tiger

      Since when was snake oil not a hot property?

      • bbayliss

        Got a point, don’t ya?

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    USA Gymnastics will end use of Karolyi Ranch training facility.

    • Nounverb911

      GOOD!

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Astonishing it took all these years.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Anybody who wasn’t creeped out by that motherfucker and his wife 30 years ago wasn’t paying attention.