Over the past couple months, we’ve been very worried about GOP Senator Lindsey Graham. It’s not that Graham is usually a good or smart senator, but he relishes his independent streak, or shall we say, he relishes that the Beltway media thinks he’s a mini-maverick like his buddy Jammakain. So for a guy who used to basically support the Russia investigation and who during the Republican primary wasn’t scared to call Donald Trump a bugfuck “kook” to become a guy who plays “He loves me, he loves me not” on the golf course every day with Trump was weird.

Well, that love affair is OVER. For now! Until Lindsey Graham decides to forgive him and maybe he will, maybe he WON’T.

how can Donald say no to this face?

In that spirit, Graham has just come out as the first GOP senator to say, “NUH-UH, I am not voting for the continuing resolution to keep the government from shutting down, NUH-UH.” He’s mad because the GOP’s continuing resolution doesn’t have a compromise that includes DACA, and it doesn’t fund the military long-term. So NUH-UH, Donald Trump, Lindsey Graham ain’t helpin’, and also Lindsey Graham is not going necking, DONALD, you hear that, DONALD?

In Tuesday’s Senate Judiciary Committee oversight hearing with forgetful Aryan Homeland Security chief Kirstjen Nielsen, Graham talked about the bee in his bonnet, and it is that he’s pretty sure Trump has been seeing other people and talking to them about immigration. To be clear, Graham was talking about what happened last week, between the Tuesday meeting where Trump The Not Dementia Haver led a meeting on live TV about immigration and seemed to want to protect DACA people, and the Thursday meeting when Trump called all the countries with brown people “shitholes” or “shithouses” or “shitstains” or “shitbricks” or “shitknockers.”

Have a video:

What happened between 10 and 12 [on Thursday morning]? … I’m gonna find out! … Between 10 o’clock and 12 o’clock, we went from having conversations between Senator Durbin — which I believe every word — and the president, that was very hopeful. And by the time we got there, something had happened!

So Tuesday, we had a president that I was proud to golf with, call my friend, who understood immigration had to be bipartisan, you had to have border security as essential, you have border security with a wall, but he also understood the idea that we had to do it with compassion!

Now I don’t know where that guy went. I WANT HIM BACK! […]

The president ran hot [last week]. I think I know why! Something happened between Tuesday and Thursday, and we’ll get to the bottom of that.





And he wants the old Trump back. :(

The kinder, gentler, slightly less white supremacist fun golf buddy Trump. Where he go? :(


Graham added later in the hearing that this whole immigration fight has turned into an “S- Show.” (Like, he actually said “S” and not “shit,” because genteel southern bachelor gentlemen do not say “shit” in public.) [Editrix’s note: This is true.]

After the hearing, Graham threw shade at the White House staff, including grown-up-racist-in-the-room General John Kelly, saying the president’s people hadn’t served him very well last week, because they whispered sweet racisms in the president’s ear and got him all excited:

Graham reiterated much the same sentiment to reporters on Wednesday morning.

So in summary and in conclusion, Lindsey Graham is blocking Donald Trump on Facebook (even though he literally asked Trump to Call Me Maybe during the Homeland Security hearing) and if Trump does not apologize, maybe Lindsey Graham will just be BFFs with Dick Durbin instead, how you like that, Donald Trump? Oh look, Donald Trump, Lindsey Graham and Dick Durbin are playing golf together and taking selfies and eating pisketti like the dogs in Lady And The Tramp, KISS KISS KISS KISS, this could be us, Donald, but it’s not, because when you flip-flopped on DACA, you also FLIP-FLOPPED YOUR WAY RIGHT OUT OF LINDSEY GRAHAM’S HEART.

This has been a post about the political machinations throwing Congress’s ability to pass a continuing resolution to avert a government shutdown into question.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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    I’m all alone! This is scary….

  • lucidamente
  • Prefer the Lindsey “Trump is a Kook” Graham…

  • A Groucho Marxist

    “Until Lindsey Graham decides to forgive him and maybe he will, maybe he WON’T.”

    I mean, you know he’s gonna.

  • armed_bears
  • maxneanderthal

    Bought and paid for, craven lick-spittle takes fright at the way the winds blowing…quelle surprise.

  • gnomemansanisland

    Forget it Lindsey. Trump’s got a heart of stone. And it’s full of cholesterol.

  • mrFawkes

    Cockgoblin gets cockblocked by Gamecock.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Cock at 11…
      I mean film! Film at 11 dammit!

  • Anna Rompage

    Good lord, all that’s going to happen is McConnell is going to offer Lindsey a lavender blow pop, a date with the rent boy that sexed Scalia to death, and Mr Graham will be the typical yes man he always is…

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • C4TWOMAN

      Aigh! It’s the 70’s! Run for it!

      • msanthropesmr

        You can’t outrun it.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Amanda Bearse is cute as a button.

    • Red Bird

      Did they get rid of the kompromat?

    • BearGHAZI

      Hetero State is such a party school

  • Asterix

    Poor Lindsey. He’s been Mean Girl’d.

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Lindsey is a great friend, McCain is sick and going to die soon so he dumps him for Trump.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
      • Nockular cavity

        This is now my favoritest gif.

        • jodyleek

          I love the finger up to the nose at the end. Is Lindsey putting the frosting on the shade cupcake with the old finger up the nose visual insult?

          • leemoder


      • MynameisBlarney

        WTF is goin on there lol

        • Southern judgement

        • Nockular cavity

          “Oh, it’s just Rand there, going on about some ol’ bullhockey.”

        • Crank Tango

          Looks like Lindsey was trying to clear a booger with his eyes.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      It would be adorbs if Lindsey took the divorce papers to McCain’s hospital bed, no?

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        He could have Newt do it for him too.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Whoops. Did I get my cretin trivia wrong? I can’t keep ’em straight.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I do declare, Lindsey! I love it when you’re Soooo forceful!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Hi Mitch! You need to find something that will get 10 votes. Good luck sumbitch!

  • memzilla Ω

    So in addition to his fainting couch and clutching pearls and swooning fan, Lindsey is going to… what? Return Drumpf’s frat pin?

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Just so he doesn’t wear white before Easter.

    • Dinz6315

      Class ring?
      I’d say letter sweater but you can be sure Donald never lettered in a sport. Oh, is pussy-grabbing a sport?

  • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

    So we have Flake, Gowdy and now Graham making anti-Trump noises with their faceholes so far this week. Could it be they have simply realized there’s no way this ship isn’t going to sink and drag them all down with it?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      When they stop voting with Trump then I would believe it. Right now all they are doing is putting on a show.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      “The aim of life was meat. Life itself was meat. Life lived on life. There were the eaters and the eaten. The law was: EAT OR BE EATEN. He did not formulate the law in clear, set terms and moralize about it. He did not even think the law; he merely lived the law without thinking about it at all.”
      – Oprah

  • ManchuCandidate
  • Scooby

    If they split up who’s getting custody of Don jr.?

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk


    • Major^3 Andre

      The UNlucky one.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Stormy Daniels?

      • Scooby

        She could do a compare and contrast essay for extra points.

        • Me not sure

          Short essay?

      • ScottGoode

        Eric: “Daddy is Stormy my real mommy? Because I have a weird feeling in my pants when I see her”

    • Arolpin

      Hopefully a haz-mat team, but it will probably just be whatever mob-connected garbage company gave Drumpf the biggest kickback.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      They’d have to surrender Eric to a shelter. Such a shame.

  • Major^3 Andre

    Did Lindsey offer to perform an interpretive dance of what he thought happened in the White Shit House?

    • Gosala

      How bout a haiku?

      Magnolias blooming.
      Trump plants a voodoo lily.
      Even willows weep.

      (I know, but my interpretative dances are even worse)

      • mailman27

        Nice! Kind of an Asian undercurrent… Let’s bring it back to the western hemisphere… Lindsey Graham is Sum Kinda Dim!

        I have moral flaws
        Visible from outer space!!
        Give me moar money

      • Ill-Advised

        In the late winter–
        crows in the bare trees.
        Beware, travelers.

    • Me not sure
  • x111e7thst

    WTF is with all the ladies gathered to gaze upon Lindsey G. Is that adoration, lust, nausea, boredom?
    Some extremely improbable combination of the above? What?

    • gnomemansanisland

      He’s got big hands.

    • Sheepshagger

      Grooming tips and fashion advice of value is a limited commodity on the Hill.

    • Me not sure

      🎶Who’s the Republican dick
      That’s a sex machine to all the chicks? (Graham)
      You’re damn right

      Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother, man? (Graham)
      Can ya dig it?

      Who’s the cat that won’t cop out when there’s danger all about? (Graham)
      Right on
      You see this cat Graham is a bad mother (Shut your mouth)
      But I’m talkin’ about Graham (Then we can dig it)
      He’s a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman (Lindsey Graham).🎶

  • gnomemansanisland

    Mitt Romney might court Lindsey when he gets elected from Utah. Although Lindsey won’t cotton to his Mormon bloomers.

  • Me not sure

    When it comes to love, they say “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”

  • Jamoche

    “So Tuesday, we had a president that I was proud to golf with, call my friend, who understood immigration had to be bipartisan, you had to have border security as essential, you have border security with a wall, but he also understood the idea that we had to do it with compassion!”

  • Terpsichord

    “…Graham has just come out…” I see what you did there.

  • Rick Hill

    Sure seems as though a lot of cracks are forming, a lot of defense is being withheld from the certain quarters…all since the end of 2017. It’s as if some folks have given up the will to do all that…perhaps something happened. Maybe some last minute legislation was passed or something that made trump more of a liability than an ass…et.

    • Rasilom

      Nothing will ever make tRump less of an ass.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Tax breaks! Tax breaks! Get yer red-hot tax breaks!

  • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

    Roger Stone is trying to get Hulk Hogan to run against Rick Scott in the Florida senate race.

    STONE: I am somewhat surprised that President Trump has decided to endorse Ron DeSantis since DeSantis most definitely did not support the nomination of Donald Trump. I do think DeSantis has been a most effective advocate for the President in terms of blowing apart the cover-up of the egregious corruption within the Obama Justice Department and the partisan hit squad assembled by special counsel Robert Mueller. At the moment, I am more focused on persuading Hulk Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, to challenge Governor Rick Scott for the U.S. Senate nomination in 2018. At a minimum, I hope to convince Hogan to body slam Scott in every debate. If the governor is under the impression that his personal responsibility for $1 billion in Medicaid fraud is no longer an issue, he’s wrong.

    • Rebel Scum with permit
    • ManchuCandidate

      Hulkamania is running riled.

      Sex tape with someone else’s wife more of a sin than stealing 1 billion in tax monies.

      • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

        With republican voters both of those are positives. 63 million of them voted for Trump.

    • A Groucho Marxist

      You know what’s cool about Roger Stone is that everything he says is a lie or is predicated on an earlier lie.

    • MynameisBlarney

      This. This is why we can’t have nice things.

    • And why not? We’ve had Governor “The Body” Ventura and someone is talking up Senator The Rock.

    • kaydenpat

      Republicans are really digging low in the ditch to find candidates to run. I suppose that Hulk Hogan is no less qualified than Trump to be a politician. David Duke needs to dust himself off.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Hogan IS on tape saying the N word. Close enough for Roger.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I would like to see that.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      What is it with Stone and guys with small penii?

  • Anna Rompage

    Lindsey has about as much resolve as Susan Collins… Sure, they’ll verbally protest here and there, and then when it gets down to the brass tacks, they cave every single time….

    • kaydenpat

      Yep. They’re useless just like the rest of the GOP. Flake comes out and makes grand speeches condemning Trump and then turns around and votes for his agenda. They can all go and take several seats and shut up.

  • kLo

    Graham, DTMFA.

  • CutterTeam

    Can you name one fucking person who has gotten close to Trump over a significant period of time and ended up eventually saying “You know, that was a really good idea and the experience was TOTALLY worth it.”

    He’s had three wives and cheated on all three. Business partners? Either refused to pay them back or left them holding the bag while he declared bankruptcy. Trump University students? Screwed them, took their money and settled for pennies on the dollar. White House staffers? Either fired, left in disgust, or being investigated as part of the Russia thing. The media that kissed his ass and embraced his idiot clown show during the primaries and much of the general election? He’s declared them enemies of the state. Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan? They’ve never been less popular. For fuck sake, his own children and son-in-law might end up in prison before this all over.

    Get a fucking clue, Lindsey. Your time is coming.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      In the words of Rick Wilson “Everything Trump touches dies”.

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Mark Cuban made a good point before the election. For most business people there would be at least one person saying “this guy is great and responsible for my career”. With Trump they couldn’t even find one person to say that.

    • BearGHAZI

      I believe Alex Jones remains his faithful butt boy

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Alex is fickle. He will expose Trump as a Bilderburg Reptillian before the Mid Terms. Hopefully before Jade Helm 18.

    • everstar

      One of the things that makes me saddest about people wasting their time and enthusiasm on Donald Trump is that he’s such a worthless human being. There are so many wonderful people in the world to admire, and so many great causes to take up, and they decided to throw everything in with a man who has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

      • SadDemInTex

        He was the “lowest white man who was still better than the Black man who was President before him”. It was pure unadulterated racism, hatred and fear. I swear they had to show that even a complete corrupt, failed moron was better than the most wonderful President we have had in 50 years just because he was white and Obama wasn’t.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      Nice post, but I believe the way the sentiment you describe is expressed here on Wonket is, “Say, do you know who else Donald Trump fucked in the ass, hard?”

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Lucy can just crouch there holding that football until she drops. Not going to kick at it again.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      I always hated her.

  • Arolpin

    How soon until Wendi Deng Murdock invites Lindsey to her yacht for the weekend, and she also invites Orange Foolius, and they make up and end up frigging in the rigging?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Sheepshagger

      “After midnight baby, we gonna let it all hang out…”

  • wide_stance_hubby

    So desperate, he’ll do anything for that hot make up sex.

    • ScottGoode

      Please, never speak of that again.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Details, you say? You want details?

    • vivian

      Wouldn’t hot make up just turn into colorful sludge that burns?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Beggars/choosers. At least he’s not in that rest stop bathroom for a while.

    • Daniel

      “You remind me of my daughter.”
      “With your mouth, silly!”
      “Remind me of my daughter!”
      “You know what to say, let me tell you!”

      • Button

        “You remind me of the babe.”
        “What babe?”
        “The babe that’s my daughter.”
        “What daughter?’
        “The daughter that I’d do.”
        “Hoo, dude.”
        “You too.”
        “Remind me of my babe.”

  • kaydenpat

    Graham is a very strange dude. That is all.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    I’m starting to believe these poltroons couldn’t organize a bake sale.

    • Me not sure

      … at a fat man’s convention.

  • RickyG

    Lindsey will get to the bottom. Count on it!

    • ScottGoode

      slow clap

    • JaveyDay

      – Mike Pence

      – Mother

    • mailman27

      Hey now.

  • cmd resistor

    Compassion. Right. Here are the Christians:
    Franklin Graham on FB:
    President Donald J. Trump has been beaten up for saying something that he says he didn’t say. Some others in the meeting have confirmed that he didn’t say what was alleged. I don’t know—I wasn’t in the meeting, it was private. I certainly don’t condone vulgarity, whether it’s from Republicans or Democrats or anyone else. But I do appreciate that the President has stood strong for religious freedoms. I appreciate that he declared today Religious Freedom Day—don’t you? He’s right—“Faith is embedded in the history, spirit, and soul of our nation.”
    And, according to the Hill:
    “[Franklin} Graham is not the only evangelical to defend Trump.
    Southern Baptist Pastor Robert Jeffress defended the remarks last week, saying, “Apart from the vocabulary attributed to him, President Trump is right on target in his sentiment.”

    • Oblios_Cap

      What exemplary Christians.

      • cmd resistor

        Yep, zeroed right in on the important issue — bad words.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          They are practiced in the art of deception…
          h/t Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones.

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        Haha yeah, it’s not like Latin America is hugely Christian!

    • BMW

      Franklin Graham can eat a dick.

      • Daniel

        That’s just a rumour.

      • Ling Ling

        My lion is hungry….

    • gallbladder

      “Apart from the vocabulary attributed to him, President Trump is right on target in his sentiment.”

      Talk about shooting both feet off at the same time. Must be more of that compassionate conservatism I’ve been hearing so much about.

    • Gosala

      once a-god-damned-gin. Its not the fucking shit hole crappy profanity.

      It’s the racism.

      And Robert Jeffress …[rules]

    • mailman27

      These evangelicals have even less of an excuse than the rest of the deplorables. Donald J. Trump is no more of a Christian than I am. And I’m not. A Christian.

      • yyyaz

        Bertrand, that you?

  • BMW
  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    “But it did not all happen in a day, this giving over of himself, body and soul, to the man-animals. He could not immediately forego his wild heritage and his memories of the Wild. There were days when he crept to the edge of the forest and stood and listened to something calling him far and away.”

    Lindsey Hears a Joo.

  • JaveyDay

    Lindsey, Lindsey, eyes so blind
    Moral turpitude like rancid wine
    Lindsey, Lindsey, your leadership
    Delivers us through holes of shit
    Oh Lindsey, Lindsey, you are so craven
    Prostrate yourself in a coward’s haven
    Oh, Lindsey, Lindsey, so despised
    A broken man who chokes on lies

    • Me not sure

      I smell a poet laureate in the wings.

    • cmd resistor

      I think I will learn to cross-stitch so I can do a sampler that says “CRAVEN.” Or “CRAVEN PIGS.”

      • Me not sure

        Don’t be cross. Be a happy little stitcher.

  • Marceline

    Apparently this is the week when all the “good” Republicans are trying to pretend they aren’t treacherous scum. Jeff Flake gives his little speech, John McCain does an op-ed in WaPo defending the press and Lindsey…does whatever the hell this is.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I loathe these scenes.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      Maverick kabuki?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        With “acting” that doesn’t even rise to “elementary school play” levels.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      They need some way to pretend they don’t own any of
      his shit. I think (hope?) this is partially to blame for cotton’s memory loss.

    • OneYieldRegular

      These people are awful. It’s taken them a full year of Trump playing President to figure out that his dangerous narcissism may be a threat to themselves as well as the world, and they’re still hedging their bets.

      • Naytch

        And still voting for most of his agenda while wringing their hands.

  • puredog
  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Oblios_Cap

    Really, Lindsey. Stop it – you’re just embarrassing yourself.

    • everstar

      Assumes sense of shame not in evidence?

  • georgiaburning

    If these 2016 “never Trump” Repubs stood together and made a stand for their country and against the backers I’d have a bit of respect for them. But they are complicit in this slow coup against our Constitution.

  • BreakingDeadMen
  • cmd resistor

    Interesting. A bunch of Jewish rabbis and other leaders arrested in a pro-DACA protest at the Capitol.
    Protesters sat on the floor of the Senate office building, singing and holding hands after marching into the Capitol and unfurling bright red banners that read “Pass the Dream Act Now” and “Let My People Stay,” a nod to an Old Testament Biblical passage wherein the Lord speaks to Moses. Several lawmakers — including Reps. Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Rep. Sandy Levin and Sens. Dick Durbin and Patrick Leahy — joined the group.
    “For the Jewish community, this speaks to us as Jewish Americans. In our most sacred Jewish text, the most often repeated commandment says that we should welcome and love the stranger,” Barbara Weinstein, Associate Director of the RAC, told CNN.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Durbin is NOT getting invited to any more slumber parties.

  • Martini A, very stable genius
    • Crank Tango

      Broken calendar’s right once every 7 years or something to that effect.

  • BadKitty904
  • “Comrade Senator.”
    “Mr. Putin.”
    “Two words for you. Pink Tutu.”
    “I’ll let President Trump know I’m behind him 100%.”

  • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

    OT, but I don’t feel like waiting for the open thread. Let’s point and laugh again at how thoroughly the Trump Shithouse got played by Michael Wolff…

    • TundraGrifter

      “Played?” Mr. Trump’s team of T-ball bench warmers couldn’t tell if a six-year-old was cheating at Go Fish!

    • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

      Nearly everyone who spoke with Wolff thought someone else in the White House had approved their participation. And it appears that not a single person in a position of authority to halt cooperation with the book — including Trump himself — raised any red flags, despite Wolff’s well documented history. His previous work included a critical book on Trump confidant Rupert Murdoch, the Twenty-First Century Fox Inc. co-chairman.

      Anyone can just walk into the White House and do whatever they want as long as they are confident it seems.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        A clipboard and a stern demeanor will get you far.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Yeah true, but shouldn’t the White House have better security then a store in the mall?

          • Sheepshagger

            Well Roy Moore didn’t get into either.

          • Raan


            Yes it should.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Ha,ha with these incompetents in charge?

          • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

            But he only hires the best morons.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Oxy-morons evidently.

          • Ill-Advised

            It’s turned into a mall. And its security seems directed more towards securing Russian rubles than American values.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Only if their skin matches the paint job.

      • Sheepshagger

        Wolff said in an interview that their interest in publication immediately waned when they found it was a book. Because who reads books, right?

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Actually that works in many places.

        • Magma Cardhole jesterpunk

          Yeah, no one wants to question someone who looks mad and like they belong there. But the White House should have better security then just about any other place.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I’m sure they did, when the professional types were running the place. But when you promote people for being toadies and get rid of everyone that knows the job, well this is what you get. What do you want to bet t-rump got rid of all the guys that worked with ex-prez Obama?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Looks like you CAN shit a shitter. Who knew?

  • BadKitty904
  • BreakingDeadMen
    • Proud Liberal

      One of the best!

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Sen. Graham needed a side piece, with Sen. McCain being so sick.

  • BadKitty904
  • elviouslyqueer

    Lindsey, darling, is it too much to ask that you take an actual principled stand? Because right now, you’ve got more flip flops than the summer clearance aisle at Target.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Donald Trump has an unstable personality. There, I said it.

    • Notreelyhelping

      And he’s a bloody raving loony.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Brave AF.

      Can you clear up for me where bears go potty, too?

      • Sheepshagger


        • BreakingDeadMen

          There’s a Dimitri Medvedev joke in there somewhere

          • ken_kukec

            Medvedev called Trump everything but bear-scat after Trump signed the Russian sanctions bill, so yeah.

    • WIDTAP

      Which part of “Donald Trump will fuck you over whether your his enemy or his fervent ally” do they not understand?

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        Ooh! Ooh! I know!! Is the answer, AOT,K – ??

  • BreakingDeadMen

    It the Kompormat they have on Graham is only that he’s gay, I will be sorely disappointed.

    • Caepan

      Like finding out that stuff costs money.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Ilgattomorte

    Lindsey Graham is delicately arranging glass figurines. After a time Lindsey’s Senate brother Tom enters, accompanied by a gentleman caller.

    “Hello Lindsey”, Tom says, “You remember Donald. He’s a driven young man with his mind set on career advancement.”

    “Oh Yes”, Lindsey replied, “Mother said you’d be bringing along a gentleman caller.”

    “Why Lindsey”, the caller said, “What is all of that you have there?”

    “Why, this is my Glass Menagerie. I have a figurine for every mood and feeling. Each one is special”

    “Is that so”, said the caller, “tell me about them.”

    “Well, this is a bunny. It’s so cute and shy. And, I love this little dog. He represents loyalty and friendship. But my favorite is this unicorn.”

    “The unicorn?”, the caller quizzed.

    “Yes, it’s so special.”

    “No!”, said the caller. “Unicorns come from a shithole country. We certainly don’t need any more unicorns here.” With that, he picks up the unicorn, breaks off it’s horn and tosses it out the window.

    “Listen”, the caller said, “I’ve got to be going. I have a date with a porn star that I’m not really seeing, if you know what I mean. We’ll talk later, when you can come back to me, without anymore of this unicorn shit.” The caller exits.

    “Tom”, Lindsey exclaims, “Are you playing some kind of joke upon me?”

    Tom replies, “Why no Lindsey. In fact I can hardly remember what just happened.”


    • Notreelyhelping

      Williams is pouring a martini and chuckling in his grave.

    • Ghoti theLinguist

      Oh, mah stars!

    • theblackdog

      Needs moar fainting couch

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Bravo! Arthur! Arthur!

      • NellCote71

        Actually more Tennessee! Tennessee!

  • Molon Labe
    • Spurning Beer

      Oh, it’s that guy from the Moron Lobby.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        You need to narrow it down a LOT more.

    • Courser_Resistance

      TOTALLY DIFFERENT than shitholes. LOL

    • Wilbur T

      So you’re saying Miss Lindsey is a hypocrite? I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

  • James Baskin
  • This article is a thing of beauty.

  • Mavenmaven

    That last paragraph sounds like it should be the lyrics to a Randy Rainbow number.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Hmm. Have we ever seen Randy and Evan in the same place at the same time?

      • Mavenmaven

        Would love to be there if that does ever happen!!!

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    The only person I am “proud” to play golf with is a guy who after the round has to “pay me money” (no matter, it seems, how many strokes I give him). He once asked how come he had to pay me at the end of every round and I told him, “That’s just how golf works.”

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      If you want to say the President of the United States makes you proud, but the only thing you can think of is predilection for golf, something is wrong.

  • pstokk

    You’re a funny guy, Evan.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Somebody’s getting cockblocked here, I just don’t know who.

  • chicken thief

    Lindsay is pissed, p-i-s-s-e-d, that The Donald never told him that he reminded The Donald of Ivanka.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Donald and Lindsey
      Up in a tree

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    The soulless, dead look in Lindsay’s eyes these days (more so than usual) comes from realizing he’s never getting his decency back, now that he sold it in the vain hope that he could point to daca as one good thing that he did that would redeem his otherwise unspoiled track record of being an irredeemable shitheel fuckwit.

  • Sean Jungian

    Is there anything I enjoy more than reading Evan Hurst’s posts? I submit that there is NOT.

  • TimResistit
  • Shibusa

    Can I just point out that “merit-based immigration” is not something Trump-loving, immigrant-hating Bubbas want? They live in fear of brown people who will push them out of whatever jobs they have!

    • Jamoche

      They don’t want merit-based anything, because deep down they know they’d lose.

      • Tj McGee Wright

        Well what exactly is grevinace politics but a chance to bitch and moan without risking fixing any of your crummy self-excuses

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I might respect Lindz more if they do have dirt on him (depending on what the dirt is, obviously). Otherwise he just has no moral or ethical backbone.

      • Tj McGee Wright

        Wouldn’t get your hopes up

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      No, in their pea-brains the meritorious whites of Europe will become their benevolent overlords, and eject the Brown in exchange for their worship. Who will pick fruit and wash toilets is not made clear.

      • Who will pick fruit and wash toilets is not made clear.

        Trump supporters.

        • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

          Absolutely not, that’s for the dirty browns that are no longer here.

        • Tj McGee Wright

          Robots. And they’ll turn Trumpers into Soylent Redneck, run ads for them on Fox, sell it as a natural viagra suplement or whatever.

          • Probably won’t happen in our lifetimes. Just too difficult to make a flexible thinking machine. Meatware seems the most cost effective.

    • Rickyphoo

      Maybe tRump has the leverage but more likely it’s the Russians. I sure hope the secret isn’t that he gay because 1) it ain’t a secret, and 2), who cares?

  • OneYieldRegular

    “we had a president that I was proud to golf with”

    Well that is some mighty high praise right there.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      Mighty white of him

    • Tj McGee Wright

      What does “proud to golf with” entail?
      I guess not the other dungheap of Nazi shitshow word splooges!

  • Lordpnut

    “Jammakain” conjures up the image of a dreadlocked, weed-smoking, rasta McCain who didn’t almost sink his own carrier in the gulf Tonkin.
    Sweet, mon.

  • Shibusa

    “I WANT HIM BACK!” made me think of “Shane! Come back!”

  • Just Lark

    This was so funny it made me donate out loud.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Please. You can’t trust any words that comes out of a Rethug pols mouth. He’ll be licking Trumpkins’ balls in no time.

  • SadDemInTex

    The point is not that 45 said “shit*****”. The point is that the implication was that people from those countries are less “desirable” than a white person from Norway and those countries are horrible, not because of European colonialism and the constant stealing of their resources and labor (United States and Russia and China) but because these people of color are naturally inferior and their cultures are not as good as European ones.

    • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

      Yup. Whereas you and I, by virtue of geography, live in the beautiful confusion of several cultures mixing, and live better lives as a result.

      • texcynical

        Yeah, except for the fucking wingnut and secessionist infestation.

        • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

          I think Lady Bird wanted to plant wildflowers to choke out the weeds. Just thinkin’ out loud.

  • Jgb979

    Color mr shocked if Lindsay actually follows through with country over party for …………….the first time in his career

    Pretty sure he’ll collapse with the vapors by this evening and get back to bootlicking

    • Begin Anew Day

      You nailed it.

  • vukojebina_MΩment

    Still, a better love story than Twilight?

    • Zippy W Pinhead


    • JustDon’tSayShithole

      Maybe good news for John McCain?

  • tegrat

    Did he chuck his mobile phone in the ‘loo? If so, then we know it’s over.

    • Buzz1313

      Ooh! Do you remember during the Republican primary when Trump gave out Lindsey’s digits to…everybody?? Lindsey had to get a new phone number. Haha- what a dick!

  • Baby Lindsey Graham is running a little hot.

    Not a flaming retardant

  • Thorn Spike

    What happened between 10 and 12 [on Thursday morning]?

    I’m guessing 5 Big Macs, 2 buckets of KFC, 3 Trump Tower Taco Bowls, a dozen Diet Cokes and two scoops of something. And the Fox cretins.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      Naturally the one time the junk food industry could finally do something good for America, totally drops the ball

  • Duke

    Eating pisketti like Lady and the Tramp!

    Funny stuff, Evan

  • Bitter Scribe

    Oh fuck Lindsey Graham. That pipsqueak did his damnedest to blow up the ACA and continually panders to the worst anti-immigrant bigots in the country. I’m sick of everyone swooning every time he says something the least bit decent or non-swinish.

  • Wookie Monster

    Maybe if Lindsey stood outside Trump’s window with a boom box “Say Anything” style, Trump would reconsider his position on DACA.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I dunno, Miss Lindsey… you’re not getting any younger, and your window of opportunity for finding Mr. Right is slowly closing. Better swallow your pride and do what’s needed to get him back.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Forget about swallowing the pride!

      Just belly up, Lindsey, and swallow cum! That’s all he wants from you.

  • geoffalnutt

    “Give those tongues a rest, boys!”

  • PlutoAnimus

    Lady and the Trump?

  • Pisto75666


    REOSpeedwagon libel!

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Ah the old Trump. Miss that too. The one on a crappy teevee show we could all ignore.

  • Brewster

    Lindsay’s awkward swallow after he says “I want him back” is very telling. Would love to know what Trump image flashed in his mind right there.

  • davefromoregon

    Just to be clear. A Republican president with a Republican House and a Republican Senate are unable to pass a Republican continuing resolution because the previous three are unable to pass a Republican budget.

    Perhaps it is time for a Republican apocalypse at the polls.

  • therblig
  • AuntyMaude

    Preemptive apologies to Geminis everywhere, but this describes prez fuckwad to a tee:
    This is from
    Your duality expresses itself in a million capricious ways – you zing
    from thought to thought, concept to concept, person to person, with a
    dizzying facility that dazzles* the world around you but doesn’t exactly
    provide you or others with a sense of stability or fidelity.

    *I would replace “dazzles” with “fucks the fuck out of everything and damages/ruins innocent peoples’ lives for no goddamn reason other than you’re a diarrheic shit stain destroying…”

  • Tragic Typos

    I now have to listen to six hours of Ethiopian funk and jazz to get that REO Speedwagon song out of my head.

  • Tragic Typos

    You know, I said to my Republican father in the late 90s that the biggest problem in DC was that the GOP has no idea how to conduct itself when it is a majority. Twenty years later and they still haven’t figured it out.

    If they actually had an ideologically consistent agenda that their voters could support, they would be steamrolling that shit through Congress on the daily. Instead we have the political equivalent of a Harlequin Romance.

    They are the party of manufactured drama.

  • rubikcube

    For the time being, Donald can fuck his daughter/pornstars while Lindsey can fuck other men. Who am I kidding, these saucy girls have had an open relationship the whole time.

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