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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

The House Intel Committee is making Steve Bannon drag his ass back to the Hill again this morning after Trump’s White House cited executive privilege to keep him from talking. Since Bannon spent much of the 10-hour meeting trying to suck his own cock, Bannon GOT SERVED by Robert Mueller too, and word is leaking out that Bannon would really like to avoid speaking in front of a Grand Jury. FBI agents actually showed up at Steve Bannon’s house last week, but Bannon told them to talk to his attorney, William Burck, the same guy defending White House Counsel Don McGahn and Reince Priebus. HOW CONVENIENT!

A federal judge has shot down Robert Mueller’s request to put Paul Manafort and Rick Gates on trial in May, so now the trial is likely to begin in September or October, right before the 2018 Midterms. LOL.

House Republicans introduced a laughably obscene stop-gap funding bill designed to cripple health insurance provisions but they don’t even have the House Freedom Crazies on board, and that’s making a government shutdown more likely.

Some Republicans are signaling that they’d rather have a clean DACA bill in exchange for a clean defense spending bill that raises sequestration caps. Look at these beggars being all choosy!

House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer says that Democrats won’t support any funding bill unless it includes DACA protections, and they expect Republicans to kick the can down the road…again.

IF a deal isn’t reached, the blame is likely to fall on Republicans (as usual), but nobody is enthused about becoming the next Ted Cruz or Newt Gingrich.

Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Joe Dunford has said that the new National Military Strategy is none of your fucking business, so don’t bother asking how Uncle Sam is going to kill bad hombres at home and abroad.

The Senate barely renewed Section 702 of FISA last night after an unlikely alliance of Democratic leaders and libertarians began pushing for greater privacy protections for Americans.

The Trump administration plans to protect doctors who refuse to perform abortions or treat transgender patients if they decide to cite religious/moral objections. Hope that Jehovah’s Witness wasn’t scheduled to do your blood transfusion!

Trump’s Justice Department wants a SCOTUS ruling on Dreamers after a San Francisco judge said that all the little Messican kids can continue to apply for DACA protection.

Frederica Wilson and Pramila Jayapal have announced they’ll skip the SOTU citing “racism and hatred coming out of the White House,” and will instead hold their own “State of Our Union” party where it’ll be way easier to sneak in a flask.

A brain drain up and down the ballot is spreading throughout the GOP as Republicans pass on 2018 challenges to Democrats running for reelection, allowing Democrats to fortify their war chest and image for 2020.

Nine out of 12 members of the National Park Service Advisory Board quit out of frustration with grifty bastard Ryan Zinke’s continued refusal to meet with the panel even once.

The Navy is filing charges that include negligent homicide against commanders and officers involved in the collisions of the USS McCain and USS Fitzgerald.

Like many Americans, Trump is borderline obese and balding, and the fat-ass denials have spawned the “#girther” movement. SHOW US THE SCALE!

Last night Hannity started crying about the lying liberal media fat-shaming Trump, and bitched about how nobody complained about Obama’s health. He then brought out Eric Trump to defend all the cheeseburgers, Red Bull and ice cream. Donald Trump is a (obese) American, damn it, and he can have a heart attack if he wants to!

Just a reminder:

During the 2016 elections, Fox News opted to kill that story about Stormy Daniels, the porn star ALLEGEDLY paid to STFU about her 2006 affair with President Puss-Grab. Too bad her friend and colleague went on Megyn Kelly to talk about Trump’s “tighty-whities” yesterday.

Congrats to Patty Schachtner, who just won a special Wisconsin state Senate election against a little twerp who sent around nasty campaign mailers.

Ann Curry will be on teeve this morning to talk about Matt Lauer being a creepy, job stealing pervert. UPDATE: She wasn’t surprised.

Border patrol agents regularly destroy water and food parcels at secret aid stations stocked by humanitarian groups trying to prevent people from dying of thirst as they trek across the desert.

Syrian crossroads seem like cold war battlegrounds for US and Russian forces trying to gain footholds in the Middle East, and the US plan to support Kurdish rebels is pissing off regional autocrats and dictators.

Rappler is a news outlet in the Philippines that was was shut down Monday because it’s been critical of President Rodrigo Duterte killing innocent people.

Apple is again denying charges that its Chinese factory workers are suffering in deplorable conditions so that snotty 10-year-olds and presidents can shitpost on social media.

Just in case you needed to text your drunk uncle, somebody is creating a bot that imitates Trump tweets. Hurray…Science….

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert noted that it’s convenient Trump is only ALMOST obese; Seth Meyers did a quick Check In with Puerto Rico; The Daily Show is calling bullshit on fat-gate; Jordan Klepper is resisting the “estrogenda.”

And here’s your morning Nice Time! LITTLE PIGGIES!

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911

    The results from trump’s mental test are in:
    https://twitter.com/cathywilcox1/status/953532986514796544

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      This is brilliant!!!!

  • Nounverb911
    • jodyleek

      Forgot Dolittle.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Dr. Doom cares not about your trust, only your obedience!

      • jodyleek

        And forgot Dr. No also too. And Welby. And Dr. Mengele.

    • kareemachan

      Scratch out Oz and I’m with ya.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Zaius!

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Doctor Love libelz!

    • Gayer Than Thou
    • Parakeetist

      Doctor Who
      Dr. Klaw from Inspector Gadget

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Welby
      Zhivago

    • Querolous

      Dr, Corn (it’ll tickle your innards)

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Bannon: I’ll take a fifth of Amendment
    Mueller: Fifth of Amendment?
    Bannon: Yeah you know, fifth of gin, fifth of bourbon, fifth of Amendment. You can’t trick me, I know my fifths!

  • Nounverb911
    • Bub the very stable zombie

      Imaginary currency sees its value dropping as investors realize there isn’t even a pig in their poke. Huh. Did not see that coming.

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      BUY TULIPS!

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Or Beanie Babies!

    • kareemachan

      Gee, who’d’ve thunk it?

    • Andrew Rheinheimer

      The Bitcoin people will continue to say ‘This is fine. It’s normal, don’t worry.’, while regular people scoff at them while using physical currency with imaginary value.

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        Our imaginary money usually isn’t even physical anymore, just a bunch of electrons sent from your phone to your bank to your credit card company to a vendor.

        But, and I say this without a shred of snark, Bitcoin is still fucking stupid.

        • Andrew Rheinheimer

          Oh, no, absolutely. I still hate Bitcoin, because it feels like the people who get it try and lord it over everyone else, when it clearly is a scam.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I’m glad all my money’s in boullion! Wait, what…?

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        Chicken or beef?

    • From Russia with Love
      • Oblios_Cap

        Good for exports, I reckon.

        • From Russia with Love

          Yep. And bad for Americans living in Europe (if your income is in $$ like mine).

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      This is why all my money’s in Fluffernutter.
      Well, not the only reason.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I hear that hasenpfeffer is the next big thing…

      • Marion in Savannah

        Really? We invested early in popcorn futures and we’re cleaning up.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        All my money is in my house. I mean that literally. Like, there’s $10 and an undeposited paycheck in my wallet.

    • Bub the very stable zombie
      • pstokk

        Isn’t “one born every minute” a fundamental?

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          A fool and their money should have never gotten together in the first.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Huh. Glad I waited to remortgage the house and use the money to buy some.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Didn’t the Hunt brothers do this with Silver in the 1980s?

      • Querolous

        Randolph and Mortimer Duke with OJ futures?

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Oh man, Jamie Lee Curtis topless. Good times.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Real estate. Invest in real estate. Last I heard, they weren’t making any more of that.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      C ‘mon, it’s just a market adjustment. If you can’t trust a bunch of Twatwaffle techbros to store your wealth in binary code on offshore servers, then, then, what else https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/541ac57ed3fe63f91754f01a259c3baa2eee7923e3beb296c4065d30f3e482bc.jpg can you put in your investment dollars, shit with actual value?

  • Asterix

    The rethuglicans are using children’s health insurance funding as a cudgel against the Dems to pass the funding bill. This is sick and twisted, even for the R’s.

    I am urging CT Dems to not vote on the funding bill.

  • VirginiaHighFiber

    Piggies!

  • Bub the very stable zombie

    If I had cute little piggies, I’d give them names.
    “Here Ham! Here Porkchop! Here Bacon!”

    • OneYieldRegular

      A friend who lives in the country took us to have barbecue for lunch this weekend. Just afterwards, he walked us by a little farm where piggies came running from all over to greet us at the fence. That bastard.

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        Orphans be like that.

    • From Russia with Love

      Your son Killer already told us about this.

  • Nounverb911

    When does donnie declare war on New Jersey?
    https://twitter.com/FirstLadyNJ/status/953405409120915457

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Most Stable Land Shark

    Flurry of Lawsuits Filed to Fight Repeal of Net Neutrality

    One suit, filed by 21 state attorneys general, said the agency’s actions broke federal law. The commission’s rollback of net neutrality rules were “arbitrary and capricious,” the attorneys general said, and a reversal of the agency’s longstanding policy to prevent internet service providers from blocking or charging websites for faster delivery of content to consumers.

    Mozilla, the nonprofit organization behind the Firefox web browser, said the new F.C.C. rules would harm internet entrepreneurs who could be forced to pay fees for faster delivery of their content and services to consumers. A similar argument was made by another group that filed a suit, the Open Technology Institute, a part of a liberal think tank, the New America Foundation.

    Suits were also filed on Tuesday by Free Press and Public Knowledge, two public interest groups. Four of the suits were filed in the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. The Free Press suit was filed in the United States Court of Appeals for the First Circuit.

    • Seen those, didn’t have the time :(

      • Most Stable Land Shark

        Dominic … only posted as a reminder that the tech industry will not go quietly into that good night. I suspect this will screw up implementation of the “law” for the time being.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Alternate definition: A well-known member of the Pennsylvania Dutch.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • cmd resistor

      They haven’t even bothered to address this one, have they?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Joe Dunford has said that the new National Military Strategy is none of your fucking business, so don’t bother asking how Uncle Sam is going to kill bad hombres at home and abroad.

    The last news headline I saw before going to bed last night was that the Pentagon was considering using nuclear weapons in response to cyber attacks, which really got my hopes up that our new National Military Strategy will also include militarized sharks.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • lolol

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Is that Aquaman movie ever coming out?

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      One of these dudes is not like the others
      One of these dudes just does not belong
      Can you tell which monkey-boy is not like the others
      By the time we finish our song?

    • janecita

      More Jason Momoa please.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Oblios_Cap

    Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Joe Dunford has said that the new National Military Strategy is none of your fucking business, so don’t bother asking how Uncle Sam is going to kill bad hombres at home and abroad.

    Just give us the buttloads of money that could be used to really make your lives better and trust us. We’re all heroes, Dammit!

  • Nounverb911
    • Bub the very stable zombie

      “Uh…I’ll just have a slice of dry toast and a black coffee thanks.”

      • From Russia with Love

        Dry white toast, if you please.

        • vukojebina_MΩment

          NORWEGIAN toast, if you will.

          • MynameisBlarney

            NORMEGIAN!

        • MynameisBlarney

          Dry white toast, well done. With ketchup.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          And two fried chickens.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That looks kinda gross actually.

    • Bill D. Burger

      That reminds me. I haven’t had breakfast!

    • Wackyland Radio Resistor

      I’ve made some good food porn with slow motion hollandaise sauce, but French toast sounds yummmmmmy right now

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      I thought that proper internet format was to place that stack on top of a kitteh’s head.

      • Wackyland Radio Resistor

        Or next to a babby goat in a sweater

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Squee!

          • Wackyland Radio Resistor

            There’s nothing cuter! Except maybe a prancing unicorn stallion that is happy to see me!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            A unicorn stallion who’s hella busy!

            Nonetheless…

            *burrows his muzzle in your hair, nostrils flaring as he takes in your scent-
            gives you a small but sincere kiss before getting back to work*

          • Wackyland Radio Resistor

            Aw, I’m blushing. You’re so sweet, busy unicorn; sincere kisses are the best. *wraps arms around your neck and melts into warm hug before you rush back to work*

    • SayItWithWookies

      Mmm — that’s Elvis enough to make me want to shoot the tv afterwards.

    • cmd resistor

      So I had to get blood drawn for routine tests this morning. Then drove thru Burger King to get a sausage biscuit to get my cholesterol levels back up.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      That’s making my teeth hurt.

  • Mr Ephemeris

    Well, we’ve run out of explanations for Trump’s behavior. He’s just plain evil.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Latverian Diplomat

      16:9 aspect ratio is unamerican!

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        2 dimensions is unamerican!

    • Bub the very stable zombie

      I like the misspelling of “view.” It’s a nice little touch of verisimilitude.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “It’s my sincere religious belief that killing one person to save five by selling the one’s organs on the dark web is the moral choice. #MAGA #RFRA.”
    — A Trumpkin Doctor

    • From Russia with Love

      God gave you two kidney’s for a reason.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Two lungs too.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • wide_stance_hubby

      Not to mention how far from him they choose to stand.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
  • Nounverb911
  • Ghoti theLinguist

    So is Bannon going to spill the beans on Dolt 45? He has nothing to lose.

    • Me not sure

      The only question now is how can he negotiate a lessening of his own culpability.
      My guess is that talks are ongoing about a plea deal or immunity.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Hell no. He’s going to lie under oath.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Bannon will lie under oath AND implicate Trump. The more chaos Bannon creates, the longer he stays out of jail.
        BTW, Manafort’s trial will not start in May. It will start in September. Just in time to precede the Mid-terms.

    • From Russia with Love

      If the Russians are involved, he still might have one thing to lose.

    • xintheline
  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bub the very stable zombie
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Eric Trump also whiffed on his brother Barron’s age, and was later heard off camera on a live mic grumbling “that little bastard is cutting into my inheritance”.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Nounverb911
    • Ryan Denniston
    • OneYieldRegular

      When you have the lowest approval rating ever recorded for a U.S. President at one year in office, the only thing left to do is attack the free press.

    • Me not sure

      People were interested in the Titanic and Hindenberg disasters too.

    • Oblios_Cap

      What if they held an award ceremony and nobody paid attention? Let’s find out!

    • Mr. Blobfish

      If this is going to take off, the orange Oscars are going to need a catchy nickname, like the Shartsies or some such thing.

      • From Russia with Love

        The Who Gives a Fuck awards.

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        The Moochies!

    • bupkus231

      I think SHS was trying to walk that back the other day…

      [ From LATimes story ] “…At the White House press briefing Tuesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders referred to it as a “potential event,”

      and the NY Daily News is reporting that the “event” is not on today’s “public schedule”

      I guess the awards are just gonna go down the “memory hole”

      • Arolpin

        Then every reporter at every press conference needs to ask SHS when the Fauxies will be held. When she finally admits that they won’t be, follow up with a question about why the President is telling lies.

    • mike stone

      Can the American people give the Dumpter an award for being the most miserable lying, fat, stupid and corrupt POS in history?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “IF a deal isn’t reached, the blame is likely to fall on Republicans (as usual), but nobody is enthused about becoming the next Ted Cruz or Newt Gingrich.”

    Dominic, you need to be more specific. I read this sentence and I wonder why no one wants to be the next Cruz or Gingrich. Is it even related to the budget? Who’d want to be the next worth the next worthless sack of shit beyond the budget?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Gingrich is pretty famous for losing a budget showdown with Clinton. Newt let the govt shut down and it took the Rs 10 years to recover. It’s one of the biggest reasons why Newt-as-pundit is so incomprehensible. He is FAMOUS for getting it wrong.

    • Me not sure

      Who wouldn’t want to be blessed with the sex appeal of Ted Cruz, coupled with the moral authority of Newt Gingrich, plus they are the smartest guys in the room, if that room is a rubber one.

    • bupkus231

      Many political pundits blame them shutting gown the government ( Newt as Speaker of the House back in 1995 and 1996, Cruz as obstinate pighead in 2013 ) for their subsequent loss of power/prestige/likability amongst their fellow Republicans – even tho’ they did it to “please” the assholes.

      So, none of these shitsack blowhards in the GOP today want to have that happen to them….

  • Gosala, a Girther

    POTUSINO needs to lie about his weight to bolster his self esteem. Seems to me the only fat shaming being done to him is being done by his own self.

    For me, I could give a fig how much he weighs. What ticks me off is that he’s lying, again.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Actually, he said 3 true things during the 2016 campaign:

      1. George Bush the Lesser did not keep us safe
      2. The election is rigged
      3. I love the poorly educated

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ryan Denniston

      Look at that lardass. No wonder the Failing Miami Dolphins are losing more and more every day.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Yeah, well, how many INTs did DJT throw this season, huh?!?

      • bupkus231

        Hell, all Rump could “throw” would be underhand laterals for 2 feet. They’d be ruled fumbles instead of INTs

        • vukojebina_MΩment

          The Tummy-Tuck Rule.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          He can throw tantrums with the best of them.

    • mike stone

      I am guessing the one on the right has a waist size of at least 50+ inches.

      Needs an elastic waistband.

  • House0fTheBlueLights
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ryan Denniston

      You can tell by the gold plating.

  • La forza del resistino

    Steph Ruhle is about to take a bite out of Carl’s Jr guy on MSNBC re jobs and immigration.

  • Me not sure

    It’s 12°F and icey here today in good old NW GA and 32°F in Anchorage, AK. WTF!?

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      It is 20F in Houston, 18F in New Orleans. This sucks.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Border patrol agents regularly destroy water and food parcels at secret aid stations stocked by humanitarian groups trying to prevent people from dying of thirst as they trek across the desert.

    I’m beginning to suspect that those guys are not really nice people.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      This is actually something that has happened since Trump has tried to turn the BP into his personal squad of Brownshirts. I have friends who stock those aid stations. Their relationship with the BP has never been great, but up until recently, it was one of cautious cooperation.

  • Nounverb911

    More meetings in trump tower planned….

    https://twitter.com/mfa_russia/status/953568704482217984

  • Gayer Than Thou
    • Ryan Denniston

      His family is no doubr being held at Gitmo.

      • Oblios_Cap

        They probably threatened his kids and his dog, too.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Just like all of the rest of the White Supremists…

    • Nounverb911

      Do you know who else liked “good genetics”?

      • janecita

        Dr. Mengele?

      • Ryan Denniston

        John Hammond (Richard Attenborough’s character in Jurassic Park)?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Sir Francis Galton?

      • OneYieldRegular

        Zebrafish?

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        The local puppy mill?

        • From Russia with Love

          See above.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        The Westminster Kennel Club?

      • Parakeetist

        Gregor Mendel?

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Jinx

      • From Russia with Love

        Gene and Jean?

      • Phoenixdoglover

        The Monsanto Corn Team?

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Gregor Mendel?

        • vukojebina_MΩment

          I said NO PEAS in the guac!!

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        The Swedish Bikini Team?

      • tomamitai

        F Charles Murray?

      • “M”

        This so much. Given the rest of the Trumpstag’s so-called “policies”, I was wondering whether the “Good Genes” gave anybody else the creeps …

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        My cute Genetics Professor, Dr. Abelson? I designed a few mental “gene transfer” scenarios during lecture.

      • Rooster Cogburn105
    • Bill D. Burger
    • OneYieldRegular

      I don’t give a shithole about the 239 pounds, but that was pretty fucking disturbing coming from a doctor – coming from anyone, for that matter.

      • Courser_Resistance

        The whole fuckshow demoralized me way more than I anticipated. What a pack of disgusting, venal, craven and stupid lies. Not a single person in government is trustworthy. I didn’t expect anything even vaguely earth-shaking cuz docs don’t really do that, but this report was total goddamn lies and propaganda.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        Look, not having any empathy, integrity, or honesty would probably drop 30 pounds off of any of us.

    • Bebecca

      I would love it if our medical professionals would let us know if “good genes” is something they would say in a formal situation. Probably you might quip “good genes” when a person has good, unexpected health results but is it a diagnosis?

    • Major^3 Andre
    • MynameisBlarney

      Holy shit.
      He’s got the look of a man that has seen unspeakable evil.

      • From Russia with Love

        Untreated syphilis, among other horrors.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        The polyps! The polyps!

        • MynameisBlarney

          “One of them winked at me!”

          • From Russia with Love

            Those are his trollops.

      • BadKitty904

        The look of a man who’s just sold his soul for…what?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Lying goddamn coward. He should lose his commission and medical license for agreeing to stand up in front of the American people and read Humpy’s hand-crafted ‘report’

      Better yet, just fucking shoot the yellow-bellied coward bastard in the head. (sure, with votes, but the cunt isn’t running for anything?) I have no more patience with these goddamn, fucking, self-serving sycophants.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0a0939e4d0c79920b40fb39c14ca1fee30134c97746b7b20f037f383fdf85f5c.jpg

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Ryan Denniston

    Snow day in NC!

    • msanthropesmr

      In Richmond, VA too.

    • House bound up here in the High Country and waiting for some evidence of a snow plow to come by before attempting the steep downhill off the mountain.

    • Ghoti theLinguist

      Snow-covered Atlanta checking in.

  • Marion in Savannah

    What a conundrum… Which is more squee? Babby piglets or babby goats?

    • From Russia with Love

      Goats. Wild pigs are a mess.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Alicia Machado would like a word about fat shaming

    • Ryan Denniston

      We’re not making fun of the girther, we’re making fun of the fact that his lies are so transparent.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        And of his ego.
        And his petulance.

    • From Russia with Love

      Trump long ago passed a line beyond which any and all taunting of him for any and all reasons is fine in my book.

      • Ellie

        That line was crossed for me when he mocked the handicapped reporter.

  • Wes Grogan

    Personally, I don’t care if Trump is fat. I just care that he lies about it.

    • From Russia with Love

      Personally, I wish he’d pack on another 100 lbs.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        A few ounces in the main coronary artery supplying the left ventricle would be fine by me

    • DrBigHead

      And apparently is able to get others to lie for him as well. For me it has reached the point where if the doctor had said “the President weighs 295”, I wouldn’t have believed that either. The lies have become SOP.

      • “M”

        Given the rest of the Trumpstag’s so-called “policies”, I am wondering whether the “Good Genes” gave anybody else the creeps …

  • BREAKING:

    Adult film star allegedly paid trump $130,000.00 to keep him quiet about their sexual tryst fearing that it would permanently damage her reputation.

    https://politics.theonion.com/new-report-finds-adult-film-star-may-have-paid-over-13-1822124133

    • From Russia with Love

      So she blabbed anyway. Did Trump stiff her (for the $$$ you pervs)?

    • La forza del resistino

      Once you go tightie whiteies, you can never go back.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Once you go tightie whities,
        you’re stuck with flighty righties.

    • bupkus231

      She probably could’ve gotten more if she had sued for “loss of livelihood”?

  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      Remember, Ronny was lying. Turmp has dementia AND is a moron.

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        No. Dr. Jackson should that disease is not the cause of Trump being a POS. Trump chooses to be so.
        Trump is now officially competent to stand trial.

        • BadKitty904

          Well, now, there’s a silver lining!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I love this picture because, apparently, this is like the receptionist’s desk at Mar-a-Lego but he thought it made him look like a grown-up business boy.

  • BadKitty904

    From a German draft-dodger and immigrant whorehouse-owner to a war-profiteer and racist slumlord to a failed career-criminal and sexual predator = “good genetics”.

    • FlemmishSpy
      • BadKitty904

        I loved her in Terry Gilliam’s Brazil

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Imagine that think coming at you with a mahjongg tile! AIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!11!1

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Little known historical fact: she and Dairy Queen were engaged in bitter trademark litigation that lasted for decades.

    • vukojebina_MΩment

      Funny how Bavaria kicked out Herr Drumpf but they allowed a talentless Austrian painter to immigrate.

      • Hesavebread!

        Hitler… there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in ONE afternoon! TWO coats!

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Well, you have to set the bar somewhere.

    • Ellie

      On one hand, I can understand the “good genes.” I have zero cholesterol problems, although that generally comes as a shock to the medicos. I’m assuming it’s my genes. OTOH, I don’t believe the doctor. I’m sorry to say that about someone with such a distinguished background and history, but I just don’t.

      • BadKitty904

        “Good genetics” is clearly a thing. They just aren’t anywhere in evidence in this case. Ronny is lying.

      • Impatient

        Almost makes you think there are ongoing discussions in the background, along the lines of, “What things do we have to say and do, to avoid the Preznit/Administration spinning out of control.” Kinda in parallel to the discussion of what’s true/false, or right/wrong.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Doctor Ronny after examining The Fucking Moron:

    https://thumbs.gfycat.com/GeneralDisguisedCuttlefish-size_restricted.gif

  • Nounverb911
    • jodyleek

      So, is the 666 farther back?

      • vukojebina_MΩment

        “I hire all the beast people, believe me!”

  • BadKitty904
  • JohnBull

    Of course he has good genetics. It’s why he’s not dead yet. That kind of diet would have killed everyone else by now.

  • vukojebina_MΩment

    GOOD GENETICS?! YOU LIEBRUAL ELITES CAN’T HANDLE GOOD GENETRICS!!

  • Bub the very stable zombie

    Mike Hucksterbee is gonna kill when they have open mic night down to Billy Bob’s BBQ Pit.

    https://twitter.com/GovMikeHuckabee/status/953631259607158784

    • Ryan Denniston

      insure? Not ensure?

      • Bub the very stable zombie

        Mikey is as smrt as he is handsome.

      • Oblios_Cap

        or even assure.

    • Nounverb911

      You first Mikey.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Mike, you inbred hick, STFU and get back to makin’ squirrel fritters in yer mama’s popcorn popper.

      JFC.

    • Oblios_Cap

      A sphincter says what?

    • cmd resistor

      Jesus would be proud. That’s such good P.R. for Christianity.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Always has ’em laughing over their chicken-fried steaks at Cracker Barrel.

      • Bub the very stable zombie

        “Say, did y’all hear the one about the unfunny ex-governor who ate chicken fried steak & biscuits with sausage gravy every day until his heart exploded like a baked potato left in the microwave too long when he was on stage during open mic night at Billy Bob’s BBQ pit?”
        Hucksterbee then pitches forward and crashes to the floor, stone dead. Audience applauds. “Now that there is what I call a mic drop!” Billy Bob says. “Now who’s gonna he’p me drag this carcass out back to the dumpster?”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Ah hell, put him in the grease barrel. We can render some lard out of ‘im later.”

          • Bub the very stable zombie

            Gonna need a tanker truck for what they get from Mikey’s fat carcass. A honey wagon too.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          J’adore fan fiction!

    • Ellie

      How are those Bible Cancer Cures selling, Mike?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Huckabee is the digital age equivalent of Reader’s Digest quips on page 73.

      Was that supposed to be funny? Oh, yeah. Hardy har.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Oh have to give him credit. He started as a salesman of Immaginary Friends.

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Honestly, it would’ve more surprising that an administration that lies about everything would tell the truth about the weight and height of our obese DOTUS. Particularly when errybuddy tries to go out of their way to flatter and soothe Dumbass’ ego. Who’s the tinpot dictatorship now, fools?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      But why would this doctor lie, which I believe he is. He is a very distinguished naval officer, served 3 presidents, tour in Iraq, high rank. I find it frightening that someone like that would lie.

      • Claire

        I imagine he’d lie if he got a direct order to lie from a superior officer. Maybe he was told that it was important for national security or something, the way some other presidents’ health issues have been kept quiet until they left office.

        Doesn’t make it any less disturbing that this guy would get up in front of reporters and just lie out both sides of his mouth, though.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        As someone with experience in both military and medical fields, all rank or education does for a liar is give them confidence and authority while lying.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    239 or not, Trump is still a fat bastard. Trump could possibly be 239, but look at him compared to these other folks who are similar height and weight: Trump has A LOT of fat on him! It’s definitely not muscle and considering the fact that he’s 71, well, that’s a A LOT of fat. His BMI has to be more than 29.9.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I don’t understand why everyone characterizes Assmouth’s year-long extramarital affair as a matter of unfaithfulness — in fact, it shows he’s capable of being faithful to two women at the same time. Shouldn’t that be commended, really? But haters gonna hate.

  • Nounverb911
    • vukojebina_MΩment

      “What’s the difference?” — Eric

  • The Very Stable Librarian

    Doctors should not be able to cherry pick patients. If you are morally offended by people’s medical circumstances, you’re in the wrong line of work.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Donald Trump still proves the scientific theory that white supremacist leaders are the poorest examples of white supremacy.

  • Oblios_Cap
  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Trump has provided proof that he does not have any cognitive deficit. He is a Racist Asshole Piece of Shit on purpose, not due to disease.
    That said, he has provided proof that he is competent to stand trial.

  • Impatient

    That pic of Obama just looks wrong, somehow. I thought we were supposed to worry more about excessive tanning these days.

    [Sarcasm, yes, but still feel the need to say sorry. It’s not very funny to have to joke about racists, if it ever was.]

  • Ryan Denniston

    Has no one in this Shit House heard the phrase “It’s not the crime, it’s the cover up?”

    • BadKitty904

      They are utterly and absolutely convinced that they are above the law and will get away with it.

      WE need to make sure that they’re wrong.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Naw, they’re going to get away with it. Not all of it, but enough to destroy any semblence of democracy. You expect our elections to be fair this year? Dream on – the government isn’t doing a single fucking thing to keep our elections free of Russian interference

        • BadKitty904

          So, you suggest we give up our country to these people? Surrender America?

          • Courser_Resistance

            Fight certainly, but do not be surprised when you’re fucked over time and time again.

            Honestly, if I can’t emigrate, I promise to die in the streets with my blood running into the gutter. Because it will come to bloodshed.

            Does that help?

        • tomamitai

          They’re not even doing anything to stop the Russians from fucking with the power grid!

      • Arolpin

        I had a terrifying thought last night, one that I would have considered the worst type of fever-dream 18 months ago. I think it’s entirely possible that Trump has told his staff to lie to Congress, lie to Mueller, lie to everyone, and he’ll just pardon them when they get charged. He’s also promised Pence that as long as Pence pardons Trump, Trump will eventually step down and let Pence assume the Presidency. Basically, Trump figured out that with a complicit Congress, he can loot the Treasury for 18-24 months before criminal charges are imminent, then pardon everyone, step down, let Pence pardon him, and walk away an actual billionaire.
        Just 18 months ago I would have but this theory up there with ‘jet fuel can’t melt steel’ levels of insane, but Occam’s Razor is leading me to believe that either they really are this stupid and incompetent OR this theory has merit.

        • BadKitty904

          There’s always “Mueller’s Failsafe” – the state Attoneys-General (AGs). Turmp is facing charges in several states, most notably in New York. State-level convictions cannot be pardoned by a President nor can a President fire a state AG.

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f909a7cd89d09340df0d5ff9581cb7511a115e5c1d163c9880d89508feb38b75.jpg

          • Arolpin

            I know that, but I suspect that that Orange Foolius is too dense to have thought of that, and now they’re just rushing to loot the treasury, and high-tail it to some place that wouldn’t honor an American extradition request, like *maybe* Russia.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Isn’t it called a Shit House when the cats stop covering up?

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Did anyone see CNN’s interview with Trumpanzees a year later? These type of media pieces are very hard to come by.

    • janecita

      Yes, I screamed at the TV the whole time.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Get a large paper bag. At midnight, go out to the woods and climb a tree. Now wait. Cletus R. Trumpvoter will make itself known.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Look at him. He’s a terrible Muslim Kenyan.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      With a real sense of humor.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    So the doctor is a really distinguished guy. I don’t get it. http://www.navy.mil/navydata/bios/bio.asp?bioID=953

    • I can’t imagine that this is a career high-point.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’d imagine he was told what to say “Or Else”.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        The thing is, doctors are Not Allowed To Do That, are they? Especially when reports are public interest?

        • MynameisBlarney

          Maybe the “Or Else” was pretty goddamned bad.
          Like “imagine what the rooshan mob will do to your family” kind of bad.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Well, is this guy active duty still? If so, “following orders” and what not. Trump, unfortunately for people in the military, is their Commander-in-Chief.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Ever consider that he was never a ‘good guy’ to begin with. Just because he’s got a good service record doesn’t mean he’s not a Nazi. Plenty of them in the military.

        • tomamitai

          The Hippocratic oath didn’t stop doctors from conducting experiments on concentration camp inmates or the victims of the Tuskegee syphilis study, so what’s a little fibbing about your bosses weight?

      • Courser_Resistance

        Nope, he’s a fucking Nazi. Probably has been one for years. Lots of them in the military. The smart ones know when to keep their mouths shut. Lots of wink-wink, nod-nod in the officer corps.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Gawd… Can you imagine going from having your primary patient being Barack Obama to who he’s got now? From the sublime to the ridiculous.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Ever thought that he hated Bamz? Cuz blah, you know. Like we’d ever know, military officers can be really good at hiding that shit. Or his entire command is hardcore Rs. All is possible.

        • Riley Whodat Venable

          Not for nothing, but the guy is an Aggie.

          • wavicles

            Oh, so he’s used to the raising and showing of livestock.

          • Riley Whodat Venable

            Exactly. And knows that good livestock are fat livestock.

    • ariel_gee_398

      That is the ultimate mystery of Trump – his ability to get people to abandon any principle or credibility they had in service of his ego. Either that, or this guy is a body double and the real doctor is being held in a black site.

      • TakingAmes

        I’m thinking threats of polonium tea could’ve done it.

    • ziggywiggy

      So we are assuming that the doctor weighed him and measured his height. Maybe it was a nurse and the good doctor is just reading what the nurse wrote down.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        True. It’s always a nurse who takes my height/weight whenever I go to the doctor.

        • ziggywiggy

          I want someone to ask the doctor exactly who took those measurements. It would be the perfect excuse for the doc, trump gets what he wants causes it’s much easier to put pressure on a nurse.

    • Courser_Resistance
      • ziggywiggy

        I think you’ve posted that meme enough. It’s not even funny or sarcastic and the image is shitty. And no I’m not going to find another for you but please don’t take it personally, maybe you really like it, I just don’t.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Noted. FYI, it’s not supposed to be funny or sarcastic. Yes, it’s an exceptionally shitty image. How else am I supposed to express my outrage?

          are you just telling me to take my rage someplace else? Cuz I can do that, just say the word and I’m gone and my rage with me.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Trump is the Commander in Chief.

      • Most Stable Land Shark

        jinx

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      Reminder: Donnie Two Scoops is Commander in Chief. “I order you to say I’m healthy!” “Yes, sir!”

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Brown-nosing in the Military is a skill prized more highly than marksmanship

  • Nounverb911
    • Ryan Denniston

      Just like in Alien!

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        But without the warmth and basic humanity.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    RIP, the National Park system. Great while it lasted.

    • BadKitty904

      As someone once said, “…the one good thing the federal government has ever done for the people.

      • King Beauregard

        Ron Swanson, right? The only good libertarian … a fictional one of course.

        • BadKitty904

          My granddad, actually. Though he may have been quoting someone else.

          • King Beauregard

            So you’re Ron Swanson’s grandchild? I found the quote: “… the national park service is probably the only branch of government worth a damn”

  • MynameisBlarney

    So… New Zealand Fisheries don’t want footage of dead penguins in nets released to public because it makes them look bad..

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jan/17/new-zealand-fishing-grisly-images-dead-penguins-caught-nets-censored

  • Ellie

    “Conscience protections,” are a great victory for those who want to Let The Woman Die.

    What happens if you have a moral objection to treating obese and balding old men?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I’m sure there’s a doctor and many a bible verse that can be cited to decline treating Trump for anything. How man deadly sins is Trump guilty? Let’s see:

      Gluttony, lust, avarice, pride, wrath, envy, sloth…

      • Ellie

        Um….since I’m guilty of gluttony, and sloth, and once upon a time, lust, let’s just get him for avarice, K?

        • YoBunnyBunny

          We’re all guilty of something. But Dotard is guilty of EVERYTHING!!!

          • Ellie

            Probably true. I can’t think of one redeeming quality he has. Not one.

  • janecita
  • Me not sure

    I guess eugenics dictates that we produce nothing but offspring cloned from the genetic material of Donald J. Trump, now. All hail the new genetic superman!

    • BadKitty904
      • YoBunnyBunny

        Ewwwww…

        Splooge drippings, do not want.

      • Me not sure

        Wait, …what? That’s it? Obviously defective…and colorblind.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Seriously, did the turmp spawn see an 80’s movie villain and think “Yeah, I will ROCK that look!” ?
        Because he looks like a “douchebag antagonist” from central casting.

        • BadKitty904

          It’s uncanny. Just like Mike Pence is Central Casting’s stock “evil executive”.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Right?
            Or, “Needlessly Evil Principal/Boss”.

      • tomamitai

        NEVER let them shoot you from below, and if you can’t stop them, lift your chins up!

        • BadKitty904

          WHAT chin?

    • Hesavebread!

      But unfit for the military due to hereditary bonespurs.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Border patrol agents regularly destroy water and food parcels at secret aid stations stocked by humanitarian groups trying to prevent people from dying of thirst as they trek across the desert”

    Did we get a final ruling as to whether it’s okay to punch a Nazi in the face?

    • Courser_Resistance

      They’ve been doing it for years. If they run across any folks leaving caches of water, they’ll run them off and tell them they’ll be shot if they return.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      Captain America wants you to…
      https://i.imgur.com/Po8n3ks.jpg

  • Phoenixdoglover

    It’s a vewy busy day for our pwesident

    Trump Schedule || Wednesday, January 17, 2018

    11:00 am || Receives his daily intelligence briefing
    3:00 pm || Attends a Congressional Gold Medal ceremony honoring former Senator Bob Dole; U.S. Capitol

    • ScottGoode

      Well maybe Dole will kick him in the balls.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Considering Dole is in a wheelchair, that would be quite the feat.

        • Impatient

          Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

          Sometime, we’re going to see a will, among the Republicans. In this lifetime? Maybe.

          • tomamitai

            Only after they’ve retired.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Well I’m sure Libby’s still got a serviceable left hook.

          • ScottGoode

            Fuck her

        • Phoenixdoglover

          I can walk! I can walk!

        • ScottGoode

          Well Bob Dole is a great man. You know it, I know it and the American people know it. He could kick Trump’s ass from a wheelchair while explaining to him that lying to the country is treason.

          I didn’t agree with a lot of his politics and I hate his POS wife but I respect him more than all of the other Republicans since Taft ,combined.

        • wavicles

          The human body is able to do remarkable things with the right motivation.

    • cmd resistor

      So lots of room for “Executive Time” today.

    • Ryan Denniston
    • Me not sure

      4:00 pm -11:00 pm || Runs businesses and launders money through off-shore banks.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        you might be unto something.. that would explain why his executive time is so long besides eating McDonalds and Watching Fox News. Hes talking to his idiots sons and precious Ivanka and running his empire despite it being hella illegal and violating a million laws.

      • tomamitai

        Runs businesses and launders money through off-shore banks.

        I thought he had “short guys that wear yarmulkes every day” to do that for him?

    • I thought today was the day for the fake news awards?!?!? I’ve been waxing and manicuring and binge dieting all week goddammit.

  • Martini A, very stable genius
    • BadKitty904

      And BLAME THE DEMS.

      • tomamitai

        Well obviously it’s the Dems fault for not crossing the aisle to vote for a budget that contains almost nothing that helps their constituents, to make up for the tea-party sociopaths who are pissed that it doesn’t kill ALL the poors and their little children too, also.

    • Impatient

      They’re going to set a record for number of Continuing Resolutions in one year. If the shit ever stuck to the wall, I’d say they’re building a helluva shithole, in their Republican-controlled D.C.

    • Most Stable Land Shark
    • TakingAmes

      One would think that voters might conclude that Republicans can’t govern.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Hey Cult 45! Welcome your brand-new member! Dr Ronny Jackson!

    Congratulations, Ronny! You just won the prize for your direction actions to destroy Democracy 1-16-2018 edition!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0a0939e4d0c79920b40fb39c14ca1fee30134c97746b7b20f037f383fdf85f5c.jpg

    • tomamitai

      Don’t you think that comparing people to rodents is a little too nazi-ish, especially with the big nose?

      • Courser_Resistance

        You’ve got a better one, let me have it.

  • Ellie

    And 45 is yelling, “Where’s my Rappler?”

  • Nounverb911
  • Most Stable Land Shark
  • Impatient

    Nice to see something concrete and lasting coming out of the Trump-Putin friendship. A nice strong military foothold in the Mediterranean/Mid-East? Russians have pursued this since Vlad was a baby. Great that we’ve been able to help them out. And this impact will last for decades. (Russia) Winning!

    As I do every day now, I feel like yelling, “See, Toldja so!” But to whom? And to what end? “Conservatives” are having a field day with our money, and nobody seems to give a shit(hole) about anything else.

    • Most Stable Land Shark

      When the trade dries up and the tariffs to get their inventory from China into the US market goes up through the roof, they’ll be whining. They haven’t felt it yet … their wallets are still fat.

      • Impatient

        Fair/good point. But given the outcome after the wall fell, I’m not sure that a new round of instability is going to be all unicorns and pink ponies.

    • Russian’s are clearly in over their head. They’ve been bombing civilians and it hasn’t gone unnoticed. They’re blaming new ISIS/IS/daesh drone attacks on the US, stating recovered DIY drones were using GPS coordinates that could only have come from the US (because they clearly don’t have access to youtube or Google Maps). By many accounts, Russia thought helping Assad would be an easy win in Syria, and Putin probably expected the US to just roll over under Trump. Trump’s disinterest has allowed many arms of the government to function on “auto-pilot,” allowing the military to continue supporting Kurdish rebels.

  • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

    Unless I miss my guess, those piglets are baby tapirs – ?

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    I think the reason the Military is so eager to keep under wraps their national military strategy is beside having us going into countries that we have no business being like Niger is we are planning to invade at least three countries, Syria, Yemen, and North Korea , Iran being the wildcard. (Iran is allies with Trump’s real master Russia so its hard telling if we will). I would bet my drinking money for a month that by the end of this year especally around November, Two Scoops Donny will invade one of these countries.

    • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

      I am so glad that my stepson is out of the military now and too old (30) to be drafted. Because you know that’s the next step ~ the draft.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I am not sure they will through. The military still remebers Vietnam and the draft caused massive protests and was a leading cause of swaying public opinion against the war. Of course with this bunch, God only knows what they will do.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Both my nephews are still in… the older one (Army) is posted to Hawaii, which is super-handy for Korea, and the younger one (Air Force) is somewhere in Africa, where, of course, nothing bad ever happens.

      • tomamitai

        Have him check his enlistment contract, he might still be eligible to be recalled.

        • Ω cynmac’s skipping the SOTU

          He’s a reservist whose unit was activated twice. So I think he’s out for good.

          • tomamitai

            Fingers, toes, & eyes crossed, hoping that’s the case!

  • Marceline

    I’m all about baby sloths today.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaqzPMOd_1g

    • Jeffocaster in the West

      I thought this was going to be about Trump but I guess not…..SLOTHS LIBELZ!!!!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      They do like to be upside down, don’t they?

      • tomamitai

        I wonder if their brains don’t invert the vertical to compensate for the upside-down image a single lens projects on the retina, unlike human brains that do?

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          So when they’re upside down, they’re seeing right side up?

          Interesting.

    • HazooToo
    • Petunia Cat

      😮😮😮😮 I never heard them talk before! So lovely. We need a Rockapella of sloths. Or just put them in a sampler. 😍😍😍

      • Marceline

        I’d never heard them talk before either! That’s why I can’t stop watching.

        • Petunia Cat

          😍😍😍

  • puredog

    I’m all about Patty Schachtner today. Blue Tsunami 2018!

  • Culinary Mercenary

    I did not know that tRumpf university had a medical school.

    • Hesavebread!

      It co-locates with the Hollywood Upstairs Medical College.

  • Marceline

    “The Trump administration plans to protect doctors who refuse to perform abortions or treat transgender patients if they decide to cite religious/moral objections. Hope that Jehovah’s Witness wasn’t scheduled to do your blood transfusion!”

    I assume that means that medical professionals can also refuse to treat Evangelicals or Trump voters due to moral objections.

    • Walther von der Vogelweide

      Like religious protections are meant to protect anyone but a very narrow subset of Christians.

  • The True Cosmic Owl

    How much did shithead Trump pay Dr. Ron to say that thing about 200 years?

    Because physicians simply do not talk that way.

    • eyelashviper

      He seemed rather robotic, anyone check his circuits?

    • Buzz1313

      The stuff about the good genes is straight out of Trump’s own mouth. When I heard that, I knew the doctor was spouting bullshit.

    • Marc Berrenson

      Dr. Ron is just another example of the truism: “Anything and anyone that Prez Shithole touches turns to shit.”

  • fawkedifiknow

    I don’t much give a good goddamn if a medical professional doesn’t want to perform an elective operation on me or my family because he or she has 1st century religious delusions, but those loons should be required to publicize their mental disability so that I don’t waste my time consulting with him or her. And, medical liability insurance companies – for their own protection against malpractice claims – ought to blacklist them.

    • goCatgo

      I was thinking along those lines too. When people start dying, the public will avoid certain providers, get tee vee lawyers, and sue the shit out of medical liability insurance companies, there might be some changes.
      I can already see the commercials : “If you or a loved one died or became much sicker because your provider didn’t treat you because of their personal religious reasons, then call 1-800-DOLLERS4U ! “

  • eyelashviper

    The cognitive test given to the Dotard is available online, so no doubt he used much of his Executive Time in past weeks to study it and memorize the answers. Drawing a clock face is hard, however, especially if they did not give him crayons or his favorite sharpie.
    Luckovich nails it again:
    https://cdn.creators.com/198/220703/220703_image.jpg

  • Relativicus

    Sean Hannity discusses Obama’s health:

    https://youtu.be/9_6qY1Lo0aw

    • goCatgo

      This is one of many reasons why I come here. I can relate to so many of the Wonkatariat.

  • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

    Piglets: cabbage cabbage CABBAGE!

  • Shibusa
  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

    Who’s up for a drinking game for the SOTU?

    One sip for “really”
    One drink for “collusion”

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      And then free liver transplants for everyone who played?

      • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

        Haha, “free”.
        No, we’ll all be dead.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      one shot, for every “believe me”

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    a) The Body Is Not An Apology is a group (and a book) discussing body and identity issues and how to practice radical self love. they do not recommend lying about your weight. we’re not shaming him for being fat. we’re shaming him for lying about it. lying about it sets a bad example for others who are experiencing body dysmorphia.

    b) keeping people alive who have crossed the border–especially if the supplies are provided by NGOs–is a whole lot cheaper than recovering bodies and sending them home. just ask TX. (though I will be donating my body to train search and rescue dogs because of how many there are and because it took a week to find my father and grandfathers bodies which sucks for anyone–I can’t imagine what it would have been like had it taken years.)

    c) we’ve had this Icepocalypse thing happening in TX (and most of the South) and there are people on the coast who are still living in tents or homes where all the sheetrock has been removed and has not been replaced because one of the major manufacturers of the stuff was leveled during the Mexico City earthquake.

    • lunar62

      Let’s be honest – there are a lot of “fat” insults hurled at Trump because people hate him (as do I) and not just because he lies about his weight. It seems like most people think it’s OK to go after someone for their weight as long as you don’t like them. I think it’s hypocritical as hell. If it’s wrong, it’s wrong, no matter how odious the person is. Not really loving the bald jokes either, as someone who is dealing with FPB. Why go after someone’s appearance when there are so many other things to go after them for?

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        he also ranks women from 1 to 10 as if that should be a thing. maybe if he likes that kind of ranking system, he won’t mind others doing it to him.

        it’s not going after him because of his appearance. it’s going after him because he’s a lying hypocrite and a misogynist who consistently body shames others.

        though I do understand that some of the photo memes don’t follow my logic and agree that those need to go away.

      • Petunia Cat

        Damn fucking straight! 👍🏼

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

      Assumes heart not in evidence…

    • cmd resistor

      I kept looking for more details because most of the stories vaguely refer to a test that increased. Finally found more detail where Gupta said he has a “coronary calcium score” of 133, up from original 34 in 2009 and 98 in 2013. A
      chart lists the risk levels. https://www.umm.edu/programs/diagnosticrad/services/technology/ct/cardiac-calcium-scoring
      0:
      No plaque is present. You have less than a 5% chance of having heart disease. Your risk of a heart attack is very low.
      1”“10
      A small amount of plaque is present. You have less than a 10% chance of having heart disease. Your risk of a heart attack is low. However, you may want to quit smoking, eat better, and exercise more.
      11”“100
      Plaque is present. You have mild heart disease. Your chance of having a heart attack is moderate. Talk with your doctor about quitting smoking, eating better, beginning an exercise program, and any other treatment you may need.
      101”“400
      A moderate amount of plaque is present. You have heart disease, and plaque may be blocking an artery. Your chance of having a heart attack is moderate to high. Your health professional may want more tests and may start treatment.
      Over 400
      A large amount of plaque is present. You have more than a 90% chance that plaque is blocking one of your arteries. Your chance of having a heart attack is high. Your health professional will want more tests and will start treatment.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Gee, you’d think that ICE agents would want to stake out those humanitarian supplies of water and food to grab the dirty browns when they try to slake their thirst and hunger. Guess their bile overwhelmed their brains. Oh well, I guess we should be grateful they aren’t poisoning the stuff.

  • Buzz1313

    Melania is pissed off about the pornstars and biding her time. She put a talking scale in Trump’s bathroom and a hidden camera. The truth will come about about how much he really weighs.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      The other porn stars. She had a career before she got married, you know.

  • chicken thief

    I don’t think auto mechanics should work on cars that have a dashboard Jesus because how you going to compete with someone who can do miracles and works for free?!

    • goCatgo

      I have had cars that needed miracles to run.

      • Impatient

        Does Jesus do computerized fuel injection?

        • Querolous

          He still learning Bosch D-Jetronic.

        • Rooster Cogburn105

          No, but he has experience with suspensions.

          I’ll show myself out

  • goCatgo

    I do not wish bad health on anyone. However this prez and administration has lied, omitted, or obfuscated facts about everything and anything, and there is no reason to believe they are starting to tell the truth now, esp something as imp and personal as his health. IMO if he had any great health numbers, they would tell us. And I don’t mean “genetics.”
    I think he has the health of many 72 yr old men, not great, could improve, but not gonna die any time soon.

  • andyshelt

    “The girther movement: is Donald Trump fatter than the White House doctor says?”

    Time to demand that President Fat Ass release his long form weight certificate?

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/shortcuts/2018/jan/17/the-girther-movement-is-donald-trump-fatter-than-the-white-house-doctor-says

  • Hardly Ideal

    Sabotaging food and water caches. I see it working logically, but sometimes you gotta stop and ask yourself “Is this going to punch my ticket for the bullet train to Hell?”

  • Wookie Monster

    It’s official: Trump has ruined everything. He couldn’t even leave porn alone.

  • Querolous

    Dyslexic typo. s/b 293.

  • Rooster Cogburn105

    Uh, Doc, on the subject of lab results, yours came back positive for TTTT.

    Trump Taint Tang Tongue

    Also, a message from the Bootlicking Toady Association:

    “We know he’s your CinC, but dude, dial it back a bit”

  • Rooster Cogburn105
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