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Base photo from Walmart’s corporate site. Because we care.

Walmart proudly announced yesterday that it was incredibly stimulated in its job-growth area by the passage of Republicans’ Great Big Tax Cut for Rich Fuckwads, so it would be raising its minimum starting wage to $11 an hour, expanding family leave benefits, and bestest of all, it would get on that headline-grabbing $1,000-bonus train — for “qualifying employees,” at least. Paul Ryan was so impressed the took a minute away from his busy schedule — figuring out where to abandon old people now that polar ice floes are disappearing — and tweeted out the great news:

As we pointed out during the first round of fake corporate jobgasms, there was actually less to the wonderful news than met the eye. For starters, whatever the effects of the tax cuts, the economy is getting strong enough — THANKS, OBAMA! — that Walmart has been fighting with Target to attract employees who don’t have too many facial tattoos and are willing to accept the fairly low wages, capriciously changing work schedules, and nonunion jobs typical at big-box stores, even as online shopping cuts into both retailers’ market share. Target went to an $11 starting wage in September, and will be gradually raising that to $15 an hour by 2020, so Walmart is mostly playing catch-up, regardless of tax cuts.

And those princely $1,000 bonuses are even more chimerical than those at some of the other companies that tried to curry headlines, favor, and week-old chicken with their bonus plans, as they will only go to employees with 20 years seniority, while workers with 15 to 19 years of working at goddamn Walmart will get $750. Other employees will get progressively less, based on how long they’ve worked at Hellmart. That’s works out to an extra $10 a week if you get the whole enchilada. The total outlay for the bonuses was estimated at about $400 million.

Guess how much additional profit Walmart will get from the tax cuts? A tax expert consulted by the New York Times estimated Walmart could see its taxation reduced by $2.2 billion a year, which puts those bonuses in perspective. That’s why they call it trickle-down economics: the benefits to Walmart are huge, and what the workers get is just piddling.

There’s also another itty-bitty problem with the idea that the tax cuts are a huge improvement for Walmart employees. Within a few hours of trumpeting those worker benefits, Walmart also announced that, oh yeah, it would be closing 63 Sam’s Club stores, Walmart’s evil (and comparatively ugh boring) version of Costco warehouse stores. Heh, yes, well, hmmm, just business, you see. While some Sam’s Club locations will stay open a few weeks longer, many were closed and locked when employees, who had no advance notice, showed up for work yesterday:

Those employees learned their store would be closing when they found the store’s doors locked and a notice announcing the closing, Sam’s Club workers told Business Insider. At some stores, employees were turned away by police officers.

Yup. Management let the police know to show up, but didn’t tell the employees. Hell of a way to celebrate that tax cut, huh?

So shortly after Walmart CEO Doug McMillon gave a speech saying, “Tax reform gives us the opportunity to be more competitive globally and to accelerate plans for the U.S.” and touting the “guiding themes” of “lower prices for customers, better wages and training for associates and investments in the future,” Sam’s Club CEO John Furner was getting ready to send out his own email message to any employees who hadn’t already learned about the closures from a nice person with a badge and a gun:

After a thorough review, it became clear we had built clubs in some locations that impacted other clubs, and where population had not grown as anticipated. We’ve decided to right-size our fleet and better align our locations with our strategy. We will be closing some clubs, and we notified them today. We’ll convert some of them into eCommerce fulfillment centers — to better serve the growing number of members shopping with us online and continue scaling the SamsClub.com business.

Hey, you’re not being laid off! You’re being right-sized! And if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll be able to work in one of the 10 stores (out of 63 being closed) that becomes a fulfillment center for online orders. While Walmart didn’t say how many employees would be shitcanned, Business Insider did some back of the envelope math, noting “Each Sam’s Club warehouse employs about 175 people, meaning more than 11,000 people could be impacted.”

Oh, and besides closing some stores, giving over 10,000 employees the boot, and giving very limited bonuses to some of the remaining drones, how else is Walmart putting its tax windfall to work to Make America Great Again? Walmart already announced back in October that it would be doing a $20 billion stock buyback, to increase its share value.

But look on the bright side: with that microscopic pay increase, you can bet the annual Walmart employee food drive for Walmart employees will get some extra-nice donations this year! Hooray! More lima beans for the kids!

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us meet our payroll, which means Yr writers don’t have to be greeters at Walmart.

[NYT /CNBC / Business Insider / Business Insider]

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  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    No wonder all those Rethuglicans are retiring. Imagine how exhausting it must be to maintain the cognitive dissonance that, somehow, simultaneously:

    * Labor is a zero sum game, so that every worker entering the market displaces some other
    * Corporations deserve to keep every dollar they earn, despite poisoning the air and water that someone else will have to clean up, and foisting the costs of keeping their slave labor alive onto the rest of us.

    • OutOfOrbit

      who sez anybody has to clean up corporate messes?

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        Good point! And that fits nicely with the logic that we can cut taxes without cutting spending. Sure, our children will be paying for both the principal plus the interest also too, but by then the current legislature will be retired by then so why should they care?

  • memzilla Ω
    • wide_stance_hubby

      The Internet has been sent home for the day. We’re done.

    • OddMan

      Why does this make me want to see just what the hell Debra wears to the Dollar Palace?
      Yuch, clean out my mind.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Be warned that it may follow you home and then it will know where you live.

        • Rosa

          Goo-g-le is pay-i-ng 97$ per hour,w-i-th weekly p-a-youts.Y-o-u can al-s-o avail this.On tues-d-ay I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-o-u-t any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever do-n-e .. It s-o-unds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it!rw363v:⇨⇨⇨ http://GoogleNewNetJobsBuyWorkFromHome/online/easytasks ♥♥j♥♥q♥♥q♥♥h♥♥♥e♥♥j♥♥b♥s♥♥w♥♥j♥♥m♥♥h♥♥e♥♥♥s♥♥g♥f♥v♥d♥♥♥s♥♥♥h♥♥♥z♥♥♥a♥p♥f♥o:::::!yw62r:lwei

        • Angelina

          Go-o-gle is paying 97$ per hour,wi-t-h weekly pa-y-outs.You can al-s-o avail this.On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Ro-v-er from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-o-u-t any doubt it’s the mo-s-t-comfortable job I have ever done .. It s-o-unds unbelievable but you wont forgive y-o-urself if you don’t check it!ix263l:➺➺➺ http://GoogleWageExpressJobsFromHomeJobs/computer/jobs ♥♥♥b♥♥h♥♥♥f♥♥♥g♥♥a♥♥♥w♥♥e♥♥♥u♥♥n♥♥♥n♥i♥s♥♥q♥f♥♥♥q♥x♥♥z♥v♥♥♥d♥c♥o♥♥b♥♥w♥♥♥g♥♥♥q:::::!zx991y:lw

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      At the Dollar Palace, you can shop naked! That’s even more savings.

    • Shibusa

      http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/6738.jpg
      Maybe Dollar Palace lets you go topless as well as pants-less.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Oh, thank gawd you went with something relatively acceptable. I was fearing the poop-stained bikini while I was scrolling down.

        • Shibusa

          Shocking number of poop stains (and urine catch bags) in those People of Walmart shots.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Holy fuckballs, is that not the grossest indictment of our economic lives that you’ve ever seen?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Maybe she was being sarcastic?
      -GGY, feeling unreasonably hopeful

  • Michael R
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    We’ve decided to right-size our fleet and better align our locations with our strategy

    That sentence encapsulates everything that is wrong with current corporate culture.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Wait…
      MalWart has a FLEET?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        of enemas…

  • memzilla Ω
  • Crystalclear12

    What do you expect from a corporation that was created in the same state as the Duggars and the Huckabees?

    • GoutMachine

      I don’t heart Huckabees.

    • Asterix

      um… Bill Clinton was born and raised in Arkansas :)

      • Crystalclear12

        Not touching that one.

  • Michael R
    • armed_bears

      Man bewbs are not bewbs. Can’t unsee.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      What ever happened to No Shirt, No Shoes, No service?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Someone forgot to leash their service slob.

    • Asterix

      BLEACH!!!

    • JohnBull

      That is the 4,000th least attractive person I’ve seen at a Wal Mart. This month.

    • Ellie

      Don’t you have to have a shirt on to shop there? I’m serious, because I personally boycott WalMart and have for many years, so I don’t know.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Management let the police know to show up, but didn’t tell the employees. Hell of a way to celebrate that tax cut, huh?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b00e41831c4f5a0655eae296157c03ba48c028e6bc0f2a55ffd7a620b26333c6.jpg

  • efoveks

    This is why they no longer use the Happy Face as their logo.

  • OddMan

    Walmart ~ fiscal year 2016 revenue of $482.1 billion
    Over 50% is owned by the Waltons.
    Using figures from the Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans in 2013, Allegretto totaled the wealth of those six Waltons at $145 billion.

    Greedy bastards every single one.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Well you can’t make an omelet without putting thousands of people in poverty.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • javadavis

      See, this is why Walmart probably won’t promote those Tiki torches.

  • puredog

    Lima beans are good. There, I said it.
    Otherwise, carry on.

    • Ellie

      I like Lima beans, as long as they aren’t canned.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I like ’em all.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • Sister Suffragette

      Kittens in the cargo pockets, maybe?

    • Blackest Noobs

      ok Dad you get your hair products then it’s the kitty toy section…and and i want tuna flake wet food too.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That can’t be an actual Walmart. It’s too clean, the lighting isn’t enough to land a plane by, and the flooring actually looks like you might be able to stand on it for more than an hour without needing back surgery.

  • Asterix

    “But look on the bright side: with that microscopic pay increase, you can bet the annual Walmart employee food drive for Walmart employees will get some extra-nice donations this year! Hooray! More lima beans for the kids!”

    It’s better than that! With the extra $50 from the taxscam they’re getting, the kids can have canned clams too!! WoOT!!

    • GoutMachine

      You monster!

  • WomanInThePersistence

    There is a real chance that i will lose my house under this new tax bill.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Do not like.
      Damn Republicans.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Fuck!

    • Arolpin

      It looks like NJ is going to set up charities for each town, and you can ‘donate’ to the charity in lieu of paying property taxes. Considering that my property taxes (not state income tax, just property taxes) are almost 3x the new limit, I’m really hoping this happens. I suspect that OR/WA/CA are looking to do something similar.

    • Asterix

      I’m sorry.

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      Sorry to hear that. We won’t lose our house, but retirement is starting to seem like a pipe dream.

    • Ellie

      I’m so sorry. I hope things work out for you, and this doesn’t happen.

    • SisterArtemis

      Because of the removal of the mortgage writeoffs etc? We are worried too, though I’m hoping the raise in the fed personal write off from $6k to $12k will offset it bigly.
      *sigh* this is a pisser of a tax bill for us ordinary folks.

  • Yeah, the circle jerk about the bonuses was really pretty sickening in its brazenness because you knew it was all for show and as soon as the camera turned away from them fluffing Trump, they’d go back to fucking over their employees and customers.

  • I loathe Walmart. I was doing freelance artwork for a company that sold fabric to them. Walmart started shortening deadlines, then demanded that the printwork being done in the states would be done better in China. The company I worked for couldn’t keep up and filed bankruptcy.

    So yeah, Walmart is a greedy, miserable disaster. I almost find it incredible that on the same day they announced the yuuuge benefits from tax cuts that they announced sixty-three store closings. Tone deaf much? Couldn’t care less about workers, but really keen to promote their success on the backs of those workers.

    Fuck ’em.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      With a Tiki torch

      • SisterArtemis

        #TakeBackTheTorches

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Many other suppliers had the same thing happen to them. Wal-Mart is an engine of destruction.

  • MAZS

    I trust Paul Ryan will be commenting on The Walmart/Sam’s Club closures forthwith. Because, if he’s proven nothing else, he’s loves the little guys.

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • JohnBull

    Not to worry. Those laid off will start businesses using the millions they’ve saved working for Wal-Mart. Because America!

  • A Groucho Marxist

    Wal-Mart has almost got the neofeudalism template perfected. Great job, Wal-Mart!

  • mrFawkes

    On the bright side, Walmart is offering Tiki torches, khaki pants and white polo shirts at 60% off.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Can I git me one of them rebel flags too?

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      They are adding a Trump section to every store right at the entrance.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Blackest Noobs

      i fucking love that…that Jeff for President!!!!

  • GoutMachine

    OT: Shitgibbon pusses out on Iran sanctions (again), but says (per Guardian alert) “it will be the last time.”

    Sure, dipshit. Sure.

  • Ellie

    So, now I know where Ryan is going to put us olds: an abandoned Sam’s Club.

    • GoutMachine

      Jade Helm libelz?

    • gnomemansanisland

      It’s okay. there will be lots of room for bocce ball and hiding from the cruel staff.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      We get to hang out with all the people Obama threw in there when he took their guns and made them get Shakira gay married?

      • Ellie

        No! Let them get their own Sam’s Club!

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Don’t expect them to turn on the water or electric. That costs money.

  • OddMan
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Wal-Mart is lying. How shocking.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • gnomemansanisland

      Is that really a Trump logo????

      • Blackest Noobs

        yes

        • Blackest Noobs

          it’s been proven false but given Trump’s latest comments, gonna keep saying yes

          • MynameisBlarney

            When he’s found guilty of whatever they end up charging that fascist fuck with, he needs to have that branded on his fucking forehead.

          • Blackest Noobs

            i would prefer we all get a chance to punch him in the stomach…yes violence but it shouldn’t kill him.

            though i betcha he would call it quitsville after the first punch.

            and p.s. this used to be a game we played as kids…head or gut…after awhile taking a gut punch got boring.

          • MynameisBlarney

            We used to something similar with kicking.
            Shin, or groin.
            Shin. Every fucking time.

          • Blackest Noobs

            1st time i picked head, i made the person who punched me cry..cuz i laughed at how pathetic the punch was.

            a few new years ago…we tried bringing it back, our game, my friend punched me as hard as he could in the gut…i didn’t grunt or flinch…but he got scared..said it was like punching a wall.

            ha ha.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Men are weird.

          • puredog

            It is known.

          • Arolpin

            Sheesh, bloody knuckles too tough for you guys? /snark

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk

    Since they rushed the tax cuts for the super rich through to make it look good businesses didnt have time to update anything. So make sure you double check your pay stub with the IRS website to make sure you are paying the right amount of taxes. If you dont you might owe bigly when you file next year.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/new-tax-guidelines-rely-on-workers-to-double-check-their-paychecks/2018/01/11/234088c4-f700-11e7-b34a-b85626af34ef_story.html?utm_term=.234880845af5

    • SisterArtemis

      I do payroll, and I still having received any notifications from the IRS about what changes I need to make in my system.

  • Shibusa

    My back-of-the-envelope math tells me the GOP tax bill gifted each member of the Walton family about a quattuordecillion tax cut. Give or take.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    This is how capitalism works, duh. Soon enough it will swallow us all. Also, too, does anyone doubt Herr Drumpf carried Walmart employees overwhelmingly? You get what you vote for.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    I secretly (as much as is possible on the interwebs) like Walmart and Facebook horror stories, because I have nothing to do with either. These stories reinforce why.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      I shop at a Kroger-affiliated store. It’s…mostly ok. I used to shop at (employee-owned) WinCo, but the last couple times I got bad meat that put me off.

      • SisterArtemis

        Those are my two corporate go-tos. Fred Meyer (the one in Florence Oregon is FAB!) and winco, because it’s a late night option. But yeah, don’t buy too much meat there.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Fred Meyer is part of the Kroger “family of stores.” They didn’t go the whole buy-up-a-company-and-change-its-name route, which would have made it more obvious just how massive a company it is.

          • puredog

            Since Fred Meyer still bestraddled the city of Portland like a colossus when I arrived here, when he passed some ten years later a common usage was to refer to the store as “Dead Fred’s,” which I still do, causing the occasional arched eyebrow from newcomers (and if you know anything about Portland, you know it is full of newcomers).

        • Arolpin

          WinCo is decent (I preferred Smiths before they were replaced by WinCo), but if you live in Albertson’s territory, why would you go anywhere else? Yes, they’re a bit more expensive, but they have been nice when all grocery stores were crap, and they keep getting nicer. (I also used to shop at the site of the original store in Boise, and had a lot of friends who ended up working at the corporate office before they got bought and then spun off again.)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        There’s a Kroger near me. That’s where I shop. Not just because of the location either. Kroger employees are unionized. I like patronizing union shops.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    I know it would be useless, but someone should file a complaint with the Department of Labor. It’s illegal under federal law for WalMart to close any stores without providing employees at least a sixty-day notice.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Tomorrow, Walmart CEO lobbies Trump to ax law requiring 60-day notice period.

      • puredog

        Retroactively.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • JaveyDay

    There are just under 3 billion shares of Walmart stock. The Walton Family Spawn own 50% of those shares. They recently raised their annual dividend payment to $2 per share.

    That’s $3,000,000,000 in cash dividend payments going straight to them every single year on top of the billions more they will receive from the recently announced stock buyback.

    Think of the tax savings those Walton Family Assholes were gifted by Paul Ryan and the rest of the GOP grifters. Clearly, they need those extra billions and fuck everyone else until they die.

    • gnomemansanisland

      This exemplifies the logic and morality of capitalism.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    I’m in the market for a barbecue grill because Southern California in January, diet, and there’s only so many ways you can eat chicken breast. It ends up Ace, which is the closest thing we have to alocal hardware store, has a grill for exactly the same price as Amazon and all the big box stores. Going to Ace. Sick of our big box overloads, at least for today.

    • MynameisBlarney

      The only things I buy online from amazon and eBay are things that I can’t get locally.
      Like pc games and cd’s.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Me too. My small town is too small even for a Target, so I’ve been doing a lot more online buying than I like to do. But I would not make a purchase at a Walmart under any circumstances as long as i had other options. they’re a culture of evil.

        • SDGeoff3

          Fear not. Target is installing mini-Targettes around our city in smaller, even trendy areas. You might be next.
          Parking has become a fun pastime now, because they put them where there are no free spaces available.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Well, our city did a little online survey of what we’d like to see come to town, and Target was #1, so I’ll hold out hope. But we’re “only” 20 minutes from Lexington, which has several Targets and the usual assortment of shops, so they’ll probably decide we’re inside whatever measurements they use to determine how far to space the stores.

          • SDGeoff3

            I too am a Target shopper on occasion.

          • puredog

            There is a mini-Targette being remodeled out of an old bowling alley about twelve blocks from my house in Portland as we speak. In a burst of irrational exuberance, the puppers knocked over a floor lamp, damaging it surprisingly little but compromising the lampshade somewhat. Since it still works, I’ve decided to wait until this local Targette opens (I can’t think of a better place to find a decent offering of lampshades, including Bed Bath & Begone, which is spendier than Tarzhay anyway).

      • Blackest Noobs

        cd’s?!?

        no wait…cd’s?!? come again?!?

        • MynameisBlarney

          Yes, I still purchase cd’s.
          I’m one of those people that doesn’t use his iphone for entertainment purposes.
          It’s for work.
          And I hate the damn thing.

          • Blackest Noobs

            next thing you know, you’ll be telling me about your working 8track player.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Ya…
            No.
            Those sucked when they were new.
            Though I would love to have a nice record player.
            Unfortunately, the heat and humidity here in the keys is not very kind to vinyl.

          • Blackest Noobs

            ahhhhhhh. i see now.

            i have a cd stuck in my player in my car. cannot get it out, so i moved on..technology_wise.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I probably will too eventually, but I’mma put it off as long as possible though.
            Because, stubborn.

          • Blackest Noobs

            but dude instead of like a gazillion cd’s you could have gazillion times gazillion of songs on one device.heck…those songs wouldnt even need to be stored on the device locally….you could go to the cloud ( and yes i mean remote data and smoking weed)

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        I got lazy because Amazon Prime. They sent me a notice at the end of the year- you saved 500.00 in gas by shopping with us.
        How much would have I have saved by not impulse point and click shopping like a bored chimpanzee?
        Time to go to the store if I want it.

        • SomeBigRedDog

          How do they know how fuel efficient your car is?

          • SDGeoff3

            That electronic hussy on the coffee table? Alexa? Doris?

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            They probably know more about me than I know about myself. They actually do know my car because I’ve bought car things from them.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        I’m a grumpy Old who is getting *really fed up* with having to turn to Amazon etc because I can’t find what I need in local stores. And it’s not like I live in Podunk Nebraska, but a moderately-sized Midwestern city. I can see shopping online for niche items, but other than that? I want to go to a PHYSICAL location, where I can SEE THE ACTUAL GOODS.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      The localy-ownedl Ace in Seattle (Roosevelt Wy) is a great store. They are friendly, helpful, and carry almost everything.

  • BearGHAZI

    ‘right-size our fleet?’ fuck THAT corporate verbiage in particular

    • Shibusa

      ‘right-size our greed’ might be more apropos.

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    I haven’t seen people yet explaining how they’re getting around the WARN Act? I know in one state, supposedly a notice was put up last week on a STATE website, but that’s it. Aren’t they entitled to something like 60 days pay if they close without notice?

    • JaveyDay

      No one but executives and shareholders are entitled to anything.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Yes, they failed to comply with WARN. The only exception they could possibly fall under is if the closing was due to exigent circumstances (such as bankruptcy) or emergency (such as a natural disaster wiping out the work site). Since neither applies, they are in violation.

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        I guess the next news story will be the GOP trying to repeal it.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m imagining a MallFart manager, walking up and down the aisles, spotting an employee surreptitiously spitting in another employee’s Coke, and saying, “Hey! This lad has the makings of upper management!”

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    As promised I would give you guys an update as soon as Lyin’ Pete’s apology was published today and whooptiefriggingdoo! is it as dissapointing as one would expect.

    The news outlet im frage that interviewed him for it was indeed de Telegraaf. A newspaper so up the Nazi regime’s ass during WW2 that it was prohibited to publish for 30 years after the war.

    Lyin’ Pete did in fact acknowlegde that he was wrong and that everything he said did not happen. So Pete, did you lie? No no no, I simply mixed up the countries. Ofcourse the Telegraaf could not be arsed to ask which country he mixed up the Netherlands with (Standard Dutch joke would be Denmark because a genuine redneck American knows Holland is the capital of Kopenhagen) so we will never know!

    Or will we? Mny Dutch journalists have already made it their crusade to ask that pesky follow up question the next time Pete leaves the front door.

    Here you can read some ever so Eloquent responses from my fair countryguys and gals.

    https://twitter.com/EF_61/status/951896489407713280
    https://twitter.com/victorDLV/status/951889691774799874
    https://twitter.com/JaspervanSoest/status/951889256426934272
    https://twitter.com/LyingPeteHoekst

    Your reporter on the Dutch front, 12 meters below sealevel: Out!

    • gnomemansanisland

      Trump’s ambassador to Holland making friends and influencing people.

    • yyyaz

      I always appreciate your reports, RB. Tip of the hat to you and yours!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Nambia-that’s who he meant

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Wait. 12 meters BELOW sealevel? Isn’t that, like, underwater?
      -scratches head, makes face like Labrador retriever hearing far-off noise

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      West Michigan, and especially Holland, Michigan, sends you warm regards. We apologize that we weren’t able to find a way to shut Pete up and make him go away in such a manner that would not result in Class A felony charges being leveled against us. There are so many men just like him here. You know, the older, change-resistent ones who think the correct answers to any questions are

      Jesus

      Ronald Reagan

      I never said that

      Quit shoving that down my throat

      I don’t care what Those People think

      Good luck with him. You Dutch folks are a kind people, but please know that we’re aware that even nice people have their limits and snap sometimes.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    This is what the tax cunts for billionaires bought us. Fuck the republican congress.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    But those stores are closing just in the shit hole states, right? Is it okay to call them shit hole states now? Or should we be more PC and just talk about shit hole Trump voters?

  • ArgieBargie

    Walmart also raised the minimum-wage to $10 during Obama’s tenure, and the justification was basically the same as they used yesterday.

    Also, too, unlike an hourly rate increase, a bonus is a temporary measure that does not help long term.

    Also too, too, many Walmart employees still have to rely on Gov’t assistance to make ends meet.

    But Trump and his ilk will wtill boast about this bullshit day and night, and his idiotic supporters will eat it up.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      Doesn’t Walmart have something in their new hire training that includes how to apply for those evil government benefits?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Not to mention that $10/hour is only enough to live on if you work, oh, say, 80 hours a week and live in a place where the costs of living are relatively low. Of course, there are probably very few even full-time jobs at walfail, and there are bound to be countless tricks to get around paying anyone a living wage, much less overtime.

      • harryr

        Easiest way would be to cut everbody’s hours by 10%. Of course that means those on duty will have to slave even harder, but, hey, got to get that pound of flesh.

      • Bemused

        If you have a full time job and benefits you can live kind of like a reasonable human being on $10 an hour and a 40 hr week in Not-cities and Not-California. It isn’t comfortable, but it can be done (I did it for a couple of years when I was right out of college, in California, but that was almost 20 years ago and it’s too expensive here now.)

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Wal-mart is such a Hitler.

    • mardam422

      Won’t shop there. I’ll drive the extra distance to Target or Costco.

      • Bigly smart jesterpunk

        Costco actually treats and pays their employees well with out needing the tax cuts for the super rich. Something about keeping employees happy and keeping them working for them. They sound socialist.

        • SDGeoff3

          They seem nice to me.

          • Bigly smart jesterpunk

            They really are in a non snarky way. Its also really hard to get a job with them because people just dont leave because of the working conditions..

        • mardam422

          They’ll never survive, eh?

      • C4TWOMAN

        I heard good things about Costco on the Jim Hightower Show years ago. Apparently its privately owned and the owner isn’t an asshole.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      They should be goreinged with a speer.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Cheap pun. Boo! Hess!

        • Yellerduck

          Those Fokkers.

  • OneYieldRegular

    We’ve decided to right-size our fleet

    Sounds like they decided to capsize their fleet and send the workers down with the ships.

    • David Chaillou

      Corporate English is so poetic.

  • Michael R

    In ” not exactly Trump news ”

    KKK leader Edgar Ray Killen dies in prison

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f8949d7ca02801cfdfc2021df2202c4ba2bc22bd15c1b0b821d1182fb06b5ed3.jpg

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      The weather is crazy, its 62f now and going down to 29 tonight and supposed to be cold all next week. (I dont have anything nice to say and dont want to get banned)

      • SDGeoff3

        Way to go.

    • SDGeoff3

      Good riddance.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      If you’re only supposed to say good things about the dead, then i say, He’s dead? Good.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        IKKKR?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Thoughts and Prayers (and by that, I mean a kind thought for him does not have a prayer).

    • C4TWOMAN

      Such a pity Hell isn’t real, otherwise he could say “Hi” to Hitler for us…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      He looks like Stephen Miller before the evil transformation was complete.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        It’s the flat, dead eyes.

        • SDGeoff3

          And the big flat forehead.

  • Master Contrail Program

    That’s a lot of new space for the FEMA internment camps. What’s that? FEMA is no longer sinister to the wingnuts for some strange reason?

  • mardam422

    So how much does Walmart save from the closings? Bet it’s suspiciously close to what they are paying out in bonuses and increased wages. Maybe something an enterprising writer from some mommy-blog would want to look into.

  • JParkerSD46

    Are we tired of all the winning yet?

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I am tired of all the fucking stupid shit. It’s stupid shit no matter what the idiots want to call it.

    • SDGeoff3

      So tired, it feels like I’m sleepwalking my way through it.

  • C4TWOMAN

    So what’s the endgame if even the service economy is planning to be put to the bone for profit? Usually a war is what saves these greedy fucks bacon. But no one is going to fight in a war fro Donnie. (By “no one” I mean not enough people will cooperate to make the gamble worthwhile. of course they’re will always be a few confused patriots ready to rush in where someone points them….)

    There is a limit to how much you can push your populace, and hard limit to the resources you can exploit, even if you manage to brainwash them all.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      First they get all the money and move to gated communities with 24×7 security.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Okeydokey. Now where to the buy things? Have it shipped directly from China?
        Whose going to do their housework as the poors get progressively more poor and disease ridden because lack of infrastructure, sanitation, etc?

        And food, without agricultural workers, where are they getting their food? Is that going to be shipped in too?
        (This is all mostly rhetorical. The real answer is…we hope…the bums will be kicked out in 2018-2020…)

        • Bigly smart jesterpunk

          They dont think that far ahead, they are mostly really old and just want to die with all the toys.

          • C4TWOMAN

            The thing is, even if we turned into a socialist paradise overnight, they’d still get to have all their toys. They just wouldn’t be about to be More richer and exploit anyMORE people.

          • Bigly smart jesterpunk

            That is all they want, to be the richest person ever and exploit everyone.

          • TJ Barke

            Not being allowed to exploit the fuck out of people and the environment unsustainably at all times is tyranny. No really, that’s what they think.

        • TJ Barke

          Robots, robots and more robots.

          • C4TWOMAN

            But that would mean investing in technology and the evil duo science and education….

          • TJ Barke

            But only to a point.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Housework will be contracted out to former middle-class (along with all the bothersome tasks that keep one from fully enjoying their fiefdom). Landing and keeping such jobs will allow one to live in less-securely gated communities, where certain minimal services are still available – for a fee, of course.

      • Master Contrail Program
        • puredog

          Isn’t Fiddler’s Green right down the street from Bowling Green? What really happened there, anyway?

          • Pilotshark

            Fiddles Green poem

            Cavalry!

            Fiddlers’ Green
            Halfway down the trail to Hell,
            In a shady meadow green
            Are the Souls of all dead troopers camped,
            Near a good old-time canteen.
            And this eternal resting place
            Is known as Fiddlers’ Green.
            Marching past, straight through to Hell
            The Infantry are seen.
            Accompanied by the Engineers,
            Artillery and Marines,
            For none but the shades of Cavalrymen
            Dismount at Fiddlers’ Green.
            Though some go curving down the trail
            To seek a warmer scene.
            No trooper ever gets to Hell
            Ere he’s emptied his canteen.
            And so rides back to drink again
            With friends at Fiddlers’ Green.
            And so when man and horse go down
            Beneath a saber keen,
            Or in a roaring charge of fierce melee
            You stop a bullet clean,
            And the hostiles come to get your scalp,
            Just empty your canteen,
            And put your pistol to your head
            And go to Fiddlers’ Green.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        You mean the security that they won’t pay shit for because it cuts into their profits?

    • Master Contrail Program

      I’ve been wondering what the endgame is in regards to our increasingly stupid, angry, broke and heavily-armed populace for awhile now. You can’t squeeze blood from a stone but you can certainly draw blood with one.

      • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

        Just get me out of here before it blows :(

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I wonder this constantly myself. But then I remember that we’re talking about corporate types who are incapable of any kind of long-term thinking or action beyond the next quarter’s returns and the annual shareholder call.

  • ariel_gee_398
    • Bigly smart jesterpunk
    • wide_stance_hubby

      How many Trumpers said, ‘can you hear me now?’ and thought it was hilarious?

      • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

        None. They all thought of it as they were walking away, and have saved it for next time.

    • OneYieldRegular

      What happened, did the piece of string between the Dixie cups snap?

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Okay, I’m convinced. Turn the whole thing over to one of those drinking bird toys. It can’t be any worse than this.

    • puredog

      What’s the over-under on that “unidentified official” being Miller? The gratuitous “illegitimate” seems like a tell.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Walmart makes hundreds of billions a year and they aren’t even decent enough to spend a pittance to give employees advance notice before shutting down their place of employment? And they actually make them come to work to find out that they don’t have a job anymore? What is this, a goddamn Dickens novel?

    • Master Contrail Program

      Make America Great Expectations Again

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Stealing

    • C4TWOMAN

      With better sanitation.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        It depends on where you go. The UN found open cesspools in the rural south.

    • RMKH

      Shut up and eat your food drive gruel. No, you can’t have more.

      • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

        I’m not seeing an Attitude of Gratitude.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      You aren’t familiar with Mal-Wart practices, are you? May I suggest checking out the documentary, ‘The High Cost of Low Prices’ which I ~believe~ is available on YouTube.

    • Sarah Swift

      My exact thought. Nobody calling them on just how fucking mean that is? All this would take extensive planning, preparation, etc. and they deliberately kep it from the plebs why? Simply because it’s easier for them.

  • goonemeritus

    I will say Walmart doesn’t seem to care who they stuck-up to. During the Obama administration they announced their green initiative and raised the hourly pay of their employees crediting Obama. Now they are sucking up to Trump, I’m starting to have doubts about Walmart’s sincerity.

    • Me not sure

      Target upped their employee pay first. Wal-Mart needed to look better in the public eye. I suspect this is not much more than PR, but good for their employees.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Such employees as are left.

  • TJ Barke

    Is it against The Rules to say I hope Ryan chokes on Donnie’s dick?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I think it’s against The Possible.

    • janecita

      I don’t know if it’s against the rules, but I really hope he does.

    • mfp, normegian would

      no

    • Mr. White

      Not big enough.

      • TJ Barke

        But Ryan sucks so hard that he just might be able to manage it.

  • MynameisBlarney

    The looks on their faces says it all.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DTSrEvSVMAYLjW-.jpg

  • Squeegee

    Wal mart’s minimum wage workers will benefit from the one day a week that Alice Walton opens her museum in Bentonville to the poors for their viewing pleasure as she’ll be able to buy so many more paintings for the museum

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Wait, she buys paintings? I was picturing a museum full of dioramas of Arkansas front porches, yards full of broken-down cars and appliances, and a cut-rate Cracker Barrel knockoff restaurant.

  • spangled

    Hey, maybe they won’t have to hold canned food drives so their own employees won’t starve anymore!

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Are they only firing the starving ones?

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    OT: The GOP might just take its toys and go home until after midterms. https://www.politico.com/story/2018/01/10/gop-may-skip-budget-kneecapping-2018-ambitions-334946

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Meh, the national budget has never been that important to them anyway, has it?

    • theblackdog

      So a CR until Oct 1?

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Who the hell knows?

    • mfp, normegian would

      good

  • MynameisBlarney

    Yeah…so…
    A bit worse than we initially thought.

    http://www.citjourno.org/page-1

    • TJ Barke

      Ho-ly. shit.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Ayup.

        • puredog

          Ayup ayup.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Josh: Let me take a moment to speak up for the word “shithole” which is seeing its reputation damaged by association with Donald Trump.

    • SDGeoff3

      Think of how our vocabulary has become enriched since Trump stole our hearts.
      Dotard, Shithole.

      • David Chaillou

        Covfefe.

        • Jennaratrix

          Bigly.

          • theblackdog

            Winning

      • janecita

        Nambia.

        • yyyaz

          Normay. Teresa May.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I’ve been spelling it Doturd because it seems to describe him better.

  • yyyaz

    Carrier Woman™ who “walked through the pouring rain to vote for Trump” is pissing and moaning on Katy Tur’s show that the Demented Orange Goon lied to her. But she, at 45, will not file for unemployment, and begs for the president* to put an end to all this offshoring for the sake of her kids and grandkids. It will be interesting to see how she fares.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      If she cared one bit about her kids and grandkids, she’d take the unemployment. It’s better than starving to death.

      • yyyaz

        Yeah, Katy didn’t ask her how she was going to support herself, so I strongly suspect she has someone else contributing.

      • Mr. White

        She’s so full of shit about that. Most of her demographic LOVE pretending they’re rugged individualists while they’re benefitting from some government dole.

    • janecita

      Fuck that carrier woman, and all the other brainless assholes that voted for Trump. I couldn’t care less about the loss of her job and her kids’ future. She ruined it for them, not me!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        She broke it, she bought it.

        • janecita

          Maybe she can now get a job at Sam’s club;-)

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Not only do I not care what happens to her, in a her-v-wolves scenario, I’m strongly on Team Wolf.

        • janecita

          Me too! Team Wolves for the win!

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            The face-eating leopards beat you to it.

      • Red Richmond

        I feel bad for her kids being raised by such a stupid and horrible person, hopefully they’ll rise above it and somehow grow up to be decent human beings. I’m not, you know, terribly optimistic, but I still hope.

    • Jennaratrix

      I’m not interested at all.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk
    • theblackdog

      You know the minute the cameras are off of her or her inevitable gofundme fails that she’ll be filing unemployment papers.

    • Mr. White

      How about using that pull yourself up by the bootstraps bullshit you and your ilk love to beleive and I dunno… maybe FIND ANOTHER JOB?!? Perhaps something NOT manufacturing-related?!?

    • Arolpin

      If she broke her leg, would you not use her insurance to pay for the hospital visit? I knew she’s a stupid person (voted for Drumpf), but it’s unemployment INSURANCE, and she’s been paying into it her entire fucking working life, so why would she not take the benefit? (I know the answer, it’s because the fuckhead, shithole republicans have convinced people that it’s WELFARE.)

    • Celtic_Gnome

      My daughter-in-law was raised in a conservative, Christian family, and she’s managed to claw her way to normalcy with the help of the offspring. One weird quirk remained. She got a job working at a Halloween store, and, when it closed at the end of the season, their manager encouraged the employees to apply for unemployment, because they were entitled to it. She wouldn’t do it because it felt like “mooching”.

  • oldmechanician

    Of course 5$F’s excellent explanation won’t have any effect on the base because they don’t know the difference between a million and a billion. Hint to tRump voters: one is 1000 times bigger than the other. Your homework is to look up which is which.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Too bad she’s just a woman, and one of those people, or dumpy might have to pay some attention. What nickname do you think he’ll find for her by Executive Poop-n-Tweet time? Is it outside the realm of possibility that he’ll just go on and use the one word he’s most likely dying to use?
      This is DJT we’re talking about . . . there are no more edges to the realm of possibility that he can get outside of. My bad.

      • janecita

        Crazy Maxi?

        • puredog

          “Whacky Maxi.”

    • auntie Maxine reclaiming her time like a motherfucker.

    • onedollarjuana

      Jeez, Maxine. Tell us what you really think!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Walmart: Not affiliated the Wall Street Journal, Pink Floyd’s The Wall or that other wall-related fantasy Trump keeps talking about.

    • SDGeoff3

      Lol!

  • CLAP HARDER!

    • nightmoth

      Save Tinker Bell!

  • MynameisBlarney

    22 minutes.
    It took these slack-jawed cretins 22 fuckin minutes to figure out the “mute” function during their conference call with reporters on Iran.

    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/white-house-struggles-with-muting-function-on-iran-conference-call-with-reporters/

    They are literally too fucking stupid to insult.

    • Doug Langley

      Oh, now the reporters are starting to realize there may be something a tad off with this administration?

  • theblackdog

    About the only thing I can laugh at with this story is if my abusive ex is still working for Wal-Mart he’s only got about 12-13 years with them.

  • JaveyDay

    Well, bummer. I posted one of my comments from yesterday about ENTITLEMENT REFORM as I thought it was more appropriate in this article. It was “detected as spam” and removed. Really? It was my own writing and I only ever posted it once before. I am fairly new to Disqus. Is that just the way it is?

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      Disqus is weird sometimes and flags random things as spam. Also it could be some troll flagged your comment.

  • Michael Smith

    I was just thinking, if the Republicans really want big companies to do all these socially-conscious things in exchange for tax breaks, why not make certain policy changes mandatory in order to obtain the benefits? I mean, if that’s what they really want.

    • onedollarjuana

      I think they’d rather you emigrate to a shithole country.

  • Marion in Savannah

    Well, allow me to make a confession. We do in fact do some of our shopping at our local Sam’s Club. We’re both retired, with an interesting variety of medical issues, and Sam’s Club does offer a spectacular bang for your buck. Their meats are great, veggies too, and every now and then items that our church sends out in the kids’ Backpack Buddies program go on sale. So we shop there. [ducks] Now have at us, if you will.

    • theblackdog

      I can’t really get mad if it’s the only option. I lived in rural areas where unless you wanted to drive 2-3 hours, your option was Wal-Mart and that’s it.

      I switched from Sam’s Club to Costco over a decade ago because Sam’s Club pretty much sucked in comparison and Wal-Mart clearly wasn’t trying with them. It seems like now they’re trying more and it’s to the point where even my parents, who I convinced to make the switch, are now considering switching back. As for me, Costco and even BJ’s are much closer than Sam’s so I’ll stick with them.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Welp, there’s no Costco or BJ’s here so we’re pretty much stuck.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          I happen to live in a place where they’re literally down the street from each other (Sams club likes to locate near Costco). Costco is just a few cents more and here they are Union. Not everyone has that option though

        • theblackdog

          Yeah, you go with what’s being offered, or what’s the best choice for you.

    • You can’t eat virtue, Marion.

    • Sunhead

      You are a victim, not part of the problem.
      You don’t blame the serfs for working, they don’t want to starve to death, so they work for food. This is what the power a union is for.

    • handyhippie65

      sadly, walmart is a fact of life for a lot of us, like it or not.

      • Ms.Moon

        I live in a very expensive area of the country Walmart cannot afford to be where I live and I am quite grateful for that. When we went to visit my grandparents in Florida the only options were Walmart for the longest time. I understand that in many places is the only option.

  • Shibusa
    • Marion in Savannah

      Lordy God — Is that one strike? I’ve seen some terrific lightning storms, but never ANYTHING like that. Wow…

      • Shibusa

        The lightning storms you can see in Tucson during monsoon season are truly amazing.

      • Daniel Mann

        Jave you ever been to Oklahoma?

  • rg9rts

    Don’t you love it…$11 an hour….you realize your hours are adjusted accordingly…there are no full time employees…PT keeps costs down by not paying benefits…..hey throw in ATT that also had massive bonus layoffs LMAO MAGA….the retail joke is being promoted to manager….your hours balloon and your salary stays the same… so you can end up working below minimum wage

    • handyhippie65

      but, but, management!

      • rg9rts

        LMAO thats the hook…now you cover for everyone and since you are salaried your hours can balloon..

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    The old ‘right-sizing our fleet’. How 1990’s.

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    I’m assuming the fired employees won’t be getting their bonuses.

  • Dutchman

    Also too, anyone that is getting the increase in pay to $11/hr is not eligible for any of that sweet, sweet bonus loot.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    “Right-size”. Another of those corporate-speak euphemisms that drives me fucking bananas.

    • JustDon’tSayShithole

      Right up there with “Human Resources”

      • alpacapunchbowl

        There are so many.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Human racehorses? I’d pay to see that!

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      I hate the phrase “reach out.” I’d like to “reach out” alright.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Out of pocket
        From soup to nuts
        Ping me
        And my current least favorite:
        Learnings
        What the fuck is a learning?? Just say “here’s what we learned”! Jesus fuck, it’s not that hard.

        • Trump’s Potemkin Village

          I haven’t heard “learnings” yet, but it sounds like something that would get on my nerves!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            It’s sooooo stupid. The first time I came across I thought it was a typo or something, but after I saw it a few more times from multiple people I realized they were doing it on purpose.
            The “why” will forever remain a mystery to me.

          • handyhippie65

            efficiency? less words is gooderer, right?

  • nightmoth

    I couldn’t remember the other big company that announced the 1K bonuses, then laid off lots of workers—thought it was AT&T and it was—and when I found the info at ThinkProgress it turned out they have an appeal up because they are being blocked by advertisers for being “controversial.” Interesting.
    https://thinkprogress.org/companies-gop-tax-bonuses-layoffs-fdf07fdf90d2/

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Let’s see… a big $1000 divided by 20 years is a whopping “thank you $50 a year for your service.” Especially amazing, as I can’t imagine there are too many folks out there that have held out at that soul-sucking company that long.

    • Enter Ranting

      Conservatives will tell you that Wall Mart isn’t supposed to be a career. It’s a place for teenagers and college students to work. So, unless you’re going to go to college for 20 years…

      • Sakonyachen

        My uncle once tried that teenagers and college students trope with me about fast food and minimum wage. I asked him what college one could afford at 7.25 an hour even at full time. I also pointed out that fast food was never intended to be eaten more than once a week. That went out the window, so the career concept went with it.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        When I worked for a conservative Republican elected official, he fought the Union tooth and nail on pay raises for union members. He believe the union jobs were entry-level positions, enough to live on and little else, and the employees should use their off-hours to do whatever was necessary to gain the skills to get a better job. He was incensed at the idea that people would come to work for years at a time, do their jobs, then go home and just sit around and watch TV on his dime.

        • handyhippie65

          all the while, sucking on the gubbermint tit and bitching about those who actually had to work for a living. i thought they admired hard work?

    • Damian L

      Hey that’s almost a buck a week! Movin on up!

  • Gorillionaire

    Walmart always uses good old taxpayer paid policemen to do their dirty work.

  • Like Really Smart Radio

    It’s worth underlining and restating, they called the cops to tell them about the closures before they told their own employees.

    • onedollarjuana

      Well, their business model is to pay poverty wages and let the public purse pay to make up the differences.

      • clairence

        so they’re socialist liberals?
        /s

    • Gerald Parks

      They wanted to prevent the looting of the store.
      Ya know these “economically” challenged whites would start “taking their country back!”
      Yehaw!

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Some of them are good people 😀😀😀

        • Gerald Parks

          Hummm …even the one’s with their Mom’s tiki torches???
          Well …I can see how some of their Mom’s might think that!
          LOL!!!!

    • handyhippie65

      it’s the beginning of the corporate police state, and we can say we were there when it all began!

  • capnkrunch

    Ready for some more back of the envelope big numbers math with capn?

    11,000 employees (fired) * $11 an hour * 40 hours a week * 52 weeks = $251,680,000 in savings for Walmart. Weird how that’s more than half what they are spending on bonuses…

    Let’s pretend that the $400 million in bonuses and $20 billion stock buy back is all tax cut driven spending Walmart is doing (bear with me, this is to illustrate something). That’s a total of $20.4 billion. $400 million, $20 billion, $400000000, $20000000000 all look pretty similar right? They’re not and big number innumeracy is one of the biggest education problems.

    $400 million / $20.4 billion * 100% = 1.96%. $20 billion / $20.4 billion * 100% = 96.04%. Trickle. Down.

    OK. What about the wage increase? It appears to be a $1 increase (I read they increased it to $10 last year). Walmart employees 1.5 million people in the US (per their site). There’s no numbers on how many make minimum wage but let’s just say half. What is the yearly cost of this increase?

    750,000 employees * $1 an hour * 40 hours a week * 52 weeks = $1,560,000,000 or ~$1.6 billion. Remember, they’re saving $2.2 billion a year. Where does the rest go? I’m pretty sure this is a large overestimate.

    What about the stock buybacks? Well, the top 20% of Americans by wealth own 92% of all stock (the top 1% own 38%) so that money is not making its way to Joe Hourly.

    Basically, they are spending something like 20x more to benefit a small group of (already very wealthy) shareholders (the largest individual shareholders are the Waltons themselves) than what they are spending on helping workers.

    Pitchforks and tar.

    • Red Bird

      MAGA!

    • Sakonyachen

      “Pitchforks and tar.”

      Gasoline and tide would be my choice.

      • handyhippie65

        napalm sticks to kids! i’m sorry. i’ll go stand in the corner now.

        • Sakonyachen

          H&M wants you to be their new PR director now.

    • handyhippie65

      and fire. don’t forget the huge bonfire for the burning man. who we first covered in the tar.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    The main reason the Sam’s Club bullshit pisses me off is that my area will have its SC closed, meaning that the Costco is just going to get busier.

  • willi0000000
  • irish379

    Walmart could be in violation of The WARN Act. Any employer of 150 or more workers has to give 60 day notice of a plant or facility closing.

    • clairence

      probably not in Trump’s America, where regulations and laws are arbitrarily enforced.

      • irish379

        yeah where everyone is an “at will” employee ,and has no rights.Live Better Work Union!

        • HooverVilles

          THIS!

    • handyhippie65

      labor laws? we still have those? that can’t be right.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    “Right-size our fleet.” Jesus, I’d like to “right size” some of these predatory sons of bitches.

  • clairence

    “”We’ve decided to right-size our fleet and better align our locations with our strategy.””

    Whenever anyone starts talking corporate gibberish like this, it’s a heads-up to run away quickly.

  • empf

    My sister works in the optical department, has since 2010 or so. She’s not getting shit, apparently.

  • IdiotsforPalin
  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    The most terrifying part of this is that Walmart is America’s largest employer

  • Culinary Mercenary

    Hey, nothing wrong with Lima beans.

    • handyhippie65

      yea, as long as they are no on MY plate. i have no problem with them in theory. in practice, on the other hand…

  • Sakonyachen

    Hey now! I plan to spend that 8 extra dollars on my paycheck from the tax cut that benefits everyone on hiring some new employees. If I can find people to work for 8 cents an hour, that’s two employees at full time. The economy will explode

  • Sh3rgar

    Comcast, wells fargo and AT&T all fired a bunch of folks directly after announcing their wonderful tax cut bonuses as well. Beat that for face-in-the-trough greed and cynicism.

    Ok the GOP already did.

  • It is not only they are laying people off- in many of those places there ARE NO OTHER STORES. Those towns holding on by a thread have just had their threads snapped.
    No jobs, no stores, no luck.
    Fuck you, Walmart

    • Ms.Moon

      I hope this a warning to other places if Walmart want to come to your town tell them no. Apart from them being shabby looking inside and out (they all look shabby inside and out). They just bring down the neighborhood and wreck the local economy. I hate NIMBYism but in the case of Walmart NIMBY away.

      • Ghoti theLinguist

        My town fought hard to keep Walmart out, but we ended up with one anyway. I never shop there, so I don’t know how well it’s doing. I’m told the clientele is mostly people from surrounding communities.

  • Ghoti theLinguist

    Trickle down? Trickle ON is more like it.

  • Bownhead

    So sometimes looting is just survival. 63 stores out there full of stuff and no one to protect it. Former Sam’s Club employees please take it from here.

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