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Well, at least Trump didn’t call England a shithole, right? Although he’ll probably be feeling feisty after having his own shithole examined at Walter Reed today, so who knows what this afternoon’s Executive Time will bring!

BLOODY HELL! The entire world has recoiled in horror from our Racist-in-Chief, so now he can only travel to countries where they shoot protesters.

Faced with the possibility of tens of thousands of people in the streets of London screaming “FUCK TRUMP,” the president canceled his planned trip to England to celebrate the opening of a new US embassy. Then he barfed up a bunch of lies on Twitter and blamed the black guy. Who coulda seen that one coming?

Remember that time London suffered a terror attack and Trump hopped on his Twitterphone to criticize its Muslim mayor?

Or that time he accused British intelligence agencies of conspiring with Barack Obama to “tapp his wires” based on a bullshit Fox News story by that lunatic Andrew Napolitano?

Or that time he retweeted British white supremacists, and even the wingnuts were like STOP THAT NOW?

You know who remembers that stuff? THE BRITISH. Which is the real reason why Trump’s official visit has been postponed to the 5th of Never. But instead of saying, “Sorry, I’ll be washing my lavish, orange locks next month,” he decided to crap all over another news cycle. Because he is very good at presidenting!

Okay, let’s factcheck this shitpile real quicklike:

  1. Did Barack Hussein Obama decide to move the embassy? No, the Obama Administration did not make the decision in 2008, since Obama wasn’t president until 2009.
  2. Did Obummer get conned and sell the building for “peanuts?” The old embassy was designated a historic property, restricting changes to the facade. This meant that the US could not upgrade the building to protect against terrorism, and also limited the ability of future owners to remodel it, depressing the sale price.
  3. Is the new embassy in an “off location?” Said the guy who spends most weekends at a garbage palace in New Jersey. The location allowed the State Department to make appropriate upgrades to keep American personnel secure, which is a good thing with a leader who is dead set on turning the entire world against us.
  4. Did we spend $1.2 billion on the new building? The cost of the property was entirely offset by the sale of other buildings in London.
  5. Did “they” want him to cut the ribbon? No, literally no one wanted his orange ass there. It would have been a security nightmare.
  6. Is our president a lying idiot who canceled his trip because everyone hates him? Yes.

Here are English politicians giving Trump the stiff upper lip.



Dammit, there goes our plan to change the locks while he was away! Well, we can’t really blame you, England. He is a racist piece of shit, and we bow to your superior trolling.

If we make it through this administration alive, we’ll die of shame.

Follow your FDF on the tweetmachine!

Please give us money for salaries and servers and Groucho glasses to hide our shame!

[Reuters / CNN / WaPo]

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  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “The location allowed the State Department to make appropriate upgrades to keep American personnel secure, which is a good thing with a leader who is dead set on turning the entire world against us.”

    He’s clearly forgotten about Benghazi.

    • theblackdog

      Well we know Gowdy hasn’t.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        speaking of which – HILARIOUS federal court complaint against Gowdy and go I found last night…remind me to post it later.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Hey. Post that later.

        • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

          It’s later…did you post it?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Trump shows the bravery that won the day at the Bowling Green Massacre.

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      Dude, we LOST the Bowling Green Massacre, remember?

      • PersianOregano

        Are there some statues we could look out to resolve these disputed versions of history?

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Never Remember!!

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        Let’s call it a tie…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • wide_stance_hubby

    America was so looking forward to hating him over there, so we could have a break from hating him here.

  • sorbs

    What a cowardly, lyin’ worthless, waste of air. Knows that his ‘brand’ would be tarnished by video of huge protests, so decides to fuck off and go golfing again. Time for a well-placed mashie niblick.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      News for him: his brand is shit now, and will be forever.

  • OneYieldRegular

    So, he cancelled an entire state visit instead of, you know, just saying, like a normal person, that he’d prefer not to cut the ribbon?

    • Seek

      The Brits cancelled the state visit, or rather postponed it to a more opportune time, but he was going anyway on the pretext o opening the embassy but then …. Epic Fail

  • mrFawkes

    Do you know why trump chose “shitholes” as the word to describe Haiti and African nations?
    If you anagram shitholes you get “his hotels.”

  • Mavenmaven

    Instead of cutting the ribbon, he cut and run.

    • OneYieldRegular

      It’s the fucking American embassy, where Americans work, and he wouldn’t stoop to honor the people who are in his service?

      • Mavenmaven

        In his mind they all reek of that Kenyan. Everyone does except his daughter.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Well, we can’t really blame you, England. He is a racist piece of shit, and we bow to your superior trolling.

    Be careful touching his hair, honey–it might bite you!

  • If they really want to troll him, they should invite Barack and Michelle to attend.

  • Indiepalin

    Trump’s idea was to create a new trillion dollar complex that would include an embassy, luxury hotel, casino and indoor stadium for the NFL expansion London Queens

  • theblackdog

    It should be obvious by now. Whenever something doesn’t go the way the orange one or his supporters like it, it’s the fault of non-white people.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    I dunno, I think they could have had a lot of fun trolling him.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNFtePUgHNU

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Meh, he would have come back eventually anyway.

  • Brave Sir Donald ran away
    Bravely ran away away
    When protest reared its ugly head
    He bravely turned his tail and fled
    Yes, brave Sir Donald turned about
    And gallantly he chickened out…

  • Last Hussar

    Properties in that ‘off location’ are £1.7 million (about $2.2m toytown).

    That doesn’t matter, because its a fucking embassy, not a fucking tourist trap. What’s the matter you bollocking cunt faced hemorrhoid? Not enough gold leaf, not tacky enough? Needs to look more like a 13 year old girls vanity case?

    • Marion in Savannah

      AOT,K.

    • Teecha

      13 yo girls libelz!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The decision to move the embassy was made during the Bush II administration, based on the need to expand the embassy and for security. Old location could not be modified to do this reasonably.

  • NastyBossetti

    But most of us hate him here, too. Why does he insist on staying??

  • Michael Smith

    Look England, I’m glad you did this and all but don’t be making fun of us too much. You’ve had some pretty wacky chief executives in your past.

    Granted, you didn’t actually choose those people, while a good chunk of our population actively decided to –

    You know what, never mind, have at us.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Although back in the Middle Ages the English did have a way of dealing with incompetent leaders- lock them in some castle, where they conveniently died, have a fancy funeral, and have the warlords pick a more suitable relative.

      • Teecha

        A red hot poker was stuck up the arse of one.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          That was a bit of an urban legend. That account didn’t surface until long after his death, written by monks who had a curious fascination with buttsex, for some reason. There is even credible reason to believe that he lived long after his supposed “death
          https://www.timeshighereducation.com/features/a-red-hot-poker-it-was-just-a-red-herring/176011.article

          • Teecha

            Who are you going to believe? A bunch of renowned historians, or a random history teecha off of the ninternet?

          • PTSILS

            If that version is good enough for Kit Marlowe, it’s good enough for me. I played Edward II back in school.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            It was considered a fitting punishment for a king who broke the laws of the church, so of course it looked great in a play. He was probably simply starved to death, as that was the custom at the time, although it wasn’t necessarily a kinder way to go – but then it wasn’t a kind age. Or maybe he did leave and live quietly in Italy, who knows.
            Also memorable line: “He perishes on the rocks who loves another more than himself”. That’ll never happen to Trump.

        • PersianOregano

          Granny’s second husband claimed to be a proud descendant of Roger Mortimer, the man behind the poker up the ass, so to speak

      • Michael Smith

        Totally understandable if you ask me.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    What is *********! in British??

    • NastyBossetti

      You can’t even imagine it, it’s so bad.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I was afraid in might be Balderdash…

        • SisterArtemis

          GOOD GOD! DON’T SAY THAT HERE! OUR TENDER EARS!

      • therblig

        belgium?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          “The Sprouts”

          “The Phlegms”

          “Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards”

    • therblig

      dingo’s kidneys?

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Dingos is Aussie, I think.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Aussie don’t like Brit. Jim Jefferies taking down Piers Morgan on Real Time was a thing of beauty.

    • Teecha

      I reckon it was bollocks.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        I like the double insult of calling balls to a guy for being a pussy… If I get what bollocks is.

        • Teecha

          Another entry in the English-American phrase book
          Bollocks does mean testicles.
          If something is a load of (old) bollocks, that means it’s shit, or a lie.
          If something is the bollocks, or the dog’s bollocks, it means it’s brilliant.

          ETA- I hate the word pussy being used to describe weakness. A penis is more fragile than a vag.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            To be honest, a penis is fairly sturdy and can take a lot. The balls, on the other hand…..those are the sensitive ones.

          • Teecha

            I take your point (ha!) but anecdotally- I know of 4 men who have broken their willies. And one who had to be circumcised after an energetic evening.

            I don’t know anyone who broke their vag.

            And I still dislike one of my favourite body parts being used as an insult and synonym for weakness.

          • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

            I speak from experience…I’ve put quite a few hard (HA!) miles on mine, and it can take a beating (HA!) and recover nicely. Your friends must be doing it wrong!

      • The Wanderer

        I think it was the trousers.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      ********* Royale?

    • The Wanderer

      Fuckwit?

  • The Wanderer

    I’d sic the Caledonian Mafia on him:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NREA7mzEq5s

  • Villago Delenda Est
    • Bill D. Burger

      That lady truly deserved to be Time’s “Person of the Year: 2017”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Janey is a goddess, as well as a Godley.

  • Teecha

    So sorry to hear of this decision

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha

    *wipes a tear, takes a deep breath

    Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahah

    Fuck off, you racist old squirt

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh well jolly fuck! Her Majesty was working on such a bang-up welcome for the Dotard and his administration.
    Bloddy Bollocks!

    https://i.imgur.com/9OKIn3P.jpg

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That barrel is actually smokin’, by the way…

      • puredog

        Well, no, that’s background reflections (windshields?) rendered fuzzy by lack of depth-of-field.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          It looks to me like a projectile smoke line… In addition to the drifting smoke from the earlier rounds

    • mohave rocky

      Enfield L85 (1985) A disastrous dud of a weapon. Updated in 2000 , still not popular

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Reminds me of the camel description “a horse designed by a committee”

  • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

    All I can picture is Donnie utterly fucking up that ribbon cutting ceremony he invented in his head. He trips on his own feet. He can’t figure out the scissors. He cuts his own tie instead. Everyone is laughing.

    • ariel_gee_398

      He marvels at how the Brits ripped off America the Beautiful for their national anthem?

      • Bobathonic

        He’d better loosen up those plagiarism laws.

      • Werewolf

        “My Country ‘Tis of Thee”, actually.

  • puredog

    I am stone cold amazed no Brit has taken down that wax effigy with a flamethrower yet.

    • GoutMachine

      To be fair, they do have this crazy policy of not letting military weaponry get into the hands of the average citizen…

      • puredog

        Cucks.

      • The Wanderer

        Pile high the faggots and add plenty of oil. Then bring the torches.

        • Teecha
          • The Wanderer

            The original term was a bundle of sticks.

          • Teecha

            Yeh, but it wasn’t as funny as a reply :D

          • The Wanderer

            You’re quite right. Here, have an internet.

          • Teecha

            Cheers, ears!

          • GoutMachine

            And it’s also the technical term for a bassoon. “Faggott” – named after said sticks.

          • Bobathonic

            I learned something today.

          • Teecha

            Every day’s a school day.

          • Grokenstein

            Aside: For fuck’s sake, why would anyone eat meat products sold by a “Mr. Brains”?

          • Teecha

            There are other brands.
            (I’m not sure if anyone has eaten faggots since about 1958, just like spotted dick)

          • Grumpy Twat

            I think a spotted dick revival is long overdue

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Faggots piled high and plenty of oil reminds me of youthful indiscretions.

          • The Wanderer

            Indeed, yes.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        More Weapons of Mass Destruction trivia, flame throwers are legal in all 50 states per ATF

    • Darlene Underdahl

      They’re having too much fun playing with it.

    • ariel_gee_398

      They plan to send it to Piers Morgan so he’ll have someone to talk to – if they destroy it, he might try to talk to one of them.

  • Christopher Story

    Now that I’ve seen that wax dummy of Trump, I KNOW the Disney animatronic version was done on purpose.

    • sincarne

      I seriously think they had a Hillary ready to go, and just Trumped it as much as they could.

      • Christopher Story

        I want this story to be true so bad!

  • Bill D. Burger

    So now The Right Honorable Fucking Moron & Dotard won’t get to make his triumphal ride to the palace, huh?

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/rUoaxb61S6Y/hqdefault.jpg

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Nope, the Brits would not allow tanks on their streets, either, so he’s staying home.

  • GoutMachine

    I fly to London tomorrow, actually. I’ll be sure to wear my best Canadian accent.

    • If your outed over there just mention Wonkette and they’ll go easy on you.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      If you are Canadian, then good. But we sane Americans need to show that not all Americans are moronic lunatics.

      • GoutMachine

        I’m an American with Canadian tendencies.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          As am I. Of course, it’s your call. But if all the sane Americans go undercover, then we help foster the image of the US as being completely a country of lunatics. Again, your call. But maybe mentioning that you voted against Trump, as did the majority of your fellow Americans, might be helpful.

          • GoutMachine

            I kid. It’s usually the first thing out of my mouth. Then again, most folks over there, when they encounter an American, know that you’re not an idiot – the ones who are Trumpkins aren’t the ones who are likeliest to travel abroad, you know. (Plus, I’m not obnoxious, so I’m not usually pegged as an American over in Europa.)

          • Teecha

            We tend to hold the opinion that if you’ve left the US, you’re not an arse.

          • ChumpsForTrump

            My thoughts too.. most trumpkins don’t travel abroad (and if they do, it’s to the tourist areas only). Most of them probably haven’t been outside the county they were born in.

          • Rooster Cogburn105

            A lot of Trumpkins have Traveled via the Unfriendly Skies of USAF Airlift Command

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Oddly, when I was visiting Dublin, I was with a Canadian. People could not keep our nationalities straight. Because I’m generally polite. And she was…how do i say this?…obnoxious.

    • Teecha

      We don’t hate your faces, just your bases!

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      One of the more amusing things about Bones, while I could still watch it, was the Muslim grad assistant who faked a stereotypical middle-eastern accent to make the workplace less awkward for himself.

  • RickyG

    That wax figure is scary. And probably smarter than the meat version! 😱

    • puredog

      It’s a lot more accurate than the animatronic one at Disney, but that’s Tussaud’s for you (sometimes).

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Oh, and, well, is Beta Cuck a bit redundant, or are Beta Cucks lower than regular cucks?

    • sincarne

      They’re just Cucks that need to go through more testing before they’re ready for public adoption.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Ahh. Extra cuckly cucks.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just as well. Elizabeth wasn’t dealing well with the Fucking Moron’s demands.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/62f128bca08c08b83d8a766bf7a9acf5aff5ebb46f0fce2a0514e607c794f333.jpg

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Seeing as how she has more military experience than him, I doubt that she was worried. More, disgusted by him.

    • SisterArtemis

      she’s probably too classy to order it…
      https://i.imgflip.com/107z2s.jpg

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Really, that last part is no longer necessary, if you know what I mean, 007.

  • WomanInThePersistence
    • Beanz&Berryz

      100,000

    • Bill D. Burger

      In my heart she’s still “Person of the Year: 2017”

    • grindstone

      We are all Scottish Woman.

      • Bobathonic

        Like Donald’s mum?

        • grindstone

          Even she thinks he’s a cunt.

  • Crystalclear12

    That wax statue is soooo presidential!

    • SisterArtemis

      It’s alarmingly lifelike. Or more likely, Trump is alarmingly waxlike.

    • ChumpsForTrump

      I like it much better than the original.

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    TAKE US BACK, ENGLAND.

    • GoutMachine

      Hell, I’m going to Norway.

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        See, I figured Norway’s gonna be overflowing soon, so I gotta look elsewhere.

        • GoutMachine

          Sweden? I mean, it’s all the same over there /ducks

          • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

            I speak Swedish! Torbjorn! Ikea! Meatballs!

      • Bobathonic

        I was there mentally the other day. With Kirk Douglas. Fighting Trumpists in The Heroes of Telemark.

      • Grokenstein

        Spent a summer there on the student exchange program. Miss good ol’ Kongsberg. Might sneak back there when it’s time to depart this mortal coil.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Reverse Independence is a troublesome project. Would England take back their troublesome offspring and let us live in the basement and play video games and smoke reefer while only making a half hearted effort to get a real job?

      • GoutMachine

        I’m less inclined to do it now that they’re not gonna be in the EU.

        • SisterArtemis

          Maybe WE should look at becoming part of the EU
          /jk

      • SisterArtemis

        I would do the dishes. Promise.

  • Michael R
    • GoutMachine

      That chicken is in way better shape than the Dotard.

      • Bobathonic

        Bigger hands, also too.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Smarter, as well.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Trump hasn’t had a pair of sneakers on since… never, actually.

      • puredog

        I think that’s not so. After all, in college, he was “the best athlete. Not many people know that.”*
        ——————
        * — Actual quote from WSJ interview.

        • Beelzebubba

          Despite the bone spurs, eh?

    • Bill D. Burger
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Stop being so mean, you guys! He’s scared.

    • GoutMachine

      He’s new at this! He’s not a career politician, you know. He’ll pivot soon.

      • gallbladder

        I’m beginning to think that this was the pivot, you know, from bad to unfathomably worse.

        • Bobathonic

          These depths are unfathomable.

  • Jennaratrix

    You know it’s a bad news day when every.single.picture on Wonkette is kittens because of #MAKA.

    • GoutMachine

      Srsly. They need some new pictures, too – expand the field of kittehs! I keep seeing the same ones over and over.

    • Nockular cavity

      “Make America Klan Again?”

      • Jennaratrix

        Make America Kittens Again; it’s a Chrome extension that turns all pictures of Trump to pictures of kittens. It’s made my life bearable.

  • coozledad

    Eng-uh-land swings like a kick to the nuts
    everyone there hates the President’s guts
    Westminster abbey Ol’ Paul and Ringo
    say “Go down to Oz and feed a dingo.”

  • LiberalANDProud

    I see no reason to cancel a party simply because the guest of honor refuses to show up.

  • My fakesake Ed Milipanda knows what’s up.

  • The Wanderer

    Even though they’re cute, red pandas can be assholes:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOFq5q8Lo18

    • Zippy49

      Those critters are actually a close relative of raccoons, and we know how friendly and nice they are!

      • The Wanderer

        True!

      • Rags

        And we are close relatives of bonobos and you know how peaceful and happy and sexxytimes we are. Oh. Nevermind.

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      I don’t care what you say, they are adorable and I love them and awwwww.

      (Also, how do I get on a tv show where I share a room with two red pandas?)

      • The Wanderer

        I think this was one of those humiliating Japanese game shows from back in the 80s.

        • Like Really Smart Radio

          They make humiliation seem so adorable

  • OneYieldRegular

    Trumpxit.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    OT: Any Republican saying that “some people” are not bargaining “in good faith” needs to sit down and shut up forever.

    https://twitter.com/frankthorp/status/951875405916594176

    • GoutMachine

      May I interest you in this device, sir? We call it a “mirror.”

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Or it sounds like they have a case of Sessionitis- the symptoms being not being able to recall anything inconvenient, illegal, or embarrassing.

    • The Wanderer

      And they get added to the Fucking Wanker List for January.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Both should be on it permanently. Especially that sniveling shit Cotton.

        • Werewolf

          Per Charlie Pierce, National Treasure, that’s “bobble-headed slapdick from Arkansas “.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Not to put too fine a point on it, but these racist fucks can go fuck themselves.

    • TexasDumb

      Cotton & Perdue, Profiles in Garbage

  • JohnBull

    I have a couple of friends in England, and they don’t want your supporters there, either. The left side of the road is NOT the wrong side, it’s just different. And that’s okay.

    • Teecha

      Thanks!
      Our differences make it more fun to cross the pond.

    • Crank Tango

      Well then I have some moving violations I need your help in contesting.

  • Victoria Ricola

    While I very much understand England’s desire to keep President Racist Pussygrab off their shores, there’s a small part of me that is disappointed to miss out on the opportunity to watch him lumber through tea and cake diplomatic meetings and photo ops at their classy historical landmarks. And the protests, the glorious protests.

    • GoutMachine

      Yeah, I’m torn. As much as I want that, too, I like the English and don’t want to spread his filth on them.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        The Tower Of London hasn’t been used to house difficult guests for a while. Most Americans wouldn’t mind a nice long time out for Donnie.

      • CripesAmighty

        Oh, I suspect that much merriment would have been had at the expense of the rotting pumpkin.

        • GoutMachine

          True. And it’d sail completely over his head. British humo(u)r being what it is – particularly when they’re taking the piss out of someone – tends to blow right past idiots like Trump.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The protests could still take place. (Hint, hint.)

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I’m picturing a tiny, tiny hand sticking out of a furious bloody ball of Welsh Corgies

    • weejee

      Voting Corgies?

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

  • SisterArtemis

    Dammit, there goes our plan to change the locks while he was away! Well, we can’t really blame you, England.

    *sigh*

    • GoutMachine

      You know what the English used to do to these types … oh, right. They shipped them to the Colonies.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Thanks, King George.

        • Last Hussar

          Trump’s German, don’t blame us.

      • calliecallie

        Australia won’t have him.

  • proudgrampa

    Today, we are all Londoners.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      I’d rather be a Glaswegian.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Does this mean that Prince Sexy Ginger Pants and his American Goddess are now free to invite the Obamas to their happy wedding ceremony now that Trump has lost interest in visiting the U.K.????

    WINS all around!!!!!!

    • GoutMachine

      That would be delicious. It would so eat away at the Shitgibbon.

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        Invite em both!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Let him get invited, but give the wrong date and location.

      • The Wanderer

        “Now, when the Opposition get here, you tell them nothing apart from where the bathrooms are – and you lie about that. Got it?”

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “We’ve taken your suggestion and decided to have the reception at the Old American Embassy. I mean, what were they thinking moving to an off-site location.”

  • CripesAmighty

    Oh, my, we’re so terribly sorry you couldn’t stop by. Perhaps next decade, yes? Right.

  • C4TWOMAN

    PISS OFF, YOU NAZI PANDERING RACIST IMBECILIC HOWLING GIBBON!
    …I scream from the wrong side of the Pond…

  • weejee
    • Bobathonic

      “Hecho en Shitholio”

  • Asterix
    • The Wanderer

      Yay!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Hell’s too good for him.

  • nightmoth

    Wonkers: Brits are having a lot of fun with this by doing parodies of the Donald tweet. For a few chuckles, click here: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-42663167

    • C4TWOMAN

      I only have but one upvote to give….

  • Bub the very stable zombie
    • Werewolf

      A right tosser. A pillock.

    • Vienna Woods

      I just gotta say, I loved the 2012 opening ceremonies, and this bit was a part of the reason why.

  • ez

    Bummer, I was hoping for a classic demonstration of the special relationship.
    (pic from a year ago-the London portion of the ‘Women’s March’ https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/beaa7bad8a72180100e13e502f125053fbf4bcdfd15d962e53a0c320ed563e9c.jpg )

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    semi o/t

    bwahahahaha MSNBC says he only denied saying “shitholes” after Fox said he had to apologize

    zomg brb dying

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Fox said that? Because last night’s coverage was all “Democrats are overly sensitive baby cucks and afraid of the occasional strong word because vaginas.”

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        MSNBC said, this morning, one of the Fox anchors said he should apologize and he tweeted the denial shortly thereafter

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Can someone tell President Fox ‘n Friends that it’s in the mid-60s today in NYC? Here’s that global warming he was asking for.

    • GoutMachine

      But snow still exists, so HOAX.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      As long as someone on the planet is cold, it’s a hoax.

      • Crank Tango

        He won’t be needing to build that seawall around his Irish property then.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          The seawall seen in ‘Blade Runner 2049’ would be nice built around D45 his own self.

  • penny stock
    • MynameisBlarney

      Obligatory response to any and all Mr. B posts.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iRTB-FTMdk

      • marxalot

        I think they’re a pair of unforgivably twee tossers, but I respect their dedication to the bit and the delight they bring their fans.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Professor Elemental is above reproach!

      • Nockular cavity

        Eh, the Yanks (including the immigrant from a shithole) did it first, and better.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMEGzWz3BDw

      • MizzMazz

        I like ’em both. :)

        • MynameisBlarney

          Me too.

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

    Why is no one in London doing rabbit-ears behind his head?!?

    • ariel_gee_398

      They’d be more likely to have their hand facing the other way round.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    No offense to the politicians of the UK who think Trump has “gotten the message,” but he will never, ever, under any circumstance, GET any kind of message that paints him in a negative light.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The wax dummy has the correct length necktie/scrotum warmer, just like the real dummy.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      They are VERY good at their jobs.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Fine! I didn’t want to come to your stupid kingdom anyway!

    • Daniel

      The best thing to unite is Tates, which everyone knows and why I am president if all of them, even your stupid gallery!

  • marxalot

    When Ed Miliband is dunking on you, it is time to bury yourself beneath your Jersey trash heap and be seen no more.

  • Joshua Norton

    Faced with the possibility of tens of thousands of people in the streets of London screaming “FUCK TRUMP,

    Or….

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/648fc0f34179ef8ac9c63af2308016f602cbbc58a695acd1a9ada0aaa1df500c.jpg

  • Thiazin Red

    The US embassy is really damn ugly. Still, what a fucking chode.

    OT: Fucking finally. How god damned hard was it to find a comprehensive review of using estrogens in animal models of ischemia from the past decade with more than like two references in it? Way too fucking hard, this is a big topic with a shitload of papers, a review should have lots of references. I just want to finish this fucking section of the review I’m writing on a related but different topic, and don’t want to have to reference a shit load of things myself.

    • The Wanderer

      Do the papers indicate that estrogen therapy can relieve ischemia?

    • cheetojeebus

      Bonus points for Chode. Bravo.

  • Parakeetist
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    “When America sends its people, they’re not sending their best. … They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing collusion. They’re bringing crime. They’re racists. And none, I assume, are good people”

    • Last Hussar

      Given the number of murders, more in Chicago than whole of UK, and the religious extremists, I say we stop them coming in until we figure this all out.

  • Yellerduck

    So, considering he supposedly issued his 2000th lie sometime yesterday, does this count as one lie or two? The lie about why he canceled his trip contains yet another lie, which is tangentially related, but not absolutely necessary to the main lie. I think I’ll count it as two. So, 2000 as of COB yesterday, plus 2…it’s just after lunch…must be up to ~2100 or so by now.

    • Khavrinen

      Yeah, I saw that bit about “2000th lie” yesterday, and it seems to me that whoever is doing the counting is a tad low.

      Like a couple of orders of magnitude low.

      • Regret

        His every breath is a lie, there is no way that thing is alive.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      I was told there would be no math.

      • kareemachan

        Well, my kid announced she’d never use math again after high school.

        Then she was accepted into a PhD program in genetics. She now has an extra two calculus courses and two statistics courses under her belt.

        Moral: You can’t always get what you want….

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Stable Genius was afraid that the Queen would set her corgis on him.

  • Khavrinen

    “Then he barfed up a bunch of lies on Twitter and blamed the black guy. Who coulda seen that one coming?

    All Of Us, Katie?

  • Squeegee

    The real reason he cancelled the trip is that he heard there are black and brown people in London and that scared him.

    • Daniel

      There are towers there without his name on where black and brown people live, too.

  • RandomNameAllocated

    The old building was leasehold not freehold so would not have been sold for as much as the equivalent in, say, Manhatten. DT, as the great businessman, should know that

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      It didn’t have his name on it, so he was only marginally aware that it existed at all.

      • RandomNameAllocated

        And not near Selfridges or Bond Street now either. There’s the Royal Vauxhall Tavern which he might enjoy, not

  • WotsAllThisThen

    When you’re a Trump, most of the free world is a no-go zone.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    This is so unfair. Why can’t we have the wax dummy and someone else take the real Trump?

    • Khavrinen

      Who would want him?

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Even Satan is in no hurry to get him back

        • Smoke O’Hontas

          Satan has way better judgment than to let him in. Hell has an image to uphold, after all.

      • Regret

        The sun has lax immigration laws, send him there.

    • you are always funny.

      this is particularly so.

  • Apple Scruff

    I’m so glad she can speak her mind now. OH what coulda been…

    https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/951895239140298752

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Wow, with a mouth like that I for one am glad she didn’t… no, I just can’t say it, I really can’t.

    • JohnBull

      I’m a white male and I am so SO happy I don’t look anything like him.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      I am totally going to use my multitool and the approximately 10 apples I have on hand to learn to make your avatar.

      • Apple Scruff

        It’s amazing, right??? I found it online a million years ago. Not even sure where it came from at this point!

  • cheetojeebus

    So, coward. Shit smeared racist taint leach dotard fucking idiot dumbass criminal treasonous fucking coward. SSRTLDFIDCTFC if you’re into the whole brevity thing.

    • kareemachan

      ITMFA.

    • MamaBrown

      This woman is my hero. I want to take her to the pub and ply her with the beverages of her choice while I throw roses at her feet.

      • John Thorstensen

        She is apparently a well-known Glaswegian comedian.

    • Neil Bowes
    • Mehmeisterjr

      When I see this photo, I image the message pronounced with a Scottish brogue: Trrroomp is a coont.”

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    Dear Mr Lammy:
    I am fairly sure Twitter will allow you to use the word ‘bollocks.’

  • goonemeritus

    Many old men have fear issues, Trump probably has reached that stage in life where nothing feels better than eating your diner in front of your TV, while wearing your favorite sweatpants.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Hey now…I resemble that remark.

      • handyhippie65

        i’m sayin! i thought that was why they called them tv dinners.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      From nailing Stormy Daniels to committing unspeakable acts on a Big Mac. How the mighty has fallen!

    • cleos_mom

      Many an old (or not so old) man (or woman) sometimes does that after a long, stressful day.

      Of course in that context, Mister Donnie’s preference for spending an evening that way would be rather puzzling.

  • MamaBrown

    Forgive me, I don’t travel in diplomatic circles–is it customary to have a ribbon cutting ceremony when one moves one’s embassy to a new address? Seems like a lot of bother.

    • kareemachan

      Well, new building. I’d say yes. I’m sure corporations do it when they move to a different headquarters.

  • Reximus

    AAAannnnnnd..,the WSJ drops this just now

    https://twitter.com/emptywheel/status/951909612210372608

    • kareemachan

      So…. he had to pay for sex.

      Quelle surprise!

      • danedg

        NO! NO! … He had to pay to NOT have sex!

        • JesusWasAHippie

          NO SEX NO SEX YOU’RE THE SEX

    • Mehmeisterjr

      So that works out to how much per hour?

      No wonder he has to launder money for the Russian mob.

      • conlakappa

        I read that as “… how much pee hour?” Still worked somehow.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I DIDN’T WANT TO GO TO YOUR STUPID PARTY ANYWAY!!!1!!1

  • Daniel

    “Which is the real reason why Trump’s official visit has been postponed to the 5th of Never.”

    Remember, remember
    The fifth of not ever,
    Gum flapping treasonous twot.
    I see no reason
    Why gorm-lacking prison
    Bound dimwit should be forgot.

  • Daniel

    Just one small point: Britain and England are not synonymous, despite the best efforts of long legged and puritanical co-nationals of mine to make it so.
    The politicians may be from England, but they’re serving in the British Parliament. They are British, rather than English, politicians. Trump may have been visiting England, which is the nation where London is, but he would have been making a state visit to Britain.*

    *actually the UK, but Norn Irn doesn’t often get remembered unless May needs to bribe them.

    • Lordpnut

      “If it’s not Scottish, it’s crap.”
      – David Hume (allegedly)

  • Pisto75666
  • Rick Hill

    What a great wax figure. They’ve captured the “about to pivot” look, perfectly.

    • TakingAmes

      I was just thinking that. It’s accurate, if unflattering.

    • Miles Monroe

      Amazing it lasted even five minutes without being decapitated or set afire. Those Brits really are a civil lot!

  • susan_g

    Mardi Gras in New Orleans next month. I’m really looking forward to the many cheeto-dedicated floats and costumes that will be there. Lots of that last year but I believe folks will top it this year. Madame Tussauds got nuttin’ compared to dat.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Rachel had enough trouble saying shithole on teevee last night. If Donnie went to Jollie Ol’, she’d be faced with scenes of bare asses along with signs sporting “Fuck Trump” and “Trump’s a Cunt”.

    Thank you, Doturd, for being nice to Rachel.

  • Grumpy Twat

    Well, I am almost disappointed. What are we going to do with all those bottles of rancid piss we have stored up?

    • I’m only making plans for (the return of) Nigel.

      • Hesavebread!

        Oh well done!

    • handyhippie65

      britain first need a bath?

  • Grumpy Twat
  • kareemachan

    My god, even his statue looks petulant.

    • danedg

      but they shaved 150 pounds off of him!

      • i was just thinking that.

      • conlakappa

        Yet the chin’eck remains.

      • handyhippie65

        you mean the forgot to fill the head with shit?

  • Rick Allen

    Probably the least important thing here, but why the fuck does he persist in putting quotation marks around shit that doesn’t need them? He’s such a weirdo.

    • HazooToo

      I think he’s trying to put emphasis on them. He’s also a godforsaken idiot.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      And he often puts the quotation marks around the exact words that turn his denial into an admission. (I “never” met Stormy Daniels, as he might tweet and probably will.) He’s the worst poker player in the world, as you might anticipate from his miserable casino management. Nothing but tells.

      • conlakappa

        Confuses asterices with quotation marks?

        • Lordpnut

          “Asterices”. Nice.
          Now you’re just rubbing his nose in it.

          • conlakappa

            Not even with Stormy’s …

        • cleos_mom

          At least… he doesn’t… use ellipses… in a… senseless… way……………………………………………………………………………..

          • Grumpy Twat

            Like William…..Shatner?

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            ISWYDT.

          • conlakappa

            Dot dot dot dot dot dot dot /ht Colbert

      • Noxious Resistance

        “He” just doesn’t “know” how to “use” quotation “marks”.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Dear 5$F,

    I hate to take a contrary position and I’m probably going to catch some flack for it but has it occurred to you that in criticizing Donald J. Trump, you are not just criticizing a private citizen Beta Cuck?

    You are criticizing the Beta Cuck of the United State (BCOTUS, pronounced like a violent catarrhal wheeze.) This could undermine our status with domestic Beta Cucks (i.e. the Breitbart faithful, TLM, Alex Jones et al) and imperil our relationships with Beta Cucks around the world.

    Is this what you want?

    In conclusion, harrumph!

    • handyhippie65

      betas, PFFFT. VHS was a lot more popular.

      • stablegeniusahughes798

        But betas had better picture and sound.

        • handyhippie65

          i just remember i could never find movies i wanted to watch at the rental place, so i switched. it was a long time ago, though.

          • stablegeniusahughes798

            Yeah, they just kept making fewer and fewer movies for the format. Another Wonker told me the other night that at the time, he was repairing VHS and Beta machines, and that the Beta machines were a nightmare to work on. So that’s probably why the format went away.

          • handyhippie65

            it seems to me they had to pay sony a royalty to put movies on beta. bet that didn’t help. plus they were a lot more expensive than vhs machines. i got mine used, and it still was a couple hundred bucks.

    • Lordpnut

      Psst. Don’t piss her off. She’ll come over here and slap the shit out of all of us.

  • mfp, normegian would

    “…Trump’s official visit has been postponed to the 5th of Never…”–can we postpone it until sometime after the Twelfth of Never? cause, youknow…

    And we will live together, until the twelfth of never
    Our voices will ring forever, as one

    • stablegeniusahughes798

      And that’s a long, long tiiiiiiiiime.

  • Manhattan123

    I love that the wax dummy has the realistic, way too long, flammable, Made-in-China tie the real dummy wears.

  • Jo Mathie

    As a Brit I am sad that Trump isn’t coming here. It would practically be an anti-Donald festival – I bet some businesses would close for the day just so the employees could protest. Think of all the pithy signs you are missing out on Donald! Think of all the ways we could humiliate you! What about all the pieces that could be done on our panel shows! Come over in the name of humanity!

    • Jo Mathie

      Also I sent this article to my sixty seven year old Mum who isn’t much interested in politics and she said that if Trump came over here she’d drive my brother and I over to protest and help make signs. I bet there are a lot of conversations like this going on in the UK.

    • Lordpnut

      I don’t think he appreciates just defiant Brits can be. He doesn’t know enough about history to understand balls it took to stand firm against Hitler after the rest of Europe had folded. And punk rock is utterly beyond his his ken.

      • Jo Mathie

        And his Barbie ;)

      • stablegeniusahughes798

        Many people do not know this(snicker)….punk rock was invented in the US. And the young Brits accepted it, started forming their own great punk bands, and giving us back their versions of it. It’s like in the 50’s…young British people were listening to the Blues, Country, and early Rock from the US. Then they made their own great versions of blues and skiffle bands, which turned into the 60’s British Invasion. Sorry, it’s late and I’m bored and it’s snowing.

    • Grumpy Twat

      If we called it Trump Day do you think he might change his mind?

      • Jo Mathie

        I suppose we could to lure him in..

    • Crazt Maist Waizy

      Oh, Have I Got News For You would love it!

    • stablegeniusahughes798

      I’m sorry he isn’t coming there, either….mostly for the pithy signs. But really, you have dodged a bullet made of stupid, for now.

  • rg9rts

    The best one is damning the new American Embassy and trying to blame Obama for something Bush did. typical moron thinking

    • cleos_mom

      He should have blamed “Hillary”: it would have won him at least temporary applause from the Bernsteins.

      • rg9rts

        how about the happy hooker that cost him $130,000

  • handyhippie65

    wax trump giving londoners the side eye. one of them should have stuck a finger up it’s nose for their picture. preferably the first two, with the back of their hand showing.

    • stablegeniusahughes798

      Someone should have put it’s head on a pike and put it on the London Bridge.

  • crawff

    The only countries where he will be welcome are ….well, Shithole autocracies.

  • Amelia ZC

    A) needs “Benny Hill” music
    B) still looks better than the Disney one. Or the actual one

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