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Bet he looks even worse now that he’s funemployed.

In Michael Wolff’s very fake book, fired Tumblr blogger Steve Bannon said he thinks Donald Trump Jr.’s Russian Trump Tower meeting was “treasonous” and “unpatriotic” and “bad shit.” He also says it’s “as plain as a hair on your face” that Trump and Paul Manafort and Jared Kushner and Don Jr. are allllll going to be fucked on money laundering charges in the Robert Mueller Russia probe. (Steve Bannon would know about stray hairs on faces. Probably the curly black kind that suddenly unfurl from moles, we’d imagine!) He also told Wolff he wouldn’t be hiring a lawyer in the Russia probe because it ain’t like HE had anything to do with all the treason, no siree, Steve Bannon is clean as a whistle!

Anyway, he’s lawyered up now:

The Daily Beast has learned that the former top White House strategist has retained Bill Burck, of the firm Quinn Emanuel. Two sources tell us Burck is helping Bannon prepare for an interview with the House intelligence committee, which is currently scheduled for next week. Sources also said Bannon plans to “fully cooperate” with investigators.

Well that’s interesting! The Daily Beast reports that Bannon’s lawyer is also representing Reince Priebus and White House counsel Don McGahn, but there doesn’t appear to be any sort of joint defense agreement. A former federal prosecutor (our pal Popehat, oddly, who does less “national security conspiracy against the United States” law work and more “no Trump can’t sue you for libel” law work) quoted by the Daily Beast says investigators will likely find it very ANNOYING that all these idiots have the same lawyer, because “it looks like they’re controlling the story.” To be clear, however, Newsweek reports that Burck is not representing Bannon for the purposes of the Mueller investigation like he is with Priebus and McGahn.

Bannon is testifying for the House Intelligence Committee on Tuesday, and God even knows what he’s going to say. Is he going to go nu-cu-lar on Trump with all the dirty Russian dirt he knows, now that Trump made him pretend to apologize for being mean to Don Jr. and got him fired from his blogger job and his little radio show? Or will he go full-on pathetic and try to beg himself back into the president’s good graces by stonewalling and trying to obstruct justice for Trump? Who even knows. How can one predict the behavior of an unemployed blogger who’s probably taking even fewer showers these days than he did when he worked at the White House? (That is very few showers!)

RawStory flags an op-ed by conservative Republican strategist Cheri Jacobus, who says Bannon might be ready to fuck Trump the fuck up:

… [D]ropped by the Mercers, and by extension and formally by Breitbart, Bannon is now a man without a country, friends or home. That conveys an ominous message: Do not criticize this American president or you will be destroyed. […]

Bannon and others who “know too much” can be dangerous to a president with a few too many secrets. Trump would be wise to heed this advice: Never put anyone in a position where they’ve got nothing left to lose.

If Bannon goes full on #Resistance and gay-bangs Trump in the Russia investigation, that will be very interesting! But please, MSNBC, even if that happens, we know the temptation will be strong, but that does not mean you have to give him a TV show. Looking at you too, CNN.

Guess we’ll find out what happens on Tuesday after the closed door testimony concludes and your boyfriend Adam Schiff throws himself in front of every TV camera in the world to tell us all how shit went down.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette is fully paid for by YOU! Please click here to pay Wonkette’s salary.

[Daily Beast / USA Today]

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  • msanthropesmr

    How many shirts will he wear to the hearing?

    • TJ Barke

      Aot,k.

    • goonemeritus

      The cleanest three from his dirty laundry pile.

      • Werewolf

        Or maybe just the brown one?

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    “Will Unemployed Blogger Steve Bannon Fuck Trump On Russia?”

    No thanks, I’ll just have a bologna on rye with Russian dressing.

    • theCryptofishist

      Ah, food blogger. I was afraid he’d go into remodeling blogging.

  • TJ Barke
  • James Baskin

    “The same people you misuse on your way up…..
    you might meetup, on your way down.”

  • Michael R
  • memzilla Ω
    • Like Really Smart Radio

      Nailed it!

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I’m guessing he’d sell out Trump for a bottle of Bumps.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Phrasing!

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie

    Why stop at lawyering up, Steve? You should dermatologist up too.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Okay, I LOL’d.
      And gigglesnorted.

  • WilbyToad

    Perhaps you could call the new show Pièce De Résistance.
    https://twitter.com/KeithOlbermann/status/951527970878967808

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Moar like Pièce de Merde.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Count Down was a 1-off we’ll never see again

    • JMP

      I thought he didn’t retire so much as get fired from every job he had because he’s apparently a total dick to all his coworkers.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        He likely is – even though I credit him with my political awakening, and I think he’s hella smart and I have a wee bit of a nerd-crush on him (I like big brains, and I cannot lie) . . . I always got the sense that he’d be tough to work with, tough to date, and maybe fond of his own fart smells.

      • MynameisBlarney

        He got fired for contributing to a political campaign. Someone that GE didn’t approve of because, IIRC, Scarbro did the same fucking thing and his sorry ass is still there.

        • arundel

          In a way, the reason doesn’t matter. He was a progressive, and MSNBC has a history of shit-canning those on the slightest pretexts. And of course, replacing them with some “center-right” bullshit, former GOP operatives preferred.

      • He retired from his GQ “The Resistance” thing.

    • puredog

      Uh, Keith — source for that Bannon co-op thingie?

  • calliecallie

    Steve Bannon, if you’re reading, please feel free to tell the committee any dirt you have on the Mercers while you’re at it.

  • goonemeritus

    I never understood the kind of person who could attend a dog fight. How could anyone enjoy the spectacle of low intellect animals tearing each other apart as they fight for their very survival. I think I get it now.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      It’s actually why I was always bothered by the popularity of Pokemon among kids.

      It’s literally glorified animal cage fighting.

      • goonemeritus

        Kids think of nothing but murder for the first twelve years of life.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Japan is…. weird….

          • goonemeritus

            But to quote a Kurt Vonnegut character “but they make a very fine camera”

          • Paul Dietzel

            Maybe one of Vonnegut’s characters did say something along those lines but I think first of Group Captain Mandrake.

          • Blackest Noobs

            you be weird too if some white people dropped two atomic bombs on you.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I guess America is about to get even weirder, what with Trump having no idea where he wants his “button” to go…

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          That’s why the first four years, parents are basically on suicide watch. “No! Put that down! Don’t eat that! Don’t do that! Don’t put your finger in there!” After that they wear down.

    • JMP

      Replace the low-intellect animals with humans, and you’ve got gladiatorial combat, boxing, UFC and football, some of which are still popular today.

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      So, the ones we give food to and then clean up their shit are the low intellect animals?

      • goonemeritus

        Well the Nobel committee has yet to honor a canine recipient, but I suppose that could be driven by pure bias.

      • theCryptofishist

        If only their lackeys ever let them eat the postman…

    • Roadstergal

      I have some dogs here that are very offended to be called ‘low-intellect’ compared to Drumpf’s crew.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • gene108

      Ahhhh….what a cute baby….

      Edit: Just want to pinch those chubby cheeks.

  • JMP

    It’s weird how, when a President hires only the most corrupt people in America to be his underlings, and then shows no loyalty to them whatsoever, they’re so willing to turn on him under the slightest pressure.

    • ArgieBargie

      Who could’ve predicted a serial philander and sexual predator with a history of shady business deals, bankruptcies and lawsuits would have no loyalties to anyone but himself?

      • Bigly smart jesterpunk

        You mean the guy who cut off his own nephew’s health insurance might be an asshole who only cares about himself?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Yeah, but be fair. He cut off his brother’s family because his parents loved his brother, who could read.

  • Raan

    God, he looks like an overinflated Steve Buscemi in that picture.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      He looks like a Porg with a flesh-eating disease.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      Steve Buscemi libelz

    • JMP

      Does that mean he’s almost certain to die? Unless it’s in a Tarantino movie, in which case he’ll ironically be the only one who doesn’t die.

  • Martini A, very stable genius
    • therblig

      so, not Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha? i’m a little disappointed.

      • theCryptofishist

        He’s been canned.

  • CripesAmighty

    He won’t. He’s a sniveling toady at heart. He’ll keep sucking up until he disappears down the toilet .

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk

    Will congressional republicans ask him the touch questions like:

    “Mr Bannon, on a scale of 1 to amazingballs how awesome is Trump?”

    “How many crimes did Hillary commit?”

    “Do you believe Obama had anything to do with this?”

    “Is the deep state coming for the Bestest Preznit ever?”

  • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

    Again, I would like to offer my services as bus driver. I promise to get those buses in place just as quickly as he can throw people under them.

  • JMP

    “Dropped by the Mercers, and by extension and formally by Breitbart, Bannon is now a man without a country, friends or home.”

    Aw, I feel so bad for the vile little Nazi creep.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpxTvpmOY6k

  • Indiepalin

    What do you call a law firm that represents, at the same time, Bannon, Priebus and McGahn?

    The Aristocrats!

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk
  • OrG Unstable Genius

    Go sloppy steve!

  • DainBramage

    It’s weird saying this (as fuck him), but I hope Bannon doesn’t eat or drink anything unless he is absolutely sure he knows where it came from.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      He did have a hot tub full of acid.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      As much as they want to emulate Russia, I doubt Team Trump is competent enough for assassinations.

      • Covfefe

        Subcontract

        • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

          “Just had a very productive meeting with some not-Russian friends. Lots of good, legal stuff going on. Watch out Steve Bannon!”

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I don’t know any contractors who would take on that kind of work for someone who doesn’t pay up.

          Heh, maybe the kind who take the money up front and don’t do the hit. That’s probably why Comey, Mueller, Papadonkawonkus, Manglefort et al are all still alive and unharmed.

      • DainBramage

        Putin might intervene to help save his puppet.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Call me crazy, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well for Steve Bannon.

  • therblig

    bannon’s just another word for
    nothin’ left to lose

    • Stable Genius Jack

      Nothin’, ain’t nothin’ honey if it ain’t Steve.

    • theCryptofishist

      Ah, I knew someone beat me to it. Your point, mr. therblig.

  • borninatrailer

    Oh, of course he’ll flip. And that’s not even counting the motivation that will come once he’s out of gin money.

    The most concise and accurate description I’ve read of Bannon is that he is the guy in every sci-fi flick that gets infected with the alien whatever, knows it and doesn’t tell his fellow crew members. Of course that guy flips!

  • Every barnacle on his crumpled white ass is just screaming to spill the borscht on Trumps dirty Russian money connection. Trump robbed him of his sugar mama Mercer. It’s war now!

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    There’s no way Bannon would risk losing all his dumb Breitbart fanbois by stabbing Trump in the heart, unless Trump started doing things TOTALLY against what those idiots believe, like jetting off to Davos to hang out with the globalists, or saying that the wall never REALLY meant an actual wall, but maybe a river and some sturdy fencing in areas, or maybe by making a huge immigration deal with the democrats?????????

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I think he thought he was bigger than Dumpy. Seriously. He created a Frankenstein monster but he forgot how the book ended.

      • JMP

        Yep; he thought he was the one leading the cult, and not Dear Leader’s right-hand man. He was wrong.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          I’ve often wondered what would happen when two narcissists butted heads. Now we know.

      • And, once again, they used Abby Normal’s brain…

    • theCryptofishist

      “Risk losing”? From the reports coming back from Breitbart, they are already lost. He should find some sort of research project in Antarctica and hide out there for a few years. And hope that Trump doesn’t live much longer, afaict.

      • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

        Yeah, probably for the time being. But I think since Trump realizes he will have to work with the Democrats from now on, he might win some fans back. Who knows? I DO NOT REALLY WANT TO GET IN A BREITBART READER’S HEAD. But yeah, I guess I already have.

        • theCryptofishist

          I don’t think they’ll be able to get all those plates spinning again, but what do I know?

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Has anyone checked to see of Bannon is Vogon? Someone ask him to recite some poetry.

    • Oh god, Bannon’s poetry has got to be MUCH worse than Vogon poetry. He wrote a screenplay that was Shakespeare set during the Rodney King trials, FFS.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Oh god no. We’d be likely to have to endure “The Shooting of Dan McGrew,” poeticized passages from Dianetics and a bunch of Rod McKuen lyrics.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The first I ever heard of that silly cowboy poem was in Justin Trudeau’s memoir when he said that Reagan taught it to him during a state visit in 1982. This was after the boys entertained the president with the classics that their father had taught them, reciting verbatim from Aristotle and Shakespeare. Pierre, to say the least, was not impressed by Reagan’s pedestrian tastes. He glared at Reagan like he’d just taught Justin and his brothers “The Man from Nantucket” or something like that. I often wonder what Papa Pierre would think of the pro-wrestler president who can’t even read at all.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          PET did not suffer fools at ALL. He’d say something during Question Period that would require UN intervention and 3000 miles of barbed-wire fence.

    • arglebargle

      There once was a man from Breitbart…

  • puredog

    “Or will he go full-on pathetic and try to
    beg himself back into the president’s good graces by stonewalling and
    trying to obstruct justice for Trump?”
    Yeah, that’s working out so well for JeffBo. Donald has a forgiving nature, after all.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      He already tried and it just made Trump madder.

      • puredog

        That’s how he do.

        • Bigly smart jesterpunk

          They spent years pushing the narrative that anyone who apologizes is weak then wonder why they get mad when one of them apologizes.

      • He was probably madder ’cause his steak wasn’t cooked to oblivion and a normal human might have enjoyed it…

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          If Trump makes it to G7 in Montreal later this year, he could eat a hockey puck with ketchup on it and not know the difference between that and one of his char-broiled fossilized steaks. Actually, Justin should call up the Habs and have some sent to Trump even before the conference. Tell him it’s a Canadian delicacy, and he can take home as many as he wants but only if he keeps NAFTA intact. He’ll break his false teeth and we’ll never have to listen to him babble on or bloviate ever again. Trump will keep NAFTA because he’ll think Trudeau steaks are the best, most incredible steaks ever.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            Tell any chef, any cook, in Montreal to burn your steak, and the War of 1812 is back ON, and this time we won’t just burn down the White House.

  • Make Assholes Get Attorneys

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    My boyfriend Adam Schiff libelz! Adam Schiff is . . . well, he does like those t.v. cameras. I’ll allow it.
    But still

  • Anna Rompage

    Bannon has already issued a blathering apology for his misdeeds against the precedent, and even bit off his own dick while sucking it, after mistaking it for a pickled cocktail weenie…

    Bannon is going to toe the line, just like Sean Lying spice” Spicer has, and all the others who have been kicked out of the admin before him…

  • ManchuCandidate

    Hell hath no fury like a self cock sucker scorned.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I say he will flip. Revenge and spite are at the heart of today’s conservative movement.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “Today’s”?

    • therblig

      since he already tried making amends and got even more screwed, i tend to agree. he’s not getting back on rebekah’s teat and trumpy’s done with him.

      made it, ma!! top of the world!!

    • Stable Genius Demme

      That’s true!

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Bannon’s only purpose in going to Washington was to burn it down. He’ll do whatever he thinks will cause the most damage to America.

    • SDGeoff3

      Maybe he’ll take the Mercers down with the rest of them.

      • Maria Sewell

        Now I have to work on lowering expectations once again.

    • Maria Sewell

      I’m hoping, but his history indicates full grovel.

  • jesuswasablack

    “Unemployed Blogger”
    How could this bundle of energy (sloppy steve) find himself unemployed, SAD!
    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/steve-bannon.jpg

    • Blackest Noobs

      “Unemployed Blogger Booger “

    • LiberalANDProud
    • Stable Genius Jack

      ^^ Master race^^

      Model of Aryan superiority,

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        If he’s so superior why does he not know that you take off Wednesday’s shirt before you put on Thursday’s?

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          This is also why he always looks like he’s wearing a diaper. It’s just 5 pairs of tighty whities….

        • Stable Genius Jack

          He hasn’t taken off Wendesday’s shirt since 1973.

          • SDGeoff3

            It’s not chest hair, then?

        • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

          He was out of chisels?

  • Tetman Callis

    Death match of the cornered rats.

  • Asterix

    I hope Bannon roles all over trumpy like a steam roller.

    For some reason, I don’t think he will.

  • TimResistit

    I’m betting he goes full grovel mode. He has no where else to go but trump and he knows damn well when things get sticky (ew!) trump will dial him up for advice.

    All he’s got is trump. I can’t see him squandering that anymore than he already has. I hope I am wrong tho.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Slightly OT: Fuck me, I am so sick of listening to these people around me. You don’t want to train someone because he’s Muslim? You don’t want me to piss in the women’s room?

    Then get the fuck out of my party.

    And fuck Politico for talking to these people like every other major news organization does over and over and over while ignoring anyone else who doesn’t fit the mold of the rural, white man.

    https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/01/11/terry-goodin-rural-democrats-indiana-216273

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      I work with a woman who thinks Trump gave all of his money away when he ran for president.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        LOL wut

      • Stable Genius Jack

        He did! He gave it aaaaall away.

        He also was the first man on the moon.

        • theCryptofishist

          If by “gave all his money away” she means that he “lost it all with bad business deals”, then she’s right and you should hand her a snickers.

          • Stable Genius Jack

            Give it away, lost it in one failed business deal after another until the only bank that would lend to him had ties to Russian gangsters, six of one, half a dozen of the other.

      • Bigly smart jesterpunk
      • Mentally Stable Ron

        He did. Years ago. What he has now isn’t his, it’s Fridman’s, Aven’s, and Khan’s.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      “too much identity politics”

      Fuck everyone who thinks this, treating people with respect and making sure they have the same rights as everyone else isnt identity politics its being a decent human being.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Why is the people who complain about “identity politics” are the same ones who don’t want any muslims around?

        • Bigly smart jesterpunk

          They are also white enough to make Johnny Winter look tan.

        • Stable Genius Jack

          It’s only ‘identity politics’ if you say white dudes should have to pay their dues. Have you learned nothing?

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        Exactly.

        As if the Republicans aren’t outright running on white identity politics as it is. Why the fuck do I need to be thrown under the bus to win over a demographic eating, drinking, and pill popping itself to death anyway?

        • Bigly smart jesterpunk

          Why are these white voters more important then any other voters too? I am a white middle class guy and I think we should take care of everyone and treat them with respect but my voice doesnt count as much as their voice does.

          • GreenGoldSharpie

            Exactly. I’m a white chick living in a city of 100,000. I don’t see anyone knocking on my door or appealing to me.

            I do keep hearing from rural shitheads how I’m the devil, though.

          • Bigly smart jesterpunk

            When I was in high school I had a great teacher for US and European History (I took classes he taught all 4 years intentionally). He was a huge fan of Teddy Roosevelt and even played Ben Franklin at Independence hall in Philly. This was one of the quotes he had on the wall of his classroom that I still remember. (Yeah I know liberal indoctrination or something) But we are failing at that and people want to make it worse, and somehow they are the ones we should listen to.

            http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-a-society-will-be-judged-by-how-it-treats-its-weakest-members-harry-s-truman-135-98-25.jpg

          • theCryptofishist

            The bibble says something like that, also, too. So, it could, conceivably, be adopted by the so-call christians.

          • Rooster Cogburn105

            Loved his reply to reporters on canning Dugout Doug MacArthur:

            “I didn’t fire him for being a dumb SOB, if that was a firing offense in the Army, they wouldn’t have any generals left!”

    • Stable Genius Jack

      “Too much identity politics”.

      Translation:

      “Saying we need to make life better for the disenfranchised is identity politics, so instead, we’ll vote for the party that demonizes the disenfranchised and frames all of society’s problems on ethnic minorities.”

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        I’m emailing Costello to tell him how disappointed I am by his comment, too. His dad used to be my US rep, and I know people in his district.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I don’t even understand the term identity politics. Politics is about appealing to people, right? Don’t people have identities? How can you have politics without people? Trump giving a speech to himself in a rubber room? The whole argument about “too much identity politics” is flat-on-its-face invalid.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        While the Republican Party stakes it’s entire existence on white nationalist Christian identity politics. But somehow that’s not identity politics.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          They don’t think it is because as far as they’re concerned ‘Christian nationalist white male’ is the default setting.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      The average rural Democratic voter in Indiana would be a moderate Republican in California or Connecticut.

      • SDGeoff3

        There are not very many signs of moderate Republicans in SoCal. A few quiet, socially civil ones, but moderate? Nope. Most of them came out of their respectable shells during the Cheney regime, but a few remain worthy of lunch.

        • Rooster Cogburn105

          Yeah, but you have to marinate them for hours with papaya and lime juice to tenderize them before lunch, so I’ve heard by my Lizard People drinking buds.

          Don’t get them started on the marbling on the Midwest MAGA Keyboard Kommando types. Don’t even have to use sea salt and black pepper, the Dorito Diet makes them naturally seasoned

          • SDGeoff3

            Lol!

  • dslindc

    If Bannon goes full on #Resistance and gay-bangs Trump in the Russia investigation, that will be very interesting! But please, MSNBC, even if that happens, we know the temptation will be strong, but that does not mean you have to give him a TV show. Looking at you too, CNN,

    Unpossible! There isn’t enough makeup in the world to make him look good for TV.

    • Mentally Stable Ron
      • dslindc

        “And now with commentary, a racist paper bag”

        • Hiss

          A plastic one would be better.

          • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

            At least the grease stains won’t soak through.

      • theCryptofishist

        Shouldn’t he be wearing three bags?

      • onedollarjuana

        Hey! It’s the “Unknown Comic”!

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          I’d rather see Gene Gene.

  • jesuswasablack
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      Is this really necessary?

    • Blanche de Shambles
    • Ling Ling

      Looks at clock. Decides to go run while still daylight.

    • elviouslyqueer

      MUST WE NOW?

    • LeftyProud
    • RC

      wish I could unsee that.

    • SDGeoff3

      Oh sweet jebus mary joseph and the saints incorporated.

  • WilbyToad

    OMG… Pauly Shore!!! LOL
    https://youtu.be/m9udOgvVwcE

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      Weasel!

    • Arolpin

      Did I actually watch two minutes of Pauly Shore without vomiting? Have I really become this conditioned?

      • SDGeoff3

        I can’t. Simply, just can’t.

    • Crank Tango

      When did Pauly Shore shave his head?

    • RC

      I think it was Seth Meyers that said Miller looks like a penis someone put googly eyes on. hahaha

  • Anna Rompage

    And in other news…

    Trump expects his medical exam to go well Friday, that is if he can pass the Cognitive Patient Assessment portion of the exam…

    (1) What’s the date?

    (2)What did you have for dinner last night?

    (3) Who’s the president

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      1) Ivanka
      2) McDonald’s, duh
      3) Only funny if they ask him who the president of Puerto Rico is

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      They are intentionally skipping that part of the test.

  • Thiazin Red

    It would be nice, but I bet he’ll do whatever he can to get back into favor. He whipped his audience into a pro-Trump frenzy and now they and his backers won’t stand for it if he flips.

    • Ling Ling

      Exactly right. Bannon the barbarian does not fight when cornered.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        ‘By Crom, this will not stand! Back, whilst I lay mine sword at his feet and grovel!’

  • Stable Genius Demme

    He’s a “burn it all down” kinda guy, but…
    I wonder what he’s gonna do.
    (Probably wimp out.)

  • beatbort

    I’ll be surprised if Bannon lives to make his appointment with the committee. Just sayin…

    • MOG253

      Some tea, Mr. Bannon?

      • theCryptofishist

        I like to call it PuT.

  • theCryptofishist

    Bannon’s just another word for nothing left to lose…

  • Mr. Blobfish

    What’s the over/under on how many shirts he’ll show up wearing?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      How many undershirts overall?

      • onedollarjuana

        How many overalls under his shirts?

    • beatbort

      Five/three

    • Raan

      Put me down for no fewer than four, but less than seven.

    • Stable Genius Jack

      I think there is no ‘Bannon’. There are only layers of shirts that stretch into infinity.

      He’s like a racist onion.

      • onedollarjuana

        Or a racist Russian doll… actually, onion is more apt.

        • Rooster Cogburn105

          Russian Onion Dome Libel!

  • gnomemansanisland

    Bannon before Congress could look like this.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUjjzwIrebQ

    • Thiazin Red

      Man Pacino was handsome and good at acting back then.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Hope he stays alive until Tuesday.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Do not criticize this American president or you will be destroyed.

    You’re morbidly obese and your hair is stupid, Trump.

    *awaits destruction*

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      SMITE ME O MIGHTY SMITER!

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        Smite me HARDER!

        • Oblios_Cap

          Thank you Smiter, may I have another?

          • Nasty Candy Apple

            Only if you wear those assless chaps you look so good in.

          • therblig

            what do englishmen who have lost their donkeys have to do with it?

          • goCatgo

            Gol danged city slicker ! ALL chaps are ass less ! If not, they’re called “pants.”

          • WotsAllThisThen

            I’m hoping nobody finds out I’m reading 50 Shades of Smite.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            That should be an ‘h’ instead of an ‘m’ at the end there, surely?

          • Meccalopolis

            Smitely Whiplash

  • jesuswasablack
    • theCryptofishist

      Can I get that on a teeshirt, shower curtain, and tote bag, please?

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Bannon, like Gingrich, is a vindictive bomb thrower. He really doesn’t do anything else well. If he decides that Trump has gone in all Establishment, then yes, he could blow it all up.

    • Ling Ling

      Ya, but Bannon (like Gingrich) is still groveling for attention after all these years. Not really burn bridges.

      • NellCote71

        Good comparison.

  • WilbyToad

    Trump approval rating rapidly declining among whites
    NEWSWEEK
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/trump-approval-rating-rapidly-declining-among-whites/
    Not the face of White Nationalism? Or maybe you don’t like what you see in the mirror.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Time for the Black Nationalism pivot via Sheriff Clark?

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Must have regulation # of “flair” to meet standards of the uniform of the day

    • Thiazin Red

      I suppose the longer hes around the less they can pretend that he isn’t a moron, and won’t do shit for them except hurt them.

      • Nockular cavity

        White folks gotta be beaten down for years by some gang of vicious white morons before they’re willing to concede, “Oh, all right, fine. Bring in the black professor or whoever.”

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Iz our Whites learnin’?

          Not fast enough, if you ask me.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      A 300 lb orange boat anchor. Good.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      But that means he has lots or room to “Presidential Pivot” to:
      1. Smart people
      2. Women not suffering from Stockholm/Stepford Syndrome
      3. Non-white persons
      4. Non-X-tian persons
      5. People without a meth dealer # in “favorites” menu
      6. People who dispose of boogers in Kleenex vs. consumption
      7. LBGTQ

      I’m tellin’ ya, the guys a staple genus!

      Am I missing anyone?
      What say you, non-commenters?

  • ken_kukec

    If the Tumblr blogging gig doesn’t work out, Bannon can always fall back on the acid-washing bathtub-ring removal business.

    • gnomemansanisland

      I hope someone asks him about the hot tub full of acid at the hearing.

      • theCryptofishist

        That would be funny as shit, and also, not really how government works.

        His next job interview? On tape, leaked within half an hour? Hell, yes!

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Actually, he looks like the always-hammered maintenance guy at a soon-to be-closed retirement home

  • WiscoJoe

    Wait, if Bannon’s lawyer is also representing Priebus doesn’t that prove that Bannon is actually colluding with Priebus?????

  • WiscoJoe

    I’m pretty sure this all ends with my tea party uncle ™ explaining to me how this entire time he was only supporting “populist” Bannon and that Trump was totally manipulated by his “globalist” son-in-law.

  • gnomemansanisland

    House Intelligence Committee – oxymoron much.

  • “Never put anyone in a position where they’ve got nothing left to lose.”

    Or, as Janis Joplin called it, “freedom”.

    • LeftyProud

      Actualy, it was Kris Kristofferson. Sorry for being a pedant.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Whoops, I should have refreshed before I commented.

      • Daniel

        They didn’t say “as Janis Joplin exclusively called it”.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      That was Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster, but Janis certainly echoed the sentiment quite effectively.

  • WilbyToad

    Kim Jong Un ‘shrewd and mature’ leader, Putin says
    NEWSWEEK
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/kim-jong-un-shrewd-and-mature-leader-putin-says/

    Where have I seen this idiotic play before… oh wait, it’s still the same play.

    • amrak63

      Putin should have been an actor, if he could say that with a straight face.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        He’s just Stalin with a Barber and a Tailor

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    The man human-shaped carcinoma who knew too much

  • Kathleen Voss Woolrich

    well here we go

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Tangential:
    Okay, I just read that Politico piece on how Trump’s lawyers should prep him for a Mueller interview

    https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/01/10/trump-mueller-interview-preparation-216272?lo=ap_e1

    They’ll do mock interviews, get him to remember concise and easy answers, speak clearly, prevent him from making repetitive rants, etc., etc.

    Um… yeah… good luck with that.

  • WIDTAP

    Why would Bannon reveal anything to the Committee that might lessen the value of a book deal?

  • AmusedAmused

    “Is he going to go nu-cu-lar on Trump with all the dirty Russian dirt he knows, now that Trump made him pretend to apologize for being mean to Don Jr. and got him fired from his blogger job and his little radio show? Or will he go full-on pathetic and try to beg himself back into the president’s good graces by stonewalling and trying to obstruct justice for Trump?”

    I fear it’s gonna be the latter. Trump seems to have a practically supernatural hold over his toadies, even ones he’s royally shafted. Why, I have no idea.

    • amrak63

      Trump isn’t the only fellow Trump’s buddy master Putin has kompromat on.

      BTW, how long before kompromat becomes so assimilated into English that we quit italicizing it?

      • Teecha

        I think you should be the vanguard in this. Go back. Edit away your italics. Lead the word into the future and the dictionary.

      • Daniel

        When it becomes a brand name for a hip new vodka.

  • TundraGrifter

    Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

    (Or, if I were a braindead Regressive, “loose.”)

  • TundraGrifter

    So far, the only little bird kicked out of the White House nest that Mr. Trump continued to defend remains Gen. Michael Flynn. The rest he’s pretty much “Meh – you’re dead to me!” and that’s been that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Pass the popcorn, please!

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      With luck , the docs at Bethesda will say he has the stamina, mental capacity, and communications skills, and continence of a much younger man.

      Like 70 years younger

  • WilbyToad

    Trump expects medical exam to go well Friday
    REUTERS
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/trump-expects-medical-exam-to-go-well-friday/

    Fingers crossed all the tests come back positive.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Syphillis Brain, check

      Dementia, check

      See link to pdf zip file

    • Mr. White

      I’m sure he’s the most healthy president ever. Like bigly healthy.

  • kLo
  • Crank Tango

    Yeah I’m not gonna hold my breath, especially given the way he just chugged Trump’s genius dick last week.

  • Crystalclear12

    He tried the public grovelling and that didn’t work.
    I think we are at the pile Trump’s shit out in the front yard and lit it on fire part of the break up.

    Or is that just a Southern thing?

  • Mike Minden

    The Bannon situation is rather weird. He should have had no problem convincing a significant portion of his white nationalist fans that Trumpy was a traitor and that he was never really their guy. Instead, he is the one getting kicked to the curb.

    What is it about Trumpy that hypnotizes the worst and the dumbest?

    • Lefty Wright

      I’m puzzled about that too. I thought it would split down the middle. I guess they are going with the stupid one.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      ONE OF US! ONE OF US!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        ew

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      Authoritarian Complex. You either have it or you don’t. If you do, Trump is your man.

    • Vel Venturi

      Sunk cost fallacy is my guess.

  • chiefkurtz

    “I, Tonya” is fucking brilliant. Every time Tonya, Jeff Gillooley, and Sean Eckardt deny their involvement in attacking Nancy Kerrigan, and the coverup over and over, I’m reminded of how often Trump parrots “No collusion”.

    • Mavenmaven

      Jeff Gillooley OMG

    • Totally agree about movie

  • WilbyToad

    Texas failed to educate, monitor disabled students: federal report
    REUTERS
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/texas-failed-to-educate-monitor-disabled-students-federal-report/

    Whoa, Betsy actually got this one right, and now Greg Abbott is scrambling to cover his ass. Texas is that bad.

    • if there is a hell, governor hot wheels needs to be put into the cruelest part of it for all eternity.

  • capnkrunch

    OT except for “very few showers”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0gI0uJ4s2I

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      …turtles mating??

    • Red Bird

      0_0 What was that???

  • there’s always a bigger pile of shit. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      I knew they could pile it pretty high, but how they get it to talk is amazing.

      • Daniel

        I was going to make a similar joke about having to keep it contained in so many shirts.

  • OrdinaryJoe
    • Mike Minden

      I really don’t get the “face eating leopard” meme. Big cats are beautiful, graceful, fierce….Repugnants are more akin to vermin or trash fish.

      • C4TWOMAN

        I love cat’s, trust me, but it has less to do with leopards, than the face-eating.
        It could just as easily been face eating llamas.

      • TundraGrifter

        Not to mention big cats generally attack from the rear. Timber workers in tiger country wear hats with printed faces hanging off the back – trying to fool them into leaving them alone.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Hide your face!

      • handyhippie65

        if you were a leopard, would you eat that face? i think i’d rather starve.

  • Mavenmaven

    Who knows, maybe Trumpists already hit him with the polonium.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    That conveys an ominous message: Do not criticize this American president or you will be destroyed.

    That’s adorable, Cheri Jacobus. But I think the message you’re looking for is “If everyone else on earth loathes you, you probably don’t want to make the guy with the impulse control problems forget he’s scared to fire you.”

  • YouInDangerGirl!

    Doubtful he’ll flip. Ultimately, Beta Bannon always bares his belly to the big dog (eew). Guys like him always do. Plus, I’m sure he thinks the House Intelligence Committee is all a bunch of globalist Jew lizard people, or whatever the fuck.

    • phoenix00

      Cuck’s gotta cuck

  • Ron Spangler

    Can you, like, stop putting up pictures of this guy? I mean, write all you want, but please don’t make me look at his face anymore. Maybe a cute puppy instead? Or a pile of burning trash? A pile of severed limbs? Just something nicer please.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      He looks completely booze-addled. And I mean in a paranoid, crazy, hostile, snake-in-the-grass kinda way.

    • Bammelam

      He looks like the devil , with a shit-load of drag-queen make-up

    • Ill-Advised

      I hear ya. I tried running a kitten program to replace him, but it wouldn’t load. Just like a cat…they’ll come only when they’re ready…

    • handyhippie65

      a puddle of hershey squirts would be more fitting, and less disgusting to look at.

    • Mr. White

      Level 3 haz-mat site would be a good analog.

  • C4TWOMAN


    Bannon and others who “know too much” can
    be dangerous to a president with a few too many secrets. Trump would be
    wise to heed this advice: Never put anyone in a position where they’ve
    got nothing left to lose.

    I find myself agreeing with this passage and then thinking, do we really know the Mercers dropped him? Because that is exactly why he wouldn’t be thrown out in the cold with Mueller on the prowl. Unless by some miracle Bannon was not privy to anything in the Russia investigation?

    I’ve mention before a creepy tea-partyesque front group that recruited liberals and anarchists. One of the flags that the leaders didn’t really believe in the OMG AGENTS THE CIA COINTELPRO ARE OUT TO GET USE BECAUSE WE KNOW THE TRUTH!!! schtick, was what happened to people who found out it was a fraud and/or didn’t go along with the Holocaust denial, etc: they were doxxed and harassed al la Scientology fair game tactics.

    Now, if you really believed COINTELPRO was out to get you, the last thing you’d do is share personal information of a sincere member, thereby confirming their connection to your group and your association with whatever you think THEY are trying to target you for. At the very least, THEY could(following conspiracy logic) kidnap the ex member and interrogate them about the groups activities.

    By the same token it seems really stupid for the Mercers to for realzies throw Bannon out in the cold, if he’s such a liablity….

  • Last Hussar

    Five of your american dollars say he doesn’t flip. He will want back in.

    • Bammelam

      Once they experience the intoxication of power .. they’ll want to never let let it go

    • Petunia Cat

      Very good point. Not taking your bet. But thank you for keeping me from getting over excited. 🍹😑

  • Bitter Scribe

    Even if he was willing to spill dirt on Trump, would the House Intelligence Committee want to hear it?

  • Relativicus

    If he knows Trump like he thinks he does, he must know there’s no coming back after burning Trump. But he can probably still climb back into the lower tiers in a “triple-shirted fish in a single-shirt pond” kind of way. So my vote he goes “pathetic” and stone-wally.

    • mailman27

      All these legal expenses are seriously gonna cut into his shirt budget.

  • clairence

    If Bannon shit-talks Trump, then they’ve already set the foundation for “not a credible witness” complaints on the fake news shows.

    I still think the Trump/Bannon divorce is all theater. (or maybe theatre)

    • rocktonsam

      Me too. No hash tag…

    • Petunia Cat

      Theatre. Or saying dinasty for dynasty. 🎭

      • handyhippie65

        i hope i will be die nasty, myself.

  • Bigby

    Hey, remember that awesome movie Hopscotch with Walter Mathau and Glenda Jackson? Maybe if Bannon was like Miles Kendig he’d flip, then stay one step ahead of the ‘bad guys’ and publish his memoirs…oh wait, Bannon is a complete and utter piece of shit with absolutely zero redeeming qualities. So, go watch a real patriot, Miles Kendig instead.

    • Petunia Cat

      He is also stupid and drunk all the time.

      That was a great movie. 😂🙂

  • Jgb979

    What honestly does he have to lose at this point?

    He fucks over Trump: 2018 is a bloodbath, 2020 likely brings a dem president. He can then remake the Republican Party in his own image, claiming purity from the Treansonpeachment trials and convictions.

    Oh he’s a bigoted amoral sociopath jackass full of spite who’s just lost everything

    The only reason he doesn’t is if he actually believesTrumpissupersmart………..sorry my phone is actually dying of laughter I can’t finish that sentence.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Trump is now accusing the FBI of treason. This won’t end well.

    • Just saying

      The FBI should have not lied about who was doing treason. I think they just wanted a president they thought they could threaten and own. And it exploded in everyone’s face.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        I think you read too much Tom Clancy.

    • phoenix00

      “I know who I am but what are you?”

  • Who’s the Cheekybutt

    To the casual observer not engrossed in the daily translation of Trump’s bullshit narrative into reality, Mueller is staffing for a long and ugly RICO case against Trump and his minions for election interference, public corruption, and money laundering. His net is so big that he will likely snag Bannon on something because Bannon is sloppy, and because the FBI doesn’t suffer fools. In those kinds of cases in the past, the judge who finally gets the trial will usually tell the defendants that they can’t have the same lawyer, if the defendants defy the judge, then he does what he did with Manafort to show them he means business.

    We aren’t there yet. We are still just at the point where some of the the dumb shits in the GOP Congress are starting to see that they have bet on a lunatic. We have a long period of posturing, deflection, lying and more posturing before we get there. We just don’t know whether Bannon is coming in to be a friend or a foe.

    I, for one, hope he is coming in on a bus, and that the bus is big enough to throw Trump under.

    • Red Bird

      You’re a blind, diabetic Chihuahua who impersonates Elvis???? Cool.

    • handyhippie65

      he was navy, mebbe he’s coming on a battleship?

  • mailman27

    One thing’s for sure, he definitely won’t be telling the truth! Wait…

  • Herewegoagain

    No Donny requires no need help.. he f..cks himself .. and as of late ..word on the street has it ..

    Donny is not going , his got his pride or the real reason ? they are looking funny at him and the first lady

    Donald Trump has reportedly cancelled his planned trip to the UK in February

    Donald Trump has cancelled his planned visit to the United Kingdom in February 2018, according to a new report from The Daily Mail.
    The US president had been due to open the new American embassy in London but has now reportedly pulled out because he is “unhappy about the arrangements and scale of the visit.”
    Any visit by Trump to the UK seems certain to be met with huge protests, with 55% of Brits in one poll calling for his planned state visit to be cancelled. In late 2017 he embroiled himself in an unprecedented spat with British Prime Minister Theresa May, attacking her over terrorism in the UK after he retweeted videos shared by a far-right anti-Muslim extremist from Britain – sparking universal condemnation from British politicians.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Maybe he could book a one-way to Moscow, instead?

      • Petunia Cat

        Oh God, someone PLEASE put him in a pneumatic tube and shoot him straight to Moscow. 💥

        • Moldy Weißwurst

          The Russians would likely shoot him full of Polonium and send him right back!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I’ll bet ten bucks that ticket – with open travel date – is resting comfortably in an envelope in Trump’s underwear drawer.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      Not to mention Donnie’s lunatic tweets aimed at Mayor Khan and the Muslim community. He won’t go to London because he’s a fucking coward. And if he does, I hope the city plans a protest the size of which it has never seen. Scare the shit out of Theresa May and her brethren.

      • jez

        we plan to shut london down if he pitches up. my friend is the rmt union rep with control over all london overground, underground and docklands light railway

        • thixotropic jerk

          PLEASE DO! YESSSS!!!!

      • Teecha

        I would, at great personal expense, fly home to protest him visiting Britain.

    • Caitlyn_Bree

      I think Trump might have seen that Scottish woman’s sign, calling him a cunt.

      I hope so.

  • TundraGrifter

    I’m currently reading Michael Hobb’s “House of Cards” and thoroughly enjoying it. He might be able to write the book about Trump presidency.

    • Rickyphoo

      I can hardly wait for the docudrama of this cluster fuck to be made. There is so much shit happening, I’m thinking now, it will most likely be longer than Ken Burns’ Civil War epic.

  • Stulexington

    Of course he’s going to fuck over Trump. He’s an anarchist and Trump is the establishment.

  • joe

    Bannon’s first waiting week for an unemployment check must be rough

    • handyhippie65

      in my state, if you get fired for cause, you have to wait 6 weeks for a check. since we are a right to work state, ’cause they want to is good enough.

  • William
    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      At least it’s not a scratch-n-sniff!

    • BMW

      Holy crap.

    • thixotropic jerk

      The zany color, the gruesome hair, the horr– OMG!!! What HAPPENED to Bill Mumy’s face???!!! Did he get exposed to deadly Trump-O rays???

  • Sharon Cooper

    Gosh, it’s almost like these people are incapable of loyalty or something.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Something about honor and thieves

    • handyhippie65

      they are as loyal to trump, as he is to them. isn’t that fair?

  • rocktonsam

    Hey Stevo, a hand job is still a job.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      For a guy who sucks his own dick, that is something of a comedown.

  • blaid droog

    Never put anyone in a position where they have nothing left to lose. “Well, I call him my lover, call him my man,I said, I call him my lover, did the best I can”. Donny don’t be lovin nobody but Donny. Deep inside, donny hates donny too.

  • hvdv

    Personal hygiene is overrated.

  • HazooToo

    Didn’t he say, either with his mouth or his scabby fingers, that he would definitely not be interviewed or testify?

  • folderol

    I am waiting for former Trump associates to start disappearing or having unfortunate accidents. All without Russian collusion, of course.

  • Deborah Ujevich

    Sorry, but I think Bannon ABSOLUTELY KNEW the risks when he dropped all the secrets & didn’t give a good goddamn. He may be perceived as a “man without a country,” etc, but he’s for sure a man with an agenda. And OH PLEASE with the “do not go againsy Trump” bullshit narrative. Don’t go against Bannon, more like. Bannon is far more likely to burn the village.

  • Marc Berrenson

    I thought the House Investigation was now a Nunes Turd? One has to ask: Why would California’s Prince of Turds want Sloppy Steve to testify if he didn’t already know that what he was going to say would further feed the Prince of Turds’ Triple Secret Probation into the REAL scandal (i.e, Hillary and The Dem’s all love Chicken Kiev. Merely a coincidence? I think not). Of course, in the current Make America Grate Again Tradition, the hearing will be behind closed doors, so Nunes can go either way depending on what Bannon says. Maybe work a Grassley con a la Fusion. Hopefully Schiff, who I admire, will assert The Feinstein Rule on this bullshit as well.

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