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The other day Wonkette wrote about about how Donald Trump’s VERY GOOD LAWYERS are desperately seeking alternatives to having Trump sit down for a raging perjury session with special counsel Robert Mueller. Their favorite alternative is “NOT sitting down for a raging perjury session with Mueller.” They’re thinking, “Maybe if he fills out a questionnaire for Mueller! What about if he colors a coloring book for Mueller? Would that work???”

Long ago, Trump said he was willing to sit with Mueller, because obviously he is bigly innocent, so why not? But Wednesday, in a presser with the Norwegian prime minister, Trump changed his tune. Want some Trumpian word salad that may or may not be in English? Sure you do! The question he’s answering is “are you willing to meet with Robert Mueller”?

Well again, John, there has been no collusion between the Trump campaign and Russians, or Trump and Russians, no collusion. When I watch you interviewing all the people leaving their committees, I mean the Democrats are all running for office, and they’re trying to say this that, but bottom line they all say there’s no collusion.

No they don’t.

And there is no collusion! And when you talk about interviews, uh, Hillary Clinton had an interview where she wasn’t sworn in, she wasn’t given the oath, they didn’t take notes, they didn’t record. And it was done on the 4th of July weekend. That’s, perhaps, ridiculous, and a lot of people looked upon that as being a very serious breach, and it really was.

It was the 4th of July! They didn’t even interview her! They all just shot off fireworks together and laughed about how the FBI and Hillary Clinton are #RIGGED for each other. God, Trump is so full of shit. For the record, Trump “beat” Hillary Clinton 429 days ago, and his one-trick brain is still fixated. Sad!

But again, I’ll speak to attorneys. I can only say this, there was absolutely no collusion, everybody knows it, every committee, I’ve been in office now for 11 months. For 11 months, they’ve had this phony cloud over this administration, over our government, and it has hurt our government, it does hurt our government, it’s a Democrat hoax that was brought up as an excuse for losing an election that frankly the Democrats should have won because they have such a tremendous advantage in the Electoral College, so it was brought up for that reason. But it has been determined that there is no collusion and, by virtually everybody, so we’ll see what happens.

WAIT WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? Oh that’s right, will you meet with Robert Mueller was the question. Try to make your stupidhole answer the question this time, Donald?

We’ll see what happens, I mean certainly I’ll see what happens, but when they have no collusion and nobody’s found any collusion at any level, it seems unlikely that you’d even have an interview.

Golly, Michael Wolff’s book about how MAYBE the president is somewhere on the dementia spectrum sure was dumb, wasn’t it?

First of all, Trump’s repeated claim that there is “NO COLLUSION” suggests to “virtually everybody” that there was a LOT of collusion, considering how Trump is lying hardest when he’s repeating himself the mostest.

But the thing is, Mueller has questions about ANY NUMBER OF THINGS! He could ask Trump about collusion and/or money laundering and/or obstruction of justice, and then after that he could ask about obstruction of justice about 50 more times, because it’s REALLY CLEAR Trump committed obstruction of justice in firing James Comey and in crafting the bullshit excuse letter about Dumbass Don Jr. meeting with a bunch of Russians in Trump Tower in June 2016. (Oh, and did we mention Mueller just hired a CYBER SEXXXPERT lawyer for his team? Wonder if Mueller has questions about the Trump data operation and whether it was connected with Russia and the hackers!)

Maybe Trump’s dumb lawyers are telling their dumb client he probably won’t have to do an interview, so that’s why Trump answered like that. We predicted when news about a possible interview broke that the LAST thing his lawyers would want is for President Mouth Farts to sit with an actual prosecutor of Mueller’s caliber.

For the record, they say it’s still up in the air:

Bradley Moss has a (perhaps unintentionally) hilarious piece in Politico about what it would look like if Trump’s lawyers attempted to prepare him for such an interview. Trump’s a liar, he doesn’t do details, he has a bad brain, it would “irritate and confuse” him if you tried to prepare him with documents, as if he was a smart person like Hillary Clinton. He’d have to sit through mock interviews, which would bore him and cut into his executive time.

Also, the president is REALLY BAD AT TALKING (see above):

Trump … has a habit of engaging in repetitive but incoherent rants. These are client traits that form the basis for lawyers’ nightmares … If the president stumbles and gets sidetracked, history has shown us that he will start delving into tangential issues. A veteran prosecutor like Mueller will let the president go down that rabbit hole every time, if only to see if that is where additional information lies that could flesh out the entirety of the story.

Moss concludes that if Trump were actually prepared, he could do fine, but if he isn’t — and he would never be, not in a million years — he will probably shoot his dick off, pick it up off the floor and eat it, and admit to so many crimes he’ll end up “in a world of political hurt from which there may be no rescue but impeachment.”

So, in that spirit, Wonkette encourages Robert Mueller to stay strong and GET YOU A TRUMP INTERVIEW!

It might be America’s only hope.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette is fully paid for by YOU! Please click here to pay Wonkette’s salary.

[Politico]

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  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Should Trump Do An Interview With Robert Mueller? Yes Or OMG LOL HELL YES?

    DURING THE SUPER SPORTZGAME!!!!

    • Iron Monkey

      Quite a halftime show.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Hey Donald, Let’s go visit a big star: Justin Timberlake!

  • CW

    They’ll put some Adderall in his diet Coke and give him a fidget spinner.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Is that a euphemism for that thing Hope Hicks does in between meetings?

  • WIDTAP

    The answer is yes, as long as his lawyers are in the room and can provide all of the responses.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      At first I was like, you know they should argue incompetency to answer questions… then I remembered who his lawyers are.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “Will you talk to the police if they ask you?”

    “I did not steal that car. It’s fake news. And just to be perfectly clear, I’m going to say I didn’t that car another six times.”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “When did you stop accepting checks from the Kremlin?”

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        “Was it about the same time you stopped beating your wife?”

        • insolenttomato

          Can’t go wrong with a good Morton’s Fork.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Putin on only had to tell Trump once to convince him that there was no collusion. Since he’s six times smarter than the average American, he figured six times should be enough to convince us.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Six times? Well, color me convinced.

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          If you’re not convinced yet, just you wait. There could be more denials still to come. He could be sharting a nice plump steamy one onto the Twitter as we speak!

  • Bright Bart

    “Donald, show me on the doll where you committed treason and money laundering”

  • Beanz&Berryz

    And then he’d

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Let’s hire the Catheter Cowboy to speak into the camera, and tell Dumpnutz that he’s really SMRT, and this should be a no-sweat deal.

  • kaydenpat

    Trump is still a citizen who is not above the law. If Mueller seems it necessary to question Trump, Trump needs to be questioned.

  • Rick Hill

    “They all just shot off fireworks together and laughed about how the FBI and Hillary Clinton are #RIGGED for each other.”

    And bbq. They straight up grilled the hot dogs more than they grilled Hillary…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Bubba cooked. In an apron that said, “Don’t forget to kiss the chef.”

  • JaveyDay

    “If you’re looking for collusion and they don’t find collusion then there is no collusion because all the very best are saying there is no collusion so clearly it’s not collusion because collusion doesn’t collude without colluding on the colluders so Democrat collusion and Crooked Hillary collusion and Fake News collusion and Witch hunt collusion there is none collusion at any level of collusion.”

    • mappo

      I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: there’s no way to parse the dementia from the mental illness from the straight up stupidity.

  • greyXstar

    Deffos how innocent people act.

  • Hobbes’ like, smart Evil Twin

    At this point a first year law student could conduct the interview and nail Drumpf in about a million lies.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Fuck, anyone here could do the same thing just with what’s been on our favorite website for the last – DEAR GAWD HAS IT ONLY BEEN 14 MONTHS?????

  • Villago Delenda Est

    You know Donald’s lawyers are incompetent because they haven’t washed their hands of their toxic client yet.

    • Ling Ling

      QED

    • Major^3 Andre

      Alternately, they could be thinking “If we get this shithouse rat crazy, guilty motherfucker off, we can charge all the money from here until the end of time”, but your’s is the more likely.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Well, there is the minor problem of Donald never paying his legal bills. I hope these idiots were smart enough to demand a huge retainer up front, in cash.

        • Major^3 Andre

          Oh, I don’t mean they could charge that parsimonious putz more money, as they are likely to get stiffed by him, but that they could use the “W” to vault them into more lofty , and profitable, ventures.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Funny, I’d never dream of hiring a law firm that got an acquittal for a colluding, cheating, obstructionist, delusional, dangerous moron. But I’m a libtard.

          • puredog

            A libtard is just a conservative who hasn’t knocked over a bank yet.

        • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

          They’re getting paid with taxpayer money somehow, I’m sure.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Why not both?

  • (Oh, and did we mention Trump just hired a CYBER SEXXXPERT lawyer for his team? ….
    I think you meant Mueller instead of Trump, but trump could use a good atty too.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Mueller did, Donald already has Barron as his CYBER SEXXXPERT.

      • “Barron’s good with the computers” …..

        • I mean, he’s clearly the smartest one in the family… With the possible exception of Tiffany, who he’s never met.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            What are you gonna do? He was disappointed with how her breasts turned out.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: A position opened up at internship – hiring manager is my rabbi.

    We’ll see friends, we’ll see.

    • BearGHAZI

      I CALL COLLUSION ON THAT!!!1!!1

    • shivaskeeper

      Paid position?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        yup, full time too, I’m pretty sure.

        • shivaskeeper

          Good luck. You should do fine. You know your shit.

          • MynameisBlarney

            And shinola!

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks – but it’s gubbiment, so that they have to open it up to errybody and stuff.

          • shivaskeeper

            That also means it’s going to take a fair amount of time to fill the position from posting to you getting the job.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks buddy.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Molotov!

    • “hiring manager is my rabbi”
      Are you TRYING to piss off the alt-right (nazis)?

    • Werewolf

      You’re an MOT? How did I not know that?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        a MOT?

        • Werewolf

          Member Of the Tribe. A (((globalist))). Like me.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            aahhhh.
            I was raised presbytarian, but ethnically (shrugs) maybe. I definitely ain’t aryan looking.

          • Werewolf

            Well, you said “my rabbi”, so….

    • Oblios_Cap

      Get ’em, tiger!

    • TundraGrifter

      “Rabbi” or “rabbi?”

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        the one what ain’t jewish, but merely a teacher and mentor.

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie

    Mueller against Trump would be a match as worthy as this:

    https://youtu.be/Y77n–Af1qo

  • Very Stable Royal Ugly Dude

    Should Trump Do An Interview With Robert Mueller?

    https://twitter.com/twitter/statuses/881288166363340804

  • JaveyDay
    • John Shippley

      Been Stein a total asshole imo.

  • Crank Tango

    I think he’s too chicken to do it. https://media.giphy.com/media/KJmORsw9VYFQQ/giphy.gif

  • RickyG

    Would pay-for-view, bigly.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    This no collusion thing- it reminds me of a bad movie? TV show?I vaguely remember: One of the men picked to be a judge in a beauty contest kept repeating over and over again that he wasn’t attracted to 16 year old girls.

    • insolenttomato

      The movie was “Drop Dead Gorgeous” and it was hilariously campy. Bad, but hilariously campy.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Thank you. Now it’s coming back to me. The hard drive pulls up random things without context. It was pretty funny, now that I remember it. The person I was seeing it with didn’t have that sense of humor.

  • John Shippley

    I’d prefer he be injected with Truth Serum first.

  • Gosala

    Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      That was no lady.

  • Asterix

    If trumpy is interviewed by Mueller, I hope the transcripts are published.

    • TJ Barke

      It would probably just be full of “no collusion, no collusion, Hillary, I don’t recall”.

    • Well, yes and no. I mean, it would be good to get the self-castration out into the public sphere, but I don’t need to read that… My brain is already sore enough.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Now you’re just rubbing it in!
      – Se. ‘Chuckles’ Grassley

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Villago Delenda Est

    Given that Donald has been through a two day deposition and was caught in thirty lies in the past, this ought to be good.

  • Monty Market

    Collusion is the key to the lock, but money laundering gangsterism is the door that will swing open.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Aye. His past, even in his non-dementia days, was nothing but organized crime activity. In the 80’s the Australians wouldn’t let him build a casino in Sydney due to organized crime associations.

    • LeftyProud

      Preach!

    • TundraGrifter

      As I understand it, there are three main lines of inquiry:

      #1 – Collusion with “Russians” during the Presidential campaign;
      #2 – Money laundering and other financial crimes, including dodgy sales of real estate; and
      #3 – Obstruction of justice – the classic “white collar” crime. Generally it isn’t the crime they go to the Big House for – it’s the cover-up.

      • Ms.Moon

        We need a Congress that will be willing to move on this though in order for anything to happen before November. What needs to happen is a coordinated sweep of the GOP everyone who is complicit needs to be rounded up first and a new Congress seated before anything gets started on Dolt 45. This will increase the terror in that White House. McConnell, his wife, Nunes, Ryan, Miss Lindsay, and the rest, then the family, Don. Jr. Eric, and then Javanka. Then come for Trump.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Donald does realize that Mueller has his tax returns, right?

  • JaveyDay

    Poor Donnie crashed his shiny new truck and had to take it to the Collusion Repair Center.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bf6c50f20a156d995cccc582d69d9d632e0949edb1a154c3907492a1ea17ea69.jpg

  • George

    Believe me. No collusion! You colluded, me not collude. Believe me.
    Like honestly! Stable no collude! Genious. …….Sad

  • Proud Liberal

    He can’t. He’s guilty as hell.

    • But he doesn’t know that.

    • TJ Barke

      Even if he wasn’t he’d somehow manage to incriminate himself.

    • LeftyProud

      Am I alone in thinking (hoping) that if it came to it, he would rather resign than sit through an interview with Mueller? I’m suer there are folks in the WH who would prefer it.

  • Baconzgood

    Long ago, Trump said he was willing release his taxes/college transcripts.

    -FIXED-

  • Mavenmaven
  • It’s sad, he’s so goddamn stupid that he really does believe that he got into the big-boy chair without help. He’s genuinely convinced that he’s innocent (ha!) and that he deserves everything he has in life. He’s remarkably stupid is what I’m saying.

  • everstar

    So… if we all go on Twitter and start asking Trump if he’s just too scared to sit down with Mueller, how long do you think it will take him to demand an interview?

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      About 3 tP.

  • Blackest Noobs

    white guy Presidents pretty much blew their load somewhere around the Nixon era…it kinda made a comeback with Bubba Clinton but he molests women so it was like step forward five steps back and then a black dude showed you how it was done and America was like wait wait we are not yet done with white guy Presidents, and they gave it another go and it turns out…WRONG DECISION.

    AMERICA!!!! STOP VOTING FOR WHITE GUY PRESIDENTS!!!

    THEY HAD THEIR CHANCES…OOOOOOH SO MANY CHANCES….TIME IS UP ON THAT.

    NO MORE WHITE GUY PRESIDENTS. ( at least for the next 50 years)

    • MynameisBlarney

      Wasn’t his relationship with Lewinski consentual?

      • Blackest Noobs

        yes but there are others.

        here’s the thing if in doubt, don’t elect white Prezs.
        they’ve had their time, time is up, cuz they wasted most of that shit.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I agree with all of this except for the 50 years part. I think we need a permanent injunction until we can take full advantage of all the brilliant POC and women of all/any colors, and then, if they’re really, really, really good and they ask nicely, we might try having one as a VP, in, say, 2348.

      • Blackest Noobs

        50 years was me being nice..me being real would be never ever ever again..no more white guy presidents ever.

  • Bright Bart

    “colluding dotard says what?”
    “what?”
    “take him away boys!”

  • Proud Liberal

    What does Mueller know that Donald doesn’t know? No amount of money will get Donald to be interviewed by Mueller.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      ‘What does Mueller know that Donald doesn’t know?’
      Given how little Donnie knows…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Mueller knows a lot of what Donald knows. Especially the most damning stuff. So Donald is fucked.

  • Baconzgood

    I’m innocent so I don’t need to submit to questioning.

    I remember that time I saw that defence on L.A. Law and it worked. Or maybe it was during an episode of Hanging With Mr. Cooper while I had a fever. Either way I almost dreamt that could be used as an excuse for not being questioned by an investigator

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I’m genuinely curious – has he always spoken of himself in the third person, or did it start at some point?

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    A guy like Trump sees lawyers as The Help- like maids and butlers, or concierges. They are fixers. He doesn’t see them as the “Listen to me very carefully because I’m trying to keep you from impeachment, public disgrace, and maybe prison” kind of lawyers.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Assumes facts not in evidence. His lawyers are idiots

    • Courser_Resistance

      He’s smarter than his lawyers because he has such a very good brain.

      I look like a rocket scientist next to that fucknugget.

    • NotReallyHere

      Like when he said, “Where’s my Roy Cohn?” Like he owns them.

  • I’m not a lawyer, but even I know it’s a really fucking bad idea to have a pathological liar sit down for an interview with the police. Even if nothing else panned out, the interview would give the police ample reason to charge him with perjury.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      Only if they do it under oath, right? Even then the man-child would say he did a pinky swear.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Especially a liar who always thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room.

      • Oblios_Cap

        That’s’ what makes it so appealing to the rest of us.

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    I actually considered sitting here and writing a rambling, accidentally-self-implicating mock response in Dottard’s style to a question about treasoning with the Ruskies, but naw, nothing I could come up with would likely be funnier than what Dumbass himself could possibly do. Plus, I need more booze to be that incoherent and tangential.

    • Raan

      Shit, Mueller wouldn’t have to ask any questions apart from “please state your name for the record”. Trump would manage to ramble himself into an indictment.

      • LucindathePook

        Didn’t he ramble, he ramble

        He rambled up and down

        In and out of town

        Didn’t he ramble, he ramble

        He rambled till Bob Mueller cut him down

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Please let the interview be televised! Ooh, I think I just got tingly feeling down my leg just thinking about it.

    • Bananas Foster

      There’s no way that’s happening, unfortunately.

      I think Trump’s lawyers would be adamant on that and it’s something Mueller could give up in negotiations.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The GOP INSISTED that the deposition of Bill Clinton be done in front of cameras.

      What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

  • DerrickWildcat

    @RealDonaldTrump. Don’t do it. Mueller is really 10x smarter. You couldn’t ever compete with him. He has a better looking wife too. Whatever you do, don’t do this. Everyone will understand why you chickened out.

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      Plus, Hillary already did it better, spending a gazillion hours under questioning. There’s no way he could compete with that.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Oh yeah, Alpha Female Feminist Crooked Hillary Clinton once called you below average intelligence. Better stay home and hide.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Can you reverse psychology a demented dotard? Asking for a friend in the Special Counsel’s office.

    • SisterArtemis

      don’t throw me in that Brier Patch, Brother Mueller, don’t throw me in that patch!

      • Raan

        No Mueller, don’t hit me with the strap!

    • Maria Sewell

      Let’s not even start on his head of hair and the size of his mitts.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    He should talk about his achievements:
    http://www.conservapedia.com/Donald_Trump_achievements

    Due to the number of achievements, the list of President Trump’s achievements have been moved to sub-articles. Please visit the sub-articles to see the Trump Administration’s various achievements.

    September 22, 2017—Education Secretary DeVos withdrew an Obama-era guidance on how universities much take care of sexual assault accusations as the guidance did not treat students fairly (although it does)

    Yes thank you Donald.

    • msanthropesmr

      Not gonna click on conservapedia. Not gonna do it.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Zackly. Gawd only knows what horrible computer diseases hang out there.

    • Beelzebubba

      Due to the large number of achievements…
      LOL. Is somebody trolling Conservapedia again?

      That site is Exhibit A for Poe’s Law: even the folks who run it can’t tell their genuine derp from the satirical pseudoderp that’s been shoveled in under their noses.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      “When adding additional examples, please add at least one reliable source for each example for future reference.”

      And the sources at the bottom are all The Blaze and Breitbart…

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Ha! It’s not much of a wiki if your SOURCES also require a [citation needed].

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Isn’t reliable suspiciously close to “liberal”?

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Conservapedia is still a thing? I figured that once Phyllis Schlafly was safely in Hell the money spigot would be turned off.

  • Jonny On Maui
    • Blackest Noobs

      but do you really need to eat lobster…i mean Lil Kim eats its everyday…do you want to be just like Lil Kim of North Korea?

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        If I got to eat lobster every day? I’d even wear my hair that way.

    • Nockular cavity

      Well, it’s not like the Swiss fishing fleet has been catching a lot of lobster lately anyway.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        That one got Diet Pepsi all over the screen. Well done.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      IT’S A FRIGGIN’ CRUSTACEAN YOU ARE ABOUT TO EAT!

      • Oblios_Cap

        It’s a sea cockroach!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I always wondered about the first person to pick one of those suckers up and think, “This might not be bad with a little butter and garlic.”

          • Oblios_Cap

            The Brits used to feed the American prisoners on the prison ships lobster during the Revolutionary War. The prisoners revolted because of it.

    • Raan

      WHERE’S YOUR UGLY RED SEA BUG GOD NOW?!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Aren’t lobsters dangerous to eat if they aren’t cooked immediately? Or is that story the crustacean version of the farm upstate where all the dogs are playing happily in the field?

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’ve been perusing Norwegian newspapers and cultural stuff lately. Apparently, some or all of the EU has declared that at least some categories of animals are ‘sentient’ recently. Which…. okay is really weird since some in this country won’t even agree that human children are ‘sentient’. I’d have to research their definition of ‘sentient’ to form any serious opinion.

      So not boiling lobsters alive could be part of that. Simple solution. Pith them like we used to do in biology class to frogs. If they were sentient before that, they certainly aren’t post-pithing.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Pith on a lobster? That sounds like something Donald Trump would do.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I pay someone else to kill it for me. Problem solved, as far as I’m concerned. Yes I love animals, but I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about lobsters. I can’t afford to eat them anyway.

  • TJ Barke

    The furious spasms of dying white privilege.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Needz moar spazming.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Moar dying also too.

        • Raan

          A little less fury would be nice, though.

  • Oblios_Cap

    До свидания, мистер Трамп

    • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird

      И не возвращайся

    • Baconzgood

      That’s Cyrillic for “have a nice day” right?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Nyet, komrade.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Trump: I remember when a diet coke used to a quarter or 5 bees as we called it at Wharton. One time I had to take the limo to Shelbyville and demanded the driver give me 5 bees for a quarter. I also wore an onion on my belt as it was style at the time.
    Investigator: /sighs/ I asked you if you knew about the collusion between your campaign and Russia.
    Trump: Why would I, a stable genius, want to know? Because you can’t handle truth Officer Lenny because in places you don’t go we use words like honor and integrity and onions while you use what I do as a punchline!!
    Investigator: /groans/ Tell me about the rabbits.
    Trump: I will hug them and kiss them and call them Vladimir like when he came and told me all about Hilsbots emails and I said sure… D’OH!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Raan

      We only had big yellow onions, though. ‘Cause of the war.

    • Thiazin Red

      I learned recently that Liberty Cabbage was a real thing and not made up for Abe Simpson, mind blown. Does that mean Swedish Lunchbox and belt onions were real too?

      • therblig

        Germania Oil Co changed its name in 1917 and eventually became Pennzoil

    • Baconzgood

      Was there an interview already? How did you get some of Trump’s lawyers notes?

  • Baconzgood

    I’d really like to see the house pull Don into a hearing like they did with Hillary (remember those like 482 bagillion hours where she kept her cool and made the GOP look like dumb asses, I couldn’t show that much patience even if I was injecting herion, bong water and novicane).

    I swear if he spent 6 hours in a legislative inquiry…it be funnier TV than the Carol Burnett Show

    • Blackest Noobs

      dunno if injecting bong water would be good, high_wise or not.

      • Nockular cavity

        THC is not water soluble, so no. There’s not going to be anything good in the water.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Not enough weed in Denver and I have a really short fuse these days even WITH a buzz on.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Though I usually try not to gin up much hope in myself based on what talking heads say on the teevee machine, when Lawrence had Jill Wine-Banks on last night and she basically LOL’d at the idea that Dumpy could “just say no” to an interview, I felt much, much better. After all, she WAS on the Watergate team, and NOT the side that broke all the laws.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Blackest Noobs

      Barry on Trump’s Presidency.

  • Hiss

    Were he not such an egregious ass and a vicious bastard I would feel sorry for him. But there it is.

  • Beelzebubba

    Backing up his assertion that “saying knowingly false things while money flows into his bank account” is literally Trump’s métier, Jimmy Kimmel offers up his C-Span mini-documentary, Pants Of Fire: The Road To 2000 Lies.
    Happy Lie2k!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQruDaf7bKs

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Upfisting for Lie2K.

  • ken_kukec

    Don’t know about dementia, but Trump sure seems to be in the terminal stages of palilalia, what with all the constant word repetition of “no collusion … no collusion … no collusion.”

    What was it Gertrude’s son said during the play-within-a-play about protesting too much?

    • gnomemansanisland

      I was in the terminal stages of palilalia once. I was in Spain at the time.

      • Raan

        It’s especially terminal if you have a shellfish allergy.

        • ken_kukec

          Sorry, can’t hear you over all the wheezing and choking.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        She’s probably not in Spain anymore, but tell her “buenos dias” for me if you ever run into her again.

    • Lord Jim

      “palilalia” – is that some kind of aphasia named after a former half-term Alaska governor?

  • Courser_Resistance

    I might actually watch if McFuckstick blew his dick off and ate it in front of Mueller. Otherwise, I’ll read the Cliff’s notes cuz watching that ignoramus ramble gives me hives.

    • Thiazin Red

      The man literally admitted to obstruction of justice on tv during an interview, I’m sure someone with experience could get any information they wanted.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        The man gave Israeli intelligence to the Russians when they didn’t even ask for it. Imagine what you can get if you ask?

  • Thiazin Red

    The lawyers who used to represent him had to meet with him in pairs because they couldn’t trust him to lie about everything that happened in meetings without witnesses. Of course his current team don’t want him to be interviewed.

  • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird

    I recky-mend we get us one a them sub-peeners and cram it right in ol’ diapershitz stupid-hole.

    • puredog

      No workee. Here’s the deal. Mueller can politely ask Don to submit to questioning. Don’s attys and Mueller et al try to work out mutually acceptable ground rules. They do, the convo happens, probably not under oath. They don’t agree, and Mueller can then haul Donnie in front of a grand jury, where his attorneys are not allowed to be present. Donnie then either answers questions, under oath, or he takes the Fifth. He has every legal right to take the Fifth, and in his case it’s an excellent idea, EXCEPT it would be political suicide (one hopes).
      Still, the proposed course of action would no doubt feel good, whatever its legal efficacy, and as long as you wrap the sub-peener in votes, I’ll allow it.

      • Jennifer R

        Well you think he could ever take the fifth? Like that man, personally choosing to NOT talk? It would take a lawyer next to him with a taser to make him shut up.

        • puredog

          Dunno, but I am more than prepared to happily find out, either way.

        • Lord Jim

          “You talk too much.
          You never SHUT UP.” – Run DMC

        • Last Hussar

          Donkey – I have the right to remain silent
          Shrek – you have the right, donkey, what you lack is the capacity

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Another fine moment on Lawrence last night, when they all snickered at the joke about hoping the dotard made it through the lesson on the 5th amendment.

        • puredog

          He glazed over at the Fourth, IIRC.

    • Lord Jim

      You’ll get a sub-peener when you rip it from Donald’s cold, dead crotch.

      Come back anytime. I’ll be here all week.

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk

    Everyone knows you just have to stand in front of a Muslim prayer curtain and saw “no crime, no crime, you’re the crime” and the courts will declare you innocent.

    https://www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/nintchdbpict000302379697.jpg?strip=all&w=960

    • SisterArtemis

      oh yes, almost forgot about the “muslim prayer curtain”…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Yes Or OMG LOL HELL YES?

    I’ll go with “fuck yeah!” for $1000, Alex.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    Democrats have such a tremendous advantage with the EC that they lost the election despite winning the popular vote in 2016 AND in 2000.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Pfft. You and your “facts” and “knowable truths.”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    an excuse for losing an election that frankly the Democrats should have won

    So he knows he shouldn’t be POTUS? That’s a start…

    • Donkey Option

      Literally the only connection to reality he has.

    • Lord Jim

      To him, this is an indicator that he is such a Very Stable Genius he can beat impossible odds. All it really means is that, as my fellow Kenfuckistanian Good_God_Yall has pointed out, is that he would not have won without Russian intervention and Comey meddling.

    • dslindc

      I think he’s actually known that since November 9, 2016. But hey, it’s a chance to do racisms and take revenge on Obama, so what the hell!

  • Baconzgood

    See the Trump administration is trying to take a page out of Mien K (I’m not saying they are going to genocide 8 million Jew, gypsy, gay or polished people, none of us really think that can happen in america). They think the bigger the lie you tell and the more often other becomes the truth.

    There is a problem with that idea. The NAZI party was gaining respect in 30s Germany. People felt the lies were truth because of WWI and “no way a German can lose a duel” mentality.

    But the GOP IS LOSING RESPECT. So the lies make them look less and less credible.

    Another problem is that this is the 21st century. Sure we have propaganda on the Internet. But on the AMERICAN radio you only had one propaganda because there is only one radio station… I digress.

    I just finished The Rise and Fall of the 3rd R. For the second time. Read it if you havent (especially the first 300 pages).

    • SDGeoff3

      I’ve read it twice also, and it improves with each reading. Thanks for an important reminder.

    • gnomemansanisland

      Compare Trump’s inaugural address with Hitler’s address in 1933 at the Sportspalast in Berlin. Steven Miller may not be a neo-Nazi but he sure understands the psychology of Trump’s audience and how to move them with their inferiority complexes.

      • Baconzgood

        The problem is if trump was younger, charismatic, actually pulled himself by his own bootstraps..and we didn’t have a stable economy and a series of checks and ballences…we Could be in a situation where the fever of nationalism could be a problem

        • gnomemansanisland

          I think we’ve got a major problem with the fever of nationalism. Yes, it could be worse. The national psyche is a mess for different reasons than those present in German in 1930s. Still it’s a mess – very deluded in many quarters and we’ve a rapacious upper class that is in control right now. And many in the lower and middle classes are either bamboozled or so turned off they don’t lift a finger.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Don’t give away the ending.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Who won?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          The Iceberg

          • Lord Jim

            Still a better romance than Twilight.

            [obligatory]

    • President in Exile Firefly

      So that would make Sarah Huckabee Sanders our modern Axis Sally?

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Shirer’s Berlin Diary is also very good. And appropriate for our times.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    I hope it happens, and someone translates it from the original Mad Libs.

    • Lord Jim

      Bad Lip Reading would have enough material from the videos that they’d never need to do another Star Wars parody.

      • cmd resistor

        They just put one up of the National Anthem by Trump.

        • Jennaratrix

          Oh good, a video of that travesty I can actually watch without wanting to punch my monitor. Much.

  • Enter Ranting

    No interview! No interview! You’re the interview!

  • Crz

    I keep having the depressing thought that they’ll cancel midterms and declare martial law.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I have the same fear. Who would stop them, actually?

      • gnomemansanisland

        I think the people would en mass. Really I do.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          You have more faith in people than I do. I doubt more than, say, 3/5 are paying attention at all, and of that 3/5, half are watching Fucks Gnuz, so they’ll be okay with whatever happens as long as Rupert can make them believe it was the Dems’ fault.

          • gnomemansanisland

            If they went so far as to cancel elections it would be all over for them.

          • Stable Genius Demme

            Not the people in my neighborhood.
            My part of San Francisco went 97% for Hillary.

      • Stable Genius Demme

        We would.

    • Stable Genius Demme

      I wonder if this thought is related to geography?
      Here in the People’s Republic of San Francisco, I can’t imagine this.
      There is defiance here, everywhere.
      There are lots of “old school” type protests here.
      There was even a “die-in” (hundreds laying down in a busy intersection). at one protest against Trump that I went to.
      Some of the protesters here are really hard-core.

    • TimResistit

      I don’t even know how that could happen with all 50 states controlling their own elections, not to mention the thousands of local level election officials.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        The only time I ever agreed with Ohio Secretary of State J. Kenneth Blackwell. During an interview before the 2004 elections, he was asked what he would do if Bush declared martial law because of another terrorist attack and cancelled the federal elections. Blackwell corrected him by pointing out that there are no federal elections. There are 50 state elections, and the federal government has no control over them.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I wonder if someone should point out to Lord Dampnut that when he says the Democrats should’ve won the Electoral College, what he’s saying is that without Russian fuckery, he would be sitting on his gold shitter in Dump Tower and nobody would be worrying about a situation where we have to hope that Kim Jung UN is the adult in the room.

  • Crystalclear12

    Well, they can always fall back the mentally incompetent defense.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Seriously that’s his best defense. It does complicate the whole President thing, though.

      • Crystalclear12

        Well, no defense is perfect.
        Especially when you’re guilty.

  • Relativicus

    “Wonder if Mueller has questions about the Trump data operation and whether it was connected with Russia and the hackers!”

    If he does, they’re wasted on Trump. Sure, he’d try to answer them with long statements about how Tha Blacks stood up for Obamacare and Clinton didn’t even offer him soup when it was clear to everybody that chandeliers — that’s a funny word — hey, you know what’s funny because Clinton should have won but lost instead of winning did you know I’m president the best president and sorry it’s executive time gotta go. But Mueller would probably prefer to spend his time exfoliating his own nuts with a cheese grater.

  • ken_kukec

    Everytime Trump says “we’ll see what happens,” we never see what actually happens.

    • TundraGrifter

      Or, we see that nothing happens. Actually.

  • gallbladder

    The ratings would be through the roof on that score, eh Donnie?

    • Rick Hill

      Oh, yeah. He’ll agree to it, play it along and then bail

  • Notreelyhelping

    “He’ll meet you. Alone. Except for an attorney on either side of him. No recording devices, cell phones, or paper for notes. He can squeeze you in for a half-hour around… Ah…between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Deal?”

  • TundraGrifter

    Yesterday, speaking with (and over) Mr. Cuomo, Kellyanne Conway assured us the folks in the White House don’t speak of Sec. Clinton.

    • cmd resistor

      The few moments of that I saw were quite painful.

      • TundraGrifter

        As pointless as they were painful.

        • cmd resistor

          He wasn’t impressing me that much, either. He seems to get bogged down in trying to get “points” like it is a badminton match, when there’s really no point in arguing with her. They should just cut her off like Tapper (?) did to Stephen Miller the other day.

          • TundraGrifter

            Since Mr. Trump repeats himself so much, they need to have tape ready with him saying nonsense. Play it for her and then let her try to deny it.

            Many years ago, Bob Schieffer had Col. Ollie North on Face the Nation before the Super Bowl. North was running for office and by that time he’d repeated his lies many times. Schieffer let him offer his canned responses and then pounced with the facts.

            Every time North prevaricated, very politely (and very accurately) Schieffer responded with the facts.

            A textbook example of how it’s done.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    Mueller has documents and cooperating witnesses. He has undoubtedly amassed a treasure trove of information to date. So many or most of the questions that he will ask the Tweetin’ Cretin, he will already know the answer to. And when Donnie lies as usual, he will have walked himself right into perjury or obstruction charges. This will not be heavy lifting for a prosecutor of Mueller’s caliber or for any member of his team.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Mueller’s toughest task is to glean stuff that can be used in open court without compromising methods and sources. That’s where the real work is. The IC (and our European allies) have all sorts of shit on this and Donald’s other crimes. Getting that information out without burning the IC’s infrastructure (both hardware and human resources) is the difficult part.

    • puredog

      “Tweetin’ Cretin” stolen.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Yeah, that’s a good one!

    • SweetDeeKat

      Mueller knows every answer. The word “collusion” will not be uttered by any investigator. There will be simple direct questions, repeated to get answers for the record. Cheeto will put on a performance for the rubes, but the goal is to get perjury and lies on the record. Learning new stuff is pure gravy.

      • Last Hussar

        Rule number one of police interviews. Never ask a question you don’t know the answer too.

  • TootsStansbury

    Don’t use “no collusion” as a drink word during the SOTU, you’ll kill your liver.

  • Donkey Option

    Okay. Here’s my dream on how this all plays out. The corruption and collusion and illegal shit goes so deep that Mueller and his team know that pretty much the entire GOP hierarchy are tainted. It’s not just Trump and all his family, it’s Pence, Ryan, and tons of others. But, of course, when Donny gets tossed, Pence (also caught up) is in charge, but he’ll get tossed. Then Ryan would be in charge, but he’s also going to end up in jail. So, Mueller and his team are taking their time. They’re building up the cases against everyone in the current administration, and half the Republicans in Congress. Then after the mid-terms, when Democrats take back over and the third in line is a Democrat, then everything goes down and everyone gets arrested and impeached. That way it ensures that control of the government never passes to anyone who would pardon Trump and his cronies, and the government wouldn’t be tainted by all this corruption.

    I don’t know if this is the case, and I doubt Mueller could legally stall, but I am hoping it plays out like this. I want them all to go down, and to go down in a way where they all end up rotting in jail forever.

    • gnomemansanisland

      And the Mets win the World Series in 7 over the Yankees!!

      • amrak63

        As the late, great Steve Gilliard would say:

        “Fuck the fucking Yankees!”

    • puredog

      I’m pretty much with you results-wise, but draw the line at Mueller manipulating the time-frame to achieve those results. That’s not his job.

      • Donkey Option

        I know. But I’m hoping the timing works out since I really have no idea what would happen with the government if the next 15 people in line to be president are all arrested for the same scandal.

    • Marceline

      I just hope that if we every gain control again the Dems will finally learn to be merciless. I’m not hopeful because too many on the left practically masturbate to the idea of taking the high road.

      • goCatgo

        Yeah, I think you are right. There are times to take the high road. This is not one of them. This is the time to fight fire with fire. There are times to compromise. This is not one of them. If we get it, this is the time to use raw, naked, crushing power to do what needs to be done to save the country.

        • amrak63

          We, quite properly, did not take the high road with the Axis. This time, we can afford that even less, because the fascists are right here, among us.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I hear that in Russia, interview has you!

  • BigCSouthside

    I just want to know when I can start planning my “Donald Trump is fucking OVER” party

    • BMW

      Hopefully that celebration doesn’t end up taking as long as the “Duke Nukem Forever” game, new episodes of “Arrested Development,” or GNR’s “Chinese Democracy” album.

      • amrak63

        I remember a joke that there would be actual Chinese democracy before the Chinese Democracy album appeared.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh that should be on pay-per-view, I bet they could make enough to cover the cost of impeachment.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    He’d perjure himself inside of 30 seconds. It’s like an involuntary reflex.

    • Blackest Noobs

      more like 5 seconds

  • Kiri the Like, Smart Unicorn

    “Trump’s a liar, he doesn’t do
    details, he has a bad brain, it would “irritate and confuse” him if you
    tried to prepare him with documents, as if he was a smart person like
    Hillary Clinton.”

    https://youtu.be/YcaVXeyBR44

  • gnomemansanisland

    Mueller: “Are you now or have you ever been an agent of the KGB or FSB?”
    Trump: Do they serve McDonald’s in prison?

    • rocktonsam

      ” What about KFC?”
      “OH BOY AM I EVER A AGENT”

  • Drew Miner

    In the spirits of bi-partisanship, I hereby propoze that yer wonkette preform the Trump interview

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Under oaf.

  • dslindc

    The coloring book is a good idea. Donald (R-Russia) can use it to stay entertained in prison.

  • James Smith

    Somehow need to convince Trump that Mueller just wants to give him a high five before sexually harassing somebody.

  • Like Really Smart Radio

    We’ve been so good (no we haven’t), it’s been a fucking nightmare of a year (yes it has), so please, pretty please, gods of thunder and Cthulhu and the Illuminati and our globalist lizard people overlords, oh please let us have a Trump/Mueller interview. It would be great if it was televised (omg I’m getting tingly just thinking about it), but barring that, let a couple White House staffers sit in, so the whole thing will be leaked to us, probably while it’s happening. We deserve this. We need this.

    I was hoping we’d get a fresh round of indictments, but I have a feeling that ain’t gonna happen until the interview matter is decided.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    The traffic stop equivalent of a Trump/Mueller interview:
    Mueller: Do you know how fast you were going?
    Trump: SIX POUNDS OF COCAINE IN THE TRUNK!!!!!!

    • Bebecca

      he really is that stupid.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      For personal use

    • Roadstergal

      The best cocaine. Only losers have less than half a key.

    • Mike Minden

      “I have only the best and biglyest dead hookers in my trunk!”

      • goCatgo

        Awwwww. Poor hookers.

    • goCatgo

      Silly rabbit ! Coke is Metric. Um, er, or so I seen on the tee vee !

  • Marceline

    Trump is decompensating mentally at such a fast rate Mueller better get in there while Donnie still knows his own name.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Diaper Don!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Hey Donnie, I know right now your lawyers are screaming at you to not go to this interview, but as you’re aware, you are the best at law, better than any lawyer. You’ve been taken to court so many times and everyone agrees. You got this. Go tell ’em!

  • Portia McGonagal

    But just think Donnie, it would be the bigliest ratings in history! You know how you love your bigly ratings!

  • C4TWOMAN

    Sorta O/T: I’ll just put this here too.
    I hate that hack Ben Garrison and also too, someone requested the eagle swap..

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/32e9d820b50553cd9123df9e64bd46e9f1fe6bad0903acf759a5969fe1fcbbbf.jpg

    • bbayliss

      Nice

      • C4TWOMAN

        Cheers.

  • CeeQ

    If it’s on live TV, Trump will do it. Won’t be able to help himself.

    Then we’ll have “Lester Holt Confession Cam Part II – This Time We Have the Tapes”

    • Vacuous Virgina

      To Catch a Presidenter 🤣🤣🤣

  • Bebecca

    The only way this could work out well for Donnie is if Mueller doesn’t request a sit-down because he can: lie (which he will), tell the truth (which he won’t but if he did it should land his ass in prison) or plead the fifth amendment which opens up a whole ‘nother can of worms. Maybe his only choice is to resign-which won’t wash away his legal problems hopefully.

  • bbayliss

    Trump/Mueller interview? It’ll never happen.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Okay, tinfoil hat corner:

    What if there is a real strategy behind the repeated lies/delays/ projections and general buffoonery? Delay and distract while, behind the scenes they’re implementing protocols for the REAL police state? then their actions would sorta make sense.

    It’s so hard to convince the brain these are all delusional fuckups without a cogent plan….

  • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

    Jesus god, I recognize all the words in his sentences, but they almost seem arranged randomly.

  • Bebecca

    and of course he doesn’t think he has collusioned because he has no idea what collusion even means.

  • Lefty Wright

    Just tell him he’s a pussy of he doesn’t sit down with Mueller and you know he’s so smart he will destroy Mueller. Hit him from both ends of his overblown ego.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      Hillary should be tweeting about it several times a day.

      • Jimh

        Again, he doesn’t have the STAMINA to meet with Mueller. That should do it!

        • Like Really Smart Radio

          That he won’t meet with Mueller because he’s afraid that Mueller is smarter than he is.

          • Jimh

            Bigger button, also too!

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          It’s understandable. He’s elderly, and not in very good health. If he were younger and more virile, then it might be possible.

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Low Energy tRump!

      • Like Really Smart Radio

        YES

        • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

          “I lasted 11 hours, will Trump even make 11 minutes?”

  • OTOH, if he eats all the cakes and drinks all the potions at the bottom of the rabbit hole, maybe he’ll just ‘splode.

    • goCatgo

      Oh man ! I just cleaned all the rabbit shit off my shoes !

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    I don’t want an unterview; I want a grand jury subpoena!

  • goCatgo

    “I did NOT collude with Russians.
    I did not collude with RUSSIANS.
    I did not COLLUDE with Russians.
    I…….did not collude with Russians.”
    They say Trump repeats himself a lot.
    Mueller will bust a gut laughing.

  • Poly_Ester

    The FBI could show him videos of the slick Willie interviews. He won’t let any Clinton get the best of HIM!

    • Jennaratrix

      “It depends upon what the meaning of the word ‘collude’ is.”

  • Jennaratrix

    Is there a word for simultaneously dreading something and looking forward to something with all of your heart? Maybe a German word? Because that’s how I feel about Trump testifying under oath.

    • Opiwan

      Hassenfreude – literally “hate-love”

      • Jennaratrix

        How did I know it would be German?

        • Opiwan

          Deutsch uber alles!

      • Petunia Cat

        Freude means joy. I guess that doesn’t change it very much.

  • DrBigHead

    I have been a fan of the Minnesota Vikings since I was a small boy. There is a very good chance that they will play in the Super Bowl in their home stadium. And the way that they have been playing, there is a good chance that they will win, after 4 Super Bowl losses. That being said, if they were to televise the Mueller/Trump interview at the same time as the game, I will watch Trump get scorched.

    • goCatgo

      Interesting. You may be right.

    • Dg Hacket

      Dont worry the game would be on a Sunday. The entire interview would be over by Tuesday or Wednesday. Mueller would at that point have to take a break because his face would hurt from laughing so much.

      • Last Hussar

        Bollocks. Look at him, I doubt Muller has ever laughed in his life.

        • Petunia Cat

          There’s a smiling broadly picture of him. I don’t remember where I saw it either on a comedy show on Twitter. They begin to merge. 😳

  • Phoenixdoglover

    If I had the job of interviewing the Dotard in Chief, I would drop some acid first to get in the correct frame of mind.

    • Red Richmond

      I think a full frontal lobotomy would do a better job of getting you there.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than to have a pre-frontal labotomy 😂😂😂

        (Not original!)

    • Billy Wigglestaff

      You might suffer an unjustified wave of empathy!

  • Like Really Smart Radio

    Somebody needs to tell Donald that if he demanded his Mueller interview is televised, it will get the BEST RATINGS in the history of ratings and everyone will watch it and he can sell ad space and it would be great for the Trump brand and he should definitely agree to the tv special, I mean interview, and fuck it, let’s do it live!

    • calliecallie

      THIS!

    • Kiri the Like, Smart Unicorn

      “Everybody will love you, Donnie! You’ll be the biggest, most famous TV star EVER!”

  • La forza del resistino

    What 5th grader wouldn’t want the questions before the exam?

    • Tetman Callis

      He won’t get that. At the School of Mueller, the questions ARE the exam. You get one shot.

      • La forza del resistino

        that has his legal staff downing the Maalox and vodka in copious amounts

  • WinningerR

    MUELLER: Did you or anyone from your campaign collude with representatives of the Russian government to tip the outcome of the 2016 election?

    TRUMP: Absolutely not. No.

    MUELLER: Okay. In a way, I’m sorry to hear that. A lot of folks are going to lose some respect for you. I can’t tell you how many people have told me what a brilliant idea it was to get the FSB on your side. You were an underdog, in an unwinnable race, and it was your only option for victory. Terrific strategy; no one else would have thought of that.

    TRUMP: I *never* said there wasn’t any collusion; that’s fake news! There was a *lot* of collusion! And I’ll tell you another thing—Flynn is probably telling you it was his idea, but it was mine! I personally called Putin and did the deal. (People are saying it was maybe one of the best two or three deals of all time.)

    MUELLER: Checkmate, dipshit. File those charges, boys.

    • John Thorstensen

      Book him, Dan-O.

    • Doug Langley

      Wow. Just like the old Mission: Impossible series.

    • handyhippie65

      geez, the world is laughing with us, not at us, right? RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME I”M RIGHT!

      • Hesavebread!

        Yes, you’re right. *sniggers*

    • Unsaintific

      I believe it’s my duty to copy your post and paste it all over the internet.
      Of course, it’ll be attributed to your profile name.

  • Mack N. Nietzsche

    We know why Cheetolini’s lawyer-esque people do not want him to speak in person with Robert Mueller. Cheetolini can’t help himself. He would have to brag about stuff, stuff that will put him in Leavenworth Prison for a looooong time.

    I agree with the posters that someone needs to tell him that if his interview was televised it would be the highest rated program ever! It’s like catnip. (Or possibly dynamite to Wile E.) He won’t be able to resist.

    And neither will we.

    • amrak63

      “Or possibly dynamite to Wile E.”

      https://i.imgur.com/XuQMvXf.jpg

      • Well, he is a SUPER GENIUS

        • handyhippie65

          hey now, even wiley e.coyote esquire wouldn’t fall fer that, unless it came from the acme co. i always wanted some of them rocket skates.

    • phoenix00

      “Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law”

  • Tetman Callis

    NFW Don John can survive an interview with serious prosecutors, unless his first response is to take the Fifth and stick to it.

    Q: Please state your name for the record.

    A: [Takes the Fifth. There’s wording for it his attorneys will want him to use. Gawd, he won’t even be able to do that!]

  • Unstable Genius Roni Raven

    If Mueller requests that Donnie meet with him and Donnie refuses, can Mueller subpoena him to testify in front of a grand jury?

    • phoenix00

      One would imagine so.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      There is precedent for POTUS having to sit for a grand jury….Hillary’s husband comes to mind…

  • Bitter Scribe

    He’ll do the interview and fire Mueller immediately afterward, because that’s just the kind of crafty chessmaster he is.

  • Nodrama4mama

    If they interview him and put it on pay per view, we could probably fund CHIP for 50 years!

    • george lastrapes

      I’d pay NOT to view.

      • phoenix00

        Eh, just say it’s for his wall.

    • handyhippie65

      and then run them on an endless loop in his cell for the duration of his sentence just fer shits and giggles. would that be cruel and unusual?

  • Alexander Stallwitz
    • handyhippie65

      those apes they use for that testing are quick. they can hit those colored squares, in order, faster than i could. dumpy won’t stand a chance. no banana fer you!

  • clairence

    I got the impression from reports that Trump wanted to sit down with Mueller and straighten him out on the whole misunderstanding.

  • Last Hussar

    It be like Grandpa Simpson

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    (edited) wrong thread.

  • Molon Labe

    I don’t see what all the fuss is about. All Trump would have to do is repeat “I don’t recall” over and over, like practically every other politician to ever face a deposition.

    My personal favorite is when Bush testified before the 9/11 commission. He had to have Cheney appear with him. Neither of them would testify under oath and it couldn’t be recorded.

    • handyhippie65

      fuck oliver north with a fucking telephone pole.

    • Hesavebread!

      That is all he would have to do, but Trump can’t do that. He lacks the brains and self control and would incriminate himself in minutes.

      • Boscoe

        Right? All Muller would have to do is say something like: “I was reading in the failing New York Times today that Democrats are saying you have the memory of a 90 year old and will probably not be able to recall any answers to our questions today…”

  • george lastrapes

    He’s setting up an insanity defense. He’d be crazy not to.

    • Boscoe

      I think ANY defense on his behalf would be an insanity defense by default, unless an incompetence defense is a thing.

  • John Shippley

    Mueller might make the shitgibbon get his head out of his ass.

  • Boscoe

    Here’s what needs to happen: someone suggests to Fox & Friends that they should tell Drumph he needs to do his interview on live television so that everyone can see all the BIASSSSS. LOL #yoojratings

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