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Those who are incapable of seeing nuance have had a very hard time processing this whole #MeToo thing. They fear that vicious bands of roving feminists are out to destroy consensual flirting, because, of course, said feminists are so stupid that they cannot discern enjoyable, consensual flirting that is a good time for everyone from sexual harassment. Some women, even, fear that cultivating an environment in which consent is prioritized will result in them not getting hit on or not having boyfriends or not having sexy sex with men they would like to have very sexy sex with. They fear that feminists are out to destroy sex, because they hate sex and are very puritanical like that.

Not true! Feminists are very fond of sex. So fond of it, in fact, that we actually believe it should be a good time for everybody involved. It’s why we talk about enthusiastic consent. The conflation of sexual harassment and sexual assault with “sexiness” or with “flirting” is insulting and ridiculous.

The latest installment in this series is an article published yesterday in The Hollywood Reporter by Tatiana Siegel titled How the #MeToo Movement Could Kill Some Sexy Hollywood Movies.

Kill, you say? That seems a little harsh. If the idea of women consenting and actually having a good time during sex is a boner killer for you, I would imagine you have more problems than a sexy movie can possibly solve.

In the article, Siegel brings up a few movies that are less likely to be produced — or will be considerably changed — in order to appeal to audiences in this brave new world, and laments that the final installment of the 50 Shades series could be the last sexxxy movie America ever sees.

With ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ poised to hit theaters as the town navigates the post-Harvey Weinstein landscape, an early casualty of the climate shift may be big-screen erotica — unless it has a feminist spin: “With this current climate, I don’t think the appetite is ripe.”

When Universal releases Fifty Shades Freed on Feb. 9, it will close the final chapter on the S&M trilogy that already has earned nearly $1 billion worldwide. The third installment marks a happily-ever-after ending for kinky couple Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey. But it also may prove to be the finale for studio-financed sex-fueled films.

This is the part where we need to ask — what would the feminist spin on 50 Shades be, and would it actually be so terrible and unsexy? From what I have read (I’ve never seen the movie or read the books), Anastasia “submits” to Christian Grey not because S&M is her personal jam, but because she is madly in love with him despite his penchant for ending emails with the astoundingly cringeworthy “Laters, baby” and wants to please him. Maybe, in the feminist version, Anastasia seeks out what she wants, sexually — regardless of which side of the riding crop she is on. If we think of that as inherently un-sexy, maybe it’s time to start thinking about why.

According to Siegel, this new normal means that the Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga helmed remake of A Star Is Born will be less “steamy” than it was initially planned to be; that the planned Hugh Hefner biopic may never even get made. But isn’t it worth considering the way A Star Is Born — a movie that has been made four times already and by better actors than Lady Gaga — ought to be done in this era? Is it so wrong that the public is not exactly clamoring for a biopic of Hugh Hefner? Are there no other stories they could possibly tell?

Our notions of “what is sexy or romantic” and what is not can and should change over time. The “sexy” movie Last Tango In Paris featured a scene in which Marlon Brando anally rapes his young Parisian paramour using butter as lube — a scene the was added to the movie by Brando and traumatized his co-star, Maria Schneider. In Gone With The Wind, Scarlett doesn’t realize how much she loves Rhett Butler until he rapes her. At the end of It Happened One Night, Clark Gable tells Claudette Colbert’s father that What she needs is a guy that’d take a sock at her once a day, whether it’s coming to her or not, and this is what makes her father decide that he’s the one his daughter really ought to marry. This is a film that is supposed to be a light-hearted rom-com. Feminism probably ruined romantic or sexy rape and spousal beatings for Hollywood, but I think we can agree that this was a step in the right direction.

Siegel later notes that at least two films produced by one guy have had trouble getting “traditional financing” on account of the fact that they might be too sexy.

“The studios and the financiers are going to be conscientious of putting something out there that could alienate audiences and restrict the potentiality of the film,” says producer David Permut (Hacksaw Ridge), referring to both #MeToo and international box-office considerations. Permut, who made movies within the studio system for decades, couldn’t find traditional financing for two of his upcoming films that deal with sexual storylines (I Am Chippendales with Ben Stiller and Dev Patel and Russ & Roger Go Beyond, which chronicles the unlikely friendship between sexploitation director Russ Meyer and film critic Roger Ebert, a Meyer devotee who wrote the screenplay for his Beyond the Valley of the Dolls). Instead, both are being financed independently.

Permut later describes Russ Meyer as a feminist.

It may surprise you to know that I am actually a very big Russ Meyer fan. Beyond the Valley of The Dolls and Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! are two of my favorite movies ever. I would not, however, suggest that Russ Meyer was a feminist. That is ridiculous.

There is, however, a feminist story to be told in the Russ Meyer universe.

Tura Satana was a legitimate badass with an incredible life story. After being gang-raped at the age of nine and seeing her attackers go free, Satana dedicated herself to martial arts. Over the next 15 years she tracked down each one of them and exacted her revenge. She started a girl gang. She became a burlesque star and then a movie star and then she turned down a proposal from Elvis.

Maybe instead of wringing our hands wondering if this atmosphere of “Consent is good and you shouldn’t sexually harass or assault anyone” is so oppressive that it contributed to a movie about Russ Meyer not getting traditional financing and having to be made as an indie film, we ought to ask ourselves where the damn Tura Satana biopic is, and why no one is trying to get that made and financed. There is a documentary about her being made, starring John Waters and Margaret Cho, but that movie is getting its financing from Kickstarter. Why is Tatiana Siegel not mourning that?

People are often inclined to wring their hands and go “Oh! But what about the menfolk!” To worry about the bright futures of rapists, to worry about the careers of men who have been accused of sexual assault or harassment, to worry about the men whose stories won’t get told “in this kind of environment.” We don’t worry about the bright futures ruined for women who have been raped, who had to quit their careers because they were sexually harassed, whose stories — regardless of how compelling they are — are unlikely to be told.

Part of that is because we are not telling those stories to begin with. When you watch a movie or read a book, you spend a chunk of your time imagining what it is like to be in another person’s shoes. You empathize with them and their struggles become your struggles, if only for an hour or two. Making our cinematic gaze less male-centric might actually result in people being at least as able to empathize with women as they are with those who prey on them.

[Hollywood Reporter]

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  • proudgrampa

    “I’ve never seen the movie or read the books.”

    I would just like to say that you haven’t missed much, Robyn.

  • goonemeritus

    As an older shy engineering type, I welcome our new feminist overlords.

  • ManchuCandidate

    “Don’t be raping” is not oppression.

    • BearGHAZI

      I love that brevity

  • Rick Hill

    My brain has already been wrecked by the twisted logic of the donald(Not Duck)’s twiterisms, today. I’ll just toss them an obligatory but I know it’s still earned, fck these fcking losers.

  • Bananas Foster

    Any movie that combines Ben Stiller and Chippendales in any imaginable configuration needs not only to be prevented but wiped from the putrid imaginations of its creators, also, too.

    • JMP

      Has Ben Stiller done anything worthwhile in the past fifteen years?

      • Bananas Foster

        I think he had kids.

        That’s nice.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Greenberg was a funny portrayal of a pathetic case of arrested development. You sort of have to be down with the cringey Noah Baumbach kinda vibe, though.

  • Teecha

    I might go see a film if it wasn’t full of boy beasties.

  • Beowoof14

    As a guy who has never been into the whole forcing women to do sexy time, I find movies that push that shit as repulsive.

  • altleftjohn

    Won’t somebody think of the rapists?!!

    • JohnBull

      Yes, thoughts and prayers their way.

      • gedjcj

        And votes.

  • Doesn’t 50 shades end with her like, curing him of his deviant sexual proclivities? It seems fucked up from basically every angle.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ve never read it, so don’t ask me. Mass market literature is not my cup of tea.

      • jowgajen

        Mass market literature libels.

        The books are terrible. They sold because they don’t use language above the 6th grade reading level plus sex scenes.

    • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

      Actually, it pretty much ends with Ana having given up all autonomy and freedom to submit to whatever he wants, with her embracing his “kinky fuckery” (spoiler: not that kinky) while simultaneously declaring that she’s healed him with her magic hooha.

      • Oh that sounds even better then!

      • jowgajen

        Because if you have a magic hoohah you should definitely use it to heal some random guy.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    With ‘Fifty Shades Freed’ poised to hit theaters as the town navigates the post-Harvey Weinstein landscape, an early casualty of the climate shift may be big-screen erotica — unless it has a feminist spin: “With this current climate, I don’t think the appetite is ripe.”

    And feminist-inspired erotica would be bad because…?

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      It might threaten old-guard directors/producers’ jobs?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    BTFW, I’d love to see a version of 50 Shades where she’s the dom and he’s the sub. Just sayin’…

    • OutOfOrbit

      I thought fem/dom was the only kind

      • MynameisBlarney

        The only good kind.

  • Oblios_Cap

    What’s a boner-killing feminist? I’ve never met one.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      Phyllis Schlaffly?

      • Oblios_Cap

        She ‘s a feminist? Huh.

        • Trump’s Potemkin Village

          In an Orwellian move, the Schlaffly devotees claim to be ‘feminists,’ but is anyone fooled?

        • JMP

          I’ve seen sexist idiots try to claim woman hating ladies like Camille Paglia and Christina Hoff Sommers as feminists before, usually in the sense of “I do like some feminists, like these hyper-misogynist anti-feminists”, so why not her too?

          • Trump’s Potemkin Village

            I hadn’t heard of those two, but I was thinking about Suzanne Venker, carrying on in Auntie Phyllis’ footsteps.

    • Baconzgood

      I lived with a girl for 3 years and she had a huge NOW poster on her wall.

      One day I asked her, when she was in our kitchen “can you make me a sammich?”

      She replied lovingly “of coures. What do you want? You want some of roast beef that you just bought? I got Swiss yesterday and that feta I melted it the toaster oven was awesome on the rye I bought. What are you hungry for?”

      Baconz said “no I’m not hungry, I want you to make a sammich, put it in front of me so I can look at it before throwing it out”

      “OHHHH GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

  • Squeegee

    I’m getting a job working from home and never leaving my house again as I’m afraid any interaction with the opposite sex will be misinterpreted.

    Also I breed rats in my basement.

  • memzilla Ω

    …men whose stories won’t get told “in this kind of environment”…
    … are probably stories that SHOULDN’T be told in any environment outside of an industrial pig-doot retaining pond.

  • JMP

    Wait, why is the 50 Shades series her example, when that’s quite possibly the least sexy series of films ever made?

    • proudgrampa

      Because she hasn’t seen it?

      Not that that’s a bad thing…

    • Bananas Foster

      Because she seems inherently incapable of understanding the sexay!

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    “They fear that vicious bands of roving feminists are out to destroy
    consensual flirting, because, of course, said feminists are so stupid
    that they cannot discern enjoyable, consensual flirting that is a good
    time for everyone from sexual harassment.”

    Heavens to Murgatroyd! Fetch me my smelling salts. STAT!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Out of smelling salts, but there’s plenty of clutchin’ pearls and faintin’ couches left.

      • Trump’s Potemkin Village

        I’ll take one of each. Thank you!

  • So we might have to have directors, writers, and producers talk to their actors about what they’re comfortable doing for the camera and make sure the environment respects the participants’ wishes and that they are comfortable and willing to adapt to make sure that everyone has a good working experience?

    The horror.

    • Arolpin

      It might end up like the (mainstream) porn industry!

  • JMP

    Man, could imagine a world in which Hollywood never again films where rape, committed by the film’s heroes, was played for laughs, like in Revenge of the Nerds? How awful would that be; then those of us who liked that movie when we were young idiots wouldn’t have to feel ashamed about it now.

    • Bananas Foster

      Can past sexual trauma also not be used to explain why every bad ass woman is bad ass? Thank you, also, too.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        THIS!!!!

      • Just to get a second opinion, I was trying to avoid this trope.

        I’ve got a character in my head and her trauma was that an 1800’s small town reacting poorly when they discovered her sexuality and dragged and staked her in the desert and left her to die. Do you think that’s too close to this trope?

        • Bananas Foster

          I think it’s appropriate if it’s essential to the story.

          If it’s just thrown in to explain why a woman can kick the crap out of men it’s problematic.

          • During her NDE, she meets a woman who becomes her new employer and she is the one that trains her to be the badass heroine.

        • Bananas Foster

          Also, that’s violence related to sexuality, not specifically sexual violence (very fine point, but important).

  • priceofcivilization

    I think angry feminists are very sexy. And I love Robyn’s self-description. Very flirt-worthy.

    But the picture at the top of the story…is that David Bowie on the right?

    • BMW

      I believe it is a publicity still from “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.”

  • Spurning Beer

    This is my happening, and it freaks me out!

    • BMW

      You know what’s weird? Seeing an original scene in a movie after you’ve already seen the parody.

  • OrG Unstable Genius

    Am I the only one who thinks this is just a new bullshit reason to attack feminism?

    • Stable Genius Jack

      I KNOW this is just a new bullshit reason to attack feminism.

      It’s also a bullshit reason to reward lazy writing, but that’s just my take on it.

  • rosenbomb

    Speaking of movies that shouldn’t be financed..there’s a comedy coming out soon called Cockblocked, which is all about three parents trying to prevent their teenage daughters from having sex on prom night. It’s appalling. Sex for women is never talked about in terms of female desire or female wants. I get that it can be uncomfortable to grapple with your kid having sex, but the way the movie presents it is that it’s problematic for a 17/18 year old girl to want to have sex, so it must be stopped. No mention of boys (at least in the trailer)

    GAHHHHH

    • Bananas Foster

      Well, to be fair, Cuntblocked didn’t make it past the censors.

      /s

      • rosenbomb

        I would pay to watch a movie where there’s a girl gang called the Cuntblockers, and they just go around and stop rape and groping. And then some dude bro calls them a bunch of cunts and they just say thanks

        • MynameisBlarney

          Thanks and/or beat the shit out the bastard?

        • gnomemansanisland

          My agent will be in touch.

        • mike

          You would pay? With your own money? Bullshit.

    • Shan

      As the mom of both a daughter and a son, I’ve always worried more about HIS activity. With her, I only had ONE uterus to be worried about. With him? Who knows how many?

      I’ve always been frank with them about their rights and responsibilities regarding sex, from consent to safety (including protection). I guess some parents just find it easier to just cover their ears and go LALALA. At least until someone ends up pregnant or with an STI. Not a lot of comedy in that, though.

      • rosenbomb

        A frank, honest discussion about sex and consent with a teenager would not make a good movie.

        But it’s a movie a lot of people could use…including my parents. My sex talk was all about boys wanting it and nothing about me or my interests.

        • MynameisBlarney

          My sex talk was “Don’t get her pregnant”.

        • Shan

          The problem is that it should be ongoing throughout their childhood, age age-appropriate.tbere are all kinds of opportunities to bring things up about consent and bodily autonomy as far as children are concerned, and it doesn’t take a long, awkward lecture to get the point across.

          That doesn’t make a very good story, either, I suppose. Just a bunch of boner-killing feminists who are into consent.

          • rosenbomb

            Yes, absolutely! I remember reading an article a few years ago about teaching kids about bodily autonomy through listening to their requests. A primary example was tickling– if a kid tells you to stop when you are tickling or roughhousing, listen to them. I am guilty of not complying with this with my nieces. Powerful stuff.

          • Shan

            Another important one is kisses and hugs from relatives (I read aboutbthisvrecwntly). From a very young age, they should be taught that it’s ok to say no. And the relatives should be taught to ASK first.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Same here. My mom put it in the context that sex was “letting someone use you”. The only pleasure to be had is the man’s.

          • rosenbomb

            “they only want one thing!!”

          • YoBunnyBunny

            And I understand that parents employ these tropes out of concern for their daughters not getting hurt. But perhaps they could get rid of the sex-negative aspect and be a little bit more honest.

            “Maybe this guy just wants one thing. But do YOU want the same thing? It’s okay to be honest about what you really want, too. “

          • mike

            This clears up a little. Not much, but a little

          • mike

            Yup, all you do is bitch

        • mike

          And, they never even explained to you that you can still choose when to have children, even if no one gives you free condoms. Sad

      • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

        A young woman, I am told, was having “the talk” with a mother who believed that honesty was, in fact, the best policy and as such gave her all the grisly details of what a handjob entails. The daughter exclaimed, “Mom, why can’t they do that themselves?”

        • Shan

          Seems more efficient, yes.

          • Oblios_Cap

            There’s some intangible factors that should not be lightly discounted…

          • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

            Well yeah, but …

    • mike

      Then stop telling other people they shouldnt make a movie because you dont approve, go make it yourself. All you do is bitch about what you want other people to do.

    • mike

      I dont like it, so it shouldnt even be allowed to be made! Do you realize what an unreasonable tyrant you are?

  • SomeBigRedDog

    It’s been a while since I watched Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, but if I recall, by the end every non-hetero character is dead. That’s a problematic trope in Hollywood that exists to this day.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    “They fear that feminists are out to destroy sex, because they hate sex and are very puritanical like that.”

    ‘Puritanical’ belongs to the puritans…you know, the holy roller churchies and their stances that sex is for procreation only.

    • MynameisBlarney

      For procreation only and absolutely NOT TO BE ENJOYED!

      • Trump’s Potemkin Village

        wait…but I thought it was ok if the guy enjoys it?

        • MynameisBlarney

          Not if the guys a puritan?

          • Trump’s Potemkin Village

            Oh very true. Postcoital atonement prayer sessions must be carried out if there is any enjoyment at all during the ‘great transgression.’

          • Oblios_Cap
          • Trump’s Potemkin Village

            Haha! Love Monty Python.

        • A Groucho Marxist

          Yeah, but that’s just natural.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      They oppose sex because it might lead to dancing.

      • Trump’s Potemkin Village

        DIRTY dancing?

        • MynameisBlarney

          Is there any other kind?

  • Baconzgood

    Wait women hit on guys, masturbate, watch porn dont wear underware because they forgot to turn the dryer and still allowed to not be rapped or called a slut?

    First we lost Alabama…now this..

    I hope you know this is a snark by baconz…I have nothing but respect for you ladies. Your opinions matter to me. I’m sorry I will always open a door and pick up the check. But that’s only because I had a sister and mother to tell me how to behave on a date (no dad…he left very early in my life)

    So, this is to all the sensitive, caring and respectfully guys on Wonkett. If you don’t treat women like this…getting laid is hard.

    Am I right? Or right!

    • Shan

      Having a car door opened for me or tne check picked up isn’t sexxytimes-making.

    • Having someone open the car door for me is weird.

  • Crystalclear12

    Once again, lots of whine but no cheese.
    I’ll be shedding no tears for Hollywood.

  • Man, who would want to watch a Hugh Heffner biopic? Last week I watched the Twisted Sister biopic, it was one of the best I’d ever seen, and I’d STILL only give it a 6/10. Hugh Heffner isn’t nearly as interesting as Dee Snider.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    One of the last few times at the movies, I saw the trailer for the next (WTF???) 50 Shades movie. It inspired the hardest of eyerolling.

    It wasn’t just the barely consenting S&M that annoyed the fuck out of me. It was all the shots of her being absolutely amazed by all those luxurious things–apartment, cars, European chateaux with hot-piece-of-ass architect–he was giving her as his wife.

    Not only is she merely a sex-thing, she is a sex-thing that can be encouraged to ‘consent’ to rapey sex with money?????

    Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…. I think that bit right there made me femme-stroke out. Because women don’t do sex unless they get paid. Straight of an MRA/MGTOW/Incel fever dream.

    • Are you sure that wasn’t the trailer for “Melania: The Movie”?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      So it’s basically Pretty Woman + 9 1/2 Weeks. Good to know. On my to-be-skipped list.

  • BMW

    Lots of good points worth discussing if my brain hadn’t kind of shut off when I read the quote with how much money the “50 Shades” movies had made.

    • JMP

      Though it’s not clear if that’s just the movies or movies and books together.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I would totally watch a Tura Satana bio film.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      Watching her in Faster was an amazing experience for me. I think she shouted every one of her lines. The race in the desert and its outcome was the most shocking moment in my young movie-going life,

  • jowgajen

    Amazing post Robyn. And, wow, Tura Santana really was badass.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Funny, I see plenty of boners in the sexxy movies I watch. They appear to be quite alive.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Vicious bands of roving feminists? Like Bruce Banner hitchhiking from town to town?

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Advice from a Old: Just be a gentleman, fellows; be a good person! If you can remember that one simple, little thing you’ll navigate this new (which shouldn’t have to be new) between-the-sexes paradigm with both ease and success. It also, in my experience, is a genuine plus if instead of asking the not-men to smile — which they appear to take as insulting — you instead inspire them so to do which, apparently, they do not. And learn to dance, FFS.

    As for the rest of it, i.e., “What do women want”? As a man, I am every bit as much in the dark as is every other man on the planet. This fundamental lack of awareness, this unintended ignorance is, as near as I can tell, a necessary condition of Nature and like the woman told me when I was the only white guy in a room of over 100 black people and I said, “I hope they don’t ask us to dance,” replied, “Well, honey, just do the best you can.”

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Btw, a big clue to ‘what women want’ – ?

      To be treated like human beings.

      • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

        Well, sure; that’s an intrinsic component to being a gentleman and to being a good person, is it not? My query, which I suspect did not come across as as whimsical as I had intended it to be, pertains more to things like (but not limited to), “What do you want for your birthday?”

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Realized after I hit ‘post’ that may have come off a wee bit snarkier than intended.. and it wasn’t so much directed at you as, you know, #notallmen and Nice Guys who can’t figure out how they’re gonna flirt now you can’t just walk up to a chick in a bar, grab her booty and ask ‘Do you like pancakes? Well how about IHOP on that ass?’

          • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

            That’s just awful. Why would anybody think that would work? It’s offensive and not at all humorous — the exact opposite, in other words, of the impression one should be striving to make. As a man I am embarrassed for my fellow fellows from whose mouths that pick-up line has so unfortunately passed.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            Why would they think it would work? I dunno, but then, men(#notall) seem to think unsolicited dick pics are just the thing as well, so ..

          • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

            Yeah, point taken and (yet) another thing I just don’t get and never will get.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            Be glad if you’ve never gotten any (yeah, I know that’s not what you meant).

            As best I can figure, the logic behind it goes like this: Dude has phone no of chick he totally wants to bang, but isn’t 111% certain if she wants to just yet. Dude thinks* ‘what would get me in the mood right about now? I know! What if she sent me a full-on beaver shot, damn, that would be HAWT’ Small brain thinks, ‘Yes! Full-on beaver! We have started your engine, gentleman!’ Dude picks up phone, takes pick of said revved-up engine, and clicks Send. Dude sits back to await promised beaver pic & followup nookie.

            *’thinking’ used in the loosest sense here, as all ‘cognition’ is performed by the little head.

    • “Just be a gentleman, fellows…” This is SUCH patriarchal, white male cisgender, non-binary hating advice you’re giving.

      • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

        Sure, that’s what I was going for. Especially the hating part. That’s EXACTLY what this was all about. Thanks for getting it!

  • Mavenmaven

    Let’s be honest, if you judged by Hollywood films you’d think that being a call girl was the number one and most glamorous profession for women

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Two words:

      Pretty Woman.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Clickbait. It’s what this idiotic article is all about.

    (Not yours, Robyn. The one you’re reporting on.)

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      I’m assuming you are referring to the “Hollywood Reporter” article and not Robyn’s well-reasoned response, yes?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Abso-friggin’-lutely.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    The thing about fetish is, it’s consensual. Even the most depraved BDSM “oh-my-god-I-can’t-believe-that-fits-in-there” act is consensual. Feminists (male, female, LGBTQ non-binary, etc.) enjoy that sort of thing. Kink is totally fun and empowering. Woman haters don’t get it, because they can’t do it right.

    How fucking difficult is it to acknowledge that consensual sex is fun (and entertaining if you’re into that sort of thing), and non-consensual sex is a crime that should never be glorified?

    Jesus with a ball gag, get over it.

  • Victoria Ricola

    Who is asking for a Hugh Hefner biopic?! Good lord he’s been over exposed my entire life, now that he’s dead we can’t wait a couple more years for yet another expose?

    • Stable Genius Jack

      And is there anything to the Hef story that demands two plus hours of seat time?

      Is there a single thing everyone doesn’t already know? Was he secretly two little people in a robe? Did he carve little copies of The Illiad on grains of rice?

      • Arolpin

        Boobies. Lots and lots of boobies.

    • rosenbomb

      I would rather watch paint dry.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Then you’ll love my five hour indie film, ‘Eggshell.’

        • Roadstergal

          Still a better love story than “Twilight.”

      • mike

        So thats where you get your news!

  • Jenny

    Ben Stiller in a chippendale movie??

    A movie about how a director and a film critic make friends??

    Maybe your movies just suck?

    • Stable Genius Jack

      Ya think?

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Oh I could see Ben Stiller in a Chippendale movie. Pretty logical after Zoolander, really.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Those sound like two really shitty movies I’d never see.

  • Stable Genius Jack

    I’m in a rare position here, being that I am writing a horror novel wherein the protagonist is a woman who is neither a damsel nor in distress. Frankly, she kicks ass, takes names, and saves her own damned self.

    It’s not hard to write that, even being a guy.

    So, why can’t so-called talented writers do the same damned thing? Are we men too fucking stupid to ask a woman what they think? (yes, we are, don’t answer that question).

    In my case, Sandra’s my FR (First reader). I trust her implicitly and she’s never steered me wrong. I trust her enough to let her critique all rough drafts and she repays me with total honesty. In fact, I ONLY write for her consumption.She’s the audience I have in mind when I write anything.

    Aside from help from her, I am also (allegedly) not an idiot. I read a LOT. I read horror and weird fiction until my eyes bleed ink. What’s largely missing from the genre are female-centric protagonists who aren’t relegated to the role of perpetual victim. It’s not only because most horror writers are men. I’m convinced of that. It’s because, well, they’re lazy and don’t want to ask questions.

    I don’t know, gang. This is a pet peeve of mine, so I go off on a rant whenever I can.

    As you were.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Decent rant, right there.

    • “I’m in a rare position here, being that I am writing a horror novel wherein the protagonist is a woman who is neither a damsel nor in distress. Frankly, she kicks ass, takes names, and saves her own damned self.” Tolkien already did that. It was called “Beren and Luthien.” In it, the female goes to save the guy. So give it up and get back to preparing my taxes.

      • Stable Genius Jack

        Uhuh.

        • Sorry. It’s the first day of school, and I already hate my students.

          • Stable Genius Jack

            Happens to the best of us. Just finished physical therapy today and I’m being a bit of a dick too. Sorry about that.

          • mohave rocky

            The last year (1978) I worked in a high school (librarian), I knew it was time to go when I started counting the school days left in October.

      • Stable Genius Jack

        Also, too, had no idea Tolkien wrote a HORROR NOVEL.

        Give me a fucking break, “hunny”.

        • Oblios_Cap

          It’s a good story (the Tolkien one), but hardly horror. most of his heroes and heroines in the lost tales tended to have somewhat less-than-perfect dooms.

          • Stable Genius Jack

            I’ll have to read that one. It sounds pretty damned good.

      • Shan

        Not everyone likes Tolkien.

    • Bemused

      As long as you don’t go the LKH Anita Blake route…

  • msanthropesmr

    Here’s a pro-tip – if you and your partner aren’t enjoying it, yer doin’ it wrong.

    • OutOfOrbit

      And how does one know when the partner won’t say and pretends to like it?

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        She left stuff around where I could read it, and then yelled at me for reading it. And STILL wouldn’t admit it.
        Fuck, after 15 years that still brings up bad memories.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      sounds more like a pro “just the tip”

    • h4rr4r

      Sounds like someone who never hung wallpaper.

  • Jezzam

    Im gonna bet most of these mra and undercover mra trash dont even eat pussy. Who the in the actual fuck cares what they think about women? Good take though. I’ll check out those movies

    • Bananas Foster

      I had one partner who refused.

      It was a short relationship.

      • Oblios_Cap

        What a weirdo he was.

        • Bananas Foster

          He was a model.

          Enough said.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            A model of what?

          • Oblios_Cap

            idiot.

        • Shan

          My XH wouldn’t, either. Fifteen years.

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk

    The 50 shades movies and twilight are just horrible movies, they take the typical “rom-com” thing that women only want bad guys and run with it. The worst part is people actually think that is how a relationship should work instead of consenting and listening to your partner.

    • JMP

      But climbing into a woman’s window to watch her sleep at night is so romantic, and not super-creepy!

      • Bananas Foster

        Only my cat is allowed to do that.

      • dshwa

        Especially when you’re a glow in the sun sparkly vampire.

        • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

          Don’t forget your OTHER really special abilities!

          Skip to 2:00 minute mark for totally not the most ridiculous thing ever.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUTWW8OzkU8

          • dshwa

            Nope. Nuh-uh. No way. I sat through that shit once (the things we do for love/to get laid) and I’m not watching it again.

      • rosenbomb

        Ugh, and when they finally do the deed (yes, I read the books…oops) it’s super violent and not that good for her. She’s covered in bruises because he has superhuman strength. Nice message for teenager girls, Stephanie Meyer.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Well, the author’s a super-xtian, so… another reason I avoided the books like the plague.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            She’s part of the Mor(m)on Church… think she envisioned Willard as the sparkly mannequin who gave her a sinful squee in her magic underwear? Or are impure thoughts about Donny Osmond every BYU coed’s rite of passage?

          • Arolpin

            Unless they’re impure thoughts about Marie.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            (insert SNL Gumby’s Christmas skit with Donny & Marie making out here)

            (YouTube doesn’t have it)

            Dammit Motherfuckin’ Comcast Attorneys (DMCA)!

        • Oblios_Cap

          Poor Lois Lane!

    • dshwa

      The worst part is that Twighlight takes the great concept of vampires abstaining from human blood and trying to join normal society and ruins it with a terrible love story. Just look at what Terry Pratchett did with the same concept in Discworld. So much better.

    • Roadstergal

      Kink people HAAATE 50 Shades. It’s terrible art and it’s terrible kink.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        You ain’t never lied.

      • Arolpin

        A (polyamorous) former co-worker who is heavily into the kink scene wasted billions of electrons railing against 50 Shades. I’ve never read it, but Mrs. Arolpin said they were OK in a ‘get in a freaky mood’ way, but we’re pretty damn vanilla.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          When I was flirting with the kink thing, I noticed something. The dudes who wanted to be “doms” weren’t that “kinky”. It’s like the just wanted to do vanilla sex–rapey vanilla sex–but vanilla sex. I guess they just thought of it as an excuse to be an asshole to women.

          • Roadstergal

            I had a female domme who was wonderful about it. Guys – yeah, there is definitely a cohort that has an idea that being a dom is just a way around the whole ‘consent’ and ‘be a decent person’ bits.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m not much of a romance reader, but I’ll dabble in the online Harlequin library every few years or so. Last time I was there, there are romance novels catering to just about every taste, including feminist authors and titles. Like a said, not a big fan, so I can’t evaluate them. They’re kind of all the same to me.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      I am STILL waiting for the Rifftrax take on ’50 Shades.’

  • La Cieca

    A Star is Born has always been and always will be a difficult text to read in any sort of feminist way. Essentially it’s a tragic variation on the Pygmalion myth in which a man creates a woman.

    Specifically in the ASIB version, the “Esther” character is a young performer with great potential but little idea of how to access or refine that talent. The “Norman” character unlocks the potential in her, meanwhile destroying himself through substance abuse. The payoff of the story is that the creation honors her creator by continuing to share her gift with the world.

    A feature of this story is the scene in which the creating male teaches the created female how to be a woman. In What Price Hollywood, the first iteration of the story on film, a gay director demonstrates to the aspiring actress the technique of gracefully descending a staircase. And in the 1954 version of ASIB there’s a very tender but weird scene where macho leading man Norman (James Mason) gives Esther (Judy Garland) a makeover before she steps in front of the camera: literally he wipes all her makeup off and then there’s a reveal where Mason does finishing touches and then Judy looks ravishing.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8658cce8cdaa8a271995a35e2da5049f07488b3c6a70331fe732ac38b5d6ec91.png

    So, as I say, this story is problematic. It would be interesting to see the tale deconstructed and the issue of how “woman” and especially “femininity” are essentially male constructs to which women have historically been expected to conform.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It would be interesting to see the tale deconstructed and the issue of
      how “woman” and especially “femininity” are essentially male constructs
      to which women have historically been expected to conform.

      This, this, this. It’s the fish not knowing about water thing.

      • La Cieca

        I mean especially with Lady Gaga in the part. Suppose there is a twist where Esther says, “No, Norman, I have to do this my way. You’re been wonderful and helpful and I know you mean well, but this time you’re wrong.” And then she defies Norman and everyone else, sings the song her own way, and becomes a bigger star than before.

        Which would leave Norman feeling useless and so he goes off the wagon, and now Esther at least to start with blames herself because she was defiant. (The usual arc in these pictures is that Esther becomes so famous that she puts all her attention into her work, i.e. neglects a woman’s “real” duty.)

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          ‘Suppose there is a twist where Esther says, “No, Norman, I have to do this my way. You’re been wonderful and helpful and I know you mean well, but this time you’re wrong.” And then she defies Norman and everyone else, sings the song her own way, and becomes a bigger star than before.’
          If so then they’re essentially stealing the dénouement of a MY LITTLE PONY episode, ‘The Mane Attraction.’ Which, I will add, features a character nicknamed ‘Rara.’
          I wonder…

  • Stulexington

    Oh my god! Hollywood may have to adapt to changes in society!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!111!!1

    • amrak63
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Just like when they had to work on not depicting all blacks like illiterate picaninnies or hippity hoppity jive-talking gang-bangers (and they still haven’t quite perfected it). How will Hollywood ever survive?

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Just like murder, violence and all sorts of unsavory or depraved acts are part of movie plots, I can’t see sexual crimes being scrubbed from the big screen. But that being said, it should also never be glossed over as acceptable. Directors can and must frame rape and non-consensual sexual acts as the crimes they are.

    • Stable Genius Jack

      Absolutely!

      It’s important for writers and directors to treat this subject matter more seriously. Rape is a horrific act. If the story calls for it, show not only the act but the aftermath.

      There`s also the rule that any story must have two named female characters who interact at least once without talking about a man. That’s a great rule and would defuse a lot of these concerns.

      • Roadstergal

        Bechdel test.

        • Stable Genius Jack

          Yep! Good rule of thumb too!

      • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

        I read “named” as “naked” and thought about the mileage on my bunk.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I can’t believe how hard this test is to pass in fiction–you know, MADE UP STUFF.

        I talk to women in real life all the time, and we don’t do a whole lot of talking about men–or getting married or having babies. Weird.

        • Stable Genius Jack

          We men tend to think the ladies all just do each others hair, dish about boys, giggle and get into pillow fights.

          It’s bullshit, but that’s the image perpetuated.

  • msanthropesmr
    • Blackest Noobs

      yeah, they JUST ( well like a year or three) opened that laburnum one.

    • Arolpin

      It’s only because Costco is being supported because they’re a decent company and pay their workers better. We must punish Costco.

      • yyyaz

        No Costco here, just Sam’s. No way no how do I give the Walton pukes even a nickel.

        • mohave rocky

          We drive 200 miles round trip to go to Costco. I wish our Home Depot were a Lowe’s instead. Support decent employers if you can.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      ‘Remember how you were all complaining about how poorly you were being paid? Surprise!’

    • amrak63

      I recall reading that the Wal-Mart empire is suffering, partially due to the proliferation of the Dollar General and Dollar Tree/Family Dollar (the last two are one corporation these days) stores, and similar stores, which can undercut Wally World prices. The average wages have dropped so low that even Wally World is too expensive now.

      Henry Ford was an asshole in many ways (anti-Semitic friend of Hitler, for one), but at least he understood that if workers didn’t earn decent wages, he couldn’t sell them cars.

    • Her the people that work there just found out today their store is closing and it closes on the 26th. Exceptionally shitty.

  • IdiotsforPalin

    As long as you don’t kill porn….just saying.

    • Oblios_Cap

      We’ll always have the internet.

      • Stable Genius Jack

        And Paris. We’ll always have the internet and Paris.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          And canned clams. We’ll always have the internet and Paris and canned clams.

          • insolenttomato

            Tu es un monstre!

          • amrak63

            [pedant]”es”, not “us”.[/pedant]

        • Oblios_Cap

          And this chair…

          • Stable Genius Jack

            And I don’t need one other thing, except my dog.

      • Roadstergal

        Not if Drumpf’s idjit lackeys succeed in killing Net Neutrality.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Then we’ll only have Comcast Porn.

          • Roadstergal

            With Comcast Porn, they promise you’ll come between 8am and 5pm.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            And if you step out to get some milk at the corner store, you’ll miss it and have to wait until next week.

    • MynameisBlarney

      For good or bad, pr0nz ain’t goin nowhere anytime soon.

  • Pisto75666

    In the article, Siegel brings up a few movies that are less likely to be produced — or will be considerably changed — in order to appeal to audiences in this brave new world, and laments that the final installment of the 50 Shades series could be the last sexxxy movie America ever sees.

    No more sexxy movies based on really shittily written fanfiction? OH NOES!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      (grabs Ms. Lindsey’s fainting couch out from under his falling form to fall on myself)

    • like really RESISTLY GHERKINS!

      I know. I’m not really seeing the downside here.

      Wasn’t she supposed to make that sound bad?

    • Jennaratrix

      Right? She couldn’t find better examples than a Hugh Hefner bio and Fifty Shades of Yawn? She’s not really selling her point.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      How the fuck do we know 50 shades is feminist? Cause Dakota said so?

      • Pisto75666

        I’m guessing?

  • Victoria Ricola

    Those puritanical feminists with their boring consensual sex that usually occurs in between marching for mandatory birth control coverage and the right to go topless on Instagram. They’re going to ruin sexxxy sex.

  • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

    FUCK YEAH A TURA SATANA BIOPIC.

    Screw one about skeevy old Hef, I would watch the *shiznitz* out of Tura’s life on the big screen.

  • DensityDestiny

    Terrific, enlightening article, Robyn. Thanks!

  • Indiepalin

    This may throw a kibosh on the upcoming R-rated reboot of Gilligan’s Island, with Lindsey Lohan as Ginger and Charlie Day as Gilligan.

    • Man, they missed a chance, they could have cast Lindsay Lohan across from Lindsay Graham. She’d make a GREAT Gilligan.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I met Gilligan back in the day.
        GILLIGAN LIBELZZZ

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Tura Satana sounds a little like the inspiration for “Kill Bill.”

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      It’s possible. Tarantino gets his ideas from odd places.

  • Jo Mathie

    I actually read the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy and the “Grey” book out of curiosity. I’m not watching the films – even the lead actors look like they can’t stand each other. I’m a feminist and like watching two characters with chemistry get it on. The whole issue comes on to if both male and female viewers are on board with what is going on.

    • I have a friend who’s into the BDSM scene (actually a friend, not an “asking for a friend” friend), and she told me that the general feeling from the community about those books/movies is “they are not doing it properly, what they’re doing is very unsafe”.

      That’s about as much of a review as I need :p

      • Roadstergal

        Yes. It’s terrible from all angles – the enthusiastic consent, the discussion of limits and wants/nots beforehand, and even the basic safety techniques are all lacking.

        It’s badly done and worst of all, it’s _boring_.

        • lynchzilla

          Boring? Explain why this franchise will end up making a billion dollars? Obviously there are upwards of 50 million people on the planet entertained enough to buy a ticket.

          • Jo Mathie

            I think it comes down to Jamie Dormer’s abs and something “kinky” being shown in cinemas. It’s advertised as being romantic when it’s really an abusive relationship. Just like the Twilight relationship it started off as a fanfiction for.

          • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

            Roadstergal doesn’t have to explain her opinion to you. Lots of people buy crack, too. Doesn’t make it good.

  • robin ruis

    “I’ve never seen the movie or read the books.”I would just like to say that you haven’t missed much, Robyn.

  • Roadstergal

    “But it also may prove to be the finale for studio-financed sex-fueled films.”

    If it’s the finale for studio-financed anti-feminist kink-shaming pathological bullshit, I’m fine with it.

  • Ron Spangler

    Those who are incapable of seeing nuance have inherited the earth, and that wasn’t even in the fucking beatitudes, man. #shit

  • MynameisBlarney

    I say bring on the powerful women that don’t shit from stupid men.

    *ETA*

    For fucks sake I can’t type worth a shit today.
    I mean to say women who don’t TAKE shit….GAH!!.

  • bbayliss

    Who wants to see normal people, comfortable in their bodies, with a healthy attitude toward sex?
    Not America

    • Bananas Foster

      Add some weed and the Left Coast is up for it.

      Heh.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well, nobody of course.

      Although, to be fair, and for once I am not saying this ironically, normal people who are comfortable and well-adjusted with healthy attitudes towards anything don’t make for the kind of conflict that leads to any kind of drama, whether serious or comedic.

      That said, I have no desire to see another car explode or to watch some beefy asshole “outrun” an exploding fireball through CGI.

      • bbayliss

        You’ve got a point and it’s a darned good one.
        Murder has long been entertaining as long as it doesn’t hit close to home.

  • Daniel Hooper

    O.K, three things here. First, when’s the last time Hollywood’s made a sexy movie?

    Second, if you want a sexy movie, just stream some porn. It’s a lot less weirder than seeing a sexy movie with a bunch of strangers.

    And third; Ben Stiller and Dev Patel in a movie about Chippendales?… Methinks they might be miscast unless it’s a comedy.

    • Bananas Foster

      I can’t remember a sexy movie, but there have recently been sexy TV scenes that I’ve rewound because they were hot.

      The only one I can specifically remember is the leads’ first kiss on Gotham. (It was recent for me, because I didn’t start watching the show until late last year.)

      Porn does nothing for me, but a steamy scene between characters I’ve become invested in is hot.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        This. Porn is the mechanics. It’s the setup that’s arousing – even in porn, now that I think of it.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Shape of Water. Sexy seamonster movie. (gurgle)

    • Blanche de Shambles

      And if it is a comedy, Patrick Swayze (PBUH) and Chris Farley (PBUH) did it better, and managed not to beat the entire premise into the ground (mainly because it only lasted 5 minutes).

    • Bill Diaz

      The bestest sexxy movie Hollywood ever did was a masterpiece of film. Don Rickles as a Jewish vampire Mob lawyer, Robert Loggia in a seminal role as mob boss turned vampire and the drop dead sexiest woman to ever be on film (Anne Parillaud).

      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104511/

      It used to be on youtube, but this is the IMDB entry for ‘Innocent Blood’ (1992). It doesnt pass the ‘chick’ test, but is another entry of ‘strong women in leading role’ that French women like Ms Parillaud and Binoche tend to bring to their respective films.

      Have a great day!

      • mohave rocky

        Loved Annie in the original Femme Nikita

        • Bill Diaz

          That was a great movie, a ‘real’ female action superhero long ago, making ‘bad ass’ look hot as hell, lol. The Bridget Fonda version was a pale and bland imitation.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vcT4r7Tljk

          Have a great day!

    • Lynn A Myers

      I, for one, still think Ben Stiller is handsome but I don’t see him as a Chippendales’ dancer.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I had an uncle, back in the day, who had written a manual about – let’s call it refrigerator maintenance – and decided he should be a novelist. He sent me a draft of his first book. Before I tell you what happened in it I need to tell you that my uncle is a nice man, married to my aunt since they were very, very young, raised a nice, well-reared family, and votes Dem. I say that because what happened in the book caused me to go off like a fuckin’ bottle rocket on his ass, and to send him an email that read him for filth and which, I have to say, he took very well, and he changed the offending parts. Which were that a woman gets kidnapped in an excessively ridiculous plot, is drugged and raped by her captor, and kinda digs it because she’s been fighting with her hubby and has been going through a “dry patch.” You can imagine the all-caps email for yourselves, having been my tribe for the past seventy years, or however long the Dunce admin has been plus a couple good years under Obama (PBUH).
    Let’s just say that my services as editor for his next novel (if there was one) were not required.

    • janecita

      Your poor uncle:-( His book sounds crappy AF though.

    • therblig

      was the title “A Frigid Air” by any chance?

      • Oblios_Cap

        “Close That Damned Dorr”?

  • I would like to know where Ann Margeret falls on the Tura Satana Legendary Badass Scale.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Yawn, boring. Most of the cutaway sexytimes scenes I’ve seen in films and on TV are just lazy filler that’s clearly intended to pad the screen time and/or distract from bad writing. They must be charging by the moan or something. It’s a bodily function; who literally gives a crap? Everybody poops; (most) everybody fucks, we get it, it’s old already, stop beating off to a dead horse. From what I can see, the bedroom is about as relevant to the plot as the toilet. Maybe they can channel their frustrations into actual creativity instead of just selling tickets for crap movies and shows using T&A as cheap advertising. It’s cardboard formulaic shit, the cinematic equivalent of a Papa John’s pizza. No Nazis, fortunately (except in movies about Nazis), but plenty of extra zzzz’s.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      All The Way had a great pooping scene. Wasn’t central to the plot, but it did serve character development.

    • Yeah, and let’s take it a step further… Can we stop adding a “love interest” to movies just because? Christ, 90% of the time it feels super forced, and it almost never advances the plot.

      • Roadstergal

        Ah, you wasted your money on the most recent Star Wars, too? :/

        • I actually really liked the most recent Star Wars. I was *VERY* drunk when I saw it though, so maybe that’s why.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Was “Finn” supposed to in love with What’s-Her-Face Jedi Girl, but the other Rebel girl loved him or something?

          I didn’t get any of that shit. It was stupid. And I’m never sold on how someone can be so “in love” with somebody” just because they did some adventure stuff together for a couple of hours.

          Maybe I’m biased because it takes me an eternity to develop romantic feelings for people…

          • Roadstergal

            I always thought Finn was in love with Poe, but all of a sudden, that other girl…?

            I had many issues with that movie.

    • A Groucho Marxist

      For the record, I have never beaten off to a dead horse, but I take your point (for the record, yes, that was a joke about pegging).

      Just, you know, for the record.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Enthusiastic consent, I like that! I want all the enthusiasms!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Who wouldn’t? Oh, yeah, the rapey guys.

      Seriously, who would want to have sex with anybody who doesn’t enthusiastically want them. I think I have too much pride to throw my goodies at somebody who seems bored with me.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Funny, how the movies haven’t been making as much money lately. I wonder if it’s because people keep greenlighting stuff like Ben Stiller starring in a movie about the Chippendales?

    • Roadstergal

      Something tells me it will not be on the level of The Full Monty.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I love that movie. That part where (spoiler alert?) Carlyle’s character is trying to take off his shirt all sexy-like while dancing but forgets he still has a cigarette in his mouth cracks me up EVERY time.

    • gene108

      It’s because people have T.V.’s with very good picture quality. You can get a surround bar that simulates surround sound, without needing to figure out where to position 5 speakers.

      So people often would rather watch movies at home.

      This is one reason theaters have gotten fancier, with reclining seats and more food options.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I actually went to see a movie for the 1st time in about a year and thought I should do so more often.
        Though, I didn’t like that I couldn’t skip the previews.

        • Roadstergal

          I did go see Coco twice. Once a friend dragged me out to see it, and the second time I dragged my siblings to it during our annual get-together.

          That and Rogue One are the only two movies I don’t regret going to the theater to see within the last decade or so.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I saw The Last Jedi.
            Very good flick.
            Though I did have an issue with one of the action sequences.

          • Roadstergal

            I had a lot of issues with that movie. :p :p

          • YoBunnyBunny

            It was really long, and I got really hungry a third of the way through it.

          • Shan

            You would have been ok at my local chain of theaters. They serve you food and drink right to your seat. Even booze.

          • Iam Reading

            Not a paper cup, I’m talking a glass of beer.

          • leemoder

            Yeah, but can you get mayo for your fries?

          • No, they’re saying it’s a good theatre.

          • theCryptofishist

            dijonaisse only

          • mailman27

            Mayo and paper cone or GTFO!!

          • Shan

            Yes. Or a glass of wine or a cocktail. And actual plates and tableware and cloth napkins. It’s nice. Some of the showings/areas are restricted to over-21 as well

          • gene108

            Wow! We just have reclining seats and I consider that fancy…

          • Little Lulu Ω

            Alamo Draughthouse?

          • Shan

            Warren Theatres.

          • Yeah, that movie ruined corn flakes for me. I blame feminism!

          • Oblios_Cap

            I’ve always been rather fond of Corn Flakes.

          • The reply from the fine young sciency friction enthusiast made my computer take out a restraining order.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            My computer broke down but then some guys fixed it. But then, i poured cornflakes and milk into it and it didn’t work.

            I’m suing!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I want to see The Post and that Daniel Day-Lewis one and the one about Churchill, but the odds that I will see all three of them are none and that I will see any of them are slim.

          • Roadstergal

            I will probably see The Post at home, and it will probably not pass the Bechdel test.

          • theCryptofishist

            Maybe, in this brave new era of film making, we can ask for 6 lines, or a “double Bechdel.”

          • Bemused

            I saw Molly’s Game two weeks ago, I would definitely recommend. Aaron Sorkin is probably the best dialogue writer of the last 20 years.

        • mohave rocky

          I love the previews. I get to see the best parts of new movies.

      • Thiazin Red

        Theaters are so fucking loud though. I shouldn’t need to wear earplugs for a drama or comedy.

      • HarpyLibtart

        Exactly – my bf is an AV nut so we have a 60″ TV, HiFi system and a recliner, plus the snacks from my fridge are free…
        There is literally zero reason for me to set foot in a movie theatre.
        (I did go see The Last Jedi in Imax though, I’m only human)

      • Nenatopia

        I can’t go to movies any more now that they have the big, comfy reclining chairs. I’m asleep shortly after they turn down the lights.

  • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

    Luckily for Tatiana, there are already decades upon decades of movies made by men, about men, and in service of the male gaze, for her to watch. If she desperately needs to see Ben Stiller wearing a g-string, she can use her imagination for that.

    • Raan

      Don’t nobody needs that.

  • Anarchy Unicorn

    Let us return to the halcyon era of the 1980s when all the movies had boobs whether they were necessary or not, and all the songs had guitar solos regardless of the music genre.

    • Raan

      And the Republican president had dementia.

      Oops, already there.

    • Iam Reading

      Most of those movies were pretty fucking rapey

      • Anarchy Unicorn

        True that. I’m hoping that you understand that the comment was a joke.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Hollywood only has one concept for movies these days: remake the last movie that made lots of money over and over until the remakes stop making money the kill all the characters in the last movie.

    • Stable Genius Jack

      Now we need to remake the remake only call it a “reboot”.

      • Make sure it’s ‘gritty’, gotta get that Frank Miller potty mouth misogyny in there!

      • TimResistit

        Two concepts. The other involves a fatsuit.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    If you can only make your movie in a society where it’s ok for men to be rapey assholes, perhaps it does not need to be made?

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    I mean, shit. Are the poor oppressed snowflakes #triggered by the fact that they can’t make snuff films either?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Nah, Facebook already has the market cornered on that.

      Then there’s YouTube, where some guy named Logan Paul came this close.

      https://i.imgur.com/rWWBlAV.gifv

      • Mehmeisterjr

        To be fair, Trump has already achieved CHAOS.

    • Bill Diaz

      Americans get plenty of snuff films and war pr0n. Based on my observations, there is a glut of video depicting the last moments and actual deaths of any number of human beings.

      Think of it like roller derby, there are enough amateurs involved to keep it being a ‘thing’ for at least another generation, with no need for external investment.

      However, because of the horrible bloodthirsty nature of Americans, if the US televised executions on ‘Pay Per View’ (and offered the Utah buffet of options: hanging, ligature strangulation, beheading, firing squad and lethal injection), we could retire our national debt in a decade.

      Have a great day!

    • Parakeetist

      Why don’t they go out and have some actual sex?

  • Anna Rompage

    If it wasn’t for all these feminazis running around all high and mightily, some of us would be looking forward to the release of the 23 installment of the Porky’s franchise…

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Ha! Foiled my Porky’s joke. Now I’m stuck with plan B: Revenge of the Nerds.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hah! As you must know, sequels run out of steam at episode 3.

      So it would be 57 installments of Porky’s. Carry On Porky’s.

    • BearGHAZI

      I saw Porky’s when I was in middle school. It’s probably why I’m homo.

  • IdiotsforPalin
    • pstokk

      Interesting, the verbal and written comedy, even here, often falls flat. The reality is just too bizarre maybe. But the cartoonists, they’re having a fucking field day, for some reason.

    • redarmyzombie
    • amrak63

      This reminds me of Ralph Steadman’s work.

      • theCryptofishist

        Yes, is it the line quality? Brush work? verve?

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    And, you know what? I’ll put it out there. I still listen to Motley Crue and AC/DC. But the difference is, when I skip the tracks with the lyrics about “dating” underage girls, no matter how catchy the guitar hooks are, I don’t blame the evil feminazis. I blame asshole penis-haver who “dated” underage girls. Cause I’m not a fucking asshole.

    • mailman27

      At least you can still be all in for Hell’s Bells!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Back in HS my friends and I launched a campaign to get Highway to Hell as the theme song for the Homecoming dance. Even better, it was a Catholic school.
      To this day, I think our song won, but ain’t no way was Sr. X (short for Xaviera) gonna let that happen.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Ms. Siegel seems to be channeling the French Ladies Who Should Know Better but Don’t Manifesto.

    To the extent that she has (and that they have) a point, I don’t get the point.

    Except.

    Than from a purely commercial view, if there is product in the pipeline that suddenly becomes unsaleable, a few people are going to lose money.

    Imagine having a steady stream of income from assorted Cosby-related projected and suddenly nothing.

    So it is all about money. As you would expect from an industry journal.

  • ken_kukec

    “Feminism probably ruined romantic or sexy rape and spousal beatings for Hollywood, …”

    And let’s not even get started on Stanley and his sister-in-law Blanche in Streetcar.

    • mailman27

      STELLA!!!11!!1!!!!

      • Swampgas_Man

        CAN’T YOU HEAR ME YELL-A!!!

      • H0mer0

        even Brando didn’t like Stanley’s character

  • John Hollingsworth

    Hollywood choosing what movies to make based on which ones people are most likely to go see!? SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!

  • WiscoJoe

    Don’t blame feminists. Blame Disney. And Chinese censors. And Utah.

    • LiberalANDProud

      I blame Susan Sarandon. Or is that Trojan Condom? Or Sticky Saran Wrap?

  • ken_kukec

    After what Paulina Porizkova did to poor Thomas Jane in Thursday, isn’t the score settled?:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1tgLdbhOn8

    No, I guess it isn’t. By a long sight.

    • mailman27

      Isn’t that the dude from The Cars‘ wife/girlfriend?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Wife. Of a long time. A friend of mine saw them and their kids in a Chicago Target a few years back. She said they seemed like a cool but very normal and nice family, albeit one with an unusually hot mom.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          I knew a guy that worked with Rik Ocasek in the early ’70’s for a short period of time. Said he came into work late, came back from lunch stoned, and one day didn’t come back. Next time he sees him is in the media when the first Cars record comes out.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Seems to have worked out pretty well for him.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Yeah, I mean if you think being ‘successful’ is all there is to life.

        • Dinz6315

          I love Rik.
          “Double Life” with his vocals, one of my all-time favorites.

  • LiberalANDProud

    “enthusiastic consent.”

    Pity handjob without the yawning?

  • TimResistit

    I know I am in the minority but I tend to use actual porn to get my jolly hollys going, not Hollywood romantic dramas/commedies or whatever we’re calling them now.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Too much plot.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Just a couple of lady wrasslin’ vids on Youtube works adequately.

  • redarmyzombie

    Ayn Rand disapproves of this message. In hell.

    • Robyn Ryan

      She wrote bad fiction.

  • Thiazin Red

    You know what else hurt sexy movies? The fact that anyone can get porn any time they want without having to go to a porn shop or find it in the woods.

    • SomeBigRedDog

      Does it grow on trees?

      • phoenix00

        I hear it’s made of tubes.

    • H0mer0

      dare I ask why someone would look in the woods?

  • mailman27

    I think the outrageous aspect of these puritanical women is that there’s only one “n” in “puritanical.” How can that even be???

  • if anything, this clearly is the fault of Hillary’s emails.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      When’s that move coming out?

      • badkitty

        When the Russians finishing editing it and send it to Wikileaks for release.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          directed by Stone with Sarandon in the lead

  • theCryptofishist

    Oh noes! Hollywood man not be able to continue with the same old lazy story telling!

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    Actually a movie about Ebert and Meyer’s friendship sounds interesting (even though Beyond the Valley of the Dolls fucking sucks), but I don’t really find it surprising that it’s being done independently. The Disaster Artist had a pretty low-key release, and it had the advantage of being about a more recent film with an active cult to this day.

  • Ron Spangler

    Not if feminists give you a boner. #mytimehascome

  • Bitter Scribe

    Russ & Roger Go Beyond, which chronicles the unlikely friendship between sexploitation director Russ Meyer and film critic Roger Ebert, a Meyer devotee who wrote the screenplay for his Beyond the Valley of the Dolls…

    I admired and enjoyed Roger Ebert as much as anyone, but he had some blind spots and weird enthusiasms. Russ Meyer was one of them.

    • H0mer0

      “Going Beyond” seems to suggest a relationship that dare not speak its name.

  • BearGHAZI

    It’s a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise.

    • Dinz6315

      65. Feminist. Love sex, with my wonderful husband.

      The 80 year old woman tells her doctor, “My sex life isn’t what it used to be.”
      “When did you start noticing this?” he asks.
      “Oh, last night…and again this morning. “

      • BearGHAZI

        Sorry dear, that one is over my head. Did hubby die in that scenario?

        • Jamoche

          Usually when older people complain about their sex life it’s lack of frequency, but she’s still getting it on twice a day?

          • BearGHAZI

            OOOOOOHHHHHHH thank you

          • Dinz6315

            Zacktly. And it used to be more, evidently.

    • H0mer0

      I like the term “zesty”

  • Boojum

    The phrase “I enthusiastically consent” must be high on the boner producing list of phrases.

    Yes, there is too such a list.

    • Swampgas_Man

      “I’m willing to pay upwards of $1,000!” works for me.

    • handyhippie65

      i know if someone said that to me, it’d raise my flag, fer sure.

  • james crubb

    I think the ‘won’t somebody think about the man’ people are greasing up to all the undisclosed harassers still in power to ensure further sweet sweet do re mi, of course karma can be a bitch

  • hvdv

    So I have read them 50 shades books, have seen both films, AND am going to see the third one next month, which means I’m a total expert. Here’s the deal: it’s fiction. And also kind of hilarious. That’s all.

    • phoenix00

      … thank you for your service.

      • hvdv

        As an immigrant and also an educator at a US American university, it is my duty to keep up with what excites the peopleses. I am so dedicated.

  • chronozoan

    So what you’re saying is…Tatiana Siegel should be covering politics for the New York Times because she lacks the intellectual depth / psychological complexity to grasp the nuanced difference between harassment and flirting.

  • mfp, reciprocally colluding

    hate to break it to ms siegel, but could it be that a movie titled “i am chippendales” may not get made because…uhhh…chippendales?…ben stiller? (who, btw, has shared the top spot on my ‘no-watch’ list with james franco and anne hathaway for years)

    • HazooToo

      I wouldn’t be surprised to find that a ton of movie-goers don’t even know what chippendales are, and will bring their tiny children, thinking it’s about Alvin and the Chipmunks.

      • mfp, normegian would

        ha!

      • Nenatopia

        My sister and I went to “Midnight Cowboy” when it first hit the theaters. There were a couple of older ladies in line ahead of us talking about how strange it was that Dustin Hoffman was starring in a western.

    • RandomNameAllocated

      I was hoping for an in-depth documentary of C18th furniture personally…

      • eastcoastlib

        I would rent a movie like that if included Gustav Stickley and really, how could it not include Gustav Stickley?

      • mfp, normegian would

        just not one with ben stiller in it, AMIRITE, PEEPLES?!?11?!

        • RandomNameAllocated

          Well, he could play a chair leg – I mean he is pretty wooden….

  • thatdamnbob
  • bopeep

    “The studios and the financiers are going to be conscientious of putting something out there that could alienate audiences and restrict the potentiality of the film.” Is it just me or is this complete gibberish?

    • Andy

      It’s authentic frontier gibberish.

  • Vel Venturi

    Oh woe! Some movies might not be made! Or might be made somewhat differently than they otherwise might! How can we survive this tragedy?

  • guppy06

    Some women, even, fear that cultivating an environment in which consent is prioritized will result in them not getting hit on

    Feh! It’s not like I ever had the nerve to hit on a woman before all this anyway!

  • sarafina

    Sounds like a first world problem to me.

  • For a minute there I totally thought this was going to be a response to that odious Catherine Deneuve piece

    https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/jan/09/catherine-deneuve-men-should-be-free-hit-on-women-harvey-weinstein-scandal

    You know hit on women, masturbate on them, grab ’em by the pussy, it’s all the same right? 😒

  • Ill-Advised

    What this needs is a frank discussion of when and why cruelty is “sexy.”

    “How is it sexy to watch rape?”
    “What does it say about you that you find it fun to watch someone be humiliated and hurt?”

    These are my questions right now.

  • eastcoastlib

    YOU WOMENZ STAY AWAY FROM BARBARELLA YOU HEAR ME??

    (shakes fists in anger)

  • cosmiccowgirl

    I’m late reading this, but a-fucking-men to the whole thing. If some movies that glorify coercive or non-consensual sex don’t get made, boo hoo. There are hundreds of films that don’t get made every year for much worse reasons. Maybe #MeToo will open up a space for different types of stories that don’t rely on the stale old myth that women like being dominated and raped.

  • Zyxomma

    Tura Satana does deserve a biopic! Who’s gonna make that film? Thanks, Robyn.

  • I don’t want to see a biopic of hugh hefner i want to see a biopic of the million pages he stuck together

  • Mimi

    This! All day. I am tired of being told I have to worry about men who may have their careers wrecked because they’re assholes.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    You deserve a Nobel prize for this one, Robyn. Beautiful!

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