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He will take all the heat. He is a heat sink. He pees in the sink. Haha, pee!

Donald Trump held a great big bipartisan meeting with members of Congress today to discuss putting formal protections in place to prevent the deportation of undocumented young people who were brought to the US as children. In September, Trump cancelled Barack Obama’s Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, then immediately turned around and called on Congress to “legalize” DACA recipients. Today’s meeting was supposed to be about how Congress can do that before the program expires in March and young people are subject to deportation. And just look how smart and focused the “president” was:

“This should be a bill of love,” Trump said. “Truly, it should be a bill of love and we can do that.”

He added: “But it also has to be a bill where we are able to secure our border.”

Mr Trump also appeared open to it becoming a bill that is both a floor wax and a dessert topping. At one moment, Trump appeared to agree with California Senator Dianne Feinstein that it would be a good idea to first pass a “clean DACA bill” before going on to deal with “comprehensive immigration reform,” at least until House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy spoke up to remind Trump that that’s not what he wants, not what he wants at all:


TRUMP: I have no problem — I think that’s basically what Dick [Durbin] is saying. We’re going to come out with DACA. We will do DACA and then we can start immediately on phase two which would be comprehensive.

FEINSTEIN: Would you be agreeable to that?

TRUMP: Yeah, I would like to do that. I think a lot of people would like to see that. But I think we have to do DACA first.

MCCARTHY: Mr. President, you need to be clear though. I think what Senator Feinstein’s asking here — when we talk about just DACA, we don’t want to be back here two years later. You have to have security, as the secretary would tell you.

TRUMP: But I think that’s what she’s saying.

(MANY VOICES): No, no.

MCCARTHY: No, I think she is saying something different.

And indeed, after the meeting, the White House issued a clarification that when Trump said he’d be OK with a clean DACA bill, he really meant a clean DACA bill that also funds the border wall, ends immigration based on having relatives who are already in the US (what anti-immigration jerks call “chain migration,” because once there’s an anchor baby, you pull in all sorts of garbage from across the sea — and which also just coincidentally has a nice phonic resemblance to “chain gang”), AND puts an end to the awarding of immigration visas via a “diversity lottery” from countries with low immigration rates to the US. So he’s all for a clean DACA bill as long as it’s all loaded up with everything else.

While he was at it, Trump lied again about that lottery program, indicating his mastery of what he wants to believe, if not the facts, repeating his

false claim that countries “give you people that they don’t want, and then we take them out of the lottery” — countries don’t submit lottery entrants, people apply on their own.

Trump also appeared — if you simply go by the words he was saying, which is never a good idea — to be supportive of some potential grand bargain on comprehensive immigration reform, even one that includes a pathway to citizenship for some of the undocumented immigrants still left in the country by the time Congress acts:

“If you want to take it that further step, I’ll take the heat,” Mr. Trump told Senator Lindsey Graham, Republican of South Carolina, who floated the idea during the meeting in the White House Cabinet Room on Tuesday. “You are not that far away from comprehensive immigration reform.”

Gosh, that sounds encouraging! In fact, said Trump, “We’ll do DACA, and then we can certainly start comprehensive immigration reform the following afternoon,” maybe with an “hour break” between the two bills.

Maybe. Because Trump also offered this resolute statement of his principles:

“I think my positions are going to be what the people in this room come up with,” Trump said. “I am very much reliant on the people in this room. I know most of the people on both sides, have a lot of respect for the people on both sides, and what I approve is going to be very much reliant on what the people in this room come to me with.”

In short, Donald Trump would very much like to agree with everyone, because he is a great deal-maker. If what the Republican majority ultimately passes is a secretly written bill, passed without Democratic input, to allow immigration only from the countries of origin of the signers of the Declaration of Independence, well then, that’s what he was in favor of the entire time, and everyone in the White House will agree.

Mental stability expert Bill O’Reilly saw a man in full control of both the meeting agenda and his faculties:

On the other hand, SQUIRREL!

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  • Indiepalin

    Also, Bannon is leaving Breitbart to join the circus.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      But the circus threw him out months ago!

      • Marion in Savannah

        And gawd knows his family doesn’t want to spend more time with him. I wonder what he’ll wind up doing.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          I’m sure he has lots of bodies needing an acid bath. That should keep him busy for a while.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Lol, his family. Last thing I read about them is Bannon is super pissed at his ex for letting his kids attend a school that also has Jews in it. No, I’m not making this up.

      • therblig

        those chicken heads aren’t going to bite themselves off

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT already, but Sloppy Steve has “left” (is that a term of art for “was shitcanned from”?) Breitfart.

  • Joe Beese

    I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder who… Who writes the Bill of Love?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I love Feinstein’s response when Trump says, “I think that’s what she’s saying.”

    “What do you think I’m saying?”

    • BadKitty904

      She was professional enough to leave out the “you fucking moron” that ended that sentence.

      • Roadstergal

        This is what all of that political experience gets you. (I couldn’t do it.)

    • MOG253

      What do you think I think you’re saying???

      • Canned Covfefe

        You tell me.
        No, you tell me first.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Marion in Savannah

      ERMAGHERD — J. Kenji Lopez-Alt (whose altar I worship at — get his book “The Food Lab,” you won’t regret it) MUST BE A WONKETTEER! Oh, be still my heart!

      • Canned Covfefe

        Can it be? Ohh ohh ohh…my canned heart flutters.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Monster!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Good thing McCarthy is there to tell Trump what he wants.

  • JaveyDay
  • rocktonsam

    What he really wanted was a burger, hit a bucket of balls and nap.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I want that for him too!

      • Canned Covfefe

        Well played, well played, WATT.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Sounds great, but let’s make that 2 double burgers, a large order of fries, and 2 ginormous milk shakes. (That should clog up another 2 or 3 arteries, right?)

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2018/01/new-frontier-american-ethnic-cleansing

    Short version: If we have to find a technicality to get rid of brown people who are here legally, DOJ is on the motherfucker.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      And that’s a really flimsy technicality since it was CIS, DHS and the FBI who broke it in the first place!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “We’re revoking your citizenship because we didn’t get your fingerprints.”

      “But can’t you take my fingerprints now?”

      “Nope! Too late! We should have done it sooner.”

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Mental stability expert Bill O’Reilly saw a man in full control of both the meeting agenda and his faculties:

    Bad BillO! Don’t you know that Alan Dershowitz said trying to psychoanalyze Donnie for partisan purposes is a bad thing?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Oh, Dersh can go find a beach to pound up his ass.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Fuck, Billdo gives fluffers a bad name.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Oh, so it’s not dementia – it’s ignorance and apathy? Well then! Phew, I was worried.

    • Roadstergal

      AOT, K.

  • BadKitty904
  • Mr. Blobfish

    We will do CACA

    • JaveyDay

      Conservative Americans Care Act

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Holy shit, he sounds like my Dad bargaining with a crooked landscaping company.
    Landscaper: So, we’ll be here for almost a whole day. With a three man crew . . . let’s see . . . that’ll come to around $12,000?
    Dad: Let’s see . . . $12,000? Okay, it’s a deal.
    Mom [running from kitchen]: HOLD ON HERE!!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      My parents too.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I used to be bad with salespeople. Not anymore. But it took a *long* time.

      • Marion in Savannah

        The odd thing in my life has been that I almost always have to get people I ask to do work for me to charge more. I’ll look at a job, I’ll figure what I think dealing with all of that shit is worth, and then in comes someone who gives me an estimate that I figure is a desperate “low ball but I need the work” number. I’ll then start by taking that number and subtracting it from what I think the job is worth, splitting the difference, and offering to pay more than was asked. I wonder why I always get great work done, either on time or ahead of time?

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot: but just saw where Steve Bannon is out at Breitfart’! ‘Stepping down….gone, baby, gone….”

    ♩♩ Oh, but it’s sad when a love affair end…♩♩

    lmao

    • Mr. Blobfish

      He’s going to spend more time with his bile.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Should I see him on a street corner selling pencils, I shall try to be generous….but I’m not sure I can pull that off. I’d probably just be petty and point & laugh!

        Turns out The Fucking Moron doesn’t like it when people tell the truth about him and his family.
        How perfectly wonderful that one of the biggest bullies and name-callers in the world has such a thin skin.

        And turns out that the deplorable Mercers and Koch brothers don’t like someone telling the truth about their purchases. Who knew?
        rotfl

        • puredog

          Steal the money out of his hat.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Hell — steal the hat also too.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Please. Even his gall bladder is exhausted since he’s spewed so much bile lately. Give the poor thing a break.

    • Reximus

      #Bannonfreude

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Steve Bannon looks like the Blue Fairy turned Chucky into a real boy, plus fifty years.

      • Marion in Savannah

        And lots and lots and lots of grog blossoms.

  • Well, Bill O, other than the fact that everything he said was untrue or literally nothing, he sounds tarp as a shack.

  • Scooby

    He should look at it this way, the more people he allows to be citizens the more people he can strip health insurance from.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    First sign of a tremendously talented negotiator: completely misunderstanding the offer by the other party.

    • ariel_gee_398

      He’s negotiating against himself, the other side, and reality.

      • Marion in Savannah

        So, he’s negotiating for chaos, or is it Cthulhu?

        • ariel_gee_398

          What he calls Vlad in their private time together is a secret I’m willing to let him keep.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Right you are. Let’s just draw the veil of secrecy over that.

      • MANGO CRIMES

        and losing

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Just watch out for those crafty Persians.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Well, I have a lovely rug that the Persians crafted. So I guess they are crafty.

    • Roadstergal

      The Art Of The I Think That’s What She’s Saying.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        The Art of What She Said?

    • BadKitty904

      The Art of Huh?

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      Also should a master debater and master negotiator have some position not just whatever sounds good at the time?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Having a goal or a bottom line is a common rookie mistake. If you take no position, and just agree with whatever everybody says, you’re always on the winning side.

  • Anna Rompage

    Meanwhile in other news today…

    Steve Bannon bites off own dick and steps down as head of Breitbart News…

    Internet rains hell on Sens. Grassley and Graham for trying to cover up explosive Trump dossier testimony

    ‘Ethnic cleansing is human nature’: Pro-Confederate rally speaker boasts

    Explosive Fusion GPS testimony details Trump’s alleged ties to international money laundering operations

    Megyn Kelly, the oblivious right wing token: One thing Hillary Clinton never
    did in 25 years of public life ‘was inspire anybody’

    Making America weaker’: Trump policies hurting his boosters in the farm belt

    Are you sick of all the winning yet? Just wait until Mueller’s other shoe drops…

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Bannon looks like he got a cease and desist….

      …from his liver

      • Anna Rompage

        I think ‘m going to start referring to him as Sir Hosis….

        • Marion in Savannah

          [golf claps] Nice one!

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          One more!

          Steve Bannon looks like he was horribly burned and given skin grafts using tissue from Keith Richards liver..

        • Msgr_MΩment

          HEY-OHHHH!

        • JaveyDay

          He’s going to the fancy ball with Lady Haley Tosis.

      • Marion in Savannah

        He’s never paid any attention to those before, hence all the hideous grog blossoms.

    • therblig

      “Steve Jobless” on huffpo

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Steve Bannon looks like John Goodman figured out a way to do meth without losing weight.

      • Marion in Savannah

        While still drinking heavily.

    • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

      Unlike Megyn Kelly, who inspired many a boring, tasteless man to jerk off to her lingerie pictures. Being the most admired, and one of the most accomplished, women in the country ain’t got nothing on THAT.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Cold today followed by absolute zero the rest of the week. Wear a sweater!

      • rocktonsam

        A gift from wisconsin.
        It’s suppose to be 50 here tomorrow.

        Your welcome.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Quest for meaning to life: Wednesday through Friday.

        My son just introducedme to a new word, Fimbulvinter

        • Marion in Savannah

          Winter is coming…

    • Marion in Savannah

      WTF?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Sucks living on a portal to Hell, doesn’t it?

    • Anna Rompage

      It looks like Trump finally defunded the National Weather Service

    • cheetojeebus

      -99, well you certainly are, and I haven’t even addressed the forecasted mushroom clouds.

    • Msgr_MΩment
  • msanthropesmr

    Witness the negotiating skills of the very stable genius.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      My favorite part is that he was the only person in the room who didn’t understand what Feinstein was saying.

      • Bobathonic

        She was using Big Words, wasn’t she?

    • puredog

      At the time: “That soundz gud.”
      A little later: “That was bull puckey.”

  • Jgb979

    It does give me just the slightest giggle with glee….

    Watching Republicans in the room have to be like “no no super smart big boy, that’s not what Republcians believe! Republicans only real reason for existence is for racists to fuck the browns!”

    OT BYE BANNON

  • BadKitty904

    Poor Bill-o. Unrequited love is a bitch.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXuyQILJ-yc

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Marilyn McCoo libelz!

  • Khavrinen

    “Mental stability expert Bill O’Reilly”

    Bwa-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ow, I think I hurt myself….

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Leave this to the pros.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I prefer to go to my boy Alex Jones for my mental stability needs.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      So sayeth the Loofahnator.

    • Crystalclear12

      Stretch first!
      Warm up.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Look at all his accusers, and how he was able to diagnose their mental instability!

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      His new web site is “bor.com”? Damn, gonna have to refile that paperwork with Go Daddy; he missed an “e” in the spelling. But at least it’s descriptive.

      • Khavrinen

        You can’t expect him to be an expert in mental stability and spelling.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Mental stability expert Bill O’Reilly

    Who?

    • BadKitty904

      He had something to do with loofahs, I think.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, you know, the one who thinks his daughter should be legally required to be alone in a room with him after she saw him try to kill her mom.

  • Crystalclear12

    This seems relevant:
    Alzheimer’s disease
    Also called: senile dementia
    ABOUT
    SYMPTOMS
    TREATMENTS
    Requires a medical diagnosis
    Memory loss and confusion are the main symptoms.
    People may experience:
    Cognitive: mental decline, difficulty thinking and understanding, confusion in the evening hours, delusion, disorientation, forgetfulness, making things up, mental confusion, difficulty concentrating, inability to create new memories, inability to do simple math, or inability to recognize common things
    Behavioral: aggression, agitation, difficulty with self care, irritability, meaningless repetition of own words, personality changes, restlessness, lack of restraint, or wandering and getting lost
    Mood: anger, apathy, general discontent, loneliness, or mood swings
    Psychological: depression, hallucination, or paranoia

    • Anna Rompage

      Fortunately for my mom, when she came down with early onset, it completely wiped away her debilitating depression…

      On one hand, it really sucked to see my mom’s mental state decline in the later stages of the disease, and on the other, she had several great years where she couldn’t remember what happened yesterday, but was always happy, and a joy to be around…

      • Jenny

        That’s the way I hope my end years go.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      My grandma was a hardass dustbowl survivor, but in her last years, in the throes of Alzheimer’s, she was the sweetest thing.

  • therblig

    “I think my positions are going to be what the people in this room come up with,” Trump said. “I am very much reliant on the people in this room. I know most of the people on both sides, have a lot of respect for the people on both sides, and what I approve is going to be very much reliant on what the people in this room come to me with.”

    “uh, Mr. President, the meeting ended 3 hours ago”

    • BadKitty904

      But it was in this room, right?

    • JaveyDay

      Good people on both sides, clearly.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Donnie’s delusions are spreading…

    https://twitter.com/PeterWSJ/status/950528644283359237

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Continue. You mean continue to expand their majority in the Senate, after Roy Moore’s yuge victory last month.

      • puredog

        And Sheriff Joe just around the corner.

      • Bobathonic

        Some day they will have enough of a majority to finally take down the Clinton presidency.

    • BadKitty904

      At least that’s what Vlad told me.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        “Just wait until you see what Wikileaks has up their sleeve!”

    • ariel_gee_398

      Yeah, sure, he’s got a big stick. Pence is a real expert on the subject.

      • BadKitty904

        He certainly seems to spend a lot of time daydreaming about pondering the topic.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      A dead Teddy Roosevelt, possibly.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Face it, he’s pretty stable right now.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not THAT kind of BULLY pulpit!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Oh, Dumpy’s exactly like Teddy Roosevelt! In that neither of them possess a functioning brain at this point.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Yeah, maybe this version of Teddy Roosevelt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EE8kOv26BuQ

    • JaveyDay

      Teddy Ruxpin, maybe.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk
      • Major^3 Andre

        Yell incoherently and have a shriveled dick.

    • cheetojeebus

      “Okay, before we go out there, everybody take off their tie, it’ll make us look more human.” [wipes virgin blood from corner of mouth and tucks enormous deadly snake into duffle bag.] “It’s ok sweetie, back in the bag for a little while, yeeeesssss, I know..”

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Wow.

      He best hope St Peter decided the National Parks System made up for a lot of pointless colonial deaths, because he does not want to end up in the same place as TR.

    • Old town Urbandale

      Probably has advance details about how deeply the Russian fix is already in for the midterms.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Well. they have aided and abetted it as best they can and not done a thing to investigate or prevent it.

  • Reximus
    • OrG Unstable Genius

      What’s next?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Steve Bannon looks like that one guy in the WoW guild everyone else shits on when he’s not online.

      • capnkrunch

        Goddammit guys! Leeroy did it again.

        • Fancy Meau-Faux

          But at least he has some chicken!

  • La forza del resistino

    The WH handlers would consider any event where Donald doesn’t just wander off camera a win.

    • Khavrinen

      So now we know why he keeps saying “so much winning you’ll get sick of it”.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    In the one paragraph you quoted he said the same thing three times and hinted that he didn’t know some of the congresscritters who were in the room with him. Yeah, that’s a sure sign of stability. Uh-huh. Yup. Right.

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      Genius also too.

      • William

        Many people say he is so much more genuisy than anyone in history. Also stabler. So much stabler. This I can tell you.

        • Marion in Savannah

          You left out “believe me.” I think that’s an important part of the entire canon.

  • WIDTAP

    I love the bit where Trump suggested that they could get a deal done, if they just bring back earmarks.

    One of the signs of age related mental capacity issues is losing track of what year it is.

    • BadKitty904

      …so I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Rzao52ndNA

      • gallbladder

        Wait a minute, you mean tying onions to one’s belt is no longer a fashion statement?

        • BadKitty904

          White or yellow?

          • gallbladder

            Yes.

          • Old town Urbandale

            Sweet!

          • weighmaster

            purple

    • puredog

      ‘n’ geniosity also too
      ETA shudda scrolt

  • Bigly smart jesterpunk
  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    Steve Bannon looks like the kid Jabba keeps locked in the attic.

  • What Billshit doesn’t seem to realize is that merely having to say “I saw no signs of dementia in the President” is troubling just by itself.

  • SadDemInTex

    Bannon out at Breitbart. I hope he really spills his guts now. Fuck the fuckers, Stevie!!!

    • Anna Rompage

      Nah, they have him on the ropes, and he will continue groveling for his own survival…

  • Major^3 Andre

    “Universal living wage, you say. Sounds great, let’s do it”-The Exalted Orange

    “Ummm, sir, that means helping poor people financially. That’s not what you mean right?”- Obersturmbahnfuhrer McCarthy

    “No poor, no poor, you’re the poor. Executive time, losers. See you in an hour…. Where were we”? Oh yeah, welcome to the White House, would you like a diet Coke? Just kidding, the cokes are for me. Whelp, good meeting… It’s so nice of me to make the time for you all, let’s get this meeting going.”-Douchimus Maximus

    The sound of bipartisan, frustrated, collective face palmage, and a nervous John Kelly comes scurrying from stage right

    End scene

    • puredog

      Exeunt, pursued by bears.

      • The Wanderer

        Exeunt, pursued by an Urlacher

  • mrFawkes

    And here’s the douchebag felon with a calm, reasoned tweet…https://twitter.com/DineshDSouza/status/950840608121327617

  • ArgieBargie

    Unrelated, but worth mentioning: Steve Bannon stepping down from Breibart to spend more time sucking his own cock.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/09/us/politics/steve-bannon-breitbart-trump.html

    • cheetojeebus

      Someone should run down to his van down by the river and tell him he’s out of another fucking job.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      Soon there will be nothing left of him but a pile of dirty shirts and stale whiskey whiff.

      • SDGeoff3

        I’m envisioning also a massive pool of green slime, like the wicked witch of the west.

    • Anna Rompage

      Unfortunately for Steve, it appears he mistook it for a cocktail weenie, and bit it right off…

    • Marion in Savannah

      [snort] As of this moment this is the highest rated comment:

      Turns out President Trump doesn’t like it when people tell the truth about him and his family. How lovely that one of the biggest bullies and name-callers in the world has such a thin skin.

      And turns out that the deplorable Mercers and Koch brothers don’t like someone telling the truth about their $purchase.

      The NYT does have some really good commenters, and this one is from someone I’ve never heard of.

      • ArgieBargie

        They would be commenting here…if this site allowed comments.

        And if they had a sense of humor.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    You guys, this morning my daughter recognized Donald Trump based on the very top few strands of his hair when I stopped scrolling on Instagram. She is 5.

    • BadKitty904

      Stranger Danger!

    • OutOfOrbit

      That would worry me

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        In her defense, he is… unique in his appearance.

      • Marion in Savannah

        I’d find it extremely healthy. I’m sure AGYF has made it clear to the babby girl that this is NOT a nice man.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Oh, that point has been made.

      • Crystalclear12

        No, it’s important that children recognize predators.

    • Bebecca

      we are all suffering from trump overload. I heard someone on my Sirius leftwing station saying she was letting trump take up too much real estate in her head and she was going to change that.

      • puredog

        If she haz pro tips, I’d like to hear them.

    • Crank Tango

      CPS has been called.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Lesson learned: scroll farther next time.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Or not at all.

  • William
    • gallbladder

      Some of the comments are, well…

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “I’ll take the heat.”

    There’s a first time for everything. But not for this. Believe me!

  • Marion in Savannah

    Okay. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. I’m sure as shit NOT gonna do it, but I know we have brave Wonketteers who go spelunking in horrid places. Has anyone hit Breitfart’s comment section yet? We’ll be here waiting for you with brain bleach and drinks.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      They have an article up on how persecuted white people are.

      • gallbladder

        So then, they haven’t skipped a beat.

        • Bigly smart jesterpunk

          Its about the google tech bro. Oddly enough it was one of the top US stories on google news.

      • Marion in Savannah

        So, it’s still business as usual?

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s funny as shit over there… Most of the comments I’ve seen seem to throw him under the bus…

      • puredog

        I’m slumming over there and trolling. Kinda fun, actually.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      Hahaha there are people calling him a snowflake for stepping down.

    • Carpe Vagenda
      • William

        After working for Breitbart, he can probably get a job jerking off winos behind a bus stop dumpster, just until he gets his self respect back.

        • Marion in Savannah

          You’ve got a real way with words…

      • CripesAmighty

        Yknow, after that brief dip in the septic tank, the shitshow of stupid in the WH is really no longer surprising at all.

      • JaveyDay

        Those are really dumb humanoids.

      • Major^3 Andre
        • Carpe Vagenda

          What did that river ever do to deserve to have 45 in it?

    • I encouraged them to get behind Bannon to start trump tv news.

    • Anyone have a guess at who the next Chief Idiot at breibart will be?

      • The Wanderer

        Betcha anything that Milo’s already lobbying for it, pedophilia or not.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    sure thing, BillO. and it appears that once again the clothing industry is making your pants 2 sizes too small just to make you feel like you’ve gained weight every time you’re full of hot air.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “No sign of dementia.”

    I heard similar commentary on CNN and (I think() MSNBC. Because the current so-called Predisent of the United States conducting a meeting is a major accomplishment. “Good boy, Donnie!”

    • SadDemInTex

      The medical officials suppressed the fact that they knew that Reagan clearly had the beginnings of Alzheimer’s. I’m sure the medical guys will do the same for 45 on Friday. I just hope they make it clear to 45 that he is grossly obese and needs to eat better. Jaysue Christie, he already hardly works…not like anything stressful to keep his blood pressure spiking…🤪

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The only thing Donald wants is his fuckin’ idiot wall. That’s it. All the other details that actually effect living human beings are irrelevant. His knuckledragging base wants a fuckin’ idiot wall, so that’s what Donald wants.

    • BadKitty904

      It’s the only thing he can remember.

      Wall! WALL!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      If he wants money for a wall he really should have invited Mexico to the table. Then they could laugh at his face.

    • William

      What’s your problem? Mexico is paying for it right?

    • Trump demands the only the best 15th century BCE technology to address today’s nonexistent problems.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    You may have heard he was a greatly successful TV star.

    • The Wanderer

      Jerry van Dyke? I recall him in My Mother the Car.

      • SDGeoff3

        That was him? I remember the show.

        • The Wanderer

          Yep, that was him. With Avery Schreiber as the villain.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I heard bigly successful.

    • Doug Langley

      He only mentions it every 4 minutes or so.

  • Rebel Scum with permit

    Remember a mythical time, when we weren’t seriously discussing whether the President had dementia?

    • The Wanderer

      What, the Reagan years?

    • Red Richmond

      Nixon? Sorry, I was born in 1980 so I missed out on those halcyon and trouble free days.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Ever since I read The Art of the Deal, I am a master negotiator. I had a meeting with the Prosecutor today, and I totally kicked his ass:

    ME: Good morning, John.
    PA: Scott.
    ME: Lots of people are saying John.
    PA: Fine. [Win #1!!] So, we’ve got that DUI. What are you thinking?
    ME: You’re not even going to mention my tie?
    PA: Sure. That’s a nice tie. [Another Win!] Can we settle this now? What do you want?
    ME: I’m not really hung up on details. We just need to get a deal made. I don’t really care that much about the terms, as long as we walk away with an elegant, melifluous plea deal.
    PA: 20 to life.
    ME: Seems steep for a first offense, but I think we’re on the same page.
    Client: No we’re not. What are you doing? [I pat his arm to steel his resolve.]
    ME: He was arrested. He has to get credit for the one wake-up.
    PA: 20 to life, credit for one day served.[Win Numero Tres!]
    ME: Deal.
    Client: What the hell are you doing, you idiot?!?!?!?
    ME: If I was a idiot, would we already have a plea deal? [Bonus Win!] Yeahhh. Elegant.

    • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

      Just a bit of constructive criticism….

      Before you begin negotiating, literally rip off the other person’s hand and arm during the handshake. That way, they know they are dealing with someone very tough and strong.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Here’s the one I like. Ask the other guy which bunk he prefers. When he tells you, you just take it and make him take the other one. Or is it, you piss on it? OK, no, it’s this: go up to the biggest guy in the yard and hit him with the other guy’s bunk. No, wait… ah shit, I can never remember.

    • Doug Langley

      Strange, I don’t recall a Perry Mason episode going this way.

  • JaveyDay
  • SadDemInTex

    45 is understandly distracted by the relevations in the Wolff book. The really most amazing aspect of the whole book is that the Russia thing really would have been surmountable except the absolute and unutterable stupidity that is rampant in the Jarvanka camp. The capper for me is that because of their hubris (and all the rest of the Trump family) they are going to completely destroy the Kushner’s business enterprises. And Jared’s daddy is an evil and vengeful motherfucker who will get revenge somehow. I wouldn’t be surprised if Kushner Sr makes it his goal to take down the Trump empire with him.

  • puredog

    OT: Just gave $ to Kyrsten Sinema. No need to give $ to my guys Merkley and Wyden after all; Doug Jones, Sinema, will keep scanning the news.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Might I suggest throwing a couple of Ameros to Beto O’Rourke? I really do think we’ve got a chance to dump the cancerous Ted Cruz, with enough money and balls to actually go after his weak spots (which are legion).

      www dot betofortexas dot com

      • puredog

        Retiring Ted Cruz is ALWAYS worth a few of my Ameros. (For “burying” [with votes], I’d toss in even more.)

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      Where are those trolls that stopped by to tell us she’s actually a republican so don’t bother voting, or some shit? Nevermind, who cares what jerky trolls have to say?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I want to blog but I dont know where to go, who can help me?

    • SDGeoff3

      I hear there’s an opening at another site that is frequently mentioned here.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        No i mean it but i want to do it in dutch

        • SDGeoff3

          I’m sure there is a link to the Wonkette correspondent at the field office in Amsterdam.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            That’s Robbertjan his own self.

          • SDGeoff3

            Well that’s nice.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Bur he doesn’t know how to blog. Who’s in charge of hiring here?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            ugh guys, my english might not be brilliant but a dutch writer called my work frivolous and worthy of reading and asked me to open a blog but I dont know how to do so because the first one I tried wanted to charge me money.

          • Doug Langley

            The good news is that I teach this very subject at community college and can explain it thoroughly. The bad news is you can’t afford me.

      • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

        Hehe

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Flake kissing ass on CNN, saying he was surprised at Donnie’s “flexibility”.
    Senator, that wasn’t flexibility. That was someone not knowing what the hell is going on just bobbing his head whenever someone said nice things at him.

    • BadKitty904

      As if Flake would know the diff.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Flake is a flake. End of story.

    • puredog

      Give $ to Sinema. We did it in Alabama, we can do it in Arizona, then march right through the alphabet. There’s too much at stake.

    • Mike Steele

      POTUS, looking left: “What she said”
      POTUS, looking right: “What he said”
      POTUS, looking across the table: “Maybe what those guys said”
      Presidential, indeed…

  • doktorzoom

    Programming Note: Fear not, kids — we have a special Steve Bannon Out On His Ass, Will Have To Get By On His Looks edition of the Open Thread coming soon.

  • Daniel

    Bannon’s been kicked out of Breitbart.

    This happened because he said negative things about Trump’s family.

    Breitbart represents those who value free speech.

    • BadKitty904
      • aureolaborealis

        Is it time for “Fredo” to “go fishing”?

        • BadKitty904

          Nice weather for it.

    • kaydenpat

      So sad when bigots get kicked in the nuts. Wonder where his bloated carcass will wash up next. He’s certainly a horrible endorser.

      • The Wanderer

        Whatever cloaca Stormfront’s operating out of nowadays?

      • William

        Plenty of room on the Fox and friends clown couch. He can be like Otis on Mayberry, wake him up now and then for pearls of wisdom.

  • ltmcdies

    I look forward to the return of Last Week Tonight which will hopefully ask the question

    Bill O’Reilly, why is he still a thing?

    STFU, Bill O

  • It’s fitting that Brill’O’s website is BORE.com

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Stop the Bengarrissers! We have a new prime number!

    https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/we-have-a-new-prime-number-and-its-23-million-digits-long/

    Somewhere out there on the number line, huge prime numbers are lurking, waiting to be discovered. On Wednesday, a new one was. The Great Internet Mersenne Prime Search, an organization devoted to doing exactly what its name suggests, announced that it had discovered a new prime number, the largest ever found: 277,232,917−1277,232,917−1. That’s more than 77 million 2s all multiplied together, minus 1. I’d write it all out for you, but there’s a big problem: It’s 23,249,425 digits long. (So, it goes by its nickname: M77232917.)

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Big deal, another even bigger prime number will come along and no-one will remember M77232917.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        17 minutes of fame.

  • TJ Barke

    A wall. Will not. Secure. The border.

    • BadKitty904

      But…but…but it’s about siphoning tax-dollars to GOP “campaign donors,” not about security!

    • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

      It definitely will not. It is a stupid idea dreamed up by stupid people who are stupid.

      • JaveyDay

        I think you forgot a stupid.

        • Ms.M.Like,Genius on Maui

          It’s stupid, man.

      • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

        Each of those “stupids” needs a modifier that starts with ‘F’.

    • kaydenpat

      Racists will have their fears of Brown people overrunning their country assuaged though. That’s all that matters to Trump and Rethugs.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Could do that with a bit of Photoshop.

  • doktorzoom

    OK, folks, your official BYE BITCH! Open Thread is up: https://wonkette.com/628076/breitbart-impeaches-president-steve-bannon

    • The Wanderer

      YEEHAW!

  • elviouslyqueer

    OT, but discrimination is officially legal in Mississippi. Again. And always.

    http://www.sunherald.com/news/local/article193504774.html

    • commatoes

      De facto or De jure….

      Tomayto tomahto…

  • Daniel Hooper

    “Good news, everyone! The President didn’t look demented today!”

    Bill’s really grasping at straws, huh?

    • mardam422

      It wasn’t 4 o’clock yet. Once the sun starts to go down, then the fun starts. I know. It’s that way with my 88 year old mother.

      • Bitter Scribe

        I feel for you. My mom had Alzheimer’s. Once she introduced me to her hospital roommate as her nephew.

        Best of luck.

      • efoveks

        Sundowning: when the old folks find that high gear and grind it for all it’s worth: PARTY!! ;)

    • Bitter Scribe

      “And I didn’t sexually harass any women today either!”

      • efoveks

        In his defense, not a great selection of pussy to grab– mostly a sausage fest in there.

  • William

    Wondering what side the gap toothed cousin-fuckers will support. Bannon? Breitbart? Trump? This is getting deliciously https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/400d3328d353d9ac1e83e9bb0659bdc194cf9d3fe318268126b504735c79028f.gif complicated.

    • Beelzebubba

      Like all cult members, the Trumpanzees will stick with their Dear Leader no matter what happens. He could be thrown into prison for the nastiest of felonies, and they’d blame it all on a vast plot against them.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Bratfarts: “Bannon super patriot Trumple super duper patriot, why can’t they just all get along? Boooo hooooo MAGA1!1!! WINNING!1111!” and such…

  • Juan de Fuca

    I like how the 2,000 mile long wall that Trump promised Mexico would pay for during the election has suddenly shrunk down to a 700 mile wall “with some fencing” or as many of us called it before the election – basically the same thing we already have but with a lot more money dumped into the project. Money that could go towards improving highways, bridges, etc. SMH.

    • phoenix00

      Or funding CHIP. Or finding DACA.

  • Mavenmaven

    Medically, dementia is like climate change, particularly early on, in that a sporadic snow storm, as it were, does not invalidate the greater picture.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    TRUMP: But I think that’s what she’s saying.

    (MANY VOICES): No, no.

    MCCARTHY: No, I think she is saying something different.

    If only Senator Feinstein had been in the fucking room so that they could have asked her what she was saying FFS…

    • Lambsendbeds

      Feinstein, like all wimmins, doesn’t know what she’s saying unless it’s mansplained for her.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      She had the perfect response for him, “What do you think I’m saying? “

    • efoveks

      They HAD to wait until she was out of the room. Otherwise her lady hormones would expose them for the A Idiots that they are. Science Fact.

      Also too, these guys have no balls. No balls whatsoever, and Lady Di intimidates the living shit out of them.

  • mardam422

    As always, Trump agrees with the last person to speak to him.
    Yes…yes I’d like to do that!!
    No, you wouldn’t, Mr. President.
    No, no I don’t want to do that at all!!

  • lucidamente
    • Lambsendbeds

      *headdesk*

    • mancityRed6

      technically, she’s not wrong.
      “I think my positions are going to be what the people in this room come up with,”

    • SDGeoff3

      Really?

    • TootsStansbury

      Oh JeeeesUS, give it up already!

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      It’s getting hard to tell who the most delusional people are.

    • Beelzebubba

      Never heard of her, but I’m guessing she’s the dumb one in the middle.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Is he the amazingest bestest bilgiest genius bizninz man who is a political whiz or am he the poor little rich boy who just needs chance after chance after chance to show us the precedncy many (SO MUCH MANY!) thought he was capable of? I. Haz. A. Perpetual. Confoosed.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      “Many…” That’s precious. Bless Dana’s heart.

  • Opalescent Riddles

    “Mr. Trump looked to be in charge.”

    Dude was as in charge as Chauncey Gardener. He was whoever you wished someone in that situation to be.

  • Bitter Scribe

    This no-DACA-without-border-security is BULLSHIT. How fucking “secure” does the border have to be? How do you measure “security”? What could possibly make the border more “secure”? The Great Trump Wall that is never going to be built? Otherwise, are we going to say that as long as James O’Keefe can wade across the Rio Grande in a rubber mask without being instantly Tasered, the border isn’t “secure,” so get your brown asses back across, kids?

    I wish these assholes would just once come out and say what they mean instead of feeding us mealymouthed crap.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      If they did that then they couldn’t deny it next day.

    • sarafina

      I’m more worried about the Timothy McVey types than the Muslims.

    • Beelzebubba

      Replace the Taser with an RPG, and you have the general idea.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Well we are so also too gonna build a dyke around Canadanastan too so’s we can keep out all the poutine swillers, ok eh? Make them pay for it with all their Looneys! Keep out all the whitey type furriners that are passing as Real Americans and job stealing! It ain’t DACA folks it’s MACA!!1!!!11 Make American Canadians American!11!!!

  • Treg Brown
  • BearLeft

    It’s a breath mint! Mind you, he’s the smartest horse in the stable!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    It’s cute that Bill O’Rapey still thinks people give a shit what he thinks. Maybe the Kochs will let him write for Time magazine.

  • SDGeoff3

    The President is becoming much more entertaining now that he has decided to bring his personal meltdown and the collapse of the Republican party into the public eye for the most disgraceful chapter in the history of the United States.
    Imho, Senator Feinstein turned a page today, and I’m proud to be from California. Please thank her.

  • pgjack

    Interesting, Trump seems to agree with whatever was said last. When another speaker offers his or her opinion Trump agrees with that. Yes, as Bill “the molester” O’Reilly says, that does show that Trump is fully in charge. Trump and O’Reilly need to get together and go out for a pussy grabbing evening to relieve the tension from working so hard.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Molester need not be in quotes.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      As long as they grab pumice or some other non sentient being.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Dear Bill O’Reilly: Regarding Mr. Trump and dementia, in three consecutive sentences, Mr. Trump repeated the phrase “the people in this room” three times and the phrase “the people on both sides” twice, and managed in those 3 repetitions to say he has no policy. If that is NOT dementia, then it is brain-farting stupidity. I leave you to decide which of those two it is better for the POTUS to demonstrate.

    • efoveks

      Squirrel! ;)

  • sosuume
    • mailman27

      I sell only the best babies, believe me. #trumpfants

    • Beelzebubba

      You know it’s true because it’s a coordinated flood of social media posts coming out of Russia.

    • Justin Thyme

      future presidents.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Most of them are Eric’s Kids!
      #ERICTHETRUMPISMAGASPERMDONOR

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Before John Lennon was assassinated, there was endless speculation that the band was getting back together. Are the Beatles getting back together? Will Trump pivot/is this the moment Trump becomes President is the new Beatles Reunion. Fun fact: it’s as likely as the original Fab Four coming to a stage near you.

  • middleclassman1

    I have a compromise for him, he can have his wall as long as Mexico pays for it like he promised. Good luck grabbing that pussy with your tiny hands smart one.

  • Herewegoagain

    Idiots all have wonderful times !

    Donny Trump is getting his first medical check-up since taking office, a head-to-toe exam on Friday . In advance, our 71-year-old president has pushed back vigorously against suggestions he’s mentally unfit, declaring himself “a very stable genius.”.. stating he is not a fruitcake !…

    Because only an Idiot is taking the unusual step of threatening legal action to try to suppress publication of “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House,” by Michael Wolff.
    He then drew even more attention to the book and the debate about his fitness with weekend tweets stating that his two greatest assets in life “have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.” Trump noted his success in business, reality TV and presidential politics, saying: “I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius … and a very stable genius at that!”…..

    Properly it’s time to put in the funny farm , before he pushes any buttons !

    • Beelzebubba

      When Nixon was losing his marbles in his last few months in office, Pentagon brass implemented a plan to “insulate” him from the nuclear chain of command. The current Joint Chiefs have almost certainly taken similar steps.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I’m sorry, I bailed when Stable Genius babbled about a “bill of love”. That’s just foo-foo.

  • bbayliss

    Well, Here’s clear evidence that he agrees with the last person he spoke with.

  • Begin Anew Day

    “Mr Trump also appeared open to it becoming a bill that is both a floor wax and a dessert topping.”

    OK! Usually my monthly donation is a slobbery wet kiss for Doktor Zooms consistent output of FUN!

    But this…this gets a tip!

    Keep it up Doktor!

  • mailman27

    He sounded like he was out around Pluto, hanging by a thread (“a bill of love… I’m ‘reliant’ on everyone here!?”) during a totally staged op to illustrate his intellectual prowess. He’s always been an idiot, now he’s a 71 yr old idiot.

  • Begin Anew Day

    What? Now Bill-O, the falafel molester, is offering expert psychiatric opinion on Fearless Leaders behavior?

    Look Bill, just wipe the tazaiki sauce off your flaccid dick, stick it back in your pants and go find something, anything that you are good at and go on about doing it.

    • phoenix00

      Like assaulting his wife?

      • Begin Anew Day

        He’s world class at that it is true. But I don’t want him doing that any more than him practicing psychiatry without a Medical degree.

        But I was thinking he might jump-start his “comeback” with his trademark messiah complex.

  • Yes. People in charge always say I will do whatever you all tell me to.
    That is precisely what people in charge do

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Someone on NPR reminded the R sycophant he was interviewing that Drumpf made fun of Jeb! for saying that immigration reform should be motivated by love.

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