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So NOW Republicans appeal to ‘science,’ huh?

Kansas state Rep. Steve Alford (R – Old Whitepeople) is not a fan of the devil weed Marihuana, and at a legislative meet-n-greet Saturday in Garden City, he offered some historical context and scientific reasoning to explain why he opposes legalization of Satan Cigarettes: Black people’s “genetics” just makes them susceptible to all sorts of crime when they smoke the stuff. Alford later “apologized” for the comments after they made national news.

Zach Worf, the head of the Finney County Democrats, had suggested that legalization could be a financial boon for Kansas, which has been in a budget crisis since Gov. Sam Brownback slashed taxes and miraculous economic growth failed to result. Kansas does not currently allow even medical marijuana, let alone recreational use. Alford urged the young whippersnapper to consider the lessons of history, and of pseudoscience, too:

Alford first argued the smell of marijuana smoke wafting from public smoking or people getting potted up on weed in cars would take away his “freedom” to enjoy clean air, but Worf noted that Colorado bans public smoking just like with tobacco. Then Alford got all sciencey, noting that in the medical opinion of his wife, a magistrate judge, “Basically any way you say it, marijuana is an entry drug into the higher drugs.” And who better to offer a scientific opinion than a judge? Except maybe actual scientific studies, which tend not to support that claim.

Still, Alford does respect scientific evidence, at least if it was scientific evidence drummed up by race-baiters of the 1930s. Speaking to an all-white group of about 60, Alford explained,

What you really need to do is go back in the ’30s, when they outlawed all types of drugs in Kansas [and] across the United States. What was the reason why they did that?

One of the reasons why — I hate to say it — it’s that, the African Americans, they were basically users and they basically responded the worst off to those drugs just because of their character makeup, their genetics and that. And so basically what we’re trying to do is, we’re trying to do a complete reverse with people not remembering what has happened in the past. So, basically, I’m against marijuana, all the way through, too.

The Garden City Telegram points out that Alford’s remarks did indeed have a historical precedent: They echoed the words of Harry J. Anslinger, the founding head of the Federal Bureau of Narcotics, which imposed the first national anti-marijuana regulations. Anslinger campaigned for a national ban on weed, arguing that “Reefer makes darkies think they’re as good as white men” and that restrictions on marijuana were needed to curb “its effect on the degenerate races.”

Just for the hell of piling on, and because it’s so perfectly typical of how 1930s anti-drug propaganda was shot through with racism, the paper added that this quote has also been attributed to Anslinger:

There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the U.S., and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz and swing result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.

We did our Due Dillinger and checked WikiQuote, which says that attribution to Anslinger is “disputed.” But it’s still a bang-up line, even if it’s fake history.

Mr. Worf told the Telegram that when he heard Alford’s comments, “for a brief moment he felt like he’d been taken back in time” — yet another of Worf’s frequent frustrating experiences with time travel. After the event, Worf said, he told Alford the comments were “the most racist thing [he had] ever heard.”

On Monday, after widespread condemnation of his remarks from lawmakers and state officials of both parties, Alford offered a classic not-quite apology and “clarification”:

“I apologize, I regret my comments and I sincerely apologize to anyone whom I have hurt,” Alford said in a statement, clarifying that what he was referring to were the “damaging effects on the African American community.”

Yep, he was clearly talking about the character and genetic problems of the African-American community, not individuals, because that would be racist.

Also, in a poetic bit of coincidental timing, the US Attorney for Massachusetts announced Monday that, although voters approved the legalization of pot in November’s election, he wasn’t about to commit to letting just any common jazz criminal get away with selling the stuff:

“I cannot, however, provide assurances that certain categories of participants in the state-level marijuana trade will be immune from federal prosecution.”

Black people. He means black people, duh.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to send us a contribution, because it’s always a good time to pass it to the left.

[Garden City Telegram via RawStory / Vox / Tom Winter on Twitter]

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  • GoutMachine

    This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.

    Waitaminit. I’ve smoked the wacky tabacky and didn’t have any women seeking sexual relations with me. Sure sucks to be a white non-entertainer!

  • Nounverb911
    • BadKitty904

      Well, opioid manufacturers are staunch Republican donors, so that’s “different”…

      • Nounverb911

        Also patrons of the arts. The Sackler’s of the Sackler Wing at the Met Museum in NY make their fortune manufacturing Oxycontin.

        • BadKitty904

          The Sacklers – one of the GOP’s/Congress’ current owners – were who I specifically had in mind.

      • teele

        But the users are staunch Republican voters. If you kill them off, you can still get the only office in the country voted on by the electoral college, but all those congressmen and Senators are actually determined by raw vote numbers. Even Rebekah can’t raise those voters from the dead.
        Oh, wait, that was before computerized voting…

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    marijuana is an entry drug into the higher drugs

    It is. I work in higher drugs. We won’t let any one in without a 2.5 THC.

    • Crystalclear12

      Standards are important.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Yep. We don’t accept Hillbilly BACs.

  • Jgb979

    Wait until he brings in the lessons of phrenology that states marijuana gets trapped in the jazz centers of black peoples cranial rings.

    If conservatives had any actual principles they claim to espouse, they should be 100% in favor of legalizing the demon weed. It would allow them to be in favor of states rights, pro business, reducing crime, individual liberty, freedom.

    Too bad they’re all barely disguised racist shitheads.

    • JaveyDay

      Phrenology, Nixon, Watergate, and Oprah. All in less than 30 seconds.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3o8w5tedNk

    • GoutMachine

      Yeah, but it’d also mean accepting the findings of science and reducing the incarceration of the blahs, so here we are.

      • grindstone

        But how will our private prisons make any profit??? Come on, now!

  • Scooby

    Is he saying black guys smoking marijuana turn into Chinese guys smoking opium?

    • gnomemansanisland

      Then into boxers and then they rebel.

      • RickyG

        against the tighty whiteys

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          I was working so hard on a boxers vs. labradoodles joke, when I missed the low-hanging fruit!

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            If you have low-hanging fruit then I’d definitely suggest boxers.

          • RickyG

            fruit…of the loom?

          • Ill-Advised

            Balls so low, you could use them as clappers. Happens to all of us!

  • Professor Fate

    More reefer madness from old white guys.

  • BadKitty904

    Libertine men and scarlet women!!!

  • calliecallie

    If they want to get the opioid crisis under control, they need more jazz cigarettes to do it:

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2017/10/16/legal-marijuana-is-saving-lives-in-colorado-study-finds/?utm_term=.15ae72cc9fbd

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Fuck yeah.

  • gnomemansanisland

    Some days you wake up and it’s 1950.

    • BadKitty904

      EVERY day, if you’re Republican.

    • 1850.

    • calliecallie

      And some days it’s 1930. I just hope we skip 1929.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        Judging by the economic policies of Ryan and McTurtle, I don’t think we’re going to be that lucky.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        I could cope with 1929. I’m more afraid of it being 1939, though at least then I could go fight fascists by car.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Odd considering the vast majority of Crystal Meth smokers are whites.

    What was their gateway drug, Kansas Michael Gorbachev?

  • RickyG
  • Mentally Stable Ron

    … an all-white group of about 60

    Was that the attendance or the average age?

    • ManchuCandidate

      Get off my lawn is the correct answer.

    • GoutMachine

      Isn’t the entire population of Kansas white people over 60?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        You gonna a find a job there young man?

    • DainBramage

      Average IQ.

  • mailman27

    Right here in River City!

    • BadKitty904

      Well, either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community!

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        He was right, you know. Place the size of River City needs at LEAST three.

        • BadKitty904

          It’s not like there’s much else to do in the hailstone and sarsaparilla belt…

  • Joe Beese

    A slim majority of Republicans now favor legalization.

    If there was ever a no-brainer issue for Democrats to run on…

    • BadKitty904

      The current list of no-brainer issues for Democrats to run on is longer than it’s ever been in American history.

      • Beelzebubba

        The GOP counters by running no-brainers as candidates.

        • BadKitty904

          And, since they run without any real opposition, they win.

          • they run without any real opposition

            Not this year, they won’t!

          • BadKitty904

            Amen, amen, amen. Now, get on the damned stick, Dems!!!

  • OrG Unstable Genius

    Fuck alford. Also too I WANT that record!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah, that record is now on my top 5 must get at all costs lists.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Just don’t play it in your car during a DUI check.

  • Crystalclear12

    This is so unfair!
    You need marijuana just to tolerate his presence!

  • Nounverb911
    • Mentally Stable Ron

      I still feel for the guy. He tried so hard, but he still couldn’t save her. I hope he’s doing a little better today.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Oh shit!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    He then continued on “Pot is the path to the Darky side…pot leads to sexxytimes …sexxxytimes leads to Negros…Negros leads to miscenagation.”

  • goonemeritus

    I find fat old white dudes are genetically predisposed to being dicks.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Hey, some of us are only occasionally dicks.

      • Crystalclear12

        Slacker.

      • goonemeritus

        There probably some miscegenation that explains your exception to the rule.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          My BFF still claims I’m 1/8 Eskimo.

          • goonemeritus

            I knew it.

          • Ill-Advised

            Arctic ooctaroon!
            I nuit!

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      #NotAllFatOldWhiteDudes! Seriously, I made a comment in the open thread about that Worf dude looking racist-y, and I was taken to task by a commenter (not one I’d seen before) for judging by appearance. Whatever, I didn’t want to argue with the lady, but talk about a “it isnt’ about you” moment, sheesh.

      • goonemeritus

        Does saying some of my best friends are fat old white dudes help?

        • Martini A, very stable genius

          Mine too!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    i’m genuinely confused about the Mass. thing – I don’t read that as assuming he’s targeting black folks or even that planning on going all “Jeff Sessions” on the problem.

    I read that as, “look, I”m a fed prosecutor, and federal law and the DOJ tells me what to do.”

    Why am I wrong about that?

    • Crystalclear12

      As a general rule when law enforcement says case by case basis they do the sorting with a color wheel.
      But, hey, he could surprise us.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        fair enough.

        (Also, apologies, but I wanted to tack on a p.s. – he says at the top, people are asking me for guidance and I can’t tell you yet. So it’s not really even a “targeting” statement, just saying, even with the Mass. law, you might not be immune.”)

        • Crystalclear12

          So his guidance is :
          Be afraid, be very afraid or if I like you I won’t prosecute?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            eh, one could read it that way. I still don’t read it that way. “I dunno what’s gonna happen.”

          • Crystalclear12

            You’re one of those optimists I’ve heard so much about, aren’t you?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            oddly, given my news reading habits (and general demeanor on life), yeah.

      • GoutMachine
  • Black people. He means black people, duh.

    Which was the entire point of the drug laws to begin with: use the laws to lock up black men, turn them into felons, deny them good paying jobs, and take away their voting rights.

    • DainBramage

      Which racists call a Win, Win, Win, Win.

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      That and the petroleum industry didn’t want competition from industrial hemp. A two-fer.

      • bupkus231

        I thought it was Big Textile that eradicated hemp?

        • Werewolf

          Big Pulpwood.

        • OrG Unstable Genius

          Them too.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Also, too, William Randolph Hearst owned vast tracts of lumber for his newspaper, and didn’t want to see his holdings lose value to the cheaper hemp paper.

  • Beelzebubba

    First thought: “How did Mass. end up with this dildo as US attorney?”
    Second thought: “Trump appointee.”

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Looked him up – shockingly, he’s actually well-qualified. Prior to being elevated to the top spot, he had spent the last 12 years as a senior litigator in the same office prosecuting white-collar crime.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I saw that. Shocking!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    1. Oh, for fuck’s sake.

    2. Not my drug of choice, but I could use some marijuana in Donald Trump’s America.

    3. See #1.

  • Michael R
    • OutOfOrbit

      Flint, Mich.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Yeah…
    So, I’m gettin tired of these tedious motherfuckers with their ignorant ass racist bullshit.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Mockery first. Disdain later.

    • yyyaz

      Just wait until you’ve been tired of it for 50 years.

  • altleftjohn

    Is there a drug that causes women to want to have sex with old fat seedy white guys? (Asking for a friend, of course.)

    • grindstone

      Conservatism.

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      Vodka.

    • AndreWaters20

      If you get a good reply, can you forward it to my email?

    • OutOfOrbit

      nascar

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Money. Lots of money.

    • canes_pugnaces

      No drugs. Only denial + cash.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      I’ll ask the g/f tonight. Though I’m pretty sure it has to do with my love for Spike Jones records.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I’ve been told money works. For those that have some. When I asked Mrs. Toomush if there was a drug like that, she just said “old habits”…

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Try Tequila!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Dollars.

    • yyyaz

      Weinstein, Ailes and O’Reilly conference call on Line 1, sir.

  • WIDTAP

    “This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.”

    Ladies, care to meet me in Denver? I can be very entertaining.

    • Blackest Noobs

      “Yo! WHERE ARE THE WHITE WOMEN?!? I GOT ME SOME BUDS!!!!”

      • Oblios_Cap

        Apparently you don’t have to share your bud. You just have to play that Satan’s music and they get all moist.

  • “And gee, Golly, we have to do something about the scourge of demon rum. Those Irish and I-talians they go out and get drunk and go home and beat their wives and children,” he added.

    • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

      And the flappers with their bathtub gin and showing their knees and dancing all night in the speakeasies…

      • yyyaz

        Smoking cigarettes like common Jezebels!

  • jesuswasablack

    It’s amazing that even in a backward ass state like Kansas they are debating legal weed, here in the most backward state of all (indiana) we are contemplating allowing the sale of alcohol on Sundays between noon and 5pm! Right now we have no retail booze anywhere on Sundays!
    https://media.tenor.co/images/61645bfc516d73dba490594a75f4cfa0/tenor.gif

    • Phoenixdoglover

      The Cabinet meetings in Liz Warren’s administration?

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      My gods, you’re living in 1960s Ontario!

    • Eileen Besse

      Just like Massachusetts a few decades ago!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      With so many backwardisms, there are lots of most backward states.

    • yyyaz

      Alright, who swiped the video of me after I shed the habit?

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Be glad your shithead of a governator is now a heartbeat away from the preznitcy, or you wouldn’t even be having that discussion (at least not without having Mother in the room with you!).

    • Oblios_Cap

      You poor, tortured souls!

  • BadKitty904

    I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Communion wine is for communists!…

  • BadKitty904
  • Mr. Blobfish

    When will Whitey be relieved of this burden?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Soon, Rudyard. I hope.

  • james crubb

    Wow. Who needs a time machine with these cunts.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Another fine American Trump supporter, because the darn negroes have character issues, unlike fat old guys from Kansas.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Yep, putting him on video has pretty much violated my freedom of not making a decision to look at him ponderously pontificating about shit he doesn’t know anything about…

  • Oblios_Cap

    “Basically any way you say it, marijuana is an entry drug into the higher drugs.”

    *Sob* It’s true. I went on to snort coke, eat mushrooms and drop acid. I guess I forgot to shoot up heroin, for some reason. Memory loss, I reckon.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Wait, I went on to drink Coke, eat cremini mushrooms and NOT drop acid…..what the fuck is wrong with me? I was doing it wrong all along!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hell, it’s had a terrible effect on me. I’m now down to a couple Mount Gays at night and early bedtime. Fuck!…

      • Oblios_Cap

        Well, yeah. This semester I’m taking a grad course that meets on Tues. nights from 6:30-9:00. I hope I can stay up until the class ends – 9 is about the time I go to bed.

        • SDGeoff3

          We’ll cheer you on. From bed.

    • Kip TW

      ‘A recent study by the Food and Drug Administration has revealed that over 90 percent of all alcoholics started with beer. The yellowish-colored carbonated beverage, which many groups have contended is harmless, contains up to 12 percent of C2H5OH (ethanol), the same active ingredient found in much larger amounts in hard drinks, and consumption in small quantities appears to produce mild equivalents of the euphoria, hallucinations, and mental dissociation characteristic of users of more powerful substances. According to the study, large doses of beer, or “brew,” as it is usually referred to by habitual users, can lead to violent reactions, but ingestion of the amounts required is difficult without discomfort. The researchers failed to discover a pattern of psychological dependence in users or a provable cause-effect link between the consumption of beer and addiction to stronger beverages, but cited “an atmosphere of experimentation, familiarity, and social acceptance” that favored the transition.”‘

      National Lampoon, 1972

  • James Baskin

    Work in Kansas. They’ve gone off the deep end here.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    And now, an opposing view from D-Money, Smoothie, and Shifty.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Long drive in from the East Coast for ’em.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        just wait until J-Crue arrives.

  • therblig
  • Proud Liberal

    Arpaio is running for Senate in Arizona. Can’t make this shit up.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      How did I NOT see that coming?

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        We were distracted.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        It’s hard to not see Arpaio….Heil, he’s been in the news a lot lately…

    • Kip TW

      “Pardoned, Rested, and Ready!”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Convicted felon says what?

  • Mike

    Why is it when Republicans start to talk science it’s either junk science or science fiction…?
    There is such an overwhelming amount of evidence as to the benefits cannabis products offer that anyone who still spews this sort of nonsense should not ever be in any position of authority.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Jesus?

      • Mike

        Maybe, there certainly more proof of Jesus than Reefer Madness

  • Ron Spangler

    “… and entertainers.” :)

  • Scooby

    I’ve heard loose shoes, thight pussy and a warm place to shit have the same effect.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    For all y’all who may be wondering, “Garden” City. It hasn’t changed. Trust me. I have relatives near there. What they really hate and really need are the Asians and Mexicans they have to hire to work in their meat processing facilities because all the white kids have moved the fuck out.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/49ee71bc6d70b73f30ad990072e847fdfd0781b98d4f3f9ad8dc8eed2c14706d.jpg

    • James Baskin

      And it hasn’t changed a bit since that photo was taken 60 years ago.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        They still have a pool. or is it filled in?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
      • Oblios_Cap

        Looks like it’s just one big empty building.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Looks like a scene from the National Lampoon movie.

      “I found out long ago
      It’s a long way down the Holiday Road
      Holiday Ro, oh, oh, oh, oh, o-ad
      Holiday Ro, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, o-ad”

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      https://hailtoyou.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/fertility19802013_b.png

      Yeah, stopping immigration is gonna really help:

      • Phoenixdoglover

        That graph, for Amer-Indians, is really scary, and probably a reflection of a culture of despair.

    • SDGeoff3

      That postcard makes me want to pack my bags and hit the road!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    We didn’t have a race problem in this country until Obama got elected.

    • GoutMachine

      That guy was so divisive!

      • Oblios_Cap

        And lazy.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          Yeah. No Executive Time in his daily schedule at ALL.

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    So first, I’m wondering WTF is going on with Mass, since we voted to decriminalize pot possession recently. But then I see that Lelling is a Trump appointment, so not it makes more sense. Punish those damn Mass libtard tokers!

  • Oblios_Cap

    it’s that, the African Americans, they were basically users and they basically responded the worst off to those drugs just because of their character makeup, their genetics and that.

    Paging Charles Murray at the white discourteousey phone.

  • Blackest Noobs

    nothing i love more than racism, unless it’s racism about marijuana!!!!

    • Proud Liberal
      • Blackest Noobs

        jesus, these assholes

        • Proud Liberal

          They’ve been emboldened by Trump. It’s sickening.

          • Mentally Stable Ron

            And it’s why ALL the Trumpanzees need to be taken out. They need to learn that you do not do this shit.

      • BadKitty904

        Typical Republican cowardice.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Try taking that noose and casually strewing it over your Republican opponent’s sign one late night. Watch the fun on national tv!…

  • Juan de Fuca

    One of the reasons why — I hate to say it — it’s that, the African Americans, they were basically users and they basically responded the worst off to those drugs just because of their character makeup, their genetics and that.

    They promised us flying cars by 2018 and we’re still dealing with this shit? SMH

    • therblig

      would you really want a hopped up negro mechanic fixing the brakes on your flying car?

      • WIDTAP

        Well…they do call it “getting high”.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Rep. Alford needs to find a hole to hide in…and stay there.

  • yyyaz

    PSA: Breast milk is a gateway drug to everything.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      La Leche Libelz!11!1!

  • Bananas Foster

    From now on when someone cites how one person is somehow genetically predisposed to do something another person wouldn’t I would like them to point to specific alleles present in that person’s genetic makeup.

    Oh, wait, what? They can’t?

    So they should SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Gee – that Masshole judge is a Trump appointee, too.

  • goonemeritus

    I love how he starts with “I hate to say it”, this is his brain screaming you about to say something that will result in your recall, but does he head that voice , no.

    • Kip TW

      In most conversations with right-wingers online, the phrase “I hate to say this” is a dead giveaway that they’re wetting themselves with glee at the thought of saying it. See also, “I hate to break your bubble” and “I hate to rain on your parade,” among others.

  • SterWonk

    Mr. Worf told the Telegram that when he heard Alford’s comments, “for a brief moment he felt like he’d been taken back in time” — yet another of Worf’s frequent frustrating experiences with time travel.

    Dok, you magnificent bastard! Well done!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    actually, smoking pot makes black people really smart. This guy here in the Netherlands is asked if he agrees smoking on the streets should be banned. He agrees. Asked why he does it then, he responds: Well I don’t smoke on the street, I smoke on the sidewalk. (Only a stoner can come up with such an answer TBH)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_IYDXaN5EE

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Full interview you might not understand what he says but it hilarious even without understanding dutch.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Or1zWZKStMI

      • Ill-Advised

        This was a gift! Thank you!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      A stoner or a Rethuglican congressman.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      And well, duh, you’d get run over in the street.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        That is in fact his train of thought.

        • Beanz&Berryz

          It’s why I don’t have set there, also too.

    • SDGeoff3

      When Teddy Roosevelt told his wild and willful daughter Alice she was not allowed to smoke in the White House, she went up on the roof and informed everyone that she would be smoking on the White House, thank you very much.

  • Nounverb911
    • Blackest Noobs

      wasn’t it always banned cuz laws?

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      That’s gonna make the Carrot Festival much less interesting this year.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, so much for the big carrot festival.

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    One of the reasons why — I hate to say it…

    But you forced yourself to say it anyway, didn’tcha, Steverino?

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    Once marijuana mugged me and stole my wallet. It held me at gunpoint and forced me to write bad checks. And it leaves rusty car parts all over the front lawn and lets dogs poop all over the sidewalk.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Are you sure that wasn’t meth?

      • Bananas Foster

        I think it might have been Oxy.

        It’s so hard to tell.

        They all look alike.

    • Crystalclear12

      Actually, that sounds like moonshine.

      • Crystalclear12

        Especially with that whole car parts thing.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Marijuana ate my baby

    • Cornelius Fussbudget
  • If the devil’s weed is legal, the darkies might use its fibers to make rope and clothing, rather than using nylon, as the Lord intended!

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      Wasn’t Tom Jefferson really into creating a hemp-heavy economy?

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        That was Woody Harrelson. They’re often mistaken for one another.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Synthetic fibers are manna from heaven!

  • gnomemansanisland

    Two reasons we never got LBJ’s Great Society:
    The war on drugs and Vietnam + all the other wars our military industrial complex have ordered up in the last 50 years.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I think Eisenhower had some cogent comments along that line before Johnson showed up.

      • gnomemansanisland

        LBJ was knee deep in military industrial.

        • yyyaz

          Mostly because of the war he inherited. By comparison, the current chickenhawks need 10′ snorkels to navigate through it.

  • TJ Barke

    How do these people remember to breathe?

    • yyyaz

      It has now been 43 years since Bob Dylan first asked about that. I’d post the video, but he has it blocked.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Republicanism is a gateway drug to fundamentalism, bigotry, prudishness and callousness.

    • GoutMachine

      Chicken/egg.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Quit shoving that egg back up that chicken’s ass!…

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A Möbius strip of awfulness.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Disqüs allows ülaüts? Oh my stars and garters, I have a new toy.

        • GoutMachine

          How? How?

          • Lance Thrustwell

            it’s just the usual html, I just didn’t know Disqus allowed it. Ampersand followed by the letter you want to umlaut, then uml; . No spaces.

  • James Baskin

    3 words for this asshat. For. Profit. Prison.

  • Toledo Window Box

    There are still people this stupid in America?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      62 million of them.

      • Anna Rompage

        I hate to say, but there’s a hell of a lot more than 62 million of them here

    • GoutMachine

      They’re in the majority.

      • Toledo Window Box

        I think we’re gonna find out in November.

    • TJ Barke

      Trump is president and you have to ask?

    • Clark_Nova

      More of them here than anywhere else on the planet.

      • Toledo Window Box

        What an honor.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    sigh:

    (CNN)Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has spoken to “Hillbilly Elegy” author JD Vance about a potential run for Senate in Ohio following GOP candidate Josh Mandel’s unexpected departure from the race last week, a source familiar with the call confirmed to CNN.

    The top Senate Republican reached out to Vance, who is a CNN contributor, to offer advice about what he could expect from a potential bid, the source said. The call was described as a conversation rather than a pitch to run, and the source said Vance appeared to be taking it in at this point and contemplating whether he could make a real difference in the race and the Senate. Politico first reported the call.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      So, good news for Sherrod Brown?

    • gnomemansanisland

      Awesome. We need more hillbillies and elegies.

  • CindyinEncinitas
    • Toledo Window Box

      He’s staring out the window, wondering what he’ll have for lunch.

      • WIDTAP

        It what he does when “Executive Time” is over and they force him to turn of the TV for two hours.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Hello, Dupont Circle KFC? Hello? Yeah, it’s me. What?…Fuckers put me on hold again.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      “That’s good, Mr. President! Now gaze a little to the side as though you’re thinking about something REALLY important! I don’t know, like… did you say “ice cream”? Sure, like ice cream, that’s fine. Just a few more shots and we should be good for another couple of weeks on social.”

  • Crank Tango

    Dude probably believes Jebus rode a dinosaur, but has no problem making up shit about genetics.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Genetics is what makes him of the superior sort

  • Blanche de Shambles

    YOU DON’T WANT THIS! GET OUT OF HERE!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7npWDyxB7d8

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Indiepalin

    I wish I could get stoned as hard as my Darkie friends.

  • natoslug

    I have 2.5 2 buds that I need to find something to do with, courtesy of my kids. It was an unsolicited payment from a homeless person to them for their hard work in pointing across the street at the big sign that read “Laundromat” when he asked them if there was a laundromat nearby. Apparently, saying “Thank you, but no, we don’t want your steenking devil-weed because we do not partake of the marijuanas” is not an accepted response to said unsolicited bud.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Send it to me, Al Franken.

    • Crank Tango

      It would be rude not to take it.

    • You should burn them.

      • GoutMachine

        I hear they have tubes specially designed for this disposal mechanism.

      • therblig

        and smell the smoke to make sure it was marijuana

    • Juan de Fuca

      ISWYD but seriously, how good was the half bud?

    • Me not sure

      Check out the Alice B. Toklas brownie recipe.
      Pro tip: Cut the amount of weed by at least 1/2. …just sayin’.

      • natoslug

        IIRC, brownies take a lot more than two sad mystery buds. Or is this a really small recipe?

        • Me not sure

          It had better be if you haven’t done it before. Baby steps.

          • natoslug

            It has to be large enough for four adults, two cats, three chickens, and four dogs, though.

          • Me not sure

            What? No partridge in a pear tree?

  • Anna Rompage
  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    “This is obviously why there are so many more arrests of black people in possession of of marijuana than white people. The black people, because of their character and genetics and all that, smoke reefer cigarettes and seem to go berserk, while whites tend to get more mellow, as it were . . . except for the white women, who tend to lust for the blacks and seek relations with them, which we have to admit, is less than ideal, as it leads to them being single moms on welfare, since the black reefer smoking daddies are out of town with their jazz band onto the next city. Not to stereotype or anything . . . uh . . . wait, let me rephrase all this.”

  • bupkus231

    This Steve Alford needs to be hounded from office for his ignorance and racism. This should not be allowed to fall down the memory hole.

  • gnomemansanisland

    These wingnuts make me so stressed I want to get high.

  • msanthropesmr

    The founding fathers were all for the weed.
    So I betook me to the Hashfire Inn. There I met the rebellious libertines, all lusting for life and liberty. George Washington brought the hemp and I the evening papers. We proceeded to get Sam Adams and young Tom Jefferson goodly stretched by the hemp, which smoked us all like Boston scrod.

    ‘I say’ cried fiery Sam Adams, the tax collector, ‘Let’s have a revolution!’

    To which I replied, ‘Fine, Sam – then we can invite over a bunch of immigrants and make cars.'”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Or (just throwing this out there) maybe if marijuana was a gateway drug it would be because you have to go to a drug dealer who gets his supply illegally to get it?

    • Toledo Window Box

      It’s only a gateway drug to those that decide they want to get even higher, which is NOT EVERYBODY.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        True enough. But if you’re at 7-11 buying a beer and get the impulse to trade up to meth, they’re (slightly) less likely to be able to help you out with that.

    • bupkus231

      That’s always seemed like a valid counter-argument to me – for at least 40 years.

      And if assholes like Alford can resurrect that tired old “gateway drug” canard, we can certainly recommend this little bit of common sense, right?

    • Anna Rompage

      Funny, I’m much more likely to do something impulsive, like drop a hit of molly, or eat an opioid when I’m drunk, but not so much when I’m stoned….

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Well, states which allow marijuana seem to be seeing opioid use go down.

  • AJ Milne

    ‘… Satanic music, jazz and swing…’

    … well, I gotta give him swing. Evil, ah tells ya.

    … and don’t get me started on these dang kids and their Lindy Hop shenanigans.

    • gnomemansanisland

      And their raccoon coats and pole sitting.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        23 skidoo and Tyler too,

  • BadKitty904

    OT: US Childhood Mortality Rate Highest Among 20 High-Income Nations
    http://beta.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-childhood-mortality-usa-20180108-story.html#nt=blogroll

    The US had the highest childhood mortality rate by the 1990s and the 2000s among 20 high-income nations in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, following slower declines in the childhood mortality rate between 1961 and 2010, researchers reported. The findings, published in Health Affairs, also showed a 76% and 57% increased death risk among US infants and youths ages 1 to 19, respectively, between 2001 and 2010, compared with other countries in the OECD.

    • Because every other high income nation has some form of public health care.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        And way fewer guns

    • TJ Barke

      USA! USA! USA! USA!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    “Pot is the path to the dark side…pot leads to munchies…munchies leads to contentment…contentment leads to forgetting to pay the electric bill.”

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      ….on time…

    • SisterArtemis

      Now, now, as I noted yesterday in these hallowed virtual halls, we used to get ourselves to pay the bills with the lure of “we can smoke pot while we write out the checks and stuff,” which led to the “wanna pay some bills?” euphenism for smoking Satan Ciggs. But it did lead to the munchies, so that part’s on the mark.

    • Notreelyhelping

      It’s not so much forgetting as it is having to get off the goddamned couch.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I am shocked, SHOCKED, that an old fat white guy (this time from Kansas) would say something completely balls-out racist.

  • Toledo Window Box

    When’s he gonna organize the Beatles record burning party?

  • Crank Tango
  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    He’s probably said that same thing to the same group of people a hundred times. But now we have the technology to see it, point it out, and cause at least a modicum of repercussions. Ain’t the internet great?

    • janetintexas

      Yes, everyone should have their camera at the ready at all times! I have not been particularly interested in an I-watch in the past, but if it has a silent recording function then I’d like to have one, and I’d recommend one to all women and brown people for recording harassment and assholery everywhere they go.

  • WIDTAP
    • Anna Rompage

      The sad thing is he’s likely to win because of name recognition, and because it’s Arizona…

      • yyyaz

        No way in hell. He even lost most of his support in red-as-fuck Maricopa County.

        • tomamitai

          How are his numbers in Coconino county? I hear they have some Krazy Kats living there!

          • The Wanderer

            Ignatz will stand ready with his brick in paw!

          • AJ Milne

            Krazy reference highly approved… And so strangely appropriate.

            (What is this mysterious, surreal, shifting background? The Earth, circa 2018.)

          • Nockular cavity

            He’s a big hit with Officer Pup.

          • yyyaz

            LOL, but negative infinity in this household. Low to mid single digits elsewhere.

          • Clark_Nova

            Where’s my brick?

      • Antonin Dvorak

        His own county voted him out, so I wouldn’t count on it.

    • yyyaz

      He is 85, will be 86 this summer.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I guess he needs a job.

      • WIDTAP

        God know the wife doesn’t what that asshole hanging around her house.

    • notanncoulter

      i’m sorry joe, i can’t understand you with trump’s cock in your mouth, can you try that again sans the tiny orange dick?

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    The lawyer in me wants to believe that the US attorney for Massachusetts meant to advise retail sellers of mary jane that they would still be on the hook for not only possession but intent to distribute, which still carry heavy-ass consequences, under federal law. And he’s right that state laws don’t nullify federal ones.

    But the more practical side of me is all, yeah, it’ll just be brown people getting arrested for this. Because that’s what it’s always been about.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Absolutely.

    • tomamitai

      And political opponents of any color too, also.

  • Ryan Denniston

    OT: Ex-sheriff Joe to run against Kelli Ward to replace Jeff Flake. Because what this race really needed was all of the crazy.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/joe-arpaio-the-fiery-former-sheriff-from-arizona-will-run-for-senate/2018/01/09/67064a9a-f55b-11e7-beb6-c8d48830c54d_story.html?utm_term=.819773b0a28f

    • WIDTAP

      what’s he been smokin’?

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Also in the race is Martha McSally, who won her house seat by the smallest margin in the entire country and a guy currently in court for posting revenge porn. The GOP really knows how to pick ’em.

  • Baconzgood

    Watch the video when he said “that, the African Americans, they were basically users and they basically responded the worst off to those drugs just because of their character makeup”

    You can hear someone deeply sigh a sigh saying “fuck…NORML is going to have a field day with this chuckle head”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    What does Representative White Shadow think of all the white people hooked on Oxy?

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s their god given right to do the drugs that their doctor prescribes them?

      • SDGeoff3

        Of course, but not in the way the doctor recommended.

      • little miss high and mighty

        Kansas- still illegal for sick folks, too, which is why Interstate Hwy 70 gets a workout west to Colorado (infastructure needs accelerate).
        Kansas stays broke into perpituity.
        How’s the ACYCLOVIR protocol treating you?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      That they’re poor, unfortunate souls that need help, therapy, and rehabilitation. Also, too, Jesus. Not like the smokers of the devils weed.

    • Wonky “TransgenderFetus” McGoo

      They just need jerrrrrbs.

  • Ryan Denniston

    ” (R – Old Whitepeople)”

    But you repeat yourself Dok.

    • Clark_Nova

      All of those (R)’s need to be replaced in the media by (BR)’s for Banana Republican.

  • tomamitai

    What you really need to do is go back in the ’30s, when they outlawed all types of drugs in Kansas [and] across the United States. What was the reason why they did that?

    Because alcohol prohibition was repealed, and the government wanted to keep all the power they had gained while fighting the bootleggers?

    • ChumpsForTrump

      The Bureau of Prohibition didn’t close.. it was just renamed (now called the “DEA”).

      Harry Anslinger was on record in 1926 saying that marijuana was harmless and nothing to worry about. His attitude changed dramatically when they repealed Prohibition and his gravy train was about to derail.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the U.S., and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz and swing result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.

    Well, jeez, when you put it that way, it sounds like something I’d be interested in.

    • Bright Bart

      i would subscribe to that newsletter.

  • jesuswasablack

    I know all I has to do is whip out my joint and the white womens come a runnin!
    http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/07/18/20/2AA7F6A800000578-3166597-image-a-59_1437249342578.jpg

  • little miss high and mighty

    We better just forget going to work today since now, the good Dok Zooom has our undivided attention:
    Better review cannabis pricing policies on strict racial guidelines.
    AfricanAmericans get charged half off since they needs less and less to get crazy based upon their genetics and make ups ad what nots. Half price happy weed for negroes! Definitely affirmative action, Kansas! way to lead!
    Now for the rest of yous all:
    Best jokes on this thread have all been taken for the liner notes on the fabulous, happy CD double pack “DOPE AND GLORY” (Trikont Records) Includes the sides from the disc cover illustrating this story and goes way beyond. How R.M.Nixon helped Satchmo smuggle his stash through customs (by the honor of carrying the master’s trumpet case while he was Veep). Mezzerow’s memories of the viper times. The Asslinger saga.
    Order this timeless document of reefer madness and viper vengeance.

  • Beautiful Soup

    He actually sounds drunk in that video.

    • Clark_Nova

      That’s the Kansas accent.

  • SDGeoff3

    I am now officially sick and tired of this no-nothing branch of alleged humanity. The smugness of their ignorance is appalling.

    • Boscoe

      I went to school with a guy who ended up a Drumph supporter. Back in school, he used to mistakenly call the Sistine Chapel “the Sixteenth Chapel”. He thought it was called that because it was the sixteenth one ever built.

      • SDGeoff3

        He probably lights “vaultif candles” when he prays in the Sixteenth Chapel.

    • Mr. White

      The worst part is that they’re smug about being ignorant. Two great tastes that taste great together!

  • gnomemansanisland

    Leave it to some Kansan pol to bogart racism.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      ISWYDT

  • Juan de Fuca

    These people are seriously ruining my plans on getting rich by investing in
    Frito-Lay.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “One of the reasons why — I hate to say it —
    it’s that, the African Americans, they were basically users and they
    basically responded the worst off to those drugs just because of their
    character makeup, their genetics and that.”

    Here’s my question. Why not ban marihuana only for bleh people? With today’s Republican party, it’s an open question as to whether it’s because he lacks basic problem-solving skills or if he realizes that’s a bit too much of a dog whistle to the base.

  • Arolpin

    I can’t believe that nobody has made the comment that the apology is really just an Alford Plea.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Little know fact: Harry J. Anslinger was also the winner of the “Cliven Bundy : Not a racist. Not a racist. YOU’RE the racist! Award” at Trump University.

    https://www.constantinereport.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/04-24-14-Cliven-Bundy-quote.png

    • Christopher Story

      War Is Peace
      Freedom Is Slavery
      Ignorance Is Strength

    • jesuswasablack

      Meet the GOP’s next senatorial candidate!

    • Cosmic Owl 2

      Hey Clive?

      Yeah.

      Pick your own fucking cotton, cracker.

    • tomamitai

      This is what happens when “Gone With The Wind” is taught as history and “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” is ignored or dismissed as abolitionist propaganda.

    • Red Bird

      My taxes pay for this asshole to feed his cattle for free. Who’s getting the subsidy? Not me.

      • Clark_Nova

        The government should have used those helicopter gunships to slaughter every one of his cattle that was feeding free on the taxpayers’ dime.

        • Red Bird

          Nope. The cows are innocent. The man isnt.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Red Bird

      That looks more like judgement to me.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers
    in the U.S., and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos and
    entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz and swing result from marijuana
    use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with
    Negroes, entertainers and any others.”

    Entertainers seems to be oddly out of place and doing a lot of heavy lifting. Is it supposed to mean Joos?

    • TJ Barke

      Probably, plus degenerate whites.

      • SisterArtemis

        and Loose Women! don’t forget the floozies!

        • Querolous

          And the flappers!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Yes, and also to insinuate to the crowd that their women could be drawn to men who are genuinely more interesting than the rural yokels that are otherwise the only option.

  • Jonny On Maui

    I wonder how much alcohol Mr. Alford drinks every night. He should try lighting up. Do a world of good in his attempt to return to humanity…

    • Cosmic Owl 2

      Alcohol forced him to consort with black ladies.

  • Christopher Story

    Hey Oklahoma, top that!

  • The Wanderer

    Mr. Alford looks like he’s cultivated the sinful, naughty-type Fruits of Bacchus over the course of his racist ratfucker of a life. I mean, look at that conk.

  • Baconzgood
    • The Wanderer

      One of lines that had me literally gasping for breath when I saw the movie back in the 70s.

      • RMKH

        My favorite line in one of my favorite movies

        • The Wanderer

          Blazing Saddles was a gloriously funny movie. I can pretty much quote entire swathes of dialogue from memory.

          • Clark_Nova

            The best line ended up on the cutting room floor. Right after the It’s TWOO!!!, IT’s TWOOO!!! line the Sheriff replied, “Excuse me ma’m, but you’re sucking on my arm”.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    “This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.”

    aaaaannnnnnnnnnddddd? What’s the problem?

    • On behalf of “entertainers”. Smoke up, ladies!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “And then they won’t be forced to fuck your uninteresting, yokel ass anymore.”
      – The implied corollary to the white men in the audience.

      • onedollarjuana

        Just because you keep the white wimmen from having sex with Negroes, entertainers and such doesn’t mean your’e getting more, Mr. Yokel.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Yeah, but they also won’t know what they’re missing if you ever manage to.

        • little miss high and mighty

          typical conservative
          zero sum
          winner takes all
          fun-envy
          almost feels sorry for those mopes

    • notanncoulter
      • little miss high and mighty

        whom they shall then leave because…musicians and paying bills and leftover cash- don’t actually jive.

        • notanncoulter

          you have given me a sad now. but only cops get better drugs.

          • little miss high and mighty

            we call them narks

    • Clark_Nova

      Wheres de white wimminz?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Anyone who thinks recreational marijuana use will be legalized nationally by voting to do so has no idea how many police officer positions are funded by federal anti-drug money. If you thought the Sheriffs, police unions, and “tough on crime” pols were over-the-top when dealing with Black Lives Matter, remember: BLM was only asking for cops to be investigated after they shot unarmed black men; they weren’t advocating mass layoffs.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Mmmhm. Add to that every city prosecutor’s office in the country (for whom drug arrests are their bread and butter), plus the sheer number of federal anti-drug agencies that justify their labs, helicopters, pensions, and military-grade gear with drug arrests and busts, the FBI first and foremost among them.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        they’re not shifting all that to “terrorism prevention.”

        Just sayin’ – tey totall could.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Yeah, but there just aren’t enough terrorists to justify the expenditure: you can’t stack terrorists in bales ten high for a photo op if you live in Boise, Idaho.

          Unless the government simply declared brown people terrorists. They’d never do tha… oh, dear.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            “Yeah, but there just aren’t enough terrorists to justify the expenditure”

            I’m still not so sure of that – given our irrational fear of it. We were talking last night about how Podunk, Iowa needs an APC b/c terrorists might strike their 4th Annual Possum Fry Festival.

            And when there ARE no terrorist attacks, they just say, “SEE! IT’S WORKING!”

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Yeah, but then complacency eventually sets in without reinforcement: hence why continued drug busts are required, as continued “proof” that the system is working. So someday the gravy train would run out, and we can’t have that.

          • bupkus231

            There’s never been enough terrorists to justify the expenditure we do now – which is why the first police “explanation” for just about every bad event is “terrorism”.

          • Like Really Smart Radio

            Well, plenty of shit committed by racist white dudes isn’t classified as terrorism when it should be.

        • HarpyLibtart

          Yeah, imagine if they actually shifted their focus to prosecuting rapists or white dudes doing domestic terrorism or even just following the Bundy family around until they inevitably do something illegal…

      • Like Really Smart Radio

        Maybe they could use that hardware to raid Perdue Pharma.

    • Boscoe

      And don’t forget big pharma and the for-profit prison industry. They’re not going down without a fight…

      • little miss high and mighty

        Yup, Big Chemies and big legals- the 2 reasons (Merkel is both) that Germany will legalize only after Saudi Arabia, Iran and North Korea

        • h4rr4r

          It is almost legal now in Germany, compared to most US states. Does anyone ever get prosecuted?

          • little miss high and mighty

            Thank you for asking (guest comment)
            This is P… (email host to these young whippersnappper Snarkbabies)…
            Replying to your thoughtful question regarding the enforcement of “§ Betäubungsmittelgesetz”

            BFG 90.145 (gelegentlichen Eigenverbrauch geringer Menge).(limited amount, personal use) in §31a BtMG bezeichneten Straftaten (abzusehen) etc etc …
            Real law, however.
            September (recent- >year ago) we actually tried pulling this “tolerance law” on our own arresting officers behind the great statue at Oktoberfest, München.
            0.215 grams- confiscated and a sturdy fine written up and court appearance mandated unless we were found clean one year later! (0.215 grams!)
            So Bavarian toerance is muh overrated in our books and now we smoke and vape and injest in utmost privacy and discretion. Brave Ce`m Ozdmir and Co. (90B Green party) will once again attempt a tolerance law that actually works, but our experience is , unfortunately the norm hereabouts.
            Too many woorry-sufferers hooked on mood elevators and sleep aids- THC would eliminate the need for suh poisons.
            Merkel (a Physicist- pharmacorp dupe) needs the support from her rightists sister parties- CSU and beyond. o we hide and sneak and buy from the refugees under the bridge.

          • h4rr4r

            Oh noes, not a fine!

            People go to jail for years in some US states for any possesion.

          • little miss high and mighty

            The real penalty here is, after all just finding someone willing to connect you. The German mentality is one of stoic propriety and fitting in and the big fear here is madness- so the very most liberal newspaper of record (SZ-MÜ) uses the term “Drugs” (Drogen) when refering to any cannabis product and even small busts appear in this otherwise august newsorgan (advertising dominated by Phrma and Legals).
            Sure, the courts throw cases out but meanwhile you are a doper pariah here once it is known you partake. The ’68 generation are nowadays all (squares!) worried about losing their house and status in the neighborhood- the youngs can lose their (Bafög) school money. Women (any age) particularly run far and fast away from the devil weed. The parks are plainclothes-cop scrutinized.Schools are all no tolerance!
            “Bavaria is a lot like Texas” our arresting officer explained as we were booked (2 hours) then released with the fine notice mentioned in previous post. €200 is hard on us, in any case. Also very Stoopid.

          • h4rr4r

            Bavaria is a lot like texas, but 200 Euro is a pretty small fine compared to what happens in Texas.

            http://norml.org/laws/item/texas-penalties-2

          • little miss high and mighty

            good link!
            I think our cops were just trying to sound gobalist aware.
            Young profis with big plans and fresh fish to fry with us in tow.
            It was a long walk to the Festival jailhouse (9 plainclothes cops of at least 2 sexes) proud of their tiny haul and cooperative perps.

          • h4rr4r

            Mind you in the state I live in, NY, it is not even a crime. Only $100 fine and the same classification as a speeding ticket. Even that can be expunged.

          • Querolous

            “9 plainclothes cops of at least 2 sexes”They have TCOPS in Bavaria? http://www.tcops-international.org/index.html

          • little miss high and mighty

            Yes.
            BTW Germany has already had a Vice CHancellor (s.s.married) Gay and the new marriage for all seems promising.

    • h4rr4r

      It is inevitable.
      When over 60% of a population supports a thing it happens. When they can’t get convictions it will not longer matter.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Over 70% of the population wants stricter gun control measures, and has for 30 years.

        • h4rr4r

          They sure don’t vote that way.

          Citation please?

  • Ryan Denniston

    If we’d all partake, there’d be no problems.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnoxKXkPqEE

    • notanncoulter

      it’s actually called ‘rainy day women 12 & 35’:
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainy_Day_Women_%E2%99%AF12_%26_35

      • little miss high and mighty

        Biblical, too from proverbs (too lazy to link) but it really double-means “stoned” since we are all sinners- but we also all need highgetting.

        • Red Bird

          That Dylan guy. So smrt.

          • little miss high and mighty

            Nobel don’t lie

          • tomamitai

            I hear he’s a J-E-W!

          • Red Bird

            I’m clutching my pearls as we speak.

  • Mavenmaven

    He knows it is true, because the mere existence of black or brown people basically makes him respond the worst just because of his own character makeup, his genetics and that.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    on other racist news:

    “A typo in a Democratic Party tweet has convinced American neo-Nazis that Democrats are part of a conspiracy to ensure Jewish women take over America.

    The tweet, posted by the Democrats’ official feed on Sunday, aimed to promote diversity among elected officials by encouraging supporters to elect black, LGTB, Muslim, disabled, Jewish, Latina, millennial, and Asian American women. But the tweet accidentally included Jewish women twice, and it provided fodder for far-right conspiracy theories. The post attracted more than 6,000 comments on Twitter, many pointing out the lack of white women or Christian women on the list, as well as the double mention of Jewish women.”

    You can note that they are not trying to elect white women. You also may note that they list ‘Jewish women’ twice. Apparently, they want double Jewish women,” neo-Nazi Andrew Anglin wrote for his racist website the Daily Stormer.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/nazi-anti-semites-see-jewish-plot-in-democrats-typo/

    • AJ Milne

      Is being double Jewish like a double negative? Or more like twice the oy vey? Inquiring goyim want to know!

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        it makes you SUPER DUPER Jewish.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Now you’re back to the Lenny Bruce meme

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            ah Lenny – How to Talk Dirty changed my life, right up there wiht Fear and Loathing and On the Road

          • little miss high and mighty

            Origional Superjew
            Cape couldn’t break the fall from a 2nd floor window ‘though.
            But he made the papers with it and got out of doing a few regrettabe gigs thereafter.

        • AJ Milne

          I think my cello teacher’s ex husband had that. She says he wore his yarmulke in the shower, that kinda thing.

    • I am okay with fewer white Christians in positions of power, thanks.

      • tomamitai

        Not even as power bottoms?

        • Hrmm… I suppose that since every gay hatin’ Christian has a secret prostitute boyfriend, they probably have the requisite experience…

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Frankly, that means they should put Jewish twice in all of their press releases. If we’re pissing these assholes off we’re doing something right.

    • CripesAmighty

      Jewish women take over America? Works for me–Sounds like a new Roger Corman flick. Rowr.

    • Nockular cavity

      “Jewish women, you said Jewish women twice.”
      “Ah like Jewish women.”

      • Rags

        And if you say it three times in a mirror…..

    • yyyaz

      Good. I can almost hear the whining if I listen real hard, so I won’t.

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      Oh my god, they’re on to us!!!!!!

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Do you mean, they’re onto (((us))) ?

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      Is Anglin in jail yet? I thought they found him in Columbus?

    • mardam422

      I, for one, welcome our new baleboste overlords.

  • Boscoe

    “What you really need to do is go back in the ’30s, when they outlawed all types of drugs in Kansas [and] across the United States. What was the reason why they did that?”

    THIS. Why DID they make weed illegal? Why, it was partly to “control” Blacks and Mexicans, and partly to protect Hearst’s paper mills. LaGuardia actually commissioned a study by doctors and scientists at the time, and unsurprisingly, they came to the same conclusions that Nixon’s panel would: “we see no reason why this substance should be illegal.” Unfortunately, fighting greed and racism with science facts doesn’t seem to work very well.

  • Nockular cavity
  • SDGeoff3

    That dude is smashed. He sounds like the drunk at the end of the bar.

    • AJ Milne

      For serious, so much of public political discourse is heading this direction, I begin to feel like I never quite leave the bar.

      THE DRUNK NEXT TO ME: Well, you rarely do.

      ME: Quiet, you!

      • SDGeoff3

        LOL.

  • yyyaz

    Marijuana was criminalized during the Great Depression. There was a demand, even during those dire years, for Mexican laborers who were wanted by large-scale farmers, particularly in Texas. However, many of those workers were accustomed to smoking reefer as casually as tobacco. The small farmers who could not afford to import even slave-wage workers whined to the Great White fathers that the dirty Messicans smoking the devil weed were going to corrupt all their little Sues and Johnnies. Not wanting to offend their land-owning base of support, the Great White fathers used the evil herb to appease them and to create the stereotype that brown and black people were going to infect white Merka with their nasty habits. The subsequent propaganda war against marijuana sucked all of the knowledge of 2,000 years of its uses into the ether and banned all scientific study of that anecdotal and cultural knowledge. We have been fighting this war ever since.

    • Rags

      Nixon’s chief of staff, haldeman:

      The Nixon campaign in 1968, and the Nixon White House after that, had two enemies: the antiwar left and black people,” former Nixon domestic policy chief John Ehrlichman told Harper’s writer Dan Baum for the April cover story published Tuesday.

      “You understand what I’m saying? We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin. And then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities,” Ehrlichman said. “We could arrest their leaders. raid their homes, break up their meetings, and vilify them night after night on the evening news. Did we know we were lying about the drugs? Of course we did.”

  • Red Bird

    One of these days the lie of white supremacy will end. But for now we have to stay awake and keep speaking the truth.

    Also, I would love to hear Alford’s wife’s explanation of the predominantly white opioid addiction epidemic. What flaws does she see in the victims’ characters?

    • I think it’s because whites are genetically predisposed to have problems with it.

      • Red Bird

        Completely OT but, you know, I’ve heard that red haired people are so sensitive to pain that they usually need extra doses of anesthesia for dental surgery.

        • mardam422

          Damn gingers.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          And bleed like crazy in Surgery. (Surgical assistant 20+ years.)

      • Clark_Nova

        Whites seem to be genetically disposed to not minding their own business.

    • Clark_Nova

      When it was Black junkies, they were called criminals. Now that it’s Oxycodone and meth addled hillbilly Trump voters, they’re all VICTIMS.

      • JohnC44

        Tsk tsk…you know we only accept PC terms here in this commune, comrade. The proper term is Genetically Compromised Appalachian Person (GCAP). The term “hillbilly” may be used only to describe a sexually viable male member of Capra Aegagrus. Please make a note of it.

  • Kiri the Like, Smart Unicorn

    “This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.”

    It also makes unicorns have indecent ideas.

    • Boscoe

      …and it makes the logging and cotton industries sad. :(

  • Tetman Callis

    Weed was outlawed in the 30’s (1927 in Loozianuh, the fuhstest to doo it) because the white people had started smoking it.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      you get funny ideas like, “why the fuck should I take the word of authority without questioning it?”

      gotta put a stop to that shit real quick

    • Miles Monroe

      Sorry, Massachusetts enacted a statute making it illegal to sell or possess cannabis or other “hypnotic” drugs such as opium without a prescription on April 29th, 1911; California (because “Hindoos”!), Maine, Indiana and Wyoming followed suit in 1913.

      http://www.canorml.org/history.html

      • Tetman Callis

        Thank you, sir. I stand corrected.

  • The Wanderer

    Full disclosure: I have never smoked marijuana or taken any recreational drug other than alcohol. I’ve never needed it.

    • AJ Milne

      Yeah, alcohol is pretty good.

      • The Wanderer

        And if you mix it with fruit juice, it’s not just good to you, it’s good for you!

        • Like Really Smart Radio

          Must prevent against scurvy!

          • The Wanderer

            It’s part of the reason the gin and tonic was created!

          • eyelashviper

            Saves ya from malaria, also too.
            Those Brits knew a thing or two.

    • ChumpsForTrump

      My condolences

      • The Wanderer

        Thank you, although none are necessary. With the fever swamp heaving in the back of my mind, I can have just as much fun thinking.
        My usual joke is, “This is me normally – imagine what I’d be like on drugs!”

        • Like Really Smart Radio

          My only recreational drug anymore is the occasional bit of alcohol. Day fifteen off the nicotine inhalants.

          • The Wanderer

            (applauds)

          • Like Really Smart Radio

            (curtsies)

          • little miss high and mighty

            15 victories so far!

          • Like Really Smart Radio

            That is a wonderful way to think about it, thank you!

          • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

            Way to go Radio!

    • anon_the_great

      And…

    • tomamitai

      I’ve never needed it, either. I WANT it!

  • anon_the_great

    ‘Negroes, entertainers and any others’ is a pretty good summary of my life as a stagehand.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      And one of Cher’s lesser-known hits.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      where can I go to hang out with Negroes and entertainers? sounds like a good time, to me

  • Enter Ranting

    “We’re trying to do a complete reverse with people not remembering what has happened in the past.” Those who don’t remember the past are condemned to something something.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    “There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the U.S”

    That estimate is hilariously low.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      It was the 1930s, before it spread through the series of tubes of the internet.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Hey! I got a defective internet!

    • rocktonsam

      right on, there are more negroes and entertainers today.

    • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

      Like I posted upthread, that doesn’t count all the PARTIAL marijuana smokers.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Is that when you don’t inhale?

        • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

          It’s when you Don’t. Bogart. That reefer. My friend….

  • Christopher Story
    • The Wanderer

      Where’s the fifth element?

      • Christopher Story

        That’s the righteous buzz you get when all four elements act in harmony

        • The Wanderer

          Ah.

      • little miss high and mighty

        well Nr 5 is called Plasma (space gasses etc)
        Nr 6 is the gluon which hold the Bossons in the quantum equations so there are really 6 elements so far if you think about it.

      • ((( Augustus )))

        the fifth element is love

        it’s always love

      • specialcircumstances

        Probably taking a nap in the reactor? It’s hard work after all being the 5th element.

      • tomamitai

        I don’t know about that, but here’s the 5th Dimension!
        https://youtu.be/M9EHmvN8wp8

        • Captain Kraut

          Buckaroo Banzai libelz!!1!

          • tomamitai

            That’s the 8th dimension, not the 5th.

          • Captain Kraut

            I was told there’d be no math!!1!

      • ImGoingBacon

        I was going with Earth, Wind and Fire (but the graphic has water included). Anyway, those R&B Negros knew how to sell some soul to the Devil

      • besommer

        Here it is!

    • For a second I thought you were putting forward a simplified diagram of the Miller Urey experiment

      Then I realised, life might just be the result of God taking a huge bong hit

      • Christopher Story

        How else do you explain a platypus? Or slinkies?

        • JohnC44

          Slinkies: WWII era instrument spring. Platypus: Beats me.

      • little miss high and mighty

        no upvote. if God took huge bong hits things wouldn’t be so … well the way they are. They’d be more fun and fewer shades on our highs.
        We gotta get her some huge bong hits, then huh?

  • AJ Milne

    I will always remember where I was when I heard they’d determined 2^77,232,917 minus 1 was a huge-ass Mersenne…

    Yes, it was a bar.

    (Sure, makes it a bit easier, honestly.)

    • little miss high and mighty

      You heard about the new biggest prime?

      • AJ Milne

        I work in commercial crypto, have done some (mumbles) decades…

        (… so actual real-world implications of this thing for me: probably none. More, y’know, just a numbers are beautiful thing.)

        • little miss high and mighty

          Germantown, Tennessee FedEx employee, John Pace, part of the GIMPS colective was awarded $100,000 prize for finding (with help from other GIMPS participants) the 23 + million digit BIG PRIME.
          Who sez maths are good for 0 ?

  • Bitter Scribe

    I hate to say it

    No, you don’t.

  • Aileen

    I can see why he might think this, given that black people are disproportionately more likely to be arrested and incarcerated for marijuana-related crimes. So, it stands to reason that something about their “genetics” makes them more susceptible to its use. Oh wait, what’s that? Black people tend to use marijuana at the same rates as white people, or even less? And their disproportionate incarceration rate is just further evidence of systemic racism? Gosh, sure seems like legalizing it and pardoning everyone convicted of marijuana-related offenses is the way to go here. Assuming you’re not a racist shitbag, of course.

    • just_jim

      Bad assumption.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I got high once and sold my soul to Satan. Well…I say sold, more like rented. He gave it back once he found out Jesus gave me a pardon. Kind of like that Senator in TN, Desjarlais, who had sex with all his patients and bought all the abortions and God forgave him anyway.

  • William

    He’s just trying to prevent our glorious nation and patriotic ‘Murican predisent from falling victim to the coloreds and their devil weed. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e9db3005e30f6884e1a2820ddd5f03abbebcaa6fe8208948885d12ed8c600772.png

  • ((( Augustus )))

    I want to see the white people who are disgusted and upset by these kinds of statements SPEAK THE FUCK UP

    pull that asshole’s card in front of everyone

    confront him and call him out on his racist bullshit

    don’t be quietly disgusted after the fact, in the safety of hindsight

    • dshwa

      Yeah. It’s nice that the democratic guy told him afterwards that was super racist, but immediately while in front of the audience would have been the better time.

  • rocktonsam

    sounds like someone is looking for a cabinet position or DOJ at the very least.

  • William

    Why do white racists only preach to other white racists? It doesn’t change anything. If they wanted anything to change it seems to me they should go out into the world, find actual black people and share their opinions. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e6a47838513ead1ad9d5909934737b696126f6daf98770e71a91f69d0fc32720.jpg

    • little miss high and mighty

      they haz a scareds to do so

    • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

      And definitely record that sermon and post it online for us all to see.

    • teele

      Group photo of the AA population of Kansas?

      • covfefesumgame0005

        well, they do look pretty pissed… I guess living in Kansas will do that to anyone

  • Notreelyhelping

    It is a scientifical fact that the marijuana leads mens to quit shaving their faces and wimmins to quit shaving their pits and legs.

    It’s madness!

    • eyelashviper

      And eating chips, lots of chips.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    dear Rep. Alturd,

    one of the benefits of legalizing Mary Janes is that it gives traffic cops the ability to issue citations for driving under the influence. it’s amazing as a deterrent because pot can make people paranoid so they won’t be stoned driving as much as drunk drivers will be drunk driving. it also too generates fine revenue that your party is so fond of.

    if you are planning on banning ALL OF THE DRUG, you might want to include the true gateway drug–alcohol. and banning oxy might be good for all of your economically anxious constituents.

    the damaging effects on the African American community related to pot are more about how we shouldn’t ruin their lives over a dime bag when we don’t ruin the lives of future (white) presidents over “youthful indiscretions” they were having with cocaine until the age of 40.

    grab your hatchet and burn your Willie Nelson albums, it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

  • Kooolest G

    “There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the U.S., and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz and swing result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.”

    as a professional “entertainer” I can tell you from personal experience, it’s not the marijuana that causes white women to seek sexual relations with us (it’s usually the alcohol) however I can’t speak for the negroes. oh and if 100k people smoke pot and most of them are negroes, hispanics, filipinos and entertainers, where are the white women who are smoking pot and having sex with these degenerate minorities? are they included in the 100k? or is it that the negroes and entertainers smoke pot and that makes non smoking white women more attracted to them?

    • Captain Kraut

      Yes.

    • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

      That 100,000 figure doesn’t include all the PARTIAL marijuana smokers.

      • just_jim

        I thought if you were PARTIALLY smoking marijuana you were doing it wrong.

        • Billy Wigglestaff

          But I never exhaled!

    • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

      Sorry, too stoned for math.

  • Arse Grammatica

    That list of musicians makes me want to subscribe.

    • Clark_Nova

      It’s an album cover, part III of an anthology.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Better mixed is “DOPE AND GLORY (on Trikont)
      similar lineup double cd but this series we also have (we vipers!)

  • nightmoth

    Saw this in the WaPo roundup this morning and thought it was hilarious. Now that I’ve watched the video, though, I’m mad as hell at this potbellied pontificating asshat. What else can you explain to us about African-American “character and genetics” oh, wise one? Never mind, I’ve heard it all from the KKK many years ago.

  • A Bashful Nobody

    Alford is so fucking stupid that it leaves me breathless.

    • gratuitous

      Makes you wonder what he’s been smoking, doesn’t it?

  • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

    Basically, people who use the word “basically” to start every thought are basically saying, “I don’t know what the actual fuck I’m talking about, but basically, you know what I mean.” Basically, that is.

    • Lefty Wright

      Well, not exactly. When I say “Basically, Trump is an incompetent jackass”, I know exactly what I’m talking about. Most people know what I mean, too.

      • JustDon’tSayLikeSmart

        That’s not enough basically’s.

    • keinsignal
  • nightmoth
  • ImGoingBacon

    ‘This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negros, entertainers, and any others’ – Anslinger realized that just by saying this, he lead lots of white women to actually try the dank, right?

  • BaTsHiT_cRaZy

    Cannabis science continues to progress, just as the underground grow movement of the past 50 years has. Because of the Schedule 1 status of cannabis, significant limits exist on research. This is fully a medical crime. In spite of it, we will see continuing advances in grow science, phenotyping of strains, and research and understanding of the medical applications of the range of cannabinoids found in cannabis. One need only search PubMed to see the already existing validated research as it pertains to a wide variety of disease treatment. When eventually prohibition is lifted, people will look back in disgust and disbelieve at the anti-science agenda perpetrated by politicians who use cannabis as a self-serving political exploit.

  • priorities, Kansas. priorities.

  • sillyclucker

    Alford’s worried that more marijuana smokers means less snacks for him.

  • Moar Wordz

    Andrew E. Lelling seems nice !
    ” Deciding, in advance, to immunize a certain category of actors…”
    Mebbe *baaaaaaad* actors ?!
    I argue he means those ” certain categories of participants in the state level marijuana trade. ”
    Vendors. Start-up medical marijuana distribution companies in MA. Existing medical marijuana outlets. IDK what the hell they’re called. Dispensaries -Eureka ! I’ve found the word !
    Cause for celebration.
    Toke -cough- Hey, maaaaaaaaaaan, ya wanna get grooooooovy ?!?!
    Though the choice of the word ” actor ” is suspect.
    I wonder if the Attorney General of the State of Massachusetts will be prosecuting Sonja Fakan, or was it Farak ? Anytime soon. She was in charge of testing police evidence at the Amherst Crime lab, er, on A STATE level. Was SMOKING that shit on the regular.

  • John Shippley

    And before Marijuana there were American Indians going crazy with the white man’s firewater. Notice how the firewater was OK but the Native Americans not so much with or without the firewater.

  • lurch394

    When I moved there almost 36 years ago (I have long since left), I saw actual bumper stickers reading “Welcome to Kansas–turn your clock back 20 years.” This state long had some of the most restrictive liquor laws. However, the local “ditchweed” was very smokable. A place with that agricultural abundance was not going to remain in Prohibition very well–not when marijuana, wheat, hops, and other good fermentables/distillables grow there. That and an underlying racism Alford so ably displays have made life in the Sunflower State strange, to say the least. But Kansas has always liked money: being home to both peace-loving Mennonites and parts of the military-industrial complex has been a contradiction the state will gladly endure. Kansas now has brewpubs–can marijuana profits be that far behind?

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