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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today!

Trump’s lawyers are nervously chewing their pencils as they try to figure out how Robert Mueller would interview Trump, if it actually happens. (It’s definitely not going to happen.)

Robert Mueller had ANOTHER chat with the Russian lawyer lady who tried to give DJTJ “dirt” on Hillary Clinton after finding out about a couple of other people she talked to that day in Trump Tower.

There was a fire at Trump Tower in New York this morning. Normally, you go outside to burn shredded documents.

During an interview with Trump’s mini-Mussolini, Stephen Miller, Jake Tapper got fed up with all of Miller’s bullshit and cut his mic. Like a good little Trumper, Miller threw a temper tantrum and refused to leave the set, and was escorted out by security. [Video]

Oprah accepted the Cecil B. DeMille Award at the Golden Globes and gave an inspiring speech in support of women and the #MeToo movement, prompting everyone to run to Twitter and say #ShesRunning. [Video]

Trump is delaying his “Fake News Awards” to Jan. 17, but nobody knows what they actually are beyond more Trumpian Twitter nonsense.

Republicans who attended the Siberian slumber party at Camp David this weekend agreed to “sell 2017” accomplishments and blame Democrats for their own inability to achieve anything beyond screwing poor people.

Even though Congress is expected to kick the can down the road (AGAIN), Dreamers are the cornerstone of all the budget talks as Democrats draw a line in the desert sand.

Steve Bannon is super sorry for talking all that shit about Trump’s kids, so he pulled his cock out of his mouth to kiss Trump’s ass.

Trump spends most of his mornings sitting in bed shoving his face full of fast food, firing off mean tweets while watching teevee and chit-chatting on the phone, a scheduling detail known as “Executive Time,” that has him avoiding executives duties until 11 a.m.

Just before Jared Kushner fucked off to Israel last year, Jared’s family business received a $30 million investment from a major Israeli financial company for Kushner Co.’s Baltimore slums.

The SEC is investigating Jared Kushner’s business after reports began to surface that Kushner Companies would give Not Americans EB-5 visas for $500,000. [Archive

Pfizer is bailing out of researching drugs for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease and laying off 300 people, after it was deemed no longer cost-effective. Remember, Pfizer just got a $38.8 billion Trump/Ryan tax cut and bought back $16.4 billion of its own stock. [Archive]

Republicans are calling bullshit on data showing federal workers are paid less than the private sector, and they’re considering a pay freeze on top of cutting retirement and health-care benefits.

The Trump administration is expected to announce a plan to use diplomats and military attaches as overseas arms dealers in an effort to make American weapons manufacturers rich as fuck again.

An Air Force commander was “You’re Fired” for being an “egocentric” asshole who bummed everybody out, harassed a transgender airman, and shoved Biblical bullshit down everyone’s throats.

A suspected white supremacist has been arrested on terrorism charges after he tried to derail an Amtrak train in Nebraska.

One of the women who accused ALLEGED pedophile Roy Moore of playing grab ass with her had her house mysteriously burn down, so a bunch of tech guys raised $160,000 for her.

There’s a school shooting simulator being marketed towards law enforcement officials and teachers to train them on how to handle a school shooting. Yes, there’s an option to play as the shooter.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! BABY GOATS!

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  • Nounverb911
    • weejee
    • Martini A, very stable genius

      Most plausible explanation for this conflagration yet.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      With all the coffee boys the Trumps employ, this really shouldn’t have been a problem.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      Poor Eric. I hope they remember to feed and walk him.

    • Grokenstein

      “Uh-oh. Grampa tried to use the microwave again” — MST3K

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGBu7sOPHK8

  • Asterix

    I have a lot of respect for Oprah but do not, under any circumstances, want another television, media, celebrity, whatever, running for president. Just no.

    • Empress of the Iguana People

      I hear you. Plus, she inflicted “Dr.” Phil and Dr. Oz on us.

      • Bananas Foster

        That is not brought up enough.

      • Kurt Weil

        Dr. Oz needs a rocket ride into the sun.

      • Like Really Smart Radio

        I always forget about those dick weasels.

        (Dear autocorrect: there is no such thing as a duck weasel. Don’t censor me)

    • rosenbomb

      just on principle, I would rather have any woman as president than what we have now. but the 2020 election is not important right now…the midterms are. we have a lot of fighting left to do before we get to the next presidential race.

      • divegrl

        Absolutely! And campaigning has already started. I would encourage all of you to get involved with the candidate of your choice! They will be grateful for any time/effort you can spare.

    • Bananas Foster

      And no legacy/nepotism/American royalty candidates either, also, too.

      • rosenbomb

        but…we can have Malia Obama someday, right? ;)

        • Bananas Foster

          If she proves her worth as a candidate/president in her own right.

          • rosenbomb

            I get that. In actuality, I hope the Obama kids get to have long lives that don’t involve the scrutiny of White House life. That whole family deserves it.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        This was sort of my response to calls for Michelle Obama to run. I love her, and I would absolutely vote for her. But I think it’s healthier if a small number of families don’t pass the presidency back and forth.

        • Bananas Foster

          I love her too.

          I absolutely do not want her to run. I do not want anyone to run who is only even mentioned solely because of their relationship with another politician.

      • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

        This is even more doubly true NOW. Assuming the world finds a way to survive a Dampnut presnitcy, I’m positive it would never ever ever make it through a Javanka one.

      • Cock Blockula

        That was my concern when Hillary and Jeb have run for office. I do not want political dynasties in politics. It seems to have become a family racket for some.

        • cmd resistor

          At least Hillary would have only been Clinton #2. Jeb at #3 was too much.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I never counted Hillary as a dynasty. She may very well have run on her own if she hadn’t married Bill, and she might have had an easier time of it if not for all the time in the public spotlight as Bill’s wife.

  • Nounverb911
    • They’re going to start coming in earlier — we’re doing a couple of things a little different behind the scenes. You shouldn’t notice much! :D https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/88fc7b774fe992969585297b8620f3d8f0020980eabcc4e765cf7597fadd55a4.jpg

      • Martini A, very stable genius

        What?!! They better be giving you a big-ass raise for the 1/2 hour of sleep you are going to be missing!

      • Gayer Than Thou

        …doing a couple of things a little different behind the scenes…

        I.e., got a good deal on a Russian bot farm.

        • Like Really Smart Radio

          Lori was buggy this morning, FYI

      • sarafina

        That looks just like my niece’s dog Rosie!! Except no shower cap, but she needs a larger sweater. It’s chilly in TX this week.

  • Nounverb911
    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      I guess someone thinks that gif is appetizing, but I think it looks like something out of Alien 3.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I found it oddly disturbing.

      • Ellie

        I was thinking that it reminded me of The Blob, except it’s the wrong color.

    • Dutchman

      Vas ist das?

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      Oh my god. That is so erotic. Or sensual, I mean, I don’t know. It pleases me like the cilantro cutting video.

      • Shan

        Is that you, Resistor?

        • Like Really Smart Radio

          It me! But I’m, like, really smart now.

          • Shan

            Oh, good.

  • Nounverb911
    • Gayer Than Thou

      This is one of my favorite gifs.

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      My coffee pot gave up the ghost this morning. I had to drink some of my hurricane stash of instant coffee. The horror! The horror!

      • Martini A, very stable genius

        Aaarg, the humanity! I’d almost rather go without than drink instant, but I do have this caffeine addiction problem to cope with…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        You do know you can just heat up water in a pan, pour in the coffee and then bring it to a boil and strain it through a strainer, right?…

        • Oblios_Cap

          Too much work before the first cup of coffee.

      • Ms.Moon

        I bought my mom a french press for just such an emergency.

      • Coffee pot? Hello 1980!

    • Shan

      I used to think he was so handsome but now he kinda creeps me out.

      • Martini A, very stable genius

        I’m amazed at how little he’s aged in the last 20ish years. Healthy living? Pact with the Devil? Unclear.

        • sarafina

          He looks old to me now.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Yes, there’s an option to play as the shooter.

    Well, that’s just what I want to hear my first day back at the office. Do you get little achievement medals based on how many kiddos you plug?

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    I found a GG video today to watch Oprah’s acceptance speech, and I loved it! That being said, I really hope she is not planning on a run for POTUS. Her heart is no doubt in the right place, but I think we’ve all had enough of wealthy celebs sucking all of the air out of the room for runs at public office.

    • weejee

      Totes agree. We are not the United States of Hollywood.

      • kareemachan

        So…. you’d rather have drumpster again? If that’s the choice, I would vote for her in a heartbeat. She’s savvy, young enough to handle the job, and 100X smarter than the shitgibbon.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          I don’t think anyone disagrees with that – if the choice truly were Oprah or Twitler, it’s no contest. But there are women of color in the Democratic party who have political experience and have held high office who might make better choices.

          • sarafina

            I’m not disagreeing – but what are their names?

        • Empress of the Iguana People

          Given the choice, of course I’d go with Oprah. However, I’d really rather someone with a smidgeon of political experience.

          • sarafina

            Al Franken had no experience. But he learned.

          • Empress of the Iguana People

            He also started somewhat lower on the food chain of politics.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Policy wonk!

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Yet.

    • jeffg166

      Oprah would be a major improvement. At least she has a brain. No more celebrity presidents would be my preference.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      This goes for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, too.

      I love these people, but if they really want to go into politics they need to prove what they mean and get involved in local politics first. If they want a vanity project, they can go slap their name on a movie or tv series as Executive Producer.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Oprah self disqualifies as a mega materialist acquisionist overconsumer capitalist apologist nothingist kitschist. Bad liberal no nod! no nod!

      • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

        Well now, she takes the high road, and does wonderful things, and gives great speeches.
        However, I’m old enough to have seen her when she was all about yellow TV “journalism” and exploitation.
        She rode into this high road on a very ugly low road, and I can’t forget that.

        • little miss high and mighty

          We cannot shop our way into an enlightened society.
          Oprah is far too much into her stuff and her “her’s”.
          Earth’s resources are dwindling and overconsumption is the reason.

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      I’m a big proponent of celebrities pretending they’re going to run, like Oprah, Clooney. Give the right wing attack machine a juicy target to get all het up about while the real, serious contenders are quietly laying the groundwork for their own runs behind the scenes.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Hmmm… I like the way you think.

  • weejee
  • Gayer Than Thou

    I don’t know if I want Oprah to run or not – Luvvie Ajayi was tweeting “no” this morning on the grounds that she couldn’t bear to see Oprah treated the way Obama was treated (and worse, because the treatment would end up being Obama plus Hillary). After Twitler’s election, I was firmly in the “no more celebrities ever” camp. But a few things occur to me, but they all boil down to this: Oprah wouldn’t embarrass us.

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      True that. And the policy announcements would be exciting:

      “You get a peace treaty, and *you* get a peace treaty…!”

      • Empress of the Iguana People

        that image made me lol in reality

    • Papy Bush barfed on the Chinese head of state. I’m sure something would happen if Oprah were to run/win. I’m in the “No celebs” camp. Politics is already a cut-throat game for ugly nerds, not a fuck fest for beauty pageant owners/winners or movie stars. I’d sooner vote for the ugly nerd who puts his policies down on a spread sheet and says, “This is how we’d be able to solve the student debt crisis. This is how we’d alocate money to repair infrastructure, and how we’d do repair Middle America. This is how we’d start mandating a robust cyber security policy, and create a more free and open internet to increase developmental comprehension among children and adults.”
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/15b6241a55c6eeeccdd94f337909ee7437024869b90cf93849e429675b0f0b11.jpg .”
      #MakePoliticsBoringAgain

      • Oblios_Cap

        I thought Papy barfed on the Japanese guy.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Corgi for President!

      • PubOption

        Just make sure that the nerd is healthy. Your description is close to how John Smith almost became Prime Minister of the UK, but unfortunately he died and was replaced by Tony Blair.

      • Like Really Smart Radio

        I’m into stuff too, but that stuff doesn’t make it to the news.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        This is ultimately what I think too. I we over-emphasize the “great leader”/”inspiring speaker”/”seems like a pal” part of being President, and that draws us to celebrities. But the presidency is probably the hardest job there is, and it’s no place for amateurs, even highly accomplished amateurs.

      • sarafina

        See, we ALREADY KNOW HOW TO FIX PROBLEMS. In Al Franken’s last book, he said the best way to get competent, stable, intelligent adults is more $$ for early childhood education. It’s been proven many times one dollar put into the WIC program returns multiple dollars in lower costs later. Getting rid of Dreamers has been shown to COST (in $$$) much more than allowing them to stay. California has figured out how to reduce maternal/newborn mortality – but it costs money. The problem, as I see it, is electing people who care for citizens more than $$$.

    • Mpeg

      Depending who you talk to – – Oprah’s appeal across viewers who are otherwise consistently bigotry-inclined transcends a lot of the usual hostility. I am not aware yet what attitudes Oprah’s received *lately* but I remember being amazed when a friend of mine, whose parents were all into NASCAR and full-on redneck status here in the South, told me her mom worshiped Oprah and, added, “She doesn’t think Oprah’s really black.”
      Not exactly reassuring as it simply means perceptive confusion trumps erstwhile racist disposition but, at that time I bet my friend’s mom would’ve voted for Oprah for President. (This was late 1990s though – – everything’s changed now…)~

      • Like Really Smart Radio

        White women LOVE them some Oprah.

    • (((Sedagive)))

      I’ve been saying if for a while: Oprah for POTUS!

      Smart, tough, reads a lot, knows her history, ain’t gonna take no shit. Huge amount of goodwill, inspiring American rags-to-riches success story, actually runs her own media empire. Most of all: HARPO.

      It’s time.

    • Cock Blockula

      Our non-commenter, Bub,the Cynical Zombie, posted a tweet from someone about how Oprah is a bullshit peddler (e.g., Jenny McCarthy, anti-vax, Dr Phil (jerk!), Dr. Oz (woo-woo artist), etc.) I do not want to see Oprah run for office for those reasons. She is not well-grounded in reality and I suspect she has the same narcissistic tendencies as Trump.

      Good speech though…

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    It’s kind of good news that the Mueller and Stable Genius teams are talking about interviews, don’t you think?

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      Seems like. Now that it’s out there, he either needs to talk to Mueller or explain why he won’t. I hope there’s at least one patriot in his orbit who’s whispering in his ear “you need to talk to him. He knows you’re not guilty, but you know the guys downtown, they need him to talk to you so he can wrap this up, just so he can finish his paperwork and then tell everyone you’re innocent.” (That was a half-assed Columbo impression)

  • Reximus
  • Oblios_Cap

    Republicans who attended the Siberian slumber party at Camp David

    But no elves were allowed. Orcs only.

  • rosenbomb

    Teacher friend here in Idaho told me about the school shooting “training” they are required to do here. She was required to bring in something that could be used as a weapon, to store in her classroom. She chose a baseball bat.

    We are asking teachers to have weapons on hand in case they need them.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      My daughter-in-law is a teacher. One day her school was locked down over a nearby gun threat. She and her students were in the classroom for hours. They used the wastebasket as a toilet.

      My friend who is a teacher was also in a lockdown. She texted me as it was happening. Her students asked her if they were going to die.

      #ThanksNRA
      The World’s Best Terrorist Organization™

      • Like Really Smart Radio

        That’s heartbreaking. I hear about those kinda lockdowns all the time but I never really considered th logistics, like going to the bathroom or needing water. Poor kiddos and teachers.

      • Empress of the Iguana People

        My mentor teacher had to go looking for 2 students who’d gone to the office and the lav when a murderer tried to escape the police by running through the school. Talk about terrifying. And Matt was and is no shrinking violet

      • Vienna Woods

        I was in a real lockdown back in grade nine in 1975 for several hours. It was terrifying and people died in that incident. As a teacher I had to conduct lockdown drills. They were not good times for me. But at least the kids took it seriously after I told them my story.
        Really glad to be retired today. Roads are disgusting and my former board didn’t cancel.

    • Me not sure

      All I had was a Bostitch stapler. …Not even a Swingline.

  • Nounverb911
    • Nockular cavity

      Fuck. Shouldn’t Bannon be, like, Red Skull or something?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Pfizer is bailing out of researching drugs for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease and laying off 300 people, after it was deemed no longer cost-effective. Remember, Pfizer just got a $38.8 billion Trump/Ryan tax cut and bought back $16.4 billion of its own stock.

    Another example of the greatness of capitalism!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Is “buying back…its own stock” a euphemism for autofellation?

      /asking for a friend

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Pfizer is bailing out of researching drugs for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease and laying off 300 people, after it was deemed no longer cost-effective.

    This gives me a raging anti-boner.

    • Ellie

      I would never with Alzheimer’s on anyone, but I know a whole bunch of pharma bros and politicians I would not feel sorry for if they were afflicted with Parkinson’s disease. I’ll repent tomorrow.

  • Tetman Callis

    Trump will collude in no interview with that FBI man. Instead, he will issue an affidavit from the Throne Room, wherein he will attest to his absolute honesty in all matters, past, present, and future. He will notarize the affidavit himself, there being no one more qualified than he to attest to his Yooge(tm)* honesty. If that’s not good enough for the haters, that’s just too bad, he has more important things to do, which he will tell the world about whenever he feels like it. So there.

    *not really t-marked, so far as i know

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      silly wabbit! Trump doesn’t issue affidavits from the toilet. he calls his lawyers to have them issue a YOOGELY, BEAUTIFUL letter because, as has been alleged, he can’t read and thinks letters take care of everything as long as they are sent via FedEx certified post.

    • Me not sure

      Can one tweet an affidavit?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Oh no. He’ll talk to Mueller. Because Trump is smart. Smarter than his lawyers. Smarter than anyone. He has the words to clear this whole Russia thing up. Believe him.

    • Jeffery Campbell
      • PubOption

        Commodious.

      • Cock Blockula

        Fake! There’s no gold plating!

  • Nounverb911
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Ok, this shit right here. If the Trump’s are insisting mightily that they had nothing to do with WikiLeaks ratfuckery in the election, wouldn’t doing THIS suggest that they are in deep cahoots??? They aren’t even trying to hide who they’re in the tank for anymore.

  • Kurt Weil

    Wait, whose cock was in Steve Bannon’s mouth? Trump’s or his own?

    Wait, did I type that or just think it?

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      his own according to the Mooch.

      • Me not sure

        Sloppy, either way.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Both, during the apology.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        objection: Trump cock not in evidence.

    • Paperless Tiger

      It’s on everyone’s lips.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        It would be irresponsible not to talk about it.

        Signed, Cokie.

    • Parakeetist

      No thanks for the image

  • Me not sure

    The Stephen Miller action figure, unlike Uncle Reinhart’s, will come complete with two CNN security guards. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/20dbd78e8ca069c38118760af0d4d6f77dd7a75af9a8f7bb104381c595feccd4.jpg

    • little miss high and mighty

      at least he got assasinated in Czech, (1944?)

      • Me not sure

        He was cancelled by Czechs in 1942.

        • little miss high and mighty

          should a been sooooner

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Bounced.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Misspelled Orangegropenfuhrer.

    • little miss high and mighty

      same eys, same (but more) hair same twitch and humourless nonesense.
      Fetal alcohol syndrome- ditto Gowdy

  • Oblios_Cap

    An Air Force commander was “You’re Fired” for being an “egocentric” asshole who bummed everybody out, harassed a transgender airman, and shoved Biblical bullshit down everyone’s throats.

    They could only find one? They’re obviously not looking hard enough.

  • Nounverb911

    And he set fire to the pig’s house in NYC….
    https://twitter.com/mortenmorland/status/949945344695111681

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hah! She’d never get that close to his bed….

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I don’t envy anyone who has to interview Twitler. I don’t know what kind of mental/personality issues he has, but we’ve all talked to someone like that – you’re not going to get anything useful and it’s going to be exhausting. But I would assume that Mueller and his team will think very carefully about the questions to ask and how to ask them.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      1. Why did you make Melania cry?….

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Would it be something like this?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctHj7R35dL0&t=51s

      • Doug Langley

        Wow, he’s even better than Alec Baldwin.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Yeah he is awesome. The guy playing Don jr too.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Trump will have his lawyers there. Crom help them. Trump is the smartest guy in the room. Way smarter than Mueller. Bigly.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      If they do give him a pre-screened list of questions, I guarantee Mueller and the Justice league will ask certain questions that they expect Trump’s dumb minions to try witness tampering and conspiring to fudge their responses. I would expect Mueller would have confidential informants watching and recording everything.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Yeah, I think the only point would be to get him to further incriminate himself.

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie

    With regards to the “Oprah 2020” nonsense, I agree with this:
    https://twitter.com/rebeccawatson/status/950218180479209472

    • little miss high and mighty

      identitypolitic empress
      no need
      not even !

    • sarafina

      Oh Christ, let’s see if we survive 2018 before doing that shit.

    • Cock Blockula

      I’d hire her as a speechwriter.

      Or hire her speechwriter.

      But yeah, the Woo is strong with Oprah.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A Nazi tried to derail an Amtrak train? We really need to get that Muslim travel ban up and running.

    • Impatient

      Multiple counts of attempted murder? Just non-joking. Sorry.

  • Left Coast Tom

    President Trump is starting his official day much later than he did in
    the early days of his presidency
    , often around 11am, and holding far
    fewer meetings, according to copies of his private schedule shown to
    Axios.

    His “presidency” isn’t even a year old.

    • Oblios_Cap
      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        the orange shitgibbon needs his comb-over rest.

      • HooverVilles

        Too bad he was borned with a non-rechargable life battery. Looks like this battery is dangerously low.

      • Vienna Woods
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Holy fuck. He’s in bed at 6 every night stuffing his pie hole with cheeseburgers and watching tv, and he can’t get his fat ass to work before 11? And he fucking lives there. But yeah, much harder working than Obama, though.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        well, Obama didn’t work hard enough on his golf swing.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He’s black. All athletic talent is “natural”. They never practice or anything the way white people have to.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        But Hillary was the one who didn’t have the stamina to be president.

      • NastyBossetti

        How do I get that kind of life? Do I have to run for president?

      • sarafina

        I actually think the LESS the orange shitgibbon does, the better.

      • cmd resistor

        So today he will go to Nashville and make some “remarks” and then go to the college football championship game in Atlanta. Tough work if you can get it.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          He was supposed to do his highly anticipated Fake Media Awards tonight, but the stupid fuck forgot he was going to the football game. But yeah, there’s nothing wrong with him.

      • He’s like the old SNL da bearz skit.

        Only with a NY accent.

    • PubOption

      Another year older and deeper in debt?

      • JohnBull

        Deeper in derp.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          And shit too…

    • It’s all relative if the ‘presidency’ doesn’t last.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So, no question now who Assmange works for.

    Also, too; prolly not a good idea to download any pirated copies of Fire and Fury.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210072922

    • frrolfe

      Prob malware is bestest reason not to download. (As mentioned by commenters on DU)

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • little miss high and mighty

      Where’s the drugz?

      • Bobathonic

        “Nutritious diet”?

        • little miss high and mighty

          C n, H2 n+1, +OH

          repeat procedure as needed.

  • Nounverb911

    https://twitter.com/EricTrump/status/950358952851755009
    (HAHAHa Fooled them, I finished burning the tax returns)

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      A fire in a cooling tower? THAT doesn’t sound fishy at all!

      • Left Coast Tom

        NYC must require a lot of air conditioning right now.

        • sarafina

          I thought the East Coast just got hammered by Mother Winter.

    • The most frightening words I’ve heard all day were, “NEVER FEAR! Erik Trump is here to save the day!” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7536c17cacdd5449993c2dc06501b6ae342d761c4861ebe73ffbed29f77dbe2f.gif

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      So….. no apology, Eric?…

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      “true heroes”

      I may as well say it: “Hero” has become meaningless. Putting out a “small electrical fire” is not heroic in the traditional sense.

      • MizzMazz

        And here I thought it was caused by someone’s lying pants.

      • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

        So has the word “survivor.”
        Following doctor’s orders, (however unpleasant), does not make me a breast cancer “survivor.”
        (Maybe I’ll change my mind, but I doubt it.)

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          Well, congratulations on kicking cancer’s ass. (It failed to survive you.)

          • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

            Thanks for the good wishes!
            I wish I was done, but I’ve just started. (Sorry I was unclear.)
            It’s just that I’m surrounded by the word “survivor,” and having grown up and heard it in a holocaust context, I can’t begin to consider it for this.
            The word “survivor” so over-used now, that the meaning is diluted.

          • Maggielle

            Oh, thanks for clearing that up. Sorry I didn’t realize that when I made my first comment. Here’s to you and your future as a healthy person who used to have cancer. (I can delete my other comment if it makes you uncomfortable.)

          • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

            No, no, no.
            No worries.
            Thanks for your future wishes!

        • Maggielle

          Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s not like it defines you, except in specific reference to the fact that you had breast cancer and were successfully treated for it. So you used to be a cancer patient, but now you’re not. Now you are a healthy person who used to have breast cancer.

          I guess “survivor” is the only short label anyone has come up with so far. It’s a different situation from being an AIDS patient v. a “person with HIV”, because the person with HIV is being successfully treated for an ongoing, probably chronic condition. You are not a person with breast cancer. You are a person who used to have breast cancer, which should be relevant only in terms of monitoring your health, filling out insurance forms, and giving other people insights based on your own experience. It’s all nervous-making for me, because “survivor” implies something about a person that the person who doesn’t survive breast cancer didn’t have, and I hate to weigh anyone down with those implications.

          Like my friend Kristi who died of metastatic breast cancer years ago, and she hadn’t even reached the age of 30. She tried hard to be a survivor..and, what….failed? No. She just had bad fucking luck. She didn’t fail to survive, she just fucking died.

          I’m guessing you know what I’m getting at here. Also, yay for your treatment: may you live long and prosper.

          • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

            My dad died of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma during the “You have to fight, visualize, and WANT to be better” era.
            I call this the “blame the victim” era.
            He wanted to live, but the cancer was too powerful.
            So sorry to hear about your friend.
            Neither of them “failed” at anything.

    • Cock Blockula

      And all this time I thought they had torched it for the insurance money.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Joke’s on them, Donnie forgot to pay the premiums!

    • cmd resistor

      So wingnuts are claiming the fire at Bill & Hillary’s place (in the building where the secret service hangs out) was them burning Clinton Foundation documents (although they were not home at the time.)

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I bet that school shooter game has a few easter eggs.

    In related news, we’ll be releasing a new game called “background check simulator” since our old game “pass sensible gun laws simulator” has been deemed too difficult to win. However, early beta testing reveals players don’t find the game very interesting.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • Oblios_Cap

      Almost the same as that asshole Lisa Benson’s cartoon today. They know how to stick to their talking points.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        From the RNC fax machines to their lips pencils.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      from Ben: If one types “Bannon cartoon” into a search engine, a great many very negative images will be presented, mostly showing an evil Steve Bannon dominating an incompetent President Trump.

      So, the cartoons are accurate.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That is not what Bannon distends his mouth for.

    • Martini A, very stable genius

      This might be the “best” Garrison yet. I know, not exactly a high bar.

      • Nockular cavity

        So…a Napoleon hat with a giant “T” on it is supposed to be…a good look for Trump? Okay, Ben.

        • rosenbomb

          By dressing Trump like that, is he admitting that dear leader is a thin-skinned, insecure man-baby with dictatorial aspirations?

          • PubOption

            “Not tonight, Melania.”

        • Longstreet63

          It’s funny, really. Napoleon normally wore a small round hat and a plain uniform. This image here owes itself primarily to British propaganda cartoons meant to demean a fellow who was, for all his faults, a master administrator and one of the best generals who ever lived.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Is that little tailey thing next to the turkey drumstick an aborted fetus?…

      • rosenbomb

        it looks like a rat. why is the rat bigger than the planet being spit out of the cannon? i have many questions.

      • And why IS there a turkey drumstick?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Again, you have to ask if this is pro-Trump. Like, ‘Cease fire! Shut up, you let the cat out the bag!’ Trump presents a unique challenge to his propagandists, probably because he is a pathological liar caught up in the public forum.

    • Doug Langley

      Wait – is he saying Bannon is saying nasty things at Trump’s order?? I iz confuzed.

    • Red Richmond

      Shouldn’t the Bannon-cannon be issuing from himself and also too have it’s barrel back up in his mouth? And what’s with the little Cap’n Crunch homunculus there in the bottom left?

      • bupkus231

        I thought that was a little too Napoleonic to be Cap’n Crunch…

  • Paperless Tiger

    Sure is a rash of unintentional signal fires.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Do goats ever faint in mid-hop?

    • Gosala

      Only the Madagascar Fainting Goats

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They do, which is why they are are not allowed to pilot for commuter airlines.

      • Longstreet63

        Yet another oppressive regulation to be scrapped by Trump this year…

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie

    I’d like the Wonketariat’s honest opinions – would you say that someone having #Christian on their Twitter profile amounts to “loudly professing” their Christianity?

    • Parakeetist

      No.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Fan of dudes named Christian mayhaps?

      • Crystalclear12

        That only applies to Tinder profiles.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        Or advertising for a 50 shades sugar daddy?

    • Like Really Smart Radio

      Yes.

    • Catstro, Very Stable Genius

      Yes

    • Crystalclear12

      They’re flaunting their oppression.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Not if it also has #Ronaldo on it.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s a safety label? Like #flammable or #earprotectionrequired ?

    • sarafina

      Not necessarily, depends on the other words in the profile/tweets.

    • dshwa

      I feel like if they need to hashtag it, they think people dont know they are “by their works.”

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Eyup. Exactly as they were TOLD not to.

    • miss_grundy

      If they have to proclaim themselves as “Christian”, they probably aren’t.

  • Bub, the like, cynical zombie
  • Nounverb911
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Those are supposed to be golden globes?

    • Maggielle

      I confess: I can’t help it. I still love Thelma and Louise and Atlantic City, as well as the short film she and Christopher Walken did a long time ago called Who Am I This Time?.

  • The Wanderer

    Considering there’s been years of noise coming from the US Air Force Academy that the “Christians” in the Colorado Springs area are using the school as their own little madrasa, I’m not surprised that this officer stepped on his dick.

    • sarafina

      I’m surprised, but glad, there are actually consequences for that nonsense.

    • Grokenstein

      Flabbergasted just reading the article (NOTE: Wonk’s link needs two of the last three characters deleted to work); when I was in the USAF (until 1993) not only did they NEVER report on this sort of thing (at ALL, let alone in such detail), this clown’s bigotry and bumbling incompetence was pretty much standard-issue. Feeling kind of good knowing they’re openly fighting it these days!

    • From Russia with Love

      If I got the right article in AF times, this fuck wasn’t even a line officer, he was a medical weenie. What the fuck would he know about fox holes and atheists or the lack thereof?

      • Longstreet63

        I’m afraid this sort of Christian always consider themselves experts on atheists.

        • Mentally Stable Ron

          Too bad they’re also completely ignorant about Christianity.

          • From Russia with Love

            Legally a non-combatant. I’d suggest his “fox hole knowledge” is a little scant as well.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I’ve been hearing it since 1997.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    …white…terrorism…

    “What? Those two things don’t go together! Next thing you’ll be telling me is there’s such a thing as white chocolate!”
    — A Trumpkin Media Watchdog

    • Msgr_MΩment

      #allchocolatematters

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      Nope, white chocolate isn’t really a thing.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I hear it’s the perfect accompaniment to canned clams.

        • Crystalclear12

          You monster!
          In the morning?!

          • The first time ever I tried ‘White Chocolate’?

            At Roy Moore’s old hunting ground: The Gadsden Mall.

            TRUE STORY!

            REVIEW: I thought it was NASTY.

        • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

          You MONSTER!

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        TECHNICALLY correct. But not morally.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        White chocolate is the result of starting with chocolate, and removing everything chocolatey about it.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      White Chocolate is my rap name.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Is there a rapper who goes by “Chocolate Milk” ?

  • Bobathonic

    Crikey, 11 is when I start looking for lunch! What a slug-a-bed!

    • Doug Langley

      The poor guy. Each day getting up at the crack of noon.

    • Zippy49

      These days, 11 is when I pour my first shot…

      I get up at 5, so that’s my day.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bub, the like, cynical zombie

      That would be funny if it weren’t so goddamned frightening.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Trump is really just another propagandist.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        Always has been. Usually for himself.

    • bbayliss

      Remember when people said fox repeats whatever the GOP wants them to, and someone said nope, other way around, and everyone laughed.

    • cmd resistor

      This is NOT NORMAL !!11!!

    • TundraGrifter

      I like to inquire with the Regressives if they can name a significant economic trend that changed direction during Mr. Trump’s time in the White House. That is – something that didn’t start under Mr. Obama. My research, to date, shows only the price of gas, up about 25%.

    • Reximus

      Savannah Strong….we can rebuild!

    • Longstreet63

      Horrors! It nearly obscured the grass! Where are the federal disaster funds?

      • Lesson I Learned The Past Week: Native Savannians do not appreciate the wisdom and advice of those of us transplanted from places where it REALLY snows….GET A BAG OF CAT LITTER AND SHUT UP CRASHINGING INTO EACH OTHER’S CARS, FERCRISSAKE.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          There was a charming article in the Washington Post over the weekend on that very subject by one of their social media assholes.

          Dear Northerners: We get that this weather is no big deal for you. Now please shut up.

          Hello! Good morning! Washington metropolitan area, you have woken and you are on your eighth day of being very cold. Which means, if you are originally from a place accustomed to lower temperatures — New Hampshire, say, or Ely, Minn. — you are on your eighth day of pompously explaining how you used to ice-pick your way to the office while riding the carcass of a frozen walrus.

          And you know what? Just stuff it.

          “I mean, I have dealt with cold weather,” says Alexandra Palombo, current Washingtonian. “I went to college in central New York. But there’s a certain smugness Northerners have about cold and their ability to handle it. We get it, you’re from a tundra. But I just think, why are you here, if it was so great?”

          • bupkus231

            I was there for a job – which is one thing in short supply in “central New York” [ I note that this excerpt doesn’t say where Ms. Palombo is from originally – but I’m betting it wasn’t anywhere near “north”. ]

          • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

            I used to live in Toronto.
            (Back me up, here Canadian Wonkers!)
            There’s a little “Top this!” game that people like to play.
            It goes: “You think Toronto is cold, try Montreal!”
            Then someone comes up and says: “You think Montreal is cold. try Medicine Hat!”
            And on and on…

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I’ve been in Detroit in January. You win, because I’m not even going to try.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Reminds me of the photo I saw of cars that were “stuck in the snow” on a Spanish highway for eight hours.. there was easily two or three inches on the ground. Not feet – inches. The even, I couldn’t do it.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Reminds me of a story I saw on the BBC, where authorities in East Anglia (I think) were sending out assistance to people who were devastated by a fierce snowstorm that left drifts as high as six inches in some places.

        Oh the humanity.

        • Zippy49

          A friend on the Isle of Man sent me a photo a couple of years ago, where the snow was ten feet deep along a major highway.

          That does not stop him from “doing a lap” on his vintage motorcycle every Boxing Day.

          Here in SoCal, snow is scenery. Our mountains have been bare, but that will change today and tomorrow! Doing a rain dance.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      As long as Mrs. Wilkes’ dining room is still in operation, all is well.

  • Nockular cavity

    From now on, “Executive time” will refer to, oh, you name it: doing bong rips, chilling with the cat, sitting on the john…whatever you want!

    • Paperless Tiger

      See below. He may just need more time to coordinate talking points with Fox. The propaganda is mission critical now.

    • cmd resistor

      Reminds me of day care schedules. Nap time. Quiet time. Free play time.

      • TundraGrifter

        You forgot juice and crackers.

        • cmd resistor

          I remember going to a parent meeting when kid was about 3. I guess they felt like they had to have some skills stuff to put in it so told me he was deficient in scissor cutting skills. I was so ashamed.

          • TundraGrifter

            Mr. Obama never released his school records. To this day we don’t know if he passed finger painting.

        • chezmoi

          Diet Coke and McDo’s fries.

      • Naytch
    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Reading Wonkette!

    • Cool, time to break out that imported Swiss artificial vagina!

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Free range organic vaginas only!

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      I think it was meant to be “excretive time” but was just misspelled.

      • Flatulus

        Bingo!

  • The only way Mueller is going to get to interview Trump is when he’s on the stand during his trial. If his lawyers are dumb enough to let him testify. Mind you, I’d like to see it.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      They’re busy arranging the insanity plea.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        All to likely to succeed.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Maybe- but it’s political suicide not to testify

  • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

    Link to the Air Force story is no longer active. Was the story removed from the original website?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    One of the women who accused ALLEGED pedophile Roy Moore of playing grab ass with her had her house mysteriously burn down, so a bunch of tech guys raised $160,000 for her.

    I know that’s what this morning’s stories said, but it was actually Katie Jacobs Stanton, an Obama administration official who recently transitioned to the tech sector, and anecdotally the people who signed their donations on GoFundMe seemed to be largely women (I certainly am).

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    We’ve got one more shot to stop the FCC’s efforts to roll back net neutrality.

    Yesterday, the FCC published the order it voted on in December that rolls back the protections that help keep the Internet open and free. Net neutrality—the principal that Internet service providers must treat all data on the Internet equally and not block, throttle, or charge extra or access to it—has been vital to growth of the Internet. The vast majority of Americans support net neutrality as its death only benefits companies like Comcast and AT&T. With the FCC’s just-published order, net neutrality is no longer the law.

    But just because the FCC has issued an order doesn’t mean that the telecom corporations have won. Under the Congressional Review Act, Congress can overrule any regulation issued by a government agency with a simple majority. Once the new rule is published in the federal register and the FCC submits a report to the House and Senate, Congress has a limited period of time to act. So let’s make sure they do.

    Ask Congress to stand up for the Internet and overrule the FCC’s order and restore Open Internet Order. This is about the future of the Internet as we know it, so let’s make sure Congress treats it that way. Please contact your Member of Congress and tell them to use the Congressional Review Act to save net neutrality.

    Thank you,

    Katharine Trendacosta
    Policy Analyst
    Electronic Frontier Foundation

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    The Fake News Awards are the WH staff’s latest attempt to distract Drumpf from nuking Asia.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    An Air Force commander was “You’re Fired” for being an “egocentric” asshole who bummed everybody out, harassed a transgender airman, and shoved Biblical bullshit down everyone’s throats.

    TFW the military is more woke than your average congresscritter

    • The Air Force, though, has long had a fundamentalism problem, including talibangelicals trying to convert Jewish and Catholic Academy cadets.

      • chezmoi

        Isn’t it the reason Mikey Weinstein founded the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, then the FRFF?

      • Jamoche

        Colorado Springs is home to a lot of fundevangelical organizations. And at least one shop that sells inflatable sheep. (Tech conference. Aussies and Kiwis. So many sheep jokes…)

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

    So, Lord Cheeto might/might not drop into our lil’ sportsball game here in ATL. So NO ONE gets to enjoy the game!

    I have to work downtown today, so this should be fun.

    Also, protests planned!
    http://www.ajc.com/news/naacp-plans-protest-trump-monday-championship-game/L2Gtp8bm0pVa1vYI5LjznM/

    • cmd resistor

      I still haven’t figured why he would even bother. Have read speculation that he thinks people will be happy to see him because the teams are from red states. But people who are going to this game aren’t going to see that asswipe. I also read he was going to be the guest of some VIP friend of Pence.

      • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

        He wants some sweet sweet crowd luv, but as you say this is all about the game. I predict he will cancel at the last minute.

        • cmd resistor

          The only other thing I thought was that they figured he was already close to Atlanta in Nashville?

      • TundraGrifter

        It’s kind of a rule in politics that you be very careful taking an office holder or a candidate to a sportsball game. From time to time the President will throw out the first ball – but, overall, most of the time the individual will get boo’d just because the folks in the stands can do it. For fun. Nothing personal. Still – a bad look on TV.

    • phoenix00

      He’ll make a beeline for the exit the moment the players kneel for the anthem.

      Just as planned.

      Just like Pencil.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    ‘Murrikkkan Capitalism!

    Ever wondered if you live close to a potential nuclear target?

    Even if you live in a small town or rural area… don’t think you are safe. Not all strategic targets are in heavily populated areas.

    Find out if your county is close to ground zero.

    US Nuclear Target Map. Do You Live in The Danger Zone?

    US Nuclear Target Map. Do You Live in The Danger Zone?

    I’ll also show you how a 70-year-old veteran built a small nuclear bunker a root cellar in his backyard with $421…

    Easy to Build Root Cellar in Your Own Back Yard

    • clairence

      If I lived close to a nuclear target, I would probably rather die immediately than hunker down in some make-shift “shelter” and then suffer the effects of severe radiation poisoning.

      • Tokays_don’t_blink

        That’s pretty much my take on it. Waving to the giant ‘shroom > living Fallout 4 in real time.

  • Jonny On Maui
    • eyelashviper

      Good idea, take an overdose of Viagra before boarding a plane..
      Murikin septulisms…

    • phoenix00

      His antics were met with stiff opposition!

  • SadDemInTex

    I’ve been reading the Wolff book and I think it is really good. Beg, borrow, buy…it is well worth your time.

    • eyelashviper

      Ordered it last week, just to annoy the Shitgibbon, and read the first few pages online, not bad so far. The guy can actually form sentences, paragraphs, use punctuation and spell…a first for anyone in the current WH.

  • clairence

    Trump thinks people actually care about his stupid ‘awards’. He’s a child constantly begging for approval and attention.

    He only hires the best sycophants. Like Miller. Who for some reason felt compelled to recite a composed spiel about the ‘grotesque’ book. Who TF calls a political book ‘grotesque’? It is NOT an ANIMAL!

    • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

      And who thinks he’d pick anyone but CNN anyways?

  • M.E. Lawrence

    What is it about baby goats? The fact that they not only like to climb up on stuff, but they also hop? It’s almost as cute as watching Kevin Durant skip down the court after an especially cool basket.

  • SDGeoff3

    Cute lil’ goatlets.

    • Maggielle

      I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: if you ever hear of goats being deployed to defoliate hillsides (for fire prevention) in your vicinity, you have to go see them. It’s the cutest thing ever. They are so industrious and yet playful, and they keep track of each other, and the handlers move the fences so the goats can cover more ground, and there’s usually a herding dog onsite to watch out for them. Way better than TV.

      • Evidence-based Fetus Demme
      • SDGeoff3

        I will go see them. It’s more fun than reading about the news.

      • Dinz6315

        More likely a guard dog. My niece has 2 Great Pyrénées for her goats. They aren’t herders, but they guard. They walk the perimeter regularly and give warning. And can they ever shut the coyotes up at night when they bellow.

  • phoenix00

    NO AWARD FOR WONKETTE?!?! This is a travesty!!!

    At least there are babby goats….

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