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We welcome our British readers to the blue-passport club! We are sorry to have heard about the recent troubles regarding your beautiful red ones, which as we understand it is one of the most pressing issues facing your nation. But we hope you will appreciate this Internet hug, in the form of an American discovering Toby Young and sharing with the world.

Toby Young had been appointed to a role on an advisory board, called the Office for Students, which is tasked with ensuring that there’s a decent return on investment in higher education. Toby Young is also the sort of man who might say this:

I would call him cartoonishly evil, but he doesn’t really rise to the level. He’s on track to be a low-rent Katie Hopkins if he keeps honing his skills, but for now he’s somewhere between Nigel Farage and Piers Morgan in the rankings of twattish British people.

His career began when his father, famed sociologist Baron Michael Young (who coined the word meritocracy) picked up the phone and had a chat to Oxford, who had rejected his son for matriculation. From there, he has slithered upwards through a series of spectacular career failures that would have destroyed a man who wasn’t good friends with Boris Johnson.

I mean this is a guy who started charter schools and then stepped down from running them because it turned out to be a difficult job.

“There is no question that it was arrogant of me to believe that just having high expectations and believing in the benefits of a knowledge-based education for all, that those things alone would be enough to create successful schools.”

Toby Young is such an incandescent triumph as a failure that he got a plum gig at Vanity Fair, then fucked it up so hard he wrote a book about the experience – How To Lose Friends And Alienate People – which was turned into a major motion picture. Young not only got kicked off the set of the movie, he wasn’t invited to its wrap party either. And when we say fucked up the gig, I mean wrote 3,000 words in years, collecting $84,000 in salary.

Here’s what the guy’s wife had to say about him:

For even though I went into marriage with Toby with my eyes wide open, there have been times when he has behaved in such spectacularly selfish ways that I have been left speechless.

And then she launched into the anecdote about the time her husband took the hot babysitter to a show instead of his wife, leaving the wife to watch the baby.

Toby Young’s greatest claim to fame is his ability to fuck up anything he touches and even his wife thinks he’s an asshole. But don’t take her word for it! Toby writes about what he thinks of as his hilarious hijinks, like this: 

 

which is, you’ll note, where he thought it would be witty and amusing to I guess trick gay ladies into kissing a boy and then having a pillow fight with him? (It turns out none of the lesbians wanted to kiss Toby Young.)

I mean, there’s just something very sad about someone who edits their own Wikipedia page hundreds of times.

In other words, Toby Young has spent his entire adult life being as generally disagreeable as he possibly can, and would now like it very much if people could please just let his youthful hijinks — like the time when the wee young lad of a mere 46 said that thing about Parma Lakshmi! Just a stripling, he was, and hardly someone who, as a result of a lifetime of self-inflicted humiliation, could be expected to understand what would happen as a result of his behavior!

So of course Young has been disinvited to sit on the committee in the end because I could seriously keep writing for about five hours and only have scratched the surface of the troubled youth that is Toby Young. (When you’re best mates with Boris Johnson and even Theresa May won’t stand by your side after she’s stood by Nigel Farage, Donald Trump, and fucking Boris Johnson, you have failed so catastrophically that even though the whole world watched it happen, you won’t sell that second movie because nobody would buy a film based on the premise that anyone could be so monumentally stupid.)

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! See, since everyone in pretty much the whole world started talking about how spectacularly unfit Toby Young is for any oversight of anything and he’s had to step down, he has become something of a cause celebre in conservative British circles! You see, this is censorship, and a mob, and a witch hunt, and anyway he deleted all fifty thousand offensive tweets, what’s the problem? This is NOT TO BE BORNE.

Toby Young will, most likely, not be working in British politics anytime soon. It is likely that he keeps writing columns and op-eds, and for that we can all be grateful because if we know one thing, it’s that Young can’t go more than a few weeks without entertaining us all, by which I mean give us at least five minutes when we shake our head in wonderment and think to ourselves “how is this guy still alive? Surely someone with so little sense of self-preservation would have had a fatal accident while he was learning to operate a kettle?”

This has been your introduction to Toby Young, Americans. He doesn’t do much of anything, and there’s no real reason he’s relevant, but he’s going to be fairly famous and well-off forever and we suppose that’s as good a statement on the validity of the meritocracy theory as anything we could dream up!

We do not have fathers who got us into Oxford so pay us here:

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  • MynameisBlarney

    Oh good goawd.
    What a piece of shit.

  • I would like to blame YouTube for helping to normalize being an obnoxious asshole a way to become famous, but in this case, it seems he’s been operating this way for all of his life.

    • IT’S JUST A PRANK, BRO! Is apparently a legal defence now.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “4 teh lulz, amirite”

  • gnomemansanisland

    What a jacksie.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Now, steady on, there!

    • Werewolf

      Wanker, tosser, etc.

  • Crank Tango

    I seem to recall him stinking up Top Chef, but it’s been a while.

  • Bananas Foster

    Did his dad coin “meritocracy” and then immediately condemn the concept?

    Because that’s the only way this makes sense.

    • Daniel

      “Coining” can also mean fraudulently making money.

    • goonemeritus

      He didn’t intend it to apply to his son for God sakes.

    • Grumpy Twat

      Lord Young seems to have been a decent cove. His shit of a son seems to have been fighting to get out from under his shadow all his life.
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Young,_Baron_Young_of_Dartington

  • lowenufc

    So there is the possibility that Trump could have a friend?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Remote, but I’ll allow it.

  • Michael R
  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    I understand our president invented fake news.

  • Treg Brown
    • Christopher Story

      Damn right.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Gods, I loved that bit.

  • Victoria Ricola

    And then she launched into the anecdote about the time her husband took the hot babysitter to a show instead of his wife, leaving the wife to watch the baby.

    *blink*

    What in the fuck?!?!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Hear that? That’s the sound of the GOP rushing to amend the Constitution so this guy can run for President.

  • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

    Does this mean Toby won’t be granted knighthood?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Knowing the Brits, you might be forgiven for expecting them to have an “Order of the Arsehole” for people like Toby.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      I’d be in favour of ennobling him by knighting him rather clumsily with a meat cleaver.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I look forward to Young moving to the United States to work for Fox, because this country has apparently become an Australian-style prison colony for the world’s misanthropic assholes.

  • Crystalclear12

    Obviously someone needs to tell his wife to stop helping him with the kettle.

  • janecita

    I just finished reading the Daily Mail story about Toby Young and his “lovely” wife. They are both HUGE assholes, they deserve each other.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I was going to ask, what kind of woman would voluntarily put up with this shithead?

    • Grumpy Twat
      • janecita

        Just click on the link. They both speak about their relationship. It’s terrible.

        • Grumpy Twat

          IKR? Why the fuck would you do that?
          Imagine how their kids must feel.

          It’s the Daily Mail that I was raising the alarm about. My mum reads that shitrag every day. It’s awful.

          • Teecha

            My mum was late to the airport and didn’t have time to pick a daily fucking mail on her way to visit me. And a good job too. I’ll not have that lying rag of lying lies in my flat.

          • Grumpy Twat

            Virgin Trains won’t even give ’em away for free!
            http://zelo-street.blogspot.co.uk/2018/01/virgin-trains-mail-ban-isnt.html

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I momentarily forgot that Virgin operates trains and was very very confused as to what on earth makes a train virginal.

          • Grumpy Twat

            Well, we don’t have many sleeper trains, these days.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Traveling in Spain years ago, my bf at the time was disappointed that we had to share our sleeper car with 2 other people and couldn’t get it on.
            I admit it has a rather North by Northwest appeal, though he was no Cary Grant.

          • Teecha

            Richard Branson is only 85%arse

  • Perkniticky

    So he is even a bigger twat than I originally thought. Why am I not surprised?

  • JohnBull

    No, cartoonishly evil is Monty Burns, but at least he gave a shit about higher education. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/af5d10d0165edcdffbf9bf8bd3e34510f7299a79ed75005eb77b4b0857db0105.gif

    • Raan

      “Yale could use an international airport, Mr. Burns.”

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Who are these people? They are listed like we should know them.

    Nigel Farage
    Piers Morgan (Is this like a dock in Jamaica?)
    Baron Michael Young
    Oxford
    Boris Johnson
    Parma Lakshmi
    Theresa May (No last name?)
    Surely Someone

    • Raan

      Boris Johnson used to be Mayor of London and he went on Top Gear and tried desperately to dodge Jeremy Clarkson’s questions.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk
      • Shan

        He seems fairly normal in that picture. Hw usually looks like he just got interrupted while masturbating.

        • OutOfOrbit

          Looks like a tRump spin-off to me

        • Blanche de Shambles

          It took them four hours to get that shot.

    • Stable Genius Jack

      Nigel Farage– Fire elemental named “Nigel”
      Piers Morgan– Knockoff furniture chain
      Baron Michael Young– Failed attempt at a DC version of Baron Zemo and Baron Von Strucker.
      Oxford– A type of shoe
      Boris Johnson– Male porn star born in Wallachia
      Parma Lakshmi– Star Wars character left on cutting room floor.
      Theresa May, if she wishes, but she doesn’t, so she won’t.

      • Raan

        And don’t call someone Shirley.

    • Grumpy Twat

      http://zelo-street.blogspot.co.uk/2018/01/toby-young-we-name-guilty-men.html

      Here is a list with explanations.

      The Zelo Street blog has been taking pot shots at Toby Young for a looong time.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Nigel Farage- cunt
      Piers Morgan (Is this like a dock in Jamaica?)- huge cunt
      Baron Michael Young- famous sociologist and this guy’s dad (it’s literally explained in the article)
      Oxford- posh university
      Boris Johnson- blithering idiot
      Padma Lakshmi- hosts a cooking contest, seems like a nice person
      Theresa May (No last name?)- Prime Minister of the UK (do try to keep up)
      Surely Someone- don’t call me Shirley

      • Kakariki

        It’s Padma Lakshmi actually.

        Her first name is misspelled in the article, but correct in the included Twitter post.

        And it is a US show, Top Chef, and I vaguely remember this guy from it, but didn’t realize until now that it was the same twat that all the Brits on Twitter have been having a field day with.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Yes, I’ve corrected the spelling. I don’t think it distracts from my other characterizations.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Padma is also an ex-wife of Salman Rushdie.

      • Last Hussar

        Theresa May is actually a robot.

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Is she still under warranty?

        • Petunia Cat

          Are you sure? I mean during the election campaign she had that look of utter disgust on her face when she was being shown little robots by school girls. It was truly operatic. I suppose that could be the effect of some weird intrarobot war. #BlammoBots

    • Oblios_Cap

      Oxford is a shoe, Boris is a clown, Niles is a xenophobe, Parma is an exotic cheese, and Teresa May make it to the end of the year still in office.

  • TimResistit

    I’m sorry but my goverment is filled to the brim with incompetent assholes and nazis, I cannot even focus on overseas politicians.

    • Crystalclear12

      But it’s funny when it’s happening to someone else.

    • Grumpy Twat

      Our politicians are learning directly from yours. That’s why I come here. To see what’s coming our way anytime soon.

      • Mentally Stable Ron

        They get to us Up Here first. Good luck, eh?

  • elviouslyqueer

    He doesn’t do much of anything, and there’s no real reason he’s relevant, but he’s going to be fairly famous and well-off forever

    Oh. For a second there I thought we were talking about Trump.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      There HAS to be a factory somewhere that turns out people like this.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Or maybe Rick Perry.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    You can call him Toby, but he prefers his real name, Cunt-A-Kintay

  • *sigh* I wish I was well off based on literally nothing but the happenstance of my birth. I mean, I’m a white male, so I sort of am, but still.

    • I imagine it’s slightly different to be born with a title though.

  • Ninja0980

    Will the karma fairy pay this guy a visit?

    • Probably not, and if she does, it won’t be enough of one.

    • OrG Unstable Genius

      It seems that Karma fairies can be bought off if the price is right. There are many examples.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    How did this guy even get married ? I know they say love makes you blind, but this goes beyond blindness.

    • Bigly smart jesterpunk

      They do say there is someone for everyone and from reading about both of them they are both shitty people.

    • Stable Genius Jack

      Love makes you stupid sometimes.

    • Meh, he’s not the ugliest of the twatwaffles that show up on the Wonket. Probably rich, I’d guess. I mean Munchkin has a hot golddigger wife, right?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      $$$$$$$$$$

      Well, actually, in this case it’s more like

      ££££££££££ .

      • Oblios_Cap

        She should have gone with the Euros. The Pound is losing value.

    • HarpyLibtart

      His daddy is a Baron, he hasn’t had the chin bred out of him and appears to possess a full set of teeth – have you SEEN the average member of the British peerage?
      Plus it’s amazing what personality flaws some people can overlook when there’s a nice fat trust fund involved.

  • Daniel

    I heard his firing being described as “feminist terrorism” by someone named Paul who felt the need to text in to the BBC’s feminist woman hosted news programme Victoria Derbyshire two days ago.

    I assumed Paul was Paul Joseph Watson, ineffable fuckwit and Alex Jones arse spider who has to date never been right about anything.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Upfisted for “Alex Jones arse spider” even though I have no idea who Paul Joseph Watson is. Nor, now, do I wish to have.

      • HarpyLibtart

        In this case ignorance is very much bliss

  • goonemeritus

    Back when those fog breathing bastards had colonies, they could have sent Toby to fuck up the lives of people they disliked even more then their own poor citizens.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      If they were really lucky, he might even have gone and gotten himself massacred by a Mahdi or someone.

    • Mentally Stable Ron

      Dear England:
      Please consider establishing moon colonies. You KNOW you want to – how long has Dan Dare been running?

  • Daniel

    I hope Jeremy Clarkson is watching this and realising all of it, literally all of it, is his fault.

    • MynameisBlarney

      There are still people butthurt over him being fired.

      • Daniel

        For nothing more than punching his boss in the face.

        • Petunia Cat

          I thought he was fired for saying the N-word and over and over and over and over again like one of those wind up toy monkeys. Only a racist. On the other hand I might’ve only imagined that. 🤔 🚙

          • Teecha

            Come on now, he was racist to more than one ethnic group- be fair to him and his achievements.

        • Hesavebread!

          More of an employee than his boss.

  • Grumpy Twat
    • Just… wow.

      • Grumpy Twat

        Such class, eh?

    • MynameisBlarney

      He seems nice.

      • Arolpin

        He seems nice NAZI.
        FTFY

    • Nockular cavity

      Wow.

      All these Nazi fuckers seem to be coming out of the woodwork these days, eh?

      • Grumpy Twat

        He was already regarded as an appalling little shit. But this. Jesus, he kept that quiet.

    • Regret

      Fuck me.

      Uhm, that could be taken the wrong way.
      The tone is exasperated, not horny or dominant.

      • stablegeniusahughes798

        Anybody who has spent any time with someone from England realises “Fuck Me” is just another way to say “Fuck my life.”

    • Petunia Cat

      Holy macaroni! Am I ever glad I read that. People, it’s very short. And full of eugenics! 🤢🤮🤧😠 We shall have to start calling Toby Young Oswald Mosley. It would be most helpful if Britain didn’t descend into fascism at this particular moment. #PrincessMichael

      • Grumpy Twat

        We are doing our best

    • HarpyLibtart

      Jesus tapdancing Christ, what the actual fuck though?
      And why is it lately that the Nazi/Rapist/Pedophile Venn diagrams are just one giant weak-chinned circle??
      Seriously, fuck this guy and his stupid pointy teeth unto the heat death of the universe.

    • javadavis

      So let me get this straight. These dudes hold an annual super-secret eugenics meeting, to which they invite idiots who disprove, practically by their very existence, those theories that they are ever so much smarter that those other people. That about right?

      • Grumpy Twat

        I think so. And just to fucking annoy me even more, University College, London is my alma mater, and has students from a diverse range of backgrounds.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Surely someone with so little sense of self-preservation would have had a fatal accident while he was learning to operate a kettle?

    Electric kettles have really cut down on thinning the upper class twits.

  • msanthropesmr

    Don’t we have sufficient domestic ne’er do wells? WE don’t need to import the fuckers.

    • Petunia Cat

      I know, especially when the queen keeps coming over every two years and costing us a million bucks. 😒👑

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Katie Hopkins crashed and burned so spectacularly that she actually got fired from the Daily Fail. Only to wash ashore in Canada, which is turning out to be the backup server for the WWE or wingnut welfare empire (#ThanksHarper), as the resident Ann Coulter impersonator at Rebel Media (aka Infowars North). But this Toby wanker sounds like he’s such a shitbag he could give Ezra Levant a run for his money. And that’s really saying something, because Ezra is a Jewish guy who defends the rights of Nazis, is on record as having called Pierre Trudeau a “slut,” dispatched one of his shit-disturbing Maplejugend “reporters” to the Charlottesville race riots, and egged on Justin Trudeau’s boxing opponent to beat him to death. I’d gladly watch Ezra and Toby in a pay-per-view cage match, if “cage match” means locking them both in a Faraday Cage where they have no access to the Internet ever again, and then throwing away the key.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Would there also be a jaguar in the cage? Or some large predatory cat?

      • puredog

        I think we can round up some leopards that are getting bored.

        • stablegeniusahughes798

          They still have 77,001 faces they haven’t eaten yet.

      • Edith Prickly, Stable Genius

        A Toronto raccoon.

      • Dinz6315

        Wolverine or GTFO.

        • Red Richmond

          Honey badger- the wolverine’s African Don’t Give A Fuck cousin.

    • Petunia Cat

      😮 I didn’t know Katie Hopkins was here! I barely know who she is but she says nasty things on Twitter. Besides, we have Margaret Wente we shouldn’t have to have another one.

      Ezra Levant is Canada’s Steven Miller. 🙄 But without the dead dead eyes. 😱

  • bryan lewis

    I remember this piece of used toilet paper from Top Chef where his primary role was to be incredibly cruel and make an overall jerk of himself. He lasted a few episodes (I guess he had a contract) and never came back. Why does anyone pay attention to this guy–oh! I am from the country that elected Trump president so who am I to be critical.

  • Martini A, very stable genius

    That’s idiotic joke about a dude wanting to be a lesbian; that was funny when I was maybe in fifth grade, and even then it became trite and overused. That a grown man would think it funny, eh… grow the fuck up, asshole.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ve always liked the Loudon Wainwright III song. So sue me.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idhxrZKlLvc

      • Regret

        Wanting to be a lesbian is fine for music or during a bull session, but it shouldn’t be something you actually act on.

  • Mentally Stable Ron

    Looking over Mr Young’s CV, I can only assume he’s planning a run for Presid… err, I mean, Prime Minister.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I say, he sounds downright Republican.

    • Pisto75666

      Or someone today’s Republicans aspire to be.

    • True Blue Tory Shite – they wish they could be rethuglicans. Oh and have held 3 and a bit brit passports. Brown cardboard first (yes only olds probably remember them), currently red (and yay for that) but the middle was – black. Its in front of me and I may be a bit iffy on colour coordination but I know my blue from black :)

      • Teecha

        I thought that too- my first two passports were black. But I looked it up, and apparently it was a very dark blue. I’m several thousand miles away from the drawer that it’s in, so I can’t check.

        • Hesavebread!

          I had a couple of the crappy cardboard one year passports and since then I can only remember the maroon ones. If I ever did have a black/blue one it will be in a drawer somewhere. I don’t care what colour my passport is as long as immigration can get the fucking automatic readers to read it.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    No travelogue of the swamp that is Toby Young is complete without his comment war with restaurant critic (and fellow Top Cheflebrity) Jay Rayner, who in ordinary company generally the asshole in the group himself:
    Toby:

    Americans seem to get a frisson of pleasure from seeing one of their countrymen being dressed down by a hoity-toity Englishman. It’s a welcome reminder of why they threw us out back in 1776. It flatters the self-image of Americans as plucky little underdogs ready to stand up to imperialist bullies – which is preferable to seeing themselves as imperialist bullies. When I lived in New York I was constantly struck by how quick Americans were to take offence at my remarks. It was as if the War of Independence had been fought the previous week and they were only just emerging from the yoke of colonial oppression.

    This is something that Jamie Oliver clearly doesn’t understand. The entire country is in the grip of a massive inferiority complex. This seems at odds with America’s status as the world’s only superpower, but the country’s success is intimately bound up with its acute status anxiety. The desire to prove themselves is where the people’s extraordinary dynamism and energy comes from.

    Jay:

    I need to find a careful way to phrase this but… Toby, as you know, I also judge on part of the Top Chef franchise. And while I make no claims for myself, I can happily report there is no baying mob at the door, dressed like extras out of American Gothic, wielding burning stakes and pitchforks.

    So consider this. Perhaps Americans don’t hate people being British. Perhaps they just hate you.

    Toby:

    I need to find a careful way to phrase this, Jay, but … your pronouncements on Top Chef Masters have been … a tad bland. I feel that if your Top Chef persona was more like that of your Observer persona — a bold, incisive critic, not afraid to call it as you see it — you might actually register with the American public. As it is …

    P.S. I’m grateful you were so “careful” in your choice of phrasing, Jay. I’d hate to think what you might have said if you were being careless.

    Jay:

    Well if I was being careless Toby, love, I’d point out that trying to extrapolate a single universal truth about the way people respond to the British, solely based on the way people respond to you in particular, would be – indeed is – an act of self-delusion so magisterial it deserves to have prose poems written about it.

    Jesus, you wrote a whole book about how badly you fucked up in the US while weirdly, lots of other people went on to have very nice magazine journalism careers there.

    But saying that would, as I say, be terribly careless and I do like to think before typing.

    As to Top Chef Masters, I dunno, do you mind if I decide that people not hating means I’m doing something right, not wrong? As to registering, i don’t really score these things. I leave that to others.

    • HarpyLibtart

      I love British snark so much…it’s so viciously genteel. :P

  • Jo Mathie
  • Vorhees

    And then she launched into the anecdote about the time her husband took the hot babysitter to a show instead of his wife, leaving the wife to watch the baby.

    and she’s still his wife????

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Prenup was my first thought.

    • Magnificent Mopery.

      She’s either a complete moron, a masochist, or a classic case of marital Stockholm Syndrome.

    • anomie

      Something’s wrong with this picture.

      But then again… consider Melania..

  • Grokenstein

    Yeeeeeeesh. Can’t they just give this “wacky little man” a YouTube channel? I understand they have a shortage of “sociopath man-baby” content.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    His career began when his father, famed sociologist Baron Michael Young (who coined the word meritocracy) picked up the phone and had a chat to Oxford, who had rejected his son for matriculation. From there, he has slithered upwards through a series of spectacular career failures that would have destroyed a man who wasn’t good friends with Boris Johnson.

    Yes, that does sound like the kind of people who talk about meritocracy a lot.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6ba5b1060838b276b4c65631158e2ba4c78b491dbee84f5c6bf8516c7b9ff74c.gif

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    It is as refreshing as it is rare to read a story about a Total Dick in which the subject is not Donald Trump.

  • Teecha

    He’s such a fucking bellend. But happily the power of the internet and several thousand signatures on a petition and we got this thicker-and-more-bigoted-than-Gove-alike kicked out. Patronising fuckwit.

    I hope he chokes on his Duchy biscuits. With votes.

    • Magnificent Mopery.

      I looked it up. Bell end is Britsky for dick head.

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        My mind went to “bell curve, end of”. Left end of….

        • Grumpy Twat

          If you google “bell tent”, then think “trouser tent” you should get the picture.

      • Teecha

        Well. A dick rather than a dickhead. The bell end of the dick.

        • Magnificent Mopery.

          As one may say, the head of the dick. Dick head.

  • Lee O’Neill

    And you didn’t even mention the whole, y’know, pedophilia comments bits.

  • Daniel Hooper

    $84k for 3k words? That’s…*Does quick math*.., $2.80 per WORD. He can already fuck off for that; forget all the other stuff.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Uh…you’re off by 10x.

      • Daniel Hooper

        …I said it was quick math; never claimed it was right. That’s what I get for trying to work in extracurricular math during work.

        • handyhippie65

          golly, by admitting to a mistake without blaming someone else, you have just shown more class than the entire GOP. well done!

  • Last Hussar

    Tory party is stuffed to the gills with these fuckers. BoJo, Gove, Grayling, David Davies.

    • Me not sure

      Tories have gills? I KNEW IT!

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I couldn’t get through that Daily Fail article. JFC these people are atrocious. Goddam.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I mean wrote 3,000 words in years, collecting $84,000 in salary.

    That comes out to $28 a word. Jeez, and I think I’m doing well if I get 75 cents.

  • Parakeetist

    Wow, what a fucking asshole.

  • PinkGlitterPump

    He is a risible little wank splat.

  • Petunia Cat

    You missed his endless tweets about women’s breasts. Real gems like “Roddy Doyle‘s wife’s got huge knockers“ while watching an award show. Turned out it was Doyle‘s daughter. Ah, someone has kindly screenshotted them. And for Brits the big issue is that their weak and pathetic Prime Minister carried water for this middle school pervert. Gave him the job even after all this crap came out, but then he resigned. So hurrah. 🤢https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/36f9f257418a86b2026d90c0ae18781cd23bdece8b675444cfe68a1288fe4412.jpg

  • FeloniousMonk

    I understand that you had to leave out some aspects of Young, like his appalling views on eugenics, but some more on that just bubbled up today: https://www.theguardian.com/education/2018/jan/10/ucl-to-investigate-secret-eugenics-conference-held-on-campus

  • handyhippie65

    hey! teacher, leave those kids alone!

  • javadavis

    I don’t get how discovering a turd in your punch bowl and removing it equates to censorship.

    • OutOfOrbit

      you do mean remove the punch bowl (& not just the turd), right?

      • javadavis

        Depends on the punch. And the type of turd.

  • Kryptonian Canis

    So he’s spent a lifetime proving his father wrong?

    • Hesavebread!

      His father started it by pulling strings to get him into uni, where young Toby started complaining about people from poor backgrounds who got in on merit.

  • hvdv

    Toby Young has been a pest since the 1980s. He tried to be a writer, initially, and also tried to set the world record for how much blow a single person can do (allegedly). He even has a published book! I have read it, and it’s crap. It’s surprising to see him still alive, and to see his vileness has grown so bigly. Rich kids gone wrong, Brit style. While there are plenty of problems with current day Julie Burchill, here’s one she will always be right about .
    https://www.theguardian.com/media/2005/may/29/pressandpublishing.observerreview

    • Hesavebread!

      I had managed to miss him completely until a few weeks ago. I wish I had kept it that way.

      • hvdv

        Understandable. I’m unfortunate to have grown up in a shithole country, so.

        • Hesavebread!

          I’m probably not in a shithole country since we’re largely white and his mother was born here but you never know. We could be a shithole now that we build windfarms near his golf courses.

          • Hesavebread!

            By “his” I meant Trump.

  • jackduckworth

    the 50000 tweets were bad but they weren’t even the reason he had to resign.

    even worse: the story about him attending a secret eugenics conference with neo-nazis and pedophiles was missed by the mainstream press, and only picked up by a couple of student journalists.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Oddly enough, the offspring and I are rewatching old Top Chef seasons, and we’re up to season 5, in which Toby Young was a judge.

    Without knowing anything else about him, we decided that a) he’s a douchebag, and b) he’s the most openly self-impressed man we’d ever seen.

  • Zyxomma

    Among Brits, I prefer this Toby: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0429363/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

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