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Nope, this story is not over yet. While we all know Michael Wolff has a history of shall we say “creative” reporting, and thus we should not automatically assume every single claim he made in his new sexxx book about the Trump White House is true, we did examine one of Thursday’s exclusive excerpts through the lens of everything else we know about President High Chair Shits, and determined that Wolff isn’t telling us anything particularly groundbreaking. Therefore, we have little reason to question the spirit of the document, do we?

Having said that, Michael Wolff has published another excerpt, this time in the Merry Olde Englande version of GQ! It includes more nasty revelations, for instance that Tucker Carlson was offered the press secretary position, but very sadly for white supremacists who punch gay dudes in the bathroom everywhere, he declined.

Seriously, America, you could have had this guy, instead of Sarah Huckabee “Poot Lips McGillicuddy Jones” Sanders behind that podium:

For real, y’all, this was his show LAST NIGHT.

Oh well, America, OUR LOSS.

Here’s a funny anecdote, couched in a larger narrative about how Trump is too stupid to understand how the media works — yet is so, SO desperate for its approval — about how the White House just couldn’t figure out how to handle the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, considering how Trump is a thin-skinned loser with no sense of humor and a bad brain:

The central problem was that the president was neither inclined to make fun of himself, nor particularly funny himself – at least not, in [Kellyanne] Conway’s description, “in that kind of humorous way”.

Correct as usual, Kellyanne Conway! Trump is not “funny haha,” he is more “funny OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING.”

“He doesn’t appreciate cruel humour,” said Conway. “His style is more old-fashioned,” said [Hope] Hicks.

He doesn’t appreciate cruel humor?

Guess that’s just some of that “old-fashioned” humor Hope Hicks was talking about.

The burden here for Conway and Hicks was their understanding that the president did not see the media’s lack of regard for him as part of a political divide on which he stood on a particular side. Instead, he perceived it as a deep personal attack on him: for ­entirely unfair reasons, ad hominem reasons, the media just did not like him. Ridiculed him. Cruelly. Why?

Can’t imagine. Maybe he’s just a real piece of shit with no redeeming qualities. SHRUGGIE EMOTICON!

According to Wolff, though, Trump really really really wanted to do the WHCD, because he thought he would be very funny and would improvise and it would be YOOGE! Nobody agreed:

Almost nobody except the president himself thought he could pull off the Correspondents’ Dinner. His staff were terrified that he would die up there in front of a seething and contemptuous audience. Though he could dish it out, often very harshly, no one thought he could take it.

Because the entire West Wing staff knows how pathetic Trump really is. SAD!

In the end, it was reportedly Steve Bannon who convinced Trump not to do the WHCD, because THEY WERE AT WAR AGAINST THE #FAKENEWS, DAMMIT, WAR! Unfortunately, Bannon, despite how he is obviously a political genius, did not anticipate how this would make Trump look like the pajama boy cuck snowflake he really is.

The excerpt gives more background on the two women who plotted to keep Trump from shitting the bed at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Regarding Kellyanne Conway, Wolff writes that she kinda seems in private like she hates Trump, but became Trump’s favorite early on because of what a shameless liar she was. She was, as we all remember, shunted off the TV early in the administration, especially after “Morning Joe” turned on her, and according to Wolff, Jared ‘n’ Ivanka really hated her, derisively calling her “nails,” because of her shitty fingernail manicures. But #YetShePersisted (IN BEING A LYING TRUMP ASSHOLE), so now she gets to be on TV sometimes.

And then there’s Hope Hicks, who came from old Democratic Connecticut money to sit at the right hand of the Orange Shitmouth, and caters to his every need. We referenced this section earlier when we shared the anecdote about Trump telling Hicks what a hot piece of “tail” she was, awwwwwwww, Donald Trump is so caring and paternal. (He was trying to say, in his perverted sexual predator way, that Corey Lewandowski didn’t deserve her. ALL THE FEELS!)

Finally, Wolff tells the story of why Trump and Hope Hicks are always begging NYT’s Maggie Haberman for attention, and just how pathetic it is:

Beyond acknowledging that Trump was a boy from Queens yet in awe of the Times, nobody in the West Wing could explain why he and Hicks would so often turn to Haberman for what would so reliably be a mocking and hurtful portrayal. […] But however intent he remained on getting good ink in the Times, the president saw Haberman as “mean and horrible”. And yet, on a near-weekly basis, he and Hicks plotted when next to have the Times come in.

HIT ME AGAIN, MAGGIE HABERMAN! HIT ME! That is what Donald Trump says, we guess.

And occasionally, when she’s not blocking people on Twitter or doing really shitty journalism, Maggie Haberman obliges.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[GQ]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Just got back home after 4.5 hours in the Prius just because there’s no allergists in this Cthulhu-forsaken shithole. Insane Clown Pussygrabber do anything while I was out?

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Did his best Big Brother imitation. Spoiler: It kinda sucked.

    • Snowbound Ron

      He’s really nailing his ‘spoiled three-year-old’ impression.

    • chazmanr

      In 4.5 hours?! Haven’t you been paying attention? In that time, he could have started war with 3 nations, alienated 4 of our closest allies and still gotten in a round of golf.

  • Apple Scruff

    President Dotard threatens lawsuit, so publisher just announced it is bumping UP the release date!

    SO MANY LOLZ.

    • Snowbound Ron

      ‘Streisand Effect, how does it work?’

    • cmd resistor

      Yep, it will be out tomorrow, I saw.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      Winning! Duh!

    • chazmanr

      They should bump up the price. It’s like what predicting what song would be number 1 on Laser 558…just determine what song the BBC banned that week.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      People are individuals, not racial groups. What? The congressional districts are just drawn like that by coincidence.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    Hacky Moperman is playing hard to get?

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    He’d have gotten through maybe one joke. Maybe. Then the floodgates would have opened and the vitriol would flow.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And he would have stepped all over his dick. joke.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    For real, y’all, this was his show LAST NIGHT.

    What the fuck?
    WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

    • BMW

      I am beginning to suspect Tucker Carlson and Fox News may have an anti-black agenda.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Not hiding it anymore are they?

        • Snowbound Ron

          ‘Fox News. We hate ni**ers. There, we said it.’

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        We’re not racist! Why do you browns complain so much??

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      People are individuals, not racial groups. The congressional districts are just drawn like that by coincidence.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        White people are individuals. Black people are a racial group.

  • Crank Tango

    Poot Lips doesn’t exactly, how you say, flow off the tongue for me–can I just call her Fart Mouth instead?

    • BMW

      I saw the original article where the term was coined, but I don’t remember why we’re supposed to find it funny. It’s no “Walnuts,” that’s for sure.

  • Swampay

    Little Pig Boy comes from the dirt and wants MORE MORE MORE dirty filthy rumors about the Trumps

  • BMW
    • Snowbound Ron

      Compared to today, Rome’s decline was almost imperceptible.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Now we’re facing catastrophic failure writ large. 24 hour revolving clusterfuck!

  • Crank Tango

    He appreciates cruel, just not cruel humor.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He’s very serious about his cruel.

      • kilgoretrout

        He has no sense.

  • schmannity

    Tucker Carlson. Best people. Do not use in same sentence.

    • cmd resistor

      I have to say I think he’d be worse than Sarah. And that is saying a lot.

  • WIDTAP
    • tihond
      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        absolutely accurate
        absolutely accurate
        absolutely accurate
        absolutely accurate
        absolutely accurate
        absolutely accurate

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        “The Trumps, the Bannons, and the Dark side.”

    • DrBigHead

      I have to tell you, this tweet makes me very. very happy

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    Alas, poor Tucker. Sooner or later it seem to hit all the Trumpkins–aggravated spray tan abuse.

  • Michael Smith

    I always thought Haberman was too friendly to him, because she pays any attention to his stated intentions at all and doesn’t just say “HES FUCKING STUPID” for 2 pages. Guess some people are never happy.

    • Amy Bee

      She’s friendly so she can maintain access.

  • tihond

    Meanwhile, Trump researchs how much it would cost to get Bannon near some Polonium.

    • tihond

      Jokes on him though, Bannon has been slowly poisoning himself to build up a tolerance.

      • WIDTAP

        Explains the face.

      • thixotropic jerk

        I have it on good report that Bannon keeps a tubful of Chinese prisoner livers in his fridge for transplanting every few months so yeah, he may be harder to kill than Der Trumpie thought.

        • Snowbound Ron

          Ack… imagine him living as long as Kissinger or Darth Cheney…

  • ariel_gee_398

    Can anyone really prove that Sarah Huckabee Sanders is not just Tucker Carlson in a wig?

  • Clay Denton

    I thought Huckabee-Sanders had the funniest line of all. “The American people are interested in this soap-opera stuff…” Has she ever been in the supermarket check-out line? That ain’t World News and Report filling the magazine racks!

    • Amy Bee

      Trump once tweeted 11 times to and about Rob Pattinson when his girlfriend cheated on him. LOL. Trump LOVES soap opera stuff.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The American people (well, half of them) are interested in the porn.
      RELEASE THE PEE HOOKER TAPES!

    • JohnBull

      They weren’t interested in the Monica Lewinsky scandal, either, which is why nobody heard of it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Why would she go to a supermarket check-out line when she can get all the dead, diseased, freshly-clubbed and incinerated dogmeat she needs free of charge?

  • BMW

    At this rate I am going to have the whole book read before next week.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Yeah, but you’ll need to reread it in order to appreciate the narrative arc.

      • puredog

        Because of all the sense it makes an’ stuf.

  • DrBigHead

    All I can say is it is a good thing Tucker Carlson declined the job. If anything would have pushed me to a homicidal rage, it would have been that.

    • cmd resistor

      Yep, Spicer and Sarah combined couldn’t match him for evil and awfulness.

    • puredog

      If you don’t fulfill your homicidal rage destiny, how will you create legal jerbz?

      • DrBigHead

        You mean its that easy to be a job creator? Who knew?

        • puredog

          Yup. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He wouldn’t have lasted very long either.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He would have been a less-charming version of Scaramucci.

  • kilgoretrout

    Maggie Haberman is virtually Trump’s press secretary. She gives him an open mic every chance. I don’t see her as anti-Trump. I must be missing something.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      In Dumpy’s world, anti-him means “refuses to suck his cock in public while taking selfies.” You know, how the Faux-n-Fiends do.

  • cheetojeebus

    Tucker Carlson : ankle fucking poodle? You decide.

  • memzilla Ω
  • James

    Trump just got his response from the publisher of Steve Bannon’s book: A giant “stick your letter in your wherever.” Bwahahahaha.

    Breaking: @MichaelWolffNYC's "Fire and Fury" will now be released TOMORROW. Four days earlier than expected. Here's our story https://t.co/Pcdx2mnVRl— Brian Stelter (@brianstelter) January 4, 2018

    • Snowbound Ron

      Smart move; the way it’s been going today Wolff would have leaned the entire book to the press by Monday.

    • WIDTAP

      The book’s marketing is YUGE. Thanks Trump!

      • James

        And rumour is floating around the Intertubz that Steve Bannon is threatening to sue Donald Trump. The idea is to weaken him enough he can try to primary him in the next election.

        There isn’t enough popcorn in Nebraska for this.

        • WIDTAP

          You may have to cross over to Iowa for more corn!

          • James

            South Dakota, Wyoming, and Colorado are much closer. I need to rent a truck though because I can’t carry enough in my car.

            Either that or take a gallon jug to the ethanol plant in the county seat and ask for a fill up. /s

          • Snowbound Ron

            Lucky. I have to drive all the way to Aylmer.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Welp, we grow it down here too in case y’all run out up there. (Of course, we’ll have to wait for THE FUCKING SNOW to melt.)

        • Pisto75666

          Christmas really DOES come twice a year.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            We still have 2 more days of Christmas technically.

    • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

      Remember to use the Wonkette Amazon link!

      • James

        That would be a fitting response to Steve Bannon as well. “Thanks, Breitbart, for funding Wonkette!”

      • dieselox

        I did. Will be delivered by amazon whispernet at 6 am tomorrow (pacific time)

    • Nounverb911

      Guess I’m going to Costco in the morning….

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Reply:

      Dear Trumps Lawyers-

      Tell your client to get boned. Do you hear me? Booooonnneddd!

      Sincerely,

      Michael Wolff’s Lawyers

      P.S. Boned.

  • jesterpunk

    They where right about him bombing, remember his “jokes” at last years Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner?

    https://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/21/us/politics/al-smith-dinner-clinton-trump.html

  • BadKitty904

    You say “gluttonous slut” like it’s a bad thing, Evan…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I think of it as a term of endearment.

    • ManchuCandidate

      He makes Dennis Miller funny.

    • elviouslyqueer

      “Kitty you gluttonous slut.”

      –Dan Ackroyd, somewhere

      • BadKitty904

        *purrs*

  • jesterpunk
  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    CNN: White House: It’s ‘disgraceful and laughable’ to question Trump’s mental fitness

    The mere fact you are denying it honey makes it true.

    • Swampay

      It’s true though. Anyone who doubts that the Idiot in Chief is not mentally fit for the job is laughable at the very least

    • BadKitty904

      Remember all those times everyone questioned Bamz’s mental fitness? Me, neither.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        He was a superpredator. Took away our gunz and we didn’t even notice.

        • BadKitty904

          There sure seems to be plenty left.

      • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

        That was implied in all the overt racism.

    • thixotropic jerk

      “Give him a chance!!!”
      To bomb us into a nuclear war
      To destroy the economy
      To bleed us with taxes to pay the rich
      To__________(fill in the blank)

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That’s a non-denial denial if I ever heard one.

    • Roadstergal

      Disgraceful, laughable, and accurate.

  • BadKitty904

    Dang, if TurmpCo. thought the WHCD audience is “seething and contemptuous“…

    • proudgrampa

      …what are we???

      • elviouslyqueer

        Pantless, dammit!

        • Mike Minden

          Seething, contemptuous, and comfy!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Trump would have killed at the WHCD! Don’t you guys remember his comedically charming performance at the Al Smith Dinner?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      The Al Jolson dinner was a stitch.

      • thixotropic jerk

        “I’d lie a million times,
        For all of them dimes,
        Myyyyyy Putieeeeeee!!!”

      • Mehmeisterjr

        A stitch? As I recall, it took 28 stitches to close the wound.

    • kilgoretrout

      He was so awful it was painful.
      Like his administration.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He would have been boffo but they unfairly refused to laugh.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Aw come on. He had one semi-halfway-decent joke in there. It was at his wife’s expense.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Was that the one with Maria Bartiblome’s boobs?

  • Indiepalin

    Also this from Kellyanne Conway: “Every comedian will tell you that the funniest jokes are the ones you have to explain.”

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      So can someone explain her?

      • proudgrampa

        No.

    • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

      Wrong. So, comedy, another thing KAC sucks at.

    • GoutMachine

      Um, what? I know conservatives suck at comedy, but jesus.

    • Snowbound Ron

      Some wise person (can’t recall who, might’ve been French) said that you need three people to tell a joke: one to actually tell it, one who appreciates it and laughs, and a third who doesn’t get it and thereby increases the enjoyment of the other two.
      Kelly dear, welcome to number three.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Truth.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • jowgajen

      I like the snow shovel vodka sandwich. A little vodka before shoveling to take the edge off and a little vodka after snow shoveling to relax. By vodka I mean bourbon.

      • Crystalclear12

        And by snow shoveling you mean binge watching TV?

        • Marion in Savannah

          There’s another definition?

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        And by bourbon, you mean GOOD bourbon. And by shoveling, you mean watching your kids shoveling.

      • Rags

        Snow shoveling…..is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    • Marion in Savannah

      ZACKLY! And this is why Mr. MinS and I will not move the car out of the driveway until all that white shit melts, and we’re safely out of the “freeze-melt-freeze-melt-freeze” cycle. Which may take 2 more days.

      And besides and also too in general I’ll just pick vodka because…

      • dieselox

        Gin. Take a tumbler, fill with ice. Fill with dry sherry. Dump out the sherry. fill with Gin. Rub some lemon peel around the inside of the rim.

        mmmmmmmmm.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      As a suburban dad, I have a snowblower. That thing is a goddamn delight. I go around and do neighbors’ sidewalks when mine are done because I don’t wanna put it away.

      • Arolpin

        I finally upgraded to a 28” wide 2-stage with a 305cc engine after my shitty MTD broke its damn auger and the replacement didn’t fit right. Did over 500 linear feet of sidewalks and an 80’ long driveway and a 3-car parking area in under 45 minutes. I’ve spent 6 hours doing it by hand and well over two hours with my old snowblower.

  • thixotropic jerk

    When do we get the excerpt that has Trumple admitting he’s really a lizard person who eats babbies and small alligators?

    • kilgoretrout

      Wolff left that part out since that was no news.

  • Crystalclear12

    I know the GOP didn’t have much of soul left to sell but THIS is who they choose?!

  • ManchuCandidate

    The GOPers WANTED Obama to be everything they said about him… A Kenyan commie Nazi Atheist Islamic Community Organizer Terrorist Tyrant Traitor who was a dummy with mental issues who only got into top schools because of affirmative action. So they elected Donald Trump who was everything but a commie, Islamic and a Kenyan.

    Good job, Dotards.

    • kilgoretrout

      So they elected Donald Trump who was everything but a commie, Islamic and a Kenyan.

      How can we be sure?

      • Snowbound Ron

        I don’t think even HE’S sure, from day to day.

  • JohnBull

    People are individuals? Then why the hell do all the comments look the same on Fox News and Politico?

    • kilgoretrout

      Moron mind meld

    • ManchuCandidate

      Dumb white people all type a like.

      • BearGHAZI

        Have you ever noticed how on Breitbart, the first comment is succeeded by about 1000 replies without a break? It boggles my mind. Are they ALL geriatrics who don’t know you can make your own comment?

        • Meccalopolis

          Never been there but thank you for your service

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Little known fact: There is a stamping plant in Passaic, New Jersey that has been converted to producing Fox News and Politico comments.

      The owner is said to be some guy named Oleg the Oligarch but we won’t know for sure until the Deutschbank records can be fully analyzed.

  • Everything’s a giant shit show presided over by a vile pussgrabbing emo child who just wants the cool kids to like him, huh?

    It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?

  • Daniel

    “a mocking and hurtful portrayal.”

    Every time I read how hurt he feels about being criticised and mocked I feel a fresh wave of total indifference to his suffering.

    The man has spent his entire life bullying people, and got into politics by insulting Obama in a way I assume a lot of USians would find rather hurtful too. But that shit doesn’t matter. It only matters when he’s on the receiving end.

    • GoutMachine

      Mockery is the only way to deal with asshole fuckwits like Trump. (Well, that and indictments.)

      • OrG

        Well, the only one within commenting rules.

    • BigCSouthside

      I said earlier, I hope he’s relegated to confused roaming of New York in a piss stained diaper, with no one to claim him when the cops pick him up for raving on the vacant lot where trump tower used to be, because his family is in prison or abandoned him.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Now that sounds like a happy dream to me!

      • Daniel

        Or“? Why not both?

      • Snowbound Ron

        ‘I could be shot in the middle of Fifth Avenue and no-one would care.’

    • Phried Ω

      My reaction is more one of glee.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      It’s like watching a bully in a 1980s movie get his comeuppance.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I’m undecided about Macron overall but he definitely trained for that crushing Trump handshake and beat him at his own game.

      Note that The Donald then kissed Macron’s ass, as a shamed bully does.

    • Rags

      Dear 4-5:

      Go away or we will taunt you a second time.

  • GoutMachine

    God, we really missed pure fried gold when Bannon convinced the Shitgibbon to sit out the Correspondents’ Dinner. Just imagine the GIF-tasticness of him sitting there, stewing, probably getting all antsy and then throwing his mashed potatoes like an infant.

    Maybe, since Bannon’s in the shitter with him, he’ll do the opposite this year and we’ll get the babby meltdown we all deserve to laugh at!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      My thought exactly!

      It might go something like this:

      “Good evening, cunts and germs.

      Can you believe it? I have already gotten more laughs than any other President in history. Believe me. More laughs. Any other. President. More. Laughs. Everybody says so.

      And I’ve grabbed more pussies than any of you. Like a bitch. They have to let me. I’m a celebrity.

      Take my pee-hookers. Please.

      I’ve got a million of them. Millions. Of dollars. And no laundering. No laundering. You’re the laundering.

      OK, here’s one. This is my impression of some spaz reporter. [He thrashes his hands about.] What a spaz, am I right? I am right. It’s funny, only not in a humorous way, because he’s a spaz. What a spaz!

      Have you heard the one about the traveling salesman and the hitchhiker? He picked up this broad who was hitchhiking and crushed in her skull with a rock. Rock. Rock. Littel’ Rocket Man. It’s funny because it’s true and not humorous.

      I see the failing New York Times is here. And the failing Washington Post. They’re unfair to me so they are failing. They’re failing, get it? It’s funny.

      Russia, if you are listening, hack their computers and embezzle their bank accounts. Do it, Russia.

      You’ve been a great audience but so unfair. Schlong you all, spaz losers.

      Melania could not be here tonight. She was taking an overdose of Seconal or packing her suitcase or something. Who cares? Am I right? Who cares?

      Cares. Nervous. Confusion. Fusion. GPS. Gee Pee Ess. Pee-hookers. Dossier. Dodgy Dossier. On paper. Scissors. Rock. Rocket. L’il Rocket Man.

      Be sure to stiff your waitress. I mean slip her a stiff one, know what I mean? But you’re nobody and I’m the President, so you can’t and I can. Covfefe. Make America Great Again. God bless Smphrofbhpht,”

      • dieselox

        Way too coherent. To do it right, you need about 5 more stiff drinks, and several really confusing cross talking conversations around you, then try to bang it out again.

        Trump word salad is amazing.

      • Changeling

        “Be sure to stiff your waitress. I mean slip her a stiff one, know what I mean?”

        *claps*

    • GoutMachine

      Clarifying question: If Pence can’t be alone with a woman, can he be alone with a gay man?

      • Pisto75666

        Only with Mother’s permission.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          “Yes, Mother. Yes, Mother.

          Not without your permission, Mother.

          Oh, no, not the whip Mother.

          Arggh, that hurt, Mother. Please make me suffer, Mother.

          Get out the whip, Mother. I deserve the whip, Mother.”

          And so forth.

          I find that whole routine boring and profoundly non-erotic but I guess that in certain circles (especially in England), it calls for whips.

          Add a little cack, and Mike Pence could become a German porn superstar.

          Though only if Mother approves.

          • Pisto75666

            There’s the stuff nightmares are made of.

      • Daniel

        He can, but he prefers there to be more than one.

      • In a bathroom stall?

        • GoutMachine

          Like “Clue”: Pence, in the bathroom, with a wide stance.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I don’t think he can be trusted in any way next to anyone or in close proximity to anyone or in relation to anything, vegetable, animal or mineral whatsoever.

        • dieselox

          Good Point. Yet he may be the next president.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      The shade heard around the world.

    • Daniel

      Crimson Pride.

    • proudgrampa

      If looks could kill…

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      Ya know, if Doug Jones’ gay son wasn’t gay, and I was 20 years younger, I would set my cap for him. Boy is easy on the eyes.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      YAAAASSSS.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Why isn’t anyone listening to Damington Magginton Habermanington when she announce the DoJ looking into “her emails” again was big news?

    • Marion in Savannah

      Fuck her and the spavined, crippled horse she rode in on. (With YOOOGE apologies and props to the poor horse.)

      • Snowbound Ron

        I’ll allow it.
        – Sassy

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Bad enough it had to put up with Roy Moore…

  • Marion in Savannah

    OT, but maybe potentially good newz. So Mittens is considering a run in Utah, eh? Turns out that there is a most lovely suit in Utah that may rejigger a few districts to give Native Americans more equal voting distribution.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/04/us/native-american-voting-rights.html?_r=0

    • ManchuCandidate

      Only if he’s running for the House.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Well, any edge at all is better than no edge at all. And the entire state votes for the Senator, so let’s maybe see if those districts may, just may, be less red. I’m trying to look on the bright side of life here!

  • Bright Bart

    is it just me or does tucker carlson look a bit like zombie donald trump Jr?

    • elviouslyqueer

      He does have that same orange pallor and “Whoops I just pooped my panties” expression.

      • Marion in Savannah

        It’s not so much the “whoops, I just pooped my diaper” look, to me it’s more the look of “Oh, gawd… Can anyone else smell that I just dumped a yuuge diarrhea into my diaper and it’s leaked out?”

        (Sorry if anyone is about to plan dinner…)

    • Phried Ω

      Only prettier and wimpier.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Good God, it gets worse every day.

    • Snowbound Ron

      You misspelled ‘hour.’

    • Nounverb911
      • Skeptical_thinker

        My personal motto: “Things will get worse before they get worse”.

        It has gotten me through a lot of bad times.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Mine? “Always remember, it’s always darkest just before it goes completely black.”

          Or, also too: “Just consider — it could be that the whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.”

          • Snowbound Ron

            Came to that conclusion about myself YEARS ago.

  • sosuume

    I’ll take your ‘cease and desist’ and raise you. https://twitter.com/mlcalderone/status/949021070694199296

    • GoutMachine

      I’ll take your cease and desist and laugh all the way to the bank!

      • Phried Ω

        Call the Marines and tell them to bring all the trucks and flamethrowers they have.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Due to unforseen bags of money, they had no choice.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      But “Poot Lips” said people don’t care about this trash book.

      • Snowbound Ron

        So, guaranteed #1 bestseller.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Bigliest ever, I’m betting.

        • dieselox

          already #1 on amazon

    • Jennaratrix

      That. Is. GLORIOUS.

    • sosuume
  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I go back and forth about the need for a Correspondents Dinner at all, which is less what it was (a boys club where politicians schmoozed waaaaay too closely with the press) and is now a more or less uncomfortable roast. And you know what, I wouldn’t want to go to a roast either: it’s really unpleasant to have people say personal insults to your face and hear everyone laugh at you. Also, too, let’s not forget that this particular dinner is why Trump ran for president in the first place, because life is a grotesque joke.

    Do we actually want the press being even fakey nice-nice with a class of people they’re supposed to have an adversarial, or at least wary, relationship with?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I agree. Who knows what foul monster may be sitting in the audience at the next dinner, his innards seething with rage at being the butt of a not-even-particularly-targeted or funny joke?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Colbert blew up that hypocrisy in their faces and they got majorly huffy. They pretended that he didn’t kill (he did, just not with them) and replaced him with the blandest old fart they could find the next year.

      They should have invited him back every year.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      They aren’t even fakey-nicey. They are just lazy-lazy and continue to give RWNJs to spread their hate with little or no contradiction.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I am not sure I fully considered the implications of the possibility that when Twitler was mocking Serge Kovaleski, he was not attempting to be funny at all.

    • MamaBrown

      Exactly. That wasn’t “cruel humor”. It was just cruel.

  • ArgieBargie

    Judging by the way the WH is reacting to this book, I think it’s safe to say the juiciest parts have a pretty good chance of not being complete bullshit.

    The funniest part is that they don’t seem to realize how their actions are only validating the book claims and fueling even sales. You’d think the guy who put his name on “The Shart of the Deal” would understand this.

    • Edith Prickly

      Trump makes it easy. Whatever he complains about the loudest is what really happened.

      • ArgieBargie

        “PHONY DOSSIER!”

        The “Pee Tape” just got real.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      To be fair, Trump is now lacking the calm, steadying hand of… Steve Bannon?!11,1,1!,1!!,1<!1.?1!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Fucker Carlson didn’t take the job because he’s a coward and knows it. Without the ability to talk over and cut the mic like he gets on Faux, he would have folded the first day and run bawling from the James Brady room like a little girl…

  • Flashman

    Jeebus, a campaign led by a crooked, incompetant shit-monster, who didn’t want or expect to win and made every mistake in the book to make losing happen. One thing this book makes pretty clear: what a crappy job of messaging and message delivery the Dems, and particularly the Clinton campaign, have been doing. After a successful and scandal-free eight years, the Dems came away with a majority of the popular vote but totally irrelevant to the governing process in DC–the only dialogue is the infighting in the GOP and WH–and I have to worry about whether the motherfucker’s next tweet is going to star WW III. The Dems need a spanking.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      TBF- she tried to message, but a shitty MSM refused to talk about anything butter emails. And she was comfortably ahead until Comey backstabbed her and all the purity ponies decided to make their idiotic stand.

    • Chyron HR

      Yes, of course! The fact that Republicans proudly vote for senile old racists and child molesters just goes to show how bad the DEMOCRATS are!

    • BigCSouthside

      She had policy and messaging, but a lot of pig ignorant old racists in rusted out shitholes were mad a black guy was president and was good at it, and the republicans have spent decades remapping the voting at the state level to make sure those human trash cans have disproportionate voting power.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      What would you have them do? They’re talking policy in a media environment that rewards sensationalism.

      • Phried Ω

        Running against a carnival geek, guess who gets the coverage.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah…
      I’mma just hold my comment for a minute.

    • Jennaratrix

      I’m so tired of this trope. It doesn’t matter how good your policy and message is if NO ONE WILL DELIVER IT. Hillary’s campaign wasn’t good for the news; Velveeta Mussolini’s making fun of disabled people and insulting everyone on the planet and bragging about grabbing women by the pussy were ratings gold. Who would report on boring old POLICY when that shit was going on? The only time they reported on Hillary was BUTHEREMAILS! and BENGHAZI!!11!!1! Because ad money.

      For fuck’s sake, we can’t have ONE DAY where someone doesn’t come into a story about how fucked up Trump and the GOP are and complain about the Democrats’ “messaging.” I mean, even you guys must get tired of hearing this shit.

      • Phried Ω

        ^This^

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        She certainly wasn’t the charismatic campaigner that Bamz was, I’ll grant that. And she did try to play prevent defense instead of being aggressive at the end, but she was dealt a shit hand- as are dems in general. The press just sucks at doing anything resembling the hard work of actually conveying and explaining policiy, so they constantly abdicate to shallow sensationalism and lazy horse race reporting, all of which benefits the GOP

        • Jennaratrix

          And they had a fucking cash cow in Trump’s campaign, and now in his inept presidency. The best thing that could possibly happen would be for all news to just stop giving him any airtime; no stories about his tweets, no hand-wringing over his thinly-veiled dick size comparisons, no reporting on his latest gaffe, nothing about anything he says or does that isn’t a straight report on what he’s done as president. Just ignore him like he doesn’t exist and actually report NEWS. But that don’t sell ads, just like treating Hillary as a serious candidate instead of and OHMYGOD SHRILL GIRL wouldn’t have sold ads. A lot of people made, and continue to make, a metric fuckton of money reporting on US democracy going up in flames. We’re a reality show. We’re Keeping Up with the Kleptocrats.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            But her pantsuits…

          • Jennaratrix

            EXACTLY.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Yup, it was win-win for them. Either she gets elected and they get to play mean girl for 4 years, or he does and they get to do P.T. Barnum for 4 years. And right now they all make bank either playing state media mouthpiece like FOX or 24/7 outrage porn like MSNBC and CNN

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Hillz was the only, ONLY person the Dems could have pushed who would have lost to tRump. It shouldn’t be a controversial statement to make. People on the right have HATED Hillary since the early 90s. 30+ years of Clinton Derangement Syndrome is a hard mountain to climb, even when you have an orange chaos demon as your opposing candidate.

        • Jennaratrix

          I know that’s the argument, but since there’s no way to go back in time and see what would happen, it’s impossible to make that claim stick; and therefore, no way to argue against it. It’s all based on hypotheticals. Which of course is why someone always brings it up.

          • GunToting[Redacted]

            I get that, and I’m not trying to argue anything other than if any other carbon-based life form ran on the D ticket, I am 100% confident that tRump would have lost. I fully believe that they could have run Soros/Moore (the documentary guy, not the kiddie-diddler) and would have pulled off the win. I mean, in a country of 330M+, how the FUCK is it that we have had 3 Bush candidates and 2 Clinton candidates? My comment is more of one against the entrenchment of dynastic politics. There is a tiny, TINY part of me that can see the theoretical appeal of an outside candidate.

            I said the same thing in the early 90s when I was still a republican and Dole was nominated. It was a “well, he’s waited long enough” scenario, and he got beat by a (relative) political outsider. And I listened to RW talk radio during the Clinton years (one of the main things that turned me off of the GOP) and they fucking HATED her far more than they did Bubba.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          You know, counterfactuals are fun, but the truth is there is no way in hell to know who could or could not have beaten him in 2016. Sure, she was the perfect storm candidate in some respects- I don’t think anyone will deny that she made an excellent foil for his BS. But would Bernie have fared better? Not likely. For every demographic she brought out (which was considerable, given those 3 million votes she won by), he would have alienated some of those in the process of appealing to others. The big mistake people who make this claim commit is assuming that he would have gotten all of her votes and that’s just not true. He would have tanked with the blah vote, as well as a number of other traditional strong Dem voting blocks. And for all the attacks on her for being shrill or establishment or crooked or simply female, he would have faced an onslaught of Godless Joo commie stooge socialist attacks painting him as the guy who wanted to take all the tax money from real Muricans and give them to gheys and undeserving minority moochers and takers.

          And none of that even touches the systemic disadvantages that Dems face. It’s not like Dem voters would have magically redistributed themselves geographically had he got the nomination. The same DC establishment attacks would have applied to him in an election that wanted change for the sake of change and white Fundie voters would be just as appalled at the first jewish president as they were about the first woman president. And the MSM treated him as unfairly during the primaries as they did her during the general- what makes you think they wouldn’t have continued to do so? Grumpy old man droning on about economic inequality doesn’t sell ads- Donnie’s three ring circus did.

    • Edith Prickly

      Trump’s campaign had Russian propaganda bots and hackers working for it and a credulous base trained by the Republican Party to lap up anything that inflames their bigotry and paranoia. The best messaging in the world isn’t going to stop that.

      • Jennaratrix

        And they STILL lost the popular vote. Maybe that’s why Donnie is really so mad – even cheating as hard as his tiny little hands could, he still didn’t really win.

        • Jimh

          Or he couldn’t even manage to LOSE right…

          • Jennaratrix

            Right. Either way.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Ok….
      To avoid violating the ToS, as would have happened had I posted the last 10 versions of what I REALLY want to say, I’ll just say that I while I agree with the 1st sentence of your post, the rest of it is pretty much ignoring the whole “Hello, Russia fucking hacked our shit and own our president now” thing.

      But, ok.
      Hillary’s fault.

      Fuck off with that shit.

    • Nockular cavity

      EMERGENCY! DEFLECT, DEFLECT, DEFLECT!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Yeah. Right. And James Comey and the Russians and The Fucking New York Times And Their 30+ Year Vendetta Against The Clintons had absolutely NOTHING AT ALL to do with anything. Sure. Whatever makes you feel snuggly.

      • Ducksworthy

        When I was a carefree youth, we used to jump off the barn roof onto piles of well rotted horse manure. Somehow the DNC failed to realize, I guess because they knew that it was all well rotted horse manure, that Hillary would find it impossible to dig out from under 30 years of it. Of course, it didn’t help that the FBI and NYT kept piling it higher all year.

        • Courser_Resistance

          FUCK OFF AND DIE. IT WAS YOUR KIND THAT TORE HER DOWN TO BEGIN WITH.

          ENJOY WHAT YOU’VE REAPED.

          I don’t put up with this bullshit. Over and out.

          • rosenbomb

            I would edit to remove the “die” part.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Did you forget to close a snark tag, or are you replying to the wrong non-commenter? I had a confooze now.

    • The Wanderer

      The Dems gave themselves the spanking you desire. Now it’s time for them to pull up their pants, slip on the brass knuckles, and get the fucking country back.

    • MynameisBlarney

      You’ve been posting here a while, and you seem like an ok sort, but this kinda shit is just repeating THEIR propaganda.

      So, don’t do that shit here.

      • Marion in Savannah

        IK,R? I checked the comment history too.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      The Dems as a party don’t need a spanking, IMHO; however, the Dem voters who chose to sit on their butts instead of voting do.

      Everyone who voted for Dotard deserves a punch in the snoot.

      • aloharob

        Did someone mention spanking? asking for a friend.

        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          :)

  • proudgrampa

    Today, we are all gluttonous sluts.

    • Nounverb911

      So what’s for dinner?

    • dslindc

      Probably tomorrow, also too.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Haberman is “mean and horrible?” Geeze — does she leave teeth marks?

  • William

    Watching Huckapig and Trump (on video) tell us how great America is getting, and how the book is just fantasy. If the book is such fantasy, then why is Cheeto-Shithead jumping through so many hoops to squash it? https://www.facebook.com/wjlatv/videos/10156080342058734/

  • weejee

    Maybe he’s just a real piece of shit with no redeeming qualities.

    Glad to see you’re using restraint Evan. Thanks, above all we wish to remain civil.

  • Nounverb911
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Unflavored Ice Milk for everyone!

      • Phried Ω

        He sort of looks like he’s having a lactose intolerance episode all the time.

        • katkelly57

          “Mother! Where did you put my Lactaid?!?”….. while his boss looks like he’s terminally constipated.

          Either way, they’re both shits.

          • aloharob

            AWE common, they are both good shits in the long run, that is ,of course, if you like long runny shits.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I hear Unflavored Ice Milk is touring with Milli Vanilli doing an “I love the nineties” show…

    • James Baskin

      Who is he waving to? Place looks deserted behind him.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Make America’s Grundle Aquiver!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    If Haberman is mean and horrible I’d like to see what he says about a real journalist.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    “people are individuals, not racial groups”

    Aaaaand, out the window goes Actuarial Science! Not to mention Psychohistory. Sorry, Isaac…

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “People are individuals, not racial groups. Next up, why immigrants and Muslims all act in a strange and scary way, and should all be kept out.”

    • John Thorstensen

      Didn’t Brian tell the imploring crowd, “We’re all individuals!”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I’M BRIAN AND SO’S MY WIFE!

        • Me not sure

          So…we’re all Brian’s wife? He IS a very naughty boy!

          • BrianW

            I get around….

      • The Wanderer

        “I’m not.”
        “Shh!”

    • Daniel

      Until he brings up black on black crime or “Radical Islamic Terrorism”.

  • Scooby

    There is nothing that has happened that his campaign couldn’t predict. Nothing!

    • John Thorstensen

      I’m always amazed at somewhat intelligent people who are shocked, shocked, that he is worse than they thought he would be.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I knew that he would be worse than I thought he would be.

        And he is even worse than that!

        • Jimh

          And people keep asking if Hillary would have been ANY better. With a straight face.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Not me.

            It gets worse every damn day.

  • GlazedHaim

    Did I Twittered Evan? DAMN RIGHT I DID.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    My goodness, watching the tee vee, Trump is getting te full dotard.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    ~SHRUGGIE EMOTICON!~

    Nope, one of those animojis with the model singing along to Big Boi to buy a gimmicky overpriced phone or GTFO!

  • JMP

    “Instead, he perceived it as a deep personal attack on him: for ­entirely unfair reasons, ad hominem reasons, the media just did not like him. ”

    But the mainstream media loved him; they constantly kissed his ass throughout the entire campaign, for fuck’s sake. Yet apparently they didn’t kiss it enough for the egomaniac, so he thought they didn’t like him even when they were outrageously biased in his favor. Imagine how hideously the thin skinned moron would have reacted if he ever faced actual unfair criticism from the media, like Hillary Clinton did every single day and still does.

    • Edith Prickly

      Which TV network aired an empty Trump podium for hours again?

    • weighmaster

      Or even an entirely fair criticism…

    • Magnificent Mopery.

      You got that right.

    • This is abusive husband behaviour.

      “I don’t think you love me enough”
      (wife bends over backwards and grovels to his every whim)
      “YOU DON’T LOVE ME ENOUGH! YOU’RE OUT TO GET ME!”
      (wife grovels harder)

  • P’jama Pahnts

    “And speaking of losers, and haters, how about Obama? Where is he now? And where are Biggie and Tupac? Obama’s out looking for them, right?” >>crickets<<

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I just flew in from Mar a Loser and boy are my tiny hands tired!

      Try the veal…

      • Daniel

        I just flew in from Mar a Lago on my very expensive and terrific private jet which is I called Force One, Air Force One let me tell you that’s some force, the air. Really feels like a place, doesn’t it? Like land but sky, like big sky. Like…all of sky. You should have laughed before now, but you’re there’s a lot of bias and sick people in this room. Sad!

    • katkelly57

      They’re all looking for Jimmy Hoffa…

      • Me not sure

        The guy that I’ve been renting my attic out to?

        • WIDTAP

          Hoffa? More likely he’s in (or under) your basement.

          • Me not sure

            Dried and shredded he makes a damn fine insulation.

        • katkelly57

          Oh ohs….now you let the cat outta da bagel!

  • Lurkylu
    • The Wanderer

      By the Great Auk!

    • Marion in Savannah

      WANT!!!!!

      • Lurkylu

        from the Effin Birds website/twitter account etc.

  • katkelly57

    He shoulda done the WHCD, we’d still be pissin’ ourselves into the next decade….at least.

    • John Nace

      Considering his performance at the Al Smith dinner back in 2016, I’d say that we managed to dodge a bullet when Trump decided he just couldn’t with the WHCD.

      • Spurning Beer

        Ten bucks says he would have demanded that Maria Bartiromo be seated in the row behind him on the dais.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          The better to grab her like a bitch?

  • James

    Wow, I go out for my mail (it’s finally warm enough here to do that) and there are over a hundred non-comments. I can’t keep up . . . ahhhhhhh

  • Nounverb911
    • TJ Barke

      Hey Arnold!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    He can dish it out but he can’t take it. We used to say that about bullies in grade school, and that phrase pops into my head every time SHS tells the press their questioning of Trump is “disgusting” or “offensive.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He can’t even dish it out all that well.

      If the MSM had done its job in a timely fashion, this clod would have been dead in the water.

      Instead, they treated him like that amusing little Hitler person.

      • Marion in Savannah

        THIS!!!

      • Magnificent Mopery.

        Or, “Mr. Hitler” in NYT parlance.

  • Ken Berry

    Why oh WHY are there no excerpts concerning Sebastian Hungarian Shitstain Pepe the Frog Gay Porn Rim Rug Gorka??? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to Wonkette!

    • BigCSouthside

      The book will be out tomorrow. I’m sure “dr” Gorka shows up

    • cheetojeebus

      That sorta slides right off of the tongue eh? [wretch!!]

    • Meccalopolis

      Too unimportant

    • Jackie Jones

      Lol! There are five tons of anti Clinton books in remainder pile. Let them eat cake on this one.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “They offered me press secretary, but they were like, you have to be to work by 9AM, and I was like, ‘deal breaker, bro’. ”
    — Tucker Carlson

  • cheetojeebus

    Is Maggie Haberman tomorrow’s Peggy Noonington?

    • Marion in Savannah

      God knows it would appear that she’s vying for the title.

    • James

      Or Judith Miller. . . .

    • Carpe Vagenda

      If Dame Peggy doesn’t keep an eye on her drink, maybe literally tomorrow’s.

  • Portia McGonagal

    So how many hours did the sycophant brigade in the WH have to reassure Dotard Donnie “you really are funny sir…yes way funnier than Obama” as he power chugged cheeseburgers?

    • Spurning Beer

      Donald totally could have been a hit at the White House Correspondents Dinner. He would have needed to honor his Scots heritage and perform in character as Fat Bastard. Just cram Macdonalds products down his throat, and shout “Get in my belly!” to the lyin’ mainstream media. Hilarious!

  • James Baskin

    When you’re the POTUS and a law firm refuses to take your case………….
    When you’re the POTUS and 9 fucking law firms refuse to take your case………….

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well, back in your cheap real estate scam days, you should have paid your previous attorneys and followed their advice.

      The word gets around.

      • Marion in Savannah

        Also too and in addition it might help if you have an actually, you know, really viable case.

        • James Baskin

          And aren’t a pathological liar.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            And don’t have the words “TRUMP: PROBLEM CLIENT” written on a sheet of paper taped to the pull-out drawer of every law firm receptionist of every competent law firm in the North American continent.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          And actually, you know, a really viable case would be as rare as a unicorn in Trump’s career.

          As he explained in The Art of the Deal, you sign contracts and then breach them and nickle-and-dime the contractors into submission for pennies on the dollar.

    • phoenix00

      Take one down, pass it around…..

  • Jenny

    I didn’t interpret that as having any affection for Hicks.

    She was upset about Lewindick’s bad press coverage and Trump said why, you fucking him is all the help he deserves.

    Not at all paternal to me. Just gross is all.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I think Trump enjoys humiliating her because her dad was a big deal at the NFL while Trump was desperately trying to become an owner.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Trump enjoys humiliation. He gets a kick out of it. That’s a given.

        But she accepts this sick and abusive behavior because…?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          She was raised poorly, I guess.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Republican macher dad?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        That’d do it.

  • thewalkindude
    • Marion in Savannah

      Ummm… It’s creeping toward dinner time here and right there in that one post I’m finding Bannon, Conway, and “anus.” This does not make me look forward to dinner.

      • aloharob

        Can you tell them apart?

        • Wuulf

          I believe that dinner is the tasty one.

      • Daniel

        Politics is like a sausage.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Which might explain why I’m not a real huge fan of sausages.

        • If you respect the law or love sausage, you should never watch the other being made.

        • differentdrummer

          …party.

    • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

      KC just conjured up visions of “Nancy” aka the salt sucker on original Star Trek. That thing haunted me for a while as a kid. This was the only side by side I found: https://geeksofchrist.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/temptation-leads-to-death.jpg

      • That salt-sucker episode gave me nightmares when I was a kid.

        • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

          Solidarność!!!

    • blaid droog

      I think she’s just a sweet transvestite and wants to go back to Transsexual Transylvania. Ha Ha.

  • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

    O/T but George Will is doing his best to ‘splain away the importance of Wolff’s book, and alsotoo, the 25A on MTP.

    • Roadstergal

      I’m doing my best to ‘splain away George Will.

      • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

        He’s such a sad, old fart (from an almost old fart).

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Will! He’s the poor man’s Hugh Hewitt.

          Does he seriously believe that, after he kisses Trump’s massive posterior in obsequious fealty, that he still won’t be on The Great Man’s shit list the next time he dares to utter a tut-tut?

        • mailman27

          Tired ideas, weak chops, George Fucking Will.

        • blaid droog

          I thought he was dead.

          • TheFamilyThalamusPersists

            Wishful thinking?

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Tiny fingers in the pie just got slapped.
    Wolff’s Trump book going on sale four days early amid furor

    “The move came hours after a personal attorney for President Trump sent a cease-and-desist letter to Henry Holt and Wolff demanding that the book not be released.

    Instead, the publisher is doing the opposite.

    Wolff tweeted about the publisher’s decision to speed up the release: “Here we go. You can buy it (and read it) tomorrow. Thank you, Mr. President.” ”

    http://money.cnn.com/2018/01/04/media/michael-wolff-fire-and-fury-book/index.html?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

  • SCK

    There’s going to be a musical written someday, in the same vein as Annie, after all of this is said and done.

    We’d like to thank you: Donald Trump.
    For really showing us the way
    We’d like to thank you: the Trump family.
    You made us what we are today

    As long as it ends with a giant golden shower, I’m going to be happy and buying tickets.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Donnie singing to Daddy Vlad-Rubles:

      ♫ To borrow, to borrow,
      From Russia to borrow.
      The pay-off’s
      The vig away! ♫

      • SCK

        The book will come out, tomorrow!
        Bet your bottom burger that it will come out
        And there’ll be Bannon.

        Just thinking about, the revelations,
        The stories of late night phone calls
        And cheeseburgers! Come on Ivanka!

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Ivanka? Our hereditary Queen? That Ivanka?

          Or is it the Ivanka who should start checking the levels on her bank accounts in countries from which she cannot be extradited?

        • Golden words he will pour in your ear
          But his lies can’t disguise what you fear….

          Pretty girl beware of this heart of gold
          This heart is cold

          He loves only gold
          Only gold
          He loves gold
          He loves only gold
          Only gold
          He loves gold

          • D H Siegel

            Remember Ricky Gervais’s animated show with Karl Pilkington and Steven Merchant? Well, let’s give Ricky G the Wolff tapes so he can have his animators do the same thing for the Trump tapes. Now there is an HBO show worth watching!

          • blaid droog

            Spray paint.

  • TundraGrifter

    Funny? Funny like a clown funny?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E84VqqCPI7w

    • Magnificent Mopery.

      And then Trump would order the Secret Service detail to open fire on the room.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    I feel like I want to read it but I don’t want anyone to profit off it so conundrum.

    • looksquirrels

      Do what I have every intention of doing: go to a bookstore and read it there. Checking the index should help you find the highlights quickly.

    • mappo

      It will be torrentable 0.3 seconds after the ebook is released.

    • blaid droog

      That’s what liberries are for. Or, if you’re just patient, wonkette and every other blog site on the web will dole out all the best parts and you won’t even have to read the actual book. I can’t wait for Patrick Stewart to do a live reading.

      • SomeBigRedDog

        Liberries still buy the book and after I get it between my teeth and shake it like a dead raccoon they’re gonna hafta buy another copy.

  • Poly_Ester

    If trump’s dick were long enough he would trip over that too, instead of just getting caught in his zipper.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      He wishes it could get caught in his zipper.

  • CeeQ

    Please. Trump would have bombed big time and then it’d be weeks of rage tweeting that his WHCD laughs were bigger than Obama’s WHCD laughs. Were too! Shut up!! MOM!!!!

  • mancityRed6

    you don’t talk shit about anyone at work, and definitely not anyone higher up than you. or their stupid ideas.
    there’s always someone who is willing to tell that person everything you said.
    Kellyanne is that person.

  • mary5920

    Dump doing “improv” would provide a lot of material for every comedian on the planet.

    • Daniel

      Look at this big beautiful wall I’m standing in front of. Believe me, it cost $90 million dollars.

    • phoenix00

      Laughing at vs laughing with.

  • Hope HIcks? The Hope HIcks? The Hope Hicks who is the best piece of tail he (Lewandowski) would ever get?

    • phoenix00

      An upgrade on Ivanka? We must be talking very low bars here.

      • Low bars is what this whole deranged circus (think Juggalos in suits) is about.

  • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

    Gotta assume every time Haggie Maberman gave him a shaming peen-punch, his widdle ween became temporarily more shriveled and impotent, which then bought Hope Hicks a break from his pervo-leer-lecherizing.

    • greyXstar

      Barf

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I’m not sure it matters that much how much of what Wolff says is “true” – because isn’t he claiming that he is just repeating what he says people told him, or which he says he overheard? He isn’t saying every word is true, he’s just saying “You wouldn’t believe what A/B/C told me! They said … ”

    My mother always told me “If you can’t say something nice about people, then don’t say anything at all.” This is obviously not official policy in Washington D.C., where they follow the Clairee/Steel Magnolias policy of “If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me.”

    • TundraGrifter

      “If you can’t say something nice about someone, sit next to me.”
      ~ Alice Roosevelt Longworth

      • Jackie Jones

        TY for correct attribution. Alice turned on FDR too.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Oh fuck Tucker Carlson and his moronic show in the teeth.

    • What a fucking fragile twit.

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Preach, brother. I glanced up at it on the gym TV while doing cardio and I could hear my frontal lobe neurons shrieking as they perished.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    It would be glorious for Trump to attempt standup and get heckled by the Washington press corp.

    • Jackie Jones

      He can’t. He lacks humor and writers. He’s many things but he does know he can’t pull it off. I will give him not taking a salary and not making us squirm at WHPCD

  • Joshua Norton

    The publisher pushed up the book’s release date to tomorrow!

    A Trumpian Twitter tsunami of epic proportions can be expected by Saturday!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/76e419268827f257d7321d4f49c7c02b40b4eceeaf7c2e7279c0ae9ee1a9c5ad.jpg

  • IdiotsforPalin

    What a fucking shit show. I can’t be gone for 90 minutes and there’s more shit spewing the big tent WH….how I long for the days of a scandal free administration, like Obamas…..New, I wanna see the Orange Anus and all of his fluffers go down in flames

  • rocktonsam

    Big deal Wolff has a keen eye for the obvious.
    My monkeys pounding on key pads can write that crap.
    Impeach him before he resigns.

  • Media VS White People Tucker’s Thoughts

    These DISGUSTING orange spray-tan pieces of filth probably fuck in the street like animals.
    https://youtu.be/7BJ3ZXpserc

    If they’re so proud of being white why get spray tanned

  • Last Hussar

    This is fantastic to watch, it must be what MI5 felt like in June and July 1944, because this is Grade A chicken feed, and the Nazis, sorry, I mean Trumpinans, are swallowing it.

    Chicken feed is a counter intelligence term for information a double agent passes on to prove his or her bona fides so the enemy will buy the big lie. Its stuff you think they already know, or don’t care if they find out a so for instance after D DAY the “spies” sent “23 division to be used as reinforcements”, and although it was sent before 23 turned up, it was so soon before that it was useless info, but the Abwehr believed the source to be loyal because it sent in advance. Having proved the value of your double agent, you can now tell the big lies you want them to have.

    Wolff is throwing out easier surmised stuff, or things that have been around, so everyone thinks its great reporting, and TRUMP REACTS. Because he reacts to the chickenfeed, the rest of the book will be assumed to be accurate, no matter what.

    It couldn’t be planned better than how he reacted.

    Operation Fucktitude.

    • His extreme narcissism makes him easily manipulated which is why he poses such a danger to the country.

      • Maria Sewell

        Someone who can be baited with a tweet…

        • If only someone had warned us of this BEFORE the election.

          • Maria Sewell

            Right?

      • geoffalnutt

        He’s unutterably stupid…and surrounds himself with the same. If he (and they) were smart we’d be in real danger.

    • If you can find it, a good read is

      D-Day: Intelligence and Deception by Jock Haswell.

      Fascinating stuff…wheels within wheels, agents, double agents, and triple agents.

      • Last Hussar

        I’ve read Ben McIntyre’s ‘XX committee’ and ‘Fortitude’.

  • greyXstar

    There’s definitely one thing that’s for sure. President The Donald™ is a fucking idiot. I’ve read all day about how this guy Wolff is kinda known for making up quotes about people. So why not go with that as push-back instead of threatening to sue his publisher, which makes the book look totally true? What a moron.

    • harryeagar

      Because there are tapes. Allegedly

      • sarafina

        Which would prove a benevolent Goddess does exist, and She thinks The Dotard has been around too long also.

      • greyXstar

        Right. But he always ignores things that are inconvenient and the zombie horde eats it all up.

    • blaid droog

      The sonofabitch has spent his useless life being a moran. Far too late for him to suddenly get a brain.

  • The Rick

    Why is there no bannon on the front page? People are losing their 💩.

    • The Rick

      BTW you guys are awesome.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    I think I can now see Wolff as pretty credible here since he appears to think that the media is on one side of a political divide. it’s not political, it’s that Trump is a piece of garbage who lies all the time and the facts don’t favor his version of reality. that’s not the media’s fault nor is it the fault of one or another side of the political divide–unless you are dividing your political groups by whether or not they live in a basement.

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      He reportedly has tapes to back up everything….

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        but are those tapes from a microwave? did he use tapps?

        (yeah, I read the other stories. I know about that claim.)

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    also too: are we entirely sure that the “nice piece of ass” comment did not come with a proposal that Hope take Ivanka’s “wakey daddy!” duties on Saturdays and when Javanka is on ski-cations?

  • Herewegoagain

    Think it can’t get worse than having the Donald John Trump , as the Dear Leader ? Think some more , this is just the beginning…

    A key element in Donald’s and Bannon’s campaign was the insistence that the country was in bad shape and he promised that he would “Make America Great Again.” That was the negative theme for his Swan—Song to run a presidential campaign on.

    Donald repeatedly described, often erroneously, how bad things were in the country. And of course he almost always blamed others, like immigrants or Muslims, for the country’s problems.

    .Donald is a bit of a negative old fart – you normally would feel sorry for him .. let’s be frank – looking at his ‘Hair-Do ‘ and those little Finger’s and that Mouse in action….it will take a bit to too take a shine to Donald ..despite the fact that he comes highly recommended having a string of business failure and bankruptcies to his name and his charming style and direct way with women – that pussy grabbing and doing away with fore-play…

    Donald is different to others boy’s that love trains – Donald loves to blow things up pushing red buttons – that’s a bit of an issue …he doesn’t think like you and me
    In summary ..;

    Trump is a disaster, for sure. But he also offers an important lesson for American voters :don’t elect an incompetent lunatic as president!

    If the Philippines elects one, it’s a problem for them. If the US elects one, it’s a problem for the entire world.

    • “Donald loves to blow things up pushing red buttons”

      So, you’re saying he’s like Pugsley Addams, but without the charm or entertainment value?

      • Wee Mousie

        Come, now. Compared to the Tangerine Terpitude, Pugsley Addams was a real stud muffin.

  • Joshua Norton

    I’m waiting for Melania’s book after the divorce. Because you just know that one’s coming.

    • HooverVilles

      Eh, there won’t be much in that book if even anything. She would covet the dollar settlement too much to break the NDA she signed.

      • wavicles

        Plus she goes back to the Kremlin to get her next assignment.

    • Just read Michelle Obama’s book. It’ll be word-for-word the same.

      • Thorn Spike

        And yet, somehow, so much better.

        • It will have that special Trumpian twinkle added to it. You know the grifty kind of twinkle that takes but never gives back because.

    • phoenix00

      “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way” – Melania

      • Her book will probably start with…
        “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

        That is of course, if her ghost writer has done his/her research. Of course, this could be the opening line from Baron once he meets his first therapist.

        • phoenix00

          Operative word: “ghost”

      • Joshua Norton

        ISWYDT!

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      Oh, y’know Tiffany has one in the works. It’ll go waaaaaay back 20 years or more. It will be glorious.

      • Enter Ranting

        You have to wonder how hard Drumpf shits his pants when he thinks about what Tiffany is capable of.

        • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

          Nah, he doesn’t even remember she’s there.

  • eastcoastlib

    I saw Gluttonous Slut at the Roxy in the early 1980’s. They were great.

    • Duke

      Was Johnny Rocket fronting them then?

    • The Wanderer

      Was that the one where Manic Piano Asshat opened for them?

    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Yeah, before they went mainstream, I know, I know. The action figure set was pretty cool, though, according to what some people were saying.

  • I guess no one remembers the Al Smith Dinner where the Ol’ Pussy Grabber just hammered homer after homer as he slew them from the podium with his rapier wit? Please, the country could use a turn or two of the him dying, as they say, on stage.

    That said, maybe, since the book attributes the success of keeping him out of last years WHCD to Bannon and reports that NO ONE thought he could ad lib successfully during the dinner, the Ol’ Pussy Grabber will be piqued enough to insist on this one! We can only hope.

    https://youtu.be/NnRVAzFa6Og

    • The Wanderer

      I actually felt sorry for the rich assholes up there on the dais who had to suffer through Trump’s “jokes.” Then I set fire to my nipples (metaphorically) and felt better.

      • geoffalnutt

        Yeah. I once did that too. I followed the instructions in the recipe really closely, too (I thought). Who knew the explosion would be so fierce?

    • 3leftwing3

      Trump spent his whole life genuflecting before these rich Irish NYC cocksuckers in order to be accepted by them and they basically said you are the loudmouth moron outside the OTB parlor on some Queens street corner.

      • And with his remarks at the dinner, he proved them right.

  • “Racial identity talk can backfire.”

    Said no nazi fuckyard, ever.

  • Illuminotquite

    I’m kinda bummed that Tucker Carlson didn’t get to be Press Secretary. That dumbfounded, completely uncomprehending face of his when he’s hearing something that’s not 100% Regurgitated Right-Wing Talking Points is priceless. Like the dumbest guy at the frat if you pulled him away from the bitchin’ kegger and started discussing quantum mechanics with him. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d31b7feeceb375d9af52ca05e1919c83d42f7695a3a6acd7a4ffff873552ae39.jpg

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      Cease and desist, man.

      • Illuminotquite

        No way. Dipshit face is real, and repeatable.

    • Lights are own but nobody’s home.

  • Pat_Pending

    Thank you, Evan, for ‘Poot Lips McGillicuddy Jones’.

    • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

      …and all this time i thought it was ‘poot lips debussy jones’

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Many people thought this quote was real. Because it almost could be.
    https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/949100087350710272

    • Illuminotquite

      ALMOST could be…does nobody have an appreciation for a Goddamned metaphor anymore? Sheesh…LOL

    • cessnadriver

      There is that internet law that says you can’t parody nazis because anything you can come up with sounds plausible in relation to them…

  • Aside, but does Tucker not realize that screaming about white people for three points makes his fourth point rather moot?

    • Christopher Story

      Doublethink

  • geoffalnutt

    Just the idea of a “gluttonous slut” sent me running out into the snow. I’m very visual. It can be a real deficit.

    • rocktonsam

      Today we’re all gluttonous sluts.

      • Enter Ranting

        Sluttonous.

    • Sojourner Truth

      I am Gluttonous Slut.

      • geoffalnutt

        Actually, I’m more the “glutenous slut”…come to think of it.

  • rocktonsam

    “Tucker’ s thoughts ”

    I got nothing.

    • Henry B.

      Neither does he.

  • Oh my stars and garters, WHY didn’t they let him do the WHCD?! Oh, it would have been so wonderful!

    • Because he’s already demonstrated that he can’t tell or take a joke.

  • Last Hussar

    Apparently FBI relooking at Clinton foundation

    • cessnadriver

      They are not going to make the same mistakes again! Nosireeeeebob!

    • javadavis

      Started typing up a long answer, but it is all covered with “Oh FFS, this crap agan/still!”

  • Enter Ranting

    I want a multi-story video installation in Times Square that runs that Drumpf-with-flailing-arms video on a loop 24/7.

  • Lucas Foxx

    DJT being booed at the Al Smith dinner should have been his clue.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Wolff describes without naming it, “echoalia.” He doesn’t attribute it to Alzheimer’s nor does he accuse the president of having it, but if what he says is true, that’s a definite symptom of an early/moderate onset of the disease. I know. I’ve lived through it twice. My mother would repeat the same couple of stories over and over, almost verbatim, as if she were thinking it for the first time.

    • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

      My grandma would tell us the same sweet story about how granddad was a beach bum and everyone thought he would come to no good, but she married him anyway and he got a successful job and here they were today, how about that?

  • javadavis

    In searching for this clip (or, you know, Agent Powers) I came across another saying that Narcissists don’t have a sense of humor – or not a normal one. Quelle surprise.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL4DXIl_jlU

  • nick kelly

    ALT. NEWS GMBH

    Patriarch Mercer tells daughter Rebekka: ‘..for Christ’s sake start a fashion line. Maybe Ivanka is a dumb as a brick but at least she makes money. Or start a pot company. I don’t give a shit. But now I look pretty silly having blown a hundred million on your boyfriend and his buddies to help elect Democrats’.

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