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A nice story for your afternoon! Doug Jones (D-Alabama Yes For Real Alabama) was sworn in to the Senate on Wednesday, and he brought his son. His hot son. His hot gay son. His hot gay son whose name is Carson and whose Instagram Wonkette DOES NOT RECOMMEND YOU VISIT TO OBJECTIFY HIM, because YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT.

Allegedly.

As per Senate protocol, Jones was sworn in by Mike Pence, gay hater extraordinaire. Remember when Donald Trump jokingly said Pence wants to see all the gays hanged? HA HA THAT WAS FUNNY. (Of course, we are not sure if the real truth of the matter is that Pence, deep in his secret dark heart, REALLY wants to see “hung gays” rather than “hanged gays,” but that is just wild speculation, and Mother Pence would not approve.)

Carson Jones posted a picture that was captured during his dad’s mock swearing-in on his Instagram:

Did you catch that?

Just so we are all clear, Carson Jones hashtagged the picture #WeMadeIt and #NoCaptionNeeded, because the caption was HIS GAY DAGGER EYES. His beautiful GAY DAGGER EYES.

Shut up, commenters, stop objectifying him by telepathically telling Wonkette to write things like that!

Anyway, we are very happy Doug Jones is in the Senate and we are very happy Carson Jones gave Mike Pence those devil eyes, as it takes a strong guy to look evil in the face like that and read it for filth without saying a word.

Yep, a really strong guy.

STOP. OBJECTIFYING. HIM. YOU. ASSHOLES.

Y’all need to sit right here and think about how your bad behavior in the comments of this, your OPEN THREAD.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette is fully paid for by YOU! Please click here to pay Wonkette’s salary.

[Photo taken from Carson Jones’s Instagram, originally taken by Alex Wong of Getty Images, and this post is literally about the picture, therefore FAIR USE]

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  • Tiffany de Houston

    That was my favorite photo from yesterday.

    • Nounverb911

      Every twitterer in the world should DM it to Pence and his mother.

  • Nounverb911

    Has Roy Moore conceded yet?

    • BadKitty904

      Who?

      • redarmyzombie

        You know, the pedophile in the Republican par-that doesn’t narrow it down, does it?

        • BadKitty904

          Nope. Nary a bit.

        • Crystalclear12

          The anti-semit. . .
          The bigo. .
          *sigh*
          This could take a while.

          • BlueMustang

            You know, that white Southern guy, homophob…wears the hat….sonofabitch! This is hard.

        • Snowbound Ron

          A height range might help.

    • jesterpunk

      He is still waiting for Zombie baby Jesus to tell him he lost.

    • redarmyzombie

      HA!

    • chazmanr

      Nope, he’s still in the closet.

    • Snowbound Ron

      We’re waiting to see how long it takes for him to figure it out. We haven’t had this much fun in ages!
      – Yahweh, Yeshua and Casper

    • puredog

      As I understand it, he lost a couple of previous political races 5 or 10 years ago, and still has not conceded them. So I wouldn’t hold your breath.

  • ManchuCandidate
  • Jennaratrix

    Aww, Mikey looks just a wee bit unhappy. GOOD.

    • Nounverb911

      He was already late for lunch with his fuhrer…

      • Jennaratrix

        Yeah, you gotta get to that burnt steak with ketchup while it’s still hot or it’s a bitch to chew.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        He was pissed that he’ll only get one scoop while he has to wait while the Shitgibbon eats two and gloats.

  • GlazedHaim

    The byline for this should be Evan Thirst

    • FauxAntocles

      How is it we haven’t hooked him up with a BF yet?

      • BadKitty904

        Lula is a jealous bitch.

      • GlazedHaim

        Once Evan gets the Pulitzer it will be v easy to meet people. I am assuming he’ll wear it around his neck.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          If I won, I’d be doing the ‘Pulitzer in a box’ dance with it.

    • BadKitty904
      • GlazedHaim

        I meant it in a good way! But, like, hornier.

        • BadKitty904

          lol I, myownself, was pretty amused.

  • memzilla Ω

    WHY IS THERE NO SAN FRANCISCO HOCKEY TEAM NAMED THE GAY DAGGERS?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They were afraid of being sued by the Gay Blades?

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Is he really a zookeeper? Because if so, that should give him plenty of on-the-job training for how to handle Republicans. Otherwise known as monkeys flinging their shit.

    • Hither and Yawn

      I refer to them in my head as Howler Monkeys these days.

  • Spurning Beer

    “Uh, Mister Vice President, my eyes are up here.”

  • Nounverb911
  • Jimh
  • jesterpunk

    This is one tweet you should read most of the comments on it.

    https://twitter.com/DCHomos/status/948677014831222784

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      Mom Jones seems to be actively fighting off the urge to smack Pence upside the head with that bible…

  • BadKitty904

    I saw that look a lot on HBO’s The Borgias. Usually just before one Cesare’s enemies really “regretted his life choices”.

  • WIDTAP
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Worse: Injuries caused by falling frozen iguanas is not covered by the ACA.

  • Victoria Ricola

    Carson Jones is a man who knows how to answer the call when an ironic life situation presents itself. Bravo, good sir.

  • Hither and Yawn

    It would barely even qualify as a long-distance thing, Evan, what with the shared border and all …

  • Crystalclear12

    How about we all agree you can objectify Carson if it helps you get over Jared?

  • JAKvirginia

    Side Eye from the Gay Guy.

  • beatbort

    Notice how Mike Pence’s lips have disappeared in that photograph.
    What’s up with that?

    • GlazedHaim

      Not the only part of his anatomy puckering I wager

  • Crank Tango

    The kids call it sideye, but I’m trying to coin “askancing.”

    • JaveyDay

      Yes! I call it the “Glance Askance”

      • Raan

        Is that related to the view askew?

        • JaveyDay

          Thirty Seven?!

          • Raan

            In a row?

          • JaveyDay

            It was a non-linear function.

  • Rainier Sage

    Hello fellow Wonketeers. Long time lurker here. Love this site, and I love how all of you take care of one another. Right now I’m recovering from an ileostomy. It’s been a little more than a day, but I’ve had a rough time, lots of pain. I would appreciate as many kitten and baby animals you guys can dredge up for me. Thanks, Seth.

  • jesterpunk

    In other I dont want to live on this planet anymore news. Why is this even a thing?

    http://www.newsweek.com/penis-whitening-laser-procedure-goes-viral-thailand-770962

    A Thai clinic more used to promoting cosmetic surgeries such as breast augmentation on its social media channels has gone viral for a less well-known procedure to change the pigmentation of the skin on the penis.

    A Facebook post written by an employee of Bangkok’s Lelux Hospital promoting the procedure has received nearly 20,000 shares and more than 10,000 comments, mostly baffled or bemused, often tagging another person. The video uploaded with the post showed a man lying on a clinic’s table as the doctor seemingly performed the laser procedure and had been viewed more than 4 million times by Thursday.

    “No pain, no need to recover,” read the post written by Atittayapa Photiya, a clinic employee who had previously successfully sparked social media conversations about another of the clinic’s procedures, the so-called 3-D Vagina. That procedure involved injecting a patient’s own fat into the mons pubis to achieve a more pronounced, plumper look. Photiya also posted about a laser whitening procedure for female genitalia, although that post was shared less widely.

    • Umm… what exactly caused a demand for that?

      • jesterpunk

        The article says people want to be as white as possible and are taking it too far.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        “When I said I wanted the penis of a NBA forward, I meant size, not color.”

    • BearGHAZI

      “I love you, and I WOULD marry you, but is there something we can do about your eggshell white peener?”

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        According to the article it’s the other way around. Internalized racism makes brown and black people want to become white.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        That would be hilarious, but yeah, most cosmetic stuff usually acheives the opposite.

        Me, personally, I like ’em dark.

    • GoutMachine

      Do I at least get to pick from a Pantone swatch first?

  • BadKitty904

    That’s some weaponized stank-eye, right there.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I think this was taken moments after Pence tapped his shoe several times.

    Also, that zookeeper is fucking hot!

  • beatbort

    Carson, thank you for your service in making Mike Pence feel uncomfortable in his special underwear garments.
    Signed,
    The American People

  • MANGO CRIMES
  • renegade500

    Donald Trump, the alleged President of the US tells a certain publisher to you better not publish that mean book about me. So the publisher says okay, hold my beer, and decides to release it 5 days early. My only question is, do I cancel my Amazon preorder (because I prefer deadtree books) and try to find it locally tomorrow.

    http://money.cnn.com/2018/01/04/media/michael-wolff-fire-and-fury-book/index.html

    • Crystalclear12

      Keep the pre-order as gag gift for your racist uncle.

      • renegade500

        Worse. My mother.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    my husband was like “I’d do him”

    STOP OBJECTIFYING HIM!!!

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      But, he’s hot…. :-D

  • Blackest Noobs

    wait, are we gay? goes ask wife….she told me no cuz i don’t dress as well as the gays.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I dunno, I know some gay guys who dress like shit. :-)

      • Blackest Noobs

        those are the manly gays….they get sloppy seconds.
        they don’t care, just like dick.

        i was referring to the more refined stereo-type gay man.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The tradition of having the Vice President swear in Senators was because George Washington got tired of John Adams hanging around the office complaining about having nothing to do.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So, the Chuck Todd of CBS News was just fired for being a sexual predator dick.

    Control your amazement.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Of all the unsurprising reasons for Chuck Todd being fired, this is among the most unsurprising, I guess.

      Just sorry for the women he abused; him being fired for gross incompetence years ago would have been better for everyone.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Oh, not The Chuck Todd. The guy who is Chuck Todd at CBS.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          There’s two? :-)

          • SayItWithWookies

            This Chuck Todd is named Steve Chaggaris.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Oh, there are plenty. Increasingly they’re internet trolls.

    • jesterpunk

      When will Cillizza be fired?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        As soon as he finds a magnifying glass powerful enough for people to notice he’s masturbating in front of them?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Presumably when every woman at every sorority at Harvard signs up to beg Jeff Zucker for a date because he’s such a big swinging dick.

      • elviouslyqueer

        As soon as folks determine that being a giant flaming asshole is a fireable offense.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Which just goes to show that Hillz was the worst candidate ever and any other dem would have beaten Donnie

      or something…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Mother never told me a boy could give me no-no feelings.”
    — Mike Pence

  • Mike Minden

    Mike Pence: “Oh lordy – he is looking at me with his glorious, gorgeous gay eyes. I just know he is going to go in for a hug, and then press those pouty, senuous lips right against mine. Then I will have to grab his perfect buttocks and cling tenaciously lest I lose my balance. Oh mother dear – fetch the smelling salts and fainting couch!”

    Allegedly.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Wait, what am I not supposed to be objectifying?

    I’ll just post the Pink Gator Seal of Approval.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9c04bc7a214faa3c820c8c41d69113eb93065a2e29d2dd951371378df647ef18.png

  • aktlib101

    I don’t know, sometimes Dems just shoot themselves in the foot.
    Take this one, for example:
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/congressman-keith-ellisons-antifa-tweet-spurs-islamaphobic-backlash/
    “Congressman Keith Ellison’s ‘antifa’ tweet spurs Islamaphobic backlash”
    “The deputy head of the Democratic National Committee is under fire—again—from far right activists after he posed with a copy of a “antifa” book and suggested anti-fascist activism is President Donald Trump’s worst nightmare.”

    My question is, taking a selfie with some Antifa book in your hand and posting it on Twitler’s timeline, what good does that do for us? What good could possibly come out of it? It only makes the rightwing crazies unite against common memes and cliches.
    These people are “leaders”, they should know better.
    We need to promote talking points that DIVIDE the alt-right (like Trump-Bannon feud) not unite them against “antifa” or some other slogan.
    Depressing

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      It’s a great book and much of the history of the movement takes place in his district. We are proud of that book and the movement and he will be reelected.

      • aktlib101

        Great. No problem with that sentiment.
        But no need to rile up the already crazy opposition and give them more ammunition. Really bad PR move.

        • jesterpunk

          They would get riled up just by him existing.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Those people wet themselves when he got elected, nothing is going to penetrate their worldview.

          • aktlib101

            Sure. But our leaders and us need to find ways to DIVIDE them, not unite them against stupid slogans

          • jesterpunk

            Can we please stop letting them set the narrative and stop worrying so much about what they might get mad about? Trying to work with them doesnt work, sucking up to them doesnt work, doing what they want doesnt work. Anytime we try they just move the goalposts. Fuck them, they are going to be mad anyway,

          • aktlib101

            Riling them up is not helpful.
            We need to win the next elections.
            We can talk about fascism but don’t shove the antifa book in their faces, since that makes THEM stronger, it gives them a symbol
            After we win the elections, by all means, hit them with the antifa book on the head, no problem.

        • bupkus231

          Maybe riling up the crazy opposition will lead them to crazy moves/words that will further invalidate them as credible opposition?

          Face it, that’s what they seem to try and do to us all the time…

    • P’jama Pahnts

      You’d think presenting as “anti fascist” wouldn’t be controversial.

      • aktlib101

        You’d think

    • SayItWithWookies

      I don’t find anything wrong with opposing fascism. And Paul Watson’s a fucking idiot, and with idiots like him, it doesn’t take much to set him off, so best to ignore such reactionary blowhards.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        It’s not like we’re ever going to win those people over anyway.

    • bupkus231

      “My question is, taking a selfie with some Antifa book in your hand and posting it on Twitler’s timeline, what good does that do for us? ”

      Keith is trolling, trolling, trolling – what, we’re not allowed to troll the right, right back at them? Or is it just Congressional Representatives who are not allowed to troll?

      • aktlib101

        You are allowed.
        In this case, it is just counterproductive. We need to win the next election not to give rightwingers points of discussion they can all agree on.

        • tomamitai

          Ellison is Muslim and Black, I think we can safely assume that rightwingers already agree in their discussions about him. https://youtu.be/UgEr_qOnpN4

          • aktlib101

            Exactly. So you have Keith displaying antifa, which the rightwing equates with violence. Black muslim associated now with violence. It would have been much more effective and less controversial for Keith to tweet about fascism without shoving antifa in their faces. That’s all.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      This is good news for Fox News. Now they will have something to talk about tonight.

      • aktlib101

        My sentiment exactly

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I don’t really think that it’s a bad look for our side: it’s theirs that lashes out with racist nonsense when a politician comes out against fascism.

      It’s just the right inventing grist for their outrage mill. It can be safely ignored.

  • JaveyDay

    It’s a Gaze Ablaze

  • Nounverb911

    Looks like the Mercers want bannon gone…..

    https://twitter.com/WSJ/status/949027676056104961

    • beatbort

      Oh dear, now Steve will really start drinking.

    • TJ Barke
    • GreenGoldSharpie

      “How to lose a multi-million dollar gig by cozying up to an orange idiot.”

    • aktlib101

      Well, that shows you who controls the alt-right, Trump, and all the crazies

      • Red Bird

        My thoughts exactly.

    • Raan
      • bupkus231

        As a “Portal 2” addict, I ashamed to admit I never really tried to listen to this or decipher the lyrics. But upfist anyway….

    • William

      This day just keeps getting better and better.

    • Paperless Tiger

      They’ll have to find another pivot man.

      • Nounverb911

        MILO?

        • jesterpunk

          Didnt they already cut off funding to Milo?

          • Nounverb911

            What the Mercers taketh away, they can giveth back….

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        Chris Cillizza?

      • Blackest Noobs
    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      does this mean he’ll go back to writing “plays” and “producing” “movies”?

    • Crystalclear12

      Yep, cut him loose, give him another reason to become BFF’s with Mueller.
      What could possibly go wrong?

    • Blackest Noobs

      because a book author “caught” him being “honest” about Trump?

      if so, them Mercers are dumb as fucking shit.

      • Nounverb911

        YES!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Because Brainfart is in turmoil and that’s bad for biz

      • Blackest Noobs

        side question are the Mercers Jewish….cuz isn’t Becky’s name the Jewish spelling of it? which is weird they would fund a white nationalist.

        • Red Bird

          They’re Cath-O-lick.

          • Trump’s Potemkin Village

            Emphasis on the “ick”

          • Blackest Noobs

            hmmmmm.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Funny, Bannon was just bragging how Thiel and the Mercers were firmly in his corner- I guess that’s another thing he’s wrong about, like the idea he could ever be president.

      • Nounverb911

        Now that Thiel has a New Zealand passport, does he still vote in the US?

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I think he gets to use the votes of all the babbies whose blood he drinks in order to live forever.

      • cmd resistor

        There are lots of delusional folks up there.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      I’m trying to think of anyone that doesn’t want him gone. Seriously, who is a fan of this guy? I don’t even see how republicans can stand him after the Roy Moore thing.

    • JaveyDay

      Seriously, what’s the problem with these ugly, entitled, greedy, dickstain billionaires and their useless spawn? Just enjoy your filthy, ill-gotten fortunes and leave the rest of us the fuck alone!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        They can’t. Part of the game is enjoying grand meals while others starve.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      Stew bum has used up his 9 lives. Do stew bums have 9 lives? I guess in Bannon’s case they do.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Too fascist for the Mercers — yikes.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Or not fascist enough.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I feel like there’s a Venn Diagram of overlapping awful in which Bannon and the Mercers and most of the Trump Administration live, and there’s no real telling which each of the circles means anymore.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      GottDammit! I’ll have a schadenboner for longer than four hours!

    • hudson

      so ya, this a tough one.

      but i hope bannon gets irrecoverably burnt (with votes) in this one.
      for trump we have electoral process.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Yep, a really strong guy.

    Oooh, he’s a hottie!

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Carson is giving Pence that look cuz Pence offered to give him a handy in the closet.

  • Crz

    I bet his O face looks just like his weight-lifting face.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    My son’s a homosexual, and I love him! I love my dead gay son!

    (not that Carson is dead)

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    I’ll bet Pence had an eye on that nice-looking young man.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    Is he good looking ’cause I can’t tell when guys are good looking. Cause I’m not gay. NOPE! NOT ME!

  • WIDTAP

    Ellen has come out – not about #DeepState, but about cute cat videos.

    https://twitter.com/TheEllenShow/status/948732513190465537

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Uday is the chunderhead who suggested this, so take it with the entire Atlantic Ocean’s worth of salt.

  • Blackest Noobs

    really really O/T but when the hell does the new red dead revolver game come out?

  • Boscoe

    I have to admit I’m impressed by Pence’s self control. You just *know* he was dying to invite Carson over to Marcus Bachmann’s for some “conversion therapy”…

    • BadKitty904

      Ew.

    • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird

      And chill.

  • giantcowofdoom

    @Evan,

    I love your articles. I figured you would want to know that in the dec 22nd article you linked to, you accidentally described Carson Jones as Roy Moore’s son instead of Doug Jones’ in paragraph four.

    I only mention it since I figure that article might get linked to again in the future.

    • Red Bird

      Did you mean to abruptly end the sentence with “seemed”?

      • P’jama Pahnts

        Right? The suspense is killing me. What did it seem?

        • giantcowofdoom

          heheheeeheeheeeee.

          Dang it, Does it still show that? I’m a long time listener first time commenter, tired to use the “edit” feature on Disqus to get rid of those extraneous words at the end, but clearly failed to do so.

          • P’jama Pahnts

            Nah, worked after i refreshed. And we don’t allow comments.

          • vivian

            What comments?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        stay tuned…

  • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

    What was the name of that Nazi who was killed by the other Nazis along with his militia at some point?

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Steve Bannon?

    • Nounverb911

      AOT,K?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Doug Niedermeyer?

    • Ernst Rohm. But I get your point.

      • Daniel

        That’s what he said!

        I kid, of course. He was shot.

    • Mike Minden

      Ernst Rohm.

    • JaveyDay

      These vile little cave-dwelling spelunkers are undeserving of a capital N. They are all lowercase nazis.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Steve Miller.

      • Lordpnut

        Isn’t he related to Les Paul? Nonetheless, a decent guitar player for a nazi.

      • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

        Are you writing from the future?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I have heard that gay daggers are…umm…among the most penetrating of daggers…not something I’d know from personal experience of course…”
    — Mike “Buy Curious American” Pence

  • BadKitty904
  • cmd resistor

    Ha ha! The Roy Moore accuser that was 14 when he tried to have sex with her has sued him in Alabama state court for defamation. She’s not seeking damages except legal fees and she wants a public apology.

    • Mike Minden

      Outstanding. That is another pretrial deposition that should make the best-seller list. Will Moore destroy himself or perjure himself?

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        I wonder if their Jooo Lawyer will be there?

        “Objection!”

        “You don’t have to object in a deposition, you know.”

        “Oh I know, I just want to be on the clock for a little longer.”

    • jesterpunk

      Will he concede or apologize first?

      • arglebargle

        no

    • Holiday Bozi

      I think of this song when I hear about Roy Moore.

      “Yeah I saw you walkin’ down the street
      I could tell by your look that you didn’t wanna meet
      so this time
      I went away
      But next time
      I’m just gonna have to say

      “Could I buy a dress or something?
      Could I buy ya some jewelry or something?
      Would ya go out with me or something?
      Would ya sleep with me or something?”

      Ya better watch out!
      If your trains moving too fast.
      Ya better look out!
      if you’re living in the past because

      Thats why you’ll never lose
      These sweet, misery blues
      Thats why you’ll never lose
      These sweet misery blues

      Yeah im gonna corner you in an elevator
      and you wont be able to put me off till later

      I’ll put on my charm
      I’ll tingle your spine
      I’ll take off my charm
      And then you’ll wanna die

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1bIjee0tNQ

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Something… something … broad shouldered…

  • You should ice that burn

    Dude has some mad side-eye skills.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    In the heart of Anti-Trump Country, voters still pine for an America better than its president | Will Bunch http://www.philly.com/philly/columnists/will_bunch/trump-make-america-great-again-mount-airy-germantown-will-bunch-20180104.html via @phillydotcom

  • elviouslyqueer

    “Mother, you’re going to have to give me two rounds with the Rod of Correction tonight. And make sure you use extra lube, just like last time after that nice Tucker Carlson met me in the Senate cloakroom.”

    • Mike Minden

      Ew. Really clever and funny – but ew.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mike Dense is ew, and Tucker Carlson is ew, and the ew is more the sum of its parts when it’s the two of them together.

  • capnkrunch

    Is it OK to objectify women if you also objectify men? Important questions.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Even more important: Is it okay to objectify a 1975 Doge Dart?

      • Impatient

        With Scat Pack? You betcha!

      • You should ice that burn

        It’s always ok to objectify objects, particularly those from Detroit in the 70s!

      • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

        “Doge” Dart? Such clatter. Many clank.

      • DrBigHead

        Does it have the 340 V8? Then the answer is a definitive yes.

      • Lordpnut

        It’s mandatory. 69’s are still top shelf, though.

    • Doug Langley

      Gene Roddenberry once explained why his TV shows kept showing women in alluring poses and skimpy costumes. “There’s a reason why I show women as sex objects. It’s because I see women as sex objects.”

      • capnkrunch

        Ugh, seriously? What a scumbag.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    That scene still gives me goosebumps.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=POdknqszMDY

    • Rick Prose

      When I saw it in the theatre for the first time, it made me cry.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      When the camera swoops back around 1:32, I totally imagine one of the soldiers in the back going “I can’t hear. Can you speak up, because I can’t hear.” Like me, I imagine him with glasses, a nasal voice, and a doughy physique.

    • Werewolf

      As someone who has read the books, many time, I was a little annoyed that Théoden got all of Éomer’s best lines. But it was a great scene.

  • Nounverb911
    • GoutMachine

      Maybe the book will be out by then.

      HA HA HA HA HA HA

    • Brian Fowler

      At least this means less rape scenes on tv…

      I hope…

    • Impatient

      Couldn’t take the heat from this year’s reality show, huh?

    • TJ Barke

      Maybe they’ll work harder to make it suck less than last season.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    So……. this is a thing, our other French boyfriend is insinuating that the USA, Israel and Saudi Arabia are behaving like the new “axis of evil” and trying to get WW3 with Iran.

    http://www.newsweek.com/us-israel-saudi-arabia-leading-world-war-iran-france-says-770728

    “The official line pursued by the United States, Israel and Saudi Arabia, who are our allies in many ways, is almost one that would lead us to war,” Macron told reporters, according to Reuters.

    It was “a deliberate strategy for some,” he added.

    No Axis Powers! No Axis Powers! You’re the Axis Powers!

    • jesterpunk

      No Russia? SAD!!!

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        He already mentioned the United States.

    • GoutMachine

      Well, if it walks like a duck…

      • jesterpunk

        Its a witch?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Quack a la Orange.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Surprisingly, Erdogan thinks the current Iran regime is swell. I suppose it’s mutual hatred of ISIS along with maybe some Kurd hate too?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Sounds like Frenchy needs to look strongly at how much everyone owes us for doing NATO.

      • John Thorstensen

        That, and learn how to pronounce “chowdah”.

    • hudson

      no seriously. i really don’t understand the beef with iran, even modulo the hamas/israel situation.

      more vile obnoxious shit has come out of SA than iran. for eg., 2 most vilest terror orgs and their sundry offsprings ever know to mankind are all saudi based.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Once we demonize someone for nationalizing our oil, the motherfuckers stay demonized. Until they give us our oil.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        but they let him touch the orb.

        • hudson

          everyone and their aunty has figured out how to game trump haven’t they?

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            yes

      • jesterpunk

        Iran is bad because of Obama. That is their whole thing, Obama was involved in negotiating with Iran so it has to go.

      • DrBigHead

        Yes, but SA didn’t hold our embassy staff hostage.

        • hudson

          seriously?

          • DrBigHead

            You don’t think that still matters to them?

    • Mike Minden

      He just now figured that out?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        He’s probably known it for some time, but this is an unprecedented situation where the “ally” once thought to be a relatively stable partner now has a certifiable nutcase in charge. Macron doesn’t take shit from anybody. He told Putin off and I don’t even think he was in office 48 hours. Trump looked like he could be placated somewhat, until the merde hit the fan with the Jerusalem thing.

        • Lordpnut

          Don’t forget the handshake. That was glorious.

  • NellCote71

    This old, straight white woman thinks Carson Jones is so yummy.

  • WiscoJoe

    I’ve gotten three separate messages today from people checking to see if I can get my hands on an advance copy of “Fire and Fury.” (I work in a library. No, we don’t get advance copies of anything. We get our shipments the exact same time you get yours from Amazon. What do you think we are Barnes and Noble?) Anyway, none of these people are the type who read political books or know who Michael Wolff is. But they’ve all heard about it. And they know it’s full of salacious gossip about how batshit the White House is. And they know it’s a must read. And now our entire country is full of common, vulgar Wonketeers. Thanks, Trump?

    [Edit: FINE. Doug Jone’s gay son is hot AND a zookeeper. I love Doug Jone’s gay son.]

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      But but Pooty Lips said Americans didn’t care about this trash book?

      • WiscoJoe

        Yeah, she also criticized “tabloid gossip,” which isn’t a very convincing argument coming from a White House that has the National Enquirer and TMZ on speed dial. (Ugh, she’s terrible at her job.)

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Jake Tapper. Read Poot Lips for filth last night. He was outraged by her phony outrage over people using alternative facts. It was pretty glorious. I made JT an honorary gay man last night.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Dontchaknow, Pooty validates ideas by denying them.

    • Raan

      The second you make something taboo, people desperately want it.

      • WiscoJoe

        Also, I think there’s a “OMG, this book is saying everything I’ve been privately thinking over this past hellhole of year. Let’s mainline that sweet, sweet schadenfreude while we can.”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        See the Harry Potter interview in The Quibbler for a very good example of how this works.

    • TJ Barke

      I never read books like that, and I’ve preordered it.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I’m taking my tablet to work, so I can, hopefully, download it and start skimming it at lunch. I’d say read but I know I’ll be looking up random stuff from the index.

    • Raan
      • WiscoJoe

        They better order more copies! I just talked to our collections management guy and he’s assured me that we’ll have plenty of copies on the shelf to meet demand. (And he’s freaking out because the publisher just announced the book is being released tomorrow, but the company we buy books from still has the original publication date and won’t ship them yet.)

        • Raan

          That’s the good thing about having a county-wide cooperative, because I think something like six or seven other libraries will get their copies, and they’ll send them wherever the people with holds are picking them up.

          • WiscoJoe

            Yeah, we’ve got 34 libraries in our system that share materials, but we’re by far the largest so a lot of the burden falls on us to have extra copies for everyone in the surrounding six counties. This inevitably means we tend to overbuy the “big” titles to meet demand, which means the smaller libraries often end up more copies of the indie and rarer titles, which we then get access to. It all works out. Amazingly. With lots and lots of people working hard behind the scenes. Yay, libraries!

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Things like this make me grateful our library charges a small hold fee that has the effect of making demand more manageable.

      • Catstro

        I just checked our system and the entire Durham County system is getting 3 copies. There are already 67 holds.

      • Changeling

        I’m waiting for Harding’s Collusion from my library in Finland. I’m about 50th in line. They ordered as soon as it was published – it was also published as a translation at the same time. Just checked if they’d ordered this yet – no, but probably soon…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “You mentioned daggers and something being OPEN and now all I can think about is trains going into tunnels for some reason…”
    — Mike Pence

  • Indiepalin

    Sashay away, Mister Vice President.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The gay Wonkette community will probably stop objectifying Carson Jones about the time I stop objectifying Scarlett Johannson.

    • Snowbound Ron

      You and Anna E.

      • TJ Barke

        I hope she’s alright…

        • Snowbound Ron

          I’ve been in contact with her – she’s doing okay, but I still find myself concerned for her.

  • Doug Langley

    Spent much of the day hunting for rent assistance. One place has stopped doing it. Another place only helps homeless people get into shelters. Finally ended up at the same place as before. They’ve indicated before they can help, but will take a month or two for everything to clear.

    Still no word on unemployment benefits.

    So I’ve re-opened my Gofundme. I need a few hundred to meet bills and should be okay for the month:

    https://www.gofundme.com/dougs-expenses

    Already had a couple of Wonketeers drop a bit in, thanks so much. If anyone can spare anything, please click. Think of it as sticking it to the system.

    Good news: needed some MicroSoft apps to teach the class. Found out about a place that offers FREE software to educational. I now have the whole MicroSoft Office at zero cost.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Dear Evan Hansen:

    We, your fans here at Wonkette, are so very, very glad you found a new gay man to objectify because your lust toward the man whose name shall not be spoken, but rhymes with Hared, was just wrong.

    We fully support your new found relationship.

    Yours in Satan,

    PTR

  • Mavenmaven

    One day that picture with the dagger eyes will come to symbolize this entire era.

  • Edith Prickly

    Gay Dagger Eyes is my new band name.

    • hudson

      Prickly Gay Dagger Eyes?

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Gay Eyes Dagger is my cowboy name

      • Holiday Bozi

        Dagger Gayeyes is tRump’s caddy.

  • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪
    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Fly, my pretties! Fly!”

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        (looks at picture) “Pretties?!?

    • Chyron HR

      I don’t get it, who is the lady in the window, and why is she wearing a pointed hat? I think Lukovich could have made this comic a little clearer.

      • Maclare’s Bodega o’ Crap 🏪

        “That’s no Lady!”

    • Nockular cavity

      So…Trump will dissolve with a bucket of water?

      Er, VOTES! A bucket of votes!

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    (I captioned this.)

    Hollywood at last figured out how to make reboots innovative and appealing!

    Just add hot gay zookeepers and… a comma?

    https://i.imgflip.com/2254iv.jpg

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    because YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT.

    Allegedly.

    Nope.

  • hudson

    anyone heard from bosgirl?

    • TJ Barke

      Not today, I don’t think.

    • hendenburg2

      Did something happen?

      • hudson

        she had car troubles that spilled over to her new job.

        • hendenburg2

          Oh shoot! Is it bad that I was mainly relieved that it wasn’t some shit-stirring troll?

    • jesterpunk

      I hope she is ok, I heard from people at work that area got a lot of snow and really strong winds.

      • hudson

        yes strong winds. good and bad.

        good is it is keeping the power lines and trees dry. not to mention east facing roof.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      She was around earlier today on one of the morning threads, I think…

  • bluicebank

    Only the fourth day of the year, and already a notch in the Streisand Effect subcategory of the “No One Coulda Predicted” contest, est. 2002 by Condi Rice.

    “Due to unprecedented demand, we are moving the on-sale date for all
    formats of ‘Fire and Fury,’ by Michael Wolff, to Friday, January 5, at 9
    a.m. ET, from the current on-sale date of Tuesday, January 9,” a Henry
    Holt spokeswoman told CNN Thursday afternoon.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/out-tomorrow-trumps-threat-against-michael-wolffs-book-backfires-spectacularly-as-publisher-moves-up-release-date/

  • Marion in Savannah

    That is the most glorious picture that I may see for at least the next 6 weeks. And maybe all year. (Depending on if there are Mueller indictments. That may lead to better pictures, but it’ll be a stretch even then.)

  • Flashman

    I was sort of hoping that Pence would feel a strange and exciting sensation run through him, a sensation he had never felt before–thrilling, life-changing…forbidden.

    • Doug Langley

      Then realizing it was the burrito he had for lunch.

      • Raan

        I would be surprised if Pence didn’t find white bread too ethnic.

        Comes from Asia, you know.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      I bet he’s felt it before and every time, has mother beat it out of him.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    So I was one of the 6 guests at the Bannon-Ailes dinner party in January 2017 and every word I've seen from the book about it is absolutely accurate. It was an astonishing night… pic.twitter.com/I4vgOrHOYb— Janice Min (@janicemin) January 4, 2018

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m shocked Bannon and AILES would invite a woman who wasn’t a prostitute.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        Must have been a rough night for her.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Really, sounds like a dinner from hell.

      • Beautiful Soup

        I think Wolff hosted.

    • Phried Ω

      If you were there, how many times did the waiter refill the trough?

  • La forza del resistino

    Mother Pence gave Mike a cold shower later to wash away the gay cooties.

  • Joe Beese

    When my wife reminds me how fat I’ve gotten, I wonder aloud, in a tone of confusion, “Was it all that pizza and cake?”

  • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

    I think I would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

  • Nounverb911

    Stephanie doesn’t take crap from anyone…

    https://twitter.com/TheCut/status/949042805543985152

    • TJ Barke

      I’m still not convinced he’s a real person.

      • Blackest Noobs

        the mooch or the pussy grabber?

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          yup

        • TJ Barke

          The mooch. Pussy grabber’s been around too long to deny.

          • Nounverb911

            I’ve been trying to deny doonies existence since 1980….

          • Blackest Noobs

            i dunno….who really knows the pussy grabber….sure ive seen him on tv but all that can be fabricated.

            Trump does sound like a broken computer program though

          • TJ Barke

            That’s because our universe only exists to generate content for another universe’s version of the onion.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Scarymushi can’t pass the Turing Test any better can Donnie can.

      • bupkus231

        I still don’t care.

      • shivaskeeper

        He’s real. Pathetically sad and cartoonish, but real.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Of course Cillizza would come up with the angle of “There is no case for Trump being mentally unfit. He is the same person he always was, and any of the things detractors are using are what every person does when they get old and set in their ways.”

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/949049072756936705

    • BreakingDeadMen

      I used this earlier: “Child, Emperor Disagree on Issue Of New Clothes”

    • Jgb979

      From one dotard to another.

      Serious question: has cilliza ever had an insightful or at the bare minimum accurate take ever?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        I don’t remember him being quite so far up his own ass when he was doing segments with Keith Olbermann.

      • shivaskeeper

        Sure he has, “I WILL NOW EXPLAIN ‘HILLARY BAD’ IN EMOJI’S”. That is some insightful and accurate shit right there.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Emojis: Yet another bane of human civilization.

          I always admire folks who can do cool shit with plain’ol wurdz.

      • Red Richmond

        He’s had accurate takes before, but only in the most banal and painfully obvious way possible. A Chris Cilliza Hot Take(tm) is as obvious as a rotting whale carcass on a Miami beach, intelligent as a trump scream-shit, and as hot as that pizza the delivery guy left on your doorstep 20 minutes ago in the bomb cyclone snow storm because fuck that, he quits.

    • TJ Barke

      Cillizza, your journalism is bad and you should feel bad!

    • NastyBossetti

      I don’t think he knows any old people.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        The article doesn’t mention anything other than pre-election behavior. It doesn’t mention the covfefe moment, walking by the Presidential limo, walking out of signing ceremonies without signing the document, drinking water like it’s in a sippy cup, or the slurring of his words a couple months afo.

        • NastyBossetti

          Sounds like a pointless article. Surprising!

          • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

            “Get a roll of stamps and mail it in”, as KO used to say.

        • shivaskeeper

          Out of all of those and everything that has followed, the covfefe is the only one where the explanation that is was an oops and fat fingered the post button too soon is even plausible.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
    • shivaskeeper

      Someone has to play the roll of Cillizza. May as well be Cizzilla. Fucking hack.

      On a more serious note, the racism and other character defects were always there to one degree or another. I cannot dispute that. Nor would I dispute it. I do not normally listen to him speak. I usually read the transcripts, which are bad enough in the rambling, off script bullshit. Since I hear him speak infrequently his mental degradation is pretty marked to me.

    • BMW

      “He is the same person he always was…”

      I suspect someone may be missing the point.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Ah, beat me to it by seconds!

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I don’t think many liberals are suggesting that he was EVER fit for office, you know?

  • Nounverb911
  • Reximus
    • Shan

      Huh.

    • Blackest Noobs

      yeah totally gay….i mean i totally think he is closeted and his brand of christianity is repressing it…but yeah…that guy is sooooooooo gay.

    • Nounverb911

      Was that before or after he ratted out his frat for having a keg?
      http://www.newsweek.com/mike-pence-once-ratted-out-his-fraternity-brothers-having-keg-735711

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I think I saw him acting with Jamie Gillis

    • Me not sure

      Mother had best just stay with him all of the time, whether women are present or not. Safety first!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        From diagramming your sentence, it implies that “Mother” is not a member of the set “women”.

        I’ll allow it.

        • Me not sure

          So you’ve seen her, then.

          • Lordpnut

            “And if you can’t dig on Mother, you’d better leave town
            Cuz if you think she’s bad you aught to see her sisters.”

            -adapted from “Esther be the one”

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            I can’t remember if what I saw was real or in a nightmare, though.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      That’s not Pence. But I still approve this message. :P I’m still waiting for someone to out that mofo.

  • BMW

    I guess we are saving the Wizard of Oz/1984 press conference article for tomorrow? :-(

  • Me not sure

    A zookeeper like young Jones should feel right at home in the Senate chambers.

  • Michael R
  • President in Exile Firefly

    I’m beginning to think Evan’s got a new crush.

    • jesterpunk

      This one is much better then his old crush on Jared.

      • President in Exile Firefly

        IK,R?

  • CeeQ

    I most definitely am not better than that.

    Hot gay guy is hot. Damn. He can stare at me any old time any old way. Sigh.

  • memzilla Ω

    Fire and Fury bet: here’s a record I’m willing to bet five ameros on happening. That, because its subject matter is his narcissistic personality disorder, his bumblefucking greed, and ignorance of and disinterest in the world, Tinypeen Twitler will be responsible for the yuuugest Amazon pre-order of a book in history.

    • shivaskeeper

      Release date has already moved up from the 9th to the 5th. Next Tuesday to this Friday.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        That just shows how SCARED they are of Trump’s DEFINITE IMPENDING LAWSUITS.

        • shivaskeeper

          Well, who wouldn’t be? I mean a transparently blatant attempt to intimidate someone from a weaker position like this? I would be quaking in my boots. Really.

          There is bluffing with a bad hand, but this is trying to bluff in a game of poker when you are playing go fish.

    • Jo Mathie

      Hillary already beat trump in the book sales category lately, this will probably surpass that. Look for a “fake sales” tweet from Dumpling Trump in the near future. (The thought of his face when someone reads the book to him (we all know he doesn’t read) makes unicorns dance in my heart).

      • NastyBossetti

        He will probably just claim credit for the sales, saying since the book is about him, everyone loves him and that’s why they’re reading it.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    I don’t know. It doesn’t look like he’s actually looking at Pence. It seems like he’s looking towards his mom.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I will concur. That’s the impression I got.

    • OrG

      Don’t ruin it. :)

      • Rachel Book Harlot
        • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

          I thought the same thing, but I don’t care WHERE he’s looking; the boy is HOT.
          and probably also made Pence uncomfortable being in the same room, also too.

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            I’m 100% certain Pence felt tingles in his nether regions. Mother will be so disappointed.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • shivaskeeper

      Goddamn, his jowls have gotten bigger.

    • hudson

      imma go on repeating this lest people forget. remember we all thought this could never happen here in america?

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
    • Blackest Noobs

      hose yes socks no

      • amrak63

        Fine; I’ll take Socks-chan.

        • amrak63

          Though a part of my mind would be happier if they took each other.

          https://i.imgur.com/QczApsl.gif

        • Blackest Noobs

          i know it’s basically the same thing but socks gross me out.

    • Shan

      Huh?

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Sorry, bit sleep deprived so I may be wandering off into weird tangents. Friend of mine retweeted this – if one wants food in exchange for a hug, and the other wants a hug in exchange for food, there is an easy answer.

    • Jo Mathie

      What am I looking at?

    • Nounverb911
    • vivian

      Gee… I never spent that much time thinking about how my imaginary friends would behave in imaginary situations. I always assumed it was kinda up to me.

    • capnkrunch

      I would cook all the meals for anyone who will pay my bills. Any wealthy straight women or gay men hit me up.

    • Red Bird

      So that’s how babbies are made.

    • Chyron HR

      So that’s what happened to my mentions.

  • amrak63

    I think Evan’s in love.

  • Nounverb911
    • mackafritz

      They all did what?

      • NastyBossetti

        Anything Trump fucked up.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Everything?

      • Michael R

        Criticized and ignorant fascist , which hurts his fee fees .

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        IT

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          The fiends!

        • Red Bird

          What is it?

          • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

            What they ALL DID!!1

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            A cannibal clown? I don’t remember what the topic was.

      • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

        I guess they made Jimmy Carter wear a novelty Durmpf wig?

      • Doug Langley

        Beat him in the IQ test?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Bless his delusional playdough-eatin’ heart.

      • bupkus231

        Play-doh is too good for Garrison. If he has to be fed something moldable, give some Alpo-fed dogshit.

    • BMW

      I am tempted to make the Obama/Hillary portion my new avatar.

      Is the last person on the far rigbt end supposed to be Kathy Griffin? Doesn’t really fit with the rest.

      • Nockular cavity

        Who’s the lady with the airplane? And the guy with the pizza?

        And who the hell is the 30-year-old anime villain with the Trump hair supposed to be?

        • BMW

          Loretta Lynch with the airplane, because she met Bill Clinton once at an airport and it was a big ass scandal.

          I assume the pizza guy is Tony Podesta, but I am not sure why.

          • Sophia

            Doesn’t he run the child porn stuff out of the pizza joint?

          • jowgajen

            In that alternate universe, yes?

          • Sophia

            Everything with them is an alternate universe. Can we close the portal or something please?

          • BMW

            I don’t know how I forgot that. This cartoon is insane on so many levels.

          • Nockular cavity

            Ah. Now it makes…”sense.”

            Pizzgate, Garrison? Fuck you.

    • shivaskeeper

      To the right of Comey is Soros, Who are the next three going right supposed to be? I think second from the right is Mueller. Maybe the last one of the right is Wasserman-Schultz?

      • jowgajen

        Comey, Soros, Walnuts, Bill Clinton, Kathy Griffin

        Now I feel dirty.

        • shivaskeeper

          Fuck me, I thought Karl Rove (as a stand in for all the squishy never Trumper RINOs), Mueller, and Wasserman-Schultz.

          This motherfucker does not know how caricature works.

          • jowgajen

            Podesta looks like a too tall Jeff Sessions.

          • shivaskeeper

            FFS, I thought that was Schumer. Drawing is not one of his strong suits.

        • jowgajen
    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      “Right in my supple ample yet taut svelte bottom, too!”

      *Ben Garrison quickly erases this speech bubble, then disappears into his bathroom*

    • bbayliss

      One of the great talents of our time.

    • Raan

      Why is Jim Comey (I think) like seven feet tall m

  • CeeQ

    I think really we need captions.

    “Hello darkness my old friend” was what Mike Pence really wanted to say to that steely penetrating gaze. As though Carson could see right thru his soul. See little Mikey who just wanted to laugh and dance and be….merry. But no. Mother would be upset. Mother would cry. We don’t want to make Mother cry. We would get the hose again. Mustn’t make Mother angry. But oh those eyes. How little Mikey longed to be lost in those deep pools of desire.

    Allegedly.

    • Raan

      “Ooh, what you got comin’, motherfucker.”

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Sarah Sanders called the idea that Trump was mentally unfit for the job “disgraceful and laughable.”

    Remember when Liddle’ Baby Donnie and Rudy Giuliani and Sean Hannity and a trillion other Republicans said Hillary’s brain was broken.

    “She’s got bad temperament. She could be crazy. She could actually be crazy,” Trump said, turning away from his teleprompters.

    That’s a revival of the line of attack Trump employed nearly two months ago, when he blasted Clinton as “unbalanced” and “totally unhinged,” suggesting she “took a short-circuit in the brain.”

    “Honestly, I don’t think she’s all there,” he said during an August 6 rally.

    http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/01/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-health/index.html

  • lucidamente

    Those eyes that say “I know what you did last summer with the pool boy, Mr. Vice President.”

  • hudson

    so trump was promising to release some sort of a ranking list on the media this week, did he do it?

    • mackafritz

      I think his trumpy awards are next Monday.

      • hudson

        oh really? for some reason i took them to this week.

        • Paperless Tiger

          He’s always promising something special, and it’s always a dud. He’s the Fail King.

          • puredog

            “Within a couple of weeks.”

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Trump and his promises (in Latin):

            “parturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus”

            Or, in English:

            “the mountains are in labor, a ridiculous mouse will be born (Horace, said of works that promise much at the outset but yield little in the end)”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I’m sure the forthcoming list will be full of surprises…….

      ………………………..{{{giggle-snort}}}

    • BMW

      I dunno…it requires follow through, so probably not.

    • shivaskeeper

      Monday, I think. It should be great and awesome and real and great. And awesome. And true.

    • jesterpunk

      Will Breitbart now win all the awards?

      • hudson

        interesting twist, no?

      • hudson

        i guess fox will win all the presidential derple medals?

        • JaveyDay

          The Derple Shart Medal

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      I really hope he does. It will be a great WTF moment when he interrupts prime time tv to do this.

  • jesterpunk

    I wonder how Dead Breitbart will take Poot Lips suggesting they fire Bannon?

    http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/367462-white-house-goes-off-on-new-book-on-trump-administration

    Sanders also suggested Breitbart News look at firing Bannon, who is the chairman of the conservative site.

    “I certainly think that it’s something they should look at and consider,” Sanders said at the press briefing when asked if Breitbart should consider cutting ties with Bannon.

    • shivaskeeper

      You understand they are fighting for the base right now? This is going to look like an very ugly, very public divorce proceeding.

      • jesterpunk

        It already has, the comments on Breitbart last night where divided between Trump and Bannon supporters and it was great to sit back and watch.

        • shivaskeeper

          It will get worse. It should further split the GOP and should be encouraged at all possible times.

          • BadKitty904
          • shivaskeeper

            OT: Glad to see you are surviving the freeze in FL. Since you are still posting I am going to assume your region has not descended into mass cannibalism to stay alive.

          • Master Contrail Program

            It’s too chilly for my cannibal couture. It’s not just about nutrients, it’s an image thing also, too. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/62e5187a6179126eace02d6f62475235dd1379dd2d937ac0ded33f36f3f8e4fe.gif

          • BadKitty904

            Not so far, though we have one more day of arctic temps before we return to our winter norms in the 70s. ‘Sides, most of the folks I know ’round here would be walking advertisements for vegetarianism under those circs…

          • SDGeoff3

            This is going to put the HillBots and BernieBros to utter shame.

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            I was going to play agent provocateur and go post come comments at brietbart in an attempt to ramp-up the malodorous scatfight. However, every time I clicked on the breitbart link, my browser crashed. Maybe I put in a system policy or something and forgot.

        • puredog

          And don’t forget the visiting trolling libtards.

          • jesterpunk

            You mean libtards would go over there to stoke the fires when they start to burn low? Well then keep up the good work.

          • puredog

            It’s fun! I can see why TLM gets his kicks on Wonk 666!

      • jowgajen

        Well I sure as fuck wouldnt want custody in that case.

        • shivaskeeper

          Nor would I. But they both do.

    • Paperless Tiger

      He’d probably wait till Bannon was down before he kicked him.

    • TJ Barke

      So will Donnie’s support go down to like 20% or lower?

      • jesterpunk

        I am hoping for single digits, but I guess we will see in the next poll.

      • NastyBossetti

        I thought that was supposed to be impossible.

      • shivaskeeper

        Doubtful. At least not for long.There is overlap with the hardest of the hardcore GOPer rank and file, but the Bannonites are not all of the base.

    • aktlib101

      By analogy, we should have demanded Congress fire Drumpf after his “My red button is bigger than his” comment. Why don’t we?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      You know, I can’t really eat that much popcorn anymore, so I am just going to have to settle for this hot-butter-and-rum drink I’ve concocted.

  • Nounverb911
  • La forza del resistino

    Countdown until some GOP conressrodent claims Wolff’s Fire and Fury book was funded by the Clinton Foundation and Sasha Obama.

    • jowgajen

      Probably already happened.

    • jesterpunk

      Breitbart was claiming it was funded by Soros in between saying Bannon committed treason for saying bad things about Trump and calling Trump a moron.

      • DrBigHead

        Good God, with all of the alleged payola, you would think Soros would be broke by now. May explain why my last Soros check bounced.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      LOL!

      #WaitForIt

  • Mary Theresa
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      OH HELL YESSSSSSS!!!!!

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        How about giving some chapters to the women he sexually assaulted?

        • jesterpunk

          They are going to need a bigger book to do that.

    • NastyBossetti

      She might have trouble reading it aloud without dying of laughter.

      • Paperless Tiger

        Have mercy!

      • weighmaster

        That would really just make it soooo much better!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’d laff…

    • Stulexington

      Best. Audio book. Ever!

    • memzilla Ω

      Forward by Barack Obama.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • WIDTAP
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Mr. Mueller it’s Steve Bannon on line 1.”

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      except they’ll just rearrange titles to placate the Trumpanzees- he’ll go from executive chairman to president or CEO or something

    • Mary Theresa

      So now that Dotard and Bannon have divorced, who gets custody of the deplorables?

  • Nounverb911
    • jowgajen

      I honestly think turnip would love the pay per view thing.

      • vivian

        ” I got the best ratings…sky high… no one’s ever seen ratings like this…”

    • SDGeoff3

      Geez louise, when do we get the revenge porn?

    • hudson

      regarding the last, i would rather pay wonkette to pay* for the feed and read it annotated by hurst or doc.

      * which reminds me i’m late on dues.

  • Suttree

    Do you know what I care about before I start wondering what people do with their private parts in private. Most other things on earth. Now that is over with/ffs everything else on earth is shitty. Can we work on that motherfuckers!?

    • Rick Hill

      Some private parts are more deserving than others?

      • Suttree

        Shhhhhhhh. That is what head phones are for. So I hear.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    You know what would be really awesome? Clicking on a link would open a new tab.

    • Doug Langley

      Right click on the link and select “Open in new tab” from the menu. You’re welcome.

      • gene108

        Hard to right-click on tablet or phone

        • weighmaster

          On my tablet if I hold on the link instead of tapping, the same menu with “open in new tab” option comes up.

  • Nounverb911

    You never learned how to inhale, did you Bill?
    https://twitter.com/pbump/status/949053310484480005

    • Blackest Noobs

      sounds like a guy who never really smelled pot….evah.

    • NastyBossetti

      As I was shoveling snow earlier, I could smell that someone was walking in my neighborhood smoking some weed, and I was looking around trying to find them because why wouldn’t they share with me when I was being so good working so hard to keep my sidewalk safe for their pot-walk?

      • Blackest Noobs

        it was me….but i was astro-pot-projecting….just like my Uncle Luke Skywalker, the astroprojecting part…and yeah…well the pot part too.

        cuz it’s a baller move.

        • NastyBossetti

          It really is.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Bill, are sure you aren’t just smelling your own skunky, crappy, dieded, rotted, skunk-eated, and skunk-farted old self?

      • Nounverb911

        He lives just across the intracoastal from Mar-a-Lago, so he could be smelling trump residue…..

    • bluicebank

      I’ve been out of the loop on weed since, let’s say the late ’70s when I discovered beer.

      But as I recall, “skunk weed” was but one of a variety of flaves. Your Idaho Dirt weed smelled like a failed attempt at oregano, whilst Panama Red smelled like … something. It never made it into my burg. But the Maui Wowie was sweet-ish. Homegrown was sorta marijuana-ish. Thai Stick was overpriced, and its smell wasn’t the thing because you just looked at the bamboo-wrapped craftwork, and wondered what marketing genius in Thailand decided to pay workers to tie the shit up like that, such that every pot smoker felt special, that across the world a virgin girl lovingly hand crafted it, the potent weed wrapped ever so gently with bamboo fibers around a carefully selected bamboo stick. You almost felt guilty for not saving the stick part after greedily smoking the shit up.

      • NastyBossetti

        Here, get yourself up to date: https://www.leafly.com/explore

      • Blackest Noobs

        Northern Lights, mutherfuckers ( i dunno,just wanna say yo)!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • I grew Northern Lights in 2 or 3 plant batches for personal use back in the olden days of the 1990s.

          It was very, very special.

      • Panama Red smells very hashy. Fact. ✓

    • He’s never smelled the “Flo” strain of pot, because that stuff smells like perfume.
      Fact. ✓

      Everytime I smell a Republican it’s DISGUSTING, reeking of aftershave, Old Man Close to Death smell, the “I just crapped in my Depends” smell and you can smell the PHARMACEUTICAL PILLS just oozing out of their creepy skin pores.

      Also the “I just choked a poor person to death” smell and haven’t bothered to watch my hands yet, because lazy and shiftless.

      [WARNING: PICTURE OF ACTUAL REPUBLICAN TRAITOR]
      https://media0.giphy.com/media/l2SpYfbcIdAOX7dgQ/200.gif

      • grindstone

        Story: Years ago when I was a young stone, I and my first husband and our best friend spent the day running around DC, and ended the day kind of hot and grimy in one of DC’s Irish pubs. It was crowded but I had a spot penned in at the bar. Someone behind me placed an order and then a perfectly suit-clad arm reaches past me to pay and retrieve his drink. His cologne smelled heavenly, so much so that I turned my head to see who that arm belonged to. It was Senator Ted Kennedy. Side note, his date that night was a Jackie Bouvier lookalike.

    • Blackest Noobs

      but a white guy who had one too many drinks and ciggs doesn’t smell like ass….ok.

    • DrBigHead

      I grew up with a heavy smoker. As a result, I was put off smoking at a young age. So at some level I can appreciate Mitchell’s position. That is why I tended towards other indulgences, like liquor and ‘shrooms.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      True story: when coming and going from my apartment, I’d always get a whiff of this earthy smell which I JUST LOVED. Specifically, it reminded me of visiting my great aunt’s house down in NC when I was a kid.

      I literally learned this year that what I’ve been smelling is my neighbors weed. Which raises a lot of questions about my great aunt’s house. I still love the smell.

  • amrak63
    • hudson

      most boundaries are arbitrary any ways.

  • Alternative Dog

    Lock ‘ em up…

    https://twitter.com/TPM/status/949055188500807680

    From the Kansas City Star:

    Both Fullmer and McCaughey appear to be registered Republicans.

    Because of course they are.

    • hudson

      hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

      i love the shade and fried*.

      *fuck the europeans.

    • gallbladder

      Manifest projection.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      What are the charges? They didn’t perform enough vote fraud as their contract required?

    • thixotropic jerk

      Waaaaaa I didn’t get my Koch check! No more voter frauding until I gets paid!!!!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Let me guess: both are elderly white people who own property in Kansas and Colorado, and are registered in both states.

      That’s typically been the only fraud he’s been able to find.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      BOTH SIDES That side.

  • Got a new Sim chip & 4G plan. Did a speed test within 5 minutes of getting service. Fantastic speeds!

    Four days later the speed was “mysteriously” cut in half.

    Now two weeks later, the speed is “mysteriously” down to 2G speeds.

    And no, I haven’t gone over my data limit.

    Please tell me again why REGULATIONS on Telecoms and NET NEUTRALITY is…a bad thing?!?!?!?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a4e9af641f53d6e67e6c983cd879404320bd0e7c530da5bca9d07e300d5bb1f.png

    • jesterpunk

      Because something something free market will give customers better service for less money if they have all the money? I am not quite sure how it works but I am not an economist either.

      • Phried Ω

        and tyranny also too.

    • Doug Langley

      Because some millionaire might (**sob**) lose a couple bucks!

    • WeaselPoo

      My 4G dropped to 2G for 2 days then back up. That was a network problem for sure, not throttling or phone fault.
      What’s your data limit for 4G? If you stream/youtube data allowance is exceeded very quickly.Then you get slowed until the next month.
      When in Dunkin Donuts and similar I switch off mobile data and switch wifi on for the free wifi—no 4G data used!

      • Nope, as I stated I’m not over my data limit. I think its 1GB, and only am up to 200Mb.

        I leave the data switched off 90% of the time, so the apps can only get background data over wifi.

    • Master Contrail Program
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Drinking problem?

  • Apple Scruff

    If that wasn’t enough, Young Jones is a zoo keeper. A ZOO KEEPER PEOPLE OMG I CANNOT EVEN.

    • hudson

      call it what you want. i don’t like zoos unless they are temporary nurseries.

      all animals should free range in their own natural habitats. that’s the holy grail.

    • Carole

      He probably looks hot in those zookeeper shorts.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    I have a cold, therefor grumpier than usual, and the Growlers from Whidbey Island have been growling (here we call it The Rumble) and, strangely enough, when one lives on a big seismic fault low rumbling noises are disconcerting. Almost as disconcerting as the reminder of the military might represented by said airplanes and the sociopath in charge of them. Glad it’s not my tax dollars funding those suckers. Also grump.

    • Phried Ω

      At least Canada is close and those Whidbey kids are fine sky artists.

      • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

        In Canuckistan. Victoria. Feel sorry for Pt. Townsend folks. Must be window shaking. Also don’t care how skilled they are. Grump.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    What the hell, here, have a picture of my mom, who would have turned 97 today. She was a pure Republican product of Pasadena debutante society who, I am positive, would have been wholly appalled by Trump. Gone sixteen years and it still hurts.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/40f6d5d57d6c484af8293df41e33594918bf65f67a70087f369f9f9b0a2a6e9c.jpg

    • Phried Ω

      She was lovely. Old New York and California Republicans couldn’t be more different than the crop today.

    • gallbladder

      Beautiful.

    • Me not sure

      Lovely.

    • Blackest Noobs

      a looker!

    • hudson

      they dont make them like that anymore? people don’t realize you can be for good old american values without being an asshole. the new gop would have you believe that being a cognitively confused asshole is pre-requisite.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Thanks to all for the compliments.

    • renegade500

      She was a beauty. And I’ll share with you a photo of my grandfather who also would have been appalled by Trump. My grandfather lied about his age to fight in WWI and by the time his mother found out, nothing could be done about it. I never saw him other than impeccably dressed. Gone 38 years now.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b7a529b24cb84cb0c0ac55dd7ba2d8b3d3920e7b129b066a23387b205930cf03.jpg

      And my dad, a conservative in the mold of Eisenhower, 20 year Air Force vet, who would have hated everything Trump is and what today’s Republican party became. Gone 11 years now.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/258c85dd931d143c6e7e7c253e3d242289b1cf03617f52b83931416d8373f680.jpg

    • Tiffany de Houston

      She’s stunning. Hugs to you, Elvis.

    • 3FingerPete

      This is my mom. She turned 96 last summer. She lives at home and thinks Trump is an idiot. She can’t remember the dog, however.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ebbb813bee0086e6b72b3765a17d2fcfad95d1cbc7fa215f16ffe4a58c0c9bdc.jpg

    • grindstone

      My mom, a Goldwater Republican down to her sensible Presbyterian shoes, passed away in 1991. She would have been gobsmacked by Trump for his vulgarity alone.

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911

    Gee Steve, when you lose the Mercers….
    https://twitter.com/yashar/status/949045410768785409

    • Ling Ling

      Me gusta yoga sin pantalones

  • gene108

    I am tired of folks saying Wolff’s book needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

    If you want Democrats/liberals to fight dirty like Republicans, because you feel it would help Dems/libs win, you need to go all in on hyping Wolff’s book.

    Whitewater was flimsy as hell, but 2-3 years of relentless flogging it set the impression in voters minds that the Clintons are corrupt. This narrative became so powerful people in diapers, in the 90’s, were spouting right-wing talking points about Clinton, during the 2016 election.

    Every fucking Republican needs to be smeared with Wolff’s book.

    This needs to dominate the news until 2020.

    • shivaskeeper

      Flog away, but reality should be the gold standard here.

    • Blackest Noobs

      but that’s the thing, Wolff wasn’t fighting dirty, cuz, there be tapes….oh there be glorious hours of tape. and witnesses….oh yes the witness me bro, witness me

    • Sheepshagger

      El Spasbo Presidente is reacting like someone heated a guitar string with a blowtorch and jammed it into his penis. That tells me about what I need to know.

      • JaveyDay

        That’s not sounding so good.

      • Me not sure

        Actually, more than I need to know.

        • Parakeetist

          Way more

      • Parakeetist

        Thanks for the image

  • sosuume
    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      That is totally evil … I like that in a person.

      • sosuume

        I RT’d to my one Democratic Senator and Chuck Schumer. Never know.

    • TJ Barke

      Oh, that’d be glorious.

  • WilbyToad

    TRUMP HANDS OVER BUSINESS DOCUMENTS TO MUELLER

    President Donald Trump’s legal team has handed over to Special Counsel Robert Mueller business documents that include details about Trump’s effort to build a hotel in Moscow, his campaign’s communications with WikiLeaks and Trump Tower meeting when some of his senior campaign staffers sought to get dirt on Hillary Clinton from a Russian lawyer, according to a report by CNN.

    Also given to congressional investigators, the documents cover the years 2015 through 2017 and include records of conversations by employees of Trump’s business but no financial records, according to CNN’s sources.

    by ZACHARY FRYER-BIGGS / NEWSWEEK
    http://www.newsweek.com/trump-hands-business-documents-mueller-report-771265?piano_t=1

    Seems like Trump is running out of wiggle room.

    • shivaskeeper

      Of course they did not turn over the financials. Those would be the incriminating ones. Mueller is following the money.

    • BMW

      “….but no financial records…”

      Trump’s financial records are going to be the new Watergate tapes.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Can these asshats be any more OBVIOUS about the nefarious shit they’re hiding???

        I guess they could store the financial records in boxes marked: SEKRIT AND INCRIMINATING STUFF. DO NOT SHARE WITH BOB MUELLER.

  • Nounverb911
    • Phried Ω

      Guy in a wig on the front and a razor keeper on the back under a stink eye? That would be mine.

  • Suttree

    blarg! I made a few more phone calls today. I need at least a 28 program right now. I am not sure exactly what I am doing right now. I’m trying to figure it out.

    I have an aunt who has been a friend of Bill for a decade. That isn’t really my style, but……… I’m gonna take what I can get.

    Please pass this around to everyone, just in case they don’t get it, and I disappear all of the sudden. I’m still here, fighting the good fight!

    -Suttree/Adam

    • jesterpunk

      What is a 28 program? Good for you Suttree for trying to get yourself help and we support you.

      • efoveks

        28 day, maybe?? I was wondering the same thing.

      • Suttree

        28 day is a standard detox program. After the medical detox if needed.

        • jesterpunk

          Ahh ok, I forget where you are in NJ but I know some of the universities have really good programs and centers. Might want to check into that?

          • Suttree

            Yeah, I am in NNJ. I kinda ran into a bunch of dead ends today, but I’m gonna drag myself to meetings now. Get my name out there, and work those resources. The whole thing is a pain in the ass!, but it is one of those things that you need to dig your heels in for. You don’t get in without it!

          • jesterpunk

            Hey check out this place. It might be a little far but they are really good. My dad was in there for alcohol and mental illnesses and they really helped him. The rooms are pretty nice too for the impatient treatments and they have outpatient treatments in other cities around the state.

            https://www.princetonhcs.org/care-services/princeton-house-behavioral-health

          • Suttree

            Pretty much all inpatient/outpatient/unless you go hit by a bus is shut down today. But I will put it on my pad brother! Thank you!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I’m pulling for ya. Good luck & stay strong. And come here for more support if you want.

    • shivaskeeper

      Good luck. You got this.

      • Suttree

        I have been down this road before.

        • shivaskeeper

          You can make it stick this time.

          • Suttree

            Fuck. I better! This shit ain’t getting no prettier!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Just, whatever you need to do don’t hurt yourself any more if you can help it.

      • Suttree

        I am doing my best. It’ll work out just fine.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Be kind to yourself. You deserve it at least as much as anyone else you’ve been kind to.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Good luck.

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Good luck Adam!

      • Suttree

        Thank you!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’d love to see you happy and healthy, my brother.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Long, long time ago, I handed my life over to the State. It took four months for me to emerge … and I’m nowhere near as strong as you. You can do this.

      • Suttree

        I hope so my friendly neighborhood Land Shark!

    • Werewolf

      Good luck, man. May the Force be with you/the odds ever in your favor.

      • Suttree

        Thank you!!

  • Me not sure

    I see where the Illinois Senate is considering a bill that would require the Illinois Public Service Commission to reinstate net neutrality within the state. Stay tuned.

    • Resistor Radio

      California: we strive to be a beacon of governmental goodness during the Trump nightmare.

      Illinois: hold my beer.

      • Ling Ling

        California: hold my bong.

      • Me not sure

        As goes California, so goes America, after exhausting all other options.

  • jesterpunk
  • Resistor Radio

    I’m so glad Evan got my telepathic message to write about the young Jones man’s beautiful gay dagger eyes. I thought about paying a skywriter to send the message, but I’m so glad I can save my money for hookers and blow.

    Yay beautiful gay dagger eyes reading dominionist trash for filth RIGHT TO HIS FACE!

  • Sophia

    Srsly
    Roy Moore’s wife reveals their ‘Jewish attorney’ and he’s a Christian

    http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2018/01/roy_moores_wife_reveals_their.html

    • jesterpunk

      I thought their Jewish attorney was Doug Jones’ friend?

      • Sophia

        When the media was looking Jaffe was the only Jewish lawyer they could find in Moore’s past. Jaffe wasn’t sure if Moore meant him or not. Turns out the reason no one could find their Jewish lawyer is because he was a Christian Jew.

        • jesterpunk

          But he has a jewish name, close enough right?

          Kayla Moore.

          • puredog

            Well, he actually was raised in the Jewish faith, but came to Christ in his 30s.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            As anyone writing up the Nürnberg Racial Laws could tell you, religious conversions don’t count.

      • Resistor Radio

        I think he was, until he was all “bitch please, I don’t know her” so she scrambled to trot out someone else?

        Who knows, Kayla Moore is a bleached out Walmart trash Barbie, and she can fuck right off.

        • jesterpunk

          People of Walmart Libelz. They dont want to be associated with Kayla or Roy Moore, they have some standards.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He’s dead to them now.

      • MK

        If you read the article, it was speculated that it was Doug Jones friend since he’s presumably one of the few Jews that associate with the Moores, but Kayla Moore, the wife who made the comment, confirmed it was this christian dude.

        • jesterpunk

          I saw that, they couldn’t even find a real Jewish lawyer so they had to pick someone who used to be Jewish.

      • shivaskeeper

        That particular Jewish attorney did some work for the family once. He didn’t even know them socially, let alone as a friend.

    • phoenix00

      0/2 on those free-throws there.

    • Mary Theresa

      Wishnatsky, in an interview with AL.com, said he graduated from the law school at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., in 2012

      Maybe he knows Crazy Eyes.

  • Nounverb911
    • phoenix00

      Took her this long to follow Gorka?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I’m still holding out, to be honest.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He blocked me months ago. Kept closing every reply with “NAZIS RAUS!”

        • phoenix00

          One retail chain to avoid…..

  • memzilla Ω
  • phoenix00

    https://blueswandaily.com/donald-trump-saves-lives-moves-mountains/

    Yes, the airline industry is TOTALLY GIVING tRUMP CREDIT for the safest year in aviation history. TOTALLY.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    While baking pizza, I heard a gurgle from the laundry and, lo and behold, the pipes to the washer had thawed! Nothing like two nights with the temperature above zero F to melt the ice. Am on my second load of wash, after five full days with frozen pipes. Best effing news of the week.

    • Lefty Wright

      Well, doing laundry? Not so big. A long hot shower? Ahhhh.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Only the pipes to the washer, running through an ill-conceived and ill-built crawl space. Lordy, if I couldn’t shower, the Msgra and I would have called in the pros.

        BTW, 20 years since the Great Ice Storm. Wahoo! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/January_1998_North_American_ice_storm

        • Arolpin

          I knew it was about 20 years ago, but didn’t remember the exact dates. I drove from NYC to Jay Peak, VT (5 miles south of the Canadian border) right through the heart of the storm. Once I got north of Albany, all the power was out west of I-87 and the lights were on east of I-87. It was very strange being basically the only car on the road and not see a single light to my left for 3+ hours.
          Once I made it to Jay Peak I was one of the handful of English-speaking guests, because the entire place was filled with Québécois, because Montreal had no power and Jay Peak was running a $99/person lodging/skiing/food special for the weekend, and a lot of Montrealers decided they might as well go skiing somewhere with electricity rather than sitting in a dark and cold city.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I was at a conference in NOLA, then a niece’s wedding in Gatlinburg. It’s still a sore spot with the Msgra.

    • Resistor Radio

      Yay, and congratulations! My pipes unfroze mysteriously at 2 am last night, which makes zero sense at all since it was like five degrees outside, but I don’t care, I’ll take it!

      I’ve got a lot of laundry to do, as well. Adulting: sounds better on paper.

    • Lordpnut

      Good on ya. Over here in the frozen tundra, we don’t take a piss without a blowtorch.

  • jowgajen
  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    I WILL OBJECTIFY THE FUCK OUT OF CARSON JONES BECAUSE I AM HERE FOR HIS SHAAADE AND HIS BICEPS AND HIS BEARD AND HIS BEAR LOOKS AND AND AND……

    *rushes into bunk*

  • jaspersdad

    Interesting analysis, including a few more tidbits from the upcoming Wolff book.

    “When Trump gave an interview to the New York Times last July in which he warned Mueller not to delve into his family’s finances, Bannon’s response was scathing. Wolff writes: “‘Ehhh … ehhh … ehhh!’ screeched Bannon, making the sound of an emergency alarm. ‘Don’t look here! Let’s tell a prosecutor what not to look at!’”

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/jan/04/trump-russia-steve-bannon-book-robert-mueller

    • jesterpunk

      Bannon did the same thing everyone else did when Trump said that?

      • jaspersdad

        Pretty much.

  • Nounverb911
    • Parakeetist

      Go get ’em

    • Phried Ω

      No Judge Moore. You don’t get to sit on the bench. Your seat is over there at the defendant’s table.

    • ariel_gee_398

      No word yet from Jesus on Moore’s request for the son of God to act as his attorney in this matter. He is a Jew, after all.

      • Carole

        But was he Kayla’s lawyer?

      • Lordpnut

        Fun fact: the greatest rift in early Christianity was whether or not one had to first be a Jew to sign up. ???

    • Carole

      Good. On his Facebook page, he claimed that he was exonerated by a lie detector test, and his rabid supporters called for his accusers to be imprisoned.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    A first for me: I’m going to go have a beer with a cop in the middle of the afternoon. My very favorite cop — one of the most professional, honest, courteous, even-tempered people I have ever met — is retiring.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Wish him/her well … cops like that are a rare gift to a community.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I’d like to talk him in to working as my investigator. He was a fantastic detective.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Nice side job for a retired officer … better than patrolling the office park …

  • Nounverb911
  • hudson

    lorax 2021: sideeye for the deserved.*

    *while mcd is away, i kept the flame going. somebody please mention it the next time you see MCD. I’m angling for a post in lorax’s cabinet.

    • Lordpnut

      I love that song: “I am the lorax, I am the lorax, I am an eggplant…”

  • memzilla Ω
  • Nounverb911
  • FDRliberal

    What a bunch of utter morons. They literally walked into the Wolff’s den (townhouse) and blathered their guts out about the Embarrassment in Chief.

    https://twitter.com/janicemin/status/949005110671126528

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Expect a yooge twitterhea attack in the early morning hours …

      • Mary Theresa

        Twitterhea FTW!

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Timely:

      IvankaTrump has just followed @janicemin.— Trump Alert (@TrumpsAlert) January 4, 2018

      • DrBigHead

        Interesting……

    • WeaselPoo

      Read her thread…wow. Bannon and Trump both screwed by this confirmation.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    From what I’ve gathered, all of the “groundbreaking” revelations in Woolf’s book are things that everyone who’s been around Donald Trump for more than 15 minutes-what passes for his “friends’, family, business associates, reporters, and Republican politicians-all know goddamn well to be 100 % true: That he is a mean, vindictive, addled, infantile, impossibly stupid, greedy, pathologically lying, functionally illiterate, emotionally stunted and needy lazy piece of grifting shit who has been indulged like a demonic toddler for his entire adult life. Dementia is just the cherry on top of this shit sundae. These motherfuckers need to be stuck in a fucking windowless box and interrogated under oath about their complicity and enabling of this homicidally incompetent motherfucker before he incinerates the planet because he can’t find his fucking binky.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And his “button” is tiny!

    • msanthropesmr

      I’m there with ya. This is only news to anyone not paying attention.

    • bluicebank

      Would a psychologist would be thrilled or horrified at the chance to evaluate Donnie?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You don’t get a chance to evaluate a malignant sociopath every day.

      • Beelzebubba

        Thrilled – but only because they’d get to write an entire chapter in the DSM.

      • RMKH

        Hello Clarice

      • So many syndromes to choose from, so little time.

    • shivaskeeper

      This is, at best right now, more detailed confirmation if what was already suspected, if not outright known.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m just amazed at the fucking conspiracy of silence in the press before the election about how profoundly morally and psychological unfit he is. Cause her fucking emails.

        • shivaskeeper

          Some who should have known were silent, for sure. Looking at you NYT. Some probably brought into their own bullshit that this was an act and he would pivot.

          Either way, they were only going to dig in deeper rather than admit they were either wrong or completely hoodwinked.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            What I’m hearing is that basically, everyone in the press corps knew; they couldn’t walk upright and feed themselves and not know. They didn’t want to appear to be (GASP!) biased.

          • shivaskeeper

            Both sides, Faux-lite, and the dreaded bias.

            In any case they are not going to admit they were asleep at the wheel.

          • Paperless Tiger

            I don’t know. A lot of what they reported on Trump was utterly shocking and disgusting. Thing is, the wingnuts liked it. How do you beat that?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            True enough, but they didn’t report that everyone around him knew he was/is bugfuck crazy and the very thought of him having the nuclear codes terrifying even to people who were working for him.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Look, she used email while in possession of a vagina. You think a little dementia and malignant narcissism is worse than THAT?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Throw in the pantsuits, and there is no doubt as to who the greater threat to democracy and world peace is. Susan Sarandon nailed it!

          • Parakeetist

            I’m a girl too. Is that even legal?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            For now.

    • RMKH

      Ah, come on Drublic. Don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel.

      Extra credit for the binky blast.

      • DrBigHead

        Yeah, that was well played.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’ve been saving up all day to find time to get in front of the computer! Several gaskets were blown en route.

    • WeaselPoo

      Frankly I’m disinclined to believe in the dementia claim. Yes he seems demented his totality of awful doesn’t ‘need’ to be explained by age or syphilis induced brainular degeneration (so to speak) I think he’s just uniquely deplorable in every aspect of his personality and psyche.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I’m kinda leaning that way too, simply because it will ultimately give him and his sister-fucking supporters some sort of moral free pass if he’s deemed mentally incompetent.

        • jowgajen

          No it doesn’t. The man has been morally deficient his whole life. But I do think he’s got some cognitive decline going on, whether from stress or from age or disease is irrelevant.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s kind of my point. I don’t want to see him weasel out of culpability for his life of shitbaggery because he’s gotten a bit forgetful in his old age.

          • WeaselPoo

            Right. Or see him excused by right wing revisionists and feeble media (a Reagan redux).

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I mean, they’re going to fucking do it anyway; we can only hope to restrict their plausible reasoning.

        • Duncan Tweedy

          First: There’s been a clear and obvious decline in Trump’s televised ability to speak coherently over the past 30 years. It’s undeniable. Doesn’t mean he was ever a good or smart man.

          Second: Even if a fact seems to complicate a narrative, it remains a fact. Please be aware of and resist the urge to decide on whether to believe facts based on preferred narratives.

          Third: I realize this is infinitely small potatoes compared to the monstrous narratives that swirl around us every day. Not trying to beat you up over it. Just seemed like a teachable moment is all.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I posted more thoughts on this subject this morning. Personally, I’m fairly convinced he does have some form of mental deterioration, something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, even him. That said, Trump’s real problem-actually OUR problem-is that he’s a sociopath with a lifetime of profoundly malignant, antisocial behavior under his belt that began in childhood. I don’t want to see his ugly, bigoted history explained away or rationalized by “dementia”, something our credulous MSM would be only happy to do in order to escape the verdict that they were largely duped by him. IMO, he’s a hideous human being who may be slipping into mental decline. It’s not hard or complicated to think that both things are true. Either way, his pathologies are only going to get worse with the passing of time.

      • Rags

        He also has significant neuromuscular deficits seen in his stance, his walking, his fear of stairs, etc. etc. Could be ministrokes which can also create Alzheimer’s-like sequelae.

    • Parakeetist

      Wow

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You should see me when I get pissed off.

        • CripesAmighty

          Def. one of your better rants.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      EPIC rant.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Linda Harvey: We Must ‘Re-Horrify People About The Sin Of Homosexuality’

    [Harvey and LaBarbera] lamented that homosexuality is now widely accepted in America, with Harvey voicing her alarm that it is even welcomed in public schools where “predators” are allowed to use LGBTQ clubs to target children for recruitment.

    “How do we re-horrify people about the sin of homosexuality?” she wondered. “People are becoming so comfortable with this, even people on our side. We need to re-horrify them.”

    I’m doubtful, but what the hell, I’ll give it a shot.

    (Kiri turns and presents his curvy, softly-furred rump, tracing lazy S-shapes in the air with his tail before flagging it upwards in an unmistakable come-hither gesture. A low, quiet nicker comes from deep in his throat: equine-speak for “Come on fellas, you know you want it”. With a toss of his head he walks slowly towards the barn, watching to see if anyone follows.)

    There. Horrifying. You should all be completely appalled.

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/linda-harvey-we-must-re-horrify-people-about-the-sin-of-homosexuality/

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ghey whoreifying? Sounds like a job for the GOP.

    • Ling Ling

      Ya, good luck. I’m way past caring about adults managing their own lives.

    • shivaskeeper

      Appalling. Shocking. I for one am newly re-horrified. I need the fainting couch.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        See, that’s even funnier ’cause I know how delicate and easily-triggered you are.

        • shivaskeeper

          I am. You have seen through the facade.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            For those who haven’t met him: Shivaskeeper looks like he could rip your arm off and beat you to death with it before you pass out from blood loss.

          • shivaskeeper

            Thanks. You get me.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            And I never wanna see you mad.

          • shivaskeeper

            It is always controlled.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            That can actually be even more scary.

          • shivaskeeper

            But more effective. That way the target of my anger gets all of it, and innocent bystanders are not hurt.

            On a more serious note, if anyone else is still reading, I am not actually homicidal.

          • grindstone

            He’s always mad.

    • Mary Theresa

      I missed the LGBTQ recruitment, how do I sign up for their news letters?

    • WeaselPoo

      Beulah! Fetch me my clutching pearls!

      • Master Contrail Program

        Damn. Should have scrolled down. Oh well, my comment was about clutchin’ pearls, since I’m in the south.

    • I’m mostly horrified by horses now. And magic horned horses especially.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Aw, but we’re so nice!

        • Canned Covfefe

          Of course you’d say that.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Hey, I haven’t bitten of kicked anybody in over a week!

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Even if they asked you to?

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Nobody’s asked… *sad unicorn*

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Wonkette is in the pocket of Big Unicorn, Bub!

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Unicorns don’t have pockets.

        • I thought it was in the pocket of Little Pony.

    • Resistor Radio

      Actually, I think I might be a gay dude horse now, you frisky stallion, you!

    • Master Contrail Program

      My clutchin’ pearls are sure to be worn to nubs now.

    • Michael R
    • It’s amazing at how we keep failing to be horrified, as TLM points out. I somehow missed all the gay recruiting posters around schools, and anywhere else, come to think of it.

      • bluicebank

        The Gays don’t do posters, that I know of. They get you in the grocery store. Why just yesterday one of them nodded approvingly of my purchase of Roma tomatoes.

    • miss_grundy

      Is this Harvey creature an olds? Because these olds get the stupidest ideas in their brains. Perhaps the next media person who interviews her will bitch-slap her when she makes another stupid comment like this one. (And without benefit of votes!)

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I’m more concerned about the “predators” who use Bible clubs in schools to target children to diddle.
      ETA: Now THAT is horrifying.

      • h4rr4r

        I bet there is moore of that.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      We have a gay-straight alliance in the school I teach at. Seems like I need to do some reconnaissance to prevent recruitment.

    • bluicebank

      Never thought I’d ever say this, but I miss the days when it was Satanic cults scaring the fundies.

      From a pure plot point, The Gays don’t really make for that frightening of an antagonist. But your imaginary Satanist is already established as THE WORST, because red candles. And bonus: has plan to conquer the world with scorpions and shit.

    • redarmyzombie

      I’ll be in my…scratch that, I’m already in my bunk.

      • puredog

        I’ll be in my stall.

  • Bananas Foster

    Jesus fucking Christ!

    I figured out from what a client told me today that an occupational therapist that I work with was telling people bullshit discouraging information about jobs.

    Must use votes!

    • msanthropesmr

      I have to say. Most jobs do require pants.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        That’s true.

      • Canned Covfefe

        But why?

      • This is why “telecommute” has become all the rage.

        • Sarah E. Grove

          And it’s why Trump didn’t bother to walk a few dozen feet to the White House Briefing Room today, instead of his pre-taped, double-angle, phony “appearance” there today. He wasn’t wearing any pants, after seeing the yummy photos of Doug Jones’ son starring daggers at VP Pence.

          That, and his abject FEAR of facing a room full of questions.

    • shivaskeeper

      More details if you can?

      • Bananas Foster

        The client was interested in a peer support position.

        The occupational therapist said the client didn’t qualify because the client didn’t have a substance abuse history.

        Totally ignoring the fact that Oregon certifies peer support specialists for pure mental health positions.

        • Canned Covfefe

          FFS! And why would they do that?

          • Bananas Foster

            I assume it’s because she didn’t know.

            And she doesn’t realize that what she doesn’t know encompasses almost everything.

        • h4rr4r

          So he should go get a substance abuse history?

          • Bananas Foster

            Heh.

        • shivaskeeper

          That makes more sense.

          • Bananas Foster

            It makes no sense!

            How does an occupational therapist not know that mental health peer support specialists exist?

          • shivaskeeper

            Makes more sense in relation to your OP. Not more sense in just WTF is going on.

        • Tishalicious

          I’m hearing that’s a bit of a barrier in Montana as well. Maybe they mean more a de facto thing than a de juro one.

          • Bananas Foster

            The thing is, there are a bunch of mental health peer support specialists already working in Oregon. Especially in forensic mental health.

            I’m flummoxed as to how she works in the field and has never run into the concept.

      • Bananas Foster

        And it actually really sucks because peer support has been shown to be both incredibly beneficial to psych clients AND to the peer support specialist.

        The health dollars return on investment for a peer support specialist is 1:2.5.

        You want to get health costs down? Peer support.

    • DrBigHead

      Sharpened, pointy votes.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      48th Rule of Acquisition: “The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.”

  • Angela Ruzzo

    So Evan, men have been objectifying women for 5000 years, so you will excuse me if I briefly retaliate and objectify Carson Jones, who is definitely a handsome and capable man. If I were 30 years younger and gay, I would willingly date him, but solely because of his character, you understand.

  • aktlib101

    Charles P. Pierce is good, as usual:
    “All of Trump’s Problems Seem to Perpetually Come Down to Money. And Mueller knows it.”
    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a14751577/trump-russia-all-about-money/

    “It seems that Ivanka Trump once owned a jewelry company that may well have been involved in an international conspiracy to fluff and fold.

    In late June, the Commercial Bank of Dubai sought—and later received—permission to subpoena Ivanka Trump’s now-defunct fine jewelry line, claiming its diamonds were used in a massive scheme to hide roughly $100 million that was owed to the bank, according to filings at the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York.

    The story is complicated, as most alleged money-laundering schemes are. Among other principals, It involves various emirs and their banks. But, as Tim O’Brien points out in Bloomberg, it certainly falls neatly into the way the Trump Organization has been doing business as an alleged laundromat for dubious money from around the world, especially Russia.”

    “It always has been the money. The money is the key to everything, including the president*’s massive and infinitely fragile self-image. If he is not seen as rich, he is nothing, so he must be seen as rich, no matter what that takes, no matter with whom he had to do business.”

    “If the Trump Organization has been running the spin cycle for dirty Russian money, the quid and the quo would be so close as to be completely indistinguishable from one another.”

    • jesterpunk

      But Trump said dont look into his money or businesses or else. Isnt that how it works? When a suspect says dont look at something the police have to walk away even if its in plain view.

      • aktlib101

        In Trumpistan it works just like that

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “You can search my house for dead bodies but don’t you dare dig up the backyard, MISTER!!!”

      • DrBigHead

        Oh Please, Brer Fox, don’t throw me into the briar patch!

      • shivaskeeper

        Before I do this totally illegal thing in front of you, I have to ask you a question. Remember you have to answer honestly. Are you a cop?

    • Money laundering has got to be one of the most challenging cases to prosecute. I’m no lawyer, but given the countless layers of “shelter” that are available it seems so.

      I have faith in the Mueller team.

  • Blackest Noobs

    OT: Southerners and snow

    i find it hilarious people who have driven all their lives lose their collective shit about driving in snow or after snow. it’s funny. you know, cuz, they know how to drive, right?
    i also get a kick when the shitty person i work with tries to use it as an excuse to get another friday off, and boss, is ooooooh HELLZ NO.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Hell, you should see Floridians drive in the rain. A bizarre meteorological phenomenon that only occurs daily for months at a time.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    It was 15 degrees here today, practically a hot spell compared to the past week. I went to the dentist, and then I went to Target to buy warmer gloves, and as I was walking from the parking lot to the door I saw this young couple with a baby walking into the store. The parents were bundled up from head to toe, but the baby, which was very small and looked to be about 2 months old, was wearing nothing but a Onesie. No knitted hat, no coat, no mittens, no blanket, no nothing. I thought about speaking to them, but they were walking a lot faster than me and I lost sight of them. I was so disgusted it has ruined my day. Then I went to the Salvation Army to make a donation, and there was an ENORMOUS SUV parked in the one and only handicapped parking spot (which I needed), and the vehicle had no handicapped tags or plates. I went inside and complained to the manager, and it turned out the SUV was being driven by a non-handicapped couple in their 20’s who became very angry about my complaint. I had to threaten to take a photo of their car and call the police before they would shut up and move the car. I should mention that there were empty non-handicapped parking spaces about 15 feet from the door, which was apparently too far for this young couple to walk.

    So today I saw a baby being frozen to death, two idiots stealing a handicapped parking spot, and I had to go to the dentist. All in all, it was not a good day, but reading selections from Wolff’s book is making up for it, tee hee.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      🎶”If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the evening. All over this parking space.”

      Just singing.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        40 years ago I absolutely could not understand why anyone bought a gun and “Went Postal”, but now I am over 60 and it makes more sense to me. I still wouldn’t do it, but I have some empathy for some people who do it.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      maybe the young couple was hurrying in to find warm clothes for their baby? you’d think they could have found a blanket to wrap her/him in, though.

      Good for you for standing your ground with the non-handicapped bozos.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        They must have had a towel at least, or something warm to wrap him in. If not, then they need a lot of help that they obviously aren’t getting.

    • One of the “laughed my ass off” moments I had a few years ago was when I was leaving a local convenience store. Right behind this idiot who had parked in the handicapped spot was a state trooper… with ticket book, just waiting.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I have been told by two state troopers that those are the tickets they really enjoy writing, and you wouldn’t believe some of the excuses people give them for parking where they shouldn’t. Apparently, having the flu or being in a hurry to get home to watch the Superbowl qualifies as a disability.

  • h4rr4r

    Has Tweety found out that book is shipping early?

    • SayItWithWookies

      His lawyers have probably told him an apology letter is in the mail.

      • h4rr4r

        I am hoping for some good tweets tonight.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

    Ewwww, Poot Lips looks even worse than usual in natural light.

    https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/01/donald-trump-steve-bannon-michael-wolff

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Didn’t know makeup could hide sparkly skin.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        Only the stuff that comes in 80 lbs bags labeled “Sakrete”.

      • Tishalicious

        There’s No way that woman’s a Meyerpire…

  • data_ninja

    So, I’ve spent the past hour reading up on the *real* crisis going on, which is the hardware CPU bug. Farting monkeys in a barrel, it’s not good. If you want to hurt your head, read the friendly description which is technical. This description here is slightly more technical.

    Patches are being applied all over, with an estimated 5% – 30% performance downgrade after the patches are applied. To give you an idea of how much the developers hate it, the Linux Kernel team dubbed the patch “Forcefully Unmap Complete Kernel With Interrupt Trampolines”, or FUCKWIT for short.

    This affects a LOT of devices, including PCs, Macs, and mobile devices (phones, tablets, etc).

    Security issues are theoretically to be minimal on single user machines (home users, small businesses) that aren’t patched, but Cloud computing is taking a REAL big hit on this one. Remember to keep your stuff secure through regular software updates.

    A quick security summary also, too: These exploits rely on programs/code to be ran locally on the device, as opposed to remotely trying to attack something (like the heartbleed bug). Single user machines could be exploited via Javascript (a web language used by a majority of websites) in a web browser. More specifically, a website that doesn’t vet its online ads could be using advertisements with malicious code to activate this exploit on unpatched machines.

    If I learn anything else, I’ll post about it. Now go run your updates!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Meh, what’s in the cloud? I mean other than banking, medical records, social media, email, and government records?

      • data_ninja

        Kitten and puppy pics! THIS IS A CRISIS.

        Also too, non-comments.

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Russians, lots of Russians.

    • Ling Ling

      Amazon can fix it. I’m going back to sleep.

    • Bitter Scribe

      OK, I downloaded the patch and tried to install it, but every time, it runs for a while and then I get a window: “Some updates were not installed” and of course, it’s that one. WTF?

      • data_ninja

        Yeah, like always reboot after updates, if you can. Sometimes you don’t have to, but can you really trust that?

    • bluicebank

      Mercy, brother/sister, but applying updates, at least for Macs, can be a horrible thing. ALWAYS back up your drive before going into that dark night. Words to live by anyway.

      I have a drive with OS 10.6.8, just prior to its last update (which killed the thing on my Mac Pro), pristine in its native habitat. The 10.6.8 is the most stable OS I’ve ever seen. Plus, I can run my CS2 Photoshop on it, which is free. My current 10.11.6 is ok, with a few rare issues that a reboot won’t fix.

  • Fartknocker

    I would like to be a fly on the wall at the Trump dining table when Barron announces he has read Wolff’s book, dad is a prick, and he’s going to be pastry chef and make cakes for everyone he likes.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Yellow cakes.

      • Vienna Woods

        The cakes we like

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “Happy holidays, Dad!”

    • Or, “I’m going to stay with the Obama’s. Don’t call me.”

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      That is a lovely wish for Barron (seriously– maybe if he reads the book, he’ll know he’s not crazy & that his Dad really IS an asshole blowhard. sometimes it’s hard for kids to trust their gut on things lkie that).

    • bluicebank

      Barron is going to need therapy to get out this not fucked up.

      • jowgajen

        Yeah. It’s probably too late. Genetic loading and whatnot.

    • WeaselPoo

      Oh yeah. That made me larf!

    • Ugg, and saying “I can read, unlike everyone else at the table” would really chap the old fucker’s ass.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Too bad for Pence there isn’t asshole conversion therapy.

    • jowgajen

      I feel like there’s a terribly dirty joke here somewhere.

      • h4rr4r

        Be careful or something might slip out.

        • jowgajen

          I’m thinking of converting Mike Pence’s asshole into a gay lounge and night club.

          • h4rr4r

            That sounds like it might be a prolapse in judgement.

          • Or leaving a gaping hole in his logic.

          • h4rr4r

            Even goats see what you did there.

    • disqus_gYrZCxNA7l

      phrasing!

    • bluicebank

      There is. But it’s probably illegal.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Or at least extremely painful.

    • Earl Of Sammich

      Step 1. Open closet door.
      Step 2. Exit closet.
      Step 3. Let every LGBTQ person in the U.S. kick nuts.

  • aktlib101

    Hmm, why did that Voting Integrity Commission abruptly go away?
    “I Guess They’ll Have to Find Another Way to Suppress Votes.
    Pour one out for the “Presidential Advisory Commission on Election Integrity.”
    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a14743241/trump-kobach-vote-integrity-commission-disbanded/

    “Once a federal judge determined that the president*’s ridiculous “voter integrity” commission had to provide Maine Secretary of State Matt Dunlap—perhaps the commission’s primary in-house skeptic—with internal documents and emails, it became rather obvious that the commission was doomed and that Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach’s time on the federal dime was running out. Sure enough, accompanied by the customary blizzard of lies from the White House, the commission was disbanded on Wednesday. ”

    Transparency? What transparency?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • jesterpunk

      Woah, someone finally found liberals to interview. Wish more places would do that.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You’d think we were a rare, endangered species or some shit.

      • shivaskeeper

        The hell you say. In the glorious age of MAGA there are no more liberals. That could be the only explanation for the last year’s worth of Trump fellating stories.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        My question is, when did being a supporter of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights and the Rule of Law make one a “liberal”? I’m guessing it was somewhere around 33 AD, or maybe 1861.

    • NastyBossetti

      Yeah, Philly!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        You make it through your working-from-home shift in one piece?

        • NastyBossetti

          Well, the part of the day where my dog ate a tube of hemp hand cream I gave MrBossetti for Christmas, and I wanted to kill him was… a trying time.
          And when MrBossetti said he’s not coming home but staying in a hotel near his work, so I had to shovel everything myself, even though he is Canadian and was bred for this purpose wasn’t a high point.
          But other than that, I survived relatively unscathed.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oh dear. Hope there weren’t any active ingredients in the hemp cream. And shit, pack and go stay in the hotel with him. And order room service.

          • NastyBossetti

            He left me with the car that still has summer tires on it. Not even all-season tires! His work is an hour and a half away when the weather is nice, so I’ll just stay snuggled with the pup. So far, he seems to be suffering no ill-effects of the hand cream, except for my scorn, which is enough.
            I also received a book MrBossetti ordered for me for Christmas – Religion for Atheists – so I may do some reading.
            How was your day of, I assume, actually going to work and working in your place of work?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Maybe a dog-shaming photo to share with us would be nice?

            Work was….ok. I’m building some display cabinets for my shop landlord in lieu of rent, but because I’ve recently found out what a duplicitous dickhead he is, I’m doing so resentfully. Which is never a good way to work.

            How much snow did you get?

          • NastyBossetti

            I’ve heard resentful cabinets are the most beautiful kind!
            Hard to say how much snow because it’s so windy. Some spots are bald, and others have up to a foot. Maybe like 6 or so inches?
            Here he is:
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4d5db418c65768bbdfdeaf4c6a5223104428af3cbd66319c56cdf91fd15daa9f.jpg

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Dawwww! Poor thing. He seems sufficiently chastised. Until the next time. Give him a smooch on the snout for me.

            Resentful Cabinets Inc. Handcrafted with bile and spite!

          • NastyBossetti

            I like it! I sense new business cards in your future…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      This is great. Thanks for posting it.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Good piece.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      Wow! I thought we didn’t even exist!

      I mean, we’re here in these non-existent non-comments, and at the protests that very few media outlets cover, but I thought maybe I was just imagining it.

  • yyyaz

    I cannot add to Punkindrublic’s righteous description of the Rotten Orange, below, but I would like to point out that half of whatever that thing is nesting on Il Douche’s head appears to have quit since yesterday. If you can find some video of him taken in the Roosevelt Room at the WH today, it is truly ZOMFG stuff. Here is a still I found, but it really doesn’t do the complete tonsorial failure justice. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/608cd049e7dc036b4b933c93c388f1cc4df1ce1c72a4c027738c58f1cd40aa7c.jpg

    • ariel_gee_398

      That was the half that refused to sign an NDA, it had to be let go.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “You’re dead to me!”

        –Donald J. Trump, to his hair

    • Master Contrail Program
    • aktlib101

      Did Bannon steal the other half?

      • shivaskeeper

        He’s going after it in the divorce settlement. Two Scoops is going to try hiding it overseas.

    • Ling Ling

      Trumpolni is mostly bald w/spray tan. There was a picture from the campaign where the wind blew it back. Has to be the most elaborate combover in history, and the spray tan lines were quite visible.

      • yyyaz

        Oh, I’ll never forget that. Now imagine it happening again with only half the “hair” to work with. It really is hilarious.

      • Master Contrail Program

        He probably looks like Riff Raff from Rocky Horror when he’s getting his morning Fox fix.

    • Master Contrail Program

      I’m astonished that there already isn’t an ad for commemorative Trumpy Bears with “genuine” locks of Trump’s “hair.”

  • Jeffery Campbell

    And a zookeeper!! He just makes me weak.

  • Begin Anew Day

    In the world of professional rasslin’ there are certain tropes which have been there since Jacob locked up with an Angel in some old testament show down whose significance I could never understand.

    Trope #1 Good Guys Versus Bad Guys (otherwise known as “faces” versus “heels”)

    Trope #2 Role Reversal ( a heel gets born again or a face is injured and makes his comeback as a heel.)

    Trope #3 All disputes require conflict resolution IN THE RING THIS WEEKEND!

    Trope #4 Nothing lasts forever. Tag Teams fall apart. Managers betray their people. Enemies become buddies and buddies have fallings out. “I LOVED YOU LIKE YOU WERE MY BROTHER! BUT YOU CAME BETWEEN ME AND MY WOMAN! DO BROTHERS DO THAT? NO! ONLY GREASY TRAITORS DO THAT! AND THAT IS ALL YOU ARE TO ME…A GREASY TRAITOR! BUT THERE WILL BE PAYBACK! OH YESSSS! PAYBACK THIS WEEKEND! WHEN YOU JUMP IN THAT RING THERE WILL BE NO BROTHERHOOD! NO WOMAN STEALING! NO GREASY HIJINX! ONLY PAIN! THE PAIN THAT GREASY TRAITORS EARN IS ON THEIR OWN HEAD! NO RUNNING!NO HIDING! I’M TALKING TO YOU YOU GREASY TRAITOR! BE THERE!!!!!”

    There are several dozen other tropes but there is no need to list them here. These four are all you need to understand donnie t and stevie b. and the shitshow in the white house.

    ****sigh****

    • jesterpunk

      Which one jumps through the barbershop window to get away from the other one?

    • shivaskeeper

      #2 is a Heel/Face turn or Face/Heel turn.

      I would love to see those two in a Hell in the Cell match. Think Undertaker/Mick Folley from back in the day.

      • jesterpunk

        Ok but if either of them fall through the top of the cage onto the ring below how would you even know if they got injured?

      • Begin Anew Day

        I guess I am too old.

        I remember the Jerry Blackwell / Bruiser Brody grudge. Hillbilly versus Biker!

    • bluicebank

      I would sell someone else’s kid to watch Trump and Bannon in a folding chair fight.

  • paxpax

    Carson Schmarson….. Evan will always be my pretend boyfriend

  • Sophia

    The person anonymously leaking racist attacks on the Mueller grand jury sounds a lot like Trump

    https://thinkprogress.org/anonymous-leak-racist-attacks-mueller-trump-da557b23e613/

    • Snowbound Ron

      It’s certainly a dumb-enough ploy to be one of his.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No, no, no, no. Definitely John Barron.

  • Picabo
    • Michael R
      • Ling Ling

        I’ve seen that face. Waffle house.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          If the catfish is giving you that face, send it back!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “If I wanted Walleye, I wouldn’t have ordered the catfish!”

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          The look you get when your meth dealer’s phone has been disconnected.

        • OutOfOrbit

          On the bathroom floor

        • Master Contrail Program

          Seems more Stuckey’s to me, but potato/potahto.

          • Ling Ling

            Stay away from the “pecan logs”

        • proudgrampa
      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now…

        • grindstone

          Oh, Sparky.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        It’s that look you give when all your friends hooked up with chicks at the party and you didn’t.

      • Parakeetist

        Is she high, or did she just lose a boxing match?

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        The guy who played Sloth in the Goonies died, but at least they don’t need to look far for his replacement if the decide to do a reboot or sequel.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I can’t wait. I will record it on my DVR for posterity.

    • Parakeetist

      ROFL

    • shivaskeeper

      She’s too genteel for that. Bless your heart, meant in the bad way, would be more her speed.

      • Stinky_Hole

        “Genteel”? She’s no more genteel than Sarah Palin.
        She and her family are every bit as coarse as that lot – the only difference being that her local hillbillies were more judgmental.

        • shivaskeeper

          Her religion as preached by Daddy Huckafuck prized the appearance of civility over actually being civil. Hence the right inflection on “Bless you heart” means “Fuck you, shitheel”

          The seeming is all that matters to them.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        With a sneer and an extra wonky right eye twiching.

        • shivaskeeper

          That’s how you know it’s the bad Bless Your Heart, not the good one.

  • Resistor Radio

    I accidentally took a nap this afternoon, did something crazy happen at the press briefing?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Kind of SNAFU

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Trumpty Dumpty addressed the press in a video message while he was literally only a few yards away from the press briefing room.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Accidental Nap is the name of my new Lawrence Welk cover band.

      • NorthernSaber

        That is simply genius!

    • jesterpunk

      Poot Lips said Dead Breitbart should fire Bannon, Trump appeared on 2 TV screens reading a teleprompter and Poot Lips told reporters to shut up.

      • tehbaddr

        By your description, the show needs more tattoo people, contortionist, sword swallowers, block heads…

        • jesterpunk

          I dont know, I think they need to fire the current writers and directors. The characters are too one dimensional and the story really isnt that believable. They should also stop adding in so much crazy shit just to fill time.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Jim Rose Circus Libelz!1!1!

      • Doug Langley

        But Resistor asked if anything crazy happened.

        • jesterpunk

          Oh right, I keep forgetting this is all kind of normal now.

  • JustPretendImNotHere

    Also check out the smirk on the “good gentleman from Alabama’s” face as he takes the oath of office…

    • yyyaz

      The only expressions he has are smirk and clutching a fart.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    “dear Wonkies,

    my Meeka left me at home for all the hours and I accidented the Smokin Joe mug’s ear off.

    in my de fence:
    there was no fence.
    I’m runnin’ 4 dog-mayor here.
    how’s I gonna tell every1 ‘put a dog in every classroom’ or ‘keep Austin fabulous’ if I gotta stay home?

    tell her not 2 b GRRR mad with me, pleas.

    tots and gator pears,
    Calliope Jane” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/66fa37e6e33e4553e5931e94a56cbd59e42a91151eb8cf911ac09238717a2eac.jpg

    • shivaskeeper

      Dammit Meeka, How could you leave her alone for all the hours like that?

      On the plus side, CJ apologized. My dogs would never think of apologizing. They would look at me and say, “You know we are hyperactive goons. What did you expect to happen?”.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You remind me of a friend who was very religious and who collected different editions of Bibles. She had about 100 of them, and then she bought a black lab and left it at home all day alone. So she came home to find about 50 Bibles, plus half a dozen of her shoes, all chewed up. What did she expect????? I told her to get a cat, but she ignored me and bought a big cage instead.

        • tehbaddr

          oh now you’ve done it!

        • shivaskeeper

          Oddly enough I have a Black Lab. And a shepherd mix. Mrs Keeper is a Lad lady and I am a Shepherd guy, so we usually have one of each.

          I expect the occasional destruction. It comes with the territory. For the most part it’s not deliberate. It’s just form them tearing ass around and brawling with each other.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I’m sure you are right. It’s the same with cats scratching on things, it’s what cats do, so if this annoys you, don’t get a cat. If you give them enough sisal scratching posts, they will usually leave your furniture alone. I have two scratching posts in every room and they use them constantly. I have a wicker laundry hamper and they find it irresistible too, but that’s my fault for buying a wicker hamper in the first place.

        • therblig

          all those lost soles

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        she did not apologize. she just told you she had an accident. but, to be fair, she put the poos and pees on the poo-pee pads.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Bella puts the pees on the pads, but if one of the bedroom doors is open, check the closet. She can’t help herself.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            “that’s naughties! I do it sometimes too. it’s accident. will you support my campaign, Bella?” ~ CJ

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Bella doesn’t give a fuck. Unless I am at home. Then she is my alarm. Other than that, no. She’s extra chill.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            you just gave CJ a sadz. shame on you.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Just telling the truff.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            time for cynmac shaming.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            LOL

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        also: it was only 5 hours. it’s not like I had another bathroom bill hearing where I was out for 24 hours.

        • shivaskeeper

          That is all the hours for sure. You know dogs have no sense of time. 5 minutes or 5 hours may as well have been 5 days.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I repeat: it was not bathroom bill hearing long.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Do a couple butt wiggles. De humans, they cannot resist butt wiggles.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        “and I gots the cutest booty!” ~ CJ

    • tehbaddr

      Who among us hasn’t piddled on somebody’s ear? Umm, wait, wut is Smokin Joe?

    • Red Bird

      CJ, if you want a make it in politics you shouldn’t have you picture taken with yellow bunnies. Not good for your image. But you still have my vote.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        “but…that’s my Chicki-Boom-Boom! I picked him out all by myself.”

        • Red Bird

          OK. Maybe you can get the Millennials with that. But definitely not the folks from West Austin.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            “is a social media campaign! I WIN!” ~ CJ

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            “I also gonna help my Meeka with the HD47 race and I give great kisses. the West Austins will love me.” ~ CJ

          • Red Bird

            kisses and snuggles FTW

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            “even if I sometimes cuddle with Chicki-Boom-Boom or Babar or Bluie Louie the Octopus or Yogi the Trash Panda or my new Mistle Toes the Deer?”

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Dog Shaming!!

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        “whaaat?! I don’t know this thing. I donut have to do it to be dog-mayor, right?” ~ CJ

  • NorthernSaber

    “If looks could kill they probably will-
    Games without frontiers-
    War without tears…”

    Peter Gabriel

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste
    • (((Aron)))

      Great song!

      • NorthernSaber

        Agree fully. I think it and “Cult of Personality” are required listening in the (R)Age of Trump.

        • tehbaddr

          Living Color were great! I got to see them w/ Primus opening up ~ 92 !!!!

          • NorthernSaber

            I once played a session (jazz fusion) with their drummer a thousand years ago at Berklee College of Music. True story. And yeah, they could rock the shit out of it!

          • tehbaddr

            You have been to the Berklee school?

          • NorthernSaber

            Yep- went there on scholarship in the early 80s. Hated the place but what I learned then I still use now, both in the group I ran for 12 years and when I work with my high school kids.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I saw them on their last tour. Living Colour is still active!
            And I saw Primus with Fishbone around that same time.

  • Jeffocaster headin’ West

    IT IS FREAKIN’ COLD IN KENTUCKY!!!!SUPPOSE TO BE 9F!!!!!! Shit…..

    • Blackest Noobs

      but did you get all the cocaine we got from Grayson?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Angela Ruzzo

      Same here in Missouri. It was MINUS SEVEN DEGREES one night this week, and rose to only 1 degree by noon. Enough already. I keep thinking of this song, allegedly written by Henry VIII, but still enjoyable today.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nSDFUqyT_A

    • Resistor Radio

      When you say you’re headin’ west I didn’t think that meant the bluegrass state!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      A balmy 8 in Chicago on the commute home today!

    • Lord Jim

      What part of Ky you in?

      • Jeffocaster headin’ West

        Frankfort

  • Jeffocaster headin’ West

    While traveling today I found some warnings for my immigrant friends…..Watch for ICE on the bridge.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Freeze!”

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Parakeetist

    I usually post this first thing Saturday morning, but we need puppies.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nFrY8eaJ-s

    • (((Aron)))

      PUPPIES!!!1!1!1!1

    • Blackest Noobs

      couple of things
      1) that was ador-fukin-able
      2) occasionally we have this full grown retriever that sniffs out bed bugs in our books, and if im here when they’re doing it, her training goes out the door and she jumps in my lap, licking my face, and going nuts
      3) above i dunno why that happen, she just senses something good about me, which is weird cuz im a bad person ( not really)
      4) maybe she can read my mind cuz i do love golden retrievers.

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        Some people just naturally smell delicious.
        Also too dogs are great judges of character.

    • Red Bird

      Puppies are good any time.

    • Lord Jim

      (Kitty sniffs puppy butt, backs slowly away with back arched) – Priceless.

  • WilbyToad
    • Blackest Noobs

      yeah that shit is hilarious…book was gonna sell, now it’s REALLY GONNA SELL!!!!

      Wolff is gonna make BANK…if he has kids…college paid.

    • bluicebank

      It’s schoolyard RULE No. 1.

      Never blurt out “Stop looking at me!” when you want people to not look at that shit on your face.

      What kind of jacked universe did we get transported into wherein POTUS and his legal team can’t navigate elementary school playtime?

  • Angela Ruzzo

    So where was Mother Pence during this ceremony? I wouldn’t think she’d let Pence stand so close to such a delightful person as Carson Jones.

    • shivaskeeper

      Not a woman all alone. Pence has that side of him buried deep, so Mother can trust him not to act on it.

  • KKSD

    Were I ever that close to Pence, I would not remain silent.

    • redarmyzombie

      “SUCK IT, BIAYOTCH!!!!!!”

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    You know Pence looks like he doesn’t do a good job of wiping.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
  • jesterpunk

    Trump wants to allow drilling in all oceans around the US, but the governors of those states all oppose it because of the Deep Water Horizons disaster and it would hurt tourism. But the oil companies said this:

    “I think the default should be that all of our offshore areas should be available,” said Thomas J. Pyle, president of the American Energy Alliance. “These are our lands. They’re taxpayer-owned and they should be made available.”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/04/climate/trump-offshore-drilling.html

    So they think tax payers fund things just for them.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Yes, because let’s build offshore rigs right above an active tectonic fault. What could possibly go wrong with that!

      • shivaskeeper

        Nothing. Just like nothing could go wrong with Deep Water Horizon. And they had the best emergency plan anyway. Nuking the hole was on the table for a while as the contingency.

        • Paperless Tiger

          The Tsunami Option?

          • shivaskeeper

            Seriously. The emergency plan was, “At some point we will write an emergency plan. Until we do, just know that there is no way any of this equipment can fail for any reason. So we’re in no rush to get to it. Are you cool with that? Yes? Great”.

            At one point they were looking at dropping an actual nuclear bomb into the hole to try to seal it. I would assume they would have had to have gotten that from the actual government because I don;t think BP has it’s own nukes.

          • jesterpunk

            But what about their second amendment rights? Why dont they have their own nukes?

          • shivaskeeper

            They might. They are a big enough corporation. I very much on purpose said I don’t think they have their own nukes.

    • BigCSouthside

      They can die in a fire. Tired of these fucks looting our best assets in this country

    • shivaskeeper

      No. Not fund the things. Just be on the hook for the inevitable disaster.

      The whole, “We need to drill our own oil” line is fake at best. Unless the oil companies are nationalized, they are their own entities and will dump in on the international market, not back to the American consumers.

      Unless he is arguing that they should be nationalized.

      • jesterpunk

        The only part they want nationalized is the cleanup from the spills or any costs. He wants the profits privatized.

        • shivaskeeper

          That’s what I said. Taxpayers are always on the hook for the cleanup. Privatize the profits and socialize the losses.

    • Bananas Foster

      With the drop in oil prices and the rise in fracking, is off shore drilling even profitable?

      • jesterpunk

        Nope, that is why oil companies are shutting down their oil rigs already. But they are really doing it because Obama didnt want drilling everywhere.

      • yyyaz

        It will be as soon as the next real or artificial shortage comes.

      • shivaskeeper

        Fracking is almost dead for oil in this country. OPEC deliberately upped production to drop the prices to make fracking too expensive to profit from.

        Fracking is almost all for natural gas now.

        • Bananas Foster

          Well, if fracking is dead because OPEC upped production, then how is off shore drilling profitable?

          • shivaskeeper

            Offshore is not necessarily fracking. It can be done offshore, but would be even less profitable than onshore fracking.

            This would be standard well drilling.

          • Bananas Foster

            My point was that offshore is even more expensive than fracking….

            I think we’re having a moment of miscommunication.

          • shivaskeeper

            Conventional well are more productive for longer, and to this point have always had bigger deposits. It can be easier to transport the crude to the refineries as they are closer.

            Honestly I have never seen an assessment that said fracking was cheaper than offshore conventional drilling. Can you point me at a link or something? I may be out of date on my info.

      • Lord Jim

        Even less profitable is the extraction of oil from tar sands, which is the product being pushed through the Keystone pipeline.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Yes, and the governors, elected by those tax payers, said no. Democracy. How does it work?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      he should really look into the federal court-related payouts from DW Horizons…they’re STILL arguing over the (billions) of dollars they owe people/companies that were impacted. Many court cases and appeals – government efficiency indeed.

      • jesterpunk

        Which is why the GOP is pushing tort reform and getting idiots to buy it by saying “lawyers are bad”.

  • Smoke O’Hontas

    I will think about how naughty we’ve all been… in my bunk.

  • tehbaddr

    In a world full of freaks
    You can creep, you can crawl
    But the world’s biggest freak
    Is the one with no balls.

    https://peopledotcom.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/mike-pence-800.jpg

    • Nounverb911

      Mother wears the balls in the Pence family.

    • NastyBossetti

      He looks like his face is caving in.

  • WiscoJoe
    • Nounverb911

      Dead and buried?

      • WiscoJoe

        I bet he sees the ghost of Cohn in the White House, like he’s living in Angels in America. Only this time Cohn is his only friend.

        • Nounverb911

          Nah, Cohn’s ghost is too busy running away from the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      They’re decomposing conspirators
      There’s less of them every year.
      You can listen to Roy Cohn,
      But there’s not much of him left to hear.

    • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

      Jeffy’s been a very naughty boy.

      Two days after Mr. Comey’s testimony, an aide to Mr. Sessions approached a Capitol Hill staff member asking whether the staffer had any derogatory information about the F.B.I. director. The attorney general wanted one negative article a day in the news media about Mr. Comey, according to a person with knowledge of the meeting.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Come on, we know Miller is only there to be an enforcer.

    https://twitter.com/KatyTurNBC/status/949034323755323392

    • NastyBossetti

      “Militantly unread” is a pretty great phrase.

    • Red Bird

      People are actually defending him.

  • Sophia

    My parents got me this indoor/outdoor thermometer for my b’day. It’s got this guy on it whose clothing changes in reference to current weather conditions. I just took out my garbage and let me tell you”This guy needs more freakin clothes on!!! He lied to me!!!” I think I may have the outside monitor in an area that’s too sheltered.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4da6f8d97bcb91f636cdbb8456f4eb076fdc1dae3ebdf3507d98477d353e0752.jpg

  • WilbyToad

    Former Trump legal team spokesman reportedly quit because he believed statement on Trump Tower meeting was obstruction of justice

    Source: Business Insider

    The excerpts, published this week by several news organizations, from the journalist Michael Wolff’s book “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House” say that the spokesman, Mark Corallo, told Wolff in private that he feared that the Air Force One meeting represented obstruction of justice.

    pnwmom / DU member
    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10141953348

    Rachel pointed this out last night advising to put a bookmark on that page.

  • Nounverb911
  • bbayliss

    “Wolff’s reporting tantalizes. Like so much other reporting on these shameless liars, though, it convinces us to believe things that aren’t true, without teaching us anything we don’t, at some level, already know.”
    https://crooked.com/article/bannon-trump-wolff/

  • Suttree

    Well, I think that this is going ok? I have talked to two people from the state and 1 Bergan County Rehab. I have given them most of my info 3 times, Just waiting on a call back. /ffs why didn’t I buy another pack of smokes earlier!?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Patience … it will happen. Besides, aren’t you still snowed in?

      • Suttree

        Hehe! This 3 inches of snow is horrible!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      hey buddy, feeling better?

      I was wurried about you this morning.

      • Suttree

        This morning? Nah I was alright. Just trying to get psyched up to go to rehab. It is a hard thing to get excited about!

  • amrak63

    Douchebro Craig Brittain actually responded to Robyn’s column.

    Feel free to school his sorry ass on WHY we are called the “Nasty Vile Little Snark Mob” here:

    https://wonkette.com/627827/we-need-to-discuss-this-revenge-porn-douchebro-running-for-jeff-flakes-senate-seat

    • yyyaz

      I’m there and encourage everyone else to be also as well.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Douche Shit Fer Brains?

  • rocktonsam

    Warren/Carson 2020!

    • Nounverb911

      Better change that to Warren/Jones 2020, my first thought was Ben Carson then I remembered where I was….

      • Phried Ω

        and Kit’s been dead for 159 years.

  • Nounverb911
  • JMP

    The crazy Craig Brittain guy running for Arizona Senate just showed up in the comments of the post about him.

    • Shan

      Hahahaha!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      and its fun!

    • Lordpnut

      Let’s roll.

    • shivaskeeper

      Thank you.

    • jesterpunk

      I like how he starts off with “I wasn’t contacted before this was published for comment “

      • SayItWithWookies

        Headline: Anarcho-Capitalist Cries Foul.

    • Bitter Scribe

      [runs to check it out]

      OMG he did! This guy’s running for the Senate, and he seriously has nothing better to do than respond to a dick-joke mommyblog?

      His very long post basically consists of “here are some of the reasonable things I’ve uttered in my life, so stop paying attention to the batshit crazy stuff.” And it also turns out he worked for Kelli Ward before deciding to strike out on his own. Why am I not surprised?

    • data_ninja

      I fucking thought he might. He seems like the self absorbed kind of prick who googles his own name 50 times a day.

      • shivaskeeper

        He upvoted his own comment, so why not. I doubt he searches though. Probably has an alert set up.

    • Jonny On Maui

      That dude is a putz and loves himself a beating. He’s getting a proper Wonkette Treatment over there…

    • jesterpunk

      Oh fuck, what a moron. He cant even get basic things right about anything and has resorted to “why do you beat your wife”.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Believe this or not but after I read that post yesterday, I honestly thought to myself that he sounds like the type of dipshit who’ll probably reply to the post in the comments.

      Because that’s going to work out well for him…

  • Shan

    For some reason (OK, I heard the phrase “water sports” on my daughter’s game as I waked past) I just remembered a woman I worked with when I first went away to college back in the Stone Age. She was probably 30 and at one point told me, with tears in her eyes, “When people ask you how you’re doing, they don’t really want to know!”

    Barely 18yo me: (stares at her and thinks “you just now figured that out?”)

    She also at another point showed off a snazzy engagement ring given to her by her generous and (relatively wealthy) out-of-town boyfriend who bought her plane tickets to go visit him. So he could pee on her.

    me: (stares and thinks “you want a diamond ring bad enough to get peed on?”

    I guess she got tired of the traveling (or maybe the peeing) because she eventually broke up with him and took up with a convicted child molester who was (IIRC) in charge of maintenance in the building we worked in, so I saw them together all the time. I guessed she thought everyone deserved a chance or the benefit of the doubt or something. But if it’d been me, I would have first given that chance and the benefit of the doubt to my three young kids. If they were mine.

    me every time I saw them together: “……”

    If she’s still alive and not in jail and didn’t have a major epiphany of some sort, she was probably one of the 53% of white women voters who voted for Trump.

    And I hope her kids are okay.

    • Bitter Scribe

      She doesn’t sound like a genius.

    • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

      You can’t fix stupid.

    • Bananas Foster

      Wow. You take a woman who was probably victimized and then assume somehow, without any indication of any prejudice, religious feelings, political affiliation or, really anything, that she’s a Trump voter?

      That speaks to you, not her.

      • Paperless Tiger

        The woman does sound co-dependent, so it may be a good guess. Who else would vote for Trump? He’s an abuser.

        • Blackest Noobs

          and something something peed on…cuz Trump likes that.

        • Bananas Foster

          I treat with women like her in my profession.

          They’re of all political affiliations.

          • Paperless Tiger

            Maybe they don’t seek help. There’s a stigma, you know.

          • Bananas Foster

            That makes no sense.

            I treat people of all political affiliations.

            The fact that I treat them means that they’ve sought help.

      • Bitter Scribe

        There’s victimized, and there’s stupid. When you have young children and you take up with a child molester, the only thing you’re a victim of is stupidity.

        Enough with the self-righteousness.

        • Bananas Foster

          Even if that were true, that doesn’t make you a Trump voter.

          • Shan

            Trump voters don’t act in their own self-interest, or in the interests of their children. I used her as an example of that.

          • Bananas Foster

            You certainly used her.

  • Jonny On Maui

    Thinking about my bad behavior just makes me want to do more of it…

    • Shan

      Your honey approves and is waiting. Probably.

    • tehbaddr

      I fully support you in your endeavors!

    • mancityRed6

      just how “bad” is “bad”?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Very good bad!

        • mancityRed6

          then, proceed, my good sir

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      I think we could all use a little time off for bad behavior. Cheers!
      *lifts spliff in your general direction*

      • Jonny On Maui

        *bong salute*

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    They thought the book would show them in a positive light!

    https://media.giphy.com/media/OijnKYe4emiY/200.gif

    • (Nasty Girl) Brianna #RESIST

      The very definition of the word “delusional”.

      • Blackest Noobs

        the whole Trump image and administration has been and always will be
        D E L U S I O N A L.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    hola amigos!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Wassup?

    • Jonny On Maui

      Aloha!

      • mancityRed6

        you really need to talk to the Ms., she is really not assimilating as she should

        • Jonny On Maui

          She’s still in her rookie year…

          • mancityRed6

            driving north on New Year’s day, the radio DJ said that she wanted us to say “aloha” when midnight struck instead of happy new year. this struck me as common sense enough I might start doing it.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Hiddey hoe!

    • jesterpunk

      ahoy-hoy

    • data_ninja

      Kay Pasta?

    • Blackest Noobs

      TACOS ESE!!!! TACOS!!!

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      Bonsoir.

    • Earl Of Sammich
    • eggs ackly-wright

      Season’s cretins.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Tacos! Good to see you! You missed it earlier- I was making people re-horrified of homosexuality!

    • Parakeetist

      o hai

  • Hemp Dogbane
    • biologydave

      Great song

  • Reximus
    • BMW

      This is like the 87th shoe to drop.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III is in this up to his pointy little elf ears …

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I like the clever Wonker who dubbed him “Dobby” Sessions. I think that should be his official name from now on.

    • Ryan Denniston

      But you see, it’s a total witch hunt, which is why he puts himself into legal jeapordy by communicating mens rea to a fucking special prosecutor.

    • Ryan Denniston

      This reboot of Watergate sucks.

      • mancityRed6

        needs more intelligence

        • Ryan Denniston

          Also too class.

          • mancityRed6

            and all the trailers I saw in Tennessee with columns out front screamed out at once and then were silent.

      • Jimh

        Plot is too predictable. Not enough CGI.

    • TundraGrifter

      For years parents have been trying to get their sons to stop recusing themselves.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Sometimes it’s the crime; other times it’s the cover-up. Of course when it’s Assmouth, you can expect both to be so ineptly handled that even the guy who erased 18 minutes of audiotape would shake his head.

      Really, I don’t know what horrifies me more — that Assmouth has been so corrupt for so long — or that he’s still so bad at it.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Paranoia time:

    Tonight I made chicken stew that involved a can of tomato sauce. When I went to rinse the can for recycling, I saw this weird-looking brown spot in the bottom seam. I poked at it with a knife but couldn’t tell what it was.

    It’s probably nothing–just a discoloration in the lining or something. But with my luck…

    • Lordpnut

      Clams.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      Let us know if you are dead in the morning.

      • Bitter Scribe

        Remember me as a mommyblog commenter!

        • Suttree

          Insert penis joke here!

    • Blackest Noobs

      you’ll be alright.

    • shivaskeeper

      Tomato sauce is pretty acidic. Also, sealed can.

      • jowgajen

        Tomato cans are lined to prevent the acid from eating the can. So likely the lining was thin in the dark area. So long as the can wasn’t actually leaking or bulgy or whatever there’s nothing to worry about.

        • Suttree

          If you buy good tomatoes.

        • shivaskeeper

          Also, too true.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Also too, cook thoroughly. Adds character.

    • tehbaddr

      Just some botulinum, no worries!

      • Phried Ω

        Say, you’re looking radiant and your skin is so youthful. Did you eat botulism tainted chicken stew?

    • Suttree

      Dammit! i thought that we were going to hear a horror story with blood spewing everywhere. Slacker! Get back to me when you start hacking knuckles off. :) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eb2bbd6ecd50c086ddea0185638f02bad69af8eb5b813bd0853188d213431c00.jpg

      • Bitter Scribe

        I’ve cut myself in the kitchen, but never quite like that.

        • Suttree

          It was indeed a very sharp knife!

        • Suttree

          There is a quick shock, and then that goes away. Everything after is trying not to bleed on shit!

      • Suttree

        I went home and finished my stew. That bottle of wine also too.

      • Earl Of Sammich
        • Suttree

          Hehehe! Exactly!

      • onedollarjuana

        I’m jealous. I wish I’d caught a pic of my finger when I cut it halfway-through with my table saw. Still got the finger, but no cool photo.

        • Suttree

          Awww. I had about 2 hours in the ER to get sewn up. Plenty of time for pictures.

    • Doug Langley

      Hmm, salmonella is green and polio is pink,so no telling what this could be.

      • wavicles

        Could be rickets, they’re brown.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Did it move when touched?

  • Everrett Fanuelli
  • mancityRed6

    that look that Carson gave just screams “I saw your profile on grindr”

  • Nounverb911
    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      He knew just how to massage a microphone.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Obviously a Haitian. You know they’re Brown right?

    • SayItWithWookies

      He’s as classy as he is compassionate. And literate. And knowledgeable, decent, dog-owning, self-critical and probably a few more things.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    So who was brave enough to watch Dear Leader’s video taped message at the press gaggle today? What did he say?

    • OutOfOrbit

      Donut look at me

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “We have always been at war with Eastbreitbartia.”

    • Ryan Denniston

      You hear that he won the Electoral College, which is hard to do for a Republican?

    • Jenny

      So many accomplishments. Best ever president. Same ol stuff

      • Ryan Denniston

        Hey, two Big Macs, AND two fish filets. In one meal. That’s impressive.

        • Doug Langley

          And he’s still slim! How does he do it?

          • Ryan Denniston

            Golf! All day every day!

          • Doug Langley

            And he golfs so often! His conditioning must be incredible!!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Anyone see the White House press conference and Trump’s pre-recorded statement?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6a8daa674495fdb80eabf1e4e3740602e8a78e50efb112ada876086679c7435a.jpg

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Another election scandal! In 1876. Little old Oregon was the focus of a storm of controversy.
    Heritage: Bush bank part of presidential election scandal of 1876
    “Let’s set the stage for this bizarre tale. It’s 1876, and the Republican Rutherford B. Hayes is running against the Democrat Samuel J. Tilden of New York. Both candidates are running on a platform of reform, seeking to counteract the corruption of then-President Ulysess S. Grant. Grant’s scandals were so bad that he had split the Republican party. Fellow Republican Senator Charles Sumner of Massachusetts even coined the derisive term “Grantism” and gave a speech on the Senate floor differentiating Grant’s activities from the core values of the Republican party. Tilden won the popular vote and looked like he would win the electoral college except for contested returns in several states, including Oregon.”
    “… The implications were important, though, as Hayes would go on to win the presidency by a single electoral vote.”

    https://www.statesmanjournal.com/story/life/2018/01/04/heritage-bush-bank-part-presidential-election-scandal/109165036/

    • Bitter Scribe

      The four presidents who were elected despite losing the popular vote:

      1. John Quincy Adams
      2. Rutherford B. Hayes
      3. George W. Bush
      4. Donald Trump

      I don’t know about you all, but I’m noticing a distinct trend here in terms of quality.

      • bluicebank

        But wasn’t John Q. Adams a good one?

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          He was a good ex-President.

        • Bitter Scribe

          That’s what I meant. I’m noticing a downward trend, i.e. each was worse than the one before.

          • therblig

            so ivanka WILL be next.

          • bluicebank

            Whew. For a second I thought we’d get into a John Q. Adams fight on Wonkette.

          • Bitter Scribe

            His father I don’t care for that much. A thin-skinned pill who pissed all over the Constitution with his Alien & Sedition Acts. But JQA was OK AFAIK, plus I like how he served in Congress after his term in the White House and gave the future Confederates an earful about slavery.

          • Phried Ω

            I lean positive to both father and son. Washington was practically the Coolidge of his day with near indifference to the office and J. Adams practically invented the job.

        • Phried Ω

          I count him among the good ones. I imagine Cherokees would have preferred him.

      • Doug Langley

        Sweet lord and Jesus, PLEASE dismantle the Electoral College before there’s a fifth one.

      • Parakeetist

        Yeah, downward.

      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Some that got fairly (and maybe I should put that in quotes) elected were not exactly prize specimens either. “Useless” Grant was one of the triggers in that election. Trying for something better. By hook or crook.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      As an Idahoan, this doesn’t surprise me. Oregonians are well known for meddling in our elections, cheating our Native Americans, and murdering our Chinese.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        You’re a TERRIBLE chamber of commerce president.

        ; p

    • mancityRed6
      • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

        Those were the days.

  • bluicebank

    While I can’t compete with cute puppy/kitten videos, I think we need a science diversion.

    An international team of astronomers has revealed an ‘astonishing’ overabundance of massive stars in a neighbouring galaxy. [Tip-off that the PR came out of Mother England.]

    The discovery, made in the gigantic star-forming region 30 Doradus in
    the Large Magellanic Cloud galaxy, has ‘far-reaching’ consequences for
    our understanding of how stars transformed the pristine Universe into
    the one we live in today.

    The results are published in the journal Science.

    https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/01/180104153159.htm

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/06bdf8166c13737799a1df83f4bf27939cf719898258a4e8600bba0d3a35179e.jpg

    • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

      My money is on gravitational (tidal) interaction with the Milky Way being an important factor in the LMC’s penchant for massive stars.

      • bluicebank

        A better wager is that Trump will claim to be the biggest hot ball of gas in the universe. And for once he won’t be wrong.

    • Ryan Denniston

      “The discovery, made in the gigantic star-forming region 30 Doradus in
      the Large Magellanic Cloud galaxy, has ‘far-reaching’ consequences for
      our understanding of how stars transformed the pristine Universe into

      the one we live in today.”

      The Trumps of their day.

    • Doug Langley

      Fun fact: in the book “The Forever War”, soldiers establish a base in the Large Magellanic Cloud and 30 Doradus lights it like daytime.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Did I hear that a movie based on the book was happening or was the bong talking again?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
    • SayItWithWookies

      So most globular clusters are thought to be older and more full of older, red stars than spiral galaxies. Does this mean that the presence of younger, blue stars means the clusters themselves aren’t all old, or does it mean that the formation of massive blue stars is still happening in older clusters but they just hadn’t noticed it before?
      Not that I expect an answer, of course — was just wondering what this means for our understanding of globular clusters. I’m betting it means they’re not all older, though — if one kind of galaxy can form now, why not both kinds?

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • SayItWithWookies

      So I’m guessing there are a few pages of pictures in the middle of that book.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Ryan Denniston

      Maybe she too much of a dunderhead to use the twitters?

    • Nounverb911

      She’s following Gorka instead.

    • SayItWithWookies

      So she won’t be plagiarizing shabby chic this fall?

  • Nounverb911
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    That lady that was at the dinner with Ailes/Bannon is on the CNN

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Did she say anything juicy?

      • data_ninja

        Perhaps something meaty?

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          But not starchy, heaven forbid!

          • data_ninja

            They were likely discussing their various beefs with the Trump administration.

          • Doug Langley

            Nah, she’s just fruity.

  • WilbyToad

    FBI accuses ‘alt-right’ white supremacist of terrorism after he hijacked a train in rural Nebraska

    A Missouri man who attended the deadly “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia last August has been accused by the FBI of commissioning a terrorist attack.

    According to Lincoln, Nebraska’s Journal-Star newspaper, newly-unsealed FBI documents reveal that 26-year-old Taylor Michael Wilson, a man charged with attacking an Amtrak train and its employees in Nebraska while en route to St. Louis, was linked to a white supremacist group and had expressed an interest in “killing black people.”

    by NOOR AL-SIBAI / RAWSTORY

    I’ll go out on a limb… actually I’ll just go out to the front porch and say Donald will never mention this.

    • Especially given the name of the reporter……

    • Ryan Denniston

      Noor Al-Sibai. Sounds kind of Mooslin!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I do not approve of the white supremacy, but damn, I appreciate the old-school train hijacking. You don’t see that much these days.

  • Me The People

    Happy New Year folks!

    ‘Bannon may already be cooperating with Mueller’: tell-all book shifts frame of Russia inquiry

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/jan/04/trump-russia-steve-bannon-book-robert-mueller

  • Ryan Denniston
  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    My, That Arizona candidate is a live one!

    https://youtu.be/oqCQuiq6eOo?t=44

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Ryan Denniston

      Nah, Ted Cruz ate boogers and he’s intact with the right.

    • Me The People

      “The line that separates man from bum.”

    • With the GOP’s plan to deregulate industry, everybody is going to be eating toilet McNuggets.

    • Me The People

      “Show your patriotism and shame the liberals by joining with our President and taking the McNugget Challenge!”

    • SayItWithWookies

      I hope I wake up tomorrow morning and that tweet was all a dream. Holy fuck.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    thanks Apple, our years of buying your products cause they were safer and more protected is for not? (read teh bottom line in that pic)
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/26073f139161d2c5be52d6e63889ec1f6bcbc24065c502e78c48126bc42b97b3.png

    • jowgajen

      They are unfairly targeting Apple in this article. All recent chipsets are exposed.

      • shivaskeeper

        But we all know Windows based OS’s are targets, along with Android, as well as everything not Apple. Apple has been telling us that for decades now.

    • shivaskeeper

      Yup. Meltdown can be fixed with a software patch. Specter will only be fixed by fundamentally redesigning how the chips are designed and manufactured.

    • Glad I didn’t replace the old phone yet.

    • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

      It’s a walled garden, but they hired a Trump subsidiary to build the wall.

  • So the Great Nor’eastern Blizzard of Early January hit my area today. In the morning, I figured it was safe enough to go to work – and instead of leaving my car out in the snow, where I’d have to shovel it out tomorrow – I’d go in to the office, and park in the garage out of the wind and snow. And while there, my co-op would have the lot plowed, so I’d come home to a clean spot.

    Well, they decided to close the office three hours early.

    So I had to drive home at the HEIGHT of the blizzard, and have to shovel out my parking space so I could park because the plow hadn’t been around in a while.

    And the snow stopped at just about the time I would have gotten home if I left work at the usual 5 pm.

    • marshlc

      And this is why every workplace should have a nice craft brew pub within walking distance. So you could have walked over when work closed, had a beer (just one, you’re driving!) then walked back to get your car around five o’clock, and gone home.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        Describing my workplace except the beer and wine are on premise and free 11!!!!11

      • There actually ARE a couple, but they were closed. I work in a gov’t office; we HAD to be open at least to start the day….

    • Damn, I just camped out because non-essential personnel were told to take the day off and the other essential employees had weather-related problems. It’s cold as hell now, and the wind, if anything, has picked up in intensity.

  • jowgajen
    • Bananas Foster

      Or a gullet proof vest?

      • Cousin Itt, hoi polloi

        Makes for a clean breast of it.

        Yes, I will see myself out.

        • Bananas Foster

          It’s all a crop out.

      • JaveyDay

        The chicken was a spy! It was all a game of cloaca & dagger.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I have made those for my sister’s chickens. They are adorable.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Ummm…. Not here…

    • H0mer0

      the third chicken from the left wore it best

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      No, it actually interferes with their natural feather insulative properties.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      wow, don’t piss off the ethics lawyer – GOT IT!

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Man I hope Richard Painter is on Lawrence tonight!

      • weighmaster

        Just saw him on Chris Hayes, Joy’s hosting tonight.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Uh-oh, ‘Pasgetti-O

    “Mr. Mueller has also substantiated claims that Mr. Comey made in a series of memos describing troubling interactions with the president before he was fired in May.”

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/04/us/politics/trump-sessions-russia-mcgahn.html?_r=1

  • Nounverb911

    BREAKING!
    White House staff currently staging theatrical production of ‘Fire and Furry’ for trump.

    https://twitter.com/NewYorker/status/949074342197059584

  • Doug Langley

    Okay, good news and bad news. Good: found out I get incredible discounts on software cuz I teach computer science, so today downloaded the entire Microsoft Office FREE. Will need it for class.

    Bad: still no sign that unemployment will come through. Went through rent assistance places and only one place has any hope of helping me, the same one that’s put me on hold for a month or two.

    So I’ve revived my gofundme:

    http://gofundme.com/dougs-expenses

    If you can spare anything, please. I need a couple hundred to keep electric/computer/everything from going black. Think I might be able to juggle rent. Already a few Wonketeers have donated a bit, thanks so much. (Can’t name you cuz gofundme only gives me your real names)

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Keep a good thought and keep at it!

      I get paid tomorrow, I’ll send what I can. That said, I may have Excel questions that you might be able to help with, oh and Google sheets…tell me how the cloud werkz ;-)

    • Good luck.

    • bluicebank

      I hear ya. I’m currently broke-ass poor, just 4 bucks able to make rent. Monday is and that week is good, because money coming in. Nothing depresses me more than skating on thin ice.

      On the upside, I have a plan. Includes things like eating cheap and being paranoid about my one ride. This week heard clunking sound on the right rear brake drum, like that ’74 Bug hasn’t tasked me already. To pull the drum, I’ll want a breaker bar for the hub. Which in turn reminds me that I left a perfectly good breaker bar at “the ranch” about three years back, the ranch being a wealth of bad memories.

      A quatrillion quatloos, and I’ll save the planet. But it’s beans and rice until I can turn shit around. Bummer is other people are counting on me to pull a bit of magic. I’ll do it.

  • Nounverb911

    Tweet your caption ideas to @trump_ton

    https://twitter.com/Trump_ton/status/948829419921199104

    • Ryan Denniston

      … Is that what nuclear means?

    • Bananas Foster

      Chocolate urinal cake?

    • Doug Langley

      “My dick’s so big I gotta drape it over my shoulder!”
      “Uh . . . that’s your tie.”

      • Bananas Foster

        No, that’s his tongue!

    • gallbladder

      “Who are you voting for?”

    • “Wait, those can be outties too?”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Out tomorrow: Trump’s threat against Michael Wolff‘s book backfires spectacularly as publisher moves up release date
    https://www.rawstory.com/2018/01/out-tomorrow-trumps-threat-against-michael-wolffs-book-backfires-spectacularly-as-publisher-moves-up-release-date/

    • Doug Langley

      It’s a publisher’s dream come true.

    • Parakeetist

      Goin’ to the bookstore after work.

      • Bitter Scribe

        I placed a hold on it at my library. I’ll probably get it by this summer.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Great idea! They have every RWNJ book, So maybe I won’t have to wait too long.

  • Squeegee

    I think that is Carson Jones flipping his lid as he realizes that Pence is that gay guy in the leather harness who tried grabbing his ass at a gay bar off Du Pont Circle the night before.

    • Stinky_Hole

      Is that his mother? Tallulah Bankhead is his mother? That woman looks like she could turn your blood to ice water if you crossed her.

  • 3FingerPete

    Well this is fun. I just received this.
    https://twitter.com/DIXIEDOODLE12/status/949074039758258176

    • TJ Barke

      Um… context?

      • 3FingerPete

        Crissy Teigen was photograhed with Hillary Clinton once. Chelsea Clinton replied to a tweet addressed to her by a user name Church Of Satan.

        It’s all so very scandalous.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Sounds like dixie doodle’s handle should be fried dixie doodle.

      • 3FingerPete

        And he/she just blocked me.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Mercy killing, it would have taken too much of your time to get them up to speed on life if they have reached adulthood without understanding much of anything.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    I am too hungry to make pasta. what should I order:

    a) you are Team Taco. eat tacos. Torchy’s. duh.

    b) pizza is always ready to order.

    c) you have some kind of curry. all you do is microwave it and boil some rice.

    d) [Thundercloud Subs Jingle]

    e) you haven’t had sushi in a while and it pairs well with beer.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Cereal.

      • Holiday Bozi

        Straight from the box.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          In your underwear.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        the only cereals I have are Stale and oatmeal.

        • mancityRed6

          you have stale cereal? my favorite!

        • Doug Langley

          Stale? Well, that’s Life.

    • Ryan Denniston

      In Trump America, beer is all you need!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      If you can eat a sub, you can eat banh mi.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        can we stick to places I know the menu of?

    • Phried Ω

      If you can’t drive to the ocean in 15 minutes avoid sushi. My personal motto.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        we have some pretty good places. but they take a while. actually, the HEB sushi is pretty good, but I am not 15 minutes by feets to there and the one I am that close to is definitely not good.

        • Red Bird

          You like the HEB sushi? Dragon roll? I stick to the tempura/cooked sushi.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I usually just get the spicy tuna roll.

        • MississippiLefty

          You have freakin’ UCHI! Yes, I would say you have some “pretty good” sushi.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            we do. but I was not going to order from them because the really good stuff costs money I do not have.

          • MississippiLefty

            I am just jelly cuz you live in a real food town! My in-laws live in Austin so we get our Torchy’s on about twice a year only. Although apparently they are expanding and we may all eventually have Torchy’s…

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            they even have them in Denver now.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And a damned good one.

    • TimResistit

      Cheese sammich with mustard onion and bbq chips. And those chips must be in the sammich not on the side.