Not pictured: ALL THE BONERS.

We are not going to attempt to write you a long narrative on the twists and turns of the first year of the Trump-Russia investigation. (NOT. DOING. IT.) Where do we even start trying to encapsulate this history we’re still living through? Instead, we will paste you a list of all the Russia stories we personally ourselves wrote about it in the past year, because holy shit, we have written some POSTS and this goddamn investigation has become OUR LIFE! If you are just waking up from a long nap and did not know American democracy got hijacked by a hostile foreign power and the president of the US and A may literally be a Russian intelligence asset, catch up on your reading right here!

Maybe someday we will compile these into a book and charge you one million dollars for it. (By the way, this list is in no way exhaustive. But it should give you some HILARIOUS snapshots of the hell we just lived through!)

January: We learn about Trump’s ALLEGED pee hookers, Trump inaugurated, national nightmare begins.

Donald Trump Can’t Wait To Ignore Today’s Intelligence Briefing On Russian Hacking

Butthurt Donald Trump Still Butthurt About Russia Maybe Stealing Election For Him

Glenn Greenwald And Kellyanne Conway Apparently Too Stupid To Understand What Spies Do

It’s OK To Talk About Donald Trump’s Alleged Love For Wee-Wee Hookers, You Guys

Have We Gently Encouraged James Comey To Go F*ck Himself Lately?

Justice Department Will Investigate Comey Letter, Until Trump Kills The Investigation. LOL!

Sarah Palin Does Not Like Smearing Donald Trump With Pee

House Democrats SO PISSED OFF At James Comey Right Now. Let’s Irresponsibly Speculate Why!

Kellyanne Conway Wishes Everybody Would Stop Telling Donald Trump’s Russian Secrets


CIA Director Gently Implying FBI Ratf*cked Election For Trump

Looks Like Julian Assange Is A Common Liar (WHOA IF TRUE!)

Trump And Comey Sittin’ In A Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Donald Trump Figures He’ll Stay Married To FBI Director James Comey A Few More Years

February: Mike Flynn YOU’RE FIRED for being literal actual foreign agent.

literal actual foreign agent

Donald Trump Doesn’t Like It When You Call His Boyfriend Putin A ‘Killer’

Intelligence Community Keeping Hottest Gossip From Trump, Because He Can’t Be Trusted

DEAR MEDIA: Mike Flynn’s Resignation Does NOT Mean Trump’s Russia Scandal Is Over

Hillary Clinton’s Official Response To Mike Flynn’s Resignation Is ‘LOLOLOLOLOL!’

House GOP Won’t Investigate Russia’s Own Michael Flynn, It’s Not Like He’s Hillary Clinton!

Intelligence Community Will See Donald Trump IN HELL

Trump Russia Scandal Idiot Carter Page SO Tired Of Being Hate Crimed By Hillary Clinton

Why Are We Telling James Comey To Set His Dick On Fire Today?

Trump’s NSA Pick Tells Him To Go Get Peed On

Trump Begged FBI For Reach-Around On Russia Investigation, Because Of Course He Did

Sean Spicer So Mad At Leakers For Leaking Whatever Sean Spicer Is Saying Right Now

Dickbag Rep. Darrell Issa Wants Special Prosecutor For Trump’s Russia Scandal. Wait, What?

March: Jeff Sessions recuses! Comey testifies! Devin Nunes goes on his wild ride!

‘Obama People’ Hid Trump Russia Intel Under Couch Cushions, Behind Fridge, Just EVERYWHERE

Jeff Sessions Doing Press Conference To Announce He Did Not Have Sex With That Russian Pee Hooker

Jeff Sessions: ‘Aren’t I A Good Boy For Recusing Myself? LOOK WHAT A GOOD BOY I AM!’

Has Anyone Donald Trump Knows NOT Shared A Romantic Hot Tub With The Russian Ambassador? Your Crazy Russia Roundup!

FBI Director James Comey Tells Donald Trump To Shut His Lying Orange Yap-Hole

Craven Dicksnot Rep. Jason Chaffetz CAN’T WAIT To Investigate Obama’s ‘Wire Tapp’ On Trump!

Hey Trump, When You’ve Lost Benghazi Congressidiot Trey Gowdy, It’s Time To STFU

Trump Tied To Creepy Crimers In Whole New Country, And It Is Azerbaijan!

Mike Pence Defends Trump’s ‘Obama Wire Tapp’ Lie By HEY LOOK! SQUIRREL!

‘Fox & Friends’ Idiots Find The REAL Trump Wiretapper, And It Is Hillary Clinton!

Did A Weird Russian Spy Lady Send These Gun-Humping Trump Creeps To Moscow? WHOA IF TRUE!

Rachel Maddow Would Like To Scare The Shit Out Of You Now

Trump White House Says Trump Not Being Investigated, So That’s Obviously True

Donald Trump SHOCKED His Bestie Michael Flynn Was LITERAL Foreign Agent THIS WHOLE TIME

Remember The Weird Server In Trump Tower That Only Talks To Russia? The FBI’s Still ON IT.

White House Just Can’t Figure Out How To Lie About Foreign Agent Michael Flynn!

Justice Department Needs More Time To Find ‘Evidence’ That Obama Did ‘Wire Tapps’ To Trump

Everybody In Washington Wants A Date With FBI Director James Comey, AND HE ACCEPTS!

Dick Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Being Dick Again, This Time To Joe Scarborough

Roger Stone Car Accidented To Death By CIA, But He’s OK Now

Republicans Gettin’ MIGHTY SASSY About Trump’s Stupid ‘Wire Tapp’ Lies

Michael Flynn Took Money From Russians Too, Like He’s A Weird ‘Foreign Agent’ Or Something!

James Comey Pisses On Trump’s ‘Wire Tapp’ BS Like A Russian Pee Hooker


The Five Best Times Devin Nunes Shit The Bed During Monday’s Comey Hearings

‘Fox & Friends’ Idiots Do Best Journalism On Comey Hearing, Win One Million Participation Trophies

Trump Goon Paul Manafort Made $10 MILLION A YEAR To ‘Benefit Putin.’ Totally Normal!

Dumbass Trump Slut Devin Nunes Needs To SIT. THE. FUCK. DOWN.

Is THIS Why Devin Nunes Pooped All Over His Own Trump-Russia Treason Investigation?

This Former CIA Chief Dude Is A Goddamn Psychic, Like OH HEY MISS CLEO!

Devin Nunes Would Like To Run His Dumbass Mouth Hole At You Some More, Please

Everybody Wants To Testify In Trump Russia Investigation Now! Except ‘Russian Spy’ Michael Flynn, That Is!

Devin Nunes Didn’t Get ‘Wire Tapp’ Intel From White House! He Just Got It *At* White House! See?

Adam Schiff Would Like Intel Chair Devin Nunes To Fuck Off From Trump Investigation, Please And Fuck You

How Guilty Is Jared Kushner Of Trump Russia Stuff, On A Scale Of One To His Dad?

Stupid Fox News Judge Napolitano Telling Stupid Trump About ‘Wire Tapps’ Through The TV Again

Senate Intelligence Committee Bein’ All Mature And Shit About Trump Russia Investigation, What’s That About?

Did Mike Huckabee Just Call Lindsey Graham A Fag?

Let’s Liveblog The Senate Intelligence Committee Putting Donald Trump IN RUSSIAN JAIL!

Disgraced Fired Trump NSA Michael Flynn: Snitch, Rat, Fink Or Stoolie? It Is Too Hard To Decide!

Senate Intel Committee Tells Michael Flynn He May Fuck Off


Donald Trump Drunk-Tweeting ‘Fox & Friends’ Again

Oh Cool, A Bullshit Non-Story About Susan Rice Doing ‘Wire Tapps’ To Donald Trump. BURN HER!!!

Dumb Trump Idiot Carter Page Recruited By Russian Spy In 2013, Like Some Idiot

‘Morning Joe’ Can’t Stop LOLing At Dumbass Blackwater Liar Erik Prince! Tee Hee Hee!

Alex Jones Is CUSSIN’ MAD At Rep. Adam Schiff And His Cocksucking Eyes!

Susan Rice ‘Unmasking’ Thing Still Bullshit *Even Though Republicans Hate Her A LOT*

Devin Nunes To Stop Investigating Trump Russia Scandal He Wasn’t Investigating

Trump Couldn’t POSSIBLY Have Weird Russian Ties After Syria Attack, Could He? Naaaaaah.

Yay The Trump Russia Scandal Is BACK WITH A VENGEANCE! Today: Carter Page, FISA Warrants, And Martin Luther King

Devin Nunes Full Of Shit About ‘Unmasking,’ According To Literally Everyone

Hey Look, A Bunch Of Fucked Up Paul Manafort News!

Trump Idiots DEFINITELY Colluded With Russia To Hack Election, According To NOBODY KNOWS WHO

Trump’s CIA Director Just Read WikiLeaks Fuckhead Julian Assange FOR FILTH

Stupid Intercept Idiots Wish Rachel Maddow Would STFU About Trump’s Russia Scandal


Jason Chaffetz Sure He’s As Clean As A Whistle, Because Of All These Enemas (He Said That)

Who Do You Root For In Julian Assange V. Jeff Sessions? None Of Them Katie!

Badass Sally Yates Ready To Fuck Trump Up In Front Of House Intel Committee!

Now *Senate* Intelligence Committee Dicking Around On Trump-Russia. Awesome.

Michael Flynn’s Turkish Foreign Agent Work Has Russian Dressing All Over It

Uh Oh, *Even Jason Chaffetz* Acting Like Michael Flynn’s In Deep Trump Russia Shit Now!

Elijah Cummings Is Going To Kick Michael Flynn Right In His Russian Ass

Sean Spicer Wishes Obama Hadn’t Forced Michael Flynn To Be A Russian Spy Foreign Agent!


Trump Just Gonna Kick This CBS Reporter Out Of His Office, Nothing To See Here Move Along

Hillary Clinton Emerges From Woods To Break Foot Up In Donald Trump’s Ass

Your Weird Boyfriend James Comey Is Testifying For The Senate Judiciary Committee. Let’s Liveblog It!

Obama NSA Susan Rice Invites Lindsey Graham To Eat This Bag Of Dicks

Senate Intel Committee Wants To See All Of Trump Team’s Russian Sexts RIGHT NOW

Dumb Idiot Donald Trump Thinks Sally Yates Testimony Somehow Made Him Look GOOD

New Mean Idiot Louisiana Senator Was BIGGEST STAR Of Sally Yates Hearing!

FBI Director James Comey Said A Stupid About Hillary’s Emails, Burn Him For A Witch!

Pussy Trump Fires FBI Director James Comey For Failure To BOW DOWN

Donald Trump And His Minions Must Think We’re REAL Fucking Stupid

Is Your Dick Republican Senator On This List Being Vaguely ‘Good’ About Comey Firing? A List!

Let’s Liveblog Sarah Huckabee Sanders Lying About Comey Firing, Just Like Daddy Taught Her!

Here Are All The Best (Pee) Leaks About Trump Firing James Comey In An INSANE RAGE!

Senate Intelligence Committee Shoves Subpoena Up Michael Flynn’s Ass

Acting FBI Director Dude Seems Smart And Good! Trump To Fire Him In 5, 4, 3, 2 …

Trump Dinner: He Moved On Comey Like A Bitch, But He Couldn’t Get There!

Donald Trump’s Lawyers Wrote A Letter About All His Russian Money, And It Is ADORABLE

Trump Will Leak On Whatever Russians He Wants! Your Overnight TrumpLeak Roundup!

Mitch McConnell Wants Trump To Stop Bein’ Silly So GOP Can Get Back To Fucking America

RIP General H.R. McMaster’s Credibility! You Will Be Missed!

Trump Gave The Russians ISRAELI Intelligence! Have Fun On Your ISRAEL TRIP, Mr. President!

James Comey Kept A Motherfucking Paper Trail On Trump Because COMEY. IS. A. MOTHERFUCKING. BEAST.

Trump Didn’t Mean To Obstruct Comey, He’s Just Too Dumb To Words Good With His Mouth Hole!

Vladimir Putin Tease Trump With Authentic Russian Reach-Around, But No Pee Hooker This Time OK?


Trump Didn’t Say ‘Israel’ To Russians, YOU Said ‘Israel’! But Yeah He Gave Russians Israeli Intel, Like You Said.

Trump’s Own Spy Chiefs Refused To Murder FBI Investigation Into Trump. THANKS A LOT SPY CHIEFS (Really, Thanks!)

Chris Christie Wouldn’t Eat Michael Flynn If He Was On Fire

Director Of National Intelligence Does Not Deny Trump Tried To Grab Him By Pussy

Trey Gowdy Eats Own Dick In Front Of Former CIA Director, How Embarrassing

Trump’s New Russia Lawyer Also Represents Putin’s Favorite Russian Bank. What Could Go Wrong?

Intel Committees To Michael Flynn: LOL YOU ARE *SO* FUCKED


Did James Comey Screw Hillary Because Of A Dumb Russian Spam Email? WHOA IF TRUE!

The FBI Went To Jared!

Your Boyfriend Emmanuel Macron Just Got Up In Putin’s Grill Like ‘YEAH BRO, WHAT YOU GONNA DO?’

Trump Asshole Lawyer Michael Cohen Under Congressional Investigation Now, Because SAYS WHO?

Sean Spicer’s Press Briefing Went Well Today

Putin, Trump And Dumb Devin Nunes Agree: Russia-Obsessed Democrats Just BIG STUPID SORE LOSERS

You Want Trump-Russia Investigation Updates? We Have Trump-Russia Investigation Updates! YOU CLICK HERE NOW.

June: Donald Trump and Jeff Sessions are HAVING A FIGHT! Trump is under investigation! Also, #ComeyDay!

‘Recused’ Shitweasel Devin Nunes Will Obstruct Justice For Trump If It’s The Last Thing He Does!

Oh Fiddlesticks, Did Jeff Sessions Do Even More Perjury About Russian Contacts Than We Thought?

Is President Steve Bannon The REAL White House Leaker? MAAAAAYBE!

At Least Vladimir Putin Didn’t Accuse Megyn Kelly Of Bleeding From Her Wherever

The Intercept Breaks Huge Russian Hacking Story, For Glenn Greenwald To Shit On

Donald Trump’s Bein’ Downright UGLY To Sweet, Gentle, Kind-Hearted Bigot Jeff Sessions!

RACHEL MADDOW NOT POISONED BY RUSSIA! (Not That We Were Worried About That Or Anything)

Looks Like Trump Obstructed ALL THE JUSTICE, KATIE! (Your Senate Intel Committee Live-Stream!)

Today’s Hearings: Senators Go HULK SMASH At Zip-Lipped Intel Chiefs Refusing To Give Up The Precious

Let’s Read James Comey’s Opening Testimony And Learn What A Pig Trump Really Is!

HAPPY COMEY DAY! Let’s Liveblog Story Time With Uncle Jim!

Idiot Trump Lawyer (And Alex Jones!) NAILS James Comey For Leaking *Unclassified* Information. LOL!

Trump Declares Victory Over Comey By Squealing ‘I’M GONNA SUE!’

Let’s Liveblog Trump’s Day After Comey Day News Conference, About James Comey!

Newt Gingrich FURIOUS Special Prosecutor Is Hiring Best People. Here’s Some Idiots Instead!

Jeff Sessions To Come Clean With Senate Intel Committee, By Not Answering Any Questions

There. Are. No. God. Damn. Trump. Comey. Tapes. (Unless There Are, In Which Case There Are!)

Is Donald Trump Fuckin’ Stupid Enough To Fire Robert Mueller? OF COURSE HE IS.

Hey Jeff Sessions, You Feeling Perjury-Tastic Today? A Liveblog!

Keep Fucking With Kamala Harris, Boys. You’re Making Her Stronger.

Will Trump Fire Robert Mueller? Find Out On Next Week’s ‘Celebrity Apprentice’!

Oh Hey, Donald Trump! You Are Under Investigation For Being A Dumb Justice-Obstructing Dick!

What In The Hell Is Rod Rosenstein Flapping His Yap About?

Dianne Feinstein Ready To Fuck Donald Trump The Fuck Up

Trump Lawyer Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who Hires Lawyer Who

Donald Trump Not Under Investigation Yes He Is No He Isn’t GO FUCK YOURSELF SHUT UP

Devin Nunes Not Recused From Trump-Russia Investigation, HE’S JUST ON A BREAK!

Is Trump CIA Director Mike Pompeo A Dirty, Dirty Boy? We Are Just Asking!

Obama’s Homeland Security Chief Says Russia Fucked Us HARD, Y’all

For Trump, Russia Investigation Is A Laser Pointer, And He’s An Obsessed Pussy

Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Obama’s Response To Russia Election Attack

Oh My God, Convicted Felon Dinesh D’Souza Really IS That Stupid

Fox News Idiots Pretty Sure It’s Cool If Trump Crimes With Russia

How Many Countries Helped Trump Steal 2016 Election? Sean Spicer Says ALL OF THEM KATIE

Trump Achieves Best Boner In Years Over CNN’s Russia Story Fuckup

James O’Keefe Releases EXCLUSIVE Video Of CNN Cleaning Lady Saying Trump-Russia Stories Are ‘Bullshit’

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Got Her Ass Handed To Her, And It Was Glorious

Paul Manafort Suddenly Remembers He’s A Foreign Agent For ‘Not America’

Michael Flynn’s Dead Friend Tried To Get Hillary’s Whitey Tape From Russia, Because He Was Stupid


Russian Ambassador Having A Sad, Because He Misses His Trump Traitor Friends :(

Robert Mueller Hires World’s Most Badass Lawyer For Trump-Russia Team. Again. Wonder Why!

Rachel Maddow Not Falling For Dumbass Trump-Russia Forgeries, So Don’t Even Fucking Try

Trump Goes Over Two Hours With Putin Before Blowing Load (Allegedly!)

Donald Trump Jr. Tried To Collude With Sexxxy Russian Lady, But He Couldn’t Get There

Trump Rage-Bitching About James Comey Again, Because ‘Fox & Friends’ Told Him To

Republicans Pretty Sure Donald Trump Jr. Not Supposed To Talk To Russian Strangers

Trump Jr. Only Met With Russian Chick Because Russia Wanted To Help His Dad. Is That Bad?

Donald Trump Jr. Tweets Russian Emails To Show What A Guilty Fuck He Is

Trump Russian Pee Tape Threat Level Raised To Code Yellow

Dumbass Donald Trump Jr. Better Hope There Aren’t Any Tapes Of His Russian Conspiracy Meeting!

Oh Go Fuck Yourself, Kayleigh McEnany

Eric Trump Promoted To Second Dumbest Trump Offspring

Russian Government Hasn’t STFU About Trump’s Associates Since 2015

Trump Knows Who To Blame For Dumbass Junior’s Russian Crimes, And It Is Barack Obama

Trump’s (ALLEGEDLY!) Drunky Lawyer Seems Nice

How Many Goddamn Russian Spies Came To Trump Junior’s Russian Conspiracy Meeting?

Trump Junior’s (New) Russian Spy? Just A Russian Hacker. TOTALLY NORMAL!

The Trump-Russia Conspiracy Is Getting Weird, Y’all. A HOLY SHIT Investigation Into WHAT THE FUCK?

Trump Junior’s Russian Conspiracy Meeting Was Total Fucking Clown Car, Apparently

Idiot Trump Lawyer Incredibly Good At Stepping On Own Dick Repeatedly

Sean Spicer Awakens From Beautiful Dream Where Trump Jr. Never Conspired With Russia

We Think We’re Starting To Get Why Russia Wanted To Do Sexxx Conspiracies With Gross Donald Trump Jr.

Trump Had Secret G20 Threesome With Putin And Kremlin Translator

Inconsolable Donald Trump Jr. Wishes Daddy Wouldn’t Be President No More!

No For Real Trump’s New York Times Interview Is Literally Fucking Bonkers (Part Deux!)

Senate Wants Trump Jr. And Paul Manafort To Testify About Every Russian They’ve Ever Met (And JILL STEIN?!)

Robert Mueller ALL UP In Donald Trump’s Business. (Literally! His Russian Money Business!)

Sweet Baby Jesus, Donald Trump Is Spooked!

GOP Congressman From Moscow Still GOP Congressman From Moscow

Jared Kushner Innocent Of All Russian Crimes, According To Jared Kushner

Jason Chaffetz Wishes Congress Would Ask Chelsea Clinton Why She Did Benghazi

GOP FIGHT! Richard Burr Says Devin Nunes Is Total Dumbfuck Who Makes Shit Up

Trump Maybe About To Shoot Jeff Sessions In Middle Of Fifth Avenue

Trump DOJ Nominee Represented Russian Bank In Pee Hooker Dossier, Totally Normal

GOP Senators Gonna Dick-Slap The Hell Outta Trump If He Fires Jeff Sessions

Trump Caught Between Russian Sanctions And A Pee Tape (ALLEGEDLY)

GOP Pretty Sure Trump-Russia Conspiracy Is Russian Conspiracy To Make Us Believe In Trump-Russia Conspiracy

Jill Stein Steps On Own Dick For Two Solid Minutes, And It Is BREATHTAKING

Will Trump Fire General John Kelly For Being Gay For James Comey?


How about 'I resign?' No reason, just checking.

Trump Personally Made Up All Junior’s Dumb Russian Lies, Isn’t That Shocking?

Trump Signs Russian Sanctions With Tiny Fingers Crossed Behind His Back

Lo, Unto Us A Robert Mueller Trump-Russia Grand Jury Is Born!

Sounds Like All James Comey’s FBI Buddies Have #TrumpSecrets To Tell Robert Mueller!

Oh Go Fuck Yourself, Glenn Greenwald

Nikki Haley Wishes Y’all Wouldn’t Discuss Classified Intel Trump’s Blabbing About On Twitter

Is Trump Trying To Grab Robert Mueller By The Pussy And Take Him Furniture Shopping?

Robert Mueller To Paul Manafort: Knock Knock, Motherfucker!

Is Shitweasel Rep. Devin Nunes Sending GOP Staffers To England To Harass Christopher Steele?

Even Fox News Idiots Like ‘WHOA IF TRUE’ After Paul Manafort’s Late Night FBI Panty Raid

Trump Thanks Putin For Spanking America, Asks Him To Do It Harder

Trump-Russia Investigation EXPOSED AS HOAX, Because Let This One Wingnut Explain You Why

Chuck C. Johnson, Julian Assange, And Dana Rohrabacher Walk Into A Bar, Because WHAT EVEN THE FUCK?

Trump Thinks His BEST FRIEND Mitch McConnell Will Obstruct Justice For Him? Good Plan, Dumbass

Another Trump Staffer Sending Weird Russian Emails? YOU DON’T SAY.

Mike Pompeo Running CIA From Warm, Safe Office Inside Donald Trump’s Butt

Guess What, Michael Flynn And Paul Manafort! Robert Mueller Is Literally IN YOUR ASS.

Trump Russian Buddy Bragged About Using Russia To Elect Trump. TOTALLY NORMAL.

Is This Weird-Ass Moscow Trump Tower Thing The Key To The Whole Damn Trump-Russia Conspiracy?

Dana Rohrabacher Ready To Dead-Drop Julian Assange’s Love Notes Into Donald Trump’s Pants

Uh Oh, Paul Manafort, Where’s Your God NOW?

Trump And Chuck Grassley Definitely Phone-Sexing About Corn And Not Trump Jr.’s Coming Senate Grilling. FOR SURE.

Dumbfuck Tomi Lahren Fitting In Quite Nicely With Rest Of Fox News Dumbfucks

BREAKING: Manafort’s Notes From Russian Spy Meeting Are Real And They Are SPECTACULAR

September: Robert Mueller just keeps on chugging along!

Is Robert Mueller Wiping His Ass With Trump’s Tax Returns RIGHT NOW? Sure, Maybe!

SCANDAL! Comey Rigged Hillary Investigation Before She Could Even Confess To Aggravated Emailing!

’10 Things I Hate About James Comey’: A Sad, Stupid Letter From Donald J. Trump

Russian Wingnut Knows What Time It Is, And It Is Trump Pee Tape O’ Clock!

How Is Trey Gowdy Fucking The Republic Today?

Should Facebook Go The Fuck To Jail For Helping Russia Elect Trump President? Or For Just Being Facebook In General?

Donald Trump Jr.’s TOP THREE New Excuses For Russian Spy Meeting, With Love!

Holy Shit, Just How Much Did Donald Trump Jr. Lie To The Senate Today?

Alex Jones Knows ‘Deep State’ Roofies Trump’s Diet Cokes, But SHHHH THEY’LL MURDER HIM IF YOU TELL

Russia All Up In Trump Racists’ Facebooks, Inviting Them To Racism Sex Orgies!

What In Goshdarn Tarnation Is About To Drop In The Trump-Russia Investigation?

Michael Flynn’s #PizzaGate Loving Idiot Son In Big Trouble With Robert Mueller, Mister!

Trey Gowdy Refuses To Put Obama NSA Susan Rice In Jail For Crime Of Doing Her Fucking Job

Breaking! Trump Made ‘Idiot’ Jeff Sessions Commit Hara-Kiri, But He Got Better

Jesus, Facebook, Does Russia Have A Pee Tape Of You Too?

Oh, Jared Kushner Did ‘Private Emails,’ Just Like Hillary Clinton? You Don’t Fucking Say

How Is Facebook Breaking America For Trump And Russia Today?

Jared Kushner’s Lawyer Can’t Wait To Fap To Jared’s* NAKED LEGO PORN EMAILS (*Not Jared’s)

Jared Kushner Is A Complete Dipshit, And His Lawyer Isn’t Far Behind

Sen. Mark Warner Ready To Cock-Punch Twitter For Helping Russia Bone Our Election

October: GO TO JAIL, PAUL MANAFORT. Maybe Jared And Ivanka Too?

Jared And Ivanka Need To Delete Their Goddamned Accounts. Literally!

Senate Intel Committee: Trump-Russia Investigation Will Be Over When It’s Over, So GTFO

Jared And Ivanka Poor Now, Please Send GoFundMe Bucks ASAP

Robert Mueller Showing Russian Hookers Pics Of Trump, Asking ‘Have You Peed On This Man?’

Robert Mueller And Trump-Russia Dossier Spy Boyfriends Now, JUST LIKE WONKETTE SAID

Trump-Russia Dumbass Carter Page Saying The Quiet Parts Loud Again, Bless His Stupid Heart

Trump Slut Devin Nunes Rubbing Dick All Over Russia Probe Again

Do Republicans Hate The Trump Pee Hooker Dossier Because It’s TOO TRUE?

Is The Dumbass You’re Fighting With In The Comments Just A Dumbass? OR IS IT A RUSSIAN DUMBASS?

Trump Campaign Knucklefucks Only Retweeted Hottest Russian Trolls On Twitter

Al Franken Kicks Jeff Sessions In Nuts While Whole World Points And Laughs

Trey Gowdy Is A Dick Again, And Other Late Breaking Trump-Russia News!

Why The Fuck Did The State Department Just Ban Putin’s Arch-Nemesis From America?

Putin’s Arch-Nemesis Allowed To Come To America Again, Because SUCK IT, PUTIN!

Trey Gowdy And Devin Nunes Flooding Earth With Jizz Over New Hillary Investigations


Which Committee Is Blowing Goats Instead Of Investigating Trump-Russia Today?

Are These The Three Dumbest Fucking Reactions To The Trump-Russia Dossier News? Sure Why Not.

Here’s All The Hottest Russia Investigation News, None Of Which Is About Hillary’s Uranium

Robert Mueller Ready To Throw Somebody In Fucking JAIL, Y’ALL!

Good Morning, Paul Manafort! You Are In Jail!



Oh No, Sean Hannity Shit His Pants

Is George Papadopoulos The REAL Trump Pee Tape? WHOA IF TRUE!


Paul Manafort Has Three Passports, Couple Of Visas, Don’t Even Know His Real Name

Everybody In White House (Including Trump!) Hates Jared Kushner And His Stupid Shit-Mouthed Face

Trump Tells Maggie Haberman To Say He’s Not Mad And She’s Like ‘OK BOSS!’

Trump USDA Idiot Sam Clovis Pulling Out To Spend More Time With Robert Mueller

Dadgummit, Did Jeff Sessions Fuck Himself With The Perjury Stick Again?

Robert Mueller Ready To Throw Michael Flynn And His Pizzagate-Loving Idiot Son IN JAIL

Jared Kushner: Oh, THAT Russian Money? I Didn’t Know You Meant THAT Russian Money!

Let’s Read Carter Page’s Batshit Testimony Together, While Wonkette Liveblogs It!

Trump Sends Crazy Uncle Bill To Tell CIA How Chemtrails Hacked Our Election

Corey Lewandowski Forgot He Signed Carter Page’s Russia Trip Permission Slip, But Now He Remembers!

Did Russian Pee Hookers Tinkle For Trump While His Bodyguard Was Sleeping? JUST ASKING!

LOL Michael Flynn Is So Fucked

How Many Former Intel Chiefs Called Trump Putin’s Buttboy This Weekend? ALL OF THEM, KATIE

Donald Trump Jr. Seems Pretty Darn Proud Of His Russian WikiLeaks Sexts!

Hey Jeff Sessions! Gonna Do Perjuries To Congress Today? Let’s Liveblog And Find Out!

Fox News Reveals TRUTH About Hillary Uranium Story, And It Is … Oh It’s Bullshit, Shep? Thanks!

Trump Dossier Spy Christopher Steele: Sorry, A-Holes, But My Shit Is True

Carter Page Clearly Just Going For Insanity Defense Now

The Intercept Knows Breaking Up With Julian Assange Is For The Best, But It Still Hurts :(

They Wanted ALL YOUR RUSSIAN EMAILS, Jared Kushner, You Slimy Fuck

Happy Thanksgiving, Donald Trump! Ready For Robert Mueller To Stuff Your Turkey?

That Time Russians Tried To Hit Up The Trump Campaign But Jared Accidentally Hit The ‘Fuck You’ Button

Paul Manafort Sprung From House-Jail For Thanksgiving! FYI, BORDER PATROL.

Look, America, Trump Is Being Putin’s Fuck Toy Again!

But Michael Flynn’s Russian Uraniums!

Did Robert Mueller Send James Woolsey To Cross Streams With Trump At Mar-A-Lago? We Are Just Asking!

Should Robert Mueller Put Erik Prince In Jail For Trump-Russia Crimes? Yes Or OH FUCK YES?

Robert Mueller Went To Jared!

December: YOU’RE FUCKED, MICHAEL FLYNN! FUCKED, WE SAY! Also, those FBI people sexted each other! And Robert Mueller is the devil! INPEACH!

White House So Mad Nobody (Sally Yates) Told Them Michael Flynn Was Bad (Sally Yates Told Them)

Trump Only Obstructed Justice In Russia Probe A Bunch Of Other Times, Allegedly

Trump Idiot Lawyer John Dowd Pretty Sure King Trump Doesn’t Have To Follow ‘Laws’

Robert Mueller Following The Dirty Russian Money All The Way Up Donald Trump’s Ass


Carter Page, We Found You A Girlfriend

Michael Flynn’s Grift To Steal Middle East For Russia (And Himself!) Would Make Sarah Palin Blush

Trey Gowdy, Man Who Conducted Eighth Benghazi Investigation, Says Top Dem Is The Real Benghazi

Erik Prince Congressional Testimony Conclusively Proves He’s Full-Of-Shit, Also An Asshole

Fox News And GOP Expose Robert Mueller As Kenyan Obama Gay From Hillary-Town, It Is Just So Obvious

But Donald Trump Jr.’s Russian Emails! Dear LORD, His Fuckin’ Russian Emails!

How Is Robert Mueller The Literal Devil Today?

Fired Robert Mueller Investigator Thinks Trump Is Fuckin’ Idiot, Like All Patriotic Americans

Look At These Fucking GOP Idiots Begging Trump To Fire Robert Mueller

Washington Post Says Trump’s Hard-On For Russia Has Fucked America BIGLY

Mike Huckabee So Mad Fired Mueller FBI Guy Did LITERAL COUP To Trump, By Sexting

WHO’S LEAKING THE SEXTS? WHO’S LEAKING THE SEXTS? Oh, It’s Just The Trump Justice Department Again

THIS IS SERIOUS. Rep. Adam Schiff Just Hit The ‘OH FUCK!’ Button

That Motherfucker Trump Is Probably Going To Ruin Christmas, So Get Ready, America!

FBI Told Trump The Russians Were Coming Way Back In 2016, And He Was Like ‘YAY!’

Robert Mueller Will Investigate Donald Trump UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES

Jill Stein Under Investigation Now, Probably For Being Too Right

Hey Devin Nunes, Is It Comfy Up There Inside Donald Trump’s Butt?

Sean Hannity Steps On Dick And Eats It: A Play In One Very Short Act

What Did Trump Know, And When Did He Grab It By The Pussy?

Holy shit, we are tired from pasting all that. Now get to reading! We really could turn this into a book, couldn’t we? Evan Hurst ‘SPLAINS YOU RUSSIA With One Million Dick Jokes!

OK, post over, goodbye, happy New Year, etc.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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  • jesterpunk
  • Gayer Than Thou

    The upshot of all of this is that when I visit gay blogs I get targeted ads for services offering to introduce me to Russian ladies who are looking to get married. That’s pretty much my 2017 in a nutshell.

    • msanthropesmr

      I get them too – they go to my spam box.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wow. I guess The Gay Agenda is much different than I supposed.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Well, they have the targeting wrong, as I get the Russian men looking for relationships. Mrs Land Shark finds this highly amusing.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    Just looking at the scale of this list from a bunch of dick joke connoisseurs I can only imagine what Mueller has.

    • theCryptofishist

      How does he even wrap his head around his knowledge?

      • GreenGoldSharpie

        He has a thumb drive.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Thumb screw, too, one hopes.

      • SayItWithWookies

        I think it must give him a sense of urgency every morning knowing that if he doesn’t do something about the Russia thing, America’s next line of defense is Devin Nunes.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I imagine living this shit every single day of the week makes it easy to assimilate. Practically osmosis.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Bob visits this site frequently, so… AOT,K?

  • msanthropesmr
    • Gayer Than Thou

      Who could have predicted that it would be unwise to trash the reputation of the nation’s law enforcement/investigative agency while they are investigating you?

      • msanthropesmr

        I say more power to Cheetolini – keep on fucking with the intelligence services.

  • msanthropesmr

    So what you’re saying is.
    Russia *may* have had something to do with Cheeto Benito being elected.
    I’ve never thought of that possibility.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I’ve heard whispered rumors of such a thing …

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Serious question: why didn’t we start calling them Jiffy Pop and Jared?

    • msanthropesmr

      Jiffy pop is tasty

      • TundraGrifter

        “Jiffy Pop” – gets hot in a second but proves disappointing as it is nothing but sugar and a little fat. Half an hour after eating it your stomach hurts.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Ivanka? Is that you?

    • msanthropesmr

      Jesus, I just looked at the fit on that suit.

      If I had more money than god, I’d certainly spring for a decent tailor.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Right? The tux I rented for prom fit better.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        And get a valet. Seriously, could Mom not tie his bowtie any better than that?

      • If I had that kind of money I’d give it out

        • msanthropesmr

          That too.

      • harryr

        He has buttoned it wrong as well. It should be both buttons or the lower one. You leave the bottom button undone on a waistcoat, not a dinner jacket.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Just trying to fit in with the wife’s relatives. It’s a family trait among the men. The women, of course, have to look perfect at all times.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not fair! Fake news! You cropped out the mirror bit where we see that he’s groping her ass like a common trump.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “Close your eyes and think of Ottawa”

    • Because communicating in bizarre you-had-to-be-there nicknames is not communicating at all
      You ever go to a comments section with right-wing nutjobs in it? It’s all about Bung and Cank and Moo and god knows what the fuck they’re talking about. Circle jerk long enough and you’re just covered in sticky filth

    • therblig

      i’ll settle for their inmate numbers

    • House0fTheBlueLights
      • JohnBull

        Only a Republican thinks the girl on the right deserves even MORE than what she has now. Because they fucking voted that way.

      • Gayer Than Thou


  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    That’s…a lot. Like, a book’s worth. In one year.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Back home in the Appalachians, April might be a nice month, with the first little flowers raising their pretty heads, or it might be a snowy nightmare. You just never know. On Maui, at the Garden of Eden, summer never seems to end.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Show off! Also too, I’m jealous. Happy new year!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Happy New Year!

    • Raan

      In Florida, it’s either delightfully pleasant or a sticky, sweaty mess.

    • OutOfOrbit

      sure, rub it in, bitch. gonna be 19 below F(ucked) here tonight. we’re talkin pants-on cold now with -35 windchill & my balls ain’t that fuzzy (*i know shut up*)

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Call me bitch again, and see how much longer you have to worry about your balls.

        • OutOfOrbit

          took a long time to find this but I just had to. i was joshing when i said the b-word at you — some of us here were discussing the miserable freezing cold (where we were) when you popped up with pix if your Garden of Eden. none of us (especially I) took that as a serious taunt. Well i was in that same [not-serious taunt] frame of mind when I used the b-word at you.
          There at the very end i wrote : *i know shut up* — what that was suppose to mean is, “I know, ‘Shut up, you’ ” [i.e. you to me]

          I said I was sorry, and I meant it
          that is all
          over & out

    • janecita

      Happy New Year! I’m really happy that your year ended on an awesome note:-) Did you guys pick a date for the wedding?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Thank you, Janecita! We are gonna get married at the courthouse, no big wedding for me, so one day, we will just up and do it. Maybe when my Mom and niece are here in May or June.

        • janecita

          That’s the right way to do it. Weddings are way too expensive.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    That list was so long and throbbing with news, I began furiously Wonkerbating.

  • BadKitty904
  • jesterpunk

    Well Ben woke up for a few minutes to try and screw more people over but the judge told him to fuck off.

    The Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) needs to implement an Obama-era rule on January 1, 2018 that enables low-income people to afford housing in high-opportunity areas with better schools, a federal judge ordered Saturday.

    Under the leadership of Secretary Ben Carson, HUD announced in August it was delaying the rule for two years, saying the agency needed to further evaluate it. Several civil rights organizations — including the Legal Defense Fund — immediately filed a lawsuit against the agency’s decision. Chief Judge Beryl A. Howell ruled against HUD Saturday evening, saying it did not provide “notice and comment or particularized evidentiary findings” to substantiate delaying the rule.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I hate that fucking, “not in my backyard” shit.

      • I hate shit coming in my backyard tho
        Stuff I don’t want
        Fuck it
        Not in my backyard

        Some asshole took a piss next to my window once

      • jesterpunk

        Yeah I do too, its a bunch of bullshit and its normally the so called Christians on the right pulling that shit.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          I was especially repulsed by the pro-life crowd standing on the border screaming, “Not my child, not my problem.” I know that discussion is for another day, but it’s disheartening to know that these people are too stupid and too bigoted to understand why those refugees are exactly our problem and they don’t know or care about what we did that created those horrible conditions in South and Central America.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Raan

      Of all the things I don’t care about, this is on the list.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        How the ultra-wealthy show off through their wives, the obscene amount of money spent on fashion (and on never wearing the same thing twice) plus the way they use that to promote consumerism is actually something you should care about, if only to fight against it.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I know one accessory she should dispose of.

    • I’m just gonna assume this is not real since that’s clearly a parody account

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      So she has a minimum of $100,000 worth of coats. Can’t say she isn’t rocking them, and she seems so much more relaxed and personable when not with Donald, and I really wish I could just like her. And then I realize that she owns a minimum of $100 fucking K in coats.

  • Me not sure
    • The Wanderer

      “You ate it, Ralph.”

  • little miss high and mighty

    Annus Miserablis (sp) is over in < 2 hours here, so we suffer a little less than youall
    Hope the 2018 thing is better than thatother one just past which shall go unmentioned now forever)
    Welll another fun tour of the nonexistent comments and an try again to reach out with our patented greeting:

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Anus Miserablis? I think he’s still alive, but he’s getting biglier and more full of cholesterol than ever.

      • little miss high and mighty

        was going for the half pun :)
        Hope you have a happier new year
        unlike that other one-dying its well deserved death shortly.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Thanx, you too :)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Trucks can no longer hide him, and he’s had to resort to trees.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Happy New Year, Evan – thanks for your efforts to keep us all relatively sane. I wish you and yours a wonderful 2018 *clink*

    • BadKitty904

      And to Lula, too. Also.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        .. and throw the damn squeaky chicken for her, will ya?

  • BadKitty904
  • Msgr_MΩment

    I’m only halfway through rereading all the linky thingies. Somebody help a fella out with the spoilers, maybe?

    • msanthropesmr

      No collusion, no collusion – you’re the collusion.

    • jesterpunk

      No Russia, No Russia, You’re Russia. Also if Russia is real its Obama’s fault.

    • BadKitty904

      The Republican Party betrayed and is betraying the United States of America.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Pithy, accurate.

    • Raan

      They’re about 2/3rds of the way to fucked.

    • Nounverb911

      The butler didn’t do it this time.

      • He’s too busy buttling

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          “I see it all now. You and the upstairs maid. ‘Do the old boy in,’ you said. ‘Elderberry wine and old lace,’ you said. And then, ‘the quick getaway,’ you said! Rio di Janeiro, tropical nights, romance and a heavy bank account!”

      • Hesavebread!

        I can’t believe it’s not Butler!

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Butler emails!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Trump is a Russian asset. Everyone who works for him is a Russian asset, with the possible exception of Ivanka, who is thinking about a nice line of underwear to sell in Azerbaijan.

  • msanthropesmr

    I thought that the Russian puppet would be more lifelike somehow.

  • Me not sure

    Wife and I are spending New Years eve in Nashville. I don’t know what the fuck they drop here at midnight, but I’ll just be happy if it doesn’t fall on us. Happy New Year, all.

    • Raan

      The Wigsphere.

      Oh, wait. That’s Knoxville.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      They drop a four-hundred-dollar hand-stitched cowboy boot. On your head.

      • msanthropesmr

        Four hundred dollar? You’ve not priced bespoke cowboy boots before, have ya?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          My price point is more like B-spoke*

          *Made in Taiwan.

      • Me not sure

        In Key West it’s a drag queen named Sushi in a high heel.

      • The Wanderer

        And one for Jenny and the Wimp?

    • Holiday Bozi

      Broadway will be crazy. Dress warm!

      • Me not sure

        It’s 25°C and dropping like a rock. 14° is the expected low.

  • TJ Barke

    Protip, MAGAts that think Russia helping you install more MAGAts is great, they aren’t picking them because they think they’ll be good for America…

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I made it down about 35-40 headlines before I realized you were doing it month by month and I was only on MARCH. fml

    • Raan

      There’s a lot of conspiracy.

    • Do you not remember that period when Hayes, Rachel, Lawrence and all the Late night people had to chuck their scripts at 10 minutes to showtime for like 4 days a week for a month or so?

  • Nounverb911
  • msanthropesmr
    • Raan

      Jesus, that’s not even Nexus-6 level emotive capability.

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • BadKitty904

    OT: Well, at least Republicans are consistent…

    Embattled Lawmaker Ordered to Stay Away from Students

    OLYMPIA, Wash. (AP) — Central Washington University records show a state lawmaker who is also a professor has been barred from contacting past or present students while the school investigates allegations of sexual harassment against him.

    The News Tribune, The Olympian and Northwest News Network reported Friday that university officials didn’t offer details when they previously said they were looking into accusations of inappropriate conduct against Republican Rep. Matt Manweller of Ellensburg.

    The latest investigation comes as Manweller faces a backlash over previous allegations of inappropriate behavior and accusations of sexual harassment from students and young women.

  • Kryptonian Canis

    Holy shit, that nothingburger has about a billion calories of Russian dressing all over it.

  • OrG

    Boy,that sure is a shitload of Fake News.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Only the finest!

  • SayItWithWookies

    I just lived through that? Shit, I feel like there ought to be a Red Cross nurse to put a blanket around me and give me a cup of hot cocoa.

    • msanthropesmr

      I’m not sure I’d call parts of it living. Surviving, perhaps.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Though some of the survivors likely envy the dead.

    • Werewolf

      I kinda feel like one of the British soldiers on the ship in “Dunkirk”-getting blankets, hot tea and jam sandwiches-and then the torpedo hits.

  • Lyly Sirivong
  • Kiri the Unicorn

    Dotard hit a new level of laughably pathetic very early on, in his first interview after the inauguration:

    Later in the interview, Muir asked the president about the hundreds of thousands of people who gathered in major cities and red-state towns across the country on Saturday to voice their opposition to his presidency. Trump admitted that the crowds were “large,” but then argued that an antiabortion march scheduled for Friday is also expecting a large crowd.

    “You will have a very large crowd of people. I don’t know, as large or larger — some people say it’s going to be larger,” Trump said.

    Muir cut him off: “I don’t want to compare crowd sizes again.”

    But Trump did. As the two toured Trump’s new home, the president stopped in front of a framed photo of his inauguration crowd.

    “Here’s a picture of the crowd,” the president explained. “Now, the audience was the biggest ever, but this crowd was massive. Look how far back it goes. This crowd was massive. And I would actually take that camera and take your time [scanning the crowd] if you want to know the truth.”

    Then the president took Muir to see another image, a panoramic photo by a local artist who has taken the exact same shot at each inauguration since Reagan was in office. (The other years were not presented for contrast.)

    “One thing this shows is how far over they go here,” Trump said, walking up close to the print and pointing as he spoke. “Look. Look how far this is. This goes all the way down here. All the way down. Nobody sees that. You don’t see that in the pictures. But when you look at this tremendous sea of love — I call it a sea of love. It’s really something special, that all these people traveled here from all parts of the country, maybe the world, but all parts of the country. Hard for them to get here. Many of these people were the forgotten men and women, many of them. And they loved what I had to say. More importantly, they’re going to love the result.”

  • Michael R
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • janecita

      “Only at the White House grift shop.”

  • Michael R

    Who wants to be the first Wonketeer to get a Vegan Baby Butthole tattoo ?

    • BosGrl

      Dear God, WHY?

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Don’t temp me. I’ve got a credit at my favorite shop and I’m sure I could hide something naughty in my current design.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    “Your Boyfriend Emmanuel Macron Just Got Up In Putin’s Grill Like ‘YEAH BRO, WHAT YOU GONNA DO?”

    Ah, Jupiter Macron, our other favorite Francophone sexxxy boyfriend. A lot more direct in his trolling of Darth Cheddar and Emperor Vlad Poutine than Jedi Justin, but just as adept. You can’t get much more “fuck vous, climate denier” than being bigly good with the cyber and opening a website called Make Our Planet Great Again. Then opening the door for a brain drain of US climate scientists to come and do Earth work in France.

    ‘Memba this? I ‘memba!

    Then the dotard cancelled the Paris Agreement despite not knowing what the fuck it was, just that he wanted to punish Paris for Macron having a manlier handshake and because the coal-rolling base really are immature little boys swinging their dicks. Which prompted fake-news Time magazine to declare Macron the next leader of the free world.

    Non marionette. Non marionette. Vous êtes la marionnette.

    • jesterpunk

      coal-rolling base really are immature little boys swinging their dicks.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Little boys with bigly imaginations.

  • Resistor Radio

    Is this the longest Wonkette post ever?

    • jesterpunk

      Its long enough to mess up disqus more then it normally is.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • SayItWithWookies

      I would’ve thought that the emails and accounts about the meeting in Trump Tower with the Russian agents, Don Jr., Manafort and Kushner, that Jr. presented as some sort of exculpatory evidence (someone should tell him what that means) would be enough of a smoking gun. I’m just waiting for more indictments at this point.

  • jesterpunk
  • Lyly Sirivong

    TV reminded me that 2018 is Olympic year, so it’s going to be even more Russian than 2017. Also, presidential election !

  • BadKitty904
  • memzilla Ω

    The part I like is where Robert Mueller is using Dolt 45 & Company’s own tax returns as a kind of AAA TripTik to ALL THE TREASON. Which, to be clear, fits into three main categories:

    1. Operating as a laundromat for Russian mob/oligarch money since 1987.
    2. Conspiring with Russia to rig the 2016 election.
    3. Obstructing justice by attempting to cover up items 1 and 2.

    Twitler’s treason began in the late ’80s when no one would lend him money except Deutschebank, which was already laundering Russian mob money and introduced Twitler to it (for the fees). And then the murders began.

    The next biography of Drumpf should be titled THIRTY YEARS OF TREASON.

    • BadKitty904

      That was very succinct, Mem. Thank you.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Make America “The Americans” Again

    • Phried Ω

      and lots and lots of fraud.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Yep, that’s it. Somehow NBC became complicit with that atrocious tv show.

  • Rick Hill

    Jeebus! So much red lettering, my monitor ran out of red pixels. Btw, so many twists and turns, everyone KNOWS who’s going to be found to be at the bottom of this: Barack Hussein Obama, that’s who.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I thought it was Hillary Clinton, in the pizza parlor, with the Putin buttplug.

      • Rick Hill

        HIllary is only a 3d chess master, this is some 12th dimension shit

    • SayItWithWookies

      If only we had listened to Vince Foster.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      My money was on Hillary.

  • gallbladder

    I fucking LOVE this place: The articles really ARE coming out every hour!

  • janecita

    I love decorating for Christmas, and I love getting rid of all the Christmas decorations before New Year’s Eve. My house looks normal again.

    • gallbladder

      “Normal.” I hope we all fucking get there soon.

      • Snowbound Ron

        I hope somebody remembers what it’s like so they can remind the rest of us.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      My tradition is taking them down on New Years Day while I sort of watch the Rose Parade on TV. Also share the last of the canned whip cream with Elderly Senile Cat. He knows that sound

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      My tradition has become taking them down when my daughters go back to college (they’re the ones who decorate, and it often doesn’t happen until Christmas Eve day).
      I love them both dearly, but I also love when I get my house back, period, let alone when it gets back to its normal non-Christmas look.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      We leave them up all year long. Mostly figurines and such in an old fashioned style on beams that we would need a ladder to move so we leave them.

  • The Wanderer

    Will there be a Deleted Comment for 2017?

    • Resistor Radio

      I have self-deleted a number of my own embarrassing drunken comments in 2017, did you mean like one of those?

      • The Wanderer

        Hee! No, but there have to be quite a few Shite-head Revisited troll posts that could bear looking back on and giggling at.

        • Resistor Radio

          I agree, it’s often fun to revisit those, we all have a nice giggle-bond, and folks who mighta missed it the first time will get why I like to say “filly mouth” and/or other cute typo-trollisms.

      • puredog

        If you were embarrassed, you obviously were still too sober.

        • Resistor Radio

          Next morning’s shame!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Does Evan have to do the Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year? I wouldn’t want that job this year.

  • BadKitty904
    • gallbladder

      Par none.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Are we OT yet? If so, this isn’t my team but I have to give this guy respect (and #44 also too of course):

  • jesterpunk
    • gallbladder


  • jesterpunk
    • gallbladder

      That and, “Get the fuck out!”

  • memzilla Ω

    Favorite video of 2017:

    • gallbladder

      I want to see that hag taken away, by any means possible.

    • ManchuCandidate

      I have a feeling Layla will be played.

    • Snowbound Ron

      This deserves the Oscar.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      The 3 best parts: Comey’s satisfied smile, Kellyanne talking, talking, talking, as they take her away, and Ivankas enigmatic smile as Jared is hauled off.

  • jesterpunk
  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    And in alternate history news:

    Trump tells voters not to hand Congress over to Democrats because “They will totally kill the great wealth I created”

    Well, technically he did create wealth. For people who already had —

    — but for the rest of us? A wealth of headaches.

    • BadKitty904

      They will totally kill the great wealth I created for myself, for Republican Congressmen, and for the 1%.


      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        …and for Putin…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I just got a letter from my pension fund letting me know my monthly health premium is going up $76, and my dental is going up $5. Vision, inexplicably, saw no change.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • puredog

      God, I love that performance

    • thanks for that! have not seen in forever.

  • Nockular cavity

    Holy moly, Evan, that’s a lot of Trump-Russia crap.

    Can you sum this up for us, Mr. Goldblum?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻


  • BadKitty904

    OT: Speaking of Republican electoral fuckery…

    Supreme Court to Take Up Ohio’s Purges of Inactive Voters's-move-to-toss-inactive-voters-from-rolls-goes-to-court

    COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — Joseph Helle was expecting a different sort of reception when he returned home from Army tours in Iraq and Afghanistan and showed up to vote in his small Ohio town near Lake Erie.

    His name was missing from the voting rolls in 2011, even though Helle had registered to vote before leaving home at 18 and hadn’t changed his address during his military service.

    Helle, now the mayor of Oak Harbor, Ohio, is among thousands of state residents with tales of being removed from Ohio’s rolls because they didn’t vote in some elections.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      But they’re the party that cares about veterans, right? Unlike those commie Democrats…

      • BadKitty904

        You can die for your country, but you can’t vote in your country unless WE say so.

        ~ The Republican Party

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    OT, but out of curiosity, anyone here have a favorite in any of the afternoon games? I’ve got a work buddy who is a Saints fan, so I’m paying attention to that so I know what mood he’ll be in next time I see him.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Patriots for sentimental reasons. I think they already won though.

      (ducks to avoid incoming shoes)

      • puredog

        Not just shoes. Ty Cobb razor-sharpened cleats.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Ty Cobb’s cleats ain’t that sharp anymore.We seem to have hit the shallow end of the Cobb gene pool.

    • Snowbound Ron

      Is that still going on? Jeez, it’s been weeks, you’d figure they’d’ve sorted it out by now.

    • notaten

      Chargers, even though I unfriended them after the move to LA. The players didn’t want to go, but, greedy owners fuck over the fans again. I would love to see them get a wild card, but I haven’t really been following, so maybe that’s already out with the Jag’s win? Anywho, go Chargers!

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Every Chargers fan I know here thinks they should have stayed in San Diego. I lived in SD briefly and I know that team had a good fan base but a greedy AF owner. Sucks.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      No matter what happens on any given Sunday, we here in Wisconsin always sing, “The Bears Still Suck.”

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Bills won!!!!

  • Daniel

    What of Carter Page’s hat?

  • Rick Hill

    What will be a future tweet?
    “Ok, I’ll plead guilty to all the tax evasion and mob involvement if I can getout of the treason charges.”

    • Snowbound Ron

      He won’t. In his head he KNOWS he’s done nothing wrong. He’ll be proclaiming his innocence until his heart gives out and they bury him out behind the prison in the lime pit.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        He deserves a real voty bullet behind the chemical shed.

  • Snowbound Ron

    Wow. It is REALLY depressing when you see it all together like this.

    • BadKitty904

      Thanks, GOP!!!

  • Rick Hill

    So, in China, or at least the one part of it that I know about, there are things you do and don’t do on New Years. If you clean then what you are doing is symbolically throwing your money out the door, etc. Well, I tried this on Christmas eve but it was too late or just no one listens to me, like lalways. Is it possible that the non comment section of Wonketoria can be a trump free zone? One full day with no mention of trump in here? I’ll make the same pledge I did then, no trump in here for the full day and I’ll pony up 5o Ameros for the Wonk whore diamond and fetus fry fund. Is it something we can do?

    • Rasilom

      Unfortunatly tRump is the stupid that keeps on giving new stupid almost hourly.

      • Rick Hill

        So, it would kill you to talk about something else?

        • Smoke O’Hontas

          I’m with you on this. My resolution is to divest my interests in people and things I can’t change, and focus my energy where it may be useful. Trump shunning, while a great idea, is beyond my control, but wearing out my boots banging on doors to GOTV for dems is worthwhile. No more navel gazing, no more “whatabouts.” One black woman can shimmy up a pole and take down the loser flag. That’s my inspiration.

    • TootsStansbury

      In Italy they throw things out the window if they want to start over new. Anymore and I’ll get the hammer of loving correction.

    • OutOfOrbit

      me always up for talkin vulvatine smoothies

      • Rick Hill

        Anything non drumpf is perfectly fine

    • Phried Ω

      Topic: An English Horn is neither a horn nor English.

      • sarafina

        A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut.

    • puredog

      Trump non-mention: ain’t gonna happen.

      • Rick Hill

        Ok, then. Non trump mention by the regular posters.

    • Zombishroom

      I thought we were supposed to clean so’s not to bring the filth (and all of the bad stuff) into the new year.

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah but you do that before new years

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Ask to have it as a featured post at the top of the non-comments.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance


  • Mehmeisterjr

    Yup. That;s about it.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Ivanka readies for battle with Captain Kirkmueller. It will not go well for her.

    • Ellie

      I always felt sorry for that actress. Her costume makes her look like she’s wearing a diaper.

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        I’m looking at it thinking, how the hell did she keep her boobies flopping out from under that tinfoil? Obvs it was glued to her, cause lamè ain’t gonna do the job all by itself.

  • sosuume
    • amrak63
    • amrak63

      Oh, thanks a fucking HEAP. Now I want to rip out my eyeballs and soak them in Pine-Sol.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I really want to break his thumbs with a large mallet Of votes.

    • Ellie

      That is inaccurate. The toilet is not gold.

  • TootsStansbury

    It’s freezing out but everybody grab a pot and a spoon and chase 2017 the fuck out. Who knows what 2018 will bring? Liberty or death? Or libety or tranny?

  • Smoke O’Hontas

    I’m not the only one who needs a little time off for bad behavior, apparently.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Interestingly enough, I have no desire to relive 2017. Any of it.

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Onward and forward!

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        To Idiocracy and Beyond to the Event Horizon of Derp!

    • Last Hussar

      I need to correct a cockup in October

  • Jamoche

    I really have to thank whoever made the decision to use white groundcover for the inauguration, makes the crowd size really stand out.

  • amrak63

    Let’s not forget the mastermind.

    Yeah, smirk on, Vladdykins.

    You sprang a Virtual Pearl Harbor on us, you magnificent bastard.

    But remember what happened to the nation which sprang the actual Pearl Harbor on us?


    Now they make cars, electronics, and cute schoolgirl cartoons for us.

    We besieged the old regime you worked for into collapse.

    We can do that again.

    Don’t make us kick your ass again, Comrade Beavis.

  • bbayliss
  • HazooToo

    Holy fucking shit, guys. This is a lot.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I was gonna say anything with that many linked-too werds counts as a book. But HFS says that also too.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Jaysis, just scrolling through all that was exhausting.

  • Peter Walford

    Great list! … keep up the *good* journalism :)

  • Bananas Foster

    I think I just had a scrolling seizure.

  • sarafina

    A series of multiple volumes! Thank you for your extremely hard work.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    That was exhausting. I will buy the book. Make it one of those coffee table books with lots of pictures.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i’m waiting for the inevitable miniseries

  • rocktonsam

    Conspiracy is the word of 2018.

    What’s with the tension with Anderson and andy?

  • SisterArtemis

    Listing the snarky headlines out like that made me appreciate Wonkette even more, and gives me some affirmation for the constant sense of being overwhelmed that I’ve been fending off all year.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    I just realized the $200+ dollars that I gave you guys was completely………

    WORTH IT!!

    Fucking hell, guys – we made it to 2018!

  • Zyxomma

    Thank you, Evan, and happy new year.

  • Glenn Greenwald And Kellyanne Conway Apparently Too Stupid To Understand What Spies Do

    Hee. This was in January, but you could petty much use the same headline (and article) for December too. Hell just repost it for January 2018 and it will still be accurate.

  • So as you can see, not much happened on the Russian front. I wonder why the Libtards consider it such a big issue? 😏

  • javadavis

    I counted 331 titles in that list. Holy crap, Evan. Are you OK? Do you need to lie down?
    Take a day off. why don’t you? Oh, and thanks – definitely book.

  • I would certainly buy “Evan Hurst ‘SPLAINS YOU RUSSIA With One Million Dick Jokes!”… or at least borrow it from the library.

  • Moar Wordz

    So you wrote many articles ?

  • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

    So according to this list, I started hanging out here on the reg sometime in mid-March.

    Also gotDAYUM that is a lot of articles.

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