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AND NOW HE CAN GO THE MALL IN WASHINGTON.

Despite a bunch of insane caterwauling by his opponent, Senator-elect Doug Jones was indeed certified to be a member of the United States Senate today, while Roy Moore was told in a lightning quick decision by the Alabama courts that he should take up any further bullshit complaints he might have about being a loser with the God who denied him.

This is an admittedly proud moment for all of us, especially those of us here in Alabama who are somewhat more concerned with improving some really terrible truths and conditions in this state and country than with obsessing over with what goes into or comes out of another person’s uterus or butthole.

Now, the couple of weeks between the election and today’s certification of Doug Jones was met with a lot of hootin’ and hollerin’ by the twice-fired and credibly accused sex offending ex-Judge who refused to take no for an answer. Moore has never conceded, and he and his supporters have tried their damnedest to make you people see that he is totally being fraud-screwed by busloads of black people, vans of Mexicans, and a town that does not actually exist in Jefferson County, Alabama.

Roy Moore also submitted an affidavit to the courts as part of his last-minute lawsuit to stop the certification that said he totally passed a polygraph test, even though there was not an actual record of that test submitted, the company he says polygraphed him has had some issues with the IRS and is not registered with the Alabama Polygraph Examiners Board, and the polygraph people didn’t even sign the affidavit saying he’d passed: He did. But whatever, Roy still signed a piece of paper that says he swears, and stop talking about how that signature looks just like the one in some girl’s yearbook.

Besides defeating Roy Moore, a man what should have never been a candidate for anything other than child molester prison (allegedly), Doug Jones will be the 47th Democratic representative in the Senate, and with the 2 Independents who caucus with the Dems, he edges that body politic to a ratio of 49 to 51 Republicans, and just a little bit closer to being able to check and balance this massive shitshow slash perpetual golf tournament we’ve got going on in the White House, while also eliminating the possibility of Roy Moore being able to introduce legislation that abolishes every amendment in the Constitution after the 10th, or lowers the age of consent to “whenever a little ol’ gal’s mama gives a grown man permission.”

According to his platform, Doug Jones will be coming to Washington DC with some crazy notions about how all people are people, no matter what sex, color, religion, or political party they belong to, and while we might quibble with that last one, Doug Jones says that he also believes that healthcare is a right, science is a real thing, education is important, our prison system is fucked, and that people should not have to have more jobs than there are hours in a day and still be poor. For Alabama this is some real radical thinking and one can imagine that it’s going to take some time for people to deal with rationality. But cut us some slack brothers and sisters, for this state has never really tried much in the ways of being reasonable, and getting used to change can be hard on folks who’ve only had leaders do things the meanest, hardest, and dumbest way possible for its entire existence.

Ever since the glorious election, which we did in fact tell you had a good possibility of happening, and no we are not tired of saying so, some people have been concerned about how Doug Jones will actually behave once he gets to the Capitol, like suddenly he’s gonna show up and be all “Haha suckers, I’ve really lived my whole life one way just to come here and be a completely different person,” but you know, let’s uh, give Doug Jones a chance…when has that ever been a bad thing?

[al.com]

Today is a very good day in Alabama politics, give us some money to celebrate?

And you come say hey, you were right! @FakaktaSouth

Now we’ll give y’all an EARLY open thread!

$
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  • Me not sure

    I don’t expect Roy to fade away, in fact I expect a gubernatorial race next cycle. His rube supporters will send all that they can spare his way.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      He’s nutty enough to run again for something. Not sure he’ll become more popular in the meantime.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      It was either support Roy or indoor plumbing.

      Decisions, decisions…

      • FlownΩver

        So, support Roy and Alabama gets doubly shat on?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Rick Hasen, an election law expert and professor at the University of California, Irvine, said Moore’s complaint did not raise the sort of issues that lead courts to overturn an election. He said Moore’s complaint might just be a way for him to fundraise and throw “red meat to his loyal supporters.”

    Does God condone that sort of behavior, too?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He must- he’s been letting it go on for thousands of years with nary a lightning bolt to discourage the practice

  • jesterpunk

    There is a fake news story going around from the right saying Roy Moore actually won.

    http://www.politifact.com/punditfact/statements/2017/dec/27/defense-usa/no-roy-moore-wont-win-alabama-race-military-ballot/

    Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore appeared to hold out hope that military ballots would reverse his loss to Democrat Doug Jones — and the theory was circulated as fake news.

    “Roy Moore takes the military vote, pulls ahead by 5,000 votes,” said the headline on the website defense-usa.xyz on Dec. 15, three days after Moore, a Republican, lost to Jones. We found no contact information on this website to probe the story further.

    Facebook users flagged the post as being potentially fabricated, as part of the social network’s efforts to combat fake news.

    The special U.S. Senate election in Alabama was the subject of many fake news stories. This one, too, is fake.

    According to the story, the “Alabama Secretary of State’s Division Of Electoral Balloting Integrity” had sent emails to media outlets regarding the military vote count, which showed that Moore led by 5,014 votes after 97 percent of the vote had been counted.

    Jones would have to pay $213 million for a recount, the story stated.

    “The Secretary of State’s office has already announced that the election won’t be certified until after the first of the year, so the Democrat loser will have plenty of time to decide if he’ll waste the taxpayers’ time and money with a fruitless recount,” stated the article. “They can never just admit when they lost.”

    The projection there is amazing.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Just the writing is just puerile!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Is it too late to start making money writing fake news for Trump? Because it doesn’t seem that difficult.

      • jesterpunk

        Its never to let to get in on the wing nut welfare train. You just have to have your ethics, conscience and morals removed.

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      if The Onion wrote this, people would call it a bad attempt at satire.

    • clubseal

      He won our hearts!!11!!
      No, Barbara, you can’t come with me to the Roy Moore rallies until you’re at least 16.

    • FlownΩver

      Any way the Wonkerati tech-heads can trace this one back to its (probably TrumPutin) roots?

      • jesterpunk

        The politifact article lists the source of it then it spread on the right.

  • GreenGoldSharpie

    I always wanted to make Moore watch this little diddy:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8jUGlMkWfA

  • Asterix

    The end of his whiny statement reads:

    I have no regrets. To God be the glory.

    He’s going no where until Satan brings him home.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      God must be ever so grateful for all the glorious glory Moore brought him.

      • Asterix

        That She elected a Democrat.

      • FlownΩver

        Reliable reports indicate the Lord God Jehovah, upon hearing of Roy Moore’s concluding statement, responded “Eeewwwww!”

    • therblig

      To God be the glory.

      To P.O. Box Roy-1776 be the cash and checks.

    • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

      You misspelled whinny.

      -Roy Moore’s horse

    • Blanche de Shambles

      You know, Roy- “Alhamdulillah” just sounds way more pithy.

  • BadKitty904

    You shall see thangs, wonderful to tell…

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    God or Godot?

    • PubOption

      Well, we are no longer waiting for an official result.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Roy Moore can wait for both right here by the tree.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
    • Ling Ling

      I hope he wears that cute Yosemite Sam outfit and waves his moms pistol around.

      • maxneanderthal

        “Whoa, horsey, whoa I say..”

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      kinda like Mulvaney did at the CFPB

    • Notreelyhelping

      “Roy, you been bothering the everlasting fuck out of us for years, so smile while eating your bowl of shut-the-fuck-up. We been waiting a long time for this.”
      —Alabama Republican Establishment—

    • Ninja0980

      Free Sassy!

    • Will Old Roy be dressin’ up in a…

      De-skys 😋
      https://media.giphy.com/media/ac0gAXeRrpSEM/giphy.gif

  • Zonath

    Oh, a polygraph? You don’t say…

    Section 34-25-6
    Admissibility of results as evidence.
    Nothing in this chapter shall be construed as permitting the results of truth examinations or polygraph examinations to be introduced or admitted as evidence in a court of law.

    Too bad Roy Moore was cruising for teenage tail back when he should have been studying for the bar exam.

  • maxneanderthal

    “Here lies the hopes of Roy Moore,
    The voters knew the score.
    No Joy,
    No Moore”
    (Apologies to Boothill graveyard)

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler
    • Phried Ω

      FIFTEEN??!!? She told me she was 16.

    • Werewolf

      Fifteen’ll get you twenty.

  • BigCSouthside

    How long before Roy Moore has a prime time slot on Fox?

    Could do a colab with Judge Jeanine and Judge Napolitano

    • Marion in Savannah

      3…2…1… Just about now is my guess.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      It will take some time to draft a sufficiently broad Hold Harmless Agreement that also covers take your daughter to work day.

    • clubseal

      “So, uh, which time slot is watched most by the teen girl dem-uh-graphic?”
      – Roy Moore, probably

    • elviouslyqueer

      I’m thinking he’s more suited to Jim Bakker’s Oatmeal Holy Hour. Or on TBN with that scary bitch with the lavender hair.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or take over for Pat Robertson once Satan calls in his markers

      • Ellie

        I thought she was dead.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Who could tell?

  • So now we only have to find two reasonable Republicans in the Senate with principles and morals…

    (Crickets)

    • BigCSouthside

      Hahahahahahahaha

    • maxneanderthal

      I’m still working out how many oxymorons there are in that comment…

    • Phried Ω

      Can entire phrases be oxymoronic?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Collins, Murkowski, Flake, and McCain don’t have none of those, but they do play humans on TV.

  • elviouslyqueer
  • BadKitty904

    An EARLY open thread!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWD2vq-Z5EM

  • Spurning Beer

    Take it to the Lord in prayer, Roy.

  • therblig

    hey roy, the lord said “fuck you!” too.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Great! Now that that’s all settled, who do I talk to about getting reimbursed for all those bus tickets I paid for?

    • msanthropesmr
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Dial 0 on the phone and ask to speak to “the blacks.”

  • Spurning Beer

    Roy run into some ob-stackles.

    • BadKitty904

      And oh, so many startlements.

  • is this really news
    i mean roy moore was petty but we already knew how this election turned out

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Mr. Moore? God left two messages for you:

    Mene mene tekel parsin

    And this: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/611dd30c33b2e13ab3a4ffa7acbff1c170876202c8bcd8a1deb551129a083e8a.jpg

  • William
    • thenotsogreatpanjandrumhimself

      I love this gif. Where is it from?

      • William

        4Gifs.com originally, but it’s been passed all over the interwebs.

  • msanthropesmr
    • FlownΩver

      Remind me – which drink in a row is supposed to confer invulnerability? Sixth? Seventh?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    So the Tide rolled over Roy Moore. Good to know!

  • arglebargle

    This is being reported all wrong. He said he once made a pass at a Miss Polly Graph.

    • Notreelyhelping

      She didn’t seem interested, but he read between the lines.

      • arglebargle

        Baby it’s cold outside.

  • tehbaddr

    But will “The Turtle” delay swearing him in till the next president is elected?

    • BadKitty904

      The Republican Party is all for states’ rights until the states exercise them.

      • DainBramage

        They believe in a state’s right to restrict the rights and freedoms of its citizens, but are against a state’s right to expand them.

        • BadKitty904

          Why would that be, I wonder?

    • I think VP Pence will “swear him in” on Jan. 3rd.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Do they dare Merrick Garland him?

  • President in Exile Firefly

    something something something bearing false witness

  • elviouslyqueer

    Shorter Alabama federal judge to Roy Moore:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af0_tTEqNXw

  • Tom65

    The only way this gets better is if Moore and his rabid followers ride their horses (badly) into the woods and declare themselves sovereign citizens. Just for the LULZ.

    • DainBramage

      As long as the horses get to throw the clowns and declare themselves sovereign horses.

      • Courser_Resistance

        No shit, those poor abused creatures…

    • BadKitty904

      Esp. with winter coming on.

  • arglebargle

    If the Almighty wants you to win an election there won’t be a need for a recount. Like Putin getting 99% of the vote. That’s how God rolls.

  • William

    So the God of Abraham couldn’t get him across the finish line? Sad. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/384c74bb21526b5aec15b31712d288635798ee401fff47c36f8749b80df9fa11.gif

    • BadKitty904

      Those two faces…and no bolt of lightning?

      • William

        IKR. Mrs. Moore seems completely happy in her profound revelation, as if the crowd will gasp in drum roll unison, and Mr. Moore looks like he just ate a tablespoon of shit.

    • Tom65

      I love the way she thinks this is a mic-drop moment with her little friends in the KKK Auxiliary

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I love the look on his face in the background: “Oh yeah- this is totally working!”

    • Christopher Story

      Without the sound it really does look like she’s saying “Jew” the way I would say “boo!” to a toddler.

      • William

        Jew is one of those words that can sound good or disdainful depending on the inflections. In this case it’s being said with a good ol’ fashioned southern ignint’ inflection

        • Werewolf

          Definitely the inflection that implies “dirty, money-grubbing, Christ-killing….”

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      bronze age deities ain’t what they used to be.

    • tehbaddr

      Those two! Just, WTF Eeeewwwww!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that lady is whacko.

      • Spurning Beer

        I am, and she is. Good call. She’s also an asshole, which is her more disabling condition.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I’ve seen that zealous look before. It never bodes well.

          • tehbaddr

            Blinded by the light of Jebus!

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Revved up like a douche. Another runner in the night!

          • FlownΩver

            In this case the mondegreen is most appropriate.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I didn’t know they’d said that like on a stage in front of people! that’s great. I always envisioned it as a 10 minute phone interview at the end of a long night. it’s so much better that she WROTE IT DOWN and practiced it and didn’t see anything at all wrong with it the whole time before saying it on stage.

    • BadKitty904

      I note the obligatory Republican-bad-blonde-dye-job…

      • Seek

        And a hairstyle that would seem more appropriate on a somewhat more … uh, youthful? … woman. Or am I being derogatory and coastal elitist again?

        • BadKitty904

          Well, you know how Roy likes ’em young’uns…

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      They BOTH look deranged.

      • BadKitty904

        Are.

    • tehbaddr

      That little “gotcha” head nod and smile at the end, really drives home the idiocy!

      • Courser_Resistance

        Yeah, it was like a little kick to the gut. It’s like, “Fuck Yeah, I’m a racist JUST like you!!”

      • William

        IKR?, and the little “so there!” smirk at the end makes me want to Elvis my PC monitor.

      • Ghoti theLinguist

        These two deserve each other. Ugh.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        it really is – i haven’t been able to put it into words. It’s condescendingly stupid, if there is such a thing?

    • Red Bird

      Is that nod at the end the white woman equivalent of the head snap?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Oh, god, she actually said “is a Jew.” I couldn’t bring myself to watch the clip, and I just assumed everyone was badly paraphrasing her to make her look worse, but she is that bad.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      I’ll admit that I will miss his very horrible, no-good asshole of a spokesthing.

  • arglebargle
    • BadKitty904

      I reckon Roy’d already taken care of the laying on of hands…

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    a) you guys have a whole board for polygraph people? that must be fun during trivia night! we don’t even have them certified by TDLR as their results aren’t really admissible in court.

    b) I thought good Christians would be the ones to affirm rather than swear because swearing makes the babby jebus buttplug cry.

    c) this may be the gift that keeps on giving. we have a crazy libertarian lady who has been fighting the results of the city council election she lost by 40 points for half a decade now. it’s pretty hilarious. maybe Roy Moore will gift your whole state that as well. you guys have loser-pay, right? it gets super funny when the court tells them to pay the bills for their time.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Half a decade? What, does she show up to the meetings and pretend people care about her?

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        she files cases and then is told to pay for everyone’s time, throws a fundraiser with TAG and keeps going. it’s pretty hilarious.

        • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

          Well, I guess everyone is entitled to a hobby.

        • efoveks

          Ah, reminds me of Pat Buchanan’s presidential runs…

    • Marion in Savannah

      Regarding (b), it’s only taking the name of the Lord in vain that you’re not allowed to do. You’re allowed to swear on the Bibble to tell the truth. Of course, what so many don’t quite factor in is that if you lie after that you HAVE forsworn yourself, and HAVE taken the Lord’s name in vain. OOOPS!

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        see. swearing bad. affirming good.

  • Adam Field

    > Roy Moore also submitted an affidavit to the courts as part of his
    last-minute lawsuit to stop the certification that said he totally
    passed a polygraph test, even though there was not an actual record of
    that test submitted, the company he says polygraphed him has had some
    issues with the IRS and is not registered with the Alabama Polygraph Examiners Board, and the polygraph people didn’t even sign the affidavit saying he’d passed: He did.

    Don’t forget the part where all of the above is 100% completely irrelevant, as polygraphs don’t actually prove *anything*, other than whether or not the person taking the polygraph is stressed about having to take a polygraph.

    • Sheepshagger

      Also the part where psychopathic zealots easily pass the polygraph because they believe their lies.

    • William

      He does realize that except for hiring and firing of police officers, a polygraph is not admissible in any court. Doesn’t he?

      • shivaskeeper

        Bit of trivia. Polygraphs are acceptable in military courts.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Roy’s a loser
    And he’s just what he appears to be

    • yyyaz

      And he certainly isn’t dear to me.

    • FlownΩver

      He’s a loser
      And he lost the race. Hooray! Yippee!

  • (((Sedagive)))

    A warm welcome to the Democratic gentleman from Alabama.

    I liked the (mostly) unapologetic way he ran his campaign, especially as someone in a deep red state. I hope he governs in a similarly unapologetic manner, and other (D) congresscritters follow his lead. It is time for the Democrats to use the incredible amount of nuclear-grade ammunition that they have been handed over the last 12 months.

    Also too: let’s treat every GOPer as a threat to children because, at this point in time, unless you are a very wealthy child your health, your wellbeing and your future are being auctioned off to the highest bidder.

    Love the name Fakakta South btw.

    • BadKitty904

      It is time for the Democrats to use the incredible amount of
      nuclear-grade ammunition that they have been handed over the last 12
      months.

      THIS, a billionty times!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9fd97394787c7b038fe398efdf18967b6f2d98d1fa210eb6c18cb10cd5c0d084.png

      • weejee

        You mean THIS?

        • Thiazin Red

          Its great to see people interested in running, as long as once the nominees are chosen people get behind the winner and vote. No purity idiocy.

          • BadKitty904

            If you’re looking for “purity,” politics is not the place you’re going to find it.

          • Stulexington

            Yes. Fuck the purity ponies, and the horse they rode in on.

          • Mormos

            ponies riding horses?

        • BadKitty904
        • Anne Of Green Bagels

          this has been my mantra for the past few weeks.

        • Stulexington

          That is an awesome number of challengers and WHY IS THE TIMELINE BACKWARDS!!!!! Seriously does no one adhere to conventions when making charts anymore?

        • Crank Tango

          That’s good news for McCain, I know that.

  • Thiazin Red

    Official certification and the sweet slams of Milo’s editor. Today is pretty good.

    • Marion in Savannah

      IK,R? And we didn’t even nuke Massachusetts or North Korea. (Yet.)

  • motmelere

    I can finally put a pause on practicing the phrase, “The great kid-diddling state of Alabama.”

  • geoffalnutt

    “The Moore shall rise again!” I really wish I hadn’ said that…and a lot, too.

  • Sheepshagger
    • TJ Barke

      Made America a joke again.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        Nikki is one of the most talented at that.

        • Sheepshagger

          How do you not go out the back and ritually disembowel yourself with a letter opener? James Baker is gonna curb stomp her in hell.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            this is next level derp. a whole new frontier.

          • Sheepshagger

            “On The Politics Of Derplomacy: A Life In Fuck Ups”.

          • Anne Of Green Bagels

            future paleontologists will call this era the Derpocene.

          • Sheepshagger

            “Slow, lumbering creatures, oddly fixated on their genitals and the nuclear weapons they so unwisely used”.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, when you’re dealing with such an easy target…

    • gallbladder

      Palin was in need of company anyways.

      • Sheepshagger

        She can tell Nikki all about shelving meth into the jail.

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      at least the Shrub only ran into a door prop.

    • GreyWolfSC

      We don’t want her back if you’re wondering…

      • Sheepshagger

        We’ve got our fuckwit quota. Not taking her.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I admire the Binomians. They write a good Theorem.

      • Sheepshagger

        Pretty groovy on the old sexual liberalism too.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Thanks so much Fakakta! Nicely done and congratulations for getting a non-cretin elected to the Senate!

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    Sweet Home Alabama
    Play that dead band’s song
    Turn the speakers up full blast
    Play it all night long…..

    There ain’t much to country livin’
    Sweat,Piss, Jizz, and Blood…..

  • Crystalclear12

    An early open thread?
    *waits for other shoe to drop*

  • Red Bird

    At this rate 2017 just might end on a high note.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’d really like to see a few more indictments to see us off into the new year.

      • Red Bird

        Don’t get greedy. Let’s keep it realistic. A few more leaks about how much roof they have of collusion is enough.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      It will if ya spark one up..

  • Ghoti theLinguist

    It looks like God didn’t want an accused pedophile in the Senate after all. Go home, Roy, and take your tacky wife with you.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      DO NOT fuck the horse you rode in on, S/he seems nice.

  • Christopher Story
    • Thiazin Red

      Every Serena Joy thinks that they’ll be the exception.

    • gallbladder

      Her and those dumb fucking air quotes. Matter of fact, it’s my contention that her whole fucking life is but one big air quote.

      • Christopher Story

        “…her whole fucking life is one big air quote.”
        Hahaha! I’m stealing this

        • gallbladder

          Use it early, often, relentlessly, and in good health, comrade.

    • msanthropesmr

      Again with the freeze peach canard. Jesus. When will these fuckers learn?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Never. Will never work for you?

    • shivaskeeper

      I will give her this: she has been consistent on this one thing.

      It lost her the cushy job at The Blaze and she has never backed down from it and offered any excuses.

      That being said, fuck her for pretty much everything else. And fuck the snowflakes who once again don’t understand how the 1st Amendment works. And double fuck the one who is claiming that her not answering a question is somehow depriving it of valuable experience in its goal of being a forced birther.

    • Beelzebubba
  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Fucking Snowflake Snowflaked

  • I will still say “Hurray for Alabama!”.

    Jones reminds me of the Democrats we had back in the 80s when I lived in Montgomery.

    Republicans were rare as hen’s teeth in Alabama back then, by the way. They were usually ex-Democrats (after Reagan came in) and had names like ‘Fob’ and ‘Guy’ and ‘Runt’.

    • Beelzebubba

      I thought they popped into existence way back when Nixon looked into the mirror and said “Southern Strategy” three times.

      • Like everything else it took a few years for The Southern Strategy to reach the deepest recesses of Dixie Land. We had Democrats and thinly veiled ‘Dixiecrats’ who technically were Democrats who ide functioned as Republicans.

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Photographer accuses Minnesota Twins third baseman Miguel Sano of sexual assault in relation to an incident that occurred in 2015. (Sano denies all allegations.)

    In a tweet posted Thursday, photographer Betsy Bissen said Sano grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her inside a bathroom at a store in a mall after an autograph session and that the 6-foot-4, 260-pound Sano tried to kiss her several times.

  • OrG

    Roy who?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “…the twice-fired and credibly accused sex offending ex-Judge who refused to take no for an answer. ”

    An old habit of his. Sort of how he got in trouble down at the mall, no?

    • Beelzebubba

      Also how he got his fat ass fired. Twice.

  • MANGO CRIMES

    Alt headline: “We’ll Be Hearing From Roy Less Now”

  • FlownΩver

    Q: It’s been almost two weeks since the Star Wars movie opened, and the giddiness seems to have abated. Is the movie still worth going to see?

    • William

      Yes, but just be aware of the street venders selling unauthorized knock off merchandise. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45439dfa6b67ce9def0293dcc16eee28aff7f7456b2f2f4c1af65a42df2bac1f.jpg

      • gallbladder

        WINNING!

      • Beelzebubba

        I so want one of those. How often does a product infringe on the IP of TWO gigantic franchises?

    • Major^3 Andre

      Just took my youngest today. It was a lot of fun. Definitely worth seeing in the theater

    • Evidence-based Fetus Demme

      Saw it this weekend.
      Lots of women kicking ass, action, some old favorites, Po eye-candy, long, (very interesting to see much of the diversity that was sparse or missing in the other movies), some cutesy stuff (but funny, not annoying), see it.
      It was sad to see Carrie Fisher, but it was good to see that she was part of such a group of strong women.
      See it!

    • BadKitty904

      My husband and I are herding a small mob of assorted tiny cousins to see it this weekend. Pray for us.

      • DrBigHead

        You are a brave soul. Reminds me of when I agreed to chaperone the Boy’s Middle School camping trip.

        • BadKitty904

          Argh…

        • Beelzebubba

          You’re a fool braver man than I.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Yes. I’ve seen it twice. It’s worth it.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I really enjoyed it

    • Beelzebubba

      Definitely – just don’t bring your own notions of what the “real” storyline ought to be. As a stand-alone movie, albeit one with links to the franchise, it holds up just fine. It ends with what amounts to a trailer for the sequel, but that’s pretty much a given.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “It ends with what amounts to a trailer for the sequel, but that’s pretty much a given.”

        …so basically it’s Empire Strikes Back.

        Well, I guess I can give some reboots the benefit of the doubt.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    who wants to take Calliope Jane to the park?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I’ll trade ya for the day- granted, mine is about 3 times her size and has all the energy and stamina of a full grown wolf. The first five minutes or so are like being shot out of a cannon…

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        or you could just bring yours down for a play date! Calliope Jane likes big mutts. she cannot lie.

    • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

      AOU,K

    • jesterpunk

      Its 18F here today, its too cold to take any dog out for too long.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        it’s just warm enough to go to the park here. it hasn’t been for a couple days.

        • Seek

          It’s 82 here in SoCal. Bring the mutts here for fun in the sun

  • susan_g

    I hope that Roy Moore does not give up and will continue to flap his gums with assorted wingnut talking points. That will serve as a reminder of what today’s GOP base is all about.

    • gallbladder

      FOX’s next hire?

      • yyyaz

        RT or Sinclair.

        • gallbladder

          He’ll fit right in.

  • Sheepshagger

    “Roy Moore to leave public life to spend time with other people’s vulnerable families “.

  • msanthropesmr
    • Jonny On Maui

      For assholes…

    • gallbladder

      Christain persecution!

      • Jonny On Maui

        “All the christians sing now!”

        “We’re a death cult. Persecute us now!”

    • BadKitty904

      I dunno, I think they kinda cheer the place up, myownself…

    • William

      Look at that guy. If he had a brain in his head he’d get a few gay friends to teach him to not dress like he lives in a dumpster, and gets his hair cut at a de-lousing facility.

      • msanthropesmr

        Fun fact. Many gay people have no fashion sense.

        • Sheepshagger

          But Liberace….oh.

        • William

          I haven’t met any yet.

        • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

          Wait. Teh hoomanz know about bears? Who told you? And what else do you know?!?

      • Jonny On Maui

        Where is “Queer Eye” when we need it?

        • suziq

          I think Netflix is going to do a new “Queer Eye” soon. Hope they don’t screw it up too bad.

      • mancityRed6

        ahem, me libelz

        • Sheepshagger

          Used to dream of dumpster.

          • mancityRed6

            I remember when you could get a decent shirt at a thrift store for $1.00.
            or, a marching band helmet.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      Beyonce Cyborgs LIBEL!

    • Beelzebubba

      “Furthermore, the judges found that the Kleins intentionally inflicted emotional harm on the Bowman-Pryors by sharing their address and contact information online and urging Christians to bombard the couple with hate mail and try to have their children taken away.”

      These fake Christian fuckwads are lucky that all they got was a fine. A civil suit would wring them dry.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    so, I’m giving the Pluto TV app a spin and lo and behold! there is Theory Of Obscurity.

    http://residentsmovie.com

  • Sheepshagger

    I’m not normally a huge fan of vigilante justice but our Roy Moore had it coming. Rigid Jesus freak, all around homo leather and sex hater the reverend Graham Capill, former Police prosecutor and Christian Heritage political candidate got his beans outside the Christchurch district court after pleading out to being a dirty chomo. I especially like it because his lawyer Jonathan Eaton QC showed extreme dash and disregard for his exceptionally expensive tailoring in defending his utterly unworthy client. https://youtu.be/3afrFshqf7I

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      effective as hell in that suit too – immediately jumps in the fray and gets the guy in a hold.

      • Sheepshagger

        Private brief, probably not fully paid up at that point.

      • gallbladder

        I hear that a WWE contract is in the offing.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    the esteemed doctor over at Respectful Insolence got himself a pregnant adoptee!

    There was much cuteness.
    4 WAY TUG O WAR!
    https://youtu.be/PXtMw0yyGBM

    Moar videos of cute puppies:
    https://respectfulinsolence.com/2017/12/27/take-that-antivaxers-this-is-nearly-the-end-of-2017-that-is-with-puppies/

  • mancityRed6

    you can always tell who brainfart supports in whatever story by how bad the picture is of the subject.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2d511c7a81782ed25fcc8eed6d06aac7a7f01a3ee9a91042910f5097b8c014e5.png

    • jesterpunk

      I thought they supported Roy Moore?

      • mancityRed6

        yeah, but not now that he’s a loser. they were just supporting him for the lulz
        actually, a whole metric shit tonne of comments were in support of Moore when I first saw that article.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “Look! A barking turd!”

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Jonny On Maui

      It would not surprise me…

      • gallbladder

        Beat me by seconds.

    • jesterpunk

      Why is that not surprising? Its about ratings and a sober drunk person isnt that exciting and wont get enough ratings.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        I wouldn’t put it past that fraud- the only caveat is, addicts do lie about everything all the time.

        • Sheepshagger

          We do not!

          I’m a Cretan by the way.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            better than being a cretin, I suppose

    • Sheepshagger

      If it’s horrible it’s probably true.

    • Sheepshagger

      You know I can’t fucking stand Dr Mengele Phil, but the sort of narcissist fuckheads who go on tv to talk about their personal issues and expect to be treated as something other than a disposable sideshow geek really chap my ass.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Or he just showed up for the free booze…

        • Sheepshagger

          Wouldn’t you?

      • jowgajen

        He could lose his license over this … oh wait.

    • Edith Prickly

      “Dr.” Phil is someone else who needs to fuck off forever.

    • BadKitty904

      Sadly, it’s all about the ratings…

      • Blackest Noobs

        yeah i was thinking, yeah, probably, for ratings, but before clicking the story i was thinking oh wait is this another story of another man of power doing the bad sexual predator thing…it isn’t…but what is alleged is not all that much better either ( though the former is worse IMO)

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I don’t want to blame Oprah, but I have to blame Oprah for unleashing that cabal of quacks onto the world. “Dr.” Phil, “Dr.” Oz, “The Doctors,” and that 1970s-style crystal meditation guru guy who apparently at one point was a respected endocrinologist at Mass General Hospital. If anyone shares the blame for the proliferation of woo (and by extension, anti-vaxerism) in this country, it’s Oprah and her ratings-stunt “medical team.”

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        a whole flock of quacks…

  • msanthropesmr

    This is Beany. He goes in for heartworm treatment tomorrow. It will be painful and risky, but he needs it. We need thoughts and prayers and good vibes. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9b4787a0a55696fe738b991c7f9cb9d3746d2b97d378bcda5b01fef78e93098c.jpg

  • Resistor Radio

    Girlcat threw up on my lap. Brand new cute dress, too, sadface.

    • msanthropesmr

      I don’t think there is a place in the Anthrope household that does not have cat vomit on it.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Cat vomit eventually becomes one’s signature decor style.

      • Suse

        My kitties have been gone for several months now and I’m still finding dried up pee and barf deposits in hidden places.

        • msanthropesmr

          They’re crafty that way.

      • DrBigHead

        I remember when the folks replaced the carpets for the first time. You could see every spot where a dog had peed over the years.

    • BadKitty904

      Yeesh. She needs to tone down the fashion commentary.

    • Crank Tango

      call the dog!

      • Resistor Radio

        Need to get a dog first!

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Predigested and everything! Yum!

    • jesterpunk

      Where you petting or not petting your cat depending on the cats mood at the time?

      • Resistor Radio

        So much worse, driving in the car and letting them roam free instead of in their carriers. It was a disaster, and I definitely should have known better.

        • jesterpunk

          I think she is trying to tell you she doesnt want to go out and wants to go back home.

          • Resistor Radio

            Too late! They’re spending the weekend with grandma!

          • jesterpunk

            Was it the hills or woods your cat didnt like?

          • bupkus231

            Prolly the river…

          • msanthropesmr

            The horse got lost.

          • Resistor Radio

            Over the river, mostly

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      poor kitty! sorry about the dress also too.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Maybe you shouldn’t let your cat eat cute new dresses.

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m just glad she didn’t go for the fake fur coat!

  • bupkus231

    “…he totally passed a polygraph test, even though there was not an actual record of that test submitted, the company he says polygraphed him has had some issues with the IRS and is not registered with the Alabama Polygraph Examiners Board, and the polygraph people didn’t even sign the affidavit saying he’d passed…”

    He also doesn’t have a clue how polygraphs are used and “certified” – let alone not be “admissable evidence” in court, this shit is ludicrous. Obviously, Roy Moore was talking to his pig-ignorant supporters, not the court….

    • Stulexington

      Moore of the same really.

    • jesterpunk

      You would think a judge would know that, especially one who was on the state supreme court twice.

      • Stulexington

        To be fair, he was fired from that twice and disbarred so probably doesn’t actually know much about law.

        • jesterpunk

          You would think he would learn something from being around judges and lawyers all that time. But he did hire an ambulance charing lawyer so you are right.

          • bupkus231

            That lawyer was such a trip when he got “caught” insisting that one had to swear the oath of office on a Christian bible.

            Clearly, he was one without experience outside of the closed bubble of Alabama…

      • Sheepshagger

        Knowing things is a satanic plot from the pits of hell.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          IK,R?

    • Suse

      He should go away with Hillz and take up knitting.

    • BeachLoafer

      It seems clear that his suit was filed not to influence any court of law, but to be cited in fundraising propaganda.

      Grifting off his pig-ignorant supporters is now his full time job.

      • bupkus231

        Gee – I like that, “cited in fundraising”. Sounds almost socially acceptable, as opposed to “talking to his pig-ignorant supporters”.

        Are you going to run for Congress?

      • puredog

        No, no, I think Mr. Garmon truly believe this would be persuasive legal pleading.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    alright, park time for CJ. just remember that you can’t go to heaven if you play Pokemon today.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oits7sq4nX0

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      that video is damn brilliant.

    • therblig

      jesu, jesu!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OH FFS – without even clicking through I can predict its some flawed bullshit.

    also make sure to read the the bit below and on the left:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e2108719f6e810c28e48ef62cd6a29eadea0b7178d8151486a802ee9f4e7aeb7.png

    • jesterpunk

      Bamz is the most admired man and Hillz is the most popular women.

      • gallbladder

        Decades running between them.

        • jesterpunk

          Yep, 10 years for Bamz and 16 for Hillz.

          • Suse

            But their Muslin email child sex ring!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Fake spews!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui
      • Blanche de Shambles

        Shake ‘n’ Bake!

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          Fist-bump!

    • BadKitty904

      Which is why I pay no attention to polls…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Wait, but Obama is Kenyan, so first?

  • nightmoth

    Can someone put this in simple language to Roy? Like “Fuck off?”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f031d1ad4072142a8c80c1e4b971732ac4f324b598ed04837c1e712e0188ce6c.png

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Snowflake alert! I’m not sure what is sadder, Tawnie the tart running away from answering questions given her schtick as a non PC tough girl, or the fools who actually paid hundreds of dollareros to listen to Ann Coulter’s little sister pontificate on anything…

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/whos-the-snowflake-pro-life-students-lash-out-at-tomi-lahren-for-refusing-to-answer-questions-about-abortion/

  • bupkus231

    “.. some people have been concerned about how Doug Jones will actually behave once he gets to the Capitol..”

    Conservative Democrat is almost an oxymoron – so let’s hope he doesn’t pull a Joe Manchin or Heidi Heitkamp.

  • Resistor Radio

    Okay, so you know those lit up bank signs, that switch between time and temperature? Yeah, I just drove past one that simply said “GOD.” That’s it. Oookay.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      It’s Godo’clock!

      • msanthropesmr

        It’s really cold here in Virginia – actual cold – 20F cold.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          And that is why I no longer live in that area!

          • 11 degrees F at the hizzy this a.m. Underwater cameras are frozen in place.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            You wouldn’t believe how quickly I acclimated to this climate. It just got cloudy, a cool breeze started coming down Haleakala, and I’m chilly. It’s 73°. All my mountain woman street cred is gone. You keep your long underwear close!

          • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

            10 in Mpls, -2 expected tonight, and -13 tomorrow. Cold enough that de-icing salt doesn’t work. But great for the pizza biz!

        • Blackest Noobs

          eh..it’ll be in the 50’s next next week cuz Virginia.

          • Blackest Noobs

            and at least it’ll be a dry cold, Virginians can barely drive as is….but mention snow, even an amount that is pretty much nothing, they lose their minds.

            like that last one we got….it was a dusting and peeps were calling out on work…ha ha ha ha.

    • nightmoth

      IT’S A SIGN!!!!

      • DrBigHead

        Of course, he said it was a sign!

        Oh, I get it….

      • msanthropesmr

        No, it’s a mound.
        Right Purty too.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Beaut.

          • puredog

            Railroad’s comin’ through. Right. . . . now.

    • BadKitty904

      If you’d slowed down, you’d’ve seen the “DAMMIT.”

    • Mary Theresa

      The end is near.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      It’s gonna be one of those sorts of days, innit?

    • jesterpunk

      Did the rest say “Its God Damned Cold Outside”?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      83 here. Wish I could send you some sunshine. The strange thing- you still see young girls walking around in sweaters and scarves, because it’s winter, dammit. You can always tell the out of towners by their shorts and flip flops.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      No [canned] exclamation mark?

  • BadKitty904

    ‘K, it’s time to go start choppin’ peppers and onions for supper. You lil’ what-nots behave…

    • gallbladder

      Just leave the keys to the liquor cabinet.

      Oh, wait, I guess that’d defeat the purpose. But still…

      • hendenburg2

        Why would you ever risk someone else locking the liquor cabinet?! Throw the damn keys away!

        • Marion in Savannah

          Or just carry an ax.

          • hendenburg2

            I couldn’t do that. I have a kitty and I wouldn’t risk leaving splinters or glass shards around for her to accidentally step on.

            That’s why my bar is a section of kitchen counter.

      • BadKitty904

        Yeah, right, no.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Well, BK, there is always behavior. Are you demanding GOOD behavior? That may be a tiny bit of a problem around here.

      • BadKitty904

        Please note that I very specifically do not specify.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You peeked at my whatnot?!!?

      • BadKitty904

        It was for your own good, trust me…

  • Well OK ‘Dean’ https://tinyurl.com/yao4y5j8 but still prefer Carrousel. Also too while an outsider and happy the perv was not elected still don’t hold with your Doug Jones saying its time to move on https://tinyurl.com/y7awav76
    As is said, with friends like these..
    Also wee bit cranky as friend lost her Malibu to feline kidney failure today and is currently being sedated (with wine) but tomorrow hopes to take in Mila so a huge hug to all four legged readers over the shoulder – you furry killing machine purrers et al – you get a chance to inherit this Earth once us eedjuts wipe ourselves out – remember us with affection if not total bewilderment =^^=

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Kidney disease in cats is just awful. Poor little critters. They can use diet and medication to control it better than they used to, but it’s still tough to watch them decline. Brava to her for being willing to harbour another endearing furry little sociopath so soon. They have a way of finding us.

    • bupkus231

      “…you get a chance to inherit this Earth once us eedjuts wipe ourselves out…”

      For the large majority of them, you have to make sure they know how to operate a can opener or open a pop-top….

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Doug Jones is speaking for many of his constituents with his opinion about TRMP’s pussy grabbing ways. I agree in that I want TRMP to go down big time for treason and money laundering. Current crimes with real jail time.

  • spangled

    I always knew i liked him: https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/howard-dean-old-people-should-avoid-politics-in-2020/
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d5fcbdb891c432ad2976f78895b89722b9c2c8929fcce73db5860128ca45234e.png
    he’s talking about candidates by the way, not voters. we need some fresh meat for 2020, our old white man (bernie, biden, etc) is not going to beat their old white man in 2020

    • Ling Ling

      Count me in for Dean

      • weejee

        Count me in and I’m an olde. White guy too, also.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Me too, except I’m An Old White Broad.

          • Suse

            Do you feel completely invisible in public? I do.

          • Marion in Savannah

            Oh, hell to the YES! Except when I wear my “Do You Miss Me Yet?” Tshirt with a great picture of Obama. Then you’d be surprised how many people smile and nod and want to talk. Even down here.

          • Suse

            I need one of them there shirts.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Savannah is an Island of Blue. Did you see where there are organizers for Mueller Marches in Greensboro and Columbus and Macon also too? Not just Atlanta, Athens and Savannah?
            #WINNING
            https://act.moveon.org/event/mueller-firing-rapid-response-events/search/

        • thenotsogreatpanjandrumhimself

          Another old white guy for Kamala Harris and Kirstin Gillibrand

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      So we run a young white man? Hasn’t Jon Ossoff suffered enough already?

  • jesterpunk

    I was just looking at random images on the googles and found this.

    http://s.quickmeme.com/img/01/010fb1612c743952e3f5047859d56f7e965eba652dd00160a7d3b2f8116789ac.jpg

    • Marion in Savannah

      And you have found The Ultimate Truth About Everything. Congratulations! We can now close down the internet.

    • Blackest Noobs

      ah yes, one of the League’s best assassins.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Odds of Roy Moore accepting reality — at this point in the game — are pretty slim. Fortunately, it’ll be a dwindling number of people who give a fuck about what he thinks. And hooray, Alabama (which I can now add to things I never expected to write).

    • msanthropesmr

      What is reality, anyway?

      • Suse

        Highly overrated is what it is.

        • gallbladder

          Hasn’t existed since last November, by my reckoning.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Reality has existed and it sucks.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Fuck if I know. I’m a unicorn, not a cosmologist.

      • Crystalclear12

        A shared narrative we choose to accept?

        • SayItWithWookies

          Some people (like a president I won’t name) never learned how to share.

      • yyyaz

        A crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

    • Blackest Noobs

      i expect him to take coward way out and commit suicide…well after he loses the race for Governor of Alabama ( you all do know he’s gonna run for that, right)

      • bupkus231

        That’s next ( not the suicide, the gubernatorial run. How much ya wanna bet he wins? )

        • Blackest Noobs

          he doesn’t.

    • shivaskeeper

      He won’t accept it as long as there is money to be made from his grievance.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Celebrating getting the last of the semester’s grades posted. This has been sitting in the cellar too long. Skaol. https://cdn.beeradvocate.com/im/beers/109952.jpg

    • Suse

      Molotov!

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Kalashnikov!

        • gallbladder

          Baryshnikov?

          • Suse

            Stroganoff!

          • gallbladder

            Made that for X-mas this year (true story!)

          • Suse

            Yum!

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Smirnoff

          • yyyaz

            Hack and cough. Sorry, where were we?

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Pickup Andropov.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Nureyev or GTFO.

      • JustDon’tSayHolidays

        Slack off!

        • Suse

          Back off!

    • msanthropesmr

      I posted mine on the 26th. SO far, no whinging emails about them yet.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I got an “A” in my class on something or other.

        • msanthropesmr

          Molotov also too.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My daughter, age 26, has qualified for Pell Grants on her own (until the DoEd fucks that up) and is working on completing her degree, that she abandoned at age 20. She sent her 1st semester grades in her Christmas card, 2 A’s and a B.
        Funny how when her dad and I were paying for college, she did the minimum. But that was a function of maturity. She finally realized that to meet her goals, which she now also has, she needed more education.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Going to ride my bike out into the cold and snow to get ramen. Because: I am dumb.

  • Blackest Noobs

    losers gotta lose.

  • Sheepshagger

    December 29th. The indefatigable Mr. shagger puts on his suit, combs his hair and heads off to the courts of justice for the latest wife stabber. Selah. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/60245537db0153148b6761f4a8f84acffbf5104096b8d471ccebd3dc45b5af7c.jpg

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      you really do have nice suits.

      I want me a nice 3-piece striped english number myself – not wool though. Too hot for the desert.

    • Ling Ling

      Scary stuff.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        which part? the hair combing? the shaving?
        THE PANTS?!?

        • Ling Ling

          There are pants? I did not suspect such atrocities! Now I am scared!

          • gallbladder

            Terrifying AND unconscionable.

          • Suse

            Could be a skirt suit. You don’t know.

          • Ling Ling

            Thats right. I don’t know. Someone else claimed there were pants. I don’t take pants lightly.

          • Suse

            I like wearing pants, myself.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            BLASPHEMER! Get Thee behind me, Satan!

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Me too. Yoga pants.
            True Story ~ I have a theory that bears out with anecdotal evidence about men and their preferences in women’s bodies. See, the majority of straight men fall into one of three camps – Boob Men, Leg Men and Butt Men.
            Boob Men
            are not necessarily interested in big boobs. Some men like itty bitty titties. It has to do with proportions. As Ex-H#1 said, “any more than a handful is a waste!”
            Leg Men like the line of nice, shapely gams. And fashions like seamed stockings or fishnets can attract and excite these guys.
            Butt Men like the shape of a rounded butt, or curvy hips. A small waist and a big butt can be a plus.
            Leg Men and Butt Men can overlap which brings me to my point. Yoga Pants are not only comfortable but they can also be a two-fer, with appeal to a wide range of men.
            There is more to my theory, when you consider fetishists. I have stories, but for another day.

          • bupkus231

            Wait – what? Is this like a Muslim theorizing about the taste of pork?

            Anecdotal evidence is not the same as forts-person experience.

            All those guys have been lying to you!!!!

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            The evidence is my own, based on my experiences and those of my girlfriends and based on mens’ behaviors. I could care less about their stated opinions. Most men are really stupid and not at all self aware.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            What about ankle men?

            Republicans, with a fetish for the forbidden?

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            I get feet men. I have small, narrow feet with a high instep. Freaky men, really freaky.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Kilt. I can picture the kilt.

          • Jonny On Maui

            What clan?

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time
        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Three piece suits are extra intimidating. The vest is like a shield. But not one of these that Javanka is wearing. Javanka is silly.
          http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.3026609.1491517774!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_750/vest7n-1-web.jpg

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Nice suit. Very handsome!

      • Rick Hill

        Hey! I look pretty durn good when I’m sited up, too.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          Prove it, Rick!

    • Suse

      Hubba hubba!

    • Marion in Savannah

      Wow. I most certainly would NOT want to be opposing counsel.

      • Suse

        I just got some DVDs from Netflix – Janet King. It’s an Australian series about a lesbian crown prosecutor who returns to work after having twins. Quite good!

        • therblig

          giving birth to twins or just enjoying a good time?

      • Sheepshagger

        As it turns out, neither did they.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Lucky sheep.

    • h4rr4r

      I take he did not use his penis in the stabbing?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        The penis mightier than the sword.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I WILL BREAK YOU.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I would have made the double windsor smaller but still sharp looking!

  • Wuulf
    • gallbladder

      Anyone else need any popcorn while I’m in the lobby?

    • BearsEarsDeLaOursistance

      Very, very glad our project is in ramp-down stage and our manager is working from home. Because loud, grunty bear-laughs.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    We are still brothers in arms. This Dutch Commando just received a high American award.

    https://twitter.com/usembthehague/status/946289695406936064

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I hate to rain on your parade, Robbertjan, but the Army Commendation Medal isn’t that high within the US Army. I’ve got one with an oak leaf cluster. It is, however, pretty unusual to present one to a non US Army type person. So huzzah to our Dutch allies!

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        you don’t rain on my parade, I just wanted to show you guys still have guys fighting with you and yes, given to a non American IS pretty sppecial so I guess he did something outstanding. Word here is that he stayed behind and gave sniper cover to an American unit but I guess we will never hear.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I tweeted the embassy asking about the reason for the award, it would be nice to know. It might have been the easiest award to acknowledge his deeds bureaucratically, still most unusual that he’s being publically acknowledged this way.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            What I know these guys are the best we have and operate deep into enemy territory. The fact he got this award means he has done something extraordinary since we have been your eyes for at least 15 years. It might me a medal for all f them personafied in a single celebration since no-one will acknowledgeout presence there prior 2002 (and yes we were there before that time)

    • Suse

      What’s the general feeling in the Netherlands about the US since the advent of Trump?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Pretty much the same as before. We like you guys and will never forget what you have done for us but we have a hard time understanding what happened to the country.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          We’re still wrestling with that last part ourselves.

        • CripesAmighty

          Short answer: the hardy, practical (if flawed) folk who kept reelecting FDR, Kennedy and LBJ have shuffled from this mortal coil and replaced by a horde of gibbering idiots.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Weren’t they the same flawed folk who elected Reagan?

            And then the dumbing-down began?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            If you leave out Eissenhower I can’t agree. if you keep in LBJ neither

    • BadKitty904

      Onze felicitaties en dank aan onze Nederlandse bondgenoten!

    • puredog

      That’s funny, I feel like I am due for a High American award any day now.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Congrats to the people of Alabama. Stay vigilant. There are plenty of shitstains like Roy out there who want to go back to the bad old days.

  • Tetman Callis

    Regarding the affidavit. It appears, on the face of it, that the former Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Alabama perpetrated a fraud upon the court. I’m not legally slick enough to know if I got that right, but it sure don’t look good, what he did with that piece of paper.

    • yyyaz

      It doesn’t really rise to that level, especially now that the case has been kicked out. It is shitty enough that I would have moved to strike it as the opposing attorney. And maybe ask for a Rule 11 sanction if I were feeling particularly bloody.

  • Lefty Wright

    I doubt if Jones will be a flaming progressive, but I would bet he will support more access to health care, women’s rights, LGBT rights, and fight against discrimination due to color, nationality and religion. Let’s hope he stands for preserving safety net programs. Let’s face it, even Joe Manchin has stepped up for Democrats on several important issues, and Jones seems to be to the left of Manchin.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      By Alabama standards, taking good ol’ boys to court for blowin’ up a blah church is downright communistic.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Yeah, something tells me that if Moore hadn’t been a creeper, he could have blown up the church himself and still won the election.

  • mancityRed6

    so, apparently the Joplin woman’s kids asked if I could come down for new years.
    they didn’t know that it was already planned
    this is good, right?

    • Ling Ling

      And then the murders began…

    • Suse

      I think I missed something.

      • mancityRed6

        she has two kids who apparently like having me around. they’ve asked for me before.

        • Jonny On Maui

          So. You’re like dessert…

        • gallbladder

          I’d say that this is a most excellent thing.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Unless you’re supplying them with jazz cigarettes.

      • mancityRed6

        nope, not when they’re there
        so there.

    • SpudRaider

      if your asking if it is a good thing you know it isn’t

      • mancityRed6

        I’m just a little scared is all.

        • SpudRaider

          Well good luck and go. I always remember the first line & last lines from Les Miserables, in situations such as this. Line One It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Last Line It is to better to Loved then lost then never to loved at all. Go For It

  • cmd resistor

    I just saw the Illuminati on a taco bell commercial.

    • msanthropesmr

      try the new fnord taco

      • Ling Ling

        That is the Discordians. Lots of people make that mistake.

        • msanthropesmr

          Put it in the W.A.S.T.E. bin.

      • cmd resistor

        I didn’t catch the whole commercial but glanced up as they threw out the word “Illuminati” in print. They were showing stuff from the $1 bill. I have no clue otherwise.

  • memzilla Ω

    How cold is it in NE USA and Canada, Johnny?

    Cold enough to turn boiling water into instant snow (video at the link).

    Parts of Canada are colder than the North Pole or Mars, officials say. Midwesterners know ALL ABOUT the Canada Clipper.

    Bitter cold continues to blanket the northern United States and Canada as forecasters warn that the deep freeze will continue into the start of 2018.

    International Falls in the US state of Minnesota – the self-proclaimed “Icebox of the Nation” – saw temperatures drop to -37F (-38.3C).

    New Hampshire’s Mount Washington, home of the “worst weather in the world”, set a new low record at -34F (-36.6C).

    In Erie, Pennsylvania, where more than five feet (1.5m) of snow has fallen since Christmas Day, state National Guard troops have been deployed to help clear the “incredible amount” of snow.

    Officials there say more snowfall is expected – and around the Great Lakes region – later this week.

    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/26aab89446b8fe8f03af5893db5a55d3332e7cab0c933c66bbe9bb34464deacb.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Thanks weakening jet stream.

    • Jonny On Maui

      I don’t miss the mainland at all!

    • gallbladder

      My parents live in rural Saskatchewan. They wrote to me that it was colder there than on Mars last night.

      • TJ Barke

        Ain’t no place to raise your kids.

        • gallbladder

          Too much crime.

          • therblig

            green on green violence gets ignored by the MSM*

            *martian state media

        • yyyaz

          No one there to raise them if you did. Which makes about as much sense as it being cold as hell there also too.

    • William
    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I will pour one out for all my cold homies while I’m at the beach tomorrow.

      STOP THROWING THINGS THAT HURTS!!!

    • gallbladder

      It’s so cold, today I tested positive for hot chocolate.

      I’m here ’til after New Year’s. Until then, please tip your server and try the veal.

    • hendenburg2

      Please do not do that. You can seriously burn yourself. Boiling water is still boiling. Up until the point where it isn’t boiling, sure. But before the point where it isn’t boiling? It’s still boiling.

      • TJ Barke

        Thanks, dad.

    • h4rr4r

      You can get out of a house with more than 6 feet of snow around it. I have tested this myself.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        That’s what upstairs windows are for.

        • h4rr4r

          One story house here.

          • Invisible Bunyip

            Do you by any chance have a chimney?

          • h4rr4r

            Sure, it’s asbestos and about 8″ diameter.

          • Invisible Bunyip

            There’s always the Mythbusters answer to a ‘sticky’ problem: Lard!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Trudeau is hot, conservatives think he’s Satan Claus, and yet Canada has a literal metric ton of snow and is colder than another planet.

      Therefore, climate change is a Chinese hoax from Vancouver.

      Also too, Jesus didn’t say anything about Mars in his biography, so those other planets don’t even exist.

      Because MAGA, that’s why!

      • TJ Barke

        You’ve been reading too many world nut daily comments.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          lol… I found out recently that washed-up racist Braves pitcher John Rocker has a column there. I forget where it was, maybe Right Wing Watch or the SPLC blog, something like that. It was during the campaign when all the conservative has-beens like Scott Baio and that underwear guy were coming out of the woodwork, they posted an excerpt from some derpish thing he wrote about a Subway restaurant in Beirut or something like that. Committing bull to the pen.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Polishing off the last of the spiked egg nog are we?

    • SayItWithWookies

      But where the hell would you go if you could get out of your house? Walk the dug path to the street and back a few times? Look at the pile of snow the car is probably under?

      • h4rr4r

        You dig out to the road and wait for the national guard to get the road clear. I did just that a few years ago. Then you help clear a walking path down the road.

    • yyyaz

      Meanwhile, at 7000′, we are setting a record every day for the latest snow ever recorded and none predicted for the next two weeks minimum. The temps are at record highs — 60F+ — and the dew point is at -6F. We average over 100″ of snow here from October to May. It is truly bizarre right now.

    • The Wanderer

      How cold was it?

      It was so cold that the Milwaukee Flasher was seen describing himself to several women today.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Nah, as a MKE native, I assure you that the gen pop, including the pervs, are made of heartier stuff than that. He did probably don a pair of chaps to avoid frostbite on the parts of his legs that stick out underneath his coat, though. We are also a practical bunch.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      We’re having a heatwave here in Chicago compared to earlier this week, real temp 15, feels like 3.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    As it turns out, it’s totally cool if Russia fucks with our elections after all, as long as they support Trumpers
    https://twitter.com/JacobAWohl/status/945711884669353984?ref_src=twcamp%5Eshare%7Ctwsrc%5Em5%7Ctwgr%5Eemail%7Ctwcon%5E7046%7Ctwterm%5E3
    Derpidy derp

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    heh, today in unintentional irony in court decisions:

    “When Richard Nixon confessed to deputies of the Marion County Sheriff’s Department
    that he had committed a burglary…”

    • bupkus231

      Marion County? Was that in Florida? Who knew that zombie ghost of Tricky Dickie lived right next door?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Florida Zombie…..

  • The Wanderer

    Ah, ’tis indeed been a productive day, capped off by riding my new bicycle around the area. So far, jaunts on the bike have driven home to me the need to exercise more. Still, no time like the present to start shedding pounds.

    But for now, off go the pants! Yay!

    • gallbladder

      PANTS?!?

      • The Wanderer
      • Jonny On Maui

        Onna bike? Bet the seat was attached too…

        • The Wanderer

          I figure it’s a rather conservative neighborhood, who might not take kindly to me rolling about nekkid. Regarding the seat, it’s early days yet – the sex toys will be fitted on an ad-hoc basis.

          • gallbladder

            Keep us posted.

          • Jonny On Maui

            We expect video…

          • Beanz&Berryz

            World Nekkid Bike Ride is a good time

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
      • Msgr_MΩment

        There was bacon strudel?!! Why was I not informed?!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I’m going to be finishing up the last of my leftover kielbasa and Swiss cheese strudel for dinner tonight. Almost makes up for the fact that I will be working til midnight.

  • William
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Mike Minden

      Brilliant!

    • puredog

      Insert Emma Stone “BURN!” GIF here.

  • norcalOG

    Roy may have misunderstood after he heard “Polly”, which conjured visions of sugar plums and other delights.

  • William
    • TJ Barke

      God he is so petty and pathetic.

      • msanthropesmr

        Remember – oh, about a year ago, when we would have been shocked that the President would have taken aim at a publication?

        • TJ Barke

          I’m pretty sure that was 378,000 years ago.

        • Mary Theresa

          For years he controlled his own publicity thru John Miller and John Barron. He can’t handle publicity that’s not of his own making.

        • bupkus231

          Yeah – before it was all more generalized – “nattering nabobs of negativism”….

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        And wrong. Anna Wintour is the editor of Vogue, not Vanity Fair.

        • CripesAmighty

          Just. So. Stupid.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        He’s mentally ill.

    • Blackest Noobs

      isn’t it a given that whatever he says is on said last legs turns out to be the opposite….example…the WaPo…subscriptions have gone up, not down.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Subscriptions will go up by one more on Jan 1st. (I’ve been sneaking past their paywall.) Also upping my Wonkette donation. My plan is to spend all of my HUGE tax refund in the anti-Trump echo chamber.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Huh?

    • SayItWithWookies

      What the everloving fuck is he even going on about now? He’s like the fucking Nazis and incels in that they have their own unique news that’s a big deal to them and which nobody else cares about — but because he’s the alleged leader of the free world, we have to learn what’s bugging him just to find out what the fuck he even means.

      • shivaskeeper

        Vanity Fair got the shit beat out of themselves on social media over the whole “Hillz should take up knitting and other hobbies” video.

        They backtracked and said is was supposed to be humorous, but they missed the mark.

        He is complaining about the backtracking. Because of course he is.

        • SayItWithWookies

          Oh, thanks — it was just the Anna Wintour thing that threw me off. Wow, the dude can’t shut up about anything.

          • shivaskeeper

            You didn’t expect him to get an of the details right did you?

          • SayItWithWookies

            Sigh — no, but the editor of VF would’ve been one of those I thought he’d be accurate about, since it was Graydon Carter, when he was at Spy, who came up with the term “short-fingered vulgarian” for Trump, and who then went on to become VF’s editor. Apparently I gave him too much credit — which is another first for me.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I take it he doesn’t realize that Vanity Fair and Vogue are not even remotely the same magazine?

      • Jonny On Maui

        You were good at “he doesn’t realize “.

      • puredog

        So it would seem. Stupid fuck.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Even the notoriously humorless Anna Wintour probably had a good laugh at this one.

      • yyyaz

        The only things he realizes are:
        1. Time to twitter on the shitter
        2. Time to eat shitty food
        3. Time to golf

      • gallbladder

        They both start with “V,” hence his confusion is my guess.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          V is for vagenda.
          That’s good enough for me.

        • Bobathonic

          Oh, so they’re Vox. Got it.

      • William

        Are you kidding? He thinks a manila folder is a Filipino wrestler

    • gallbladder

      One should never read Drumpf while sober…or in any other state of consciousness for that matter.

    • CripesAmighty

      Round to Guliana.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
      • CripesAmighty

        “Dammit. I dropped that ball here not a minute ago!”

      • Doug Langley

        “I know I saw that guy drop a quarter here!”

    • bupkus231

      I guess I haven’t seen most of the snark about this – but I’m kinda surprised that Wonketteers haven’t been roasting him more for not knowing the difference between “Vanity Fair” and “Vogue”.

      I guess we’re more worried about him not knowing shit from shinola…

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I like how Roy Moore refuses to concede and is talking about conspiracies and doesn’t sound totally, completely crazy as fuck at all.

  • Blackest Noobs

    so im at work tonight…and wife just told me the cats are not begging to go outside because, get this, it’s too cold.

    they’re even more funny when it snows….which is not often…they’ll kinda venture out and then go OOOOOH HELL FUCK THIS SHIT, let my ASS BACK IN THE HOUSE!!!!

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      My youngest dog has been like that too. We got half a block of walking tonight before she turned us all around and headed back home.

      Luckily she and the other dog got to poop in that short distance.

      Because she had stopped eating because needs to poop. She had stopped pooping because cold.

    • William

      I live in Maine. Any suggestion that my cat go outside is met as follows. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1fc974cebfd8c03503f3ba117ef55132ca1e349cdd2412d2345d556904b5fff8.jpg

    • Thiazin Red

      My cat has been begging to go outside even though it was too cold for him a couple days ago, and its eve colder now. My cat is not a smart cat.

      Hes seen snow a couple of times and he was not into it.

    • kareemachan

      Ours go out on the deck cuz the bestest ever water is found in planter saucers.

      But it’s frozen. And the cats are both, “YOU FOTHERMUCKER!!!1!” for us freezing the water.

      • Blackest Noobs

        ditto. what the fuck is with cats wanting rain/snow water???

        water crack?

    • bupkus231

      I remember seeing my German Shepherd acting as a snowbreak for my two cats after a big snow. The dog was determined ( even tho’ we had a relatively snow-free back patio ) to go in the back yard – and as she pushed her way through belly-deep snow, the cats ( kittens, really ) would follow in her steps.

      We all retired back inside real soon – but it was a sight….

  • memzilla Ω
  • alpacapunchbowl

    Where’s your god now, Moore-ses?

    • P’jama Pahnts

      God always answers prayers, it’s just that She thinks you’re a dick the answer is “No”.

  • Treg Brown
  • P’jama Pahnts

    Ok, I’ll say it. When Chewbacca shot up awake in his bed and the entire saga turned out to be his dream, I felt a little cheated.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Spoiler Alert!

    • Blackest Noobs

      but you have to agree, Chewie busting through Luke’s room was the best scene in the whole damn movie.

    • h4rr4r

      I honestly hope that the next movie ends that way.

      Mind you, I am an awful person. Every year I hope apple discontinues the iPhone and replaces with the iPad mini.

      • P’jama Pahnts

        You know, I’ve always wanted to develop a scale app that would trick people into standing on their iPads.

    • Rick Hill

      “Go back to sleep, Bob.”

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I only just saw the movie this afternoon, but my memory sucks—I have no recollection of that part. I’ve killed too many brain cells with the booze.

      • Rick Hill

        Brain cells don’t actually die, they just get confused about which connection is which. They go back to normal if you quit drinking for a few years

        Zing! Gotcha! Heheheh…quit….

        • goCatgo

          ” a few years” !!! Brahahahahaha ! Mine will prolly go back to remember the 1st Super Bowl. ” It was a warm January day in the City of the Angles…..” Hey, it works !

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I was told there would be no math.
            /trig warning

          • Rick Hill

            You didn’t get my joke. How obtuse

        • P’jama Pahnts

          I’ve always understood that it kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.

          • Rick Hill

            That must mean the strong ones are especially stupid? They did recently say it only shuts them down and they get bettter if you don’t drink

      • Msgr_MΩment

        The beauty part of that is you can Netflix the same disc back and forth to yourself. In perpetuity.

    • Phried Ω

      No, the revelation came when Chewbacca was in the shower.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        Chewbacca taking a shower?? All that hair is going to make one nasty clog.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      You’re telling me plot of a movie I haven’t seen?

      Jeesh.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If you hadn’t had enough of wallowing in Milo Yiannapolous’ horrid and narcissistic writing (which he doesn’t seem to be aware is humiliating), WaPo has a whole article about it, along with thirteen edits and some bonus emails at the end, which are simply awful. Like a few other people on the Bannon end of the spectrum, this idiot thinks he’s a genius.
    https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/erik-wemple/wp/2017/12/28/leave-the-lesbians-out-of-it-who-wants-to-edit-milo-yiannopoulos/?hpid=hp_no-name_opinion-card-d%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.38e67e981f26

    • kareemachan

      It’s pretty damned hilarious.

  • shivaskeeper

    Moore won’t concede as long as he can make money off of not conceding. Its a good thing it is immaterial if he concedes or not. Doug Jones has been certified the winner.

    I can conceivably see him still having not conceded his loss six months from now if he is still making money off of it. “Friends, we just need $10K more dollars by the end if the week to file another recount. Won’t you help me out?”

    • gallbladder

      A monthly telethon?

      • shivaskeeper

        If the take was more than the expenses he would do it.

    • Phried Ω

      Money is not his motivation. He’s on a mission from you know who. That and he has made being a giant dick his life’s work.

      • shivaskeeper

        I have no doubt he is a true believer. But… Look at how much he took from his charity. The one he started to pay his legal fees for getting removed from office. Look at how much he took from the foundation that started as that charity. Look how much he forgot to put on his tax and disclosure forms.

        Money is the overriding concern. Money will always be the overriding concern.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I heard a guy on some NPR show (The Takeaway, maybe?) posit that RoyBoy’s positioning himself for a gubernatorial run.
      Little fucker’s like herpes. Never goes the fuck away.

      • shivaskeeper

        That was coming out on election night as well. The just was he like to run, he likes the money to be made in running, but he doesn’t really like winning because he has to do what he was elected to do or get fired.

        Essentially he has taken the Palin quitter grift to the next level. He does not quit, he gets thrown out instead.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          “(H)e doesn’t really like winning because he has to do what he was elected to do or get fired.”
          How very Trumpian.

          • shivaskeeper

            My understanding is he would love to still be a judge if he could use his personal religious interpretation of the laws as the basis of all his judgements. It’s having to follow the actual laws that gets under his skin. Better to get fired for not following actual law and them make some money off of it.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            It worked for him for a good while.

  • amrak63

    My day WAS fine until I went out to get my mail, and found my bill payment to my gastroenterologist had come back with a Madoka-damned Return To Sender label.

    I called their office, and the receptionist said I was the second person today who had called with that complaint. It seems the Postal Disservice up there is breaking in a new mail carrier, who has been delivering mail to the wrong suites in the medical building, which of course get sent back to the post office.

    I said I would pay online, but I could not find a website for them, so I’ll just have to wait until tomorrow and call the office back to find out where to pay it.

    @#$$$%&*@&&#$^@%#$^@!!!1!!ELEVENTY-ONE!!!

    It looks like the USPS is no more reliable than

    https://i.imgur.com/WdwBxuR.jpg

    • msanthropesmr

      I live in Richmond, VA – which according to CBO has the worst postal delivery in the country.

      Today, a typical day. I received mail for each of my neighbors. God knows where my mail actually is.

      • amrak63

        It sounds like we may both need treatment for frustration, diabetes, bubblegum, and muffins.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvIFIdQEy0A

      • gallbladder

        I actually received it here this morning.

      • Blackest Noobs

        we are? shit i was sure it was Charlottesville…cuz when i lived there none of my bills i mailed off ever got paid ( which made me stop that process of mailing bill payments, if i can do online, i do, but other things, i pay in person, like my property taxes or water/sewer bills)

        i pretty much mail nothing…ever.

        • msanthropesmr

          Yeah – the report was damning – something like 80% of bulk magazines are late….

          • Blackest Noobs

            hmmm when i was kid i never got my comic books on time or sometimes ever.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Pretty sure I’m getting your Bed Bath & Beyond coupons. Thanks!

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        Why do you think it floods all the time at Shockoe Bottom? The sewers are clogged with undelivered mail….

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Them is some nice office suite neighbors who won’t walk mis-delivered mail down the hall…

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        If not for my Mailperson screwing up, I wouldn’t know my neighbours as well as I do.

    • kareemachan

      I do accountant-type shit for a school district, and the Powers That Be decided that why should we do direct deposit payments to community-based contractors, but mail them. Dayyum if some always come back each month because of no reason I can figure out. Nor can our local post office.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Mail? What is mail?

  • Rick Hill

    Ya know…I was worried about this. I gave Obama some Ameros back in the way when of 08. Now I’m getting emails from Hillary, look today I got something from Kamella…

    • Suse

      I got an email from Tom Perez today. I get a lot from the Dems, plus the League of Women Voters. And the Red Cross really, really wants my blood.

    • kareemachan

      Hey, I gave some to Obama, and I’m getting shit from drumpster. Arggh.

      • Rick Hill

        At one time, about 30 years ago, I was registered republican. Occasionally I get some type of fundraising propaganda from them

        • Lord Jim

          Thus giving the lie to the notion that the bleeding-heart liberal youngster grows up to become the “tough-minded” oldster.

          • Rick Hill

            Then again, Rickster has always been a bit of marching to his own drummings kind of guy

      • Suse

        We get GOoP surveys in the mail because we had hubby’s father’s mail forwarded here after he died. We never even knew he was a Rethug!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I listened to the Moore’s Ohio-based spokeswoman on MSNBC or CNN today. She went on about how they’ve proven there was voter-fraud. Then said about a trillion times, from her home in Cleveland, that the people of Alabama should make this decision. Perhaps through some kind of “election”. (I can’t be sure, but I think she was Tweety interruption coach.)

    Eventually Mrs Pixelz told me to mute it, which I did (of course).

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      I am going to miss her. She’s so exquisitely insane and holier than thou – you just know her husband is into something really fucked up like diaper play or cub scouts …

      • gallbladder

        What about diaper playing cub scouts?

      • CripesAmighty

        Def. one of the more entertaining PTL Club sidekick auditionees.

    • tinker12

      “Tweety’s interruption coach” — hilarious!

    • 3FingerPete

      Is this the interview? Because Jeebus H…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=28&v=BMXOKoLbCQ4

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Three math degrees? Sounds elitist.

  • goCatgo

    If Gawd wanted cats to go out in the snow, ice, rain and stuff, she wouldn’t have created litter boxes and humans to clean them. Jeeezze Louezze !

    • Beanz&Berryz

      After having had a cat, a dog, and kids, I’m taking a break from handling poop for awhile.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Hopefully you didn’t mix up kibble with cereal…! :P

        • Beanz&Berryz

          I kept them straight, but the ol’ dog was quite fond of what I called Kitty Roca…

    • thewalkindude
      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        “what’s that? want me to get off the blanket? right now? even with me looking cute and comfortable…? really?”

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Happy Flynniversary!!!!: On this day one year ago, Michael Flynn called the Russian Ambassador to tell him Trump would be getting rid of any and all Russian Sanctions.

    And then he lied about it to the FBI later.

    • Bobathonic

      So…what *has* Trump done vis a vis sanctions on the Rooskies?

  • Rick Hill

    I guess I should take time to learn about my new clients…
    http://synd.imgsrv.uclick.com/comics/nq/2017/nq171228.gif

    • Ling Ling

      Adding this to my LinkedIn profile right now.

  • Rick Hill

    Don’t you just hate it when you have an odd jig you made up for a cut you don’t make but once every 8 years or so and then, when you go to get it, it’s nowhere to be found but likely under a stack of plywood scraps the size of a volkswagen?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A veritable jig saw puzzle

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      Does this cut result in a tax break? Once every eight years? The jig is up!

      • Rick Hill

        Idk but I did just see about ht tax break for manufacturers from 04. I need to check that one out….

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I like the cut of your jig, and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • therblig

      michael flatley has questions

    • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

      Yes. Yes, I do.

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      Here — let me chew up 50 minutes of your day:

      https://youtu.be/gS78naDiB4k

  • Lord Jim

    Here’s a preview of the (possibly) next legislative shitshow:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ibtiwa6TxWQ

    • Ling Ling

      Robert Reich. Always worth watching.

    • Nounverb911

      More golf courses near Mar-a-Lago?

      • Rick Hill

        Improved roads leading there

        • Doug Langley

          With toll booths every 50 feet.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I thought his infrastructure plan was the big beautiful wall he wanted on the border and I want in the Gulf of Mexico…?

      • Lord Jim

        Mexico hasn’t met its fundraising goal…

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          I want the Coastal Spine. it’ll keep those hurricanes from raping us with storm surge–and that means no more 80 cent spikes on the price of gas. you like that.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      also too: projects in TX will be funded the most through the State Highway Fund which is not allowed to be used on toll roads. and there is a given slice of that fund for rural connectivity. which is awesome.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Step 1: Make your friends a whole lot richer.
      Step 2: See step 1.

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Hi everyone, back from the dead (of stupid and hellish Christmas vacations)…!

    What did I miss…?

    APART FROM THE BEAUTIFUL PUBLIC SPANKING OF MILO SHUTTHEFUCKUPOLOS’S BOOK!

    https://twitter.com/ellievhall/status/946499258584371204

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA BACK TO DYING OF LAUGHTER HAHAHAHAHAHA

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Paris Hilton is more of a feminist than Camille Paglia. And Paris Hilton is the pits.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “Thatz hawt!”

    • suziq

      Those editor comments are so great, I would read a book with just those. Don’t care what Milo has to say about anything, just those comments. Hilarious!

  • Rick Hill

    Things that make you go Hmmmmmm…..
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/a05AR2Z_460s.jpg

    • PixieThis

      Why is sperm flying over us?

      • Doug Langley

        We’re not worth impregnating?

      • Blackest Noobs

        God ™ wants another kid.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      humans: drawing ufos on pictures since FOREVER.

      • Rick Hill

        And dcks.Always with the peeners

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          and the things that come out of wienerboners.

    • CripesAmighty

      It’s the Elon Musk Express staging.

    • DrBigHead

      I speculated that SpaceX was just Elon Musk’s attempt to go home.

  • msanthropesmr
    • Jeffocaster in the East

      messsican cheese? How unMAGA like…..shame….

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Mutant Coconut Ninja Turtles? I loved their show.

      • Doug Langley

        True story: cartoonist Scott McCloud (“Zot”) has explained how cartoonists tend to be somewhat finacially challenged. One exception was his friend who created TMNT. It was shocking how much money that brought pouring in. And the merchandising! Once McCloud was buying groceries and was target the mac & cheese. There it was – a TMNT mac & cheese! He grabbed it, couldn’t wait to show it to wife “Hey, my friend is now a mac & cheese!” Then he looked at the price and stopped. It was too expensive. He had to put it back and buy a generic mac & cheese, it was all he could afford.

    • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

      Gelatinous Mutant Coconut???? Did I read that right????

      • msanthropesmr

        You did.

      • Doug Langley

        Hey, I love that character on Orville.

      • Lord Jim

        Yeah, I’m selling these on CafePress as merch for my acid synthwave reggae band.

        • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

          I need merch. Both my own and some of that.

  • Doug Langley

    Well, it’s worry time for me.

    Just as I was about to start getting unemployment payments, I get a phone call from them. They needed a little something cleared up. Like why I said the file clerk gig was a temp job when the company says I quit. So I explain that it was always temp, but they wouldn’t tell me how long, and couldn’t look for work until I knew when I was available, and gave the two weeks notice just to have a firm date, but they decided to end it on the same day anyway. She said thank you, I wrote it all down, and hung up. So – do they deny me benefits or allow them? If not, it’s crash and burn. I don’t know.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Getting benefits is usually a low bar at the first level – usually unless you engaged in egregious behavior, you’re going to get benefits.
      Now whether or not the other side appeals…

      • Doug Langley

        I explained that even if I had never given the notice, the job would have ended anyway. Probably not a big deal, but I’m naturally a worrier.

    • Doug Langley

      Oh, also appointment to food bank next Wed.

    • suziq

      As an (ex) employer who has had to lay people off, and sometimes fire their lazy asses, the only time I fought unemployment and won was the time I filed charges against the ex-employee for theft. The guy I fired-to his FACE- for threatening a lady in traffic (our phone number was on the truck and she called the office) said that his foreman laid him off for lack of work. I said no way and told them what happened. He got unemployment. So unless you are in a really red state that doesn’t believe in unemployment at all you should be fine. But it takes a while.

      • Doug Langley

        I don’t have a while. I can make rent next week, but will only have a couple hundred left over. If something doesn’t happen in a couple weeks, I’ll be living in my car.

        • Maclare’s Tree Lot 🌲🎄🌲

          Do you still have your gofundme page up?

        • suziq

          I understand. Sorry you are in that situation, but if memory serves, it takes a couple of weeks before you actually get a check. That doesn’t pay the bills though. Is there any place that has help to tide you over? I am not familiar with those. I know a friend of mine got a lot of help from her church. The people seemed real nice but I don’t go to church and churchy people make me kind of uncomfortable. Good luck, hope it works out.

          • Doug Langley

            I have. One local church is out of funds, another place tried to pay utilities by making me pay more than I already am, local food banks don’t serve my area, another place could help with rent but would take about 3 months to do so. Anyway, I’m looking around. And trust me, at this stage “churchy” people are the least of my worries.

          • suziq

            Didn’t you do a gofundme or something before? I know I threw a few bucks at a wonker a while ago. If that worked out you could try it again. Of course not something you want to keep doing but desperate times and all. I think it would be funny to cook up a loony right-wing outrage to grift off the maga hat crowd. Like refuse to bake a cake for some gays or something. Even though you don’t have a bakery or bake cakes for anybody. Though maybe that one is over done?

          • Doug Langley

            I still have it, thanks. If worse comes to worse, I’ll drag it out.

  • jesterpunk

    Wisconsin keeps giving Foxconn more to get them to build a plant in their state.

    http://money.cnn.com/2017/12/28/news/companies/foxconn-wisconsin-incentive-package/index.html

    The $3 billion incentive package used to lure Foxconn to Wisconsin to build a giant factory was only the beginning.

    Associated sweeteners have now grown to more than $4 billion — adding in the cost of local government incentives and various infrastructure projects, like roads and highways, sewer and power lines.

    Foxconn is also being allowed to skip state environmental rules and oversight it would otherwise have had to follow.

    • jesterpunk

      Also they will get the land for free from the local governments.

      The Village of Mount Pleasant and Racine County, where the plant is to be built, have also agreed to provide $764 million in tax incentives to help get the facility constructed, including buying the land and giving it to Foxconn for free.

      • Nounverb911

        “Eminent Domain is our friend”.
        –Gov Scott Walker

      • La forza del resistino

        I spent a year in Racine once. I think it was on a Saturday.

    • Ling Ling

      If I were an established WI biz, I might be a little irritated at these incentives.

      • jesterpunk

        They are, they are having problems finding workers right now and with Wisconsin giving Foxconn more and more its going to get even harder. The state is also offering to run ads in other states to get people to move there to work for Foxconn.

      • Nounverb911

        I’d also move out of state because their taxes are going to skyrocket to pay Foxconn’s extortion money….

      • jesterpunk

        The citizens are going to be pissed too, their electric bills are also going to go up to pay for the electric company upgrades and new wiring to supply Foxconn with power at their plant.

        In addition, the local electric utility is upgrading its lines and adding substations to provide the necessary power that will be used by the plant, at a cost of $140 million. The cost of those projects will be paid by 5 million customers in the area.

        • Lord Jim

          Socialize the costs and privatize the profits. It’s The American Way.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      The trick is to rebrand “welfare” as “incentive package”.

    • Nounverb911

      Are they going to allow FoxCon to not pay unemployment insurance to save them money when they abandon the plant in two years too, also?

      • jesterpunk

        They wont be paying taxes for years anyway.

    • Nounverb911

      Where exactly is FoxCon going to find a sufficient supply of sober, drug-free workers?

      • jesterpunk

        They have that covered.

        In fact, among the additional costs to the Foxconn project is a $6.8 million advertising campaign to woo workers from out of state to work in Wisconsin, including at the new plant.

        The state and local governments will cover that.

        • Nounverb911

          So, China?

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          Moar jerbs fer all the Messicans Wisconsinites..?

      • therblig
      • Or Chinese ones that will work for $1 a week?

      • Magnificent Mopery.

        Not to mention sober, drug-free virgins.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Do they also get their pick of the town virgins and the right to sacrifice first-born sons?

      • jesterpunk

        If they ask for it Walker would let them.

      • Khavrinen

        Or was it the other way around?

    • SayItWithWookies

      Does Foxconn have to actually build the factory and run it, too? That sounds a little demanding of Wisconsin. If they could please make the building, manage the production line and HR, and maybe put a pillow under Foxconn’s heels because this ottoman is a little on the firm side, and then fetch Foxconn another mimosa, that would be lovely.

  • Lyly Sirivong

    I had forgotten how much I loved this tune.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLxeNktacYs

  • OrG

    Ever work with someone who always SEEMS to be doing something, but almost NEVER doing what really needs to be done?

    • Gosala

      Aside from my boss, his boss, her boss and half my staff?

      No, never.

    • shivaskeeper

      Once or twice. Yes.

    • Blackest Noobs

      all.the.goddamn.time.

      i have a co-worker who refuses to answer the fucking phone. which btw is part of her fucking job.

    • TootsStansbury

      “Good for nothing, shirking coworker, where are all your project folders?” GFNSW: “They’re hidden!”

    • CripesAmighty

      Oh yeah. The *NPA Whirling Dervish.

      *Non Productive Activity

    • Khavrinen

      My “favorite” is the type with an absolute genius for finding the exact moment when not bothering to do something really simple for thirty seconds can result in an extra twenty minutes or more of unnecessary work for the other people on the team. That’s called “productivity”!

    • I finally got rid of one. One of his catch phrases when I found something wrong was “Oh. Yeah. It’s been that way for a while.”

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Bono has done his fair share to make rock music “girly”

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        So much wrong on so many levels in this interview. The misogyny and homophobia for one. Not to mention the (not-so?) subtle racism of saying it’s a bad thing that hip-hop has become “the only outlet for male anger.”

        And because white-guy rock wasn’t “girly” in Bono’s heyday?

        images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/28000000/-Motley-Crue-musicians-in-makeup-28003503-500-359.jpg

    • Rick Hill

      I’d say it’s gotten wordy. Too many of them

    • jesterpunk

      Can Bono just go away now? The Edge can still play guitar without any singing if he wants.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Better girly than utterly fucking tedious, pretentious twaddle.

    • Christopher Story

      Pat Bennitar
      Heart
      Blondie
      Janis Joplin

      • wait! what?

        Siousie and the Banshees
        Patti Smith
        Grace “don’t fucking call me Gracie” Slick…

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Grace Jones
          X-Ray Spex
          Sleater-Kinney
          Bjork
          Kim fuckin’ Deal

          I’m not even gonna start on the great badasses of soul, R&B and hip hop.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Shirley fuckin’ Manson would say Bono’s statement is a lot of Garbage.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GhPUAVgHZc

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Ooh, yes Shirley! She’s been one of my lady-crushes since the 90s.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Bonny Scottish lass who could kick the wee leprechaun’s ass.

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        You did NOT put Heart in the same category as Saint Janis.
        NO, NO, NO.

        • suziq

          Female bands and singers from when U2 was last popular?

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Honestly, Debbie Gibson qualifies for the Jeopardy category “female singers popular when U2 was also too popular” and even she could probably kick Bono’s ass too.

    • OrG

      Stop listening to “rock music” and listen to ROCK N FUCKIN ROLL.

    • Blackest Noobs

      who is dis boner guy?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Some douchenozzle white-savior wannabe from Belfast who goes in a private plane to Africa while wearing $500 sunglasses, and is now complaining that hip-hop is too full of “ruthless aggression” because apparently “white” rock (which originally was black music) has gotten too emo.

        And then adds insult to injury by having Apple embed one of his shitty songs in your iPod firmware.

        • Blackest Noobs

          also his one-name guitar dude plays only that one riff over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

          how long must they sing that song….HOW LONG???

          • Bobathonic

            Maybe ask a Dead Head?

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Don’t cut yourself on that Edge, Bono.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          He’s actually from Dublin. And surprisingly short. I passed him on the street a few times when I lived there.
          Mayhaps he’s trying to compensate for something.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Like a leprechaun, ye say? Wi’ a wee pair o’ Blarney Stones? Either that, or he’s embracing the stereotype that the Irish will pick a stupid fight just for the sake of picking a stupid fight. See also: my father and his entire side of the family…

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Irishmen are no Scotsmen in the willie and bollocks department, I’ll tell you that much.
            Aside from the fact that he crawled up his own arsehole at least 30 years ago, he’s a textbook example of Irish begrudgery. No one likes U2 anymore nor are they at all relevant, so he’s going to be a petulant shit.

          • Ling Ling

            I will second the short part. Apparently he dresses like Zoolander every day, though. I’ve seen him in corporate settings.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Yeah, every time I saw him he looked fucking ridiculous. Like a caricature of a “rock star”.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      better than all those snowflaky testicles it’s had.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Plus, why should the arts be used to foster toxic masculinity in the first place rather than be a channel to diffuse it? He sounds like an old man in 1977 complaining about disco…

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          he’s just upset because vaginas are stronger.

    • Christopher Story

      Besides, I though Manson said Rock was dead? And yes, Manson is far more relevant and relatable to me than U2 could ever hope to be.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Toxic masculinity was what brought about Columbine anyway. We need less of that. Sounds like Bono clonked his head pretty bad when he fell off his bike and incurred schadenfreude during iTunesgate…

    • If he means “It’s gotten seriously watered down and lame”, then I agree. If he means “it has too many girls in it”, then he can go fuck himself with the giant piece of shit that he was on that episode of South Park.

      Edit: I would like to add that U2 is a big part of what watered it down and lamed it up.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I think it’s sort of a combination. He shot himself in his other foot when he started lamenting about hip-hop being the last refuge for “male anger.” This whole statement is a tumbling Jenga tower of intersectional fail.

        • He’s been a huge, incredibly wealthy celebrity for like 30 years now, that sort of thing does not keep you in touch with reality in any way… But like… I can count the number of U2 songs that I’ve liked in the past decade on one hand, and I can’t actually remember what any of those songs are called or what they sound like… If U2 disappeared and their entire catalogue was wiped from existence, it would probably take me a few years to even notice.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            He ran with the whole “look at me, I’m the Jesus of Africa” torch from Bob Geldof, and let his whole savior complex go to his head. Funny, all the rock stars who brought Christmas to Africa (which in and of itself sounds like colonialist evangelizing) didn’t help matters much. If anything, they made things worse. Celebrity slacktivism. “Buy my album and make me awesome, and don’t bother actually having to do anything to address structural inequality or the legacies of colonial racism.” I never liked that stupid song in the first place.

          • TootsStansbury

            This is it right here.

    • Gosala

      Meh… with notable exceptions, rock and roll died after the British Invasion.

      * dodges brick bats *

    • Msgr_MΩment

      CHAZ Bono says grow a pair.

    • Lyly Sirivong

      It’s good that it’s gotten girly.
      Because how else would we get songs about statues with humongous vaginas or pubic hair ?
      https://youtu.be/xkS_R7RDuMc
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-GQ63NStxk

  • La forza del resistino
    • Nounverb911
      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        which one is for being smug?

      • TootsStansbury

        Is there one for punching the teacher?

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          no, but there is one for doing a sexist impression of teacher.

      • Blackest Noobs

        kinda makes the real soldier in me wanting to kick his ass up and down the street…your brothers were dying in the goddamn ‘Nam while you were a coward with fake foot problems.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          I suspect Trump would have been fragged if he had gone to the ‘Nam. With M61 grenade votes.

          • Blackest Noobs

            fragging would be too good for him.

    • CripesAmighty

      Has any human being been so continuously, ostentatiously ridiculous for so long?

      • OrG

        Liberace?

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Yeah, but not fabulous.

        • CripesAmighty

          Yeah, but he let us in on the gag.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Well, except for the time he sued the Daily Mirror.

            No wonder The Donald wants to abolish the First Amendment and change the libel laws to more closely resemble the laws in England.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I’d be cool with changing the hate speech laws, though. Although apparently they’re not very effective if the Daily Fail still exists.

        • Doug Langley

          But he was talented.

      • La forza del resistino

        It’s not the man in a uniform, it’s the length of his sword.

    • Phried Ω

      Where is his red kettle and handbell?

      • Blackest Noobs

        more like where are the piss on you prostitutes?

      • La forza del resistino

        charity is not a word in Trumpese.

        • Phried Ω

          Chaz Bono formerly.

    • Dg Hacket

      What do you think he does with a feather mounted to his head?

      • texcynical

        Can’t say for sure, but I bet it smells like ass.

        • goCatgo

          “Aren’t we having some kind of weather ? “

      • La forza del resistino

        he died it blonde and is still using it to this day.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I didn’t know Trump was a drum major.

      Seriously… I wore a less silly costume when I was one of the wooden soldiers in the Nutcracker.

    • Ling Ling

      Do you think that outfit is compensating for something?

      • Phried Ω

        Strictly speaking it’s a costume from the school play.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Couldn’t he get out of the Graustark Army because of his dreaded, contagious bone spurs?

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    LORAX 2020: NOW WITH FEWER TESTICLES!

    CTHULHU 2028: STOP SPANKIN’ YR LORAX!

    • NorthernSaber

      Nothing passes a -25 Aroostook winter night like a nice shot of Lovecraft…

  • nightmoth

    Hey, I just noticed this is the open thread. Abigail Disney, wealthy grandchild of Walt, has made a video AGAINST the tax bill saying that yeah, she’ll benefit, because she’s already rich, but people who are not in her bracket are screwed. It’s a cool story!
    https://www.snopes.com/2017/12/21/disney-heiress-benefit-tax-plan/

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      And here’s the intro to said video. A very special message to Paul and Mitch.

      https://i.imgur.com/L2635GR.gif

    • Doug Langley

      Good thing grand pappy Walt is dead or there’s be hell to pay. He was what we would today call ultra-conservative. He was one of the Hollywood pack terrorizing “Commies” before HUAC.

      • nightmoth

        That’s true. However, I gotta stand up for what Abigail said about his benefitting from social mobility and her lamenting its demise.

        • Doug Langley

          True, but I wonder about anyone who lived through WWII where “Uncle Joe” was our ally because he opposed Hitler just as we did, then thought nothing of spinning around and hating “Commies” with every fiber of their beings just because leaders said they should.

          • nightmoth

            My family members who lived through that war never trusted Stalin. One of my great uncles who saw combat said that he wished they’d kept marching past Germany and taken Russia, because we’d have to fight them next.

  • Rick Hill

    Whelp. Just changed into the official “Artisan, not some schlub in a colored t shirt and jeans woodworker” outfit. Otn the way to speaks to a prospective client. Unlike Sheepshagger, I won’t post an images, though. Not wanting the wimmin folks gto swoon and the mens to feel inadequate…

    (Very thoughtful of me)

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Inadequate? I don’t understand.

      • Rick Hill

        Well, not you, of course, you’re in a class all your own

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Hee hee!
          Thanks for noticing, kind sir!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Oh, Rick. You are so thoughtful. I’m nowhere near my fainting couch, and my pearls are at the cleaners.

      • Rick Hill

        No jokes about pearl necklaces….uhn uh…..

        • Ms.MLG on Maui
          • Rick Hill

            I actually have an interesting story about that…..

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I bet you do!

          • Rick Hill

            Well, sorta. Actually, in response to a query about what it was, I messed up the necklace part

    • Gosala

      WE ARE NOT WORTHY
      WE ARE NOT WORTHY

  • Ωbjectifier

    Vanity Fair, which looks like it is on its last legs, is bending over backwards in apologizing for the minor hit they took at Crooked H. Anna Wintour, who was all set to be Amb to Court of St James’s & a big fundraiser for CH, is beside herself in grief & begging for forgiveness!

    — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump)

    Anna Wintour is the editor of Vogue, dumbass.

  • Ling Ling
    • That’s kinda funny. I mean, ridiculously inaccurate and phenomenally hypocritical, but still KINDA funny.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bananas Foster

    In terms of the worry about how Jones will act in the Senate…

    Where do people think he’s squishy? Legit question. I dodn’t know.

    • He’s a Democrat who won in Alabama, it’s reasonable to assume that he’d lean “blue dog”, but I don’t see that from his statements or record.

      • Bananas Foster

        I read a couple of articles after I posted that and I haven’t found anything yet.

  • weejee

    With Alabama certifying Jones, got me some happy blue, 4 sure.

    <.a<

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m back at work and having a difficult time with the crowds of lunatics, morons, MAGA-hat wearers, and illiterate doofuses. Maybe completely disengaging from the whole shitshow for five days was too long. I shoulda eased back in more slowly.

    • OutOfOrbit

      You can find your feet faster this way

  • Moebym of the Returners

    So about that cat I was so excited about yesterday…(long post)

    I’m probably not going to be able to get him after all. Sometime between yesterday afternoon and 8 this morning, the owner “may have” (her words) found someone else who could take both the younger and the older cat. (The older cat, as I mentioned before, has a condition that requires $30 worth of meds every month, and is not a bonded pair with the younger one, so we initially agreed that I could take the younger one only.) I received her apologetic message a little after 8 this morning – complete with “please don’t be sad” at the end (AND HOW COULD I NOT BE?!?) – while I was on the way to Death Valley with my family for a day trip. This one message ruined the whole damn outing.

    After much thought, I replied to her that I’d be willing to take both cats after all, and that I hope she’d reconsider letting me have the cats, since I had all the cat supplies ready for them and, unlike with the other person, I’d actually met them. (This new person is meeting their owner for the first time on Sunday, the day I’d originally planned to pick up the cat.)

    Truth be told, I can’t keep the older, ailing cat for long even if she agreed to let me have both, so I’d have to find another home for him anyway. Since I live with my parents still, they make the rules, and they were resolute about not taking in the older cat owing to his health problems. It wasn’t an easy decision, since keeping the younger one meant having to find the older one yet another home, and saving the older cat the stress of changing owners twice in rapid succession meant not getting either cat. But, I couldn’t give up on him so easily.

    I thought I’d found the perfect cat – long-lived, purebred, hypoallergenic, and absolutely beautiful – and then the opportunity gets snatched away from under me. Honestly, I’m pretty distraught, even pissed; this was like the 2016 election all over again, writ small, with my family as the only ones left wondering why we lost after we were so sure we’d won.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      aren’t there breed specific rescue groups that you can look at?

      • Moebym of the Returners

        I didn’t consider that. If this doesn’t work out, I’ll pursue the rescue route.

    • Bananas Foster

      You lost me at the point where you said you’d adopt a cat and then admitted you’d be passing the cat along.

      Don’t lie when taking on the responsibility of animals.

      That’s really not cool.

      (Shelter volunteer here.)

    • sarafina

      Oh sweet jeebus. All the cats needing homes and your WHOLE DAMN TRIP was ruined because you couldn’t get this one? I have pets, I know pets are important but christ on a crutch, I know people with real problems and this is just over-privileged, spoiled child whining. I’m sure you can find the PERFECT CAT, it just might take a week or so. Even on a mommy blog your issue is shallow.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

    Well looky here. Curiouser and curiouser.

    Devin Nunes’ Campaign Donor Was Original Funder Of Trump-Russia Dossier

    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/12/28/1728250/-NEW-Devin-Nunes-Campaign-Donor-Was-Original-Funder-Of-Trump-Russia-Dossier?_=2017-12-28T15:34:00.403-08:00

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      So you’re saying Devin Nunes should subpoena himself

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4zP7247W7o

      • JoeChristmas

        He sure did doth seem to protest too much.
        Probably why he half recused and then tried to go to the WH to see what they had on him.
        Andrew Janz ’18

  • Nounverb911
    • Bananas Foster

      She’s actually more bland than I thought possible.

      She’s not blonde.

      She’s blank.

      • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

        Rain puddles have more depth.

        • Bananas Foster

          Contact lenses have more depth.

      • M.E. Lawrence

        The type my guy would characterize as vapid and vicious.

      • Beelzebubba

        Your basic blande Foxbabe – an empty vessel that they can fill with GOP-dictated talking points, and have them drip out at a reliable rate.

        • She fits the Fox News job description, though: it is her space that gives her her worth.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      No, thanks, Tomi. That’s like 10 more things than I want to know about you.

    • Lemme try:

      1) Used to be a liberal until she found out she could make more money being blonde and wrong
      2) Once lost a battle of wits to a cactus
      3) Her shrieking is the only (wo)man made sound that can be heard from space
      4) Once spent 45 minutes yelling racial slurs at a cigar store Indian
      5) Is actually only 8 years old, but the hatred has aged her quite a bit.

      • Bananas Foster

        1 and 2 give me cognitive dissonance.

        • One is not a joke at all.

          • Bananas Foster

            1 and 2 give me cognitive dissonance, also ,too.

          • No, literally, she used to be a “liberal” and write as such… She just had her greed overwhelm her, apparently.

          • Bananas Foster

            Yes, I get that.

            I was making the point that the shift made her smarter than a cactus.

            Or, rather, I wasn’t making the point.

          • Pretty sure she had a total frontal lobotomy after that decision, it was the only way to get the really authentic hate-derp.

    • TootsStansbury

      Anne Cutlet.

  • Beelzebubba

    Up in NH, at the top of Mt. Washington, things are getting a bit nippy:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/61fc0c9b0e8319c3436d11a1e6af85c10d3d171c7b2d0c3cb8b07e074b796a80.jpg

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      isn’t that normal this time of year?

    • Parakeetist

      Holy shit

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’m impressed. Dilly, dilly!

  • Nounverb911
    • Parakeetist

      Yay yay yay yay

    • Bananas Foster

      Eh, she’s got to self edit.

      She lost me at the kids not being fed.

      • shivaskeeper

        Nope. It’s what they want for everyone else. All she is wishing for is they have to deal with they want others to deal with.

        • Bananas Foster

          She shouldn’t wish for what they want for others.

          What they want for other is the problem!

          She doesn’t even couch in terms of them being afraid they can’t feed their kids.

          “unable to feed themselves or their children, and being told there are no more food stamps.”

          That’s not right.

          • shivaskeeper

            It would be poetic justice.

            There is no chance that it will happen though. They have too much money and look to be making a bunch more.

        • hudson

          completely agree.

    • goCatgo

      This is simply cruel, mean, and vengeful. I like it !

  • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

    Amazing – this knothead sees the backlash against Vanity Fair and decides that the real problem is…Hillary Clinton!
    Swear to God, they can’t help themselves.

    https://twitter.com/CNBC/status/946452729492377600

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I didn’t know we were married to her. I thought she was married to Bill.

      • Timothy Watson

        And Huma, never forgot that!

        • I’d marry them both simultaneously or separately any day.

    • Everrett Fanuelli
    • yyyaz

      Shitty reality-teevee channel says what?

    • Beelzebubba

      “Uproar”? Who really gives a fuck, outside of media junkies?

    • Doug Langley

      Step 2: social media incinerates this jerk.
      Step 3: “It was just a joke . . .”

    • Thiazin Red

      I want one of these choads to point out what exactly shes doing wrong now? A book tour a while ago and a handful of interviews is just too much?

      • shivaskeeper

        Does she have a vagina? Did she attempt to break the big glass ceiling? Did she get on the wrong side of Bernie’s Howler Monkey Brigade? Vagina again?

        That’s all that needs to be said.

        • Lord Jim

          Still breathing, also, too.

          • shivaskeeper

            Probably breathing shrilly also, too.

    • Edith Prickly

      I think it’s the media who needs to divorce Hillary – they can’t quit her.

    • Duke

      That’s a funny video and is alternately biting and respectful. I liked it and I voted for her and sent moniez.

      Social media is often a sad place.

    • Lord Jim

      Written by a penis-american. Never saw THAT coming. >:(

  • Bananas Foster

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dr-phil-show-guests-addiction_us_5a455ee0e4b06d1621b7c6e1

    Dr. Phil guests who suffered from addiction were given drugs and alcohol.

    SPECIAL FUCKING PLACE IN HELL.

    • CripesAmighty

      Quelle surprise.

    • Nounverb911

      Trump’s next surgeon General?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
      • Beelzebubba

        Ratings, natch.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          The most incredible, terrific ratings. So much winning.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Grifters gonna grift.

    • Parakeetist

      DUDE WHAT THE FUCK

      Lawsuit alert

      Lawsuit alert

    • Timothy Watson

      The man has always been a quack who shouldn’t be allowed on television.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        #ThanksOprah

  • La forza del resistino

    Is Donald getting puffy around the eyes or is his inner lizard showing?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a532444181e34af975e352c48440515e2eac2837b3e32cd371c7f1eba406c18d.jpg

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      ANOLE LIBELS!

      • Beelzebubba

        Anole, Ahole. Too close for comfort.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          don’t make me get the rolled up newspaper.

      • Bobathonic

        They *sell* anoles in these parts, in pet stores!

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          I’ve seen it. that doesn’t mean they should be subjected to being compared to DJT. being sold in a pet store is humiliation enough.

    • Zonath

      He’s kinda getting puffy everywhere, not just the eyes.

    • TootsStansbury

      Please do not compare that piece of shit to the cute little lizards.

      • Old Man Yells at Cloud

        One is a cold blooded eating machine. The other is a green lizard.

    • Everywhere else is getting so fat, that his eyes are gaining weight.

    • Beelzebubba

      I’m hoping it’s lack of sleep, with the sound of Mueller’s footsteps keeping hiim awake at night.

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Thank you, Fakakta South, and a happy 2018 to you, your kinfolk, and lots of other Alabamians. What is possible in now-pale-lavender Alabama is possible elsewhere. (And I want it to be Texas next! Although Mississippi or Indiana would do just fine.)

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Florida! :)

      • OutOfOrbit

        Florida? Did you fall into a sober?

    • Beelzebubba

      Texas has a shitload of Electoral College votes. Turning it Blue would be an epic event.

      • Hell, just getting rid of Ted Cruz with the punch punch punchiest face, the face that all the mothers love to punch would be a good start. There are a lot of others who would be terrific to turn out of office, too, like the entire Repube House delegation. But, Ted would be a good start.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          As a bonus, the only asylum he could seek in Canada is a mental asylum.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            He could take refuge in a soup factory.

            They owe him.

        • Fakakta South

          And I really think ol Beto would be an excellent Senator. Not even like, just get rid of Ted, (even tho the senate would be better served by any random inanimate object) lets get rid of an evil lying scumbag and replace him with an intelligent, hard working, reasonable human who is also not a disgusting smarmy snot face with just a god awful voice who is willing to suck up to the dementedly dangerous Pres* who shit talked his dad and wife. A-Hem. Sorry. My point is, yeah, fuck that guy.

          • Some people have no pride. Don’t trust those people.

    • Picabo
      • shivaskeeper

        I’m not that old but I get it. Always with the negative waves.

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    LORAX 2020: I AM ALPHA! ALL THINGS BEGIN WITH ME!

    CTHULHU 2028: I AM HUNGRY!

    LORAX 2020: AHEM!

    CTHULHU 2028: OR I COULD BE OMEGA…OMEGA IS GOOD!

    • Duke

      I need to get out more.

      Or stay in more.

      Whatever it is that I’m doing, it’s wrong.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        LORAX 2020: YR DOIN’ IT WRONG!

  • Magnificent Mopery.

    And Lo, the Prophecy did come to pass. WE’RE NOT WORTHY, WE’RE NOT WORTHY, WE’RE NOT WORTHY!

  • Juan de Fuca

    Apropos of nothing (even if does remind me of Roy Moore and every RWNJ):

    https://youtu.be/nzyNWyZhUS0

    • A banana slug, power drums, and angry vocals coalesce.

      • Doug Langley

        And then the murders began.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Parakeetist

      Wha

      He needs to sue that haircutter.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Nunes always has been and always will be a guy who gets an erection when he milks cows.

    • La forza del resistino

      the face of one who got used to being duct taped to his locker. ‘splains a lot.

    • Let she who is without a shitty yearbook photo cast the first stone

  • Nounverb911
    • therblig

      he’s what we used to call a sak’s fifth avenue man.

      sfa – stupid fucking asshole

    • yyyaz

      GIVE ME MOAR MUNNIEZ, LOOSERS(sic)!11!!!!

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      we can’t just send him on an all expenses paid golf-cation on the nearest ice berg and see how long it takes for him to change his mind?

    • What a fucking dullard.

    • shivaskeeper

      Do you think he would be able to answer exactly what account we were going to pay trillions into? Is it something like his concept of the NATO account we apparently pay into but no one else does?

      This fucking guy.

    • In all fairness, why can’t reporters make basic logical steps?
      I mean
      seriously
      why the hell else would he pull out of the Paris Accords
      and he had ALREADY tweeted out that it was a “chinese hoax” years ago
      Why are these people so bad at their jobs?

      I’ve seen better interviews with Macho Man Randy Savage than any pre-election interview with Trump

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        He cancelled the Paris accords because he had an ego fit that Macron had a manlier handshake, so he wanted to do something to punish Paris. That’s it. Well, that and Obama supported it. Literally everything he does is in response to some slight against his “manhood” or “it’s an Obama thing,” which itself is a slight against his “manhood.” If Trudeau was a gawky, fat moron with no spine who just fellated him and didn’t give Ivanka a squee that made daddy jealous, Canada wouldn’t be facing a 250% tariff on lumberjacks and dairy maids, a trade war over Bombardier aircraft, and Trump wouldn’t be threatening to rip up NAFTA. But the only reason he hasn’t outright nuked Ottawa is because Trudeau is a better actor than even his own country’s Harpercon knuckledraggers give him credit for. He’s a snake-charmer who fools Trump into believing he doesn’t outright despise him. It’d be called “Jedi mind tricks” if Trump actually had a mind to trick. Everything is about ego with the dotard, he has no credible policy strategy.

        • Hey let’s look for the overly complicated solution in lieu of his well-known batshit views on global warming because we’re reporters and we have to “get it right” which means when he tells a lie he’s “mistaken” or “incorrect”

          You’re mirroring the 4-D chess shit from the far right
          Never forget that Trump at his very deepest is a fucking moron

    • Gosala

      “Global warming means it will never be cold again”

      Said no scientist ever

    • SayItWithWookies

      And only a week after he got permission to build a seawall at his Irish golf course to protect it from waters that are rising for — um — apparently no reason whatsoever.

    • starfanglednut

      Christ, what an asshole. I can’t wait till his stupid mar a lago is undewater.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Duke

      Who paid for it is a red herring for what in it is right.

      Pee tape! Pee tape! Pee tape!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      So THIS is the hot piece Dworkin was pimping earlier today? I has a dissapoint.

  • Thiazin Red

    I’ve seen a ton of horror movies based around the premise of something makes kids go evil and start killing adults. But a reversal with Nick Cage as one of the evil parents going Full Cage? That sounds amazing. Plus, I hate kids anyway. I spent about 2/3rds of The Babadook rooting for the monster.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4Kb40pnoOY&feature=youtu.be

    • Sheepshagger

      Sorta seems …. unsportsmanlike to murder kids. No real challenge, you know? Now murdering drug dealers- that’s got dash.

      • Thiazin Red

        They’re quick and can get into small hiding places.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Nick Cage? Why did Meryl Streep pass on this one?

    • I couldn’t watch the babadook
      A horror movie about an impossible, asshole kid who ruins your life?
      It was too fucking real

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Same! That kid was the WORST.

      • Thiazin Red

        I do give the movie credit for being able to turn it around at the very end and make me not want him to be killed.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Eh, you’re a better person than me, I guess.

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      There was a Troma movie about kids going feral that ends with the parents slaughtering their children. It was a piece of shit, but… I though you might be interested?

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Done with ramen. The line was out the door. It’s a little hole in the wall, but the noodles were so good. Better than most sex I have had.

    • Parakeetist

      You’re having sex with noodles?

      Wait, don’t answer that.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        co-noodling?

      • Timothy Watson

        Worst Japanese adult video ever.

        • Tampopo was actually a good noodle porn film.

      • Juan de Fuca

        *Doing it wrong*

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Wait. Limp noodles?

    • Duke

      Did you have a friend along for the noodles?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Yes. A womb carrying woman.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          you were dating a female fetus or just its casing?

        • Bobathonic

          A Wombebago?

    • La forza del resistino

      limp noodles are not a good mental image sexwise.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      People..jeesh.

    • vivian

      Never tried glory hole ramen… not sure I ever will.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      conclusion: you need to have better sex if ramen>most sex>tacos. that’s just wrong.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hey! Hey! Hey! We don’t know about the tacos.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          you should not be getting tacos at the same place you get ramen.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            I often stop by my local watering hole for a ramen tonic. Wait, what?

  • Nounverb911

    Gee if you thought it was such a good idea, why didn’t YOU do it?
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/276410893519183873

    (There’s a tweet for everything)

    • La forza del resistino

      She shutdown his offer to go furniture shopping years ago.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Why can’t we just be voted out by a majority of the board of directors already?

    The Nambian Candidate: Russian pranksters claim to have tricked Nikki Haley into defending the sovereignty of a fake nation

    America: A land without a purpose, for a people without a clue.

    • It’s stupid all the way down…

    • In her defense, pretending to know what you’re talking about no matter what is a time-honored, flawless Republican strategy, Katie

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        See also, George W. Bush’s diplomatic engagement with a representative for the onetime Prime Minister-delegate of Canada, Pierre Poutine.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seYUbVa7L7w

        Not to be confused with Donald J. Trump taking a dump on Canada on behalf of bloodthirsty Russian czar Vlad “The Impaler” Poutine.

        • I fucking love Rick Mercer.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            His early, funny work.

          • The Mercer Report was still fantastic.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I showed my mom Talking to Americans, she used to like the Jay Leno “Jaywalking” skit so I pointed out that this was similar — except that it shows how dumb Americans can be around the world.

            She says she feels “sorry” for Trudeau, that he has to deal with people who are so stupid. I said no worries, he used to be a schoolteacher, so he has training in how to handle children who don’t do their homework. Perfect experience for what to do with the Trump administration and anyone who voted for him.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          I miss PM Jean Poutine.

    • La forza del resistino

      and she will be taking names of UN delegates who don’t support Binomo.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        From Great Britain, Ambassador Nigel Dickinbottom!
        From Australia, Ambassador Mike Rotch!
        From Canada, Ambassador Justin Ryan Trébec avec Québec!
        From Japan, Ambassador Miyagi-san Sukiyaki!
        From China, Ambassador Long Dŭc Dong!
        From Germany, Ambassador Hans Gruber von Backfire — Blackfoot — Blightfart… uh… the Die Hard guy.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Isn’t there supposed to be some Mueller news tonight?

  • Nounverb911
    • Blackest Noobs

      she lived a VERY long life. good for her. be at peace, babe!

    • La forza del resistino

      RIP lady. imdb has her in the biz for 80 freaking years.

    • Rick Hill

      awww.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Never be another like her. She was saucy, funny, and another cool old lady who did everything her way. If there is a place after this one, I hope her husband (who died in 1964) is there to welcome her. She’s waited 53 years to see him again.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKf6D9MCjlI

    • Courser_Resistance

      Aw, RIP and Godspeed, Rose Marie

      I followed her on Twitter. Her life story movie just came out a few weeks ago.I’m so glad she lived to see it’s premiere I think I saw her post pictures of the opening.

  • I went on twitter and there was a whole comment thread of people being offended by Seinfeld episodes

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Some people are offended by constant yelling and whining? Huh.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I know, what’s the deal with thaat?

    • Bananas Foster

      Were they all former coma patients?

      Aren’t they a little late to the game?

      • something about jerry wearing a glans hat in one episode

  • Blackest Noobs

    true confessional:

    you can never ever guilt me into doing something. and even if you attempt to do so, it makes me think less of you. my family who i care dearly KNOWS this. my family i don’t give two_shits about seem not able to get it. my lil sister laughs ( she part of that which i care deeply) because she knows deep down, im a big softie.

    but you don’t get the cuddly me if you’re been an ASS for me my entire life. and even if i do like you, don’t trying guilt me into something, you will FAIL.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I’m having the same problem, but with a phone I don’t want and Alien Brother.

      • Blackest Noobs

        i know people are funny. my dad’s brother wanted my street address to send me an X-mas card. my dad died like four years ago and this is when he decides he wants to contact me….like never in that four years was he like hey kiddo, how you doing….same goes for my shitty aunts on my mom side.

        and yet they expect me to invite them to things.

        ha ha ha….ok, right….im right on it.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          after my grandmother’s funeral, the uncle I don’t like was, 8 hours later, like, “oh! I didn’t even recognize you!” and I’m like, “that’s okay! you can go back to not recognizing me!”

    • Bananas Foster

      There’s a story behind this.

      • Blackest Noobs

        the story is some family members failed me when i was very young. i learn that trust must be earned. and never ever should someone guilt you to do stuff because, hey that’s just fucking wrong.

    • Gosala

      I like you when you’re your cuddly self.

      I appreciate you when you’re angry — you’re articulate and speak truths.

      I hope you’re not too angry, too often or too long. Anger is painful and I don’t like thinking of anyone in pain for long.

      I hope I never guilt you. I certainly have no right to.

    • Shan

      When people try to guilt me into things it just makes me dig deeper into the nope.

    • TootsStansbury

      I think I understand this. I told family members to fuck off this year.

  • xcott

    Does … does this guy not understand the point of a polygraph exam? Am I missing something?

    I thought the point of a polygraph exam is that people won’t take you at your word. So what exactly is the point of swearing that you took a polygraph exam once?

    • Blackest Noobs

      he’s a fucking idiot.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      there’s a point to something that is inadmissible in court?

      • SayItWithWookies

        I’m betting the polygraph being inadmissible, Moore’s crack law team decided the affidavit that he took one would be just as good.

        • thixotropic jerk

          He should take another polygraph exam and be asked if the affidavit that says he took a previous exam is for real.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Because the vast majority of people who support him still cling to the delusion that polygraphs are absolutely reliable?

    • Bobathonic

      Yeah, he should have consulted a dowser!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Can Texas ever be blue, or at least purple? Maybe so!

    https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/status/946523691009093632

    • OutOfOrbit

      Cool!!!( :

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      well, that’s because of property taxes and the state not paying its fair share of public ed. and the other problem we have where we’d have to amend the state constitution to have a state income tax.

      but, yeah. it’ll turn purple eventually. I just want the state lege to work again. and by “work again” I mean “get those boring little pieces of legislation passed that actually help people and ignore the Freedumb Cacas like they should be”.

    • Blackest Noobs

      purple is possible…but yeah…Texas is turning blue in like 5, maybe 10 years.
      though that time table might move up rather quickly.

      even Texas is changing.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        we’ve been hearing that for 15-20 years. part of the problem is every time it seems possible, some assholes come from out of state and insult everyone and take all the money.

        • Blackest Noobs

          it’s a slow burn, the slowest in the lone star.
          just eat some of that delicious bbq….it’ll come around.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I eat many delicious bbqs and tacos. I just don’t like it when Jeremy Bird and Jenn Brown use my state and those who want to turn it blue to line their pockets.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Not really, but Texas is best served blue.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            yes, really. but it’d be nice to have it blue. I’m going for purple at the moment. no BGTX required. those guys really drained our coffers and set us back.

      • it won’t because mexicans don’t give a f— about politics

        • Blackest Noobs

          everyone is a little be racist….

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXnM1uHhsOI

          also don’t discount the messicans just yet…and don’t be so fucking racist.

          • https://www.texastribune.org/2016/11/09/heres-where-texas-voters-turned-out-and-where-they/
            Of all Texas counties with populations over 10,000, Polk County in east Texas saw the highest rate of voter turnout, with 87.4 percent of its voting-age population showing up to vote. In contrast, Frio County, located southwest of San Antonio, saw the lowest voter turnout in the state at only 18.4 percent of its voting age population.
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frio_County,_Texas#Demographics
            About 73.76% of the population was Hispanic or Latino of any race.

            Never seen fewer yard signs or bumper stickers than in San Antonio, which is 63% Hispanic

            If it’s not about the Spurs, people there don’t give a shit.

            Hispanic Texans will not turn out and support democrats just because they’re brown. They’re largely religious as fuck and generally socially conservative. If they didn’t turn out to stand up against the “you’re all rapists” candidate I fail to see them turning out for anyone else.

  • Rick Hill

    Hokay, back in the usual, woodworking schlub in colored t and jeans, uniform…. What’d I miss? Did we celebrate trump’s first kristallnacht, yet?

    • Nounverb911

      Bill Kristol’s sleeping over?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You look….. less artisanal.

      • Rick Hill

        It’s not easy to keep that going.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      You mean coalbinnacht?

  • Suse
  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Someone is seriously giving Trix shit about her photo with OHJB as a reply to this:

    https://twitter.com/commiegirl1/status/946460957345177601

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      I think sometimes it gets confused with Our REVOLUTION as they are always trying to coopt shit. I have no problem with resisting. I have a problem with Our Revolution.

      • Lord Jim
      • shivaskeeper

        It appears to be the Revolutions types doing the sneering.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          really?

          • shivaskeeper

            Defense of Bernie. ‘Trix is a neoliberal. Some of the other usual buzzwords.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            they haven’t heard the good news about Lorax 2020 then?

          • shivaskeeper

            Nor Cthulhu 2028.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            that’s too bad.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        You say you want a revolution, well, you know, we’d all love to see the plan.

        “BERNIE WOULD HAVE WON!!!1111!!!!”

        Uh… nope, that’s not a plan…

    • Msgr_MΩment
      • I’m with the reply expressing confusion as to what is satire now… ’cause… That can’t possibly be an actual video expressing the actual thoughts of a real person, can it?

      • therblig

        forget going to jupiter – build a time machine and stop his parents from ever meeting.

  • Suse
  • Pisto75666
    • Yay! After-Hours Nice Times!

    • Rick Hill

      “Just bake the damn cake!”
      -J McCain…proly

    • La forza del resistino

      I guess the devils food cake was off the menu too.

    • Oh, it’s THIS one (sorry, I get my bigot-bakers confused). Didn’t they make like 5x that amount on a GoFundMyBiggotry campaign?

      • Pisto75666

        I think they did. Though I’d have to Google it, just to be sure

  • Okay, so we’re visiting an old dear friend in Vietnam where we lived for six years. We got here, and she says I have your box of books that she had agreed to send to us when we moved to Kenya in 2012. It hadn’t arrived, and I’d since forgotten all about it. She goes on to explain, that she sent it in 2012 and it was returned to her LAST YEAR (that is 2016). It has been “in transit” for four years! In reality, it had been moldering in a Kenyan post office storage room or propping up a Kenya Post desk or serving as a booster chair or something. Probably a newb came to work and on his or her blessed first day thought to put it in the return post.

    The box had all of our now 12 year-old daughter’s baby books and a diary I had written of my wife’s pregnancy! What a sweet day to get that back after such an odyssey.

    I know. I know. How could I forget our daughter’s baby stuff and that diary? I have a mind like a sieve and a steel trap (if it EVER goes off — it won’t it is rusted in position — it might could hurt someone.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Obama’s baby book certificate is in there, isn’t it! With his library card! Now that that mystery is solved, we can arrest and impeach president Ben Ghazi!

      • I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of Obama’s baby book or library card or his bronzed baby booty or baby foot print. But, if you had to hide something…

    • Doug Langley

      How wonderful!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Fancy Meau-Faux

    Good lord, there really always is a previous Tweet. re: Trump’s unhinged rant against Anna Wintour this morning.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/593e1380f2260de54d612c43d73aae24264c24e6116b95fe2c0658ca0b57051e.png

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Wait, what’s this?

      (Googles)

      Oh, for fuck’s sake.

    • Bananas Foster

      Even when he’s a fucking moron who gets things mixed up…

      There’s still a tweet.

  • Nounverb911
    • janecita

      I need that cat, I’m feeling cold and lazy.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Cat ON, Cat OFF. the CATTER.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      IT WAS YOU! you changed Cary Cary’s setting.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      No wonder he’s in full ass-covering mode.

    • thixotropic jerk

      SHOCKER!!! (except not)

    • I propose a law that says that if you can afford to donate $5,400 to a political campaign, you must forfeit 90% of your wealth to the nearest homeless shelter.

    • Iam Reading

      Lock him up

  • Doug Langley
    • thixotropic jerk

      Good animal representation of what humans are experiencing daily watching this shitshow of an “administration” fuck up and fail this country nano second by nano second.

    • Juan de Fuca

      “Get.Out.Of.The.House!”

    • Thiazin Red

      One of mine recognizes tension strings and will run over to watch whatever is on. She loves violence the fluffy little monster.

      Trollhunter scared the hell out of her though. She ran over to watch the bit where they first follow the hunter into the forest and she freaked right out when the troll popped out.

    • Blackest Noobs

      sorta on subject, my boy kitty was watching intently that PBS special on kitties.
      i wonder if he learned anything new.

      • Blackest Noobs

        oooh he also for some reason like John Wick 2…probably cuz he thinks he’s the John Wick of Cats.

      • SayItWithWookies

        One of mine watched got interested in two short segments of it, but that was it. The only show she really got into was Magic in the Air, the Nature episode about hummingbirds.

        • Blackest Noobs

          yep, anything with birds.

    • Lord Jim

      Wait. YouTube algorithm identified the movie being played in the background, not even showing on the video, and won’t let it play embedded? GODDAM IT. “FAIR USE” – DO YOU SPEAK IT MOTHERFUCKER?!

      Sorry. It was a most excellent video. Copyright bullshit just gives me the angries.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Oh, don’t even get me started on draconian IP law. Net neutrality getting scrapped is only going to make things worse.

    • La forza del resistino

      youtube pet vids are great. but after an hour I feel letdown when I find I can’t scratch my azz with a leg.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I recommend that. And slap the capitol police when they try to cuff you too.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Roy was borderline sad a week or so ago…this is just fucking pathetic.
      i wonder is this the foreshadowing when Trump loses….well if he makes it to 2020 alive or not in jail or locked up in his room at whatthefuck-margo florida.

      • JustDon’tSayHolidays

        I put my bet on self-exile to Saudi Arabia.

        • Blackest Noobs

          eh, probably not with that im moving the embassy to Jerusalem ploy…even the Saudis were like, what the fuck???

          • JustDon’tSayHolidays

            I was thinking more of the Magic Globe-touching and Sword Dance show back at the beginning of this shitshow. Somehow Trump being in power encouraged them to start throwing their weight around a little more.

          • Blackest Noobs

            sure, but then he did the Jerusalem thing…which is why you do not get into bed with the Donald…he will fuck you over and not in a good fuck you over way.

            also remember all those military contracts he gloated about with them.
            yeah there are no contracts, no promises kept.

    • Juan de Fuca

      Just accept it as The Lord’s plan for Alabama, Roy. He moves in mysterious ways and all of that.

    • La forza del resistino

      just down Penn Ave, the Senate Cafe restaurant is looking for busboys.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hang out at the National Mall, till the cops kick you out.

      • thixotropic jerk

        Ironically, Roy may be looking for girls on a bus…too soon?

    • Rick Hill

      “I’m the new senator from Alabama…could you show me to my office?”
      “He’s an imposter!”
      “No, don’t listen to him. HE’S the imposter!”

      • therblig

        there’s a test for that:

        “You’re walking through the desert. You look down and see a 14 year old girl lying on her back…”

        • Rick Hill

          “Why don’t I grope her?”
          “Excuse me”
          “She’s just lying there, why don’t I try for a quick feel?”

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      they should make a reality show out of this.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Please Roy. Please do this. The Republican Party deserves you.

  • Iam Reading

    The fact that he barely won is still a massive indictment against almost half the state”s voting population.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Shit, it’s more an indictment against evangelicals. Can they really pretend they don’t want to criminalize the LGBT community anymore?

      • shivaskeeper

        They cannot. They have never really been able to say it with a straight face (see what I did there?)

        LGBT, abortion, any religion that is not their particular sect, libtards, and really anyone not exactly like themselves would be banned.

        • yyyaz

          Too bad we can’t get them to self-deport like the original Puritans.

          • shivaskeeper

            Who the fuck would accept them?

          • Smoke O’Hontas

            What about that big island of garbage in the Pacific?

          • shivaskeeper

            Even garbage has some standards. Although there would be something fitting about garbage people living on a garbage island. The sad fact is they would manage to pollute it even more than it already is.

          • Smoke O’Hontas

            Point taken. My apologies to garbage. Garbage didn’t deserve that.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Every cult needs enemies, and needs to feel persecuted. Hence their hatred for LGBT and their bs War on Christmas

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      whatever makes you sleep at night, Iambic.

      • Iam Reading

        I would sleep much better if we could at a bare minimum jettison the neo-confederates from this country.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          I would sleep much better if there weren’t people ostensibly “on my side” willing to condemn entire states so easily.

          • Iam Reading

            Neo confederate is a mindset, not geography. There are neo confederates in every state. Try to think a little more deeply.

            Also, don’t assume I’m on your side.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            oh, you’re DEEEEEP. great. that’s exactly what we need.

            maybe if you were so deep, you’d notice that calling them “neo confederates” only makes them feel better about great-great-granddaddy fighting for the CSA and absolutely nothing for anyone else. ignore their identity and you already have the upper hand. acknowledge their identity and you endorse their actions.

            thanks, Mr. Iambic DEEP!

          • Iam Reading

            Ah, so you give confederates cover. Good to know. Lead for you and all confederates at 1200 fps.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            I don’t validate their world view, that’s for fucking sure. glad someone is or they might all kill themselves!

    • Juan de Fuca

      Thought the same after Doug won and didn’t want to a Debbie Downer, but yeah, not exactly a promising sign in my book. A moderate Democrat won by a small amount over fucking Roy Moore. Hmmm….

      Have to celebrate the small victories though.

      • norcalOG

        You can fool a lot of people a lot of the time. And those being fooled are usually quite content.
        But if you’re waiting for something better, good luck. I’ll take another Joe Manchin any day.

        • Juan de Fuca

          Joe Manchin is one of the last remaining Dixiecrats. Good riddance when he leaves.

          • norcalOG

            Hardly. Do you really know anything about the Dixiecrats?
            You better hope he wins re-election next year. Otherwise, you’re in for a real downer.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I know Manchin is a tool and reason #256 why I don’t live in West Virginia. I’m not a purity pony but Jesus Christ…Manchin?

            No.

            https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/apr/10/last-democrats-against-gay-marriage

          • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

            Yeah, but Jesus, this is WV. I’ll take Manchin over another Shelly Moore Fuckin’ Capito!

          • Juan de Fuca
          • norcalOG

            He’s also refused offers—many—to switch parties and stood steadfast against the tax bill and has supported Obamacare and Medicaid.
            He represents West Virginia, not West Los Angeles.
            His opposition to same-sex marriage is no different than a majority of his constituents in an older, less culturally diverse state.That’s simple reality. Again, it’s West Virginia, not West LA.
            His predecessor, Robert Byrd was also a cultural conservative but was also a Republican punching bag because he represented old-line Democratic voters.
            If you have problems with Manchin, you’ll really be in the dumps with his Republican successor.

          • Juan de Fuca

            He’s a tool.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I don’t know, Turnip carried Alabama by 28 points. This is quite a dramatic pivot, in my not-so-humble opinion.

    • shivaskeeper

      A 25 year non-competitive state was just won. This is a base to build from. Nothing more, nothing less. Expecting a complete sea change in one election is unrealistic.

      I think the best way forward to to keep engaging the non white Evangelicals there. To show them some support in between the federal elections and give them a reason to come out every single time. The Evangelicals aren’t going to change. But they are outnumbered if we can give our allies a reason to come out.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        he just wants to thumb his nose at the South. he’s one of those.

    • starfanglednut

      The margin probably would have larger were it not for all the voter suppression.

  • Picabo
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Happy Birthday to the guy whose creativity extended as far as all superheroes getting infected by radiation then putting -man at the end of their name, then having others work extremely hard to create these characters, then taking all the credit.

      • data_ninja

        With great power comes great credibility?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Rick Hill

      Guess who just tweeted out his DPB?

  • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

    Cary Cary’s “I’M STARVING” alarm got set back half an hour. which one of you fuzzballs did that?

    • Left Coast Tom

      You were the one who posted the “tacos gatos” picture last night, maybe the alarm is actually “I don’t want to be a taco”.

      • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

        I already had my tacos for the day. he clearly did not end up in them.

  • Resistor Radio

    Hey gang, what’s new? I’ve been driving pretty much all damn day, here, there, everywhere.

    • I have eczema on both my hands

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        tmi

        • Resistor Radio

          To be fair, nobody brought up their anal lice, which would have been way worse tmi

      • Resistor Radio

        I am sorry to hear that. My cat threw up in my lap.

      • Red Bird

        The cold weather is making my nasal passage dry.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      I’m on bike…. Drinking in a SoMPLS bar. 🐻

      • Resistor Radio

        INDPLS bar and grill

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Oh so you are in the Lower Midwest.

          • Resistor Radio

            I have never heard it described as such, but I signed a lease today
            and it’s as low as Midwest can be without dipping into the south.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Less than $1000/mo?

          • Resistor Radio

            Yes, and hot damn!

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Sigh. Rent is due every New Years Day..

          • Resistor Radio

            You pay rent once a year?

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            It’s rent and tuition month. Say Mack can you spare me a beer? 🍺 (are the emojis showing up on discus?)

          • Resistor Radio

            I would totally buy you a beer if you were in the lower midwest

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Deal. I’ll get down there again.

          • Resistor Radio

            I see your emoji, and I raise you a brain on drugs emoji 🍳 for no reason

          • Resistor Radio

            Very different from Bay Area living

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I don’t have rainbow leggings.

        • Resistor Radio

          I’m not wearing mine

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Pretty sure they’re not having bike riding weather up there in the Mini-Apple. What bar?

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          Well they do plow the bike lanes and I have beak drinking….I am at the Forest heading to the Bulldog and then home to the Skwerls Nest.

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Gonna eat my salad, then leftovers for dinner. Then maybe some crashing ennui. Not sure yet.

      • Bananas Foster

        Crashing ennui is more exciting than crushing ennui.

        Something to look forward to!

      • Resistor Radio

        Blissfully ennui-free for the first time in days!

    • OutOfOrbit

      Lawrence O’Donnell on tonight with “–some [really] good news.”

      • Resistor Radio

        Oooooo, I will be soaking in the hotel bathtub by then , and there’s a tv in the bathroom

        • OutOfOrbit

          i falled asleep & missed it

    • Bananas Foster

      I did stop at the liquor store tonight despite still feeling slightly under the weather.

      Looking forward to a mild vodka tonic with lime.

      The vodka is for medicinal purposes.

      The lime is, of course, for the vitamin C.

      The tonic is there to make me not feel like an alcoholic.

      • Resistor Radio

        Well, you don’t want to get scurvy. That would be irresponsible.

        • Bananas Foster

          To be irresponsible is to be speculative!

          Err, something.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Well, you’re also preventing malaria and scurvy, so good for you!

        • Bananas Foster

          Quinine for the win!

      • Left Coast Tom

        I’m drinking a Frick Counoise. Frick is a winery in the hills north of the mouth of Dry Creek valley, and the tasting room is in a rambling shack. A nicely painted and well maintained rambling shack, but…

        The wine is delicious.

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        Vitamin C prevents scurvy, tonic helps with malaria and gin fixes everything else. Overall, I’d call you a health nut.

        • Bananas Foster

          Vodka, you heathen!

          Not gin!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Just got back from the dispensary. Thursday is 10% off for veterans. I’ve just finished rolling a hash oil joint and am looking forward to crumbling up some hand pressed blue dream hash into some flowers later.

      • Resistor Radio

        Jonny’s living the dream…

        • Jonny On Maui

          Jonny’s a happy camper waitin’ for the invasion!

          When y’all comin’?

          • Resistor Radio

            Be careful what you wish for! It’s about 18F right now, you’re making all of us look like chumps!

          • Resistor Radio

            how’s February sound?

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        It’s a tough life, but thank you for your service!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I’m at work for another half-hour, and I’m wondering what to have for dinner.

      • Resistor Radio

        Are you cooking or going/ordering out

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Takeout, I think. I’ll probably just stop at the teriyaki joint on my way home

          • Resistor Radio

            That sounds good…very yummy. Radio approves.

      • Jonny On Maui

        What does a unicorn diet consist of?

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          Unicorns are the weirdass mutant cousins of horses: we’re omnivorous, among other things. It means we don’t have to spend nearly as much time just grazing. I enjoy bacon cheeseburgers, but I try to limit those.

          • Smoke O’Hontas

            How do you eat cheese burgers without thumbs? Do unicorns have cloven hooves like the devil? So many questions!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            *nods* The cloven hooves are another mutation. It’s a little awkward, but I can hold a stylus for typing, and hit the shift key with the tip of my horn.

    • TJ Barke

      Nothing. Still filled with simmering rage.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Lucy explains how Alabamans elected a sane, competent person to represent them in Congress. Georgia, Mississippi, Florida, take notes! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/228925974ed6cb282c490095131a858b8713c6caf05da5979688455639cd7e21.jpg

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      just trying to wash the Our Revolution out of our blockwalking shorts down here in TX.

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Turnip’s margin in Texas was ***9%***. Ted Cruz, the most hated man in the Senate, is up for re-election. You’ve got this!

        Good luck with Louis Gohmert’s district though.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          Beto has got this. Gohmert’s district hates him so much that they send him to DC so they don’t have to see him at Kroger’s. I don’t see getting rid of him any time soon. they send people they actually like to the state lege and they usually do an alright job. usually.

          • Robert O’Rourke is not gonna get any votes pretending to be Mexican. If Democrats want the seat, a Castro needs to step up.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            he’s not pretending to be Mexican. he’s pretty up front about being Irish and being given the nickname by family friends before he could talk. and if you cared what the Dems should do down here, you’d know the filing deadline is passed and neither Castro stepped up to challenge Abbott or Patrick like we wanted.

          • Yeah, he is, and it’s pretty sad. It’d be like me going around saying I’m Tio Felipe.

            Julian thinks he can run for President, that’s why he didn’t run. Joaquin is just an idiot. His seat is perfectly safe.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            you searching for a reason to hate Beto–even the name he’s gone by his entire life–is what’s sad. he’s carried a very Hispanic district for a while now and no one has faulted him for being Irish.

            and if you know why the Castro brothers didn’t file, why are you suggesting they file even though the filing deadline has passed?

            maybe, instead of being a horrible pit of rage, you could consider supporting Sheriff Lupe Valdez for Governor as it is much more productive than tearing down Beto.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            also, telling him he can’t go by “Beto” would be like telling me I can’t go by my first name because it’s a Yu’pik Eskimo word and I’m not Yu’pik myself. don’t be a fucking prick.

          • Red Bird

            Exactly. If we all followed that rule, every American of Native American, African, and Asian descent would have to change their names.

          • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

            and as my name was recommended by someone who was Yu’pik and Beto got his name from people who were Hispanic, I do not see the problem. he didn’t Columbus it.

          • Red Bird

            And as many of non-white Americans were “given” European names (Spanish being an European language) by colonizers, I don’t see a problem either.

          • Red Bird

            OK? So you’re going with the Elizabeth Warren joke now? People are allowed to identify with cultures other than the one of their ancestors.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I had an awesome Lyft driver the other day, he asked me what I thought of the tax bill and we were off and running. I think he’d fit in well around here. One of the things he said that cracked me up was we were talking about how it’s curious that Cruz has been so quiet about the Russia stuff (my take is he’s waiting to see which way the wind ends up blowing) and the guy said “his face, it just annoys me! And nobody annoys me like that”.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Google “2006 economy” if you need a reminder of why this tweet is so bitterly amusing. Or just read this:

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/946415026402988033

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      he should really thank Obama

    • La forza del resistino

      its called Christmas shopping season, ya plonker.

      • Paperless Tiger

        And after he took credit for having Christmas.

    • Rick Hill

      Unlike the republicans who were stoopid enough to vote for it..yet knew of the ramifications, I don’t think this idjit has any idea of what he’s just done. Just the soundbites of what they sold him and the fact that he gets out of paying more taxes.. same way he likely believes that Merry Christmas is a world shaking issue.

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        The SPLC declared “Merry Christmas” hate speech. I saw it on the internet.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Sadly, there are a lot of idiots out there who would believe this.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      You know nothing about business you money laundering crime syndicating piece of shit.

    • OrG

      Sounds like Herbert Hoover.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      So when it all craters, who will he blame?

      • OrG

        You have to ask?

        • Left Coast Tom

          Jimmy Carter?

          Or have we moved on to Barack Obama (strange that we do not blame everything on Bill Clinton)?

    • 3FingerPete

      I think reviving the phrase “Crammed down America’s throat” is fully justified re:tax reform.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Let me guess…next he’ll take credit for record early property tax payments in California because of his screw-job tax “cut”?

  • Picabo
    • Jonny On Maui

      Yes

    • Parakeetist

      Know what else is cold?

      Paul Ryan’s heart.

      • Juan de Fuca

        As dark and cold as an abandoned strip mall in Gadsden, Alabama. Or as they say in Gadsden, “Roy Moore’s soul.”

        Some of them, allegedly.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Objection: Assumes heart previously in evidence.

    • vivian

      Every tweet is a joke, whether intended that way or not.

  • Joy-Ann Reid is the best.

    Are you paying attention MSNBC?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “Marketing Says: Nothing But Caucasians” -Andy Lackwit

      • So what marketing is saying is that they’re not paying attention.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Anna Rompage

    My sweetie got a mug from her stepdad for Christmas… “nurses, we cannot cure stupid, but we can sedate it”….

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Welp, nothing to see here folks. Just a little light treason, and maybe the destruction of the whole planet. No biggie. Let’s focus on the real scandal, Hillary not taking up knitting.

    Report: Russia may have helped North Korea build advanced bombs

    I’m tired of winning. Anyone else tired of winning? I’m exhausted. Like, totally bombed out…

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Meanwhile, Donald is tweeting about China selling oil to North Korea. Priorities!

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        You mean he’s all done blaming Hillary for Jedi mind-tricking Stephen Harper into selling uranium to Martian cat overlords?

        • Smoke O’Hontas

          He has trouble spelling uranium without collapsing into middle school giggle fits.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            “Heh-heh, heh, heh-heh. Hey Beavis. He said ‘Uranus’. Heh-heh. ‘Anus’. Heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh-heh…”

        • vivian

          He’s never done… just momentarily distracted.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Another one from the “No Shit” file.

    • TJ Barke

      Russia wants to set the rest of the world at war, then claim the ashes.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Business is booming!

      • Stinky_Hole

        Hmm, maybe set the rest of the world at each other while you cash in. When you got errbuddy fighting over the border in Ireland, they ain’t noticing the profitable goodies your people are selling to North Korea.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Can’t be…Jill Stein assured us Russia was peaceful, there was no collusion, and you’re the ashes!

    • Rick Hill

      Ok, so what’s the outcome of the nuculer war that NK starts when Russia is the deliberate but non participating instigator? What’s that simulation come out as?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “As they say in Ebonics: ‘We be fucked’.” -Dave Chappelle in Con Air

        https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/f28a4137-30c8-44d6-b2db-ef5307a67607

      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Something something 13 days in October, but with Trump it will only take 1 day.

        • Rick Hill

          Either he’ll roll right over or just launch the whole kit n caboodle

  • Picabo
    • Red Bird

      I need to steal this and send it to my brother.

    • Mysterious Masked Wrestler

      “This cake”, says Grandpa Joe, “is big… BUT NOT AS BIG AS A BLACK DICK!!!”
      *awkward silence*

  • Thiazin Red

    Saw the pictures from the UK edition of GQ, and Matt Smith is aging into his features nicely.

    http://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/matt-smith-gq-best-dressed-2018

    • Courser_Resistance

      Holy fuck, my eyes! That striped shirt/plaid pants combo is uber-hideous. It made my brain hurt.

      • Thiazin Red

        I’ve watched a lot of Project Runway, but I’ve given up trying to understand fashion.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I think he pulls it off. Most people couldn’t.

    • janecita

      Dear Lord, he is fugly!

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      Who the fuck is Matt Smith, and do they have mirrors at GQ studios.

    • Evidence-based Ugly Dude

      Colin Baker was better dressed than that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Meanwhile, from the adult in that race:

    https://twitter.com/GDouglasJones/status/946458464305537024

    • Parakeetist

      THANK YOU SENATOR YAAAAY

    • Sakonyachen

      To be fair, all he has to do is not be a racist, sexist, dickbag and he fulfills his promise.

  • Saxo the Grammarian
  • Resistor Radio

    Omg you guys, restaurant blasting ELO’s “Living Thing” and I freaking LOVE this song. Yay!

    • TJ Barke

      The world needs more ELO.

    • Sakonyachen

      I have to go on record on the inter webs that I like ELO now? Fiiiiiine! I like them too.

      I will save face by pointing out that they will never be The Beatles. Which is what they were trying to do. Admirable, but unattainable.

      • Resistor Radio

        Woah, I did not know they were trying to get beatley with it. Because, no. Standalone, do they make good tunes? YEA! And also Xanadu when the mural girls come to life!
        https://youtu.be/cj5_vZAidRQ

        (I’m watching this from the bathtub and it’s awesome)

        • Sakonyachen

          They had epic song structures that riang of later Beatles work. I love it, but I am always suspicious. Doesn’t take away from their music at all. Mostly I am a judgmental prick. Easy to judge when all your work is on 4-track and no one has heard it.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I didn’t think Confederate apologists could sink any lower, and then South Carolina steps up with a bill to “honor” slaves who (totally voluntarily, of course) heroically fought to protect their owners’ right to own slaves.

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/sc-republicans-try-to-sneak-confederate-propaganda-into-classrooms-with-memorial-to-black-civil-war-vets/

    You’ve got your work cut out for you, Mississippi.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      They were rich and white, correct…because that never happened.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      we’re sorry. Mississippi is busy holding Yokelhoma’s beer.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Oh god. Do I even want to know?

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          I just like messing with Yokelhoma. I’m sure they are just holding Kansas’ meth pipe.

        • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

          and Kansas is trying to conceal West Virginia’s oxy bottle while West Virginia burns Utah’s porn stash to keep the lights on in the Coal Museum.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’m fucking OVER IT with the south, y’all. Over it. Done-zo.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Well of course South Carolina.

    • Anna Rompage

      Mississippi, god damn!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      If you ever wanted an explanation for that permanent expression Frederick Douglass always had on his face, this is as good as any.

      http://s3.amazonaws.com/mtv-main-assets/files/modules/frederick_douglass_c1860s.jpg

      • Christopher Story

        You can hear the “Bitch Please” in his expression.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Eddie Olczyk is useless and an idiot.

  • Juan de Fuca

    So one of the first books Mrs. de Fuca bought for her Kindle is Off the Sidelines and after reading some paragraphs from the book to me, I think it’s going to be the first book I download to my new Kindle, too.

    https://twitter.com/SenGillibrand/status/946037172171284480

    If by chance she becomes the nominee in 2020, don’t fuck this up, people.

    • Christopher Story

      I’m still undecided about her. I like the cut of her jib, generally, but she’s also hit some real sour notes with me.

      • Left Coast Tom

        I think that’s going to be true of any good candidate. I’d like to see the Constitution amended so that if Trump is impeached after the 2018 elections his replacement is Kamala Harris. But I wouldn’t be upset if Kirsten Gillibrand were the designated replacement.

      • Juan de Fuca

        That’s funny because something I mentioned to my wife after discussing her (Sen. Gillibrand) was “We’ll find a way to fuck this up.” Not saying you’re one of those who’ll fuck it up but what exactly has she done to hit sour notes with you?

        • Christopher Story

          I’m a pragmatist; I was a Bernie supporter through the primaries and went all in for Hillary during the general. I’m still rankled by her calls for Franken to resign. I understand her reasoning, but it still felt like opportunism. And her promoting her religious background. Personally, I’m done with theology in my politics of any shade. I’d rather have a secular humanist atheist whose policies are informed by pure science, facts, critical thinking and academic rigor. I get suspicious of people who’s policies are informed by their religious ideologies, however sincere and benevolent.

          And finally, I’d rather have somebody who has spent more time in Congress or public service in general. But again, if it’s the difference between say, Gillibrand and Hailey, I’d be all in for Gillibrand.

          • Juan de Fuca

            I disagree with ya re. the Franken thing but know where you’re coming from. Her record on speaking out against sexual harassment is impressive and had nothing to do with Franken. He brought that shit on himself and she was consistent in her ethics. If anything, she won me over even more. One could reasonably say she was being political, but if ya know anything at all about Gillibrand, I’d say she was being true to herself.

            Then again, I’m probably biased because I obviously like her.

  • Resistor Radio

    You guys, I’m on Day Three of no smoking and no nicotine binky (vape), just alternating the patch with the gum and now I need everyone to tell me how awesome I am and throw a bunch of positive reinforcement at my face!

    • TJ Barke

      You seem great!

    • Red Bird

      Sending good vibes your way. Also, too, thoughts and prayers.

      • Resistor Radio

        Thanks RedBird!

    • BadKitty904
      • Resistor Radio

        That’s what I’m talking about BK!!!

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD

      you’ll have to wait for your gifs, but….

      LORAX 2020: RESISTOR RADIO! FUCK YEAH!

    • Jonny On Maui

      Awesome! The patch and hypnosis worked for me. Had my last tobacco product in 1999.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’ve got 6 weeks to quit and hope I don’t kill anyone in the process!

      If you haven’t killed anyone, you’re doing awesome!

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      You are a good person for doing this! You can do it!

    • Kiri the Unicorn
      • SisterArtemis

        I want to be Ella Fitzgerald when I grow up.

    • Bell the Blind Tiger MCD
    • tehbaddr

      I want to do that too, also! But I am weak when times are difficult. You go!

    • efoveks

      I quit my retail job years ago. I went home and never smoked again. I have this strange suspicion it might have been my job.

      And GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Keep it up!

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m trying. It sucks, like it’d be just so much easier to buy a pack but I really wanna be a nonsmoker!

    • alpacapunchbowl

      You’re nearly past the hardest part. You can do this!
      I haven’t had a cig in over 7 years and quitting is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
      We’re pulling for you, RR! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3a7b98e2a47774c2539b7cf7c35f0588a92e3433a6b5ad7affa80be84e67c43a.jpg

      • Resistor Radio

        Awwww, that is sweet support, indeed!

    • Spotts1701, Porg Wrangler

      Stick with it – very soon you’ll start to see some of the positive health effects.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      “We don’t need you, we got our tax breaks!”
      – Phillip Morris and The Liggett Group

  • alpacapunchbowl

    So one of my work buddies just discovered Myers-Briggs and is sending the online test to everyone he knows because he’s freaking out that his results describe him so accurately. I re-took it for shits and giggles and got INFP-T (the “Mediator”) like I always do, which I’d say is roughly 95% accurate in describing me.
    It’s kinda fun and doesn’t take long if any y’all are curious.
    http://www.16personalities.com

    • Jonny On Maui

      I love playing with those tests…

      • Rick Hill

        Hey! Look who it is…Jonny on Maui. So….how ya feeling, Jonny? Been good? No unexpected weakness? Dizzy spells? Unexplained weight loss? Hair falling out in an unusual manner? Reports of missing polonium from the Naval base?

        No? ….Ok….just asking…Say hi to the Mrs….

        • Jonny On Maui

          She says, “Hi!” and “You’re next!”.

          Not sure what that means…

          • Rick Hill

            Yoinks!
            *Grabs collar…

    • Resistor Radio

      INTJ 4eva!

      • therblig

        all day, every day!!!

      • TJ Barke

        I’m a INTJ-T. Whatever that means.
        Whoops, edited.

        • Resistor Radio

          For such a supposedly “rare” personality type, we seem to be overly represented in these here noncomments. Mwahahahaha

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I think it’s just “assortative mating” but in the platonic sense. For some reason, Wonkette attracts a lot of RSVP or RCMP or ISWYDT or whatever personality type is in that survey and shows up a lot in this thread, like that theory of how there’s a cluster of bipolar disorder sufferers in Hollywood because the movie industry tends to attract “creative” kooks, and a cluster of autism sufferers in Silicon Valley because tech tends to attract systematizing nerds. That being said, the actual percentage as a whole of bipolar sufferers and autism sufferers in the general population is a minority in general, but unusually high among certain “clusters.” Might be a bullshit theory riffing off “like attracts like,” but just another that I’ve heard.

          • Resistor Radio

            Ok that makes sense, Wonkette (or at least the non-comments) attracts the ISWYDT personality type, creating a cluster that’s not found naturally in the general population.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I know a film critic who is an Ashkenazi Jew and self-diagnosed as having Asperger’s. He was super into a book he read that posited that Ashkenazi Jews with roots in a fairly specific geographic area (where his ancestors were from) have a higher incidence of Asperger’s than the population at large. Supposedly there’s also a high percentage of directors in Hollywood who are Ashkenazi from this region, and the theory is that they most likely have Asperger’s and this is why they’re good at helming huge productions like films.
            So yeah, maybe bullshit, maybe not.

    • King Beauregard

      I always get Supervillain / Proctologist.

    • tehbaddr

      Not to shit on your results, but a test that describes human behavior based on characteristic ascribed to two axis is futile, and ill informed.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Did you miss the part where I said “it’s kinda fun”?

        • tehbaddr

          OK, but you’d be surprised how pervasive the application of that test is! I don’t think it’s fun anymore.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Q: What was Jesus’ Myers-Briggs personality type?

      A: INRI

      • Gosala

        ISWYDT

        • vivian

          Iron Nails Run In

    • Gosala

      Myers Briggs is based on a deep misunderstanding of Jung and is less useful than astrology, which at least doesn’t shove people into a mere 16 categories.