SHARE

On Friday, while the country was worked up in a frenzy over Republican tax fuckery, a cybersecurity firm announced that it had discovered a two databases containing a total of 19 million California voter records had been breached. Hackers had deleted the data, installing a note in its place that simply read, “your database is downloaded and backed up on our secure servers,” with a ransom note for .2 bitcoin (at this moment, that’s around $3,500).

One was a manually crafted set of voter registration data for a local district and the other appeared to contain the entire state of California with 19,264,123 records, all open for public access.

The stolen information contains just about everything an average 400lb. guy sitting in their parents basement would need to seriously screw with complete strangers. That’s stuff like first, last, and middle names, birth dates, phone numbers, mailing addresses, party affiliation, and voting precincts. There were 18.2 million registered voters in California for the 2016 election, and some of the data stolen contained information from previous elections, so probably it’s easier to just say that every registered voter in California is now fucked.

If you’re freaking out about whether or not your personal information has been compromised, don’t worry, Russia already hacked the election systems of 39 different states during the 2016 election. Earlier this year, some dingus contracted by the RNC to mine data on Republican voters exposed 200 million people in a breach that is as hilarious as it is terrifying; super nerds noted the sheer scale of stolen information could be used to “steal an election.” Just to throw some salt on that open wound, the NSA’s secret skunkworks lab was hacked and thieves ran off with seriously powerful Top Secret cyber weapons they’ve since been using to hold your banks, businesses, and grandmas hostage for bitcoin.

Over the summer, some white hat hackers showed just how easy it is to hack an electronic voting machine at DefCon, the biggest cyber security convention in the world. The hope was that by showing old farts that their blind faith in some fancy flavor-of-the-week tech firm can have very dire consequences without proper oversight and scrutiny.

The exhaustive pleading from the the good guy hacker community hasn’t fallen on entirely deaf ears though. On Wednesday, Sen. Ron Wyden asked national security advisor HR McMaster to make securing our elections priority for the executive branch.

Congressional leadership conveniently chooses to believe that this is a states’ rights issue, even if it means leaving our national elections vulnerable to cyber attacks. As such, the executive branch must shoulder the burden of protecting federal elections from foreign cyberattacks.

Wyden plans to introduce legislation that would create a senior White House official for election cybersecurity, establish a working relationship between the National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) and DHS, make DHS designate political campaigns as critical infrastructure, and have the Secret Service include a cyber security detail in their mission to protect candidates. That’s a serious step in the right direction, but remember most Congress creeps can’t be bothered to program a VCR, let alone acknowledge Russian election fuckery, so his bill will likely end up in legislative purgatory.

Most stolen data eventually ends up on the Dark Net where it’s sold anonymously in marketplaces to anyone with enough magical Internet money. Since some municipalities can’t even afford to decent cybersecurity, it’s toss up if legislators will make robust cybersecurity part of their election platforms in the coming years. In the interim period, as always, this is the part where some nerd breathlessly tells you to learn and practice basic cybersecurity.

[Hack Read / Fifth Domain]

Wonkette is 100% funded by readers like you! Click here to tip us!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • ((( Augustus )))

    what a surprise, fucked by “STATES’ RIGHTS” yet again

  • JMP

    Is this going to be the part where some nerd insists we all follow a bunch of completely impossible rules for cybersecurity – like creating an entirely different password of every single one of the dozens of sites we need them for, changing them once every single month, and never writing them down, even it’s completely impossible to keep all that shit memorized – and then victim-blames anyone who is ever the victim of hacking for not following their impossible standards?

    • Actually, no, my last link is to a recent wired article that talks about how the average person can implement rather simple measures.

      • JMP

        Are they actually easy to follow, or impossible ones like “use a unique password for every single site” and “make them all 20 characters long”?

        • No, the easiest thing to do is make a simple sentence like, “The Declaration Of Independence 1776,” or “In 1995 National Treasure Would Have Great!” You should consider investing in a good password manager, and use two-factor authentication whenever possible.

          • Victoria Ricola

            Passwords have and will always be debated by nerds and no one ever listens anyway, but two-factor authentication is where it’s at – it’s always your safest bet.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            it’s a PITA but worth the trouble on important stuff

          • Victoria Ricola

            Oh I agree, but I’ve seen users listen intently to instruction and still use their first name with a number after it for everything.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            you’ve met my mom…

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I use pet names combined with numbers and non-alphabetic characters. Of course, at the moment we have four dogs, 13 ferrets, and 2 mink. Considering the weasels have any average lifespan of 6-9 years, times the number of years we’ve had the little furballs, and there’s a wealth of names to choose from.

          • Bill O’Neil

            What is two-factor authentication?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            So you’re saying making my username for everything “admin” and my password set as “password” is probably not a good idea?

          • Victoria Ricola

            pA$$word.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I went with password1234 to keep the hackers on their toes

          • No, just God1243

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            That’s my AIM screen name!

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            frightening that it’s lasted this long, lol.

            Then again, AOL was always the playground for hackers- never saw such a collection of technophobes and n00bs in my life…

          • JMP

            I have no idea what a password manager or two-factor authentication are.

          • jesterpunk

            2FA is basically something you have like your phone plus a password.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multi-factor_authentication#Mobile_phone_two-factor_authentication

            Password manager is something that manages your passwords and can even generate random passwords and remember them for you.

          • JMP

            Is that the crap where sites keep asking you to add our phone numbers? No, Facebook, you already have enough of my information, I’m keeping my phone number private!

          • No, it’s an app you download on your phone. Whenever you log-in to a site where you’ve activated two-factor you get an immediate notification on your phone asking you to authorize access. So if you want to check your email at a library you’d enter your password, your phone would chirp, you unlock your phone, enter the code on your phone screen(some now just have a button that says “yes/no”), and you’re fine. The idea is that need physical confirmation from a human being that something is trying to access as opposed to a bot.

            Does that make sense?

          • JMP

            I guess so?

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            it’s worth the inconvenience

          • jesterpunk

            Kind of but that isnt doing it right. What they should do is ask you to install an app like authenticator and use the random numeric key from that. Its easier and still valid if your phone number changes.

    • jesterpunk
    • jesterpunk

      If anyone does that they are a moron, having really complex password rules just means its less secure and more likely for it to be written down. The easiest thing to do would be to rely on a token like a key fob or your phone and an app like authenticator to generate a random key to use when you need to log in. Either that or use a sentence like “PurpleMonkeyDIshwasher” instead of “fork;lafferer423^DH@&”

    • Wonky McUbtrye

      I didn’t read the article, but LastPass has been great. You can use it to automatically generate and save long, complicated, random passwords for your accounts. Then, you only need to remember the one password to log in to LastPass. Make that password very long, and you’re in good shape.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Not completely impossible. Department of Defense computers require a sixteen-character login that is changed monthly. Their computers go into sleep mode after five minutes of inactivity, and the password has to be entered each time to bring it back online.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Hell, my personal computers all require a password to wake out of sleep and I use robust passwords for them.

      • bupkus231

        And if you think that password isn’t surreptitiously written down by the operators every month, you’ve never worked in a DoD facility….

  • Mavenmaven

    It’s ok, as long as the Russians have it the oligarchy is safe.

  • ManchuCandidate
  • Ron Wyden is my Senator. This guy kicks ass.

    • He’s trying. He’s one of the few.

      • We have less folks here in Oregon than most California cities do, but our two Senators punch above their weigh class

        • TJ Barke

          Damn straight.

    • Bananas Foster

      I lurve him.

  • Blackest Noobs

    was it a 400lb fat guy in basement somewhere?
    hmmm that’s a lot of KFC.

    • As KFC is nothing but grease and fat that lubricates the pooping process, I have to wonder how much KFC a person would need to eat before their shit their brains out or reach 400lbs, whichever comes first.

      • I’d guess twice as much KFC over tasty Popeye’s…

      • jesterpunk

        Ask Trump

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Fake news. Assumes brains to shit out already in evidence.

      • Blackest Noobs

        400lbs

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I dunno. Trump’s below 400, and he’s clearly shit his brains the fuck out.

          • Blackest Noobs

            you cannot shit what you did not have before

    • Nounverb911
    • ChumpsForTrump

      There’s a 400 pound guy in the White House that eats KFC and might try something like this.

  • jesterpunk

    Voting machines have been easy to hack for years. You could do it with $26 worth of stuff from an electronics store.

    From 2011

    http://www.nbcnews.com/id/44706301/ns/technology_and_science-security/t/it-only-takes-hack-voting-machine/

    Campaigning for the 2012 presidential race has already begun, but what the candidates don’t know is that come election day, hackers could be the ones whose votes have the biggest impact.

    Researchers from the Argonne National Laboratory in Illinois have developed a hack that, for about $26 and an 8th-grade science education, can remotely manipulate the electronic voting machines used by millions of voters all across the U.S.

    The researchers, Salon reported, performed their proof-of-concept hack on a Diebold Accuvote TS electronic voting machine, a type of touchscreen Direct Recording Electronic (DRE) voting system that is widely used for government elections.

    Also Diebold’s CEO supports republicans.

    From 2003

    http://www.nytimes.com/2003/11/09/business/machine-politics-in-the-digital-age.html

    IN mid-August, Walden W. O’Dell, the chief executive of Diebold Inc., sat down at his computer to compose a letter inviting 100 wealthy and politically inclined friends to a Republican Party fund-raiser, to be held at his home in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio. ”I am committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year,” wrote Mr. O’Dell, whose company is based in Canton, Ohio.

    That is hardly unusual for Mr. O’Dell. A longtime Republican, he is a member of President Bush’s ”Rangers and Pioneers,” an elite group of loyalists who have raised at least $100,000 each for the 2004 race.

    But it is not the only way that Mr. O’Dell is involved in the election process. Through Diebold Election Systems, a subsidiary in McKinney, Tex., his company is among the country’s biggest suppliers of paperless, touch-screen voting machines.

    • God, I know. I remember when they came out and people started circulating stories about how to hack the 2004 Bush/Kerry elections with a USB stick. Diebold dumped so much money into keeping people from running those stories, it was sad.

      • jesterpunk

        I remember it being covered at HOPE, Defcon and Blackhat in 2002 and 2004 then Diebold suing claiming it is confidential proprietary information and wanting anyone who tried to audit their machines arrested. They got a way with it for the most part too like you said.

        • Yeah, too bad it kept backfiring because of the Streisand Effect. Idiots.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        No paper trail either. At the same time, Diebold did the software for the electronic slot machines in Vegas. You think no hardcopy readout of the take was an option with those guys?

    • bupkus231

      Well, that “requirement” for an 8th grade science education leaves most of the Trumpanzees out, anyway – so there’s that…

  • TJ Barke

    There’s a reason I vote for Wyden.

  • shastakoala

    Where’s Dimpled Chad when you need him.

  • Michael R
    • PUPPY!

    • Canned Covfefe

      Voter FRAUD!

    • shivaskeeper

      Probably makes better choices than the average Trump supporter also, too. Of course that should go without saying because dogs are awesome.

      • Maybe

        Of course Trump is awesome too, but you need to select the right parts of the definition.

        awesome
        extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear.

        • shivaskeeper

          Not seeing it. I’m getting hung up on the word ‘inspiring’. He is not capable of actual inspiring anything.

          • Jack Tenhet

            Except nausea and erectile dysfunction.

          • shivaskeeper

            HE can cause that yes, but not inspire it.

          • Jack Tenhet

            Oh, he has moved me to vomit a time or two.

          • Kneeling Bozilingus

            Electile dysfunction.

          • Jack Tenhet

            Either way there’s no rise in the pol(e)ls.

          • Maybe

            I’m going with daunting and inspiring great apprehension or fear.

            The words “awesome” and “awful” have related derivations.

            Of course, we could just agree that he’s yucky.

          • Mormos

            really? he inspires apprehension and fear in me.

    • Jack Tenhet

      I had a rescue greyhound with almost that same coat ten years ago. She was the sweetest damned thing, liked to spend most of her time lounging on the couch. But when she got a wild hair to, she’d tear into a full run that was nothing short of jaw dropping.

      I hate greyhound racing. It’s barbaric and needs to be criminalized. These are great, sensitive and loving dogs. The way they make them suffer is unconscionable.

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cd5b31c7a9a76a805919955bc6b76b7c961f68e4603a1ca08a6b0ca685b414a1.jpg

      I know, this was just a cute puppy pic that had nothing to do with greyhounds, but I’m feeling preachy today. Must be that one cup of coffee I had this morning. Or the cabin fever. Or the albino dwarf with the gimpy leg crawling up my arm with a knife in his teeth and a song in his heart.

      • redblack

        that’s just the mescaline talking.

        • Jack Tenhet

          That’s absurd! Mescaline doesn’t talk! Everybody knows it can only communicate in low frequency clicks and whizzes.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            “Did somebody say whizzes?”

            DJT

  • TJ Barke

    No more fucking diebold machines, goddamnit.

    • Maybe

      Oregon only allows voting by mail. Built-in identity check (to some extent), hard-copy records, and easy for people to use, which could improve voter turnout. I’m not sure if they have a workaround for the homeless and people with shared addresses, but taking a step down in technology has a lot of advantages.

      • redblack

        WA state, also too.

        • Maybe

          I believe California is joining in in 2018.

          Now we need to work on the East Coast.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Silver lining! My credit actually can’t get any worse, so there’s nowhere to go but up!

    • Victoria Ricola

      That’s the spirit!

  • Panika MCD

    OT – ???

    UT Chancellor/Admiral William McRaven is stepping down in May. the filing deadline for the primary has passed, but he can still run for governor as an independent. and he would so win.

    https://www.texastribune.org/2017/12/15/ut-system-chancellor-bill-mcraven-will-resign-may/

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Sounds interesting. I’ll stay tuned.

  • Mary Theresa

    $3500? Nah, they’re doing something to the data and want CA to have it back. But what? There’s eleventy billion ways to screw with this data.

    • Mary Theresa

      In addition, just the asking price is trying to make it look like it’s nerdy hacker kids involved.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      That’s just a little bit extra pocket change compared to what they’ll get slicing and dicing that data and selling it a thousand times over.

      I mean, are we to assume that California doesn’t have an offsite backup copy?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

    – my avatar

  • jesterpunk

    OT but Fuck

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/white-house-signals-western-wall-has-to-be-part-of-israel/2017/12/15/476f21a4-e1cc-11e7-b2e9-8c636f076c76_story.html?utm_term=.f12fc3a3a87e

    Senior Trump administration officials outlined their view Friday that Jerusalem’s Western Wall ultimately will be declared a part of Israel, in another declaration sure to enflame passions among Palestinians and others in the Middle East.

    Although they said the ultimate borders of the holy city must be resolved through Israeli-Palestinian negotiations, the officials — speaking ahead of Vice President Mike Pence’s trip to the region — essentially ruled out any scenario that didn’t maintain Israeli control over the holiest ground in Judaism. The issue is sensitive because the wall is beyond Israel’s pre-1967 borders and abuts some of the Islamic world’s most revered sites.

    “We cannot envision any situation under which the Western Wall would not be part of Israel. But as the president said, the specific boundaries of sovereignty of Israel are going to be part of the final status agreement,” a senior administration official said. Another official later added by email, “We note that we cannot imagine Israel would sign a peace agreement that didn’t include the Western Wall.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s going to outrage all the Muslims in the Middle East, to include our so-called “allies” of Saudi Arabia.

      Let’s just poke that bear with a cattle prod for shits and grins!

      • jesterpunk

        Well the evangelicals do want the world to end and need Israel to be destroyed to do it. So they will get their wish.

        • nightmoth

          I hope I’m still here to see the looks on their self-righteous faces when they do NOT get raptured out of the mess.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          The second coming of Jesus, all over Mike Pence’s face.

        • redblack

          the problem is that their “prophecy” is fairy-tale bullshit that’s going to get a lot of innocent people killed – in this world.

          we won’t even have the satisfaction of them realizing – too late – that there is no “afterlife.” they’ll just be dead. and wrong.

        • Persistent Demme

          Naive question of the day:
          Why is Israel going along with this!!!!???
          (I didn’t think Bibi was this stupid!)

          • jesterpunk

            They want Jerusalem as the capital and want other countries to recognize it as the capital for different religious reasons.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I guess he did build the wall after all. OK, he took a shortcut. The wall was already built; he just had to point somewhere else on the map and have Palestine pay for it.

  • jesterpunk

    Why didnt they get get some help to stop the hackers. A second person on the keyboard would have helped.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8qgehH3kEQ

  • Villago Delenda Est

    The reason the scum of the GOP think it’s a “state’s rights” issue is because it’s easier to throw elections their way in places like (wait for it) Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania with these insecure voting machines.

    Wisconsin, which used to be one of those paragons of good government states, is now a fetid swamp thanks the the money of the Kochs and their minion, Scott Walker.

    • shivaskeeper

      In this case it’s probably “States Rights” because no one at the top wants to actually do anything about it.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Forget it Jake, it’s the GOP. It’s states rights because blah people aren’t supposed to stray from the plantation to vote against their masters. America: where Occam’s razor means death by a thousand (tax) cuts. And, of course, nobody at the top wants to do anything about it.

  • jesterpunk

    Doesnt the state of California have backups? Just tell the hackers to get fucked and reinstall the OS on the systems and secure them then restore the data from backups. Its not like you can really trust the systems or data once you get it back.

    • natoslug

      I think part of it is the hackers are offering the data back unread. Meaning they want us to believe they haven’t already sold our data to the highest bidder, and that sure, we can trust the data that gets returned, you betcha!

      • jesterpunk

        They dont even have to sell it just change it to remove people from the voter rolls or change a number in there information so they cant vote.

  • Jack Tenhet

    Paper ballots, people. Paper ballots.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      In Oregon, we have vote by mail with…wait for it…PAPER BALLOTS!

      • anon_the_great

        VBM is how civilized people vote.

    • jesterpunk

      Paper ballots wont solve this issue, it is the machines that keep track of who can vote and which party they are part of. These are systems that should be kept a lot more secure then they are but most government rules require hiring the cheapest people possible not the most qualified.

    • Marion in Savannah

      Another advantage to voting by mail is that it tends to winnow out the morans. (See: Family, Trump, AOT,K.)

    • Bemused

      All the CA elections I’ve voted in have been paper ballots/optical scanner types, so at least there’s that.

      • Jack Tenhet

        I do the same. Being disabled allows me to vote absentee which works out very well as far as any paper trail is concerned.

        • SDGeoff3

          I used to vote by mail, but since I’m able, I have chosen to return to the polls.

          • Jack Tenhet

            I’d love to get back to doing that myself. The last time I tried it, I left in an ambulance.

            That was also the last time I drove a car anywhere. Just couldn’t drive any more after that. Having a panic attack on I-20 will pretty much kill that driving spirit.

          • SDGeoff3

            Sorry to hear of the panic attacks. I get mine in the middle of the night, usually triggered by PTS from my last job.
            Although lately people speaking with the affectation of vocal fry seem to be adding to it.

    • JMP

      But this is California, which already has them, along with voting by mail for anyone who wants to – which really helps considering how insanely long ballots can get here thanks to the initiative crap.

      • SDGeoff3

        I don’t sign any of those petitions. We have this anti-gas tax people at all the stores lately. I tell them I’m ok with the gas tax, and they get very evil and nasty.
        A local ghey Reprobatian named Carl De Maio is running it. And this guy is a total fraud, along with his ghey following.

        • tex7

          When I visit California, I have been accosted by petition signers. The last one was campaigning to cut retirement benefits for San Diego city employees. I told them I couldn’t sign–I live in Texas–and they tried to get me to sign anyway.
          Crazy, everything you can get on a ballot. Taking people’s retirement benefits away, sheesh. How low can you go.

          • SDGeoff3

            It’s pretty much a right wing tactic, right down there in the gutter with recall elections. Whenever I hear them telling lies to signers, though, I interrupt and get quite in their faces.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      two words: hanging chads

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Paper ballots don’t have to be punch cards. And where used, they mostly aren’t.

      • Invisible Bunyip
        • Gayer Than Thou

          What kind of government is it when all of the candidates are called Given Names Surname and that’s the only person you can vote for?

          • Invisible Bunyip

            A very efficient kind. We announce the results ten minutes after the polls close, when the counting is over.

  • Ulricii

    Ron Wyden is a great Senator, but is this really the time to create a senior White House official to oversee election security? You know who Trump will appoint. Some guy straight off the list of GOP hackmasters who’ve been raping our voter records the last three elections.

    • Not to sound like a dick, but “GOP hackmaster” is an oxymoron.

      • Daniel

        I don’t know. Sean Hannity certainly seems to be at least a GOP hack-journeyman.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Emphasis on “moron.” Although, they do profit indirectly (through pharma lobbying) from dealing oxy, but I digress.

        The rank-and-file voters, however, are what you might call a series of rubes.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Kris Kobach it is.

  • Kneeling Bozilingus
  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    the executive branch must shoulder the burden of protecting federal elections from foreign cyberattacks.

    Mhrmph

    Mhurph

    MWAHAHAHAHAHA

    • jesterpunk

      Remember last year when Obama tried that and McConnell told him the GOP would oppose it because “partisan politics”?

      • McConnell knew way more about what was happening than he’d like people to believe. He may not have agreed with it, but he sure as shit didn’t try to stop anything. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2027735e632d711ccf434734a4726de0e017752c6435418c6becf5a573259238.gif

        • Christopher Story

          That looks like the ending of a trailer for a horror mystery movie about a death cult leader

          • SayItWithWookies

            Unfortunately it’s a documentary.

        • Jack Tenhet

          When Mitch McConnell smiles, even Satan cringes.

          • Ellie

            It’s worse when he starts out with a smile, and then goes into that little chuckle which says, “You’re screwed and I’m not, and you can’t do anything about it.”

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            He has no lips.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    What has Donald fucked up now, WaPo?

    Trump promised ‘America First’ would keep jobs here. But the tax plan might push them overseas.

    “This bill is potentially more dangerous than our current system,” said Stephen Shay, a senior lecturer at Harvard Law School and former Treasury Department international tax expert in the Obama administration. “It creates a real incentive to shift real activity offshore.”

    There are three reasons, according to nonpartisan tax experts. First, a corporation would pay that global minimum tax only on profit above a “routine” rate of return on the tangible assets — such as factories — it has overseas. So the more equipment a corporation has in other countries, the more tax-free income it can earn. The legislation thus offers corporations “a perverse incentive” to shift assembly lines abroad, said Steve Rosenthal of the Tax Policy Center.

    Second, the bill sets the “routine” return at 10 percent — far more generous than would typically be the case. Such allowances are normally fixed a couple of percentage points above risk-free Treasury yields, which are currently around 2.4 percent.

    As a result, a U.S. corporation that builds a $100 million plant in another country and makes a foreign profit of $20 million would pay roughly $1 million in tax versus $4 million on the same profit if earned in the United States, said Rosenthal, who has been a tax lawyer for 25 years and drafted tax legislation as a staffer for the Joint Committee on Taxation.

    Finally, the minimum levy would be calculated on a global average rather than for individual countries where a corporation operates. So a U.S. multinational could lower its tax bill by shifting profit from U.S. locations to tax havens such as the Cayman Islands.

    tl;dr:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2bddd0d42c33218e9ed61454ac318cc4a4940a36d677ec4f27399496950389e7.jpg

    • Jack Tenhet

      It’s pretty safe to say that he’s done everything he swore he wouldn’t during the campaign. Some idiots thought they were getting a populist who’d shakeup the republican establishment but SURPRISE SUCKAS!, at the end of the day, Donnie’s just another run-of-the-mill, trickle down, job killing, reg busting, deficit creating, entitlement raiding, corporate whore.

      • Doug Langley

        Remember the people crowing that since Donnie was already rich, he couldn’t be bought? They didn’t get that he was just cutting out the middleman.

        • Jack Tenhet

          Yeah, here’s the thing about rich people, it seems that rich people just LOVE money. Go figure.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            And they are NEVER rich enough.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Tech companies are already high-tailing it up north because hostility to immigrants is making it difficult for them to attract the talent they need for an increasingly global workforce. Now that the tax bill deals a deliberate crushing blow to higher education, the incentive to relocate is only going to be that much greater. The U.S. is having a brain-drain moment of its own. Physical proximity to the once-and-former empire, and the generous policies of the Tru Grits that are a complete 180 to the ignorance-is-strength Trumpublicans, have made the #1 destination both for tech companies and students with in-demand skills to be — where else? — Canada.

      Elon Musk is disgusted with Trump. He already attended school in Canada after leaving behind his native South Africa (which, of course, was similarly mired in chaos, insularity, and hate), and is reportedly looking there to grow his company (or companies, plural) in addition to projects already underway in California. Amazon reportedly is very bullish on Toronto for HQ2, and Jack Ma of Alibaba couldn’t be more enthusiastic about finding camaraderie in the geek-friendly Trudeau.

      The Trump administration loves the poorly educated and wants to have a grand old party like it’s 1899. Clean coal in everyone’s stocking, eh? Highly illogical, says the Vulcan-hybrid PM, and the holodeck manufacturers and Starfleet Academy cadets all seem to agree. Let it snow, let it snow, make it so.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA5mK69mgZk

      • jesterpunk

        They also made it really hard for spouses of people on the H1B visas to get a job.

        http://money.cnn.com/2017/12/15/technology/h1b-visa-spouses-h4-trump/index.html

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Well, isn’t that special. But it’s gays who pose a threat to the integrity of marriage. Yeah, sure.

          Result: Awesomesauce black guy Ahmed Hussen, Canadian immigration minister with actual birth certificate from Somalia, says “come from away.”

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DcqyGrblAA

          At least Canada’s not tired of winning.

      • tex7

        Hey, this important to me. My 28 yr old son is earning an MS in EE. We joke about Canada (I am one quarter Canadian) but this sounds like a real thing.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      feature not bug

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Gawd, if only there was some sort of computer print out that you signed when you received your ballot?

    • Anna Rompage

      How about moving to a vote by mail paper ballot system instead of a quirky ATM that you deposit votes into, instead of checks?

      • redblack

        we have that in WA.

      • Darkrose

        We have that in California. I vote by mail, and the one time I didn’t it was paper ballots.

  • Reximus
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        Thanks. Sharing!

    • Jack Tenhet

      And here I thought Donnie wanted to END the “War on Christmas”. Can’t the asshole just let us get through the rest of this most shit-filled of years without shitting the goddamned bed even more than he’s already shat on it?

      • redblack

        are you sick of all the winning yet?

        • Jack Tenhet

          So…. Very… Much…. Winning. Just cannot literally stand all this winning.

      • jesterpunk

        SO MUCH WINNING

        http://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-world/world/article189956269.html

        They’re not celebrating Christmas this year in the town Christians believe to be the childhood hometown of Jesus.

        Ali Salam, the mayor of Nazareth who is a Muslim, ordered that all celebrations of the Christian holiday be called off, the city council announced Thursday, according to the Times of Israel.

        “Our identity and faith aren’t up for debate,” Salam told the Times. “The decision (by U.S. President Donald Trump about Jerusalem) has taken away the joy of the holiday, and we will thus cancel festivities this year.”

        Trump officially recognized Jerusalem as the capital of Israel on Dec. 6, shattering decades of U.S. neutrality on the subject as it pertains to the centuries-long struggle between Israelites and Palestinians. Some U.S. allies rejected that move as “very dangerous” and “catastrophic” for Middle Eastern relations.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Funny thing, too. This is a double present to his Nazi base because now they can accuse the Jews of aborting Jebus on what would have been “his birthday”. Nice job, asshole, you managed to kick the bigliest hornet’s nest in the world: a massive tripartite holy war involving all three cults of the Abrahamic dark triad, plus Nazis for good measure! So much winning!

    • Victoria Ricola

      My state congresspeople will be very unhappy with the pitchfork crowd gathered outside their mansions during their holiday feasts.

      • redblack

        i hope your state congresspeople become the holiday feast.

        with votes/ketchup, of course.

        • sarafina

          And mayonaise!!!

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Hot sauce!

    • Persistent Demme

      Do it, Dotard!
      I have a winter weight pussy hat that’s dying to get out on the street!
      Next week, Christmas Eve, or Day, suits me just fine!
      Bring it, you piece of shit!

  • Anna Rompage

    A top priority to protect election integrity?

    Um, but if we do that, hows Donad & a number of Republicans suppose to win the 2020 elections

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    OT: Rare photo of a great white shark!

    https://twitter.com/_youhadonejob1/status/941998001790373888

  • Christopher Story
  • nightmoth

    Good grief! I wish we would go back to paper ballots and then spread national elections over more than one day. I know it sounds kinda “3rd world” but we’re not controlling our technology very well, so we should take our methodology down a notch.

    • OutOfOrbit

      the right loves hackability. all the better to cheat

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Canada uses paper ballots. Breitbartians think (OK, they believe, not “think”) they’re some backwards Soviet satellite state where no one has freedumz and the people wait in bread lines for hours for a shitty plate of government poutine and have to praise Comrade Castreau before getting it, but they’re not third-world by any reasonable sense of the term. We are, but shh, don’t tell the Breitbartians, you’ll trigger their economic anxiety.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I’ve argued with the idiots telling me how the medical system is and I frickin’ lived there.

    • Mormos

      nothing wrong with spending a few days deciding who THE EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF YOUR COUNTRY is.

      • nightmoth

        Really! We have such a huge country, that it SHOULD take a while to do it right. Election night news coverage feels like the Kentucky Derby. Lots of buildup, then over in about 3 minutes.

  • Christopher Story
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • WomanInThePersistence

    I say this with love and as a supporter and voter for Senator Wyden – RON, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND!?!?! A SENIOR WHITE HOUSE OFFICIAL!?!?! WITH THESE FUCKING RUSSIAN-OWNED CLOWNS!?!?!?!?!

    • OutOfOrbit

      yeah, really

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Seriously, wtf?

    • Phried Ω

      And we pay career civil servants and contractors at NSA, the FBI, DHS, and the Secret Service to do what? I would have said FEC but after seeing what kind of judge material they produce in the hearing yesterday….

    • ExecutorElassus

      Let’s not forget that, at the time of the election last November, some 15% of federal agencies were using Kaspersky’s anti-virus software. And the move to ban it from all agencies is encountering resistance.
      We don’t want to win.

  • jesterpunk

    Semi OT

    https://www.engadget.com/2017/12/16/firefox-mr-robot-extension/

    A curious add-on called “Looking Glass” started popping up on Firefox for a number of users this past week — even if they didn’t give the browser permission to install it. Due to its nebulous nature and creepy description that only said “MY REALITY IS JUST DIFFERENT FROM YOURS,” people took to social networks to ask other users and air their concerns. Turns out Looking Glass isn’t spamware, malware or any of the sort: it’s a promotional campaign for Mr. Robot, a TV series about the life of a cybersecurity-engineer-slash-hacker.

    A screenshot of Looking Glass version 1.0.3 captured by TechCrunch shows that the extension’s profile barely had anything in it. Version 1.0.4, which one of Engadget’s editors found in his browser, was more forthcoming and admitted that it’s a collaboration between Mr. Robot and Mozilla.

    • Fucking hell, I hate that show. It’s nerd blackface, like Big Bang Theory

      • jesterpunk

        I have never seen it but people at work talk about it all the time. It just sounds bad from everything I have heard about it.

        • ExecutorElassus

          First season was pretty cool. Then the novelty wore off, all the reveals they had were used up, and the weakness in the writing started becoming really glaring.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Found it!

      Removed it.

  • Ling Ling
    • BeachLoafer

      On the off chance that’s legit, ain’t nobody with the experience they require be stupid enough to email them all their PII up front – hell, I’d go to a pay phone just to call them ;)

    • SayItWithWookies

      A minimum of three years in a brand new technology (AWS, which is Amazon Web Services for non-geeks); setting up and maintaining servers; database programming; and application development. Even without all the various software they enumerated, that’s like asking for someone with experience as a Navy pilot, a captain of an aircraft carrier, and a pastry chef. Probably wants to pay minimum wage, too.

      • Arolpin

        The requirements aren’t that outlandish. They are basically looking for someone with 5+ years experience running large web servers and applications to enhance those servers, and anyone running large-scale web services now probably has a few years experience with AWS. I know that I’ve been designing access to those (and with a specific product designed just for AWS access) for over 4 years, and doing it on an ad-hoc basis for probably 4 years prior to that.
        I can think of at least a dozen people who have twice the experience in every requirement listed, but they would probably want $500/hour for a contract job like that, with a 20% kicker to relocate to Sacramento, or a company-paid luxury apartment, and a certain amount of weekend flights back home included to even consider it. (I’m basically the only one in my former co-worker slack channel who isn’t overqualified for this, because I’m a big network guy, not a big server guy.)
        The real issue is that they are looking for someone who is not only a technical expert, but also a good teacher. They left out the part where the guy also has to be a product and process guy, because if they’re looking for someone to train an entire staff, you have to develop and document the procedures before you can train people on it.
        The big red flag for me is that they want an updated LinkedIn profile, with a picture. I’m sorry, but there is no legitimate reason to demand a picture for a highly technical position. It’s not like it’s a server job at Hooters or something, or even a sales job at a high-end clothing store where you might be able to argue that applicants should fit certain standards of attractiveness. If I were an employment lawyer, I would probably be flagging this just in case someone came to me later with a possible discrimination case.

        • BeachLoafer

          Agreed, though I think you could hire this person for half what you suggest hourly (about right on the perks).

          LinkedIn with photo, last-4 of SSN, copy of the ID(s) that would normally go with an I9, and DOB (which you can’t legally ask for in an interview process) are huge red flags, though, hence my earlier comment – this looks waaay too much like an identity theft scam directed at people who will spot it as such from a mile away.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Per the WaPo, no one is allowed to bring up cyber security or Russian hacking to President Baby because it gives him a sad.

    • gallbladder

      Not even Barron?

      • Kneeling Bozilingus

        Barron will be given a position in the administration as Secretary of the Computer Stuff.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          He’s The Expert, because he’s bigly good with the cyber.

    • OutOfOrbit

      sad, mad or freaked out with fear?

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        No Russian No Russian You’re the Russian, I think.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Also, President Baby has just issued a list of seven banned words in relation to cybersecurity. In order, they are “I”, “am” “a” “puppet” “of” “President” and “Putin.”

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Hahahaha! Tweeting this!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Decent cybersecurity for state election commissions — okay, sure. We’ll just take the money out of education funds, and then wonder why we can’t hire anyone with degrees in cybersecurity. We’d bring in people from India, but the ones we’d allow in don’t want to come. So I guess we can just do nothing and call the problem solved — will that work?

    • Victoria Ricola

      It will if you are a member of a historically unpopular political party with an ideology designed around stealing all the votes/money for your own nefarious purposes.

      :(

    • Ling Ling

      In California, the state absolutely will use H1B holders.

  • Parakeetist
    • gallbladder

      A cat. Wearing a shark costume. Vacuuming a floor.

      I picked the wrong fucking weekend to ease off drinking.

      • amrak63

        And smoking, taking amphetamines, and sniffing glue.

        • Christopher Story

          Lightweight

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      The cat wore a fucking costume AND rode around on the Rhumba for the lucrative video but the johnny-come-lately dog got the kiss? That’s just wrong.

      • gallbladder

        I agree. I mean, if there ever was an example of a miscarriage of justice, it’s that.

        • 52camellias

          Yes, but the cat got fed a treat. I am positive, with all my heart, that the dog would consider that a serious miscarriage of justice.

      • Persistent Demme

        But dogs have that resting “I deserve a kiss” face.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Yeah, and it’s also likely that the cat only gets $0.72 to the dollar compared to the dog for the same work.

    • Christopher Story
      • Blackest Noobs

        death and destruction, tonight fellow felines we dine in HELL

    • Phried Ω

      Can the Rhumba vacuum up the blood I would lose trying to dress my cat up in a shark costume?

    • Persistent Demme

      The nonchalant corn shucking in the background makes it.

    • Blackest Noobs

      said it before when someone else posted this but so many questions like how did they get the cat to wear the outfit, or how they got him/her on the roomba and to stay on…was it a discovery? like the roomba was doing its thing and the cat was like, hey, free ride yo!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Needs a proper soundtrack. I think you know which one.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Happy holidays.

    Darth Vader would be a pleasant change from the current administration.
    https://youtu.be/jiDTufRNL10

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      He was such a fuckup as a kid. It’s good to see that he straightened up and did something with his life.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      What can you get a prime minister for his birthday when he already owns a comb?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqpMr8Nwhi4

      (Besides the #1 economy in the G7. Maybe a Wookiee dog from Newfoundland?)

      http://www.dogbreedslist.info/uploads/allimg/dog-pictures/Newfoundland-1.jpg

    • Blackest Noobs

      first thing i thought, it’s Canada, right….goes to Youtube….yep…Canada.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻
        • Blackest Noobs

          i often wonder where did our white people go wrong, i mean it’s not as if Canadian white people didn’t be dicks and do dick things but somewhere along the line they stopped being 100% dicks while south of them white peeps were like OOOOOOOOH NO we soooo gonna be 120% dicks, and never looked back.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Well, it’s not all Canadian white people, all white people or all Canadian people. I can’t really even say it’s the British or French influence because their empires from the continent were as nasty as any other continental empire coming out of Europe. It’s really just conservatives, period. It doesn’t take long for them to purge their sensible “let’s just keep the car in neutral for awhile” egghead types in favor of full-blown sociopathic robber barons like Koch and Trump, and their useful-idiot constituency of dimwitted orcs out for blood. Literally, regression to the “mean.” But as to why Canada has for the most part kept their loonie regressives more or less contained to where they can’t wreak havoc on the country or the world like a Trump/Bush/Reagan, is well beyond the scope of a recipe mommyblog that doesn’t allow comments.

            Every so often a rabid beast gets off the leash like Harper and the rest of his wolf pack (Scheer’s the same breed of asshole but with none of the Machiavellian cunning of his predecessor), but that seems to be a relatively isolated occurrence as of late. Moneybags Mulroney was an idiot who got caught with his pants down, but Harper was savage. Even still (sigh), Harper is largely a product of the American beast below. So is his Goebbels, Ezra Levant. A Jewish guy, at that — who went to some young-cons sleepaway camp in college sponsored by none other than Charlie and Dave Koch.

            The archetype (or stereotype) of the polite Canadian generally refers to the sunny-ways Liberal of Laurier’s creation and later the borderline revolutionary mindset of none other than Pierre and his son(s). The only thing is you’re not supposed to say so because, well, it’s not polite to politicize being polite.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Not all white people. I blame our educational system with funding based on property taxes.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    It’s getting to the point where the only feasible solutions is paper everything for elections, said paper locked in a vault with a precious few privy to the combination and no imaging technology allowed within a mile of the place.

    If that means cavity searches for everyone accessing the data, so be it.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Chad is like oh cool, im ready to hang again.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        iswydt

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        It doesn’t have to be Well-Hung Chad, though. In Massachusetts we have a paper ballot where you draw a line connecting an arrow that points to the name of your candidate, or your choice on an initiative. You literally have to be a complete fucking moron not to know how to draw a line. Granted, the paper ballot then gets fed into a machine, but the actual vote is done manually. That machine could be eliminated entirely if more poll workers were hired to count the ballots, and we didn’t squeeze election day into one day that people take off work from.

        Make election day a Friday, have it be a federal holiday, and do the counting over the weekend with the results returned on a Monday. Allow for mail-in voting for everyone, not just the disabled, elderly and shut-ins. This business of the second Tuesday in November, and other days here and there depending on the whims of XYZ state or municipality, didn’t take into account the realities of the economy almost 250 years later. The rules are ossified, but that perhaps is by design so as to maintain the status quo and allow one party in particular to take us back in a time warp 250 years when only white male landowners could vote at all.

        The constitution says nothing about political parties, in fact, and the Founders in fact weren’t fond of the idea at all (Madison warned specifically of “the dangers of factions” in Federalist 10). But, pragmatically speaking, here we are, and we know which party that is. Things need to change, bigly. It’s not the 18th century anymore, and most of us don’t want it to be.

        • Courser_Resistance

          This is how we do Vote by Mail in CO.

      • Invisible Bunyip

        We use paper ballots in Australia, but without the chad problem. You get a list of candidates, and number them from 1 to whatever. The major parties will even supply you with a crib sheet if you want to follow one party’s recommendation.

        Oh, and anybody can have a postal ballot just by asking, and elections are on Saturdays.

        http://www.aec.gov.au/Voting/How_to_Vote/files/hor-paper.jpg

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Nah, they’ll just “accidentally” find 150,000 uncounted but miysteriously certified absentee ballots in a closet. (This literally happended in WI, and it is why Scott Walker is governor)

  • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

    How is it that California, the home of Silicon Valley, didn’t have better data security? I haz a disappoint.

    • SDGeoff3

      I haz a very very nervousness.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Oh yeah… anxiety for… well I guess eternally… this is fucking killing me.

    • OutOfOrbit

      The decision makers are not the smart peepses there

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        It seems the smart peepses are too busy throwing kegs from the roof of their HQ buildings and writing Elliot Rodger-esque MRA manifestos about women who can’t systemize the synergy to do anything of actual worth to society.

        Seriously, has anything beneficial to humanity actually come from this industry since the dotcom bubble? Zuck the Schmuck made bank stealing the computer equivalent of the panty-raid operation from Revenge of the Nerds that later got weaponized by Russia. The rest is stupid video games and “disruption” apps for things that weren’t in need of “disrupting,” like taxi cabs and grocery shopping.

        Everyone is all agog about how awesome all this whiz-bang tech stuff is but I really think it’s overrated. Forget a cure for cancer, what we really needed was a bazillion-dollar industry that puts watermelon hats on cats’ heads. And this is what we want to hand over our democratic process to.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SW_7Q_tAk9I

        • Ling Ling
          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I’m still skeptical. Even if it’s an open-source system, some things just shouldn’t be mechanized at all. Paper might not be the “greenest” thing in the world, but it works. The solution is to hire more poll workers to count the ballots, and to not try and squish the election into one day — a day that people have to take off work from. Not to outsource to machines because they’re supposedly more “efficient.” Have elections be on a Friday, make that day a holiday, and do the counting over the weekend.

          • Ling Ling

            Elections absolutely should not be handled by Diebold.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Well, that’s for certain. Just look at who their ad pitchman is.

            http://www.rcareaga.com/dieboldvar/big_die/diebold_1.jpg

            Diebold With a Vengeance.

          • wavicles

            Well, they’ve already got the trademark, says them.

          • Jamoche

            My Silicon Valley town doesn’t use voting machines. I think we aren’t alone in that.

          • Vienna Woods

            It’s a pity that US ballots are so much more complicated than Canadian ones. Here it’s one vote on a small piece of paper- unless it’s municipal, only one position is up for grabs. They can easily be counted in half an hour at each local polling place just by sorting into piles.

          • Querolous

            Make the ballots out of hemp paper and you don’t need to cut down a tree.

        • House0fTheBlueLights
          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Oh, you’re so Zazzy…

          • Courser_Resistance

            Because of course someone has already done the watermelon on cat heads…

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            I googled it. It’s a thing, apparently.

          • H0mer0

            the one on the right looks like Moe from the 3 Stooges, or at least the shape of his “hair”

        • OutOfOrbit

          and if a thing is just good but donut have profit potential? phfft

    • 52camellias

      Democratic voters are clustered around S.F. and L.A. There are enormous swaths of Republican voters in the rest of California. This is the state that gave Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon their political starts.

      • Ling Ling

        Don’t leave out Nunes and Rohrbacher. No need for ancient history.

        • Phried Ω

          Don’t leave out McCarthy.

          • OneYieldRegular

            Don’t leave out the late Wally George.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      funding?

      • Ling Ling

        Yup. I do time and materials contracting (since 1992). The state is a difficult customer to cultivate. Never had the patience for them. Much easier to find work in silicon valley.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Could be Russia trying to panic more voters to de-register so they can keep their asset in the White House.

    • Could be any number of state or non-state actors. The fact that it happened, in my opinion, should be more important than who stole the data.

  • 52camellias

    Because living five minutes away from the mandatory evacuations of the Thomas fire wasn’t bad enough.

    Here’s what the morning sky looks like. Sigh. My lungs are being slowly destroyed by inhaling this air every single day. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/939dd6cb7dc6afab17ada4e174f35128e1bc3fd8fe26b872af98480409725fd9.jpg

  • SadDemInTex

    We are fucked.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      We have been, are being, and will be fucked.

      ftfy

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Damnit. How did someone else come up with my idea independently? But so much better.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Ender’s Game, anyone?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • little miss high and mighty

      Hey Keeef! How wi dat Lil´’ Gravy?
      No shorty no more we bets!What, now? 10?
      Keep ’em music lessons, K.K.
      Draw on your stregnths.
      Draw on paper or whatever, besides.
      Great colleague cartoon!

  • Blackest Noobs
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Idjit Pai calling …

    There could soon be ugly and ‘dangerous’ cell towers everywhere

    To make this possible, industry organizations like the Cellular Telecommunications and Internet Association are intensely lobbying Congress and state and local governments to abolish all zoning laws that regulate antennas and towers in the public rights-of-way.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      Fuck them. If big money had its way, local governments would have no governing rights at all.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I’ll believe corporations are people when the Soylent nonprofit food charity lets me eat one.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Got hot sauce? Cuz I’ma gonna need hot sauce.

        • Impatient

          How about when they face liability/consequences as an individual does?

          LLC: License, Lacking Consequences

          • Regret

            I’m still waiting for a corporation to be accused of murder, then it doesn’t show up in court (kinda hard to do without a body) including all the fun consequences of that. Then their accounts get frozen (flight risk), and they are convicted in absentia.

    • Walter Wellstone

      Idjit libulz, I guess?

    • If i had my way i would buy the property facing the local country club and rent out the entire frontage strip for telcom towers.

    • Teecha

      Some of the ones we have in qatar are disguised as palm trees. We have excellent mobile coverage. 4G everywhere.

    • Carpe Vagenda
      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        These work in Georgia because we have a lot of trees that do look like that. But one size does not fit all.

        • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

          yeah, it doesnt work quite as well in the middle of a soybean field next to the walmart in sw IL

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Cellphonicus artificialis, a new invasive species that is rapidly spreading throughout the world. Beware.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      The rich, white suburbanites will revolt. NIMBY is strong in that crowd.

    • phoenix00

      Where’s Jill Stein and her woo when we REALLY need her?

      • HooverVilles

        I knew that name would reappear sooner or later.
        Gag!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Regret

      Unrealistic. Trump does not speak in full sentences.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I had an interesting conversation with the head of my local County Voter Registration office last month (not an elected position), during which I asked him about the postcards that everyone in my county gets shortly before each election, with the return address of the County Voter Registration office and using the County’s mass-mailing US postage permit ID number, which tells us where our polling place is and what date and time the polls are open. He said “We don’t send out those postcards, and we don’t know who does.”

    Well holy shit, THEY SEND THE POSTCARDS OUT and they’ve been doing it for years, but the head of the office doesn’t even know they are doing it??? Or else he was lying, but why on earth would he do that? Everyone – and I mean EVERYONE – knows that they mail these postcards. I must point out here that the previous County Clerk was a highly respected and very competent female Democrat who had been in that position for 30+ years until she had to retire early due to breast cancer, and the new County Clerk is a Republican male appointed to fill her term who promoted another Republican male to head the Voter Registration office. I will not speculate on what that means. (Yes I will, could it mean that that all Republicans automatically lie no matter what?)

    Then he said, “And I heard that last year some postcards were sent out with the wrong polling place.” No shit, I read about this in the local newspaper. I repeat, THEY send out these postcards.

    I called my local Democratic Party headquarters and told them what this guy said. They were speechless.

    Anyone who expects this County office to implement network security is hallucinating.

    • Walter Wellstone

      This whole thing is so disenhearting. It’s like the country we thought was a more-or-less successful experiment in civilization is just another fucking joke, only bigger, but as much as a joke as the rest of the world. I’m reading about all the overt, shamelessly out-in-the-open fuckery that took place in the last presidential elections in Kenya, Honduras and other places and I’m realizing we’re no different.

      • little miss high and mighty

        Well yes but we are different in the risk area and the scale of the footprint impact of our filth upon the rest but pricipe, yup, we are all sickos governance-wise.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        At least in the US if you fuck with the elections they don’t immediately shoot you and every member of your extended family, or haul you off to disappear somewhere (at least, not if you are white), but give it time, give it time.

        LOL my cat was sleeping next to my keyboard and she just woke up while I was writing this and stretched and then fell off the desk backwards. I had to stop writing for 3 minutes while I was laughing, and now she is pissed off.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “I’m reading about all the overt, shamelessly out-in-the-open fuckery that took place in the last presidential elections in Kenya, Honduras and other places and I’m realizing we’re no different.”

        Probably because there’s a good chance we had a hand in it. Now we’re Soviet America, where other country hack you.

    • HogeyeGrex

      “We don’t know who does” might just mean, “I am a willfully ignorant shitheel with no interest in the day to day workings of the office I have been put in charge of.” They night farm it out to some private envelope stuffer, and he neither knows nor cares which one. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Christ.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Scrofula

      Hey, if we’re not on fire we’re flaming.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I think we’re a couple of frames later in that toon at this point.

  • JD Mulvey

    We need to take the Oregon voting system nationwide.

  • Ling Ling
  • puredog

    Wyden’s my senator. He’s so cute! Yes, Ron, you go introduce that intelligent legislation. It’s what you do. That it is tantamount to pissing in the wind is not your fault.

    • BrendaKay

      Not my senator, but I agree. The Dems can introduce all the best legislation… but until we vote them into the majority, it is worthless.

  • tehbaddr
  • Zyxomma

    IOW, we’re all fucked.

  • Yellerduck

    Welcome to the brave new world!

  • Travalanche

    Please tell me the official response involved the words “redundant, offsite backups”

    • h4rr4r

      Redundant, offsite and offline.

    • phoenix00

      Also: “We’re not paying one single cent”

    • Regret

      The bigger problem seems to be identity theft.
      I assume Americans use some form of government ID number to vote? (I forget what it is called)
      Those can be used for identity theft.

      • Husband Of Mrs God

        No. The precinct has a list of names. You show your state (not federal) driver’s license. They cross you off the list and assign your name/address a ballot number which is linked to your ballot.
        It is imperfect. About 10–14 years ago a worker had let someone else have my wife’s ballot, so they had to give her a provisional ballot and clean the mess later.

  • ryp

    I’m pretty sure there is nothing in my voting registration info that isn’t available on those public records search websites for $9.99

  • Grokenstein

    Obviously, this proves that building the wall and saying “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays” are far more important than frivolous luxuries such as quality education.

    • HooverVilles

      Sigh!

  • Only 0.2 bitcoin? Should they wait for the bubble to burst?

  • JJ O’Shaughnessy

    Paper. Can’t. Be. Hacked.

  • Moar Wordz

    Kali is in some deep shit.
    Apocalyptic.
    “First they attacked the West Coast…”

  • Christopher Boscarino

    Voter information are public records in CA though. You simply need to pay for the info, which political parties and special interest groups do all the time.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    You know who I hate today? I hate hackers today.

  • mancityRed6

    I still like to believe that the NSA breach was more of an entrapment thing and that the “tools” that were stolen have some kind tracking or “back door” (no. just stop for 5 seconds, please?) so that it gives them a chance to do some Van Dammage to the people who took the bait.

  • These guys have been doing a deep dive into voting registration and roll hacks: https://www.unhackthevote.com/
    Most of the data and analyses are a few clicks in (so don’t get frustrated). I’d like some people’s opinions on it too. Seems relevant – germane to the discussion.

Previous articleYour Weekly Ten Is NOT Gonna Let That Fucker Trump Ruin Christmas
Next articleThe Seven Words You Can’t Say At The CDC