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Hi it is Friday afternoon and we are so OMG tired and everything in the world is the worst. EXCEPT! Remember how one million years ago (Tuesday) Democrat Doug Jones kicked Judge Roy Moore’s kid-toucher ass in the Alabama special Senate election? Roy is all “I am waiting for Jesus to certify the results,” which is silly because Jesus is a Doug Jones supporter who PROBABLY will Lake Of Fire old Roy at the first opportunity, whenever Jesus’s dad God declares BOOK OF REVELATION ACTION HERO SHENANIGANS!

One person who helped Jesus give Roy Moore the ass-kicking he deserved was southern Alabama peanut farmer Nathan Mathis, who stood in the cold outside the final Roy Moore rally with a sign commemorating his daughter Patti Sue Mathis, who committed suicide in the 1990s because she couldn’t handle being gay. Mathis admitted he was anti-gay at the time, too, but he’s learned and changed his feelings about that, under the saddest and most tragic of circumstances. Mathis’s interview with national news reporters while he held that sign went kind of viral, as he, a simple country southern guy, begged his fellow Alabamians not to let an unreconstructed bigot like Roy Moore represent Alabama in the Senate. He suffered the worst loss, and he doesn’t want other people’s kids to end up like Patti Sue because they were beaten down by a hateful society.

Anyway, we like Mr. Nathan Mathis very much!

AND HE GOT TO GO ON ELLEN. And he is as delightful as you’d think he would be. Turns out he was already a big Ellen fan before she flew him to LA!

We’re not going to spoiler any of this, because it is all wonderful, and because you need to do what we fucking say for once when we tell you to WATCH THE VIDEO. We will say, though, that you don’t want to miss his story about the first guy he asked to print his “Do Not Vote For Roy Moore” sign.

Here’s a video!

WE ARE CRYING AND LAUGHING AT THE SAME TIME. Just kidding, YOU are crying and laughing at the same time, and it is getting the comments section of your OPEN THREAD all wet, like ew gross, clean up your gross lib tears, you Discussing Pugs! And now we are out of here to break #early, because we have a terrible feeling we’re gonna have to come back here tonight for #breaking #news and #shit, UGH. OPEN THREAD!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you’re not, because Amazon done fucked our payment system. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye. (All you others can too.)

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  • Bananas Foster

    Er…. the media could not be played…

  • Ryan Denniston

    Reconstruction camps. Why didn’t Obama think of those?

  • Daniel

    Carter Page thinks what is being done to him is worse than sexual assault.

  • Nan

    Thank you, Evan. He’s amazing. Definitely not crying.

  • SDGeoff3

    We watch Ellen almost daily. Today, for sure!! And yes, we do love Mr Mathis very, very much.

  • maxneanderthal

    “Southern peanut farmer turns out to be decent human being”- who does that remind me of- some guy, whassisname, president of something, somewhere…?

    • schmannity

      #NotAllSoutherners

    • Bobathonic

      Yeah, it’s some old who drives nails through wood.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Some Roman Centurion?

  • shivaskeeper

    Once again: Mr Mathis, I salute you.

  • Jim QuinnX

    Since we’re looking for reasons to smile, here’s an instructive little photo about the dangers of draping Christmas lights on palm trees. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b9fd0387ab6a334fc5d5afde9f90e5c1bc330152601c345c7f91431246593538.jpg

    • Ryan Denniston
    • SweetDeeKat

      I see no danger here. Only great festivity and cheer.

    • Mormos

      neon dicks? reminds me of congress.

    • therblig

      it came upon a midnight clear!

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Q: Where is Jesus’ favorite place to come?

        A: Into your heart.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Must be a Guinness record for simultaneity.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Again, the Wonkette makes me giggle uncontrollably with hi-def dick joke.

  • Eileen Besse

    Yes, Himself and I DID laugh and cry at the same time. Thank you for this!

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
    • Lock that fucker up

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The law in its majestic equality allows rich and poor alike to get out of jail for ten million dollars.

      • Bobathonic

        Great username.

  • redarmyzombie

    Once again, this man had to courage to go to that damn barn rally for that pedophile and protest all on his own. I’m glad he got to see that fucker voted down.

  • jz3

    Thanks a lot Wonkette, I’m bawling after watching the Ellen clip.

  • Bananas Foster

    We hear redemption stories of people regaining love and trust with their families when the families realize that all their religious anti whatever bullshit is…. well, radioactive bullshit and their family member has done literally zero wrong.

    Are there even stories on the other side? Do families come back together after the family who ostracized the raging Rush Limbaugh fan realizes that listening to Rush Limbaugh is actually just human and we should except it?

    Okay. I answered my own question.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      ’tis a fair cop though. I just don’t think it works because you’d have to accept racism, sexism, and general assholery as “normal”. And it ain’t.

      • Bananas Foster

        Well, people do regress in terms of what they accept if they convert for marriage or whatever.

        I’ve seen that happen.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Ditto. I still see posts from my ex from time to time. She went from a fairly left “granola girl”-type to someone who reads more like Laura Ingraham now.

          • Bananas Foster

            My sympathies.

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Eh, my mom was right. My friends were right. I was an idiot. We move on.

          • weighmaster

            As a mom, sometimes it sucks to be right. I would rather have been proven wrong a few times.

  • schmannity

    Two exhausting news weeks in a row. Is it like three on a match during WWI? Three Tumultuous Tangled Terrifying Weeks In A Row and then everyone dies?

    • Mormos

      rocks fall, everyone dies

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Not fair! I was going to go see Star Wars.

    • kareemachan

      And then the murders began?

  • Bobathonic

    Is it just me, or does Ellen have an elfin appearance?

    ETA: I want to be clear it’s a good look, unlike on, for example, some rando Attorney General.

    • She is the Elf Queen.

    • Nan

      She rocks that haircut.

    • Bananas Foster

      She IS NOT ELFIN!

      (That would make her like Sessions.)

      She is a fairy queen.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Gamine!

      • Bobathonic

        Thanks! That’s a keeper!

    • Mormos

      ellen = elven
      sessions = elfin

      see the difference?

      • Bobathonic

        First time I have ever seen those used as gender specific. As a old, I know them as synonyms.

    • redarmyzombie

      Lothlorien or Rivendell?

      • Bobathonic

        “I don’t know that”

  • ExecutorElassus

    a whole bunch of RCT is intimating that some major higher-ups (think the Kush and similar) are getting indicted really soon. Like, maybe today. Shit is going down y’all.
    Strap in!

    • puredog

      They’ll need to hurry; it’s 4:30 in DC.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Aw hell, I lost it. My dad was a farmer and we used to watch Ellen together when he had to go to assisted living. He passed at 92. He and Nathan would have been great friends. Need more tissues now.

  • Ryan Denniston
  • Mormos

    duh you will have to come back evan. it is called te friday night news dump

  • Blackest Noobs

    i just tried playing zork and ended up committing suicide ( in the game)

    • Bananas Foster

      Virtual lithium.

      • Blackest Noobs

        no it is not. you really need to get off this lithium kick you’re on.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkcJEvMcnEg

        • Bananas Foster

          I was making a joke to try an engage.

          We constantly joke on this blog about alcohol and other things to get by.

          Well, I am bipolar. I take lithium.

          I am also a mental health professional.

          I sometimes joke about said profession and things that go along with it.

          And that is not out of bounds anymore than joking about a drug (alcohol) that probably kills more people worldwide every year than the next three drugs combined.

          If it tweaks you, I suggest you block me.

          • Blackest Noobs

            you also seem to have asshole issues.
            have already engaged you in your BS.
            you already knew it was annoying.
            so what do you do?

            double down on being an asshole and then trying to justify it.

            it makes you more of an asshole.

            also I DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU WROTE.

          • Bananas Foster

            I’ve heard you. I’ll disengage.

          • Blackest Noobs

            even more fucking ridiculous you state being a mental health professional but seem to have no problem joking about that serious matter.

            it’s like what is it? are you joking or just an asshole or just both?

          • FlownΩver

            OK, everyone take a breath.

          • Maggielle

            Yes, please. I like Bananas Foster and Blackest Noobs. Y’all are giving me third-party hurt feelings. (Yes, yes, I know, fuck my feelings, but still.)

  • Crystalclear12

    Isn’t having a open thread this early just asking for trouble?

    • Evan said they’d come back if more shit hit the fan

      • Crystalclear12

        Ahh, resting up for the big play.

        • It is Friday night news night

          • Bananas Foster

            Oh, all these Friday pre holiday nights are especially likely to have dumps.

            Next Friday should be really interesting.

    • cmd resistor

      Well, you have to do it while you have a nice time story to give us time to enjoy before any prospective shit hitting fan stuff.

  • William

    For those who also wonder why Ellen doesn’t have “conservative” political guests on her show?. Well she used to, but… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3ecc5dfa0a9e8d583cb8328acc893dc4770531e777776fca924be53a24a1916a.jpg

    • Ryan Denniston

      I was 9 when I tried that, jeepers.

      • Bobathonic

        I didn’t even see that until I was 19.

    • Bananas Foster

      Gotta give him credit.

      He’s flexible.

    • schmannity

      Republican humor, gotta love it. Either 12 year old boy or 70 year old lech.

  • Aaron Wise

    America needs moar TeeVees.
    –Comcast Corp.

  • Ryan Denniston

    So Editrix, is Wonket going to pony up so we have fast access?

    • Mormos

      lol no

    • Bobathonic

      In that sense, we are all Wonkette. One of us! One of us!

    • Bananas Foster

      I assume it’s right after we all pony up for the privilege of being here.

      /not sarcastic.

  • Squeegee

    This actually made me even sadder as his daughter was such a beautiful young woman and just grew up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    As I mentioned once before I have a gay older brother who was viciously bullied as a kid and while he is still alive he was so mentally scarred by his treatment as a gay kid that he has severe mental issues as an adult that have prevented him from ever working or having a relationship or functioning he still lives with my mom at 52 years of old and his issues all fall back to those early years.

    That is why all of us who have kids and otherwise have exposure to kids as teachers and so on need to focus on fighting this.

    A gay kid in NYC recently killed two classmates after they were bullying him.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Okay, I snickered. I’m human, sue me.

    https://twitter.com/HalfOnionInABag/status/941781523090481152

  • WomanInThePersistence

    Watch the video! And why are the onion ninjas here?

    • redarmyzombie

      The’yre not, it’s the dust gnomes this evening.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        That poor man. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a child commit suicide.

        • redarmyzombie

          Unfortunately, depression runs really strong in my family. My gran was hit hard after my uncle made that decision.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I can only imagine. That must have been a searing pain.

          • redarmyzombie

            That was right around the time her dementia started getting bad, I’m sure that was the biggest factor behind it.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Damn. May I offer you *hugs*? And damn, that must have been painful.

          • redarmyzombie

            *hugs* Thanks Woman. It was rough, and that wound kinda opened up again after my gran passed a couple years ago, but the family is doing well now.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I’m so sorry you went through that. Your family sounds like good people.

          • grindstone

            Oh my. Internet hugs.

  • Victoria Ricola

    That story about getting the protest sign made is my favorite thing today. He really is delightful.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      And heartbroken.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I really hope MSNBC is on it and booking Adam Schiff to raise the alarm to call Congress regarding the Mueller investigation. And the tax cut bill. And war with North Korea. And Net neutrality. Am I missing anything?

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Sending Hillary to jail for unspecified crimes?

      • Ryan Denniston

        Thank you. URANIUM ONE AND MISMANAGED EMAILZ!

        • William

          I understand yelling “lock her up” isn’t so popular anymore……for some reason.

          • Ryan Denniston

            Because General Flynn and Don Jr. are both men.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          SHE EMAILED THAT URANIUM CAKE WE LIKE TO BENGHAZI, SHEEPLE!!

    • Paperless Tiger

      Purging the FBI?

    • Bobathonic

      War with Iran

      • Ryan Denniston

        We can haz war with Iran and North Korea?

        • yyyaz

          While still in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Nigeria and all our bases around the world. Fuckit, it’s apparently US vs. The World this time.

    • OrG

      Tax cuts (for the super rich)

  • capnkrunch

    Did you know? He created a lake/wildlife preserve in honor of his daughter and son (who also passed away but I don’t know the circumstances).
    https://twitter.com/dasmunsterhaus/status/941761985959596032

    • Rasilom

      With every passing second I love this man more and more. Definitly not Moore and Moore cause fuck that guy. Nathan Mathis, you are a hero and a beautiful human being. We need many many more like you!

  • jesterpunk

    This rule is just Trump being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.

    http://money.cnn.com/2017/12/15/technology/h1b-visa-spouses-h4-trump/index.html

    The Trump administration will propose revoking a rule that makes spouses of thousands of immigrant workers eligible to work while in the U.S., potentially complicating a major driver of technology jobs.

    Since 2015, the spouses of H-1B, or high-skilled, visa holders waiting for green cards have been eligible to work in the U.S. on H-4 dependent visas, under a rule introduced by President Obama’s administration. The tech sector is a major employer of H-1B visa holders, a category of visas for highly skilled jobs.

    But in a statement Thursday, the Department of Homeland Security said it intends to do away with that rule.

    The department didn’t explain its reasons in the announcement, saying only it was acting “in light of” the “Buy American, Hire American” executive order that President Trump signed in April. The formal process to rescind the rule will still need to be initiated at a later date.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Hire American, at Trump resorts.

      • jesterpunk

        He wont do that, they cost too much.

    • Bobathonic

      Stupid isolationist bigotry.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Cmon government, at least put up token resistance before you cave to the dark side.

    • Panika MCD

      I’m surprised we still have a national economy at this point.

    • Thiazin Red

      While also making it way harder for American citizens to get a PhD thanks to their steaming pile of a tax plan.

  • WIDTAP

    Oh dear God! What I am supposed to do with all of these CDs?

    https://help.aol.com/articles/aim-discontinued

    • Panika MCD

      play Frisbee golf.

    • Ryan Denniston

      My Geocities site will be okay right?

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      What’s a CD?

      • Ryan Denniston

        You know, those coasters your cheap friends use to protect their bargain furniture.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          It doesn’t work. Those fuckers transmit heat.

      • OrG

        Certificate of Deposit?

      • William

        People who like to dress in what’s often viewed as clothing of the opposite sex. You’re welcome.

    • yyyaz

      Target practice. Over a tarp or plastic sheeting so the shards don’t fuck up the environment forever.

    • Thiazin Red

      Break them up and use them as tiles, make a disco ball bathroom!

      • cmd resistor

        I have heard hanging them in your fruit tree or garden scares away birds and squirrels.

        • Thiazin Red

          Would it attract birds who like shiny stuff like crows or magpies?

          • cmd resistor

            I don’t know. We tried aluminum pie plates in the mango tree and they seemed to work a little. I think it was the noise. But I’ve seen them in gardens.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    When the War on Christmas is a self-induced shot in the foot:
    https://twitter.com/TalbertSwan/status/941726705986736130?s=17

    • William

      So Cheeto Mcfukkface actually managed to screw up Christmas in the holy land?

    • grindstone

      That is oddly hilarious.

    • Nockular cavity

      Shit. Do we have to honor hm as a War On Christmas hero now?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “And Nathanael said unto him, Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see.”

      — John 1:46

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Harvey Weinstein got Mira Sorvino and Ashley Judd blackballed from the Lord of the Rings. And also too Minnie Driver isn’t too happy with someone who tweeted something stupid about sexual harassment and may or may not have a name which rhymes with oh, whatever, it’s totally Matt Damon and apparently she could a tale unfold. Don’t read the comments.

    https://twitter.com/driverminnie/status/941739322474086400

    • Ryan Denniston

      Wait. We can comment on Twitter?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I’m not sure multicellular organisms are allowed.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Matt Damon reportedly does have a Will Hunting IQ, so it doesn’t surprise me that he’s book-smart but socially clueless. Remember “we don’t need diversity behind the camera” on Project Fleshlight or whatever that show was? I kinda doubt he’s an actual creep like Batfleck, who comes across as a real entitled asshole versus his nerdy pal, the awkward twerp who just continually puts his foot in his mouth.

      As for Harvey Weinstein, he is subhuman scum, but you knew that already. What you may not know, because not enough outlets are reporting on it, is the fact that he used Mossad thugs to spy on and intimidate his victims. Yet another reason we need BDS right fucking now and to tell Israel to kiss our collective asses. Fuck that hypocritical garbage country and that perverted POS who sicced their own mercenary Power Rangers on women he assaulted. Your tax dollars go to pay for Israel’s security forces. Therefore, your tax dollars paid for Harvey Weinstein to stalk his prey.

  • jesterpunk

    SO.MUCH.WINNING.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireStory/judge-temporarily-blocks-trump-rules-birth-control-51820933

    A federal judge in Philadelphia on Friday ordered the Trump administration not to enforce new rules that could significantly reduce women’s access to free birth control.

    Judge Wendy Beetlestone issued the injunction, temporarily stopping the government from enforcing the policy change to former President Barack Obama’s health care law.

    The law required most companies to cover birth control at no additional cost, though it included exemptions for religious organizations. The new policy would allow more categories of employers, including publicly traded companies, to opt out of providing free contraception to women by claiming religious or moral objections.

    Beetlestone, appointed to the bench by Obama, called the Trump administration’s exemptions “sweeping” and said they are the “proverbial exception that swallows the rule.”

    She was particularly critical of the power to object on moral grounds, saying it “conjured up a world where a government entity is empowered to impose its own version of morality on each one of us. That cannot be right.”

    • Ryan Denniston

      So, government has to develop criteria that establish objectivity in decisionmaking? Looks like the judge has this particular preznit boxed in!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • WomanInThePersistence

    Are we just all nervously waiting for the next news dump?

    • jesterpunk

      I am nervously waiting for the day to be over and the TSO concert this weekend hoping it doesnt snow too much.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Ha, TSO? My friend saw them in SF recently and said it was excellent.

        Have fun!

        • jesterpunk

          I have seen them the last 3 years and their shows are amazing every time. They really go all out every year and just keep out doing themselves.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        At the risk of losing my street cred, TSO?

      • I’m going to a synchronized swimming show tomorrow. Starring my friend’s kid. No, i was not given a choice on this

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Take acid first.

          Wait, no, don’t do that. A nice cocktail will help though.

          • I have to film it for my friend’s husband who is on a business trip

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Just film some ducks and claim it’s a new iOS 11 filter.

        • grindstone

          My son’s team swam at the same pool where the synch swimmers practiced. Trust me, a show will be great, because you’ll only hear the music through ONE time, not every two minutes for an hour.

        • eka

          i used to do synchronized swimming when i was a kid … and even i hated having to watch it. having to watch the other teams was worse than the frozen water the stupid costumes the makeup and the hair gelatin combined.

      • SadDemInTex

        TSO?

        • jesterpunk

          Trans-Siberian Orchestra

    • Ruth Serafini

      I know I am. We made one step forward on Tuesday. We are due to be dragged about ten steps back.
      Wow, 2017 has turned me really cynical.

    • Mary Theresa

      As long as it contains Mueller and indictments.

    • Kryptonian Canis
  • Thiazin Red

    Reading Jenny Trout’s Angel recaps and I realized I had totally forgotten that the character of Kate existed. It wasn’t a bad character concept, Murphy in Dresden Files is really similar and she works.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Good luck. Make sure you get payment up front.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        And get paid up-front.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Can’t they just attack North Korea? Saves them money and the war will be over no time soon.

    • Thiazin Red

      Based on the quality of lawyer that Trump got, their public statements should be entertaining anyway.

    • OrG

      Expecting a crisis jared?

  • Kryptonian Canis

    This might explain all the treasonous rumblings coming out of the GOP:
    https://www.dallasnews.com/opinion/commentary/2017/12/15/putins-proxies-helped-funnel-millions-gop-campaigns

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Very informative article, thank you.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Directly contributing is illegal, but there are ways around that (hello, 501(c)(4) orgs).

      It’s almost like Russia knows that the Republicans are bad for America. How strange.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Funny that a foreign (and traditionally hostile) nation knows American politics better than Americans do.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Wouldn’t it be amazing if the FEC emerged as the hero in this case?

  • Notreelyhelping

    Is anybody else just extraordinarily tired?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      This year has been exhausting.,

    • Ryan Denniston

      What, given the last 15 years since Donald was “elected”?

    • HazooToo

      For the last two years, yes

    • Tetman Callis

      It’s a cold dark day where I am at and we just received notice we lost our federal appeal and I am ready as I can be for the day to end.

      And I am glad for all the good things, I truly am. Not trying to be sentimental much, but I’m a sappy old fool and am ready to throw all the shit sandwiches uneaten into the garbage. Or recycling, if they can be recycled and made into something useful and good.

      And I am looking forward to my whiskey ration, now.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Careful. Trump’s policies are recycled shit.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Yeah, but I always get dour and moody this time of year anyway. It just feels worse as it’s the first year where we aren’t doing family Christmas. I didn’t even bother putting anything Christmas up.

      • Notreelyhelping

        I can’t get into Christmas this year either. If it’s supposed to be the light in the darkness, if feels like an awfully feeble light in an awful lot of darkness.

  • Edith Prickly

    What a sweet man. Here come the onion ninjas…

  • Red Bird

    Since this is the open thread I have something to share. So I had a regular bowel movement today. Its been a while. I think the blockage was due to nervousness from the new job. But we’re back in business now. Just being happy for the small things.

    • Victoria Ricola

      Cheers!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Molotov!

    • Crank Tango

      No shit?

      • ((( Augustus )))

        Yes, shit!

    • theCryptofishist

      Welcome back.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Russians contributing to US American campaigns? Office Big Mac is on it! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3e3662c713d662aaf7254badc723600eaa2d5dd1acc8d3bd49869380dc60a394.jpg

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Better call Saul.
      /snork

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • WomanInThePersistence

    So I have decided that I deserve good things, And I’m watching “Auntie Mame”.

    • eka

      huh, just 10 minutes ago I was looking into where I could watch it. though i wish it had angela lansbury …

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        According to that fool from the earlier article, you could go to Blockbuster?

        • Resistor Radio

          If you want to risk having to look at a gross middle aged woman

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Rosalind Russell is a good thing. And Upson Downs is hilarious.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaW3YTAzkXA

  • chuckyoutwo

    What a nice, good-hearted man. That’s all we really need – more people with good hearts.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      It’s just awful that his good heart came at such a high price.

  • HazooToo
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I still love this brutal burn.

    • OrG

      Ted Cruz IS funny. Just not intentionally.

      • HazooToo

        Funny looking, funny smelling….

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Oleaginous…

        • OrG

          Never been close enough to smell, but I would imagine so :)

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I spent an enjoyable half-hour reading the responses to ol’ Punchable Face’s twittering earlier. Brutal. He ought to leave the lame jokes to Fuckabee.

    • I just went to Cruz’s Twitter feed, and he’s cherry-picked and retweeted responses from people (and Fox News) who actually think his tweet was great — really laying it out for the net neutrality “whiners”, and “triggering” all the snowflakes.

      • HazooToo

        I’m so sorry you had to see him stroking himself in public!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Those fuckers deserve to burn and suffer, with votes. Let the 2018 bloodbath commence. https://twitter.com/thehill/status/941790247381291008?s=17

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      They had an approval rating?

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        One could hardly expect it could get much lower, and yet, they found a way. Amazing.

        • OrG

          American exceptionalism!

      • Kryptonian Canis

        I’m as surprised as anyone.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        ‘Well, we don’t hate them as such.

    • To 5%?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        “Several Republican senators acknowledged last week they need to do a better job of selling it.”

        No. That’s not how you do it. I could probably sell you a dead hamster claiming it was a dalmation if I had their backing.

        Make it not suck. Is that hard? Yes, for republicans.

        • Governance doesn’t seem that difficult up here. We haven’t been on the verge of a major constitutional crisis in decades, and even our Conservatives can’t dump health care

          • OrG

            Well, aren’t YOU special.

          • We do work at it

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            The cons have become bigly yuge assholes affixing themselves to the low-IQ Breitbart/Rebel loonie base. But you’re right, even the walking case of toxo that was Harper wouldn’t go anywhere near healthcare, and even Scheer Idiot is laser-focused on social-issues bullshit about God and gays that just turns people off and reveals him for the jackass he is. Healthcare is like a sacrosanct religion up there. I’m guessing even more important than hockey. (Probably ’cause, they get patched up for free after the fights.)

            #1 economy in the G7 and projected to grow in 2018. Legal weed next year too and most likely 4 more years of Trudeaumania II in 2019. But America won’t learn, no, we’d rather continue being the meth lab downstairs from a really nice third-floor apartment. (Robin Williams, PBUH)

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0190e3e6d0a9657280a7e70dd95cf690beacac3395db0a6adb2835bfc3279e57.jpg

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            All the Libs and NDP have to do is point south and say, ‘Is this REALLY what you want?’ and the Conservatives are back where they were in 1993.

          • Covfefe

            Actually, Meech Lake was thirty years ago.

          • Vienna Woods

            27.5 years when it finally went tits up. I still remember being 9 months pregnant as it sunk.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Lower than festering anal scabs.

        • natoslug

          Festering anal scabs have a floor of 30% or so, from what I’ve seen so far.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Loot while you can I guess.

      • Proud Liberal

        That’s what they always do. They don’t give a shit what the American people think.

        • starfanglednut

          Only like a third of people like the tax bill. I think it’s a similar percentage who want to repeal net neutrality. And most of those would probably change their minds if they understood the consequences.

          The republicans are no longer even pretending to serve the people. It’s quite remarkable.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I want them to bleed hemmorhage votes.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Four words. Democratic senator from Alabama.

    • DainBramage

      Ryan deserves a long life of poverty, with cat food.
      I think Mitch is just evil to the core though. He’ll be welcomed in hell with streamers, balloons and a cake.

    • OneYieldRegular

      They do not care. They have their master, and they will obey.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels
  • biologydave

    Three weeks of vacation starts….NOW!!

  • HazooToo
    • Ryan Denniston

      At least it wasn’t “You can huff it, you can eat it, it’s the Miracle Whip of the home workshop!”

    • Sheepshagger

      The first guy to eat a snail wasn’t a food snob he was a hungry dude thinking “you know I could probably eat that”. The guy who invented glue was probably a guy with a bunch of dead horses to dispose of thinking “what the hell can I do with these stinky bastards”.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Think about the guy who was hungry enough to say “You know, I bet if I soak that cassava for 24 hours I won’t die like the guys who tried 2, 4, 8 and 16.”

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          “Maybe this Durian *tastes* OK?”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            (shudder)

          • OneYieldRegular

            That’s got to be the same person who invented furu/funyu.

        • theCryptofishist

          I bet it was a woman. Certainly, it’s been a woman ever since.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Point.

      • HazooToo

        Do snails come in cans?

        • harryr
          • HazooToo

            Tu es un monstre!

          • kbbaldwin2

            I saw a can with a plastic sleeve attached containing the shells of the poor little things.

          • Phried Ω

            That’s some powerful empathy you got there. Better be careful with it.

          • Blanche de Shambles

            Sometimes, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a snail.

        • theCryptofishist

          Like a common Prince Albert?

          • Fancy Meau-Faux

            I thought a Prince Albert came on a penis?

          • theCryptofishist

            Also, too.

        • starfanglednut

          You monster!

          Oh wait. Wrong invertebrate. Carry on.

        • schmannity

          Sometimes, if highly stimulated.

          • HazooToo

            HHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA

      • capnkrunch

        Do you think figuring out how to prepare pufferfish was a trial and error thing?

        • theCryptofishist

          Damn, very good question… Doesn’t it get you kinda high? people will do all sorts of dumb stuff when it comes to getting high…

          • Cornelius Fussbudget

            Yeah it reportedly causes tingling sensations.

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, I’d expect it to be more than that. You can lean on your arm and get tingling sensations. Who knows, if you didn’t have sake, you might have been that desperate. And then, on the other side of the world, other people working with pufferfish found out how to use them to fake death… That must have been an interesting set of discoveries.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          ‘Okay, NOT the liver. Itsuki, you’re up. Raw or cooked?’

        • Sheepshagger

          How else?

      • Phried Ω

        Both of them said, “Hold my beer and watch this.”

      • As I think Terry Pratchett noted, all the fancy food was invented by the Poors who were desperate. Who would be desperate enough to boil down birds’ nests for soup? Or make soup out of shark fins? In the latter case, someone who didn’t get the rest of the shark, I’ll bet.

        • SadDemInTex

          Caviar was food for the poor!

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    Gods, this hurts.

    • OrG

      What?

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        The horror that Mr Mathis went through – that he’s STILL going through every day. I heard his voice break. He’s been beating himself up for 22 years over this.

        • OrG

          Oh, I some new horror had happened to you.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            Nah, just some mild terror.

  • schmannity

    Blitzer reporting Trump’s lawyers meet with Mueller next week.

    • Crank Tango

      What do Dasher and Dancer have to say about it?

      • Mary Theresa

        They’re in a clinic having their red noses diagnosed.

    • Nan

      I hope that we’ll still be allowed to say, “Merry Christmas.”

      • jesterpunk

        We won the war on Christmas this year.

        https://twitter.com/IvankaTrump/status/940423513638363137?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Good lord, that dress. I mean, really kind of all those dresses, but Ivanka’s is a truly special combination of upholstery coloring, matronly cut and styling, and worst-ever use of chiffon.

          • Resistor Radio

            She’s trash, with trash fashion sense

          • starfanglednut

            I have absolutely no idea why people think she’s pretty.

          • Resistor Radio

            She’s pretty in that very basic, inoffensive, surgical blah kind of way, with that rich person veneer of pricey skincare regimen and tons of make-up. She’s just, ehh, you know? Huge rack, sonthat distracts from the face.

    • Sheepshagger

      Negotiations over the total commissary balance?

      • schmannity

        Perhaps unsealing of indictments?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Sneak peek at the limo

      vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/clownopedia/images/6/61/07-02-09_A_clown_driving_in_the_park-1-.jpg

      • kbbaldwin2

        Hmmm. Thought the Presidential Limo was bigger.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          This is the White House Lawyer Limo.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        I thought the clown car was used for when the Trump campaign meets with the Russians.

  • armed_bears

    Is it Christmas, Season 2?

    Trump lawyers set for key meeting with special counsel next week

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/15/politics/trump-lawyers-special-counsel-meeting/index.html

    • yyyaz

      Yeah, so Mueller won’t be canned until the day after the meeting.

  • Vienna Woods

    So, the past 2 days I have spent an hour clearing my large deck of 8 inches of snow- each day! But hey, it’s good cardio, I don’t have to drive anywhere (I did go snowshoeing!), and it’s damn pretty! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eab5b67276e4269ec501712b67e3b3973d48d47df80a5eaa80e0004b660961f9.jpg

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      That’s worthy of a Christmas/other December holiday card right there. Suitable for framing.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Midwest?

      • Vienna Woods

        SW Ontario.

        • Ryan Denniston

          Ah, very nice. Reminds me of home (Nebraska).

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Oh my, that’s pretty.

    • We had a full 12″ last Friday/Saturday. First big snow of the season and my excuse for not shoveling was that, “it’s so pretty I don’t want to mess it up.”

      • Vienna Woods

        I wanted to get it off the deck now while it’s cold (Fuck, it’s been cold!) so the snow is light and fluffy and not too hard to work with. Let it get close to 0 Celsius like it will this weekend, and it would be a horrible job.

        • I hear that loud and clear! Heavy, wet snow is the absolute worst.

    • eyelashviper

      Beautiful, but chills me to my bones.
      Here in Floriduh, during cold snaps, it is easy to tell the natives, who are wearing down vests, parkas, hats, and muttering, while the tourists are all in shorts and flip flops. I am of the former group, though not native, just very acclimated to warm sunny times.

      • Vienna Woods

        I’m 57 and never been south in my life. I admit it, I actually like winter as long as I don’t have to drive in snowstorms or freezing rain.

      • Gosala

        When it’s 90 to 95 eight months of the year, 60 is pretty cold.

        The blood gets thin, or something.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Winter is delightful if you are are child and get to play in it because they canceled school, or if you are retired and don’t have to go anywhere. It’s only when you are working that it is a pain in the ass, ’cause if it snowed overnight then you have to get up half an hour early to scrape the snow and ice off your car (make that an hour if you also have to shovel the driveway), and if it snowed during the day then you are stuck in the office parking lot for an extra half an hour cleaning your car off, and if it is snowing during rush hour you might be stuck in it all day. Now that I’m retired I like it. I stand at the window in my warm house and watch it falling, and then the sun comes out and it glitters like diamonds, and it’s really beautiful. The sound snow makes when it is falling on a blanket of snow is very beautiful, but there is no word for it in English. It is like a whisper crossed with the faint tinkle of a tiny bell.

        • eyelashviper

          Nicely said, and I concur, but still prefer white sand beaches and turquoise water and shorts and sandals.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        I spent the first half of my life in cold winters, and I don’t miss it for a second. A friend of mine who also moved to the west says he misses that first spring day when you can finally go outside again. But isn’t that akin to hitting yourself in the head with a hammer because it feels so much better when you stop?

        • eyelashviper

          LOL, agree. Why wait for that final day, when you can go outside in your shirtsleeves all winter long!

    • kbbaldwin2

      Silly shit. If you just leave it alone, it will eventually melt. Right? OK, I admit it – I’m from California and all I know about snow is what I learned watching “Fargo”.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        “Eventually” is relative. In Louisiana “eventually” is one day. In Missouri “eventually” is one week. In Iowa “eventually” is 1-2 months. In Minnesota “eventually” is May. I don’t know about Canada, it might be “never” there.

        • Vienna Woods

          It could be as soon as next week, but our firewood is stacked underneath and I don’t want it to get soaked. I also want to be able to get to the hot tub.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I have cousins in New York City who love to use their hot tub when it is snowing. They say this is very stimulating and goes very well with a bottle of champagne, by which I think they mean it is erotic, but as an old married couple in their 60’s they won’t use that word.

          • Fancy Meau-Faux

            Hot springs are great when it’s snowing.

    • starfanglednut

      Gorgeous! I love snow.

    • You are not making me want to come home (i’m in Ottawa right now)

    • OneYieldRegular

      Hey, come on, don’t harsh my buzz, there are people wading in the ocean here!

      (but really, that is incredibly beautiful)

  • HazooToo
  • Angela Ruzzo

    Mr. Nathan Mathis sounds like someone from Mayberry, but he speaks with the tongues of Angels (1 Corinthians 13).

  • Bananas Foster

    Man, what a fucking long week.

    My clients (who suffer from mental illness) live in the same world we all do, which means that my clients get just as stressed out about news and events as we do.

    On top of all their other stuff.

    It makes for long weeks.

    • starfanglednut

      I’ve got some mental health stuff, and I can attest to that. I’ve been hospitalized twice since the election. Every trauma issue I have has been brought up.

      • Bananas Foster

        I’m sorry you’ve had to experience that.

    • proudgrampa

      I get that. My therapist is overloaded with new clients since the inauguration…

      • Bananas Foster

        I could work ALL THE TIME if I wanted to.

        But, that’s not healthy.

  • bbayliss

    trumps attempt to reframe the narrative on russia, is as transparent as his birther bullshit.

    Hey, it worked once.

  • Crystalclear12

    It’s quiet.
    Too quiet.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I’ve always wanted to say that.

    • Phried Ω

      And then the murders began.

      • starfanglednut

        Never gets old.

        • proudgrampa

          Indeed.

    • Resistor Radio

      The silence is deafening

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      “The ambient noise level in this room is less than 30 decibels. On an average day it’s 65. When there are Klingons in the room, it can go as high as 85.”
      “So what you’re trying to say is, it’s quiet in here.”
      “Too quiet. Something is terribly wrong.”

  • eyelashviper

    Wonder if he could be trained to root out truffles? There must be something he could do, other than pooping and destroying stuff…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b643c594014d63c792e96ba4cee3184708571540e220464c54d8f97444d32799.jpg

    • Ryan Denniston

      In Atwood’s MaddAdam trilogy, pigs generated organs for human use.

      • TJ Barke

        Pigoons.

    • Gosala

      Bacon

      • eyelashviper

        I wouldn’t eat it, no sirree, even if starving…

        • Gosala

          Well, there’s that.

  • Aaron Wise

    America needs more Ellen and Oprah type shows.

    You know…corporate products that give the proles hope.

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Gold Star parent Khizr Khan and Alabamian Nathan Mathis are American heroes for speaking love to hate.

    • Gosala

      Speaking love to hate. — I’m totally stealing that.

    • Parakeetist

      AMEN

  • Panika MCD

    how is it possible for Cary Cary to get the computer’s display set on portrait just by walking on the keyboard?

    • TJ Barke

      Cat magic?

      • Panika MCD

        I thought they had to be high to use that.

        • TJ Barke

          Depends on their base stats.

          • Panika MCD

            so you’re saying he’s naturally high and that’s why he’s not all about the catnip?

          • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

            Some cats got it, and some don’t. :)

    • Marion in Savannah

      Mine have done that too. Took me FOREVER to figure out how to undo that “fix.”

    • Rasilom

      The magic of cats. Don’t deny it or try to thwart it. It is a law of the universe just like light speed and gravity.

      • Panika MCD

        I figured out how he was turning off the mouse pad. why can’t I figure out an easier way to get it back to landscape?!

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      YAY PANIKA IS BACK!

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    The Doug Jones miracle may be our only one if the tax plan can’t fall apart now. Fuck these fuckers, with votes the size of houses. Not even to fucking mention that the majority of Congress wants to LITERALLY ACTUALLY DESTROY an ongoing investigation that has turned up a load of really terrible shit. They’ve proven people guilty, but somehow it is still fake?

    I hate these fucks so much.

    • Gosala

      They care nothing about democracy, political or any other institution, or the rule of law.

      They care nothing for economic stability and less for economic justice.

      They care nothing about America, the American people or any other people who make less than $450,000 a year.

      All they care about is money and power and destroying anything thst gets in their way.

      And somehow we’re the ones who are unamerican?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        No, they’re very American. Everything on that list is standard operating procedure for a country founded upon stolen land and built off the backs of imported slave labor. A country that fought a war against itself rather than admit peacefully that the slaves were actual human beings. A country that pats itself on the back for “winning” WW2 despite not getting aboard until it affected us personally and then doing absolutely nothing to clear out the stench of our own Nazis at home.

        It’s why I say the Republicans are America’s natural governing party.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Shan

      More, please!

      • Johnatx

        Shan, have you heard from Anna? I think I remember saying that you might have. If so, tell her hello from me. I miss her here

        • Shan

          I haven’t heard from her, no. I thought someone else had.

          • Johnatx

            Oh. I thought it was you. Hope she’s ok

          • Shan

            Me, too.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      We get shade from dog & parrot for that offense, but cat does not do math.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Oh, cat is paying attention. He’s writing it all down in his book of revenge. You will pay later during the catpocalypse.

  • jaspersdad
  • Ryan Denniston
  • Mary Theresa

    Okay, so I noticed Dotard found his Poligrip. Did one of his staff hide it on him? It would be wrong not to wildly speculate.

  • proudgrampa
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      How I loved that bit! They must have come close to cracking up every time.

      • Phried Ω

        Actual Hee Haw cornfield joke:

        What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

        A stick.

        • hendenburg2

          That can’t be right… it doesn’t involve Chuck Grassley

        • weighmaster

          Hehe, what’s brown and sticky?

          • Phried Ω

            What is brown and sticky?

          • weighmaster

            A stick.

          • weighmaster

            A stick

    • Bobathonic

      I’ve sung that in bars with my drunk friends.

      • proudgrampa

        Yup. Me too.

  • jesterpunk

    Hmm so ABC wont let me post links to other sites or to youtube to debunk the “uranium one” bullshit with a report from Fox and Shepard Smith.

    • Arolpin

      Could you bit.ly it or something?

      • jesterpunk

        I don’t know but its annoying, they let conservatives spread their bullshit and you cant even debunk it.

      • jesterpunk

        No actually they block all links.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Ryan Denniston

      And to a Republican it is! Give the guy a break. I mean, Tiny Tim, on crutches? Have we ever had a greater Taker in our history? Maybe that Jeebus fellow, but still, Christmas Carol? Target rich opportunity.

    • theCryptofishist

      What the fuck is Sean Spicer doing white house xmus stuff for? And it can’t be recycled from last year. I am confused.

    • jaspersdad

      A Tale of One Idiot

    • Msgr_MΩment

      C: I wonder if you might have a copy of ‘Rarnaby Budge’?
      P: No, as I say, we’re right out of Edmund Wells!
      C: No, not Edmund Wells – Charles Dikkens.
      P: (pause – eagerly) Charles Dickens??
      C: Yes.
      P: (excitedly) You mean ‘Barnaby Rudge’!
      C: No, ‘Rarnaby Budge’ by Charles Dikkens. That’s Dikkens with two Ks, the well-known Dutch author.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Rasilom

      That is both very cruel and funny as fuck all at the same time!!

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        It’s ok. Join us in the first class train car to hell.

        • Rasilom

          Uh, I was told I was driving the school bus to hell, but as long as I’m going anyway, FUCK THE DRIVING JOB!! Gonna go drink me some drinks in that there first class car!! Thanks for the invite! :-)

          • Bobathonic

            Oh yes, let’s all go to hell in our schooooool buses and traaaaiin cars. In my day we went to hell in a handbasket and liked it!

            Now get off my lawn grumble

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Will there be wifi?

          • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

            No, but there will be hot spots all throughout our destination.

    • Blackest Noobs
  • BigCSouthside

    What’s this bullshit about Lisa bloom

    • Bananas Foster

      Fuck.

      She got tainted because it looks like she tried to pay off Weinstein’s accusers. (He held the movie rights to her book. She initially represented him when the abuse allegations came out despite the fact that she usually represents plaintiff women in cases like Harvey’s. She jumped ship, but not before everyone realized that it was really really really really weird that she was representing him.)

      At this point, she is sleazy as fuck I hope it doesn’t taint all the Trump accusers.

      • BigCSouthside

        Hmm. It will. That’s fine. He gets away with it again. Sorry I been in the car for 9 hrs so no time to do research

  • theCryptofishist

    So, it turns out Suttree is alone for christmas this year; any New Jersey wonkers want to spend time with him?

  • Panika MCD

    HOW IS FEMA FUCKING PEOPLE NOW PART 1

    after the TX Senate Finance hearing last week where TX Land Commissioner George P. Bush (aka Jeb!’s son who did not endorse his dad in the presidential primary aka the only Bush to endorse Trump in the general aka did not get invited to the Bush family Thanksgiving last year) totally shit the bed by saying, “no, these non-profits I set up around the Alamo which are entirely state funded are not subject to Open Meetings or the Texas Public Information Act–they are NON-PROFITS! NO LOOKIE AT THE BOOKIES!” he went home and asked Amanda to make sure all his big boy pants were sent to the dry cleaners before this week because between not getting Harvey refugees housing and doing stupid shit that attracted Alamo crazies to a hearing which should have been devoted solely to said refugees and the kids in the juvenile justice system he got two primary opponents–one of which is Jerry Patterson who had the job before him and thought it was safe to retire.

    say, “Hi!” to Jerry Patterson. he fucked up a little at the GLO and REALLY loves his guns, but he’s a USMC vet and is okay with the Gs and BLTs now. he also did not fuck up aid for those affected by Hurricane Ike.

    https://s.hdnux.com/photos/33/67/20/7304231/3/920×920.jpg

    after Georgy P got his clean big boy pants, he got a low down on all the ways that FEMA is fucking CA, FL, PR and TX all the while telling the press that it is our faults because it makes so much more sense that 3 state governments and 1 territorial government what are totally different are fucking up in all the same ways and not the agency. but Georgy P reminded us that Brock is new and one of the very few people in the Trump administration who have been appointed to a job they have the qualifications for and that anyone would be OVERWHELMED by the end of the world.

    ….to be continued…

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      I swear, were all the Bush boys dropped on their heads as youngins? None of them seem to be…well, firing on all thrusters.

      • yyyaz

        Or all of them were forced to spend their time-outs thinking about what naughty they had been caught at while staring at Jar-Jar on the shelf.

      • Panika MCD

        Shrub was play acting stupid.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    There’s. Used Halloween spiderweb “snow” on the WH christmas trees. And spraypainted garlands with gold lights.

    Wow.

    https://twitter.com/joeltyler_/status/941460731089899522

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Is that Omelette-Rosa creepin’ behind that tree there?

      • Ryan Denniston

        Just like when Bo would hop out from some hidey hole.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Bo has more charm in one paw than The Honorable could ever hope to.

    • Edith Prickly

      Took me a minute to see Omarosa-Miser there…

      • Carpe Vagenda

        But. Those decorations. Seriously, how do you fuck up christmas decoration? You got your red, you got your green. You got your sparkly stuff to accentuate your red and your green. WTF is this?

        • Vienna Woods

          That garland looks particularly bad against the wall. Now imagine how a dark green holly with bright red berries would look instead.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Or, if they’re totally married to the dusty decor from a mid-seventies exurban mall aesthetic, red and green lights on the weirdly moldy-looking garland.

    • Vienna Woods

      Her feet are really ugly. Those stilettos aren’t doing her any favours.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I don’t understand stilettos. But then, I’m 6’3″ barefoot, so.

        • Are Alison Janney and hiding here?

        • C4TWOMAN

          I’m average height and I don’t get it either. I’ve worn docs for the last 20 years. Mind everyone assumes I’m an inch taller because of good posture.
          Actually someone did assume I had heels because apparently 5 ‘ 6″is massively tall for women where he came from….

          • Carpe Vagenda

            The kid is into four inch heels, but, you know, heels. With heels on them.

    • Gosala

      You’d think a former model would know how to take a picture without looking awkward…

      Hmmm… suppose she’s sending a message?

    • gallbladder

      “There’s something strange…” You mean, aside from Drumpf as preznut?

    • SadDemInTex

      Omarosa peeking out of the Xmas Tree

  • Edith Prickly

    This has been quite the week, hasn’t it? I spent the day wrapping gifts, it’s Friday night and I need a break, so I’ll be spending time reading Wonkette and my fave entry from the Gallery of Regrettable Food: The 10 PM Cookbook! http://lileks.com/institute/gallery/10PM/index.html

    • weighmaster

      And now I know about the Gallery of Regrettable Food…thank you.

    • Blanche Beecham

      I got lost and didn’t even care! TY for the site tip!

  • BadKitty904

    Gotdammit, Evan. Now I can’t see to cook supper…

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    C’mon, you know the answer to this. They’d wheel ’em in on a hospital bed, while the priest is giving them the Last Rites, just to get this sludge pile through.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/941798232409235457

    • Ryan Denniston

      Har har har. Like this is gnus.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Hell, the Tea Potty loons would do a “Weekend at Bernie’s” and assist them to make the votes if that were necessary.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        I think that’s what they used to do with Strom Thurmond.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    What a delightful gentleman.

  • bbayliss

    Shit? Meet fan.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Hi shit. I’ve always wanted to meet you, ever since I was a kid first hearing your music.

  • mrFawkes

    Trump wants to cut back regulations and protections to the good old days of 1960 to make America great again.
    Here’s a reminder of just a few of those regulations and protections that were allowed in 1960…
    Asbestos
    Native Americans couldn’t legally vote
    Poll taxes
    Marital rape
    Rivers on fire
    Interracial marriage
    LGBTQ illegal in all 50 states
    Lead in paint
    Lead in gasoline
    Cars unsafe at any speed
    Spousal abuse
    Smoking on planes
    Denying women birth control
    Women serving on juries
    Denying women credit cards or bank accounts
    Husbands could commit wives to insane asylums
    Car without seatbelt
    DDT
    Drinking and driving
    Forced Sterilizations
    Lobotomies
    Jim Crow

    • proudgrampa

      I see you’ve done your research.

      • mrFawkes

        Watched a few episodes of Mad Men.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Missed letting the kids play with dry cleaning bags.

    • HazooToo

      Yeh. Why do you think his knuckle-dragging goons love him so much?

    • Gosala

      Blue laws
      Abortion

      But there was one upside: Republicans weren’t bat shit crazy anti American

      • Arolpin

        Well, the Birchers were, but the Republicans kicked them out until Reagan welcomed them back in, Gingrich invited them in, and the Tea Party ran anyone sane out.

    • Panika MCD

      I think you meant to put “was illegal” after a few of those.

    • Me not sure
      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Republicans don’t fear these because they don’t have brains to pick.

        They don’t fear cardiac surgery for the same reason. How many failed robo-hearts has Darth Cheney worn out the batteries of by now?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Is that a typo? Don’t you mean he wants to bring us back to the good old days of 1860?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        That’s Roy Moore’s wish, mainly so he could legally marry a 12 year old.

    • georgiaburning

      Bring back the 91% top tax rate?

  • DainBramage
  • Zyxomma

    I’m off to Shul of New York’s Chanukah party, right after Shabbat services. A friend is bringing the vegan latkes, I’m bringing the excellent vegan sour cream and organic apple sauce, and on my way, I’m picking up the vegan jelly donuts. I don’t know if there will be conventional jelly donuts; I know there will be conventional latkes. L’Chaim! C U later.

    • Gosala

      mazel tov, Molotov… whatever. Have fun!

    • proudgrampa

      Happy Chanukah!

    • Bananas Foster

      An honest question:

      What is vegan sour cream made of?

      • jowgajen

        Regret.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        That’s a great question. I googled.

        Cashews, apparently.

        • Gosala

          Gesundheit

        • gallbladder

          Interesting. Now, make with the high-test or GTFO.

        • h4rr4r

          Now I need to try it.

          I love cashews and sour cream.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      I never knew so many people drove Chevy Vegas

    • Lord Jim

      Happy Hanukkah!

    • BadKitty904

      Khag Urim Sameakh!!!!!!!

  • BadKitty904

    Mr. Mathis sounds like every one of my cousins. And yes, they are all hard-core, yella-dawg Democrats.

  • HazooToo
    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      That’s gross and made me laugh right out loud.

    • gallbladder

      Reminds me of my time as a 13 year-old playing “Truth or Dare.”

      • Shan

        Reminds me of a guy I dated 2-3 years ago.

    • Bananas Foster

      Eh.

      Nice eye contact. Good teeth. Tongue looks clean.

      7/10.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        One could worry about you.

        • Bananas Foster

          Not necessary.

    • Panika MCD

      Calliope Jane and that little one learned to kiss at the same school.

  • Panika MCD

    HOW IS FEMA FUCKING PEOPLE SIDE B

    so Georgy P showed up to the TX House Urban Affairs field hearing at Beaumont City Hall ready to tell us about all the naughty things FEMA was doing.

    the first thing is that they have an agency rule which requires that anyone seeking home repair or buy-out funds from one of their 5 programs to help people whose houses got fucked up by fire or flood or tornado or big foot has to file for an SBA loan first.

    think about that: people who have lost pretty much everything have to find an excessive amount of documentation which they probably lost in the disaster to get disaster relief funds to have shelter.

    and there is no statute which requires the agency to have such a rule.

    there’s a number of reasons this could be:
    – there may at one point have been a statute requiring this or something like this.
    – there was a good reason back when SBA loans were not so difficult to file for.
    – they are dumb

    no one knows who or what put the rule in place, but it is clear that it is not necessary and if they can get the Department of Homeland Security to direct FEMA to shit can said rule a whole lot more people will be eligible for these programs.

    and that will make Mick Mulvaney cry because that means that they cannot afford the tax cut so anyone calling HSD to ask them to remove the rule needs to then call OMB and whisper sweet nothings to them to make them feel better.

    …to be continued…

    • HazooToo

      Was there ever a point where we took care of disaster victims (or victims of gross incompetence and negligence like Flint) promptly and without making it hard as hell to get help?

      • Panika MCD

        I am not a historian.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Do you play one on TV?

          • Panika MCD

            I don’t play on TVs. it’s a health hazard because you could break that glass and get it in your paws.

      • Panika MCD

        and Flint was a man-made disaster which we’re not supposed to use FEMA funds for…but we sometimes do anyhow like we did for West, TX.

        • HazooToo

          The level of damage done, and the amount of disasters across the country, man-made and natural, is just so staggering. I keep wanting to think that this is not normal.

          • Panika MCD

            it’s not normal. it’s THE NEW NORMAL!

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I heard something on the radio about this. I think Republicans are trying to piss off every last single person in the country. I hope FL. and TX voters remember this in 2020.

      • Panika MCD

        TX, FL and CA legislators are coming together to block anything from passing until the next disaster supplemental is passed.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          This AM they said they were talking about it. I hope those spineless Republicans hang tight.

          • Panika MCD

            well, TX and FL Congress critters are already doing it. they are just hoping CA ones will quit talking about it and do it!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I never think Repukes will let human suffering get in the way of a good old fasioned tax cut for the super rich.

          • Panika MCD

            but John Cornyn will let it get in the way of judicial nominations.

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Mr. Nathan Mathis is pure unadulterated awesome!

    • BadKitty904

      George W, Jimmeh C., Mr. Mathis, et al. – Southern farmers can be remarkable people…

  • Lord Jim

    I am totally fucking crying.

    This is where change happens. When we stop fixating on stereotypes and start focussing on and befriending people. My friend Stacy. My friend Anna Elizabeth. My friend Jen R. A person is a little harder to hate that a stereotype.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I’m a little worried about Jenn R. Not seen her for a while.

      edit: fuck it, I’ll email her

      • Lord Jim

        You’re right. Worried now…

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Emailed. Will let people know.

          You heard from Anna at all?

          • Lord Jim

            Not in a few weeks. I was just thinking earlier of dashing off a quick wellness-check.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            She said she didnt want anyone from Wonkette getting in touch with her. Im not really sure why. I guess it wouldnt hurt to try, though.

          • Lord Jim

            She hasn’t seemed to mind the couple of times I’ve contacted her. I keep it infrequent to not become a nuisance.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            This happened recently, maybe about 3 weeks ago. Im not sure why she was mad, and I thought it was odd that she asked people not to contact her, since she seemed to have quite a few friends here. It probably wouldnt hurt to reach out and see what haplens.

      • TJ Barke

        She got upset/temp banned after dok was scolding her for violating The Rules in regard to nazis.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          I was there for that. She did cross the line, but wasn’t sure if she got tempbanned for it.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Damn. I missed that. I hope she’s okay.

    • BadKitty904

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/95c3da09f8e30740a90d045181a5133f136ce33ec924584644e6fdbd1899fc49.gif

      I can say, from a good deal of personal experience, how very true this is.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I think thats why the Republicans lost the culture war on gay rights, because everyone has a gay friend or relative.

      I wish his daughter had moved to a bigger city where she could have found friends and a community.

  • And guys…Ellen had Hillz on after Mr Mathis

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    The latest version of the Tax Bill just dropped. I got cross-eyed trying to read it, but I did see some things:
    – The student loan interest deduction is retained
    – The tuition waiver and deduction provisions are retained
    If anyone else wants to plow through 570+ pages of gobbledygook, have at it.

    • Panika MCD

      check for the non-business income tax. they were trying to add a 39% tax on pensions.

    • Gosala

      *dons grumpy pants*

      Why bother? It’s fiddling at the margins. The overall effect is still to rob the public treasury in order to pad the bank accounts of the rich.

      It will still be an excuse to cut to cut social welfare spending.

      It will still shrink the economy and result in a depression that will make 2008 look like boom times.

      *doffs*

    • Gosala

      I heard rumor awhile back that the standard deduction is doubling but the personal exemptions are going away. Any truth to that?

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        Some are, some aren’t. Standard deduction looks like it will be $12,000. They also jimmied with the rates some more (for example, the 25% bracket is now a 22% bracket with a slightly higher threshold). Like I said, I only skimmed the first 75 or so pages before my eyes began to cross.

        • Gosala

          OK, so I googled it. According to CNN

          “The bill would scrap the personal exemption but increase the standard deduction to slightly less than double its current level. It would go to $12,000 for an individual or $24,000 for a family.”

          So for people like me, it’s pretty much a wash.

  • biologydave
    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Newt is for bringing child labor back.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        “Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons?” -Ebenezer Gingrich

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          His argument was that it “builds character”

          Displaying a Gingrich-like ignorance of how the real world works.

          • Gosala

            The Gingrich thst stole childhood?

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Yep, you can’t spell Gingrich without GRINCH.

          • hudson

            a character like his?

            no thanks.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Maybe he should do janitorial work for awhile to build his character.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            It’s kind of difficult for a piece of shit to mop up shit.

    • Bananas Foster

      I thought those were the child tax credits Rubio was holding out for….

    • BadKitty904

      My bet is debtor’s prisons and workhouses for the poor.

  • Well, I waited till the last possible minute, but I did my healthcare.gov application. As usual, I make too little money for the Marketplace and too much for Medicaid (thanks, Gov. Voldemort, for not expanding it) so no healthcare for me. I did get a nifty code to put on my tax returns so that I don’t get fined for not having health insurance. Happy holidays? I’m depressed now.

    • Bananas Foster

      I’m so sorry. That is actually a huge thing.

      • It is, but there’s not a lot of conversation about those of us stuck in these red-state healthcare holes. I feel kind of bad being grumpy about it — I really am glad Obamacare is still a thing and people who need it can still get health insurance. It’s not really the ACA’s fault, they did try to address this. It’s the fault of governors like mine who couldn’t stand the thought of the working poor not having to suffer and die young. But it really pisses me off that in all the discussion about America’s healthcare, no one really addresses that these holes exist and people like me are dying in them.

        • Bananas Foster

          You’re absolutely right.

          The fact that red state governors got to fuck their citizens over is evil.

          • Gosala

            Thank you Obama Chief Justice Roberts

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            “Oh, well. Next time, choose better parents who live in California.”

          • “Just move” is a suggestion that I’ve gotten.

        • hudson

          notice that none of their arguments against ACA are about expanding access to healthcare.

    • grindstone

      The gap? My sister, same deal. Too much for Medicaid, too little for ACA. At least she now qualifies for Medicare, so her BP meds are covered. God forbid she actually get sick or injured.

      • Yep, that’s the gap. I’m sorry to hear your sister is stuck in it. I hate it.

        • grindstone

          Likewise, you. It’s a situation where there is no way to win.

  • Anna Rompage

    I’m dreaming of a righteous Christmas
    With guillotines lining the congress floor
    If the blades glisten, perhaps the critters will start to listen
    to the needs, of those who are truly poor

    • Ryan Denniston

      With votes!

      • Anna Rompage

        I’m not advocating violence… But I do think a reminder of what happened to those in the past, that only serve the plutocracy, would be a good thing to have on the floor in each chamber…

        • yyyaz

          With a large inscription of “Sic Transit Gloria.”

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    In perhaps the most ironic metaphor of 2017, a backed-up water fountain at the #EPA headquarters in DC reportedly spewed sewage everywhere this week. Maybe we should start referring to the political landscape as a sewage fountain instead of a dumpster fire 🤔💩 #EPASewageOverflow pic.twitter.com/xjsIOHJ7Sm— Texas Sierra Club (@TexasSierraClub) December 15, 2017

    • Panika MCD

      I heart Cyrus Reed.

  • Institute For Applied Despair

    It’s beginning to sound a lot like Xmas
    Everywhere I’m forced to go

  • Sophia

    Thank you for that. I’m crying but it’s a good cry.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      This really was moving. I can’t imagine his pain.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I love “Auntie Mame” so much
    https://youtu.be/555TjafRXgM

    • BadKitty904

      What have you got back there, REINDEER?!

      • WomanInThePersistence

        One of my favorite lines. It’s the venom.

        • BadKitty904

          There are so MANY wonderful lines in that movie…

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Department of Redundancy Department, hello hello. Who are you calling and how may I direct your call?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/854a17232d1011be10ae67e69b36d76cb995860eb0c2b874283ef3ab65b3e223.jpg

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      They sent that out in PDF format after it was typed up on the Microsoft MS-DOS operating system. Then got a bigly Christmas bonus from the Koch brothers sent directly to their ATM machines.

    • HazooToo

      What, you think you’re smarter than Trump, because you “know what words mean”? Next you’ll be bragging that you know how to read!

    • Fartknocker

      I’ve always appreciated redundancy in cooling water for nuclear power plants, pressure relief valves on anhydrous chlorine installations, and batteries in smoke alarms. Your a stupid, ignorant man Donald Trump. And I suspect your about to have a Nixon moment and have the Christmas Massacre by firing Mueller. And for once in your life, you won’tbe able to blame anyone but yourself. Merry Go Fuck You.

      • Gosala

        Redundancy (or belt and suspenders engineering) is why we’re still getting data from Voyager I in interstellar space.

        Inter-fucking-stellar space!

    • Kryptonian Canis

      And to demonstrate the New Efficiency, here’s a giant stack of blank paper and everyone’s afternoon that we’re about to waste on an idiotic political stunt:
      https://www.politico.com/story/2017/12/14/trump-cut-red-tape-business-regulations-296834

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Normally, I mostly listen to Tom Waits’ post-Swordfishtrombones work, but every now and then, I like to go back and listen to the old stuff.
    https://youtu.be/0Y97UQ_TD8c

  • Panika MCD

    HOW FEMA IS FUCKING PEOPLE ISSUE III

    have I mentioned that there are people still living in tents? because there are still people living in tents. and it snowed here last week and they got those tents in September so they are not thermal tents…we’ll probably get some reports this winter of people freezing to death or burning to death because they hooked up a space heater in their tent and fell asleep with it on. fun times.

    and are there other options? not if FEMA has anything to say about it.

    the first option is finding another house to live in. we’ve got those 54 thousand people still in hotels through 1/16/2018, but they are no closer to knowing where they are going to live after that than they were a month and a half ago. Coastal Bend is going to need those hotel rooms freed up by Spring Break or most of those people will not have jobs because they are a tourism economy. and then there are some that people have described as “roach motels”. so people are choosing between the roach motel and the mold infested house. fun.

    Galveston said, “hey, remember how nice all you people were to us after Hurricane Ike? we would like to return the favor by allowing Harvey victims to live in these 2,800 short term rentals at no cost!”

    to which FEMA was all, “NO, THANK YOU!” for no apparent fucking reason.

    …to be continued…

    • HazooToo

      Oh God we’re all going to hell

      • MsEdgyNation

        I think we’re already there.

    • jesterpunk

      Its like they are actively trying to do as bad of a job as possible so they can say government is broken.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Oh they will, so they can give a fat contract to their buddy in the industry.

        Even throughout the Obama year’s Congress cut funding for FEMA every fucking year. Sandy and all the other hurricanes sucked out most of the cash. McFuckstick gave the directorship to a no-nothing political appointee and Congress is completely anti- virtually anyone who isn’t them. The agency has been gutted and there’s nothing left.

        • Panika MCD

          Brock Long is actually one of the few people who is qualified for his job. it’s just the end of the world and instead of passing another supplemental they have gone with “OMG WE GET TAX CUTS!”

    • Sophia

      Fucking gov’t : “We can’t afford to help anymore, charities will look after this this.” People “here’s some free help”. Gov’t, “Hold up, here’s a billion forms for you to fill out first”

    • Anna Rompage

      It’s just a like when a school/mass shooting happens, lots of thoughts and prayers for a couple days, then it’s back to normal, with no concern about the long term fix…

      • jesterpunk

        Didnt you see Huckabee say there is nothing at all they can do to prevent shootings?

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      DaFuq?

    • Courser_Resistance

      FEMA’s always been shit at long-term housing and now with the Russian Regime in charge there’s zero chance that anything will get done.

  • HazooToo
  • Carpe Vagenda

    Two searches for Roy and Kayla Moore’s Sunday Jew (is that what the xtian version of a shabbas goy is?)

    https://twitter.com/BostonGlobe/status/941061511325405186
    https://twitter.com/jdforward/status/941624408975790080

    • Bananas Foster

      I actually want to think she has Stockholm Syndrome.

      • TJ Barke

        I like to think that all women like her do.

      • Gosala

        The thing about Stockholm syndrome is that the captors control the victim’s perceptions. Anything the victim knows or learns comes from the captors.

        She ain’t got that excuse.

        • Bananas Foster

          Interesting response. Why doesn’t she have that excuse?

          • Gosala

            Radio, television, books, magazines. Even before the intertubes there were ways of expanding one’s awareness beyond the narrow limits of a small town up bringing.

          • Bananas Foster

            You think it’s not possible that he controlled her access to those things?

            ETA: I don’t think she has SS, I don’t think she was that cloistered, but I found your response interesting.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      That shit eating grin they both made after she said it, like they figured they had just won the argument forever, it was creepy as fuck.

    • RobKanC

      Spoiler alert: You can’t find them cos the rabbi lives in Canada.

  • Anna Rompage

    And in other news today;

    A water fountain in at the EPA started spewing and overflowed raw sewage onto the floor. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2c60343cca4f80eec09db0eb3516200ec5f0e04146df2909e2b7aba3efcc40d3.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      Perfect metaphor for the Trump administration.

      • Ryan Denniston

        What if it’s by design?

        • jesterpunk

          It is by design, its a continuation of the “government is broken, elect us and we will prove it” thing they have been doing since Ronny Raygun.

    • HazooToo

      When is the plague of frogs due? Did I miss it already?

      • Anna Rompage

        Isn’t that what that whole Pepe thing was last year?

        • therblig

          yep. and their potential first borns are all dried up in tube socks.

        • HazooToo

          Fuuuuuuuck!

          • Anna Rompage

            No shit, we’re doomed!

        • Gosala

          A plague of frogs needs frogs breeding new frogs. Pepe’s gay (contrails). So that didn’t happen.

    • Courser_Resistance

      That’s awesome.

    • Its all part of bannon’s plan to deconstruct the state.

      • Jay Hansen

        A plan of pure Bannonality.

    • Fartknocker

      Looks a lot like fracking fluid, which fits since Scott Pruitt is from Oklahoma.

    • Zonath

      See, what they need is deregulation to make that water safe to drink.

    • that’s when the murders (should) begin,,, (with votes)

    • BrendaKay

      And there were no scientists left at the EPA to warn Scott Pruitt not to drink it…

    • JohnBull

      Some call it sewage. Real Mericuns call it freedom juice.

      • Anna Rompage

        Um, freedumb juice, taste a little bit like cheap beer, with an extra little bite!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Meh, I say inspectors should let this one slide.

  • Courser_Resistance

    I’ve spent most of the day choosing pictures for a promotional campaign for my SAR group, avoiding most of the durm and strang (dumb and strange?) of the day. If it’s really super-shitty, I’ll probably watch a movie or something.

    I’m mad at myself. I was so involved in the picture task that I spaced out going to a 3D showing of the new Star Wars movie. I’d paid for the ticket and everything. Grah!

    • h4rr4r

      It was a great movie, took off work to see it. Spoiler: Dumbledore gets killed by Worf.

  • I adore Nathan Mathis. If he chooses to join the same team as Khizr Khan and countless others doing the good work, we’re well on our way spreading a positive message the world over.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    And this week started off so well. I hate this timeline.

    https://youtu.be/6SBP0SiR6_0

    • Courser_Resistance

      I love that guy.

  • HazooToo
    • Bananas Foster

      Poor eye contact. Bad teeth. No evidence of a tongue.

      -1/10.

      • HazooToo

        Harsh, but fair.

      • WIDTAP

        Now you just sound like my old girlfriend.

    • Anna Rompage

      Ted Cruz, is that you?

      • HazooToo

        Now THAT is insulting. Apologize to the opossum.

  • calliecallie

    Where those onions at? Damn!

  • OT… He is not JS, but Trevor and crew have matured into a watchable 22 minutes…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0d8d31588dac2fbd3e7570a86b1bdb468de68aa74728a3201e317ea3fe389d6d.png

    • Bananas Foster

      Stewart was an anomaly. I don’t expect anyone to ever do the job the same way he did.

      • WIDTAP

        I like Trevor Noah because of his uniqueness. But then again, I liked Craig Ferguson’s uniqueness as a conversationalist as well.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Are we talking about the same Craig? Kilborn the “Hefner Jr.” guy was Stewart’s predecessor at the Daily Show. Ferguson was the other Craig’s successor over at CBS.

          • WIDTAP

            I was expanding into all the late night talkers. Sorry for getting vaugue.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            I wonder how many people remember that the first Craig took over for Tom Snyder, who ended his 12:30 program because he was literally on his way to signing off permanently.

            Fuck cancer, and fuck the cigarette manufacturers also too.

            The original Tom Tomorrow back at his old home on NBC, with John Lennon’s last interview in 1975.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtsPXB-mrds

          • Arolpin

            I thought he replaced Tom Brokaw, who was signing off permanently from ‘Nightline’ but I may be confusing my late-night programming.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          Watch Craig Ferguson’s new special on Netflix. It was very entertaining.

    • jesterpunk

      He got a lot better and fit into the role faster then Jon Stewart did when he first took over.

      • Bananas Foster

        True.

        But, also not fair, because Stewart took over a job and then completely transformed it into something else.

        • jesterpunk

          Yeah that is true also too. They are both good hosts and you shouldn’t compare Stewart after years in the role to Noah after a year or so in the role.

          • True, but wished Sam Bee took over the show

          • jesterpunk

            She didnt want it and is doing really well with her own show. I think she also gets to spend time with her husband more now then she would have if she took over the daily show.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            When’s Lewis Black going to get his own program? John Oliver has one, Sam Bee, obviously Colbert. He’s been with them since the show started in 1996 so, I think him having his own spot is long overdue.

          • bupkus231

            I think Sam Bee is gonna be the Stewart of the 2020s – if she sticks with it that long ( remember, Stewart did it on “The Daily Show” for 15 years )….

          • weighmaster

            How many times a day do you suppose Craig kicks his own ass?

          • WIDTAP

            Ferguson? Not at all. He was done trying to make smalltalk with Hollywood celebs.

            Ferguson’s web series is good. http://www.gant.com/couplethinkers/

          • weighmaster

            No, Kilborn.

          • WIDTAP

            Has Kilborn been able to keep a job?

          • weighmaster

            Not that I’ve heard of.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Kraft Mac & Cheese pitchman, last I checked.

          • bbayliss

            remember Jon Oliver?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Stewart found his niche being more of a Dick Cavett, interviewing authors and politicians and the like, than the standard-formula Carson/Leno/Letterman/etc. etc. etc. celebrity promoting their latest X late-night format. Kilborn’s free-wheeling frat-boy act obviously just wasn’t his thing. Actually, it eventually stopped being Kilborn’s, after 9/11 happened and as the Bush years went on and the public got angrier, demanding more explicitly biting political fire against the despotic regime. The happy-go-lucky ’90s, where the most “political” thing you’d really hear about in a late-night comedy act was Clinton dick jokes, were over, never to be seen again. I can see this happening to Fallon at some point; apparently, people are already losing patience with his “pour beer down my pants and forget about Trump” schtick. Colbert and Kimmel are beating the once-thought-unstoppable NBC franchise.

          You go back and watch the first few years with Jon interviewing TV and movie actors, up to about maybe ’02, ’03 or so, it’s actually painful. But then he really hit his stride with “Indecision 2004.” The Obama years were golden (as they were for all of us). I think he saw the writing on the wall once the election season kicked off, and decided that he just couldn’t bring himself to make jokes about an American Hitler.

          • Arolpin

            It was actually Indecision 2000 that transformed the Daily Show. In the lead up to the election The Daily Show was promising that they were going to be live until the election was called. They eventually gave up that night, but they kept pretending that they had been at the election desk the entire time, with Jon calling the election this way, “It is now official, we can call it – at 855 hours and two minutes of
            this election night, the state of Florida and its 25 electoral
            votes…will go to George W. Bush,”

    • bupkus231

      “Amirosa”? Is there a joke with that misspelling that I don’t get? The Rosa Parks ref, I get, but you could do that with “Omarosa”….

      As it is, I had to laugh today to see, of all the people laughing and making fun of Omarosa, she chooses to attack a cancer-surviving, former sports reporting, morning TV show anchor for a momentary diss, instead of approaching any of the significant and important criticisers of her “position” at the WH, let alone how she was “let go”…

      Omarosa, you are so deeply unimportant, so deeply unliked, that you should just go away. Your moment of delusional “fame” is gone, and you only look tinier and tiner the more you try to regain what you think you have lost. Pitiful creature ( except that your too hateful for anyone to pity you…. )

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Nah, I think it’s just a case of someone who captioned the meme spelling her name wrong.

  • jesterpunk

    http://www.upworthy.com/tempted-to-pull-out-your-peen-in-public-ask-these-4-questions-first?c=upw1

    If you’re reading this, congratulations! Your hard work and dedication have paid off, and you’ve finally made it to the top of your respective field. You set a goal, you put your mind to it, and here you are, ready to take on anything that comes your way. Here’s to many years of continued success.

    With that in mind, a quick reminder before we continue:

    Nobody wants to see your dick.

    Seriously. Nobody.

    Is this a sweeping generalization? Sure. In fact, there’s probably somebody out there in this crazy world who would enjoy access to your penis from time to time (although probably as more of a means to an end than actually sitting back and admiring it like it’s a Renoir).

    But in this particular context, with regards to the position of power that you now occupy, it’s in your best interest (as well as that of literally everyone who works with you) to operate under the assumption that nobody in the whole wide world wants to see your stupid dick.

  • schmannity

    Trump praises former head of KGB on same day he attacks the FBI.

    Remember when RWNJs used to say Wake up Sheeple?

    • jesterpunk

      He also rick rolled FBI graduates today. But yeah he will attack anyone except Putin and Russia.

  • HazooToo
    • Lord Jim

      D’awwww!

    • Courser_Resistance

      OMG, that’s too fucking cute! Awesome wordsmithing!

      • HazooToo

        I love these poems so much!

  • bupkus231

    PS – This is not a threat!

    [ That all that survives from my potential post recommending a course of action against every single Republican member of the WH, Congress, state legislatures, phony think tanks, billionaire dark money donors, and even many members of the rank-and-file who are too stoopid to live, let alone vote ]

  • _(Bros)_

    Silly shit. If you just leave it alone, it will eventually melt. Right? OK, I admit it – I’m from California and all I know about snow is what I learned watching “Fargo”.

    • jesterpunk

      Yeah it melts eventually but until then people drive like idiots and either ride their brakes or go way too fast.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I want Trix to come and yell at my house, TBH
    https://twitter.com/robdelaney/status/941468823999442944?s=17

  • jesterpunk

    More governing by spite.

    http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-organic-eggs-20171215-story.html

    The U.S. Department of Agriculture announced Friday that it plans to withdraw Obama-era rules that would have made it tougher for large-scale egg farms to earn organic certification.

    The withdrawal would leave intact a loophole that allowed massive factory farms to claim that a closed-in porch provides adequate outdoor access for tens of thousands of hens.

    Smaller producers who provide open yards for egg-laying hens have complained that the loophole lets competitors reap the premium price of organic eggs without substantially changing their operations.

    Livestock and poultry companies, however, complained that the rules went beyond the intent of the original law establishing organic certification, which covered only feed and medicine.

    • h4rr4r

      Can state laws fix this?
      Maybe have states define a new term for chickens with yard access?

      I wish I could get yard eggs without them being organic, but antibiotics free.

      • jesterpunk

        I dont know, I know some legal type people on here where saying states couldn’t enforce their own net neutrality rules because of the commerce clause. I would imagine this might be similar?

      • schmannity

        No lawmaker in Arkansas would pass a law against Tyson. Even Hillary worked for them.

        • h4rr4r

          We don’t all live in Arkansas.

      • 3FingerPete

        That won’t work. Conservatives love local governance only when it doesn’t interfere with federal giveaways to corporations or negates gun regulation.

    • armed_bears

      As a small market grower, I have always said that if Monsanto can be something, I shouldn’t. This designation was co-opted by industry. It means “pay more”, and that is about it.

      Sweet Farmin’ Daughter, with brussels, fennel and, umm, something else.:

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d7c9cd97626b92fa6ac5866ae310ea93794160d39e756fb9dfffa71a80c0d0c8.jpg

      • h4rr4r

        You are aware that Monsanto produces a wide range of heritage and natural hybrid seeds, right?

        • armed_bears

          And Russia produces great vodka. Overall, however, know who you deal with and where they earn their bread. Monsanto does not pass this test.

          • h4rr4r

            I am a bit torn on this. Some organic pesticides are terrible. Copper for example.

          • armed_bears

            And spinosad is an honest-to-goodness paralytic neurotoxin, just like God intended when She made it. But it is organic…

            The changes made to the organic labeling program lately mostly remove information from the consumer’s view, in lieu of the single term organic. If you have the chance, talk to who grows your food.

          • h4rr4r

            I found out about copper that way. Organic farmer downhill from and organic winery. The grapes apparently tolerate it but then the runoff poisons the crops in the field below.

        • armed_bears

          And this ain’t exclusively an anti-Monsanto screed… but they have gamed the original intentions so far that organic produce can be produced (heh heh) without soil at all. Just understand ‘organic’ does not necessarily mean what you think it means.

          • h4rr4r

            Why would it require soil? What is not organic about water and cow poop? I think I could easily design a hydroponic system that met what many folks would expect to be organic.

            I think people often don’t understand what formal definitions are. I hate that the word Organic was used at all. Anything with carbon in it is organic in chemistry.

          • armed_bears

            Briefly: Second Law of Thermodynamics.

            (But I grows hydroponically, too…. Just in no way is it self-sustaining. Great for lots of things, like when you live in a desert, as I do. But entropy is a bitch.)

          • h4rr4r

            Sorry, I don’t see how one relates to the other.

          • Arolpin

            Not to totally hijack this conversation, but is anyone here playing with aeroponics? If so, what are you impressions?
            (A former job had a rather large group of technical sales folks spread over the western US who all had hobby grows. One or two still using soil, probably half using hydroponics, but another handful had transitioned to aeroponics, and I’m wondering if that is actually a growing thing, or these were just highly-compensated tech geek stoners who liked new toys.)

          • armed_bears

            Make sure your initial water is really well filtered, and then make sure to have filter on the water supplies…. The emitters tend to clog if there is any particulate to the nutrient solution… but it works incredibly well. (Worth a trip to Epcot Center, too, just to see their set-up… not that it’s a model for my backyard… but, still, impressive.)

  • schmannity

    CNN is “reporting” the rumor that Jared is seeking to hire a crisis management firm.

    • Anna Rompage

      Jesus, he should have gotten one of those the first year he graduated college… He did go to college didn’t he?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Harvard and NYU, apparently.

        • therblig

          perhaps they need to hire the crisis management firms. he’s not doing anything for their respective brands.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Legacy admit and/or just plain old $$$$$$$. The synergizer-in-chief is another fucking moron.

          • Arolpin

            Daddy donated $2.5 million. But that had nothing to do with Jared getting accepted, just totally coincidental, and not in any way connected, just random that the donation came the year before Jared was applying to colleges.
            According to former officials at his fancy private high school, he probably wasn’t the most qualified person in his class who applied that year, “His GPA did not warrant it, his SAT scores did not warrant it. We
            thought for sure, there was no way this was going to happen. Then, lo
            and behold, Jared was accepted. It was a little bit disappointing
            because there were at the time other kids we thought should really get
            in on the merits, and they did not.”

            https://www.propublica.org/article/the-story-behind-jared-kushners-curious-acceptance-into-harvard

        • georgiaburning

          Quite a lot of Harvard guys seem to end up indicted. If it were a sailor bar in San Diego they’d close it.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Mideast negotiations going that badly, eh?

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        ‘Tell you what, boys, let’s forget this Christian vs Muslim vs Jew shit and just go after that little twerp Jared and his dumbass father-in-law.’

    • He’s wasting his time, he should just do a runner to Siberia.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Lord Jim

    So on a lighter note, I’ve been running Debian Linux 9 live off a USB stick. I’ve been curious about GNOME 3, so I used unetbootin to fix up a live USB. Firefox is running pretty well (the ISO was made before the transition to Quantum) and I’ve been listening to ELO albums on RhythmBox. I installed an extension (while running live) to put a window list on the top, and I’m kinda diggin it. If I get a new ‘puter sometime, I aim to make this old laptop into a Debian Linux machine.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Yay! A fellow Linux hobbyist at the Wonk!

      • h4rr4r

        Some of us aren’t hobbyists ;)

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          Word.

          • h4rr4r

            Did you see MS is putting an ssh client and server in Windows?
            Between that, and running headless they will eventually end up with a grown-up OS. Next they should work on letting you delete open files or other stunning 1970s features.

          • jesterpunk

            They might eventually get a truly usable multiuser system.

          • h4rr4r

            Woah now, that’s asking a bit much.

          • jesterpunk

            It might happen by 2070 or so.

          • Lord Jim

            TBH, I was thrilled when Windows 10 introduced multiple workspaces. I’m well aware that Linux has had these since the beginning, but still…

          • h4rr4r

            That might actually predate linux. Some of us are old enough to have used other *n.x

          • Arolpin

            Some of us are old enough to remember trying to get FreeBSD to run on a laptop, because NONE of the proto-Linux distributions could even figure out how to boot from the PCMCIA hard drive. (A co-worker who did a LOT of work on the network in FreeBSD wrote drivers to make it work on FreeBSD, but he refused to do anything with Linux, because it wasn’t a real Unix.)

          • Ling Ling

            What is this Microsoft I keep hearing about?

          • h4rr4r

            Some company with a single user OS that gets used too often.

          • Lord Jim

            What distro, for the curious? CentOS? Arch? Enquiring minds wanna know! :D

      • jesterpunk

        Hobbyist? I use linux on my work computer and for my home server because windows sucks and doesnt have a useful cli.

    • RobKanC

      get a mac dude

      • Lord Jim

        Negative, captain.

        • h4rr4r

          The Desktop OS is pretty nice, once you install Brew.

          • Lord Jim

            I’m too addicted to cheap, commodity hardware. :D

          • h4rr4r

            Work buys me a laptop every so many years and the macs last a long time. Torvalds used one for years, running debian.

            I am looking for an arm laptop with a solid metal body. The construction matters more to me than anything else. The laptop is just a way to get to real hardware.

          • Ling Ling

            Ling ling want to know why you desire ARM laptop? I am shopping ARM machines for embedded builds. So far, looks like I will be using WandBoard.

          • h4rr4r

            Lots of reasons.
            Battery life.
            Test software on different architecture. To prove correctness of said software.
            Scare and confuse windows folks.
            Weirdness.
            Something to learn more about. I have had a few linux on arm systems but years ago. Unless Android counts, it does not.
            Lightness.
            My hardware needs are extremely modest. If my phone could support multiple monitors that would be more than enough hardware. I have real hardware for heavily lifting.

          • Ling Ling

            I’m always down for scare/confuse the winsheep.

          • h4rr4r

            I find my placing Ctrl where God intended it usually works.

          • Ling Ling

            A screen full of xterms and emacs works for me.

          • h4rr4r

            Heathen scum!
            Vim or GTFO.

          • Ling Ling

            Do not fear the LISP. It likes you. I can tell.

          • h4rr4r

            Actually one of the smartest people I know uses emacs, it’s the only fault he has as far as I can tell.

          • Lord Jim

            You mean Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping? XD

    • William

      Recycling old computers is great, and I think good for the environment. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/822601ba78d31f16265912c3d8cd3c4739f35f25f82fda6941e13836cf23054c.jpg

      • Lord Jim

        I had one of those.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        Palin’s brain would fit on a key fob.

        • Ling Ling

          My COSMAC ELF would have done the job.

      • h4rr4r
        • Arolpin

          Timex-Sinclair 1000 is a much shittier computer though. The TRASH80 could actually accept the add-on memory without requiring you to fabricate a radiator using aluminum fins and ice cubes to be able to use the memory.

          • h4rr4r

            Yeah, but my pun is better.

  • Picabo
    • TJ Barke

      So, authoritarian thugs…

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    In brief comments to reporters on the White House lawn Friday morning, Trump also threw out an attack on the Department of Justice and the FBI.

    “I don’t want to talk about pardons of Michael Flynn yet,” Trump said, responding to a question. “We’ll see what happens. Let’s see.”

    Fucking shameless. Flynn took the guilty plea.

    • h4rr4r

      Because Flynn knew no pardon would cover him for state crimes.

    • Michael R

      Could not accepting a pardon be part of his plea deal ?

      • Lord Jim

        I don’t think a pardon requires the assent of the pardonee.

    • Shan

      Stay tuned.

      • Catstro

        Sweeps week!

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • HazooToo

      Carter Page needs to have his skull pulled out through his ass, with votes.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      OH HAY GUYZ! I WROTE A LETTER!

      https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DNLe5XHX4AEZIXx.jpg

      • Kryptonian Canis

        Just waiting for the day he appears in public wearing a Burger King crown.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Jughead libel!

    • TJ Barke

      Motherfucker, you’ve basically already told us yourself that it’s not a witch hunt…

    • Thiazin Red

      As one does when one is innocent. That isn’t something someone guilty and dumb would do at all.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      He really is going for the Stupidity Defense, ain’t he?

    • jesterpunk
    • Bananas Foster

      Hillary would like to have a word.

      And then every woman who has ever been harassed/abused/raped will step in!

    • Lord Jim

      Regardless of any laydeez who may have been squicked out by a bad touch, I’M the most piteous victim here LOOOOOK AAAAAAAAAAAAAT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, hasn’t the poor dear suffered enough? Of course asking the nice man mean questions about selling his country to Russia and maybe ending democracy is just as bad as being sexually assaulted. And I’m sure there are some really pissed off sexual assault victims who’d like to express their sympathy for him.

  • jaspersdad
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Cool, it’s even got a surrender flag where the Firefox is taking a (memory) dump.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      Is this the foxhole I’ve heard so much about?

  • HazooToo
    • TJ Barke

      I think it’s this one :/
      sort of.

      • HazooToo

        Sort of! Maybe this? 0~0

        • TJ Barke

          0/0

          • HazooToo

            Now THAT works!

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            >8/

  • Panika MCD

    HOW IS FEMA FUCKING PEOPLE INSTALLMENT D –

    another thing to know about FEMA is that after Katrina they started to sell all of their FEMA trailers. (how are you going to have Walmart FEMA camps without trailers? only the robot Beyonce army knows.)

    so the GLO has decided to purchase some trailers, RVs and manufactured housing units which they will be reimbursed by FEMA for.

    HOWEVER, FEMA estimates with all their rules a FEMA trailer costs about $202 thousand where a normal one would cost about $15 thousand, a nice one would be about $50 thousand.

    did we have people offering to donate their private stock of RVs? WE DID! but…………… FEMA was all, “why don’t you help us move these ones from Hearne to Beaumont instead of getting ones to the people you are seeing living in the streets near you?”

    have we delivered some trailers and MHUs? WE HAVE! but…………………… by and large they are not being lived in because they have not been fully inspected and the land they will be put on has not been approved by FEMA so they cannot be hooked up to utilities. they originally said they would have one of the inspectors needed in each town once a month and they would not double up on the same ones so that they could get these things done by January maybe. now they are saying it will be once every 3 months so people will not be able to live in these units until 2019.

    ….to be continued….

    • Put a party that says government is the problem in power, and government will be the problem.

  • Sophia
    • Bananas Foster

      Yeah. It’s actually about the fact that you’re getting into the cat’s personal space.

      • Sophia

        That’s actually a lot like me when people try to help themselves to stuff off my desk.

    • Gosala

      Well, you made her wear that hat…

      • Sophia

        True

  • Michael R

    This goes out to Mueller , before New Years would be great

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIcmk8WA10A

  • William

    OK this might make some of us feel a little better. Lord knows I needed it. https://www.facebook.com/amplifirenews/videos/1976765999246678/

  • HazooToo

    We don’t know what to do with our hands in real life, that’s why we drink. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/deb7392aa0b1a8fe1d7f75576093bb6f9e27ccd967bf56735b87d9e29707c0d1.png

  • janecita

    My friend asked me to take care of her puppy for the weekend. That puppy is like a toddler on crack, who also has a bad case of ADHD. I can’t wait for Monday!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Grinch. Everybody loves puppies.

      • janecita

        He is fucking nuts!!! I feel bad for poor Lobo.

  • JD Mulvey

    My video gets a “The media could not be played” message, which is funny because the media gets played all the time. (badump-dump.)

    I guess I won’t be laughing and crying at the same time.

    • memzilla Ω

      Refresh page; hover mouse over stilframe of tweet; menu opens; rightclick “copy link”; then open a new tab, leftclick on the url field (to put the focus there), wait for drop-down menu, then select and click on “paste and go” in the url field.

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    It’s Been That Sort Of Day Dept.
    So as I vouchsafed earlier, I intended to plow the driveway. Sadly this did not happen because a) it was snowing again, and b) the battery was flat on the tractor so I couldn’t roll it forward to get the tire chains on.
    So I tried to move it forward by hand. And something went ‘sping’ in my arm. And now I can’t lift anything heavier than about 5 pounds, or straighten it out.
    My doctor is right, I really need to stop doing shit like this.

    • We’ve had our third minor snowfall this week. It’s not even winter, and already I am sick of this shit.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        I was born in Montreal. If we didn’t have six feet of snow we’d complain about how dry it was. But I was like 5, so I wasn’t the one who actually had to shovel it.

    • HazooToo

      Roooooooooon, nooooooooooooooooooooo!

    • jesterpunk

      Get a flame thrower.

    • memzilla Ω

      As we are in the 75th anniversary of the Battle of Stalingrad, I wish for you that your injury turns into a Heimatschuss (literally a ‘Home Shot’ – a wound bad enough to get you sent home) — such that it is covered by Obamacare and qualifies you for a Medical Marijuana License; in that way, you’ll have cheap good weed for the Trumpocalypse.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        I appreciate the sentiment, but if I don’t get it sorted out nothing will get done around here. I almost dropped the pan of muffins. MUFFINS! Poor innocent MUFFINS!

        • memzilla Ω

          WHY LORD WHY???

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            It’s 2017. The loss of a panful of delicious muffins is par for the course now.

    • kareemachan

      I’m sorry. I have no idea how old you are, but we are having to accept some of this as fact. I want to move the sofa from the office into the living room and vice versa, and we. can’t. do. it. any. more. Gonna find some high schoolers and pay them exorbitant amounts of money – gladly – to do it for us.

      And this from someone who has moved their household four (at least) times by themselves.

  • Next time some God-botherer tells you that TEH GHEY is against ‘natural law’, tell them to shove it.

    • HazooToo

      They don’t do facts. Those are of the Debil.

    • Bananas Foster

      I’m all about telling the god botherers to fuck off…

      But, that’s the exact subset of people I WOULD NOT encourage in inter-species sex research.

      • Better they fuck a deer or a fur seal than a human being, especially an underage one.

        • Bananas Foster

          Let’s keep our sad human tragedy within the species as much as we can.

          In terms of pure psychology, people who mess with animals are actually scarier than people who mess with people.

    • Arolpin

      I learned that macaque monkeys ride sika deer today. I did not know that, and I was actually wondering why no other primate used other animals for transportation. And then I saw that the monkeys were getting freaky with the deer, and while the deer didn’t seem to be especially upset, I certainly didn’t see affirmative consent.
      I really am more surprised that the monkeys ride deer than that they were interacting sexually (well, more mastubatorally to coin a phrase), because there are a number of species that take looking for some strange to the extreme. (One of the big issues with swimming with dolphins is that they try to have sex with humans, and in some cases become very aggressive and even violent. Certain pinnipeds are especially aggressive, sometimes basically raping smaller species to death, and that’s sad and terrible, but monkeys riding deer is pretty cool.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      They’ve never lived on a farm then.

  • nightmoth

    We checked out House of Cards from the library about 2 weeks before Kevin Spacey got nailed as a predator. We’re hooked now–into season 3–great acting–but what I’m noticing is how prescient the show seems to be. The foreign money directed to congress pacs is giving me a creepy feeling. Was this a hit show with the GOP maybe?

    • You see a chilling political drama, they see an instructional video.

    • janecita

      Their blueprints.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      It is based on a British show.

  • HazooToo
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      – you can’t see this his junk is out

      • HazooToo

        XDD Never going to forget it, now

    • Thiazin Red

      Now I want to know the rest of the story.

    • Count Awesome

      It’s called flair, bay-bee!

    • jaspersdad

      The Best people…

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • It was Christmas Eve, babe, in the drunk tank…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        An old man said to me, “won’t see another one”…

    • Count Awesome

      “It’s the only way I can stand to have your father touch me.”

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Never try to assemble a tricycle while drinking.

  • kareemachan

    Oh shit. I just watched Ellen (left coast here) and started crying. My husband came out to see what I was sniveling about and teared up as well. Kudos to Ellen and Nathan. That was heartfelt.

  • Panika MCD

    HOW IS FEMA FUCKING PEOPLE (GFY)

    among the housing programs that people can try at FEMA is the PREPs program. this is one where people who have at least $70 thousand in damages can get home repair assistance funds, but, as mentioned they first have to apply for an SBA loan AND they have to put a $2 thousand down payment AND they have to live in their house as they repair it. they are literally being asked to pay $2 thousand to live in mold infested houses that they will fix themselves and have to document in detail or they get no money at all.

    the DAHLR program is a much better version where people can get up to $60 thousand up front for housing repairs, they don’t have to live in unsafe conditions and they don’t have to pay to do it. BUT FEMA has said it is “a lower priority option” when it comes to advising people on their options.

    ….to be continued….

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • OrG

      Seemingly don’t like a lot of non-criminals too.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • HazooToo

      HAAAAAAAAAAA

  • Blackest Noobs

    So if Republicans want a future, STOP RUNNING CANDIDATES THIS FUCKING DUMB!!!

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/15/politics/roy-moore-concession-analysis/index.html

    “What Moore is banking on is that there are 20,716 votes for him and 0 for Jones in the military and provisional ballots. That would give Moore a one-vote victory. And, it is about as likely as the Cleveland Browns winning the Super Bowl next year. Actually, it’s less likely than that. The Browns currently have an 0-13 record.”

    • OrG

      That’s like telling a crack head to put down the pipe.

  • jaspersdad
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Nathan Mathis is obviously no longer a good Republican;
    he’s able to show empathy, to admit wrong, feel genuine remorse, and try to do something about it. They’d burn him as a heretic.

  • HazooToo

    I’ve posted this here before, but you can never have enough Science Penguin. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5c053ef0a5edb4e3387553553c6ba2b8183a8f7ce33d551e11a0d372b14407d0.png

  • Shan

    As the mom of a gay child, I thank this father.

    • BadKitty904

      As the future gay dad (I hope) of a child, I do, too.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      As the mom of a bi child, I agree.

    • The Wanderer

      As the uncle of a lesbian niece, I thank this man.

    • JLWC

      I thank this man on behalf of my gay cousin, my lesbian cousin, my lesbian best friend, and the five gay guys who make our small Connecticut town worth living in.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      As a bi woman who has more gay friends than straight ones and a gay nephew I thank this man as well.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        As a straight man with no LGBT friends or relatives, I say god bless this man for being the hero we don’t deserve.

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          Beautifully said.

  • Thiazin Red

    I’m not tearing up about Carrie Fisher’s dog going to the premier, YOU ARE!

    https://io9.gizmodo.com/carrie-fishers-dog-got-emotional-seeing-her-onscreen-du-1821336115

    • I didn’t ball my eyes out at a Carrie Fisher tribute video earlier this week either

      • Kateaux

        I’m not going to see The Last Jedi tonight equipped with a generous supply of kleenex for when I start bawling.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Thiazin Red

      Pass, vegan baked goods taste like sadness.

    • SDGeoff3

      How festive.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Nice.

  • jaspersdad
    • Resistor Radio

      YAY

    • JustDon’tSayMoore

      otters are teh bestest!

  • Panika MCD

    HOW IS FEMA FUCKING PEOPLE? WITH MAPS

    about half of the flood damage was no where near bayous or even in the 100 year flood plain according to FEMA maps. this could be because they haven’t been updated in ages and also because we don’t even have FEMA maps for all of TX…though I think the parts we don’t have them for are more at risk of tornadoes, wild fires and ice storms–doesn’t mean FEMA shouldn’t have maps for them because they make those maps also too!

    one of the rules for getting funding is that your house must be 18 inches off the ground, but if you are above the 250 year flood plain you probably have not elevated your house. so those people are also being denied housing assistance by FEMA.

    how’s that 90-10 split thing going? they’re reneging on most of it and telling most people to go fuck themselves.

    ….to be continued….

  • BadKitty904

    Well, who woulda thunk it…

    Republicans Are Voting to Give a Huge Tax Cut to Many Members of Congress
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/republicans-tax-cuts-congress_us_5a33fc64e4b040881bea2f81?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    But they insist they didn’t give that a thought.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9534be47116463f35c679c092f06ad89c71f6b4b6fef019d7c39082bed9f2da5.jpg

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    It turns out Trump was the war on Christmas this entire time. https://t.co/CwhAQbtNtC— Molly Jong-Fast (@MollyJongFast) December 15, 2017

  • msanthropesmr
    • Panika MCD

      BEANIE!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Who’s that hobo with Beanie?

      • msanthropesmr

        Just had oral surgery. My face is all swole.

  • aktlib101

    Well, others can do this, a good step forward, why can’t we?
    “EU to force firms to reveal true owners in wake of Panama Papers”
    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/dec/15/eu-to-force-companies-to-disclose-owners-with-directive-prompted-by-panama-papers

    “Companies across the EU will be forced to disclose their true owners under new legislation prompted by the release of the Panama Papers.

    Anti-corruption campaigners applauded the agreement as a major step in the fight against tax evasion and money laundering, but expressed disappointment that trusts will mostly escape scrutiny.”

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      How is this even fair?
      – American companies

  • memzilla Ω

    So it’s 7:20 P EST. Does this mean we have ten minutes more before we can unclench our teeth from having newsdump anxiety? Will Lula’s valuable Squeaky Chicken Time be interrupted yet again? Stay Tuned!

    • BadKitty904

      Are we safe after 7:30PM EST? I didn’t get that memo.

      • memzilla Ω

        That’s usually when WaPo drops it, not much later.

        • BadKitty904

          THAT’S news we can all use.

  • The Wanderer

    My mother sells rubbers to NATO,
    My sister pokes holes with a pin;
    My brother performs the abortions,
    My God! How the money rolls in!

    — V.V. Putin

    • Bananas Foster

      Ah, that explain the low birth rates in Russia.

    • Ling Ling

      Stolen

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      Hunh- always thought that was Cole Porter.

    • janecita

      Is it that PP territory? I’ve to call Cecile!

  • HazooToo
    • ManchuCandidate

      That’s a cat who is going to eat the owner’s face and/or shit in their shoes the first chance they get.

    • SDGeoff3

      Our cat would shred the sofa.

  • Panika MCD

    ALL THIS FEMA STUFF IS TO SAY…

    most of these ways people are being fucked by FEMA apply not just to people in TX, but in FL, PR and CA also too.

    HOWEVER pretty much all of these things are agency rules which are not connected to federal statute so they can either lift the rules entirely or update their intergovernmental services agreements with each state and PR to remove them.

    BUT that means that a whole lot more people will qualify which will cost a lot of money.

    and that, my friends, will make Mick Mulvaney shit his pants–even if it’s just TX that gets it–because that will add on enough money that they CANNOT DO TAX CUTS through reconciliation.

    the end.

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      Thank you for putting this together.
      It’s profoundly depressing.

      • Panika MCD

        but it is easy to fix and will get rid of the shit sandwich they want to put in all of our stockings for Consumermas.

  • BadKitty904
  • aktlib101

    USA ! MAGA ! Are we there yet? Did we win?
    “Trump turning US into ‘world champion of extreme inequality’, UN envoy warns”
    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/dec/15/america-un-extreme-poverty-trump-republicans

    “Philip Alston, the UN special rapporteur on extreme poverty and human rights, has completed a two-week official tour of the US by releasing an excoriating attack on the direction of the nation. Not only does he warn that the tax bill currently being rushed through Congress will hugely increase already large disparities between rich and poor, he accuses Trump and his party of consciously distorting the shape of American society in a “bid to become the most unequal society in the world”.

    “American exceptionalism was a constant theme in my conversations,” he writes. “But instead of realizing its founders’ admirable commitments, today’s United States has proved itself to be exceptional in far more problematic ways that are shockingly at odds with its immense wealth and its founding commitment to human rights. As a result, contrasts between private wealth and public squalor abound.”

    • SayItWithWookies

      And yet no Republicans are complaining about wealth redistribution. Curious, that.

      • Phried Ω

        Class war is waged in only one direction.

  • TJ Barke

    If I had meatspace friends, we’d be watching the new Star Wars tonight.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Crowds are always bad on opening night. I’m waiting a couple of weeks.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Our plan too.

      • TJ Barke

        Not when you live in bumfuck nowhere.

        • Phried Ω

          We must be neighbors.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          I do. To see a movie requires a lot of planning, a lot of driving, and a lot of dealing with the housemate’s kvetching.

      • h4rr4r

        That was last night.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Really? I must have misread all those ‘Opens December 15th’ ads.
          (Yes, I know they do that. I have no idea why.)

          • h4rr4r

            I did not understand it either, but 10pm last night some of my coworkers went.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Are you out of your mind!!!!!!

        And miss out on the latest iteration of the Flu and the most trendy cold viruses?

        The movie house is the happening place for CRUD!

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          That and airports.

    • Thiazin Red

      I’m going by myself tomorrow.

    • h4rr4r

      Saw it this morning, well worth going.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Does Jar Jar Binks finally get to be the hero? [Ducking]

        • h4rr4r

          Yeah, he kills Khan.

          • JustDon’tSayMoore

            Is Khan the dragon who lived in that mountain?

          • Begin Anew Day

            You mean the Rich Corinthian Leather Mountains?

          • h4rr4r

            Nah, that’s the Master.

          • JustDon’tSayMoore

            Manos libels maybes lameyz…

    • Begin Anew Day

      Are you out of your mind!!!!!

      Don’t you realize how many people with colds and flu will be packed into that room with you?

      You’ll be breathing their contagion for two and one half hours!

      • TJ Barke

        I ain’t afraid o’ no rhinovirus.

  • memzilla Ω

    “Media Could Not Be Played” Error Solution

    Copy and past the tweet’s link to a new browser tab.

    Refresh page; hover mouse over stilframe of tweet; rightclick; menu opens; click “copy link”; then open a new tab, leftclick on the url field
    (to put the focus there), wait for drop-down menu, then select and click
    on “paste and go” in the url field.

  • Gosala

    It’s a small point, I suppose, but one that burns. When someone says that this tax monstrosity doubles the standard deduction, CNN points out

    The bill would scrap the personal exemption but increase the standard deduction to slightly less than double its current level. It would go to $12,000 for an individual or $24,000 for a family.

    So giveth with one hand; taketh with the other.

    This might be of interest

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/13/politics/calculate-americans-taxes-senate-reform-bill/index.html

  • Shan

    I love you guys.

    • Reximus

      mwaaa!

    • We love you too!

    • Count Awesome

      Just curious, but how much have you had to drink?

      • Shan

        About half a bottle of red wine.

        • Count Awesome

          Nice!

        • SDGeoff3

          So, just getting started?

          • JustDon’tSayMoore

            duh. You can’t let a red wine sit around open.

    • drunk…again?

    • Resistor Radio

      Daw, back atcha

    • janecita

      I love you too. What are you drinking? I’m on my second glass of Merlot.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        So, when do you start telling everyone you love them?

        • janecita

          Now, I love you man:-)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I’ll respond more fully after I’ve had time to down a few beers.

          • Suttree

            I literally walked an old lady down the snowy street an hour ago. I really don’t think that I look that trustworthy!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Good for you, my brother. Did you hit her up for a coupla bucks?

          • Suttree

            I got a fiver. Just enough to buy a pint.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            That’s the spirit. Nothing’s free!

          • Gosala

            maybe she saw something deeper? Or maybe she was really in need and just had to hope toy were better than you looked, which you are.

          • Suttree

            She really needed help! I believe that I looked kind of angry though. Today was a rough day. But she picked me out and grabbed me.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            Old ladies are notoriously hard to fool, except maybe on the phone.

          • Begin Anew Day

            Never deprecate yourself for being a decent person. In donnie T’s America it is a vanishing resource.

          • JustDon’tSayMoore

            And I guess Punk has his answer.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      You’ll think again when the booze wears off.

      • Shan

        Jeez, you guys.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Is there no genuine, positive emotion we won’t mock?

          • Suttree

            Nope!

        • Resistor Radio

          So cynical, this lot!

      • Suttree

        If your booze wears off, you should see your local proprietor.

      • aureolaborealis

        If you have a sobriety lasting more than 4 hours, seek professional help, preferably a bartender or liquor-store clerk.

    • Suttree

      You don’t know what love is! You will hurt me just like everyone else! :)

      • Shan

        Well, that sounds like good news.

      • Gosala

        Steady man. You’re in the painful pain of a painful break up, but…

        Shan knows what love is.

        • Shan

          Apparently not.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            Uh-oh. Did I miss something?

        • Suttree

          Hehe! Yeah I am. This all in all isn’t the worst breakup though. I am doing pretty good.

          • William

            If you’re going to break up with someone, do it right before Christmas. You’ll save a shit-load on gifts. The gospel according to disco Stu).

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            Hang on, WHAT breakup? What the hell did I miss?

          • Suttree

            Lizzie broke up with me after she moved to Syracuse.

          • Somewhat Damaged Ron

            Oh, no… I am SO sorry, man. I thought you two really had something together.
            How are you coping?

    • Panika MCD
      • Non-Threatening Ron

        My gods, Yacky Doodle is real!

    • William
    • bbayliss

      ditto

    • armed_bears

      We’ll we are especially lovable.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        You understand you are speaking for yourself, yes?

      • OutOfOrbit

        I donut think I are included

        • Shan

          Shut up!

          • OutOfOrbit

            Ok

    • Begin Anew Day

      OK. Put the martini down and step back from the bar.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Non-Threatening Ron

      The love’s returned, Shan. This place is a little nicer with you in it.

      • Shan

        Thanks. That means a bunch to me right now.

  • ltmcdies

    There’s a squad on onion ninjas …..

    • H0mer0

      for a second I thought one of the fish said ANC and I wondered what beef we have with the African National Congress (if that still exists)

  • HazooToo
  • SDGeoff3

    The annual christmas pageant and chapel service for the school was this morning. It went great, was very cute. Yesterday, the teacher in charge decided to google “angel pictures by children” to find a nice image for the program cover. She came up with the picture here. Very cute.
    As we were passing the picture around, someone said, “did you look closely at this angel? She has a tooth on her gown and a brush in one hand. Honey, you put the Tooth Fairy on here.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8df62b10a86014c55111e10e819872f68767170e231c006570b1379a31c9a32c.jpg

    Sadly, the TF didn’t make the cut, and we got shepherds instead.
    We’re doing the holidays up this year. RESIST those who want to steal your joy!

  • Michael R
    • Count Awesome

      “All the little birdies have been BAD!!!

      • Begin Anew Day

        Go get ’em santa!

    • Suttree

      Brown chicken brown cow!

      • Phried Ω

        and let simmer for four hours.

    • Bananas Foster

      She’s looking for a place to bury the body.

      • SDGeoff3

        Oh thank the goddess for this place. I’m feeing sane again.

      • Found it in my new avi…

  • Suttree

    So it was a bit snowy here on the way home. The bus did a triple fishtail before the driver got it back under control. I was about to make my 2nd and last transfer when an older lady grabbed me and had me walk her to the bank, and then to the diner. That took me about 45 minutes. She kindly gave me a five dollar bill though. Thank you older lady for buying me a pint of vodka.

    • Bananas Foster

      Err, what kind of vodka are your drinking for $5/pint?

    • Begin Anew Day

      May Crom bless you my child with prodigious strength to drink that vodka!

  • William
    • Bananas Foster

      Kitchens usually don’t have carpet…

      So, that is actually joyous tidings!

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Ours always manage to hit the rug, or sometimes the bed linen.

    • Thiazin Red

      Year before last my boyfriend, me and one of the cats all got food poisoning. This was totally our Christmas morning, except with all three of us.

      • William

        You should stop eating cat food. You’re simply playing into Paul Ryans retirement plan.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Every day at my house, not just special occasions. That’s how much they love me.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        it happens rarely enough, and yet somehow frequently enough that its a surprise, but not like a SURPRISING surprise.

        (I may be loopy at the moment).

  • NotReallyHere
  • William
    • Count Awesome

      Barney’s eyes make him look fucking hammered.

      • JustDon’tSayMoore

        Hey, it was a tough job back then.

      • Begin Anew Day

        With Betty in the sack you’d get hammered too!

    • Michael R

      ♫ Deck the rock with pebbles of gravel ♪

    • I sure remember them having a really loooooong house whenever Fred was casing Barney

    • Thiazin Red

      My personal theory is that the show exists in a universe where the cold war went hot in the 50s, and there was massive fallout. The people and the mutant hellbeast animals based their culture around artifacts they found in the debris.

    • Begin Anew Day

      Betty Rubble!

      Hotcha! Is it wrong to lust for Barney’s woman?

      • Thiazin Red

        I think its okay to covet, as long as they aren’t your neighbor.

      • JustDon’tSayMoore

        Also, too, pre-10 Commandments.

        • Begin Anew Day

          That Barney is ONE LUCKY GUY!

      • weighmaster

        I think not, Mr. Master always had a thing for Betty.

  • Panika MCD

    SIDEBAR featuring James White!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/473053459285938176/Vj3lPKsk.jpeg

    State Rep. James White is crazy. like, really crazy. but so is his district. his district is so crazy that he didn’t campaign in the primary he won, but he won that primary because his last name is “White” and they assumed that he was a white guy. when they found out they were wrong, they asked the LOCAL NEWSPAPER to void the election. that is how crazy his district is. and after his first term, they agreed that he was their kind of crazy and they were a little less racist, but no less crazy.

    Rep. White likes to wear a cowboy hat all of the time and filed a bill his first term to have livestreaming videos outside polling locations which is a good way to let the white supremacists know where the not-white people are voting. he’s crazy!

    he’s also not allowed to be anywhere near the budget. that doesn’t mean he didn’t pick up a few things about ESF during floor debates. see, we wanted to use $2 billion ESF (don’t call it a “rainy day fund”, it’s not) for schools in the last budget and by “we” I mean Dems and moderate Rs–or: most of the House and all of the Dems in the Senate. because we had an oil bust and ESF is to level out the budget in years when that happens so that we can still keep the lights on in schools. we did use about $500 million out of it for various things including the $100 million in the Governor’s Disaster Relief Fund. something many people seem to keep missing.

    but he noticed that Sarah Huckabee Sanders was talking shit about us not using ESF yet as if we can just spend it whenever we want. which James White has learned is not a thing we can do. it’s constitutionally dedicated and restricted. it requires a super-majority vote of the legislature to tapp and we are not in session so it is not as easy as saying, “OPEN SESAME” like she wants it to be.

    so he basically told her to go fuck herself on the Tweeters.

    and it was good.

    p.s. we do have a bipartisan call to go back into a special session after the primary to pull some more funding out of ESF because people are finally remembering that we don’t pass the supplemental budget in January during session so we might as well do it now.

    • NotReallyHere

      So, if a black lady runs for president, and her name is Mrs. White, racist wing-nuts will vote for her?

      • Panika MCD

        MAYBE!

      • Panika MCD

        does she have a hat?

        • NotReallyHere

          Does she need to have a hat? I didn’t realize hats need to play a part in this.

          Am I missing an inside joke? This would not be the first time.

          • Panika MCD

            he always wears a cowboy hat…except for recently. I think Harvey may have taken his hat or he donated it to a constituent whose hat was taken by Harvey.

            we should sent James White a hat.

          • NotReallyHere

            Ah, so if Frederica Wilson changes her name to Frederica Wilson White this might work!

          • Panika MCD

            exactly.

          • CripesAmighty

            A BIG church hat.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            ^^^THIS! Some of my friends have awesome church hats.

    • Red Bird

      So what you’re saying is that our last names aren’t descriptive? The Koch brothers will be thrilled to hear that.

      • Panika MCD

        name ID has always been a thing.

  • jaspersdad
    • Count Awesome

      She is the “Shrill Ghost of Christmas Whenever”

    • chortlingdingo

      Maybe you wouldn’t be single if you weren’t a repugnant excuse for a human being, Ann. Also, fuck you. I’m single and I love it.

    • Sophia

      Ryan is suggesting you should have more children but in her case empty desperation is safer for the children. Unfortunately the bitch is never quiet.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Wow. She’s even more pathetic than I thought.

      • SDGeoff3

        Was this the text of Melania’s christmas card this year?

    • Count Awesome

      Ann’s idea of a thrilling Friday night must be a glass of white zin, a Sandra Bullock rom-com, and a vibrator.

      • Paganish

        What’s wrong with that?

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      She’s never had to live with a teenager.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I dunno. Didn’t she date Bill Maher for a while?

    • Gosala

      Poor sad little Ann. Sorry, she’s not lonely and alone because she’s single, she’s single because she’s a cragged and hateful soul.

      • therblig

        they probably have her picture posted at orphanages and adoption agencies with the notation “Tell her that we’re fresh out”

    • janecita

      Ann can have my grumpy teenager and my mouthy ten year old for the weekend, let her experience happy.

      • H0mer0

        it’s only a phase. They will come around.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      maybe this thought will cause her to realize how awful and unlikeable a person she is?

      Nahhhhhh!

    • TootsStansbury

      Sucks to be you. Maybe you shouldn’t have spent your life being horrible. I rejoice in the knowledge of your miserable existence.

    • Red Bird

      What is wrong with her?

      • therblig

        careful, that might be somebody’s PhD thesis in aberrant psychology.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Begin Anew Day

      Hey! Watch it! Some of us are old!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Spent the last few weeks hauling Christmas trees for various friends, but for some inexplicable reason, waited to get mine until today. Lot almost deserted, bored, snotty attendant, pretty sad, forlorn choices left. What a fucking idiot.

    • armed_bears
      • SDGeoff3

        Now I’m calm. That’s nice of you to share this.

      • janecita

        Charlie Brown, my first love:-)

        • H0mer0

          Speed Racer was mine. Android 18 was my son’s.

    • Begin Anew Day

      No need for any of that if you ditch the Abrahamic Cult rites and get behind a winning deity whose name is CROM!

      • Phried Ω

        Saturnalia is the reason for the season.

        • H0mer0

          THANK YOU!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Be nice. It might be the best job he could get…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I was referring to ME!

        • Beanz&Berryz

          :). Merry Xmas!

    • janecita
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Ha! Picking through every tree there, I actually found a decent one buried under all the rejects. It was pretty small, but full and nicely shaped. It was a noble fir, but in a pile of some other, more expensive trees, and the grumpy attendant tried to charge me the higher price.

        • janecita

          Why are you getting a real tree? Don’t you live in Arizona? You should just decorate a cactus and call it a day!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I love Christmas trees. I love the way they look, I love the way they smell, they cheer me up. Back when I used to have a bit more money, I would buy a truckload of Christmas trees and give them to people who couldn’t afford one.

          • Rasilom

            This I like!

          • janecita

            Awww, I’m definitely on my way to tipsy town, that made me teary eyed.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            What an absolutely wonderful thing to do!

    • ariel_gee_398

      In an effort to puppy-proof, my parents have opted for a table top fake tree this year. It’s shedding fake snow everywhere. I bet it could out-forlorn your tree.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Now THAT sounds pretty sad sack. How is the puppy doing? Or, more precisely, how are your folks doing with him? And does he have a name?

        • ariel_gee_398

          He’s good. I spent some time with him and taught him sit and down commands in less than an afternoon. He’s crazy smart. And definitely a handful. His name is Harold. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1791f03aeab472a45b16057871ba482e3042356226c942a9ec0b718904e74305.jpg

          • H0mer0

            SQUEEEEE!
            look that those paw prints! and that snowy mouff!

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            The smart ones are always a handful. But they make THE best companions.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            DAWWWW!. Who’s a good black puppy in the snow?!? And with a little white goatee!. What a cutie. Smart dogs like the challenge of learnin..good for you (although Molly is a bit imperious that way. She does basic commands, but considers any tricks beneath her regal bearing. In 8 years, I’ve taught her “sit”, “stay”, “jump up”, and “beg”). Thanks for the pic.

          • ariel_gee_398

            The other half of the litter look more like Airedales – they’re brown and black with a more wiry coat. I suspect that, given he’s part border collie, he’s going to be up for learning some tricks.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            How big do you think young Harold will get (great name, btw)? Molly is pretty small for an Airedale…53 lbs., though she is very fit and trim. Most Airedales are at least 10 lbs. more, and some of the males can push 80 or 90 lbs. She’s actually about the ideal size for the small house I have. You know I love dogs….keep me updated.

          • ariel_gee_398

            I honestly don’t know – there’s such a mix of breeds in there, it’s almost impossible to guess. He’s just over 3 months now and at or near 20 lbs., so I’d guess he’ll grow up to be between 50 and 60? He’s going to be tall, certainly. I’d guess he’s already at least 15 inches at the shoulder. I told my parents they’re going to have to be a lot more careful about leaving food on the counter, especially chocolate.

          • therblig

            great name. he’ll be a great dog. this was our harold. blig jr named him after the dog in Bunnicula. gone 2 years now, but forever in our hearts. love you, big guy.

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eb44bd7db51da633853b734d225f3f3543acdfc96878428ca92f72d879a0bb30.jpg

    • Sophia
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Yeah….I’ve got one of those too. Without the lights and star.

    • weighmaster

      Back in the day, when phones had cords and not cameras, I cut a piece of green felt into a Christmas tree shape and pinned it to the wall and hung ornaments it.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • Bananas Foster

      Yeah, scientists will react really well to fucking Orwellian rules.

      ETA: “EVIDENCE BASED” AND “SCIENCE BASED” ARE ON THAT LIST!

      So, the next time the CDC has to give a flu alert, it should be…

      Tarot based?!!!!

      • Paperless Tiger

        Oh yeah, and no fair using science. Common sense only!

        • Courser_Resistance

          Also too ‘community standards’ which means any brain-dead zombied, tweaker, kid-diddling trogolodyte can object on the grounds of ‘religious belief’

          Fuck that noise!

    • SisterArtemis

      “fetus?” good lord…

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        I’m fine with that. It’s a gross-sounding word.
        ‘Moist fetus’. Ecch.

    • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

      OH FOR THE SAKE OF FUCK!

    • Resistor Radio

      THE FUCK?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Instead of “fetus” the CDC will adopt the term “abortion candidate”

      • Rasilom

        Oh my fucking Dog! I am laughing so hard at that my sides hurt!!

    • Panika MCD

      is there tweeters for CDC employees who are part of the resistance?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        @alt_CDC was one but they haven’t tweeted since October.

    • TootsStansbury

      So who among us has never set a pile of tires on fire at the end of our cozy lane? Maybe a flaming dumpster pushed at the police line for symbolism.

    • HazooToo

      “At the CDC, several offices have responsibility for work that uses some
      of these words. The National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD,
      and TB Prevention is working on ways to prevent HIV among transgender people and reduce health disparities. The CDC’s work on birth defects caused by the Zika virus includes research on the developing fetus.”

      -sigh-

      • H0mer0

        well now that they’ve destroyed the state department and EPA, they decided to go after public health (fuck!)

        • HazooToo

          They’re not even trying to be subtle about their targets. Not even trying.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh ffs.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Everyone knows these things don’t exist if the word itself is forbidden.

      What the everloving fuck is this? The fucking Spanish Inquisition? Who the fuck censors goddamn SCIENTISTS???

      :::Cue Rage Monster – must go in search of calming substances::::

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        I find that napalm, suitably applied, has excellent calming properties.

    • Panika MCD

      maybe they could just put “[redacted]” wherever those words appear and then Congress will be all, “confidential meeting time!” and they will get the full version.

    • aureolaborealis

      My beloved fundamentalist christian grandfather, who would be a red-hatter if he were still alive, and who was virulently anti-choice, once smugly corrected 12-year-old me when I almost said I had stepped in chicken shit:
      “Grandpa, I just stepped in chicken shi- … chicken stuff.”
      “It’s fetus, Aureolaborealis. Chicken fetus.”

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      ‘Free speech.’ <snickers>

  • HazooToo
    • TootsStansbury

      Well that and the mask rips off.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        True, but this is funnier.

        • TootsStansbury

          It is, because it’s true.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Lawrence O’Donnell was on Ari Melber’s show today andgave a perfect outline of what to expect as this abominable tax plan is rushed through by the Republicans to placate their owners.
    It will be rammed through and the stock market, temporarily, will rise quickly and Trump and the GOPers will crow. In the background the deficits will begin to balloon.
    There will be a little, but very little, tax relief for the middle class up front and it will be temporary. Many will actually see their taxes go up.
    The public will begin to see millions lose their health insurance.
    The trickle down won’t come. It never has and never will. There will be no great job creation because of the giveaway to the 1%.
    Republicans will seek to address the deficits by beginning an assault on entitlements: Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid….etc.
    A public that was already turning against the GOP will throw them out in 2018 / 2020.
    Democrats, when strong enough, will take power and have to raise taxes to address the out of control deficits left by the Republican ‘fiscally responsible’ con artists.
    Republicans will immediately start screaming: “See! See! We told you they’d raise your taxes and spend, spend, spend. You have to vote for us to stop this!”
    The cycle begins all over again.

    http://s.quickmeme.com/img/d9/d95be3eab1f9997328f8ec9df4226b72e62e79b6976a79691d14d4b77922001b.jpg

    • bbayliss

      It’s called “starve the beast” and it ain’t new.

      • Bill D. Burger

        That’s just depriving the federal government of revenue in a deliberate effort to force it to reduce spending. It’s only the first part of their process here. For all intents there is little political strategy here other than a robbery with the intent on regaining the power that’s lost .

    • Phried Ω

      The continuing resolution expires next Friday and the budget ceiling will hit the fan in January. This should be fun to watch how this is a democrat crisis.

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      I want to see the Dow crash like a Steinway from a 50th-story window.

    • OutOfOrbit

      A stone block can’t be taught to roll up hill

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      What about all the bigly infrastructure spending?

      Now that the deficit will grow, we won’t be able to spend on infrastructure except to sell it off.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Since China will undoubtedly own most of our debt, perhaps they will help.
        Donny will “make a deal” with em’! A bigly deal! No? ;)

        • Red Bird

          I hope that deal includes selling him and his family to a wealthy Chinese businessman.

          • I think the Russians already own them, but maybe they’d be willing to knock a few rubles off the price.

          • Red Bird

            I may be wrong but the USA knows a few things about selling people from one country to another.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            For scrap.

  • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

    Well damn, I was hoping for some big Jared news today.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Me also, too.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Anything Mueller but … crickets

    • Count Awesome

      “Jared Kushner is still in n over his head. Film at 11.”

    • Paperless Tiger

      Well, he did hire a crisis manager, so that may be a tip-off.

      • suziq

        oooh, Olivia Pope is going to be busy!

        • Count Awesome

          A jew hiring a Pope…

      • OrG

        Yeah,I’ve NEVER hired a crisis manager.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Huh. He already has a WH pr person dedicated just to him. Why would he need an outside legal one unless his situation is changing soon? https://t.co/UPfFSn9l5H— Matthew Miller (@matthewamiller) December 15, 2017

  • Michael R

    You would have expected this :

    Putin’s allies pump millions into GOP campaigns through proxies —
    thanks to Citizens United

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/putins-russian-allies-pump-millions-into-gop-campaigns-through-proxies-thanks-to-citizens-united/?comments=disqus

    • Thiazin Red

      Just a series of weird coincidences, just like everyone in his campaign meeting with Russians. It just happens.

      • Count Awesome

        “We can’t keep track of EVERY illegal thing we do.”

    • I recall President Obama warning us about that in a State of the Union speech and justice fucking Alito mouthing, “not true”.

      Eat a salted one Justice Alito.

      • SkinlessGenderlessMan

        “No, here….take the whole bag…”

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • OrG

      I’d start doing that NOW.

    • aureolaborealis

      I hate to be that guy, but they’ll have a veto to contend with.

  • Dazza
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      squee-tastic!!!

    • janecita

      SQUEE!!

    • miss_grundy

      Happy Birthday, Winnie!!!

    • H0mer0

      wow! TWO cakes we like!

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    hola homies!

    What am I blissfully unaware of today?

    (kidding, I’ll get some decaf and check out the new posts, just wanted to say hi!)

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Buenas noche!

    • Roni Raven, Sweet Lump

      You’ll want something stronger than decaf, I’m afraid.

    • HazooToo
      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        ya know, I’m literally worthless in the kitchen, but that’s just plain stupid.

        (It did make me laugh though, thanks!)

      • aureolaborealis

        I used to be married to someone who would ad-lib ingredients when she didn’t have what was called for. Like, if the thing she needed was a white powder, she’d use another white powder. Out of baking powder? Who wouldn’t substitute arrowroot powder? She wasn’t stupid, but goddamn, I should have divorced her the first time that happened.

        • HazooToo

          Cocaine is basically the same thing as enriched flour, right?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Christmas Surprise Video via Facebook (it’s safe except for onion ninjas)

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I delivered a big cherry conference table I built to a client today; a guy who runs a financial planning firm. Actually a decent sort, but one of the most staid, humorless people I’ve ever met in my life. As I was finishing up, he started going “wait, it’s too high, it’s TOO HIGH!”. I looked up, aghast, knowing it was exactly the dimensions we agreed on. He winked at me and laughed. Now I’m wondering if he was drunk.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      lol, i could have SWORN the giggling ladies in the elevator today who were wearing ugly christmas sweaters and taking pictures with their compatriots smelled a bit of red wine.

    • If i had a dollar…..

      Congrats for the commission, brother.

  • Bananas Foster

    So, I had an interesting interaction here earlier where someone thought I couldn’t possibly joke about mental illness because I’m a mental health professional…

    Heh.

    • miss_grundy

      I bet you have a lot of interesting stories.

      • Bananas Foster

        I do. Some funny. Some strange.

        Some heartbreaking.

        Which is why humor is absolutely necessary.

    • Humor is a way of dealing with things. Having worked in medical research, I have a sense of humor that is best described as “twisted.” Morbid works as well.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Sometimes the choice is between laughing or crying.

    • janecita

      Dude, you definitely need to have a sense of humor to work with special needs population!

      • H0mer0

        IK,R? I think the only thing keeping my psychiatrist from calling me bipolar is that he likes my jokes.
        In one of the Exorcist movies, there was a sign that read something like
        “A psychotic is a neurotic who is more neurotic than his psychiatrist.”

  • Jenny

    Haven’t seen the new Star Wars yet. Will see on my birthday next week.

    However, it appears it has ruined every angry white dude’s childhood. So, it sounds like it is probably pretty good? 👍

    • Apple Scruff

      Well, the two main characters are a girl and a black guy, so…

      • h4rr4r

        The best part to me is these characters are too busy for a crappy love story.

        • Apple Scruff

          I think it’ll eventually happen, though. And I’m all for it ;)

          • h4rr4r

            I am just glad some movies aren’t trying to be everything for everyone.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Which new one? they seem to have 3 or 4 every year

      • Jenny

        Ha! I was just audio booking one of the new journey to Last Jedi books. And I’m watching Rogue One again. I don’t mind new Star Wars :)

        • h4rr4r

          Rogue One might actually be the best star wars film. That or Empire.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I hear really really good things about it

    • Courser_Resistance

      All I’m hearing is great things. And I bought a ticket to see it today and I forgot to go. Bah!

      • OutOfOrbit

        unpossible!!!

        • Courser_Resistance

          Nope, I got wrapped up in another project and worked partway through it. Bummer.

          • OutOfOrbit

            Well, I go to big screen like every 2 – 3 years so YOOGE deal

    • Travalanche

      Saw it last night, and sure, there’s stuff to nitpick…

      But you know what? I loved it.

    • h4rr4r

      This white dude loved it.

      Way better than the prequels. I hope Disney remakes them.

      The prequels shat on my childhood.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      didn’t the last one do that too? And the rereleases?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will end up drunk, sunburned and bored.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/86086336a75e6d756ee63338e3f808342a672639706445cfc50023567fad9050.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      True fishermen never get bored.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Don’t laugh at the boy. There could be salmon in there!

      https://media.giphy.com/media/cb42FNGrfJhaE/giphy-downsized-large.gif

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Is it wrong that that’s making me hungry?

        • aureolaborealis

          Probably. I could be wrong, but they look like water-marked chum to me. They call them dog salmon, because they were traditionally used as dog food. Not good eating, though the industry has been pushing hard to rebrand them as keta salmon, which might seem exotic and yummy to people who don’t know better. They fight like hell, though, so fly-fishing for them can be fun, though hard on gear.

    • Bananas Foster

      Trump’s EPA turns Superfund sites into a way to feed the homeless.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    Update from our friend Jennifer R: she’s OK, still kicking.

    • OrG

      What happened?

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Not fair to relate a personal email, but she’s still around and OK. Just not here ATM.

        • Courser_Resistance

          Thanks for the update! Give her our best if you’re in contact

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            I said that everyone misses her, so you’re covered ;)

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Glad to hear it. Thanks.

    • HazooToo

      I have missed much more news from you guys than from the world at large!

    • Red Bird

      I hope she hasn’t picked up any weird habits like wearing pants.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Oh, good. She sorta evaporated there.
      And I STILL haven’t heard back from Anna, which makes me nervous.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I talked to her today she said she’s ok.

        • Somewhat Damaged Ron

          Oh, good. I tried emailing but never got a reply. Don’t know if she changed her address or if I’d done something to upset her.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I’ll admit I was worried too, what with all the molestation scandals and the holidays. I realized that she hasn’t been back since the last dust-up when some of the boys mistook her for a troll. I don’t have the right to share the email she gave me w/o consent but can you tell me the first two letters of the email address and I’ll tell you if it is the same as the one she gave me?

          • Somewhat Damaged Ron

            ae
            And thanks.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Yes. That is it, she told me that is her real mail account. I will tell her you were asking about her. I don’t think it is a violation of trust to tell you she is depressed and said she has been sleeping a lot. I gave her a link to my latest mod to try and get her thinking about being creative again. I love her miniatures.

          • Somewhat Damaged Ron

            Thanks. I appreciate it, a LOT.
            I do understand the depression. I wish there was some way of showing her that it’s the things she can do that are important, not what other people say or think. Whoever took a baseball bat to her self-esteem… well, it’s Christmas, best left unsaid.
            She does have a talent for miniature figures. I’m hoping I can trade some of the 1/48 scale armour she prefers for some painting services, as I will NEVER be as good at it as she is.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I bet that might help, being needed is important. Being creative has helped pull me out of depressing times. I can tell her about your offer if you like, it might help her,as work is therapeutic.

          • Somewhat Damaged Ron

            I’d appreciate it. I did mention it in my last email, but perhaps she hasn’t been reading them much. (I get the same way.)
            And I owe you bigly for this.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Not at all, I hope it will give her a sense of being needed. I would like to wait a day or so because I don’t want her to feel like I am bugging her.

          • Somewhat Damaged Ron

            Oh, by all means. Knowing she’s at least still talking to people is a great weight off.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ‘Hit ain’t over…..yyyyyyou’ LIBS!

    [Moore tells supporters ‘battle is not over’ in Senate race
    The Associated Press
    DECEMBER 15, 2017 07:54 PM

    UPDATED 1 MINUTE AGO

    MONTGOMERY, ALA.
    Alabama Republican Roy Moore on Friday told supporters that the “battle is not over” in Alabama’s Senate race even though President Donald Trump and others have called on him to concede.

    Moore sent a fundraising email to supporters asking for contributions to his “election integrity fund’ so he could investigate reports of voter fraud.

    “I also wanted to let you know that this battle is NOT OVER!” ]

    Grifter gonna’ grift! It’s what Alabama Jesus would want. Ramen!

    http://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/national-politics/article190092814.html

    • OrG

      P.T. Barnum is blushing from beyond the grave.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      His grift-tastic bullshit has always worked in the past. Why stop now?

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      like law and christianity, Moore doesn’t know how elections work.

    • Left Coast Tom

      It’s all over but the grifting.

    • Juan de Fuca

      The dustbin of history stopped right in front of your house, Roy, and is waiting for you to jump in.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Hey, he stole my idea!
      – Jill Stein

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      More and more people are saying it would be a terrific match.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        He doing great things.

        • Left Coast Tom

          Coulter, on the other hand, isn’t doing great things.

    • Red Bird

      I thought she was saving herself for Milo.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Now my brain hurts.

        • Red Bird

          That’s what she said?

      • jesterpunk

        I thought she was FWB with Bill Mahar?

    • Bananas Foster

      Your

      You’re

      Is it worth divorcing over?

      • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

        Give Fred a break. He’s been out of circulation for a while but trying to get back into the swing of things.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Sophia

      Huh?

    • jesterpunk

      “If we dont support a pedophile then Trump will be impeached”

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        “And we don’t get a shitty tax cut package which will actually hurt us”

        • jesterpunk

          “And the terrorists will win”

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            In this particular context, I say, yay terrorists.
            <waves to all the nice NSA guys who have suddenly started to read this article>

          • jesterpunk

            Good thing comments are not allowed here or you might be in trouble.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Makes perfect sense to me.

    • TJ Barke

      This is because they’re stupid and amoral.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Isn’t that their tagline?

  • HazooToo
    • Red Bird

      Clownboy?

      • HazooToo

        YEEHONK!!!!

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          PARPNER!

        • TJ Barke

          Oh no! Hazoo’s caught a memetic vir- YEEHONK!

          • HazooToo

            It’s spreading save yourselves yeehonk

    • Bananas Foster

      Er, foxy-mulder… Is that like a millennial trying to make an X-Files joke?

      • HazooToo

        Yeehonk! Say it say yeehonk

        • Miss Dill

          That’s the sound a donkey makes…

          • HazooToo

            I dun wanna cross a clownboy with a donkey

  • Ωbjectifier
  • Treg Brown
  • Sophia

    This fucking guy, GRRRR

    Trump hosted the NRA at the White House on the anniversary of Sandy Hook massacre

    Not only did Donald Trump not tweet out messages of condolences for families who lost loved ones five years ago on Thursday at the Sand Hook gun massacre in Connecticut, and not only did White House press secretary Sarah Sanders on that day insist there’s simply nothing that can be done to battle American epidemic of gun violence, but Trump himself managed to insult the Sandy Hook families in another appalling way.

    In a craven display of collective indifference, Trump hosted Wayne LaPierre, the controversial head of the NRA, at the White House on Thursday night, as families and friends of the elementary school gun massacre were remembering the victims of the horrific killing spree.

    https://shareblue.com/trump-hosted-the-nra-at-the-white-house-on-the-anniversary-of-sandy-hook-massacre/

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh ffs.

      I love y’all, but it may be time to go kill some videogame zombies.

      • Sophia

        Get some for me.

      • Smoke O’Hontas

        Having my brains eated by zombies doesn’t seem like the worst option after this past year.
        I will continue my war on weak brain cells with a nice IPA in your absence. Cheers!

        • OutOfOrbit

          Pants off and bottoms up

          • Smoke O’Hontas

            That better be a promise, not a threat…

            As we say in the Shire.

      • Gosala

        Who will think of Bub?

      • jesterpunk

        I find Assassin’s Creed much more relaxing. Jumping from high up onto 2 people and stabbing them in the head is fun and takes care of some of that stress.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          i had it the first one on my Mac, but never seemed to get into it. Then again, I generally don’t like stealth games, what with me completely lacking any kind of hand/eye coordination (and patience).

          I like the mad chaos (i.e. Borderlands 2 and the TPS)

          • jesterpunk

            The first one kind of sucks. The second one on are much better. Its not all stealth you can run up to people and fight them too if you want but they may outnumber you pretty quickly.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            i really wanna try the pirate one, but without a job and the resulting paycheck…

          • jesterpunk

            I just finished that one before work today. I got it at gamestop for $10 used.

    • OutOfOrbit

      If I could [banhammer] I would [banhammer]

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I’d [banhammer] in the morning. I’d [banhammer] at evening.

    • JohnBull

      There it is–our shitbag mistake of a president mocking gun violence victims. Kids, no less. That is exactly what he’s doing. It’s not a coincidence at all. Sometimes I wonder if Trump himself doesn’t fantasize about mowing down his political enemies then go golfing and top off the day by fucking his daughter.

      When they close the book on this country in a half century, after it’s divided into six different countries, I hope future generations can learn something, but I’m not holding my breath.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I hope all those babby-lovin’ value voters are proud he’s their POTUS.

    • Bitter Scribe

      I can’t believe no one in the White House tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Uh, Mr. President…”

      This is the most crass individual ever.

      • Sophia

        Apparently they do tap him on the shoulder, he just doesn’t listen. Heard that somewhere on a “fake news” show this morning.

        • Cat Cafe

          I think the NRA tapped him on the shoulder, or Putin, and he went DO YOU GUYS THINK I’M COOL? COME OVER TO MY HOUSE!

      • jesterpunk

        They did, unfortunately it was the NRA and other gun groups that did it. There was a link in this mornings wonkagenda saying one of the groups wants to get rid of background checks all together.

      • therblig

        that was omarosa’s job. now they see how much she actually did.

    • jesterpunk
    • Cat Cafe

      This is just confirming my theory, that the NRA has ties to Russia (who would be delighted to have us all slaughter ourselves and save them the trouble). It’s all part of the same bullshit. Trump might just as well be hosting Stalin or Goebbels at this point.

  • memzilla Ω

    You know that contest that Hemingway won for telling a whole story in six words (google Hemingway baby shoes)?
    Here’s my submission:

    “Speaker Ryan? Bob Mueller, line one.”

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Please let this be the nonfiction catagory.

  • HazooToo
    • Bitter Scribe

      That doesn’t actually look very comfortable for the dog.

      • HazooToo

        He doesn’t seem to be unhappy about it, though!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “The things I do for Love…”
        -Dog

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          Dog”Yay, owner wants to stretch my face!”
          Cat: “Have a stroke and Ill make sure to eat your lips and eyelids first!”

          • therblig

            my kitty noko marie loves the smushy face when i take her whole face in my hand and repeatedly squeeze. she’s weird but she loves only me.

    • Michael R
  • Bitter Scribe

    The Oxford English Dictionary word of the year is “youthquake,” which means something like a phenomenon inspired or carried forward by young people.

    I never heard of it before, but then I am An Old. Anyone else?

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar

    A Christmas card to make you lose your lunch. https://twitter.com/roweafr/status/941830523898306560

  • Moebym of the Returners

    I’m joining my friend for canvassing tomorrow morning. There’s not much work to do at this point, 11 months before the mid-terms, other than to gauge the level of interest in the election and opposition to Trump in potential voters. I figured he could use someone to chat with while walking from door to door, and I could definitely use the exercise. It would also serve to make me more comfortable with the idea of canvassing, since I was not keen on it in 2016.

    My core group of friends here met during the Hillary campaign, and we were all new to the arena of Democratic political activism before the 2016 election season. It definitely served as a watershed moment in each of our lives, starting all of us on the path to becoming lifelong activists. The friend I’m joining tomorrow is probably the most passionate and driven among us, and some of his enthusiasm has rubbed off on the rest of us. It’s sad to say that, if it weren’t for him, I’d not have done nearly as much as I have.

    He never misses an opportunity to rally support from people he meets who oppose Trump, and he was one of the first to sign on to volunteer when we found out that one of the people who ran the office last year is returning to run another operation in the same area for 2018. As it’s a year out from a mid-term, they have very few volunteers at this time, and not much to work from in terms of a data. But hey, acorns and oak trees and such.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Tell me more about the acorns.

    • Dazza

      Well done, Moebym. When I canvassed for the marriage equality survey here in Oz, the organisers had us make two visits – spaced weeks apart. The first was a ‘get out the vote’ campaign but it gave us a chance to gauge public feeling for our return visit. We were instructed to approach probable ‘no’ responders with a peaceful ‘why do you feel that way’ empathetic listening response. Then we had case studies of how marriage equality would affect LGTBQI people who are like them in background and upbringing. Judging from the end result – that was a mighty successful approach.

      Good luck. And thank you.

  • House0fTheBlueLights
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    I remember when tattoos, piercings, etc were punk rock:

    https://twitter.com/indbio/status/941833762433777664

    • HazooToo

      Things like this make me wish I hadn’t read so much science fiction and I could be excited instead of mildly alarmed

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        You will be assimilated.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Resistance is futile

    • Count Awesome

      It’s like “Tron”.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Though with less Jeff Bridges.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          You can never have too little Jeff Bridges.

    • BoatOfVelociraptors

      About damn time. I want to tap into everything!

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      When I was small my mother would say, ‘Wash your hands, they’re probably covered with bacteria.’ I’m not entirely sure how this differs from handling frogs down in the creek.

    • jesterpunk

      That sounds like a pretty cool and useful tattoo.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m scared for her, sometimes, but I kind of revel in her audacity.

  • Michael R
    • OutOfOrbit

      Will someone plz plant this (dim) bulb?

    • Gosala

      Jesus wept

    • therblig

      jesus thinks you’re a sumbitch

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Here’s what happens if Roy Moore never concedes to Doug Jones

      Short Answer – Jones still wins and is certified as the winner by January 3rd.
      https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/what-happens-if-roy-moore-never-concedes-to-doug-jones/

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        2. Moore remains the pissy old crank he always was.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • jesterpunk

    Hey you “economically anxious” Trump voters especially the retired ones. How do you like this winning?

    https://shareblue.com/trump-tells-gop-hed-gut-social-security-on-the-first-day-of-his-second-term/

    A Republican congressman has revealed that Donald Trump confessed that he plans to push cuts to Social Security and Medicare “on the first day of his second term.”

    The revelation came after the unnamed congressman met with several reporters on Capitol Hill, discussing the underlying plans behind Trump’s long-term thinking, Business Insider reports.

    Trump “told a Republican member of Congress that he was willing to go after Social Security and other entitlement programs at the beginning of his second term.” The comment was made away from the intense glare of public scrutiny, where he would be lambasted for going after these popular programs.

    But it does echo ideas that have been consistently promoted by House Speaker Paul Ryan, who has had the social safety net in his targets for years.

    Ryan recently told a radio show host that after shoving through the unpopular tax scam bill, with its carve-outs for the ultra-wealthy, he hopes to attack Medicare and Social Security in the next legislative session.

    Ryan audaciously claimed that “it’s the health care entitlements that are the big drivers of our debt,” just as he is pursuing legislation that will drastically increase the deficit, possibly by $1 trillion.

    Ryan noted that Trump agreed with him on the initiative, and boasted that “this has been my big thing for many, many years.”

    “When Donald Trump launched his campaign, he pledged to the American people that he would not cut Medicare or Social Security,” Andrew Bates, deputy communications director for American Bridge, said in a statement to Shareblue Media. “Now, less than one year into his administration, we’re learning that as Trump tries to pass tax cuts for the wealthy that sell-out the middle class, he’s also having private conversations with members of Congress about breaking both of those major promises to the country.”

    You had better get those bootstraps ready.

    • Count Awesome

      The bootstraps are for eating, right?

    • HazooToo

      The concept than any living human, in any party, had any belief that Trump was telling the truth about that… is not fitting in my skull.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I’m not getting the bootstraps ready, I’m stocking up on pitchforks and torches.

      • jesterpunk

        Lets make sure he isnt in office in 2020.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Let’s make sure he’s not in office in 2018.

          • jesterpunk

            That works even better for me.

    • Maclare’s Colosseum O’Crap🏛️

      “on the first day of his second term.”
      “Trump’s long-term thinking”

      Umm…

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i really want people to pants this guy, just every where he goes…constant pantsing, make him start wearing fishing waders whenever he leaves the house.

    • Red Bird

      Looks like Zimmerman still supports violence against black people. Who is Omar Navarro ?

      • James

        Navarro is the Republican running for her seat.

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          He has the perfect educational qualifications for a GOP Candidate.

          Essentially none.

          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/603d9632f95c1b0bca033739f2ecbf3077af5d4c0905b1998088b706bc60cafb.png

          • James

            To be fair, I only have a high school education, and am elected to my town council in an uber-red area.

            Education isn’t necessarily what it takes to make policy. Listening to experts is what it takes. That’s kind of why conservatives despise experts.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            Listening is another thing they seem to despise. Unless they’re calls to the effect of, “More campaign money, Mr. Candidate?”

    • Dazza

      What a jerk.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        Jerks won’t have him. Cheapens their brand.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      What a fucking toddler–

      –no, scratch that. I’ve known toddlers with more dignity and maturity than that asshole FFS.

    • Juan de Fuca

      There’s way too much stupid to unpack in that post but the fact that George Zimmerman got the person he’s being an asshole towards mixed up with another black person says all I need to know about Zimmerman and Chucky Johnson. Racist dipshits.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      “Now THAT’S fucking creepy.” – Harvey Weinstein

  • HazooToo
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Some folks can do that naturally, without additional instrumentation

      • Dazza

        Are you bragging?

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Only after beans.

      • HazooToo

        WoooOOOooo, aren’t we fancy, with our natural butt-flutes! ELITIST!

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      somebody get shanz’s spray bottle “NO” pic.

      • Arolpin

        Someone tell me where I can order this! I have a white elephant party to attend!

        • Parakeetist

          Do not explain to me what that means.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            see, and I thought I was the only one who didn’t know.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            It’s not so bad. Just “Gag gifts.”

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_elephant_gift_exchange

          • Arolpin

            It’s nothing terrible, but a party where everyone brings a weird gift, you grab a wrapped gift, and then you try to switch gifts if you don’t like yours. Every one has different rules about swapping gifts, and they’re all strange.

      • Johnatx

        How did it go with your assignment?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          dunno, turned it. He flipped through it and said he’d look at it.

          Now I get to stress about it…all weekend.

          Fun. /s
          (and thank you for asking).

          • Johnatx

            It’ll be fine. You could take a shot at doing some polishing. Or, just wait for feedback. Stressing will just whack you out. Cold out there? Guess we get cold tonight. Rain tomorrow. Maybe freezing precipitation in the Hill Country

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            honestly, I shoudl resign myself to hte fact that he’s not going to LOVE IT! My first time writing for him, a supervisor, on a straightforward but not necessarily simple motion. I expect the red pen will come out an that’s okay. : D

            It is cold! It’s funny cause it’s pleasant walking in the sun and then as soon as you get into the shadow of a building or whatever, the temperature drops like 10 degrees…you can’t decide if you need the jacket or sweater or not!

    • Johnatx

      Wow

    • IdiotsforPalin
    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      don’t let Gwyneth see this.

      • OutOfOrbit

        I donut think my heart could take it

    • Are they trying to beat out Japan in the WTF? category?

      • HazooToo

        That’s unpossible!

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails
      • therblig

        could be a sackbut

  • Red Bird

    Just finishing a Christmas movie with an old Andie McDowell. Just the right level of corney and predictably.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Comfort flicks.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Dazza

      Correction: Republican members of Congress. #NotAllCongresscritturs

    • Brother Barber has sparked me to drive 3+ hours each way (on a work day) to raise hell for justice here in N.C. and elsewhere.

      Reverend Barber is a golden soul.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        I am a member of Moral Mondays Georgia and I’ve had the good fortune to hear Rev Dr Barber speak.

        • He is a leader for all that is good and we’re lucky to have him at this time.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Ah but what’cha gonna do?

    • h4rr4r

      Amen

  • jesterpunk

    As if we needed more proof that Uber is evil.

    https://www.theverge.com/2017/12/15/16782138/uber-jacobs-letter-wiretap-fraud-theft-hacking

    Last month, details emerged about a secretive unit within Uber dedicated to stealing trade secrets, surveilling competitors, using self-destructing messages, and dodging government regulators. The accusations came from a former member of Uber’s security team, Ric Jacobs, whose 37-page letter detailing all of Uber’s shady behavior was sent to Uber’s management earlier this year. Prior to today, only snippets of the letter have been read aloud in court. Now, a redacted copy of the letter is public as part of the ongoing litigation between Uber and Waymo, the self-driving unit of Alphabet. And it’s a doozy.

    The so-called “Jacobs letter” has become the latest twist in the high-profile case between two tech giants over the future of self-driving cars. Its incendiary content caps off a disastrous year for Uber, which has suffered a series of self-inflicted scandals that has upended its senior leadership and raised the prospect of criminal penalties.

    At first glance, the Jacobs letter an incredibly detailed accounting of multiple unlawful actions by the ride-hail company. He alleges that Uber’s secretive Strategic Services Group (SSG) “frequently engaged in fraud and theft, and employed third-party vendors to obtain unauthorized data or information.” He also accuses Uber security officers of “hacking” and “destruction of evidence related to eavesdropping against opposition groups.” And he says Uber’s ex-CEO Travis Kalanick knew about a lot of it.

    Another Uber employee, Nicholas Gicinto, along with SSG, conducted “virtual operations impersonating protesters, Uber partner-drivers, and taxi operators.” These Uber security employees went to great lengths to hide their surveillance activities from the authorities, Jacobs says. They used computers not purchased by Uber that ran on Mi-Fi devices, so the traffic wouldn’t appear on Uber’s network. They also used virtual public networks and “non-attributable architecture of contracted Amazon Web Services” to further conceal their efforts, Jacobs alleges. Who were they surveilling? Jacobs says SSG’s targets included “politicians, regulators, law enforcement, taxi organizations, and labor unions in, at a minimum, the US.”

    • Panika MCD

      I already hate them.

    • Nothing good can ever come from any organization with a ‘secretive unit’.

  • Gosala

    For no reason

    What the Mouse Said
    The world is large and I am small
    I cannot hope to eat it all
    I poke, I peek, I prod, I look
    Why, once I even wrote a book
    But the vast is vaster yet
    And I am less for all I get

  • Cat Cafe

    So, this thing with Trump hosting the NRA on the Sandy Hook anniversary? It seems so clear to me Trump is doing this ON PURPOSE. He’s a wretched, brutal, awful, hateful person and decent people keep failing to understand the depths of his barbarism. He is hosting Eichmann to celebrate the concentration camps. He supports murder. I keep saying this, but the tapes, when they do finally come out, are going to be nothing so benign as pee hookers.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Even if TRMP isn’t doing it and his keepers are, it is still a heinous blot on his administration. As time goes on, I think that the man is even more of a puppet than Reagan. And more demented.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        While he’s not smart enough to think of thee things, I’m sure they explain it have him sign off. WHich means the only part he’s not guilty of is being bright enough to come up with the idea.

        • Tishalicious

          It’s possible, but I remember what he did to Spicer at the Vatican. All of his intellectual energy goes to Spite.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            That’s true, he’s certainly not lacking in cruelty and petty spite

      • Cat Cafe

        Yes, of course. And I would so totally agree–he’s far, far, far worse than Reagan. Reagan would never have eagerly sought the approval of an enemy state because he liked having his fee-fees soothed. He was never a traitor.

    • aktlib101

      Trump is not that bright, in fact his intellect appears below mediocre, below average IQ (evident from writing, sentence forming, coherence of ideas, etc). Just like with GW Chimpy some years ago, his handler (Bannon or potentially Putin) is/are probably the one coming up with all these distasteful ways to antagonize everyone (the press, the libs, the FBI, etc)

  • What I love most about being Canadian is that we can always rely on each other to get a dig in on Americans… even if we have to get married and order a cake from a bakery to do it…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/12/15/gay-cake_a_23308704/

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Funny, though I wouldn’t want to eat that as it looks like a work of art that should be preserved.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      That is one gay cake. And probably tastes delicious. Because it was made with love.

    • Ghoti

      Per the millennial offspring: “Oh I don’t know. I don’t see any glitter.”

      Fair point.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        You can’t eat glitter.

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    Not watching the video, sorry.