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He’s as mad as heck

Wait hold up, is this the SECOND TIME IN TWO DAYS we have had a headline about Mike Huckabee being fuller of deep-fried badger shit than the buffet table at the Huckabee family reunion? It is! And here y’all probably were thinkin’ he had fallen into a diabetic coma a couple years back and you forgot to send a Get Well Soon card.

Huckabee went to the Fox News to say another stupid, about the horseshit made-up right-wing plot to undermine the Robert Mueller investigation, which is that Peter Strzok, a guy who used to work for Robert Mueller, sent VERY NORMAL texts to his FBI girlfriend during the campaign about how Donald Trump is an idiot and a disaster and unfit for the presidency. GOP idiots want us to think these are radical opinions, as opposed to opinions based in fact and shared by all patriotic Americans with three numbers in their IQ scores. (No really, Trump’s approval rating is 32%, and among those with a college degree that number drops to 30%, with a full 66% hating Trump’s dumb fucking ass. He’s even starting to lose Fox News viewers.)

The fact Mueller fired Strzok the second he heard about these sexts is not relevant to Huckabee/Fox News/GOP idiots, because that would undermine the case their feeble brains are trying to make.

Let us see what Bubba Dipshit has to say about TEXT MESSAGES and COUPS, lovingly transcribed by Media Matters:

MIKE HUCKABEE: [Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein] can hide behind the fact that, “Well, we’re still investigating.” Fine. But at some point we’ve got to turn the lights on here, and the lights so far don’t look real good for the Justice Department. And when you, first of all, have a couple of people who signed up to be on the Mueller investigation who were lovers …

LOVERS. Like with the “P” and the “V” and everything!

… and you wonder about the interoffice policy about that kind of thing. Secondly, who has time to exchange 10,000 texts?

Oh grandpa.

And they weren’t simple political opinions. These were texts that went into great detail, speaking of the president in the most incredibly vile, vulgar way, and even talking about how they want to make sure there is an insurance plan to see that he doesn’t get elected. Sandra, this is way beyond a political opinion. This is an intent to stage what essentially amounts to a coup d’etat of the highest elected office in the United States of America.

A COUP! A literal TEXT MESSAGE COUP featuring two people who are boning saying Donald Trump is a piece of shit! Is political sexting even legal in America?

Huckabee added that “this stuff smells worse than a feed lot at a hog farm,” so if you were about to whine at us for making fun of asshole’s Southern colloquialisms, why don’t you pre-emptively get off our also-Arkansan dick?

The host, Sandra Smith, noted with alarm that Peter Strzok STILL WORKS AT THE FBI in human resources, which means CONSPIRACY!111!!!!1, because apparently she doesn’t know HR is where careers go to die.

Anyway, we write this LOL post about Mike Huckabee to explore one of the sexts these idiots are seizing on, which said this:

“I want to believe the path you threw out for consideration in Andy’s office — that there’s no way he gets elected — but I’m afraid we can’t take that risk,” wrote Strzok. “It’s like an insurance policy in the unlikely event you die before you’re 40.”

Jonathan Chait points out at New York Magazine that it’s really hard to tell what the hell Strzok was talking about there without the necessary context of seeing the texts around it, and DOJ isn’t letting us do that. But, Chait explains, we can do some deductive reasoning based on what was going on at the FBI at the time, as it was openly investigating Hillary Clinton, while being SHHHHHH about how it was also investigating Trump campaign ties to Russia, in the middle of election season:

… [T]he Bureau’s mind-set at the time does provide a context that would seem to explain what he wrote. The FBI was internally justifying its disparate treatment of the two candidates on the grounds that Trump stood no chance of success. That was the conclusion of the New York Times’ deep dive from April explaining why [James] Comey allowed Clinton to be treated as a putative criminal but not Trump. “In my mind at the time, Clinton is likely to win,” Comey aide Michael Steinbach told the paper. “It’s pretty apparent. So what happens after the election, in November or December? How do we say to the American public: ‘Hey, we found some things that might be problematic. But we didn’t tell you about it before you voted’? The damage to our organization would have been irreparable.”

That assumption, “there’s no way he gets elected,” is the one Strzok criticized in his offending text. The policy he appears to have been arguing against is one of treating Clinton more harshly than Trump on the grounds that Trump was bound to lose anyway. Of course, we now know Strzok’s concern about a Bureau strategy premised on Trump losing for sure was completely correct.

He was trying to protect the integrity of the FBI for all eventualities, and refusing to engage in the wishful thinking of “THERE’S NO WAY TRUMP WILL GET ELECTED!” And now we are in the precise situation Strzok was worried about, where Trump — by some combination of dumb luck, Russia, the Electoral College, Russia, the FBI’s actual bias against Hillary Clinton during the campaign, and also too Russia — got elected, and the great swath of Americans who don’t read Mother Jones or Wonkette had no clue Trump was LITERALLY UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR CONSPIRING WITH AN ENEMY POWER TO SUBVERT AMERICAN DEMOCRACY.

One more thing, about another of Peter Strzok’s allegedly “problematic” texts:

HYPOTHESIS: Peter Strzok has more patriotic bones in his pinky finger than Mike Huckabee, the dicksnorting fuckwaffles on Fox News, the GOP members of the United States Congress, and the current squatters in the White House have in their whole entire bodies.

Ponder that, fools.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you’re not, because Amazon done fucked our payment system. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye. (All you others can too.)

[Media Matters / New York Magazine]

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  • The Wanderer

    “Think the prospect of Trump becoming CINC spooked them?”
    It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • schmannity

    Say, you know who else believed criticizing the head of government was a coup/treason?

    • The Wanderer

      King Bhumibol Adulyadej, Rama IX of Thailand?

    • Iron Monkey

      Henry VIII?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Putin?

    • Bright Bart

      Genghis khan?

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Oo..oo..I know! I know!

      Mobutu Sese Seko?

      • The Wanderer

        Ooh, good one. No love for Bobby Mugabe?

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Mobutu had better hats.

          • GuidedAccordingly

            And leopard skins, also too.

      • LeftyProud

        Deep cut (for me, at least)! Love it!

    • FlemmishSpy

      Vlad the impaler?

      • Nounverb911

        Vlad the Impala?

        Sorry Dok.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Pedro?

    • texcynical

      Lord Sauron?

    • LeftyProud

      Darth Vader?

    • Michael Smith

      OBAMA?????!!??1

    • coozledad

      Reinhard Heydrich?

    • PubOption

      Kim Jong Un?

  • Iron Monkey

    It was obvious that the FBI was a hotbed of pro-Clinton agitation during the campaign.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      They never even investigated Hillary for all her crimes.

      • xintheline

        Or her emails.

  • schmannity

    The GOP wants someone who can be fair and even-handed in the Trump investigation, like Eric or Junior.

  • dslindc

    He really has been snorting way too much cinnamon.

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s been doubling down on the baby aspirin again…

      • ChumpsForTrump

        He probably has to crush his baby aspirins up and sniff them..

  • Alan

    Only people boning Trump get to investigate him. Duh.

    • HandsOfFate

      Sorry, I’m not taking one for the team.

  • FlownΩver

    So now it’s a fucking COUP to oppose some toxic, addled asshole getting elected in the first place? Like Princess Ivanka and her mailed-late ballot, Ol’ Huck seems challenged by the concept of linear time.

    • Iron Monkey

      A preemptive coup–the most devious kind

      • Oblios_Cap

        An abortion of the election, if you will.

      • schmannity

        The Bush Doctrine in action.

    • The Wanderer

      I think Hucklefuck’s challenged by the idea of sanity. The fucker was a Governor, for Yog-Sothoth’s sake.

      • ChumpsForTrump

        Hucklefuck.. good one lol

        • Werewolf

          My favorite is Schmuckabee.

  • Oblios_Cap

    you, first of all, have a couple of people who signed up to be on the Mueller investigation who were lovers

    Oh, dear. At least they were hetero, eh Mike?

  • armed_bears

    Huckabee is the quintessential model of a modern muddled theocrat, aka Republiucan.

    Please hum Gilbert and Sullivan as you read that.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Where’s Randy Rainbow when you need him.?….

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I’ve got some Gilbert and Sullivan for him:

      Prevaricating bumpkins
      Who appear on Fox network
      Condemning normal people
      With a supercilious smirk
      And preaching fire and brimstone
      Like some country Jihadist
      They’d none of ’em be missed
      They’d none of ’em be missed

      He’s got ’em on the list
      He’s got ’em on the list
      And they’d none of ’em be missed
      They’d none of ’em be missed

  • Bill D. Burger

    FBI peoplz’ aren’t human and can’t have political / social thoughts of their own.

    • chortlingdingo

      Especially not liberal ones.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Only pro-Trump people should be on the committee. Then it would be fair.

    • TundraGrifter

      Fair because facts and the rest of the real world is on the other side so it would represent balance.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Sounds about as fair as a Benghazi hearing.

  • Joe Beese
  • Bananas Foster

    This fucking year has me wondering if there are any liquor stores that do gift cards.

    • Bright Bart

      AOTK

    • NastyBossetti

      If you live in PA, the state stores definitely do.

    • coozledad

      Does anyone make qualludes anymore?

      • Bananas Foster

        Yep. Barbiturates.

        Good luck getting some if you’re not epileptic.

  • Bill D. Burger

    All that FBI hostility toward Hillary Clinton shown THROUGHOUT the primaries and general election was a smoke screen, a Black Ops operation run right out of her basement in Chappaqua.
    She really controls the FBI and CIA to this day___ Alex Jones, Trump’s go-to investigative reporter said it on the innerwebs. It’s true.

  • Bright Bart

    I did send a get well card. It was made of sugar though.
    My bad.

  • TundraGrifter

    According to Citizens United, giving money to a political campaign is free speech protected by the Constitution. But according to the guy who apparently has eaten too much squirrel brain, private conversations between two adults is un-American.

    • PubOption

      Is there a squirrel equivalent of BSE?

  • lucidamente
    • Bill D. Burger

      The slimming of the Mueller investigation illustrates clearly the Republicans’ desire, their hope, to subvert the rule of law in this country in favor of a Russian puppet to maintain their political power.
      The Republican Party is the Enemy of the People. They would destroy this republic with lies and fraud and collusion with a foreign power ___ by any means necessary ___ to maintain power. And they will hold a bible in one hand and wave an American flag with the other while doing it.

  • Michael Smith

    The right’s desperation grows. If sending text messages critical of Trump is tantamount to a coup, what will they say when Mueller’s investigation starts stating that Trump committed illegal acts and recommends impeachment?

    They’ll call for the military to arrest Mueller.

    • Bill D. Burger

      And the Tea Potty caucus will lead the way.

    • FlemmishSpy

      What about snarky non-comments on a mommy blog?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Not allowed….

    • NastyBossetti

      If sending texts critical of Trump is a coup, I’ve been staging a coup every single day since before he became president.

  • Ellie

    Should I believe Huckabee about this as much as I believe his Bible Cancer Cure?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    This reminds me of when HuckaDope was outraged that FBI agents in the NY field office told Rudy “The Wives” Guilliani that Hillary was a lesbionic hooor who must be stopped. And those agents were never heard from again.

  • Joshua Norton

    We’d like to thank Mr. Huckabee for being with us this morning and also a special shout-out to the Bolshoi which choreographed his song and dance.

  • rg9rts

    Mike wants Sarah to get some too

  • Bananas Foster

    *looks at saved texts*

    I had no idea I was such a revolutionary badass.

    Viva la revolucion!

  • lucidamente
    • Nounverb911
      • NastyBossetti

        yet.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I couldn’t agree more. The FBI should burn his whole house down, ASAP!

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        * I mean with information about his Russian ties. Not literally. Am I on the Enemies List now?….

    • Oblios_Cap

      He just was born with an overload of douche genes.

      • Nounverb911

        KKK Daddy
        ‘House of Ill-repute’ owning grandpa.

  • CutterTeam

    “I have a question for the witness: Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Democratic Party?”

  • Nockular cavity

    Why is Huckamok even a thing now? He was governor, what, several murdered cops ago? Go eat your squirrel, old crank.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Still on the Fucks Snooze payroll…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Oh my stars, they said vulgar things about Trump! Nothing wholesome like your asshat buddy Ted Nugent threatening to murder Hillary.

    • CafeenMan

      Not to mention the shit Trump spews about people he doesn’t like.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Strzok for Przesident!

  • Michael R
    • MynameisBlarney

      Raw Story mods are so fuckin weird.

      • Michael R

        This was probably from when he showed up at the Kim Davis rally .

      • CafeenMan

        I still don’t know why I was banned. Of course they tell you that they don’t have to tell you why and they’ve stuck by that in my case. Never heard a word from them – just a message when I tried to post that I’m banned.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I got warned about 3 or 4 times about usage of words that rhymed with hunt with various spellings and and other potential ToS violations.
          I left before they banned me. But I still comment from time to time there.
          I made a lot of friends there and I wish they’d comment here more.

          • Lord Jim

            Too bad comments aren’t allowed here…

        • Alan

          They didn’t get it. They thought you were being homophobic.

          • CafeenMan

            What are you talking about?

          • Alan

            Wrong person. I meant the graphic above.

          • CafeenMan

            OK, thanks….

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Evan, your hypothesis about patriotic bones is very, very right on.

  • Proud Liberal

    Dying breaths of a dying party. They can’t go soon enough.

  • Joshua Norton

    Instead of spending all kinds of time on the usual year-end political round up this year, just run this gif and go out and get drunk.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3476a5433d1dc0b2b7803e5db9aed9fb9d26884eab1d7339624e10e09ca1ef71.gif

    • Bananas Foster

      *drunk-er*

  • MynameisBlarney
    • The Wanderer

      Those are fucking brilliant reviews.

    • Nounverb911
    • Lance Thrustwell

      I don’t know if this is a meme, and if so, its degree of dankitude. But it is funny.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Slip it into your pocket and it cuts your leg off.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Better my leg than, well, you know…

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Pee hookers?

  • UnsaltedSinner

    So the next time America elects a Democratic president, Huckabee will demand that all republicans in the FBI quit?

    • Proud Liberal

      The rule only applies to Republicans. There must be no dissent amongst the ranks when it’s a Republican!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Those guys really know how to recite talking points.

    • FlemmishSpy

      You mean 2020?

  • Jesus Christ. Mueller FIRED him to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. What should he have done? Crucified the agent? Said, “Well, I guess I’ll just burn all this evidence of collusion now?”

    Jesus, what a raging shithead.

    • ArgieBargie

      It all boils down to the fact this is all (they think) they’ve got against Mueller. And it ain’t jackshit.

      Also too, I wouldn’t fuck with the FBI.

      • Jennifer

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
        On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !gq381d:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleInternetSearchCommunityWorkFromHome/make/more ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::!gq381lhh

    • splashy79

      Huck is a religious BSer from way back. It’s all he knows how to do, and wants the gravy train to keep rolling.

  • codeslinger

    *and among those with a college degree that number drops to 30%*

    seriously? what, did these guys clip coupons to get their degrees?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • geoffalnutt

    Couping? Well, then can I do it until I need glasses?

  • CutterTeam

    If we had lived through the same sequence of events where “Trump” was “Obama” and “Russia” was “Iran”, you wouldn’t have another Democrat elected at any level of Government for the rest of my fucking lifetime.

    • coozledad

      Iran has its hands up Trump’s ass, too.

  • Nounverb911

    OH Mikey,
    #piegate is officially over so you quit now…

    https://twitter.com/PressSec/status/941503590434254849

    • Oblios_Cap

      I hope they got hazard pay for that.

    • janecita

      Stupid ass reporters! I wouldn’t have touched/eaten those nasty ass pies, they probably taste like lard and sadness anyway. Ewww!

      • cmd resistor

        I heard April politely declined to eat it, although she was nice and holiday spirit-y.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        Said it last night …

        “Don’t take it, April! She’s trying to reverse ‘The Help’ you!”

  • janecita

    Huckabee is just happy that his dumb ass, hideous daughter, with the mediocre college education from a crappy fundie college, has a good paying job. He will say and do anything (SLUT) to keep her boss happy.

    • Nounverb911
      • janecita

        Best looking one in the picture is the dog.

        • Lefty Wright

          I hope the dog was able to escape. Dogs are not particularly safe around those people.

        • Nounverb911

          Is that ‘THE’ dog?

          • janecita

            I don’t think so, I think that “THE” dog was a stray. Poor baby:-(

          • nightmoth

            A stray the Huckleberry lad tortured while he was a Christian youth camp couseler.

          • therblig

            no. that dog was just a snack.

        • Alan

          Good boy too.

      • Alan

        Yikes! Please tell me the wardrobe is a joke. April Fools Day card?

        • nightmoth

          At least the stripes are not horizontal.

        • Jim QuinnX

          No fair! Can’t be unseen! Nightmares ahead!

      • IdiotsforPalin

        Why is his wife holding Sarah?

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Said it before, say it again, this disproves the old fashion saying that vertical stripes are slimming.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        The Huckabee men are all graduates of Hamburger U.

        Quadruple majors, from the looks of it.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Quadruple bypasses for sure.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    From the hysteria, you’d think Mueller had given these agents a raise and the Honeymoon Suite at the Plaza instead of firing them immediately. You know….exactly the way Trump got rid of Mike Flynn the same day he was told he was a traitorous shitbag.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Kudos for Rob Rosenstein yesterday. He sent a clear signal that if Trump decides to fire Mueller based on anything that has happened so far, Trump would have to 1st fire him and then go hunting down the DOJ hierarchy for someone willing to do it, Saturday Night Massacre style.
    That’s when the test of this republic comes. Are we a nation of laws or is this republic finished? We’ll see…..

    • puredog

      I doubt you’d have to go too far down to find a modern-day Robert Bork.

  • Lefty Wright

    If Huckabee thinks those emails were offensive to his dear leader, he should read some of the comments here. But I guess he can’t do that since Wonkette doesn’t allow comments. You guys really need to change that policy.

  • Major^3 Andre

    I refuse to listen to that conglomeration of lipids and wrong opinions, but I imagine he pronounces it as “coop dee tatt”.

    • The Wanderer

      Upfist for “conglomeration of lipids.”

      • mardam422

        Needs moar triglycerides.

  • ken_kukec

    “He’s even starting to lose Fox News viewers.”

    The link says Trump’s favorability rating with Fox viewers has dropped 32 points (to 58%), suggesting that Trump’s awfulness has begun to penetrate the upper two-digit g-factor demographic.

    • The Wanderer

      Upper two-digit IQ people?

      • coozledad

        Intuitive banjo pickers.

  • Nounverb911
    • therblig

      his son was disappointed that there were no actual canines in “Reservoir Dogs”, “Straw Dogs”, or “The Dogs of War”

      • Saxo the Grammarian

        Not seeing any cats in “Cat Ballou” was a real downer.

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          No Condors in “Three Days of the Condor.”

          (Sorry, can’t help it. Just watched it again.)

          • Celtic_Gnome

            However, there is a lion in “Secondhand Lions”.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            There is also some inserting going on in “Inserts.”

  • Crystalclear12

    When you start losing Fox news viewers. . . oh, honey. . .

  • Bill D. Burger
  • coozledad
  • ManchuCandidate

    Ironic considering all the racist horseshit, sometime criticism and rage tweets Huck and gang spread about Obama right or wrong (mostly wrong.) Thin skinned Huckabee (only thing thin about him) don’t like it when the criticism is going the other way, but we should expect that from fuck heads like him.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Dear Dumbass Huck.

    No one gives a flyin fuck what you think.
    Go back to fryin squirrel fritters in yer ma’s popcorn popper, you stupid fuckin hick traitor.

    Sincerely

    Blarney

  • Nounverb911

    Are they wearing wind-breakers or suits?
    https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/941684379159588864

    • coozledad

      BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

      Hiss.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Alger?

        • Lord Jim

          Djoo verry fonny, mon.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Wonder if he’ll reference the “thugs and Gestapo agents” in an agency that’s “in tatters” and “corrupt” while giving his address?

      • cmd resistor

        He definitely insulted them an hour before his speech and then told them he’d “never let them down” in person.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Please let it be a mass walkout.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Crystalclear12

    Ahem.
    11 FUCKING DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION!!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Oblios_Cap

      It looks better than Bannon.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I’d imagine it smells better too.

    • coozledad

      Huck would hit it.

      • Donna Mueller

        he already did-spamette is currently annoying america from the peoples house in D.C. on a daily basis.

        • coozledad

          I’m stealing “Spamette”.

    • everstar

      I didn’t know spam could go moldy. Huh.

      • Snork Maiden

        That has to be some old spam.

        • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

          Sorry for the drive-by, but that’s a truly awesome nick

          • Snork Maiden

            It has been that since I was a kid. I love the Finn Family with a passion and still read all the books regularly ( and I am oldz)

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Not enough gin blossoms.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Mike Hucksterbee is an absolutely toxic mixture of irrational fundamentalist Christianity, hypocrisy, dishonesty, pig ignorance, and venality, all of which he attempts to mask behind an avuncular, folksy mien. He’s the sort of uncle who slips into the children’s bedroom to “tuck them in” when no one is watching. He makes me sick.

  • schmannity

    Trump getting on Marine One said for the 1,473rd time “there is no collusion.” A foreign power reaches out to you and says it will provide stolen email and other opposition research to help you win an election–not collusion. National Security adviser lied about contacts with Russians about lifting sanctions–not collusion. Inviting Russia to hack and disclose emails of an opponent–not collusion. Giving top secret Israeli intelligence to Russia’s spymaster and ambassador–not collusion. Signalling Russia to not respond to Obama sanctions–not collusion. Refusing to implement sanctions against Russia despite carrying the Senate 98 to 2–not collusion.

    • Christopher Story

      Text messages between FBI agents?
      Illuminati Deep State Soros Lizard People New World Order Agenda 21 Benghazi Pizzagate Democrat coup of the POTUS!!1!!2

      • MynameisBlarney

        JADE HELM!!!

      • schmannity

        You left out deep state, globalist, gun-grabbing, worldwide Jewish conspirators.

        • Christopher Story

          There’s so many to keep track of. Wow, these people really do live in a perpetual state of terror. I’d feel sorry for them, if they weren’t whiskey bent and he’ll bound to destroy the world to solve their delusions.

        • Querolous

          Don’t forget (((Them)))!

      • davej1s

        Oh, great another illuminati troll…

        • Christopher Story

          Oops, I was snarking.

          • davej1s

            You just never know anymore.

          • Lord Jim

            C’mon man. That was pretty obvious.

          • davej1s

            Perhaps. I’ve heard crazier shit from people who were dead serious. I must be having an snarkless Friday.

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      How about the time when the first goddamn thing he did when he got to the Oval Office was phone up the State department and ask them to lift the sanctions–not collusion.

      As soon as taking over the West Wing, Trump officials instructed the State Department to begin exploring ways to lift the Russian sanctions imposed by Mr Obama.

      State Department officials, however, were alarmed by that effort, and began lobbying Congress to impose laws that would block Mr Trump’s administration from lifting those sanctions.

      http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-russia-criminal-probe-paul-manafort-campaign-links-a7771386.html

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Looks like a character from Branson, MO’s production of Lord of the Rings.

      • MynameisBlarney

        “Hey, Legless, the fuck yer gay ass elvis eyes seein o’ var?!”

      • coozledad

        In an alternate timeline, Trey Gowdy is a founding member of the Buzzcocks.

        • LesBontemps

          I cannot live in that universe.

    • ez

      Mullet, hell, as they say up at WVU, How ’bout them ‘eers!

      • MynameisBlarney

        Whenever he shakes his head “No” he takes off.

      • stopthemovie

        Gets free HBO though!

      • Jimh

        Yeah the hair and piercings are a distraction strategy, those are some whoppers.

        • george lastrapes

          I suspect foul play via digital enhancement. The rest is disturbingly veridical. Photo taken scant minutes before disinheritance.

      • george lastrapes

        Best evidence yet of human-space alien hybrids.

    • george lastrapes

      Trey Gowdy’s lovechild, with-uh,help me out here- KAC?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      The ears really bring the whole thing together.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    A thorough debunking with rational and logical thinking points would be lost on Fuckabee. So instead, I offer him this gesture https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a786a3265b55794ef00247782e63a3900e9f156f1942a803617973159e6209dc.gif

  • Resistor Radio

    I know for a fact that there is at least one decent human being in Arkansas right now, but Huckabee ain’t in their name.

  • mardam422

    But her EMAILS!!!!!

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    The dangerous thing that’s going on with this one is not what a cheap sack of shit-dust like Mike Huckabee has to say about anything (he’d better be glad there isn’t really a Hell, because holy moley, would he ever be in big trouble with You Know Who, and would he ever need to make sure his funeral arrangements included an asbestos shroud).

    It’s that Rod Rosenstein–who reminds me more and more of those bloodless little technocrats of the fascist movements in Germany and Italy in the 1930s, the quiet little bespectacled men who injected efficiencies into the tasks of mass murder and world war—is subverting Mueller from within the Justice Department, pumping the private text messages of agents into the toxic bloodstream of the right’s enormous agitprop machine, creating enough smoke and outrage to have the effect of shielding Donald.

    This guy concerns me a whole lot. More and more.

    • Gigglesnort

      He may look like a bloodless bureaucrat, and may even be one. But he’s publicly defended Mueller, several times. Speculation is that if Trump tells him to fire Mueller, he’d resign and turn it into another Saturday Night Massacre.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He already told Congress he would resign. Donald has already made him feel dirty and cheap.

  • Major^3 Andre

    Way OT, but this thread (and the one he did on ZEGS) are out-goddamn-standing.
    https://twitter.com/vandroidhelsing/status/941686813789380608

  • Anna Rompage

    I suppose with the texts about Trump that I , along with 10s of millions of peoplesent during the lead up to the election, and since then, would disqualify us from any governmental post at this point.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Yay us!

  • beatbort

    What does Papa Poot Lips hope to get out of this fluffing? He wouldn’t even know what to do with caviar if his new friend Putin sent him a gallon of it.

  • MAZS

    Should we really have to endure two Huckabees at a time? So long as Sarah has her platform, Mike should have to STFU. And for other things I’d like for Christmas……

  • proudgrampa

    I think Huck was just looking for an excuse to say “coup d’etat.”

    • beatbort

      Oh man, he’s going to hear from the good ol’ boys at the all you can eat buffet down to the KKK picnic.
      “And a COO-DAY-TAH to you too, Huck!” (har har har har).

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Nah, it’ll be ‘Coop Deetat’ because they’ve never heard it spoken aloud.

    • Snork Maiden

      Gomert has also used this phrase on F&F. Obviously the Breitbart talking point

  • proudgrampa

    This just goes to show that the tree is never too far from the fallen apple.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    It’s always about the sex other people are having with these assholes, isn’t it?

    With the opposite gender

    With the same gender

    With small children

    With farm animals

    It’ll take a fucking army of shrinks to straighten that shit out

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Makes you wonder how they all manage to have eleventy children.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Easy, trying to compensate for quality with quantity.

  • VirginiaCannedYuleLog

    If he is horrified by people saying vulgar things about tRump, was he not prostrated upon de fainting couch when tRump said “Grab ’em by the p word”? Is texting pillow talk different from locker room talk? My head is dizzy with the fake outrage.

    • Courser_Resistance

      It’s rough when something is so wrong on so many levels that you don’t even know where to start. The mind boggles.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Life is a beach. Littorally.

    • TundraGrifter

      And then you get married and have a kid – a son of a beach.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Charles Insandiego

      Ouch.

  • Donna Mueller

    mikey is an attention whore, just like drumpf. he’s soooooooo happy that someone, ANYONE is listening to his incoherent spewage.

  • nightmoth
    • Mehmeisterjr

      What do you want to bet that he just clubbed a couple of dying fish on the beach?

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        Quick trip to the Piggly Wiggly fresh meats section.

  • Zyxomma

    Perfect post, Evan.

  • folderol

    So, is it a coup d’etat, or a counter coup d’etat? I think the Russian orchestrated election should count as a coup d’etat, since they got us first.

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      It’s a Coupe Lestat, a two-door vehicle for vampires.

      • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

        that may be the clever-funniest thing i read all day

        • Institute For Applied Despair

          That’s terrible news.

          • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

            i’ve been battling what feels like pneumonia (again) all week and am headed for the doc in about an hr…my what’s-funny-bar may have been lowered in the past 72hours for morale support and out of confusion

          • Snork Maiden

            Best wishes. My husband is in bed with his second round of this.

          • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

            ugh…type A flu–i litt-trally thought i wazza gonna die…doc told me to stay home for a week, or it wont quit…good luck

          • Snork Maiden

            Please take care of yourself and listen to your doc. My son ended up in hospital with Type A last year

          • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

            ugh…dont want that, thanks

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Prototype only. Never saw the light of day.

      • phoenix00

        No garlic. No garlic. You’re the garlic.

  • The Librarian

    Huckabee needs to just keep stuffing squirrel pie into his hole, and stfu. I could care less which hole either.

  • Institute For Applied Despair

    Mike Huckabee: A coal-fired hog farm of a human.

    • fawkedifiknow

      A chicken fried 300 pound turd.

  • Mike

    I had no idea Huckafuck spoke French

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I had no idea that Roy Moore spoke Russian and visited a child brothel in Veet-nam but there ya go.

      I learn utterly repellent things every day.

  • goonemeritus

    My wife and I don’t sext because we are old but we do leave each other dirty messages using refrigerator magnets. Sometimes these messages wander into the Trump bashing.

  • Edith Prickly

    The Dicksnorting Fuckwaffles is my new bluegrass punk band name.

    • Fartknocker

      Please include cowbells in your next album!

  • theblackdog

    Man, if text messages about how terrible the orange one is amount to a coup, then there’s thousands, if not millions of them occurring every day.

    Also if you’re concerned about dipshits like Huckabee reading your texts, I recommend you and your friends switch to an end-to-end encrypted app like Signal.

    • James Smith

      Can’t be a coup before the dipshit is actually in power.

  • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

    JFC on burnt toast…is the pursuit of martyrdom the only thing these whiny-ass fucking titty-babies know?

    • James Smith

      I really wonder if these people believe Trump is the anti-christ and will do anything to protect him to bring about the return of their actual saviour

      • mfp, all 6s&7s&9s

        hmmm…interesting theory…ya might be on to something there

      • phoenix00

        Putin?

      • gingerwentworth

        in Jerusalem, right? Practically belongs to us now, right?

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    sounds almost like there’s a Huckleberry pee tape also, too.

    • James Smith

      probably involving sarah

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        “A Night At Huckapee’s”

      • phoenix00

        That tape I want to see even less than the Trump tape. And I don’t want to see the Trump tape.

  • James Baskin

    They are grabbing at straws because their boy is in some deeeeeeeeeeepppp shit.

  • azeyote

    he makes it out like they’re some kind of ass wipes that would shoot a dog –

  • James Smith

    How is it a coup when the texts were sent before Trump became president?

    • TakingAmes

      Also an excellent question, too.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Whenever there was the slightest sign of anyone in the FBI, the Secret Service, the military, or any other such agency dissing President Clinton or President Obama, guys like Huckabee would eat it up with a spoon. Remember how they made this big deal about this one clown who retired from the Secret Service and wrote a memoir bitching about how someone from the Clinton White House once looked at him funny in the White House cafeteria? “Our brave sworn men and women don’t respect the President, so what does that tell you” etc. etc.

    Now, thanks to the miracle of digital technology, we have incontrovertible proof that FBI agents considered Trump an idiot and utterly unfit for office, so that of course proves that the FBI is corrupt.

    I sometimes wonder if these guys are ever even dimly aware of their own hypocrisy.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      No, they’re just dim. Awareness does not enter into this discussion.

    • gingerwentworth

      Remember when Pres. Obama did that terrible dishonor to all servicemen or to the flag by saluting a secret serviceman while under an umbrella?? That was so degenerate.

  • LiberalANDProud

    Awww,,,Sarah has her father’s eyes.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      You mean “dishonest and mean,” right?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    These assholes are going full in on a full blown GOP nullification of the Mueller investigation. They are literally pushing us towards a potential civil war if things actually get ugly enough and Republicans refuse to do their jobs.

    • JD Mulvey

      When they move on Mueller, we move into the streets.

      • Snork Maiden

        My local Indivisible group sends out a daily reminder of where and when depending on what time it might happen

  • I suppose “they” would go even more crazy to know whatever Strzok comments under whatever Disqus handle he uses.

    Disclaimer: I’m not Strzok.

    Disclaimer 2: I shouldn’t call them crazy; it’s not respectful of their mental handicaps. They face difficult challenges every day.

  • toughsister

    Quorte: “Trump’s approval rating is 32%, and among those with a college degree that number drops to 30%”

    Fucking excuuuuuse me? So the hoi polloi constitute ALMOST ONE-THIRD of those polled? AND college degree holders (degrees in what? Shoveling shit?) are only 2% ahead of the Great Unwashed? What kind of insanity are we wallowing in?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Subtract Texas Aggies from that college degree percentage and watch the numbers plummet.

  • Gascoigne

    “This smells worse than a feed lot at a hog farm.”
    This Huckabee, this fuck. He claims he represents the interests of those who actually have hog farms, then turns around and insults them. He must be talking about a “Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation” (CAFO), those corporate farms that house 100,000 animals. Now, those places do smell to high heaven.
    Fuckabee – I bet he hasn’t stepped on a farm in 40 years.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Except for a quickie with a friendly heifer.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        That’s no way to talk about the farmer’s daughter 😥😥😥

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I am beginning to respect Mike Huckbee less than I used to.

    And, to be honest, I haven’t respected Mike Huckabee a whole helluva lot before.

    I haven’t even respected Mike Huckabee as much as Josh Duggar.

    Yeah, Josh finger-raped his very young sisters but he never set serial killers loose on the general public, so there is that.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Hey, Mike, Putin called. He said he’s got your coup hanging.

    • phoenix00

      He left Chad hanging too. And he doesn’t want to be left hanging.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Neither does Jeremy 😉😉😉

  • Poly_Ester

    No, Hucky a literal coup is when armed GIs show up at the White House uninvited, and the President mysteriously dies of a self-inflicted air strike.

    • phoenix00

      Or, maybe, perhaps, SUBVERTING THE WILL OF A DEMOCRATICALLY-ELECTED MAJORITY??!!

  • CATMAN

    “speaking of the president in the most incredibly vile, vulgar way”–Yes, Mikey, we remember how and your cohort spoke about Obama from birtherism to black lives matter, you fucking hypocrite

    • HooverVilles

      7 Characteristics of the GOTP
      1) Hypocrisy
      2) IOKiffYAR
      3) Projection
      4) Dunning-Kruger effect
      5) I. Me. Mine.
      6) Stupidstition
      7) Guns guns guns
      … & moar

  • desertwind

    Late to the party, but Kevin Drum over at MoJo has interesting point: How and why did DOJ troll through these texts? Why and who authorized release of them?

    Was there a tip-off? Shady all ’round. And I don’t mean the two agents.

    • My bet is they went through all their texts and emails. This was the best they could find

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I get all tingly in areas that should best be left unmentioned when Evan talks to Trumpanzees the way the deserve to be talked to.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    “this stuff smells worse than a feed lot at a hog farm”

    granted, I’m a city texan, but I don’t suspect it’s the feed lot that smells on a hog farm.
    (Near here, there is a dairy or cow prison or whatever that I hate driving by)

    • ryp

      Huckabee smells worse than a shit lagoon on an Arkansas hog farm.

    • theCryptofishist

      “Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation” or “CAFO”

  • ryp

    I don’t know why these clowns even bother ginning up transparently stupid fake scandals to attempt to discredit their enemies anymore. They might as well just say Mueller should be fired because he’s investigating Trump, which is not allowed.

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