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SO SAD

Did you really think Roy Moore would have actually conceded failure by now? Nah. Instead he released a YouTube video for his followers, to reassure them God is in control and God hates fags and God loves Roy Moore, yadda yadda yadda as Moore’s Jewish lawyer might say. Moore’s going to be really disappointed when God certifies the result of the election and sends Doug Jones to Washington.

Wanna watch old Roy’s message to his followers, who still apparently don’t mind if old Roy likes to touch kids? Shit no you don’t, but here it is anyway:

Now, we will liveblog the video like it’s happening live!

0:00: Roy Moore and Kayla Moore have been gay-married for 32 years. Thank you Kayla, for not divorcing Roy just because he might have fiddled with some young children under their clothes.

0:28: Something about preserving “our public, our civilization, and our religion.” Because if Roy Moore doesn’t go to Washington, all those things WILL BE BANNED.

0:30: Roy Moore is holding out hope the final certification will somehow miraculously declare him the winner because of “military ballots,” even though he lost by eleventy percent TO A DEMOCRAT. Why does he think the brave men and women of the US military were supporting his Stranger Danger ass anyway? (Also, by the way, it would be mathematically impossible for Moore to gain the ground he needs with those ballots.)

1:54: “Abortion, sodomy and materialism have taken the place of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.” Yep, that’s the America Wonkette knows and loves! Hey, wanna gay-sex each other pregnant, get side-by-side abortions and then go shopping at a mall Roy Moore’s not allowed to visit? That is Wonkette’s favorite pick-up line, and it ALWAYS WORKS.

2:30: Blah blah, prayer in schools, blah blah ‘bortions murdered all the babbies, blah blah God hates fags, God hates transgenders, God hates YOU, God hates YOU, God hates YOU, etc.

THE REST OF IT: Dunno, got bored. Good “liveblog,” Wonkette!

Moore had been making noises about a recount, and the Alabama secretary of state was originally aiding and abetting that idea, except Rachel Maddow explained on her show Wednesday night that Alabama state law doesn’t actually provide a mechanism for a recount in a federal race like this, where the victor won by 1.5%, or 20,715 votes, which is way higher than the 0.5% margin that would trigger an automatic recount. (And no, he can’t pay for one hisself.)

Doug Jones won. Roy Moore lost. Doug Jones is favored by God. Roy Moore’s God has abandoned him, and is currently having sushi with Doug Jones at the cutest little spot in Birmingham’s Five Points South neighborhood. God and Doug Jones would invite Roy Moore to their victory party, but A) they don’t want to, and B) where would Roy Moore park SASSY?

Time to make like an Omarosa and go the fuck away, Roy Moore. Alabama has fired you for the third and final time.

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  • Blanche de Shambles

    Where I come from, Abortion, Sodomy and Materialism are big parts of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

    Especially sodomy.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    You lost, Roy. Get over it.

  • weejee
  • Scooby

    So Alabama narrowly averted sending a pedophile to the Senate and that’s the high point of the states history.

  • Joe Beese

    He needs to focus his energy on something constructive. Like the best way to cash in on the wingnut welfare circuit.

    • Bright Bart

      and cosplaying Woody at Chuckie Cheese. Oh no, that’s RIGHT, the mall haz banned his ass.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Baconzgood

      “Yo Dude…you’re getting it wrong”

      -Jesus-

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Let’s hope the third time’s a charm and we never have to hear from this shitstain again.

  • Baconzgood

    Seriously, who thought for a second that this WOULDNT have happened? We are going see exactly what Trump would have done (albeit on a smaller scale) if Russia didn’t fuck with the media and the Electoral College actually DID what it was designed to do.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Roy’s campaign mistake was he targeted teen girls but forgot they weren’t of voting age.

  • Christopher Story
    • PubOption

      In this case Roy probably preyed, and God answered.

  • MynameisBlarney

    “That’s a long wait for a train that don’t come.”

    • PubOption

      Waiting for God or Godot?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Gadot?

  • Anna Rompage

    Abortion, sodomy and materialism, have taken place of human subjugation, subservient wives, and native American genocide…

  • The Wanderer

    Is he auditioning to take over the leadership of the Westboro Baptist Church?

  • schmannity

    You lost an election because of what you believe is a made up issue? Man, that’s a bitch! Put your head on my shoulder (and watch your hands).

    HRC

  • RepubAnon

    God is having knishes and bagels with Doug Jones…

    On a side note: does Roy Moore eat shellfish? The Bible says that’s naughty, which may be why God chose Doug Jones.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And that lobster bib better not be mixed fiber.

    • schmannity

      God has a Red Lobster exception because of Cheddar Bay biscuits.

    • Roadstergal

      Moore seems very shellfish to me.

    • Wuulf

      I like my shrimp wrapped in bacon. Double abomination.

  • Slightly OT: Sorry, bub. Admission of Toxic Masculinity is only the first step…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/951f4726cca39795178fe9ca95d83080f8886069753f965befd4550bf893d72f.png

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Looking forward to the votecounters saying, “Fuck it! Let’s count all those provisional votes from the registered voters that we tried to fuck over by saying they were no longer on the active voters’ list.”

    Maybe those are the votes Moore thinks will put him over the top?

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    preserving “our public, our civilization, and our religion”

    Let’s throw this into the dog whistle translator:

    “Stomp on uppity women and niggers, re-institute slavery, and follow whatever version of God justifies our actions.”

    Need kittens!
    https://i.pinimg.com/originals/18/eb/db/18ebdbcf248eac0da1bcc00428d399af.jpg

  • Bill D. Burger
  • proudgrampa

    As they say, denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

  • Me not sure

    Well reported, Evan. You honestly lasted longer than anyone had a right to expect. Have some coffee to celebrate good journalisming.

  • Jenny

    I’m sure the arch angel will screech into the night and right this terrible wrong….

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    Even the Taliban are all like, “Dude, we can relate but give it a rest, mmkay?”

  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    If I were god, I’d certify it with a lightning bolt to Roy Moore and hopefully his wife will be standing very nearby.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The Alabama SoS already said that there will be no recount. Suck it, Old Roy!

    • cmd resistor

      Guess he’s just waiting for some lightening bolts and smiting of heathens.

  • Reximus
    • Oblios_Cap

      And she’s pissed!

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        Omarosa libel.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Another box of votes needs to be dumped on this asshole.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Another neat law Alabama passed, just last year in fact, requires the publishing of names that were submitted as write-ins; if the percentage of write-ins surpasses the margin between 1st and 2nd place. So, we will soon find out just how many votes Nick Saban actually received.

    • schmannity

      Zero in Auburn

      • HandsOfFate

        Not necessarily. That’s one way to get Saban out of Bama.

  • Sodomy prevents the need for abortion, so logically, Moore should support it. As my brother’s girlfriend told her younger sister after picking her up from her 3rd abortion: “No one ever got preggers from taking it up the ass.”

    Anyway, this is the kind of refusal to take no for an answer I’d expect from a man who pulled a teenaged girl out of her math class to harangue her for a date after she’d already turned him down.

  • Resistor Radio

    You had me at “side-by-side abortions,” Evan, fuck yeah that pickup line works!

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    You lost snowflake. (Did I get that right?)

  • therblig

    i’m sure some big pockets donor like the mercers will be happy to write a check for the recount. right?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, Roy certainly has mastered the art of turning the other cheek, hasn’t he?

  • kilgoretrout

    He quotes Lincoln and Wallace in the same speech.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      These people are seriously mixed up about a great many things.

    • Relativicus

      I still can’t believe he can even say “Lincoln” without his tongue burning, let alone keep conscious long enough to misapply Lincoln’s quotes.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And sides with the actual Democrat.

  • BadKitty904

    Moore of the same ol’ bullshit…

    • OutOfOrbit

      icwydt

  • exinkwretch

    Ol’ Roy is just polishing up his speech for the rubes awaiting him with open wallets on the wingnut welfare lecture circuit. He’s not gonna get a Faux News gig, what with with all those liberal sodomites and Jews running that place.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      It’s all about the ratings. Given that their average viewer age is 68, they might give him a job. People like him always find a grift.

    • Bobathonic

      He already has a grifty jerb, with his “Foundation for Moral Law”.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Elections have consequences.

    -God

    • Baconzgood

      I have a feeling Roy and Jesus wouldn’t get long too well.

      • d eaves

        Roy is also gonna have problems with Jose, Pablo, Beto and Chuy. Not surprised here😀😀😀.

  • Gorillionaire

    They both look like shit in that vid.

  • beingreleased

    How does Roy Moore distinguish God’s voice from all the other voices floating around in his head?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      God’s voice is the one that agrees with him.

      • Boojum

        Which one likes little girls?

        • Ghenghis McCann

          Most of the rest of them.

  • Professor Fate

    Bad loser. Really bad loser. Which is odd since he’s lost so often.

    • Oblios_Cap

      You would think he’d be better at it by now.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        He keeps on trying. He’s very, very, trying.

  • h0ffm4nn

    No no no. Didn’t you listen to Kayla Moore? It’s his “A Jew” lawyer. Have to use the right terminology you know!

    • Resistor Radio

      With her delivery, it’s “A Jew! (Smirk)”

      • MississippiLefty

        And that look, like, “Gotcha!” when she said it.
        Yes, Mrs. Moore, you really got us. We feel ridiculous now, thinking you were antisemitic…

  • Relativicus

    I kind of feel bad for him. Can we get him a six figure gig at FOX, or at NewsMax, or in Steve Bannon’s pants or something?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Or something he’s qualified for, like blowing hobos.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Hobos have standards, too.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          I wrote that then felt bad for the hobos.

          • Ghenghis McCann

            Send them thoughts and prayers. If its good enough for Trump……

      • OutOfOrbit

        my side-eye read, “–glowing boobs.”

      • Relativicus

        Six figures sounds a little high for that, but who am I to tell hobos how to spend all their money?

  • (((Sedagive)))

    I have also been married for 32 years, and we are pro-choice sodomites who own some stuff that we don’t actually need. I’m also a Jew (but not a lawyer). My fella was also the prettiest boy to ever don a pair of killer heels.

    Seems to me that a racist pederast is not the best spokesperson for morality, freedom, god or Old Glory.

    That belongs to us, by Goddess.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    Alabama has fired you for the third and final time.

    Unfortunately, with world class assholes like Ole Roy, third time is never the charm. We’ll likely be hearing from this asshole for quite a while yet.

    • James Baskin

      He could still run for Governor or primary Shelby.

      • MississippiLefty

        I will be very surprised if he doesn’t try to do one or the other of those things. Shelby would obliterate him and leave him without any way forward, so it would be crazy for him to try that, but crazy’s gonna crazy, so he might.

  • Shibusa

    I wish Roy’s cheesy crucifx lapel pin would burst into flame.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      I’d pay good money to see that.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Eventually if you heat up your cheese (or whatever remains of it) to several thousands of degrees, the organic compounds will break up and you will end up with a very hot plasma. If you heat up this plasma in an small enclosed space to several millions of degrees, the hydrogen atoms will start nuclear fusion and you will have made some nuclear cheese (at least for few microseconds).

      • OutOfOrbit

        is that not kind’a, … dangerous?

        • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

          Pray that doesn’t happen.

  • Scooby

    Looks like I memorized all those Bible verses for nothing.

  • schmannity

    For South Floridians who remember Neil Rogers:

    https://neilrogers.org/drop-roy/

    • I lived in The Keys in the early 1990s and Neil was definitely a snarky breath of fresh progressive air from all the Rush and Rush wannabees screaming across the AM dial.

  • Institute For Applied Despair

    God finds you gross, Roy-roy.

    • Bobathonic

      OTOH, there *is* a well known god botherer who justified taking a child bride in *his* holy book. Roy will just have to convert to a sister religion.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    ““our public, our civilization, and our religion.”

    NAH, that doesn’t sound like some NAZI shit, NOT AT ALL.

  • IdiotsforPalin
  • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

    So, when is this fuck going to start his own church and start robbing the rubes blind to enrich himself?

    Oooops, I shouldn’t give him any ideas.

  • mardam422

    ““Abortion, sodomy and materialism….”
    Especially the sodomy. I loves me some sodomy.

    • Carole

      Wasn’t that the title of a Pogues album?

      • Bobathonic

        Needs moar rum!

  • JoeChristmas

    Time to go back to shoveling Sassy’s horse shit and listening to your Three Doors Down records on the Victrola.

    • Bananas Foster

      I really really want a “Save Sassy” tshirt.

    • janecita

      He is more of a Ted Nugent kind of man.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        if Roy Moore doesn’t listen to Pat Boone, I’ll eat my hat.

  • Me not sure

    Nice mention of Birmingham’s Five Points South Neighborhood, an oasis of sanity in that town.

  • Shibusa

    https://twitter.com/EricHaywood/status/941338073589194752
    Is there anything further any of us can learn from listening to die-hard Trump cultists rationalize their ignorance and bigotry and votes? And yet the “liberal” media gives them endless air time.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      as I posted earlier this morning (from CNN.com) this is on the left, their “top news” area:
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9b97333fe7005d85897c8ebaa25838a8a644e5549c4fe61ee25241ff92b18232.png

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Perhaps they should just make a reality TV show… Crossing the Rube-icon.

    • JohnBull

      My patient-as-always father, when watching these racist doofuses, often says “they’re just people, too.”
      And I say “So was Stalin.”

      • OutOfOrbit

        good one

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        And Mao who I believe holds the title of biggest mass murderer.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Where the hell did they find two black people who support Trump?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef
  • JohnBull

    “Preserving our public,” except for the 50% of the public that wouldn’t count as human if Roy Moore ran things.

  • Ghoti theLinguist

    Maybe God didn’t want an accused child molester to be the next senator from Alabama. Just sayin’.

    • OrG

      Mysterious ways and all that.

  • Reximus

    I think he lost mainly because he doesn’t call his wife ‘Mother’

    • Bobathonic

      Perhaps he calls her “Daughter”.

      • JohnBull

        He’s not fit to.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Maybe she calls him Perv-Ass Cracker.

    • OutOfOrbit

      mebbee he callz’er “Shut-up Bitch”

  • TJ Barke

    Yeah, Roy, it’s not life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, unless your a godless queer…

    • Reximus

      For him, it’s Life, Puberty and TPOH

  • Baconzgood

    Should I watch this.. I don’t want to..

    Nope I didn’t even make it to 2:30.

    Is he really that full of himself that he thinks a special election for a Senate seat for a shit state (seriously have you ever been in Alabama? In some parts it’s a 3rd world country), determines the direction of western civilization, America’s place as a world power, and the general belief in God?

    That’s his argument right?

    “PRIDE is the root of every lie and Greed the root of every sin”

    -J. Alvin K. IV-

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    I think we have reached bipartisan agreement about wimmenz being all evil.

    At a closed-door meeting of House Democrats to discuss reforming how Congress handles sexual harassment allegations, one senior congresswoman stunned lawmakers when she suggested female lawmakers were inviting unwanted advances because of the way they dressed.

    Ohio Democratic Rep. Marcy Kaptur stood up and told her colleagues Wednesday that “too many members dress inappropriately” and it’s “an invitation” to be harassed, according to three Democratic sources familiar with the discussion.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/12/13/politics/congress-women-democrats-dress-kaptur/index.html

    • OutOfOrbit

      well if that donut fuck all i donut know what doz

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Crotchless Panties For All!…..

      • OutOfOrbit

        and vulvatine smoothies!

    • Angela Ruzzo

      So what does she want women in Congress to wear, burqas? When I was a little girl, women couldn’t go to church wearing sleeveless dresses or blouses. I never could figure out why a woman’s bare arms were so enticing to men or offensive to god. The god part was particularly confusing, since they told us god made people in his own image, so surely god knows what arms look like and approves of them.

    • altleftjohn
    • Shanzgood

      I hope someone scorched her for that.

  • Boojum

    Abraham Lincoln preserved the Union so that abortion, sodomy, and materialism shall not perish from this Earth.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      To Roy Moore: Conceived in Liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. ASSHOLE!

  • Raan

    Sassy needs her(?) own Netflix sitcom.

  • FukuiSanYesOta

    I’ll take Roy’s share of the sodomy. It’s what Sassy would want.

  • janecita
  • OrG

    I sure hope he runs again.

    • beatbort

      I hope he gets the Republican nomination for president…after Trump is impeached

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of ‘ol Roy Moore.

    • MississippiLefty

      I would be shocked if he doesn’t. Gov. Ivey was not elected — she replaced what’s his name (I get the AL and MS gubnahs mixed up because gubnahs) when he had to resign. So she may not even run and if she does, it’s not as if she has the strength of an elected incumbent. I would love to see him try to primary Shelby, who would vaporize him.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      He only runs for the evangel jism….

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    God says don’t wear a striped tie with a plaid jacket, you fucking heathen

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      He buys his clothes at the same place Pat Slobertson does… Bozo’s of Hollywood

  • davej1s

    “Time to make like an Omarosa and go the fuck away, Roy Moore. Alabama has fired you for the third and final time.”

    From your lips to god’s ears…if she has ears.

  • Joe Beese

    U.S. officials declined to discuss whether the stream of recent intelligence on Russia has been shared with Trump. Current and former officials said that his daily intelligence update — known as the president’s daily brief, or PDB — is often structured to avoid upsetting him. …

    Russia-related intelligence that might draw Trump’s ire is in some cases included only in the written assessment and not raised orally, said a former senior intelligence official familiar with the matter. In other cases, Trump’s main briefer — a veteran CIA analyst — adjusts the order of his presentation and text, aiming to soften the impact. “If you talk about Russia, meddling, interference — that takes the PDB off the rails,” said a second former senior U.S. intelligence official.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/world/national-security/donald-trump-pursues-vladimir-putin-russian-election-hacking/?hpid=hp_hp-banner-high_trumprussia%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.f5e067b472ed

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Omarosa Determined To Strike in US

    • TJ Barke

      Nothing suspicious about that…

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        and nothing horrifying about this:
        Current and former officials said that his daily intelligence update — known as the president’s daily brief, or PDB — is often structured to avoid upsetting him. …

        yeah, deluding the president in order to please him isn’t a bad thing…what’s this, “Bin Laden Determined to Strike teh U.S.”?

        • Tetman Callis

          It’s okay. The Pentagon’s taking care of it. But don’t spread it around. We’re not supposed to know. And we sure don’t want it getting back to what’s-his-name.

        • Bobathonic

          Great, we have President Snowflake.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            Snowflake in Chief?

            I’m willing ot workshop it.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      Considering the asshole has failed to act on the russian sanctions passed by congress, I doubt it.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Putting aside the whole issue of removing Trump from office- this is why congressional oversight is needed, and why we so desperately need to flip Congress. Because it’s becoming abundantly clear that no matter who is in charge, we need to rein in executive power.

    • Notreelyhelping

      It’s almost like he feels guilty or something.

  • Anna Rompage

    Get in line Roy… I asked god for a 1965 Ferrari 275 GTB back when I was a teenager and am still waiting on him to deliver…

    • OutOfOrbit

      and worth more now than then

      • beatbort

        I’m asking God right now to let Sassy take a shit right on top of the Moore’s living room table.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I must make amends….

    • Lance Thrustwell

      So that’s where it came from! I always wondered how that car got misdelivered to my house.

      I sold it for weed in the Eighties.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Waste not, want not…

      • Anna Rompage

        I had a 1959 VW Karmen Ghia back in the 80s, and kick myself nearly every day for selling it back then…

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          no offense, but given the gravity of the sin, you probably deserve the kick.

          ; p

          • Anna Rompage

            And then some… I bought it, without an engine, for $350, and the body & paint were both in quite decent shape

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I am in a similar situation. God has yet to provide me with a shiny new Vector Network Analyzer.

      Fucking deadbeat.

  • beatbort

    Apparently, God has decided that Alabama has not suffered enough humiliation.
    He’s giving the state an encore, just to be sure they’re permanently cured of stupidity.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It is my position that most people don’t understand that sodomy includes oral sex. Otherwise, how can you be against it?

    • (((Sedagive)))

      “Fuck to come, not to conceive” has always been one of my favorite political chants.

      Makes them fall to the ground and speak in tongues.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Words to live by! If not reproduce.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        I always say recreation, not procreation, but it amounts to the same thing.

        • (((Sedagive)))

          Well said, Hedonist : )

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Well, I can’t claim I originated it, my lesbian ex girlfriend said it first. But I do enjoy sharing her wisdom.

    • Anna Rompage

      Maybe Roy has never given or received oral sex, or masturbated since that is a sin too…

      No wonder he’s such an asshole…

    • janecita

      My best friend doesn’t like oral sex.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        In totally surprising news, it so happens I’m a big fan.

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          *licks his lips*

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Oh, you!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Oh! Sorry- eating a donut. Had a little glaze on my muzzle…

      • OutOfOrbit

        try not yelling it so loud

      • Shanzgood

        Neither did my XH.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      As I’ve joked previously, I believe that’s Gommorhy.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Or how you get Gommhorhy…

        • beatbort

          Is this named for Louie Gommert?

    • Covfefe

      Per os or per an, as they used to say at common law. (Me he abominable and detestable crime against nature which decency and respect t for the opinions of mankind prevent us from describing with more particularly).

    • ken_kukec

      Deep in the heart of me
      I knew it was sodomy
      There was always a part of me
      That knew it was sodomy

      I think Roy Blount, Jr., wrote some lyrics addressing this issue.

  • “Hi, Roy, God here. Yes. The Almighty God, creator of heaven and Earth and all that other stuff. You lost. You lost because you’re mean small man. You lost because everything you stand for is an affront to me. You see, you’re obsessed with other people’s morality and you lack your own morals. I think my Son said something about that in his Sermon on the Mount. You should probably read that.

    “More than that though, you are more obsessed with what people do with their sex parts than you are with the fact that millions of poor children are about to lose their access to healthcare, that millions of young men and women have had their lives ruined because you treat addiction like a crime instead of a chronic disease that requires medical and psychological intervention.

    “You worry about prayer in schools, but you don’t worry about the hungry child praying to me silently for food. You call him a freeloader. You don’t worry about the child praying that please, could they stop picking on him for one day, just one day? You tell him to toughen up. You don’t worry about the child who prays because his parents, his preacher, and you call him an abomination because he’s attracted to other boys or other girls.

    “You worry about zygotes and fetuses, but you don’t worry about providing poor mothers with options or healthcare for their developing infants, you don’t worry about providing a safe space they can leave their babies and children if they have to go work, and you don’t worry about the millions of people living in hopelessness and poverty who are left behind by the very agenda you push.

    “Well, I hear them every day. All of them. And others hear them too. They are tired of the injustice, they are tired of the oppression, they are tired the hatred, and they are moving and my Spirit moves with them.

    “So go home and rethink these words, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice” and “you’re straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel.” Then join those people fighting for what matters. Maybe start by apologizing to the women you hurt. What is right is not always easy.

    “Sinerely, God”

    • TJ Barke

      Ramen.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      shorter: “Take the fucking hint.” – God.

    • JohnBull

      Everybody should see this.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus
      • theblackdog

        That scene made me laugh so hard the first time I saw it.

      • Jena-Auerstedt

        Greatest comedy of all time . . . sigh

  • Rooster Cogburn105

    If that horse could talk: “Behind the barn doors, Sassy bares all”

    • JoeChristmas

      Miss Ed

      • Maclare’s Colosseum O’Crap🏛️

        I miss Ed, too.

        Wait… oh

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Ride ‘em bareback into the Sunset

    • Mavenmaven

      Hey, it is in the bible (well, donkeys, anyway).

  • beatbort

    Maybe the state of Alabama should hire a good Jewish lawyer to take on the Moores and their good Jewish lawyer.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I am sitting here reading stuff on the net on one of my workstations. I sit next to two expensive workstations and tens of thousands of dollars worth of electronics equipment.

    Although all of this equipment is insured for damage, I refuse to watch that fucking video. The expected outcome of doing so would be dreadfully inconvenient.

    Fuck Moore with a thirty pound salami (made out of votes, if you will).

    • ImGoingBacon

      If thirty pounds equals roughly 21,000 votes, then he’s already been fucked with that salami.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    This is what you call a textbook example of “Not Losing Gracefully.” Just think of the example Roy is setting for children. On second thought, don’t do that. Instead, you could Tweet Roy this Bible Quote – “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. Philippians 2:3″

    • schmannity

      Let’s not have Roy Moore think about the children.

    • cmd resistor

      Humility. Must be a bad translation.

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Roy’s Bibble doesn’t have the Filipino sections

  • dshwa

    Sadly, YouTube comments on that video are closed. It might have been the one good time to let the YouTube comment vandals loose to sack the place.

    • Anna Rompage

      Speaking of reviews , has anyone seen the Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bear reviews on Amazon? They are a hoot! I guess there was something with the formula that caused people to experience massive diarrhea…

      • Antonin Dvorak

        The artificial sweetener they use causes your body to expel copious amounts of water.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        speaking of which (sorta) I saw yesterday they are selling spicy skittles.

        WHY?
        (and I LOVE spicy)

        • Maxine Headroom

          I didn’t know that was a thing! Guess I’m stopping at the store on my way home–I neeeed to know how terrible they are.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            please report back!

  • ariel_gee_398

    You know, I remember reading something once about “Christians” not being allowed to lie. It was a list of prohibited actions, if only I could remember where I saw it. Roy might find it helpful.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Hopefully, we’ll only have a few more years until the Republican Party and their Religious Right are totally sidelined. “Sensible” Republicans are already braying that they need a new party. Just leave the old to the kooks. Sorry, but thirty years of stoking the fires of lunacy will not let you off the hook that easy.

    • schmannity

      The Plutocrat wing is about to break away from the Idiocrat wing.

      • tymberwolf817

        I was hoping they’d consume one another in an ouroboros of hatred and greed, but I’ll settle for an acrimonious political divorce.

        • schmannity

          Stop expanding my vocabulary!

          • insolenttomato

            Never!

            In all seriousness, my word-nerdiness is probably compensation for my helplessness with the maths. I almost need to take off my shoes and socks to count past 10.

  • OrG

    Have we reached the point where anyone who can win a republican primary can’t win a general election?

    • TJ Barke

      If not, we’re rapidly approaching it.

    • JoeChristmas

      Not quite, see Karen Handel. Which is like the difference between the Swindler and pence of shit.

      • PersianOregano

        Entirely possible that Handel had some hacking help

    • Beanz&Berryz

      We’re basically there in Oregon…

      • ryp

        In California we are getting to the point where a Republican has difficulty even winning a primary.

  • JoeChristmas

    God just told me that most Psychiatrists would label this as nothing moore than psychosis.

  • Crystalclear12

    So. . .Jesus Christ isn’t returning his calls but he is sure that he will!

    Dude, you’ve been ghosted.
    Or would that be Holy Ghosted.
    Anyway he is just not that into you, let it go.

  • Daniel

    “Something about preserving “our public, our civilization, and our religion.” Because if Roy Moore doesn’t go to Washington, all those things WILL BE BANNED.”

    Remember- your civilization is not in any way connected to the results of democratic elections being honoured.

  • schmannity

    Speculation rife that Ryan will retire after tax bill. Maybe Speaker Gohmert is a time that has come.

    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/paul-ryan-weighing-retirement_us_5a31ce86e4b07ff75b00274d?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      No. He cannot do that. I want him to stay there in his self-created Hell.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Is he that scared of Ironstache?

    • JoeChristmas

      Meh, not until the oldz get their Medicare coupons. But, go Randy Bryce either way.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I guess he doesn’t want to be President. Hw knows Trump and Pence are going down.

      • MississippiLefty

        I think he does want to be Pres. He wants to run.

    • Zonath

      Well you know, it’s a tradition for Speakers of the House to quit after they pass their very first piece of significant legislation as Speaker.

      • TJ Barke

        He wants to get out into the private sector to take advantage of all the financial rape he’s about to legalize.

    • TJ Barke

      Another brave republican abandoning ship while lunatics take over.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Of course he will. He will accept a consultant position with one of the greedy corporations that his tax bill has benefited, and they will pay him millions of dollars a year.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Oh you can be sure the deal is already done. Ryan gets the tax bill passed, his backers take care of him for the rest of his days. It’s the Republican way. He’s done his part after all.

      • schmannity

        Heritage Foundation Chairman, Paul Ryan.

      • schmannity

        He also probably is not looking forward to handing the gavel to Nancy.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    He could have saved us all a lot of time by just saying “send me more money”.

  • Thiazin Red

    Fuck it, it isn’t a legal requirement so fine he can not concede forever if he wants. I bet he never will and will just keep making videos and asking for money to sue someone.

    • JoeChristmas

      Maybe he could open another one of them fancy pantsy liberal “non-profits” and make a little money to pay for Sassy’s hay.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He could always try setting up whatever the equivalent of a Government in Exile would be, and claim to be the ‘real’ senator. There would be plenty of rubes out there who would go with that.

      • Thiazin Red

        I want him to go to DC and attempt to swear himself in.

        • Bobathonic

          He should sit in the audience for Jones’ swearing in, and wait for the part where they ask “if anyone present has any objection…”. That’s his moment!

  • John Lo

    Minute 1:54
    You idiot religionist whackjob, your mythical jebus aborts “children” millions of times over the year, naturally.
    But then again, you and your ilk refuse to think critically, or think in any manner actually. Borrow some duck jammies from Rep Blake Farenthold, grab a dirty sock and crawl under your greasy covers and fantasize fucking Laura Ingraham.
    Or are you into children like Roy Moore?

    • Christopher Story

      Men like him are why Tomi Larhen has a job at Fox.

      • Clell65619

        Now, that is totally unfair. Larhen is far too old for him.

    • JoeChristmas

      Half of all conceptions fail au natural. Thanks Obama.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Another artwork by Michelle Anne Jello.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      That little pee shooter is a nice “touch.”

      • Ghenghis McCann

        ‘Is that a small gun on your thigh, or are you disappointed I’m not a teenager.’

        • Shirley

          Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
          On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          fm468d:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinderFinanceReportsOnline/online/easytasks ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fm468lhhh

      • Clell65619

        Don’t you mean ‘pee pee shooter’?

    • Blackest Noobs

      given the way Roy rides a horse, there is no way he gots those six pack abs.

  • therblig

    lay off the Job and get a job.

  • CafeenMan

    I’m thinking that if God wanted Moore to win then he would have conjured up an overwhelming victory.

    What is the message from God supposed to be when he wanted Moore to win but made it look like Jones won?

    If it’s a test it’s a stupid test.

    • TundraGrifter

      To paraphrase the great Jim Hightower, if God wanted Republicans to win he would have given them candidates.

    • osceola

      I think God sent Roy a message when He kicked him out of his previous job. Twice.

    • just_jim

      If by ‘stupid test’ you mean a test to see how stupid Roy Moore is, he’s passing in flying colors.

  • jesterpunk

    Hey Roy, I thing there is something about this in the bible. Here it is, now STFU and GTFO.

    “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

    Matthew 6:5-6

    • tymberwolf817

      It’s almost as though it’s not about genuine piety, but about showmanship!

      Sorry. I know you know this, but it just pisses me off too.

    • John Lo

      That’s the beauty of the religionist’s magic book/theology.
      If Xian’s take a stand on an issue, there’s a Bible verse that will fuck them.

    • jodyleek

      I’d say most of what Jesus said is ignored by the far right. The parable of the good Samaritan, sell all your worldly goods and follow me, camel/eye of needle, he who is without sin cast the first stone, the lilies of the field, the Sermon on the mount/beatitudes, etc. All of these have been cast aside to allow for and justify their love of mammon, xenophobia, homophobia, and on and on. I’m a recovering Lutheran and current athiest but I’ve come to realize we are dealing with people who are actually the anti-christ, by definition.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      I am convinced that modern fundie bibles simply do not contain the Gospel of Matthew, at all.

  • TundraGrifter

    Is that a fake Remington statue sitting on the credenza in the background?

    • Bad Tom

      I don’t think it could be real. So, fake it is!

      • TundraGrifter

        Looks too small to be real to me, but I’m not an expert.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      So that’s what a credenza is. You learn something every day. (Possibly not valid in some parts of the USA or UK.)

      • therblig

        my late stepfather sold office furniture for 60 years. i learned about credenzas when i was 9.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        “Credenza” is also too the word that, in college, made me laugh for a solid hour when I was stoned. Because faith and furniture shared a word root. A high nerd is still a nerd.

  • therblig

    i realize the majority of republicans (and probably democrats, too) who talk the talk, religion wise, are faking it for votes, because god forbid we elect atheists. but what must it be like to be trapped in a reality like moore’s where you truly believe the shit you’re spewing. i guess if you get rich from it, you’re likely to believe that god is rewarding you, but still – (scratches head until it bleeds).

  • Shibusa
    • Rooster Cogburn105

      Or as Sassy would say:
      NEIGH!!!!

  • jesterpunk
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      hmmm, gonna have to look that bit on the right up…obviously unconstitutional, maybe on the books, but not enforced.

      • jesterpunk

        Right, we talked about it before they are on the books still but unenforced for now. But if SCOTUS decides to go with “religious freedumb” they could be enforced.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ah…it sounded familiar.

          Thanks for saving me the time. Lol. Moar coffee needed I guess.

          • jesterpunk

            My damn coffee maker decided this morning was a perfect time to die. Good thing I still have the expresso machine though.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            always be prepared!

          • Ωbjectifier

            One must have redundancy in caffeine delivery systems.

          • jesterpunk

            There is also dunkin donuts if the expresso machine doesnt work. I have multiple coffee backups.

    • CafeenMan

      How have those states not been shot down by the Supreme Court??!?

      • NastyBossetti

        Because they don’t try to enforce these laws, basically.

      • jesterpunk

        Those laws are technically unenforceable for now. But if they get their religious freedom bills through they could be enforced.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    As I was sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room yesterday, I got into a very interesting conversation with a man who is convinced that the Republican Party is headed for a split into a moderate conservative party and an ultra conservative party. We entertained ourselves during our long wait by trying to think of a name for a new moderate Republican party, but we could not think of any really good names. Later in the day, I thought this might be a good subject for a Wonkette contest. Any good ideas?

    • Shibusa

      Unicorn Party?

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        What would Kiri say?

        • Shibusa

          Neigh!

      • therblig

        the Horny Eunuch Party?

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      I don’t know. The way Mitch McConnell has been destroying the norms of the Senate, I’m not sure there will ever be another moderate republican party. Extremism seems to be working for them.

    • Johan Meijlaers

      MOP, moderate ole party….

    • dshwa

      Log cabin republicans?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Conservative Party? Although i can see that becoming a ‘No, we’re the conservatives…’ squabble. Which could be fun.

    • MynameisBlarney

      The Slightly Less Evil GOP?

    • therblig

      the GEP – good enough party

    • theblackdog

      They’ll probably try to call themselves the Lincolns

    • just_jim

      RINOs

      NSCR (Not so crazy Republicans)

      Sane Republican Party

    • just_jim

      Democrats

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I select your post as the best answer.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      “My parents and that one oddball biology teacher at my high school, and that’s it”?

  • Mavenmaven

    I hear he’s going to run for office in Vietnam, along with Gary Glitter.

  • Shibusa
  • Bad Tom

    Roy’s deep into the Prosperity Gospel.
    Prosperity for his family, anyway.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAyOUTTsyZo

    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
    My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
    Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
    So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?
    Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.
    I wait for delivery each day until three,
    So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV ?

    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town ?
    I’m counting on you, Lord, please don’t let me down.
    Prove that you love me and buy the next round,
    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a night on the town ?

    Everybody!
    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?
    My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends,
    Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,
    So oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

    That’s it!

    • Zippy49

      Written by Kris Kristofferson, I believe.

      I really miss Janis.

      • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

        That lady could sing with emotion like few others.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    This seems a good time to thank the National Health Service for my biannual check for colon cancer. (No need for any further action.) How we in the UK suffer under the jackboot of socialised medicine.

    • Hesavebread!

      And Death Panels.

    • george lastrapes

      My RWNJ friend told me that the Canadian army is deployed along the US border with shoot-to-kill orders to prevent Canadians from sneaking into the US seeking medical care— any idea what the body count is?

  • Courser_Resistance

    Three strikes and you’re out, Moore!

  • NerdWithNoName

    Can the guy in the statue behind Roy ride a horse any better than Roy can? Asking as a non-horse guy.

  • Blackest Noobs
    • gallbladder

      She actually knows how to write?

      • Blackest Noobs

        she is really good at punching the numbers keys.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Nockular cavity
  • UnsaltedSinner
  • BearGHAZI

    America: Come for the abortions, stay for the sodomy

    • Crank Tango

      Sure beats “I Love NY”

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Virginia Is For Buttlovers™.

      And… earworm alert… ♫ The spirit of Assachusetts is the spirit of America… ♫

  • Kryptonian Canis

    Am I the only one who sees the little bronze statue of a jackass getting bucked off of a horse behind him?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Sassy looks at that statue and dreams “one day…. one day…sooooooon.”

  • laineypc

    Sometimes my inability to comprehend other humans tortures me something awful. I wonder if god is punishing me for not believing in him.

    • gallbladder

      I’d say you’ve been saved by the Devil. Count yourself lucky.

  • NoMoreLiberals

    Given that Democrats believe that a mentally ill man has a Constitutional right (invented from the 14th Amendment) to insert his erect pen*s into another man’s rear end and thrust it in and out until sticky gobs of HIV infected semen go flying into the other man’s colon, and then to run to City Hall to get a “marriage” license, because after all, they’re “consenting adults who love each other,” it’s hard to take their sudden concern for sexual morality seriously.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      TLM! How we’ve missed your bizarre “logic” and worldview…wait, no that’s not right.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        also, “insert erect pen’s into another man’s rear…”

        I’ll concede, that sounds undesirable and not constitutionally protected, lol.

        • Ωbjectifier

          Pro tip, remove the cap first.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Oh Turgid, how can we miss you when you won’t go away?

    • Daniel

      Why does anal sex obsess you so?

      • NoMoreLiberals

        Why do gay men make practicing it the most important things in their lives?

        • Daniel

          Answer the question.

          Why does anal sex obsess you?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Because he craves that D.
            Deep deep down.
            DEEEEEEP!

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          gross sweeping and erroneous generalization aside, beating off isn’t the most important thing in your life?

        • Christopher Story

          To piss you off.

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          They don’t. But obsessing over your misguided notion that they do certainly seems to be the most important thing in yours. Perhaps you should find another hobby?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        This is what Republican men think about doing all day with Trump.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Such attention to detail! You have experience with this don’t you? :P

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        In his dreams, he does.

        • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

          Wetdreams.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Butt (heh heh) of course…

    • jesterpunk

      Did your boyfriend dump you again?

      • gallbladder

        Maybe their mom this time around.

      • insolenttomato

        Can you blame him?

        • jesterpunk

          I am surprised he got one in the first place.

          • insolenttomato

            There’s a lid for every pot.

    • UnsaltedSinner
      • Ωbjectifier

        Dance the they away!

      • Guest Liberal

        That’s not how Semaphore works–that’s not how any of this works..

    • Christopher Story
      • Guest Liberal

        I think I see it’s junk.

    • Guinnessmonkey

      Yup. You got us there.

      If we think consenting adults should be able to do whatever the fuck they want with it other then we’re total hypocrites for thinking that molesting a child is fucking sick and wrong.

      I would keep typing, but my eyes just rolled right the fuck out of my head.

    • jesterpunk

      Damn TLM, you think about anal sex more then any gay guy I have ever met. Just come out of the closet already, you will be happier when you do.

      • gallbladder

        Truly. We’re here to help.

    • Christopher Story

      At this point, I really have to wonder just who it is you’re trying to convince.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Oh, I think we all know the answer to that.

    • MynameisBlarney

      We missed you too, TLM.
      So…has your bf popped your ass cherry yet?

      • TimResistit

        No he’s still claiming I am too big. I got him a 12 incher to practice with. I’ll let ya know after this weekend.

    • Daniel

      Do they at least get dressed first?

      • insolenttomato

        No, we go naked. Unless it’s black tie, in which case we throw on a superfluous bow tie, a la the Chippendales. Points for guessing where we wear it.

    • Katamount

      You know straight men do butt stuff with womenfolk too, right?

      • texcynical

        What???? With sticky gobs and everything?

        • Katamount

          Sometimes that even happens… when you SLEEP!

          • James Smith

            How many lashings is that?

    • Christopher Story
    • therblig

      ever the romantic. is this how it plays out in your fantasies?

    • Daniel

      An erect pen is more commonly referred to as a man’s Bic.

    • TimResistit

      Yes, yes , yes, that’s what you always say when you get hungry. Have a Snickers, honey until I get home from Panera.

      Also, the Johnsons want us to come over tonight for couples Pictionary, so TRY and not be rude, it’s only untkil 10pm. Then we can come home and snuggle a bit before bedtime.

      XXXOOO

    • Electriq

      Homosexuality is not a mental illness.

      Your unnatural obsession with other people’s sex lives might be one, though.

      Oh, and Jesus (our Lord-n-Savior) kissed guys.

    • Jonny On Maui

      TLM! You’re back! Now go away…

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Hi TLM!! How have you been? Getting geared up for the holidays?

      Best to the family!! Bye, now!!

      • guest1331now

        LOL ‘geared up’.

    • MsEdgyNation

      Given that Republicans believe that a mentally ill man has a Constitutional right to buy a gun and use it to murder large numbers of people, it’s hard to take their alleged concern for any form of morality seriously.

      • NoMoreLiberals

        No one believes that you moron.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          and no one actually believes any of what you say…

        • MsEdgyNation

          Correct. No one believes that I am a moron.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            you’re moroning wrong!

            ; p

        • Daniel

          Yes you do.

    • laineypc

      Hi NML, I hope you’re having a good holiday season and that you have people in your life who genuinely love and care for you. No snark. You write very long sentences, like I tend to. Often, upon proofreading I’m like “holy crap that is a paragraph-long sentence” and I usually try to fix it. I’m not saying you should fix yours, I kind of like how you did that. You have lots of interconnected thoughts that follow one on the other. But I think you have a flair for writing, and I appreciate that you put care into your writing conventions, which can be cast aside when one is expressing strong emotions.

      • puredog

        TLM’s thoughts follow VERY CLOSE on one another, if you know what I mean and I think you do. (I reject the acronym “NML” because it is worryingly close to an abbreviation for “normal,” which he is not.)

    • Priscilla Hayes

      I read this as erect pens, and thought, “Wow, NoMoreLiberals sure has weirdly specific knowledge about what gay men are doing privately!” LOL

      • puredog

        Based on what someone has told me, Sharpies are the writing implement of choice for such behavior.

    • guest1331now

      Jeez, that is so vivid! It’s like you visualize it ALL THE TIME. We know you come here because it’s as close as you can get, for now at least, to being honest about who you are and who you want to love. Maybe one day.

  • Maybe

    If God is in control then I guess we know who He didn’t want as an Alabama Senator.

  • Electriq

    Both he and his interior designer, Kitsch Americanacampygalore, should be fired out of a cannon directly into that wall.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst,
    Lamp Cat is tired of your shit, humans.

    https://i.imgur.com/AjsjS8V.jpg

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      much needed, thanks buddy.

    • gallbladder

      Where’s the “on” switch?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Still unknown at this point.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      That cat has murder on its mind.

      • lroom

        Can you blame it?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I’d expect no less of myself.

  • Katamount

    Jeez Louise, Roy, just split off into Tyler Durden, found a Fight Club and leave the rest of us alone if you have such a hangup about “materialism” and this sickening need to prove how macho you are.

    • gallbladder

      Funny that, given Kayla’s proud boast about their lawyer.

  • Katamount

    Empty desk? Check.
    Three random law books? Check.
    Weird urn-shaped lamp? Check.
    Random equestrian statue? Check.
    Giant-ass American flag? Check.

    “Eh, shove the Christmas tree over camera right. Alright, the fake-as-hell set is ready for my televised statement!”

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      speaking of which, not sure why he has the law books – he obviously doesn’t follow what’s in them.

      • Katamount

        “Cuz I wuz a Juuuuuudge.”

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        He got them as presents.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        If you zoom in close you can see it’s a copy of Alabama Title 13A – Chapter 6 “OFFENSES INVOLVING DANGER TO THE PERSON.” containing Section 13A-6-70 – Lack of consent.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          Ha! I zoomed in, but still couldn’t make it out.

    • gallbladder

      Shades of Palin.

    • James Smith

      “weird urn-shaped lamp”. Do we know that’s not a butt plug?

      • Jena-Auerstedt

        Win!

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    The Profile in Courage has disabled comments. Duh.

    • puredog

      I continue to regret that he refused to debate Jones. That could have been comedy gold. Something about Roy suggests that he would not have been quick on his feet.

      • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

        Maybe it’s the fact that he makes getting on his feet look fairly challenging?

      • Kgprophet

        What genius in the Moore campaign decided it was a good idea to show Moore seated next to a 12 year old female (for an ‘interview’)?

  • NoMoreLiberals

    The problem with the “anti-racist” liberals is that they think it’s cool for a gay man to blow his load in another man’s rectum. That kind of kills their credibility on everything else.

    • Christopher Story
      • Guest Liberal

        Good muscle development on that chick.

        • Hiss

          Good beard development, too.

    • Daniel

      How so?

    • TimResistit

      Hey, you liked it when we did that in the hot tub! Are you telling me now I was too rough?

      Really, honey you need to private message me these things. You’re starting to embarrass me.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      it’s fine with me (and almost assuredly “cool” for the gay couple).

    • yyyaz

      Do you want us to pray away your ghey? Would that help, honey?

    • Christopher Story

      We even allow interracial load blowing these days

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      also too, i’m positive you don’t know what credibility means or how it works.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I notice you’re not nearly as focused on gay women, but seem obsessed with men blowing loads into other men’s rectums.

      Why is that, do you think?

      • NoMoreLiberals

        Because when you think of gays, you don’t think of lesbian women. You think of whiny, perverted gay men.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          huh, I guess all those lesbians that say, “I’m gay” are wrong….about themselves…and their sexuality.

        • Shanzgood

          No, that’s just YOUR fantasy.

          Carry on. Nobody here is judging your sexual preferences.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          I’m pretty sure that when my sister thinks of gays, she thinks of women.

          I’m also pretty sure that you think of gay men because you want to… because you enjoy thinking about gay men, and about gay sex in particular.

          Really, TLM, cupcake… this is a very welcoming community. It’s safe for you to come out here.

        • Daniel

          I assure you I think of lesbians a lot.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I read somewhere that two women together is the most frequently-reported fantasy among American men… except TLM.

          • Daniel

            I’m so liberal my lesbian fantasies pass the Bechdel test.

          • Shanzgood

            *snort*

            I’m gonna tell my lesbian hairdresser that. She’ll get a kick out of it.

          • James Baskin

            Most frequently watch porn is woman on woman

        • Jay Hansen

          Sounds like you’re the one with the obsession. How come?

        • insolenttomato

          When “you” think of gays? Projection much? For the love of g-d, do us all a favor and either come out or get therapy. Also, eat that snickers. You really sound hangry.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Also too, you don’t have to say “lesbian women.” That’s redundant – the equivalent of saying “wooden tree” or “unexpected surprise” or “past history.” Lesbians are, by definition, women.

          • insolenttomato

            Excuse NML while he enters his PIN number into the ATM machine to withdraw cash money from the bank financial institution.

          • Daniel

            Not if you’re talking about natives of Lesbos, or indeed anything from that island.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            Fair point… but then wouldn’t the L be capitalized?

          • Hiss

            When in Greece, I felt sorry for the guys from Lesbos Shipping Lines. It was printed on their work coveralls. In Roman letters. They looked tough.

          • James Baskin

            But then again there’s George Bush.

        • Bob

          I actually wasnt thinking about whiny perverted gay men until NML showed up

    • jesterpunk

      What does one thing have to do with the other? And why are you so obsessed with anal sex and orgasms? Talk to your doctor if you are having problems getting it up or having an orgasm, there is medical treatment available for that.

    • Electriq

      Hey, here’s a constructive thought:

      How about you conservative types concentrate MOORE on NOT running accused child molesters for office and less on where consenting adults blow their loads.

      Or is too difficult to get your mind out of other men’s asses?

    • Daniel

      You can’t be opposed to racism if you’re in favour of consensual sex? That’s an interesting formulation.

    • Jay Hansen

      Not cool. Not uncool. Just none of your goddamn business. What fascinates you about it? Eh?

    • James Smith

      If that’s what you think, doesn’t that mean your credibility is shot too?

    • Bob

      Rectum?
      Why, he nearly killed ’em!

    • grageo

      I suspect you’ve had many loads blown in yours, or at least wished it so

    • Dinz6315

      Huh?!?

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Sadly, the Roy Moores of the world the proverbial bad pennies …

    A “bad penny” is a person whose presence is unwelcome on any occasion, but whom fate perversely employs to torment you by making said person appear (“turn up”) repeatedly, often at the worst possible times.

  • Marla

    I swear to GAWD he is masturbating under that desk

    • TimResistit

      It was all that horseback riding.

      • kareemachan

        Poor horse.

  • rocktonsam

    Time to ride Kayla or sassy or whatever off into the sunset Roy. Move along…

  • NoMoreLiberals

    Major Life Events for the Average Liberal:

    Age 4: Win first prize in anal sex lessons at Montessori Pre-K
    Age 8: Dad comes out as gay; Mom’s first nervous breakdown
    Age 10: Mom embarks upon 3 decade long addiction to prescription medication
    Age 12: Lose virginity to local gang-banger hand selected by Mom, who watches
    Age 13: First Abortion; Family reunites at Applebee’s to celebrate
    Age 17: College visits; Inquire at registrar about courses in BDSM and holocaust studies
    Age 22-24: The Starbucks Years; 13 more abortions
    Age 25-32: Realize that abortions decrease food stamp and welfare payments, and have 7 children with 5 different men
    Age 33: Sign up for an Obamaphone
    Age 35: First fraudulent disability claim
    Age 40: Navigate to the Huffington Post; register first account
    Age 45: Join Antifa, attack police
    Age 47: Stage fake hate crimes, cry when caught.

    • Daniel

      You’ve posted this before.
      It’s no cleverer this time.

      • Shanzgood

        I like the Gay Agenda better.

        • Daniel

          I prefer the Vagenda of Manocide myself.

          • Shanzgood

            Oh, do we have one? I haven’t seen that list yet.

          • Daniel

            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4a27684ec4dcbc11f5883ed9b9d3670e72937cccbbe5ba244b427e4a66163afc.jpg

            This happened during the election, and spawned a lot of online piss taking- and products bearing the Vagenda of Manocide name.

          • Shanzgood

            I know, we have lots of people here with variations of that. I just wondered if anyone had ever made a spoofy sort of list.

          • Daniel

            Sorry, I didn’t know you knew.

          • Shanzgood

            No worries!

          • Bob

            Cool band name – ” Vagenda of Manocide “

          • Jena-Auerstedt

            I like the silhouette of the rifle. Nice touch.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      still a better love story than twilight.

      (also FUCKING DELUSIONAL, but y’all knew that.)

    • Christopher Story
    • Jonny On Maui

      That’s a sad life story TLM. Sorry your life sucks.

      I never thought you were older than 47. You seem stuck at 12…

    • Christopher Story
      • kareemachan

        This still cracks me up. Little boy doesn’t know what to do when confronted by a woman telling him her true thoughts.

        • Christopher Story

          Especially when she’s the kind of hottie he’s pissed at anyway for never giving him the time of day.

    • jesterpunk
    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Hmmm… this fantasy seems to be focused on denigrating women, yet your sex fantasies are always about men.

      I wonder why that is…

    • harryr

      Advice please. Am I supposed to be “triggered” (is that the word) by this? Asking for a friend.

      • Jack Tenhet

        Lordy, I sure was!

    • Jay Hansen

      Alt-Nazis seem to be the crybabies, shmendrick. That’s where I’ve been seeing the teardrops fall.

    • Jack Tenhet

      That’s WAY off base! I had my first abortion when I was nine. Your list is out of date, schmecky.

      • insolenttomato

        NML was a late bloomer.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        And I joined Antifa (well, the ARA) when I was 19. Are you going to wait until after your best street-fighting years are over?

        • Jack Tenhet

          Why wait until the best years of your life are over to go curb stomping? That seems counterintuitive.

        • Daniel

          Urgh. In sleepy London town there’s just no place for that kind of man.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I know Schmecky. I’ve met Schmecky. Schmecky is a friend of mine.

        TLM is no Schmecky.

    • insolenttomato

      Oh, please. Everyone knows BDSM is independent study.

    • topless exclamation

      so the fact that none of that has ever happened to me… does that make me a Remarkably Above-Average Liberal?

    • Oblios_Cap

      I really expected TLM to have found the post about Mo Brooks rectum by now, given his love of all things colonic and sticking stuff in them.

      • Johnatx

        I’m kinda hoping that TLM will post something about sexytimes with Sassy!

    • Jack Tenhet

      Major Average life events for average right wing trolls

      Age 4: Meet your future bride/ new baby sister
      Age 8: Never comes out as gay, starts dressing in mother’s clothing, first time wetting the bed
      Age 10: Mom leaves, leaving child with alcoholic father, creating mommy issues. Bed wetting gets worse
      Age 12: Discovers Playboy for the first time, grows jealous of the women photographed. Bed wetting has gotten to the point of needing rubber sheets.
      Age 13: First erection. The best fifteen seconds of his life
      Age 17: Starts career at Shake and Bake.
      Age 22-24: The closeted years: Bed wetting keeps him out of military service. Loses virginity to a photo of David Hasselhoff, takes to drink. Makes assistant manager at Shake and Bake.
      Age 25-32: Addiction to Luden’s cough drops causes him to lose his position at Shake and Bake. Finds solace on online forums where fellow bed wetter/closet cases are accepted and even called “alpha males”. Gets part time job cleaning booths at “Topcat Theatres”.
      Age 33: Makes head booth cleaner
      Age 35: First fraudulent disability claim (This remains, oddly, the same.)
      Age 40: Navigate to Breitbart, register first account under a name other than Cherry_Goodbody
      Age 45: Join NAMBLA, attack frosting by the jar.
      Age 47: Make stupid comments on camera to Vice News about how tough of a Nazi you are, cry when caught.

      • kareemachan

        This…. is classic literature.

        • Jack Tenhet

          I might expand it into a novella. Call it something like “Bed Wetting and Other Drugs” or “It’s a Miserable Life”.

      • Yellerduck

        I mean, Appleby’s…seriously, who goes to Appleby’s?

        • Rooster Cogburn105

          Actually, it’s pretty smart to get a reservation on Wednesday, wait, that was Chili’s

        • cleos_mom

          “Appleby’s” doesn’t exist.

          • Yellerduck

            Well then, that’s why nobody goes there.

  • BMW

    So…what do you think he will do with all the money he’ll get from fundraising off of this?

    • Christopher Story

      Sex tourism

    • Jack Tenhet

      Renew his subscription to Teen Vogue?

    • TimResistit

      Maybe he’ll try the Pee Hooker thing. He’s heard good things about it from someone.

    • puredog

      Buy his own mall.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Belasaurius

    Eli Eli lama sabachthani?

    • Daniel

      Eli Lama is actually the name of his Jewish Tibetan lawyer.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Only one is chosen every generation.
        They’re lucky as hell to have him.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Free Tibet? I’ll take it!

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I’m thinking it should be “Mene mene tekel upharsin.”

      • puredog

        As you may know, “meanie meanie tickle a person” is (or was) a non-commenter hereabouts.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Hell of a tennis player.

  • Jeffg166
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Guest Liberal

      Nobel Prize Laureate material, if anyone is asking. Genius.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Definitely gonna be in the “Dad Joke” Hall of Fame.

        • cleos_mom

          That photo shows the future star of the Can’t Get Laid Hall of Fame.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    Godot never showed up either.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      It was worth it waiting for Lucky.

  • NoMoreLiberals

    Conservatives care about protecting the right to keep and bear arms, to free speech, to free worship, and to private property. Liberals care about protecting the right to kill babies and for “men” to ejaculate into the colons of other “men.”

    • jesterpunk
      • topless exclamation

        “used volkswagen 2-door hatchback for sale. very low miles. make me an offer”

        • Blanche de Shambles

          “A few dings and scratches.”

          • jesterpunk

            Shocks fully tested.

        • Rags

          “Needs new muffler”

        • puredog

          “Don’t try this with your Pinto.”

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        That is a bit disturbing.

        • jesterpunk

          Someone on here made it a while ago for stupid trolls. It seemed to fit with TLM.

          • thixotropic jerk

            “Slightly sticky but nothing a little soap water and disinfectant can’t fix!”

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            I think that was Serai, pure genius that one.

          • jesterpunk

            I think this one was from HazToo.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Oh could be I thought I remembered Serai saying something about a chance to use it so I assumed it came from there but I have been known to be wrong before.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Yay! The Return of TLM

      • puredog

        That he is so instantly recognizable bespeaks either his genius or his moronism. I’m torn.

    • Daniel

      Conservatives don’t give a shit about free speech. That’s why a conservative AG decided it was worthwhile trying to prosecute a woman for laughing at him, and why a conservative president frequently calls for press critical of him to be silenced.

      Conservatives don’t give a shit about free worship- that’s why they nominate theocratic Christians, like Roy Moore who doesn’t believe Muslims should be able to serve in congress, to high office.

      Conservatives care less about the right to bear arms than they do about the right to make lots and lots of money for their NRA donors.

    • insolenttomato

      The bf still hasn’t gotten back from Panera yet, has he? Did you have that Snickers like he suggested?

    • Christopher Story

      1) An extrajudicial summary execution of an American citizen on the basis of a petty crime is a violation of the 4th and 8th amendments
      2) The only people who scream about “Free Speech” are the people who want to use the right to hurt others
      3) Jesus says your worship starts when you’re alone in your inner chamber. It has nothing to do with religious attendence, affiliation, or using secular institutions to impose theological doctrine
      4) What?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Go tell Michael Sam or Esera Tuaolo you wrapped him in scare quotes. I’ll call the doctor in advance.

    • Christopher Story

      It’s ironic, you say you’re about Free Speech at the same time you argue that Liberals should be silenced.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Eh, sometimes it’s on the faces or chests of other men.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      TLM you are back. There’s a whole discussion in the MO Brooks thread on the benefits of prostate massage. We know that’s what you want. Don’t be ashamed.

    • Electriq

      You ALMOST made it through a post without mentioning HOT GAY BUTT SEX!

      Butt then, you blew in the end!

      Hey, kind of like those guys your obsessed with!

    • andyshelt

      You are so concerned about where consenting adults ejaculate but you don’t give a fuck about supporting a racist paedophile who raped young girls.

      Go fuck yourself you twisted sociopathic right-wing wanker.

    • Professor Fate

      Wow. More issues than a newsstand this one.

    • kareemachan

      Oh, just go to a nearby airport and whore yourself. I’m sure you’ll get *something*.

    • thixotropic jerk

      “I thought it was armed bears you guys cared about? Did I get that wrong?” He ejaculated.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      With your preoccupation about what goes on in other men’s colons, I’m guessing you’re severely closeted. Am I right? If you know of any “babies being killed” call the cops and report it, if you dare. Oh, and one more thing: Can you get some new material? Yours is really stale.

      I do feel sorry for you though, it’s quite obvious you are an InCel and as such, are unhealthy obssessed and fixated with what goes on in other people’s bodies.

    • Rags
    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Hi, TLM.
      Bye, TLM.

      • sarafina

        Turgid Love Muscle? I think I saw some of his ramblings before I started reading wonkette regularly.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          He never changes.

    • Bob

      Isnt one’s colon considered private property?

  • Jack Tenhet

    I have to paraphrase J.K. Rowling on this. “God did call, she’s a black woman”.

    Roy Boy, God has spoken, he thinks you’re a creepy child molester too.

    Roy No Orbit Sun, God called, he voted for Jones too.

    And I’m spent.Physical Therapy was rough today, hand’s barking like a man GOPer on Tuesday night.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      Feel better soon.

      • Jack Tenhet

        Thanks! I do feel better today (so far). I stopped taking the painkillers, the pain is easily manageable with ibuprofin now, which is great. Mentally, I’m a wreck. Anxiety and depression mixed with nightly nightmares, a few night terrors thrown in for good measure. I’m coping very well though. You’re sweet. :)

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          My dad was a ww11 vet and I remember he spent his whole life dealing with Ptsd, It wasn’t really even labeled that then. So I know some of what you speak. Also, I am a former medical person, because of a highly developed sense of empathy.
          I lurked here long before posting so, I feel a kinship with the wonderful people here. (Yourself included.) Keep up the good work with the PT. You can do it! : )

          • Jack Tenhet

            Sorry to hear about your dad. I know exactly what you mean, my own father was medically discharged from the Army due to what they called “Shell shock”, later called “combat fatigue”. He was an artillery sgt. during the forgotten war (Korea). He never really came back from that war, you know exactly what I mean by that.

            Human beings suffer so much due to violence. Our fathers went through hell and never truly got free from it, not while they were alive anyway. I think more needs to be done to understand what effects emotional trauma actually have on the brain. There’s science that’s pretty unanimous in the idea that emotional and visual trauma changes the structure of the brain almost as bad as physical trauma does. We need to know more about this, not only for treatment but for prevention.

            Sorry for my soapbox there. I’m an advocate, if you couldn’t tell. I may be housebound, but I do write letters, make phone calls, send faxes. That’s why I’m so disheartened about the republicans treatment of the ACA. I have to keep on my reps (Thad Cochran is one I can’t stand but never leave alone on healthcare policy).

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            Yes, that is exactly what I meant. My father had schrapnel throughout his body, including one piece in his skull that pressed on his ocular nerves. (He had migraines.) He was nearly vivisected and had a scar that ran 3/4ths of the way around his body. He was caught behind enemy lines and they found him with a grenade in his hand with the pin pulled. He suffered physically for the rest of his life. Which ended in 2001. He spent his later years trying to get disability when he just couldn’t work anymore. Reagan’s administration was happy to deny him. Our government is happy to use our young men but does not want to help fix them when they break them. Sorry to go on, but you seem like you understand.

          • Jack Tenhet

            My father-in-law went through the same rigamarole when he was diagnosed with Dementia. He served in WWII, had a good career at a jet mechanic, served his country with honor. In the end, he died penniless. The only thing he got out of it was a burial at Arlington.

            Yet athletes kneeling during the anthem disrespects vets.

          • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

            That is mostly from assholes who never served or claim they did online to spread propaganda. But oddly worship the idea of being a mercenary because they play shoot-em -up video games. I like more cerebral ones, (don’t think I am dissing video games though, I make lesbian mods for Dragon Age.) With lots of sex!

  • topless exclamation

    Hahaha! That sculpture behind him. He probably wanted people to remember his noble and powerful riding in to vote on Tuesday. I seem to recall his horse was reacting in a similar way.

  • goonemeritus

    Aren’t all the impromptu street calibrations at the news of Roy’s loss sign enough? If it would help I’m sure someone in Alabama could burn a bush or turn water into bourbon to give Roy a more traditional biblically based message.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    omarosaed (verb) : being forcefully removed with a giant Vaudeville hook.

  • Zyxomma

    Stop calling yourself judge, Roy. You got kicked out of that job TWICE, and you lost the race. Go Omarosa yourself.

    • TimResistit

      Yeah, shove it up your O’Keefe!

  • gallbladder

    I would not be surprised if they had to haul him out like…

    http://religionnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/webRNS-JIM-BAKKER-080317.jpg

    • Mormos

      a man can dream

    • O4FSake

      Crying like a common Tammy Faye

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      The Jim Baker arrest, good times.

  • Aileen

    Just going to point out that no one ever needed an abortion thanks to sodomy. Plenty of young girls have needed one thanks to the attentions of lecherous older creepers though. Also, I thought Evangelicals were big on “prosperity gospel” aka, God rewarding you with material goods.

  • WIDTAP

    I never blame God for politics, even when the result is the one I favor.

    Now CatLOL videos, that’s just God fucking with us.

  • andyshelt

    Thanks for those inspirational words, Roy.

    I always take my moral guidance from a paedophile racist scumbag whose moral compass points to due asshole.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I notice this guy quoted (purportedly) Lincoln. Um, he does know that Lincoln was the one who freed the slaves and ended what he considered the halcyon days of America?

    • Quoting Lincoln in Alabammy USED to be a surefire way to become unpopular.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      They can’t say Lincoln! That’s OUR word!!

      • cleos_mom

        Ours and the Ford Motor Company’s.

  • rg9rts

    you lost…..GOD

    • Mormos

      more like:
      “you lost”
      -God

      • Rags

        Or
        “You lost God.”
        Eats, shoots and bugs out.

  • Manhattan123

    “Roy Moore and Kayla Moore have been gay-married for 32 years…”

    So she’s 44 now?

    • Red Bird

      She’s old enough to know better.

      • Smibo

        So cry, Kayla, cry.

  • SadDemInTex

    #SAVESASSY

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    Dear Roy:

    You’re a miserable excuse for a human being and how dare you claim to speak in my name and know my wishes. I’d smite you right this instant, but you are such an insignificant trifling little worm and I’ve got bigger fish to fry.

    Sincerely,

    God

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      God: “How dare you speak for me!”
      TPV: “Oh, I’m sorry. Please, go right ahead.”
      God: “Hmmm … ya know what? Send it. Want a job speaking for me?”

    • I’m busy keeping up with the other seventeen trillion planets in the universe that have developed partially intelligent life.

  • BearLeft

    “Soul of our country” my ass. My soul is doing just fine, thank you, without another bigoted asshole like you trying to shove your brand of intolerance down our throats.

    • Donna Mueller

      well said-when the idjit fundies come around i open the door and go full on psycho on them a/la eastwood-“get the FUCK off my lawn” with my favorite hickory axe-handle in full view. i LOATHE the pretentious, snotty, arrogant baaaaaaaaaaaaaastards.

      • Rooster Cogburn105

        Better to just give ’em an “Aw, shucks!”, tell them that they’re not what you ordered from the escort service, but, come on inside and get comfy.

        • Grumpy Old Man

          *snort*

        • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

          That’s funny as hell.

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    Now this is a “three strikes” I can get behind.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Bye, Felicia.

    • A Bashful Nobody

      Nah. Betcha a cuppa Starbucks he runs for governor next time around.

      • Grumpy Old Man

        What is the next open race in ‘bama?

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    Y’know what we’re seeing here? We’re seeing exactly what Two Scoops would have done if he’d lost. The man-baby would have just done it louder. WAY louder.

  • Elizabeth Hillcrest

    I know I only every comment to compliment the writing or art, but damn if I didn’t laugh out loud on this bleak-ass day. Love your ass, Evan. “A) they don’t want to, and B) where would Roy Moore park SASSY?” Thanks, now everyone at work knows I’m wasting time.

    • Lisa

      I think Roy is also banned.

    • cleos_mom

      Sassy was the only one in Moore’s circle who didn’t make a total ass of herself (despite the name).

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    I know what this is REALLY about:
    ‘Hey, the president got away with it, why didn’t I?’

    • puredog

      You can say that again.

      • Grumpy Old Man

        And Ron certainly did!

        (I’ve seen a lot of this lately, is disqus stuttering?)

    • sarafina

      You sound kind of threatening there, Ron. I don’t think that’s allowed.

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    I know what this is REALLY about:
    ‘Hey, the president got away with it, why didn’t I?’

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    I know what this is REALLY about:
    ‘Hey, the president got away with it, why didn’t I?’

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    I know what this is REALLY about:
    ‘Hey, the president got away with it, why didn’t I?’

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    I know what this is REALLY about:
    ‘Hey, the president got away with it, why didn’t I?’

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    I know what this is REALLY about:
    ‘Hey, the president got away with it, why didn’t I?’

  • KenTFM

    Someone PLEASE show this Howdy Doody looking motherfucker the door.

    In the words of the immortal and eternal bard Ice Cube… “Bye Felicia”

  • John

    Roy’s problem was that he doesn’t drink enough diet Coke, or snort enough actual coke, whichever little Donnie’s on today.

  • Zen Diesel

    I am so sick of Roy and his evangelical bullshit.

    • sarafina

      I’m sick of Roy Boy’s shit period.

      • JesusWasAHippie

        His shit period? Ew.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      Oh, I dunno. He’s a great source of material for comedians, and hanging him around the GOP’s neck for most of 2018 (even though he did lose) will be the Democrat’s version of how the GOP continues to try to demonize Hillary. (Or how they used Jimmy Carter at least until . . . 1988? 1992? It faded somewhere around then.)
      For instance, how about: “Hey Roy, let me help you out with that: ‘Ein Reich. Ein Volk. Ein Fuhrer.'”
      Damn, this stuff just writes itself.

      • cleos_mom

        On a visit to Plains somewhere around 1983, I acquired a matchbook whose cover read It’s getting harder and harder / to blame Carter.” The current “Obama did it!” schtick is nothing new; the Republikkkans have been tarting it up and turning it out since the 80s.

    • davefromoregon

      This is a guy who managed to loose in Alabama running as a Republican. Of course he’d could not have been elected as dog catcher anywhere else.

  • Roy Boy wasn’t listening too good last Thursday, was he?

  • mary5920

    God did send Roy a message, but his ear box is full and he is unable to receive it.
    I suspect if God carved all the ballots that elected Doug Jones in stone and set them up in front of Roy Moore, he would decide that they didn’t count.

    • JCfromNC

      Reminds me of the joke about the evangelical caught in a flood, who refuses to go with anyone who offers to rescue him, replying “The Lord will save me.” He ends up dying, and appearing before his God, he asks what happened. God replies, “Are you kidding me? I sent 3 people for you, what were you expecting?”

      tl;dr — God’s message was, “I didn’t want you in the Senate.”

    • Probably clogged too full of very dirty spam…

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Between Roy Moore losing in Alabama, and the Kentucky, teen finger banger, representative, killing himself, I’m starting to think there may be a God after all. Thanks, Republicans, you finally made me find religion.

    • texcynical

      The Democratic wave of 2018 may lend further credence to your theory, but you will be disappointed by the resulting Republican backlash wave of 2020.

      • well technically the further we move along america’s timeline, the more old white people die.

        speaking as a very white girl.

        • cleos_mom

          I second that.

          And if the findings of Ancestry.com are correct, I’m one of the whitest people in the Western Hemisphere.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Republicans get elected to fuck everything up, Democrats get elected to fix what Republicans fucked up. Rinse and repeat.

        • ….and get blamed for the mess because they’re the ones who end up holding the doodie bag.

  • Kgprophet

    “our public, our civilization, and our religion” will be banned? This is the Liberal Agenda? Dag nammit! How come I didn’t get my copy of the Liberal Apocalypse newsletter?

    • The Rick

      Your on a far left sight complaining about the Liberal agenda. Sorry I was busy giving a fuck that people can live free and not under a corporate structure that awards at the cost of the poor and disabled.

      Tell this guy to his face you don’t care. (This was today)
      http://www.cnn.com/videos/politics/2017/12/14/ady-barkan-als-disability-benefits-bts-nr.cnn

      You don’t need to be an asshole to try and make a point. Have a good evening.

      • Peegan (((RESIST)))

        Rick, your snark meter needs adjusting. Love, Morty.

        • The Rick

          Nah I’m drinking tonight, deal with it 😛

        • The Rick

          Did I miss sarcasm? I’m used to fighting on The Hill. Love this site but still new. Seen trolls attack here before. I don’t like trolls, besides me which is hypocritical but Batman.

  • Jena-Auerstedt

    Your headline is wrong. It should read, “Roy Moore Waiting for Godot (to Certify Doug Jones Winner of Alabama Election).”
    There, FIFY

  • Grumpy Old Man
  • Weevie
  • Shirley

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    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
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  • LiberalANDProud

    “Abortion, sodomy and materialism have taken the place of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

    Well, I can’t have everything, but two out of three ain’t bad.

    • Harbinger08

      But I want ALL those things! Why do I have to choose?

    • John Hollingsworth

      …and taco trucks. Can’t forget taco trucks.

  • Harbinger08

    And the downside of ignoring him forever starting now is what?

  • DeathPanelTruck

    go the fuck away, Roy Moore. Alabama has fired you for the third and final time

    Roy Moore is like herpes. He goes away, but then he comes back. He’ll be back to punish us again with his loathsome presence soon.

    • The Scaby Penis of politics!

  • The Librarian

    I see the color purple, but it’s not for Roy Moore. It’s for the state of Alabama.

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