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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Doug Jones won the Alabama special election last night, 50-48. However, Roy Moore, bigoted ALLEGED pedophile, has declined to concede the election, vowing to leave this up to GOD and the Jew lawyers.

Trump’s lawyer Ty Cobb says that Robert Mueller is done interviewing current and former White House officials, prompting one attorney representing a senior Trump official to comment, “Are you fucking kidding me…[that is] nonsensical, but it may be the most useful thing he can say to keep the president from going overboard and to keep the wheels on the bus.

The DAMNING statements made by the former agents on Mueller’s team who were fired were that Trump is “awful,” an “idiot”; included their dislike of Bernie Sanders and Trump’s dick; called Martin O’Malley a “douche”; and said it’s been “long suspected” that Ohio Gov. John Kasich is gay.

Using those text messages, Trumpkins and Republicans are hoping to crucify the DOJ and the FBI as “deep state” threats to Trump’s consolidation of power.

DJTJ’s lawyer is bitching about an investigation into the House committee investigating Trump-Russian fuckery after Democrats called out his bullshit claims of attorney-client privilege.

The rumor mill on the Hill is that Republicans want to lower taxes for the super rich to 37 percent, but they’re still having trouble ironing out just how badly to reward corporate donors while fucking over the poor.

Republicans are hoping to ram through their the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) and have them take effect by Jan. 1, 2018, which could have immediate effects on workers who rely on subway passes, moving expenses, grad school waivers, pretty much every deduction taken by a small business, to say nothing of the currently unwritten fuckery for corporations.

As Trump’s “Down-the-Middle Guy,” Lindsey Graham is acting as a bridge between Trump and the Hill in trying to cobble together a DACA deal.

Rape advocate and “alt-troll” Mike Cernovich (plus Chuck C. Johnson!) can expect a visit from the Capitol Police after attempting to dupe newsrooms into publishing fake sexual harassment allegations about Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer.

According to a report on the report on the 2011 Euro banking crisis, Trump’s Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross sold off his stake in an Irish bank he knew was lying about its books, and now European officials are accusing Ross of insider trading.

REXXON emerged from hibernation to note that news of his untimely REXIT was “laughable.” Later, during a chat with a DC think tank he noted his willingness to talk to North Korea without pre-conditions, believing he left “the door ajar” to “talk about the weather” or “whether it’s going to be a square table or a round table.”

Diplomats who attended a closed door meeting with REXXON are pissed he’s taking credit for their efforts to preserve the world from plunging into chaos, and his comments that Russian-occupied territory in Ukraine is the biggest thing hindering US-Russian relations. This fucking guy.

A Kentucky state Republican Rep. accused of raping a 17-year-old girl at a 2012 New Year’s Eve party while acting as her preacher is refusing to step down, and instead he’s singing hymns as he denies the allegations as the song of the season, stating “people want to go back over my entire life.”

A federal judge has ordered that convict, pedophile and former Republican House Speaker Dennis Hastert never be left alone with a child. Ya fucking think?

The owner of a radio station on the outskirts of DC is butthurt about being forced to register as a foreign agent after he took a bunch of money to start broadcasting Radio Sputnik.

The former DC transit cop accused of being a Nazi sympathizer and attempting to aid ISIS is now on trial and it is just BONKERS!

A gay-hating preacher in Jacksonville, Florida, has some tips to avoid that “flaming foo-foo fruit loop” waiter. (ProTip: This doesn’t work!)

James O’Keefe’s prodigy and faux-journo Laura Loomer did an AMA on Reddit and Goddamn was it pathetic!

Jake Tapper left a Roy Moore talking head speechless after he schooled him about the law when Moore’s spox starting whining about touching the Quran.

Civil rights activist and podcaster extraordinaire DeRay McKesson is suing Jeanine Pirro for making false statements on Fox and Friends back in September.

The USA Today Editorial board published a SCATHING op-ed condemning Trump, saying “A president who would all but call Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand a whore is not fit to clean the toilets in the Barack Obama Presidential Library or to shine the shoes of George W. Bush.”

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Stephen Colbert can’t believe the pedo got buckedJimmy Kimmel had thoughts on Roy MooreSeth Meyers had a couple of things to say to Kayla More about JJEEWWSSThe Daily Show talked about how the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) just don’t add up.

And here’s your morning Nice Time! MORE ADORABLE OTTERS!

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  • Oblios_Cap
  • Nounverb911
    • Werewolf

      Coffee, and hallah with honey? Yum!

    • Crystalclear12

      Your link is broken, it won’t let me in!

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • O/T but need to share that Bruce Brown, director of Endless Summer and On Any Sunday (among others) has passed. Growing up in NorCal in the 70’s, Endless Summer was a fixture for those of us who aspired to be “water men”.

    Bruce Brown’s spirit will be found in the curl, the crash, and the foam forever. RIP Mr. Brown.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/obituaries/bruce-brown-documentarian-whose-endless-summer-caught-perfect-wave-on-film-dies-at-80/2017/12/12/c7fa0790-dea6-11e7-8679-a9728984779c_story.html?hpid=hp_hp-cards_hp-card-obit%3Ahomepage%2Fcard&utm_term=.71e5b39da902

    • Lascauxcaveman

      He made some great flicks. Aspirational stuff for my own teen self.

  • Nounverb911
    • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

      Someone made a twitter account for that horse and I hope they keep it going because I love it.

      • Jeffocaster in the East

        I think we should start a free the horse movement given it is enslaved to Roy Moore.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Wasn’t Sassy a teen girl magazine? I bet Moore named his dog Teen Beat.

      • therblig

        during his rebellious years, he had a sheep named Creem. but let’s not go there.

      • jodyleek

        More like Barely Legal.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “people want to go back over my entire life.”

    You commit one murder….

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      That asshole again?

    • BadKitty904

      Who?

      • beatbort

        Ha ha ha ha.
        This is the best she can do?
        Sad.

    • BigCSouthside

      She’s the reason we keep the word Cunt around

    • (((Aron)))

      Go fuck yourself.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You misspelled “Trump”.

    • I hope I don’t see Ann Coulter in the future…

      Because I saw her in the pasture.

    • grindstone

      Well that’s…..pathetic.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Huh? Apples and oranges Ann is not good at comparisons

    • (((Aron)))

      (Sorry, that epithet was aimed at Ms Coulter, not you!)

  • OneYieldRegular

    Quoth the Alabama electorate: Never Moore.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      That has a Poe-like quality….

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’ll bet Moore is rantin’ and a raven!

        • Jeffocaster in the East

          He has a tell tale heart…..

          • puredog

            Now I want a snifter of amontillado.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            For the love of God!

  • Oblios_Cap
    • coozledad

      Smiling while he’s about to break that horse’s jaw. What a manifestly fucking evil shitheel.

  • coozledad

    A lifetime membership in the NAACP costs $750.00 That may seem like a lot, but once you realize they’re the most effective organization for getting boots on the ground and winning elections, it’s a pittance. It’s $750.00 toward shutting the racist yaps across the political spectrum. It tells everybody sucking redneck dick to go fuck the fuck off forever, and it’s an investment in voting rights. It’s a great Christmas gift, and at fifty dollars, a yearly membership is a pretty good stocking stuffer.

    Stop chasing white. He’s stupid and evil as shit.

  • Nounverb911
  • stankbait

    Moore: Not over, Have to wait on God!

    God: Fuck you Roy, Its over!

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      God made it sooooooooo close and then slapped you in the face. HA!

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        I can be kind of a prick that way.
        – God

        • Historicat

          Sometimes God’s purpose for you is to be an object lesson to others.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          God: “I told you not to touch those girls, but you had to listen to Old Nick.”

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            It wasn’t me, man. He’s always been like this.
            – Satan

    • BadKitty904

      God isn’t registered to vote in Alabama, Roy.

      • beatbort

        Absentee ballot?
        A very large absentee ballot?

    • coozledad

      Ghost of John Lennon: “Roy Moore wants to be a waiter: a waiter for Christ.”

    • grindstone

      “God will bless Alabama and this country.”
      He did, Roy, he gave us a Democratic senator.

      • Impatient

        Hell, he gave Alabama a human, made in ‘his own image.’

    • Msgr_MΩment
    • kareemachan
      • Non-Threatening Ron

        I love that show.

    • cmd resistor

      If God wanted you elected, Roy, you would have won handily, like by 10% or something. Go home.

    • natoslug

      I haven’t heard of God revealing him/her/itself prior to death, Roy. At least not lately. You know what you have to do if you want the big reveal.

  • La forza del resistino

    Sea otters can drain a bottle faster than an Irishman coming off Lent.

    • Eileen Besse

      THIS.

    • Impatient

      Humph. In that ‘other’ video, we saw that this little guy does NOT know the right way to eat string cheese. Ladies gonna have to train him.

  • BadKitty904

    A small victory and one that means the Repervlicans will double-down on their efforts to fuck with voting in 2018 races. But, right now, we need ANY ray of hope we can get!!!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/294ea4b439fd4673dd00394b7609355e3c55c1ca39a9aa132c0398f82ce7a863.gif

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      “We will not be intimidated by potatoes!”

      • BadKitty904

        Another loss for Repotatocans.

  • Trump’s lawyer Ty Cobb says that Robert Mueller is done interviewing current and former White House officials

    Ty Cobb, Yogi Berra said it ain’t over until it’s over.
    https://i.imgflip.com/1gca7a.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Don’t make Fred Rogers choke a bitch.

      • coozledad

        He killed King Friday with a plasma torch. Man had icewater in his veins.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The DAMNING statements made by the former agents on Mueller’s team who were fired were that Trump is “awful,” an “idiot”; included their dislike of Bernie Sanders and Trump’s dick; called Martin O’Malley a “douche”; and said it’s been “long suspected” that Ohio Gov. John Kasich is gay.

    So, what you’re saying is that the DOJ is now monitoring this mommy recipeblog?

    • BadKitty904

      Sweet. FUCK YOU, JEFFBO, YOU PERJURING TRAITOR!!!

      • OutOfOrbit

        YOU CLOSETED MOUSE HUMPER!

  • Nounverb911
    • kareemachan

      You forgot:

      Penis: tiniest

      • GoutMachine

        Objection! Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • beatbort

    We need moore good news like this every day.

    • BadKitty904

      Every. Day. And we can get it, too, if We the People act.

  • The Librarian

    “I hope Senator-elect Doug Jones will do the right thing and truly represent Alabama by choosing to vote with the Senate Republican Majority.” National Republican Senatorial Committee chairman Cory Gardner.

    Hahahahahahaha!!! I guess Mr. Gardner has a bad case of wishful thinking.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Hmmm…I don’t find anything controversial or factually wrong said by those FBI agents fired from Mueller’s team.

    • From Russia with Love

      They must retain their impartiality!

      lol.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      It’s only slander if it’s not true.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    “Are you fucking kidding me…[that is] nonsensical, but it may be the most useful thing he can say to keep the president from going overboard and to keep the wheels on the bus.”

    The wheels are still on the bus!
    https://media.giphy.com/media/JWutWiJzFMmbe/giphy.gif

  • Marion in Savannah

    Oh, lordy — if you haven’t read Charlie Pierce’s thing on attending a Moore rally you must. Here’s a sample:

    Make no mistake. Bannon had his work cut out for him with Roy Moore, a grim, nasty, Bible-banging old crank with the stage presence of an end table and the rhetorical style of an Old Testament prophet whose ravings didn’t make the cut for the Bible. He is stiff and unpleasant. He couldn’t keep the pages of his prepared text together; occasionally, a sheet or three would fall to his feet, and he would fill the void with long quotations from Samuel Adams, selections from the Breitbart Hymnal for the Permanently Aggrieved, and some of his original work.

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a14415471/roy-moore-last-rally/

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Extra points for describing Bannon as a “carbuncled vandal from Virginia”. Charlie has a way with words.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I’m particularly enamored of “the stage presence of an end table” myownself.

    • Natalie Au Natural Hedonist

      That was truly a verbal delight.

  • Nounverb911
  • memzilla Ω

    Alabama GOP Chair: No recount.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Which won’t stop the Moorites and Trumpanzees from demanding one anyway.

  • msanthropesmr

    Has we got a ray of hope?

    • Resistor Radio

      So many rays, so much hope

      • Hesavebread!

        So many hicks, still hope. Wait, that’s not right . . .

        • Resistor Radio

          No, that sums up America, 2017

        • Major^3 Andre

          Hope spins eternal, doncha know

    • Maggielle

      It certainly feels like A Big Fucking Deal.

  • beingreleased

    Since reading the Moore’s defense that they aren’t antisemitic since they have a Jew lawyer, I’ve been thinking about an old scene from L&O:SVU:

    Finn is undercover as a gangster. He goes into someone’s office with Munch behind him in the background. The guy says: “Who’s that?” (pointing to Munch). Finn: “That’s my Jew.”

    That is all.

  • Nounverb911

    Why? Will we be talking about your arrest?

    https://twitter.com/mflynnJR/status/940921638278848512

  • Resistor Radio

    As a server, it was always sooo weird when people you didn’t remember would ask to sit in your section. I never had a weird creep pick me to avoid one of my adorably swishy co-workers, thank goodness. I had one family with like 3 adults and 5 kids always request me, and the first time I didn’t know them, but they kept saying “oh my god, we love her!” and I can’t believe I didn’t remember such a motley crew, but they always tipped around 50% so I “oh my go I love them” too! (And their children were well-behaved-bonus!)

  • James Baskin

    Actually, I think Trump is fit to clean toilets and shine shoes. I’m hoping he gets the opportunity to show that he can in fact excel at those endeavors.

    • msanthropesmr

      I wouldn’t let the fucker shine my shoes. He’d get orange all over them.

    • Me not sure

      To shine shoes, one would have to know shit from Shinola.

      • James Baskin

        Point well taken.

        • From Russia with Love

          On the positive side, if he cleans W’s shoes they can argue over which of them was the worst fucking president ever.

          • Major^3 Andre

            W doesn’t even get to keep that honorific. Sad

    • A LITtle Annoyed, Yet ARoused

      ….in prison.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Trump is qualified to clean toilets, he’s had them on his mind for a long time.

      Barron
      Ivanka
      Donald Jr.
      Eric
      Tiffany

      • kilgoretrout

        He’s qualified to clean French toilets

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I hear it’s pretty easy to get stains out of orange.

  • La forza del resistino

    It’s not a good Wonkagenda day when pedophiles and homophobes outnumber good ol’ adult horndogs.

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh no, are the trolls back in the comments?

  • OK, now how do we stop the Republican tax scam?

    • BadKitty904

      We elect a Democratic majority to Congress.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        I suggest that we encourage Trump to choose more GOP Senators for his Cabinet.

      • It sounds like they’re going to try and ram it through even before Jones gets seated.

        • kilgoretrout

          That should play well in the 2018 tsunami

          • Sure, but as Obamacare has shown, once you get something into law, it’s hard to undo it.

        • BadKitty904

          it can’t be stopped now, as far as I can see. It can be amended/repealed in the future, however.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Can’t happen soon enough, especially if McConnell finds a way to keep Jones out til mid-Jan (it’s possible based on AL vote certification) and get Franken out before Smith can be seated.

    • mike stone

      Get Flake, McCain, Corker, and Collins to vote “NO.” They have every reason to make the right decision. Flake, Corker and McCain have nothing to lose. Collins needs to vote no if she wants to continue in the Senate. Lisa Murkowski was bought off by McConnell on oil drilling in the Arctic, which promises rebate checks to Alaskan voters. Given this, not sure how to turn her around.

  • Ghenghis McCann

    How different the election might have been if Roy’s horse had won the nomination.

    • (((Sedagive)))

      Caligula libelz!

    • OneYieldRegular

      I eagerly await the inevitable Photoshop mashups of Sassy the horse and Sassy the teen girls magazine.

  • Crystalclear12

    You know, Alabama, not electing a pedophile is a bare minimum, right?
    No time to rest, 2018 is just around the corner.
    Stay woke.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      I hope that having Mr Jones there for a year will show them that having a Democrat in office isn’t a sign of the Apocalypse after all.

      • Three years. Jones’ seat isn’t up for election until 2020.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Ooh, even better. TY! (Dunno why I thought it was 2018, not 2020. It’s very confuzzling for us Canuckistanians.)

    • MynameisBlarney

      Not electing child molesters is like THE #1 pre-req for becoming a member of the Non-Fucktard Social Club.

    • GoutMachine

      On the other hand, we’ve finally found a line. We’re OK with bigotry, white supremacy, sexism and racism. But pedophiles – at least we drew a line there.

  • Timothy Watson

    “Rape advocate and “alt-troll” Mike Cernovich (plus Chuck C. Johnson!) can expect a visit from the Capitol Police after attempting to dupe newsrooms into publishing fake sexual harassment allegations about Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer.”

    Didn’t the Capitol Police already interview him once because he was stalking a congressman?

    • Bill D. Burger

      “Lock him up! Lock him up!”

      • Me The People

        Seriously that really is where those creeps should be.

        • BadKitty904

          If they weren’t white Republicans, they would be.

      • mike stone

        Suck a Johnson will gladly serve a noble purpose in prison.

  • Me The People

    So, still waiting for the media to descend on Alabama to find out just what makes those black voters tick – what are their thoughts, their political views, their stories and hopes etc.

    I think I’ll be waiting a long time.

    • Me not sure

      You think like Me.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I loved this thread on Twitter about the GOTV effort. These tactics could also be used to circumvent the Fox/Breitbart bubble.

  • Bright Bart

    “The people of Alabama deemed Roy Moore unfit to serve in the U.S. Senate,” said National Republican Senatorial Committee chairman Cory Gardner, who had called for Moore to be thrown out of the Senate if elected. “I hope Senator-elect Doug Jones will do the right thing and truly represent (white) Alabama by choosing to vote with the Senate Republican Majority.”

    Hahahahaha yeah go ahead and start holding your breath Cory. (parentheses mine.)

    • guppy06

      Represent the party that lined up in lockstep behind the loser?

      • Bright Bart

        yes, because apparently that is a thing.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • BadKitty904

      “…just as soon as flying monkeys zoom through the Senate Chamber…”

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Are you fucking kidding me? Vote against the party that elected him? Asshole.

    • puredog

      Well, I don’t know Jones’s positions on actual issues, but it would surprise me not at all if he turned out to vote like a Heitkamp/Manchin Democrat.

    • mike stone

      Hopefully, Colorado will show this assh*le the door in his next election.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Sure. As soon as the Republican majority acknowledges that they illegally seated Neil Gorsuch.

    • The Wanderer

      It’s that kind of refreshing, unaffected delusional optimism that helps me to believe that the GOP needs to be destroyed, root and branch, with votes.

  • “Democrats now, Democrats tomorrow, Democrats forever!” – Alabama voters.

    • Resistor Radio

      Also: “grab your purse”

    • natoslug

      Restoring the VRA provisions that were stripped out a few years back would go a long way towards that. As would making sure we don’t abandon the POC who saved our asses in this election.

      • With some reflection on their impact on the Alabama election, perhaps the non-white voters will realize that they, very likely, hold the power to lift this country out of its pathetic trajectory.

        The power of the vote does matter.

  • msanthropesmr
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ari Fleischer warns Dems ‘will kill’ GOP in 2018 if Trump approval rating doesn’t go up

      With. Votes.

      • DrBigHead

        I can think of no possible scenario where Trump’s approval ratings will go up. He is what he is. There will be no pivot. Fleischer’s statement could have ended after “2018”.

    • Mary Theresa

      LOL….
      Rick • a minute ago
      Today Rush Limbaugh will explain why Trump really won yesterday.

  • BadKitty904
    • Resistor Radio

      BK knows how to set a mood!

      • BadKitty904

        Small victories must be celebrated, too.

  • Reximus
    • Nounverb911

      WHO?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Damnit. I missed the tiki torch ceremony.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      John Kelly ain’t 100% worthless. This would make him about 98% evil.

    • Left Coast Tom

      Did she ever do anything while “working” at the White House?

    • Pisto75666

      When tap-dancing goes wrong.

      Hey, maybe Bethanny Frankel can give her a job (Omarosa once said in an interview that Frankel “ONLY makes cupcakes”)

    • JustPretendImNotHere
  • Nounverb911
  • Msgr_MΩment
  • House0fTheBlueLights

    For pity’s sake, FBI, I don’t even put my opinions about my roommates in texts, let alone people with the power to fire me.

  • Nounverb911

    OH and this is gonna happen too, also.
    https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/940931851983745027

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Well, I voted for most of those hehehehe

    • jaspersdad

      I would pick any of the others to lead the class.

      • everstar

        Sister Rosetta should lead it, because she goes before us.
        https://youtu.be/V_1gEKfwe0k

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          Every other choice is better than the leader.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        Schlock metal with the own goal there.

  • puredog

    FAKE NEWS! That’s the same adorable otter.

    • AND HE’S BEING BOTTLE FED!

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        AND THERE’S SOROSBUX™ INVOLVED!!!

  • Resistor Radio

    Omarosa OUT

    • Bill D. Burger

      Guess she wasn’t on her knees often enough, huh?

      [Former “Apprentice” contestant and top Donald Trump cheerleader Omarosa Manigault is warning his critics they will soon be on their knees and bowing down before him.]

      http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/297430-omarosa-trumps-haters-will-be-forced-to-bow-down-to-him

      • Resistor Radio

        Heh heh heh

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Gee, she seemed so qualified at, um, what was she supposed to be doing?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Coat-tail riding and free-loading?

      • Bill D. Burger

        Like Mental Ben Carson, she was just one of Trumps “blacks” as in ___ “Where’s my black?…. Over there. There he is.”

        Window dressing and nothing more.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Demonstrating that there is at least ONE black woman who’ll vote for Drumpf? (spoiler: she didn’t vote for Drumpf)

      • renegade500
        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          LOL!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      As it creeps up to a year, the resume builders are going to abandon ship. Ivanka’s planning this, just watch. I give her til the end of February to find out she needs to get back to her NY business interests.

      • Resistor Radio

        I think you’re right. That “special place in Hell…” comment was laying the groundwork.

    • The Wanderer
    • Non-Threatening Ron

      I just heard. Ha!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      April Ryan said there was “some drama” and she was escorted out of the building.

      • cmd resistor

        All I could find is it’s effective 1/20/18, per statement by Sarah.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Great. So she was marched out by security but she gets to keep her bennies?

    • Reximus
      • Resistor Radio

        I’m going to remember that when I pay my taxes.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails
  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I remember one particular “flaming foo-foo fruit loop” waiter- he was great! Very polished and personable, and a bit of a showman. He was too good to be working at a second-rate steakhouse on Sandy Boulevard. My ex and I would ask to be seated in his section, and we tipped him well.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      I’ve occasionally had waiters like that (I eat out VERY rarely, what with being poor) and I always find them just the same. They make the dinner a bit of an occasion, and I always made sure to reward them for it.

    • Querolous

      Club 21? The Sandy Jug?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        You made me look- the place is a Chinese restaurant now. Near 47th & Sandy.

  • renegade500

    That baby otter is ridic!!

  • Nounverb911
    • Left Coast Tom

      …and then campaign for them just across the state line?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Across state lines is a phrase that could really scare Moore, as part of an indictment.

        • Timothy Watson

          He doesn’t have to worry, the Mann Act is only used to keep those other people in line.

      • The Wanderer

        His pro-Moore rally in Pensacola surprised me. Why not Hunstville? Granted, I know that Alabama has territorial ambitions in the Florida Panhandle, and there might be some Sudeten Alabamans living there, but couldn’t Hair Fuehrer have gone somewhere else?

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Honey, I know math is hard, but the GOP margin in the House in far from razor thin.

  • Pisto75666

    If that gay hating preacher is more concerned about a waiter’s lisp than with enjoying date night with his wife, I daresay the waiter’s not the problem.

    • BadKitty904

      I wonder if his wife knows?

      • Pisto75666

        If she doesn’t now, she will.

    • He sure knows a lot about gay men in resturants.

      • Pisto75666

        Doesn’t he?!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Don’t you hate it, ladies, when your date night is ruined because your husband was so distracted by the gay waiter?

      • guest1331now

        Romans 2:1 — the sin you condemn is the sin you are guilty of yourself.

        • bupkus231

          “New American Edition” – Romans 2:1 – He who smelt it, dealt it!

      • GoutMachine

        I just assume any idiot who does shit like this is gay, gay, gay and trying his damnedest to repress/deny it.

    • Resistor Radio

      In an English comp class, a million years ago, we read some excerpts from a book I can’t remember, detailing peoples freak outs in the eighties. One lady had called into a radio show, worried that she could get AIDS from a gay waiter. The host explained how it’s transmitted and that gay waiters weren’t a risk. Lady responded “well, what if he ejaculates in my soup?” Some people, man.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Ah, soul.

        • Resistor Radio

          Heh, fixed it to soup, but it kinda worked.

          • Canned Covfefe

            Put it back! It’s perfect on so many levels.

      • Pisto75666

        I’ve never once had a waiter ejaculate in my soup. I lead such a dull life.

        • Resistor Radio

          THAT YOU KNOW OF!

        • Ghenghis McCann

          ‘Waiter, there’s some soup on your fly.’

          • guest1331now

            A genuine guffaw for this!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Aw, my wife’s wedding toast!

      • wide_stance_hubby

        I usually request that be served on the side.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I believe that in almost all restaurants, you have to specifically request soup with spoo.

    • The Wanderer

      “I believe in the family
      With my ever loving wife beside me
      But she don’t know about my girlfriend
      Or the man I met last night . . . ”

      — Phil Collins, Jesus He Knows Me

  • JustPretendImNotHere

    According to NPR, all 36 Texas Congressional Districts will have a Democratic candidate running in 2018. And the Texas House and Senate will also be contested for the first time since 1992.

    Now, this will be a steep climb, but following the elections in Virginia and Alabama, the history student in me appreciates the fact that the “Old Confederacy” may actually help preserve the Union this time around.

    • The Wanderer

      Excellent. I’m happy to see that the Democratic Party’s decided to mobilize on a state and local level as well as nationwide.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Well past time, but good going.

    • cheetojeebus

      I have a family member running, There are lots of exciting things happening there. Lots of strong women running.

      • Ms.Moon

        Women are rightfully pissed. I do hope that they support each other. African American women did the work yesterday again to put Jones into the Alabama Senate.

        • cheetojeebus

          They’ve got some great roll models in Texas with Barbara Jordan, Molly Ivins, Ann Richards, Wendy Davis and more.

    • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

      I hope Georgia follows that example. We have the highest percentage of uncontested races in the US of America, at 80%. Most of those seats are Republican.

  • Marceline

    “and said it’s been “long suspected” that Ohio Gov. John Kasich is gay.”

    I’m an Ohioan who has heard every possible insult thrown at Kasich and I have literally never heard anyone question his sexual orientation. (And I know being gay isn’t an insult but it is to his supporters.)

    • cmd resistor

      It has, however, been long suspected that Trump is an idiot.

      • Historicat

        A’int nothing suspected about it.

    • The whole thing is silly. I’ve heard a conspiracy theory that Kasich is a serial killer that is way more plausible and disturbing.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Oh, not in some newsrooms. Mandel, too.

      Not saying there’s anything valid in them. Just saying the rumors are out there.

      • Marceline

        Really? Fascinating.

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          Some newsrooms are just gossip farms.

          If it’s not about the Governor or the Treasurer, it’s about a State Senator or a Rep. Or even someone else in the newsroom.

          I’ve heard them all. It’s just one more reason I’m glad to be out … of print journalism, that is.

  • Kneeling Bozilingus

    Will the DNC finally start with a 50-State strategy? Find ways to beat voter suppression laws by using funding to get the necessary IDs for D voters and organize transportation on voting day. Make use of early voting wherever possible, by mail or at a polling station. 2018 is less than a year away and WE can change the world USA.

    • OutOfOrbit

      changing USA will change the world

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Much as the world dislike it sometimes, this is true.

        • Maggielle

          You know that old saying, “When America sneezes, the world catches a cold”? We really need to redeem ourselves with an opposite thing.

    • Edith Prickly

      Yes, and maybe they will stop chasing the “economically anxious” (racist) voters and start nurturing the people who support them instead?

      • Kneeling Bozilingus

        A much better use of campaign funds! Get out the people you know will vote for your candidates.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        You know who’s economically anxious right now? Disenfranchised and discouraged voters. Plus everyone getting screwed by the Republican tax scam.

      • Red Bird

        Aaaaaaaa-MEN!

      • THIS times infinity!

        If nothing else, to prevent me from having to make 2000 snide witticisms to that same effect (I’m at #126 now).

  • Edith Prickly
    • WotsAllThisThen

      They are part of the deep state now. Splitters!

  • Nounverb911
  • Non-Threatening Ron

    Can’t believe no-one’s said this this morning:

    To Roy Moore: You lost. Get over it.

    • Edith Prickly

      DOUG JONES IS THE BOSS OF YOU NOW, SNOWFLAKE!!1111!!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      We’ve been telling Alabama that since the Civil War ended.

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Trump’s lawyer Ty Cobb says that Robert Mueller is done interviewing current and former White House officials”

    I don’t get this. Is this to placate Trump? Does he think that misleading the public will make the probe go away? Is he working toward a future mistrial due to incompetent representation by Trump’s lawyer?

    • OutOfOrbit

      my moneyies on pacifying the tRumpsterfire

      • Edith Prickly

        The Moore loss must really be chapping his spray-tanned hide this morning.

    • SDGeoff3

      Trump is feeling cornered, and all hell is about to break loose.

  • BMW

    I never ever want to hear from this fucker ever again.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c37b8670efc3da14af087a2036082ce92e41527c551c7ca03ee54f2899e75732.jpg
    Note: Roy Moore died on his way back to his home planet.

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      Was that Sassy speaking on the meme?

      • Maggielle

        Oh, Sassy. That should be part of Moore’s eventual punishment: he has to give Sassy to a young teenage girl, in a state far from Moore, no visitation rights. To either Sassy or the girl.

    • ManchuCandidate

      The planet was named Jailbait?

    • Hardly Ideal

      Here’s hoping he rides into the sunset. Or tries to and gets his ass bucked off.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      He made it to the Fireworks factory.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “Trump is “awful,” an “idiot””- FBI guys.
    “Trump is a fucking moron.”-Rex Tillerson.

    So the FBI are nicer to Cult 45’s dear leader than his own administrators?

  • cheetojeebus

    Fucking Peter King is now saying that racial division is a bad thing and Bannon should be shunned. They had no fucking problem with racial division (or diddling kids) when Trump was winning. Fuck them.

    • Maggielle

      This whole “reality” thing keeps dissolving for them.

  • chazmanr

    Question. If we leave the outcome to God and God still says Doug Jones won, isn’t that God not only endorsing Doug Jones, but also rejecting Roy Moore and everything he claims to stand for? Will Roy Moore change his mind on gays and browns now that God has sent him such a clear message? FUCK NO!

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      God’s messages are only clear when they tell you what you already believe to be true, dincha know?

  • calliecallie

    Republicans are hoping to ram through their the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) and have them take effect by Jan. 1, 2018, which could have immediate effects on workers who rely on subway passes, moving expenses, grad school waivers, pretty much every deduction taken by a small business…

    They are fucking insane. If that damn bill passes, I really hope they do this. Really. Do it, Repubs, I dare you. I double dog dare you.

  • calliecallie

    I am glad we had sea otters two days in a row. Yesterday I needed that darn sea otter so much, just to keep going. Today I can just truly enjoy the sea otter for the big fluffy stuffed animal-looking beast that he is. It is a brighter morning this morning. Thanks, Alabama.

    PS Can’t help but notice that if you replaced the Ala with an O…

    • Maggielle

      I hope he and Michelle had a nice evening. Also Hillary too.

      It’s a good thing and I am pleased too, but I am still sad that the very nice mayor of San Francisco died early yesterday morning, heart attack, age 65. We now have a black woman acting mayor, London Breed. and I wish her the best. She grew up in public housing in the Western Addition and up till yesterday was the supervisor there, so I’m hopeful. But sad.

      • calliecallie

        I’m sorry. I heard on the radio that one of the last big things he did was to create the Comfort Women Memorial. An important story not well known. He was a good guy, for sure.

    • phoenix00

      Dom’s just pelt-ing us with those critters!

      • calliecallie

        I wikapedia’d sea otters in a vain attempt to come up with another pun. Did you know they don’t have anal scent glands?

        • phoenix00

          The More You Know……

  • Reximus
  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Red Richmond

      From the “Roy Moore Smells Like Teen Fear-It” Collection.

  • Bob Smith

    Anti-Gay Theocrat, who clearly can’t ride, brings horse “Thathy” to the polls proves his primitive world view is as modern as his mode of transportation.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Two things: One, The Foo-Foo Flaming Fruit Loops needs to be the name of my next band. Two, USA Today used the word “Whore” in a headline. I now fully expect cats and dogs to begin taking out leases on SoHo condos together.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      When you’re a Republican and you’ve lost USA Today….

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Gayer Than Thou

    Just popping in from vacation to say woo hoo!

    • Oblios_Cap

      toodles!

    • Doug Langley

      Hi!

    • phoenix00

      How’s the tan?

  • onedollarjuana

    Heard and interview on NPR with the congressman from District 1 in Alabammy. When asked if he voted for Moore, he stated that he vote a straight Republican ticket because he feels he has an obligation to. Weasel.

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      This is why I will NEVER vote for a Republican, no matter how moderate they appear.

    • phoenix00

      And WHO thinks Democrats want nothing but a vote?

  • Marceline

    I’ve had my issues with the DNC but they played this perfectly.

    “Despite publicly remaining mum on the race, the Democratic National Committee spent nearly $1 million on the contest while dispatching and funding 30 aides here, a party official told POLITICO. That push came just as Jones sought to distance himself from the national party and win over conservatives.”

    https://www.politico.com/story/2017/12/12/alabama-senate-democrats-jones-293496

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      I will be interested to see if Jones was successful in “winning over conservatives.”

      • Marceline

        From what I saw on Twitter, he did. Quite a few Republicans said that this was the first time they ever voted for a Democrat. I do wonder however how much of it was Republicans who have just become sickened by what their party has become.

    • TundraGrifter

      That was necessary because the Democratic Party in Alabama had no real infrastructure. Perhaps in the runup to 2018 and 2020 the DNC will show some good sense and organize in all 50 states.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • guest1331now

    This from a comment on mediaite, and likely also too in comments below (tm:dr): if as SHS argued the 2016 election ‘litigated’ sexual assault allegations against Trump (by the way convicting him by 3 million votes) did AL voters just ‘convict’ Moore of being a pedo?

  • thewalkindude

    OH NOES!!

    WASHINGTON (AP) — The White House says Omarosa Manigault Newman — one of President Donald Trump’s most prominent African-American supporters — plans to leave the administration next month.

    White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders says Manigault Newman’s resignation is effective Jan. 20, one year since Trump’s inauguration.

    Manigault Newman’s decision comes at the start of what’s expected to be a round of departures heading into the new year.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Dear Foo-Foo Fruit Loop Pastor –

    A) It’s not nice to use your prejudices and hang-ups to make extra work for a lady who looks like a mom, and
    B) Girl, please.

    Yours in Christ,
    GTT

    • paxpax

      srsly

  • ltmcdies

    good morning, Wonkettes…so many nice wee stories out of Alabama today

    https://twitter.com/mollyesque/status/940809771950755841

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      This is awesome. Thank you for posting.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Remind me again, which candidate kept appearing on a horse? Might not have been as good a move as he thought.

  • LesBontemps

    McPaper? Dayum, gurl.

  • guest1331now

    Hahaha, afraid that lithp is contagious? (Gah-hating preacher on how to avoid fruit-loop waiters).

  • WIDTAP
    • phoenix00

      The rat has left the building.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Dom! Is there one report or two?

    According to a report on the report on the 2011 Euro banking crisis

    • phoenix00

      “I see you want a report on a report, so I made a report on your report.” – Xzibit

  • Shibusa
    • Kryptonian Canis

      I figure the only reason Roy ever had horses with bubblegum-sounding names like “Sassy” was to lure young girls out to his cabin in the woods.

      He certainly never took an interest in learning how to ride properly, anyway.

      • By the way that horse came across as such a “Bush shoveling hay on his ranch” moment to anyone else?

    • eyelashviper

      That poor horse needs an intervention to protect it against his terrible riding, and gawd only knows what else….

      • Dinz6315

        #RescueSassy

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    the best way to avoid that “flaming foo-foo fruit loop” waiter is to live as a shut in, never let your face be seen in public, and for god’s sake, never vote.

    • MsEdgyNation

      Also, asking the nice mom-lady waiter to keep the scary gay man away from you pretty much guarantees she will put some truly foul substance in your food.

  • C4TWOMAN

    “Oh… what a beautiful morn’in!”
    *Hums ancient pop tune*

    First time I’ve felt like we’re in the last stretch of the nightmare, since the Mueller investigation began. And by last stretch, I mean perhaps a mere few months more before the Trumpkins are forced to resign/step down/go to jail/leg it.

    Thanks Wonkette for being there to make it all bearable.

  • Shibusa
  • SheltonTodd

    I am waiting for the ImMoore-al Majority to start the claims of vote fraud

    • Bitter Scribe

      Check out Breitbart. They’ve already started.

    • george lastrapes

      Maybe the Moore-backers will sue the vote-suppressors and ratfuggers they hired, or claim they were infiltrated by liberals.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    I’m pretty sure flaming foo-foo fruit loop is what happens when you replace your morning milk for your breakfast cereal with sriracha sauce

    • RugzYaBurnt

      I am sorely tempted to make “Flaming Foo-Foo Fruit Loop” my new Wonket handle, but hmmmmmmm….it’s a lot of words.

  • Yellerduck

    Head’s up to Roy Moore: God has already spoken. He said you were an arrogant hypocrite and you should shut up, take your lumps, get back in your closet and humble yourself. If you heard anything else, that’s not God, it’s your ego.

  • Yellerduck

    If the Moore camp wants a recount, they have to pay for it. The margin was not close enough to trigger one automatically.

    • Hardly Ideal

      From what I saw on MSNBC, the final tally was Jones 50%, Moore 48%, and writes-ins at 2%.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Alabama law doesn’t allow for recount in federal elections.

      • Yellerduck

        Even cooler.

  • Zyxomma

    That is one significant otter.

  • eyelashviper

    Can hardly wait for Sarah Huckerfucker Spandex to splain all this today:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/38e10ecd529565ca8beea19e30515e8ae06770ae97b5e7250515bcb0f6e5bff6.jpg

    • MsEdgyNation

      That’s just not right. Sarah’s hair, although devoid of style, is usually combed neatly.

    • phoenix00

      If my employer(s) saw this many busted Shure SM56s you sure as heck there will be questions asked.

  • TundraGrifter

    Regarding the attempt to dupe news media – is it really “forgery?”

    All of the following elements must be satisfied when proving a person guilty of forgery:

    False creation of document: The defendant must have manufactured, typed, printed, engraved, or handwritten the false document

    Materially altering the document: The person must have changed an existing, genuine document in some way (for example, falsely filling in blanks on a form)

    Capability of defrauding: The document or writing must look sufficiently genuine to be capable of defrauding the average person

    Legal significance: The document must claim to have some sort of legal significance to affect the other person’s rights. Writings with only social significance (such as a novel or poem) generally cannot be the subject of forgery

    Intent to deceive or defraud: The defendant must use the document with the intent to deceive the other person.

    https://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/forgery-laws.html

    Just to be clear here. What these idiots are accused of doing is obviously very wrong. But is it “forgery?”

    • phoenix00

      > Intent to deceive or defraud: The defendant must use the document with the intent to deceive the other person.

      This right here. Even if they do a cockshit job of it, the intention is what counts.

      • TundraGrifter

        I haven’t passed the bar here in California. But I don’t see the “Legal significance” element here.

        • phoenix00

          That’s probably for a judge or grand jury to decide, but given the current social climate I’d love to see Cernovich’s world rocked.

        • Robyn Ryan

          Attacking a US Senator.?
          Pretty legally significant.
          Bearing false witness..

          • TundraGrifter

            But is it “forgery?” What is the cause of action here?

  • Paperless Tiger

    This anti-rape movement is taking a toll on the Dominionists for some reason.

  • SDGeoff3

    Otter babby. ahhh…

  • Um no, what he a “deserves” is a swift kick in the ass:

    http://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-news-and-politics/251387/why-glenn-greenwald-deserves-a-pulitzer-prize

    By the way Glenn has been flogging that story endlessly, going on and on (and on) about how this was “one of the most embarrassing days for the U.S. media in quite a long time”…you know the same week that a certain media organization misinformed viewers about Roy Moore.

  • Raan

    Oh shit!

    Does John Kasich is gay?

  • MOG253

    Wow, busy week!!!

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    … and said it’s been “long suspected” that Ohio Gov. John Kasich is gay.

    To be honest, the whispers to this effect from some in Ohio have been far from quiet ones. State treasurer and frequent GOP Senate loser Josh Mandel has also been the subject of such whispers.

    Using those text messages, Trumpkins and Republicans are hoping to crucify the DOJ and the FBI as “deep state” threats to Trump’s consolidation of power.

    … and here comes the frame.

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    Rape advocate and “alt-troll” Mike Cernovich (plus Chuck C. Johnson!) can expect a visit from the Capitol Police after attempting to dupe newsrooms into publishing fake sexual harassment allegations about Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer.

    Nice work, Cernovabitch. Because newsrooms ALWAYS back down when their integrity is called into question. #StupidFuckingPunk

  • Thought you might all appreciate this comment from a friend of mine who happens to be a principled Libertarian who actually campaigned for Rand Paul:

    hopefully Bannon and Trump took a big hit with Moore simply because they supported him like a couple of idiots. But it remains to be seen whether this will carry over into other races. I think that, in order for the GOP to truly survive Trump, the Democrats need to sweep the midterm elections and control Congress for the next couple years. In 2020, a Democrat (hopefully Cory Booker! I love that guy) needs to win the White House. Then maybe the GOP can slowly start to return to power by 2024, at least in Congress.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’ve never met a Libertarian who wasn’t an idiot. Can you ask your friend why there are zero successful libertarian countries? I’m sure there are reasons why such a brilliant philosophy has never actually worked anywhere.

      • Grumpy Old Man

        I have tried to have a comprehensible conversation with a Libertarian but it is just no possible. I would give examples but FFS I would lose more brain cells trying to dredge that shit up from wherever it is that I buried it.

        • (((Aron)))

          Great example: friend of mine, paraplegic. Gets a lot of help from the government due to his disability.

          Hardcore Libertarian before his accident, hardcore Libertarian after his accident.

          Makes me sad :(

      • Robyn Ryan

        My libertarian friend hurls claims of identity politics and competing ideologies.
        He protested that women’s lack of full citizenship was merely ‘technical.’
        So sheltered.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          There are two types of Libertarians- billionaires who don’t want to pay taxes, and college kids who don’t know how the world actually works.

          • (((Aron)))

            I was once a Libertarian.

            Then I turned fifteen.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Be dum tish!

            Theoretically both communism and libertarianism are good ideas, they just tend not to work in actual practice.

          • (((Aron)))

            Something, something, human nature, something, something.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So, why am I not surprised john kasich might be gay? Apparently, all self loathing homersexual queers find refuge in the GOP’s big gay tent for lady boys.

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