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Alabama’s special Senate election is tomorrow. Do you know where your kids are?

Hello, America, are you tired of waiting to see if Alabama is going to elect an ACTUAL ACCUSED CHILD MOLESTER to the Senate, just to stick it to the liberals? Well, the special election is tomorrow (Tuesday), so the wait won’t be much longer. (According to Wonkette’s own Fakakta South, who is back from long ago and also from “Alabama,” we might just be surprised to see what Alabama does tomorrow!) In the interest of not having to write one million more posts about it, we figured we’d throw together a little bits ‘n’ pieces post about Alabama’s US Senate special election, and then say GO VOTE FOR DOUG JONES if you are in Alabama, and donate if you’re not. Or do both! (“Neither” is not an option.)

As to the state of the race, fuck if we know, so GO VOTE. A new Fox News poll says Doug Jones is winning by 10, but we question their math and their motivations on that one. Other polls show Roy Moore winning. This election is all about turn-out, so again, FUCK IF WE KNOW, so GO VOTE.

If Alabamians don’t vote for Doug Jones, America will have to heed the warnings of Wisconsin Rep. Gwen Moore (D-No Fucking Relation To The Kid Toucher), who is just saying if Roy Moore is elected, Congress needs to make sure to protect the kids (some of whom are 16!) in the Congressional page program from getting molested by Roy Moore. She spelled this out in a letter to the Senate’s sergeant-at-arms:

“Being away from home puts these young people in a very vulnerable position,” Moore writes in the letter. “The nature of life on Capitol Hill necessitates long hours in close proximity to lawmakers and staff that can create power dynamics of which young people are not fully aware.”

“It would be unconscionable for Congress to not be vigilant and proactive in taking precautions to safeguard these children given the well sourced allegations against Roy Moore,” she continues. […]

“I believe my fears are well founded,” Moore writes in her letter. “We have seen Members of Congress abuse the Congressional Page Program. … We need to be vigilant stewards of these children going forward.”

If you’re wondering if Rep. Moore mentioned former Rep. Mark Foley, toucher of pages, of course she did. We agree with her, and would suggest that, in the event of a Roy Moore victory, he be pre-emptively banned from ever even looking at a page, male or female. Moreover, the Capitol has daycare centers, so we’d strongly encourage Congress to pass legislation requiring Roy Moore to stay 100 feet from those if he wins. It just seems wise.

(To be completely fair to Roy Moore, we should note the campaign is distributing a list of talking points about how Bitches Be Lyin’ about how Roy Moore molested them when they were children. Its sources are … Breitbart and the Roy Moore campaign. Good try, guys!)

Alabama’s senior senator, very conservative Republican Richard Shelby, is giving his constituents permission to vote for Anybody But Roy Moore, telling CNN’s Jake Tapper on Sunday that he, himself, Richard Shelby, did not vote for Roy Moore, because Roy Moore is ugh:

I think the women are believable, I have no reason not to believe them, just like Attorney General [Jeff] Sessions said … There’s a lot of stories. There’s a lot of smoke. Gotta be some fire somewhere.

I’d rather see the Republican win, but I’d hope that Republican could be a write-in. I couldn’t vote for Roy Moore, I didn’t vote for Roy Moore, but I wrote in a distinguished Republican name. … I think so many accusations, so many cuts, so many drip, drip, drip. When it got to the 14-year-old story, that was enough for me. I said, “I can’t vote for Roy Moore.”

You heard your senator, Alabama Republicans! Write in some rando!

By the by, Condoleezza Rice, a GOP daughter of Alabama, has issued a statement we think is basically an endorsement of Doug Jones, though it manages to do that without saying the words “Roy Moore” or “Doug Jones” or “you should vote for this one, not that one.”

In other Moore news, CNN found some Moore interviews from 2011, where he said America would be better if we just got rid of all the Constitutional amendments after #10. If you can’t remember your amendments, these are some of the things that Made America Bad Again, when they were put into the Constitution:

  • 13th: Got rid of slavery.
  • 14th: Due process, equal protection, AND SO ON.
  • 15th: Allowed black folks to vote.
  • 19th: Allowed women to vote.
  • 24th: Got rid of poll taxes.

While we could give Moore the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he’s just really het up about the line of succession issues addressed by the 25th amendment, fuck that. Roy Moore is a racist, sexist bigot, and he yearns for the olden days, when the blacks and the womens were placed below the Roy Moores in society. (We don’t know exactly what Moore really thinks of slavery, but he doesn’t hate it!)

Also, here’s a video from a Guardian interview with Roy Moore originally released in August. In it, he embraces Vladimir Putin’s Russia, agreeing that America is the greatest purveyor of evil in the world, because we let homosexicans get married. Then he speaks fluent Russian, which is really weird since he doesn’t appear to speak fluent English.

Finally, here’s a video of a 12-year-old girl interviewing Roy Moore, put out by a pro-Trump PAC. We don’t know if they were literally trolling themselves, or whether they just wanted to prove Roy Moore could be in the same room with a girl child without getting handsy.

And now we feel gross.

GO VOTE, ALABAMA. (For Doug Jones.)

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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  • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Who collects stamps nowadays, anyway? Skeevy pervert!

      • msanthropesmr

        No, you’re thinking of a flagellist

        • Resistor Radio

          Feelitalist?

    • schmannity

      Your Schmannity owns and shoots lots of guns, but I’ve never thought of getting one for my purse.

  • lucidamente
    • msanthropesmr

      I thought that it was Chris Cilliza but there were too many zzs in the name.

    • GoutMachine

      Et tu, Ryan?

      Also, too, Mario Batali. I swear, this is the new celebrity death game (always come in threes)…

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I stand with [Gwen] Moore.

  • GoutMachine

    Is there a way I can donate to that girl’s therapy bills?

  • msanthropesmr

    Morally bankrupt.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Republican Family Values

    Prior to the Civil War: “I think it was great at the time when families were united — even though we had slavery — they cared for one another…. Our families were strong, our country had a direction. It was a time when America was great,” Moore said, according to the Times.

    https://answersafrica.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/slavery-1024×544.jpg

    • GoutMachine

      The family that lynches togeth— You know, I just can’t. Fuck Roy Moore.

      • Bill D. Burger

        And you could date a 13 or 14 year old girl in Alabammy.

        Roy Moore….”Duh! Winning!”

    • theCryptofishist

      And do you know what slave-owners did to black families? Fuck you and your little gross dreams based on nothing, not even Gone with the Wind, because real men don’t read that romance shit.

  • schmannity

    Moore hates the Reconstruction Amendments. Trump hates the 25th.

    • GoutMachine

      But he’s all about Article XII.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Fake news. Trump can’t count to 25. Or 2.

  • jesterpunk

    I just looked at the fox story and comments, they are now claiming that Fox is liberal and part of the deep state who are against Trump.

    • Fritz1964

      Ah, when cons hit an intellectual wall, they hide behind two word screeds: “Deep State,” “Political Correctness,” etc. Makes it easier for the rubes to remember…

    • proudgrampa

      Uh, wow.

    • Skeptical_thinker

      They always eat their own. It may take a while, but they always do.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I thought you were kidding. I genuinely can’t tell what’s real anymore.

  • Machnethylsteinerbincolabird

    I wonder if that 10 point lead factors in gerrymandering…

    • Antonin Dvorak

      No gerrymandering in a statewide election.

    • BadKitty904

      And hacked voting machines. And destroyed mail-in ballots. And other Republican voter fraud…

  • BadKitty904

    I think I’m just not going to turn my computer on tomorrow.

    • msanthropesmr

      If democracy collapses and there is no one around to watch does it really happen
      ?

      • GoutMachine

        Unfortunately, yes. I took this tack on Election Day last year.

        • BadKitty904

          I STILL wish I had.

          • GoutMachine

            I took a sleeping pill, did the Times crossword and went to sleep. I actually had a dream that I woke up and looked at my phone to see HRC had won. Then, later, Mrs. GoutMachine came in sobbing and I knew.

          • BadKitty904

            Ugh.

          • cmd resistor

            I hated when I woke up and looked at my phone and saw what had happened. I think I read it on the Fuck You America Wonkette story.

      • BadKitty904

        It will take at least a few days before said collapse reaches my little town. And even then, this burg is too small for much rioting and looting.

        • elviouslyqueer

          I’m preemptively drinking all the margaritas tonight, just in case.

          • BadKitty904

            Better safe than sorry.

  • msanthropesmr

    I had surgery this morning and my mouth hurts and now I’m an in a waiting room listening to Christmas music. This day sucks.

    • BadKitty904

      No drugs?

      • msanthropesmr

        Oxy, but I ain’t taking it unless shit gets really hairy.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Give the drugs to Patsy!

          • Skeptical_thinker

            Upfist for AB FAB reference.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Just don’t let the pain get ahead of you; that seriously sucks. Then you have to endure the crests before the painkillers kick in.

          • msanthropesmr

            It’s been 6 hours, so I think I’m in as much pain as I am gonna be in. Advil.

    • GoutMachine

      They didn’t give you any good drugs? Your dentist named Szell?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Last time I had oral surgery, the nurse asked me if I remembered what I said right before I was knocked out. I didn’t remember, but she told me I said “this is nice, I like this.” I do love that dental gas.

      • msanthropesmr

        I was awake for it.

        • redarmyzombie

          When my wisdom teeth were pulled, I couldn’t feel pain, but I do remember feeling them poking around in my mouth while I was knocked out, which is weird…

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          That was your first mistake.

      • Eileen Besse

        I have to have the gas ’cause that shot stopped working for me over 20 years ago….

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          The gas is delightful…very dreamy.

      • everstar

        After I had my wisdom teeth out, I woke up from the anaesthesia in time to see Jesse Ventura being inaugurated as governor of Minnesota. I was extremely discombobulated until I remembered he had actually been elected.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Ha! I would have asked to be put back under.

      • SterWonk

        I’ve had nitrous oxide and novocain for dental work before, decades ago.

        I remember quite vividly that I could tell immediately when they switched the gas line over from air to nitrous. I also remember hearing them asking me to open wider and tilt my head. I remember feeling pressure, but not any pain per se, because of the novocain.

        I also remember looking up at their face-masks, and realizing that I could see the reflection of what they were doing, and watching them work in my mouth. And seeing a small red dot suddenly appear, and realizing that that was my blood.

        And I simply didn’t care.

        It was by far the most surreal experience of my life.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Keep your eyes closed during surgery…ALWAYS.

          • SterWonk

            Nah, it was really cool! I could see them messing around, and was able to watch with interest rather than being freaked out!

    • schmannity

      IS IT SAFE?

      • Fritz1964

        Don’t ingest the diamonds!

    • Bill D. Burger
      • wide_stance_hubby

        Why do they always try to get a conversation going when that’s all one can say?

        • theCryptofishist

          Sadism?

      • Thiazin Red

        Yes, why the shit do they do that?

    • arglebargle

      Do they have Fox on the waiting room TeeVee?

      • msanthropesmr

        No, Christmas”Jazz”

        • arglebargle

          I’m trying to decide which is worse.

        • elviouslyqueer

          Nat King Cole Christmas Jazz, or Jim Brickman Christmas “Jazz”?

          • msanthropesmr

            “Jazz”. Not Duke Ellington’s Nutcracker Suite.

          • GoutMachine

            Ugh, I hate that shit. Although I suppose it could be worse, like Sir Paul McCartney’s Christmas crime against humanity.

          • cmd resistor

            I find that one of the few things where I could be called a reactionary is Christmas music. I hate most of the modern and most of the recordings of the old. I mostly like the old carols, without flashy shit. Nat King Cole’s Christmas album comes to mind. And I usually hate that Chestnuts song, too, except Nat is allowed to sing it.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I hate the modern shit too. Give me Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby,” and anything written and sung before Elvis died, and I’m pretty happy. Play that fucking “last xmas, i gave you my heart” bullshit and I will open a can of whoop-ass on ya.

          • cmd resistor

            I remember the Lutheran pastor in my church growing up preaching against Jingle Bell Rock. Looking back I guess that was the early days of the War on Christmas. People used to get upset about “seasons greetings” and “Merry X-Mas.”

    • Resistor Radio

      Would a dick joke about your mouth hurting make you feel better, or just piss you off?

      • msanthropesmr

        Huh. Probably confuse me more than anything.

        • Resistor Radio

          Ok good, because I didn’t really have one anyway, besides trying to play on “mouth hurts”

    • everstar

      I wish you a speedy recovery and better music.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    I love how he argues that the 13-15th are invalid because they were negotiated “at the point of a gun”.
    Hey, dumbass – your forefathers were the ones who decided to secede. So of course after we kicked their rebel asses we got to negotiate the terms. That’s what winners do.

    • jesterpunk

      But they won the electoral college and got to make the rules after the civil war.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    Already posted this in the previous thread, but here it is again. I like how Saddam is pointing at Shelby, saying This guy! Amirite? https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5b9d291815bdccade906a495ce168c7de9c145e6271adb3bf951bd30ca1bb468.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      “Oh, yes, this guy here, he bring us the anthrax. For him, I get nice special gift for him.”

      • Resistor Radio

        Land Rover Range Rover?

    • BadKitty904

      “No, really, pull my finger…”

    • Michael Smith

      “I used to think I was conservative, and then I met him!”

    • elviouslyqueer

      “You must be this tall to ride this mustache.”

    • Suttree

      Are they holding hands? That’s what it looks like to me.

    • Pluto Animus

      Are Shelby and Saddam Hussein holding hands?

      How goddamn weird is that?

      Meanwhile, Saddam has a fucking gun on his hip.

      “Say something I don’t like, Shelby, and I’ll blow your brains out.”

      Too bad the world is still paying the price for us killing that creep. He deserved to die so much, but none of us deserved this aftermath.

  • memzilla Ω

    A new Fox News poll says Doug Jones is winning by 10…

    The only reason that Kremlin-co-conspiring Faux ‘News’ would say this is to get the Roy Moore voters het up and out to the polls. There is no other reason, period.

    • jesterpunk

      The comments on Faux Noise are hilarious. They are saying Fox is part of the deep state and against Trump now.

      • Suttree

        /ffs now I HAVE to go look. I have a beer in my hand so hopefully I don’t die.

      • TJ Barke

        Christ…

        • jesterpunk

          They have successfully convinced their base that anything negative is fake news and it is backfiring on them a little.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Well, reality does have a librul bias…

      • BadKitty904

        Freekin’ Moore-ons…

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Sic semper cum paranoia. Always ends up turning in on itself.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      If they wanted that they’d say that Jones was up by 1 or 2. They want what they think are those lazy blah Jones voters to stay home.

      • memzilla Ω

        The same percentage of blah voters watch Faux ‘News’ as voted for Dolt 45, though.

        • Rebel Scum with permit

          There’ll be the usual calls from the “Democrat Party” telling people to be sure to go to the polls on December 13. Sleazy assholes.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Michael Smith

    Maybe Condie’s the write-in.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    *Moore after interview from 12 year old*

    “So, uh, what’re you doing after this?”

  • BadKitty904
  • theCryptofishist

    This whole thing is too fucking weird. And gross, can’t forget gross.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Question on accusations of sexual misconduct against Trump to Surra’ Hildebeast:

    “You said he has denied them. Can you say whether or not they are false?”

    Sarah Sanders: “I’m not going to respond.”

    http://politicaldig.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/trump-im-with-perv.jpg

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      What, is lying suddenly below her?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Styve

    Have any of Moore’s victims filed suit against him, and if so, what did discovery reveal? If not, would any be eligible to sue, to initiate discovery, to search all Moore’s computers and data storage devices, bec. I can guaran-goddang-tee he has child pornography, and then he is done!!

    • Suttree

      I believe that statute of limitations, for the crimes that he has been accused of, is three years. So probably not.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        It is AL, so more like a week and a half.

    • Daniel

      Nah, the GOP would just say that shows he’s pro-life, loves kids, and besides it’s a deep state set up and anyway Hillary Clinton killed children in Comet Ping Pong.

  • BadKitty904
  • theCryptofishist

    It’s a good thing that there are no comments allowed on Wonkette, because I couldn’t read them, even if they were funny and insightful, because they would make me too upset.

  • Blackest Noobs

    “who is back from long ago and also from “Alabama,” we might just be surprised to see what Alabama does tomorrow!”

    no, i highly doubt it,it would probably take an Act of God™ to do that…surprise us.

  • BadKitty904
    • Swampgas_Man

      I’m sure for SOME voters, Jones’ KKK convictions aren’t winning him any favors.

      • everstar

        Hell, they’ve been running around calling Jones “soft on crime.”

        • Resistor Radio

          While Moore is hardon teen girls.

          • everstar

            Whee, projectile vomiting is fun!

          • Resistor Radio

            Aim to please!

      • BadKitty904

        Good.

  • Bill D. Burger

    A pro-Trump super PAC paid to have a 12-year old girl travel down to Alabama to interview Roy Moore.

    Just the pic of that little girl interviewing that pedophile. ~creepy~

    And they thought that was a ‘good’ idea? lmao

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b9d507f2ac3a8e9d28942c60d439cd895a5575ab9113b79ea354129999a5e208.jpg

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      NB: Scott Adams would also too come under that category heading.

  • Dolmance

    They’re going to go with Moore. I can feel it in my bones.

    I think I’m going to need a psychiatrist after this nightmare ends.

    • Swampgas_Man

      I’m actually seeing a shrink, and every time I stray in how anxious and depressed I feel about modern politics and my without votes fantasies about what should be done with Moore and Trump and their fucking enablers, I expect him to push a little button under his desk and summon the White Coat Brigade.

      • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

        “Shall I show you to your room or would you prefer to be dragged off kicking and screaming?”

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Kicking and screaming, please.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        Actually, if you DON’T feel that way I think it’s time for the White Coat Brigade!

    • Notreelyhelping

      I just read that a couple people in New Hampshire died after doing elephant tranquilizer. That pretty much sums up the State of the Union.

  • Juan de Fuca

    It’s taken 47 years but I’ve truly become cynical during the past 12 months of my life. An accused child molester is getting voted into the senate and despite Susan Collins talking about the “difficult decision” the senate will face if he does get elected, stop the bullshit, Susan – you folks won’t do a damn thing about it. All because of one vote.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      They’ll kvetch and grumble and then say “well, this is what the voters wanted…”

      • Juan de Fuca

        Yup. Agreed.

    • BadKitty904

      Not. One. Damned. Thing.

    • Crystalclear12

      How is this a difficult decision!?

      • Daniel

        Because on the one hand he doesn’t follow the laws he claims to defend, is racist, sexist, homophobic and loathes Islam, is ignorant, small minded, theocratic and an adherent of a death cult version of Christianity actively seeking to hasten the end of the world, but on the other hand he’ll help them pass legislation.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          And only one of those matters.

        • Roadstergal

          By ‘legislation,’ you mean ‘tax cuts for the wealthy and dismantling social services for everyone else’?

        • Crystalclear12

          Devil meet bargain.

          • Daniel

            The Faustest, believe me. No one is more Fauster than me, that I will tell you.

    • everstar

      These are the same people who decide they don’t like their living room wallpaper and then burn their house to the ground.

      • Daniel

        Decide they don’t like their neighbour’s wallpaper and burn their house down.

        • everstar

          The neighbor’s house or their house? Or maybe the entire neighborhood?

          • Daniel

            Got to be sure. We have to destroy the village to redecorate it.

          • everstar

            And don’t even get me started on what we need to do to address the zoning laws.

          • theCryptofishist

            Depends on how much they’ve been drinking.
            Note: I didn’t say “moonshine” because we don’t want to be lazy about rural people from the south.

          • Sarah Smith

            Hey, we made moonshine and we lived in Pennsylvania. Oh, wait, Pennsylvania is the Deep South of the North. Nevermind.

          • theCryptofishist

            People make and drink moonshine wherever they can put a still without being found out. I was just side-stepping the lazy characterization of and otherizing southern americans.

    • Suttree

      47? That’s a pretty good run for staying positive at this day in age. I applaud you! Now that you are like me, come over here and have a belt of this radiator moonshine.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Sounds like one of those homemade ‘craft’ brews…*side eye*

  • mrFawkes
    • Rebel Scum with permit

      “And that’s all I want to say about that….”

    • Bill D. Burger

      …and electin’ mysogynists and depraved sexual deviants to the White House.”

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      and the Rooskies!

  • Crystalclear12

    That last video. . . that’s. . .something. . .

  • Bill D. Burger

    Roy Moore makes a last minute campaign sweep through the suburbs.

    https://www.americanlampoon.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/roymoorevan.jpg

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    I read somewhere that Moore isn’t showing his face today, that he is in seclusion. Isn’t the last weekend and Monday before an election when you pull out all the stops to win this thing?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Either he’s decided (or knows) it’s in the bag, or he figures that as long as he stays quiet no more stupid can leak out.

      • BadKitty904

        Or his handlers have him sedated and chained in a basement.

        • theCryptofishist

          Can I wish for that option? Or is that inherently violent?

          • BadKitty904

            IOKIYAR…

          • theCryptofishist

            What about IOKIYAW, huh?

        • Roadstergal

          Remember in the run-up to the presidential election, how Donald suddenly stopped tweeting, and everyone decided they must have stolen and hidden his phone, and/or paid Chris Christie to sit on him?

          • GoutMachine

            Clearly the latter wasn’t true, because no one would recover from that, least of all a septuagenarian lard ass.

      • DrBigHead

        I think the latter is more likely.

      • Red Bird

        The Russian trolls are getting his voters out.

  • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

    Please forgive. At work and didn’t have time to read this piece yet. But…I’m listening to some tunes at work, and just loaded a bunch of Rage Against The Machine. So listening to some live tracks. One track Is just Zach bitching out pigs in the audience for putting their hands on female concert goers. That is the entire track. This was in 90’s.

    Some people got it. Even back then.

    • Suttree

      That’s why Paul Ryan is such a yooge fan.

      • WhoCheckedRussia’sVoterID

        Is that true?! If he is, then he is as tone deaf as he appears. RATM is speaking directly to Ryan and his henchmen in their songs.

        • Suttree

          Google it. He will have his hat on backwards while curling 2 lbs.

  • BadKitty904
    • TJ Barke

      This.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh please. These degenerates don’t deserve a place in an unfinished outhouse.

      • The Wanderer

        Yeah they do. At the bottom of the hole.

        • redarmyzombie

          And befoul it for the rest of us?!

  • OrG

    The pedophile will win.
    Even if they have to cheat.

    • Bill D. Burger

      My guess is by double digits.

    • Suttree

      They already ran their I.D. bullshit and then shut down all of the DMVs.

    • Blackest Noobs

      they won’t need to cheat to win cuz Alabama.

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      The ficks is in.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    OT: Of course it would. Because Donnie sees all, knows all, and is the warmest, kindest person ever.

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/940333010838319107

    • TJ Barke

      All that is good is of Big Brother’s providence, all that is bad is because you spurn him. Why do you make him hurt you?

    • Blackest Noobs

      did none of the fucking reporters point out Bangladesh isn’t one of the banned countries???????

      • TJ Barke

        Something something deep vetting.

      • Juan de Fuca

        And that it’s one of our strongest allies in the region?

        • PubOption

          And Ivanka probably gets some of her crappy ‘fashion line’ made there.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        He wants to end what he calls “chain migration”, other people call it “keeping families together”.

        It’s a coincidence in this case, that that is how this guy immigrated. It’s got nothing to do with more or better vigilance, it’s just Trump seizing on any opportunity to beat the drum for one of his stupid, mean ideas, as usual.

        • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

          Yes, because they should have been tougher on this guy 8 or so years ago when he came here as the minor child of a sibling sponsored for immigration.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Not just tougher, not allowed in at all. He wants to go to a pure “merit” system, no family connection visas.

          • cmd resistor

            Asshole. How did Melania get her visa?

          • jesterpunk

            She took a job no one in America wanted?

          • Nockular cavity

            FSB moles arranged it, duh.

          • Red Bird

            White privilege ranks high on merit scales.

          • bupkus231

            C’mon. You’ve seen the pictures. She had “merit”….

          • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

            Knee pads?

          • cmd resistor

            If I’m not mistaken, more shit that can be described as terrorism (by brown people, not regular old white people) that has been done here was done by people born in the USA. Next, people who came over very young and became wacked while here, one way or the other. Yeah, real easy to go back and say we should have known this non-political kid was going to turn into a terrorist once we let him in the country.

          • Roadstergal

            Yes, that’s exactly what they think. :/

          • Elendira

            the suspect became radicalized in OUR country. That says more about our country than Bangladesh

      • jesterpunk

        But once he builds a wall along the Mexican border it will stop anyone coming in. Unless they have a boat or can buy a plane ticket or drive through the border or come in on any other border.

        • Roadstergal

          Ladders! How the fuck do they work??

          • redarmyzombie

            Or ropes. Or shovels.

          • jesterpunk

            Or feet. The wall will only go about 5 feet into the ocean from one drawing I saw.

          • jesterpunk

            Rick Perry even said that.

            https://www.texastribune.org/2016/07/11/rick-perry-trumps-wall-listen-you-cant-do/

            “If you build a 30-foot wall from El Paso to Brownsville, the 35-foot ladder business gets real good,” Perry said at the time at a campaign stop in New Hampshire.

            If even he could see that you know its a dumbass idea from a fucking moron.

      • Mary Theresa

        They did.

    • everstar

      “Donald J. Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.”

    • Elendira

      I hope the reporter had follow-up questions. I can think of two off the top of my head.

      1. Bangladesh isn’t even 1 of the countries on the banned list.
      2. The suspect didn’t even have a criminal record back in his home country

      • Red Bird

        What was his motive?

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Apparently, he was pissed off about Trump’s Jerusalem stunt, and about Gaza.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Oops

            Good job, Orangey.

    • Mary Theresa

      I watched that, Sarah was shaken and stirred.

    • bupkus231

      Yet another blatant lie issued from the mouth of “Poot Lips”

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Let me show you Uncle Roy’s magic Jesus Stick! Yore’ old enuff’ to date.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQyhyUhV4AEKCfs.jpg

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So, among other things, Roy Moore apparently wants to repeal Prohibition, and repeal the repeal of Prohibition.

    He’s quite the legal mind.

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      He could easily be outwitted by a corn-likker-drunk Barney Fife.

    • Roadstergal

      “It’s more straightforward that way.”

    • eastcoastlib

      To be fair, most Alabama voters think repeal is what you do with half a banana

  • Bill D. Burger
  • shivaskeeper

    Assuming Moore wins and also assuming he is allowed to be seated. Other than the vote for the tax cuts, what the fuck does anyone who part of the GOPer establishment think Moore is going to for them? He is running against them as much as he is running against the Demonrats. FFS, he is claiming McTurtle is in on the accusations against him. In partnership with Soros, Obama, the gays, the secular humanists, and the Democratic Party.

    Let that sink in. He is running against McTurtle as well.

    • Roadstergal

      It’s just like the Tea Party. The Overton window is going rightwards at break-neck speed.

      • shivaskeeper

        Be that as it may, the Senate is not the House. If he wins and gets seated he is going to fuck the GOPers just as much as the Dems. I picture anti-abortion amendments racked on the every bill. They will get stripped out and he will vote against them.

        He will not be winning for the GOP. He will be as much a thorn in their side as ours.

        • Mary Theresa

          He’ll end up being like the Freedom Caucus, a thorn in their side.

        • Notreelyhelping

          He’s got Jim Bunning written all over him.

    • Juan de Fuca

      The Roy Moore/Steve Bannon wing of the GOP is running a scorched earth policy. Kinda reminds me of driving through Iraq after Saddam Hussein torched his oil fields, wondering “why in the fuck would do that to your own infrastructure?”

      They want it all or nothing.

      • shivaskeeper

        A very apt metaphor.

      • Persistent Demme

        Where is that SPITE gif with Khan?

        It’s not about me WINNING, it’s about you LOSING!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Maybe this is the Establishment GOP trying to pretend that they are a “united front” with Trump, and also too thinking that they are going to get primaried from the right otherwise. Crass as much as it is spineless. They really NEED to pass those tax cuts, y’all.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      He won’t vote for impeachment. That’s what they’re counting on.

      • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

        ^THIS^THIS^THIS^^THIS^THIS^THIS^ And may I also mention, ^THIS^

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          I’m not sure… did you agree?

  • DrBigHead

    Just looked at the results of three recent polls. One had Jones up by 10. One had Moore up by 9, and one had them even. More reason to stay the hell away from polls.

    https://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/latest_polls/

    • shivaskeeper

      They have to sell the horse race narrative for ad space and clicks.

    • OutOfOrbit

      Polling by phone stopped working when caller ID came on line

      • bupkus231

        Nah – the callers spoof their caller id to make it appear they’re one of your neighbors…

        Well, at least that’s what the telemarketers/scammers do. Polling orgs may have an exemption from the “Do not call” law, but considering how low their response rate is getting, they probably have to emulate the scammers….

    • jesterpunk

      The one showing Jones up by 10 is from liberal Fox News that is part of the Derp State.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Fox Nooz trying to suppress Democratic turnout any way they can… it’s like one of their Greatest Hits.

        • jesterpunk

          It’s not going over well over on Faux Snooze though which is great.

    • eastcoastlib

      So for us to be happy tomorrow night, FoxNews would have to be accurate and Alabama would have to not do something stupid. We are so screwed

  • The Wanderer

    OT, but here’s a happy palate cleanser (which, unfortunately, musically describes a trip where the driver gets increasingly drunk – don’t drink and drive):

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GUzJ7fQBtg

    • Resistor Radio

      Very christmassy!

    • The Militant Homosexual Agenda

      Needs moar horseys!

  • GoutMachine

    [Ullah] chose the location because of its Christmas-themed posters, recalling strikes in Europe against Christmas markets, he told investigators, and set off bomb in retaliation for U.S. airstrikes on ISIS targets in Syria and elsewhere, several law enforcement officials said.

    Dude, you’re doing the War on Christmas wrong.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • The Wanderer

      “Somebody’s going to be wrong in Alabama.”]

      I should fucking well HOPE so.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Somebody’s going to be wrong in Alabama.

      “But, this assumes the excluded middle. I cannot except this.”
      — L. E. J. Brouwer

      “Give it a rest, Brouwer, you intuitionist ninny.”
      — David Hilbert

  • geoffalnutt

    They don’t fully believe it, yet, but Roy Moore’s Senate confirmation will pretty much end The Republican Party. This is, indeed, THRILLING!!!

  • Bananas Foster

    I think CPS needs to look into that poor girl’s home situation.

    • OutOfOrbit

      How much alone time does she spend with father, brothers & uncles?

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The same person, you mean?

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    OT: Oh, a warning. Is it going to go on his permanent record too?

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/940323321748623362

    • The Wanderer

      Six months for contempt would teach him. Or an hour in the Scold’s Bridle.

      • redarmyzombie

        I was thinking an evening with Frau Olga von Skullcracker myself.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Paul Giamatti is so playing him in the movie.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      They need to just go ahead and send his ass to prison. If he were poor and black he’d be in a dungeon somewhere, chained to a dripping wall and sleeping on a pallet of old tobacco sticks.

      • jesterpunk

        The police would have shot his ass when they served a warrant at 3 in the morning then shot the rest of his family for being hysterical.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          And shot his dog too, if he has one.

          • jesterpunk

            And his cat, if he didn’t have a dog or cat they would find one to shoot just because.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      He should have gnawed his own foot off and fled the country while he had the chance.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Great idea! Manafort meets his demise by way of food poisoning.

    • Notreelyhelping

      Double-secret probation.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I think 14 year olds are quite capable of giving consent, but it’s good for me that they can’t vote.”
    — Roy Moore

  • Zonath

    Hey, if the 14th Amendment gets repealed, there goes the legal doctrine of incorporation vis-a-vis the first 10, giving states the right to do things like establish religion, restrict free speech, and ban guns altogether.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Great. Some states will ban guns, the rest will make guns the state religion, and we’ll have the Holy War Between the States.

      • redarmyzombie

        Assuming the deregulated states don’t all go kablooey first…

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Charles Manson died because he couldn’t cope with his irrelevance. Trump made Helter Skelter happen all by himself.

      • eastcoastlib

        We kicked their ass once, we’ll do it again!!!

  • WilbyToad
  • Marion in Savannah

    If Moore loses I may even start to believe in Santa Claus. (I was the dreadful kid who would get a gift under the tree signed “from Santa” and point out what adult’s handwriting it was. It’s a wonder I wasn’t strangled as a child.)

  • Hemp Dogbane
    • Latverian Diplomat

      Which was back in the ’20s. I think we are getting their fourth or fifth coming at this point.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • jesterpunk

      “The party of family values”?

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      A monster?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • nightmoth

      I just call ’em hypocrites. “Fucking hypocrites” when I’m feeling peckish.

      • cmd resistor

        And I am getting sick of these motherfucking snakes on these motherfucking planes.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Fucking spineless, gutless enablers.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DOTNA4yXkAIDrjp.jpg

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Worst retelling of ‘The Dirty Dozen’ ever.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Latverian Diplomat

    I think Congress should have a Statuary Hall of Shame…if Moore wins, Alabama would have their statue choice made.

    • nightmoth

      It’s taken 50 years to live down the moniker “Bombingham.” It will take at least that long again if they send Roy Moore to the Senate instead of to jail.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Miles Monroe

      … but facts not in evidence.

  • Metadude

    Where’s Baba Wawa when you need her?

    • redarmyzombie

      I’m sure if we ask Trump we could get Baba Yaga.

      • PubOption

        “No, nowhere near a 10. I don’t like women with bird legs.”

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Institute For Applied Despair

      His voters: “Whut’s a amendment?”

      • Bill D. Burger

        “Iz’ that candy fer’ men?”

        • Institute For Applied Despair

          “Sho is- they’s one bottom o’ ever’ yernal.”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I don’t rightly know, but it’s got so many sibbles it can’t be good!”

      • Daniel

        Pfffft. There’s only one amendment, and it’s the second. It’s called that because it only takes a second to learn it.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        That’s what you get for your pants if you want to look nice in court.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I would have to say getting rid of people like Roy Moore (votes&c, of course) would eliminate many problems. I suppose I’m just weird that way.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Usually RWNJs say there is only the 2nd amendment.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      All your teens are belong to us!!

  • mancityRed6

    is this open thread?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Not yet, I think.

    • redarmyzombie

      Today, we are ALL open threads!

  • Bill D. Burger

    SteinBots and BernieBots: “There is NO difference between the parties.”

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQyCPqaUEAEfJpB.jpg

    • James Baskin

      Conservatives are against conservation.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        The do want to conserve white male privilege.

        • Spurning Beer

          You have the alt-right to remain silent.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Cuntserviatives are interested in conservation of their:
        1. Profits.
        2. Power.

        No rocket surgery needed here.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Prosecuted members of KKK in 1963 Birmingham Church bombing

      Well, folks, there you have it. Roy Moore could be an asexual celibate who bombed the church himself and he’d still win against Jones. That goodfernuthin’ race traitor put our good ol’ boys behind bars for doin’ God’s work of keepin’ them uppity little negro chillun’s in their proper place! IMPEACH!

      • Ellie

        Yup, it’s that third bullet point that does it for Jones. Persecuting fine people just cause they killed three little girls.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • WilbyToad

    Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Let this sink in-
    Rustynaerduwell / DU member
    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029964563

    I don’t think poot lips can smell her own… observations.

    • TJ Barke

      Double speak.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “The President has denied these allegations, and these are things that happened a long time ago”

      My brain just bluescreened and rebooted. WTF!?!??

      • James Baskin

        Ok….. which is it? They didn’t happen or they happened a long time ago? I’m going with they happened not that long ago.

    • georgiaburning

      When Pat Paulsen used this logic it was intended as satire

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This Just In: Roy Moore wins with 66.6% of the vote. Indications are The Beast will sue for Trademark Infringement.

    • Juan de Fuca

      And during his acceptance speech, they played the same Twisted Sister song he used to blast from his car as a 30 yr old man old cruising around mall parking lots.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Not Gary Puckett & The Union Gap? Oh, wait, he wanted the young girl to get out of his life. Nooge the Stooge’s “Jailbait” is more appropriate because it’s inappropriate.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Ewww! Pedo Roy was Superintendent of a Nursery School‼️

    Someone tweeted a page from their 1969 West Point yearbook.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQuiHLIVQAAmoZg.jpg

    • Zonath

      Russian Club? Suddenly it all makes sense.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        Snap.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Russian Club”

    • cmd resistor

      Sunday School teacher, also, too.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Gymnastics club? GURL.

      • Spurning Beer

        He always *nailed* the dismount!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      The eyes–they showed evil even then.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • TJ Barke

      Porcine libel!

      • redarmyzombie

        Beat me to it…

        • weejee

          For realz…

        • Bill D. Burger

          I started to add it. But I like to give someone else a chance to have a thrill!

          I’m a generous Wonk.

  • Proud Liberal
  • puredog

    While I agree that Moore is someone who does not deserve a job licking dogshit off the bottoms of peoples’ shoes, it does seem to me that, once he got married and presumably was getting it on the reg, he changed his evil ways. That said, because of everything else I know about him, I still wouldn’t vote for him in a million years. It’s just that posts that say “he was an abuser then so we have to assume that he’s an abuser now” seem to me to be a bit of an overreach, based on what has been alleged.

    • Daniel

      He is openly bigoted against numerous groups of Americans. He is a theocratic bully who has twice been removed from office for putting his religious beliefs over upholding the law, and directly contradicting the demands of the Constitution he is supposed to uphold. He is entirely unsuited to office, regardless of whether he’s a child molester or not.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The pretzel logic that Alabamastainians use to defend his actions is shocking, yet not surprising. Basically, Moore would only be a sexual deviant if he went after young boys, because them’s the same thing as having the gay. But he went after young girls, so that’s OK, because the Bahble said it weren’t no sin!

        Religion is a psychotic disorder. I think it was (attributed to?) Voltaire, the saying that “those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” Like voting for a creepy old dude who preys on minor girls because at least that’s better than him preying on boys or having a consenting adult relationship with someone of the same sex.

      • bupkus231

        Ahem – his “self-professed religious beliefs”.

        His beliefs, as evidenced by his behavior, bears little resemblance to what he claims they are. Just like sooo many conservative evangelicals….

      • Juan de Fuca

        That right there. Well stated.

      • puredog

        I have no argument with you there.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Sex is not what drives a pedophile to pedo.

    • catnmus

      I was about to disagree, but when I think about it, I DO believe it is possible for people to change, to become rehabilitated. But it wouldn’t be because he’s “getting it on the reg”. Sexual abuse is about power, too, for one thing. It would have to be because he has matured and seen the error of his ways. Do we think that has happened? Interesting question.
      Regardless, he’s a bigot and a theocrat and I agree with Daniel below – he’s unsuited to the office.

    • Crystalclear12

      More likely he switched to hunting within his church and his wife helped him cover it up. Church girls know to blame themselves and to hide their shame.

    • eastcoastlib

      Oh it’s entirely possible he’s molesting someone right now. it would wrong not to speculate.

  • Bill D. Burger

    After he’s seated in the Senate, anyone in D.C. with small children (and pretty pets) should keep one of these handy to detect Moore’s presence.

    http://78.media.tumblr.com/4caccec0f42e3b31c32227b7a24db1f9/tumblr_inline_n85gfaiGU71qk4xfd.gif

    • And here I thought a pedometer measured walking.

      • Raan

        That’s a ped-om-eter. The pedo-meter detects Republican candidates.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Call me nerdy, but I imagined a Moore detector would look more like this:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aonK5IU0_bQ

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        I have one of those on my phone!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Crystalclear12

      Unsaved trash says:
      HI!

    • Tishalicious

      My favorite part of this chart is the Pac-man like proportions: as if the Christians are eating up everyone else.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • TJ Barke

      Proper response: “Wow, it’s amazing how far you amoral scum will stoop.

    • 52camellias

      I was going to try to make a witty comparison here using Popeye, but Google showed me a lot of images of Popeye dressed like Sailor Moon, so now I’m kind of grossed out.

  • WilbyToad

    People won’t stop flipping off Donald Trump
    NEWSWEEK
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/people-wont-stop-flipping-off-donald-trump/

    MOAR

    • theblackdog

      Every time his motorcade goes by in DC…

    • Bec Jenn

      And may they follow him around for the rest of his life, even if it includes incarceration. I hope that he knows how much so many of us despise him and wish him nothing but misfortune till the end of days (and that includes his offspring griffter minions)

    • Raan

      It’s fun, stress-reducing, and it’s a great way to stay in shape.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Don’t forget the 26th Amendment! It allowed 18-year-olds to vote. Which means they would have the right to vote against someone who’s going to touch their high-school freshman siblings. Or maybe even against some perv who already creeped on them at 14 in a shopping mall. Ugh, gag me with a spoon. (Actually, you know what, don’t. Never mind.)

    • Raan

      Also too, the people who were drafting them to fight in Vietnam.

  • Bill D. Burger

    [Finally, here’s a video of a 12-year-old girl interviewing Roy Moore, put out by a pro-Trump PAC.]

    “We luv’ arr’ chirruns’ in Alabammy!”

    https://media.giphy.com/media/7mbvLaDOWCL9C/giphy.gif

  • Bill D. Burger

    “For a state’s senior senator to not support his party’s nominee for the other seat is almost unheard of. Historians could find just one example: from 1990, when Louisiana’s Republican nominee was David Duke, a former KKK leader.”

    http://www.al.com/politics/index.ssf/2017/12/our_view_conservatives_should.html

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      How much longer until kid diddling and the KKK are no longer disqualifiers for the GOP? I’ll give it six months.

      • Crystalclear12

        One word.
        Trump.

      • Cat Cafe

        Isn’t it now?

    • little miss high and mighty

      rules have changed
      shamelessness is the tone now

  • bupkus231

    Anybody remember “Hands Across America“?

    If Moore wins, we need to organize a “Hands Against Alabama” event, to surround the state of Alabama ( geographic details be damned ) with voters to show our disapproval of their “choice” …

    It won’t make any difference to Alablammans, even if we “modify” the “hand-holding” to “shooting the bird”

    • theblackdog

      What about mooning?

      • dlemex

        Would you really want to bare your backside around that bunch?

        • theblackdog

          Well it’s not Georgia so I shouldn’t have to worry about Deliverance

    • Zonath

      Can we “modify” the “hand holding” to “a big fucking wall” and “shooting the bird” to “shooting down violators of the no-fly zone”?

  • Resistor Radio

    Is this the open thread?

    • Juan de Fuca

      *tosses a beer* It sure as hell isn’t closed.

    • Mary Theresa

      If it requires alcholic beverages, yes.

  • Scrofula

    The FUCK? This brainless hick is speaking fucking RUSSIAN? This is like some Bolshevik Body Snatcher shit at this point.

    I’m now even more offended when I drove a Russian girl an hour back to Berkeley and she just put headphones in right away. I would have been at least receptive to her recruitment . . . methods.

    • Bananas Foster

      To be fair, he did go to West Point.

      He’s not brainless.

      Which makes him evil.

      • Scrofula

        Does not rule out accidental lobotomy at some point.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Latverian Diplomat

      When Sbarro don’t want you hangin’ round no more, you know you’re unpopular.

      • Heather

        Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
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  • Parakeetist
  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Why does Nikki Haley scare me, you ask?

    “All her life, Nikki Haley has been the different one. In a small southern town where divisions were a matter of black and white, she grew up as neither. In a state where men held almost all the positions of power, she rose from her mother’s shop to the governor’s mansion in a scant six years. In a party that, of late, has been gripped by the reactionary forces of white nationalism, she became a star by presenting herself as an avatar of the “New South,” with an appealing personal story of immigration and assimilation. Once a fierce critic of Donald Trump’s divisive policies, Haley is now ambassador to the United Nations, perhaps his most presentable emissary to the world: the diplomatic face of a profoundly undiplomatic presidency. One former adviser to George W. Bush calls her “the most normal thing the president has done in foreign policy.” Haley doesn’t seek to reconcile these contradictions. She just breezes past them, on her way to a more important destination.

    In an administration filled with political neophytes, many of them plucked from Trump’s business Rolodex or the ideological fringes, Haley is the rare figure — Vice-President Mike Pence is perhaps the only other — who possesses both a personal power base and the ambition to use it. Her intention to run for president one day is widely presumed by everyone, from her friends to the man she serves — for now. “Knowing Nikki Haley,” a confidante from South Carolina predicted to me earlier this year, “she’ll do exactly what she has to do to have her fingerprints on nothing and take credit where she can.”

    Sure enough, over the past few months, as war clouds have gathered and Trump has lambasted both allies and adversaries, Haley has deftly explained away the president’s careless words while helping him transform his outbursts into action. At the U.N., she has aggressively built the case for a potential war with North Korea, which is building nuclear weapons, while working to scuttle a multilateral pact designed to keep Iran from following suit. In the process, she has maneuvered her way into a central role in the administration — outshining her supposed boss, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson — while mostly avoiding the wrath of a president who hates it when anyone steals his limelight. “That’s some fine footwork,” marvels a Republican foreign-policy expert.

    Yet Haley has also managed to keep a measure of political distance from Trump and the chaos he creates — an impressive diplomatic feat. “She’s playing a double game,” says Stephen Schlesinger, a Century Foundation expert on the United Nations. “With the Trump people, she wants to make sure she’s one of the soldiers marching to his tunes. At the same time, for her own political future, she wants to look like she’s an independent spirit.” Her current position at the U.N. should advance her career aims in the long term, provided that she uses her influence to help the world avert disaster in the short term, which is proving to be a grave challenge.”

    I keep hoping she’s going to get Trump’s stink all over her, but so far she’s managed to keep a low profile. The worst thing about Haley is not only that she’s a whore, but she’s a cheap whore. She kicked the biggest benefactor to education in SC’s history ($200 million dollar donation) off of the board of USC, so she could appoint someone who had contributed $5000 to her re-election campaign. Then she lied about it, and said Darla Moore (of the Moore School of Business at USC) hadn’t returned her emails or phone calls. One of the state papers did a FOIA request for Haley’s emails and phone calls, and found that Haley had never called or emailed Moore. So she’s a cheap whore, a liar, and a loon who comes across as a sane moderate. I swear she’s going to be our first female president, and that pains me to no end.

    http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2017/12/nikki-haley-un-ambassador-donald-trump.html

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Aw. Her mommy’s humble store. Her dad has a PhD and retired as the Chairman of his department at the university in SC he taught at, her mom had a law practice in India and a US Masters she used to teach in a public school before they opened a store.

      Haley herself, despite a degree in accounting and a job with the family business, was failing financially until she got a sweetheart no-bid job at a charity she helped out when she was in office, and which subsequently got donations from other businesses she did favors for in office.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I know all politicians are liars and whores, but I just hate that she’s such a cheap whore.

        She reminds me of one of those women who you work with, who isn’t very good at her job, and has a lot of dumb ideas, but flirts with the right people, and somehow or another ends up at the top of the company.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          I lost a job to one of those women. Once she got promoted, she came gunning after me because she knew I knew more than she did. The not so funny part is that I didn’t even care that she got promoted over way more qualified people. I just wanted to sit in my seat, do my job and take care of my kids. Now, I have a job I absolutely hate in a toxic environment making $20,000 less. I hate the fucking cunt.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Sadly, we’ve all got one of those women in our pasts. I’ve met men who are like that too, but women seem to be more insecure about their place in the workforce, so they get nervous when they see a woman nearby who is smarter than they are. I’m sorry to hear that you had to take a pay cut, and I hope you find something better soon. There’s nothing worse than a toxic work environment, it really sucks the life out of you.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Thank you :-)

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            You are most welcome. I hope you live in a town that has opportunities, and you find something better soon. Life is too short to live in toxic hell.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      It almost always happens that way. The first glass-ceiling-breaker is a con who never really challenges the status quo. See Margaret Thatcher (who destroyed Britain with her Reagan drag act) and Kim Campbell (commercial-break filler during the Hockey Night broadcast when Moneybags Mulroney got pinched). The few liberals or reformers who do make it, usually do get destroyed (Julia Gillard, Benazir Bhutto) or turn out to be self-serving frauds (Aung San Suu Kyi, Park Geun-Kye).

      So far, Mutti Merkel seems to be a rare outlier still holding strong, but the waters are getting choppy now that the AfD has enough support in the Bundestag to fuck things up (thanks in part to the USA, yet again). I am holding out hope for Jacinda Ardern of New Zealand. But a warmongering token like Haley would be disastrous for the USA and for the world. We came within a hair’s breadth of Caribou Barbie becoming president if Grandpa Walnuts got in and was incapacitated.

      But we’ll never have a Hillary. The world will never have a Hillary.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I was thinking to myself today “yes, we could have had a sane, normal person running the country. We could have gotten our fiscal house in order, we could have started tackling climate change, but instead we got an orange turd, hell bent on fucking up everything he touches.” Fucking hicks in the South!

        • Sakonyachen

          The hicks were in more than the south. That’s the problem. We’ve gone from saying “Pennsylvania is Philadelphia on one end, Pittsburgh on the other, and Kentucky inbetween”, to “America is San Diego on one end, New York on the other, and Rosewood inbetween.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Trump won by razor thin margins in Ohio, PA, and one other rust belt state. I hope the rubes who voted red in those states, realized what a yooge mistake they made.

          • eastcoastlib

            Nothing I have seen thus far leads me to believe he won’t win again.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I don’t think he’ll win again in those states, unless some third party runs who siphons off votes from the Dem. Cough…Bernie Sanders…cough.

      • phoenix00

        > Kim Campbell (commercial-break filler during the Hockey Night broadcast when Moneybags Mulroney got pinched)

        Amazingly accurate.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxlEqO_MA04

      • little miss high and mighty

        Indira Ghandi
        Jiang Qing
        Evita
        Imelda Marcos
        Women are part of this inhumanity, too, sometimes

  • Mystery_Poster

    Trump and Moore
    Birds of feather puss-grab together.

  • CW

    It comes as no surprise that Russian trolls are pumping out propaganda for Moore.

    Blaming the Russians isn’t excusing white supremacy. Our white supremacists are in league with Russian nationalists.

    • TJ Barke

      Russians use them because they’re easy to manipulate.

    • little miss high and mighty

      Moore is all over the Jerusalem scam,too,good evengelical phoney!. Big Israel fan, biggest!

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Bush 41: Ass grabber
    Trump: Bush Grabber
    Also Trump: Ass

    • Raan

      So if I’m reading this right, Poppy Bush grabbed Trump?

      • Daniel

        Please clap.

        • Sakonyachen

          They have the clap?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        I think it means they grabbed each other, in some fashion?

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Scrofula

      Reminds me of Waterbeds for Cows. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bkyw619JKbE

    • Christopher Story

      Seems only fair. As happy as they make me, it’s only right that the favor be returned. I fully pledge all my tax dollars to this.

  • Jo Mathie

    It’s absolutely baffling how a lot of Republicans are just… “yeah, he’s obviously a sexual deviant but at least he’s not a Democrat.” I don’t get it, nor do I get the parents of that young girl allowing her to sit down with Moore for the interview. Are standards so low that we are supposed to be impressed that he didn’t try to molest her?

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Apparently yes.

    • Jimh

      Yes, it’s obvious that he CAN suppress his pedo nature for short periods of time when cameras are on him. But to be safe, they didn’t send a little girl with blonde hair, because those are his type.

    • Christopher Story

      Now you see what they mean by “identity politics.” It’s always projection with these degenerates. ALWAYS!

    • phoenix00

      “Hey look, nothing happened! Vote for me!”

    • eastcoastlib

      We have no standards.

    • Infrequentcontributor

      I heard interview on NPR this morning that I think sums this up. Guy says he hates his choices but would rather vote for someone that is accused of terrible things than someone that is in favor of killing millions of human beings. Talk about racism all you want, and racism is a big part of Trump’s appeal, but the real reason Trump won is the Supreme Court (aka abortion). He’s an idiot but he bet that if he promised to fix abortion he would have a base that would never leave him–and he was right.

      • NPR was frying my very last nerve this AM. Like every AM.

  • BMW

    The White House and Sanders were using their bullshit excuse about the voters already deciding the allegations against Trump again today.
    My thoughts: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/986bc0a6d4638d58bfe91426d9e7e62bbde0a379ce28395ce95eb23222aa2ab8.jpg

  • Crystalclear12

    Everyone get a good nights sleep.
    ‘Cause tomorrow is going to be fucked up!

  • BMW

    The White House and Sanders were using their bullshit excuse about the voters already deciding the allegations against Trump again today.
    My thoughts: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f4d7fa81e4390e995a0f144b69875b8da82bb1eed678a9050acd88d64b6627d3.jpg

  • WilbyToad

    Robert Reich Reveals the Biggest Threat to American Democracy You’ve Never Heard Of

    SLAPP lawsuits are emerging as one of the Trump administration’s most dangerous weapons.

    Have you heard of SLAPP lawsuits? You soon will.

    SLAPP stands for “Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation.” It is a lawsuit brought by big corporations intended to censor, intimidate, and silence critics by burdening them with the overwhelming costs of a legal defense until they’re forced to abandon their criticism or opposition. And it may be the biggest threat to the resistance you’ve never heard of.

    by Robert Reich / RobertReich.org
    https://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/robert-reich-reveals-biggest-threat-american-democracy-youve-never-heard

    • yyyaz

      Nice participatory democracy we once had. Drink.

    • Cat Cafe

      Gee, if only we’d had a candidate who wouldn’t have done any of this, and Robert Reich had spoken out in support of her.

    • phoenix00

      “SLAPP for you, First Amendment for me.”

  • Resistor Radio

    OT: I was asking for chain saw recommendations the other day so I could tackle a tree that fell across my driveway.

    Well, after attempting to get rid of some of the smaller branches with a 4” hacksaw (the only cutting tool I have on hand), I tied a rope to my trailer hitch and used my truck to break off the rest of the branches and it worked! I feel like a badass, and wanted to thank whoever made that suggestion, but I can’t remember who. Thank you!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      My one suggestion to everyone who asks about using a chain saw-or borrowing mine- is “don’t”. They’re extremely dangerous for anyone who doesn’t know what they’re doing.

      • Resistor Radio

        Leatherface just makes it look so easy. Thanks a lot, Hollywood.

        • Hesavebread!

          Preach, no one else gets near my chainsaw, and I only use it when I’m wearing protective trousers and boots.

      • Skeptical_thinker

        When asked to borrow one of my chain saws, I always say “yes and you get me, too”, because I know how to use them and you don’t.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “What could possibly go wrong?”

    • Marion in Savannah

      There are times when the better part of valor is to call in someone with a big chain saw, and here’s the important part — WHO KNOWS HOW TO USE IT. Glad you found a solution that didn’t involve losing fingers or feet!

      • Resistor Radio

        Me too, girl, me too! PS – starting spice cookies tonight!

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    A shitty part of me wouldn’t mind seeing Moore win, just because he so perfectly epitomizes the moral depravity of the Republican party. The human part of me, of course, is praying for a Doug Jones victory. And I don’t think I can take any more of Trump gloating.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Happy Science Nice Times: I wonder if it likes sand? Edition.

    Newly discovered giraffe ancestor named for Star Wars character.

    The extinct relative of giraffes, Xenokeryx amidalae, takes its moniker from Queen Padmé Amidala, the wife of Anakin Skywalker (aka Darth Vader) in the “Star Wars” prequels….

    The new research, which used both genetic data from living ruminants and the bones of living and extinct ruminants, found that X. amidalae is, in fact, more closely related to giraffes. Based on that finding, the team defined a new clade, or group of organisms descended from a common ancestor, that includes both giraffoids, which gave rise to giraffes, and palaeomerycids.

    Though the creature is an extinct relative of giraffes, it probably wouldn’t have sported the giraffe’s signature spots, but would have had coloration more akin to that of a puppy, Sánchez said.

    “The pattern of modern giraffes, or the savanna giraffe, is very derived, very evolved, very strange,” he said.

    https://www.livescience.com/53049-star-wars-giraffe-relative-unearthed.html

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      ‘Girrafoids.’
      I do so love science.

  • Anna Rompage

    Their minds ain’t right,
    Their eyes ain’t bright
    Deep in the heart of Dixie

    Lock your daughters up at night
    keep them safe and tight
    Deep in the heart of Dixie

    The pedophiles gather
    at the big grand mall
    Deep in the heart of Dixie

  • Spurning Beer

    I think it’s safe to say that all of us have, at one time or another, planted a bomb in an African American church and inadvertently injured a few young girls to death. It could have been any of us. Who is Doug Jones to decide those gentlemen belonged in jail?

    • BadKitty904

      GOP? Is that you?

    • Anna Rompage

      I’m sure some of those guys were good people…

    • Christopher Story

      There are a whole group of black girls those men never blew up. Why aren’t we talking about them?

    • Marion in Savannah

      A damned to hell librul. Next question?

    • Sakonyachen

      And why aren’t we talking about black on black crime in the first place?

  • Ew, Trumppac, did you not at least prep him on his facial expressions?

  • What’s fascinating to me is the way these right wing hacks will swear up and down that they aren’t promoting racism while actively attacking the very institutions which have helped us overcome racism. …and we are supposed to believe it’s all a coincidence.

  • 5mile_:)

    There’ll be the usual calls from the “Democrat Party” telling people to be sure to go to the polls on December 13. Sleazy assholes.

    • Beelzebubba

      Maybe Sessions can prosecute them for election fraud. Again.

  • gingerland62

    When proud racism and righteous homophobia aren’t the worst thing about your character… That’s a whole new level of sickness.

  • Margaret Lamont

    Thank-you, Sen.Richard Shelby.

  • Beelzebubba

    A Fox News poll says Doug Jones is winning by 10?
    That has to be Fucks Gnus fakery – probably designed to get Moore’s dipshit base riled up.

    • Sakonyachen

      I thought the exact same when I heard it in the radio today.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “What should we say the results are, Mr. Stone?”

  • BrendaKay

    “This election is all about turn-out!” needs to be the slogan for every election from here to eternity. If we don’t all vote, we … well, Wonkers know what happens (and it’s worse than nobody getting those cakes we like).

  • Guest Liberal

    The parent that let that child get that close to that pedophile should be slapped and then arrested.

  • Maybe

    If Roy Moore is elected then the past is prologue. Given his character and lack of it, he is bound to say and do awful things for the foreseeable future. And the press will be there, waiting and drooling.

    The Repubs won’t just have to deal with Moore’s past. It’s his present and future that will hurt them even worse.

    And in 2018, an election year.

  • armed_bears

    Sen. Richard Shelby (R-Adequate)

  • Zyxomma

    No, I’m not listening to Millie interview Moore. No.

  • Manhattan123

    What is wrong with the parents of that little girl that they let her be used in that fashion? Seriously, what the actual fuck is wrong with the modern Republican party?

    They’ve certainly been too conservative and not my cup of tea for as long as I’ve been politically aware, but when they did become batshit insane?

    • Blackest Noobs

      answers:
      1) A lot.
      2) A helluva lot.

  • Hesavebread!

    As a dirty furriner is it legal for me to donate to candidates in US elections? And if legal is it akin to Russian fuckery?

  • Heather

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fv383d:
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  • psychobroad

    The 12-year-old is really gross, who on earth thought that was a good idea? Dump, probably, nothing like bringing the things normal people would try to shove under the rug front and center.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Alabama is gonna vote for an alleged pedophile because of abortion.

  • chapka

    Ironically, if it weren’t for the Seventeenth Amendment, Roy Moore wouldn’t have a chance in hell at this Senate seat.

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