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P.S.: I am not a crank
Twilight Sparkle Has Had It With Your Bullshit

Time for Round Two of the Great Rightwing Disgruntling over Evan’s piece about Sarah “Poot Lips” Sanders, whom our intrepid correspondent rudely told to go fuck herself (and — possibly worse — called a redneck, oh dear that’s racist). We received about nine bejillion angry comments on that on that one, in addition to a fine selection of death threats sent directly to Evan, and while it’s impossible to share them all, we’ll bring you a sampling of some of the Prime Derp.

As with last week’s Dear Shitferbrains, we’ll start with some lovely thoughts from people who were terribly offended that Evan would address a woman that way, the big sexist, like this fine fellow. Note the witty play on the original article’s hed!

[Subject:] Go Fuck Yourself, Evan Hurst, You Deflowered gay Motherfucker.

That’s really all I have to say. You are without a doubt the biggest lump of ass waste. Here’s my commentary after you spewing that liberal ass waste on Sarah Huckabee, your mom can suck my big fat cock, you closet queen. She is working her way around the neighborhood swallowing as much spunk as she can in an attempt to forget she had the opportunity to abort you and failed. Coward faggots like you need a good cattle prod taken to them.

See? That’s how you defend a lady’s honor. Then there’s this nice person who shares Evan’s last name, but whose whose email Evan posted in the Wonkette Sekrit ChatCave with this important disclaimer: “Guys, this guy is NO RELATION TO ME, OK?” We’ll take him at his word.

9:43 AM

to Evan Hurst

You low-life, frontal lobotomy candidate,

I hope like hell someone stomps a mud hole in your ass, you cowardly cunt. As I understand it, your wife is leaving you for someone with a penis.

VERY SINCERELY,
_____ Hurst (no relation to YOU you fucking eunuch)
Texas

We all agreed it was very sad news about Evan’s impending divorce. And we’ll close this visit to Evan’s inbox with a note that probably doesn’t even belong in this column because it is the complete opposite of a Shitferbrains, from a genuinely nice person (as opposed to the “she seems nice” kind):

12:47 PM

to Evan Hurst

I’m drowning in rednecks here in Paris, TN.

Sometimes your articles are the only thing keeping me sane.

If you ever come to middle Tennessee, stop by, and I will make you a blunt and a pot of coffee.
 
 
 
 
PS This is not a threat

Good day!

Evan says he wouldn’t miss that opportunity for the world. We should add that this was far from the only kind email Evan received, and THANK YOU to everyone whose response to the invasion of the Internet Flying Monkey Brigade was to send money to Yr Wonkette. (Hey, no need to wait until someone sends death threats — you can send us money anytime, said Dok as subtly as he could.)

Unfortunately, Evan had already heard from most of his angriest correspondents before he came up with the out-of-office reply he should have set up for his mailbox, so we’ll have to just copy over this verbatim dialogue from the ChatCave, as an example of l’esprit de l’escalier:

Guys, I realized I’ve been missing a giant opportunity with all these hate mailses. I should have just created an “Out Of Office: Spirit Cooking Right Now” auto-reply. Duh I am such a idiot for not thinking of that before.

Regrets, he’s had a few.

And now, on to some of the comments from the nutballs. In general, we won’t be including any of the idiocy from our Facebook page, at least not this outing, although this one was fairly typical, informing us — as did a whole lot of people — that Donald Trump became president because a year later, people made fun of his press secretary:

One of our favorite replies came from “Bob M.,” who offered this ingenious prebuttal to everyone who might disagree with him:

Typical. Every time Liberals are losing they always resort to name calling. Shows the intellect we are dealing with. Trigger! Every liberal response to this will make my point.

Can you really deploy the “I’m rubber, you’re glue” gambit before anyone has actually insulted you? Then there was “cgray,” who somehow decided that if people were making fun of Sarah Sanders — and of “cgray” — then clearly, the next step would be the end of all Liberty:

Ah, so many arrogant, power tripping leftists on this thread. Such a shame your police state fantasies will never, ever come true.

Were there threats? Of course there were threats, because obviously if someone uses the fuck-word toward a minor administration official, that monster needs to die. And since Evan’s profile mentions his dog, well then, the dog gets it, too:

  • You look like one of the demented little twerps I beat the fuck out of at the Antifa rallies here in Boston. All mouth and no fight. Tell you what foul mouthed internet pussy, I’ll put up any amount of cash you agree to and challenge you to an all out Street fight. All proceeds go to winner’s choice of charity. You pick the toys, just bring your ass to Boston, or I’ll meet you wherever you wish. Bring your faggot ass friends too, I’ll bring my people, but this is gonna be me and you, in the hole alone. What’s your price, pussy?
  • Evan — Sarah will probably kick your stupid lefty mother F******ng A$$ so you better hide your wimpy beta kuk face unless you want it bent sideways.
  • Evan Hurst, you best watch your back bro. Who do you think you are talking to A) a woman like that and B) the spokesperson for the White House? Have some class. This is completely uncalled for and unacceptable. You best watch your back.
  • ESAD, scumbag commissar wannabee. Your days are numbered, your rope is measured.
  • Some serious garbage here Evan Hurst the kind that gets death treats, your media source burned down or get knocked out and wake up with a rose bush planted in you
  • Lula needs an antifreeze dog bone for the holidays and Evan needs an ass kicking.
  • Has anyone knocked the shit out of this guy yet? To anyone seeing this POS walking Lula, killing this piss poor humans dog would not be a crime.

Gee, Huckabee fans threatening to kill a dog. UNPRECEDENTED. That last guy later backed off, slightly, but said he was fully justified in at least thinking about it because Evan is so very evil: “Killing his dog is too much maybe but the sentiment goes well with what type of POS this guy is.” And then, after a few more people took him to task for being a jerk, he said to another commenter, “Now I’m fantasizing of killing your dog.” You know, because that’s such an effective sentiment. Then there was this one, from “Johnny H.” who was just one of several nice people we reported to Disqus, for all the good it’ll do:

Hurst is easy to find and will be a statistic before the new year.

“Johnny H.” has a rich comment history full of threatening people and demanding they tell him where they live so he can beat them up in person. In one, he suggested maybe it would be really easy to murder a New York Times reporter:

The best thing is that Jeremy Peters has little to no security team and an easily accessible house with multiple routes in and out and no cctv. Time to start culling these animals.

“Johnny H.” also looks forward to the chance to run over some protesters, since he has given a lot of thought to the law and has discovered a legal loophole whereby “blocking the road” is exactly the same as “kidnapping,” so he’d be justified in vehicular homicide:

I pray for these animals to kidnap my family while out driving. It’s a form of kidnapping because you can’t leave your vehicle. I have a Volvo 240 and will gladly play bumper cars with all of you, regardless of sex, race, or age. This isn’t a joke, try me losers.

Big surprise: He’s also very worried about The Blacks and their inherent criminality. So if he threatens people, you know it’s only in self defense. ‘Johnny H.” wasn’t the only one to condemn Evan for the f-word then have the n-word show up in his comment history, but we’ll spare you other examples.

Not everyone wanted to personally kill Evan; “lp54” simply wished Evan would be dead, or that he’d find Jesus and be a good Christian just like “lp54:”

I am not in favor of abortion. So, I wish you had been miscarried. You are a stain on humanity. You are an insult to humans. You are the lowest form of pond scum. I pray you meet Jesus before you die, because if anyone is hell-bound, it appears to be you. God is merciful, so you still have a hope at forgiveness for your vile diatribe. I bet your Mom would be thrilled at your language. Ad you eat with that mouth?

There’s your classic Augustinian struggle right there — “lp54” knows that Christ offers salvation to all, but it’s far more satisfying to imagine the vile filthy stain on humanity dead. But maybe it’s OK to wish death on someone as long as you also hope they find Jesus before they meet the horrible death you’ve imagined for them, huh?

Other folks just wanted Evan to explain what kind of weirdo male would ever write for what they decided was a chick blog. And a hypocritical one at that, since how could a supposedly feminist blog say such horribly sexist things about Sarah Sanders as “you’re lying” and “go fuck yourself”? Also, others are pretty sure he just might be gay — and also a raper!

  • Why is a dude writing for a feminist site? Is he some sub-cuck to a femi-nazi dom? If that’s his kink, good for him…who’s to judge… That said, his vixen needs to get him back on his meds….
  • @Wonkette @EvanHurst You have a disgusting foul mouth and show zero respect for a woman. It’s obvious libs only care if you disrespect lib women. The fact you can show such nastiness toward ANYONE, much less a LADY, speaks to our culture. What you SAID to her is as bad as what others DO to women.
  • You’re a sad excuse of a man…or tranny…or gay…or non-binary thing. Your world must be such a sad, depressing place. Your hatred is terrible, you really need help. And I’m sure you know all kinds of white supremacists, now don’t you. After all, your democrat forbears started the whole KKK thing.
  • LOL, author is just mad he can’t sexually harass or rape her.
  • This site seems to populated by mentally ill Dyk_s and castrated beta-male eununchs.
  • Evan: You’re a fag. And nobody cares what you think.

Then there were insults we couldn’t even make sense of:

Your writing is worthless. Go back to selling knives.

Is… Is that a common insult we’d never heard of? If anyone has any idea about that one, let us know.

“Jack Maverick” was quite simply offended that we would ask people to help us keep this blog in business instead of selling ads like normal people do:

So cute — Go on a profanity-laced tirade worthy of an excessively immature 13-year-old, and then what’s right at the end? — A little sign that reads, “Give Us Money”

Sorry, no. Hey, call me silly, but I’m rarely moved to throw out cash as a reward for someone just spewing unbridled hatred. I am, however, willing to pass you a napkin to wipe the flecks of white foam off from around the corners of your mouth.

We’ll admit, it’s entirely possible “Jack” isn’t part of our target audience. And while “Jack” is very, very offended by profanities that might come from an immature 13-year-old, a look at his comment history reveals he’s remarkably open-minded to thirtysomething district attorneys who want to fuck young teens, as long as they’re not rapey about it, especially since the little hoor went along with it at first:

Indeed – Moore was in the wrong (obviously) trying to seduce a 14-year-old but she doesn’t win any smart points for, at age 14, agreeing to go out with a 30-something man….nor for waiting until after he’d removed her clothes and started molesting her to voice any objection.

Since he did stop when she finally spoke up, this is only a statutory case based on her being a minor – there’s no indication from her telling of the story that he forced himself on her.

Roy Moore stopped like a gentleman when she said no, so where’s the big deal? It’s not like he wrote a column that used the F-word about a presidential aide.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations, because as one of our deleted geniuses noted, “you whiners want other people to pay for your website. Typical progs, can’t earn your own money, you’ve got to take it from other people.” As everyone knows, ads — which in our case we have not got — certainly don’t involve getting other people to pay us. Please click here to give us the money we can’t earn ourselves because we are weak progs.

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  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Take it away, Charles Pierce:
    “The Planned Parenthood business began with skeevy covert video-taping. This week, in Donald Trump’s Washington hotel, Virginia Thomas gave an award to James O’Keefe, the patron saint of video ratfckers everywhere. So, if you’re keeping score at home, in a hotel bearing the name of a credibly accused sexual harasser who lives in the White House, the wife of a credibly accused sexual harasser who works on the Supreme Court gave an award to a dirty-tricks artist who last week was humiliated by The Washington Post for trying to frame the paper’s reporters on behalf of an accused child molester in Alabama.

    That’s the summation of the universe in which the policies of our government are being made.”

  • armed_bears

    it’s entirely possible “Jack” isn’t part of our target audience.

    Ya think?

  • ManchuCandidate

    I’ve not been commenting here for years and I don’t recall any police state fantasies?

    Oh right, guns. It’s okay to do everything else a police state will do, but threaten to take away a nutter’s guns and they scream police state.

    • Grokenstein

      I must confess, I have occasionally voiced my fantasy of going in-for-a-dime-in-for-a-dollar on Jonah Goldberg’s “liberal fascism” bullshit and teaching all these Internet-tough-guy conservatives first-hand what being a victim of actual fascism is like.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    I kinda like “non-binary thing.”

    I might use that in future.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Today we are all non-binary things, I guess.

  • msanthropesmr

    Is that guy bragging that he has a Volvo 240?

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        “One, please.”

      • eyelashviper

        Inspired by Vikings, they outlast even their owners sometimes, also too.
        We had an older wagon, and when my husband was in a minor fender bender with a pricey sports car, the wagon was unscathed, and the sportster was in pieces. It was hard to see a spiffy Porsche driver sobbing like that.

      • proudgrampa

        Refrigerator on wheels!

        • willi0000000

          boxy, but good!

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      If he was a real American, he’d be driving a Ram Truck.

      And having it repaired every two months.

      • willi0000000

        i drive a Volvo . . . and there have been many dimes i’ve had to decide . . . dodge?/ram?/dodge?/ram?/dodge?/ram?/dodge?/ram?/dodge?/ram?

        [ some days i just want to see how much damage i could do to one of those coal-rollers without exceeding $50 of damage to the little beast }

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          I’ve owned two Chrysler products in my lifetime.

          Neither of them lasted more than two years. And I spent more money having them fixed than I’d paid for them.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Probably his mom’s. My former sis-in-law would have nothing else, though hers were rather old.

  • Evan is “deflowered”? I construe this “insult” as a stark contrast to some unstated ideal – “never flowered” or “still flowered” or “awaiting flowering.”

    While this convo has gone to pot, mulch is left unclear. Some commentators seem nursery-bound shrinking violets planted in bull shit.

    • wait! what?

      What a bunch of mulch.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So… what I got out of that was that if start calling “abortions” “miscarriages” all of the faux outrage about babby-killing will go away? OK, thanks random and deranged wingnut.

    • A Groucho Marxist

      As in “my girlfriend had a safe and legal liberty-aided miscarriage”.

  • Bananas Foster

    Ufph.

    Only got a third of the way through.

    Too much hate for a Sunday morning.

    (And I lose it when people start talking about hurting animals. Fucking psychopaths. They probably also wet their beds and play with matches.)

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      At least if they do those two things in that particular order, they might be safe.

      Hard to set wet sheets aflame.

      • willi0000000

        they always get the order wrong.

        [ . . . and they never suicide before they murder ]

  • PubOption

    Johnny H(alliday) is dead. He must have sent the messages to Evan just before his demise.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Two days, I’m not even kidding, the French TVs spent a full two days lamenting the loss of the greatness that is Johnny Halliday. I’m trying to imagine what American rock star would get that much attention at his passing.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        I think Elvis got a protracted period of mourning.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          Of course not. The Deep State just WANTS you to think he is.

        • willi0000000

          i heard he was running the grill at Burger Lord™

      • Nyumbu

        Prince

  • Angela Ruzzo

    It sounds like “Jack” was in the car with Roy Moore and the 14-year-old, as he knows so much about the exact sequence of events and who said what when. If so, why did he wait so many years to say anything about it?

  • https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/46fcb2115d51bf2801b54c9d05d6584b10693364fa5f321a47a0219fe6be6035.jpg

    This emoji is a favorite among the creepy right. I wonder about its diametric opposite, the implied contrast.

    What is the opposite of this emoji? Can anyone post/identify it? Whatever it is, it’s the way Trump fans and the Alt-right dread being seen. Dry-eyed and terrified? Boiling over with the perverse woe that comes from self-awareness?

  • major_asshole

    Ok, minor point for one deleted commenter: generally, the term for a female dominant person is “domme.”

    Also, fuck me sideways (please), the hypocrisy in the minds of some people is enough to drive me to drink more. They scream that sexism is dead and women are treated exactly the same as men, but as soon as someone rips a woman a new one for being an idiot of epic proportions, they scream louder “how dare you SHE’S A LADY!”

    • Hiss

      And the worst insult they can come up with is to call a man something female.

  • The Wanderer

    “Johnny H” drives a Volvo 240?

    Un-American motherfucker.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Admit it. When you see that 240 in the rear view mirror, you know it’s time to move over.

    • Paul

      It’s his Mom’s car. He lives in her basement. But he sure talks tough.

  • Michael R
    • Phoenixdoglover

      Biden, I love you!

  • OrG

    Breaking with tradition, I’ma say these people don’t seem very nice at all.

  • wait! what?

    Non-binary breakfast:

    Furious beef bowl w/Kimchi and chashu pork
    Furious margarita
    Can of Coke

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/38b430035b7b53ad12f184c1fef485995087da8cf5e1733879072e29174edb61.jpg

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Last time I had a non-binary breakfast I Anna-logged before lunch.

    • The Wanderer

      Looks better than my planned lunch of a sandwich containing leftover teriyaki meat loaf, Pepsi, and watching the Detroit Lions roger the Tampa Bay Buccaneers right up the wrong’un.

    • Alan

      That’s not breakfast, it’s medication.

      • wait! what?

        Kimchi fixes everthing.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    That’s really all I have to say…Here’s my commentary

    They can’t shut up even when they say they are going to shut up, can they?

  • Grokenstein

    Since he did stop when she finally spoke up, this is only a statutory case based on her being a minor

    JFC, is that all????
    I don’t know why I’m surprised. These poopchunks worship Ted Nugent, the Duck Dynasty creeper, and the sausage-fingered vulgarian-in-chief, after all. Each and every one of them probably thinks “old enough to pee, old enough for me” is the wittiest thing to say, ever.

    • bupkus231

      As it is, I read that and thought “ONLY “statutory”???? That makes it okay?

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      “Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed!”

      -Roy Moore

    • rosenbomb

      Go watch the Roy Moore focus group Robyn posted about yesterday. It’ll make your blood boil.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    With enough guns and death threats, we can get rid of those pesky elections.

  • Scrofula

    Just imagine if we could convince those guys that unconsensual pussy-grabbing is even half as bad as using “fuck” in the vicinity of a “lady”.

    • willi0000000

      maybe if every time someone does it we chop a little off the end.

      [ after a while they wouldn’t need gloves ]

  • coozledad

    “but this is gonna be me and you, in the hole alone. What’s your price, pussy?”

    Uh.

    EDIT: For some reason, this reminds me of George Carlin’s
    “Okay, sheriff, we’re gonna fuck you now. But we’re going to fuck you slow…”

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Oh, the joy of people who believe words only mean what they believe they mean.

      Makes for the most ironic of responses.

    • proudgrampa

      Fuck the ump! Fuck the ump!

  • Master Contrail Program

    Hell, I admire Evan’s dedication if he left a lucrative career selling Cutco knives door-to-door to face the witheringly intellectual replies in his inbox.

    Even quality Cutco knives aren’t that sharp!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I should have just created an “Out Of Office: Spirit Cooking Right Now” auto-reply.

    https://m.popkey.co/bd2528/861zw.gif

  • TJ Barke

    Hope you get some sort of extra compensation for this, Dok.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    How can I send Evan a nice bouquet? I hate to think of him being deflowered.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Deflowered, openly gay, closeted, a eunuch and going to hell.

      It’s like a laundry list of the things these creatures think about angrily with their hands on their dicks.

      • Covfefe

        Is Evan a Republican?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I wouldn’t think so, but I’m far too much of a lady to ask.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        But apparently where he’s going they have treats. Evan, will you bring enough for the whole class?

      • Resistor Radio

        Not to mention his wife is leaving him. Makes for a helluva sad country song.

        • Bad Tom

          Only lacks a truck.
          Does Evan have a truck? Maybe he does!
          ——-
          If not, he must get one immediately.

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            He IS a truck. A Truck-American.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            And he’s gotta paint it red.

        • Ωbjectifier

          He already has a dog, just need the lonesome train whistle.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Dog killed: check.
          All we’re missing is prison, rain, a truck, and something about Momma that doesn’t involve cocksucking, ‘cuz not even David Allen Coe goes there.

          • SisterArtemis

            Probably mama’s home cooking, because you know, nostalgia…

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I wonder, if you play it backwards, does the dog come back?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    the dog gets it, too

    “Oh HELL no!”

    – my two dogs

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      “COME AND TAKE ME, REDNECK!”

  • Carpe Vagenda

    So real feminism is having ladies who aren’t treated like mere women because they have high status men behind them and gentlemen who only prey on women who don’t know the rules or have high status men behind them?

    Awesome.

    • Resistor Radio

      And it’s totally okay to take off a 14 year old’s clothes.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I particularly like the part where it’s not statch if she doesn’t say the magic word.

  • Rick Hill

    Not saying that psychosis is spreading in some communities, no, not at all….

  • Phoenixdoglover

    “Your writing is worthless. Go back to selling knives.”

    I believe this is an old-timey reference to the days of traveling salesmen: Bibles, brushes, knives, tin pots, etc.

    As a yute, we had a few guys like that regularly shuffle through our neighborhood. Mom always invited in the “Fuller Brush man” for tea and cookies.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yup, my gramma too.

    • Resistor Radio

      There was some joking along those lines in the non-comments the other day, IIRC. But no one was calling Evan “literally Hitler” for writing about Sanders.

    • shastakoala

      OMG. Are we related?

    • WIDTAP

      “tea and cookies”

      Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?

  • A Groucho Marxist

    Holy shit, someone actually said “I pray for these animals to kidnap my family while out driving”. Goddamn, that is one unhappy motherfucker. I hope his family gets away from him as soon as possible.

    • Scrofula

      Or he really is fifteen, talking about his parents and his awful awful sister.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Where by his family I assume he means mom, who won’t die and leave him the house.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        Reminds me of my aunt’s neighbors. They do little things for her every so often because when she dies, they want her to leave them all of her stuff. That’s how they inherited what they have now.

        They’re going to be pretty upset when they read her will and all of her possessions go to her daughters and sisters.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I just got a check from my uncle’s estate, which I agreed should go to all his nephews and nieces, whether they were close or not. I’m donating it to the local Catholic Charities christmas drive, because I think he would have liked that. I told my brother to keep dad’s estate, because he caregived him and he earned it.

          This is not really a thing I understand.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            Neither do we.

            My mom and my aunt talk about them a lot. They’re damned creepy and hang around looking for clues.

            Trouble is my aunt’s been having back problems. She’s been through two surgeries already and my mom tells me when they come by it’s like they can’t help licking their chops hoping for “the big payoff.” (Her words.)

            In short, they’re vultures. And my aunt and my mother have already talked about it. Her will is already made out, just in case, though I think she’s still got plenty of life left in her.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I had cousins like that. I always said “I’ll never see or hear from them after Dad dies because they’re only hoping he’ll leave them some cash, that’s the only reason they stay in touch with us.” Sure enough, since my Dad died 2 years ago I haven’t seen or heard from any of my cousins.

    • wait! what?

      I don’t work in that “mysterious” way.

      – God

    • therblig

      sounds like rwnj co-worker. he’s just waiting for some imagined threat (blacks, muslims, liberals) that will let him whip out his guns and start blazing away in the name of god/trumpy/murica. these people are born diseased and somehow the hate is nurtured through their whole lives.

      • A Groucho Marxist

        I’ve known people like that. The “kidnap my family” thing just seemed weirdly specific.

        • Arolpin

          I think he means that if protesters were to impede his progress, or worse, surround his car, it would be kidnapping, and deadly force would be justified, then he could run over and kill liberals. It’s sick and wrong, kind of like his brain.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I concluded many years ago that some people are actually born defective, and it does not necessarily relate to their IQ. I blame the Neanderthals, but only because they are not around to defend themselves.

        • Ill-Advised

          Ha, their descendants are, allegedly.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He sounds like the guy here who had his wife and three kids in the car, but got so out of control with road rage that he deliberately caused a high-speed accident . . . killing himself, and his wife, and all of the children.

      • A Groucho Marxist

        Clearly an American hero, who only cares about liberty (themselves).

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I wonder why telling ol’ Pooty Lips to fuck the fuck off rubbed so many wingnuts the wrong way. You think maybe they know deep down inside how this lying tool represents everything that’s corrupt about the authoritarian right and they are lashing out so as not to have to reflect on how morally bankrupt and objectively awful they have become in continuing to support a soulless political party at the expense of anything decent remaining in their rotting souls?

    • bbayliss

      Waaay too much credit for cognition.
      This is knee jerk tribal stuff.

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      No, this is the lunacy that got Trump elected!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I think they like her boldness in making her clothes out of tablecloths.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I think they identify with her as one of them, since she comes off as an Arkansas hick. This sort of reaction means they’re taking it personally.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Profanity is worse than death threats? That seems like the kind thing you’d hear from someone who thinks that supporting reproductive rights is worse than trying to rape teenagers.

    • bbayliss

      Go on breitbart, threaten to hurt or kill a “libtard”…no problem.
      Type shit, fuck, hell, damn,or pussy, you’re comment will be held for moderation.
      It’s the upside down.

  • Anna Rompage

    Reports have it that Donad watches up to 8 hours of tv a day, when he’s not golfing that is…

    • Scrofula

      You left out the 12 diet cokes.

      Which is better than 12 sugar-cokes.

      • bupkus231

        Uh – it is a pretty hefty dose of aspartame, and sodium benzoate, for that matter:

        The most commonly distributed version of Diet Coke (and the majority of beverages that contain artificial sweeteners) relies on aspartame, which has been suggested to pose health concerns.[14][15] Aspartame is one of the most intensively scrutinized food additives.
        Coca-Cola has now released Diet Coke sweetened with sucralose (also known as Splenda), although it is not as common.

        The sodium benzoate was found to break down mitochondrial DNA in living yeast cells.[16] Research published in 2007 for the British government’s Food Standards Agency suggests that sodium benzoate (E211) is linked to hyperactive behavior and decreased intelligence in children.[17] In January 2008 sodium benzoate was removed from production lines for Diet Coke sold in the UK, however it remains in other Coke products and other production locations.[18]

        [ from Wiki – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diet_Coke#Debate_over_health_issues ]

        • Scrofula

          Sodium benzoate is pretty harmless, and aspartame is just a tripeptide. Far worse is the phosphoric acid, which will quickly block absorption of cations.

          And of course, the sugar is vastly worse than any of those.

          • therblig

            whatever’s worst – i hope he gets a lot of it.

          • bupkus231

            Anything’s “pretty harmless” in small enough doses ( and, no, I’m not advocating homeopathy ). But 12 cans a day is not small doses…

          • Scrofula

            It’s very small doses for those two ingredients (milligrams), but something like 300grams of sugar, you know, almost a POUND for full Coke. Lethal for diabetics like me.

            For diet coke, the loss of calcium will cause worse effects than 1000X greater consumption of sodium benzoate.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I grew up drinking Tab, which was sweetened with saccharine. Then that study came out saying that if you consumed something like 10 gazillion grams of saccharine a day like the mice in the study did, you would get cancer, and Tab sort of disappeared from the supermarket shelves. I had to switch to Diet Pepsi, which tastes slightly metallic in comparison to Tab. I think if you consume 10 gazillion grams of anything in one day it could be bad for you, but 2 cans of Tab per day were hardly a risky proposition. I wish they would bring Tab back, because it tasted a lot better than Diet Pepsi. Which reminds me, back in the late 70’s I read an article in the newspaper that said that peanut butter, if consumed in large quantities on a regular basis, would cause cancer. Never heard another word about it since that day, so I guess the peanut lobby squashed that story.

          • SprinklemagicResistancebuns

            They still make Tab, and it has saccharin in it. The regulations to put the warning about the saccharin were dropped because no humans got cancer. Because no humans drink 88 cans a day for their whole, presumably short, lives.

        • Doug Langley

          Get Smart routine:

          “Do you know what this is, Mr Smart?”
          “Artificial sweetener?”
          “No! It’s sodium calcium chloride, the second deadliest poison known to man!”
          “Oh. What’s the deadliest?”
          “Artificial sweetener.”

    • Scrofula

      Actually, the best line from that Slate thing was when Trump said (paraphrasing) “I don’t want that much TV. I read a lot of documents. Lot of documents.”

      • Suse

        By which he means Scrooge McDuck comic books in Russian.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        He’s got the best documents. Better than Romney’s binders.

      • HogeyeGrex

        AOT,K.

      • Suttree

        Looking at pictures =/= reading.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Bullshit – Donald can’t watch that much tv while floating in the pond… oops wrong mentally deficient duck. Sorry.

      • BJW

        Donald Duck libelz!!!1111!!!!!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    “It’s beginning to look a lot like ass waste,
    Ev’rywhere you go;
    Took a crap in the Grand Hotel, one in the park as well,
    The sturdy kind that doesn’t mind the snow.”

    —–

    Such a shame your police state fantasies will never, ever come true.
    Folks we were just red pilled!

  • Master Contrail Program
    • Ωbjectifier

      Brussel sprouts are always threatening.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Well, you don’t want to be in the same room as me after I’ve eaten them, that’s for sure.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I pray you meet Jesus before you die

    “Hey Jesus, good to meet you. Can you tell me what’s up with that Deleted Commenter?”

    “IKR? That one’s a real piece of work!”

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Check me here, but … don’t you have to die first to meet Jesus?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Not if Jesus comes over for banana bread!
        If he does Evan, say “hi” from me.

      • wait! what?

        His comeback tour is announced every couple of years, but he keeps canceling.

        • suziq

          But they are giddy about recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel or whatever the fuck dotard just did because they think it is going to bring end times when they all get raptured. Well that ain’t going to happen but sadly some people are already dead because of that and there will be plenty more. Fuck him.

      • attitude devant

        Not up on your evangelical theology, are you? They believe that when you accept Jesus as your personal savior you enter into a personal relationship with him. (Supposedly your heart becomes filled with compassion and goodness, but that part doesn’t seem to have kicked in with this one)

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          Yes … yes … yes …

          And handing over 5.8 trillion dollars to the weathiest one percent of American will spur massive growth.

          • attitude devant

            You have to beleeeeve or it doesn’t work. Also, clap so Tinkerbell will die!

        • therblig

          cool. will He co-sign my mortgage?

        • Gigglesnort

          Of course, personal relationship with an undead dude is a bit creepy, when you think about it.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      If Jesus showed up looking like he did in 30BC, all the conservative Christians I know would call the cops.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    Trump supporters really don’t seem to “get” the whole Jesus thing…
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5247d6d5c93b6da516d2cb241dadaca02f57381da34e1809809106d2943092bd.jpg

    • Phoenixdoglover

      I would like to hear more of Jesus translated into modern vernacular. I suspect he would take no fucking prisoners, yo!

      • The Wanderer

        And Jesus saw that the area around the Temple was full of people buying and selling things, like lambs for the Temple services. But what really packed lint up his nose were the guys who’d set up shop to exchange drachmas for shekels and shit like that.
        “What the actual FUCK?!” said Jesus, and he grabbed up a few ropes and started whipping on those greedy motherfuckers.

        • WIDTAP

          You think Jesus was bad ass on those moneychangers, you should have seen what he did to the mutherfuckin’ fig trees.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          So he [Zaccheaeus] ran on ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to see Him, since Jesus was about to pass that way. When Jesus came to that place, He looked up and said, “Zack, WTF man! Get down from the tree; we’ll hang at your place.”

          • The Wanderer

            Hee!

          • therblig

            he said the same thing to judas and then winked.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            You forgot his last words which were “and get stoned.”

        • IdRatherBeDancing

          In answering the Pharisees, Jesus said “Who dis?”

  • therblig

    “go back to selling knives” from assholes selling wolf tickets.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    What you SAID to her is as bad as what others DO to women.

    Thanks for your concern, Deleted Commenter, but as a Vagina-American I can tell you that a few unkind words =/= sexual assault TYVM & FFS…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d4e6021c7e16e726b6ba06f3cbd0c4593ad0200ec5bd9103c436f3a148df7a6b.jpg

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Particularly when they are true words.

  • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

    Bless their hearts! They seem nice.

  • La forza del resistino

    Nothing like a Volvo 240 in my rear view mirror to instill fear.

    • Kryptonian Canis

      That seemed oddly specific. Is that supposed to be some kind of status symbol?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I checked it out and one or two were turned into race cars. I suspect his was the only car he could afford. But Hey! Less chance of it being forfeited to the police when he gets his next DUI.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • Mary Theresa
  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Morning comrades — I just woke at noon! Addled and in need of coffee!

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    non-binary thing

    Wait, is Evan analog?

    • SisterArtemis

      Non Binary Thing is what I’m going to start calling my gender-fluid cat. Seriously, this one is sometimes very territorial-mama-cat, other times mr. lazy boy, still other times mellow kittenish at age 12.

  • proudgrampa

    In addition to selling knives, Evan could also sell Fuller brushes and encyclopedias.

    • The Wanderer

      Electrolux vacuum cleaners.

      • proudgrampa

        Now THAT’S a career!

      • SisterArtemis

        I used to clean people’s houses for a living, and used their vacuum cleaners. Never minded using the electroluxes, though they kind of looked like a relic from a 50s scifi movie – they REALLY SUCKED if ya know what I mean. Those things are built!.

        • Institute For Applied Despair

          I’ve had one for 32 years and it has never, ever failed me.

        • therblig

          ms. blig wants a kirby.

          with all 1000 attachments, including the pasta maker.

          • SisterArtemis

            Once when I was a poor (certainly too poor to buy one) I let a Kirby vacuum guy do the demo for me. He was new at it, and needed the experience, so it worked for both of us. I was amazed at the things that motor could power – a small compressor, a drill/dremel thing, I don’t remember all of it, but it was intriguing and also too my floor got vacuumed! (I didn’t own one, and I’d been sweeping it).

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            The one you want has the oil drilling rig attachment.

        • Courser_Resistance

          My grandma had one that could suck the finish right off hardwood. It looked like some kind of steampunk nightmare, but yeah, stupendous sucking power.

        • pstokk

          True story, 30 some years ago I vaguely knew one of the Electrolux designers in Sweden. His ideal esthetic was Egyptian art so that might be a source for the 50s sci-fi look.

      • Kneeling Bozilingus
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Those had wheels.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      A man came by our house in 1965 selling sewing machines. In those days sewing machines weighed a TON. My mother bought one (I still have it, it still works great, but it seems to weigh more now than it did when I was younger). I can’t imagine a worse job than lugging heavy sewing machines around door-to-door.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        Was the salesman named Mr. Sisyphus?

    • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

      He could open an S&H green stamp redemption center.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Because universities destroy their belief systems.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Critical thinking is the tool of the Debil!

      • (((Sedagive)))

        They’re trying to “relitigate” the Enlightenment.

        They will not be successful.

        • Resistor Radio

          I hope

      • suziq

        Ohhh, I hit reply then lost the will to snark. What a depressing shit fer brains. And do you report people that not only threaten, but claim that they have already inflicted violence? Because I think they need a visit from some fed types.

    • Suttree

      The only larning yu need is the bibble, and how to inseminate cows.

      • therblig

        don’t you have to marry the cow after that?

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I already know how to inseminate cows. You call Doc Mundy, and he comes out the the farm and puts a rubber glove on his hand that goes up to his shoulder.

        And you won’t believe where he puts his hand. Up to his shoulder.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      All the people I know who criticize universities are people who either didn’t go to one, dropped out of one, or didn’t get into the one they wanted.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Eye of Newt and Essence of Crow Fart sales will skyrocket.

    • Tiffany de Houston

      When I see stuff like this I want to mock and ridicule these people but mostly I get too sad and depressed to do so. My late grandfather was a redneck with a third grade edication whose family originated in the Deep South and yet one of my most vivid memories of him while growing up in the 70s was him telling me to get as much higher education as I could, because with an education the sky is the only limit to what someone can accomplish.

      • SisterArtemis

        Different background, but in some ways I can relate. The great grandparent generation were mostly from farm families, and pushed many of the kids to get some kind of education and leave the farm; most did, though my great Aunt had a hell of an apple farm in Eastern Washington for decades. They ranged from conservative to more liberal minded (the true lefties arrived in my generation), and they valued education whether at a college or a trade school or on the job. The grandparent and parent generation was filled with teachers, and accountants, and small business owners who, while they might not have done school, had been taught their trades on the job, and moved up.

        While in my generation it’s a mix of college educated and otherwise, there’s definitely a solid understanding that to do better, you go out and seek knowledge and training, whatever the source. It’s sad to see this lesson lost on a whole swath of people.

  • rosenbomb

    I like how the one guy started out with homophobic and transphobic slurs, then moved to Democrats started the KKK. Wingnuts may not understand facts, but they sure do memorize their talking points!

  • Resistor Radio

    Forgive my ignorance, but can gay dudes even be “beta cucks?” If there’s no Stacy in the equation, sorry, I’m confused.

  • Ellie

    I would never say anything bad about SHS because she’s a woman. I say things about her because she is a lying sack of crap who has sold her soul to be a part of the Abominable Showman’s administration. She is an apple that didn’t fall far from the tree.

    • Lopsided apples don’t roll very far.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Gender equality means you can criticize a lying sack of crap who has sold her soul EVEN THOUGH she is a woman.

    • Cogswell – Overlord of Barsoom

      You, my friend, are going on the assumption that she ever had a soul to sell to begin with.

      • Ellie

        I am, because she looks like she was a pleasant child. She might have had an excuse once; her daddy was a horrible example of a human being. But, she’s over 30 now and old enough to know better, and has made her choice.

  • Joe Beese

    Trump should go back to selling knives.

    (Am I doing this correctly?)

    • They better be good ones if they’re gonna cut through the awful steak he was also selling.

      • wait! what?

        …and his diet coke cans, which he apparently eats.

        #billygoattrump

      • Kneeling Bozilingus
      • Pax Americana Per Ars Smith

        Not to mention; ones that are cooked to the lump of coal that Trump prefers.

  • Suttree

    Sarah’s skwerl stew brings all the boys to the yard.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      *shudders*

      • Resistor Radio

        Skwerl libelz!

    • OutOfOrbit

      skuwered skwerl?

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      I thought it was looking deeply into her lop eyes.

  • wait! what?

    If you start a diatribe with “that’s really all I have to say,” then you’re doing it wrong.

    • therblig

      i’m not racist, but i agree with you.

  • Institute For Applied Despair

    “I’ve got a Volvo 240”. Hunh.
    The chasm between these poor tortured souls and reason widens by the day.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      I had my Volvo 240 removed by my doctor and I’ve never been happier.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        240, 241, whatever it takes.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          NICE!!!

      • theCryptofishist

        Doctors can do that? Because I went to my mechanic, and it was ‘spencive.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          Ya gotts to see a spesialist.

    • eggs ackly-wright

      Geez, I have a 20-year-old 850. Too old for Roy Moore. What’s a boy to do?

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        Now, if he said ‘I got me an 1800S’, I’d be kind of impressed.

        • eggs ackly-wright

          Some kind of Saint?

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            You are clearly a Volvo-knower.

          • eggs ackly-wright

            My first was a ’64 544. Poor thing got smushed by a ’59 Chevy wagon. Rear-ended. *sniff*

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            That is sad. Does it make me a bad person to mourn the ’59 Chevy wagon also?

          • kareemachan

            I grieve with you. I heart volvos.

      • BradtheBot

        10 year old C30. Too young for Roy Moore???

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Isn’t a Volvo a LIBERAL-cuck-beta automobile?

      • Ill-Advised

        Huh. I thought that was Subaru…specifically, Foresters. But maybe that’s the lesbian car.

  • rocktonsam

    Sounds like all those angry folks need fiber or to shoot something.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Hmmm, isn’t that kinda the same thing?

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Your writing is worthless. Go back to selling knives.

    Methinks somebody he knows couldn’t find a job and began selling Cutco!
    https://www.cutco.com/company/careers.jsp#sm.00s1vh2m14k8czz10cy1d63rptg8m

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Your writing is precious!
      How old are you?
      Can I talk to your gramma?

    • suziq

      I thought of Cutco also too! No such thing as door-to-door salesmen anymore though are there?
      Actually those were very good knives, my mom bought one from a friend of my sister who was starting a lucrative career in knife selling. He probably lasted a week or so.

      • Seek

        My mom had one too. I suspect it had a similar origin. That knife has lasted forever and is still sharp, and doesn’t need sharpening. Who knew?

    • Angela Ruzzo

      Why does this make me think of the SNL skit about Bass-O-Matic?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HKTx5WFcs0

  • Raan

    My best guess on the “selling knives” thing is that people sell knives at the flea market.

    I don’t know, I’m trying to bring logic to an unhinged mind.

    • Arolpin

      I was thinking more of door-to-door knife salesmen, like Fuller-Brush men or Encyclopedias or Kirby vacuum cleaners. I think steak knives and bibles were the lower forms of door-to-door salesmen, and since obviously no door-to-door bible salesmen would ever curse….knives.

  • ralphteb

    So many snowflakes, must be Christmas

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      Nah. It’s a dandruff blizzard.

      • AmazingProfessionalCrastinator

        You’ve watched me brushing my hair?

    • shastakoala

      I think they’re just seeding the clouds.

      • Querolous

        That’s what chem trails are for.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Wish I could send this directly to our darling deleteds:

    https://twitter.com/EdKrassen/status/939918134856658945

  • Institute For Applied Despair

    Ha! Silly fools- he’s a knife thrower, not a knife salesman!

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Ok, the femi-nazi dom and Evan’s vixen getting him on his meds was pretty funny.

  • wavicles

    Wait… so who’s the vixen in this scenario?

    Top def @ urban dictionary:

    Vixen
    A wife or girlfriend in a committed relationship who seeks a male for nsa sex with the permission of and usually in front of her stag husband or boyfriend, without any bi-sexual play or humiliation of her stag.

    I’m a vixen so my husband might join you in spit roasting me.

  • altleftjohn
    • The Wanderer

      One of the many best scenes in that movie.

  • OrG

    It must be hell to go through life angry and stupid.
    Or is it stupid and angry?

    • shastakoala

      Stangry?

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    What kind of people rush to defend the honor of a tablecloth-wearing, Finster-faced sociopath only too happy to lie for an ogre actively destroying our democracy?
    Oh right, this kind.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie
      • Sheepshagger

        Sherrie sharia. The worst garbage pail kid.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Yeah, Obama kind of screwed up with that. Because yeah, the WWC is actually clinging to those things because they feel their grasp on the world slipping away from them, but if he’d’ve let them keep their houses or punished the bankers they would have forgiven him for saying so.

      • kareemachan

        I hate granite-like countertops.

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    Quick tip, Drooling Nazi Visitors:

    After you say, “That’s really all I have to say,” that’s your cue to …
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/feae563e771b090d879df89d86a9adb2fd49f8b46f358b1929843d34985985c1.png

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      I kinda like it when they keep talking.

    • jesterpunk

      They will get so mad you said fuck. They want to kill everyone not white but a little bit of profanity offends them so much.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        Well, then …

        FUCK THEM.

        • jesterpunk

          You could also do this when they show up.

          Fuck, fuck, fuck,

          Mother motherfuck

          Mother motherfuck fuck

          Motherfuck motherfuck

          Noise, noise, noise

          1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4

          Noise, noise noise

          Shmokin’Weed shmoking wizz

          Doin’ coke, drinkin’ beers

          Drinkin’ beers, beers, beers

          Rollin’ fatties, smokin’ blunts

          Who smokes the blunts?

          We smoke the blunts!

          Rollin’ blunts and smokin’-

  • Courser_Resistance

    I think I’ll just call Sarah a lying cunt and be done with it.

  • Sheepshagger

    Newspeak really has developed quite a lot since 1984.

    • SisterArtemis

      or devolved…

    • OrG

      The year, the book or the Van Halen record?

      • wait! what?

        I’m gonna Jump to the conclusion that it’s VH.

        • Sheepshagger

          What else is there?

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I don’t have police state fantasies, I just like men in uniform.

  • chascates

    Hey trolls, if you don’t like the First Amendment move to your precious Russia.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Assumes facts not in evidence.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    Dear Shitferbrains is a great inspiration if you want to start a punk band and you’re looking for a name or lyrics for your debut single.

    • Sheepshagger

      “I wanna be your libcuck dog….”

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    Welcome to my Louisiana family reunions. Wherein real, actual, fucktard KKK members frolic.

  • Master Contrail Program

    No need to sell knives when one cuts their foes to the quick with rapier sharp wit.

    No, not statutory rapier, Moore-ons.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Ack after not being able to get them to unsubscribe me for a year Newsweek just renewed my subscription, and my credit card company wants me to dot the i’s and cross the t’s before they challenge it.

    • wait! what?

      Tell them no. But you are willing to dot the j’s and cross the 7’s.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I am just not paying for a Newsweek subscription. It’s turned into clickbait hell.

        • wait! what?

          I’d start gifting my enemies Newsweek subscriptions after that experience.

      • theCryptofishist

        You can cross zs, also, too.

  • Bad Tom

    You look like one of the demented little twerps I beat the fuck out of at the Antifa rallies here in Boston.

    As a long time resident of Boston, I can attest that there have been no Antifa rallies here, and there also, too have been no beatdowns of protesters at the rallies that did not happen.
    ——-
    There was a counter-protest this past summer, with a huge police presence, shortly after Charlottesville. There were about six Antifa people there, judging by their handkerchiefs. Not sure if that constitutes a “rally”. There were a handful of arrests. Perhaps our friend quoted above was one of them.

    • Sheepshagger

      By antifa rallies he means his living room, and by little twerps he means his mail order bride.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        “mail” or “mall” ordered bride?

        • Sheepshagger

          Guy like that has to be sight unseen.

      • Earl Of Sammich

        And by mail order bride he means a real-doll he special ordered with a black eye.

    • MasRioBravoHombre

      Similarly, their hero sniper asshole, who’s name escapes my stoned brain, claimed to have beaten up Jesse Ventura, shot looters during Katrina, and murdered carjackers in Dallas. All demonstrable, verified bullshit. If these assplugs stopped lying, they’d croak and float belly-up to the surface of the aquarium.

      • therblig

        we’ve got a local scumbag, hal turner, who used to have a radio show and claimed he shot looters after katrina. then, he threatened a judge, got arrested, and was supposedly an informant for the fbi. now, he just posts racist bullshit about immigrants on nj.com.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hal_Turner

      • jesterpunk

        Chris Kyle

      • Sheepshagger

        I am intrigued at the idea of an asshole so precise it’s a sniper.

        • wait! what?

          Have you seen “Mystery Men?”

          • Sheepshagger

            Hmmmm.

      • HogeyeGrex
    • Carpe Vagenda

      Would that be one of the handful of nazis with a cordon sanitaire between them and the massive anti-nazi march who wittered until the cops took them away from the scary nuns and teenaged girls?

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      BREAKING NEWS: Banhammered Commenter Lives In Own Paranoid Fantasy World Of Subjugated Women, Ample Firearms, No People Of Color

      • wait! what?

        …empty hot pocket boxes litter its domain.

      • Earl Of Sammich

        …but still can’t find a recliner large enough that his ass doesn’t get stuck in.

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          “I’m sorry, sir, but La-Z-Boy doesn’t do custom furniture. Have you tried contacting Craftmatic?”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Good to see all the Christians are full of the Christmas Spirit.

  • Alexander Stallwitz
  • SayItWithWookies

    You look like one of the demented little twerps I beat the fuck out of at the Antifa rallies here in Boston.

    Antifa rally in Boston? Didn’t hear about that one — maybe the moron is talking about the Nazi rallies (two of ’em, I think) where the cops had to surround the couple dozen Nazis and escort them to and from their rally site because those brave racists were a-skeered of the thousands of counterprotesters who had arrived to greet them. Not only are they sissies, they’re liars too.

    • wait! what?

      I think the half-witted troll is confusing the fake Boston Antifa Twitter account w/reality.

      • jesterpunk

        Wasn’t that the account that left geo-tagging on and it showed they where in Russia?

        • wait! what?

          Lol, yes.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Not the smartest trollskis.

    • Shan

      Did the cops make them all hold hands so they didn’t get separated from the rest of the field trip?

      • Paul

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    • Viktor

      The lazy American Nazis and alt right just make stuff up as they go along. Their groups are really about getting donations and internet popularity. These guys couldn’t beat up an old woman, they are spoiled basement dwellers stuffed with Doritos and cupcakes. Notice how they cry like babies when arrested and charged with crimes? Example, Matt Forney, google his name and scared, watch the video of the alt right tough guy waddling backwards in fear over people talking to him. LOL

    • Cosmic Owl

      Libtard land called ‘Massachusetts’ doesn’t care for fucking Nazis.

  • DesertedPictures

    Aren’t some of these comments outside the bounds of the first amendment? You can press charges for death treats, not?

    • jesterpunk

      Depends where they live, it would be hard to press charges on Russians though.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Halp! I been triggered!

    • OrG

      Booze and weed helps with that.
      I heard from a friend.

    • DesertedPictures

      First: do panic. Second: Find your conservative safe place. Three: turn on Foxnews.

      Finally: buy a gun!

      • jesterpunk

        Shouldn’t buy a gun come before every step there?

        • DesertedPictures

          Fair point.

        • Buy another gun!

        • Impatient

          Ammosexuals have to pace themselves, what with already owning eleventy-gajillion guns apiece.

          • SisterArtemis

            Yeah, I was thinking it meant another gun

  • therblig

    fucking jar-jar. yeah, now he’s sad that padme is dead, but he introduced the motion to give away the store to palpatine. douchebag.

    i really need to do something around the house.

    • kareemachan

      This reminds me of when my SO and I have “words”, and I angrily stomp around the house and clean the SHIT out of it.

    • dshwa

      I still stand by the Jar Jar was/is a Sith theory.

      • Impatient

        Or … should we speculate … that someone had dirt (or pee) on poor Jar Jar. (Seems to be the #1 excuse du jour.)

    • Jar Jar was just tearing down the Republic’s humanocentric dominance structure.

  • ‘You bring the toys’ and ‘me and you in the hole alone’… Those are come-ons! You just know that the only poundings this guy dished out to Antifa twerps were in the butt, Chuck Tingle style.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      “Weaponized Displaced Status Anxiety Pounded My Prostate”

      • “Cucked up the Butt by Soy Boy Libtards”

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I will never not find it hilarious that Roger Stone* has grown a forest of cuck accusations to hide his tree in.

          *whose career at the top of the national political game was brought crashing to the ground when he was outed advertising for our dusky brethren to achieve bliss atop the silicon promontories of Mount Mrs. Stone (YKINMK but whatever)

    • Ling Ling

      I will be using “Chuck TIngle style” in all my conversations for the next week. Friends and coworkers thank you in advance.

    • theCryptofishist

      Is Chuck Tingle tlm?

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Space Raptor Butt Invasion yodeling vegan edition.

  • Persistent Demme

    Evan is a closet queen!?
    News to me, (and Evan)!

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Someone inform the dude what “closeted” means.

      And that it doesn’t mean “out and proud.”

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Closet goes in, closet goes out – who knows what makes it go?….

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          You can’t explain it.

        • Cosmic Owl

          It’s a mystery.

          • Lord Jim

            You can’t explain that!

    • Viktor

      Do closet queens get invited to the royal wedding of the Suits lady and the Prince guy?

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I don’t see you guys rating
        The kind of mate I’m contemplating
        I’d let you watch, I would invite you
        But the queens we use would not excite you

        • Granny Sprinkles

          I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.

          • Lord Jim

            Classic…

  • Viktor

    When the loser of the rich people won the presidency, the losers of society finally had a voice and crawled out of the woodwork, spewing the hate and stupidity they felt like they were denied expressing. After reading classic loser ramblings like the ones in the article, I wish for the return of the days when morons like the President and his followers of sad sheep, were just laughing stocks.

  • theCryptofishist

    Silence is not consent.

    Just had to say that.

    • Lord Jim

      The fact that it still needs to be said is a testament to far we have to go.

  • Christopher Story

    Hey guys, happy anecdote time!

    I went to pick up my nephew yesterday, and ended up having a fascinating conversation with my redneck, Trump supporting sister (don’t worry, to her, “redneck” is a point of pride for her), about Donald Trump. Specifically, she was spitting mad at Trump for his move on national monuments.

    She kept going on about,
    “He can’t do that can he? That’s illegal right? Man, he’s gonna have people like me showing up with our guns and chaining ourselves to things.” As I explained to her about the parks and why he did that, I also explained how the Tax cuts her a middle finger to her and hers, and unprompted, the words came out of her mouth:

    “Maybe electing Donald Trump was a mistake.”

    Course, I had been yelling that since he got in the ring, but it was nice to have that validation from my sister, as well as her recognition that Trump wasn’t going to be a hero after all.

    Maybe there are other stories like mine out there?

    • Sheepshagger

      32%

      • Christopher Story

        Yeah…

      • DesertedPictures

        Men though….

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Hey, our Dem group is half, old guy men….

    • DesertedPictures

      It does match with the data regarding female approval ratings.

    • Cosmic Owl

      I sure hope so.

      Say, maybe my kooky cousin who was living and working with his wife and child in China who is a Trump supporter finally got it when he was denied a visa to return to China.

      (Now my cousin is moving his Chinese wife and their child to a family house on an island in Maine; he has few options.
      Yes. A woman from China will be living on a lonely island this winter. With a toddler.)

      • Cosmic Owl

        Did I mention the house is unheated?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          She’ll probably do better than he will….those Chinese women can be resourceful!….

          • Cosmic Owl

            It’s remarkably lonely.

            I’m an introvert, and I can’t stand that lonliness.

        • Christopher Story

          Oh man! I don’t mind Trump supporters getting their just desserts, but my sympathies for the wife and kid.

          • Cosmic Owl

            Mine as well.

            And for my cousin, as well to an extent.

            He finally found someone to marry him, have a child with, and now this.

          • Carole

            Sorry, not feeling his pain. His wife and kid though.

    • Rick Hill

      “In retrospect, trading our cow for these magic beans, was a mistake.”

      Note-Those magic beans, were beans. This ain’t no fairy tale, no savior is coming to our rescue

      • The Wanderer

        So they were has-beans?

        • Lord Jim

          Badoom CHING!

      • Carole

        There is only a giant, with an axe.

    • Ling Ling

      Explain to her that guns are not a fashion accessory, and perhaps an armed angry crowd is a bad idea.

      • Christopher Story

        Baby steps

    • Carole

      No. But at least my in-laws have stopped posting Trump campaign materials and started posting lace-doily motivational memes on Facebook. Like, you know, “unfriend all those negative, toxic people in your life,” which I think means that they have to unfriend themselves.

  • Sheepshagger

    “I don’t wish death on people”

    Furiously masturbates while clad in full paramilitary attire and vividly imagining murder.

  • puredog

    Apparently, selling knives door-to-door is a thing. That’s all I’ve got, unless it’s a thickly-veiled anti-semitic reference to kitchenware sales from a cart.

    https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=wH0tWoKzFIKWjQOM1LzQCQ&q=knife+selling+door+to+door&oq=knife+selling+door+to+door&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0i22i30k1l4.1361.6132.0.6619.27.26.0.0.0.0.167.2457.12j12.24.0….0…1.1.64.psy-ab..3.24.2444.0..0j35i39k1j0i67k1j0i131k1j0i131i20i264k1j0i20i264k1j0i131i67k1j0i10k1j33i22i29i30k1j0i8i13i30k1.0.imG8CL_pTX8

    • HogeyeGrex

      I was thinking pitchmen style. Think: Ginsu commercial at an open air market or fair. There are a bunch of pitches for different products. Knives is actually not one of the worst you can do. I’ve known folks that have made decent money doing pitch work.

  • Cosmic Owl

    For folks so offended by swears, these little fellas sure cuss a lot.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Jack sez he didn’t do it. Is it suppertime yet?…

  • Angela Ruzzo

    OT: I heard yesterday, via a Christmas newsletter, that an old friend of mine who has been quite poor all his life due to congenital health issues, inherited a farm in Nebraska from his grandmother this year, and he sold it to developers for $750,000. Way to go, grandma! My grandparents left me a tablecloth, a broken watch, a quilt, and a lot of tatted doilies for which I have never found any use whatsoever, but I am not envious, because he deserves some good luck after all these years. This means he will lose his Medicaid, but he says Big Fucking Deal and he couldn’t care less.

    • Tatted or tattered? Sounds like Hell’s Lil’ Angels

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Tatted. Tatting is a kind of knotted lace, which you then starch to within an inch of its life and set on top of tables, chests of drawers and shelves to collect dust.

        • Huh. Never heard of that before. Guess I was really missing out.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It was a very popular occupation for ladies before the invention of television and the passage of the 19th Amendment, particularly ladies raised with Victorian values. My grandma’s house was full of tatted doilies on every available surface, not to mention embroidered pillow cases that left permanent patterns on your cheeks, and embroidered tablecloths, and “antimacassars” which you put on the backs of armchairs to prevent men’s greasy “macassar” hair oil from staining the fabric. Considering that they had to wash everything by hand using a washboard and water they boiled on a stove and lugged to a tin wash basin, I think this was one of those things that men invented to keep women busy and not thinking about becoming suffragettes. It’s just a pet theory I have.

          • SisterArtemis

            I’ve wondered if there are messages knotted into the patterns, Madame DeFarge style. Maybe suffragette or abolitionist ones.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Total lost art. Interweave has a fiber arts history magazine with a few patterns, but I think mostly people in SCA do it now.

        • theCryptofishist

          Use thick gel medium to glue to canvas or other substrate, then go all weird painty on its ass.

        • Teecha

          It looks a bit like crochet. Is it similar?
          My venerable g’mother used to crochet all sorts of stuff, some of which she starched or sugared to make them 3D

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Sort of similar but instead of a hook, it uses a shuttle. The shuttle is a rounded diamond shape. In the old days they were made of metal or horn, nowadays plastic.

          • Teecha

            Thank you!

          • Angela Ruzzo

            It is somewhat similar to crocheting, but made with a lace-making shuttle instead of a crochet hook. They would sometimes crochet the center part of the doily, and then add tatted ruffles around the edges. It was very time consuming.

          • bupkus231

            “It was very time consuming.”

            I use the Internet for that.

          • Teecha

            Thanks!

    • Perkniticky

      What a heartwarming story – always nice to hear when people who could really use some luck get a break.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        You are correct. The state he lives in outsourced Medicaid to the Xerox Corporation about 8 years ago, and the first thing Xerox did was cancel all payments for Home Health Aides. Without his Home Health Aide he can’t even leave the house and would probably die very quickly, because his Aide drove him to the supermarket and to doctor’s appointments. They made the appeal process opaque and very difficult, but he consulted an attorney and learned that you could appeal by telephone, which they were not telling anyone.

        • Lord Jim

          That. Is. Fucked. Up.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            This happened after his state elected a Republican governor. Enough said.

    • ahughes798

      Tatted doilies make great head gear, especially after a few drinks. Then you can pretend you’re one of them there Opus Dei catholics.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        If you starch them enough, they make excellent Frisbee substitutes.

    • SisterArtemis

      Tatted doilies are one of the things I got from my grandmother too. Never have gotten around to it, but I hope someday to do this sort of thing with them, but with brighter colors in the background:
      https://www.theribboninmyjournal.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/More-Needlework.jpg

      • Angela Ruzzo

        My grandma liked to make them with outstandingly fluffy ruffles around the edges, something like the image below, which make them impossible to frame. I suspect they would make excellent cat toys. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cbd29351af8056ff80807dd6fd45d70fa4771d55427deae6ab1af1cfdab2cc5d.jpg

        • ahughes798

          You could use a shadow box to frame them.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Or I could give them to my nephews and nieces and let them go to the expense of framing them. I have tried this approach, but they seem reluctant to embrace the concept.

          • ahughes798

            Then just wear them on your head.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I have my nonna’s yarn basket, some of her knives, some collars and doilies she tatted, and her sewing machine. Basically, everything the aunt she lived with didn’t manage to sell at a garage sale.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        I had a very dear and very elderly neighbor 20 years ago, who gave me one of her framed doilies, which I still have hanging on my wall. The mat is cut to frame the doily, which is very charming. Her name was Blondina Smith, but everyone in the neighborhood called her “Smitty.” She was a Sweetie Pie, and I miss her. She died at age 91 of a sudden heart attack, while pruning her rose bushes. We should all be so lucky.
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/16c186eed9db969d5539f4903573a177922126bdc0c2bcd7415aa575fee0b6ea.jpg

        • SisterArtemis

          very nice

          • Angela Ruzzo

            She was an Old Soul. She had a kiln in her basement and taught ceramics classes until she was 88. I have one of her electrified ceramic Xmas trees in my curio cabinet that she made just for me, I wouldn’t sell it for anything.

    • SisterArtemis

      Another thing to do with old doilies, especially ones that are permanently stained – stencils for textile arts. This one was made from me by an old friend, using a tea towel she also inherited https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/194695fa38122b9d176ebbf393c4db55bfd98e7637f41ac04ec1e7bd4a115250.jpg (it’s sitting in the ironing basket, hence the folds):

      • theCryptofishist

        That’s lovely.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        That’s a very creative idea.

    • Lord Jim

      Happy nicetime!

  • Cosmic Owl

    I wager none of these kooks know the medical term for ‘miscarriage’ is ‘spontaneous abortion’.

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      Jeebus abortion is more politically correct.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Yesterday I read a comment that gave me a spontaneous abortion – and I’m male.

    • theCryptofishist

      They’ve heard the term, but believe it refers to a spur-of-the-moment recreational abortion.

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistent
    • The Wanderer

      All those years that Roy mounted Trigger and rode him hard.

      • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

        That’s why those trails were happy.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        And then had him stuffed like Norman Bates’ mama.

        • theCryptofishist

          Oh great, when we get tired of “Chuck Tingle style” we can move on to, “I’m going to stuff you like Norman Bates stuffed his mama.”

          • Carpe Vagenda

            You Gein eat that?

          • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

            I Gacy what you did there.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I Donner what you mean.

          • ahughes798

            And for dessert, I’ll have the lady fingers.

        • Lord Jim

          When you got enough to stuff a horse, all I gotta say is…DAYum. :D

  • DesertedPictures

    Some of these people sound like profiles of mass shooters, before they happen.

    • SayItWithWookies

      “He kept to himself, mostly.”

      • TJ Barke

        Me libel!

        • DesertedPictures

          Well: we would never expect it from you…

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Buttsechs forever and ever, Amen.

    You guys rock, and all it cost me was a tenner, wooot.

    • Lord Jim

      You too?! I felt so loved when I got that email. XD

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      It’s the perks of Wonkette we all enjoy.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Lord Jim

      Merry Crisco!

      • Teecha

        Eeeewww!

      • The Wanderer

        Upfist!

  • Ron Spangler

    Wait a minute. There’s an alt-rightie with a VOLVO 240? What the fuck’s up with that? I think he’s a closetcase.

    • Ron Spangler

      Though he does think he can weaponize it, so that’s nice.

      • Ron Spangler

        Does he do the rolling coal thing with his Swedemobile?

        • Ron Spangler

          Does he know Sweden is socialist?

          • Alan

            He doesn’t know Volvo is Swedish.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

          Wouldn’t that be rolling skol?

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            Dying. Now.

      • willi0000000

        you don’t have to weaponize a Volvo.

        [ . . . just look on the speedometer . . . they’ve conveniently marked “RAM SPEED” for when you need it ]

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      That surprised me, also, too. They are built like tanks (having owned 3) so there’s that.

    • btwbfdimho

      I miss my V70s…the bestest.
      At one point, I had two Volvos V70 and one Vulva 420…Then, the financial crisis came…

    • Kryptonian Canis

      No doubt he’s a fine, upstanding family man, who just happens to fantasize about committing vehicular homicide against people who annoy him on the internet.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Nothing is more badass than making anonymous internet threats you never have to follow through on.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      But that’s a good thing….

    • Rick Hill

      What about anonymous lewd comments? That works out, right?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        It did for Jonny. ;)

        • Rick Hill

          *Grumble*

          So, how’s he doing? Still healthy? Walking around and breathing and stuff?

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I hear him in the kitchen making breakfast, so as of right this minute, yes. I’m sorry!

    • tehbaddr

      I’ll see you in the pit!

    • altleftjohn

      I’ll get you for that!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Manhood PROVEN!

      • Lord Jim

        And your little dog too!

  • lucidamente

    There’s always this response to the Dear-Shit-Fer-Brains crowd:

    https://twitter.com/benjaminwittes/status/939618720737054720

    • jesterpunk

      I like what Brian Sims did with trolls.

      http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/26/politics/brian-sims-bigoted-facebook-trnd/index.html

      “Normally when someone like that uses that language, it’s because of something I’ve done,” Sims said. “He didn’t have much up on his page. But if you click down a bit, he told people repeatedly to call him on a number.”

      So, Sims called it and introduced himself to David’s grandmother, who answered the phone, Sims told CNN. “I then explained to her why I was calling.”

      Sims said the woman was very frustrated and disappointed with her grandson; he asked if she would have David reach out to him and left his office number.

      “He and I did speak briefly,” Sims said. “It did not resolve anything.”

      Bigoted posts like this are frequent on Sims’ page, so much so that he’s well-versed in the Facebook reporting process.

      “The folks at Facebook were both appalled and very responsive,” Sims said. “I’m waiting to see what the response will be.”

      For Sims, this interaction with an online troll will always be special.

      “Reaching his grandmother was certainly something I never intended to do,” Sims said. “But I suppose in the back of my mind, hoped would happen.”

  • tehbaddr

    Those are some really nice people who responded there. Certainly they have the moral high ground.

    • I’d say it’s probably the methyl high ground, but sure.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    I get the feeling that the people making all the “beta” and “cuck” and “faggot” comments are doing more projection than the god-damn Lumière Brothers.

    • gallbladder
      • The Wanderer

        Count Floyd! Aroooo!

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        “And make sure you have your 3D glasses! Because without them you’ll only be seeing this movie in … 1 1/2 D!”

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Most of them are a bunch of bitchy losers sitting in front of a computer.

      So, yeah, they hate people who are actually getting laid.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        So, me, on both counts.

        JK. I don’t hate people actually getting laid. However, I would like to get in on it once in a while, though.

        • willi0000000

          yeah . . . i’ve got my sights set on “occasionally” too.

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          Nah, there’s a difference between not getting laid and not making love. :-)

          These people are incapable of doing anything but nutting. There’s no feeling behind it.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            I tend to say “laid” like Rodney Dangerfield did in Caddyshack.

            It’s celebratory. For all parties.

            I expect there to be feeling behind the act. Makes it worthless otherwise.

          • Teecha

            You say that like a meaningless fuck is a bad thing.

            Back in the olden days, I used to love to go fuck hunting.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      “More projection than the 24-screen multiplex.”

      • Blanche de Shambles

        More projecting than Tyler Durden.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          More projecting than an IMAX theater showing movies on the surface of the moon.

  • Teecha

    Fucking hell.
    These people really are a steaming pile of jizz.

    Also too isn’t it entertaining that they censor their own swearing, on a site where the comments and articles are dripping swear words.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      Fuckin’-a

    • gallbladder

      Freud would have a fucking field day with them.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Wait til they find out Evan is on George Soros’ payroll! hoo boy!

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I’m still waiting for my Soros Protest Check.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        We all are – I’m beginning to think George is a deadbeat….

        • GreenGoldSharpie

          I’m just glad I can still do the welfare frauds so I can eat my lobster dinner.

        • hudson

          what a disappointment that guy turned out to be.

      • bbayliss

        You didn’t buy your yacht yet?

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    OT but while I was responding to a text, which took me 30 seconds, y’all posted 22 new comments. I love this group!!

  • going4baroque

    It is kind of a stupid position – Press secretary – when anyone can see that the job, at least with trump, is solely to attempt to make his actions acceptable to an intelligent gaggle of white house reporters. Obviously, it will never happen – as with Spicer, so it is with Huckabee-Sanders. it is an impossible task. We’ve come to know from the outset that her job is to lie, distort, deceive, distract, obfuscate, deny any action of Trump’s that has brought forth criticism, which is to say, AOTK. Why yell and scream with righteous anger at clowns being clownish?
    The intelligent response for all those white house reporters who respect the office of the president would be to stop attending the daily white house briefings. Maybe send in some junior high students whose interest is journalism. Lying to kids is at least not yet an acceptabe adult behavior, except in dysfunctional families.
    And of course, she’ll lie to the kids, anyway. And the kids can shoot spitwads at her.
    It is obvious that demanding accountability and honesty does not work with the president, and so it is with the press secretary.
    A lack of attention, an absence of interest, to anything his press secretary says is a sane response.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      How long could you stay in the press pool if you just reminded her every time she lied?…

    • Jamoche

      We should go for what truth in advertising we can get and call her a propaganda minister.

    • Lord Jim

      “The intelligent response for all those white house reporters who respect
      the office of the president would be to stop attending the daily white
      house briefings.”

      CANNOT. BE. SAID. ENOUGH.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    I cannot believe I have a motherfucking coference call at 2 pm!! Dirty Santa did my ass in and now I have to be professional in 5 minutes. Cry for me!

    • jesterpunk

      The mute button is your friend but make sure it works right before the call.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        I have to talk — Should be interesting.

        • jesterpunk

          In that case start the call with “Dear shit for brains” it should go over well.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        I forgot to mute once, my grandpuppies started barking like demons were breaking in the house.

        • jesterpunk

          I remember years ago someone called a customer a “fucking moron” on a call and didnt use the mute button on the phone, they used the one on the headset that never works.

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            Oh shit!

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          My dogs only bark when one of three things is happening: the person I’m trying to call FINALLY picks up after fifteen minutes on hold; I’m peacefully dozing; or they just need to.

          • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

            Sometimes they bark in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. Our joke is that’s the ghosts.

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            My dogs also have an uncanny ability to know when I am on a business call and then they let it loose!

    • I am at work right now, and have been since 745am

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        I got home from Dirty Santa at 6 am — does that count as work? lol

        • Tishalicious

          Did you drink Clausmopolitans?

    • Smoke O’Hontas

      Good luck! I signed up to volunteer at a United Against Hate event at 2, aND continued holiday partying (at home with friends) far later than my old boring self is used to. We shall overcome the dehydration and carry on, I’m sure.

  • gallbladder

    You know, I have to say that I’ve never seen such feckless (and tactless, I might add) use of the word “cunt” in my life. And I object to that.

    • ahughes798

      It is a word that must be used at the proper time, say, when talking about Lou Sarah or Michele Fiore.

    • Teecha

      Cunt is one of my bestest words. Not as a swear word, but I just love cunt as a noun.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I just love cunt….it may be a verb…..

        • Alan

          Why did that reply take over five minutes?

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            Just got back to it – did you surmise I was daydreaming? Could have been………………mmmmm, cunt………….

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          Really, really hard to argue with that…

          • Lord Jim

            Heh. You said “hard”. Heh.

    • Alan

      They’re not Scottish.

      • gallbladder

        Aye.

  • btwbfdimho

    OT, but sexy Dylan:

    Now, you see this one-eyed midget shouting the word “Now”
    And you say, “For what reason?” and he says, “How”
    And you say, “What does this mean?” and he screams back, “You’re a cow!
    Give me some milk or else go home”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC4r3QFnmQ8

  • jesterpunk

    Damn there are still idjits commenting on that Huckabee thread.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      You would think people with that much economic anxiety would be out trying to make a living, or something.

      • jesterpunk

        They are waiting for the coal jobs to come back.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I hear Santa’s going to drop a lump in their stocking this year… Well, someone should.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    It was Molly that asswipe fantasized about killing. She’d lick him to death first. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f97ecc5405aaeabaef6ac5da878497add90ca1047f038f4c98edc0998621c513.jpg

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Molly is worth 10,000 of any of these boils on the ass of humanity.

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Apparently, you highly overestimate the value of boils.

    • gallbladder

      You DON’T fuck with Molly.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Right? She was all “bitch, please!”

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      “Bring it, candy ass.” – Molly, to any one of them.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        It’s funny; Molly is as gentle as a lamb, as are most Airedales I’ve been around, but they can be frightening fighters, and have extremely long teeth. Back in the late 1800s, they were used in packs to take down grizzly bears for sport.

    • Alan

      Who’s a good girl?

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Not one working for, or related to Trump.

  • That JohnnyH guy’s comment history is Pure Comedy Gold. He comments a lot on ‘Demi Lovato’ threads and knows the name of the (white) guy who has the world’s largest penis. I’m surprised he didn’t threaten to stab Evan in the ass multiple times.

    He also claims to be a vertebrate paleontologist, which I doubt, he just digs dinosaur porn.

    • OrG

      I may regret this, but… dinosaur porn?

      • Resistor Radio

        Rrawr?

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie
        • The funniest weird porn I ever saw was ‘dragons fucking cars’ porn. I can’t remember how I got in that particular niche in the Internet.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            The internet is an Electrolux: it sucks you in.

          • Resistor Radio

            That’s what Nancy Reagan was famous for, wasn’t it?

          • Querolous

            I have on more than one occasion been Nancied by the internet.

          • Resistor Radio

            Hazard of modern living, I tell you what.

          • May i recommend the novel, “The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove”?

          • Resistor Radio

            One of my favoritest books.

          • Mine too! I am taking “The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror” to read on the train

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            Excellent choice!! I loved that one.

          • Resistor Radio

            I think there’s a lot of overlap in our libraries, Pickwick.

          • That is true of many of us here.

          • suziq

            And perfect time of the year for it!

          • suziq

            My favoritist Christopher Moore book is “Lamb” which is wonderful. I even have the special edition that looks like a bible with fake leather cover and a red ribbon to mark your place.
            Assuming not related to judge Roy, but would love to witness a conversation between those two.

          • Chris would raise Steve, the Sea Beast again to sort that mess all out

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            If that’s not real – it should be!

          • It is very real. Author is Christopher Moore

          • David Chaillou

            Jesterpunk posted one of those last week in the Poot Lips thread.

          • Resistor Radio

            Then we all went to our bunks and left the trolls to yell at each other…

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie
          • Msgr_MΩment

            And that’s how Croc eggs are made.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I really love the anthropomorfic (“Handsome Sentient Food Pounds My Butt And Turns Me Gay: Eight Tales Of Hot Food”)

      • Turn back now, or forever see what you can’t Unsee.

      • Jamoche

        Chuck Tingle! Who is weird and awesome and really good at trolling RWNJs. http://beta.latimes.com/books/jacketcopy/la-et-jc-hugos-puppies-20160427-snap-htmlstory.html

        • Carpe Vagenda

          I have a secret fantasy that Chuck Tingle is an autonomous collective of middle-aged women from dead slash fandoms who are getting rich in mysterious punk drag.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        rule 34.

      • David Chaillou

        With toucans. It is a thing.

    • Miles Monroe

      So maybe a paleontologist, but definitely not a vertebrate.

      • David Chaillou

        “Until 40 I thought it was a bone.” King Henri IV, roi de France et de Navarre.

    • Carole

      Johnny Holmes – He dead.

    • Carole

      Oh, but it gets better. He’s “Jewish by birth” but he’s a white supremacist He’s an atheist, but he likes Bob Jones U. He’s a paleotologist who was also a padrote.

      • Sunhead

        Ooh. That sounds like ‘pro’ sockpuppet troll material, not just an angry redneck. Those are fun to torment if you have the time.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Schrodinger’s asshole? Both an innie and an outie?

  • jesterpunk

    I still like the idiot on the Huckabee thread that told us that liberals saying “snowflake” was cultural appropriation because conservatives use it.

    • Too funny. They really get upset at ‘cuck’ because of their sexual insecurity and racial anxiety.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        …because of their WHAT?! You can’t leave me hanging!!

        • They got the term from a genre of interracial porn, and throw it around a lot.

          Their entire ‘culture’ is cobbled together from Internet porn and video games.

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Your non-comment ends with “because of their se.” I just wanna know what “se” is supposed to be.

          • It means that I have big fingers, unsuited to phone screens.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            “He’s a man with big hands and big feet, and you girls know what that means … yes, big gloves and big shoes.” – Robin Williams

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            You’re not going to finish that sentence, are you?

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            You might want to refresh your browser.

            Here’s what it says now:

            “Too funny. They really get upset at ‘cuck’ because of their sexual insecurity and racial anxiety.”

          • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

            Oh, thanks. I sometimes forget about Refresh until Disqus borks me by doing it unexpectedly.

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            Hmmm sounds like good weekend, but as far as away of life I’m sure Yoda would say “where’s the booze?”

    • Michael Smith

      They stole fake news

      • jesterpunk

        Didnt Trump invent the word “fake”?

        • gallbladder

          A never-ending positive feedback loop for the right.

        • therblig

          i think melania perfected it for him

    • nightmoth

      Missed that particular idiot, but I’m pretty sure liberals used it first and conservatives stole it from liberals. Whatever. If the shoe fits—–

  • Michael Smith

    If you said these kinda things to people in person or in a letter you’d be convicted of a crime. Damn internet

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      And the first amendment goatse-stretched to its (il)logical extent. Civilized countries have hate speech laws; the world didn’t end, and nobody but shitferbrains thinks the EU, Canada or Australia are Stalinist gulags where your tongue gets cut out for insulting dear leader. (That’s not the U.S. either — at least for now. Protected hate speech for thee, but not for me…)

  • Jamoche

    https://munchies.vice.com/en_us/article/evpwvj/drinking-more-because-of-the-insane-news-cycle-youre-not-alone
    Make Alcoholism Great Again:
    “Drinking More Because of the Insane News Cycle? You’re Not Alone”

    . During August 2017, eating and drinking place sales totaled $56.6 billion, about $1 billion more than last September.

    Additionally, the National Restaurant Association projects that bars and taverns alone will bring in $19.8 billion dollars in 2017, a 2.5 percent increase from $19.3 billion in 2016. (A total of $19.9 billion in bar and tavern sales was projected last year.)

    • jesterpunk

      Huh, who knew Trump was actually helping the economy by being a fucking moron?

      • Jamoche

        When we were buying popcorn stocks, we should’ve been looking at bars.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          My biggest problem is “looking at bars” from the inside.

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Well.. a broken clock – should be thrown in the trash.

      • MasRioBravoHombre

        Well…I did.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      *raises hand*

    • gallbladder

      MACA: Make America Cirrhotic Again

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        What do you mean, again?
        I, for one, have done my best to keep those #s high.

        • gallbladder

          Thank you for your service (pours another, passes it, and taps the bar)

    • calliecallie

      You see, lieberals, Trump IS good for business!1!!!

      • hudson

        wait. didn’t grassley just scold us for wasting it all on booze?

    • Resistor Radio

      Well as long as they’re tipping bigly.

    • hudson

      see senator grossly’s recent comments.

    • Lordpnut

      We’re getting greater already.

  • David Chaillou

    Now if I had a Volvo 240 I’m pretty sure I would not bring it up in public.

    • SisterArtemis

      So, not being a Volvo, or even really a car person of any stripe*, I’m clueless about the “240” hate popping up here in non-comment land. What’s the deal?


      * except I like my Saturn Ion very much, and am STILL PISSED that they shut it down and I won’t be able to replace with a newer model. Fuckin’ GM assholes.

      • therblig

        our saturn station wagon (“Greenie”) was one of the best cars we’ve ever owned. i hated the fact that GM had a winner, and like all other car companies, decided that bigger was better (vue and L-series). i have to believe that there are still lots of us who actually want to drive small wagons – not crossovers, and not 4 wheeled behemoths. even subarus are turning into something your average morbidly obese american will fit into. grrrrr.

        our jetta sportwagen is a worthy successor to Greenie.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          After our last Volvo, we bought a Forester before they all blew up in size. I don’t know why Subaru thought that was a good idea.

          • Gigglesnort

            Used to have an Outback, when it was a station wagon, not an SUV. A SUV is basically a tarted-up truck. The bigger ones are behemoths, and the smaller ones do not actually have much interior space (less than a wagon), while being heavy, slow and getting crappy gas mileage. (Exception I guess is something like a Porsche, which makes racy SUVs with crappy mileage).

          • SisterArtemis

            I had a 6-cylinder Jeep Cherokee for a while, which was real handy as I lived up a logging road at the time. Wasn’t a total gas hog, fit in a compact parking space, etc. The bigger ones (Grand Cherokee, I think?) were weird looking to me, and then later the hummer phase kicked in. Bigger is not better. Unless you live on a farm, or haul huge rigs, WTF?

          • Lordpnut

            Many of those huge 4wd vehicles have obviously never been off the paved road.

      • David Chaillou

        Think of 3 boxes randomly assembled in stainless steel. Graft a smog generator. Plug in a concrete mixer, for the noise. Dress in cracked brown leatherette, pour a liberal amount of gasoline, and prepare to cling to the righthand lane on the uphills.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Hey, I miss mine.

      • David Chaillou

        It’s like those things we loved as teens: we still love them, but in an embarrassed sort of way.

    • dieselox

      it a 240 wagon, pretty sweet….

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Volvo should have stayed with the Swedish tank mobiles. I had a 260 sedan for a short time and the plastic radiator broke twice, and the windshield was microscopically thin. The old ones were better.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Ramen

        • Lordpnut

          And what’s wrong with American autos? It’s because of fucks like him that a god-fearin’ citizen can’t get a job washing dishes cuz of all the damned Swedes in the woodpile.

        • dieselox

          Honestly, while I respect the 240, everything after the 122 (Amazon) is sub par.

          Actually, dad and I are driving down to Chico in the spring to pick up a 65 122 I helped a friend buy 20 years ago. He still has my spare set of carbs I gave him rattling around in the trunk.

  • Lord Jim

    Indeed – Moore was in the wrong (obviously) trying to
    seduce a 14-year-old but she doesn’t win any smart points for, at age
    14, agreeing to go out with a 30-something man….nor for waiting until
    after he’d removed her clothes and started molesting her to voice any
    objection.

    Since he did stop when she finally spoke up, this is only a statutory
    case based on her being a minor – there’s no indication from her
    telling of the story that he forced himself on her.

    And this is why #METOO is a thing.

    Jesus wept…

    • hudson

      omg!!
      they have no idea of the logic/reasoning behind age of consent do they?

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        They understand that as long as the “elder” consents God is happy.

      • Mahousu

        And even more than that, when the guy just happens to be an assistant district attorney, and you know your mom has troubles at court ….

    • gallbladder

      Blame the victim: MO of the evangelical right.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Especially if female.

    • Mary Theresa

      So 14 year old girls are supposed to be street smart? I didn’t get my street smart card until I hit my mid 20’s.

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Still waiting for mine, and I was a child of the sixties.

        • Institute For Applied Despair

          Does ‘cul-de-sac smart’ count?

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            “Cul-de-sac smart” cards were like cigarettes in prison – I could never hang on to mine (mostly ’cause they weren’t worth much).

      • ahughes798

        You’d be surprised how many street smart young kids there are.

        • Mary Theresa

          Thanks for pointing out that I’m slow. lol

          • ahughes798

            Didn’t mean that at all!

          • Mary Theresa

            No offense taken, just some are smartrer than others.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Keep the girls innocent, then blame them when they don’t understand what’s going on. Of course, what does a woman expect to happen to herself and her daughter without a man to protect her? Why was she in divorce court in the first place? Hmmmmm?

      • Sunhead

        That sounds right for the American Ayatollahs.
        They scream about the Muslims implementing Sharia Law because it’s exactly what they want to do.

    • Maybe

      I wonder how young the victim would have to before that poster would absolve her of responsibility the same way the 32-year old man is.

      12?
      10?
      Would 8 do it or is the slut still to blame?

    • Lordpnut

      Also too, Dok’s right; unlike “yer mama” and “sucks to your specs, Piggy” which are affirmative defenses, “I’m rubber you’re glue” is available only for rebuttal.

  • nightmoth

    I love you, Evan, and I’m glad you were born. Thanks for taking it for the team, but I’d just as soon you not have an email address instead of having to put up with this. Those comments are evil. The authors should be in jail for terroristic threats.

  • MasRioBravoHombre

    I can usually upload fotos…what computer fuckery is keeping me from doing it today? I hate computers. And smartfones should all be destroyed.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Latest Windows Update?

  • Rick Hill

    Dear all loving and merciful gawd. Please give me all the things I want because you are good and just and visit hellfire and damnation on those I hate because your love and compassion are all powerful.
    Ahem
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dd449912a503782eb12a909a3382a1a9ce7560f3578510e5c6d5e4c2a869aeb7.png

    • Resistor Radio

      Also make my sportsball team win.

      • Rick Hill

        Thank, Bob!

        • Resistor Radio

          Oh hai Rick ;)

          • Rick Hill

            Hey, back, RR. Your transistors are looking pretty efficient today.

          • Resistor Radio

            Why thank you, wanna play “tune in Tokyo?”

          • Rick Hill

            Full blast.

          • Resistor Radio

            Go on…

          • Rick Hill

            Yoinks!

          • Resistor Radio

            Jinkies!

          • Rick Hill

            Hold on, still trying to figure out what buttons on this computational machine that will let me do that…

          • Resistor Radio

            We might have just created a new urban dictionary entry. Here’s to good, old-fashioned, American ingenuity!

          • Rick Hill

            But, then again, there’s a lot to be said for tried and true. Also, I keep getting sidetracked. You’re making it hard for me to focus on getting some work done. I’ve got some wood I need to sand.

          • Resistor Radio

            Oh my apologies! That sounds like hard work for a Sunday afternoon, very hard. I understand how easy it is to get sidetracked, looking through my jewelry box I found a pearl that needs polishing.

          • Rick Hill

            Don’t get me started making jokes…

          • Resistor Radio

            I could do this all day…

          • Rick Hill

            Once I get started with the jokes, it’s hard to get me to stop

          • Resistor Radio

            Who’s asking you to stop?

          • Rick Hill

            You’re incorrigible.

          • Rick Hill

            Just did the googles on that. Oh, you naughty girl.

          • Resistor Radio

            Oh, you love it

          • Rick Hill

            Well…

            Yeah

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        And get me a parking space a the mall. I’ll hold my right hand in the air and pray that your Speshul Parking Space Angel will help.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        If your team is the Packers, it’s gotta be a lock today.

        (Although, just looked, Browns 14-7, early 3rd quarter. What is this, opposite day?)

        • Msgr_MΩment

          It ain’t over till the Cleveland fans cry.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            “Browns Fans’ tears are the tastiest. And there’s an endless supply.”

          • ahughes798

            How do you guys watch this stuff? It’s like watching paint dry, or watching CTE happen?

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            You grow up in a home where one relative was a standout player for the major university in the state and is raised in praise like a demigod, not only by your parents, but everyone in your hometown and beyond. Your parents encourage your participation in the same activities this relative participated in, while at the same time denigrating and shaming you for spending so much time for participating in the very things they’ve encouraged while neglecting other parts of your life.

            You’re led to believe the only worth you have is as a legacy to said relative, and when your abilities lie well below said relative, your value as a family member is questioned and your self-esteem is shattered beyond all repair. In response, you overload yourself with facts and trivia and other meaningless obsessions about this activity and others, all in the hope that it will one day prove you are worthy of being a member of the family and a credit to your town and to society.

            You attempt to build a life and career on this, only realizing in your late 40s that it was all a sham from the beginning, and the best thing for you to do is to stop it cold, before you become too old to enjoy what’s left of the meaningless, colorless life you still have left. And when finally relieved of these mindless obsessions, you find you still have nothing, no worth, no prospects, no future. You’re alone, and you’ll always be alone, and that will never change.

            That’s the way it is for some people, I guess. As for me, I grew up liking baseball and football.

        • Resistor Radio

          It’s a college basketball kinda day

    • Carole

      “Classic Augustinian struggle.” Bwahaha.

    • Maybe

      People like the ones you refer to have flipped their religious beliefs. Instead of worshiping a God who created humanity in His image, they create a God in their own image and then proclaim that He agrees with them on everything.

      Hallelujah!

    • therblig

      lord, please break the laws of the universe for my convenience

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qegPkqs6rFw

  • Jamoche
    • Carpe Vagenda

      NYS recently stopped this.

  • Jamoche
    • Maybe

      The economically scary thing is that when the economy is running well and unemployment is low then passing tax cuts to rev up the economy is moronic. The government should be trying to keep growth reasonable and sustainable. Hell, they could even try to pay down some of our debt. I mean, Repubs claim they want to. So how come they don’t?

      • Bobathonic

        Because they lie about everything?

        • Maybe

          They lie with intent. They want a big deficit so they can argue that entitlements must be cut. Ryan is already having wet dreams about it.

          It was also in the Repub budget that they plan to slash SS, Medicare and Medicaid.

          Note that if the Repub tax bill passes it will trigger PayGo, which would result in massive spending cuts for the next 10 years. Ryan and McConnell say they wouldn’t let PayGo happen, but note your own comment in the post above.

      • TootsStansbury

        They’re lying liars.

        • Maybe

          The one field that they’re really expert in.

    • Rick Hill

      Well, then again, the actual trump effect is that of corporations and rich folks assuming they are going to be able to raep and pillage without any pesky regulations to stop them. I mean, imagine what the Obama effect would have been had the gop actually been interested in making America better?

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Now in it’s NINTH YEAR.

      Until this tax cut shit slams on the brakes.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        Bingo. How many economic collapses were preceded by ‘exuberant growth’? All of them.

        • proudgrampa

          We’re in trouble.

    • BadKitty904

      This needs to be plastered across the Internet.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    You look like one of the demented little twerps I beat the fuck out of at the Antifa rallies here in Boston. All mouth and no fight. Tell you what foul mouthed internet pussy, I’ll put up any amount of cash you agree to and challenge you to an all out Street fight. All proceeds go to winner’s choice of charity. You pick the toys, just bring your ass to Boston, or I’ll meet you wherever you wish. Bring your faggot ass friends too, I’ll bring my people, but this is gonna be me and you, in the hole alone. What’s your price, pussy?

    Evan, on behalf of the great City of Boston (I’m not really Canadian, just an admirer from the wrong side of the Orange Curtain), I sincerely apologize. You don’t have to go all Trudeau on that brass knucklehead if you don’t wanna. (Although I’m sure we’d all love to see Justin himself vote the crap outta that hoser. Or mud-wrestle him. Or…. where’s my bunk, I need to faint…)

    Anyway: Rememba Denis Leary? He says that guy’s an asshole! Wicked, as in evil, and a pissah, as in he sounds like the kind of person who’d pee in someone’s bed before renting it out on AirBnB. But he is not, under any circumstances, wicked pissah.

    The Auntie Fah demonstrators brought their aunties and uncles and everyone else from Fah and wide, in their cahs pahked in Hahvahd Yahd and elsewhere, and even hung with Guvna Chahlie on the MTA to outnumber the gawdam Nahtzees and make sure that they nevah returned. We will continue to fight against fascists nawt only because their dicks ah sawft, but because their hahts ah hahd.

    We’re more than welcoming to people of all backgrounds and identities. If you’re ever up in New England, we’d be glad to see ya, brah. After all, as Papi says —

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a929afc33365492186befe36edc54195ed1a027c662704797832520bb5fe83e7.jpg

    Stawp by and grab a Hood cawfee cab or a hawt chawklit from Dunkin’ Donuts. All ya gotta do is turn left at the Dunkin’ Donuts, head down Yawkey until ya see a Dunkin’ Donuts, and then after dirty feet you’ll see a Dunkin’ Donuts. But if ya come to the Dunkin’ Donuts, call ya ma and tell ya Auntie ya gawn too Fah. :)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDRLZFgEoGw

    • nightmoth

      “Meet me so I can beat you up” is the thinking of a grade school kid, which is where the mental development of these assholes stopped.
      Full Disclosure: I issued such a threat in 5th grade to a boy who had been bullying me. I won the fight because the one punch I threw put him on the ground crying. Bullies are all the same.

      • Bobathonic

        “I can’t counter your words so let’s fight!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Well, a battle of wits wouldn’t be fair. That’s just punching down.

      • doktorzoom

        I dunno, I was definitely a wimp, and the guys who bullied me definitely could’ve beaten the snot out of me, too.

        No, being smarter wasn’t a lot of satisfaction then.

  • nightmoth

    “called a redneck, oh dear that’s racist”
    1) Jeff Foxworthy reclaimed the word, just like gays did with “queer.”
    2) I got called out one time for saying “redneck” and was told it was anti-poor whites. My response? Several of my ancestors were poor whites, but they had enough sense to wear hats when they were working in the fields, and did NOT get the red necks characteristic of stupid white people.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m not super comfortable with redneck, tbh, because it has an economic component to it that I think these folks are playing dress-up in. Trump’s voters aren’t the poor or people denied education by circumstances. The poor voted for Hillary. Trump’s voters are comfortable and make good middle-class money and have no fucking excuse.

      I can live with cracker.

      • nightmoth

        The poor whites around here voted for Trump. Every single one of them. So did all the white Republicans with money. So I call the latter group “rich rednecks.” I’m okay with “cracker” as well, though, and it has a richer linguistic history, stemming from the brutal fist fighting methods of the “Georgia crackers” who settled part of the state.

        • little miss high and mighty

          A distinguished aa baseball team from Atlant through 1962- you knew that, right?
          Atlanta Crackers.

          • nightmoth

            Yes, but it goes way further back than the baseball team, who can also be said to have “reclaimed” what was originally a slur. Jimmy Carter wrote about the history of Georgia crackers in one of his books.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          The theories about cracker are really interesting, jmo.

          • nightmoth

            I’ve been doing some quick research since we started this thread and I’ve found some, but not the one I remember. I’ve seen (1) came from Georgia drovers driving cattle south to Florida where the crack of their bullwhips was noted and gave rise to the nickname (2) Elizabethan term for braggarts that followed the Scots-Irish to the New World. What I have NOT found yet is what I remember (3) came from the vicious bare knuckle fights in which poor whites cracked the heads of their opponents. Isn’t language FUN!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            There’s also a theory about cracked corn, but that seems like a reach.

        • ahughes798

          There is a breed of horse called the “Florida Cracker.”

          • nightmoth

            Are those the ones descended from Spanish ponies that are considered an endangered breed?

          • ahughes798

            I believe they’re an endangered breed.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          I have one of these canisters. I bought it in Atlanta a few decades ago. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d61903893c850a9bec600028089fcb7eafb73bf50c2815a867e1e79d349c8f14.jpg

          • nightmoth

            Cool! Probably collectible.

      • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

        My favorite insult is “peckerwood”. I don’t use it often. It has to be earned.

        • nightmoth

          I >LOVE< "peckerwood!" Thanks for reminding me!

        • Jay Hansen

          There are some other good portmanteau words like ‘hypocridiot’ and ‘honkabilly’.

    • little miss high and mighty

      All the gabachos and squares and FFA kids went to schools at a time when long hair was prohibitted and the kids with white necks either didn’t work at all or else attended elitist schools without dress codes- like my pop, who got kicked out of the public school for long hair back in the 60s or 70s. How he met Mama.
      Let’s see Jeff B Sessions bring back the old hair war. support for poor kids exiled into elit shools for their hairstyle. Good times.

      • nightmoth

        I was never sure who won the hair wars after long hair caught on with the same boys who used to beat up the long-hairs.

        • little miss high and mighty

          Fugs had a hit song with that theme “Johnny Pissoff”

        • ahughes798

          Then the long hairs(Zeppelin, Aerosmith) HATED punk rockers. Beat ’em up every chance they got. I was forced to defend a friend or two.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          I sat out the Hair Wars with a bang spur.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Haha, now I do want to see Justin fight Jeff on a Shelf. He’s since shorn his ’70s-esque Springsteen locks but I’m sure he could be convinced to grow it out again to fight the Covfeferate for the glory of weed and nice hair.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      My drunk bitch grandmother on my father’s side used to get mad at my mother and say, “The Irish are the original greenhorns! Not Portuguese or anyone else!” Seriously? Why does anyone want to take pride in a negative insult? Bad enough they exploited the “drunk Irish” stereotype as a source of pride and a justification to get wasted and chew people out. But only “those people” who didn’t meet with their (hic) top-notch standards. Bannonism writ large.

  • Maybe

    I wonder if any of these people even remotely realize that their posts tell us much more about them than it does about the person they’re attacking.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m going with “no”.

      • Maybe

        I would even accept “HELL, NO!”

        • BadKitty904

          Reich-wingers are incapable of introspection or self-reflection.

          • Maybe

            I suspect many of them don’t reflect in mirrors.

            The others are mostly zombies.

  • BadKitty904
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Wait. So Evan’s in the closet now? This is confusing, keeping up.

    • BadKitty904

      Who’s closet?

      • OutOfOrbit

        well it’s a walk-in, so …

      • Mary Theresa

        Preferably mine. I’ll take good care of him.

    • hudson

      which Evan? Evan Hurst? rofl!!!

    • h4rr4r

      Well at some point he married a lady who is divorcing him.

    • Parakeetist

      I has… a unsettled.

  • You guys, Snoke is only one vowel (heck, o is one line away from a depending how you draw it) from Snake. I’m pretty sure one of the big Star Wars twists is gonna be that Snoke is actually a snerson. He probably uses the snorce.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/CsAbRKpH9FW8/giphy.gif

    Sorry for spoilers, but I’ve got this shit all figured out.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Snoke –> Snake –> Snape. WAKE UP, SNEEPLE!!

  • Rick Hill

    A picture of some people. i think they are in a movie about something
    https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset/5a2d60d61e00003b000c3072.jpeg?ops=scalefit_720_noupscale

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Lupita Nyongo is a staggeringly beautiful human lifeform.

      • Darlene Underdahl

        I think so too.

    • Mahousu

      From the Verizon logos, I assume it has something to do with cell phones. Cell phones communicate through this all-pervading universal force that somehow manages to skip over our house. Not much of a subject for a movie, I would think, but maybe they’ll send some special representative – a sort of Jedi of the wireless, so to speak – who will struggle to fix our signal issues.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Which one is ghey Spock?

      • therblig

        the one yelling “into the garbage chute, flyboy”

    • Phried Ω

      Why are they posing in a warehouse?

    • Nockular cavity

      Man, fancy duds they change into once they get off work!

  • Jamoche

    https://twitter.com/MaxBoot/status/939884743637610496
    Classic bully/abuser justification: “You made me hurt you!”

  • h4rr4r

    So much projection!

    How many conservative sites you think can operate on donations alone?

    • BadKitty904

      I don’t think they’d even understand the concept.

      • amrak63

        “Is he some sub-cuck to a femi-nazi dom?”

        Given that wingnutty projection puts IMAX to shame, I guess we know what THIS guy fantasizes about.

        • BadKitty904

          Is that some sort of wingnut code?

          • h4rr4r

            Do you know what pegging is?

          • BadKitty904

            Building a wooden structure without nails?

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            What else could it mean? ; )

          • h4rr4r

            Something that involves getting nailed anyway.

          • Bad Tom

            Is that what the kids call it nowadays?

          • Msgr_MΩment

            That’s how Ken Hamm builds his Ark.

          • BadKitty904

            I could certainly see Ken being at expert on pegging.

          • h4rr4r
          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            The floozy who writes for New York Crimes?

          • Phried Ω

            Something to do with cribbage?

    • sarafina

      AOT, K that Becky Mercer likes.

      • h4rr4r

        Which is again projection.
        They think because Mercer is doing that, Soros must be as well.

    • David Chaillou

      AOT/K. They just have a different set of donors. More billionaires and fewer common Joes.

  • ginmar

    The antifa rallies in Boston? Where the Nazis were outnumbered about 5,000 to one?

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      And had to slink away?

    • Ωbjectifier

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/47c0187e771e6375d9c1b657383d329f684e2f2529857df3f7655220e13e4ff5.jpg
      The Boston gig has been cancelled… Yeah. I wouldn’t worry about it though, it’s not a big college town.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        “Puppet show and MAGA rally”

    • starfanglednut

      Right? And where absolutely no antifa had the shit beaten out of them?

      I will accept, however, that this guy has a posse of equally douchey friends.

      • Phried Ω

        If a posse is one other guy and an acquaintance at the neighborhood bar at 2 in the afternoon..

  • memzilla Ω
  • little miss high and mighty

    It is a tough job- teaching all the chicks on the mommyblog/recipehub how to cuss and snark. Like chess, the aptitude is there just social preassure and “sorry, Ma’am”, ladies present taboos. Evan helps to overcome that shit.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Since we’re returning to Cold War Christmases, we might as well have the music for it:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J41DJascbm0

    • Ellie

      My parents had this record. The other side was Tennessee Waltz.

  • Beelzebubba

    Trump Wants Washington Post Reporter Fired Over Misleading Tweet https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/10/us/politics/trump-dave-weigel.html

    This is so far beyond irony that I’m not sure what to call it: the tweet in question misrepresented the size of the crowd at Il Douche’s latest shitfest.

    • dshwa

      He’s an insult to thin skinned perople everywhere.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He hates that more than anything else. He fired his long time event organizer over crowd optics at his last ego fest.
      He knows that photo is out there and no retraction will matter. It really chaps his orange ass.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Local resident wants Trump fired over…. who cares, impeach the fuck already!!!

    • SayItWithWookies

      At least Assmouth is consistent — he always holds people to standards he’s never lived up to before.

      • Beelzebubba

        He wants to make misrepresenting crowd size a firing offense. I might go along with that.

    • BMW

      But tweeting out white supremacist videos? A-ok!

      Seriously, after that, he’s completely lost the right to criticize anyone else’s twitter fuck ups.

      • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

        Has he ever acknowledged that anything he has said or done was wrong or a mistake?

        • Beelzebubba

          He did admit it re the “grab ’em by the pussy” comment. But that was when he thought it was his voice on the tape, which he all Trumpanzees now know was faked.

    • Mary Theresa

      John Barron and John Miller say what?

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    AAAAAAAARRRGGH! Can’t a guy get a break and just have the time to sleep off the drugs and sex and not have to have a work conference call or damned, forgotten holiday open house to go to! Why can’t these people plan around my depravity better!

  • Lisa Ham

    My goodness, did not realize that my favorite website is so “allegedly” awful. Hmm us liberals are the problem .
    Well I’m convinced!

  • CW

    Purity voting “liberals are center-right” edgelords have broken my last nerve. Liberals are the ones who gave me pre-existing condition guarantees, and much less than the $2k/month I would pay pre-ACA.

    Most of those jackwads only do “activism and art” because their parents subsidize it.

    • GreenGoldSharpie

      I’ve largely reached the same conclusion. A lot of folks on the left would throw minorities under the bus to achieve their policy goals.

      Clinton is a perfect example. We’re hurtling towards a Constitutional crisis given Trump will almost certainly fire Mueller, but Clinton wasn’t perfect….

      • h4rr4r

        Also too, look how hard it was to even get a supposed center right candidate this far, what are the odds one further to the left could have won?

      • CW

        They’re just so far up their own asses. I saw a viral post making the rounds whining that the ACA still makes it hard to be “quirky” and “arty” and shit, because the higher quality plans it mandates are still pricy.

        Bitch, you think being a salaryman was MY life’s dream? Now move out of the fire trap loft apartment, get a real job, and by “quirky” on the weekends like everyone else.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          I don’t have much sympathy for them, if any at all. But to play devil’s advocate, getting a “real job” is extremely difficult in this economy, and will be even more so as the STEM edgelords automate everything out of existence. The U.S. has no plan B for how to deal with not just the inevitable poverty wave, but massive existential crisis when people have no hope of getting a “job” — ever — because we’ve reached an unprecedented point in human existence where the mere concept of a job doesn’t exist.

          Believe me, I wish I was better at the STEM edgelord (edgelady?) stuff so that I could have gotten a worthwhile degree. I didn’t get a BA because I wanted to be quirky and arty. I actually hate being quirky and arty. I got a BA because it was the only thing I knew how to do. Which leaves me at a loss, because what I know how to do and what the “market” demands that people do if they want to earn a paycheck are diametrically opposed to one another. Not to mention, even if I was a STEM edgelady, the edgelords don’t want ladies in STEM anyway, and make it a living hell for anyone trying to break in.

          All that being said, the Bernout Sandals cult is a bunch of spoiled brats who are mad that Grandpa Revolutionary didn’t topple the whole system and give them all unicorns overnight. They’re also woefully ignorant of pragmatic political realities in the United States: not only is socialism a dirty word (and will always be — there’s really only so far to the “left” that we’re ever going to go, in a country that equates Canada with the USSR but celebrates Russia because it’s religio-fascist), but so-called “identity politics” do figure into class critiques.

          Simply talking about “jobs” isn’t the end-all/be-all. You can’t just throw LGBT people, disparate groups of immigrants, black people, women, and all the amalgamated intersectional multi-hyphenates who are real people with multifaceted struggles, under the bus and pretend like who they are doesn’t matter because everyone is getting screwed by “the one percent.” We are, and that’s true. But pointing out that people are being screwed in different ways (not necessarily better or worse, but an axis) based on their identities on top of financial and economic concerns isn’t being divisive or a distraction. It’s kind of hard to be concerned solely about getting a job when you have to also be worried that a cop is going to shoot you execution-style for existing while black, or you’re going to be harassed over basic bodily functions for using the workplace (or other) restroom corresponding to your gender-identity.

          The Bernouts are dumb college kids who need to sit down, shut up, and let the adults take over. And I say this as a onetime college kid myself who’d give anything to have an “adult” job instead of an underwater basket-weaving degree.

          • TootsStansbury

            From what non comments of yours I have read; why are you shooting for STEM? You should be writing.

      • dshwa

        Yup. And the current targets of their wrath just happen to include Kamela Harris, Corey Booker, and Joy Reid.

    • jesterpunk

      Those same idiots claim that if you take care of the white Trump voters “economic anxiety” then it will fix everything.

      • Edith Prickly

        The problem is Trump voters’ “economic anxiety” is actually racism, but purity ponies don’t believe in identity politics because something something (hint: b/c they are racists too.)

    • dshwa

      The unity commission is caving into them too: More open primaries and more caucuses. The first are easily rat fucked and the second are less democratic. You want to have a say in the Democratic party? Register as a Democrat. You can look up online how to do it, and it’s so easy even a hipster can manage it.

  • Bitter Scribe

    “Go back to selling knives” is now my go-to insult. It’s just so surreal.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      It’s a cutting insult.

      • little miss high and mighty

        nip it, nip it, nip it in the bud.

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        Edgy!

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        He got straight to the point.

      • Phried Ω

        Sean Slicer couldn’t do better.

      • TootsStansbury

        Certainly no mincing of words there.

      • Querolous

        It’s keen!

    • BadKitty904

      Is that translated from some other language?

      • Miles Monroe

        Sounds better in the original German: Geh zurück zum verkauf von messern!

    • Phried Ω

      Maybe it’s a cross-cultural reference of some kind. Is there somewhere in the world where people eschew cutlery commerce?

      • h4rr4r

        Maybe it was a reference to Cutco door to door knife sales?

    • David Chaillou

      FWIW. It seems knife-making is a good way to stay or become a working poor.

      https://www.bladeforums.com/threads/real-money-making-selling-custom-knives.848767/

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Maybe he meant knaves? Maybe he’s really into Shakespeare…

  • Mary Theresa
  • WilbyToad

    Raw sewage, hookworm and civil rights: UN official shocked at poverty in rural Alabama

    “I think it’s very uncommon in the First World. This is not a sight that one normally sees. I’d have to say that I haven’t seen this,” Philip Alston, the U.N.’s Special Rapporteur on extreme poverty and human rights, told Connor Sheets of AL.com earlier this week as they toured a community in Butler County where raw sewage flows from homes through exposed PVC pipes and into open trenches and pits.

    NEWSWEEK
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/raw-sewage-hookworm-and-civil-rights-un-official-shocked-at-poverty-in-rural-alabama/

    Inexcusable.

    • jesterpunk

      They need more bootstraps?

      • therblig

        mad in china

    • javadavis

      I have mixed feelings about this.
      On the one hand, I am so relieved to know the UN is looking into something in the US.
      On the other hand, they still think the US is a First World country. Allegedly.

      • BadKitty904

        We were.

        • amrak63

          Yep, back when them turrible librul ni*CLANG*-luvvers was runnin’ the place.

    • In the earlier part of the 20’th century, hookworm was endemic in the south. There were lots of efforts to treat it, including things like “proper waste disposal,” shoes, and treatments. I guess the new-fangled notions of septic tanks or sewage treatment plants never took hold there. (sigh)

    • The Wanderer

      I am sort of glad that the Special Rapporteur had a native guide in case he was accosted.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      But I am not surprised. When I was in HS, 40 years ago, we had a below zero F freeze, and they found old people in uninsulated tar paper shacks in rural Georgia dead from exposure, under layers and layers of quilts, trying to stay warm.

      • tehbaddr

        That is rather sad.

  • javadavis

    “Go back to selling knives.” It might be a reference to a Vector Marketing scam. The gist is, apparently, they suck in people looking for a summer job then switch “job offer” to “do our training, sell our knives to all your friends and, buy the way, buy a set before you start selling any. That’ll be $300, please.”
    https://www.indeed.com/forum/cmp/Vector-Marketing/Don-t-get-suckered-into-their-scam-VM-is-bunch-con/t14215

    • BadKitty904

      Who knew?

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      The Ginsu knife disrupted the market years ago. Those jobs are never coming back. Thanks, Obama.

  • gallbladder

    Just wait until Drumpf finds out that this was the most-liked tweet of 2017:

    https://twitter.com/BarackObama/status/896523232098078720

    • little miss high and mighty

      Trump will just say the fix was in from the start on the favorite tweeter

    • Mary Theresa

      Fake news says the Dotard.

      • gallbladder

        Fuck him.

        • The Wanderer

          And those who voted for him.

    • Nockular cavity

      Abortion-mill babies in the FEMA trailers, no doubt.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Illegal Mexicans voting illegally on TWITTER!!!!!1!1!11

    • Carpe Vagenda

      He thinks his family of chinless dimwits with untreated cognitive issues are a fine example of genetic superiority. I don’t really think he values anything he wasn’t born with.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Thanksgiving dinner with these people must be a real pleasure.

    • gallbladder

      “Mom, could you please pass the hemlock? Thanks.”

    • SayItWithWookies

      “That beta-cuck turkey had it coming. Pass the stuffing.”

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      That’s the thing tho ~ Most of these people save their vileness for the internet and other venue when they can be faceless OR for their klan meetings with like minded people.
      They have learned from previous Thanksgivings that they will find themselves alone if they are their own true selves in public.

  • motmelere

    Sweet Jesus, what is wrong with Jack Maverick? He’s capable of complete, grammatically correct sentences but can’t grasp the concept of consenting adults. Fourteen year old children can’t legally enter a binding contract, drive a car, or have sex because they haven’t gained enough wisdom to make good decisions for themselves. Do not let Jack near your children.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Just a guess, but probably best to keep him away from your pets and farm animals, too.

  • BillEGoatSmirk

    Nobody “beat the fuck out of” anybody at Boston “Antifa rallies”. The Boston PD isn’t putting up with shenanigans from either side when there are events. Scuffles and some arrests, but that shit-fer-brains is just pretending he’s a tough guy. He can fuck right off back to his mother’s basement, preferably as far away from MA as he can get.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Browns 21: Packers 7. WTAF?

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      This can’t be happening … this can’t be happening …

    • little miss high and mighty

      see, God is pissed off-is that a final?

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Mmmmmm Packing brown!

    • Master Contrail Program

      Talk about a Brown note before they get Rodgers back.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      We cut the chord and use Netflix and sling. We got an antenna so I could watch broadcast football, specifically the bears. Of course, the channel with the bears (FOX) never gets reception.

      I’m not sure if this is a sign God loves me or hates me.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Here in North Bumfuck there is no good antenna reception. Period.

        We do love us some Sling, tho.

        • motmelere

          Must be north of Hwy 8.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Where the roads have no numbers, to paraphrase U2.

      • little miss high and mighty

        I will repeat this just so “Scribe” and other Bears fans can envy us.
        One of our resident Amis is a Bears fan and when passing a flee market one day- comprised from evacuating 5th corps and USM’s from Garmisch sports faciities there hung a left-behind, authentic,game style, pre-crap- jersey -era jersey, signed in the white sew on numbering- 40. Old, dusty, heavy, long sleeved, signed.1 DM (back then):
        Gayle Sayers
        Its his window curtain. Wish he’s wash the thing.Gayle must have really worked up a sweat in that thing.

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          Wait, someone has a signed Gayle Sayers jersey??? That is fucking awesome!

          • little miss high and mighty

            Marke Pen, illegible in the thin white and orange parts of the number 40. Looks more like a modern gang tag but you can see the y and the ers plainly. No tags, official nfl game jersey, heavy early 70’s long sleeved, no name, no GHS on the sleeve (sewed sleeve stripes) Looks like the real thing.
            Damn-looks like the Packers have scored, now 21-14 Browns.
            4th qtr.

    • therblig

      packers DON’T win the super bowl?

    • Resistor Radio

      My sportsball game is not going as planned, either.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The END is nigh!

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Well, we had a minipocalypse the year the Cubs won the World Series. I don’t even want to know what kind of murders will begin if the Browns win a Super Bowl.

    • little miss high and mighty

      now 21-14 7 left in the 4th.
      Hold em , Brownies!
      (we Bear likers)

  • Master Contrail Program

    So it apparently snowed in NW Florida last night. I’m surprised the 8000 car pileup that must have resulted didn’t make national news. Goodness knows we’re usually stymied, flummoxed and bamboozled by the meteorological phenomenon known as rain here everyday during the summer months.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Whenever it snowed in Dallas, the Central Expressway would become a demolition derby, because “Snow? What’s that?” Also too, it took forever to get the roads plowed, because the public works department could never remember where they last parked the snowplows.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Yeah, I doubt it was enough to stick but the mere sight of God’s dandruff must have sent the Panhandle into a tizzy.

      • Master Contrail Program

        Don’t fret, citizens! Truckasaurus will have this mess cleared up in a matter of weeks. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f510664f74601875f756f7566f974bc07035959b3ab7ab711fbbfa77ca40d767.jpg

        • Resistor Radio

          THAT is dinosaur porn.

        • The Wanderer

          I thought that was Mecha-Streisand, at first.

        • tehbaddr

          Needs more Monster Trucks! With Nutz! Also, too!

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Coal-rolling also too or GTFO.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    “I am not in favor of abortion. So, I wish you had been miscarried.”

    Apparently, some anti-abortion folks have finally realized that retorts like “Your mother should have aborted YOU!” are, ahem, off-message. Also too, “What if your mom had aborted you?” I often ask them, “If you had been able to, would you have forced your mother to carry you to term, regardless of the cost to her? Even at the cost of her life?” A few of them have actually answered “Yes”.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I’ll always regret the fact that my mother didn’t abort me. One of the reasons I’m in favor of euthanasia on-demand. Everyone should have the right to correct what they believe is their parents’ mistake for any reason whatsoever.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      When you understand that Gawd put you here for reason, it all makes sense. Especially when gawd talks to you in the shower and says “wash that bit fast and hard”.

      • Institute For Applied Despair

        God sez, “Spot-clean the monkey”.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          A dirty monkey is a sin – everyone knows that.

          • puredog

            One must spank it.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Many, many people are not in favor of Black people voting in elections, either.
      Voting is a civil right.
      So is abortion.

    • Lefty Wright

      Yeah, lots of parents would sacrifice their lives for their children, but I don’t know of many who would sacrifice their lives for a 16 week old fetus. Especially the mom, since the fetus dies with her. And these anti-abortion males definitely ain’t gonna die for a fetus. They will always have an excuse.

  • Carole

    “Most abortions are just retroactive birth control, not being willing to accept the consequences of your actions. Women should be, and are, free to choose – But once you make the free choice to have sex, you should be willing to accept the possible consequences of your choice. If you aren’t, then don’t make that choice.”

    –Jack Maverick, who is even less popular with women than ass lice

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      … and the eyebrow mites that live on the faces of ass lice.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Ive explained that argument to men who owe child support. It seems to carry less weight- responsibility for sex as a decidedly one way street

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Funny, I thought deadbeat dads had a problem with excess weight…

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          Haha some. Though, being a deadbeat dad cut across all racial and social status lines. I had cases with homeless drunks and others with dads who wouldn’t pay till held in contempt, then cut high five figure checks on the spot

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            I can understand the homeless situation but having the coin and refusing to pay until forced makes me ill. They should be shot (with a camera) and the inheritance given directly to the kids.
            Really, nothing funny about that BS.

          • Jacob DiCiaula

            Oh believe me, the rationalizations, excuses, and outright contempt I heard from men (and a fee women) regarding not supporting their kids… yea

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in.

    • Resistor Radio

      Oh fuck that guy. That sounds remarkably similar to some of incel arguments that Robyn tells us about from time to time.

    • Ellie

      I’ve never heard of him. Does he say the same thing about men? Men, if you make the free choice to have sex, you should be willing to accept the possible consequences of your choice?

    • tehbaddr

      That’s not fair to ass lice! Wait wut?

    • Institute For Applied Despair

      The only good maverick is a Ford Maverick.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Why is he equating sex and pregnancy?
      Women have a constitutional right not to be kept pregnant against their will.
      30 year old men may not have sex with minors.

    • Phried Ω

      Oh, family values. Nothing like “accept possible consequences” to make for loving parents.

    • Christopher Story

      And yet, not a peep to the men who do the impregnating. Conception, how does it even work?

      • puredog

        Spermz go in here, babby goes out there. No one can ‘splain that.

  • So, either Trump fires Mueller, or he doesn’t.

    If he fires Mueller, is there any chance whatsoever that the GOP will do jackshit about it, seeing as they have spent the last month impuning Mueller’s integrity and the honesty of his investigation?

    If he doesn’t fire Mueller, is there any chance whatsoever that the GOP will do jackshit about this Administration’s blatant criminality, whatever charges gets brought?

    We are so fucked.

    • jesterpunk

      Paul Ryan said it wont distract him from tax cuts for the super rich and cutting social security, medicare and medicaid.

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        Thank Jebus for that!
        Or not.

      • Khavrinen

        Obviously a man who knows what’s really important for this country.

    • BadKitty904

      He almost certainly will and no, nothing will be done about it as WE let the Republicans hold Congress hostage.

    • yyyaz

      The best response to Mueller being shitcanned would be a national strike, which could happen if enough people get out to any of the 300+ events scheduled over at moveon.org for just that eventuality.

  • WilbyToad

    David Brooks: The Republican Party is repulsive to millennials and people of color

    David Brooks continues his crusade speaking to anyone who would listen, about the degeneration of the Republican Party. Chuck Todd referenced the article Brooks wrote recently and asked what would be the impact of a Roy Moore win to the Republican Party. Brooks did not mince his words. He was blunt.

    “It would be a temporary vote for a Supreme Court Justice, for a tax cut but for a generation you are repulsive,” said Brooks. “You are repulsive to younger people, twenty-eight percent of millennials think the Republican Party thinks about them. That’s just a generational problem. You are repulsive to people of color forever.

    by EGBERTO WILLIES / EgbertoWillies.com
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/david-brooks-the-republican-party-is-repulsive-to-millennials-and-people-of-color/

    Not even party over country, it’s pure self serving now.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      They’re repulsive to People of Color NOW.

      Dave is again writing from his lonesome world where things only make sense inside his cranium.

      • Resistor Radio

        He’s got his finger on the pulse of the nation, that one.

        • Institute For Applied Despair

          And he’s got his thumb up the ass of his person.

          • Resistor Radio

            Pushing his head in further, I’d imagine.

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            Bunghole too small, even for his pointy head.
            Most people use TP, he uses Q-Tip.

        • BadKitty904

          He’s got an astounding grasp of the obvious.

          • puredog

            But still, he’s no Cillizza.

        • SeeTrainOffTheRails

          And it’s been cutting off the blood flow to his brain since Safire left.

          • Resistor Radio

            I remember when he wrote about how people who live outside of NY/DC are uncomfortable in nice restaurants.

    • The Wanderer

      Gee, the High Archimandrite of Conservatism and Chief Sachem of the Both-Siderists is filled with Weltschmerz and butthurt than the monster he helped create is as popular as rectal barnacles?

      Awww.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Educated & literate people have the best insults!

        • The Wanderer

          I decided to channel the Great and Powerful Driftglass, who almost daily excoriates David Brooks.

          • Institute For Applied Despair

            Brooks is highly, highly excoriatable. I watch the PBS NewsHour every Friday evening just to scoff and chortle at his ‘analysis’.
            And to admire Woodsy The Owl’s checked shirts.

          • The Wanderer

            I’d watch it too, but PBS NewsHour conflicts with Jeopardy.

          • Phried Ω

            Both up against Rachel here.

    • BadKitty904

      Reality: The Republican Party is repulsive to the majority of Americans

      The GOP is fully aware that the only way it can win an election is by stealing it.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      PS: Dave, might want to jump ship. Ever heard of Martin Niemöller? The American Nazi Party doesn’t like Jews either. They don’t even really care about Israel, except as a temporary holding pen until their Nazi Jesus comes home from college to kill all the Jews and condemn them to hell if they won’t convert.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      I watched it and also too on the panel? Pennington Noonington.

  • btwbfdimho
  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Hello, got any cute grandkids?”

      Sorry, I didn’t quite get all his words.

    • gallbladder

      “…one thing I’ve learned in politics is not to think for somebody else.”

      Yet, you’ll shove your religious ideals (among other things) up every woman’s vaginal canal and deny people from loving one-another.

      I have to go for a walk…

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It’s always like this. Statement A of tolerance, statement B of gross intolerance that would make Julius Streicher blush.

    • hudson

      what did he say?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        ?

        Presumably Evan’s little friends could tell us.

    • Nockular cavity

      Fucking traitor sells out his country for his bigotry.

    • Tiffany de Houston

      That is crazy! Why isn’t that video being played far and wide?

  • Blender_415

    I can’t chuckle about any of this b/c these bigots are getting a bit too full of themselves. However, this does provide an opportunity: HEY EVAN! If you feel like skipping town anytime in the future, head out to the bay area. I have a nice guest room, and I just bought the first season of American Gods (streaming).

    • little miss high and mighty

      Watch those rebound invites, Evan. Bay Area is pricey and maybe some fires get up there.

  • amrak63

    Message: We should give up on trying to redeem the Orcs.

    https://first-draft.com/2017/12/10/theyre-always-gonna-hate-you-thats-not-gonna-change/

    • Villago Delenda Est

      She’s right, you know.

    • Just stop wasting time. We can have a thousand ethics panels. We can have daily seminars on How Journalism Really Works. We can be Totally Transparent and Completely Honest and Prostrate Ourselves Before the People, and you know what’s going to happen?

      A bunch of Pepe-wearing Nazi sympathizers are going to show up at our doors in “Rope. Tree. Journalist. Some Assembly Required.” t-shirts and demand our swift demise in the ovens of Auschwitz because THAT’S WHAT THEY FUCKING DO. It is all they do. It is all they want to do. It’s not based on a lack of transparency and it’s not based on a lack of understanding and it’s not based on anything we do anymore than the actions of a schoolyard bully are on the attributes of his victims.

      Damn, I needed that. Thanks, Athenae.
      ~~~

    • BadKitty904

      AMEN.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      yup, that’s about right- quit letting yourselves be bullied by assholes who have no intention of ever acting in good faith

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        The problem is, they vote. In droves. We don’t want to curtail anyone’s voting rights lest the same tactics be used against our legitimately anxious folks. So… what else can you do? The electoral college, which is an extension of the 3/5 compromise, holds the “coastal elite” regions hostage to a time-warped group of inbred Dumbfuckistani cousin-fuckers in obscenely gerrymandered districts who do, as Obama said, cling to guns, God and (hatred of) gays and consistently vote (R) because their preacher men told them to.

        They have bigger families, because their preacher men told them to be fruitful and multiply as long as you don’t be gay and do math. (Doing meth is apparently OK in the Bible.) That means more “economically anxious” voters, even if they keep the women at home and illiterate and only let the man of the house fill out ballots for everyone because he’s absentee-voting on behalf of Jesus. No matter what, they’re still going to drag this country down, and with it, the world, because they have the right to do so. We don’t necessarily have to engage them, I agree. But how do we work around them so that if they like their antebellum garbage fire, they can keep their antebellum garbage fire — but it’s contained, and doesn’t affect the rest of us?

        • Resistor Radio

          If we work from home then we move to low population purple states and snap up those senate seats. Edit: we gotta think long game, and there’s some beautiful, inexpensive country between the coasts.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This stuff is all so predictable. Donald has given millions a green light to let their freak flags fly, and by gosh, they’re going to fly them!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      They’re all so banal, though.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Hannah Arendt had it down over three quarters of a century ago.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        dumb, angry and oh so entitled…

      • bbayliss

        No imagination.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    speaking of Roy Moore – the things you come across:

    “According to appellant, his appearance fits the stereotypical notion of a child molester and he was thereby prejudiced by being required to be present at trial.”

    • The Wanderer

      Based on his written decisions and dissents, Moore’s solidly in favor of ephebophiles and rapists.

      • Resistor Radio

        Sometimes we call that “red flags.”

      • jesterpunk

        And pedophiles. Dont forget pedophiles.

        https://lawandcrime.com/high-profile/roy-moore-cast-the-sole-vote-in-favor-of-a-man-who-raped-a-four-year-old/

        Eight of the nine justices on the panel found that the appeals court had erred. Their legal logic was such that a 17-year-old’s sexual assault of a four-year-old was enough to produce in the mind of the four-year-old, an “implied threat of serious physical injury.” The decision was reversed and remanded and Higdon’s conviction was reinstated.

        Roy Moore dissented from that opinion. He wrote:

        Because there was no evidence in this case of an implied threat of serious physical injury…or of an implied threat of death, Higdon cannot be convicted of sodomy in the first degree “by forcible compulsion.”

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          He should be banned from Humanity for that alone. He is a repugnant pile of steaming shit.

          • amrak63

            Shit libelz!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          But if it was consensual sodomy between adults, Roy would be sharpening the guillotine.

        • Nockular cavity

          Wow.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i should make it clear, it’s not a moore decision, just something I tripped over just now.

  • Swampay

    re:Selling knives, I assume he means doing one of those door to door cutco knife sales things, which is in fact quite pathetic and not something anyone who can get a real job wants to do.

    • h4rr4r

      Cutco is exactly what I thought of.

      It is a regional thing though, right?

      • Resistor Radio

        I’m not familiar with cutco

        • h4rr4r

          They are a knife company famous for the ka-bar. Based in Olean NY. They make their “salesmen” go door to door and if they want examples sets to show or to have on hand for an instant sale they must buy them.

          • Bobathonic

            What? Now I have to goofle that. You mean K-Bar, the military knife?

            follow up: well they make one now. And it’s Ka-Bar.

          • h4rr4r

            They made the original. Same company always been ka-bar.

            It’s kind of a big deal for them.

          • Bobathonic

            Wiki shows it’s a bit muddled and dependent on wording. But still, something I didn’t know about!

          • h4rr4r

            I base this solely on the info they brag about. Who knew that corporate lore might be biased?

          • Master Contrail Program

            Yep. I have a friend or two with some Cutco knife sets that happened to get them under just those circumstances. I remember a buddy coming over to refine his sales pitch on us when I was 19 or so.

            “Gee, that’s great but I don’t need $300 worth of knives to make Hamburger Helper or to cut Totino’s pizzas.”

            I’m guessing he never solved that little conundrum since he was selling Rainbow vacuums a few weeks later.

    • DesertedPictures

      That sounds a bit condescending, to be honest. What is the difference between this and a real job?

      • Swampay

        Door to door sales is hell, regardless of the product. I tried it briefly back in the early 80s. You need to be desperate and totally broke. Maybe some folks make a few bucks. Me, I think I made about $100 over a coupla months. They hook you by saying “it’s entrepreneurial” so it’s not like slinging burgers. It pays less, and you’ve got to spiff up your best Horatio Alger smile 100 times a day in the face of angry people, dogs and even occasionally guns.

        Condescending? Maybe. But I’d panhandle on the streets before I’d do that again.

    • BadKitty904

      But us liberals are the ones who hold real jobs, pay taxes, etc.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Compared to selling knaves which can be done from the comfort of the Fox and Friends couch.

  • Robyn Ryan

    Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
    Do you think they take that rage out on dogs and people around them?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Forget it Jake, it’s Huckabee defenders.

  • MAZS

    If “Johnny H” actually drives a Volvo 240, then I have to reassess my preconceptions of Volvo owners, the alt-right, or both. A 240, really? I have to call bullshit.

    • Phried Ω

      I think he means that he will be safe as he commits vehicular homicide.

      • puredog

        There was an SF Chronicle columnist who adhered to the belief that, somehow, at the bottom of every vehicular accident, there was a moron in a Volvo.

        • MAZS

          I’ll stay with an SUV as the culprit–usually some unnecessarily huge one.

    • BadKitty904

      The “H” is, presumably, for “Hypocrite”.

    • Lefty Wright

      Undercover alt-right.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      “Drives,” not “owns.” That means it’s his mom’s car.

  • amrak63

    I suggest we start referring to Johnny H. as “Johnny Poot Lips”.

  • little miss high and mighty

    Dang!
    Just getting goig and we must sign off again.
    Evan, heads up!
    At least you are now free. Be positive but do not lean up your language. Please
    For us.
    We love you
    Bye, kids
    2 and a half hours until Monday (The Republican Holy Day of obligation) We must beat them getting up so we can show them how to plow snow before their suit day begins.
    Lazy Republicans!

  • Treason for the Season…

    They’re just fuckin with their viewers, now…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3065246a503edb3a8deeea3df81a91f8dec6aa4881cf567053ea6c9db80bff89.png

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Besides, shitheads, it’s axial tilt.

    • DesertedPictures

      Anti-treason used to be something that was bipartisan viewpoint.

      I would love to use a time machine just for one thing: to go back in the past and interview now-Trump supporters five years ago and ask them about Russians interfering in the elections…

      • jesterpunk

        Ask Obama if you can borrow his time machine.

      • bbayliss

        I want to go back 8 months and ask ’em why the law and order party is attacking the DOJ and FBI.
        They are a fickle lot.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        You’re kidding, right? You’d have a time machine and you’d use it to ask the stupidest fucking people on the planet their thoughts? You wouldn’t, say, nudge Dolt 45 into the path of a speeding vote?

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • Felix dies Sol Invictus

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Ad hoc Señor Wences

        • Phried Ω

          Fist up!

  • OneYieldRegular

    “You are a stain on humanity. You are an insult to humans. You are the lowest form of pond scum.”

    I’ve read the Bible cover to cover, Old Testament and New, and somehow I missed these soothing words from Jesus. Maybe they were in one of the lost Gnostic gospels, The Book of Fuck All’Ya’ll?

    • DesertedPictures

      Well… the book was kind of hard on the city where they raped the guests of an ‘good man’, to be honest.

      • Bobathonic

        They only *wanted* to – and even after the Good Man offered his slutty and ultimately incestuous daughters to them!

        • DesertedPictures

          That always struck me as so weird; Raping the daughters doesn’t really seem a better thing to do than raping guests.

          • SayItWithWookies

            Hey, it was forty years ago in Alabama — things were different then..

          • Resistor Radio

            Many mammas and daddys were proud…

    • BadKitty904

      These people not only have no connection to the Bible, but stand for everything it is against.

      • little miss high and mighty

        AY- MEN !

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Projection, yet again.

    • Resistor Radio

      Somebody should write a “Book of Trump” bible addition to troll them, see how quickly they embrace it.

      • shivaskeeper

        Conservapedia. That was their stated goal when Schafly started it. To re translate the Bible and remove all the liberal/socialist stuff from it. I’m pretty sure it turned into a minor RWNJ site shortly after they went online. As near as I could tell the editors were split about 50/50 between RWNJs who were deadly serious and left wing trolls who were, of course, not serious at all.

        • Resistor Radio

          Probably made for very weird office Christmas parties.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Gee, that would mean that this translated Conservatard Buybull would have all of the Jesus edited out of it. Sort of the inverse of the Jefferson Bible.

          • shivaskeeper

            Pretty much.

        • Resistor Radio

          “Conservapedophile?”

    • TootsStansbury

      Talk about snapping Presidentthinskin’s ass!

  • shivaskeeper

    Max dog thinks it’s bullshit to after the dog because you don’t like the person. He does however say you are more than welcome to come after him. Not because he’s aggressive, mind you, but because he gets to hide behind me and Mrs Keeper.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6b35c2853c0ef7e50027d9096f3d88ea235bc72c2f22957ecfb75d1cae42a8b1.jpg

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Awwww! Who’s a good widdle reverse bodyguard!

      • shivaskeeper

        The Lab has more aggression than he does.

    • BadKitty904

      Perhaps he’s like our cats. Ferdie and Carlos protect us by invariably tripping any stranger who might enter our house.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Dogs are vulnerable because they love you. Cats will put a mojo on you if you mess with the. They don’t care. Threaten my cat, and he will sense it, and your life will take a turn for the worse.

      • shivaskeeper

        My old Belgian Shepherd, the Devil Dog, was aggression on legs. If he even thought you were a threat, no matter how insignificant, to Mrs Keeper or myself, it was not going to end well unless I stopped him.

        It all depends on the dog. This guy is an over exuberant force of accidental destruction. He’s big, kind of clumsy, and has to move everywhere at a run. Not a mean bone in his body AFAIK. The last one was all aggressive bones.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      He is a handsome fellow.

    • puredog

      So is Max’s hearing better on the right side? He totes looks like the dog from the youtube video, “the maple kind?”

    • eyelashviper

      I’ve got a Max Dog Shepherd also too, and he is also a goof, but more than a bit protective, even gives the cat the evil eye when it tries to get on my lap.
      When I am out at the barn, he is super vigilant, even though he has been around the horses every day of his five years with us.
      Our first male shepherd was a fierce warrior, but was so well trained that he did whatever we asked.
      We have been more lax with Max, though he always comes when called and knows the meaning of NO!, a real important thing for big powerful dogs.

      • shivaskeeper

        The last shepherd I, the Belgian, had was pure protection. This guy is pure goofball. He will bark, but that’s about it. The Devil Dog never made a sound other than growl or snarl. I think Max dog would try to be protective, but he doesn’t really have the aggression to follow through with it. Granted none of us have been in a situation where it has been tested.

        As for the horses? He has been kicked a few times. And picked up and thrown at least once. The lab will sit directly under their bellies with no issues. He wants to grab them by the tail because it’s fun.

        • eyelashviper

          One of my horses hates dogs, for what reason we do not know. He will charge any dog in his presence, and Max caught on quickly, so keeps his distance. He will bark and be very mad if he is not in the vicinity of the barn when I am out there.
          Two of my female shepherds actually saved my life years ago, when we allowed someone to keep a Black Angus cow in one of our paddocks for a few weeks. It started to jump on an interior gate, and when I went in to chase it away, it charged me and knocked me down , knocking the wind out of me. All I saw was four damn cloven hooves stomping near my face, and then my two girls were at the fence, which was next to me, climbing up and barking, growling, and howling like banshees. The cow backed off and I was able to get up and out of the gate. After I recovered my breath, I was on the phone to the cow owner, and told him to come and get it before I opened the gate and drove it out. It was an insane critter, and too dangerous to have around.
          The old Irish saying that dogs are angels here on earth to protect us is not far from my reality.

  • ((( Augustus )))

    “PS this is not a threat” is hilarious

    • Resistor Radio

      I just typed that and then noticed your noncomment immediately below. Gave me a giggle.

    • BadKitty904

      I’m not sure a judge would agree…

    • Phried Ω

      Should I add that to my standard work email sig?

      • Royal Ugly Dude

        Better ask HR.

      • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

        “Dear Dave,

        Please remember to sign your log sheets before submitting them to finance.

        P.S. This is not a threat!

        Yours, Simon”

  • Munsi

    I do kind of want to start using “Go back to selling knives.” as a derisive dismissal now, though. Is that weird?

    • Resistor Radio

      I think it’s just become a thing up in here!
      PS- this is not a threat.

      • TootsStansbury

        It’s the new with votes.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        “And then the murders began.”

      • clubseal

        I wish that Brazilian Fart Porn were used more often.

      • doktorzoom

        As they say in the Shire.

        • Resistor Radio

          “Not a threat” or “go sell knives?”

          • doktorzoom

            Yes.

          • Resistor Radio

            You’re such a wordsmith!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      “Go back to selling knives” is the new “bless your heart.”

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      It sounds like a literal translation from a bad kung-fu movie.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        Are Ginsu knife sets still a thing?

    • Dudleydidwrong
  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    “PS- This is not a threat.”

    If you really want to fuck with someone, use this:

    “PS- This is probably not a threat.”

    “Go back to selling knives.”

    This could be taken as a complement. After all selling knives is honorable work.

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    In re: ‘go back to selling knives.’ That ‘insult’ is just sad. We have a culturally agreed upon insult to tell someone that they are of lower social status.

    Goodfellas, Billy Batts to Anthony Spilotro: “Now go home and get your fuckin shine box.” That’s the insult, period.

    • DesertedPictures

      That’s mean for cyclists!

      • h4rr4r

        They can get a car when they grow up.

        • DesertedPictures

          As I actually do cycle to work, I resent that comment! You, meany, you!

        • tehbaddr

          A pox on you! I’m of the two wheeled conveyance persuasion!

          I hope, I hope your fuel injectors get clogged! So there!

  • altleftjohn

    Is “Go back to selling knives” the “Go home and get your shine box” of our time?

    • TootsStansbury

      I eo der if it’s some bad Russian translation. Maybe they meant “may your beets smell like offal”.

  • jesterpunk

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/12/10/nobel-peace-laureates-nuclear-war-one-tantrum-away/938590001/

    An anti-nuclear weapons campaign group accepted the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize during the elaborate awards ceremony on Sunday in Oslo. The Norwegian Nobel Committee had picked the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICAN) for its work on addressing the gap in international law regarding the restriction of nuclear weapons.

    In her acceptance speech, Beatrice Fihn, executive director of ICAN, warned that mankind’s total destruction at the hands of nuclear weapons was just one “impulsive tantrum away.”

    “Will it be the end of nuclear weapons, or will it be the end of us?” Fihn asked, referring to the ongoing exchange of threats between U.S. President Trump and North Korea’s Kim Jong Un.

    https://imgur.com/Ll2oGXy

    • Resistor Radio

      *hangs head in shame for being an American right now*

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, if that’s the case, I am going to strive to avoid having any more impulsive tantrums. I’ll have to stop reading news and stick to electronics, computers, and of course, cigars.

      • jesterpunk
        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          When I can get that sort of response out of people, I consider my day complete!

          That’s part of the reason why I not-comment here.

      • tex7

        I installed a Chrome add on which changes any pictures of Trump to pictures of adorable kittens. It works to keep me from raging out, really well. I still read the news, but I don’t have to see that moldy face.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Yeah, I learned about that some time ago. I really should install that app so that I don’t tantrum out a nukular holocaust.

        • Khavrinen

          The real trick would be one to change the channel on which Trump views Faux & “Friends” to one which only shows adorable kittens. Without that, how would he ever find out about things which would make him throw tantrums?

  • Werewolf

    Lotsa economic anxiety on display here.

    • tehbaddr

      Hey! I’ve got economic anxiety, but I don’t blame any people except the Rethuglicans, the 1% ers, and mysterious political backers. For them I’ve got my sharpened BBQ utensils!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      I have extreme economic anxiety at the moment. In order to afford a new Vector Network Analyzer, I’m faced with having to drastically cut back on cigars.

      I hate my life.

  • C4TWOMAN

    *scrubbed… Moore election not til Tuesday*

  • Mary Theresa
    • jesterpunk

      I don’t think she cares about that. But it is the perfect way to burn the bridge and salt the earth when you are leaving a job.

      • The Wanderer

        She didn’t just burn her bridges behind her; she dynamited the pier foundations.

      • Ellie

        She only won $3 million. I don’t know what she’ll end up with after taxes, but if she’s like many lottery winners, it will all be gone in a few years, and she will probably have some difficulty finding another job.

        Not that I can’t understand the impulse, depending on the boss (although most of mine were very nice).

        • jesterpunk

          That job sounds like a pretty shitty job.

    • bbayliss

      Who wouldn’t do this?

      • Mary Theresa

        I’ve had some bosses where I would take this act under consideration.

        • Mary Theresa

          One would be, your a woman, if only you would cooperate, you could go far. There are many others that would be destined for #metoo.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        I’m considering it.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        I certainly would never do this.

        Reason: I know how to make and deploy thermite.

        • tehbaddr

          OK the FBI will be coming around your place. Just the usual follow-up.

      • tehbaddr

        It’s kinda messy and takes some time and planning. I’d be more inclined to just piss all over the office. After having consumed a large amount of Asparagus.

      • doktorzoom

        I wouldn’t, that’s for sure. Then again, I like my boss a whole lot, and if I won the lottery, I’m sure she’d do an excellent job running the Wonkette Foundation after I bought the site and installed her right back as the boss.

        But I would take more coffee breaks.

        • tehbaddr

          Hey Dok! Aren’t you supposed to be on vacation?

          • doktorzoom

            SEE?

        • bbayliss

          I met your boss once and came away with a thoroughly positive impression.
          For me, a rare occurrence.

    • tehbaddr

      The article is full of priceless diction and description!

      “In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”

        Priceless. And disturbing.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Asking for a friend: logistically, how does one do this?

      • Mary Theresa

        Pretend your on the toilet, would be my guess.

      • tehbaddr

        “hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo”

        • clubseal

          Those two animals are not particularly close in physical appearance or, I imagine, in the way they poop. Sad!

          • tehbaddr

            Well he is a “Boss”, so there’s likely an inherent level of being clueless.

      • Daniel

        Go to a shop selling tickets, buy one, return home and await the draw.

  • aktlib101

    This is in America, c/a 2017. In a place called Alabama.
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/09/us/alabama-poverty-jobs-roy-moore.html?

    “About 17 percent of Alabamians live in poverty — the fifth-highest rate in the country — and the state’s violence-wracked prisons are jammed to 159 percent of their intended capacity. With budget troubles a chronic fact of life, spending on Medicaid, which has not been expanded, lags. Standardized test scores are among the nation’s lowest. Heart disease and diabetes are endemic.

    Last year, Marion, a rural city in central Alabama, suffered a tuberculosis outbreak so severe that its incidence rate was worse than that of many developing countries.

    The infant mortality rate for 2016 rose to 9.1 deaths per 1,000 live births, the highest rate the state has seen since 2008. (The national rate was 5.9 deaths per 1,000 live births in 2015, the most recent year for which federal data is available.) The mortality rate was more than twice as high for black infants as white ones, and in some parts of the state, like Perry or Pickens Counties, the rate was 25.6 and 30.3.”

    “The state, like its neighbors in the South, is desperate to preserve the economic lifeboats that have emerged in recent decades: big-name foreign manufacturers who put down stakes in exchange for cheap labor, low taxes and lavish incentive packages.”

    “Airbus, a French company, assembles jets at a state-of-the-art, $600 million factory in Mobile, working with pieces pre-assembled in Spain, Wales, France and Germany. Mercedes-Benz produces luxury SUVs and sedans along Interstate 20 in Tuscaloosa County. Hyundai has been producing vehicles in Alabama since 2005; Honda, since 2001.

    But the strategy only works so well. In 1999, according to census figures, Alabama’s median household income lagged the national median by about $7,800. Today, Alabama lags behind the national median by more than $11,000.”

    “We are 49th or 50th in too many categories,” said Robbie Drummond, 63, a pharmacist. “In Alabama, we always say, ‘Thank God for Mississippi.’ I know they say the same about us.”

    • Phried Ω

      The federal payroll is among the highest per capita too. Without the federal government their tax base would sink into the cellar.

      • The Wanderer

        Which is why, all the rhetoric notwithstanding, they’ll never secede. They need that sweet Federal and Blue State monies.

    • Shibusa

      “We must keep voting GOP to keep ourselves from dropping to # 50!”

    • phoenix00

      And they’re about to elect a ephebophile into office.

      Winning!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Remind me again who the snowflakes are?

  • DesertedPictures

    You know: I would think that this crowd would like knife-sellers; sure, they are not guns. But still weapons, right?

    • Kneeling Bozilingus

      Silent, but deadly.

  • Kneeling Bozilingus
    • amrak63

      I had forgotten this, after hearing it on the local community radio station years and years ago.

  • Johnatx

    Interesting. Johnny H mentions that he is a vertebrate paleontologist. That is a really specialized field, with very few practitioners.

    • BadKitty904

      Just sayin’?

      • Johnatx

        Yeah. Seems weird. Literally, there are a handful in the US. Odd thing to claim to be. Usually, they say they are former SEALS or similar

        • BadKitty904

          I’m guessing he was looking for some “educated-sounding” lie…

        • Resistor Radio

          With five Purple Hearts and three brothers who are also special forces, as was their father.

          • Johnatx

            Goes without saying

          • Shibusa

            Also too they invariably make piles and piles of money.

          • clubseal

            In fact, my grandfather is the only person in history to receive the Purple Heart for dying in combat and coming back to life three days later! Look it up!!1!

          • David Chaillou

            My great-uncle was listed as missing and presumed dead in the sinking of the Bretagne by the Brit Navy at Mers-el-Kebir. Was pitched to sea when she capsized, swam under the burning oil and made it to shore on his own, so wasn’t listed as rescued. Arrived home on the morning of his funeral.

            Out of 1130 sailors and officers on the Bretagne, less than 150 survived.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Actually I’m sure most palaeontologists have spines – other than the Republican ones.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      I’ll bet he makes their conferences really fun.

      • Johnatx

        I’ve known a few folks who have specialized in VP. Most did Plio-Pleistocene micromammals. Pretty decent people. They’d be appalled

    • doktorzoom

      Please, don’t try to doxx the bastard. We’re allegedly better than that.

      • Johnatx

        Never. Just an odd thing to claim to be. Most of them claim to be Special Forces

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        But we already know his other pseudonyms. “John H. Barron” of Queens, NY, Palm Beach, FL, and Moscow-on-the-Potomac, Washington, D.C.

        • clubseal

          And Duke Silver of Pawnee, Indiana.

          • doktorzoom

            Those Special Forces vertebrate paleontologists are the most dangerous of all.

            Now that I think about it, one of my best pals from grad skool was a vertebrate paleontologist. She did strange radiometric dating of shrew fossils. But she’s definitely not this guy.

          • clubseal

            I keep trying to come up with an invertebrate paleontologist joke but it’s just not happening. Thanks Obama.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            You can settle for a “pale invertebrate oncologist” joke.

          • TootsStansbury

            Let’s not forget Pickle.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
  • TJ Barke

    It’s appalling how many people in this country want to destroy what it stands for just so they can make themselves legally better than others.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Meanwhile, in Spain…

    Jesus Statue’s Butt Was Hiding a 240-Year-Old Secret Message
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/jesus-statue-butt-message_us_5a24eff7e4b0a02abe92146e?section=us_weird-news

    • The Wanderer

      The priest who wrote the letter used Christ’s ass as a time capsule!

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        That hit the trifecta. It’s hilarious, cool AND disgusting.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      My butt has a message for Jesus… (insert joke here)

      • Resistor Radio

        ISWYDT

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      DON’T FORGET TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE

      • BadKitty904

        lol

  • Were there threats? Of course there were threats, because obviously if someone uses the fuck-word toward a minor administration official, that monster needs to die

    These sickos claim killing an innocent zygote the size of a silver dollar is MURDER, yet they seem to have NO PROBLEM with murdering full size children and adults in electric chairs, in schools, in churches, from casino windows or even their own families in their homes.
    https://i.redd.it/ev7n36hm3hzy.jpg

    Because their imaginary God is so wise

  • Trump vs. Jesus

    The Trump supporters I work with, when cornered in their circular arguments, believe poor=lazy=stupid=notwhite…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/20015e22b9a7572b4d4093b1cee0567fcd8df38f602a3a525ffaa8032d1a6b0b.jpg

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      Should be Trump yelling “fake news”.

    • phoenix00

      I’m guessing that rather meaty baguette is flanked by… dinner rolls?

      • OutOfOrbit

        Waxed dinner rolls at that

        • phoenix00

          Most important.

    • No. Fucking. Way.

    • Resistor Radio

      Wow

    • Johnatx

      At least they look happy

    • TootsStansbury

      Eeww.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    Er… I did write a joke here yesterday about insecure Freudian gun brats with “phantom dick syndrome,” but… that’s not what I meant by “phantom dick syndrome”…

    Woman says she’s “done with men” after claiming 15 sexual encounters with ghosts

    Well, I guess the incels will just have to get used to playing with weenie boards. I mean Weejee Boards. Who knew that the remedy for blue balls was… crystal balls…

  • phoenix00

    So the swamp got drained…. for raw radioactive sewage. Hell of a #MAGA upgrade.

  • jaspersdad

    Fundamentalist Christians promoting marriage to child brides is more common than I thought. These people need to be stopped.

    “The Unchained At Last project, a nonprofit group dedicated to ending child marriages, estimates 248,000 children — some as young as 10 — were married in the U.S. between 2000 and 2010.

    Asked why an adult male would even consider pursuing underage girls, North Carolina Rev. Rusty Thomas, a friend of Moore’s and the national director of the anti-abortion movement Operation Save America, quoted scripture.

    “God and his word talks about ‘rejoice in the wife of your youth,’” said Thomas. “And I will tell you, my wife, I’m 12 years older than she is, and she encourages my daughters to look more towards an older man — not ancient of days, but a man who has a record, a standing, who is able to take care of them.””

    http://www.cbc.ca/news2/interactives/sh/ZPtmPISZPG/roy-moore-teen-girls-courtship/

    • The Wanderer
    • ariel_gee_398

      God also talks about not mixing fabrics, but this asshole probably doesn’t care too much about following that one.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      WHAT.

      THE.

      ACTUAL.

      FUCK?!?!?!?!!!!!!oneoneoneoneELEVENTYinfinityplusone??!?

      They really are the American Taliban.

      Nuke it from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

    • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

      I have no doubt that many if not most of those child marriages are to cover up rape pregnancies.

      • jaspersdad

        There’s an example in the article linked:

        “Some states have no age requirement if parental consent is given. For example, in 1971, Sherry Johnson, an 11-year-old girl in Tampa, Fl., was forced to wed the 20-year-old man who raped her, on the ruling of a judge and the consent of her parents.”

        • TootsStansbury

          And the UN thinks we’re a first world country.

          • clubseal

            Do they really, though?

        • TootsStansbury

          Fucking barbarians.

        • SeekingCovfefeBarbie

          That poor girl, and others in her situation. Stripped of her rights, her life and health compromised by a pregnancy on a body too young, raped by a man, raped by the law, condemned to be raped continuously.

        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          How these perverts can consider themselves religious and righteous is so far beyond me that they should be passing Jupiter any day now.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Well the Bible does sanction it.

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            Hence my disgust with that particular tome.

        • OutOfOrbit

          I wonder how that turned out?

      • nightmoth

        Just like in the good old days.

    • jesterpunk
    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I just recently learned that the majority of babies born to teenage mothers are fathered by adult men.

    • Not Flat – ROUND!

      I would puke, but it would just damage my computer, and I’d have to clean it up – not having a teenage bride makes life tough.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I had to look that verse up, because I’d never heard it before. And in context, its meaning is clear:
      Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

      Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

      And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

      For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.

      His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.

      He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
      (Proverbs, 5:18 ff)
      It means appreciate the woman you married, and don’t be dissatisfied and go looking around for someone else after she turns 35, Donald. It does not mean marry someone much younger than yourself — dude is just twisting the word he considers divine for his own iniquitous purposes.

    • Invisible Bunyip

      It says “Rejoice in the wife of your youth”, not “Rejoice in your wife’s youth”. I would read that as “Stay with the woman you first married (i.e. in your youth) and appreciate her, don’t go running after replacement models”.

      • jaspersdad

        Christianist revision. From wikipedia:

        “Not to be confused with Christianity.

        Christianism is a term used, normally pejoratively, to describe the Christian right in the United States, by analogy with Islamism.[1][2] Writing in 2005, the New York Times language columnist William Safire attributed the term (in this novel usage) to blogger Andrew Sullivan, who wrote on June 1, 2003, page 19,[3] “I have a new term for those on the fringes of the religious right who have used the Gospels to perpetuate their own aspirations for power, control and oppression: Christianists. They are as anathema to true Christians as the Islamists are to true Islam.”[1] The bloggers Tristero and David Neiwert used the term shortly after.[4][5] Sullivan later expanded on his usage of the term in a Time magazine column.[6] Uses of the term can be found dating back to the seventeenth century, but these are unrelated to its modern meaning.[1]”

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          They are as anathema to true Christians as the Islamists are to true Islam.

          Fuckin’ bingo.

          Jimmy Carter > Roy Moore
          Kareem Abdul-Jabbar > Osama Bin-Laden

      • Ellie

        Was just going to write that. Well, we (me) Liberal Christians are often accused of cafeteria Christianity – maybe that’s right. However the above seems like a case of holding a rock aloft in the pulpit and calling it a banana.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Fuck me! (rhetorically)

      The scumbags who get their young children married-off are the same scumbags who want same-sex marriage to be outlawed. Welcome to fucking Bizzaro World.

  • clubseal

    Methinks that one guy misunderstands kidnapping.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Among other things…

  • Shibusa

    I could only get through about 1/3 of this. I don’t now how y’all slog through this shit every week. And why does anybody feel the need to defend Sarah Huckabee’s honor?

    • Mary Theresa

      I don’t. I am weak and post emergency kittehs.

      • Treg Brown
        • Not Flat – ROUND!

          What a sweetie!!!

          • Treg Brown

            Little angels sent here to soothe us.

          • BadKitty904

            Yes. Yes, they are.

          • Treg Brown

            :- )

            BK! The kitty who’s a little angel sent here to soothe us!

            *hug*

          • BadKitty904

            Well, dammit, babe, now I’ve got something in my eye…

          • Mary Theresa

            Onion ninjas?

          • BadKitty904

            Sneaky lil’ what-nots…

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            If it’s a Sheeba Inu it is feigning sweetness. They are a horror on 4 legs.

          • Not Flat – ROUND!

            I had a ’73 Sheeba Inu but it got terrible gas mileage.

          • Persistent Demme

            The only breed my Yorkie mutt has ever snapped at.
            Old boy won’t take any snarly Shiba crap!
            Put that aggressive puppy in his place!!
            (Adorable fox-face, though.)

        • BadKitty904

          AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

      • Not Flat – ROUND!

        If there is a heaven they have a special “VIP only” place for people like you!

        • Mary Theresa

          :)

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Most weeks, I don’t.

      The Xanax helps.

    • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

      Oh, hell no, I give it the briefest of skims, if that. I don’t want the evil drivel they spew in my head.

    • puredog

      Because it is a challenge.

  • Belasaurius

    Jo Johnny H is about 4 foot 10, and challenges everybody to a fight

    • BadKitty904

      As long as they’re online.

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    Well, not like we didn’t see that coming …

    Packers 21
    Browns 21
    End of Regulation

    They never fail to fail.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      and Da Bears just pummeled the Bengals- go figure

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        Honestly, the Bengals aren’t that good.

        I have more faith in the Bears than I do the Bengals and Browns combined.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          they’re definitely playing poorly this year- but getting spanked by the Bears has got to be embarrassing. Plus, that could be the last straw for Marvin Lewis.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            Certain Bengals fans have been calling for his head ever since he arrived. And many others praised him until they lost their first round playoff games.

            This year, though, he’s gone. There’s a consensus. And, frankly, Marvin deserves better than having to work for Mike Brown.

        • Phried Ω

          That’s a mighty low bar test of faith.

          • SeeTrainOffTheRails

            And I still trip over it.

      • Phried Ω

        If you can head coach and kick field goals there is a job in New York for you.

  • Nasty Woman Persisted

    OT but an update on my week from tRump hell. I got my parvo pups back. They are fat and happy. Seems we caught it in time.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8778ad5d4e650dfba74b8435a8258e02c1ca68695cb6acdbed10b16adfa089bc.jpg

    • The Wanderer
    • Resistor Radio

      I’m so glad

    • nightmoth

      Good news at last! Hope all the other stuff is improving.

    • shivaskeeper

      When did trash pandas get religion?

      Edit: Also good about the pups.

    • Ellie

      I’m so glad you had some good stuff, in with all that bad. Great news.

    • Persistent Demme

      You saved their lives!

    • grindstone

      Honey, I hate to tell you this, but those are not puppies……

  • Jamoche

    From 2013, because Gizmodo randomly tosses stuff up from the depths of the past:
    https://www.theroot.com/miami-gardens-police-arrested-a-man-62-times-for-trespa-1790899021
    Miami Gardens Police Arrested a Man 62 Times for Trespassing Where He Works

    One guess what color he is.

  • nightmoth

    The one about showing disrespect to a woman, that is A LADY—-hello? Women don’t get a free pass for lying and embracing evil any more than men do. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d9aac4dbac61678314e5972b207a1b3e866e49e20d2da1a4c9cef0da22d23d51.jpg

  • clubseal

    “What’s your price, pussy?”
    “Milk, on the rocks.”

  • phoenix00

    https://www.happiest.net/2017/11/28/10-yo-girl-gets-told-shell-never-pilot-hero-says-one-sentence-brings-tears/

    I’M NOT CRYING THERE ARE ONIONS UP IN HERE. ONIONS. OOONNNNIIIIOOONNNNNSSSSSSS!!!

    • therblig

      i loved when she said, “will you help me land this?”. so cool.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Fuckers made me cry. Now, if you scuze me I have to go plan for a (previously scheduled) flying lesson…

    • doktorzoom

      Awwww. Even if it WAS an extended UPS ad, it was still cool.

      Especially at the end, when the captain gave her her very own logbook and filled in the first entry for her. Makes me want to dig out my old logbooks just to look at my first flight. In an Ercoupe, even (one of the later models what had rudders).

      https://www.eaa.org/~/media/images/news/2015%20ehl/01-15-2015-ercoupe.jpg

  • eyelashviper

    This may be my Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Merry Xmas card of choice:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7e06ac77acbbdf5eeacfae0c146e170cf4ce11e496916e9c329e0c5a6c2e0430.jpg

  • Treg Brown

    “Typical. Every time Liberals are losing they always resort to name calling. Shows the intellect we are dealing with. Trigger! Every liberal response to this will make my point.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c30f9139922ffc3d79a1c5b155c016665eeebd21df5bd7e3503edd0edf5f040b.jpg

    • BadKitty904

      Game, set, match.

    • Phried Ω

      What’s Roy Rodgers’s horse got to do with this?

      • Steely_Fan

        And here I thought he was referrin’ to Willie Nelson’s guitar.

    • Christopher Story

      Neolithic troglydite says what?

    • JohnBull

      Liberals don’t lose. You ungrateful bastards still have the weekend and water that doesn’t catch on fire. Neither of those were brought to you courtesy of big business or conservatism.

    • William
      • Treg Brown

        Oh, I’m stealin’ that.

        • William

          One of my favorites. If you spent enough time and effort there are also memes that insult Russian trolls in Russian.

  • Jamoche

    https://splinternews.com/the-white-house-hanukkah-party-sounds-like-a-nightmare-1821119449

    Trump then brought his grandchildren—both Jewish—to light a small menorah in front of the assembled crowd. According to participants, this may have been the only actual Hanukkah decoration at the entire party. There were, however, four large Christmas trees positioned around the room.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, at least Donnie didn’t try to light the Christmas trees.

    • BadKitty904

      …this may have been the only actual Hanukkah decoration at the entire party

      Referring to the two grandkids, presumably.

    • Jamoche

      Also, can anyone translate this comment so us goyim get the full burn?

      Also, since it’s not until next week, that means that in letting his kids light candles, Frisch grad Jared allowed his kids to make a bracha l’vatala. Then again, 45 is such a moron it would count as chinuch. I know we’re not supposed to frum-shame Jared and Complicit, er, Ivanka, but fuck them.)

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Solstice trees, actually. What we call “Christmas” is an amalgamated Xerox crossover fanfic of multiple mythologies spread out over the vast lands of Rome, cobbled together for purposes of political unification and social cohesion. There are many festivals of lights during the autumn and winter months, including ones from traditions in the New World/Americas, Asia, and Africa. But no sense asking Donnie to appreciate Diwali either. He’ll just ask, “Wally who?”

      • Jamoche

        Look, Christianity doesn’t just borrow from other religions, we follow them down alleys to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for spare traditions.

      • nightmoth

        “cobbled together for purposes of political unification and social cohesion”—-I’m okay with that. RWNJs have made it a season of political sparring, social division, and consumerist frenzy. Christmas season used to be nice, whether you were Christian or not.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Did he wish everyone a Merry Jewish Christmas too?

      • Jamoche

        Well, it was one of his campaign promises…

    • Lighting a menorah next to four large Christmas trees?

      Sounds like a bit of a fire hazard.
      http://images.dailykos.com/images/320524/large/TrumpCampaign_CrashAndBurn.png

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    THE STREAK CONTINUES!

    Packers 27
    Browns 21
    Final – OT

  • jesterpunk

    So you can be a Klan leader then join the church as a priest?

    https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/maryland-couple-can-t-forgive-former-kkk-member-turned-priest-n828086

    A Roman Catholic priest in Virginia who stepped down in August from his ministerial duties after revealing he was once a high-ranking Ku Klux Klansman is trying to make amends with a black family he terrorized in the 1970s.

    But the family said Friday they are not ready to forgive or forget — and believe they are owed more.

    In a handwritten letter to Phillip and Barbara Butler sent in September, the Rev. William Aitcheson said he “sincerely regrets the suffering he caused” in January 1977, when he burned a cross in front of their College Park, Maryland, home. The couple, now in their 70s, were newlyweds at the time, and Phillip Butler had just returned home from serving in Vietnam.

    • OrG

      Hey,if you can be a hitler youth and then pope,why not?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Happily, he decided to explore other avenues.

  • John Lo

    Why are these guys even reading Wonkette if it get’s their hackles up?
    Maybe they need to spend more time brushing their tooth, and rubbing one out with a sock in the root cellar.

    • jesterpunk

      Because twitchy was so mad about Evan being mean to Huckabee then the daily caller and Breitbart cried about it. So trolls came over here to tell us how mean we are. They never actually read the article just what other sites said about it.

      • mary5920

        Well that’s pretty lazy.

        • Well, the entire Christian religion (Gospels) is built on hearsay, so why stop now?

        • jesterpunk

          But they are free thinkers who know the “Truth”, not like liberals who believe anything they are told and follow along blindly.

      • NotALiar

        BUT DON’T YOU DARE CALL THEM OR THEIR READERS BIGOTS!

    • Jamoche

      Outrage is a hell of a drug.

      • Jay Hansen

        Oh, what a Rush.

      • The only thing the good ‘ol USA manufactures nowadays.

    • BadKitty904

      A lurking fear that someone, somewhere may be having a good time?

      • Jay Hansen

        No one’s allowed to smoke
        Or tell a dirty joke
        And whistling is forbidden
        If chewing gum is chewed
        The chewer is pursued
        And in the hoosegow hidden
        If any form of pleasure is exhibited
        Report to me and it will be prohibited
        I’ll put my foot down
        So shall it be
        This is the land of the free

        • The Wanderer

          Hee! Duck Soup ref!

          “The last guy nearly ruined this place,
          He didn’t know what to do with it!
          If you think the country’s bad off now,
          Just wait till I get through with it!”

        • BadKitty904
    • jesterpunk

      We even had one troll on the “Fuck you Sanders” thread telling us to go to the Daily Caller to see what Evan said in the article they where commenting on that was so bad. They said they wouldn’t read Evan’s article or point out which parts where bad just that we should go to the Daily Caller.

      • Jay Hansen

        Going to the Daily Caller (Bawler?) brings to mind an old Frank Zappa tune. Call Any Vegetable.

        • Steely_Fan

          Call it by name. And the vegetable will respond to youuuuu… (Pulled totally from memory from 50 years ago.)

          • puredog

            Well, at least, the chances are good.

          • amrak63

            RUTA-BAAY-AGA-RUTA-BAAY-AGA-RUTA-BAAY-AGA etc.

          • JustDon’tSayProbably

            My iPod chose that album about a month ago.
            Billllyyyy THE moooountain…

    • Jay Hansen

      Terribile et fascinans.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Woof. That’s the worst thing to take place in a root cellar since Evil Dead. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c4b4d0993b6ecc552ee40702697864b6134e7c7638f5f81b1597756e0a6c0512.gif

    • clubseal

      Those poor socks!

    • JohnBull

      Look at it this way, if they’re arguing online with us, they’re not elsewhere in the house beating their wives.

      • clubseal

        Synthetic love dolls don’t feel pain, yet.

  • I don’t like abortions, either. No one does. Here’s what I’ll do…I’ll jump in the time machine, travel back to your mom and dad’s date, and hand your mom a condom. Trust me lady…you’ll thank me later.

  • NotALiar

    To the guy from Boston. If you want to travel to Indiana, I’d be happy to fight and win. A good friend of mine needs an abortion and doesn’t have the money. If you pay for It, I’d be happy to play along with your twisted fucked up fantasy. It costs 500$ in Indiana. As a general rule, I don’t fight people but she is in trouble and I’m willing to beat you up to help her. Cheers!

    • jesterpunk

      Live stream it and charge money for it also too.

      • NotALiar

        Not a bad idea. Any money after helping my friend goes to gas and smokes and to that group the Trump admin defunded that helped white supremacists and nazis get out and turn their lives around. Weird that Trump defunded it…

  • “…Go back to selling knives.”

    Could the writer of this comment be so myopic that he mistook Evan for the Rev. “Little” Ed Pembrook, who peddled his John the Baptist STEAK KNIVES!!11!!1! on WKRP?

    http://booklikes.com/upload/post/5/4/azure_544ffaae05e63cb153ae6a45a93bb806.jpg

  • Mary Theresa

    Lol, I must be drunk, looking thru my disqus comments, I upovoted myself accidentally. Vodka and OJ will do that to ya.

    • Resistor Radio

      I’ve downvoted myself accidentally before.

      • SeeTrainOffTheRails

        I downvote myself all the time. Even when I’m not online.

        • Resistor Radio

          Samesies.

      • Mary Theresa

        Well, I downvoted my upvote, do I get an consolation prize? Maybe it’s time to stop posting?

        • Resistor Radio

          No, I like your noncomments!

          • Mary Theresa

            Awwww,someone who understands dunkedness under a Dotard presidency.

          • Resistor Radio

            Hey, as long as you’re not driving