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Bannon don’t surf.

Steve Bannon offered yet another robust endorsement of disgraced kiddy-fiddler (allegedly) Roy Moore at a rally in Alabama last night, using the speech as an opportunity to attack … Mitt Romney. Sure, if you want to get all nitpicky about it, Romney isn’t technically “on the ballot” in Alabama, but Bannon’s on a mission to undermine a possible Romney senatorial run in Utah next year, should Orrin Hatch decide he’s beat up enough poor people for one career. So Bannon explained that Roy Moore was a patriot who fought for his country in Vietnam, unlike that chickenshit Mitt Romney:

“Judge Moore served his country in one of the toughest wars we’ve ever had, Vietnam,” Bannon toughguyed to the thrilled audience. Then, in a weird locution that no doubt meant a lot to the states’ rights crowd, Bannon said Moore “went over there for his country, his state, and his family.” Oh, but not Mitt, not that monster who had tweeted a veritable rudeness at Holy Warrior Roy Moore Monday:

We like the part where he keeps calling Romney “brother,” as in “You avoided service, brother.” Bannon wasn’t about to challenge Romney’s college deferments, because a bunch of those also kept Donald Trump out of Vietnam. But Romney did the most dishonorable thing POSSIBLE:

“Judge Roy Moore has more honor and integrity in that pinkie finger than your entire family has in its whole DNA,” Bannon said in his 30-minute speech at Oak Hollow Farm. “You hid behind your religion. You went to France to be a missionary while guys were dying in rice paddies in Vietnam. Do not talk to me about honor and integrity,” he said, referencing Romney’s Mormon faith.

And as all true evangelicals know, Mitt Romney’s weird flaky evidence-free religion doesn’t have nearly the well-established patina of respectability that American biblical literalists’ weird flaky evidence-free religion does, so going off to be a missionary for it was seriously cowardly.

Bannon, of course, didn’t quite mention the lack of service by his former boss (PBUH), who not only had those college deferments, but also the miraculously self-healing heel spurs on one foot, or maybe both, to keep him safe at home and refusing to rent apartments to The Blacks.

Nor did Bannon make mention of Trump’s famous explanation to Howard Stern that, despite not having actually been In Country, Trump faced his very own Venereal Vietnam while he was grabbing pussies all over New York in the ’70s and ’80s. The fear of herpes was definitely one of the Things He Carried:

I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world. It is a dangerous world out there — it’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam era. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider[.]

Some men humped a rifle through the boonies, Donald Trump humped the models (and the roofies?). He made it through the Tit Offensive and the taking of Studio 54, too.

Moore had his own thoughts on the dangers faced by today’s soldier that he never would have considered back in the day:

The poor snowflake! Also, there’s no truth to the rumor we’re starting right here that “The Foxhole” was the name of a fashion store with a preteen clientele at the Gadsden Mall in 1979.

Moore’s worries about the hazards of service reminded Adam Weinstein, editor of the invaluable Task & Purpose military blog, of a slightly different aspect of Moore’s Vietnam experience:

After graduation Moore was sent first to Germany and then to Vietnam, where he commanded a military-police company supervising a stockade in Da Nang. When he arrived, he says, drug use and insubordination were rampant, and he immediately began issuing “Article Fifteens”—disciplinary actions against his men. This earned him the nickname “Captain America.” By his own account Moore was so much disliked that he feared being killed by his own troops, and slept on a bed of sandbags so that he couldn’t be fragged by a grenade rolled under his bed.

Poor Lieutenant Niedermeyer, still doesn’t get the respect he deserves.

Now, lest you think we’re holding Mitt Romney up as as some sort of avatar of honor and decency here, we’re not. We remember the “47 percent” speech far too well for that. Rather, the rest of the GOP has simply gotten so much worse:

In any case, we can all thank Team Trump for laying the groundwork for plenty of future candidates to have some war nostalgia over. Assuming the Battle of Jerusalem doesn’t end in a huge nuclear flash.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us update our Conscientious Objector file. And send a few bucks to Doug Jones so he can help us avoid hearing the words “Senator Roy Moore.”

[WaPo / Atlantic]

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  • Asterix

    According to AFP New Agency:

    Hamas says Trump’s decision opens “gates of hell”

  • TJ Barke

    Their hypocrisy knows no limits.

  • Oblios_Cap

    White House counselor Kellyanne Conway appeared on CNN’s “New Day” on Wednesday morning to defend Donald Trump’s endorsement of Roy Moore, hailing the president’s “tremendous moral standards” in backing the Alabama Senate candidate whom numerous women have accused of sexual assault and harassment.

    Tremendous moral standards? I’ll have some of what she’s smoking.

    • PubOption

      Another alternative fact.

  • Joe Beese

    Hulk Hogan also liked to say “brother” during his promos.

    • Edith Prickly

      I think it’s intentional. Both Drumpf and this clown act like pro wrestling villains because it gets the morans in the base fired up.

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    ambulant cirrhotic liver killed irony dead forever and ever.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    OT, but you gotta hand it to Trump for bringing the world together.
    In condemning his recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.

    • Asterix

      Yeah, he’s a real bridge-builder, that one.

      He’s also an Olympian God, for having opened the Gates of Hell.

      It sound like he was slurring at the end of the speech.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m kinda wondering how an American gets to tell another country where its capital is.

      • Daniel

        Because Not America is full of people too stupid to know for themselves. They’ll be so grateful that they now get the chance to die for Trump’s decisiveness it will only strengthen relations in the area.

      • Michael Smith

        I think Israel has been claiming Jerusalem as their capital since the late 60’s, but no one has recognized it because the UN considers much of Jerusalem to be occupied territory.

    • BigCSouthside

      I want a MAGAt to tell me why they are so excited over this

      • Michael Smith

        They see it as a Real Man going against political correctness and standing up to those Muslims.

      • Asterix

        This action will usher in the beginnings of the end times and the return of Jesus.

        • BigCSouthside

          I fucking hate people. Yay let’s base our foreign policy on the stories of illiterate goat herders who didn’t know where the sun went each night.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Give me a break, those goat herders knew the sun went into Superman’s Stable every night for a cosmic beer and then home to his wife who would give him grief for not working hard enough.

          • puredog

            And wouldn’t make him a stuffed pita, neither too.

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            Sun goes up, moon goes down. You can’t explain that.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          “And on the eighth day of Christmas, Jesus came.”

          -Book of Pence 20:18

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        For some reason, it makes the evangelicals cream their American Flag shorts which were made in China, obvs.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I’m a little behind on this issue. Is the Israeli government all itchy to pull up stakes from Tel Aviv, and move lock, stock and barrel to a relative backwater with fewer services, worse infrastructure, more Palestinians etc? Because that sounds like bullshit to me.

      Apart from stirring up shit and possibly moving the US embassy to a place where it becomes less relevant, what does this latest block of bloviating BS do for anyone?

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It creates new jerbs for Islamic militants?

  • Asterix

    Damn, he looks like shit.

    He also, too, left out the fact that none of the little Trumps have served either.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      ‘At 50, everyone has the face he deserves.’ – George Orwell

      Let’s just say Bannon is a little past 50.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    “You went to France to be a missionary ….”

    “Hello! My name is Elder Mitt and I would like to share with you the most amazing book…”

    • P’jama Pahnts

      Every time I remember Trump is in the white house I hum “Hasa Diga eebowai” to myself

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        ha ha – you beat me too it.

      • Arolpin

        I’m a South Park fan from the day Spirit of Christmas (Jesus v. Santa) was released to the internet (and I had a copy of the original on VHS and didn’t know it), I knew Parker & Stone were huge musical theater geeks, but Book of Mormon blew me away, not by being subversive, but by hewing so closely to the Broadway Musical form while simultaneously blowing it up.
        And it’s Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics season, so I’m playing a lot of South Park songs (after the kids are asleep).

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      HI IM ELDER TRUMP HAVE A FREE BOOK WRITTEN BY JESUS

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Hasa Diga Pussy Grabber

  • Oblios_Cap

    He gave a speech dressed like a homeless guy and the GOP cheered? My word!

    • Asterix

      He needs a beret.

  • BigCSouthside

    I guarantee you he wears that fucking OD green jacket because he thinks it makes him look like a radical revolutionary

  • schmannity

    In Romney’s defense, one of the passengers in the car he was driving in France did die in an accident, so he did see some action.

  • Michael Smith

    Bannon thinks Americans are incredibly stupid, and his entire political strategy banks on it. He loves Alabama because he thinks the people of Alabama are the zenith of American stupidity.

    They have a chance to prove him wrong.

    • Asterix

      But they won’t.

      • Michael Smith

        We need to start doing a Nixonian “Silent Majority” campaign, claiming that we now that most Real Americans don’t buy into this demagogic crap… even if we know that’s not, strictly speaking, true, we can use it to create peer pressure.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I think it is, strictly speaking, true. The problem is getting the right people to vote.

          I pray to the Lord Jesus Christ, Aslan AND the FSM that Doug Jones’ people have the bestest, most aggressive and pinpoint-selective GOTV drive in the in the long, sorry history of Alabammy.

    • Eileen Besse

      They won’t.

  • kilgoretrout

    When Bannon gets his inevitable comeuppance can we declare a Wonkette Holiday?

    • OrG

      Oui.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        Which issue?

    • Edith Prickly

      I think we’ll need at least a week.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    “He made it through the Tit Offensive and the taking of Studio 54, too.”

    THIS is why I come here, even if I do embarrass myself at work from time to time when I giggle-snort.

  • Oblios_Cap

    So what is Jerusalem worth? Everything. And nothing.

    • Pilotshark

      sadly by the time it is over, a 1000 lives at least.

      • kilgoretrout

        Trump will have blood on his hands.

      • Daniel

        Yeah, but he doesn’t give a shit about Puerto Rico- he’s hardly going to care about Not Americans being killed for his idiocy.

        • Michael Smith

          He will love it. It will give him a chance to get on his gilded soap box and babble incoherently about the evil of Islam.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        You spelled “7.5 billion lives” wrong.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        history repeating itself. maybe the Talibangelicals will finally get to do their crusade.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    Ya know, i grew up around the military – but of course never served.

    In my experience, you ask a vet if service alone makes a person a wonderful human being deserving of all your respect (and vote) and, most importantly, above criticism for things like…oh, trying to pick up teen age girls – i would guess the answer would be FUCK NO!

    • shivaskeeper

      You would be imagining correctly. Because the answer is, “Fuck no!”.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        I suspected as much! (And vets are the FIRST people to say a vet isn’t above criticism).

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      because mandatory soldier worship always ends so well.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        ask the soviets and nazis…wait…oh! The North Koreans!

        Jingoism, as I understand the word, is scary.

        • Anne Of Green Bagels

          Freedom Fries!!!

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Call Tarantino to do a collab with Michael Moore.

          Since 2016, we’ve been Jingo Unchained.

  • OrG

    I don’t begrudge anybody avoiding military “service”. Except when they believe it’s just fine for those “other people”.

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      or when Bonespurs McVagmouth wants to start WWIII to distract from his small hands.

  • Scooby

    Remember Mitt, the same people that think Roy Moore is qualified also thought you were qualified.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Some days I am so nostalgic for that happy past when I had never heard of Steve Bannon.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Hubs and I were saying last night that we miss the time when no one thought or talked about Dolt ever for any reason. No, it’s Dolt 24/7/365.

  • chascates

    From HuffPo article on fragging in Nam:

    In his autobiography So Help Me God, Roy Moore said that when he took command of his company in Vietnam, “drug use was widespread and insubordination was commonplace.” He immediately enforced strict discipline. “I administered many Article Fifteens, disciplinary charges filed against insubordinate or disobedient soldiers,” especially drug users.

    Asa result, he said, he received threats of death by fragging. “I became a marked man,” he said. Claiming that he was not intimidated, he refused to soften his discipline. He did, however, take precautionary measures to reinforce his sleeping area. “I placed sandbags under the bed and in the walls of my quarters.”

    • kilgoretrout

      I can see this happening again in the Senate.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        metoo ant niw i iz typings withs 1 hant. . .

      • Notreelyhelping

        Why does Roy have sandbags around his desk?

        • wide_stance_hubby

          That’s just his old scrotum.

          (sorry not sorry for that)

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      I know this man. I was in the military but not overseas. He would have made life over there just that much harder for all the enlisted people. Had the maggot gone out on patrol, those sandbags would not have protected him. Oops.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      seen like that, i’m starting to wonder if that’s just early manifestations of Moore’s paranoia – a bit like how all this underage creepin’ talk is a lie! By the (jewish) media! And the (liberal) haterz!

      I’d be interested to find out what the men who were article 15’d would say – “oh, the prick? Yeah, he was a prick. Whatevs.”

    • Michael Smith

      Sounds like he was always looking for a feather in his cap, and trying to avoid black eyes.

      During his Senate run, he initially thought being discovered as a kid-diddling perv would be a real black eye, but turns out it was a feather in his cap!

      • Eileen Besse

        Gimme eat!

      • doktorzoom

        I say we send him on the milk run to Bologna.

    • Pilotshark

      wonder if he took action after he seen the big X with the exact coordinates for a mortar attack on top of his tent.

      place all rounds here.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        No, the way to do it back then was to have a conversation close enough to be overheard by the bartender at the nearest off-base bar.

        “Man, our new LT really has it out for the commies! Just yesterday, I heard him call Uncle Ho a limp-wristed fancy-boy.”

        “Well I heard him say he wanted to take Le Duan’s mother out for a nice seafood dinner, and then never call her. BTW, what did you say the grid reference for his quarters was, again?”

        “Oh, yeah- the grid reference for the LT’s tent is…”

        • Pilotshark

          that or a real nice and proper salute, with a great big GOOD MORNING SIR!

          • Arolpin

            Well, he was also known for demanding that people salute him in Vietnam, which only idiots and assholes did, because the Viet Cong targeted officers.

          • Blanche de Shambles

            Apparently, he used to demand that people saluted him on-base.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      So many things went wrong in Vietnam….

    • Rok E Raccoon

      Sleeping area? Bed? Walls of my quarters? Was he staying at a Holiday Inn?

      • Arolpin

        Officer and MP, so, you know, small-town cop with big time guns. And housing.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    God sends fire to LA to punish the US for naming Jerusalem as capital of (((Israel))).

    https://media.giphy.com/media/yr7n0u3qzO9nG/giphy.gif

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    When he arrived, he says, drug use and insubordination were rampant, and he immediately began issuing “Article Fifteens”—disciplinary actions against his men. This earned him the nickname “Captain America.”

    So he was a stick-up-his-ass prude even when he was in the service. Shocking.

    • Edith Prickly

      Fundagelicals of Moore’s persuasion love controlling other people’s behaviour above all else, especially if they might be taking pleasure in said behaviour.

      Also, Captain America libellz.

      http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/127/037/6ef.gif

    • Oblios_Cap

      Beating them over the head with Army regs is almost as satisfying as beating them over the head with a bible.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        who else thinks he prostelyized to those unlucky enough to be under his command?

        • Oblios_Cap

          Who else thinks he was paying for sex with under aged Vietnamese boys and girls while he was over there? And taking R&R in Bangkok?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            already mentioned it down below and someone else did up above.

          • Oblios_Cap

            Oops.

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            no no – it’s fine. Glad I wasn’t the only one who thought of it – the hive mind strikes again!

            ; p

          • Arolpin

            Gary Glitter?

    • Blanche de Shambles

      Sounds just like that Capt. Sobel guy from Band of Brothers.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    To be fair: Donald Trump still has wounds from his Own Personal Vietnam that do flare up from time to time.

    • Daniel

      One is called Don Jr and the other is called Eric.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        zing!

      • (((Sedagive)))

        Too bad they are antibiotic-resistant.

        • Arolpin

          Kind of like his syphilis. (Allegedly!)

      • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

        Don’t forget Tiffany

  • schmannity

    In other news, Bannon declares war on ironing boards.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      tbh, the ironing boards deserve it, after aligning themselves with pressed clothing.

      (WORST part of new career, BY FAR).

  • ken_kukec

    “… but also the miraculously self-healing heel spurs on one foot, or maybe both, to keep him safe at home and refusing to rent apartments to The Blacks.”

    Dang, Dok, if you ain’t the damnedest bullgoose juxtaposer around.

    • Eileen Besse

      Points for Bullgoose!

    • doktorzoom

      Why, thank you. I think.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    How does serving in Viet Nam exempt you from being a child molesting asshole?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Because RAMBO AND MURICA, you hippie cuck!

      • aureolaborealis

        NEEDZ MOAR “BETA”!!!!!!11!!!

  • Bitter Scribe

    Mitt Romney’s weird flaky evidence-free religion doesn’t have nearly the well-established patina of respectability that American biblical literalists’ weird flaky evidence-free religion does…

    I once read about a bunch of Mormons heading over to Florida to god-bother the Evangelicals etc. there, while a bunch of Florida evs trucked up to Utah to god-bother the Mormons. Hope they waved to each other on the way.

    • Cheesus Crust _ Rebel

      My parents were Southern Baptist missionaries in Utah…. they hated the Mormons, and the Mormons hated them.

      • Oblios_Cap

        And everybody else hated both groups.

        • Paul

          That’s what religion can do for us.

    • little miss high and mighty

      So they can’t do coffe or tea and juan Valdez and Mrs Olsen are satan incarnate but Mormons do have some fine fine licorice. The hard, heavy kind and, to their credit support the arts and make organic food a little cheaper along the Wasatch front. But like….Lost Hebrew tribe in precolumbian America? That’s just tasteless.

      • Bitter Scribe

        “Licorice is the liver of candy.”
        –Michael O’Donoghue

        • little miss high and mighty

          hhmmm liveeer!
          Mister Mike was a true genius.
          Ever see his “Soiled Kimono” sketch?
          Laraine had to sing the famous <> from Madame Butterfly in order to receive her story fix from the barman.
          His story was about a jealous fight betweeen a Japanese bride and an American groom.
          She sang well
          great , long old nsl skit we saw online recently.

          • Bitter Scribe

            I saw a lot of O’Donoghue’s sketches, but not that one.

            O’Donoghue was among the best practitioners of sick humor ever, first at the National Lampoon and then at SNL. When he missed, he really missed (“Mr. Mike’s Mondo Video” was just WTF?, at least for me), but when he connected, it went out of the park

    • aureolaborealis

      One thing I’ve noticed over my years of living in various communities that have been full of evangelizing god-botherers: A lot of them have figured out that the places most in need of The Word — especially mid-winter — are tropical or sub-tropical places with beautiful beaches. Lots of sponsored January missions to Costa Rica and the like. Grifty grifters gonna griftily grift.

  • JMP

    So Roy Moore was basically the Vietnam War’s version of Major Frank Burns, except a pedophile instead of just a cheater?

    (I was thinking of an explanation of what M*A*S*H was for the youngs, but then remembered as a middle aged old fart I’m actually one of the younger people in the comments around here.)

    • CripesAmighty

      But Hot Lips thought he was ew gross when he started hanging around the village school hut.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      ugh, it just occurred to me, if his perversions were always with him, what the fuck must have he been doing in his off time in the metropolis of da nang.

      • Edith Prickly

        I just ate lunch, let’s not go there.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          sorry ’bout that.

      • SpideySenser

        EWWW! Brain Bleach!!1!11!!

    • (((Sedagive)))

      IKR?

      Old Ferret Face seems to be everywhere these days.

      • CripesAmighty

        Larry Linville (renowned as a stand-up guy) would prolly have some choice words for these shmucks were he still around.

        • (((Sedagive)))

          Like everyone else on that show, Larry Linville was pure genius.

          • Arolpin

            I’ve heard that Gary Burghoff (Radar O’Reilly) was kind of a dick post-M.A.S.H. He left thinking he was going to be a huge star and his career kind of died, and he ended up doing shows in small towns and not liking it much at all.

          • (((Sedagive)))

            Perhaps his post-M*A*S*H life didn’t work out to his liking, but his sweet-natured, innocent, kind, animal-loving, somewhat addled Radar O’Reilly was genius, and it was genius for a span of 11 seasons.

            I will always be in awe of that show.

      • kilgoretrout

        Old Ferret Face won. Old Ferret Face won.

        • (((Sedagive)))

          Temporarily.

          Hawkeye will return. With a vengeance.

    • arglebargle
    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I have never seen an episode, but I did lose my virginity to a Frank Burns.

  • CripesAmighty

    Hint: if the soldiers under your command want to do you in more than the enemy, ur doin it rong.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Pretty sure most of the guys under Bannon’s lieutenancy felt that way, too…

  • rocktonsam

    not speaking for God on this one… I figure God is staying out of this bullshit and worrying if Rodgers will be healthy in time to get the Packers to the playoffs…

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      “I got $50 says they cover the spread – safe bet if you ask me. ha! pass the doritos.” – God

    • Bitter Scribe

      The way that kid Hundley has been playing, they may not need Rodgers. He looked like a champ against the Steelers, even though the Pack lost on a last-second FG. He led them on a fourth-quarter TD drive to tie the game that Rodgers couldn’t have done any better.

    • therblig
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      They’re not going anywhere near – Vikes will kill them…

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    OT but somewhere in the White House, someone is having a tiny orange rage boner and is yelling at some aides to print him some more fake TIME covers https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2017/12/06/times-person-of-the-year-the-silence-breakers-for-speaking-out-against-sexual-harassment/?utm_term=.ba0fca03643d

    • SisterArtemis

      The video that popped up on my facebook feed this morning is pretty good, too. Made me kind of cry-ey
      https://youtu.be/MkR8GY2YBAU

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        I hope that America’s attention span will be long enough to see this one through this time.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Yeah, I’m not sold on these photos – all the women look broken, or like they have a cob up their ass. Surviving is one thing – I’d like to see their pissed as hell looks….

        • SisterArtemis

          Difference in perspective, I guess. They did not look broken to me.

  • Sean Jungian

    I try to avoid comments about a person’s appearance (being not-incredibly-lovely myself) but holy smokes Bannon always looks like he’s Patient Zero for every disease ever. Yeesh, man, wash your face, put on some foundation, something!

    • SisterArtemis

      paper bag?

      • Edith Prickly

        Plastic. (OK, with votes.)

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Dry cleaning with votes

        • aureolaborealis

          Don’t be silly. Plastic bags are fine, as long as they have plenty of air in them. Let’s see, air is mostly nitrogen, so we’re probably safe rounding him up to 100% nitrogen. With votes.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            P.S.: this is not a threat.

      • Bobathonic

        Yes. Filled with poo and set aflame.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I have a pathological skin-picking issue (I know, super gross). But even with that, I never look like Bannon. I can’t figure out what’s going on with his face. Does he sand parts of it? I sincerely hope it’s not lesions from something that’s at least treatable, because that’s really sad.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He’s got the Baron Harkkonen Syndrome.

        • Sean Jungian

          YES all he’s missing is the hoverchair.

        • OppressedMass

          Bannon Harkkonen! Or should it be Baron Bannon Harkkonen?

      • Sean Jungian

        I don’t think his stems from anxiety/obsessive disorders, he just looks like he never drinks water and never sleeps?

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Imagine the gout he must have. Which granted is probably the least of his health issues. The liver on that guy must be really something.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            Something like ‘indestructible,’ maybe? If he wasn’t such an asshole, he’d be my hero!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            If the trade-off is looking like Dorian Gray in reverse, I’ll pass. It’s true though, no one likes a quitter.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Hey, bourbon is something like 60% water.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        He’d better call Saul. And then Esteé.

      • puredog

        Call me a meanie, but I am not expending any of my sadz on Steve Bannon’s health problems, except to say I am sad with votes that they are not accelerating.

      • BosGrl

        What’s going on with him, as opposed to people with genuine health issues, is his hateful soul which oozes from his pores.

    • MynameisBlarney

      And he looks like he could stand to drink only water for about a year.

      • OutOfOrbit

        yhat would kill him

      • Sean Jungian

        His blood-alcohol levels would drop dangerously.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Actually, you should see the portrait of him back in his back closet. He’s a really handsome guy, looks better every day….

      • Sean Jungian

        Wow, a reverse-Dorian-Gray? That’s DIABOLICAL.

    • cmd resistor

      Back in his college days when he was a liberal he looked normal. So see what happens when you go to the dark side? I remember canvassing for Obama in 2008 in a pretty dem-friendly neighborhood. I saw one McCain sign. I was talking to this friendly dem guy who was telling me who had already voted, etc., and I mentioned the McCain guy and he said he had pointed out to the guy that his grass died when he put up that sign.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Who’s hiding behind his “religion” now?

  • P’jama Pahnts

    So Bannon is now a political mastermind. Not sure what he did to earn that but OK.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Well, look at his “competition” amongst the GOP.

      He’s a genius compared to those fucktards.

      • Oblios_Cap

        In the GOP, the loudest and most obnoxious one is always the most correct.

    • Duke

      Part of his ethos is unmitigated gall. An attack on Romney when Trump got a phony doctor’s note is pure “genius” in that mindset.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Wouldn’t he need a gallbladder to have unmitigated gall?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Fingerpointing is a Republican trademark!…

    • BigCSouthside

      he got the Mercers to back his fringe hate blog

  • Crystalclear12

    How can this be my country?

    • doktorzoom

      Read Rick Perlstein’s Nixonland for an outline….

      • kilgoretrout

        We chose a fantasy when we could have taken a hard look at ourselves after Vietnam.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          That’s so profound I want a drink right now and I have ten hours till I can have one.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          TJ is right, we should have gone full-bore with Reconstruction.

        • Edith Prickly

          Part of the country’s been living on fantasy since the Civil War.

    • arglebargle

      It’s not. It’s Putin’s.

  • arglebargle

    This reminds me of the story about Pence ratting out his frat brothers over a kegger.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Oh, god, it didn’t even occur to me to worry about the number of underaged Vietnamese girls that Moore probably had access to. Thanks for that, Wonket.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      yup, i made allusions to that realization as well down below.

      Fuck, everything is terrible.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Damn, you’re fast. Can’t you let me get around to mulling things over before I slowly type them out and THEN worry if someone beat me to it?

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          lol, sorry, SUPER CAFFEINATED!

          But at least we’re not the odd ducks, it’s occurred to others as well.

    • ManchuCandidate

      LBFMs? Just… ugh.

      Also might explain why he likes them young.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Disqus needs a vomit button

  • therblig

    Piss Be Upon Him? sounds like trumpy

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Romney’s not a hero, but he is a conservative member of the political class who has respect for the rule of law and a commitment to American institutions. That’s better than almost all of his (R) colleagues.

    • BosGrl

      I’ve had enough of Thurston Howell. Yes, he’s on the right side of this, but being on the wrong side was not even thinkable just a few years ago. Last year, even.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        I hear you. OTOH, we need some way back to the old America and he is playing a part in it.

        • BosGrl

          I don’t trust him. He might be saying all the right things, but the minute he gets into the Senate, all bets are off.

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Oh, yeah, I am not saying vote for him. But I prefer him to the raving nutjobs like Cruz and any R in the House.

          • BosGrl

            Well. I can’t disagree with that.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      I didn’t love Romney in 12 but voted for him. I thought he was closer to a plutocrat then I liked, but he seemed like a decent man and he was my party’s nominee.

      At least I won’t have to weigh the decent man consideration for the foreseeable future

      • BreakingDeadMen

        I can see that, it’s well said. I’m a Democrat so he was never my guy, but Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was a guy I could have lived with. My concern was he had to jump through so many hoops and kiss so many unsavory rings to get the nomination, I wasn’t sure that’s who he was anymore. The only Republican I can agree to disagree with on the horizon is John Kasich, and he’s a hothead with some weird axe to grind against education in addition to the usual Republican disregard of reproductive rights.

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          I voted for Kasich in the primary. He looks better from 10 thousand feet then close up

          • BreakingDeadMen

            He was the only guy in that entire primary that was viable. I mean, I get it that Trump won it, but he was the only one of those clowns that could have run a functional government. He would have been a bad President IMO, but not a dysfunctional and disastrous one.

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    OT: I can’t say I have (any) hope, but I’m wishing real hard!

    “AUSTIN, Texas (AP) – Texas’ first Hispanic female sheriff announced Wednesday she is running for governor in 2018, making her the biggest Democrat in the race to challenge Republican Gov. Greg Abbott.

    Dallas County Sheriff Lupe Valdez, who says she is stepping down as sheriff after 12 years to launch her campaign, starts out as an underdog. Texas hasn’t elected a Democratic governor since 1990 and Abbott coasted to a 20-point win just three years ago against Wendy Davis, whose defense of abortion rights catapulted her to national political stardom.

    In Valdez, 70, Democrats are now putting up a far different candidate: a one-time migrant worker and Army veteran with more than 40 years in law enforcement. She was Texas’ first openly gay sheriff and has publicly clashed with Abbott over her handling of federal immigration detainers in the nation’s seventh-largest jail system.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      p.s. I’ve come to hate AG Paxton so much, I will fucking volunteer to help elect any liberal that challenges him. Shit, I may volunteer for any SANE republican who challenges him.

    • schmannity

      Soft on crime, just like Doug Jones, prosecutor.

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      She sounds pretty bad ass

  • ManchuCandidate

    I hate Moore and Scarface even Moore because I am now on the same side as milk toast Mittens.

    • MynameisBlarney

      They’ve even had the unmitigated GALL to make me agree with Bill FUCKING KRISTOL not just once! BUT TWICE!!!!

      *eye twitch followed by severe facial tic*

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Non-zero chance Steve Bannon has been banned from a mall.

  • TimResistit

    So Rmoney has come around to our side now on this issue. Good, as far as it goes.

    • Crystalclear12

      Off ramps ignored before child diddler:
      Collusion with a foreign power.
      Stealing a SCOTUS seat
      Electing a serial sexual assaulter
      Becoming a corporate whore
      Taking healthcare from the least of us.

      But, hey, good on you for spotting that pedophile cliff.

    • greyXstar

      “Our side” being “not endorsing a child molester”. I mean ffs America!

  • BigCSouthside

    Sooo…not endorsing a kiddie diddler makes you a leftist or something?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      MAO WAITED TILL THEY WERE 18! EVERY TIME!!!!!

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Actually, I don’t think he did…

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          He was all about the Little Pink Book.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          IT DOESN’T MATTER1!!!!

    • greyXstar

      Who would’ve guessed that hell actually does exist and we’re living in it?

  • Crystalclear12

    We are officially so far down the rabbit hole we ended up in Narnia.

    • kilgoretrout

      Nambia

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Namblaia

    • Oblios_Cap

      I wish. They had some cool talking animals there.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        The Turkish Delight was way overrated, though.

    • (((Sedagive)))

      Or Mordor.

      • HooverVilles

        That’s more like it.

      • Crystalclear12

        Wonder what we have to throw in Mount Doom to fix this?

        • Toomush_Inferesistance

          Something orange? I’m thinking, I’m thinking….

    • HooverVilles

      No, not Narnia. It’s that place that will freeze over before Trump cultists admit that voting for Trump was wrong.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Mar-A-Lago?

        • HooverVilles

          Hmmm, that could also be right.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      More like the grabbit hole…

  • Ωbjectifier

    Pedophiles are people too my friend.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      okay, those are actually quite good. Nice find!

    • weighmaster

      If ever I were punished
      For every little pun I shed
      I’d hie me to a puny shed
      and there I’d hang my punish head

    • Hardly Ideal

      *hurls tomatoes*

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
  • ken_kukec

    There were foxholes at the stockade in Da Nang? Charlie don’t surf ‘n’ shop!

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Private in Parts Donald J. Trump scored his bigliest victories with the embedded Russian cohort at the battle of Pootie Tang.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Private Donald J. Trump was involved in undercover Wet Work…

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          ewwwwwwwww

        • Sheepshagger

          They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were..unsound.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I’ve long thought that I would’ve enjoyed experiencing a night or two of that famous Studio 54 debauchery, and then I remember that they’d let in people like ole pussgrab.
    The Trump ruins *everything*. It’s a rare talent.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I spent an afternoon with a Studio 54 DJ. Dolt was not invited, but debauchery was. Good times. . .

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Bette Midler #MeToo’ed Geraldo about a groping incident at Studio 54. Prior to this, in 2015 Geraldo sent an asshole tweet to Justin Trudeau the minute he got elected that basically said “Congratulations, kid, oh and don’t forget I fucked yer mum”. Trump, meanwhile, wrote (or had someone else write) in his 200-page run-on sentence he calls a “memoir,” about an encounter with a “Mrs. X” in New York in the late 1970s who he described as “the wife of a famous prime minister”. Knowing what we already know of both of them (which also too includes Trump’s stalker pursuits of Princess Diana and Carla Bruni), I really hate Trump and Geraldo for the likelihood that they prolly Bette Midler’ed Justin’s poor mom. Go on Justin, send one of those 200%-tariffed aircraft to Merde-a-Lago. You know, with trade-agreement votes.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I believe the Divine Miss M indicated that the Geraldo incident included him trying to force a popper on her, for the extra added squick factor. Blegh.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Bette should cast a Hocus Pocus spell that turns them both into replicas of Pepe the Frog. Then Justin can invite Maggie to drop them both in a cauldron “hot tub” and steadily increase the temperature. It’s in Celsius, guys… nothing will happen… just watch me…

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    Real life is not starship troopers. Service does not guarantee citizenship. My dress uniform’s infantry blue chord does not give me insight on a Kurdish state or Burmese ethnic cleansing.

    But cripes. Is there no level of hypocrisy we aren’t sinking to? You can’t back one guy who draft dodged and then base support for another on his service

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Whatever passed for a moral compass is gone. It’s now about short-term gain, grab what you can, the hell with “the rules”, and make sure you’re gone before the place collapses in on itself.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        i’m doing it all wrong.

        • Miss Dill

          Me too. : /

  • Blanche de Shambles

    Jesus Christ- Bannon was in the Navy?

    Their standards must have gotten real fucking low in the late ’70s.

    • Daniel

      He served on the USS Hannah-Barbera with some interchangeable teens. It was back when he was still clinically dead.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Yeah. Like Bannon is such a fucking war hero. He was a peacetime Naval officer who mostly served in the Pentagon. About the cushiest military gig you can get. The closest he got to combat was Operation Eagle Claw, Carter’s failed attempt to get the Iran hostages. And Bannon wasn’t on any of those copters.

    Yup, one bad-ass soldier, that’s our Steve. Ain’t you, brother?

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      I can’t believe I’m defending Steve Bannon. But, he signed up. I enlisted, three years infantry. Unit got put on and taken off deployment track. I never got shot at or blown up. I’m now in the guard and waiting on a commission. At times I feel guilty. But, I guess I rolled the dice and won. I can’t begrudge others in the same situation.

      That said, his support for the President is the definition of hypocritical

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I get your point, but I don’t know if “signed up” exactly captures the spirit or reality of his involvement. He could have tried to go to Vietnam from 1971-1973, but I don’t believe there’s any evidence he even attempted to enlist. When he did go into the military, it was as a Naval Academy student with no wars on the horizon. Shoots straight to officer, manages ships, jockeys a desk, receives Hon. Dis.

        And hey, I don’t begrudge any of that per se. But it sounds to me like you rolled regular dice, while his were loaded.

        • Jacob DiCiaula

          That’s a fair point. I’d say more, but my step-son wants to be an admiral and drive an aircraft carrier. So, go navy! :)

  • Relativicus

    Hey, Mitt, can we talk? Check it, you are still eminently unlikeable and you are no more going to ascend to your birthright position as POTUS by way of Utah than you did outta Massachusetts. I mean, go ahead and serve your fellow Utahns for as long as they’ll let you, but let’s just be clear: You look great when held up against Trump, but you’re still you, so, yeah.

    • Christopher Wolfe

      Like a cheeseburger from McDonalds placed next to a turd, you don’t want to eat either but hey.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Also, too;
      Mormons are cultists too, my friend.

  • Empress of the Iguana People

    A former governor of Massachusetts might run for the senate from Utah? I think I missed something.

    • Joe Beese

      It’s a Mormon thing.

    • Beautiful Soup

      Mitt has houses in many states. Or was it McCain who forgot how many houses he had?

    • TakingAmes

      A former senator from Massachusetts tried to run for Senate in New Hampshire. Carpetbaggers, the lot of them.

  • Mavenmaven

    If I’m in a foxhole I don’t want the man next me wondering if he can diddle my children

    • wide_stance_hubby

      THIS

  • data_ninja

    A teenage girl said “if I’m in a mall I don’t want the older men in there wondering if they should date me or not.”

  • If they wanted Romney in their corner, they could just mention that Joseph Smith liked 16 and 17 year-old girls a lot too.

  • chascates
    • spangled

      Sad!

      • (((Sedagive)))

        Not burning down! Not burning down! You’re burning down!

    • janecita

      Hopefully the whole thing will become ashes.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Too soon to call him an ashhole?

      • chascates

        Not soon enough, actually.

    • OppressedMass

      Thoughts and prayers, Mr. Murdoch.

      See how much that helps?

  • TundraGrifter

    “You hid behind your religion.” Geez – it’s not like somebody asked (r)Money to bake a cake for a gay couple getting married.

    • Doug Langley

      True, but he did turn down cookies which he thought were cheapies from 711.

      • h4rr4r

        711 was a part time job!

  • Michael Smith

    When I hear Bannon saying this insane bullshit, it makes me think about what is really going on.

    Basically, I think there are two competing global systems. There’s the Rational System – the idealistic intellectual and relatively democratic system of Barrack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Then there’s the Plunder System – the oligarchic, money-over-everything system of Putin, Duterte, Trump and Steve Bannon.

    The Rational System strives for good outcomes, insofar as they can be achieved through rational analysis and consensus-building among interested parties with, ideally, more regard to how groups will be affected than with how much power they have.

    The Plunder System strives for maximum profit for its top-ranking members by any means necessary, with the solution to the political problems that flow from such recklessness being lying and violent oppression.

    There is overlap between the two systems, these are just simplified models. But for instance, if there was an election in some sub-Saharan African country and corruption is rampant, the two groups will proceed differently.

    The Rational System will ideally attempt to study the situation from all angles, try to determine the best outcome for the country and the region, and use diplomacy and legitimate means of persuasion to push for the desired outcome without breaking accepted rules of protocol.

    The Plunder System will offer deals to each candidate, and whoever promises the System’s elites the greatest financial and political benefits will obtain the support of the system. This support will include bribery, election rigging, espionage, assassination, intimidation and anything else necessary to achieve the desired outcome. Then the “winner” will owe the Plunder System’s elites everything.

    The United States has not always been a model practitioner of the Rational System. But we have at least tried to abide by it, and under Obama we were doing okay. Meanwhile, Trump and his friends have been to Putin’s domain, which is ruled firmly by the Plunder System and they very much like what they saw. They want the U.S. to join the Plunder System. Steve Bannon wants it very much too.

    Each of these elections is part of a process by which they hope the U.S. can join the Plunderers, which will create fortunes for the few people at the top, and destroy everyone else. All of this “Real American” rhetoric is absolute bullshit. It all serves the goal of Plunder.

    • little miss high and mighty

      The trick is to get some plunder types to do our bidding while believing they are benefiting ony them selves and their friends.
      Best is to let the takers think they are hurting us while furthering our goals in stealth. Only way we are goig to get a majority soon.

    • P’jama Pahnts

      What about the “Moral” system? Enforce strict religious adherence and let God sort’em out

  • WilbyToad

    Colorado Republican busted after trying to bring loaded handgun onto flight

    State Rep. Lori Saine (R-Firestone) was carrying the loaded 9mm semi-automatic handgun Tuesday afternoon in one of her bags, but the weapon was spotted by a TSA agent at Denver International Airport, reported KMGH-TV.

    Federal agents found four rounds in the magazine but none in the chamber, according to the probable cause statement.

    The 43-year-old Saine was taken into custody and questioned, and she requested an attorney before she was taken to jail.

    Police forwarded a pre-filed charge of introduction of a firearm into a transportation facility, a Class 6 felony with a possible 18-month sentence and fines up to $100,000.

    Prosecutors will determine whether the Republican lawmaker will face any charges in the case.

    Saine was the primary sponsor of a bill earlier this year that would have repealed a ban on high-capacity magazines for certain guns, and which would have eliminated a ban on so-called “gravity knives, the TV station reported.

    The bill stalled after it was introduced in committee.

    Saine was held in jail overnight without bond, and was scheduled to appear Wednesday afternoon in court.

    by TRAVIS GETTYS / RAWSTORY
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/colorado-republican-busted-after-trying-to-bring-loaded-handgun-onto-flight/

    The nerve of these people walking around with a name like Saine.

    • h4rr4r

      1. Amazing the TSA actually found something. These are the same folks who let me cross the country with a bottle of water in my carryon! 500ml! In my defense I thought I had emptied it.
      2. She is not going to be charged.

      • Beelzebubba

        Because white, or because Republican?

        • h4rr4r

          Why not both?

    • BosGrl

      Her name is Saine. You can’t make this stuff up.

      Edit: Yeah, obviously my powers of reading aren’t up to snuff. Sorry.

    • JohnBull

      I’m starting to understand why Narita Airport has security for passengers getting off planes.

    • redarmyzombie

      What’s this? The TSA actually doing their jobs properly? Unpossible!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      She is from Weld County. More prairie dogs than people there and they like it that way, Wyoming but with less income. Have to wonder WTF she was doing at the airport in Denver.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      If only there had been other Colorado State Representatives with loaded guns on the flight!

  • greyXstar

    You know that part in Final Fantasy VII (aka the best game ever) when you’re escorting Aerith through the slums and you roll up on the guy living in the big storm pipe and she says “This guy are sick” because the translation is a charming trainwreck?

    Steve Bannon looks like how I always imagined the artists wanted that to look.

  • P’jama Pahnts

    I wonder if Moore follows the “Pence Rule”?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Sort of. He makes it a policy never to be alone in a room with a woman over 15.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    Steve Bannon desecrates the American flag merely by standing in front of it.

    • h4rr4r

      Steve Bannon desecrates America merely by standing in it.

      • janecita

        He desecrates the planet. That man is a Cancer in the ass of humanity.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Well actually, he’s a Sagittarius… oh, I see what you mean.

  • CeeQ

    Bannon knows that Mormon bashing will go over well in any room full of Evangelicals. Except for that one time in 2012 when the choice was between the Mormon or the Black Guy. Evangelicals found they could tolerate those heretics then. Cuz you know – Black Guy.

    But now the gloves are back on!! These Evangelicals are whores. And I should know – I went to church for years with a bunch of them!

    • Beautiful Soup

      Oh but remember the discussions they had about Mormons! And whether they were truly Christian. That was kind of fun.

      • BosGrl

        I can’t stand Mittens, but being raised Catholic, that particular argument infuriates me.

        • h4rr4r

          Me too, they are all a bunch of Heretics anyway.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Mormons just can not accept that fully weaponized Christianity, a la the Bannon/Moore Thug Brigade, will be turned on them. They’ve lost touch with the historical facts of how they go to Utah in the first place.

        • The Wanderer

          This.

  • Sheepshagger

    Absolutely off topic, but this little vignette from the atomic age made me laugh till i cried:

    ” My favorite story concerns the tale of Willard Libby, the former Atomic Energy Commission chairman who opposed public funding for shelters and insisted they could be constructed cheaply. To promote his cause, Libby wrote a 15-part newspaper series titled “You Can Survive Atomic Attack,” featuring a less-than-$30 “poor man’s shelter” he had built in West Los Angeles out of railroad ties, old tires, and bags of dirt. “Libby’s argument for the viability of the poor man’s shelter was undercut somewhat when this structure was subsequently destroyed in a brushfire.” When physicist and former colleague Leo Szilard heard about the fire, which occurred during the Cuban missile crisis, he said it proved not only “that God exists, but that He has a sense of humor.”

    • Toledo Window Box

      Yeah, but everyone knows nuclear war is not nearly bad as a brushfire. (-;

  • Justme

    Good on Bannon for calling Romney out here! Using his religion to get a draft deferment. Bah! We all know Roy Moore would never use his religion to try to get around a law he didn’t like!

  • spangled
    • P’jama Pahnts

      Dear Lord, I’m pretty sure you don’t exist, but if you please let this happen I’ll sacrifice a goat or chicken or a virgin or whatever you want.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        A consenting virgin, of course.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I’ll sacrifice my virginity! Oh wait, I lost it in 1977. Nevermind.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Do you need help looking for it?

      • Bitter Scribe

        I’ll eat a pre-sacrificed chicken for dinner.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Better semantics than the Raw Story headline, which made it sound like Davis denied him a marriage license to run for office.

      • arundel

        Raw Story loves its misleading clickbaity headlines, and in its articles, as many typos that can fit.

    • h4rr4r

      See how you can write a headline when you actually employ adults?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I’d be running if I were against her, too.

    • schmannity

      Denied a marriage license, Ermold asked: “How am I ever going to catch up to Kim Davis’s 4 marriage tribute to the sanctity of marriage?”

  • Nockular cavity

    *Sigh* Captain America libel.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Actually, it’s right in line with “Civil War”, when Cap criticized Tony Stark for cursing during a battle.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Sure, Dok, make fun of the heartbreak of herpes all you like, but brave party MONSTER Paris Hilton will tell you that it’s no joke.

  • gratuitous

    Steve Bannon was of draft age in 1971, but he didn’t join the Navy until 1976, when guys were no longer dying in the rice paddies of Vietnam. What was Bannon doing all that time, when he should have been defending America in Vietnam???

    • schmannity

      Drinking heavily?

      • redarmyzombie

        Draft dodging by way of liver failure?

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        You’ve got to start young if you want the complete collection of gin blossoms.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Do we REALLY wanna know?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      He took a long time getting his B.A. at Virginia Tech.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Slingin dope?

      • wide_stance_hubby

        I bet he paid alot for all those bags of oregano.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          I woulda pegged him for heroin, myself. It’s no fun for him if he’s not destroying lives, ya know?

    • The Wanderer

      Shitting his pants and trying to hump the IV stand in front of the doctor?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Wearing that jacket, from the looks of it.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Bannon was excused because he had liver spurs.

      • Paul

        HAHAHAHA. Excellent

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        <snerk>

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Binders fulla wingnuts

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    OT:

    calvin-hobbes-star-wars-drawings-brian-kesinger-41-5a26667f9450a__880.jpghttps://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/calvin-hobbes-star-wars-drawings-brian-kesinger-41-5a26667f9450a__880.jpg

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    when I want someone to bring me “reality” – I turn to donald j. “i have huge hands/i’m not a puppet/i won’t golf in the whitehouse/FAKE NEWS!/i’m the most persecuted politician ever/i’m the greatest president ever (and also you favorite president) trump:

    “Today, we finally acknowledge the obvious: that Jerusalem is Israel’s capital. This is nothing more or less than a recognition of reality. It is also the right thing to do,” Trump said from the White House’s Diplomatic Reception Room.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      …and Iran… is not so far away…

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      oh goddamit, and now he wants to build:

      Trump ordered the State Department Wednesday “to begin preparations to move the embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem,” noting his directive would allow the State Department to begin hiring architects and building contractors to build an embassy he said will be “a magnificent tribute to peace.”

      • BosGrl

        He does know he can’t call it Trump Jerusalem, right?

        • Resistor Radio

          Says who?

          • BosGrl

            You. You tell him!

          • Resistor Radio

            omg, you are being an egger-onner, which is my favorite kinda person to get drunk with…

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        I think he means a magnificent memorial to peace.

      • Professor Fate

        Yah know they might as well have the front of the building painted with a bullseye. it’s going to be nothing but a target anyway.
        Monument to peace indeed. Ok gods you’ve made him mad can you get about with the destroying bit? Before too many innocents get hurt.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Guarding it will be a death sentence. Think they’ll blame Hillary for that too?

      • ScottGoode

        Don’t forget plenty of peace truck barriers. You are going to need them I think.

      • NastyBossetti

        “Make it look like a peace sign. That’s how people will know it’s a magnificent tribute to peace!”

      • Ellie

        It will be gold, and in the shape of a giant T.

      • Timothy Watson

        And he’s going to make the Palestinians pay for it?

      • greyXstar

        There’s deffos no chance there’s any fraud planned here. Don’t you worry about it.

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        Whitefish Contracting (Established Dec. 2017) stands ready for work, Mr. President!

        • PubOption

          “Do you think we would have a better chance at the contract if we changed the company name to Gefilte Fish?”

      • CripesAmighty

        “TRUMP HOTEL AND CASINO JERUSALEM (and us embassy–basement stairs to the right)”

      • Spurning Beer

        Great idea, Donald. Then next door you can build a whorehouse as a magnificent tribute to virginity.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The only people it is obvious to are evangelicals and the hard-core Israeli hawks. Most of the rest of the rational world knows that’s a landmine you do not step on.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        If the history of the Trump years ever manages to get written, “Stepping on Landmines” might be a pretty good title. “Stomping on Landmines”?

        • Beelzebubba

          “Finding Landmines to Step On”

          • CripesAmighty

            “Dancing In The Minefield”?

          • Impatient

            Saw the play “Dancing at Lughnasa” years back. Bleak and yet great. My takeaway: It’s stunning how people could carry on in this severely depressed Irish town, and will themselves to continue their traditional dance/holiday.

            Somehow, I feel like we Muricans are not going to weather this as well. Maybe them Irish are just tougher. … Or maybe fragmentation mines are just not appropriate on the dance floor.

        • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

          I like the title, which seems like a nice bit of poetic license to describe dry humping them.

  • Joe Beese
  • Professor Fate

    I don’t see Romney as a hero I see him as a vain petty and unprincipled man who is itching for a chance to toss Trump under the Bus. Which right now is good enough for me

  • The Wanderer

    Am I wrong for giggling at “Tit Offensive?”

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I’m certain it was not meant to be humorous.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Yes. Please atone at Our Lady of the Fabulous Bosom….

      • The Wanderer

        I’d rather stop off at the Temple of the Happy Vagina.

    • ScottGoode

      I laughed at the Animal House reference

    • Grumpy Twat

      If you are, I am, too.

    • Resistor Radio

      oh hai wanderer

      • The Wanderer

        (waves like crazy)

        • Resistor Radio

          I would super really like to get lost in one of your stories right now.

          • The Wanderer

            Well, here is Middenly Charms, an example of me playing in another writer’s sand box, and a lovely bit of low comedy.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      If giggling at juvenile puns is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Yes. You should have let out with a full figured guffaw.

    • PubOption

      Some of those early boob jobs were pretty offensive.

    • doktorzoom

      I believe you should have tittered at it.

      Also, if giggling at it might be wrong, what about the monster who wrote it?

    • At least they didn’t write “Gulf of Trumpkin Resolution”.

  • Gee, Your Hair Smells Horrific

    Did Bannon dress up like a homeless Vietnam vet just for this speech?

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      He figured an upgrade in grooming would be appropriate for this occasion. He cleans up well.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    “Mitt Romney’s weird flaky evidence-free religion… ”

    Untrue. There’s evidence. It’s just all fake.

  • Resistor Radio

    Too drunk to comment.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      That’s never stopped many of us in the past.

      • Elvis Causticfellow

        Indeed, encouraged some of us.

      • TundraGrifter

        I thought it was a requirement – or, at least, a guideline. Mostly.

      • Resistor Radio

        Well. I’m reaching the stage of pissed off drunkenness that I’m likely to regret plugging my wifi back in.

        • James Smith

          I had to reread that a couple times. The first time i read it thought you said wife.

          • Resistor Radio

            I’m a lady that likes the peen, but if they invent a plug-inable wife that will do my dishes and clean my floor I am all for it.

          • James Smith

            Keep her away from Trump.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Good plan then. Stay safe and warm.

    • The Person.

      I’ll be right there with you later tonight. Gotta get another 40oz first.

      • Resistor Radio

        Oh, I’ve sobered up and have moved onto the self-loathing stage of my day, but I’ll try to keep it to myself. No need to shit on everyone elses good time.

  • Roy Hinkley MA, PhD

    Bannon’s speech was vintage Sam Kinison.

  • Beelzebubba

    “Rejecting a pedophile is considererd brave” . . . and even that is a level of courage that escapes most GOPtards.

    • James Smith

      Republitards?

      • phoenix00

        Deplorables.

  • Jgb979

    It’s only because the current GOP is a flaming hellscape of turd fires that Mitt “Mittens” Romey and flipping W come off as patron saints for having recognizable human qualities.

    Mittens was built in a Goldman Sachs robotics factory to attach himself to the US manufactoring economy and suck it completely dry like a vampire squid lamprey with vulture capital.

    W was a completely incompetent shit clown who’s every daily utterance brought embarrassment and shame to the Us Global standing, who’s fundamental incompetence left us the closest to the Great Depression we’ve been since 1929, and who’s cronies treated Washington as an excuse to rape and pillage for personal profit.

    The only difference from 45 is he tried to do a good job.

  • Ergoetal

    “…commanded a military-police company…”

    Oh.

  • Ergoetal

    “…there’s no truth to the rumor we’re starting right here that “The Foxhole” was the name of a fashion store with a preteen clientele at the Gadsden Mall in 1979.”

    Funny you should mention that place. I remember the manager, Binky McBinkwater saying something like “We almost need real guns in here to keep that lawyer guy away.”

  • Lefty Wright

    While no place in Vietnam was safe, DaNang was one of the safer assignments and the odds of getting killed or injured, It was a major air base and considering the number of troops cycling through there, the chance of getting killed or injured by a mortar attack was low. It appears that Moore was more concerned about his own side killing him than the Vietcong or North Vietnamese army, which should tell you what type of person he is.

  • susan_g

    Does being a rump ranger count as military service?

    • chicken thief

      Only if the rump you are rangering is on active duty?

  • chicken thief

    Seems Mitt has had some of his circuitry rewired since 2012. They’ll get the bugs out and have him back repeating the GOP mantra in no time.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Wouldn’t it be nice if he’d really had some sort of epiphany? Not saying it’s actually possible, but wouldn’t it ne nice?

      • TundraGrifter

        I had some Epiphany once. She was a stripper down at the club near the airport. Hoo Boy!

        • The Person.

          I have an Epiphone. It’s an affordable replica of a Gibson Semihollow, like B.B. King’s.

    • TundraGrifter

      He’s not the first person to seemingly become almost human after not running for public office for a while.

  • chicken thief

    If Bannon get so hard over Moore’s leading an MP company in the rear, he must jizz himself uncontrollably over John Kerry’s actual combat missions.

    • Ray in VT

      Of course not (likely), because reasons.

  • James Baskin

    Bannon giving his Nazi salute??? To whom? Moore’s followers?

    • Raan

      Everyone on Breitbart.

    • phoenix00

      Trump’s “very fine people”. Who else?

  • Swampay

    Christ, even “honor among thieves” isn’t a thing anymore.

    • HooverVilles

      Never was.

  • hudson

    double zero middle one. shove it bannon.

  • jackie jones

    Where was Bannon when Breitbart died? Where’s the deep state report on him? SOME say…

  • Weird Fishes

    Was Bannon old enough to serve over there? I don’t know. Here’s why: I don’t have a problem with vets of the era or earlier calling out a draft dodger (My Dad did three tours over there), but I have an enormous issue with some fat syphilitic slob who wasn’t faced with having to make that choice – and who probably would have deferred till he died if he did.

    I fully recognize the hypocrisy of my position because of my stance on Bronzo the Malignant and his stubbed toe, but Bannon’s poison is different than mine.

    • Poly_Ester

      Says he was born on 11/27/53 probably lied about his birth year to avoid Nam

    • Lambsendbeds

      Bannon graduated from military school in 1971. That made him Prime meat to go to Vietnam. I don’t know how he got out of it.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Maybe he had a high number in the lottery. My husband’s was 272 in the first draft lottery and he didn’t get drafted. One of his friends missed the first 10 birthdays called and thought he was safe when he listened until around 200. His birthday turned out to be #6.

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          Just looked up the numbers for 1953 birthdays. He would have been 130.

      • Weird Fishes

        Well, by ’71 they were pulling more guys out than they were putting back in, maybe the numbers just worked in his favor. Not that I’m giving him a pass, god forbid.

      • (((Jgmurphy)))

        He got out of it by enlisting in the Navy (probably after Nam was over). when you enlist you get to pick where you go, unlike the hapless draftees.

  • Poly_Ester

    So BRAVE Roy Moore faced an additional enemy in Vietnam, the US Army. Now he just needs to claim PTSD made him chase young girls and he’s home free.

    • Moar Wordz

      [Paraphrasing] Moore slept in a pile of sandbags to prevent his unit rolling a frag grenade (?) Under neath him while he slept/he was so hated

  • Wonkette, you bastard! We have to choose between Moore and Romney? Stone decalogue tablets, or car elevators? Moore in his teen-stalking underwear, or Romney in his magic missionary underwear? The knuckle-draggers of Alabama, or the latter day taints of Utah? Oh man, this is a Gordian knot of epic knotness…

    • HooverVilles

      Sigh!

  • TundraGrifter

    What a pathetic attempt to play the “Viet-Nam-Rice-Paddy” card! Here, CandyAss, is how it’s done:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Hn9xAaKUbw

    • Moar Wordz

      Argh, Rodney Dangerfield ?!

      • TundraGrifter

        The great Rodney Dangerfield. Sorry you can’t give him any respect.

        • Moar Wordz

          I give respect where it’s due.

          • TundraGrifter

            What’s a hot tub without Bubbles?

  • Beaufighter

    Steve Bannon turned 18 in 1971. Still plenty of time to enlist but instead he went to college. I don’t blame anyone for making that choice but at the same time I don’t think he has any business talking shit about anyone else’s choices.

    Goddammit Bannon you made me defend Romney.

    • marshlc

      Yeah, that’s what I’ve been thinking all day – why weren’t you in Vietnam, Stevie?

      And going to Wikipedia, checking his birthdate and service record, was the first thing I thought of, the minute I heard about this. Why didn’t it occur to every newsperson who covered the story?

      • (((Jgmurphy)))

        Unfortunately, he DID serve later (after Harvard). Eight yrs in the navy. I’ll bet HE was a real peach to serve under.

        • marshlc

          Yeah, can you imagine? It appears though that he did carefully wait until the war was over before joining the service.

          It astonishing, though, isn’t it, that he can throw accusations that could be turned around on himself – “You, sir, did not serve in Vietnam!” “Neither did you, so what?” – in the full knowledge that his intended audience won’t give him even a moment’s grief over it. These people get away with more than a classroom of five year olds lets me get away with, and I’m not even exaggerating.

  • Paperless Tiger

    France is a dangerous place. I almost didn’t want to come back.

    • phoenix00

      Daft Punk, good cheese, wonderful wine, what’s not to like?

  • Unclejeems

    Well, I’m sure Bannon’s anti-Mormon screed delighted the crowd–because I’m fairly certain a good number of them were Southern Baptists. And Southern Baptists have hated Mormons since Brigham Young married his second wife. Mormonism is a “sect,” and not a religion, see. Of course, that didn’t stop them from voting for the Mormon, when that Muslim was running for president in 2012. I mean, what’s a principle for, if you can’t find some way to compromise it.

  • NotALiar

    I don’t even care about nuclear war anymore. I can’t see a future where we come back from this. This country would vote Roy Moore for president if it had the opportunity.

  • Wookie Monster

    Not that I want to harp on another man’s appearance, but why is it that Bannon seems incapable of cleaning himself up before a public appearance? Why does he always look like he slept under a bridge the night before?

    • phoenix00

      Because he’s been sleeping under bridges?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Well, Abe Lincoln said that after 40, people have the faces they earned…and Grandma always said a person’s inner beauty always shines out.

  • mailman27

    Who the fuck does Steve fucking Bannon think he is? Has he won some American popularity contest while we weren’t looking? Exactly what mountain top was he speaking from?

  • guppy06

    You hid behind your religion. You went to France to be a missionary while guys were dying in rice paddies in Vietnam.

    Look, I’m not exactly the biggest fan of missionarying, but compared to gettin’ your war on, didn’t some guy somewhere say “Blessed are the peacemakers?”

    And “toughest war?” It wasn’t Grenada, but it also wasn’t Antietam. Would anybody else agree that it probably best resembles our other bit of Southeast Asian adventurism, the Philippine Insurrection?

  • Posonby Britt

    Yes, Steve the Wino (not to insult winos, but I guess I did), thanks for putting down your Sterno cocktail long enough to share your wisdom with the perv lovers. You and your wrinkled old honky minions are so proud of those who served that y’all are ending a $460 million program that helped chronically ill and vulnerable veterans avoid homelessness. Explain to me, please, Mr. Nazi Dressed Like A Bum, how this is Making America Great Again by making the veterans you love so much even worse off?

  • phoenix00

    Some men humped a rifle through the boonies, Donald Trump humped the models (and the roofies?). He made it through the Tit Offensive and the taking of Studio 54, too.

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Barry-Yes.gif

  • Mike Steele

    Something about those folk in AL, who don’t want the swamp critters tellin’ ’em how to vote, but welcome a Yankee, Wall Street, Hollywood dude like a long-lost cousin as he…
    tells them how to vote. Duh.

  • norcalOG

    If Trump had been around after the Civil War, he would have gone to Alabama to hustle the poor losers out of whatever possessions they had left.
    Can you say “Kaw putt bag uh!”?
    Not difficult imagining him in Georgia attempting to grab Miss Scarlett’s plantation and her pussy.

  • Donna Mueller

    Fat, drunk and STUPID was the way he went through life. Epitaph on bannons’ grave.

  • Rickyphoo

    Is it just me, or is anyone else wondering how many teenage Vietnamese girls Moore molested while he was over there?

  • SeeTrainOffTheRails

    Steve Bannon stars as a quirky enabler of white.supremacists and child molesters in “(Gin) Blossom.”

  • Tony Prost

    Steve Bannon did not go to Viet Nam either, he was in college.

  • SDGeoff3

    Guess what, Bannon? Romney’s not the President.

  • LiberalANDProud

    “Your ignorance has spurred me to pick a bone with you, Steve.” – Mitt Romney

  • Zyxomma

    Yes, I too am concerned about the powder keg Drumpf is lighting in Jerusalem. Thanks, Dok.

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