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Family Values kinda guy

Ralph Shortey is a former GOP state senator in Oklahoma who recently pleaded guilty to child sex trafficking after he was caught in March at the Super 8 Motel in Moore, Oklahoma, with a 17-year-old boy he wanted to pay for sexual “stuff.” Shortey also originally caught child pornography charges, but those were dropped as part of his plea deal. He will spend at least 10 years in jail for his crimes.

Previously, Shortey was Wonkette famous in 2012, for being the only hero in America ready and willing to protect America from the abortionists who want to fill our snack cakes and our processed meats with fetuses, because OBVIOUSLY. In the past, he pushed for open carry laws, to protect Oklahomans from wild turkeys. (For real.) We guess wild turkeys know what’s up when they see a good guy with a gun, but not so much if the good guy’s piece is concealed. He is a birther, and also he hates immigrants. He seems nice!

We bring all this up because the Moore Police Department has released body cam footage of its March encounter with Shortey at the Super 8 and HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THE T-SHIRT HE IS WEARING:

You see that? It has a sandwich on it, and also some colorful hearts for some reason. Below the sandwich, it says “now go make me a sandwich.” Above the sandwich, it says “EPHESIANS 5:22,” to let you know this is not only a sexist pig shirt being worn by a traditional values guy in a hotel room with an underage boy he wants to pay for sex, but it is a BIBLE SHIRT.

This is Ephesians 5:22:

GET YOUR ASS IN THE KITCHEN, BITCH!

Just kidding, that is just something a sexist redneck guy might say to his Christian wife, because trying to bang underage boys in motel rooms has made his tummy rumble. This is Ephesians 5:22:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

LOL, we were right the first time. AND MAKE THE LORD A SANDWICH TOO, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!

Now, we must quickly (very quickly) do a little Bible lesson to your heathen faces. You see, conservative evangelical men fucking love that verse, and they quote it as if Jesus just stuck it in the Bible without any context, to excuse their shitty behavior toward their wives. There is more to the passage, though:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body.

Now, is it still a wee bit retrograde? Surely, ayup, you bet! But it’s not the simple “get in the kitchen and make me a sammich!” message Ralph Shortey’s biblically illiterate perv ass thinks it is. Indeed, if Shortey had been loving his wife as much as he loved his own body and feeding her (maybe sammiches!) and caring for her needs, LIKE THE FUCKING BIBLE INSTRUCTS, he probably wouldn’t have been at the Super 8 with that young boy that night trying to amuse his dumb dick.

We are just saying, and know who else is saying? THE LORD IS JUST FUCKING SAYING.

Thus endeth the lesson.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[KFOR.com / Ephesians 5:22-33]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Crimes against Fashion!

    • LesBontemps

      If only they could be used as sentence enhancements!

  • chascates

    And Jesus wept.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      (((Jesus)))

    • ManchuCandidate

      Mostly because his most ardent followers are fucking selfish hypocritical self delusional assholes.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    cleansing her by the washing with water through the word

    Do Evangelicals not know about soap?

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Most people don’t really know that the modern English for Ephesians is E. Feces….

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

    Wait, you mean the Lord does it doggie style? With my wife????

    • Oblios_Cap

      again?

    • kareemachan

      Well, she didn’t complain, did she?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I feel so inadequate now.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      You’ve never heard of Cuckmunion?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Is Ruth Gordon your neighbor?

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      My wife ignores God and wants nothing to do with him so…check!

  • And then we sicc Abbey Bartlet on all of these misgynist assholes with a a rallying cry of “Jackass!”

  • Oblios_Cap

    MAKE THE LORD A SANDWICH TOO, WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!

    The Lord is really picky about how his Reubens are made, so be warned…

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Reuben? When did the Lord stop eating kosher?

      • Oblios_Cap

        You gotta eat kosher – not the boss.

        • C4TWOMAN

          He invented “do as I say not as I do”.

          • Weird Fishes

            He also invented bacon, so He is truly divine.

          • aureolaborealis

            ברוך אתה, מלך העולם, שנתן לנו בשר חזיר

      • proudgrampa

        Wait a minute!

        Reubens aren’t kosher?

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Dairy and meat in the same serving? OY!

          • Lance Thrustwell

            You can make a kosher Reuben! You just leave off the cheese, and get a little creative with the sauce.

          • Lascauxcaveman

            At which point does it stop being a Reuben?

            I submit that this happens the moment a single ingredient is forsaken. This is a subject i do not take lightly, as I firmly believe the Reuben sandwich to be nature’s most perfect food.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            Reuben purism!

    • C4TWOMAN

      Thus many scorch marks on the side of sandwich shops are explained…

    • eastcoastlib

      Ezekiel 25:17

      The path to the Reuben is beset on all sides by the inequities of poor quality mustard and the tyranny of evil bread. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the pastrami through the valley of darkness, for his is truly the spiced meats keeper, and the finder of lost Swiss cheese. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who seek poison and destroy my sandwich. And you will know my name is the lord when I bite down upon it

      • Lance Thrustwell

        For the Reuben which is not worthy is an abomination in the Lord’s sight.

      • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

        We need to get Samuel L. Jackson to read this….

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Here’s hoping that he makes his wife a yoooooge alimony sammich. From jail.

    • Nigel R. Toppinglift, III

      Don’t think he’ll have much monies left, after all is said/done…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew.

    Ew.

    • Crystalclear12

      And ew

    • Weird Fishes

      So many ews it’s like a farm, fam.

    • proudgrampa

      Well said…

  • ManchuCandidate

    Dude seems to have eaten a lot of sandwiches and Twinks, er Twinkies.

  • Fartknocker

    Well with good time he’ll be out in 6 years so he may want to consider moving to Alabama. Even as a convicted sexual offender, that shirt alone along with his stance on free-range turkeys, should make him a primary challenger to Roy Moore.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Amen.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      A-men.

      • LesBontemps

        Ramen.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        A-teen, innit?

  • Shibusa

    Moore, Oklahoma? Perfect.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Ummm… Isn’t the Lord supposed to frown on the buttsechs and stuff? It’s almost like Shortey only believes in stuff that he wants to.

  • Oblios_Cap

    They done Got Shortey.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Well, he can replace that “Ephesians 5:22” with one that says “OK Dept. of Corrections 4732981”

    • Timothy Watson

      I wonder if he’ll be wearing the shirt when they update his photograph on the Oklahoma Sex Offender Registry.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Go Shortey, It’s ya birthday!

    • JohnBull

      He’s gonna sip________ like it’s his birthday…

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        eeeewww!

  • Crystalclear12

    So, it’s only shameful if it’s boys?
    Same old verse.

    • eastcoastlib

      it used to be the golden rule of politics is your career is over if you’re found in a hotel with a dead girl or a live boy. Seems quaint now doesn’t it?

      • Doug Langley

        I remember how Gary Hart was finis when a bikini model sat on his lap.

  • During his Jerusalem speech Trump seems to be high, slurring his words, sniffling, and it’s as if his entire mouth is numb.

    • Raan

      Ibogaine?

      • therblig

        why not iocane?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Something ending in ‘caine.’

          • PubOption

            Running around in his brain.

          • Doug Langley

            Novocaine?

          • biologydave

            Michael Caine

        • Raan

          I seriously doubt Trump’s been to Australia.

          And we don’t make that stuff here in Florida (yet).

    • Oblios_Cap

      Stroke?

    • proudgrampa

      Vodka? Pills? Both?

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Read this as “Vodka? Piss? Both?” Which…

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Yellow Russian, anyone?

          • Gayer Than Thou

            The Trumptini: vodka and lemonade. Or another mixer, if you feel adventurous. Serve warm.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Orange Russian: equal parts vodka, piss and bullshit.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      He’s breathing heavier than Matt Lauer after he presses his secret “lock door” button.

    • Marion in Savannah

      You’re actually listening to it? You’re made of stronger stuff than I am. I cannot tolerate the sound of his voice.

      • I watched it as part of my training as a foot soldier in the War on Christmas.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Now listening to Benji. Jeezus fuck all. I need a drink.

      • puredog

        I stumbled upon his bloviation on the radio as he decimated those national wilderness areas the other day. The degree of ignorant smug almost made me vomit, but I needed to stay in my lane.

    • jesterpunk
  • therblig
    • Bobathonic

      A moose once bit my sister.

  • Raan

    Fuck this guy in particular, because Matthew 25:37-40.

    “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’

    And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’”

    • jesterpunk

      But supply side Jesus says fuck the poor they should have chosen to be born rich.

      • Raan

        Oh, you mean Reagan?

  • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

    This here is a lot of fucked up shit about clean vs. dirty. Ancient psychological conditions still live. Wonderful.

  • proudgrampa

    Fuck you, Shortey!

    proudgrampa 4:20

    • eastcoastlib

      Ahhh—men

  • beatbort

    Ah yes, it will be so nice when his cell mate loudly orders, “Shortey, go make me a sandwich! And be quick about it!” to the snickers of all the other men on the cell block.

  • Crystalclear12

    Clearly a godly man.
    -Roy Moore.

    • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

      Except it was a dirty BOY HOMO!111!!11

      • Roadstergal

        Adam and underage-Eve, not Adam and underage-Steve!

        • Gayer Than Thou

          God and underage-Mary, not God and underage-Steve!

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Speaking of which, how large is God’s peen?

            Theologians need to answer this.

          • Roadstergal

            Something something head of a pin.

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            Head of the peen?

          • PubOption

            How many angels can ‘dance’ on it?

          • therblig

            can He make a peen that He cannot lift?

      • Crystalclear12

        Clearly he was trying to steer that boy back on the straight and narrow.
        Something, you godless liberals, wouldn’t understand.

        • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

          Hillary and her Jewish Muslim witch emails are the real culprits here!

          • Marion in Savannah

            It’s not Obama’s fault? Seeing as he’s a muslin and all?

        • PubOption

          That line worked for Gladstone, when he was accused of consorting with prostitutes.

  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    So does he demand that the teenagers he molests make him sandwiches, too?

    • LiberalANDProud

      No. They bring dessert.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      When he can afford 2 underage rent boys, he is the [overstuffed] sandwich.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Urff. {fights to keep down lunch}

        Edit: this is because of the person hypothetically involved. Gay threesomes are not nausea-inducing per se.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          No worries, that was assumed, Lance. Even a menage a un involving this lump is nausea-inducing.

      • Marion in Savannah

        EWWWW EWWWW EWWWWWW.

      • Roadstergal

        Well, I won’t be having sex for a while.

        Or sandwiches.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I hope he likes prison meatloaf.

    No I don’t.

    • LiberalANDProud

      He think he should be more concerned with BEING the prison meatloaf.

    • Raan

      There’s very little meat in these gym mats.

  • Roadstergal

    The party of family values.

  • Tragic Typos

    Get Shortey (a sandwich and a lawyer).

  • OddMan

    I don’t know how you can keep up with all these wonderful conservative evangelical men, Evan.
    Bless your Pea pick’n heart.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK8zP1wsXb0

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I can’t believe his name is ‘Shortey.’ Okay, with that out of the way – is this guy just, like, the perfect storm of modern GOP craziness, ignorance and hypocrisy, or what? It’s like he was created in some lab somewhere.

    • Crystalclear12

      The four state area is known for our free range, hypocritical, evangelical, gun toting politicians. We have had a friendly competition for years but since Arkansas produced the Huckabees they have resting on their laurels. Looks like Oklahoma decided to pick up the slack.

  • Michael Smith

    Can he be re-elected from prison?

    I mean, legally speaking. I think, judging from his views on the issues, it is certainly politically possible for him to be re-elected despite this crime. After all, it is just an evil smear campaign run by the international liberal conspiracy to destroy freedom, and Real Americans see right through it.

    • jesterpunk

      Yes he can, he just can’t vote for himself.

  • JohnBull

    So in ten years, President-for-Life Trump will send $50,000 his way for another family values campaign.

    • Raan

      You really think that with his diet of overpriced taco bowls, fried chicken, charred steak, and Diet Coke, Trump’s going to live ten more years?

      • JohnBull

        With our luck, yes. Anyone else on that diet wouldn’t have made it this far.

      • jesterpunk

        Yes because assholes seem to live forever and good people die younger.

        • Roadstergal

          If you believe in god, just look at the musicians who died last year, and note that Kid Rock and Ted Nugent are still alive.

  • schmannity

    As I said last night:

    Suffer the little children and forbid them not to come until me.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      And verily, doth thou pay before pumping.

  • LiberalANDProud

    And don’t forget the 12th Commandment. Thou shalt not cut off the crust.

  • FZsdaughter

    If only they’d actually open the Bible instead of just (t)humping it.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Former State Senator? Was he too bugfuck crazy for OK or just term-limited?

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      He resigned when the charges were initially filed back in March.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        He needed to spend time with his family

  • Joe Beese
    • PubOption

      Who was cumming over the prospect that Russian sanctions would be ripped up?

      • Bobathonic

        AOT,K.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Trey Gowdy then springs into action with a vigorous investigation into Hillary’s emails.

  • eastcoastlib

    Jesus loved a whore, whoa! If true!! (it’s true)

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      Except Mary Magdalen wasn’t a hoor. Early Christian leaders couldn’t cope with the idea that Jesus had a female disciple (and probably lover/wife) so they initiated a smear campaign.

      • eastcoastlib

        Wait, what? Christians did something evil? Shocking!!!

  • JMP

    And fundamentalists wonder why so many people think they’re all a bunch of sexist assholes.

    • OrG

      No they don’t.

  • arglebargle

    I wish you would have taught Sunday School when I was a lad, Evan.

    • proudgrampa

      He does know his bibble.

  • Shibusa

    http://i35.tinypic.com/a5ba50.jpg
    Bet Ralph Shortey has this in his man cave.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I need this switchplate. But the Tom of Finland model, featuring adults.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        And a more bigger “toggle”.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          You’ll put an eye out!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        But that only turns ON, never off!

        • Roadstergal

          Tom never gets whiskey dick?

      • dlemex

        I sense an Indiegogo project in your future!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter
    • Bill D. Burger

      ♪♪♪ Jesus loves the little children….♪♪♪ ___ and so do a lot of Republican pedophiles.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      The engineering on that was not well thought out.

      • puredog

        Or it was.

  • OrG

    Jail? Shouldn’t he be running for the Senate?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Joe Beese

    Durbin makes it 11, I think. Hard to keep up!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • jesterpunk

    Where is Cillizza to tell us how this is Hillary’s fault and demand she apologize for this.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      speaking of which – Uday or Qusay was photographed with this yutz…how many days was it between the story breaking and their condemnation of him. What?!? They’ve NEVER condemned him…

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    sigh, I wasn’t hungry till I saw the word sammich.

    now I’m hungry.

    • JohnBull

      Look at his picture again.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        ugh, all I have to do is think of all the pervy pedos in the GOP, not to mention the sanctiminous crap and inevitable tears and appeals for forgiveness (from the public and god). Yup, there it goes.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Go make yourself a sammich!

      Thrustwell 7:18

    • Doug Langley

      No taco truck on the corner?

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        not till the evenings…seriously, there’s two within 2 minute drive and I NEVER go.

      • puredog

        No wimmenz around?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Roadstergal

      I’m… agreeing with a Goldwater quote? I feel icky. I mean, this is the ‘extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice’ guy.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Goldwater was an interesting guy. Glad he never got to be President, but he was capable of surprising nuance and insight on occasion.

        • therblig

          i remember him being pretty interesting on late night talk shows. that said, our current potus is (allegedly) a big fan of the gold water.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            I wonder if he’s ever read enough about anybody to be a real ‘fan’ of anyone he hasn’t actually met. I kinda doubt it.

          • h4rr4r

            You don’t read about gold water, that is usually videos.

            /Note the space

          • Cock Blockula

            ISWYDT

          • OrdinaryJoe

            I think you mean Golden Water.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Before having nuance and insight became synonymous with having the gays…

        • Ninja0980

          My grandparents loved him (hey, we all have our flaws.) but they especially loved that quote of his.
          You want to meet people who hated the religious reich with the passion of a thousand suns?
          My late maternal grandparents fit the bill.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          He did a 60 minutes interview a couple of years before he died. They asked him about gays in the military. His admittedly indelicate response was that, if someone wanted to serve, willing to die for their country, and could wrap their finger around a trigger, it didn’t matter how limp their wrist was.

      • Marion in Savannah

        IK,R? I’ve actually had to agree with some stuff Bill KKKristol has said/ tweeted recently. It’s an odd, dissociative feeling…

      • Bill D. Burger

        I remember during his campaign that he blasted Jerry Fallwell as “full of bullshit.” ….and someone who should just “shut up.”

        And I understand that strange feeling. I hear something on the television, find myself saying, “Yes.” and turn to find N. Wallace, S. Schwartz, or Frumm or Kristol….and I have to stop and think for a moment.

        “The world is changed. It is not the world I knew.”

        • OrdinaryJoe

          All of those people you name did this. When they made Sarah Palin the VP candidate they essentially spread the manure for all the demon seed of the White Religious Radical Right to germinate in. What they grew was this uncontrollable weedy mess we find now.

      • puredog

        I don’t even mind that quote, as it is open to interpretation without having to be mangled, and my interpretation of both “extremism” and “liberty” would differ from his. Paraphrase it as “freedom is worth fighting hard for.”

      • Goldwater was a real PRINCIPLED libertarian conservative, not a theocrat, a racist or a grifter (the last three being the three major GOP factions of today).

        • Jay B.

          Meh. Most of his principles were ghastly shit.

    • sarafina

      Goldwater was back in the day when not all Republicans were greedy sociopaths. My dad was a republican, but he was kind, smart, funny, compassionate and hard working, unlike every elected Republican currently in office.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yep. I come from a respectable cloth-coated Republican family as well.

        It shocks me that a few of my six siblings still embrace the brand, but as we go from Bush 1 to Bush 2 to Trump, they are beginning to see the light, I think.

      • Ninja0980

        Same with my grandparents.
        They wouldn’t recognize their party today.

      • Jay B.

        The cloth-coats hated Goldwater, by and large.

    • Michael Smith

      He should have thought of that before he let the dog off the chain.

    • goonemeritus

      Total Marxist!!!!!!

  • arglebargle

    I though Shorty was in Maine, getting the young wimmens preggers and dealing meth.

    • Bobathonic

      A binder of clippings doesn’t lie!

      • Raan

        He summers up there in blackface.

    • jesterpunk

      That was Shifty. He is a troublemaker.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IwZlip9hhk

    • Tragic Typos

      He and his associates D Money and Shifty relocated their operations to Oklahoma to take advantage of the lower tax rates.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Race for the Bottoms.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    So we’ve got Roy “Raw Boy” Moore in Alabama and Don “Bury Them All” Blankenship in West Virginia running for Senate. I see a political future for Ralph “Soon to be divorced” Shortey after he gets parole.

  • Bitter Scribe

    What an appropriate last name this guy has. Isn’t “short eyes” prison slang for a child molester?

    • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

      I think it’s more like “Short Life,” because prison inmates don’t much care for kiddie-diddlers.

  • Daniel Hooper

    Is it just me, or does there seem to be an inverse relationship between how morally superior and righteous one claims to be and how morally and righteous that same person actually is? Or is that just a Republican thing?

    • h4rr4r

      Duh.

      They do very bad things, so they think everyone does very bad things.

    • Roadstergal

      “We are all sinners. Especially me.”

  • Dept. of Space Tacos

    conservatives don’t really *do* context.

  • dslindc

    Previously, Shortey was Wonkette famous in 2012, for being the only hero in America ready and willing to protect America from the abortionists who want to fill our snack cakes and our processed meats with fetuses, because OBVIOUSLY

    But not those cakes we like, right?

  • Baconzhurtzin’

    Baconz only once wished he had a gun to protect him from wild turkey. And that was Todd was a violent drunk that had too much wild turkey.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i used to prefer wild turkey, when I drank liquor. But it apparently has a rep. I ordered a shot in a divey Austin bar and the bartender flipped. He asked if we were going to start trouble and then told us they don’t stock it (cause it apparently causes trouble).

      • MynameisBlarney

        The 1st and last time I drank Wild Turkey, I got sick and blacked out.
        To this day the smell of that nasty shit makes me heave.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          i feel that way about vodka…first time and one of the worst times.
          I’m still mostly off orange juice.

        • Oblios_Cap

          I only drink it with friends on Thanksgiving. We just chug a fifth among us over the course of a day.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Ugh…
            I like bourbon, but that shit is just vile to me.

          • Oblios_Cap

            It’s tradition!

          • MynameisBlarney

            We used to drink Pappy Van Winkle before the assholes made it too expensive for non-rich people to afford it.

          • puredog

            And not just too expensive, though that always kept me from buying it, but rare as hen’s teeth. Why, you’d think someone should burglarize the distillery and make off with a few barrels or something.

          • MynameisBlarney

            My sis would always bring a couple of 5ths down from Pennsyltucky, or Kentuckiana…or wherever the hell she lived.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          I brought a fifth of the 100 proof Wild Turkey to band practice once back in my rock and roll days. About midway through the night, somebody turned on the tape recorder. I still have a copy of that somewhere; we were freakin’ hilarious. The music was a bit sloppy, but the ad-libbing and repartee between numbers could have been a comedy album.

          Fond memories of what once we once were.

      • puredog

        I’m fond of WT 101. Regular WT, not so much.

        • Dept. of Space Tacos

          i’m exactly backward, regular WT is good – WT101 is like poisoning poison.

    • sarafina

      I have never found wild turkey to be a problem. I only drink it when playing pool, however.

  • Joe Beese
    • PubOption

      There used to be complaints that, in Britain, the top 7% owned 84% of the wealth, particularly as a lot was inherited.

      • Joe Beese

        Toffers.

    • OrG

      Not enough. More tax cuts!

    • JohnBull

      So they want to take us back to 1950s values without 1950s economics. Not quite sure that’s gonna work.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    ♫ ‘Cuz Shortey… [ba-ba-ba-BA] had to go!! ♫

  • WilbyToad

    Rupert Murdoch’s property on fire in Bel Air: report
    by TRAVIS GETTYS / RAWSTORY
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/rupert-murdochs-property-on-fire-in-bel-air-report/

    Global warming karma fanned by hot air karma.

    • The Wanderer
    • Daniel

      Do you think this will be punishment for tolerating gays, or is this going to be recognised as a tragedy by the right wing Christianists who say that every time poor people get hit by natural disasters?

    • NastyBossetti

      But what about the Fresh Prince’s house?

    • puredog

      Bel Air? Man, that thing is moving right in. Where’s Nathaniel West when you need him?

    • Ninja0980

      Thoughts and prayers.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Let’s all take a moment to feel sorry for all the moments we will not feel sorry at all over this.

      • Dept. of Space Tacos

        ahem, thoughts and prayers and such. I’m not saying I’m HAPPY it happened and never WISHED that it happened, but I wonder if he’ll take a moment and reflect on how his immense wealth (built on fear mongering) means he won’t be camping at a red cross shelter or a friend’s couch and how he’ll be able to rebuild or whatever…

        nah.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          It’s an act of God, so why not cheer the Lord’s work?

          • Dept. of Space Tacos

            well, in that case, Murdoch must be liberal or gay.

    • Marion in Savannah

      What a pity?

    • Covfefe

      Thoughts and prayers, Rupert. Thoughts and prayers.

    • The Wanderer
    • ariel_gee_398

      Asshole probably has it insured for a ridiculous amount and will wind up making money off of this tragedy.

      • puredog

        I suspect any amounts not covered by insurance would be a deductible casualty loss, but IANATL. Also, it is probable that the house is NOT held in fee by “Rupert Murdoch et ux,” but some kind of entity, most likely the RM Family Trust or the like.

    • sarafina

      I’m sure he has more.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Wildfires? (For insurance purposes.)

        • Pilotshark

          see climate change works for them as well.

          climate change = insurance scams = money in the pocket

    • eyelashviper

      Is he home?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I thought his house would be fireproof, being built on a portal to Hell and all.

    • Michael Smith

      Its the ghost of Roger Ailes directing the flames to Murdoch’s house in retaliation for his mistreatment of Bill O Reilly

    • Tetman Callis

      “Payback’s a bitch. And so am I.” — Mother Nature

    • puredog

      Probably overinsured.

    • calliecallie

      I think this is a sign from God.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Christ. The more I read about these assholes, the more I find myself killing off some Wild Turkey.

  • Covfefe

    “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” (Emphasis added.).

    Really sorry cuz I’m an anti-feminist, but that verse doesn’t seem to me to mean “Make me a sammich.” It’s more like “Don’t y’all be submitting to someone else’s husband.”

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      That’s sort of how I read it, too, but who knows what it was like in the original German Greek?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Making some other guy’s sammich is right out.

  • Greg Comlish

    Super 8 =17 + 69, amirite?

    • Covfefe

      Only someone gud at arithmetic and army-talk cud figure that out.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Math wasn’t the only thing hard.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        I always got an “F”…

        • capnkrunch

          Ralph was hoping for a D.

    • puredog

      I’d 86 that in a heartbeat.

  • Baconzhurtzin’

    Ladies and gentlemen this is the party of family values in the south and the self proclaimed “heart of america”

    Kinda makes me think the Children of the Corn kids had a good idea of governance for Kansas,let (sorry Shan), Oklahoma, Iowa, Nebraska, Southern Illinois/Indiana a place out side a native American nation called Dakota, Northern Texas…etc etc etc

  • Scooby

    Looks like unless you are boning a fetus the GOP is good with it.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      And then she still asked for it.

      • Scooby

        Swimming provocatively in all that amniotic fluid.

        • Moldy Weißwurst

          And in the nude, no less.

          • Roadstergal

            With a fully formed vagina.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          I’m sort of gagging and laughing at the same time at this. More laughing than gagging, but still.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Unless? They encourage it.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    This assumes “Shortey” has seen his dumb dick in decades cause we all know things are difficult to grow in the shade.

  • Baconzhurtzin’

    Hey this remindes me…EXACTLY WHY are you women wonkers NOT making us male wonkers bacon sammiches with the crust cut off right now? You obviously have time to be on the computer so you’re not busy.

    Am I right fellas!?!!!1!?!!!

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      Because we are already male wonkers?

      • BosGrl

        lol

      • Baconzhurtzin’

        I get that.

    • MynameisBlarney
    • FukuiSanYesOta

      I feel a great disturbance in the force, as if a thousand nutcrackers were simultaneously cracked in furious anger.

    • MynameisBlarney
      • Baconzhurtzin’

        Yeah I do think it’s for the best that other male workers should keep their head down for the comments (from, beautiful, wonderfull, lovely, strong, people that have every right to choose their destiny for their body, and get paid less at work while being sexuality harassed by guys like that dude I worked with Blain).

        But how could I miss the chance of making a sexist snark?

    • SisterArtemis

      Hey, YOU are the one with baconz in your name – seems to me YOU should be making baconz sammiches for US!

      (On that bacon note: I never buy bacon, but I did because I’m gonna make a strata with nice stale french bread to soak up the custard part, crumbled bacon, green onions, red peppers and lotsa cheese. Mmmmm, and if I was anywhere near you, Baconz, I’d invite you over to share my NOT-sammich.)

      • little miss high and mighty

        Use the South Tyrol “Speck”.
        Amazing difference- a unique bacon-like-substance

        • SisterArtemis

          Well, I already bought the pound of bacon, and it’s likely to be my only bacon purchase for a good year or more. But I must add that “unique bacon-like-substance” isn’t really selling that food product to me….

          • little miss high and mighty

            OK take 2:
            South Tyroler speck is so delicious that even folks who avoid bacon will be asking for seconds- and it cooks leaner .

          • NastyBossetti

            Speck is sort of like prosciutto. It’s another type of cured pig meat.

        • Dr. Jo

          Kartoffeln mit Speck…mmmmmm……

          • little miss high and mighty

            The South Tyroer makes the best Carbonara sauce

          • SisterArtemis

            ok, now I know what you’re talking about, though I never knew the name for it. I’ve had carbonara, and I’ve had Carbonara! – and the difference is the type of meat that was used.

          • Dr. Jo

            That makes perfect sense and gives a me a great idea for dinner tomorrow night!

        • Baconzhurtzin’

          I had a vegan girlfriend cook me up vegan bacon. Then she asked “so what does it taste like?”

          I replied honestly “it tastes like bacon, if you never ate it and someone wrote a letter describing it to you”

      • puredog

        I had a treyf Jewish girlfriend whose idea of making us BLTs was:
        1. Fry up pound of bacon.
        2. Divide in two piles.
        3. Make two BLTs.
        I never complained.

        • Baconzhurtzin’

          I remember Bruce (of Co worker). “I’m the kinda jew that never eats pork but when I do I have some really great recipes”

      • Baconzhurtzin’

        Seriously, and don’t tell your heart this. Drain the bacon grease into an old soup can. Instead of “greasing the pan” with butter or olive oil use the bacon grease. Trust me. Use it once or twice…you will say to your family “YOU JUST POURED OUT THAT PORK FAT? I’D HAVE TAKEN THAT HOME!”

        • SisterArtemis

          This I do, with my once-a-year or so bacon purchase. I’m about out, so it was a perfect time for new bacon. I cook with a lot of butter, and often cook for vegetarians, so that grease goes a long way in my house.

          OT sorta: was at a neighbors house, where she was making refried beans one time. She fried up a pound of bacon in a big cast iron pan, chopping it into little bits as it was cooking, and then WITHOUT DRAINING ANY OF THE GREASE OFF, poured in cooked beans and some spice and started mashing it all together over the heat. When she had it all mixed together and the proper consistency, she piled a half dozen potholders up, set the still-bubbling cast iron pan on the table, and poured out a big bowl of chips. We ate it like dip until the pan was scraped clean. DELICIOUS!

          • Baconzhurtzin’

            Why are you being mean. Baconz is eating a can Star kissed and a spoon of peanut butter.

            Though I am preparing to cook 15 gallons of turkey soup.

          • SisterArtemis

            Dammit, there’s an airport in my small town. Get over here! I also have coffee! and booze! and weed!

          • Baconzhurtzin’

            You had me at “my bacon purchase”.

        • SisterArtemis

          haha, just re-read your comment – “soup can?!!!” DUDE I have a special cup for just that purpose! See how low it’s getting?
          https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/50675fd3388720c0ba3dc348e42fe479019ee16f43c51cf6b96da02caef83723.jpg

    • NastyBossetti

      I’m just too busy over here earning more than my husband.

      • Baconzhurtzin’

        That is no excuse for not making a bacon sammich’….how do I put this in a way your sex would understand….OK. “I couldn’t clean the toilet because I was too busy making an Oreo Cream Pie

        See? It makes no sense.

        • NastyBossetti

          That actually makes perfect sense, unless you want toilet cleaner in your pie.

          • Baconzhurtzin’

            Ain’t this why you have daughters/sisters/yoga friends/mothers?

            Why am I spending the money you earn on your “book club”?

            No snark.

            With all this sexual harassment shit coming (finally) to light..I have a confession .

            I ‘m not proud. I HAVE seen it happen…I’ve even had to say to co-workers. “Let me walk you to your car. Mike has been handsy with you today”

            “I appreciate you saw that, and yes. I’d very much like you walking me to my car in that isolated 12 story parking lot.

            These, and conversations them, happened way too often than should have. I’m not making any excuse for my….silence (indifference would be a wrong word here), weakness for not speaking up. I pride myself to champion women. I do. I so respect you…

            So, because I know as strong women are, their compassion supercedes that….

            Forgive us guys for not speaking up. We should have, needed to, but gawkey dweebs like me were too bullied to speak up. AND THAT IS NO EXCUSE AT ALL!…we dropped the ball.

            Please accept my personal apology

          • NastyBossetti

            We’ve all been socialized to play certain roles. We’ve all been hurt by this shit. Now you have to just take what you learn from looking back at the things you feel bad about in the past and use that knowledge to be better in the future. That’s all any of us can do.

          • Baconzhurtzin’

            No. But I do take this personally. Hind sight is 20/20. But if it didn’t come into light in 2008 and if it didn’t come to light in 2017….I fear I would still have overlooked it.

            That makes me like I lack the moral fortitude that I profess to have, and that makes me have sadz https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fe7872c03fe1d1709bd8cca67b6bd5c4e28e74e42e528543c1f6cf06b8a354e1.jpg

          • NastyBossetti

            Not that it’s any consolation, but at least you have a conscience, which is more than can be said for too many people.

          • Baconzhurtzin’

            Thanks.

            Now make me a bacon sammich and put on the hockey game. By the way I have 6 friends work coming over, so make your tacos and keep the colatas cold…that bacon sammich isn’t making its self right now is it?

          • NastyBossetti

            *Waves a magic wand*Poof* You’re a bacon sandwich.

          • Yellerduck

            My favorite Dad joke!

          • NastyBossetti

            It’s one of my dad’s favorites, too!

          • H0mer0

            or sumping else…

  • Well, it’s good he believes in God, otherwise he wouldn’t have any morals, right?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Golly, it’s almost as if the ones exclaiming their luv fer the jebus the loudest are the most perverted and immoral fuckers in the group.

      • Anne Of Green Bagels

        never fails.

      • Tetman Callis

        Closer than “almost,” methinks.

    • Ricky-pus gutted tub of guts

      He thought they meant “morels”
      and it mushroomed from there.

      • ChumpsForTrump

        Something mushroomed..

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          ‘Should your thing be bigger than that?’

      • Doug Langley

        He’ll have to start a gofungus to pay for it.

        • Ricky-pus gutted tub of guts

          an moldy but goodie!

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I’m lichen the way you think.

        • Ricky-pus gutted tub of guts

          Well if this becomes a contest, I am not keeping spore!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Your non-comment is right on the button.

          • Ricky-pus gutted tub of guts

            ‘puff’

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Well, he wouldn’t have any T-shirts.

  • writersbloc

    Favorite part:

    Officer: “What’s going on man?”

    Shorty: “Just having a….. (realizes maybe this isn’t the best answer)”

    Officer: “…A good time?”

    • Bill D. Burger

      “I’z just a ministerin’ to him…..and layin’ on hands____uhhh, let me rephrase that.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I congratulate a bag of rocks for being smarter than Shortey.

  • Ricky-pus gutted tub of guts

    “Shortey?” In the town of “Moore?”
    Holy shit Batman!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Jeezuuz Keereyest. USA Christians sure do make it hard to like anything having to do with Jesus.

    • BosGrl

      Oh, Jesus weeps. Continually.

      • little miss high and mighty

        then drinks then weeps somemore.
        mostly drinks and sulks

  • canes_pugnaces

    Shortey? Really? Shortey wants a samich? The GOP are craven.

  • Thiazin Red

    Since its a republican all he has to do is go on tv, cry about Jesus, spend a month in “rehab” and then tell everyone that hes fine now.

  • Roadstergal

    Roy has to keep updating this one.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZmHC75FDqQ

  • Daniel
    • MynameisBlarney

      LOL

      What a fucking dumb ass.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Please specify which half. – Attorneys for various plaintiffs.

  • Ricky-pus gutted tub of guts

    viscous proselytizing?

  • BosGrl

    OT: Anybody ever get a call with the caller ID saying Scam Likely? I just got one (didn’t answer it).

    Also, fuck this guy. I mean, don’t fuck him. Screw him. Wait…

    • OrG

      Yep, I don’t answer ’em either. They don’t leave a message.

      • BosGrl

        I’ve never seen that! Is it the phone company doing that? Why would they announce themselves as “scam”?

        • OrG

          I don’t know.

          • h4rr4r

            The carrier is doing that, they are replacing the caller ID with Scam Likely, to warn customers.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yup.
            I get calls like that several times a day.
            I used to try to fuck with them, but they’re pretty stupid and didn’t get a lot of what I was saying.
            And I didn’t have the patience to explain.

    • h4rr4r

      Your carrier is replacing the Caller ID with that.

      • BosGrl

        Cool!!

        • h4rr4r

          Yeah, it’s a new thing.
          The FCC had to approve doing this, and that took a long time.

          • BosGrl

            This does not sound like a Drumpf FCC thing, but I’ll take it!

  • jesterpunk

    OT but the government will most likely shut down Saturday.

    http://time.com/5052437/president-trump-government-shutdown-possible/

    Trump is blaming Democrats for it when the GOP is purposely excluding Democrats from any budget discussion.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Let’s fuck up the middle east and shut down the government!”

      “Yeah! Winning!”

      • Roadstergal

        He’s right, I’m tired of it.

      • jesterpunk

        He is also fucking up Asia and the rest of the world too.

      • BigCSouthside

        And 40-50 percent of the country will believe it was our fault

        • MynameisBlarney

          Nah.
          33 percent, MAYBE.

      • MynameisBlarney

        They sure as fuck showed us what for!

      • (((Sedagive)))

        Today we are all drowning in a bathtub.

      • NotReallyHere

        If this is winning, I’d like to try losing.

    • Joe Beese

      I could use the break.

      • BosGrl

        Drumpf thinks he can just go golfing if guvmint shuts down.

        • Roadstergal

          If only Drumpf would shut down.

          • BosGrl

            If only we could CTL+ALT+ESC (he’s probably Windows 3.1).

          • puredog

            3.1 libulz. Punch cards.

          • Rags

            Paper tape FTW

        • cmd resistor

          I did read that the Palm Beach airport has put out that notice they do when he’s probably coming down for the weekend. But I also read he was supposed to go to Mississippi for the civil rights museum thing, so who knows.

      • jesterpunk

        Every time the government shuts down it ruins a lot of research projects and also hurts the workers who dont get paid until the shutdown is over.

        • Joe Beese

          Flavor Flav’s got problems of his own.

          • Joe Beese

            William Jonathan Drayton Jr. (born March 16, 1959), better known by his stage name Flavor Flav (/ˈfleɪvər ˌfleɪv/), is an American musician, rapper, actor, television personality, and comedian who rose to prominence as a member of the hip-hop group Public Enemy. He is also known for popularizing the role of the hype man and for yelling “Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh boyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!” and “Flavor Flav!” during performances.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flavor_Flav

        • Roadstergal

          My sister started a job with the government in the ’90s right before the shutdown. She was actually given a paycheck for $0.00. She kept it.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          By design, just like the last GOP-led shutdown (and the one before that, and before that)… They just keep dunking government in the holy water with the intent of drowning it for good.

      • Bobathonic

        This fed finds it stressful and wasteful as fuck. We do a shit-ton of work on top of the usual, just to prep for the avoidable shutdown.

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      They control the White House, the House and the Senate. They need exactly 0 Democratic votes to keep the Government operating. So spare me how it’s the Democratic Party’s fault, Donnie.

  • Crystalclear12
    • BosGrl

      Karma is a birch. An angry, burning birch.

      Stay safe, Malibu Wonkers!!

      • Bobathonic

        Mmmmm, birch beer!

    • Asterix

      I’m not overjoyed, but I also cannot give one fuck about Murdoch. Everyone else in the area, I hope they get out safe. It is heartbreaking they will lose everything.

    • Just think, if he hadn’t fought sensible climate change policy and government spending on local government services, maybe he wouldn’t be in this pickle.

  • little miss high and mighty

    Context, always the stickler with the biblepounding sandwichmongering pervs.

  • WilbyToad

    Gay man denied marriage license to run against Kim Davis

    For Ermold, an English professor at the University of Pikeville, it’s his first run for public office. He wants to “restore professional leadership, fairness and responsibility to the clerk’s office.”

    He said he couldn’t watch Davis continue to hold public office after what she’s done to LGBT people—but he realizes how contentious the election is likely to be. Rowan County, population 24,000, voted for Donald Trump by a 58-37 margin in last year’s election.

    “We have some minds to change and that’s going to be difficult,” Ermold said. “One of the politicians doesn’t think Rowan County is ready. … That day was the day in my mind that I thought, you know what, I’m going to prove all these people wrong.”

    NEWSWEEK
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/gay-man-denied-marriage-license-to-run-against-kim-davis/

    Obviously this will be a hard sell, but I hope a ton of money flows into his campaign coffers just so this county can hear his message over and over again.

    • Roadstergal

      The headline to your post confused me briefly.

      • SisterArtemis

        me also too

      • Shan

        Same

      • eyelashviper

        I understood it, which is worrisome.

    • h4rr4r

      Why do you need a marriage license to run for office?

      • Shan

        See?

        • h4rr4r

          Can they bring back editors?

          • Shan

            I wish. It makes me feel all “get off my lawn!” with how irritated I get seeing so many published mistakes and just…general sloppiness.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Raw Story?
            Editors?

            LOLOLOLOL

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Karma has been busy since November 9, 2016.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        It’s really taken of since merging with Vendetta.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Well, at least he’d be one of the few English majors to get a good-paying job.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    “Whatever you are about to do in there. It’s a bad fucking decision.” LOLOLOLOLOL

  • eyelashviper

    Grrrrrrr…
    Gillibrand, Tom Perez, McCaskill, Harris, and others now calling on Franken to step down, and he has announced on twitter that he will be making a statement tomorrow. If he does, I will be pissssssssed.
    For Dems to call for him to resign, given his work in the Senate, and his apologies for bad behavior (mostly when he was a comedian, which is hardly a standard for political correctness or good behavior) is just shameful.
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/sen-kirsten-gillibrand-calls-on-al-franken-to-resign-enough-is-enough/?comments=disqus

    • BigCSouthside

      I seriously wonder if the Senate Dems are idiots. I mean, at least know the news cycle. Trump is exploding the possibility of Middle East peace and his idiot spawn is testifying today, but by all means let’s hijack that by making ourselves look super guilty of sex criming, handing a custom made eject button for any ratfucker to use against Senators they don’t like, and giving the GOP the means to claim superiority while they are literally campaigning for a child molester

      • little miss high and mighty

        distractions against distractions like the bread is becomming the circus
        the squirrel is becomming the hound

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Maybe this should be a lesson to the country: don’t elect entertainers to public office. (You know, like D-list game show hosts and pro-wrestling managers.)

    • weejee

      Sorry, I have to go with sauce for geese and ganders. We can forgive, but that is different. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

      • MynameisBlarney

        How many of these accusations against him lately hold water and how many are anonymous like this last one?
        I’d rather he stay in and go through the ethics investigation.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      We’re up to seven women. I think we can see a pattern.

      Is it possible that these aren’t legit? Sure. It’s also POSSIBLE in the case of Moore’s accusers. But it’s PROBABLE that they are telling the truth.

    • george lastrapes

      Goddam Democrats. They don’t even bring a knife to a gunfight, they come armed with a fucking etiquette book, which they use to beat their own to death.

  • In Oklahoma, there is a saying: For sandwiches, a woman. For pleasure, a boy. But for ecstasy, a turkey!

  • writersbloc

    Not related to the article, but I feel like you all would appreciate this first comment:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/30beb903c8841e8ba6a80b14b5e8ac07548a416dfee4f27d6b83f3f0f677cd0e.png

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Would that his entire media empire/legacy be in that house…

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Not even the devil himself is immune from the flames in the fires of hell.

    • JohnBull

      Yes, thoughts and prayers. But you don’t want to know what I’m praying for.

    • goonemeritus

      Did he manage to save his extensive collection satanic artifacts?

  • Shan
    • Asterix

      LOL Ewwww

      • h4rr4r

        I agree sweet and sour sauce is not very good.

        • MynameisBlarney

          And for GOAWDS SAKE, DON’T EAT THE TARTAR SAUCE!

    • Daniel

      Is there only one per box?

      • h4rr4r

        1 regular, or two premie.

      • Shan

        Usually just one at a time, yes.

      • Roadstergal

        Seriously, what a gyp.

    • Jeffocaster in the East

      not any more…..thx…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I had no idea Planned Parenthood got into the truck food trend.

      • Shan

        They have to make up for the funding cuts somehow.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Parts is parts.

        • Roadstergal

          Seriously, I have worked in labs that used aborted fetuses for research. The women involved have to consent, and they go to good use (cell lines and animal cells only go so far; you need to test your hypotheses generated that way on actual primary human cells).

          And $75-$100 (wasn’t that the cost that was cited?) makes me think they are eating some of the processing and courier costs. :p That is SO CHEAP for shipped human tissue.

          • Shan

            I read a thing today that anti-vaxxers also play the abortion-horror card because several standard vaccines used (use?) cell lines from fetuses aborted 50 years ago.

          • Roadstergal

            Yep. You need human cells to grow some vaccines, because the viruses they’re based on are picky.

            Fun fact, most therapeutic antibodies are grown in a Chinese Hamster Ovary cell line.

          • Shan

            This place is very edumacational.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            While our American hamsters are standing with empty cheeks in soup lines. Thanks, Obama.

          • Roadstergal

            Foreign hamster ovaries are taking the jobs that American hamster ovaries don’t want.

          • ScottGoode

            hahaha

          • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

            The worst part is that they end up being on the side with the fanatical religionists who claim that autism is God’s punishment for abortion. Which then brings in the disability-as-diversity movement in a sort of horseshoe-theory arrangement to draft bills that would specifically prohibit abortion in cases of Down syndrome being detected, or a hypothetical future prenatal test for autism in the future. We’ve gone from a horseshoe model to a nine-dimensional pretzel in terms of unlikely allies against reproductive medicine and science.

    • Oblios_Cap

      The Abortionplex is running a special?

    • kilgoretrout

      Mother and Child reunion special.

    • therblig

      well, it’s not amphibious landing craft shaped, but still looks good.

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      Do they have Peppermint Mocha and Pumpkin Spice in honor of the holidays? Fundevangelicals love that.

      • Shan

        Yes, but you can never quite cover up the prawn flavor. It’s best to stick with the classic battered fetus.

        • ScottGoode

          Vegan so I only get mock fetus.

          • Roadstergal

            It’s so hard to find vegan fetus that doesn’t have that Non GMO Product Verified stamp.

          • ScottGoode

            I am actually pro-GMO. But it is hard finding good mock fetus these days. Of course no one wants to admit they know what real fetus tastes like so we just assume the mock does it justice.

            Have you ever had fetus sushi? That used to be my favorite.

          • The Wanderer

            MOCK Fetus!? We use no artificial flavors or additives of any kind!

    • (((Sedagive)))

      “LIE-BRULS EAT FRIED FETUSS AT SECRIT (((SOROS-FUNDED))) CLINTON FOUNDATION RESTRUNTS!!11!!11” headline in 3…2…1…

    • Earl Of Sammich

      Do those come in a 10 piece meal?

      • Shan

        Only one per box unless it was a fertility treatment reduction.

        Ok, now I’ve grossed even myself out.

    • Rags

      Can I get the Happy Meal with the placenta shake, pleez?

      • Shan

        Do you want the one with the toy IUD or the condom?

        • Rags

          Aww, are you all out of dildos???

          • Shan

            I suppose those would make a more gender-neutral addition to the range of toys, yeah!

    • Tokays_don’t_blink

      Oooh, Poplers! The Omicronians are gonna be pissed.

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    A GOP pervert in the town of Moore, Oklahoma. As a GOP pervert named Moore is about to go to the Senate like everything was just… OK.

    I’m not a big believer in the validity of pareidolic symbolism or ironic coincidences, but if the universe ever intended to troll us, they’re doing it bigly this time around.

    • PubOption

      Royally, even.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      The Universe is always trolling us. It’s just that most of the time, it is not so fucking obvious.

    • little miss high and mighty

      “Shorty”, Mooch, peehookers, Kushner, and Monfort intriques, Comet Ping PizzaPing,admissions of guilt over twitter, Flynn “screaming hysterically “lock her up! ”
      On paper this looks like the very worst of the worst fiction.
      But for reality this is to be ong remembered. Someday we’ll joke about this, I hope to God.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Ten years seems like a pretty generous deal, although taking into account his obsession with child porn, Shortey will probably re-offend within minutes of his release, if not before.

    Unless Putin wins. In that case, he will be our first Viceroy.

    • ScottGoode

      Shit, he’s going to get beaten to death for sure in prison.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        That’s a little too close to the prison-rape gloat for me.

        But, anyhow, I doubt it.

        He’s what, 8 foot, 11? A behemoth.

        The alt-jailbirds will love him.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    For the record, I DO submit to my husband as I do to the Lord. Which is to say, not at all.

    • (((Sedagive)))

      No gods, no masters, no sammiches.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        No woman, no rye.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Okay, I am awarding you the GGY “That’s Fucking Clever” award of the day!

          • wide_stance_hubby

            (bows widely)

        • chimichanga

          Signed in just to upvote.

        • GuidedAccordingly

          Sounds like lyrics to a Bob Marley song.

    • Non-comment of the day.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Since this bastard robbed us of Little Debbies full of unborn baby parts, we should start a Wonkette Christmas Cookie Exchange. You guys would love my Fetusnussens.

    • Arolpin

      Do you use fresh ground pepper? The already ground stuff kind of ruins it, and which the price of fetuses these days, it’s not worth the risk.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Of course! And only the finest artisanal unborn.

        • chicken thief

          I know where ya’ll might find ya a virgin or two!

          ~ “Judge” Roy

    • redarmyzombie

      Maybe I could bring my recipe for Fetus Tartar?

    • janecita

      I could be your dealer. I get the freshest, right out of the vage fetuses right here at my job (PP).

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Let’s do this!

    • ScottGoode

      I can get you dead unborn baby parts.

      (kidding of course)

      • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

        Me too. Tho they’ve inexplicably gone up to $1.49/dozen round these parts, nearly triple what they were selling for just a couple weeks back.

    • Earl Of Sammich

      Thanks, but I’m into the raw paleo thing right now. Mmm, squishy.

  • WilbyToad

    Trump recognizes Jerusalem as Israel’s capital as Pope Francis warns it is a historic misstep

    Pope Francis joined a list of leaders warning of an historic misstep that could trigger a surge of violence.

    “I cannot silence my deep concern over the situation that has emerged in recent days,” the pontiff said Wednesday, one day after speaking by phone with Palestinian president Mahmud Abbas.

    The pontiff added that maintaining Jerusalem’s status quo was important “in order to avoid adding new elements of tension to an already volatile world that is wracked by so many cruel conflicts.”

    In a frantic series of calls, the leaders of Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Jordan, the European Union, France, Germany and Turkey also warned Trump against the move.

    AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/12/trump-recognizes-jerusalem-as-israels-capital-as-pope-francis-warns-it-is-a-historic-misstep/

    We’re about to see the rage responding to Trump’s dumbfuckery.

    • jesterpunk
    • little miss high and mighty

      Yeah, been askin over here all day and yester, too where is the fuckin’ outrage?
      Why the timidity over here all sudden?
      We need to know-why?

    • MynameisBlarney
    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      Trump and his deplorables believe Francis is a crypto-Jewish communist in league with Soros and the Illuminati to initiate the Muslim takeover of the “white Western world.” They don’t give a shit what “Pope Dope” thinks, let alone Merkel (uppity woman), Macron (French cuck) or… well, certainly not those other Muslim countries, who are just false flags also in league with Obama and the Muslim brotherhood or something. Has Justin Judeau called to say knock it off? Doesn’t matter, it’ll go directly to voicemail anyway. “We’re sorry, this number has been taken out of service, comrade.”

    • janecita

      I was in Israel on 2000 when the Second Intifada began. I see a Third Intifada in our future. Fuck Trump, Fuck Netanyahu, and Fuck the crazy ass Evangelicals that wanted this!

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Only if “Third Intifada” is the Arabic translation for “Third World War.”

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          But that’s ok with them, see. Since THE LORD was tardy on ushering in the apocalypse back at Y2K like they all were *just sure* was going to happen, apparently He in His Great Wisdom needs a little nudge. Since the tribulations and all are supposed to start over in the Holy Land, yanno.

          • The Wanderer

            But there’s a problem with that. According to Christian Dominionist eschatology, all of the Jews have to be in Israel before the End Times Naughtiness cranks up.

          • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

            Hm. Maybe they only mean the *real* Jews, not them secular humanist JOOS what is doing all the liberal media abortions to the finances of god-fearin’ white Murricans – ?

    • WilbyToad

      Addendum: I am not religious… at all. I have a profound relationship with the Universe that informs me issuing a driver’s license should be based on studying the driver’s manual instead of a fairy tale. I simply don’t want competing fairy tales triggered for no fucking reason.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Dear Pope Francis,

      I am not a Catholic, so I hesitate to offer advice. But wouldn’t this be a good time to excommunicate all the members of your church who have been scheming for this very thing?

      You might start with Paul Ryan and Sean Hannity.

      I’m just saying.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        AOT,K.

    • Rags

      Yes and 4-5 will use that rage to say “See? All those Radical Islamic Terruriststs want to blow up your mall! Ban em all!!!”

    • The Wanderer

      (sings)
      Hello Muddah, hello Faddah,
      I’ve gone and joined the
      Intifada . . .

  • chicken thief

    10 yrs? Wow, that seems light given the charges.

    ~ Eric Garner

  • James Baskin
  • Parakeetist

    Why is it so hard for some people to only mess with someone 18 or over? What the fuck, is that too old now? You need a fetus or something?

    I’m so lonely I could shoot myself. I don’t know how I’m going to hack my way through every day.

    And then this asshole comes along.

    Yipes.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “Hi. I’m Chris Hansen. Why don’t you have a seat.”

    • Parakeetist

      O hai we from the poleece and u like metal cuffs n shit?

    • Katamount

      “Right over there, right over there… what brought you here, today?”

  • Dartemus

    That passage was progressive at the time it was written, when wife-murdering was not even against the law. But I did not notice any mention of sammiches.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Falafel, I think, is in there somewhere.

      • Roadstergal

        O’Reilly is getting hot.

        • ScottGoode

          That transcript is the gift that keeps on giving.

    • george lastrapes

      Oh come now. One of the letters of the Hebrew alphabet is ‘samech’! What more do you want? A meatball sub?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        “Bitch, make me a blini” will be the next alt-right meme.

        • george lastrapes

          Does Israel have its own version of the alt-right? Is this question rude, stupid, or very unwise? You may indeed be on to something, Mr. Meh!

          • H0mer0

            yes

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Beef meatballs only, plz.

        • george lastrapes

          Tofurky just won’t do?

      • Mavenmaven

        Don’t be such a tzadi.

        • george lastrapes

          I try to be a tzadik!

      • The Wanderer

        I’ll take a ham and Swiss on Matzoh. With nice schmear Senft.

        • george lastrapes

          Can’t do it, my religion forbids goy marriage.

    • Johnatx

      Did sammich exist then?

  • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

    OT: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS QUEEEEEEEEEEEENS!!!!!!!

    Time Magazine reveals “Person of the Year” is the “silence breakers” who started the #MeToo movement

    Trump is going to absolutely LOSE. HIS. SHIT.

    https://i.imgflip.com/20m3bz.jpg

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      His choices were either going to be:

      See? I’m the greatest ever and even lying fake TIME Magazine has to admit it.
      or
      See? Lying fake TIME Magazine can’t tell the truth about how I’m the best.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        Even though it’s owned by the Koch paymasters. It’s only fake news when it’s something bad about him or which ignores him altogether.

    • redarmyzombie

      I was hoping it was gonna be Mueller, but this works too!

      • Shan

        That’s next year.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        I love this part too:

        Time announced its “Person of the Year” on NBC’s “Today” show

        Eat shit, Matt.

        • redarmyzombie

          Oh, that is beautiful…

        • Earl Of Sammich

          I’d tell him to eat a shit sammich, but I have too much respect for bread.

  • Edith Prickly
  • BadKitty904
    • little miss high and mighty

      That Artie Shaw, right? (Arthur Schawiski or whetevs?)

      • BadKitty904

        I’m not sure about the photo, but her back-up in the recording is Carmen Dragon and His Orchestra.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          We have answered each other’s questions. Thanks.

        • little miss high and mighty

          We jut looked him up- well the profile is similar but that B-flat clarinet? hmmm looked like Artie to me, Wikip. doesn’t mention the clarinet but so many people covered that song (noel Coward) and some of them of the male persuasion that it is sometimes considered a homo thing, well, Noel and all. But this Helen Forrest version is very sweet.
          Thank you , Bad K

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Definitely Artie Shaw (aka Arthur Jacob Arshawsky) in the picture but I’m not sure if it is Helen Forrest (aka Helen Fogel) with the Artie Shaw Orchestra. It sounds like it, though. Greater expertise than I have at hand is required..

        Forrest is by far my favorite white big band singer and she is so good here that you can almost overlook the British rhymes and the composer/lyricist Noel Coward’s obvious message (not even a subtext.)

        Not that there is anything wrong with that.

        • little miss high and mighty

          man you good!
          Helen sure has a sweet voice.

    • Great Noel Coward song (and reportedly written to express his own emotions)

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I remember hearing that Ephesians crap read in church way back in the day when I was a kid and still went to church https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa8f4a2654bbf4708f48095604eeb5a1281f72281eb2387006232052b87c0ee6.gif . It’s one of the first bibble passages that elicited a serious “fuck this shit” reaction out of me.

    • SisterArtemis

      read upthread (45 minutes-ish after your comment) where Western Aristocrat posted a scene from “West Wing.” It’s an interesting and much-ignored take on the passage.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Thanks, but any interest I may have ever had in biblical interpretation was negligible, and that ship sailed long ago.

  • Earl Of Sammich

    Diddling underage kids bad. Sammiches good.
    I approve this message.

    • Trump’s Potemkin Village

      Sammiches? Shortey strikes me as a a fried-pimento loaf on white kinda guy.

  • Baconzhurtzin’

    An article of some former Okie-homma legislature making a drunken youtube.

  • chicken thief

    Did Ralph Shortey try the Donald Trump classic “that’s not my voice” defense?

  • smokewon

    In a more “urban” scenario Shortey would have been the…well…butt of a joke. In “not-so-urban-America” the joke must apparently be explained.

  • anon_the_great

    May Mr. Shortey use his time in prison to reflect on his crimes, seek forgiveness, and through thoughts and acts of atonement become a moral and ethical person we are all capable of. In Jesus we pray. Amen

    See Xians, it’s that fuckin simple.

    • ScottGoode

      That won’t stop the 300 pound guy who’s violating his orifices for being into kiddie porn. He will finally find out the answer to “what’s worse than choking on your own vomit?”

      Man, that got dark.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Um, you might want to reconsider that comment before Doc comes for you. We don’t think rape is funny or acceptable, no matter how evil the person does. We may not actually ‘Go High’ (unless we’re talking ’bout weed), but we do try to avoid the basement.

        Thank you kindly.

        • ScottGoode

          I wasn’t talking about rape. There are many orifices on the human body. But if that is what people are assuming I will edit the comment.

          • Rules are also very against wishing or propheting violence also, too.
            Just a simple: Prison does not take kindly to child abusers should get the point across

        • covfefesumgame0005

          I don’t think that was meant as a Joke, more a prediction…

  • AngryNotSoOldHippy .

    Christian Republicans. Every Christian Republican rapes kids. It’s what Christian Republicans do.

  • The Wanderer

    Whenever I read about assholes like Shortey and his disgusting Bible-based misogyny, I’m forced to recall the story of Judith and Holofernes. Bitch gotta sleep sometime.

  • Western Aristocrat

    Pretty sure Jed Bartlet covered this Part of Ephesians in an episode of the West Wing. (Season 3 Ep.5 “War Crimes”)

    https://youtu.be/yVtCcacNUxQ

    • SisterArtemis

      oh my – I forgot how good that scene is.
      “be subject to one another…” the ultimate humility…

    • ltmcdies

      Can we go back to the Bartlett admistration

      • Or Dave Kovic. Or Jordan Lyman.

    • brittany

      Damn I miss that show. Bartlett really knew the ins and outs of the bible. One of my favourites was him taking down a homophobe (Note: She was sitting out of rudeness, not protest, or she wouldn’t have given up so quickly… notice the President’s lack of tantrum over it, though):

      https://youtu.be/DSXJzybEeJM

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Christians also always take that “I knew you before you were born” anti abortion passage out of context. If they read the whole passage, it basically says “if you’re important, I will save you.” I guess they hope nobody will bother looking up the whole passage.

    • The Wanderer

      Selective reading. They like to cherry-pick.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Yeah, they totally manage to overlook that whole part about helping the poor that the Bible is rife with.

        • Wait, there aren’t just three Gospels? Matthew, Luke, and John?

          • Beelzebubba

            And . . . ummm . . . Ringo?

          • Trump’s Potemkin Village

            and the Book of Mammon.

          • javadavis

            Nope, it’s all Leviticus.

          • amrak63

            Four–you forgot the oldest one, Mark.

          • Tsk, like any evangelical would think that exists!

          • Begin Anew Day

            Also the shortest which somehow ties into Mr. Shortey’s dilemma.

          • Begin Anew Day

            More like George, Paul, John and Ringo!

          • guppy06

            The Gospel According to Marky Mark.

            (And of the four, John took the brown acid.)

        • Begin Anew Day

          They hate that sissy stuff. Their hayzeus is chiseled, buff and whipping the poor with a knotted cord!

          Kinda kinky? TOTALLY.

      • covfefesumgame0005

        Roy Moore and the GOP sure do like to pluck cherries, if they are underage enough…

        • Old town Urbandale

          Roy Moore’s bumper sticker: “My wife is on the honor roll at Nathan Bedford Forrest Middle School.”

      • BadKitty904

        They have no other choice, given the non-Christian, non-Biblical bullshit they espouse.

      • Begin Anew Day

        What? That cannot be true!

        Shocked I am!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      It’s worse than that. “I knew you before you were *conceived*.”

  • Unclejeems

    The Lord has said a lot of shit Republicans don’t know or don’t pay attention to, like how they’re supposed to be kind, loving, and give money to the poor. Nope. It’s always fire and brimstone and “kill the gays.” Assholes.

    • Begin Anew Day

      I’m proud to be a member of the cult of Cthulhu. At least with us you don’t hear us say one thing and doing the other. We mean what we chant and we chant what we mean!

    • Andy

      They certainly pay zero attention to Matthew 6:5.

      “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

      Actually, most of Matthew is about Jesus going medieval on hypocrites.

      (I learned this from watching Pasolini’s film, “The Gospel According To Matthew,” which is pretty much a literal reading of the book. Pasolini, of course, was an atheist.)

    • phoenix00

      Selective enforcement. Much like the Constitution.

  • covfefesumgame0005

    just Shortey doing a shorty…as the GOP does

  • azeyote

    maybe he wanted his wife to bring over another boy to make that kind of sandwich –

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      Well it had to be the wife. After all, them wimminz iz sposta stay in the kitchen! (i.e., making sandwiches)

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    Anyone else note the irony of the town name where an older, white, Christian, conservative, man was doing inappropriate things with those who are underage?

    • LucindathePook

      Also Shortey>>>Shorteyes, unless someone said it further down. Or even if they did.

  • The Person.

    Seriously, maybe the ancient Chinese were right. I;m seriously thinking maybe be should only allow eunuchs to hold office.

  • Trump’s Potemkin Village

    Oh those evangelicals! What cards they are….sadism and supremacy disguised as humor.

  • William
    • Sure. Trump would be next in line anyway.

    • Beelzebubba

      Not clear if Donnie might have “understood”.
      That was before he had her altered to his specifications. https://beautyeditor.ca/.image/c_limit%2Ccs_srgb%2Cq_80%2Cw_600/MTE5NDg0MDYzMzA4MDg4ODQ3/ivanka-trump-jingle-ball-1999.jpg
      Creepily, she was dyed blonde when she was about 8. (Went to her natural brown for a while as a pre-teen.)

      • delia jones

        it’s funny – Tiffany and Ivanka both look like Trump from the nose down, and their moms from the nose up. Almost like Trump genes don’t go as far as the brain.

        • BelmontPublicLibrary

          Lol well played

        • Sarah E. Grove

          You know what? I never noticed that before, but it’s true!

          • delia jones

            yup! not even trying to be mean, it’s striking how strong the Trump mouth genes are

    • Delu

      He wouldn’t.

      After all, Trump would have been jealous of Moore for doing what he always wanted to do but never had the opportunity to.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Allegedly. That shit does happen unfortunately. And an impulsive donnie strikes me as just the guy to do such things.

        IKR? Ewwwwww!

    • phoenix00

      Yes. Birds of a feather flock together, so they say.

      Dump would’ve wanted to be FIRST, but eh, can’t have everything.

  • Moar Wordz

    *****AND MAKE THE LORD A SAMMICH, TOO, WHILE YOUR AT IT !!!!!*******
    Tears of laughter

    • Begin Anew Day

      Evan earns his pay every day.

  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Fucking Paul, you don’t need a Christian Theology PhD to know that him and Calvin were fucking pharisees, and Jesus made a biiiiig mistake with him.

  • Beelzebubba

    Ten years in prison? I thought bibble-humping perverts only needed a month of Jeebusing before they were all fixed up and good to go.

    • BelmontPublicLibrary

      Well yes, that would be true if the underage diddling was jeebus-ordained opposite sex, just like he intended! This is a homogay diddling, and that is never to be tolerated, amen

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      Well technically a month of it is what David “love me them hookers and diapers” Vitter needed.

    • Tony Prost

      A thousand years is but a day in the eyes of the Lord

  • Delu

    Meanwhile, they are voting the other one for governor.

  • Begin Anew Day

    Even the Cult of Cthulhu wouldn’t tolerate this guy being a member.

    We acolytes of the Oceanic Dreamer may be murderous monster worshippers but we do have standards!

  • Moar Wordz

    Maybe Shortey will be making his own Sammiches in Prison.
    So Sayeth The Lord
    What’s the Bible verse prohibiting Hommoseshulism ?

    • Tony Prost

      Yeah, and where does it say in the Constitution that straight people can get married?

  • Molon Labe

    Standin’ in a Super 8 Motel, in a white t-shirt with a sandwich on it

    He drives a long black sleazy Cadillac

    He can steal a boy’s mind man, in three or four minutes

    It’s not how long you talk bruh’, it’s what you put in it

    Look out! For Shortey the Pimp!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIIQvs4qAKM

    • Moar Wordz

      ‘S up Soccent ?!?
      What would you say if the act described in the video re undetectable C.I.A dart happened to me after I researched the Koch bros and the Deep state ?
      I’m fucking Rasputin and Fidel rolled into one
      Thought your timing was a hell of a coincidence

      • Molon Labe

        The Russian bear iz strong comrade. A specialz bulletin from Kremlin, “all your bases are belong to Trump”. Until then comrade, this is what it zounds like when doves cry.

        • Moar Wordz

          You’re delightful

    • Moar Wordz

      Are your panties wet yet , Molon Labe?!
      Maybe you’ re the pussy after all

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Yeah, Paul thought there might be trouble if he let that Ephesians passage stand. So, in his Epistle to the Minnesotans, Paul described the ritual of hospitality as follows:
    When your host or wife offers coffee, you shall refuse. When she says “Really, it’s no trouble”, you shall refuse. When she says “I’m going to the kitchen anyway, would you like a cup?”, you shall refuse. When she says, “I’m making a fresh pot anyway, would you like some?”, only then shall you relent.

    Thus it is written – you shall refuse offers of hospitality no less than three times; should you accept after only one or two offers, you shall help with washing the dishes.

    Now, how about a little lunch?

    • Jamoche

      Oh, I wouldn’t want to put you to any trouble.

  • guppy06

    After all, no one ever hated their own body

    Hypothesis: Paul of Tarsus was never a teenager.

    • H0mer0

      I have been sayin’ that Dog doesn’t make ugly kids anymore, but I realize that we looked that way to another generation.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Most biblical scholars believe that Ephesians wasn’t written by Paul. But whoever wrote it missed adolescence completely. Probably one of those Greek gods who sprang all adulty from the head of Zeus.

      It’s hard to keep those Middle Eastern religions straight. A good flow chart would help. “Anybody? Anybody? Bueller?”

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Oklahoma

    The stupid version of Texas

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Ohio West.

    • Sarah E. Grove

      I dunno. Alabama’s lookin’ pretty good for that accomplishment.

  • mailman27

    Young Boysians 1:01

  • Posonby Britt

    Man, these conservative evangelical politician laddies cannot get enough of that man-on-man (or man-on-boy — yuck) action. That dude in Ohio having office after-hours with a fella. And the other day, Penna. Republican State Rep. and first-class douche Daryl Metcalfe screamed “I don’t like men! I’m a heterosexual! Keep your hands to yourself!” when a male colleague touched him on the arm. Those who protest too much, Daryl…y’know what they say…

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      Oh, those boys are much too much…
      https://youtu.be/N8YczeG0PJs

    • Jo Mathie

      Oh goodness send Metcalfe to Spain or Greece – male hugging is a normal greeting there, he’d have a total meltdown. Hell my British brother and his mates all hug each other and they are all heterosexual. That amount of paranoia about being touched by a member of being touched by a member of the same sex says almost as much as calling your wife “mother” and not being allowed with woman without her being your escort. Republicans are weird.

      • chazmanr

        “Republicans are weird”

        You misspelled, “fucking insane”.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        In Spain, men sometimes KISS as well 🤤🤤🤤

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “After all, no one ever hated their own body…”

    The Bible is a very naive book.

  • Tony Prost

    EVERY TIME!!

  • Moar Wordz

    Because Democracy dies in Darkness

  • Guest Liberal

    Challenging Betty Bowers for title of America’s Best Christian?

    Ralph Shortey is a precisely accurate microcosm of the GOP.

  • Religionisevil

    Well for Ralph Shorty, the upside is he will find opportunities for gay sex in prison.

  • Moar Wordz

    *********THE LORD IS JUST FUCKING SAYING*******
    Thus endeth the lesson

    Please, moar of this, I crack up every time

  • Zyxomma

    Anyone else notice that it’s MOORE, OK? Like some other teenage-loving-GOP-perv? Or is that just me?

  • Jared Andrew Shoemaker Jr

    I think chuck tingle needs to write about these idiots. They would give him two years worth of novella writing

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