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Well, it’s official. The GOP has gone full pedophile. They’re all in on Roy Moore, despite the nine women who have come forward to accuse him of sexual assault, harassment, or inappropriate relationships. If Democrats had just voted for the Republican tax scam, maybe it wouldn’t have come to this!

OR, Republicans are unethical bastards who would pimp out their own daughters while lecturing the world on sexual morality. Hmmmmm. Let’s go with that one.

Last month, Mitch McConnell said “I believe the women, yes.” He agreed that Moore “should step aside” and vowed to begin expulsion proceedings immediately if Moore were elected. But that was when Moore was down in the polls, see. You can’t really hold him to that now that Moore has recovered. Be real, man! Via CNN,

I think we’re going to let the people of Alabama decide a week from Tuesday who they want to send to the Senate, and then we’ll address the matter appropriately.

See, he’s standing up for the poor Alabama voters who are being victimized by those terrible women telling their stories of sexual harassment and abuse. How is it okay for that lady to talk about being pulled out of trigonometry class to take a call from a horny 30-year-old Roy Moore in the week before elections? UNFAIR.

Any Republican Senators want to take a courageous moral stance here?

“I don’t think he had any choice but to do that,” [Orrin] Hatch told the reporters on Monday about Trump’s endorsement. “That’s the only Republican we can get down there.” He continued, that “many of the things (Moore) allegedly did were decades ago.”

RIGHT. Gotta love them family values! (And don’t even talk to us about Jeff Flake. That spineless shit is at the White House right now eating lunch with Donald Trump, after he voted for that fucking tax abomination! He’ll be buddying it up with Moore in January.)

So now the RNC is making it rain GOP dollars all over Padre Pedo’s campaign again. Which had better be the first line of every Democratic ad on TV next summer, dammit!

And just in case you haven’t hurled your laptop through the window yet, check out this video of Roy Moore’s spokesliar Janet Porter on CNN this morning.

It’s great to be with you. And, by the way, congratulations on your unborn child. That’s the reason why I came down, as a volunteer, to speak for Judge Roy Moore, because he’ll stand for the rights of babies like yours in the womb. Where his opponent will support killing them up until the moment of birth.

What the everloving fuck? Did that woman just use Poppy Harlow’s pregnancy as a prop for her “Baby Killer Doug Jones” schtick? No doctor in America will abort a viable fetus after 35 weeks. Republicans sure do love to use them as a stick to beat women with, though.

But please, ma’am. Tell us more about how Roy Moore thanks heaven for little girl fetuses, ’cause little girls get bigger every day! Until one day you’re hanging out under the bleachers at a high school football game hoping to catch a peek up their skirts. PROBABLY.

We need to make it clear that there’s a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of any sexual misconduct or anything illegal.

CHECK AND MATE. There were at least four girls working at the Gadsden Mall who will swear on a stack of King James Bibles that Roy Moore never laid a hand on them!

Porter then went on to lecture Harlow on how to journalism good. Apparently, that involves slagging the women who came forward to tell their stories as lying whores with an axe to grind. But NOT pointing out that Moore admitted to Sean Hannity that he knew three of the accusers and is now pretending he never met them.

The allegations are completely false. They are malicious. Specifically, I do not know any of these women.

Because that would be FAKE NEWS.

So, to summarize: Demoncrats want to kill Poppy Harlow’s baby. Roy Moore never touched nobody. Women are lying whores. And Republicans are the party of family values. THE END.

Please click to fund us. Only for you would we watch that interview with that spokesdevil! Because we care!

[CNN / WaPo / NYMag / Daily Beast]

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  • Joe Beese

    I wouldn’t piss on Orrin Hatch if he was on fire. Because I wouldn’t want to risk putting the fire out.

    Or is it that I would piss on Orrin Hatch if he was on fire. Because I’d enjoy pissing on him and the fire is beside the point.

    Hm.

    I just have to hope that he catches on fire so I can find out which it is.

    • Crystalclear12

      Let someone else put the fire out THEN piss on him.

      • Roadstergal

        Or piss on him, and then restart the fire.

    • h4rr4r

      I suggest finding a way to fill your bladder with gasoline.

      • Arolpin

        Better stand WAY back then, because the fire might follow the stream back to the source, and I suspect that having your bladder explode violently is incompatible with living.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      This one’s easy. Only piss on him when he’s NOT on fire.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        But then you are suppressing his flammability, in case he does catch fire.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I just hope it’s a big enough fire so that my pissing on him won’t make any difference. Or I’ll plead that my hose is too short to reach the blaze.

      • Roadstergal

        You know, if I did a lady-piss on him, it probably wouldn’t be focused enough to put out the blaze. And I’m 41, so he wouldn’t enjoy it. OK, I officially would piss on Moore if he were on fire.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’d piss on him, but not if it involved having to walk across the street first.

    • Arolpin

      I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire. I might try to put the fire out, were there a pitchfork (of VOTES) handy.

  • Crystalclear12

    Soooo. . . SOP for the GOP?

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    3:17 am? — was KAC with Dotard and was Dowd writing this tweet — if so, I hope Dowd was billing the fuck out of Dotard (not that he will get paid).

  • Crystalclear12

    The road to the GOP is paved with bad intentions.

    • Carrie Scott

      Those intentions have been badly paved , since the GOP let the religious wrong into thier tent in the 1970’s

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Janet Porter looks like she’s a few bricks short of a full load.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Release self-serving statement feigning outrage or concern, as appropriate (cite daughters, wife, other women-folk as needed) wait 14 days, throw support behind offending person or bill. Lather, rinse, repeat.

  • ((( Augustus )))

    my god I hate them so much

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    We need to make it clear that there’s a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of any sexual misconduct or anything illegal.

    They are right. I’ve never accused Roy of raping sheep and putting turtles in his butt.

    What have you not accused Roy Moore of (that sounds like something he would do)?

  • puredog

    For me, “I’m in trig” will forever be code for “I don’t want to fuck you.”
    (Shamelessly stolen from some brilliant comment on another thread.)

    • proudgrampa

      Plagiarism is good.

      • arglebargle

        Plagiarism is good.

      • Crystalclear12

        Just ask Melania.

  • ManchuCandidate

    He won’t abort your girl babies because he will try to date them.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Getting a mom’s consent makes it all the more creepy.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        ‘She didn’t say no!’
        ‘Sir, she’s anaesthetised, it’s a C-section birth.’

  • Joe Beese

    Clitzilla ana-ma-lyzing:

    What Republicans are doing here with their Moore justifications is seeking short-term gain at the very real risk of long-term pain. Keeping a two-seat Senate majority may seem like the most important thing in the world to Senate Republicans today. But, if the cost is sacrificing any sort of moral high ground when it comes to acceptable behavior in politics (and life), the prospect of holding a single Senate seat seems like a very poor tradeoff.

    • jodyleek

      Hahahahaha! Moral high ground? Republicans? Hahahahahahaha!

      • Roadstergal

        This morning, I stepped into higher moral ground than the Republicans occupy. Nearly turned my ankle.

    • Oblios_Cap

      How cute. He really thinks that they care.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Well thanks bunches Cap’n Fuckin’ Obvious!

      Does he assume everyone is as fucking stupid as he is?

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        CNN pays that twat — a lot!

        • MynameisBlarney

          I am so in the wrong fuckin line of work.

          • Non-Threatening Ron

            We all are.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      A Southern Christian Republican could molest a child in the middle of 5th Avenue and no one would care.

    • puredog

      Objection, assumes voter memories/scruples not in evidence.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Or intelligence.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That ship done sailed.
      And hit an iceberg.

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        and has been salvaged for scrap

  • jodyleek

    Not to mention all the young boys he didn’t molest! (That we know of)
    He’s practically a saint!

  • Nounverb911
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Don’t care re Moore, but I hope if my teenaged daughter is ever hit upon it is by an older truly talentless man w/a great sense of…of….

    Oh fuck it and fuck Roy Moore.

  • Oblios_Cap

    CHECK AND MATE. There were at least four girls working at the Gadsden Mall who will swear on a stack of King James Bibles that Roy Moore never laid a hand on them!

    They were all 18 or older.

    • h4rr4r

      And not his type.
      Wait you already said that.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Eh hum — the head of the RNC is, cough, Mitt Romney’s niece. AWKWARD!

    • Nounverb911

      Speculation on when she gets fired is rampant.

    • Roadstergal

      Not awkward at all. He pretends to give a shit in a move that will not affect the RNC’s support of the kiddy-toucher.

  • Asterix
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not. OK. Not. OK.

    • Oblios_Cap

      They got Shortey.

    • jodyleek

      And, irony of ironies, the arrest took place in the city of…Moore, OK.
      Now you know the rest of the story.
      Good day!

  • Aileen

    I’m 39 weeks pregnant and if anyone tried to suggest that Roy Moore wants to protect my baby from evil doctors trying to abort him, I would punch them in the face.

    • Parakeetist

      Yay

    • Cornelius Fussbudget

      Not to downplay your comment, but most of the 39 week pregnant ladies I’ve met have, with good reason, felt the desire to punch people in the face.

      • Aileen

        Hah! I admit that if I were in Poppy Harlow’s position, there’s a small part of me that would be happy to have the excuse to go off on her horrid interview subject.

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          Also, congratulations and best of luck with the delivery!

          • Mary

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    • Daniel

      At 39 weeks one cannot be held accountable for how one’s voting hand behaves, nor how many votes it may cast.

  • “We need to make it clear that there’s a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of any sexual misconduct or anything illegal.”

    I know how those four girls feel. I was an altar boy and was never molested.

  • WilbyToad
  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    “Where his opponent will support killing them up until the moment of birth.”

    I hate fuckers who say stupid shit like that. I hate the stupid fuckers who believe it even more.

    • Roadstergal

      Drumpf pulled that dumb shit on Hillz, and the electorate fell for it.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Wanna hear something funny, though? They apparently do think that’s what liberals want, because when Wilbur Ross’s ex-wife Betsy McCaughey (the woman who killed universal healthcare) briefly attempted to reinvent herself as a Democrat she made her signature issue unrestricted abortion on demand, and he financed her campaign.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Don’t these fools understand that no woman does that? No woman wakes up in the 8th month of pregnancy and says, “I don’t feel like doing this, I guess I’ll have an abortion instead.” Jesus Hussein Christ, these people are so fucking stupid and evil. I hate them.

        • At that point you’ve gotten used to the idea of the impending child, even if you still don’t like the idea.

  • Crystalclear12

    When you have to look down to see your moral high ground you may be a Republican.

  • Cornelius Fussbudget

    Maybe we need to start spending some money buying off evangelical leaders. We progressives have all the money so it won’t be that expensive. It just seems so….icky. But we could just call it outreach. We need to talk to these people the way they want to be talked to. If the message has to come from a guy in a $500 suit standing in front of a stained glass window, so be it.

    • Nounverb911

      Evangelicals wouldn’t be caught dead in $500 suit, custom made or nothing at all.

      • Roadstergal

        I will never understand why Drumpf can’t get a decent goddam suit. Sure, he’s a pile of mashed potatoes and cholesterol, but even that can look a lot less slovenly in a suit that fits.

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          It’s the same reason for everything wrong with him. He thinks he knows better than everyone else. And he’s wrong. Every. Single. Time.

        • Nounverb911

          What and pay a custom tailor a lot of American dollars when he has a factory full of Mexicans getting bupkis….

        • capnkrunch

          It doesn’t even have to be custom made. Just go to Men’s Warehouse or somewhere similar and they will get you a tailored fit suit for reasonably cheap. Honestly, you can be a fat, ugly piece of shit and still look decent in a well fitted suit.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        I’m sure you’re right. $500 seems like a lot for a suit, but I am sure you can pay way more than that these days if you really have a lot of money burning a hole in your pocket. And I guess if your pockets have holes burnt into them, you’re in the market for a suit!

      • Arolpin

        They will pay $5000 for a suit that LOOKS like it cost $129.99. Special ‘man-of-god’ (i.e. MORAN) pricing.

        • Cornelius Fussbudget

          Emperor’s new clothes libel!

    • Oblios_Cap

      It works for the Saudis, among others.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    BRB, throwing up now.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      The tanker truck of Pepto is coming, Cally.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, they might not have seen his penis, but from what I can see his face is probably a close approximation of its appearance.

    • Atomic Rat

      Well… he is a dick, after all.

  • Bananas Foster

    Jesus Christ, fuck…

    Everyone?

    • Atomic Rat

      No… not everyone… just Moore.

      • Bananas Foster

        Definitely not just Moore.

  • ariel_gee_398

    If I got on a crowded bus and the only seats free were next to Hannibal Lecter or Roy Moore smiling like that, I’d pick the one next to Lecter.

    • Roadstergal

      If I were in a room with Roy Moore and Lecter, and had a gun with two bullets, I’d shoot Moore twice.

      • Roadstergal

        …with votes.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Nah…let Ol’ Hannibal play with Moore and exit the room ASAP.

        • Roadstergal

          Lecter has better taste, I think. “No, sorry, I’m trying to cut down.”

    • MynameisBlarney

      He is a far better conversationalist.

    • Crystalclear12

      Lecter, even if he had a bottle of Chianti and fava beans.

  • Parakeetist

    There is nothing I want to say right now that will not get me banhammered.

    So, kittens.

    https://youtu.be/bTLgeqCaYMY

    • Asterix

      Just what every day needs… moar kittehs!

      • Parakeetist

        Squee

      • Timothy Watson

        We must not allow a kitteh gap!

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      They sure have more skills than Skrilex.

  • geoffalnutt

    That’s a damn shame! It should be on billboards as you enter and leave the state – since that is now primarily what Alabama is known for – Roy Moore’s Dick.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Even I have seen Moore’s dick. Wait, that’s his face?

  • Crystalclear12

    Well, this was completely unsurprising.

  • Swampay

    Republicans are unethical bastards who would pimp out their own daughters while lecturing the world on sexual morality.

    There’s a biblical precedent for that (see Lot/Sodom/Gomorrah, also too Judges 19-21). Which makes me think less of the bible, of course, rather than making me think more highly of Moore. But there is a twisted logical consistency.

  • The new Moore-approved Republican logo, ladies and gents:

    https://twitter.com/AnnTelnaes/status/938091891979153415

  • Atomic Rat

    This has to be a concerted effort on the part of… ? (the wealthy? our lizard overlords?…) to drive America into the shitter.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    New Gravis Poll has Doug Jones leading by 4 points:
    https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/12/5/1721352/-AL-Sen-New-Gravis-Poll-has-Doug-Jones-D-Leading-Pedophile-Roy-Moore-R-48-44

    Like everyone else I have little faith in polls but if Jones wins Alabama will be redeemed, and we can take the momentum from Virginia and really start beating back these crazed, debauched shit-spewing monsters.

    Until they declare that the election was rigged. Then we’ll have to have to sit down and have a serious talk.

    • Anna Rompage

      Seeing that the race is neck and neck, Alabama will never be redeemed…

      • (((Sedagive)))

        Hey – I’ll welcome back anyone who has stepped away from the abyss.

    • Joe Beese

      No one ever went broke betting on tribalism.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      They’re already starting up on the “if Jones wins, it’s because the vote was stolen” storyline.

    • “but if Jones wins Alabama will be redeemed, ”

      Let’s not overstate things. They’re still Alabama, after all. Moore is going to get close enough to steal this thing.

  • cmd resistor

    These people should be embarrassed to be seen in public but they aren’t,

  • Anna Rompage

    Why does it seem that it’s always the virulent homophobes, and uber uptight mother fuckers that have the most disgusting, and abhorrent skeletons in their closets?

    • Asterix

      Because they’re saved by Jebus?

    • Christopher Story

      Because the rules don’t apply to them. I really can see Moore, strangling a girl to death Saturday night; blaming everybody else for having to hide the body.
      Blame the girl for not going along with it.
      Blame society for making him sneak around with underage girls.
      Blame God for not protecting him.
      Then he’d stand up in Church Sunday morning and give an empassioned sermon on how dangerous liberals are to everybody’s children while testifying how precious children are to him.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    There were at least four girls with unfortunate appearances working at the Gadsden Mall who will swear on a stack of King James Bibles that Roy Moore never laid a hand on them!

    FIFY

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      “I wouldn’t have touched them with someone else’s dick”
      — Roy Moore.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        He continued, ‘Unless I was horny enough.’

  • Rick Hill

    Did anyone check that Ten commandment monument that Moore was always defending? Make sure that the “Thou shalt not bear false witness” line wasn’t chipped off.

  • Joe Beese

    BREAKING: Russia banned from 2018 Winter Games for systematic doping

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Can we haz internet ban also too?

      • Joe Beese

        I can’t support that.

        How else I am going to be connected with the hot Russian women in my area who want to meet me?

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          Just give me your credit cards, debit cards, PIN numbers, and the urls and passwords for all of your banking.

      • Cornelius Fussbudget

        I’ve thought about that. It does seem like a reasonable response. But, I think the benefits of reaching the Russian people with Western ideas are greater than the risk of Russian ideas polluting the West. I’m still arrogant enough to think our ideas are better and will ultimately win. Unless they succeed in censoring the internet as they are reportedly trying. Then we should kick them right the fuck off.

        http://www.slate.com/articles/technology/future_tense/2017/04/russia_is_trying_to_copy_china_s_internet_censorship.html

    • Asterix

      Not surprising but Pootie is gonna have a shit-fit.

      • Joe Beese

        Their behavior has disgraced the integrity of the International Olympic Committee.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          hahahahaha!

      • Roadstergal

        He’ll tell Drumpf to boycott the games.

        • Joe Beese

          You know, I think he would actually do it.

          • Asterix

            It wouldn’t surprise me.

          • Roadstergal

            I’d put a fair amount of money on it.

    • Roadstergal

      Why didn’t we ban them from the 2016 election??

      • ariel_gee_398

        The Olympics care more about the integrity of their process.

        • Non-Threatening Ron

          Now THAT is one Olympic-sized burn!

    • Joe Beese
    • Nounverb911

      Putin to announce that Russia’s soccer team has won the 2018 World Cup in Russia next year in 3…2…1…

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      What, they couldn’t hack Olympic voting commission?

      So disappointing.

      • Nounverb911

        No Olympic sized pee tapes….

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Skating Twitter is going to go INSANE! (And, as a figure skating fan, I say about fucking time)

      • Joe Beese

        In what way? Like “Woo-hoo!” ?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Yeah, they basically revived their women’s skating program through doping and abusive training practices.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      BREAKING: Trump announces US withdraws from 2018 Winter Games in solidarity with our “Russian allies.” He further announces that the US and Russia will have their own winter sports festival that will be “fantastic, bigger than any loser Olympics.”

      • Nounverb911

        Don’t give him any ideas…

      • Dudleydidwrong

        Trump later announced that 2018 Russian-US Winter Sports Festival will be held at Mar-A-Lago.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          I think you mis-spelt “water.”

      • Mavenmaven

        With better looking women!

      • An Outhouse for the résistance

        It will be hosted at Mara Lago.
        (I should read the comments before operating my typing machine).

      • You’re gonna be mad when he actually does it.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          I’m beyond mad already; needle went to 12 and broke. Whatever I think he won’t do , he goes even lower. No surprise is outside his level of scumbaggery.

    • Nounverb911

      This is good news for Tanya Harding?
      (Also, too soon?)

      • Marion in Savannah

        Nope, not too soon.

    • Joe Beese
    • Marion in Savannah

      From the article in the NYT:

      “The scheme was rivaled perhaps only by the notorious program conducted by East Germany throughout the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s.”

      Remember the East German women’s swim team?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Remember their judges?

        • Marion in Savannah

          Or the Eastern Bloc figure skating judges? (I used to figure skate and took that VERY seriously…)

    • Mavenmaven

      They installed a dope as POTUS, is that called “doping” as well?

    • Raan

      Does that mean Kucherov can claim to be from the US since he plays for the Lightning?

      • Maxine Headroom

        Individual Russian athletes who can prove they’re clean will be allowed to compete under a “neutral flag”. No details on exactly how that’ll work that I’ve seen yet.

        • Daniel

          That happened at the Olympics last year too.

  • Rick Hill

    “The allegations are completely false. They are malicious. Specifically, I do not know any of these women.”

    He must mean “know” in the biblical sense. He only tried having sex with them. He never qute raeped them all the way.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Remember when Republicans were so terribly upset about Bill Clinton being unfit to serve because of “character”? That seems a little quaint now.

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      McConman continued:

      “Uh…yup.” (in the manner of Cecil Turtle from the Looney Tunes cartoons)

  • BearGHAZI

    Just look at all the vodka I didn’t drink

    • clubseal

      Underachiever! Sad!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    The sickest defense I’ve heard for a 30-year-old hitting on teenagers is that he was just looking for a pure woman. And that was from a pastor.

    • Asterix

      Sick, yes, but it is right in line with how they think.

    • Gotta groom and brainwash the women folk before they start thinking.

    • spangled

      that’s the y’all-qaeda way

  • New rule. If you support a serial sexual assaulter and a fucking kid toucher, you can shut the fuck up with your presumed moral superiority bullshit just because I think abortion is a matter best left between a woman, her doctor, and her God or conscience.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    OT: Conyers resigned, effective today.

  • Daniel Hooper

    Well, of course Roy Moore is concerned about unborn children. Why, it’ll only be a decade before they become downright date able!(For Roy Moore. Allegedly.)

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    OT: Russian Olympic team out of the 2018 Winter Games — doping! Lol!!! Dotard to boycott soon by pulling US team. lol

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Oh, crap, THAT was the other thing they wanted me to take care of!
      – Paul ‘Does this ankle bracelet make my crimes look big?’ Manafort

    • I wonder if 45* will pull the US team?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    The GOP is now seriously endorsing the idea that if you got away with breaking the law years ago, you should get a free pass today?

    Why the fuck doesn’t that apply to illegal immigrants? “Sure, they’re here illegally, but they came across the border decades ago so it totally doesn’t matter today.”

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Until it’s a liberal. Then electric chair

    • Mavenmaven

      Offer not valid to people with brown skin.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Or to registered Democrats.

  • Arolpin

    If Poppy new anything about journalism, she would have responded, “You are a lying liar. Supporting a woman’s right to choose means the woman makes the choice. I’m obviously excited to have a baby, and am not having an abortion. Doug Jones is not going to pressure me or anyone else into having an abortion that I don’t want, unlike you horrible, fascist, forced-birthers who try to mandate medically unnecessary, invasive, and painful medical procedures before a legal medical procedure. Get off my set and don’t come back until you have the humanity contained in this bit of gum on my shoe. Fuck you and fuck your kiddy-diddling party.”

  • WilbyToad

    Non accusers.

    What threshold of busy are we looking for?

  • spangled

    he’ll probably be on the judiciary committee, helping confirm young roy moores in 2 months.

  • WeaselPoo

    Hillary Clinton was born years and years ago, which is why the GOP has ignored her all this time, right?

    • Daniel

      Why did they never focus on all the embassies that weren’t attacked?

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        They were, but Killary covered it up!

  • clubseal

    “We need to make it clear that there’s a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of any sexual misconduct or anything illegal.”

    So this is the strategy, then? You can see an alleged rapist on trial, pointing to every woman in America he didn’t rape, and say, “You see, your honor, there is a large group of non-accusers out there … ”
    This shit’s unreal.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      My guess is that they mean there is a large group of very young women that he fucked bag in the day that haven’t come forward.

      • clubseal

        But this excuse was coming from his camp.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Yeah, but that’s how they think. “Sure, a few women were unhappy, but there were many more who were godly and satisfied.”

          • clubseal

            I see what you mean now. That would be some top-level terribleness if they thought like that.

  • (((Sedagive)))

    I thought this conversation was over because Ringo covered “You’re Sixteen” in 1973.

    • WeaselPoo

      Fyi. In the UK, consenual sex at sixteen is legal, hence that song was ok, for the UK.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Legal? What’s the fun in that?
        – Roy ‘Short Eyes’ Moore

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “Really? Where’d I put my passport?”
        — Roy Moore

      • (((Sedagive)))

        Hmmm. Did not know that.

      • PubOption

        But they wouldn’t let Jerry Lee Lewis into the country.

        • Daniel

          13 dude. Also his testicles were alight.

    • spangled

      that was my favorite excuse, other than “joseph totally fucked the VIRGIN Mary so it’s cool”

    • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

      That’s gotta be the first time that a Rethug was willing to mention Ringo. They’ve spent decades scorning every ’60s icon.

      • (((Sedagive)))

        I know some geezers who STILL blame the Beatles for just about everything.

  • Mavenmaven

    This puts Trump’s use of the “freedom kids” in a whole new perspective, no?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XqnE1PnWF4

  • Ricky-pus gutted tub of guts
    • BreakingDeadMen

      It’s true…in early 2016 I thought, “I wish Frank Zappa were here to satirize this.” Later I progressed to “George Carlin.” By November, I had Rod Sterling, and if Trump is still here by the summer I’m going with Kafka.

      • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

        *Serling

        • BreakingDeadMen

          Right, my bad

  • Mr. Blobfish

    When you were twice removed from the bench, why do you still get to be called “judge”?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “There aren’t any rules about calling yourself Judge, I know.”
      — Judge Reinhold

    • clubseal
      • Latverian Diplomat

        Two great minds with but a single joke…

        • clubseal

          Great minds are worth two in the bush, I always say.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            And two great minds in time, save nine yards, or something like that, anyway…

          • clubseal

            That was Howie Long’s favorite quote when he wanted to fire up his water polo team, I believe.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Water polo, invented because the one thing people liked about polo was the horses.

          • geoffalnutt

            No use crying over spilled brains…(ew)

      • Roadstergal

        Way, way more qualified than Moore.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Top three RNC pro-Roy Moore talking tips:
    – Democrats hate people who love children!
    – Democrats hate cyclists: there are always going on about pedal-philes
    – something something Bibilical times marriage ages something

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • clubseal

      They’ll find the third button: “Whataboutism”

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Which is just a setting on Republican

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Well so is the Democratic button, if Russia has anything to say about it…

          • BreakingDeadMen

            Just ask any Quisling…er Green Partier

    • Jimh

      We are at the point that they will still push the red button every time. The GOP could be on TV killing a puppy every day and they would still get 50% of the vote.

    • NastyBossetti

      Won’t help. They’re just looking at the pictures.

  • Well, the GOP said Moore should withdraw IF the allegations agin’ him were true. He didn’t withdraw, therefore they ain’t true, QED MOTHERFUCKERS.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    You ever look real close at Moore’s hairline? I swear to god it looks like he uses that spay on shit that is supposed to cover the bald. How can you believe a bald guy who is too vain to be honest about losing his hair and too cheap to get a toupee?

    • Alan

      He looked like a perv to me. Before we actually knew he is.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    It just occurred to me that Roy has 2 adult daughters. I am not going to speculate here, but this must be very difficult for all of his children, a fact he apparently does not care about (no surprise there).

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Of course, Alabammy is the state that gives Texas something to laugh at, and the Gross Old Pedophiles like that.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      Texas, hell, Mississippi!

  • Nockular cavity

    #NotRoyMooreAllTheTime

  • Shibusa

    In the words of my Great Uncle Vernon, who grew up in Tuscaloosa, Janet Porter is nuttier than squirrel turds.

  • beatbort

    I never thought I’d say this but: I miss Herman Cain.
    Think of all the women he did NOT hit on, not the ones he did…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “There’s only so many hours in the day…and I know, because as a CEO, I could only get my lazy employees to work half of them (while getting paid for a third of them)!”

  • Atomic Rat

    Roy Moore singing “Thank Heaven For Little Girls”… and MEANING it.

    So… how old are the senate interns? He should have a field day there.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      They are too old, but maybe some are late bloomers and he can pretend

    • NastyBossetti

      The pages are still in high school, so no need to worry for the interns’ safety.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Headline from the Future: Alabama embarasses self, nation

    (Also a Headline from the past and present)

  • Shibusa

    ‘The fact is, there are more than 4 billion girls and women who *haven’t* been molested by Roy Moore.’ @StarWarsHollow

  • Belasaurius

    she said have responded: at least the Democratic candidate won’t try to fuck the child when they turn 14

  • BreakingDeadMen

    At least this guy had talent:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwbty1kRCG0

    • Notreelyhelping

      You know, the Killer’s still alive. He’s like 82 or 83, but he’s breathing.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Yeah, he was just in town. I was out, unfortunately.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      So much grosser when you see the actual girl than when you watch the stupid movie with Winona Ryder, who was what? 28 at the time?

    • chicken thief

      Wasn’t Priscilla also too very young when Elvis honed in on her?

      • BreakingDeadMen

        When they met, but she was of age when the got married. In either event, neither King nor Killer is an elected position.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    No doubt conservatives will embrace the “just think of all the women he didn’t molest!” argument when it comes to, say, Bill Clinton.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      The one woman who accused Clinton of rape was so batshit crazy, that even Ken Starr didn’t believe her. She accused the Clinton’s of murdering her husband, and her cat. Yet ANY Republican will tell you that Bill Clinton is a rapist, and quite a few Democrats will, too. Meanwhile, they’ve got Trump on tape bragging about pussy grabbing and 16+ women saying “yep” but they believe all of those women are liars. I guess consistency isn’t their thing.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Yes, as far as rape. But he was accused of sexual harassment by a couple of women, right?

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Paula Jones, who was pulling down a hefty salary from the GOP, and they were picking up her plastic surgery bills, got a settlement ftom Clinton. I dont remember any of the others.

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Jenifer Flowers or something?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Ginnifer (I think) Flowers claimed she had a long term relationship with Clinton. Off the top of my head I think she said it lasted 8 years.

  • Relativicus

    “Everybody wants to to talk about ‘59 dead’ this and ‘over 500 injured’ that, but no one is talking about the literal tens of thousands of people in Vegas that night who I didn’t shoot…”

    @RealStevenPaddock

  • PubOption

    Gadsden Mall Flag – much like the old Gadsden flag, but slogan changed to “Don’t hit on me”.

  • Relativicus

    Btw, this “what about all the people we didn’t poison/kill/rape/steal from, etc.” bit is not new, but I sprained my brain trying to recall when I first heard it and how t was applied.

    ETA: I see it was Herman Cain, cacka-lackey.

  • natoslug

    It’s nice of Orrin Hatch to come out as pro-pedophilia.

  • greyXstar

    Don’t break the Rules for Radicals
    Don’t break the Rules for Radicals
    Don’t break the Rules for Radicals

  • Khavrinen

    “In a surprise twist, GOP decides it’s down with pedophiles.”

    The Republicans who endorse Roy Moore probably assume that all the girls he fucked ( or tried to ) were poor, since fucking the poor is, you know, just what one does when one is a Republican. Why should he behave any differently?

    • Courser_Resistance

      Alabama: God, Guns and Raping Little Girls! YeeeeHawwwww!

  • IdiotsforPalin
  • cmd resistor

    Interesting piece by Alabama historian who was friends with Harper Lee and wrote a book about her, and Alabamians and Roy Moore in general: http://www.al.com/opinion/index.ssf/2017/12/harper_lee_roy_moore_and_alaba.html
    “After reading a copy of my book, Alabama in the Twentieth Century, novelist Harper Lee wrote me a letter on February 18, 2005, expressing her fears about the direction her beloved state was headed based on its past: “It looks like to hell if we don’t get some things changed. . . . I dread the advent of Roy Moore’s administration but its coming sure as doomsday. What is wrong with us? Are you old enough to remember when people were less ignorant? I am.””

    • Buzz1313

      When people were less ignorant and aspired towards learning as opposed to now when it’s all about accumulation and being proud of being ignorant. I’m seriously thinking about leaving the country. I can’t believe that thirty percent of the assholes run the USA now. It sucks.

  • Courser_Resistance

    It’s times like this that I wish The Avengers were real. That evil-tongued Moore woman needs a serious HULK SMASH

  • La forza del resistino

    Roy would like it if his Senate seat is close to the young women page’s seating area.

    • chicken thief

      His seat will be on the playground of the nearest middle school.

  • Run2Live

    Grand
    Old
    Pedophiles

    Own that shit.

    • The Person.

      Greedy Oppressive Pedophiles works too.

      • Run2Live

        Works better 👍

  • Professor Fate

    “We need to make it clear that there’s a group of non-accusers, that have not accused the judge of any sexual misconduct or anything illegal.”
    they are all too old for Roy.

  • BrianW

    “There were at least four girls working at the Gadsden Mall who will swear on a stack of King James Bibles that Roy Moore never laid a hand on them!”

    There’s Moore new defense strategy right there. “Hey, it was a big mall, I couldn’t get to ALL the teenage girls. Also, some of them working there were uggos. What’s a 30something guy to do?”

  • NastyBossetti

    “By the way, congratulations on your unborn child,” is a really creepy thing to say.

    • Gorillionaire

      Right up there with “looking good in that lil’ ballerina outfit honey”.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Seriously. She couldn’t say “pregnancy”, which would be slightly more normal, because then her creepy-ass point wouldn’t get made, I guess.

    • The Person.

      You have to say it at night, standing on someone’s porch, with all-black eyes with no whites/scleras/irisis/pupils

  • IdiokraticKulturKommissar
  • C4TWOMAN

    I can’t afford to throw any of my electric devices in a rage. The most I can do is toss them on something soft (bed, sofa) and go for a vigorous walk….

  • DuchessD’Orleans

    No one ever talks about all the people Nazis DIDN’T murder.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I mean there’s like a whole planet of them. But all anyone ever whines about is 6 million Jews….

    • DuchessD’Orleans

      If you think about it, Donald Trump has a daughter that he DIDN’T fuck (allegedly), and I think people should focus on that. Because poor Tiffany never gets any attention.

    • The Wanderer

      And if any do, refer them to the Nero Decree, which was directed at the Germans.

  • NastyBossetti

    As long as this is what we’re doing, I would like credit for all the people I haven’t murdered, which is literally everyone. What can I get with my credit?

    • MOG253

      Every day I promise myself I won’t kill anyone, so far it’s worked. Do I get credit for that?
      I don’t get Trumpkins.

      • Edith Prickly

        It’s pretty simple. When reality clashes with your fantasy, you rewrite reality.

  • MOG253

    #SHAME

  • Notreelyhelping

    Anybody have a feel…uh…have an idea about how much Moore’s past might affect turnout? Because I’m wondering if that where Jones might win it. (Though I know it’s Alabama, which hopes someday it’ll grow up to be Mississippi.)

    • Edith Prickly

      I have no way of proving this, but I have a feeling there are a lot of women in Alabama, conservative or otherwise, who have been clenching their jaws and not saying anything while this whole disgusting process plays out. Some of them may well vote for Jones or write in someone else on election day.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I hope you are correct, because I fear the opposite. But I want to be wrong.

        • Edith Prickly

          I’m just looking at the women who came forward – they all seem like very typical conservative (with one exception) Southern ladies, and it makes me wonder how many other women like them had similar experiences that they’ve been repressing all this time. They’re not about to make waves in public after seeing the way Moore’s accusers got treated, but in the back of their minds they might be getting angry about what happened to them and how they shamed themselves into staying quiet. And now they’re seeing the Republican party rush to Moore’s defense.

          Like I said, I can’t prove this and I may be completely wrong. But I do think the long-term effects of the Moore shitshow will not help the Republicans.

  • Bitter Scribe

    If Moore had knocked up any of those teenyboppers, you bet he wouldn’t have let them get an abortion!

    • Edith Prickly

      Hah. I bet he would have if he thought it would negatively affect his career. Repubs aren’t exactly consistent about that.

      • ChumpsForTrump

        Hypocrisy is their strong suit.

  • The Wanderer

    If I lived in Alabama, I would sooner vote for a homeless meth addict than for Roy Moore or any other Republican.

    • capnkrunch

      Which is probably why you don’t live in Alabama.

    • mancityRed6

      I dunno. if you can’t manage some sort of trailer _and_ feed your meth addiction…

      • The Person.

        Seriously! What’s the matter with these people, can’t afford their own Sudafed, phosphorous and kerosene?

    • Lambsendbeds

      If I lived in Alabama I’d sooner BE a homeless meth addict. That would make me a member the Alabama upper class.

  • Run2Live
    • The Person.

      Stealsies!

    • laineypc

      Nope. Not even in jest.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Look, it’s party over morality. Accept it!

    https://twitter.com/CNN/status/938145146729676805

  • capnkrunch
  • mancityRed6

    I swear, that top picture of him just looks skeezy as fuck. does he just not know how awful he looks there? or is that his go to selfie pose?

  • chicken thief

    “…That’s the only Republican we can get down there.

    Yeppers, Orrin. I happened to drive through Alabama right before the election and I swear to God it was nothing but wall-to-wall Hillary signs.

    • dshwa

      Meanwhile, two rows back, Big Luthor Strange is like “What?”

  • William Bourdeau

    But what about 30 Helens?

    • 30 Helens agree: The GOP can never use Family Values as a billy club again.
      Because every time they do, it will be “Like when they supported Roy Moore because at least he wasn’t a Democrat?”
      Likewise when they accuse us of being hive minded sheep who only vote party.
      “Like you did when you voted for Pedophile Roy Moore because he wasn’t a Democrat?”

  • Ellie

    Roy Moore supports Let The Woman Die, where his opponent thinks women should get the chance to live. No wonder Moore supporters hate him.

  • schmannity

    Nearly 40 years! Chappaquiddick, 1969. 48 years and Coulter’s still talking about it

    • Manhattan123

      They are still going to be talking about Clinton’s dick in the middle of this century.

      • schmannity

        If your dick is spoken of for over 50 years, consult your doctor.

    • SeeTrainOffTheRails

      And Steve Martin made a joke in 1977 saying Nixon jokes were old.

      IOKIYAR, as fucking usual.

  • Rok E Raccoon

    If Roy “Cho Mo” Moore wins next week and goes to DC, will McConnell need to put him in protective custody for his own safety?

    • Manhattan123

      He better put the Senate pages in protective custody. (Although, they are probably college students, so too old for ol’ Roy).

  • ChumpsForTrump

    Gathering Of Pedophiles

  • laineypc

    I really don’t think it’s that Republican voters don’t mind voting for a pedophile. It’s that Trump has them convinced that anything in the media negative on a Republican is biased, that they can’t believe the news anymore, everything is a set up. It’s really really far worse than voting for a pedophile, and as horrible as that would be, it’s not worse than complete loss of faith in the press/media.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      Trump’s base demonstrate all aspects of a cult. Up to and including deifying the cult leader.

      • anomie

        Never thought of it this way before, but yes. Exactly it.

  • Lefty Wright

    Watching one of the debates last year, I heard Trump pull the full term abortion claim. Unfortunately, Hillary was over prepared and had a canned abortion spiel and never said “what the fuck you talkin about”. She had prepared to the point she was not listening, she was reciting a memorized message she was determined to say at the first mention of abortion. But she totally failed to address the full term abortion lie.

    I told my wife then Hillary had blown it on the abortion issue and right wingers would accuse her of yanking full term babies out feet first and smashing their heads on the floor. Sure enough, in my area at least, the GOP did that and the evangelicals spread it. They’re aborting full term babies!!! And Hillary didn’t deny it!!! All she needed to do was say “Donald, you know there are no full term abortions. Virtually all of them are at or before 20 weeks”. Then go on with her message. She never did.

    • Nasty Girl Brianna

      She hadn’t poll-tested that response, apparently.

    • anomie

      Hillary had a hard time thinking on her feet during the debates, it seemed to me. She had rehearsed things so well she seemed weirdly pre-programmed.

      I really wanted her to win; she’s knowledgeable, and she’d have been great at the actual work of being a president. And obviously we’d be a country in better shape now. It was disappointing to see her being not so great at the campaigning aspect — speeches, debates, etc.

  • Earl Of Sammich

    Jesus loves me,
    This I know.
    Cuz’ I pay my Mega-Church,
    To tell me so!

  • UnsaltedSinner
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