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“I am not a crook.”

Donald Trump said in July that it would cross the line if Robert Mueller started looking into his creepy Russian money ties, because what on earth would dirty Russian money have to do with an investigation into Trump’s dirty ties with dirty Russia? He might as well have said, “HELLO, ROBERT MUELLER, THIS IS WHERE I BURIED THE BODIES!”

Dumbstupid Eric Trump said, long before his dad was pursuing the presidency, that a ton of their business’s money comes from Russia (because American banks — wisely — refuse to lend to the Trumps). His brother Dumbstupid Junior agreed!

Here is a thing Wonkette said in July, about how IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY:

As Wonk pal Charlie Pierce noted after the eighth person in Trump Jr.’s Russian conspiracy meeting was revealed to be a Russian MONEY LAUNDROMAT, “It Was Always About The Money.” Rachel Maddow has been reporting on the Follow The Money aspect of this pretty much since the beginning. Here’s a thing about connections between Trump and Russia and Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, about FOLLOW THE MONEY. Here’s one about Paul Manafort’s Russian money going through Cyprus. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY.

It is, indeed, all about the money.

Well, it looks like Mueller has followed the money (he’s always been following the money), he’s brought a shovel, and he’s officially digging up bodies:

U.S. Special Counsel Robert Mueller has asked Deutsche Bank (DBKGn.DE) for data on accounts held by President Donald Trump and his family, a person close to the matter said on Tuesday. […]

Germany’s largest bank received a subpoena from Mueller several weeks ago to provide information on certain money and credit transactions, the person said, without giving details, adding key documents had been handed over in the meantime.

Deutsche Bank told Congressional Democrats to fuck off this summer when they asked for similar information, but we guess it’s different when Robert Mueller tells you to swallow this subpoena.

Reuters provides more details about just how much money Trump has gotten from Deutsche Bank:

Trump got a $106 million loan from Deutsche Bank in 2011 to buy Doral, the golf resort in Miami, according to property filings with the local land register. The Doral loans mature in 2023, his electoral filings show.

Separately, Deutsche Bank has lent Trump up to $170 million for the Old Post Office, a historic Washington property where he has opened a hotel.

The bank also gave his Trump Int’l Hotel and Tower, Chicago, a loan of up to $640 million, according to a 2012 property filing.

And Trump still owes the bank a metric shitload of money.

Reuters also notes that in January of this year, Deutsche Bank was fined $630 million for “organizing $10 billion in sham trades that could have been used to launder money out of Russia.” Money laundering Donald Trump who what now? Surely an honest broker like Trump wouldn’t have been involved in any of that monkey business! OR WAS HE?

Deutsche Bank wasn’t just throwing millions of Ameros at Donald Trump’s face either. Jared Kushner also got a very strange $285 million loan from Deutsche Bank one month before the election, right when the bank was in the middle of settling all that Russian money laundering business. Kushner used the money to refinance part of a New York building he bought from a company controlled by an Israeli citizen from Uzbekistan named Lev Leviev, who has called himself a “true friend” of Vladimir Putin’s. Leviev was also caught up in the weird Russian money laundering case Preet Bharara was prosecuting before he got fired, against a Russian company called Prevezon Holdings Ltd. (And by “caught up,” we mean he was a business partner in Prevezon.)

If you’ll remember, the Russian lawyer who met with Donald Trump Jr. in Trump Tower, Natalia Veselnitskaya, was on the legal team representing Prevezon.

Oh, Ivanka Trump also has dealings with Deutsche Bank, so that’s interesting.

Obviously this is all totally normal and nothing is amiss.

So is this really Trump’s line in the sand, and, faced with the knowledge Mueller is about to fuck him the fuck up (and his little son-in-law too!), will we see a Saturday Night Massacre this evening? Or will the cooler heads of Trump’s VERY SMART LAWYERS prevail? Hahahahaha, Trump’s lawyers are idiots. In fact, back in the summer, this is what Trump Idiot Lawyer John Dowd said about Mueller looking into Trump’s dirty Russian money:

“Those transactions are in my view well beyond the mandate of the Special counsel; are unrelated to the election of 2016 or any alleged collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia and most importantly, are well beyond any Statute of Limitation imposed by the United States Code,” he wrote in an email.

Yes, again, their argument is that Trump’s weird Russian ties have nothing to do with Robert Mueller’s investigation into Trump’s weird Russian ties.

It’s Code Red for a Saturday Night Massacre, y’all. Get ready to hit the streets.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[Reuters]

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Robert Mueller Following The Dirty Russian Money All The Way Up Donald Trump’s Ass

    It’s full of bees and spiders! You might poke your eye out! Wait ’til your Father comes home!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Those big Mirkwood spiders…

      • C4TWOMAN

        They might be large, but they have fragile egos. Call em “Attercop” and they go ballistic.

  • Me The People

    “Those transactions are in my view well
    beyond the mandate of the Special counsel; are unrelated to the election
    of 2016 or any alleged collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia
    and most importantly, are well beyond any Statute of Limitation imposed
    by the United States Code,” he wrote in an email.

    If that were remotely true they’d have absolutely no problem with Mueller checking that shit out. “Investigate away, Mr Mueller” would be their message, not “look at that and we’ll destroy you”.

    • TJ Barke

      Prezactly.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      This is why he wouldn’t give up the tax returns. Mueller has the returns but he can’t make them public. Ball in DotardUS court, so to speak.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      in my view

      good thing no one gives even a tiny fraction of a fuck about your view, you slimy cunt

    • SweetDeeKat

      Conspiracy is a continuing crime, Attorney Fuckwit.

  • Joe Beese

    There was a Law & Order episode where a foreign bank tried stonewalling our prosecutors. And they came back with something like “The building this bank is housed in is a crime scene and we’re going to to dismantle it brick by brick in search of evidence unless you stop jerking us around.”

    It worked.

    • BMW

      Dun-DUN!

      • Oblios_Cap

        I can’t wait for the Special Victims Unit episode based on the Roy Moore story to hit the airwaves.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Apparently, they have produced shows based on Trump and on Epstein

    • OneYieldRegular

      Trump Tower should be reduced by 85%. Oh, defenders will argue that it’s a national treasure, containing hundreds of idle rich people, money launderers, Russian agents and mobsters, making it a unique national monument to greed and corruption. They’ll also try to point out that it’s a magnificent trove of gold-plated kitsch rivaled only, perhaps, by the apartments of Napoleon III in the Louvre. They may also argue that it attracts a steady stream of protestors who enhance the local economy by buying up soft drinks, snacks, markers and posterboard from businesses in the vicinity. But its value is truly questionable, and it represents overreach by some of the most louche elements in our nation. In any case, it should be given back to the locals, who are in the best to position to decide how to dismantle it.

      • calliecallie

        From your lips to Bear’s, I mean God’s Ears.

      • Meccalopolis

        with a wrecking ball

    • fredoandme

      just saw that episode not two weeks ago.

  • LiberalANDProud

    So, both the Commies and the Nazis are involved?

    • kilgoretrout

      Ask 1939 Poland

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Molotov! That’s a first.

        • r m reddicks

          My cocktail of choice in these days!

    • Vel Venturi

      This administration really *is* bringing people together!

  • r m reddicks

    Will Donny Two Scoops get the naming rights and management concession at the Graybar Hotel?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Gayer Than Thou

    Well, as my conservative uncle likes to say when a perp of color claims he was subjected to a warrantless search, if he doesn’t have anything to hide then there isn’t anything to worry about.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m sure that he offered to let the IRS audit him every year, too.

    • grindstone

      Goose, gander, etc.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      well that’s different because reasons skin tone

  • Zonath

    Rename it to Douche Bank.

    Also love the Dowd quote about the statute of limitations, as if that had any bearing on, say, an impeachment proceeding (it doesn’t).

    • ((( Augustus )))

      they’re just flinging poo at the wall hoping something will stick, anything (it won’t)

  • Oblios_Cap

    Mueller better bring a long 2X4 and a rope. A person could get lost rooting around in Trump’s huge ass.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’d throw him some paper towels, but someone already gave them all away.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Or will the cooler heads of Trump’s VERY SMART LAWYERS prevail? Hahahahaha, Trump’s lawyers are idiots.

    “You know, the Predisent also can’t be charged with corruption, money laundering, or blowing goats. That last one is hypothetical. Trump didn’t actually blow the goats. Is it naptime yet?” — John Dowd

    • r m reddicks

      “Where’s Pete Rose?” – John Dowd.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        I’d never really questioned MLB’s evidence or Rose’s banishment until now.

        • r m reddicks

          I think Dowd’s about to get banished himself. Made some bets on the wrong team.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Lev Leviev? Who’s coming up with these villain names? Get me someone from re-write!

    • kilgoretrout

      Jacob Jacobson was already taken

      • elviouslyqueer

        So was Erick Erickson.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Beat me by a second!

          • elviouslyqueer

            I bet you say that to all the boys in your yard.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            As I like to say to them, take your time – it’s not a competition.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Yeah, that’s what the chicken said to the egg.

          • MynameisBlarney

            When one thinks about it, the egg came waaaay before the chicken.
            Things were laying eggs that eventually evolved into chickens.

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Only the ones there for his milkshake

        • fredoandme

          erick o’erick.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        And we ran into copyright issues with Eric Son of Erick.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Erick Erickovich.

    • Snark Tank Full of Resistance

      These are the guys who invented a fake WaPo reporter named “Bernie Bernstein”. So…

    • Me not sure

      “Scribe McWriterson, at your service.”

    • jodyleek

      Sorry, Ian Fleming is dead. Oh, you want the names to sound less evil! Got it.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’m rather partial to “Stewey Jewstein”

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      It is a pretty good Stan Lee comic book name too also.

    • aureolaborealis

      Also, we need some killer punch-up, cuz this story is pretty fucking depressing.

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    OT: the Orange Fuckface(TM) on the tube endorsing Candidate Pedophile (ALLEGED) and like a Chatty Kathy doll parroting “Jones, soft on crime, soft on borders.” And then scurries off.

    • Zonath

      Moore: Hard for children.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      How in the ever loving fuck can you call anyone who is a former prosecutor, “soft on crime,” and not have everyone look at you like you just shit your pants?

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      “Soft on crime” is my favorite. Nothing to actually prove or discuss, just “the coloreds will getcha!”

  • Andre
  • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

    So I’m nice and terrified and envisioning the shitface as using rallies as an excuse to invoke martial law and kill us all AWESOME.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Read that as “martini law,” because dyslexia, and got kind of excited for a minute.

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        I’m totally cool with martini law.

        • kilgoretrout

          make mine very very dry

          • Oblios_Cap

            Shaken, not stirred.

          • kilgoretrout

            Apparently the classic way to make a martini is to stir it, but I agree with .007 on this. Better shaken. Colder.

          • Christopher Story

            Shaking breaks the ice, causing it to melt faster and water down the drink. It’s actually a classic spy trick, watering down alcohol, (from what I’ve heard) to make it appear as though you’ve consumed more than you actually have.

          • MynameisBlarney

            And extra dirty.

          • kilgoretrout

            olive you

          • Shan

            Filthy!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yup.

          • Meccalopolis

            dry here, coat the inside of the glass and pour the rest out

        • MynameisBlarney

          “Shaken, not stirred, or there will be repercussions and consequences!”

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’ll sic Jeffy Elf and his goon squad on us!

    • MynameisBlarney

      He’d have to have reasonable grounds to declare martial law, wouldn’t he?
      I mean, without a pretty clear reason it couldn’t legally happen. I think.

      • TJ Barke

        So his extragovernmental brownshirts will do it for him.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Extra governmental means illegal.

          • TJ Barke

            His presidency is basically illegal. You think that’ll stop them?

          • MynameisBlarney

            I bet the federal agencies that would still be enforcing the law would stop them.

          • TJ Barke

            If they aren’t compromised…

          • Oblios_Cap

            Not the ICE Assholes. Actually, I don’t have any faith in the idea that the police are on our side. The military might be the only hope.

          • TJ Barke

            I don’t have faith there, either given the talk of white supremacist infiltration.

          • Oblios_Cap

            true. Well, I’ve got a pitchfork…

          • MynameisBlarney

            It would be the FBI, ATF, DHS and the NSA.
            I don’t think they are particularly keen on the idea of a fascist takeover.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            I hear what you’re saying, and I want to share your optimism. I also want to introduce you to a thing called The 1930s.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *sighs*

            I see what’s happening all around us, every damn day, it scares me.
            But I refuse to give up on the idea/hope that there are still people in our govt. that are going to stop this shit from going full nazi Germany.
            If they don’t, then it’s going to mean violence the likes this country hasn’t seen since the Civil War.

      • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

        I wish I could trust the rule of law around here, ngl.

        • Joe Beese

          The “rule of law” has been dead since Bush v Gore. I don’t even miss it any more.

      • puredog

        Coupla anti-Trump demonstrations driven violent by undercover agents provocateurs, et voila.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Don’t give them any ideas.

          • TJ Barke

            Trust me, fascists always have those ideas.

          • MynameisBlarney

            True, but these trump fascists are like The Apple Dumplin’ Gang of fascists.

  • AJ Milne

    I’ve also figured all along this was all about the money. Though it’s not an insight I figure I should get a medal for nailing or nothin’… It’s about on par, I figure, with working out that people who say they just read Playboy for the articles may, in fact, not quite be telling the whole truth.

  • James Baskin

    It’s Saturday already?

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Where does the time go, eh?

    • kilgoretrout

      Another Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody

      • James Baskin

        I got some money cuz I just got paid….

        • AJ Milne

          How I wish I had someone to violate all established norms by firing.

          • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

            I’m in an awful way.

          • Charles Insandiego

            Never forget the Bay City Rollers:
            https://g.co/kgs/3RX96p

        • puredog

          How I wish I had something to fap to. . .

        • LesBontemps

          Your SorosBucks finally came through? Shit, my check is still in the mail.

  • TJ Barke

    “Those transactions are in my view well beyond the mandate of the Special counsel; are unrelated to the election of 2016 or any alleged collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia and most importantly, are well beyond any Statute of Limitation imposed by the United States Code,” he wrote in an email

    Not if those transactions have some bearing on WHY HE WAS WILLING TO WORK FOR RUSSIA!

    • Boscoe

      (Shh! Don’t tip them off!)

  • jesterpunk

    You know, when you tell an investigator not to look at something this is what you are doing.

    http://www.faithinhisblood.org/uploads/2/8/5/1/28510639/9373445_orig.gif

    • BosGrl

      Wow that is, uh, sort of seizure inducing.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’d reply, but I’m foaming at the mouth and spazzing on the floor right now.

      • jesterpunk

        Sorry, I removed the gif.

        • BosGrl

          It was eye-catching though :D

    • GoutMachine

      NYT editorial: “Yes, the President Can Obstruct Justice” and the kicker subheader: “Also: Why lie if you’ve don’t nothing wrong”?

  • BMW

    Alternate headline:
    “Trump has the worst fucking attorneys as ‘Arrested Development’ parallels continue.”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump (just a few moments ago): “There is a great spirit of unity and optimism in the Republican Party. It’s beautiful. We’re about to give the American people a beautiful tax package. We’re making America great again. We’re looking at NAFTA. We’re going to make a deal. A better deal. It’s good. Good for the American people.”

    Turned it off. Who talks like that? What the fuck? It was gibberish and total inanity and insanity.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b9d507f2ac3a8e9d28942c60d439cd895a5575ab9113b79ea354129999a5e208.jpg

    • BMW

      He is rallying the troops to circle the wagons and other antiquated metaphors.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He should be deep sixed, then.

      • LesBontemps

        Closing ranks, manning the barricades, fingering dykes, etc.

      • OneYieldRegular

        He is sending a signal flare to rally the troops to circle the wagons against the circling sharks who have him pinned down under fire and are nipping at his heels.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      ‘If I don’t say anything about it, it hasn’t happened.’

      • Bill D. Burger

        Jeff Flake was sitting right beside him and looked like a cross between a hostage and Bambi in the headlights.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He just babbles wildly and irrationally. I’m absolutely astounded that anyone anywhere takes him the least bit seriously. He sounds like a carnie trying to deny his midway game is crooked…

      • SisterArtemis

        I’ve always thought he sounded like a stereotypical carnie crossed with a slimy car salesman (not to cast aspersions on hardworking folk in either industry). In the election cycles before 2016, Trump made several brand-enhancing fakes at running for prez, and every time, he came off like a carnival hawker to me. That got worse, not better, when he really threw his hat in the ring. I’ve never been able to understand how anyone listens to this man, or watches his body language, and comes away thinking of him as smart, honest, or capable. What a phony he is!

        • Meccalopolis

          “they’re rapists”

          all he needed to say

    • Edith Prickly

      “EVERYTHING’S FINE, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT GUY RIFLING THROUGH MY BANK RECORDS, #FAKENEWS #MAGA #DEEP STATE #WINNINGALLTHEWINS”

    • janecita

      I just spoke on the phone with my niece’s daughter, she is two years old, she makes a lot more sense than Trump.

    • Gigglesnort

      He is giving them a beautiful tax package right up the rear orfice. At least that is where most people will be getting it.

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    Does Two Scoops have the (admittedly tiny) balls to try this? Is there a mechanism where Mueller says, see you in court you treasonous orange baby, and while we wait for a court date I’ll start digging even deeper.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      I think there is a way Mueller can appeal; but I am not one of those fancy big-city lawyers.

    • SweetDeeKat

      There’s an emergency injunction motion already drafted somewhere. Probably several.

    • Meccalopolis

      report to congress/Rosenstein on the status of the investigation, accidentally leaked

  • Blackest Noobs

    what’s code red ? isn’t just some shitty soda drink?

  • Blackest Noobs

    maybe it’s the final straw to push Trump into resigning.
    and besides, he really didn’t want the job in the 1st place.
    he just wanted to get back at that uppity Negro.

    • BosGrl

      Undoing every last thing that good guy did.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      not until they get their tax bill signed- then the GOP will defenestrate him in a heartbeat

      • BosGrl

        Well, he IS barking…

      • fredoandme

        defenestrate.

        nice. i have a particular nyc building in mind.

        wanna guess?

    • Anne Of Green Bagels

      it’s called economic anxiety.

  • ltmcdies
  • Daniel

    “Deutsche Bank told Congressional Democrats to fuck off this summer when they asked for similar information, but we guess it’s different when Robert Mueller tells you to swallow this subpoena.”

    This is very much in keeping with the image I have of Mueller, which is based almost entirely on his image. I mean, I know nothing about him besides this investigation and what he looks like, which is rather fitting given how Trump apparently went for people to staff his administration based on whether they looked the part.

    Mueller looks like the sort of focused, unflappable agent of the law used in cinema to be an FBI agent going after gangsters in Prohibition era Chicago, or alternately in a comic book where he is the embodiment of incorruptible LAW. He is stony faced and soberly dressed, not a zealot or fanatic, but the sort of man who conscientiously and calmly pursues the criminal the story focuses on, who gradually goes Tell Tale Heart insane because the Law will not let up, and won’t be bought off, and won’t be distracted.

    And it’s not personal for Mueller. It’s just that’s what the Law demands.

    • Joe Beese

      “We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we’re aware of.”

      • texcynical

        Mueller is tear-assing through Washington with a brand new Edgar suit.

        • Daniel

          In the FBI “an Edgar suit” is something light in a floral print, with pearls.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            With his figure, J. Edgar should probably have avoided prints altogether.

          • Edith Prickly

            Oh SNAP.

          • Oblios_Cap

            ME-OW!

          • LesBontemps

            Revenge of Miss Thing.

          • marxalot

            A nice sensible check two-piece, and pearl earrings.

          • george lastrapes

            One day his prints came, and his madras bled.

          • Weird Fishes

            But he always looks so pretty.

          • Rebel Scum with permit

            With heavy duty foundation garments

        • Zippy W Pinhead
    • therblig
    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      He looks like he’s right out of central casting

    • SweetDeeKat

      I have an adult crush on him.

      • Debbie the Unpaid Protester

        Me, too, and I don’t usually have crushes on Republicans.

    • Tetman Callis

      The few FBI (and ATF) agents I’ve known all had this calm, unflappable centeredness about them. An aura of, “We don’t worry about people fucking with us because, you know . . .,” — and you knew.

      (DEA was different. They tended to be more spooky and jagged. Didn’t want to set one of them off by mistake.)

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      The Dossier starring:

      George Clooney as Robert Meuller
      Ray Liotta as Paul Manafort
      Scarlett Johannson as Ivanka Trump

      and

      Chris Farley’s Rotted Corpse as Donald Trump

      • Daniel

        Chris Farley’s Rotted Corpse as Steve Bannon.
        Deep Fried John Candy Corpse as Donald Trump.

  • Gosala

    “And Trump still owes the bank a metric shitload of money.”

    UNANERICAN!! It’s SAE or GTFO!

    Commie.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      But it’s a GERMAN bank.

  • Jay B.

    Uncorroborated, but sensible-sounding, gossip I heard several months ago from a friend relating the stuff he heard from a Europe-based financial reporter was that the FBI already has the Deutsch Bank records and that they were pouring over them with forensic accountants. It just takes awhile with this shit. It was always going to come out, the motherfucker is a whore anyway, he sold out our country for cash. It’s shocking, but not surprising.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Pouring forensic accountants over them? Why didn’t they just pore over them?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        liquid assets

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        A forensic accountant marinade can add zest to even the plainest of bank records.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      This makes sense to me, in that Mueller seems smart enough not to telegraph what he’s doing until it’s too late for the people he’s investigating to do anything about it. I hope he never investigates my browser history.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Not unless he’s interested in amateur wrestling.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Whore libelz

    • A good whore provides value and a memorable experience for your money. Actually a bad whore does, too.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Bloomberg: Mueller issued a subpoena to Germany’s largest lender several weeks ago, forcing the bank to submit documents on its relationship with Trump and his family, according to a person briefed on the matter, who asked not to be identified because the action has not been announced.
      So, true. He he he he he.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    All contacts with Russians were completely legitimate. We just didn’t want any one to know about them so we all lied. Repeatedly. Its not illegal to collude with Russia, and even is it were the statue of limitation has been exceeded.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Only if the SoL is less than a year.

    • Weird Fishes

      plus it was totally consensual, and a long time ago.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      And why isn’t Hillary being investigated? We all know she actually did it way before Donald did, AND THAT is a CRIME!

      All of these concepts are totally compatible with each other.

  • Joe Beese
    • Edith Prickly

      Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt…

      • Querolous

        It’s a mountebank in Alaska.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      My God they are delusional

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Conspiracy! Conspiracies everywhere!

    • BosGrl

      We need to get these people into de-cultifying rehab, stat.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Too late. The best we can do is institutionalise them until their high-fat, high-carb diets carry them off.

    • Bill D. Burger

      HHHHHHHHHillary…. Hillary did it too. Hillary’s worse.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Those people are really fucking stupid.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      lol. Their tinfoil hats are on tightly.

    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Dead Breitbart: A wholly owned subsidiary of Trolls of Russia, LLC.

    • Weird Fishes

      I love reading these. It’s not so much that they read like one big run-on sentence as much that you actually have to catch your breath at the each.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      I hear the sound of their goose stepping jackboots as they begin to march toward Washington, the Praetorian Ghouls come to rescue the DotardUS government.

      • Meccalopolis

        He will almost certainly call them out to the streets

    • Christopher Story

      A new conspiracy I came across on the intertubes:
      Mueller is secretly investigating Hillary; he’s just using Flynn as a public stunt to distract from that fact. That’s why all these celebrities and media moguls are getting outted, they’re actually being taken down by Mueller’s secret, real investigation.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        So, we should certainly increase Mueller’s budget, and make sure he has all the resources he needs!!

    • Master Contrail Program

      Perhaps in their rush to starve the beast we will see the end of warning labels? Telling people not to to do something stupid and/or dangerous is an impingement on their very freedumbs afterall.

      Then may nature take its course.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        That’s not precisely what I meant, but it will do.
        – Chuckles Darwin

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s a damn good thing for the Breitfarts that cretinous stupid is not a capital crime in this country.

      • Master Contrail Program

        It’s more a badge of honor these days.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Ignorance should be painful instead of bliss.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        If we eventually get a hand in designer evolution, the first thing we should do is create a gene that makes stupidity physically painful

      • GoutMachine

        If I were king, it would be.

    • Msgr_MΩment
    • ((( Augustus )))

      WHAT THE FUCK DOES HILLARY HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING???

      • MynameisBlarney

        SHE’S AN INTELLIGENT, POWERFUL WOMAN THAT CAN’T BE INTIMIDATED BY THESE IGNORANT CRETINS!

        Therefore she must be discredited at all cost.

      • I know, right?

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      It’s like developing mind reading powers the second you step into the ‘incurable’ psych ward. Ye gods, if they were any more disconnected from reality they’d dissolve into plasma.

    • Damn. Didnt take three posts before someone mentioned Hillary.

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        Who had ‘3’ in the pool?

    • aureolaborealis

      Funny that they say Mueller is finding nothing, which would exonerate 2Skoops, yet they desperately want him to stop.

  • goonemeritus

    Trump will just deny he ever had, borrowed or even seen money. He has always solely relied on the kindness of strangers.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      Money? What is money?

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        It was just for coffee

  • SayItWithWookies

    I can’t wait to hear Assmouth enter a plea of “Why haven’t Mueller and the failing FBI investigated Hillary and Uranium One, which is the real collusion?”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The stupid, it burns the ferrets off his orange head.

    • SweetDeeKat

      “You see, in that case, contact with Russians is BAD.”

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      Did he not already try this?

      • SayItWithWookies

        Which means he’ll definitely be trying it as many times as it takes to sink in

  • Joe Beese

    “How many times have I told you not to play with the dirty money!”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HONT41B5KLk

  • beatbort

    While Mueller was following the dirty Russian money all the way up Donald Trump’s ass, who should he bump into up inside that rectal area? Devin Nunes!
    “Hi Dev…what are you doing up in here? You can’t launder anything up in here and get it clean what with all the fecal matter lying about….Come on, Dev, just follow me back out of here and that nice man over there will put some nice clean cuffs on your wrists…”

  • Aileen

    In what feels like a lifetime ago, I thought there was no way the MAGA crowd would permit Trump to do something like firing Mueller if he got too close to exposing his illegal money laundering activities, or if Trump pardoned anyone close to him after they were convicted of a serious crime. Now, I can totally see his idiot supporters sticking with him through anything. Trump doesn’t even have to put in effort into concocting a decent excuse. He’ll just have to tweet out something about the Deep State and possibly Hillary Clinton and call it a day.

    • BigCSouthside

      Yep. It’ll be interesting to see how these Tucker’s react.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Oh, don’t forget the FBI agent Mueller let go when they found out he had tweeted something critical of Trump. Expect this to be shouted from the rooftops in the Con blogosphere and on FOX in the coming days as “…corrupt investigation. Fixed investigation….blah, blah, blah.”

      https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/02/us/politics/mueller-removed-top-fbi-agent-over-possible-anti-trump-texts.html

    • Edith Prickly

      The hardcore MAGA crowd are cultists. They will still be screaming about conspiracies when Trump is sitting in prison.

      • Persistent Demme

        Yep.
        Gave up on them long ago.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Nixon is wishing he had had Trump’s Slackjawed Minority instead of his Silent “Majority”.

      • SisterArtemis

        Say what you will about Nixon, and I’ve said plenty myself, but I really don’t think he’d have put up with the idiocracy of Trump’s base. He could be slimy, but I don’t think he suffered fools lightly – his staff, corrupt as many were, was filled with a bunch of smart motherfuckers.

      • Rebel Scum with permit

        He did have about a 28% approval rating when he left office, so there was a slack jawed minority even then. And there were a lot of people who actually disapproved of Nixon for cheating on his taxes and using those awful words.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I read that as Derp State. Make of that what you will.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      didn’t Nixon have something like 23% support right up to August 9, 1974?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      But Zegs and Turtle will express CONCERN.

      WHAT MORE DO YOU LIBTARDS WANT?!?!?

      • Shan

        McCain to be…troubled.

        • Meccalopolis

          dare I say, disturbed?

    • GoutMachine

      I really do think they’d vote for him if he murdered someone on 5th Avenue. The GOP is all-out endorsing a child molester, so don’t hope for any semblance of integrity or morals from these fuckers.

    • aureolaborealis

      In some ways the great knuckle-dragging masses that got Trump close enough to be cheated into office were right when they said ‘we’ were out of touch with their reality: I had no idea how stupid and evil they were; I thought they had minimum standards of behavior. I was so out of touch with their reality.

  • Bill D. Burger

    But the sons of bitches couldn’t stop Mueller: ~BAM!~

    [Adam Schiff says that Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee quickly blocked his request to subpoena Trump-related bank records from Duetsche Bank.]

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DQTFnWrX4AIeIum.jpg

    • Edith Prickly

      LOL, everybody’s so over the pee hooker tape.

      • Shan

        He’s gonna wish that’s all there ever was.

      • C4TWOMAN

        At this point even if it turned out to be real, it’d just be a coda to this schadenfreude.

        • Edith Prickly

          I’ve said before that considering all we know about Trump, hiring pee hookers is one of the least offensive things he’s done.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No shit- if it were just that, he wouldn’t be so bad…

          • C4TWOMAN

            It would squick his religious values base though. Cuz they really care about not looking like freaks.
            Sexual harassment and pedos are okay, but not the gheys or kinks.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Naw, those fucking hypocrites would overlook ANYTHING as long as Donnie continues to be anti abortion

          • Nope. They’ll “fake news” it all and tra-la-la happily to the next cross burning.

      • LesBontemps

        The money-laundering files are a lot dirty-sexxxier.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        DB was the hooker, showering golden rubles all over DJT.

      • Daniel

        Does that mean Don Jr is going to tweet it out now?

      • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

        I’m not. I wanna see that pee go down with Donald.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The “pee hookers” were all underage.

        That’s the part that should spell the end of Donald. However, given the immorality of the GOP with regards to Roy Moore, all bets are off.

    • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

      Of course they have to launder the money after it got hooker pee all over it

    • pstokk

      That’s nice Mr. Schiff. But how about a little of: “The Republicans on this Committee and in the whole of Congress have been running interference for a traitorous money launderer and con man. These Republicans have knowingly enabled and defended treason, and that makes them just as guilty as the administration figures who will soon be getting acquainted with our federal prison system.
      And why were they willing to kiss the Russian proxy-mobster’s ring? Was it just to secure a tax break for their billionaire donors? Or are they compromised themselves?
      If they do not immediately move to impeach the President, they will be forever tarred, as individuals and as a party, with the outrages and crimes of this year of infamy.”
      Yeah I doubt we’ll be hearing words like that from the lips of Democrats. They’ll be decorous and measured to the bitter end, believing they are surviving and beating a Gingrich level assault on democracy, never willing to believe that this is an actual Putin level assault.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    No money laundering. No money laundering. You’re the money laundering.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    If he tries to fire Mueller for a legitimate line of inquiry into his corruption, Donald will trigger a constitutional crisis that will destroy himself and his nominal political party. GOPers who fail to act will have committed treason after the fact.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’m not sure they didn’t commit it before the fact…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      I love your optimism. I’m not entirely sure that ZEGS and the Turtle won’t just try to spackle over the entire mess and pretend that “this is fine”. If ZEGS won’t start the impeachment process and the Turtle looks the other way on the Saturday Night Massacre, we’re down to counting on enough decent, ethical republicans to buck their party and risk their careers to do the right thing, and I’m just not convinced there are that many of them who would.

      • BreakingDeadMen

        That’s the issue to me…Rinse Pubis almost certainly laundered rubles through the DNC and it’s an open question who that implicates among the Rs in congress. Nunes certainly seems to be one, Ryan and Turtle would seem likely as well. How far does the rot go and what kind of deals is Mueller ready to make to let the Party save face and some of these traitors to save their asses?

      • IdRatherBeDancing

        But Jeff Flake will say strong words!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          There will be a torrent of concern!

          • IdRatherBeDancing

            hand wringing into the night right up before heading to the WH for lunch with the Dotard.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          F Jeff Fake. Dead to me.

    • BigCSouthside

      Nah. They will either start a war or open another bullshit Clinton investigation to smoke screen it.

      Nothing matters anymore, not as long as Ryan and McConnell are in charge

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        That’s what I’m afraid of- they crossed the line long ago and now there’s just no turning back until this ride is finished

    • I can’t see why this would be the case. Anyone that would give a crap has long been co-opted.

      The GOP base will cheer as they give Donald the FIrst his crown and the Republic gets flushed down a solid gold toilet.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        The Constitutional Republic is long gone. Just look at what happened in the Congress last week and what is going on in the SCOTUS virtually every day they are in session.

    • pstokk

      There’s a chance, but I’m with the pessimists below.

  • TundraGrifter

    So the cops come to the door and the crazy neighbor who always keeps to himself immediately says “Don’t look in the freezer!”

    • John Thorstensen

      Florida Man, maybe?

  • marxalot

    …Is anyone else getting the feeling that this ends like the Mayor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

    • MynameisBlarney

      Uh…I have no idea what that means.
      I never watched it, as it was on at the same time as the X-Files.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I went on Wikipedia- where everything is true – and now know what she’s talking about.

    • Shan

      A bunch of people dead and turned? Probably.

      • Daniel

        “A bunch of people dead and turned?”

        The founders and in their graves.

        Wait, I can make this joke better…

        • Shan

          I got it!

      • C4TWOMAN

        Hopefully Trump ascends to more obvious demonhood and the Slayer has to blow up the White House to destroy him.
        Downside: need a new White House.
        Upside: no more demon president so yay?

        • natoslug

          That’d certainly take care of the mice ‘n roaches problem in the White House.

    • Thiazin Red

      The Mayor was way too competent and charming. His relationship with Faith was also kind of nice. Plus, we got vampire Harmony which was awesome.

      So The Mayor libelz?

      • marxalot

        I was just thinking “enormous monster tears open from fleshbag, huge explosion follows, rain of cooked meat.”

  • OneYieldRegular

    “Follow the money” is the single greatest piece of American political advice ever offered.

    • LadyLaz

      Cui bono – the best advice given by dead romans to the world at large.

      “Who profits?”

      • Blanche de Shambles

        I don’t know, I think the best advice given by dead Romans is “Never go for a walk in the Teutoburg Forest without back-up.”

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          “Never get involved in a land war in Asia.”

          • Querolous

            “May God keep you away from the venom of the cobra, the teeth of the tiger, and the revenge of the Afghans.”

        • LadyLaz

          Varus varus give me my legions back!

      • Meccalopolis

        memento mori

    • Monty Market

      It’s the cover-up, not the crime.

  • Tetman Callis

    Don John shoulda learnt from Kenyan Barry about that whole red line thing, how that can work out.

    Oh wait — my stoopit — Don John shoulda learnt from the dark-skinned fruit of misceg — fuckity, I can’t even spell that word so

    Don John shoulda learnt? What wheel have I been sleeping at?

  • OrdinaryJoe

    It’s Mueller time and Donnie Rubles is in big trouble.

  • texcynical

    Who?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Quote Of The Day:
    “If baking a cake for a gay wedding is endorsing homosexuality, then voting for a pedophile is endorsing pedophilia.”

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      MOAR UPVOTES

    • LadyLaz

      Wow that rocks

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        dunno who originally said it- crossed my faceplace and decided to share

        • JAKvirginia

          And thanks for that. Scalpels don’t cut as clean.

          • Mary

            Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
            On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            fj322d:
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        • Querolous
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    “But he was a lying sack of shit committing federal crimes BEFORE he was President!”

    • Shan

      Some of them have GOT to be state level crimes he can’t be pardoned for.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Mueller is a smart man. I’m sure he’s covered the bases

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          Oh, I am not concerned about Mueller. I am just thinking of how his base will react.

          • Ms.Moon

            I really don’t care how his base reacts because they are dead wrong and they do not have a legal leg to stand on. I know many of his supporters are armed to the teeth but if they react violently it is nobody’s fault but their own. They purchased this bag of nothing and will be left holding the bag.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Axios reports that Trump’s attacks on the Russia probe are designed to discredit the investigation in the minds of House Republicans, who would be leading impeachment proceedings. And expect them to increase and become much more savage.

    Mike Allen 7 hrs ago
    Trump’s survival plan

    https://www.axios.com/trumps-survival-plan-2515010441.html

  • Carpe Vagenda

    The statute of limitations for this time last year has already passed? That’s going to make it tough to mailghazi Hillary.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      lolno

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I was going to say.

    • suziq

      No statute of limitations for anything related to a Clinton.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        It was absolutely fucking hilarious watching Dustin Hoffman get all shirty about being confronted about his skeezing at an anniversary showing of Wag the Dog, which was basically a highly-subsidized invitation to watch Bill Clinton’s bunny get boiled by the usual suspects because dick issues.

  • proudgrampa

    This is encouraging.

    Looks like Drumpf shouldn’t have fired Comey, eh?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      He shouldn’t have danced with Putin.

      • tehbaddr

        Yeah, but you usually have to dance with the one that pays your way.

        • BreakingDeadMen

          He should have just taken his inheritance and invested in Berkshire Hathaway, used the dividends to pay for his foreign women. The world would be so much better and he’d actually be rich.

      • Timothy Watson

        He shouldn’t have danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

        • tehbaddr

          Dancing with the debil is actually pretty OK, by comparison.

      • Captain Kraut

        Dancing with Putin isn’t so bad…until he decides to show off his mad judo skillz and throws you across the dance floor.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      He shouldn’t have left Queens.

    • Edith Prickly

      He shouldn’t have run for president in the first place. Hubris and stupidity is a lethal combination.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • Antonin Dvorak

      What happened to the old dean?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        that was Dean Wormer

        he retired to spend more time with his wife in the produce section…

        • Thiazin Red

          I sympathize with Dean Wormer, Delta House are a bunch of asshole who should be kicked off campus.

          • John Thorstensen

            The actual Dartmouth frat which was the basis for the movie was death-penaltied last year. And this time, they really mean it — no re-recognotion, no coming back if they say they’re real sorry, nothing. And it was about time.

          • Meccalopolis

            no double secret probation?

      • Bub, the cynical zombie

        He’s a perv. One who got caught.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Oh.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    This will be the test of whether Trump and the sucker part of the Republican Party* have object permanence or not>

    *not saying they aren’t all bad, just that some are in on the joke. We’ll find out which ones they are.

  • Victoria Ricola

    $265 million will buy a whole lot of red licorice, hookers, and treason.

    • IdRatherBeDancing

      or booze, women and movies

      • Non-Threatening Ron

        I don’t believe you, but I’m willing to find out.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    For serious: a Saturday-night massacre style thingy happens – how far down the ranks do you think the dotard will have to go to find someone who’ll fire Mueller?

    • fredoandme

      dwight schrute?

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      I dunno…maybe the guy who empties the watebaskets at the DoJ?

    • Lord Jim

      I don’t think he’ll need to go further than Sessions.

  • tehbaddr

    FAKE NEWS! It was all LEGAL! Before I was President. Trust me on this. I had great business relationships with Russians. The best! People are talking.

  • Fitzgerald Chesterfield

    Lev Leviev? Does he work at WaPo with Bernie Bernstien?

    • Mavenmaven

      He’s the Bukharian version.

  • Non-Threatening Ron

    The other thing I want to hear (besides ‘My God, every penny he ever made is from money-laundering!’) is, ‘By the way, upon reviewing all of Mr Trump’s financial records, we have determined that his net worth is fifteen dollars and seventy-five cents, and that includes four McDonalds Halloween gift certificates.’

    • Christopher Story

      If it turns out he is guilty of money laundering, can’t they seize his money and assets as proceeds of criminal conspiracy or something?

      • Marceline

        Yep. Asset forfeiture.

        • cmd resistor

          Made easier to do by Jeffy Sessions, right?

        • Weird Fishes

          “Dad, why is the toilet white?”

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Won’t it be more of a stainless steel?

        • Querolous

          Assumes assets are real.

      • kilgoretrout

        Isn’t this what Schneiderman, the NY AG is looking into?

      • Rags

        RICO – look it up

      • dieselox

        Oooooh, if they seize all his assets, Roosha gets REALLY mad quickly, and we all get to find out what they actually have on him.

        I think as part of the last loan deal he made, part of the contract was a pellet implanted in his head, right in the hair line, remote controlled, one phone call and it pops out it’s final parting gift.

        Nothing would shame this guy, it has to be a threat to life and limb.

    • SisterArtemis

      Yeah, but he faked three of the four the McDonalds certificates

    • Mavenmaven

      I’d like to see him and his gang working at Walmart’s as a result.

      • calliecallie

        I’d like to see them working in the laundry room of a federal prison.

        • Querolous

          Christine Keeler just died. Profumo spent his life after the scandal doing menial work at a charity as atonement. Trump has not and never will atone for anything.

    • CeeQ

      Hey so we found that he has precisely $6.75 cash on hand. The rest is debt. Surprise??!!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Speakin’ o’ idjits wearin’ tin-foil hats…

    https://crooksandliars.com/2017/12/politico-everyone-paranoid-white-house

  • Swampay

    “Those transactions are in my view well beyond the mandate of the Special counsel; are unrelated to the election of 2016 or any alleged collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia and most importantly, are well beyond any Statute of Limitation imposed by the United States Code,”

    Really? The statute of limitations is the most important part of that? “You can’t ask about that dead body over there because even if we killed that person it happened too long ago.” KInda makes me think that a) there’s a dead body over there and b) they had something to do with killing that person.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      “Crime, once exposed, has no refuge but in audacity.”

      ― Tacitus, Annals

      • Blanche de Shambles

        And he was writing about the Julio-Claudians, who knew a thing or two about corruption!

    • GoutMachine

      How soon these Republicans forget that special counsels can investigate pretty much whatever the fuck they want. That “mandate” is wide enough to drive a few trucks through.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Well, “but it was so long ago that he tried to rape that kid!” is one of the very thoughtful GOP defenses of Moore.

  • La forza del resistino

    Well this will leave a Deutsche mark

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      <golf clap>

    • From Euro mouth to God’s ears

  • laineypc

    Pay no attention to that money behind the curtain! Nothing to see here1!!!!11!!!

  • eyelashviper

    And that bank in Cyprus, also too.

    Many rubles flowed freely through it, and I betcha some ended up in the Hoofwanker’s pocket.

    • Monty Market

      Wilbur Ross ran that bank in Cyprus. Chock full of Russian mob rubles.

  • Jenny

    Say, his loans are 800 million. Isn’t that the amount he wanted from the RNC to quit?

    Hindsight says that was a hell of a deal and could have bargained down a little to walk away a little less in debt than he is now. He is going to lose it all now, and then some. Sad!

  • Marsupial99

    Didn’t even know about this Rapid Response thing. Ok, fine, Escondido it is! (Seems silly to have both Ramona & Escondido on there, but…. ok.)

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I fully expect it to be revealed that not only is the Dolt In Chief worth nothing, But that he also has been avoiding taxes on ill gotten gains and now owes the IRS (that’s us, or the US) many, many, many millions of dollars. Tax evasion has destroyed many a criminal empire.

    • kilgoretrout

      On October 10, 1973, VP Spiro Agnew pled no contest to a single felony charge of tax evasion, resigned his office, and was replaced by House Minority Leader Gerald Ford. Agnew spent the remainder of his life quietly, rarely making public appearances. He wrote a novel, and also a memoir defending his actions. He died in 1996.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        I think that all of the Watergate goons wrote crappy, self-justifying novels. This is why any plea agreement should include a no-novel clause.

        • pstokk

          What are you, some kind of nattering nabob of negativism?

          • Rags

            No, we’re an effete corps of impudent snobs.

          • John Thorstensen

            I know that’s Safire speaking, but I’m reminded of the Capitol Steps’ spoonerism guy describing “Bat Pu-chanan” as a “speeding leechwriter for Nesident Prixon.”

        • Yellerduck

          Trump would just release a coloring book anyway.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I had no idea. That’s interesting.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        We’re not really expecting the Trump to live up to the ethical standards of Spiro Agnew though, are we?

    • Rags

      All part of the RICO prosecution to come

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I really want it to be so much more than tax evasion, though, because he has already pretty much been, like, “when I don’t pay taxes it’s because I’m just that smart” and his followers are all “YEAH WHAT HE SAID!”

  • WeaselPoo

    So that’s about $1 billion plus interest that Don owes, that he likes to pretend is part of his personal wealth but damn well knows is just debt. How leveraged is he from his other deals? Never mind worrying about being exposed for not being as actually wealthy as he pretends, his financial records made public would likely show his creditors that he’s got no chance of paying back the loans.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      They already know- hence the treason as debt forgiveness

  • Bub, the cynical zombie

    How to self own, Rex Tillerson edition:
    https://twitter.com/ezraklein/status/938111773168816129

    • LadyLaz

      So is tillerson out or not?

      • JustDon’tSayProbably

        Not until Drumpf needs a squirrel.

      • Lord Jim

        If it’s between him and Pompeo, I’ll take Tillerson.

        *retch*

        • Little Lulu Ω

          It’s a choice between horseshit and dogshit.

      • Tetman Callis

        Rexxon’s been out for a while but he won’t leave. If Donnie actually cared about gummint and governatin’, it’d be an issue.

    • Non-Threatening Ron

      ‘We’re not missing a beat. Just, you know, ambassadors n’ shit.’

      • GoutMachine

        “Tillerson then grabbed the mic and dropped some sick beats on assembled journalists.”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Trump Scumbag to Reality Language Translator: I have successfully managed to fail hitting the beat at every opportunity.

    • GHERKINS du RESISTANCE!

      Is a “beat” some kind of Trumpslang for “nap?”

    • Monty Market

      They try international criminals in the Hague, baby. Rex was supposed to deliver the $.5 Trillion$ Russian arctic gas project, but drumpf fucked it up with his election scam.

  • pstokk

    I can never remember, which of the sons is dumb and which is dumber?

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      AOT,K

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Yes

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Sorry, I don’t have a dumbth meter with a scale on it big enough to allow me to measure that.

    • Weird Fishes

      Both of them. Depends on whose mouth is open and making word sounds, and whose is open simply because he forgot to close it.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Eric is a mouth breather BUT he stays in his lane. Don, Jr on the other hand, thinks he’s much smarter than he is and is easier to trip up.

  • Mavenmaven

    I’m reading this story and seeing this in my imagination:
    http://gph.is/2fuQHJ3

  • kilgoretrout

    So another fantasy theory: Mueller is looking at motive for Trump’s Russian affair. He’s looking at Trump’s dire financial situation – all the debt,etc. And he’s going to prove Trump sought Russian payments – hundreds of millions – to get him out from under it in exchange for at first running for president and damaging the electoral process with his Trumpian bluster and then Trump wins and Putin and Trump got a whole lot more than they bargained for. The Alpha Bank to Trump tower server was how Russia was wiring the payments.

    • SisterArtemis

      This has been my basic theory for quite a while.

      • kilgoretrout

        How do you think they are hiding the money they got? It;s a lot to hide.

        • Johnnymoreno

          Real estate

          • kilgoretrout

            That’s SOP for this kind of thing I guess – and Trumps in the real estate biz.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            Except that they overpaid for the real estate. Just look at Prince Jared.

          • Johnnymoreno

            That’s precisely how you launder money, isn’t it? They’ve also sold properties for ridiculously overinflated prices.

          • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

            You don’t buy it yourself for more than it’s worth. You sell the property to others at overinflated property.

        • Weird Fishes

          Buildings are expensive, and the money for them isn’t always as ethically sourced as we would like to think.

        • Monty Market

          Wilbur Ross runs that bank in Cypress, fergawdssakes. the deep state knows all: that drumpf is a traitor. Ergo, fighting back, drumpf called the CIA and NSA as Nazis. Maybe, but they hate Russia and the Putin. It’s all recorded somewhere. Wikileaks can leak it if they weren’t so phocking phocked up.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      fantasy? that is likely the truth- other than the “he sought out” part. I’m sure Putin et al sized up the situation and turned him.

    • Ms.Moon

      Putin also has access to information, how many people around Trump are in business with, indebted to or working for Putin directly and as President Trump has access to information he can turn over to Putin directly or through his emissaries. When Trump spoke privately to that Russian diplomat didn’t several Israeli operatives have their covers blown and they were killed in the field. Every person Trump has any type of dealings with or has nominated to any post is suspect because if he’s in the employ of a foreign government everything he has done is suspect.

    • Cat Cafe

      It’s not a fantasy. It’s what’s happened. I actually think it’s more grotesque: Trump had borrowed hundreds of millions from Russian mafia lenders and couldn’t pay them back. Putin “offered to help” by making the deal–you destroy America, maybe we’ll let you off the hook, pal. He knows Trump is a pig-ignorant, malign fool, so he probably said, “here’s an idea, friend, how would you like to be President? I’m only trying to help here, you’re so smart and clever, you’d be a great President! Now don’t be modest, we love you, you’re our good buddy, WE understand you, WE love you!” I mean look at Trump’s body language in that infamous photo with Kislyak in the Oval Office. HE JUST WANTS THE COOL KIDS TO LIKE HIM.

      Meanwhile Putin knew that Trump is such a fool, he’d destroy us just by being his usual loathsome self, and if Trump had an inconvenient moment of “hey, why do I give a shit about Muslims again?” Putin would “helpfully” guide him to do whatever would be the worst fucking thing to do in the world. Putin, I’m certain, also has agents infiltrating the far left, to make absolutely, completely sure that if and when the election is revealed to be completely illegitimate, people still think Hillary is “corrupt.”

      And all THAT is just because Putin wants the “sanctions” lifted, because he wants to murder with impunity, and it’s costing him billions of dollars in illicit oil money.

      These guys are terrible, terrible criminals. And I’ve said it before, but Putin also may or may not have a “tape,” but whatever evidence he has on Trump, Trump is petrified of it, and it isn’t anything like “pee hookers.” His base could give a shit about “pee hookers.” They love that stuff. There’s something far, far more horrendous, like murder, accessory to murder, child sex trafficking, etc. Part of the problem with his base is they are either equally horrible, or, most of them, I believe, are so provincial and inexperienced that they literally can’t fathom how terrible these men are. It’s like the Germans who were “surprised” at the depths of the Nazis’ brutality and savagery. Many, many people were perfectly well aware of it.

    • SPG138

      Holy fuck, I think you nailed it. I kept wondering how the Alpha Bank sever fit into all this.

  • OrG

    LOCK HIM UP!!!!!!

  • davemac0817

    I don’t know if this has any bearing on the case, but Merkle has to be laughing her ass off right about now, maybe she was the one who called Mueller and told him to maybe take look at these files.

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      The Israelis and Brits too.

    • Captain Kraut

      Merkel hasn’t laughed since losing her majority in the Bundestagswahl this past September.
      She has the problem that her last option to stay in power herself, a renewal of the grand coalition with the social democrats, is rather unlikely.
      Her party and by extension the country has the problem that Merkel has managed to get rid of everyone in her party who could’ve become dangerous to her, there’s nobody around fit to succeed her.

  • Blackest Noobs

    Imagine if we had a “colored” President who reversed everything that this dumb fucking cracka President did we have presently?

    it would be a much better world cuz us of the naturally colored skin persuasion are not as petty as fucking white people.

    • JustDon’tSayProbably

      Well, I’m not petty, but then I’m sort of a beige color.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        I’m super petty. And pretty much see-through.

      • Red Bird

        Also called a winter tan.

      • Blackest Noobs

        see???

    • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

      Huh? I wouldn’t want to throw a brotha against these crackers. Have you looked at all the death plots that were thrown against Obama? This is just through 2015, btw.
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_threats_against_Barack_Obama

      • Blackest Noobs

        and guess who is still alive? Barry that’s who.

        also most of all those threats came from cowards.

        • Ω cynmac’s reclaiming her time

          True. But I think we need to pump the breaks for a minute.

    • Red Bird

      Let’s just pray for each other.

  • Weird Fishes

    I’ve said it several times here, and I will say it again: Follow the money. He’s in debt over his head to some of the most unsavory people (no, not necessarily German bankers) you will ever have the good fortune to not meet. This has always been about the money – not just the money he can grift out of the Government, but continued access to the money to keep his leaky shitty real estate syndicate/lemonade stand afloat.

    He’s a bad gambler who’s now drunk and doubling down on every bet he’s ever made and lost. And has nukes. And an evil Russian loan shark realizing that Our Donnie has made him promises to that he can’t keep.

    Follow the money. It’s as simple and squalid as that.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Ultimately, I don’t think Trump’s indebtedness matters to them, except as a means of controlling him. He is, and has been for years, a conduit for washing money. They regard the money they lend him as a business expense. The fact that they have him by the short and curlies is made manifestly obvious by the fact that he NEVER criticizes Russia or Russians, under any circumstances. He is completely Putin’s creature.

      • Lord Jim

        It’s so fucking dead obvious you’d think even his base could see it. Trump was defending Putin’s habit of murdering journalists who spoke out against in 2015, before he was even a candidate. Unless a deal had already been struck…

        • Cat Cafe

          Not to mention his sudden gushing praise for Putin’s illegal land grab in Ukraine. He got in way, way too deep with the wrong people and he’s sold us out completely in his desperate attempt to save his pasty orange skin. He’s a wanna be mob boss. The utter stupidity and barbaric medieval primitivism of his base is stunning. Although I still think there aren’t as many of them as we think and the actual stealing of the Presidency was done with cunning (hacking voter rolls, suppressing votes, hacking voting machines).

          • HooverVilles

            I’m thinking that what you stated here is spot on.

        • HooverVilles

          The willingly ignorant never see or hear anything they don’t want to see or hear. It’s a bug feature of stupidstition.

      • Weird Fishes

        I would argue that they’re potentially losing both a useful foil and an equally useful conduit – not just him but the Kushners as well, as well as anyone else in that end of the real estate market who’s either spooked by this or being thrown under the bus by Donnie and his minions. It is very
        conceivable that the high-end branded commercial and residential property business is going to be undergoing a radical sea-change; some knownish names could well go under and be replaced by newer ones. And so it goes.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Whatever benefit the Russians hoped to derive from this affair is totally being negated by the fact they recruited a bunch of third-string morons and dunces with cartoon levels of villainy. All their cover is getting blown.

          Imagine how much the Russians could have achieved if they had recruited rubes who were only somewhat competent.

          • Weird Fishes

            “the Spy Who Came in From the Cold” speaks beautifully to that.

      • tkingt

        Read “Trump’s Russian Laundromat”, New Republic, July 13, 2017.

    • george lastrapes

      Trump has not delivered for Putin, which means that Trump should stay away from upper-story windows. But this means that Putin has not delivered for his fellow oligarchs, which in turn means that Putin should stay away from upper-story windows.
      Interesting times indeed.

  • Zach Williams

    You know what, I think tonight i’ll be having nachos with a nice glass of Trump family tears for dinner.

    • Tetman Callis

      Lunching at the taco truck, myself.

  • CeeQ

    Show me the money…..laundering!!!

  • calliecallie

    The holidays are the season for a nice Mueller-induced whine. Ivanka, how about it?

  • TootsStansbury

    The daily rage and horror of living in Tr*mp’s America is bad but the worst part is the dealing with the knowledge that all this shit is actually happening. All of it. And most people are all “whatever!”.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Most people think Fox News is a real news channel.

      • HooverVilles

        And that is depressing!

    • Cat Cafe

      Worse, many of them are “HILLARY IS CORRUPT!” and “THIS IS ALL OBAMA’S FAULT”

    • BJW

      I really, actually miss the good old days…of Watergate. Because the entire GOP wasn’t completely corrupt. After the tax vote and the national party endorsing Moore, I’m pretty sure the GOP needs to be run out of power.

  • GoutMachine

    No 2018 Olympics for Roosia! Sad!

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    A running list of actual subject lines of emails sent to the Trump campaign last year:1) “Kremlin Connection"2) "Russian backdoor overture and dinner invite"3) "Russia – Clinton – private and confidential"https://t.co/T9HV7QNgLW— Natasha Bertrand (@NatashaBertrand) December 3, 2017

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      ♫ Someday we’ll find it / The Kremlin Connection / The Muellers, the Dreamers, and me… ♫

  • BigCSouthside

    They are setting up the pieces to fire Mueller. I am betting It will happen this week.

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      I’m sure Mueller is planning on Lord Dampnut making that move. I’m hoping Bob has a backup plan.

      • M.E. Lawrence

        I would imagine he does. As a friend commented about the Season of Treason advent calendar* Mueller, Comey and Bharara are the Three Wise Men.

        *https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/12/1/1720296/-Season-of-Treason-Advent-Calendar

        (So who are the Three Wise Women? Clinton, Feinstein and Warren? Make that the FWW; Kamala Harris should be in there.)

      • the_steamer

        It would be surprising if he didn’t plan on being fired from the word go, given the conditions under which his appointment was made. He’s not creating a case built around his personality, it’s the airtight case the evidence brings.

    • Monty Market

      Mueller indicts Kushner on Friday to take some heat out of the drumpfster fire.

  • azeyote

    i’m amazed that Mueller hasn’t been canned – if he does i doubt there will be little more than some outrage from all the “fake” news sites, while the WSJ, and Fox will love Trump putting it to the gov., and all the Sunday news shows will find some lukewarm oatmeal to serve up – Republicans won’t allow Trump to go down – he is their big chance to gut the government and it’s regulations, divvy up the loot, start a world war, and win it for the white Jesus whose not that poor brown one anymore –

    • Lulu’s Mom

      I agree. Nothing Shitler says or does is too outrageous / immoral / illegal for this bunch. The “fake” media will just play along, as they have throughout this shit show. We are so fucked.

      • Kyu

        Schneiderman can’t be touched. Come on. If you’re gonna give up, do it where the rest of us can’t see it.

    • Maybe

      Mueller has a big team. There are probably others who could take over. And I doubt that Trump’s recent trashing of the FBI has made him any friends anywhere in the organization.

      Congress might step in. It’s hard these days to evaluate just how low the Repubs will sink.

  • “Kushner used the money to refinance
    part of a New York building he bought from a company controlled by an
    Israeli citizen from Uzbekistan named Lev Leviev, who has called himself
    a “true friend” of Vladimir Putin’s.”

    See… I can’t tell whether or not this is one of Wonkette’s funny run-on sentences that’s actually made up but so outlandish we all know they’re joking.

  • Jgb979

    I wonder if team Dump still argues the boss is “not under investigation” (as this was a thing they were proud of back in March? January? It’s hard to tell I feel like time has compressed into a singularity)

    • Maybe

      Team Dump Lawyers is saying the case should wrap up by the end of the year and exonerate Trump.

      So that’s a yes.

  • writersbloc
    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      say what now

    • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

      This means Mueller is totally looking into every shitty Trump business deal, foreign and domestic.

      • Maybe

        And probably has been for some time. I suspect he has had Trump’s tax documents for months. It probably took this long to wade through all those different companies and business arrangements.

    • Donna Mueller

      ahhhhhh Jay-you fkkkkkkn’ fundie idiot. you AREN’T preaching to the choir now.

    • BillEGoatSmirk

      I love the rotating list of Trump’s idiot attorneys. Did they lock Dowd in the basement after he suggested that he drafted the tweet-fession over the weekend? Maybe one of us could email Ty Cobb after he’s had a few cognacs and see if he’ll spill his guts like he did with prankster Jeff Jetton? Wonder what Kasowitz is doing these days? He’s always a hoot on the email after a couple of cocktails as well….

      • Tony Prost

        when this all started, they couldn’t find any respectable law firms that would represent the President. These are all they could dig up and promise (!) to pay enough to.

      • Maybe

        I don’t think they have to lock Dowd up. He has made himself a witness in Mueller’s investigation. That’s a conflict of interest.

    • Jo Mathie

      Also “look over there – a squirrel!” (frantically shreds documents)

    • Jimh

      Trump tweets acknowledging subpoenas into his personal financial records in 3, 2, 1…

  • The Wanderer

    Trump may as well paint the Broad Arrow on his back and hold up a sign saying “GUILTY” if he fires Mueller.

  • Ron Spangler

    If that blowjob was within scope of the Whitewater investigation, …

    • chicken thief

      And who hosted your email was within the scope of a Benghazi investigation…

  • anon_the_great

    Mueller translated: Fire me. I fuckin dare you.

  • aureolaborealis

    Courtney Barnett best summarizes my feelings about 2Skoops and his crew:

    I think you’re a joke, but I don’t find you very funny.

    The imagery in this video gets more and more relevant:

    https://youtu.be/o-nr1nNC3ds

  • Cucker “Dick” Tarlson

    NO MONEY LAUNDERING! NO MONEY LAUNDERING! YOU’RE THE MONEY LAUNDERING!

    • Monty Market

      Money laundering is too kind: howzabout BRIBERY? Sounds better with the b’s. Taking $$$rubles$$$ in exchange for dropping the sanctions. Bribery. Teapot Dome style.

      • Maybe

        Why not both, plus some others?

  • Popillius

    Dump has a way of backing down when he’s cornered – he’ll resign. Seth Myers was right- he won’t make it the full year.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      Bullies are like that.

    • the_steamer

      Well, only if Mueller makes a deal. Maybe that’s not Mueller’s intent here. maybe he wants Trump to fucking hang.

      • Popillius

        Mueller could cut a deal but Dump is still subject to prosecution by Eric Schneiderman on the state level. Win-win.

      • Maybe

        It might not even be possible to indict a sitting President, so it’s hard to see how they could make a deal preemptively.

        Maybe Trump could flee to a non-extradition country. Does Russia extradite?

    • Maybe

      Except that if he resigns he can be indicted. And he won’t have power over the Justice department or intelligence community.

      Of course, he might figure that his boy toy Pence will protect him. Yeah, right.

      • Petunia Cat

        Maybe he’ll cut a deal where he pleads to reduced charges in exchange for resigning. I don’t know how legit that would be, but realpolitik-wise it seems like highly possible.

        • Old Man Yells at Cloud

          He will cut a deal with Mikey to pardon him ala Nixon/Ford but like all things Trump tries, the pardon will be under NDA and then he will lie about it.

          • Johnny Appleseed

            Sounds right to me. I’d love to see everyone Trump forced into an NDA just ignore it, tell what happened and take their lumps. Sure, he’d sue, but everything would be out in the open. Maybe we set up a GoFundMe page to help them expose ALL of the Fraud.

          • Old Man Yells at Cloud

            Now that’s an interesting idea. A GoFundMe for the legal fess for anyone who violates one of his NDA’s.

          • Maybe

            I doubt that Pence would pardon him. Ford pardoned Nixon and ended his own political career. Trump’s supporters might like a pardon, but they are a minority.

        • Maybe

          I’m not sure that would be possible since there may also be state charges. Nixon didn’t make any such deal; I don’t know if he knew Ford would pardon him.

          Trump may not have a way out. He’s gotten away with things and never been held accountable in the past. He probably doesn’t realize the situation has changed.

      • lurch394

        Agreed. I doubt if Mother will let Pence protect a man she considers vulgar.

        • Maybe

          Although I have no insider knowledge, I suspect that Pence also despises Trump despite Pence’s slavish devotion to the President.

          The wild card is how much pressure the Repub party could bring and in what direction.

          Even with a pardon, though, I suspect state charges could send Trump to jail for the rest of his life. What Trump, Manafort and Flynn have in common is lots of shady money and people often omit paying taxes on that sort of money–federal and state.

          Besides, Pence could also be out. He was head of the transition team.

  • FeloniousMonk

    Negotiating sanctions policy with foreign powers, without legal authority to do so, is apparently a pretty bad crime. This Mr. Abramson fellow is a pretty good explainer:

    8/ The reason Trump, Pence, Flynn and others have LIED about the ongoing sanctions negotiations Flynn was conducting in December of 2016 is that to tell the truth about Flynn's actions would reveal the ONGOING nature of the negotiations—i.e., that they also PRECEDED the election.— Seth Abramson (@SethAbramson) December 3, 2017

    • Kyu

      Yup. Just because the Logan Act hasn’t been utilized in 200 years doesn’t mean that it couldn’t be.

      • Maybe

        That makes sense. A lot of liberal newscasters are saying that’s not at all likely, but they never explain why. The law seems clear.

        Of course, maybe Mueller has better charges.

  • Keith Taylor

    I’ve been reading that Devin Nunes — who still is, isn’t he? — Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, has had an idea for his own version of a Saturday Night Massacre that will appear legal. Charging the FBI with Contempt of Congress. That’s what he calls kicking Peter Strzok off the Trump-Russia investigation team and keeping the Committee in the dark as to the reason. (Tweets derogatory to President Trump.)
    That ought to be a really powerful demolition charge and I’ll bet Mueller is trembling now that this great mind is dreaming up ways to derail his investigation.
    Only in this demented milieu we all live in now, could the name Devin Nunes and the word intelligence appear in the same sentence.

    • Monty Market

      Devin needs him some Mueller investigating into his CA sheep farms…he be gone in 2018 as Trump et al are bound and determined to screw our lovely state for being so blue out of their deductions. This is the new civil war between the red and blues all over again. the north shall rise again!

  • Kyu

    I am legit scared of a Saturday Night Massacre. But.

    Schneiderman. Just remember. Eric Schneiderman, aka our ace in the hole.

    Because I’m sorry, there is no fucking way that Dump didn’t commit some of these juicy crimes in New York (or with a substantial nexus to New York), and that bitch can’t pardon himself or his pathetic offspring for state crimes. President Asshat’s going to get a solid bentsch upside the head either way, as my bubbe would jokingly threaten me with when I started dating a libertarian when I was in college. (I dumped him after he talked shit about the Equal Rights Amendment, and apologized to my grandmother.)

    • Maybe

      Pretty much all of these big money crimes involve failure to pay both federal and state taxes.

      And I don’t think juries like that much.

      • Teto85

        Income tax evasion. That’s how they got Al Capone, why not Donnie 2 Scoops.

  • james crubb

    Craptacular

  • Mary

    Google is paying 97$ per hour,with weekly payouts.You can also avail this.
    On tuesday I got a brand new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $11752 this last four weeks..with-out any doubt it’s the most-comfortable job I have ever done .. It Sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    fj322d:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleNetJobsBoxWorkFromHome/more/cash ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫:::::fj322lhh

    • Odd Jørgensen

      You got nothing on Lori, bring back Lori!

  • Odd Jørgensen

    It’s Code Red for a Saturday Night Massacre, y’all. Get ready to hit the streets.

    Is it cool if I just write a sternly worded comment or two and shake my fist at the screen instead of taking to the street? The neighbors would just get confused if I went outside to protest or do revolutions here. (the stickiest of sticks of rural Norway)

    • Hesavebread!

      We must all play our part, however small. I also, too will make comments which are not allowed and shake my fist at the screen in rural Scotland.

      • lurch394

        Yes. I thought Scots only shook their fists at misbehaving golf balls.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Also too, Sassenachs.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    And I bet Duhnald is kicking himself for not accepting the buyout deal from Pence and the RNC right about now. $800 million ameros would have made him an actual billionaire, not just a fraud with an indictment for who knows what hanging above him.

    • Teto85

      I’ll bet Donnie 2 Scoops will not regret refusing that buyout deal even when he’s in the Hotel Graybar.

      • Johnny Appleseed

        Agreed. He’s not that bright.

  • Teto85

    There it is, “Follow the money.”

  • Slinger

    If the Russian money is up $trump’s big fat ass, is it out of reach?

  • Tom Piper

    Mueller doesn’t seem concerned at all about Trump’s red line or that Trump will fire him.

    My guess is Mueller’s had conversations with certain Republican leaders that if they let Trump get away with firing him they’re going down with him.

  • Sharon Cooper

    Anyone else feel like we should be getting ready to storm the Bastille?

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