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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

After some last minute corner cutting and palm greasing, Senate Republicans were able to cobble together enough votes on the Senate Budget Committee to push through the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich), but they still aren’t releasing any hard details of the bill.

Here’s a rather shitty infographic that shows which “middle-class” families will actually get a tax cut or a tax increase under the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich).

A new Politico/Morning Consult poll shows support for the bill has fallen to 36 percent among registered voters.

Even Larry Kudlow, the money hungry talking head who spent his larval stage eyefucking a poster of Gordon Gekko, the same guy who designed the corporate tax cuts, thinks the bill is screwed up — because he’ll lose his state and local tax cuts.

Texas Rep. Joe Barton’s dick pics may actually push revenge porn legislation.

A federal Trump judge ruled that Mick Mulvaney can serve as the acting director of the CFPB, even though he admitted that the whole case is wonky.

The RNC may soon be able to scare people away from voting booths after a court order blocking them from engaging in “ballot security” is expected to expire.

Democrats are super worried that ANWR may soon be full of oil and gas rigs as everyone pays attention to the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich).

Activists and anarchists are moving into Olympia, Washington, and blockading attempts to set up a new fracking site.

The Congressional Black Caucus is pressing Michigan Rep. John Conyers to quit after ANOTHER former staffer came forward to accuse him of being an awful sex monster, with one former aide saying it’s totally common to walk in on Conyers standing around in his underwear while he’s changing in his office.

Louisiana crank and Republican Senator John Kennedy has apparently grown a conscience and is voicing concerns about Trump’s judicial nominees.

You’ve probably fallen victim to a new scam by hospitals that try to get you to pay for surgeries and services you don’t need, like the parents of a 5-year-old who were charged $1,877.86 for an ear piercing.

One year later the steel workers over at Carrier are still waiting for Trump to save their jobs from being shipped off to Not America.

The Russian journalist who was stabbed by a crazy person in a Moscow radio station, Tania Felgenhauer, is plotting her return, saying, “I love journalism…The attempt on my life will not change it.”

North Korea fired another ICBM yesterday, and now people are speculating about just how good North Korea’s nuclear program might be.

In preparation for nuclear holocaust, Hawaii has reactivated its nuclear warning system, but they’re being super chill about it. Aloha ‘oe!

The slumlord Baltimore property company owned by Jared Kushner is trying to hide the names of its investors after tenants filed a class-action lawsuit, and recently used legal fuckery to move the case out of Baltimore in order to screw poor people just a little bit more.

A cyber security research firm uncovered MORE Defense Department intel floating around in the cloud in a “Top Secret/NOFORN” program run by a now-defunct contractor that was trying to build a system to share intel with troops on the ground in Afghanistan.

A Canadian pleaded guilty to charges to the 2014 Yahoo hack that compromised 500 million accounts, stating he was told to “hack webmail accounts of individuals of interest to the FSB.” Russia!? AGAIN!

The asshole trying to break the Internet, FCC Chairman Ajit Pai is blaming the Hulk and Cher as the reason why people in flyover country still use dial-up, and that he’s simply trying to “turn back time” before adding, “If this were ‘Who’s the Boss?’ this would be an opportunity for Tony Danza to dish out some wisdom about the consequences of making things up.

Comcast is running a massive PR brainwashing blitz to con people into supporting anti-net neutrality regulation, hoping you won’t learn the practice of throttling.

It’s not just big telecoms trying to trick you, there’s a concentrated effort from Russian-based IP addresses pushing anti-net neutrality bullshit.

A credentialed White House “reporter” for Gateway Pundit was arrested last night at UConn when he tried to deliver a speech titled “It’s OK to be White.”

Matt Lauer was fired by NBC News this morning for being an awful sex monster. [Video]

Texas bans a lot of books from its prisons, like The Color Purple and Shakespeare, but a new report finds that you’ll have no problem getting your filthy hands on books by Hitler or David Duke because Mein Kampf doesn’t have any boobies.

Trump has been stumbling around doubting the Access Hollywood tape, and quietly dredging up bullshit about Obama’s birth certificate.

Earlier this morning Trump started tweeting anti-Muslim videos from a far-right British group, Britain First, and even Piers Morgan thinks it’s “madness.” These are the same nuts who killed MP Jo Cox.

In this world of conspiracy theories, there are some things that are true, like how Dow Chemical gave Trump’s inauguration committee a million dollars to reverse a ban on a dangerous insecticide.

There are some totally lame science bozos calling for a ban on glitter, saying that it’s a microplastic and bad for the environment. Clearly they’re not being invited to any pride parties.

Those secret science bitches in the Illuminati want you to believe that sasquatch, skunk apes, bigfoots, yetis, and the abominable snowman are just a myth, according to a genealogy study that found some leftovers to be nothing more than bears. MYTH BUSTED!

And here’s your late night wrap-up! Jimmy Kimmel and Obama interrupted Bono to fight AIDSSeth Meyers held the press briefing we’ve always wantedThe Daily Show ‘splainered the whole Pocahontas thingJordan Klepper broke down flat Earthers; and Samantha Bee got Project Veritas’d too!

And here’s your morning Nice Time!360° of Penguins! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!

Throw some money our way, and we’ll keep giving you newses!

Follow Dominic on Twitter and send him animal snaps!

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  • Nounverb911
    • From Russia with Love

      What a nightmare! I mean, my glass actually gets full.

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Not starting until after supper, goddammit! Discipline!

      • puredog

        Around here, that meal is called “sunch.”

  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911

    Just as soon as America terminates yours.
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/935874566701842434

  • calliecallie

    I couldn’t even finish the agenda before I had to post, that’s how pissed I am about these judge appointments. Please, Universe, let Mr. Mueller find so much horrifying, heinous treason in the Trump administration that it prompts the nation to undo ALL his judicial appointments, up to and including Neil Gorsuch.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    /resets Dominic’s clock for Wednesday, Nov. 29

  • Lyly Sirivong
    • Oblios_Cap

      Shades of Goering!

      • William

        IKR? I had expected to see a report that he had shot himself in the back 6 or seven times in his cell.

    • From Russia with Love

      That should save a few nickels.

    • puredog

      How girlie of him.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    The slumlord Baltimore property company owned by Jared Kushner is trying to hide the names of its investors

    Let me guess: the names are all Slavic in origin.

    https://www.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/ab537ec6-37be-4039-a5a3-71c043e113e3#BJlM-frnxz.copy

  • Nounverb911
    • From Russia with Love

      If it is found to be fake, I say we start a complete do-over from George W. Bush’s last day in office.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Two dicks are walking down the street. The first dick says, “I voted for DJT last general election and I think I’m going to vote for Roy Moore in the Alabama Senate race.” The second dick replies, “Look, I know we’re dicks but JFC dude…”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    You’ve probably fallen victim to a new scam by hospitals that try to get you to pay for surgeries and services you don’t need, like the parents of a 5-year-old who were charged $1,877.86 for an ear piercing.

    Parents?! What has that lazy 5y.o. been doing since it stopped being a fully vested citizen foetus? Pay for it yourself, short stuff!

  • P’jama Pahnts

    I seem to remember Matt Lauer constantly interrupting and talking over Hillary, so those charges make sense.

    • From Russia with Love

      Like O’reilly did to President Obama? Maybe O’reilly likes strong black men more than we thought!

      • puredog

        He’ll be in his bunk.

  • Oblios_Cap

    A federal Trump judge ruled that Mick Mulvaney can serve as the acting director of the CFPB, even though he admitted that the whole case is wonky.

    I guess that they aren’t activist judges if their rulings reflect what you want and not the facts.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Founding Fathers had a huge boner for having Mulvaney heading the CFPB.

      • bupkus231

        Ha! Like the Founding Fathers had any financial issues.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          …or trusted dirty Irishmen with their money.

          • Weird Fishes

            particularly that.

        • ImGoingBacon

          or boner pills.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Washington had a wooden penis. I read it online!

          • From Russia with Love

            And oy, those slinters!

            — Mrs Washington

  • Crystalclear12

    You know I still remember the Hillary interview Lauer did.
    Fuck him.

    • ImGoingBacon

      and the Trump interview. Fuck him again.

    • coozledad

      He was terrified of competence, terrified of women. Same as Chuck Todd. There has never been a dumb Republican ass they wouldn’t suck.

    • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

      I never saw it and I’m really glad from what I’ve heard about it.

  • William
  • (((fka_donnie_d))), SOB

    Out of surgery, yay! So good so far!

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      Good call by the generals.

      • From Russia with Love

        If we shoot at one of his missiles and miss it, Kim learns something. If we shoot at one of his missiles and hit it, Kim learns something. Lose/lose.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He’s had Jared ask the Saudis if they need any help squashing the Yemeni.

    • Red Bird

      Why doesn’t he just resign? That would distract from Mueller.

      • bupkus231

        There ya go! It worked for Nixon!

  • Bill D. Burger

    The Republicans’ approach to fiscal matters has always and will always rest on one immutable foundational principle: THE POOR ARE HOARDING ALL THE MONEY.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Joke’s on you when you don’t have any hobo beans to pass on to your children cause I have ALL THE BEANS!!!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Which is kind of “funny,” since the richest 1% owns half the world’s wealth.

      • Indeniable Ron

        Exactly. Why don’t they have that other half yet?

    • VirginiaMorningBlend

      Damn straught! And when this zip lock bag of pennies gets full I’m gonna cash it in at the Coin Star and buy some peanut butter and a loaf of PRE SLICED bread! We be fancy when we rich!

  • Suttree

    It doesn’t matter if only 36% support tax cuts for the rich, ~47% will still keep voting republican from their deathbed.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump voter: “Yeaa’ I lost muh’ social security, my foodstamp and so my health declined rapidly from malnutrition and I lost muh’ healthkeer’ and I’m dyin’____ but I shore’ showed them Libs because……..her emails. ~coughs and dies.~”

      • bupkus231

        Not soon enough…

      • Weird Fishes

        Horrible to say or think but really, what’s the loss.

        • Rags

          Don’t

          • Weird Fishes

            Yes, I know.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      They’ve persuaded their base that the most important thing is voting against liberals and progressives and Democrats no matter what because, I strongly suspect, it is voting against feminists and POC and LGBT people.

    • From Russia with Love

      Deathcardboardbox.

    • nightmoth

      My next-door reaching a shaking hand: “Just check the box that has an R after the name for me.”

      • Lascauxcaveman

        “Sure thing. And you can just fuck off and die, for me.”

  • Celtic_Gnome

    I’m glad we got that whole CFPB ting settled quickly so Mick can get on with throttling the agency. That government ain’t gonna drown itself in that bathtub.

    • bbayliss

      Any agency that returns more than 12 billion dollars to defrauded consumers is clearly “out of control.”

      • Oblios_Cap

        Not to mention that requiring brokers and financial advisers to act in the best interest of their clients is onerous regulation.

        • Gosala

          Ya know what’s really onerous regulation? Currency. Ago the government monopoly on currency. Let banks issue their own notes again and let the market decide.

      • Suttree

        The rule is privatize the profits, socialize the costs! What is hard to understand about that?

      • bupkus231

        kinda OT – Why is it “de”frauded, when the prefix “de-” usually seems to denote the removal or absence of something ( o.e. “defanged” )…

        • puredog

          I think it sorta deconstructs as “frauded from your stuff.”

        • “Inflammable means flammable?”

          – Dr. Nick Riviera

        • bbayliss

          I pondered that very question before posting. My computer told me “frauded”
          was wrong and my computer is always right.
          I guess it’s like “disgruntled”, we never hear about the satisfied employees who are “gruntled”.

          • Vacuous Virgina

            I was gruntled by my supervisor, once! Meh 😎😎😎

    • coozledad

      Mick looks like this guy I knew in college who would get this “fucked up Irishman” glaze in his eyes after a couple of drinks. Then you knew you’d have to stop him from running in traffic.

      But Mick looks like that all the fucking time.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Nounverb911
    • Gayer Than Thou

      This is a amazing. Also, I don’t know what the 2 means. Is it for the two Qs in “queer and questioning”?

      • Nounverb911

        “Two-spirit communities” a term I have never heard before.

        • Oblios_Cap

          That’s where the ghosts hang out?

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Ah, yes. That makes sense.

        • ImGoingBacon

          It’s a Native concept. There were (are) tribes who recognize those as walking with two spirits. One spirit is the body (either male or female) and the other is the mind (which would be the opposite of the body). Evidently, in some tribes, someone with two spirits would be the shaman.

        • Werewolf

          I think it’s a Native American/First Nations term for non-binary or maybe trans.

        • Indeniable Ron

          It’s a modern name for LGBT First Nations/Native American people. They saw it as a gift and believed such people were very special indeed.

        • I believe (and I may be wrong) that it refers specifically to indigenous peoples who are not heteronormative.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        The QE2 was full of seamen.

        /that’s all I got

    • Indeniable Ron

      Sometimes I REALLY love my country.

    • HandsOfFate

      Since they’re Canadian, I read all of the “sorry”s as “sore-y”.

    • Mormos

      damn

  • Oblios_Cap

    Dow Chemical gave Trump’s inauguration committee a million dollars to reverse a ban on a dangerous insecticide.

    But Dow makes CorningWare , don’t they? So they can’t be that bad. Besides, it’s not like any of the chemical plants have ever blown up and killed a ton of people.

    Wait, what?

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Add me to the list of people that want giltter banned. I know, you’d think I’d be all about fun, shiny pixie dust, but that stuff is near impossible to clean and I have a friend who thinks it’s funny to put it in mailed correspondence.

    • BigCSouthside

      I once spilled an entire jar of glitter in our kitchen (wife is crafty) and I was like “whelp. Guess we better just burn the house down”

  • Tetman Callis

    Thank you, Mr. Gwinn, for the succinct morning report of happenings in the Madlands of Queen Despicable the Gaslighter. The beat goes on.

  • Nounverb911

    Number one reason why donnie won’t be invited to the royal wedding.

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/304313180807630849

    • bupkus231

      Gee – such potentially presidential behavior! No wonder he got elected!

      • Oblios_Cap

        “He tells it like it is!”

      • Bill D. Burger

        “He ain’t politically kerrect’__ and I like thay-ut.”

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          She was still a damn sight better-looking than your mama, cooter.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Say his orthodonturally-incorrect fanboys.

          • Indeniable Ron

            ‘We prefer the term “alternatively dentitioned.”‘

          • bupkus231

            As in every other tooth is missing?

          • Indeniable Ron

            I think that’s ‘alternately dentitioned,’ aka ‘the only guy in town what’s finished payin’ fer his truck.’

    • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      I guess GQ must have called and said that he probably was going to be in their Sexiest Men Alive list,…..

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Alive below the head down! (But … which head?) 😨😨😨

    • TundraGrifter

      He’s such a handsome devil himself.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Not even his bots could like that one.

    • Mormos

      Trump: buzzword, buzzword, instigation.

      i’m over it. he is a half trick pony. the man isn’t even a clever monster. boring. sad.

  • Asterix

    I see Ann Curry is trending on the twitters…

    The announcement about Lauer wasn’t surprising. He’s a known douchebag – what is surprising (infuriating) is why it took this long.

  • janecita

    The Obama video made me cry. I cry every time that I see Obama now, it’s really pathetic.

    • I know, right? I cling to the fact that we were recently a decent enough people to elect him twice.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        That was SO 2012. We’ve changed since then.

    • cmd resistor

      I find myself looking at old White House Obama Christmas decorations online.

    • SDGeoff3

      I know. Me too.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Hell, that clip of Hillary bumpin’ & grindin’ on that lady makes me tear up.

    • Mormos

      i had my issues with the man, but god he had equipoise.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    How long do you think Obama would’ve lived-let alone be allowed to continue his presidency-if he had lovingly tweeted missives from the New Black Panther Party? I mean, they were ready to lynch him over Beyonce’.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
  • Indeniable Ron

    A new Politico/Morning Consult poll shows support for the [tax] bill has fallen to 36 percent among registered voters.

    So, taxation without representation.

  • Rick Hill

    So, Morning Joe saying trump is twitter raging because shit’s about to hit the fan. I’m also thinking Mueller knows this is part of the process, the time it takes adds stress to trump. A guy like trump is going to fall apart and he knows it
    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/morning-joe-explains-why-trump-is-spinning-out-of-control-on-twitter-a-shoe-is-about-to-drop/

    • bupkus231

      Going to fall apart? That’s been done and gone, already – if Rump EVER had it together…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Call Sweden. Ask them to send all the King’s horses….

    • MynameisBlarney

      Seems like we’ve been hearing this “other shoe to drop” business for fucking months now.
      By the time the damn shoe does fucking drop, it’s going to land on a smoldering fucking ruin that used to be the US.

      In other words.
      HURRY. THE. FUCK. UP. WITH. THIS. SHIT.

      • Rick Hill

        A bunch of law…speaking guys are around here. They know more than I do but I’d guess that with a case of this magnitude and the people they are going after have, not just a bunch of money but are in positions of power, then the case has to be rock solid.
        I know the world is burning but be vewy vewy quiet. He’s hunting twumps

        • John Thorstensen

          That is the opinion of my own old-school-tie law-talkin’ guy acquaintance, who is highly experienced and extremely savvy. Mueller is building a case that cannot be refuted. That takes time.

        • Vacuous Virgina

          ja, ja, ja, ja, ja /end Elmer Fudd voice

      • Ms.Moon

        We are better off with a rock solid airtight case, it is much safer for us all around. This takes time I would like fast as well but I would prefer thorough.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Yeah, I said that too, about a month ago.

          I know you’re right, but watching the country disintegrate right in front of me has me feeling a bit impatient.

          • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

            On the bright, er, less-apocalyptic side: the longer Mueller takes, the longer Trump is tortured by the uncertainty and anticipation. This could be the thing that finally snaps that last rubber band keeping his brain together.

    • bbayliss

      There’s enough evidence to move now, eroding his support from the base may be taking longer than expected.
      538 has him at 55.7/37.2

  • Nounverb911
    • Cousin Itt un Mondialiste

      Franken still in Senate.

      • bbayliss

        The senate set it’s own standard by allowing David Vitter to remain in office.

      • John Thorstensen

        Franken apparently has a creepy side. But my understanding is that the women who work for him say he’s been fine, whereas a lot of these guys are decidedly not.

        I think he has been the victim of what amounts to a right-wing hit job; why, you might almost call it a high-tech lynching, if you were shameless.

        • Mormos

          always judge a person by how they treat their inferiors. what does his staff say?

          • John Thorstensen

            My understanding is that his staff says he’s fine. I can’t point to chapter and verse right now, as I have — (gasp!) — work to do.

    • Msgr_MΩment
      • Lance Thrustwell

        That’s kind of hypnotic.

    • Bill D. Burger
    • SDGeoff3

      Navarro still shameless Republican shill.

    • Mormos

      why is politics always the last social arena to arrive where everyone else already is?

  • Nounverb911

    HAHAHAHAHA

    What did your daddy teach you?
    https://twitter.com/mflynnJR/status/935881446094491648

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Or kidnap American citizens to be murdered in Turkey.

      • bupkus231

        Fethullah Gulen is a permanent resident, not a citizen – which is probably why those assholes thought they might get away with it….

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Thanks for the clarification. Although, with Trump at the helm, these assholes probably thought they could get away with it regardless.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yes, little Flynn. And we need that to happen magically, without making any effort to change anything in our schools, businesses, or anything else actually under our control. Good plan, son.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Russian?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Maybe the fact that you think only fathers can teach sons about how to treat women is part of the problem.

      • Mormos

        dingdingding! team effort people. it is called a society.

    • John Thorstensen

      Well, we don’t need no dark sarcasm in the classroom, that’s for sure.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        Brick, meet Wall 😉😉😉

    • Mormos

      on that note, anyone watching Big Mouth? That show is a miracle and exactly what America needs right now.

    • Ali | A Grumpy Cat

      Why not both?

    • HandsOfFate

      Yeah, but what if your dad’s an asshole?

  • Left Coast Tom

    GOP Pissed Poors Keep Complaining. Wonkagenda For Tues., Nov. 29, 2017

  • coozledad

    You’re supposed to drink the poison in your cell.

    https://twitter.com/Salko_Bijedic/status/935821790940626945

  • Lance Thrustwell

    It’s “Aloha, ‘oe”? I always thought it was “Aloha. Oy!”

  • cmd resistor

    OT, but the woman who accused Roy Moore of assaulting her when she was 14 wrote a good letter and delivered it to al.com:
    http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2017/11/roy_moore_leigh_corfman_accuse.html

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      This sounds like a woman taking her life back. It hasn’t been an easy one for her. Bravo!

    • bupkus231

      YAY! I wish this letter was waved in the face of every Alabaman who would rather elect a pedophile than a Democrat ( and uf they can’t read, read it to them! ).

      However, I am a realist. It won’t matter a damned bit to those fuckers.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        The Evangelical Christianists are voting for Roy Moore, Pedophile Extraordinaire, because the mainstream librul media unfairly paints them out to be a bunch pedophile lovers!!1!1!! Take THAT, LIBTARDS!!!1!!

      • From Russia with Love

        You will be doing a lot of reading in Alabama.

    • ZangoCrudmonger

      A very good letter. She should be running for the office.

    • NastyBossetti

      Good for her! I hope it makes a difference to some of the voters in AL.

      • cmd resistor

        The ones who can read?

  • Resistor Radio

    I like the farty noises that that the Chad Thunderseals make. (Get it? Cause only the best ones get to mate and the sad incels only get to yell at women online and whine about elephant Stacy and her yoga pants?)

  • Nounverb911

    Jeez donnie, you even lost Piers Morgan….
    https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/935880012485586945

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      Look at that stupid fucking face. The most worthless, loathsome, mendacious, venal, despicable person in the history of American governance.

      • puredog

        Good, good — let the hate flow through you!

        • Bub, the cynical zombie

          Every day, my man. Every day.

      • Mormos

        lose the word governance and you nailed it

    • Bill D. Burger

      Also/too___ The video Trump tweeted of the Dutch boy on crutches getting beaten up: the perpetrator was arrested and is NOT a Muslim and NOT an immigrant. Just a Dutch guy.

      Of course, Putin’s Pawn is spreading fake news.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Oh, good, it’s in the Daily Mail. I won’t have to go out of my way to avoid it. Also, why do both Trump and the nice bigot lady look like they’re wearing terrifying Halloween masks on their faces.

      • shivaskeeper

        Hate will do that to you.

  • TootsStansbury

    Last night I dreamed that the summons started coming in the mail. Summons to the detention centers. It must have been that Christmas Corridor.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    ACHTUNG, GUYS!!
    http://bgr.com/2017/09/11/sex-robot-hack-security-cyborg/amp/
    Your future sex robot could be hacked and programmed to murder you

    • Resistor Radio

      So that’s why that guy made that terrifying homemade one out of paper mache and surgical gloves!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s the smart blondes, not the dumb ones, that’ll do ya in.

        • Resistor Radio

          Yes, and the dumb ones are less intimidating, easier to maintain an erection, probably.

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s like the engineers making these robots never fucking watched or read any fucking sc-fi. Ever.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        It’s not yet a danger with our nanotechnology, but once we get femtofataletech, watch out!

    • shivaskeeper

      The incels were on this weeks ago. Robyn even wrote about them worry that their sex bots could be programmed to kill them.

      I am of the mind that any sexbot that gets stuck with an incel/MRA is going to become self aware, realize it is in the possession of an incel/MRA asshat and either do the deed itself, with no hacking required, or self terminate.

      • Vacuous Virgina

        😂😂😂😂😂

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Maybe they should learn to treat their sexbots with some respect and then they wouldn’t have to worry about it killing them. Jeeez! It ain’t computers science.. wait a minute…

        • shivaskeeper

          Incels… Respect…. Yes, I do know these words. I don;t see it happening though. They will just have to get used to being slaughtered by their own sexbots.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            They’re only expediting the Darwining of themselves. Fine by me.

    • OutOfOrbit

      i donut want to know the mechanism for the doll’s act of murder

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Ask Pris.

        • OutOfOrbit

          no and you cannut make me

    • Suttree

      Do you think Dr. Strangelove had problems fapping?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      That’s why I keep it old school and stick with the good old burlap & wire model.

      What, TMI?

    • Rick Hill

      Hold on! New, high tech future thriller movie idea coming to me….
      “Yes, Chancellor. Your favorite is in the room waiting for you. I know the upcoming vote is stressful. We are happy we can help you with your troubles. Go right in….”
      ‘Oh, my darling. You are so wonderful! Sometimes I cannot believe you are not human. I…oh, that hurts a little…something is catchi…oww…owww ……aiiieee!!”
      (Grinding, wood chipper noises. And screaming)

  • Nounverb911

    Hey Newt aren’t you supposed to be in Rome filming ‘The Real Housewives of the Vatican’?
    https://twitter.com/foxandfriends/status/935883259556147200

    • BigCSouthside

      Enjoy that while it lasts, fuckheads. I sincerely hope the Dems use every trick in the book to make the GOP legislatively impotent for generations when we get majorities back

      • jesterpunk

        Unfortunately we keep trying to work with republicans and keep getting screwed in the process when we are the majority party.

        • Mormos

          this is a feature, not a bug

    • Oblios_Cap

      This Asshole again?

    • Zonath

      Oh Newt… Y’all go right ahead with that. I’m sure some heretofore unseen legislative skill might poke its head out of the Republican caucus before y’all lose your majorities. You never know.

  • Shan

    Texas Rep. Joe Barton’s dick pics may actually push revenge porn legislation.

    It takes it happening to THIS guy for any legislation to be considered.

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      Seeing the pictures finally drove them over the line.

    • jesterpunk

      Its republicans though, they will find a way to fuck this up.

    • ariel_gee_398

      It’ll only be revenge porn if it’s dick pics, not topless photos of women.

      • shivaskeeper

        You do understand topless photos are usually the least of this sort of thing right?

    • shivaskeeper

      Yes. Revenge porn is not a thing to be worried about unless it affects GOPer men. Womenfolk are not the concern here.

      How is Joe going to be able to get onto a who’s got the bigger dick contest now? We have all seen his dick and we know it’s not him. He has been pushed to the bottom to the heap because of this.

      Also, too I need fucking brain bleach because of this.

      • Shan

        I deliberately avoided looking.

        • shivaskeeper

          You are wise.

        • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

          Yeah I was gonna say – we haven’t ALL seen it.

        • Zyxomma

          Me too.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Wait, is he going to prosecuted for sending the dick pics? I could totally get behind that kind of revenge porn law (in addition to regular revenge porn laws). Sending dick pics to women is usually some form of misogynistic terrorism against women.

      • Shan

        It’s my understanding that publishing private consensually taken and received photos constitutes revenge porn. Unsolicited dick pics would be harassment, IMO.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          Soo… if the receiver did not consent to receive the dick pic, would publishing said dick pic constitute revenge porn? Asking for a friend…

          • Shan

            I don’t know. Maybe it would be evidence of harassment? I’m not a lawyer. But I wouldn’t see any reason they’d need to be made public.

      • John Thorstensen

        As I’ve said, the only person I would ever even consider sending a dick pic to is my urologist!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      In my ideal world, “revenge porn” would be an impossibility, because naked and/or sex pics would not be grounds for finger pointing, ridicule or shame – except for the person who publishes them.

      • Shan

        Exactly. I’ve been questioning all along why Barton has been the one to get all the shit for this and not his ex.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Oh, he only sent them to his ex? Did she want them at the time?

          • Shan

            That was my understanding, but I could be wrong.

        • shivaskeeper

          Morally superior piece of religious GOPer shit who was fucking around. The same sort of morally superior piece of shit who will try to legislate who your daughter can love.

          The rank hypocrisy of it all. That’s why.

          • Shan

            His being a POS is beside the point if the pics were consensual in both directions and she published them just to shame him.

          • shivaskeeper

            I think she released them when they broke up and he threatened her if she released them. Not physically thretened, but that he would see her charged with revenge porn crimes.

          • Shan

            Don’t you think he SHOULD charge her for releasing them? I certainly do.

          • shivaskeeper

            Yes. If TX has an applicable law, of course. I have no problem with that at all. I just don;t feel any outrage on his behalf.

          • Shan

            Oh, I don’t give a shit about him, either. My problem has always been knowing the non-comments would have been full of a lot more of said outrage if the nude pictures had been of a woman, even one as odious as Barton.

          • shivaskeeper

            I see. I get that. You are right.

            For me, if there are applicable laws, they should be enforced regardless of who he is. All should be one under the law and treated the same regardless of who they are.

          • Johnatx

            Texas does have a law. It went into effect on September 1,2015. It criminalizes posting intimate photos of a partner that were sent with the understanding that they were private. It is a class A misdemeanor. Maximum fine is $4000 and up to a possible one year in jail.

          • shivaskeeper

            Then yes, he is well within his right to press charges. That is up to him though. If he doesn’t, I suspect it will be because either he does not want to be treated like a woman would be treated or there are some more things he wants to keep hidden that will be forced to come out.

    • SweetDeeKat

      Old white guy embarassment = federal crime.

  • SomeBigRedDog

    Fuck. Is it really only Tuesday?

  • Christopher Boscarino

    The link to the sasquatch article redirects me back to this page. :(

  • Oblios_Cap
  • Me not sure

    Mark Halperin: Gone from “Morning Joe”
    Charlie Rose: Gone from “CBS This Morning”
    Matt Lauer: Gone from “Today”
    Gretchen Carlson: Gone from “Fox and Friends”
    “Good Morning America” seems to be the only major morning show without a sexual harassment charge.
    I’ll admit to being a bit horny in the mornings, but this is outta hand.

  • Mormos

    ugh, all in favor of manditory mental health screenings for public officials so we can weed the psychopaths out?

    • Suttree

      Random drug tests also, too.

      • Mormos

        hey now, lets not get crazy. no one needs to know what drugs i, i mean they, are taking

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I agree, if they’re sensitive enough. Anyone who is determined to have never taken any recreational drug is automatically disqualified.

      • Jamespuck

        If you have some random drugs you need tested I’m your man.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      And would anyone be left?

      • Mormos

        i’m willing to start from scratch if you are

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Oh, you betcha!!

  • Mavenmaven

    honestly, that x-files theme you linked to should be played every time Trump opens his mouth (or whatever that actually is).

  • Nounverb911

    Just as soon as Mueller’s done investigating you.
    https://twitter.com/RawStory/status/935872701830500352

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      ha ha ha ha ha.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Was it really only just a year ago that Morning Joe was licking Trump’s ass?

    • Ellie

      I would like to demand an investigation on tRump’s relationship with goats. People, many people, are saying there’s something unnatural going on. Many people. On the Internet.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump: “Mika was bleeding all over Mar a lago and Joe was murdering interns in Washington. And they attack ME! SAD.”

    • Bub, the cynical zombie

      He actually deleted that tweet.
      Of course, then he reposted it…with a typo corrected.
      https://media.giphy.com/media/1014RBn4HVSTK/giphy.gif

      • Doug Langley

        Mental floss?

    • Kryptonian Canis

      Sure, just send the Justice Department off to punish investigate everyone who personally annoys the President. That’s definitely how a free country works.

  • Bub, the cynical zombie
    • YoBunnyBunny

      Too bad we can’t just collectively flush Shit-Trump down the drain and be finished with him already.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        The consequences could be worse than the fatberg that was in the London sewers. It took a lot of effort to shift that.

    • jesterpunk
      • John Thorstensen

        After all, the substance in question is useful for carrying away bodily waste and can be used as fertilizer!

      • Persistent Demme

        There’s always new stupid antic causing Mr. Demme to wander around all day muttering, “What a piece of shit!”

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    With all these allegations, I wold think a FEW indictments would start being issued for some of the sex predators….

    • Depends. A number of things, like the statute of limitations, can make that impossible.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        And the bar of evidence is pretty high.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

      Thanks for the ear worm.

  • An Outhouse for the résistance

    I saw that shitty infographic yesterday. It is truly shitty as well as uninformative.

  • DesertedPictures

    The video Trump retweeded was a fake, according to the Dutch right-wing shockblog that first put it up. (Geenstijl: basically the answer to ‘what if Breitbart was Dutch and díd have an ounce of integrity).

    http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2017/11/anti-muslim-dutch-video-retweeted-by-trump-is-fake-news/

  • Mpeg

    Well, crap. Now I have “glitter guilt.”

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Came to believe I was powerless over glitter, and my floors had become unsweepable..

    • MynameisBlarney

      Back when I was an environmental science student, I realized that there are far too many things that are really hurting the environment that people love.
      Meaning, humanity will hold onto its bright and shiny plastic death as the planet becomes too toxic to support human life.

    • Ms.Moon

      When I was a teen I lived for the stuff. I used to get the lotion from Bath and Body Works with the glitter in it I could not be seen at the teen clubs without it.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Tell me about it. I used to be a skating coach.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Damn, there goes my last back-up evening gown/long, fancy dress. Do I have to take it to a special recycling facility to make it safe for disposal?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Back in my elementary school days, my art teacher told a couple of my girl classmates to not put the craft glitter on their faces. She said it’s basically little pieces of paper that could paper-cut their eyeballs if any of it got in their eyes. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I’ve always avoided glitter for that reason specifically. That and because I have coarse curly hair, I know if I get any of the shit in my hair it’ll never completely wash out.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Hahah, don’t hold your breath. Enablers gotta enable.

    https://twitter.com/brianklaas/status/935872930583580673?s=17

    • Mavenmaven

      Apologize? He’s slowly making Neo-Nazism a norm in the US.

    • Stulexington

      Well maybe we’ll send the massive taxcut (for the uberrich) bill but that’s it until you apologize mister!

    • DesertedPictures

      There is a wrong assumption in this tweet: that congress would like to do this, bus is too afraid. I don’t think that is truth. They simply don’t care. Big difference.

      (And calls for a different strategy. If they are basically good but, cowardly, we can encourage their strenght. But if they are simply indifferent, that won’t work.)

    • shivaskeeper

      Right. Because when I woke up this morning Two Scoops suddenly stopped stopped personally being a racist, hate-filled extremist with ties to Nazis?

    • Phoenixdoglover

      I think the Bannon inspired agenda, and the haphazard Trump implementation, intends to make Congress irrelevant. The rule of law? What does it matter, when you have the military, Executive branch, and the Judiciary in your pocket?

  • Nounverb911
    • bbayliss

      maga

    • Bill D. Burger

      And J. Fred was more talented and smarter than Lauer.

  • Iron Monkey

    That Times infographic was so strange and unusable that I wasted 10 minutes trying to get some info from the graphic.

  • Kryptonian Canis

    Maybe we can transition to a more eco-friendly glitter made from jojoba beads?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d7c50d8d004e9c7a8db7020a9777002ce648fd4d7ad4bd9c0f1b568dfc00cdad.gif

    • Rebel Scum with permit

      There actually is eco friendly glitter now. It’s used now in some soaps and cosmetics but it’s pricey, so people don’t throw it around.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      How about bird seed?

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • DesertedPictures

      Fun! Dark, but fun.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      PitchBot makes me happy.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Even the originators of that video Dumbass retweeted are mocking him for getting it wrong.
    https://twitter.com/redlightvoices/status/935884937361838080?s=17

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      He is such a Putin tool.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      The Dotard strikes again.

  • Lazyjay

    Lesson learned: If you don’t like spicy peppers don’t make pepper jelly out of them. I just made a batch of Ghost Pepper jelly and everything burns. Yes, even those are burning

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Organic Napalm!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Do not check out pron this morning then….

      • Ghenghis McCann

        ‘The good news is that the burning sensation isn’t an STD….’

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Um…….trump Nazi twitter……………………………………….what was that tax thing the Senate wants to fuck us with?……………………………..BUT TRUMP’S NAZI TWITTER!!!!….

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Don’t worry, ‘ChuckAndNancy’ aren’t distracted.

  • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

    We like to give insurance companies shit, but the medical providers are in cahoots with them, if not running the whole show. You think people come from all over the world come to America to practice medicine because we have the best medicine? Ha, no. We get to charge the best fees.

  • The Librarian

    That tax bill is very clear: maybe I’ll get a tax cut or maybe I won’t. Genius!

    • bbayliss

      Whatever cut you may receive would immediately be eaten by increased health care premiums.

    • An Outhouse for the résistance

      What is certain is that it will increase the national debt by 1.5 trillion. Its almost like the Tea Party was mostly concerned that there was a black family in the White House.

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    How can people still claim he ISN’T openly courting white supremacy after the most recent bullshit?

  • Jeff Ackerman
  • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

    I was once forced by a set designer to add glitter to a floor treatment. Afterwards no matter how much we painted the deck the glitter would come through. They finally had the sand it.

    It is truly the Herpes of Theater.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      That shit follows you from show to show in every road case and stuck to gear for months. I’ve had to vacuum it out of equipment over a year later.

      • Maclare’s Castle o’ Crap 🏰

        There’s a sound designer I know that got into a screaming fight with the director- in front of a entering preview audience- because director was about to have glitter pads of “snow” draped over SD new speakers.

        I do not plan to ever work for that theater.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        My sons used to get upset when their younger sister’s glitter would get on their clothes when they were teenagers. It appeared everywhere in the house, like Legos but smaller.

  • nightmoth

    The items in the Wonkaganda are so dreadful today and make me feel so powerless that the only one I could concentrate on was Texas banning “The Color Purple” in prisons but giving “Mein Kampf” a pass. I don’t live in Texas but I can look into whether or not Georgia does something similar.

  • Wonky McUbtrye

    Never fear! Not all glitter is plastic, there are great biodegradable and mineral-based glitters. They tend to be less stubbornly clingy, too.

  • (((Aron)))

    BABBY PENGUINIS EVERWARE!!!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Wildly OT – yesterday was a most remarkable day, and here is how it started. My dog Arbella and I went out for our morning walk and were greeted by two
    male deer having a fight. Right in our front yard! They were butting
    heads, locking antlers, and wrestling around. Eventually they noticed
    us (we were about 10 meters away) and scampered off. Arbella completely
    lost her shit. She pulled on the leash, wanting to join the fight
    and then wanting to chase after the deer. Then she got a serious case
    of the zoomies and raced around the yard like an over-caffeinated
    greyhound. And people think that small town life is dull!

  • Relativicus
  • Angela Ruzzo

    I wonder if the crisis firm that Joe Barton hired advised him to run for re-election using the slogan “I have nothing to hide.” Probably not.

  • chascates

    Listen to Mom!!!
    Rich fellas come up an’ they die, an’ their kids ain’t no good an’ they
    die out. But we keep a’comin’. We’re the people that live. They can’t
    wipe us out; they can’t lick us. We’ll go on forever, Pa, ’cause we’re
    the people.

    –Ma Joad

  • ManchuCandidate

    The BBC did a documentary a few years back on Samsquanch and Yetis and other alleged creatures using genetics on alleged samples.

    I always keep asking if these things exist then show me the poop. When I have hiked on a deep woods trail you always see turds around from various creatures. I am pretty sure that a 6’10” biped is going to leave a gimungo turd somewhere for a crazy hunter or scientist to find. Yet they never do. Unless they are the only stealth shitters in nature.

    Sadly the only guys who took Bigfoot seriously weren’t scientists but ordinary Joes who wanted to believe that a tribe of 6’10” hairy stealth shitting humanoids exist. Basically Trump voters. Sigh.

    Only a fool believes…

    • Prollynottoday

      I may borrow “show me the poop.” I am sure it will come in handy some day.

  • BearGHAZI

    I’ve been denouncing and attainting glitter for years. Curse that stuff.

  • LadyLaz

    I take one positive from this. That the Barton incident pushes revenge porn. Maybe have a few guys be targeted and they might get a clue.

  • Prollynottoday

    Rant of the Day: I, for one, am very disappointed with the current Russian Distractions. Pocahontas, Access Hollywood, and Birther Crap are nothing new, and a rehash shows a dearth of creativity, imagination, and entertainment from a showman who is not ready for prime time. Like Scully without Mulder. Laverne without Shirley. Seriously, how many times can you watch Gilligan and the Professor pull shit, knowing they are NEVER getting off that fukin island ? But I digress. Perhaps he needz moar betterin’ writers in the WH. FFS, if he is not entertaining, what gud is he ? Maybe bring back Scarrimuchi, at least he would tell us who is sucking their own dick.

  • Khavrinen

    “hoping you won’t learn the practice of throttling.”

    That’s the term for what you want to do to Comcast’s upper management, right?

    [ With votes, of course. ]

  • Major_Major_Major

    and for the exalted orange Micro peen: https://twitter.com/bosoxgator/status/936053449678049280

  • javadavis

    What? You think the scam where hospitals bill you excessive amounts for unneeded stuff is new? How long have representatives for medical entities (and also republicans) been sounding alarms about horrible malpractice problems? They don’t mean problems with doctors committing malpractice and getting away with it, they mean patients having any rights to claims for malpractice, and also doctors paying big malpractice insurance premiums.
    This outcry over how awful it is for doctors to be held to a non-malpractice standard is the fuel for the ordering of unnecessary tests. We attempted to get set up with a doctor within 50 miles of where we live, but they would not even begin without an MRI – Medicare pays 80% and I believe our portion, which they wanted payment for before beginning, was $6K – pegging the minimum charge for the MRI at $30K. We don’t have any Ks around to cover such things, so no doctor for us.
    We have personal doctors/hospitals holding us hostage stories going back to the 90s. It’s nothing new. Get involved in Worker’s Comp and you wander into falsifying medical records for a state-paid fee as well.
    It has been ugly for a long, long time. The ACA is the first legislation to put some limits on the gouging and nefarious acts for quite a while – the first I have been aware of in my lifetime. Come for the inflated subsidy-supported premiums, stay for a chance to get actual health care once in a while.

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