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The Court also refused to approve ‘Call of Duty’ as a firearms certification class

The Supreme Court quietly refused today to hear two cases involving guns, turning away attempts by gun humpers to establish a right to own semiautomatic assault-style rifles and to force Florida to allow open carry of handguns. Guess that means that even Donald Trump wants to take away your guns, so please go buy more. Since the Supremes ruled in the 2008 DC v Heller decision that the Second Amendment protects an individual right to own firearms, it hasn’t taken any other cases aimed at expanding that decision. Today’s refusal to take cases from Maryland and Florida appears to affirm the Heller decision’s acknowledgement that the Second Amendment is not an unlimited right to “keep and carry any weapon whatsoever in any manner whatsoever and for whatever purpose[.]”

The Maryland case had argued that the state’s ban on assault weapons (a contentious phrase for gun humpers, whom we invite to stick it in their ejection ports) was unconstitutional. The federal appeals court held, in a 10-4 vote, that since Heller specifically said the government could ban M-16s, the fully automatic military weapon, then limitations on sales of its semiautomatic civilian version and similar assault-style weapons were also justified:

“We have no power to extend Second Amendment protection to the weapons of war that the Heller decision explicitly excluded from such coverage,” Judge Robert King wrote for the majority.

Maryland banned assault-style weapons and magazines with a capacity of more than 10 rounds after the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut, and in 2016 the Supremes also refused to hear constitutional challenges to state assault-weapons bans in Connecticut and New York. The Maryland ban was challenged by a group of gun enthusiasts and firearms dealers, with help from the National Rifle Association, because What About The Children’s guns? The poor dears lost, despite their appeal’s sad cry of “self-defense”:

Maryland has banned the most popular semiautomatic rifles and magazines — arms that are indisputably in common use for self-defense — from the homes of law-abiding citizens[.]

Apparently the Supremes just don’t care that a lot of people sincerely believe that only a badass semiauto rifle with a big honking magazine can keep them safe in their homes.

The other case, from Florida, involved a Florida dorkwad named Dale Lee Norman, who was arrested in 2012 for carrying a holstered handgun in public, ready for whatever shootout might come his way. Florida only allows concealed carry of licensed handguns, so Norman sued to protect his Gpd-given right to have a shootin’ iron on his belt. The Florida Supreme Court said, no, your sacred rights are not being infringed, and if you want to carry a gun, you can darn well get a concealed carry license, for which in Florida virtually any breathing adult qualifies anyway.

The Supremes did not comment on the cases, and there’s no breakdown of which justices decided not to hear them. It is indeed a very sad day for gun humpers — they don’t have an absolute right to any thunderstick they want, and the jackbooted thugs of government can even prevent them from walking around with their manhood replacements hanging out in plain sight. We’ll get right back to you on the inevitable surge in crime rates, government tyranny, or possibly just video whining from Dana Loesch that will no doubt follow the Court’s insane decision today.

In happier news, the Washington Post reports that even though the Kenyan Usurper is no longer threatening to take your guns away, guns were among the hottest items on a lot of Black Friday wish lists this year, with the FBI receiving 203,086 requests for instant firearms background checks Friday, a new one-day record. Be extra careful about letting the kids shake those packages under the tree!

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click here to help us get that Kevlar-lined Santa suit we’ve always wanted.

[Bloomberg / Slate / WaPo]

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  • jesterpunk
    • GoutMachine

      I’m pretty sure the Venn diagram of gun nuts and domestic abusers is a single circle.

  • ManchuCandidate

    The pathetic gun humpers hero wannabes wanna have guns. Oh that’s what they really want… BIG guns…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    We don’t have particularly sensible open-carry laws around here. The other night, a feller came in with two big shootin’ irons strapped to his thighs. My first thought, as it happened, was “Sorry about your penis, dude.”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      The only one I’ve seen had a Glock. No one’s gone walking around with something that Eugene Tackleberry would have carried.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Same as when I see one of these.

      https://i.imgur.com/cx82psA.jpg

      • jesterpunk

        Where are the truck nuts?

        • MynameisBlarney

          They’re so big, he had to forklift ’em into the truck bed.

        • Indeniable Ron

          You can’t see them because they’re the same size as his real ones.

      • Old Nick

        Now that’s some reasonable truck shaming. No hard feelings from before Blarney.

        • Old Nick

          I love that it’s a dually

    • Me not sure

      I saw an 80+ year old man with badly shaking hands at the car wash last week with a pistol shoved into his right front pants pocket. It looked like a self inflicted wound in waiting.

  • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

    Maryland has banned the most popular semiautomatic rifles and magazines — arms that are indisputably in common use for self-defense

    If you need more than 15 rounds to defend your home, you either are a lousy shot (which is a problem considering we’re talking about rounds that can penetrate interior walls very easily), or you might want to consider looking for a safer neighborhood to live in.

    • BadKitty904

      Try locks on your doors. Too. Also.

      • Indeniable Ron

        But locks restrict my FREEDUMB!

      • Werewolf

        Or a dog.

      • aureolaborealis

        Can’t afford locks. Spent all muh muneez on gunz and dress-up!

    • BigCSouthside

      Odds are a 5.56 isn’t even staying in your house if you fire it in there.

      • Clark_Nova

        My house is 18″ thick adobe.

    • aureolaborealis

      Home defense is just the first excuse. After that, it’s muh tyranny, which means you imagine yourself as a protagonist in Red Dawn, pewm-pewm-pewming Mexican Communists. And then you need the big magazines, and the thousands of rounds of ammo you’ve been stockpiling. And your fancy Army-Guy© outfit. And, also, usually, a big, retarded sheath knife on your belt, too.

    • Werewolf

      If you absolutely need a gun for self-defense, you’re better off with a pump-action shotgun. Rounds are less likely to penetrate walls, you don’t need to aim all that well, and the sound of racking a round into the chamber has a deterrent effect.

      • Clark_Nova

        Under 30 feet, you damn well better aim a shotgun. The shot doesn’t spread before that distance.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Why is hockey helmet guy holding that rifle that way? Trying to find the ‘clip’?

    • jesterpunk

      He is one of them responsible gun owners and saw someone holding a gun like that in a vidya game.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Stroking a metaphorical black hard shaft.

    • MynameisBlarney

      He looks like he is in middle of achieving Full Derp.

    • Nockular cavity

      Because you can aim much beterer when your hand is in the way.

  • Jeffocaster in the East

    “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

    Well regulated. Militia. So, people have the right to have assault weapons, bump stocks, and that includes any mass murderer. Check. Got it.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Ωbjectifier

      Nope, not even then.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      His hands have been cold and dead for 20 years. So have the victims of Columbine. Take the guns away. All of them, Katie. Australia-style destruction campaign.

  • BadKitty904

    Fear not, Steel Phallus-Worshipers – the Republican Party and its owners will fix this once they get their talons on the next SCOTUS nomination.

  • jesterpunk
    • mailman27

      I guess that guy’s gonna have to eat his food standing up.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        How’s he gonna handle his shootin’ iron and a greasy triple decker when someone comes in to ventilate the food court???? If they’re gonna make a show of it, they could at least be practical.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Empty calories and a full magazine. Life is good.

    • That’s about as good a deterrent as walking around with a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your back pocket.

    • aureolaborealis

      It’s like the weekend group Harley ride, but for gun nuts.

  • Baconzgood

    Being from South Western PA (deer season started today FYI) I hear a lot of gun humpers quote to me “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

    But for some reason when I mention the 1st part “A WELL REGULATED Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State,” they always get pissed.

    • jesterpunk

      They argue that first part doesnt count and the founders added extra words just to that one amendment and not to any other one because reasons?

      • Cincinnatus

        From The Economist, 11/16/17:

        A linguist at San Diego State University, Jeffrey Kaplan, argues that the prefatory clause is false. America, despite having no more militias, remains “a free state”, as do many other countries. He says that in parallel constructions like “Today being St Patrick’s Day, I will buy drinks for everyone in the bar,” if it turns out today is not in fact St Patrick’s Day, the promise in the main clause needs “repair”: a chance to cancel the offer or negotiate something else with the patrons. He put the St Patrick’s Day problem to 50 experimental subjects—80% said that if the presupposition was false, the offer was no longer operative.

        In a second experiment, he invented a statute: “Water being an abundant resource, property owners shall have an unrestricted right to irrigate their property as they see fit.” If, a century later, water is now scarce, is the law still in effect? Of those who replied, 81% said no.

        • Nockular cavity

          But this iz difrint, cuz gunns.

    • Oh, deer season! That must mean that school is out this week, since few would go to school instead of shooting deer.

      • TJ Barke

        A bad day hunting beats a good day working.

      • Baconzgood

        It was. At least a lot of schools called off today. Funny thing is MLK day is a “make up snow day”

    • Spotts1701, Nothingburger Chef

      Ah, so that explains the guy who shot and killed a dog-walker on Friday after he mistook her for a deer.

      • jesterpunk
        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Or that one guy who thought a 70 year-old tax lawyer was a pheasant.

          • jesterpunk

            Hey the tax lawyer apologized for getting in the bullets way.

        • Sophia

          Jinx I owe you a coke. I should have scrolled down.

        • Old Nick

          A couple of years ago, a man (in Florida) shot and killed his own son, mistaking him for a feral hog. I can’t feel snarky or say anything clever about something so awful.

      • I grew up in an area that had a lot of state hunting land. Every hunting season, there were many instances of hunters shooting each other, none of which were ever lethal (at least during my time), thank goodness. Dumbasses.

      • Sophia

        Nothing explains the guy who shot a pick up truck because he mistook it for a deer.

        https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/Hunter-Shoots-Truck-Mistaken-Deer-Woman-Shot-Killed-Upstate-459966103.html?

        • Old Nick

          None of these stories is news. Sad, yes , news no. See my earlier post about Tom Lerher’s hunting song. Folks, that song is more than 60 years old.

      • PubOption

        He got her with the first shot. Didn’t need a multiple-shot magazine.

      • PubOption

        And I thought that the stories about farmers painting the word ‘COW’ on the sides of dairy animals were jokes.

      • Baconzgood

        No. It was a un-armed black kid with skittles.

        Hunting out of season will get you a fine.

    • MynameisBlarney

      INORITE!

      It’s almost as if they cherrypick the Constitution like they cherrypick the bibble.

      • BadKitty904

        Or they’re just dumb as mud.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Why not both?

          • BadKitty904

            Point taken.

          • They let other people do their cherrypicking for them. Less mental effort.

        • Baconzgood

          You always cut to the core of the issue Bad Kitty.

          • BadKitty904

            Hanlon’s Razor: “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

          • Baconzgood

            “Malice is stupidity without anger”

            -J.Alvin K. IV-

      • Oblios_Cap

        They probably never read the Second Amendment, they’ve only heard the second half of it.

        • GoutMachine

          Read?

          • SpideySenser

            Not!

      • Baconzgood

        Wait…are saying taking care of the poor is more important than tithing?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Why would the Founding Fathers have even cared about your bowel movements?

      • Baconzgood

        Hey. Would you rather have “freedom is speech” or “freedom of a bowel obstruction”? You answer me when you lack either after 3 weeks.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      “Well-regulated” in their case meaning properly sedated and institutionalized.

    • Serai 1

      Toddlers are like that.

    • Indeniable Ron
      • Baconzgood

        If you send me their 12″ EP. I promise I will send you a 12 pack of Iron City Beer.

        • Indeniable Ron

          I would if I had it, but sadly I only have mp3s.

          • Baconzgood

            Boooo. VINYL. AND NOW HIPSTER RE-ISSUE CRAP. originally pressed. I’m a collector.

          • Indeniable Ron

            I can’t afford to be a collector…

          • Baconzgood

            Goodwill and flea markets. Oh estate sales are great too also.

            No one bids on vinyl, unless it’s another collector. And, even if it is a collector you can talk to each other before bidding and split the collection real cheap.

            Like $300 for a thousand random records.

          • Indeniable Ron

            My BFF collects that way. He might have the world’s largest collection of Little Marcy albums, all of which I documented for him. Plus he trades with other collectors of weird and wonderful stuff, specialising in the truly awful vinyl one finds in the Christianist music business.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      Not to mention the only things these sociopaths would bother to protect with an armed militia are their own fucking guns.

    • Clark_Nova

      PA needs a 12 month long deer hunting season. You’re completely overrun by those tasty garden eaters.

      • Baconzgood

        They moved into the suburbs to be safe. Can’t discharge a fire arm within 300 yards of a residency.

        So rather than getting shot they migrate and mate in playgrounds and big back yards.

  • Joe Beese

    Well, DUH, they’re weapons of war! War against Obama’s Hillary’s the Deep State’s jackbooted thugs!

  • BadKitty904

    Explain to me again, then, why we’re still paying for police forces and a standing army?

    • ManchuCandidate

      Oppressing non white people domestic and foreign?

      • BadKitty904

        The GOP is working on cutting out that “middle man”…

    • Clark_Nova

      That’s a very good question. They don’t keep us very safe.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    OT: How to handle a man trolling for sex on your dating profile:

    “Good morning beautiful. What are you looking for on here?”

    “Internal organs I can sell on the dark web.”

    • BadKitty904

      My next victim.

      • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

        “Would you like to come over for some tea?”

        • Oblios_Cap

          “Bring some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”

          • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

            “and 12,000$”

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Lori?

        • ladycat713

          Ever see the little girl who lives down the lane?

          • aureolaborealis

            “It’s almond-flavored tea …”

    • Ωbjectifier

      “Test subjects”

    • BadKitty904

      To serve man…

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Spoiler: It’s a Scientology Tract!!!!!

    • therblig

      someone to talk to the voices in my head.

      • Paul

        A sure fire way to freak out an elevator full of people:

        Turn to the person next to you and calmly ask ” Are the voices in my head bothering you?”

    • Serai 1

      “Scalps. I need a new vest.”

  • Oblios_Cap

    a lot of people sincerely believe that only a badass semiauto rifle with a big honking magazine can keep them safe in their homes.

    Wow. I must be severely misguided. I sometimes forget to lock my front door at night and never freak out about it the next morning when I go out to get the paper.

    • ManchuCandidate

      It’s not like deep state doesn’t have AC130s and hellfire equipped drones that can turn the derpiest militia of fatasses and hero wannabes into hamburger from miles away.

      • BigCSouthside

        Seriously. That’s an argument I used to make to gun nuts when they were saying they needed to keep their guns to fight when obama came for em.

        “Obama could kill everyone in your house, and then flatten your block and no one would know it was happening until they saw the first flash of the hellfire exploding. And he could do this without leaving his couch”

        • Clark_Nova

          The South Vietnamese warlords used to bomb entire blocks of their own people. Look how that turned out.

      • Serai 1
        • Indeniable Ron

          Finally, a use for all those parked M1A1s!

        • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

          Giving up on guns would be a tacit admission that the government is not afraid of them and is not coming for them, which they can’t do.

          I have a relative who lives in Backwoods Bumfuck and, as you would expect, has stockpiled quite the armory. After years of investigation, I have yet to discover which shadowy entity is coming after him, or why any such boogeyman would fucking bother.

        • aureolaborealis

          White hat (fedora?) dude in the top image looks depressingly like an old high school friend who retired early from engineering to pursue his dream of owning a gun store. But he’s got enough money that I don’t see him getting his picture taken with an AK-47 knock-off.

    • BadKitty904

      My immediate question is “Why is your home so unsafe? Mine isn’t.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Or, “get a dog”.

        • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

          And a spine.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          get your dog a gun*

          *Wayne LaPierre

          • BigCSouthside

            I have two AR 15s on a custom made mount that sit on my pitbull’s back like a gun turret. They fire when he barks.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            almost as cool as sharks with lasers

      • GoutMachine

        Seriously. Are home invasions really a thing? I don’t know a single person who’s had that happen to them.

        • Serai 1

          They’re a very rare thing (and getting rarer with the increasing presence of home security cameras), but the gun-fellaters like to pretend they happen every day.

          • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

            They also like to boast about how safe and responsible they are, as they store their guns unloaded, disassembled, and behind multiple locks. Doesn’t seem too useful in an emergency, does it?

            Unless there is reason to believe these psychopaths are lying about being responsible??

        • BadKitty904

          I’m sure they happen, but same here. How common can they be? And how commonly does owning a machine-gun stop them?

          • Clark_Nova

            What machine gun? Who’s talking about machine guns?

        • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

          Indeed, it seems most instances of self-defense occur in public, usually against another Second Amendment enthusiast.

        • Clark_Nova

          They’re very big in NM.

      • Serai 1

        “You think a lot of yourself if you think everyone’s coming to MURDER ya!” – Jim Jeffries

        • BadKitty904

          Isn’t that usually called…”paranoia”?

          • Clark_Nova

            I prefer Operational Awareness.

    • therblig

      you’re living on borrowed time.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      You might think they are salivating at the chance to kill someone, but legally and justifiably so that everyone has to admit they are heroes.

  • kilgoretrout
  • BigCSouthside

    The popularization campaign of the AR 15 is pretty interesting. They’ve been around since the 60s, but have only become popular in the last 30 years. What changed? The NRA shifted from a sportsman’s society focused on safety to a PAC representing gun manufacturers.

    Why the AR 15? They are cheap to make, and due to its customizablity, ensure multiple secondary purchases.

    This whole thing was a cynical ploy to increase profits

    • Oblios_Cap

      Capitalism in action! Innovation at work.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      How long before Putin demands a piece of that market with the AKs.

    • BadKitty904

      The Invisible, Murderous Hand of the GOP Market…

    • Katamount

      A craven bunch, aren’t they? No wonder you don’t see them promoting .22-LR rifles for quail shooting… not manly enough or something.

    • Clark_Nova

      It’s a poorly designed gun. I prefer the Sig Sauer MCX even at 3X the price.

  • BadKitty904

    …with the FBI receiving 203,086 requests for instant firearms background checks Friday, a new one-day record.

    All of which have already been OK’d. An Xmas miracle!!1!

    • Indeniable Ron

      It’ll be a Christmas miracle if there’s no mass shootings on Christmas Day.

  • GoutMachine

    Christ, I hate, hate, hate gun-humpers. If there is one thing to point to for how fucked up this country is, it’s guns and the ammosexual gun fetish. We’ve decided that the lives of children and the innocent are just not worth a damn. Fuck all of them.

    • Serai 1

      When the fuck this country is going to wake up to the FACT that NOBODY NEEDS A FUCKING GUN is beyond me. How many deaths is it going to take? 50,000 a year? 100,000? How about 1,000,000? How about 2/3rds of the population? Will we wake up THEN??

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        AOT,K?

        • Indeniable Ron

          Not even then.

      • BigCSouthside

        To be fair, there are civilian applications for guns, HOWEVER no one needs anything with a detachable magazine, or honestly any gun that holds more than 3-6 Rounds, and I’m probably being generous

        • Serai 1

          Really? What applications would those be? Murdering animals for no reason? Shooting at paper dolls and pie plates in order to feel bigger? Threatening little kids when they step onto the lawn? Yeah, not seeing much in the way of DEFENSIBLE “civilian applications” here.

          • BigCSouthside

            Believe it or not most hunters aren’t trophy hunters. They hunt for food. Taking your dad’s old rifle out and filling the freezer with 60 lbs of meat for about 30 cents is a good deal if you live in rural areas. Ranchers use them to protect livestock, and farmers use them for control of animals that destroy crop (like hogs, which also tend to be eaten). People who do their work out in more wild areas carry them for defense against critters that can kill them.

            And the target sports? A lot of them are in the freakin Olympics, where many other countries that don’t have mass shooting issues compete.

            They are a tool, we just tend to view them as toys in America, and it’s a big part of our problem.

          • Katamount

            Those obnoxious photos of hunters knelt next to a dead animal do get me though. It seems in very poor taste.

          • Clark_Nova

            I find obnoxious photos of cops standing with one foot on a dead ‘perp’ to be a lot more offensive. Save your outrage for something important.

          • Katamount

            Thanks, Fallacy of Relative Privation! Glad you chimed in.

          • Clark_Nova

            I eat everything I ‘murder’.

        • Katamount

          Bingo. Limits on magazine capacity are just about the most sensible thing. You only have large capacity clips if you A) are juvenile enough to want to see a lot of bullets come out of a gun all at once or B) want to kill a lot of people very fast.

      • Annerdr

        I know people who hunt and eat deer, and get a lot of the meat their family eats by hunting. Those people generally have 2-3 guns (for different types of animals) and a gun safe to store them in. They also think that assault rifles are unnecessary and frequently do not own handguns – because you don’t hunt with handguns.

        • Katamount

          Exactly. I don’t know much about hunting, but I’d imagine they have at least a .22 for small game and maybe a 12 gauge that can be loaded with buckshot or birdshot and a .30-06 for hunting deer. I doubt they’re going to be out deer hunting with an AR-15.

          • Old Nick

            Hunting deer with a .22 caliber bullet (the size of an AR-15 round) is illegal in many states. Too small for a clean kill.

          • Katamount

            Well, there we go.

          • Clark_Nova

            Legal in my state and all of my kills have been clean. The bullet is more massive than a .22 (69 grains for my bullets) even though it’s the same caliber the much greater velocity makes it work.

          • Clark_Nova

            I’ve been hunting white-tails successfully and legally with a .223 semi (same caliber as an AR-15) for some time. Three single shot kills in three years. Down in 10′ max. Anything larger, I would use my 30-06. It’s all about skill and well chosen ammo.

  • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

    Neil Goulash was against it because it might mean that your employer can’t fire you if you refuse to commit suicide.

  • therblig

    i look for “weapons of war” to become another gunhumper rallying cry – “It’s not war when you’re fighting your own tyrannical gubmint – it’s freedumb!”

    fucking shitheads.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “We like that term semi. Semi-automatic, semi truck, semi-literate. It’s related to our love of half-assed, halfwit, and halftime.”
    — A Trumpkin

  • nero88888

    When the gun nuts lose, America wins.

  • JohnBull

    If there’s one thing I hate more than gun-humpers, it’s one with kids These are the assholes who take half of Saturday at the shooting range then complain about their kids not having enough time to do homework.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    To make up for this loss of the inalienable right to have Bigass Guns, I would propose that we expand Obamacare to mandate that all insurers must provide Viagra and Cialis at no charge to the insuree.

  • Raan

    If you need thirty rounds to defend your home, then you are too shitty of a shot to be allowed a gun.

    • Skwerl the Taco Hunter

      A good garden hose does wonders.

      • Raan

        I’ve heard baseball bats are also effective.

      • jesterpunk

        So does closing the damn door.

        From my local papers police blotter (address removed)

        : A man and a woman tried to enter an apartment Nov. 18 in the . The man was wearing a costume and carrying what looked like a rifle. The victim stopped them by closing and locking the door.

        • Indeniable Ron

          The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a door is…

          • jesterpunk

            A good guy with a lock?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The value of firearms to home defense is debatable anyway, but if a person insists on one, it should be a shotgun, because it kind of takes marksmanship out of the equation…

      • Oblios_Cap

        I’ve always thought that having the shotgun mechanism would be enough. If someone were on the other side of a door and I heard that noise, I’d be hauling ass outta the house.

        • Clark_Nova

          Burglars and home Invaders often lack the good sense that you and I have. Often too high on meth to care.

      • TJ Barke

        With much less risk of a bullet piercing the walls and killing your neighbors…

      • Anarchy Unicorn

        Yep, and if you use bird shot it will still hurt the interloper but is much less likely to kill them or put holes in your walls.

        • Raan

          Also, you can buy bean bag or other such rounds online.

          • Clark_Nova

            Beanbags? Do I want to bruise and annoy someone with a gun pointed at me? Beanbags were designed to be used against unarmed protestors, not armed killers.

        • Clark_Nova

          Anywhere under 20′ birdshot will kill every time.

      • Impatient

        But, beyond “assault rifles,” even many of the shotgun loads are far too powerful for use near sheet rock walls. (Though, I suppose, the Darwin factor can be useful.)

      • Blackest Noobs

        i know it seems like impossible, but you can still miss shooting with a shotgun.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Sure, but the near misses are still pretty terrifying.

      • aureolaborealis

        At distances typically encountered indoors, the pattern from just about any shotgun is so surprisingly tight that you’d need to be almost as accurate with it as you would with a pistol or a rifle. It is, however, a long gun, which makes it more manageable (aim-able) than a pistol, it’s more powerful than most pistols or rifles you’d use in its place, and the pellets are going to go through fewer walls before running out of energy. And, as has been pointed out here and everywhere else, I can’t imagine there are more chilling sounds in the dark for someone up to no good than the racking of a pump shotgun.

        http://projects.nfstc.org/firearms/module12/images/fir_m12_t06_12.jpg

    • BigCSouthside

      The Brits, who thoroughly enjoy shooting sports, find “home defense” guns to be a fucking laughable concept

    • ladycat713

      I have five cats , if anyone tried to break in they’d be tripped and clawed pretty quickly.

      • Sophia

        Shit, mine would get them when they tried to walk down a staircase in the dark. Little fucker’s always hanging out there.

        • ladycat713

          Mine like to leap around the room , the unwarned would easily get taken out.

      • Clark_Nova

        If they could, they’d open the door for home invaders just so they could lap up your blood from the floor.

        • ladycat713

          Nah , they need me to open the food containers . They don’t want to mess with their supplier especially since their cat food is in a plastic bin they can’t open.

    • Daniel Hooper

      Exactly. If I can take down a terrorist organization with a 9-round max handgun in Time Crisis 2 without being shot even once the whole time, then these shit-shots can manage with 10 rounds to protect their homes.

    • I grew up on a farm, and we had a flock of 26 really really REALLY nasty geese, who roamed free, and were very effective. They are fantastic watchdogs, and WILL NOT be fucked with. I hear the same thing about peacocks, who might be even nastier.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I’ve heard they cry of a peacock. That’s some scary shit actually.

      • Paul

        Hunter S. Thompson used peacocks.

      • Clark_Nova

        Zoning problems.

    • mancityRed6

      pump an unloaded shot gun. everyone knows that sound.

      • Clark_Nova

        Better a loaded shotgun.

    • Michael Healey

      Yeah but it will come in real handy to defend against the Russkies.

      Too soon?

    • Blackest Noobs

      i say if you need more than 5 rounds, you shouldn’t be allowed a gun.
      shit other gun owners should troll you about how much you suck at gun’ing and stuff.

      • Clark_Nova

        How many rounds for THREE people, the usual number involved in home invasions here?

        • Blackest Noobs

          here is where and where are such stats?
          but to answer your question…just three bullets.

          • Clark_Nova

            I could do it with three but I’m a combat veteran. Having killed before, I would not hesitate, which gives me an additional advantage.
            I would prefer a Mozambique Drill (gut, chest, head) on a single assailant.
            Here is Albuquerque. Crooked cops, crooked judges, crooked crooks. Lots of home invasions, almost none involving a single perp.

    • J. M. Tusks, Esq.

      My friend’s dad once came home from a late night at work to find his wife pointing a gun at him in terror because she thought he was a burglar. And he was PROUD of her for protecting herself. I’d be more concerned that she went straight for the gun without considering:

      1) calling the cops first
      2) burglars don’t quietly unlock the front door with their own keys
      3) SHE FUCKING KNEW HE WAS WORKING LATE

      • Clark_Nova

        If you call the cops first they’ll just get donut crumbs on your chalk outline an hour later.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Ballots over bullets is so old fashioned.

  • Zonath

    Why is the NRA even allowed to exist in this country? Seems like a radicalized organization (at least in part) responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans each year ought to be on the terror watchlist, at the very least.

    • BigCSouthside

      They cut checks to the right politicians and their members are largely stupid, white and politically active

    • Serai 1

      You can get whatever you want in this country if you grease enough palms.

    • BadKitty904

      Why is the NRA even allowed to exist in this country?

      The Republican Party.

      • Indeniable Ron

        And vice versa.

      • Clark_Nova

        Huge membership.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Neocon Republican Army?

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • aureolaborealis

      It’s either liberals gunning up, or it’s wingnuts topping off their collections for the civil war they desperately hope for. Or both.

      • Clark_Nova

        I fear the next Civil War but I fully expect it. Being unarmed and untrained in a Civil War that will not be fought on battlefields but in the streets is just stupid beyond belief, IMO.

  • capnkrunch

    PROTIP: Keep a baseball bat next to your bed. Use that instead of a gun to fight off intruders. It is as good at preventing loss of property with the added bonus of being less likely to get you shot.

    Plus, your young children or their friends won’t accidentally shoot themselves and your older, depressed children (or significant other) will be less likely to have a successful suicide attempt (and if the first one fails, people are significantly less likely to try again; this is what makes gun control such effective suicide prevention).

    • mancityRed6
    • FlemmishSpy

      Amen. My dad was a career army man (artillery, colonel). He was a small arms instructor and could shoot anything that shoots. He refused to have a gun in the house because of the risk to his family. A billy club beside his bed was all he needed, and even that was never used in anger.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I have a pink t-ball bat!

      Actually, even though some would say I’d be justified in getting a gun, I feel like I’d be putting other people in danger in addition to myself. I live in a top floor tiny apartment in a building with neighbors who I can hear if they breathe too hard. At one point, one neighbor had a toddler and another neighbor has three young sons. I can’t say in good confidence that a stray bullet WOULDN’T hit someone on the other side of my walls. And I would appreciate if my neighbors, likewise, avoided shooting off when I’m at home as well.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      I don’t think suicide (like abortion) is something unequivocally bad that ought to be prevented no mater what (everyone has their breaking point and everyone should have the right to shuffle off this mortal coil as they see fit). But, laws to liberalize euthanasia access are a separate matter. Nobody should have a gun in their home because of the chance that other people might be harmed.

      Just get rid of them, altogether. Australia did it. Japan did it. Even in England, AFAIK they still let you hunt foxes but you’ve got to find some other blunt object to kill the poor things with (I think I heard that became illegal, in which case all the better). I really think the only reason Canada hasn’t is because they have their own crop of rural kooks out in the oil patch who feel the need to buy prosthetic penises to take out Santa’s reindeer with. But, they have far more restrictions on who can buy a gun, what kind of gun they can have, and how many guns in total they’re allowed to own, among other stipulations.

      The U.S. is the only country that treats ownership of weapons of mass destruction like a “God-given” right. No accident at all that “Moses” was the most famous spokesman for the NRA. They’ve managed to make use of the obsolete 3rd amendment by adding 1A+2A=3A to make bullets a form of protected religious speech that you can exercise with however much money you have that says “In God We Trust” on it. The U.S. itself is too psychotic and abusive to own guns. They are a member of the Mammon alliance and therefore traitors. Take them away.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I think places like Japan, the U.K. and Australia still allow guns for sport, but they really do mean “for sport”. If you’re not out sporting, the guns have to be locked away in a safe at home or at stored at the local sports shooting club or somesuch.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          The U.S. takes delight in playing “The Most Dangerous Game”. Other countries must look at us and think we’re a country taking part in a cannibal holocaust.

      • BigCSouthside

        Australia, Japan, and the UK still allow traditional sporting arms. What those countries did was enact responsible gun control. Things like assault weapons bans, background checks, annual registration and certification, insurance, mental health Evals, and safe storage inspections.

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Well, apparently it’s worked for them. Although I really would love to see a global destruction of all the guns, like when Superman threw all the world’s nukes into the sun.

          • BigCSouthside

            It really has. It’s quite impressive. I saw a documentary that showed an American ex pat that lived in Japan and he has a literal binder of all the paperwork he has to have, and he was totally fine with it. The Brits have to get a license and full check for EACH gun, they have certificates by type etc.

        • Clark_Nova

          In Australia the increase in blunt trauma deaths since the ban exceeds the number of lives that the ban theoretically saves. Same in GB.

      • capnkrunch

        I agree about liberalized euthanasia laws. I used to do critical care children’s transports so I’ve seen children die slowly and painfully. That’s not to say I think we should necessarily allow euthanasia in the case of children, just that there must be a better way than what we are doing now.

        That said, by and large I think suicide should be looked at as something to be prevented. Among people who fail a suicide attempt only ~10% will go on to die from a future suicide attempt (depending on the study you look at it might vary 5% or so). One way to interpret that is that most people who attempt suicide would ultimately prefer to live if given a second chance. The issue with guns is that they are so effective that there is no second chance.

        Some back of the napkin calculations: About 40,000 people in the US die from suicide per year. About half (20,000) of them use guns. If all these people used a less effective method and survived their first suicide attempt then there might be ~18,000 less suicide deaths per year. That’s a super rough estimate but even a better one from WaPo is ~12,000.

        Saying that everyone has their breaking point misses one major point: people can come back from that breaking point. This what I see as the difference between euthanasia for terminal illness and suicide because of mental health issues. In those cases suicide (almost) always involves a spontaneous component. Sure there are thoughts and plans that can form over months or years but the time when someone is willing to actually pull the trigger is usually very small.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Trump ends Obama era “Magical Gun Stealing Space Magnet” program. Asks researchers to look into “Magical Bitcoin Stealing Space Magnet” instead.

  • Serai 1
    • Blackest Noobs

      the difference in America would be bullet holes, in either vehicles and in either the crooks or the cops.

      MAN! i love America….guns guns guns….aint we got fun.

      • Weird Fishes

        No. We ain’t.

        • Blackest Noobs

          no it’s fun, just get a gun, go on a run, and shoot shoot shoot.

          just remember if it’s a person you hit, just say you thought it was a deer.

          • Old Nick

            Viz Tom Lerher’s song from the 1950s
            Two game wardens, seven hunters and a cow.

          • Weird Fishes

            Scary how natural that excuse sounds like these days.

          • Blackest Noobs

            it’s my go to excuse when i shoot someone.
            “dude you live in the city? nah, bra, i saw a deer, but opps my bad, it was just some lady that looked like a deer…”

        • Blackest Noobs

          why can a plant_boy be so good with a gun?

    • It’s not snowing like that yet. This is more end of January, early February

      • StrangerCaptainHowdy

        Uh huh . . .

        • Really, i’m only wearing a shirt jacket and shoes today, no boots

          • Jonny On Maui

            Just a jacket and shoes?

            Asking for a friend…

          • BadKitty904

            “shirt jacket”?

          • Typo. Meant Short jacket

          • BadKitty904

            Ah, OK, that makes sense. I was thinking it was some weird form of kuspuk or anorak…

          • Don’t need those yet. Give it a few weeks

          • SpideySenser

            So…no pants?

      • Weird Fishes

        Hey, I watched the Grey Cup last night. It most certainly was snowing like that last night.

      • Annerdr

        The temperature has dropped into the 60s (15-20 C) here. I can’t even wear flip flops in this weather!

  • Sophia

    Florida man accidentally shoots himself during road rage incident

    https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/florida-man-accidentally-shoots-himself-during-road-rage-incident/

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I showed that idiot behind the wheel what for…he just happened to be me..”

      • Meccalopolis

        I showed me!

    • Raan

      Oh Florida Man. You are a national treasure.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Soon to be Sea Level Rise Refugee Man. :(

        • Impatient

          Build (a) wall!

          • Weird Fishes

            Yes. Along the Mason-Dixon Line.

        • Red Bird

          Or died from drowning man. :/

        • Jeffery Campbell

          True, but not as catchy.

        • Clark_Nova

          They’ll all have to move to Space Mountain, the highest point in FL, because no one else wants them.

      • Weird Fishes

        Florida isn’t the South. They’ve managed to be worse.

    • Blackest Noobs

      so no law against unlawful discharging a weapon?

      • Old Nick

        Not unlawful if a permitted gun, not fired across roadway and far enough away from dwelling.

        • Blackest Noobs

          shooting oneself should be unlawful discharge.

          • Old Nick

            What crime? A simple accidental discharge, perhaps a tort if he wants to sue himself for negligence.

          • Blackest Noobs

            what crime? unlawful discharge….you’re stupid enough to fucking shoot yourself, you’re too fucking stupid to own one. i’ve owned several for several decades, never fucking once did i ever shoot myself.

    • Daniel

      It was self-defence. I mean, in fairness, he was about to shoot him.

    • Impatient

      Unmentioned fact: Florida moron just raised all of our health insurance costs. And the NRA got a clause inserted into the Affordable Care Act, ensuring that insurance rates will NOT vary based on whether there is a firearm in the household. (winning?)

      • jesterpunk

        They also made it so doctors can’t even ask if they have a gun in the house.

        • Courser_Resistance

          I’m honestly not sure where I stand on this one. I’m adult and live alone. Quite frankly, it’s no one’s business if I have a gun in my home. I’m progressive as hell, but sharing my every detail with others ain’t gonna happen.

          • jesterpunk

            Its a good question when it comes to mental health.
            https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/magazine/guns-and-suicide/

          • Old Nick

            You could just say MYOB. The law prohibits docs from ASKING and the gubmint from doing anything with the data.

          • Clark_Nova

            The law doesn’t prohibit that at all. It prohibits governmental entities (like the Center for Disease Control) from advocating for legislation based on their data. Kinda like the Hatch Law. Read the law, doofus.

          • Old Nick

            Florida Statutes section 790.338. True, an appellate court found the restriction unconstitutional this year but the law was in effect for a while and physicians in Florida were muzzled by it during that period. I have been out of the state and retired from The Florida Bar for a few years and missed the appellate case. Please be a bit more careful with throwing insults at other noncommentors. It makes you look juvenile.

      • Red Bird

        So they’re okay with some restrictions on insurance companies.

    • shastakoala

      It was an inside job.

  • fawkedifiknow

    I can’t decide if I am looking forward to reading what #FatassintheWhiteHouse is going to tweet about this, or if I’d rather not have to.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Speaking gubmental overreach, https://www.livescience.com/61026-flat-earther-rocket-delay.html
    US Government Shuts Down Flat-Earther’s Rocket Launch

    • FlemmishSpy

      Flat-earther grounded!

      • Covfefe

        See. The Gubmint don’t want us to know the world is flat.

        • LesBontemps

          They don’t care that we know it’s flat; they just don’t want us to see that it’s turtles all the way down.

    • Jonny On Maui

      Father Darwin cried…

    • Weird Fishes

      This is NOT Making America Great Again!

    • Sophia

      “He also said that his mobile launcher broke down in his driveway but that he had repaired it.”
      Yea, I’d be getting in that rocket to be launch into space at 500 mph.

      • Old Nick

        What I find interesting is that he wanted to go up to 1800 ft. One can do that on foot on many nearby hillsides. Where I walk most days with fellow olds ranges from 2200 ft to 3300. Don’t need a rocket. You can get half way riding an elevator in the Empire State Building. Charter a small plane and go up to 6000 ft in minutes. WTF?? I guess it is just more fun to spend your life savings on a steam rocket.

        • Sophia

          Can’t get the money on the PPV that way.

  • Viktor

    Yall think gun owning is easy? I go through a tv a week when I shoot at it to change the channels.

    • jesterpunk

      If you would just leave it on Faux Noise all day you wouldn’t have that problem.

  • SayItWithWookies

    You know something’s wrong with America when we still don’t have a majority of Supreme Court justices to ensure that mandatory gun ownership becomes law.

    • TundraGrifter

      America pretty much tried that once but we didn’t stick to it.

  • Notreelyhelping

    Boy, I can’t even take a nap without arming the Claymores.

    • Oblios_Cap

      “Front Toward Enemy”!

      • I would love to accept that gift

      • Damian L

        good idea

      • Blanche de Shambles

        They had to change that to “Front (this side) Toward Enemy (not you).”

        Marines were getting confused.

        • Clark_Nova

          Ours only said “THIS SIDE TOWARD ENEMY”, which was pretty clear.

    • Weird Fishes

      Wiring them to the doorbell again? And you wonder why UPS won’t deliver to you any more.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Okay. So this…thing happened. Just once!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    NORTH HARMONY, N.Y. — Authorities say an Ohio man shot a pickup truck he mistook for a deer in western New York.

    The shooting Friday was the second hunting accident in Chautauqua County in three days. Police say 43-year-old Rosemary Billquist was shot and killed Wednesday by a man who thought she was a deer.

    • Red Bird

      Should this be filed under opioid epidemic?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I thought this was “economic anxiety”?

      • Damian L

        Absolutely

    • chortlingdingo

      Yes, because people and trucks look so much like deer.

    • Johnatx

      Hey, they both have horns. Amirite?

  • Anna Rompage

    Honestly, an AR-15 is actually a terrible choice for home protection. If you want something to protect your home & family with, buy a shot gun, or a pistol…

    • Daniel

      Or a bear.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      There’s a reason cops keep them in the trunks of their cars and not slung over their shoulders.

    • Dept. of Space Tacos

      i imagine – not a lot of room to maneuver a weapon that fucking long in your hallway…it’s what the Israelis came up with the Uzi, or so I hear.

    • aureolaborealis

      Most of these shitbags imagine themselves fighting in the streets, like in the video games.

    • Johnatx

      One thing that worries me with all the folks with AR-15s and similar weapons, is them using it, missing their intended target, and hitting me or my spouse with a few rounds as we sit inside our house.

      • Clark_Nova

        If you’re going to use even a medium-powered carbine like the AR15 or the so-called (wrongly) semi-auto AK47 look-alikes, you need to choose your ammunition VERY carefully to avoid this.

    • Clark_Nova

      Remington 870 shotgun. Preferably an 18″ barrelled Police Special.

  • Crystalclear12

    I thought Gorsuch was going to take care of this?

    • BadKitty904

      I’m $ure he’$ trying.

  • TundraGrifter

    Heller is pretty much the worst Supreme Court decision since Dredd Scott. Or maybe
    Plessy v. Ferguson. Just horrible, twisted “logic.”

    • Citizens United has fucked a lot of shit up as well

    • Oh! And that random notation on a corporate associated decision that made corporations legal persons

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I would call it second after Citizens United, just because at least Heller has an amendment’s background to base itself on. CU was simply insulting in how stupid and naive the goal-driven “reasoning” was.

      • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

        If corporations are people, and they have the right to declare bankruptcy and fold, then why don’t human people have the right to declare “bankruptcy” and quit life?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Because it was never intended to internally make sense. Otherwise corporations could go to jail.

    • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

      My top 10 worst SCOTUS decisions in no particular order would be

      01 Dred Scott v Sandford
      02 Plessy v Ferguson
      03 Heller v DC
      04 Vacco v Quill (refused to recognize an inherent right to ending one’s life)
      05 Eldred v Ashcroft (draconian copyright laws are constitutional)
      06 Citizens United v FEC
      07 Buckley v Valeo (set the groundwork for Citizens United)
      08 Burwell v Hobby Lobby (if corporations are people, they have a protected religion)
      09 Brandenburg v Ohio (KKK doesn’t deserve the freedom to incite harm)
      10 Bush v Gore (’nuff said)

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Wait what’s wrong with #9?

        And I feel like the Slaughterhouse cases should be in there, since they neutered the 14th amendment for nearly a century.

        • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

          Yes, but then that’s 11, unless you pull Brandenburg.

      • Rags

        Citizens United: Granting citizenship to sociopathic cabals, formerly known as corporations

      • mardam422

        Also, too, San Francisco v. Denver 1990 (Defense does not, in fact, win Super Bowls)

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        You forgot Godzila Vs Motha myself. I question the Supreme Court getitng involved in a foreign case like that.

        • Johnatx

          Gamera or GTFO!

          • Alexander Stallwitz

            $Gamera was too busy being friend to children to comment”

      • TundraGrifter

        I can’t argue with you on that roster! Bush vs. Gore is probably the worst ever.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The NRA: Proudly Turning Misunderstandings Into Manslaughter since 1977.

    • BadKitty904

      The NRA: Proudly Turning Manslaughter into Profit Since 1977.

      • Serai 1

        The NRA: Proudly Turning MURDER into Profit Since 1977.

        Let’s call a spade a spade, shall we?

        • 🍁 Girl Guide Salute 🖖🏻

          Well, at least calling it murder is gender-equal.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Yes they’re such feminists aren’t they? Their customers are equal opportunity killers.

      • Rags

        The NRA: American gun manufacturer’s marketing arm.

        • BadKitty904

          Wouldn’t that be the Republican Congress?

          • Rags

            The R Congress is not as specialized; they market anything made by anybody who greases their palms.

          • BadKitty904

            True, true…

  • x111e7thst

    every time dana loesh cries an angel gets an AR-15

    • Clark_Nova

      If I were an angel I’d insist on a carbine that didn’t foul so badly. Something with piston impingement, like a Sig Sauer MCX.

  • Impatient

    My vague understanding of appeals to the Supremes is that small subsets of the “Justices” are given the appeal, to decide if the Supremes will take it up. (I guess that makes them kinda the temporary “Doo-Wop” backup singers?)

    But what happens when these backup singers include Gorsuch*-ski? This will make his illegitimate influence proportionally greater.

  • I fully support the right to bear arms. Otherwise, the poor little furry critters would have to roll around or do the worm to move and no one wants to see that.

    • Daniel

      [raises hand on end of his own arm] I actually would like to see a bear do the worm.

      • Erala Contratista

        Nuh uh.
        Gator!

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Speaking of the Supreme Court … wouldn’t it be “interesting” if Justice Gorsuch was caught up in the election conspiracy investigation by Mr Mueller?

    • SpideySenser

      I like the way you think.

  • Weird Fishes

    “Dale Lee.”

    That’s all, just ordinary every day dumbfuck Dale Lee.

    Jeepers.

  • Maryland has banned the most popular semiautomatic rifles and magazines — arms that are indisputably in common use for self-defense — from the homes of law-abiding citizens

    My thoughts and prayers are with them.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Oxycontin is the most popular painkiller. Popularity isn’t a reason for access.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      The fears these folks live with …

  • Courser_Resistance

    If those gun humpers are *really* concerned with ‘home defense’, a tactical shotgun will serve the purpose nicely. Much cheaper and easier to use. Kinda like ‘spray and pray’ in one shot.

    • Suttree

      But that only gets them half hard. :(

    • The Person.

      ^THIS^

    • Robyn Ryan

      A simple pump shotgun is best.
      The first ‘ca- chunk’ is enough to send them running .

      • Blackest Noobs

        i guess so but if i was the robber and i had a gun, i would just unload the pistol through the door…cuz it’s likely dumbfuck ca-chunker is directly behind it.

        i own shotguns but none of them are the pump variety. you only know i’m armed after i put a shot through your chest.

        • Zach Williams

          I prefer wasp spray.
          Non lethal, decent range, silent and it stings like a bitch.

          • Blackest Noobs

            sure, but i think my right hook stings worse.
            which is usually followed by a left uppercut.

    • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

      One time, it is a long story, I heard the ‘ca-chunk’ of a shotgun inside a door I was standing outside of, waiting after knocking. I still remember backing up and speaking VERY CAREFULLY. Nobody got shot, but the point was made.

      • BrianW

        That’s why a lot of cops still carry pump shotguns. Not as likely to jam (also, easier to clear if something happens) and THE SOUND tells everyone that you’re not fucking around any more.

        • Clark_Nova

          Especially the sound of the Remington 870.

          • BrianW

            I think the 870 is most people’s generic template when you say “pump shotgun.” I’m also partial to the old Winchester 97 trench gun, myself.

          • Clark_Nova

            The 870’s dual rails give it a much more authoritative ka-chunk than any of the other pumps.

          • BrianW

            True. When I mentioned the trench gun I was thinking of other features, like slam firing.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Off course they’re all going to whine now about how Trump is going to take their freedom away since they’ll no longer be able to defend themselves. Oh wait, no they won’t because he’s a Republican.

  • Roadstergal
    • ahughes798

      Rachel is my fave!

  • Jonny On Maui

    That top photo… Can someone identify that shooting stance?

    • PubOption

      Stuck bumpstock?

    • BigCSouthside

      Tacticool small penis inverted badass grip

    • La forza del resistino

      Kama Sutra position #you’ll never get laid in that outfit.

    • Suttree

      “Hey Billy! I said squeeze it don’t jerk it!”

    • Zach Williams
      • Clark_Nova

        Not much recoil to an AK47.

        • Zach Williams

          That aside, that’s still not how you hold an AK.

    • Trollhunter

      Yes. It’s called “I can’t handle the recoil since this rifle bucks up when I fire it so I have to hold the barrel on top to keep it on target” stance.

  • PubOption

    Has Michele Fiore got new Christmas Cards this year?

  • gallbladder

    “What is this, Stalin’s Germany in 1984?”

    Shades of Animal House, the pep talk scene.

    • mardam422

      Don’t stop him, he’s rolling.

  • ChumpsForTrump

    Next election day, we should put on an event that takes all day, where we give out free guns.

    • Zach Williams

      “Get prepped to fight the Deep State! Come get a FREE Glock 18!”
      We could bait em so easily…

    • Clark_Nova

      At least we (I mean the Left) might stand a chance in Civil War II then.

  • goonemeritus

    Living in Western NY negates the need for home defense. Apparently no one willingly lives in Western NY.

    • Blanche de Shambles
      • Wookie Monster

        Scranton: a great place to be from. Far away from.

        • aureolaborealis

          I went to Scranton once. Then I left. True story.

          • Old Nick

            I spent a few days in Scranton on business 27 years ago or so. The city was in a bowl the sides of which were covered by enormous auto graveyards. The river had recently broken through to old mining tunnels and was being swallowed up. A local businessman told me they used to empty oil tank truck waste straight into the mining tunnels. Part of the tunnels had been burning in a slow coal fire for many (50?) years.

          • Clark_Nova

            Way more than 50. They were burning (and houses were falling into them) when I was a kid in the ’50’s. It was an old story even then.

      • aureolaborealis

        Someone light their tap water on fire again?

        • Blanche de Shambles

          Lackawanna: not even a derelict steel mill wants to live there anymore.

    • Robyn Ryan

      Hail, Fredonia!

    • Suttree

      I once had someone bitch at me when I joked about Buffalo. Liberal and nice with good jobs. Apparently they have a giant wall of ice that doesn’t allow leaving or entering.

  • Wonky McUbtrye

    I’m not going to say we’ve been invaded, but the NRA has an awful cozy relationship with various Russian government arms. If I wanted the US out of my hair while I fucked the rest of the world, you know what I’d do? Flood the country with guns and get them to turn on each other.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Russia is one of the top arms exports nations in the world the first is the United States (We’re number one!) Wouldnt surprised me that they want to destablized us that way

    • The Person.

      You’re absolutely correct. I suspect they also encourage shootings by stirring up the incels with ‘Saint Elliot’ shit.
      No better way to cause carnage than piss off an entitled white millennial male.

    • Cat Cafe

      Absolutely. I’ve been thinking this for some time now.

  • Blanche de Shambles

    What the fuck kind of grip is this guy actually using?
    https://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/gun-range-dipwad.jpg

    • Roger Wilco

      Obviously that is a well trained militia-grip.

      • Blanche de Shambles

        Well, he looks like he should be regulated. Pharmaceutically, I mean.

    • chiefkurtz

      He’s holding a strip of bacon on the barrel that’s not as wide as his thumb. He saw Ted Cruz doing it.

    • Suttree

      IDK, but nobody tell him that isn’t how you jerk off.

    • You should ice that burn

      The one nobody teaches because his “top” hand obscures his front sight

    • The Person.

      What’s with the bike helmet too? That won’t stop a thrown rock led alone a bullet. Even actual military PASGTs are only proofed up to .45 or so.

    • Johnatx

      It is odd. God only knows how he is supposed to use the sights.

      • puredog

        “Sights are for pussies.”

        • Hizzoner

          Spray and pray marksmanship.

    • Fartknocker

      Nice that he installed a Go-Pro on his helmet so he post fun Youtube videos about his exploits at the gun range or show off his illegal conversion to a full auto weapon. That’s ammosexual baby!

    • Katamount

      And of course he has the stupid “Ghost” face mask from Modern Warfare 2.

    • Jon Sussex

      Worst “C” clamp grip evar.

    • Ross Garner

      A wankers grip with a dash of gay.

    • Clark_Nova

      One where aiming is unimportant, like when firing ANY full auto weapon. Didn’t watch the video so I don’t know if that’s the case here.

  • Robyn Ryan

    OMG!!!! Castrating ‘Murikkan manhood!
    The collapse of civilization as the right of white men to terrorize the populace is stripped away!!!!
    Next, they’ll ban child molesting!!!!

    • Pisto75666

      Then there’ll really be nothing to do in Alabama!

  • Katamount

    FFS, it’s not enough to have an entire personal arsenal, now they need to have court validation for it too?!

    I realized a long time ago that this was purely a masculinity thing, but now it’s just getting comical how much they really want other people to validate their manliness.

    • ((( Augustus )))

      Not just that, but they’re afraid, terribly, terribly afraid

      afraid of people that look different

      afraid of people that talk different

      afraid of scary new ideas

    • aureolaborealis

      Welp. The folks like this who I’m related to are convinced that Black Lives Matter is coming to rape their women and kill them all. I am not joking. I wish I was joking.

  • If he has to conceal it, dipshit has a harder time scaring those uppity bitches and colored folks at the mall. That’s not freedom!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Exactly! How will folks know what a Big Man he is if he can’t SHOW them?? Heng????

  • Anne Of Green Bagels

    gun humpers are very, very stupid, part three billion and Flori-duh also, too. https://www.rawstory.com/2017/11/florida-man-accidentally-shoots-himself-during-road-rage-incident/

  • Blackest Noobs

    the 538 folks thinks perhaps, just maybe, Chief Justice Roberts is swinging his judicial penis to the left. it would be all kind of hilarious if Roberts did the continue swing left.

    • ScrwUStillaTexanLibrul

      Great article, just wading into it.

  • Wookie Monster

    Won’t somebody please think of the tiny penises!

  • Zach Williams

    If Call of Duty is a gun certification class, then Sword Art Online teaches people sword fighting.

    Or how to build a harem. Depends on what arc you watch.

    • Blanche de Shambles

      I learned all my survival skills from KonoSuba.

      https://media.giphy.com/media/oHkQLAX0rPQXe/source.gif

      • Zach Williams

        Konosuba taught me that explosions solve everything.

      • JCfromNC

        Huh. Sounds a lot like “In Another World With My Smartphone” (or maybe it’s the other way around, I think Konosuba is older). I’ll have to stick it on my CrunchyRoll queue and check it out sometime.

      • JCfromNC

        I was looking through my old comments to find something, and saw the one above, and wanted to come back and tell you that wow, that show was hilarious and thank you for causing me to find out about it.

        Also, I’m currently reading “That Time I was Reincarnated as a Slime”, another “ordinary Japanese is reincarnated in a fantasy world” story. It’s also very entertaining, but with a lot less explosions (so far).

    • (((Aron)))

      I support the Secret Second Amendment: the right to keep and ship a harem.

      • Zach Williams

        Kirito is within his rights to create a massive harem with that amendment!
        Why hasn’t he expanded beyond his well-endowed cousin, a sniper with raging PTSD and his clingy girlfriend?

        • (((Aron)))

          Because he isn’t on Sekirei. Or High School DXD.

          • Zach Williams

            True.
            A shame though.
            He could have had it all…but he stuck his dick in Asuna.
            Really, it’s not surprising.
            Two horny teenagers stuck in a video game, what’d you think was gonna happen?

          • (((Aron)))

            Free puppies?

          • Zach Williams

            …does an annoying AI child count? It’s kinda like a puppy.

          • (((Aron)))

            Sort of. Especially if it is wearing a puppy costume.

  • ANNG14

    Supreme court refuses to hear gun whiners. Progress.

    • Lefty Wright

      Maybe the danger these weapons present for mass shootings is finally penetrating the thick skulls of a few members of the court.

      • Clark_Nova

        Only 3% of all firearms deaths involve long guns of any sort: all rifles, and shotguns. Semi-auto shootings just get splashier media coverage because X number of people die in Y number of minutes. Once you average out the total number of gun deaths over a day or week, it all gets lost below the statistical noise floor. Pistols cause the enormous majority of gun deaths.

  • Mehmeisterjr
    • Clark_Nova

      Ever since I was robbed at knifepoint a block from the police station, I have concealed a 9mm pistol. NO apologies.

  • chascates

    The Constitution provides for a way to defeat an oppressive government. It’s called voting.

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      There is a (small) part of me that would like to see these self-important clowns actually go up against the “tyrannical” U.S. Government. You know — the one whose armed forces have things like napalm, tanks, A-10 Warthogs, and helicopters. I don’t think an AR-15 would do much good in that situation.

      Though the gun manufacturers (whom the NRA actually works for) wants these loonies to keep believing it.

      • Keith Taylor

        Smith & Wesson, Ruger, keep up the good work! You are clearly making the U.S. so much safer for everybody! As Clint Eastwood says to the (black) robber in one of the “Dirty Harry” movies, “You know we’re not just gonna let you walk out of here.” The robber obediently feeds him his next cool tough line with a sceptical, “Who’s WE, sucker?” and gets the answer, just before the shooting starts, “Smith, Wesson … and me.”
        Jesus, how did we ever get to the point at which life tries to imitate dumb movies?
        For that matter, how did movies, and everything else, get this dumb?

      • Clark_Nova

        The Vietnamese defeated the most powerful nation on earth with AK’s, Siminovs, ingenuity, courage, and dedication.

    • Clark_Nova

      It provides at least TWO ways.

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    I’m currently watching “Hinterland” on Netflix, a cop drama set in Wales. There’s been a stabbings, cudgeling and a drowning, but only one gun death so far (hunting rifle loaded with buckshot) and when the cops burst in, they brandish their badges and the bad guys stand down. Their badges, I tell ya, not guns. It’s such a relief and brings into stark relief how all of our cop shows are replays of the wild, wild West.

    Not my favorite thing about Merica, that’s for sure.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      It’s my favorite thing about shows like that… the near-total dearth of guns. Vera and Inspector Lewis and Scott and Bailey and even Agatha Raisin get their results by talking and thinking and asking questions, not by gunfire or explosions.

      • Cat Cafe

        I know! I’m always amazed and delighted by that! Don’t forget Foyle….

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          Michael Kitchen is amazing as Foyle…that whole series is excellent.

          I’ve been watching these shows since the ACTUAL Inspector Morse was grumping his way around Oxford. To say I’m hooked is the understatement of the century.

          • Cat Cafe

            We discovered Foyle a couple of years ago–I was really sick, and we bingewatched the whole series. What a thorough, total delight! This then led us into the a-maaaazing world of ALL those shows. What I also really love is how you see the same actors appearing across the shows–Robert Hardy, or, a young James McAvoy (or my truelove Andrew Scott)… We’ve watched them over and over, too.
            Did you try The Tunnel? I could barely watch, and gave up after the first series. Endeavor is okayyy I think… they just can’t quite figure out what the character is. It’s like they’re going, should we build him into who Inspector Morse eventually was…. or do we just create a good character…and can’t decide. And why write his ladylove out of the series, there was no plot reason for it. Also, so, what, Inspector Thursday is dying, he’s almost dead, then he coughs up and presto, he’s back in the series–was there a contract dispute?
            Lastly, Sherlock has to bring back my boyfriend! I know he “killed himself,” but ffs they’ve worked their way around Sherlock “killing himself” too, they could totally do it. All villains pale before Moriarty.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            I absolutely love that there’s almost a rep-company vibe with all of these shows, with the same actors going from one to the other. My ex and I used to play a game because of that – when we’d spot a familiar face on any British show, we’d challenge one another to make the call, and you’d have to name another character that person had played, the more obscure, the better.

            I did try The Tunnel – I made it through both seasons. There were some really good performances, and there was some interesting storytelling and gripping drama, but there was also a little too much shock-for-shock’s sake, I think to make it a favorite.

            I would put Endeavor in the “it’s worth a watch” category… they’re relying a little too much on the Masons-as-implacable-enemy nonsense that some of the messier, later Morse episodes introduced, and there are some plot holes that just mystify me – the two you mentioned, for a start. On the other hand, it’s lovely to see Abigail Thaw in the series as a reminder of her father, Shaun Evans does give it a game try, the details are well done, and it still has maybe the greatest theme music ever, so I’m willing to stick with it.

            I totally agree about Sherlock – Andrew Scott’s Moriarty was fantastic. I’ve enjoyed so many of the characters… Mark Gattis’ Mycroft is so sour and petty that it makes up for him not being huge and slothful, as he is in the novels, and Mrs. Hudson is just adorable – I love Una Stubbs in everything she’s in, and have done since Fawlty Towers

            If you want some more of this kind of thing, try George Gently, Scott & Bailey (I LOVE this one), Case Histories (with MY TV boyfriend, Jason Isaacs), the original two series of Prime Suspect (can’t recommend this highly enough), Shetland, Vera, and Wallander. Broadchurch was also really good, and I hear great things about Happy Valley.

          • Cat Cafe

            I so agree with everything you’re saying! Then you’ll totally understand how I arranged a whole trip to London (using miles, of course) just so I could see Andrew Scott doing an UTTERLY BRILLIANT, “experimental” Hamlet at a tiny little theatre in London AND IT WAS FANTASTIC, I’ve never enjoyed a theatrical experience more. The full, unabridged Hamlet, 3 hours 45 minutes, and I was mesmerized. AND he was greeting audience members afterwards (mostly theater students) so I lined up and met him and he was charming and I now have a picture of Andrew Scott and a manatee in a fleece parka, I mean me (God, the literal worst picture ever taken of me haha).

            I LOOOOOVED Prime Suspect (saw it when it was first shown here), and Vera is one of those shows I watch over and over just because I love Brenda Blethyn so much. She’s SO good! “Are you sure, pet?” And we LOOOOVED Broadchurch. Olivia Colman is my husband’s girlfriend. She is so, so good in that, esp. the first season. My husband liked Shetland, for some reason I was so-so, but I will totally have to try the others. I love to find a fellow fan!!! Will also have to investigate your TV boyfriend, too.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            OHHH that must have been AMAZING!!

            It’s fantastic to meet a fellow fan!! :D

          • Cat Cafe

            It was UNFORGETTABLE! I still think about it! Yes–I agree–fantastic to meet a fellow fan!!! :) :) https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b904351ec48da51c330899f510347c990ea8fd347f799c96d90b55f5ad31891e.jpg

      • Jena-Auerstedt

        Wait — there’s a human being (even a fictional one) named Agatha Raisin?

    • Amalga

      Loved that series.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Poor little gun-humping snowflakes. Imagine being so scared of everything that you have to arm yourself to the teeth every time you so much as go to the grocery store. It must be hell for them, the poor little things.

  • ((( Augustus )))

    What the fuck do they need more than 10-round magazines for?

    How many home invaders are they expecting?

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      Not enough

  • aureolaborealis

    The open carry phenomenon has always baffled me (and I live in one of the Meccas of open-carry). You say you are trying to let the bad guys know you have a gun, but now the bad guys know to shoot you with their surprise first shot. Which leads me to what I think is the real reason: They enjoy making strangers uncomfortable — strangers who pose no threat to them. And this is because they are profoundly damaged people.

    • Bitter Scribe

      It’s because they want to be musclebound, tattooed badasses, but don’t want to put in the time at the gym.

    • chazmanr

      That is why we saw all of those pictures of jackasses with their AR’s and AK’s going into restaurants with their weapons slung over their backs. To make people uncomfortable and nervous. And yes, they are profoundly damaged people. Anyone who enjoys inflicting misery on human beings is not human and isn’t entitled to be treated like one.

      • Lefty Wright

        These people are trying to intimidate people. A few years ago, a guy with his “don’t tread on me” bumper sticker pulled into the grocery store parking lot when I did. He was about 5’10” and weighed at least 350 pounds, and was wearing a big pistol on his hip. Rambo he was not. He waddled. Slowly. I thought then if someone did decide to start shooting, this guy had put a big bullseye on his back and a “shoot me first” sign on his chest. He presented a huge target, if he hit the ground, it would take him two minutes to get up, and he would have had a heart attack if he tried to run all the way down an aisle.

        I would say you may be safer with someone like that around since he would distract shooter, but he may also be the type to start shooting if a can of tomatoes hits the floor.

        • Bad Scooter

          INCOMING TOMATOES! DONT WORRY, I GOT A GUN!!

        • JCfromNC

          A concealed carry instructor told me that he mentally labeled anyone practicing open carry as “victim #1 in the police report” should there be a shooting. He was not a fan of NC’s open carry laws in general, either. For one thing, you can open carry and be drunk off your ass, as long as you aren’t carrying inside a bar. OTOH, you can carry concealed in a bar, but you can’t carry concealed if you have *any* alcohol in your bloodstream. Not “DWI level” alcohol, *any*. Not even 0.01 BAC.

        • Clark_Nova

          Fat people often do not have the luxurious option of running away from danger.

    • Parakeetist

      Yep

    • Cat Cafe

      Of course. Also they need to compensate for their very small genitals. “Look how BIG and POWERFUL I AM!”

      • Jena-Auerstedt

        No *wonder* Trump is such an NRA supporter . . .

    • Manders

      Agree.

      Scott Carrier did a piece for his podcast where he chatted with some gun humpers “protecting” the RNC. And he was like:
      I am scared of you.
      Them: but why?
      SC: b/c you are armed to the teeth?
      Them: but you don’t have to be afraid of us.
      SC: how do I know that?
      Them: we’re nice!
      SC: but you have guns.

      Etc. I think they enjoyed having to reassure him how not-scary they were from behind AR-15s.

    • Clark_Nova

      We’ve had open carry in NM ever since Territorial days and it’s never been a problem here. ALL kinds of firearms may be carried almost anywhere except bars, churches, government buildings and private property where the owner objects.

  • wavicles

    Is… that..guy… stroking that weapon? WTF

    • Jacob DiCiaula

      Not an approved firing posture

    • Jena-Auerstedt

      Go back and watch “The General’s Daughter” again to see how it’s done right.

      And this way, you won’t have to pretend that you’re not watching it (again) for those shots that linger over Leslie Stefanson.

    • JCfromNC

      Yeah, “WTF?” pretty much summed up my reaction to how he was holding that thing. But hey, my training in the USMC was nearly four decades ago, so maybe that’s how we’re all supposed to do it how.

    • doktorzoom

      It’s from an article about a video about “The 6 Worst Guys You See At The Gun Range” and is, blessedly, meant to be parodic. http://taskandpurpose.com/6-worst-guys-see-gun-range/

      https://youtu.be/4g5p6b-ZZ5Y

  • Jacob DiCiaula

    I’ll admit, I find this desire to carry an AR everywhere hard to explain outside of a desire dominate and intimidate others.

    It’s been a minute since I’ve been active infantry. Now in the guard. We had a range weekend months ago and had to draw and carry m16s. Id forgotten just how much it sucks to try to eat a meal or go to the bathroom or just sit comfortably with a slung weapon. Either its on you, which is uncomfortable, or you put it down and risk forgetting it (in which case you do push ups until you die).

  • h4rr4r

    If the only thing that can keep you safe in your own home is a gun, move!

  • Delu

    Well it looks like Trumpians are taking a leaf from the book they claimed was Obama’s, challenging the constitution to not take away guns but to give them bigger and badder ones.

    Why is it always projection with these guys?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “…and to force Florida to allow open carry of handguns.”

    Oh, yeah, that’s going to end well.
    //huge eyeroll

  • Bangkok Taxi

    Gun Humpers….. love it.

  • Jena-Auerstedt

    They are not “gun humpers,” Dr. Zoom!

    The proper term is “gun fellaters.”

    You’re welcome.

    • Fritz1964

      I’ve always liked “ammo-sexuals.”

  • The Librarian

    A small ray of sunshine amidst the tyranny of wanting less people getting shot. Unless, of course, you’re a humper shooting yourself in the foot or leg. I have no problem with that.

  • Clark_Nova

    You clearly have no idea that there are millions and millions of non-Repug gun owners who are severely alienated by this kind of snarky, ill-informed blanket condemnation crap. This is how we lost the 1994 mid-terms and probably how we’ll lose again in 2018.

    I’m a lifelong Socialist, gun-owner and firearms instructor

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