Well, hello and welcome back, Wonketariat! We’re super rested and ready to go, so here’s some of the things we may be talking about today, and a bunch of other newses that fell into the holiday black hole.
When congress critters slink back to the Hill they have to try and figure out how sell a litany of poor-fucking bills like the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich), a third round of hurricane bailouts, DACA kids, NSA spying powers, and CHIP — and that’s besides the looming budget showdown this Christmas.
The Senate GOP still doesn’t know if it has enough votes to pass the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich) as about half-a-dozen holdouts haven’t had their palms greased yet.
Lisa Murkowski seemingly caved under pressure and announced her support for killing the health insurance mandate in the Trump/Ryan tax cuts (for the super rich).
States are about to force Congressional Republicans to think of the children as states’ money for CHIP is about to run out after legislators failed to extend funding for the program in September.
Lawyers for Leandra English, the acting director of Elizabeth Warren’s Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, are trying to stop the Trump administration’s attempt to install Mick Mulvaney as the the head of the CFPB without the necessary Senate confirmation, with Trump spox defending the action as a “typical, routine move.”
Paul Manafort’s pre-Trump life was spent rolling in Rubles according to new flight records showing a bunch of trips Manafort conveniently forgot.
Robert Mueller and his justice league of extraordinary investigators are trying to crack Mike Flynn’s Russian mystery machine now that it includes his involvement in building nuclear reactors across the Middle East.
Even though they tried to block them, White House visitor logs have been released, and it’s full of more nasty shit than a David Vitter diaper.
Texas Republican Rep. Joe Barton is super sorry that he’s part of a Capitol Police investigation that has all the hallmarks of a traditional sex scandal, including blackmail, (gross) sexy times, and old white guys texting dick pics.
The FBI is investigating PA Democratic Rep. Bob Brady for an ALLEGED scheme to pay his 2012 primary opponent to drop out of the race, THEN lying about it to federal investigators.
Wellspring, a fabulously wealth and secret conservative super PAC, has been passing MILLIONS of Ameros to Republican groups and candidates, and stuffing courts with judicial candidates.
Democratic Michigan Rep. John Conyers resigned as ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee amid allegations of sexual harassing former staffers.
As Democrats gear up to take on 91 GOP-held House seats in 2018, they’re focusing on a flashy, tear-jerking introductory video to separate themselves from the other primary jobbers.
GOP 2018 hopefuls are using Mitch McConnell as their political punching bag because, apparently, Mitch McConnell is just like Nancy Pelosi but in less Armani.
Bernie is quietly surrounding himself with Washington policy insiders who specialize in Not America, leading to speculation that he’s quietly gunning for 2020.
REXXON might have been a former CEO of a major petrochemical company, but according to former State Department staffers, REXXON sucks at being an executive, he has no idea what he’s doing and he keeps blowing off key security briefings.
Three military service members on White House detail were reassigned after being caught with “foreign women” during Trump’s field trip to Vietnam. Finally, a normal, old fashioned DC scandal!
Prince Jared is going to have to get a new business card now that he seems to be losing all of the jobs Trump gave him back in February.
The DC City Council is thinking about changing the name of the road in front of the Russian embassy to honor Boris Nemtsov, an assassinated political rival of Russian
dictator President Vladimir Putin. Oh those jokers!
Princess Ivanka will head to India to tout working women while dodging questions about the working conditions at the factories that make her fugly clothes.
An upcoming SCOTUS case may help refine the Fourth Amendment’s privacy protections now that everyone has Lojacked themselves.
As Congress tried to slam the sliding doors on the Air Force Space Corps, a new “box on a flow chart” seems to have left open the possibility to boldly go where only a couple of dozen humans have gone before. Until then, we’re stuck with Star Trek.
Russians and other Eurotrash assholes have been hoovering up stolen credit cards and using AirBnB to launder money.
Trump tweeted about MAGAPill, a loony conspiracy website that blathers on and on about Hillary Clinton’s magic pizza dungeon, earthquake machines, and spirit cooking, and then it suddenly disappeared from the Interwebz.
One of Trump’s New York trash palaces has been such a dismal failure that the Trump Organization is bailing out and ripping its name off the Trump SoHo building. “And another one’s gone.”
Journalists at the LA Times Guild are wondering how come regular journos don’t get golden parachutes, sportsball tickets, and private jets like the executives at Tronc.
The Koch brothers have coughed up $600 million Ameros to help the Meredith media group buy Time, but Meredith says the Kochs will not get a board seat or have editorial control. Allegedly.
Peter Thiel is super pissed that lawyers for what’s left of Gawker keep ignoring Thiel’s attempt to buy Gawker’s corpse.
Poor Melon Trump! Not only does she not care about the fat, old man who keeps trying to grab her pussy, she never wanted to be First Lady, and told Trump to run just so he’d stop whining.
Chelsea Clinton and Princess Ivanka told cranks and wingnuts to fuck off after photos showing Malia Obama having a life surfaced on a conservative website.
Here’s pretty pictures of the annual Kyrgyzstan cat show. You’re welcome!
And here’s your morning Nice Time! Baby Meerkats!
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